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How Should Parents Handle Discussion with Children About Sniper Attacks?

Aired October 23, 2002 - 10:56   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.


THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.


LEON HARRIS, CNN ANCHOR: Now, how should parents handle a discussion with their children about the sniper attacks in Washington and in the area there? What is age appropriate information for kids? And are there some things that simply just can't be explained? Well, you may recall one parent's dilemma in dealing with her 5-year-old son.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: He asked me, where do bad people come from, and are they born bad? And I really struggled. I didn't know how to answer that.

HARRIS: Well, let's pose that question to an expert. We're going to turn now to child psychologist Gail Gross in Houston, Texas, and we'll try to squeeze as many e-mails in as we can, since we got cut short with the breaking news we had here. Gail, thanks for taking time to talk with us this morning.

GAIL GROSS, CHILD DEVELOPMENT EXPERT: Thanks for having me. Good morning.

HARRIS: What would you say to a child who asked a question like that, Where do bad people come from?

GROSS: Well, what you said is so wise. It has to be age appropriate information. For younger children, we're in an area we call concrete information. And so we talk to children in a more literal way. We talk to them in the ways that are very down to earth, that they can understand. A bad man is doing a bad thing. But it's always important to remember that children take their cue from their parents. If we stay calm and we restore a sense of normalcy and balance in the conversation, children can handle that. They have options if we're honest and if we're cautious not to impose our angst and fear on our children. For that we need to go for help.

HARRIS: Sometimes that can surprise you.

CAROL COSTELLO, CNN ANCHOR: Yeah, taking the cue from parents, this e-mail goes into that. This is from Tracy in Pennsylvania, Gail. I live in Pennsylvania, but I'm still worried about the sniper. I am living in fear everyday that this could happen in my hometown. How can you hide your fear from your children?

GROSS: Well, you know, this is such a great opportunity to connect with our children. We don't have to hide our fear. We have to put it back into balance. We have to know the rules in new situations and construct programs with our children and involve them in that so that they feel empowered. Ways of dealing with this fear, ways that are, you know, constructive, that have a plan, that we take that plan and practice it and rehearse it, that we incorporate them in the plan, that restores control, gives them a sense in a sense that they have something to do with this and that they can handle it.

HARRIS: Okay. Let's get to the next one here. We've got -- doesn't have a name on this but this is coming from a parent -- I'm a parent of two children at Colonial Heights public schools, you may be familiar with that area, Carol.

COSTELLO: In that area, right.

HARRIS: Okay. This parent says, I do not think it is safe for our children to be in school at this time, so why is the school board sending them to school? Now, what happens when the child and parent has that discussion?

GROSS: Well, you know, again, this is a great opportunity to bridge the community and the family and all of us together. And what we have to do is not be using up so much energy in being afraid, but taking that energy and using it in a positive way, new ways to go to school, for example. A back entrance, PE in the auditorium instead of outside. We just have to change our lexicon and the way we're doing things for this period of time.

COSTELLO: Okay, Gail. Gail, before we get to our next e-mail question, I just had a thought about sending children to school. The schools are open in Montgomery County today, in Montgomery County, Maryland, and some parents are deciding not to send their children to school, even though they may be open. Should you send your children to school?

GROSS: It is such an individual approach. You know, we have to make our own choices, but my reasoning is this, I think we're using up a lot of energy empowering this terror, and if we take back that energy and instead of empowering the terror, we do constructive things to make it safer to go to school, we have to put things back into balance. You know, this is a bad thing. On the other hand, more people get killed in cars than are getting killed in this way, and so we have to find a way of dialoguing, especially with older children, they're more critical in their thinking, more -- dialogue with them in a more appropriate way to handle this danger. In other words, if we're in a hostage situation or a terrorist situation, there are things we can do, and just by doing those things, we feel safer, more secure. And parents can do many things with their children to focus on their feelings, and in a sense, we have to know our children. Notice signs of stress.

HARRIS: There you go. There you go.

GROSS: Notice their anxiety.

HARRIS: That's the key. You've got to know your children.

GROSS: Know your children and give them more child-centered things to do. If they are frightened and they're younger, put on a night light, read to them. Assure them that you can protect them. Children are looking to you and then the extension of you, the government, the teachers, to protect them and it's really better to do safer things that are constructive rather than hide indoors.

HARRIS: Gail Gross, child development expert. We thank you very much. We appreciate the insight.

GROSS: Thank you.

HARRIS: We're going to talk to you again later on. I want to find out how much TV you think kids should be watching, but that's a different topic. We'll get to that later on.

COSTELLO: We're going to answer that later.

TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com





Sniper Attacks?>


Aired October 23, 2002 - 10:56   ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
LEON HARRIS, CNN ANCHOR: Now, how should parents handle a discussion with their children about the sniper attacks in Washington and in the area there? What is age appropriate information for kids? And are there some things that simply just can't be explained? Well, you may recall one parent's dilemma in dealing with her 5-year-old son.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: He asked me, where do bad people come from, and are they born bad? And I really struggled. I didn't know how to answer that.

HARRIS: Well, let's pose that question to an expert. We're going to turn now to child psychologist Gail Gross in Houston, Texas, and we'll try to squeeze as many e-mails in as we can, since we got cut short with the breaking news we had here. Gail, thanks for taking time to talk with us this morning.

GAIL GROSS, CHILD DEVELOPMENT EXPERT: Thanks for having me. Good morning.

HARRIS: What would you say to a child who asked a question like that, Where do bad people come from?

GROSS: Well, what you said is so wise. It has to be age appropriate information. For younger children, we're in an area we call concrete information. And so we talk to children in a more literal way. We talk to them in the ways that are very down to earth, that they can understand. A bad man is doing a bad thing. But it's always important to remember that children take their cue from their parents. If we stay calm and we restore a sense of normalcy and balance in the conversation, children can handle that. They have options if we're honest and if we're cautious not to impose our angst and fear on our children. For that we need to go for help.

HARRIS: Sometimes that can surprise you.

CAROL COSTELLO, CNN ANCHOR: Yeah, taking the cue from parents, this e-mail goes into that. This is from Tracy in Pennsylvania, Gail. I live in Pennsylvania, but I'm still worried about the sniper. I am living in fear everyday that this could happen in my hometown. How can you hide your fear from your children?

GROSS: Well, you know, this is such a great opportunity to connect with our children. We don't have to hide our fear. We have to put it back into balance. We have to know the rules in new situations and construct programs with our children and involve them in that so that they feel empowered. Ways of dealing with this fear, ways that are, you know, constructive, that have a plan, that we take that plan and practice it and rehearse it, that we incorporate them in the plan, that restores control, gives them a sense in a sense that they have something to do with this and that they can handle it.

HARRIS: Okay. Let's get to the next one here. We've got -- doesn't have a name on this but this is coming from a parent -- I'm a parent of two children at Colonial Heights public schools, you may be familiar with that area, Carol.

COSTELLO: In that area, right.

HARRIS: Okay. This parent says, I do not think it is safe for our children to be in school at this time, so why is the school board sending them to school? Now, what happens when the child and parent has that discussion?

GROSS: Well, you know, again, this is a great opportunity to bridge the community and the family and all of us together. And what we have to do is not be using up so much energy in being afraid, but taking that energy and using it in a positive way, new ways to go to school, for example. A back entrance, PE in the auditorium instead of outside. We just have to change our lexicon and the way we're doing things for this period of time.

COSTELLO: Okay, Gail. Gail, before we get to our next e-mail question, I just had a thought about sending children to school. The schools are open in Montgomery County today, in Montgomery County, Maryland, and some parents are deciding not to send their children to school, even though they may be open. Should you send your children to school?

GROSS: It is such an individual approach. You know, we have to make our own choices, but my reasoning is this, I think we're using up a lot of energy empowering this terror, and if we take back that energy and instead of empowering the terror, we do constructive things to make it safer to go to school, we have to put things back into balance. You know, this is a bad thing. On the other hand, more people get killed in cars than are getting killed in this way, and so we have to find a way of dialoguing, especially with older children, they're more critical in their thinking, more -- dialogue with them in a more appropriate way to handle this danger. In other words, if we're in a hostage situation or a terrorist situation, there are things we can do, and just by doing those things, we feel safer, more secure. And parents can do many things with their children to focus on their feelings, and in a sense, we have to know our children. Notice signs of stress.

HARRIS: There you go. There you go.

GROSS: Notice their anxiety.

HARRIS: That's the key. You've got to know your children.

GROSS: Know your children and give them more child-centered things to do. If they are frightened and they're younger, put on a night light, read to them. Assure them that you can protect them. Children are looking to you and then the extension of you, the government, the teachers, to protect them and it's really better to do safer things that are constructive rather than hide indoors.

HARRIS: Gail Gross, child development expert. We thank you very much. We appreciate the insight.

GROSS: Thank you.

HARRIS: We're going to talk to you again later on. I want to find out how much TV you think kids should be watching, but that's a different topic. We'll get to that later on.

COSTELLO: We're going to answer that later.

TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com





Sniper Attacks?>