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CNN Live Today

Interview with Heather Kahn

Aired July 26, 2002 - 13:36   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
KYRA PHILLIPS, CNN ANCHOR: Samantha Runnion is just one of thousands of children who are reported missing every year. How can you prevent your child from becoming a statistic like this?

Heather Kahn, contributing editor for "Parenting" magazine, joins us from Philadelphia with advice about how to keep our kids safe, and keep them safe now -- hi, Heather.

HEATHER KAHN, CONTRIBUTING EDITOR, "PARENTING": Hi, Kyra. Good to be with you. I am so glad to be able to get the word out to people that there are some really important things that we should be training our children about when they are really little, and I'm talking about 1-3 years old even, Kyra.

PHILLIPS: Well, you have kids, one and six, what do you tell them about abduction?

KAHN: You skipped my 5-year-old. I happen to have three little girls. One of them, like Samantha Runnion, just turned six. And obviously, like so many parents out there with young children, you know, we get a little panicky when we hear these stories.

Let's take that panic right now and turn it into action. Start by teaching our children. Take the opportunity now, while they're little, to safety train them. And when we talk about 1-3-year-olds, we keep it really, really basic. Let's talk about a couple of quick points about protecting our toddler.

PHILLIPS: With the toddler. You want to start with the toddler? OK.

KAHN: Right. Let's start with toddlers, Kyra.

Always holding hands in public, making sure that they are always holding a caregiver or a parent's hand. Also telling them, don't run away. Stay with mommy. Stay with nanny. Whoever they are with. Stay with me.

Again, tell your 1-year-old that. They will understand that. And then finally, telling them if you get separated, stay where I can find you. I will be looking for you. Because at that age, you don't want them wandering.

Now, if we could move on to children as they get a little bit older. That is really for kids 1-3.

PHILLIPS: Can I ask you one quick question about toddlers?

KAHN: Sure.

PHILLIPS: Before we get to the next graphic, the toddlers. At what point, though -- how do you teach your child how to be outgoing. You want your child to be outgoing, but at the same time, not freak out around strangers.

KAHN: Absolutely. You know, it is tough. We want our children to be comfortable when they go with a strange caregiver, or when they go into a new day care situation, but we need to teach them common sense at a young age. Even by reading books to them -- there's a book that I love called "Come Along Daisy," and I read it to my 1 and a half-year-old. It is about a duck that wanders away from Mommy and gets lost and gets scared and then finds her back. And at this young age, you can teach them just through reading them books and through telling them stories of children getting lost to stay with mom or dad. And at that age, they shouldn't be going to a stranger unless mom or dad hands them to that person.

PHILLIPS: All right. Now some kids between the ages of four and six. You have some different tips.

KAHN: At this age, they can digest a little bit more, and they need to learn some very important tips at that age. They should know their phone number, including their area code when they are four, five, or six years old. They should know their address, where they live. They should know their parents' names, the first name and the last name. And don't take for granted that your 4-year-old knows your name. They may not be comfortable using mommy's first name. They are told to respect their mom or dad. If they can't remember it, help them -- teach them a song with their name and address.

Then, teach them to know who is a trustworthy person in the event that they do become separated from you. Practice identifying security guards with uniforms, police officers, sales clerks with a name tag at a cash register. A mommy-type looking person who is pregnant or who has her own children, and role play with them. Practice at home. You know, make it a game, not a scary sit down thing where you have to tell them, Look, we need to talk about strangers. But take the opportunity when you are in the car to talk about this and practice getting lost.

You know, Kyra, we should throw out the stranger danger speech. It doesn't work. When we tell our little kids, Don't talk to strangers, they have a vision in their mind of a stranger as a really scary, scruffy guy, and a stranger who preys on children might seem very appealing to a child. Promising them, you know, as we know, puppies and kittens and candy, things children love. Telling them that mommy has been hurt, and I need to take you to her.

Trying to get the child the spit out the password that Mommy gave them to tell them -- we have these passwords that we use sometimes with our kids. If the stranger knows the password, you can go with them. A stranger can get that password out of your child in 20 seconds flat. I guarantee it. They know how to prey on children. So we need to tell our kids not so much to, Don't talk to strangers, but we need to tell them, Look out for the person that's doing this. If someone is promising you this, don't go with them. If someone tries to get you into their car, that car is a trap. Don't go near that car.

And then, finally, tell them to yell when they feel threatened, not to act polite. So many times -- you know, we all train our children to be polite around grown-ups. We don't want them to be intimidated a bad stranger. We want them to yell, to yell a catch phrase like, You are not my Mom. Get away from me.

Those are the things you really need to do, Kyra, when they get to be 4-6 years old. And then it goes from there.

PHILLIPS: What about a new baby-sitter. I noticed this with my friend a couple weeks ago. She had a talk with all three of her kids, same age as yours, about the privates.

KAHN: About the -- tell me that again. About parts of their body that no one should touch?

PHILLIPS: Absolutely.

KAHN: Absolutely. Now, I have three daughters, and I remember, even when my child was 2, the pediatrician helped a lot, and we would say, Now, Doctor Connelly (ph) is going to examine you now, and no one is allowed to touch you there except Mommy, Daddy, or me, the doctor.

I remind my children all the time, whether we're in the car, whether they are taking a bath, no one is supposed to touch you there. We don't need to go into that much detail. We don't want them to be scared or to feel bad about their bodies. But we need to remind them gently that no one is allowed to touch them there and that -- you know, a caregiver -- we have had a caregiver for years who we trust, and certainly she's allowed to put medicine on them if they need to, but you need to tell them that if they're unfamiliar or if there is a new baby-sitter, have the conversation with them gently that no one should touch them.

PHILLIPS: Heather Kahn, thank you. Also, I know a number of stories we have covered, teaching your child how to do 9-1-1, role play how to dial and how to call in. That has been something we've reported many times, kids really turning into heroes.

KAHN: Absolutely. And I don't know, Kyra, if we have time for the eight things you should do with your child if your child does become separated from you...

PHILLIPS: Well, do you have a -- do you have a Web site, or something that we could tell -- we have got to move on, unfortunately, but how can folks get these details?

KAHN: We do. Parenting.com has some really important tips for you. I want you to go to parenting.com if you can because we have eight things, eight steps that you should take immediately if your child become separated from you, and those steps will greatly increase the chances that you will get back to your little one.

PHILLIPS: Heather Kahn with "Parenting" magazine. Great information, Heather. Thank you so much.

KAHN: Thank you, Kyra.

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