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CNN Live Today

Talk With Art Buchwald

Aired September 23, 2002 - 13:41   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.


THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.


KYRA PHILLIPS, CNN ANCHOR: After September 11th, much of America lost its sense of humor. We knew we'd laugh again, but the question was when. When could our cartoonists, comedians and satirists resurface and start making fun of everything? Well, for Art Buchwald, this was a lesson in life. He had to put away his pen and practice patience. Now he is back. He is poking fun at the president, promoting Viagra, and making fun of the often nonsensical world in which we live. Art's new book is "We'll Laugh Again." And it's 24.95, but Art gave it to me free, because I got him front row tickets to the Miss America pageant.
Art joins us live from Washington.

Hi, Art.

ART BUCHWALD, AUTHOR AND HUMORIST: Hi, how are you?

PHILLIPS: Well, we all know you have a lot of inside sources at the White House. So what are they telling you? How is the president doing? Is he getting enough sleep?

BUCHWALD: Well, I though of Jack Valenti when he said, I sleep knowing Johnson is in the White House. So I wondered, how they were doing in the White House now, if they were sleeping well. So I went back and talked to a source and asked if he was sleeping OK. They said, we are getting four hours sleep, so that's enough, and we can't go home except to shave and shower because we are planning the Iraqi war. So it was an interesting interview.

PHILLIPS: Have you ever spent the night at the White House?

BUCHWALD: No, I fantasize about it. I fantasize that I'm in the Lincoln Room, and Bush comes in and says, what shall I do? And that's for me to say what he should do.

PHILLIPS: I hope you get that chance. Now, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and the president, they're telling us to be careful and watch out for our security. At the same time, they're telling us to live normal lives. Are we understanding the message here?

BUCHWALD: They are really causing paranoia in the country, because obviously, we are a lot suspicious of everybody. If I go into a Ben & Jerry's and said, give me an ice cream, and they say, have a nice day, I'm not sure what he meant by that. So I have to report them to the FBI.

So Rumsfeld, he scares you, and the president scares you. But they don't mean to. As a matter of fact, they started in the Pentagon a division of misinformation, which was supposed to give out misinformation. So then it was such a flack about it, that Rumsfeld got on the air and said, he would close the office. We didn't know if he closed the office or whether it was really misinformation again.

PHILLIPS: But of course, we're never misinformed. Now these terrorists have rocked our world. Also, these corporate crooks have rocked our pocketbooks. What do you make of these CEOs and the economy?

BUCHWALD: I've decided that I don't want the money that the CEOs stole. I just want their lawyers fees.

PHILLIPS: I heard you had a crush on Martha Stewart, is that right?

BUCHWALD: No, that was wrong. What I really want to do, as an investor, is I want to get out of Martha Stewart into something more comfortable, but you know, the thing about the stock market is, people are very wary now. I was on the beach, and I came up to someone and said, guess what, the stock market went up 220 points. And he said, who got arrested. And then, the stuff has gone on now, how do you get the public to go back again to what -- the world we live in, but we don't live in that world anymore.

PHILLIPS: Well, talk about living in another world. I mean, you were a Marine in World War II. Now, taking a look at this war on terror, what do you think the biggest difference is?

BUCHWALD: Well, the biggest difference is the Marines were in the Pacific, and we know exactly who we were firing at. We know that the Japanese people at that time, at least the guys in uniform, had to be eliminated, none of us knew that after the war, they'd be making Hondas and Nissans for us. So you have to be careful when you go to war with somebody that you won't be buying their motor cars years later.

PHILLIPS: So how did you make peace with the Japanese? Did you buy a Nissan?

BUCHWALD: I bought a Honda, and I always go into a Japanese store, where they sell cars, and I tell them that I was a Marine, but I forgave them.

PHILLIPS: You know, quickly, before we let you go, we dug up this picture of you. You were quite the stud as a Marine in World War II. Look at that.

BUCHWALD: Yes, that's a very good picture of me, and that's the kind of want everyone watching to look at and see right at this moment.

PHILLIPS: Art Buchwald, the book is "We'll Laugh Again." Thank you so much for coming on and talking with me. I think you made all of our day, Art.

BUCHWALD: Thank you.

