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American Morning

Calvin Trillin Discusses Mistaken British Invasion of Spain

Aired February 19, 2002 - 09:18   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN ANCHOR: It was short as invasions go, but memorable still. On Sunday, a group of about 20 British Royal Marines stormed a beach near the British colony of Gibraltar as part of a military training exercise. That's when they realized their mistake: It turns out they had missed their mark and actually invaded Spain. When informed by locals that they accidentally landed on Spanish soil, the heavily-armed British combat troops retreated to their landing craft without incident, but with much embarrassment.

Not great timing by the British: It just so happens that Spain and Britain are currently in negotiations over the future of Gibraltar.

Joining us now to offer insight and analysis, essayist and humorist Calvin Trillin.

Thanks very much.

Does this make sense to you?

CALVIN TRILLIN, WRITER: I think the British were basically out of practice in invading people. I don't think they've invaded anybody since the Falkland Islands, and that was 20 years ago.

COOPER: Does this sort of cast into doubt whether they even...

(CROSSTALK)

TRILLIN: It's like the Olympics: You want do luge, you do luge all year. You keep up your game. If you can't do it, it doesn't work.

The other thing about it is that the people they were trying to invade were themselves. I mean, they were trying to invade Gibraltar, which they already control, which is very common thing in military exercises. One time, 10 or 15 years ago, when Castro had done something particularly naughty and we wanted to shoe him, we invaded Guantanamo Bay, and they called it an exercise. It was kind of a warning: If he kept at it, we would bomb ourselves back to the Stone Age.

This is very common stuff. And the one good thing about this, I think, is the British are awfully good at apologizing. They're probably the best apologizing. COOPER: Oh, terribly sorry. Terribly sorry.

(CROSSTALK)

TRILLIN: No, no, my fault. Please. Terribly sorry. So they probably spend most of invasion apologizing for being there.

COOPER: We'll leave the beach now. We are leaving the beach.

TRILLIN: Awfully sorry. Absolutely awful about this.

COOPER: It is kind of sad, though. The British used to have troops around the world.

TRILLIN: They used to invade people all the time. I was trying to remember this morning think they might have invaded St. Kitts or Nevis or something a few years ago, but it was the sort of thing you could forget. We definitely have invaded a lot of countries in the last 20 years. We tend to invade smaller countries. I don't think we would have ever invaded Spain.

Those 20 guys who were there, believe me, in about 15 or 20 years from now are going to be sitting in pubs, and they are going to say, If they had just given us air cover, we could have taken those guys. We could have had that country.

COOPER: As we mentioned, the future of Gibraltar is being debated between Britain and Spain. Do you you think Britain is going to maintain control?

TRILLIN: I read a piece that the last time people on Gilbraltar voted on a change, they voted 12,138 no-44 yes. So they seem to feel pretty strongly about this situation. And then the names of some of the 44 leaked out, and people started sinking their boats. So I would say they have uphill -- maybe they could use the army's new disinformation propaganda as kind of a NATO exchange.

COOPER: All morning long, I was trying to figure out some elegant way to shift from this story to your book, which is about parking in New York.

TRILLIN: Anderson, I did not come here to boast, but I believe it's the first parking novel, yes, of any sort. Well, I think the big difference is if you had New York parking rules, it would have signs there. The British would have a sign right there that would say something like no invasions 8:00-11:00 a.m. Monday-Thursday or Tuesday-Friday, and they would know that those rules would be suspended for national holidays and certain religious holidays. So if it was feast of the Ascension or Shamini al-Seraf (ph), they would know to turn around and go home.

COOPER: I think a lot of people outside New York don't know that in New York, parking is an obsession. Next to real estate, it's all we talk about.

TRILLIN: Frank Sinatra's song about New York said, If you can park it here, you'll park it anywhere. That's absolutely true.

COOPER: Calvin Trillin, thanks very much for being with us this morning.

TRILLIN: Thank you.

COOPER: The book is "Tepper Isn't Going Out." That refers to leaving a parking space.

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