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CNN Live Today
Interview with Carley Roney
Aired June 25, 2002 - 09:38 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
DARYN KAGAN, CNN ANCHOR: Details, details, details. Planning a wedding has always involved the details. Chicken or beef, tux or tails? But now, there's a new breed of bride out there, taking perfection to new extremes. Her almost pathological control of every aspect of the wedding has earned her the nickname "Bridezilla." We asked some wedding pros to share some of the most outrageous bride-to- be behavior that they've encountered so far.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REBECCA COLE, FLORAL DESIGNER: One bride, one time -- who was a particularly thin bride -- and she had -- I think it was eight bridesmaids. And this is one whose best friend was pregnant, and -- in the fifth month, you know, she really began showing, and that was the month of the wedding, and she got cut from the bridesmaids.
MARCY BLUM, WEDDING AND EVENT PLANNER: I had one bride who was a fashion designer who couldn't get the colors right that be were going to line the tent in. She was going crazy, until one night we were sitting there eating Taro Chips, and she pulled out a beat chip. That's it! This is the chip that I want. We had to go dye all the fabric that color.
SYLVIA WEINSTOCK, CAKE DESIGNER: The bride is going to have a wedding, and it is outdoors, and there is no air conditioning. We tell her, what if it is 95 degrees? Not only will the cake melt, but your guests will wilt.
BLUM: One of the most unusual was someone who was the daughter of a very well-known person, and that person is an astrologer. Among other things, we had to chart the wedding to take place at exactly 4:14 in the afternoon, and notify the minister and the ushers and the bridesmaids and the entire wedding party that it must -- she must go down the aisle at 4:14.
COLE: Oftentimes, brides who are particularly controlling come alone, or come with their mother for the many, many meetings. This particular bride had brought her husband to be to every meeting, of which there were many over the period of a year. However, I never heard him speak the whole time. It was just her ideas. He was just there because he was supposed to be there. The day of the wedding, lots of craziness went on, but they were up in front of the aisle, you know, up at the -- having this ceremony going on, and it gets to the moment where he's supposed to say, "I do," and just before -- I am thinking I am going to hear his voice for the first time -- he faints.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KAGAN: Could be a sign of the marriage to come.
All right. What is behind the monster-bride syndrome? And, more importantly, how do you tame the beast if you are in one of those weddings this summer?
Well, we have with us Carley Roney, from the theknot.com to tell us more about that -- good morning...
CARLEY RONEY, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF, THE KNOT: Good morning.
KAGAN: ... and thanks for helping take on this very important social syndrome out there facing America.
RONEY: Yes.
KAGAN: First of all, you know you are a "Bridezilla" if -- first, we must identify the beast. Let's take a look at the key symptoms.
RONEY: Yes. Right off the bat, if you have unbelievable, unattainable obsession with perfection, not only do the flowers need to be the right color, they need to be exactly the same size. This is sure-fire sign.
You become extremely self-absorbed. You forget that your friends have lives, that people might not be able to come to your 17 fittings. It becomes all about you.
You have an irrational level of anxiety about details. You know, this stamp is not this exact right stamp. It is the wrong stamp. It doesn't fit perfectly on the actual envelope. I mean, you just become obsessed with these type of things.
And ultimately, the overarching theme is that you are sort of -- the obsession with what the photos are going to look like afterwards are sort of outweighing what the wedding is ultimately going to be about. So you are saying, I don't want that bride in my bridal party because she has put on a couple of pounds, it is not going to look right.
KAGAN: I can add one, having been a bridesmaid many times. No matter how many ugly bridesmaid's dresses that that bride has worn, she immediately forgets that and picks out that ugliest dress for her friends.
RONEY: The ugliest, and they cost $500.
KAGAN: Not to mention the shoes and all the other stuff that has to go with it.
RONEY: An extra 250, perfect. And they are all in grad school.
KAGAN: How does that work? Five peach bridesmaids dresses. But that's another topic.
All right. So, first, let's talk about if you have a "Bridezilla" in your life. Whether you are in the wedding, perhaps it is your fiancee, maybe it is your sister, maybe it is your daughter. What can you do?
RONEY: Well, first of all, right off the bat, you have to sort of set their expectations. Be very clear.
KAGAN: Slap them?
RONEY: Right. You need to be very clear about how much time and money you have to commit to their wedding. You know, that also -- particularly for bridesmaids, if you are really busy, in busy phase of your job, tell them, you know, I only have this time. Thanks anyway, but I can't do it.
(CROSSTALK)
KAGAN: Thank you, I'm honored. I'm a retired bridesmaid. Which I am, by the way.
RONEY: Exactly. There you go. No more for her.
Additionally, what you can do is you basically need to kind of, you know, remember that -- not to take it personally, that this is a very stressful time in the bride's life, and that if she is lashing out at you, it is not about you. Because that sort of makes you kind of respond back badly. You don't -- don't bait her. We find a lot of people sort of like I am going to get this one. I am going to tell her this is a little bit off. Don't be the devil's advocate. You know, make sure that you -- that you sort of are supporting her, and don't give her any extra anxiety. And also, you can tell her to cool it. You can also send a cue, like, you know, I heard about this bride once who did that. Thank God you're not like that.
KAGAN: And actually, we are doing a service, because now they can say I saw this segment on CNN this morning, I know it's not about you.
RONEY: Exactly.
KAGAN: All right. Now, there are some women out there who -- they are watching this segment this morning, and they are having a moment of realization. They are realizing, oh, my God, I have done it. I have turned into "Bridezilla." It's not too late.
RONEY: It's me. It's not too late.
KAGAN: Self help for "Bridezilla?"
RONEY: OK. Right off the bat, you definitely need -- admitting it is the first sign of recovery.
KAGAN: Deep breath. RONEY: That's right. I mean, first off the bat, you have to make sure that you identify this in yourself, and be sensitive and flexible in your requests to other people. Not everyone is going to feel comfortable in a slinky bridesmaid's dress if they are shaped -- if they have different shapes and sizes. Additionally, they might not have all the money in the world. Be clear with who you're dealing with out there. Be gracious. It is not sort of a given right to have your parents pay for your wedding, to have people give you wedding gifts. To have people -- it is their -- you are honored by the things they're doing for you.
KAGAN: Really.
RONEY: No snide comments. No lashing out at your vendors. These are human beings you're dealing with here. And ultimately, yes, no yelling at your vendors and attendants. Attendants happen to be the sort of people who get the brunt of this, but also the groom. Please don't forget that this is the man you are marrying.
KAGAN: Oh, yes.
RONEY: You love him. You know, we have heard of brides making him suddenly like wax his eyebrows, and...
KAGAN: That's unreasonable?
RONEY: And also, to like lose weight before the wedding. Uh-oh. I have a sign here.
KAGAN: Just checking. I am just making notes for the future. But I will say on national television, there will be no bridesmaids dresses at my wedding, whenever it is that that does happen.
RONEY: Yes.
KAGAN: I mean, they won't be naked. But they will -- I will pick a color, and that will be it. And you can save the tape. All my girlfriends can.
RONEY: There you go.
KAGAN: Absolutely. Carley Roney, thanks for stopping by.
RONEY: Thank you.
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