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CNN Live Today

Interview with Ellen Fein, Sherrie Schneider

Aired August 29, 2002 - 10:51   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

FREDRICKA WHITFIELD, CNN ANCHOR: All right. Let's talk about some cyberenthusiasts out there. They have called the Internet the singles bar of a new generation. Whether true or not, on-line dating is an increasingly popular place for people to greet, and virtually meet. Our next two guests wrote the book about it. Want to hear it? Here it goes.
It's entitled, "The Rules for Online Dating." Everything you need to know to catch Mr. Right in cyberspace. And, of course, Mrs. Right, too, and much more. It is written by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, and they join us now with a few Cliff's Notes on exactly how we go about doing this for those of us who -- or for those folks out there who would be interested in dating online -- is it your finding, ladies, that these days, people just don't have the time to go meet people in other traditional ways, so they are so glued to their screens, and so they've got to find a way to date this way?

SHERRIE SCHNEIDER, AUTHOR, "THE RULES FOR ONLINE DATING": Absolutely. We think online dating is a great way to meet because people are sometimes too tired or busy to go to a bar, or to the Hamptons or Club Med. You know, it is at your fingertips. It is easy, and you can meet so many men that you would normally -- you would never ever encounter.

WHITFIELD: All right. So you have got some tips for folks out there. Ellen, kind of take us step-by-step on how you advise folks to try and do this -- be a creature unlike any other.

ELLEN FEIN, AUTHOR, "THE RULES FOR ONLINE DATING": Yes. You are a creature unlike any other, you have confidence. You know any man would be thrilled to take you on a date, much less read your ad, much less respond to your ad. You -- you write your ad, very briefly as if you -- as if a limousine is waiting to take you somewhere, and you don't have time to talk about how your last relationship didn't work out, and how your ex-husband or your ex-boyfriend hurt you. It is all light and breezy. When they say what are you looking for, you say the least involved thing, a date. You are safe about it, you don't have men pick you up at your house or your apartment, you meet them at a coffee bar for an hour with a very filled street. You are very safe, because you are a creature unlike any other, you take real good care of yourself.

WHITFIELD: Well, Sherrie, isn't part of the problem that folks accuse others online of not being completely honest about who they are, and so how do you try to be as honest as you can without divulging too much information. You know, you just might scare somebody off by putting too much information as you write about yourself.

SCHNEIDER: Well, we believe that women should put up the ads. They should not answer ads, and you use a recent photo. You know, if you are going to use something 10 years old, or when you were 50 pounds lighter, eventually he is going to find out when he meets you. So we believe in being honest, but not overly -- not saying why your last relationship didn't work out, or all your feelings, or your hopes and dreams, and how you want to meet your soul mate. Just keep it to the facts, you do such and such for a living, you are this age. We don't suggest lying about your age, a recent photo, and what you like to do on the weekends, hobbies, but nothing about finding your soul mate or meeting your husband.

WHITFIELD: And Ellen, you mentioned on your ten top rules, you say if you are in a long distance relationship, he must visit you at least three times before you visit him. What do you mean?

FEIN: Yes -- well, just that, that he must visit you three times before you visit him, so that you know that he is serious about you.

WHITFIELD: Online?

FEIN: Yes. No, not online, offline. When you actually go on the date, as opposed to flying to his city. A lot of people, because of the wide area of the Internet, women are using this as an excuse to use frequent flyer mileage to Texas, or California, but no, no. He comes to visit you three times before you visit him, and we also say buyer beware of men online that want to chat forever. Four e-mails, we say and it is over. He is either asking you to get together, asking about meeting you, you don't need pen pals for six months or a year, so that is another thing to really weed out the bad guys from the good guys, married men. Married men won't want to meet you after four e-mails.

WHITFIELD: All right. Sherrie, so your last bit advice, after giving yourself a cutoff point, as to how long you keep this dialogue going online, you finally go out for a date. What is your best advice once you finally hook up with this person face-to-face?

SCHNEIDER: Well, we believe in safety first. Meet in a public place, it should be near where you live, but he should not know where you live, don't give your home or work numbers, and end the date after about an hour. If he wants to go out afterwards, he has to call you another time and ask you out.

WHITFIELD: All right. Sherrie Schneider and Ellen Fein, thank you very much, and the book is "The Rules for Online Dating." All right. Thanks very much, appreciate it.

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