PHILLIPS: More funny stuff ahead.

TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com







Aired September 23, 2002 - 13:41   ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
KYRA PHILLIPS, CNN ANCHOR: After September 11th, much of America lost its sense of humor. We knew we'd laugh again, but the question was when. When could our cartoonists, comedians and satirists resurface and start making fun of everything? Well, for Art Buchwald, this was a lesson in life. He had to put away his pen and practice patience. Now he is back. He is poking fun at the president, promoting Viagra, and making fun of the often nonsensical world in which we live. Art's new book is "We'll Laugh Again." And it's 24.95, but Art gave it to me free, because I got him front row tickets to the Miss America pageant.
Art joins us live from Washington.

Hi, Art.

ART BUCHWALD, AUTHOR AND HUMORIST: Hi, how are you?

PHILLIPS: Well, we all know you have a lot of inside sources at the White House. So what are they telling you? How is the president doing? Is he getting enough sleep?

BUCHWALD: Well, I though of Jack Valenti when he said, I sleep knowing Johnson is in the White House. So I wondered, how they were doing in the White House now, if they were sleeping well. So I went back and talked to a source and asked if he was sleeping OK. They said, we are getting four hours sleep, so that's enough, and we can't go home except to shave and shower because we are planning the Iraqi war. So it was an interesting interview.

PHILLIPS: Have you ever spent the night at the White House?

BUCHWALD: No, I fantasize about it. I fantasize that I'm in the Lincoln Room, and Bush comes in and says, what shall I do? And that's for me to say what he should do.

PHILLIPS: I hope you get that chance. Now, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and the president, they're telling us to be careful and watch out for our security. At the same time, they're telling us to live normal lives. Are we understanding the message here?

BUCHWALD: They are really causing paranoia in the country, because obviously, we are a lot suspicious of everybody. If I go into a Ben & Jerry's and said, give me an ice cream, and they say, have a nice day, I'm not sure what he meant by that. So I have to report them to the FBI.

So Rumsfeld, he scares you, and the president scares you. But they don't mean to. As a matter of fact, they started in the Pentagon a division of misinformation, which was supposed to give out misinformation. So then it was such a flack about it, that Rumsfeld got on the air and said, he would close the office. We didn't know if he closed the office or whether it was really misinformation again.

PHILLIPS: But of course, we're never misinformed. Now these terrorists have rocked our world. Also, these corporate crooks have rocked our pocketbooks. What do you make of these CEOs and the economy?

BUCHWALD: I've decided that I don't want the money that the CEOs stole. I just want their lawyers fees.

PHILLIPS: I heard you had a crush on Martha Stewart, is that right?

BUCHWALD: No, that was wrong. What I really want to do, as an investor, is I want to get out of Martha Stewart into something more comfortable, but you know, the thing about the stock market is, people are very wary now. I was on the beach, and I came up to someone and said, guess what, the stock market went up 220 points. And he said, who got arrested. And then, the stuff has gone on now, how do you get the public to go back again to what -- the world we live in, but we don't live in that world anymore.

PHILLIPS: Well, talk about living in another world. I mean, you were a Marine in World War II. Now, taking a look at this war on terror, what do you think the biggest difference is?

BUCHWALD: Well, the biggest difference is the Marines were in the Pacific, and we know exactly who we were firing at. We know that the Japanese people at that time, at least the guys in uniform, had to be eliminated, none of us knew that after the war, they'd be making Hondas and Nissans for us. So you have to be careful when you go to war with somebody that you won't be buying their motor cars years later.

PHILLIPS: So how did you make peace with the Japanese? Did you buy a Nissan?

BUCHWALD: I bought a Honda, and I always go into a Japanese store, where they sell cars, and I tell them that I was a Marine, but I forgave them.

PHILLIPS: You know, quickly, before we let you go, we dug up this picture of you. You were quite the stud as a Marine in World War II. Look at that.

BUCHWALD: Yes, that's a very good picture of me, and that's the kind of want everyone watching to look at and see right at this moment.

PHILLIPS: Art Buchwald, the book is "We'll Laugh Again." Thank you so much for coming on and talking with me. I think you made all of our day, Art.

BUCHWALD: Thank you.

PHILLIPS: More funny stuff ahead.

TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com