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CNN Live Sunday

How To Make "Sex Talk" With Your Kids Less Painful

Aired August 31, 2003 - 18:44   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.


ANDREA KOPPEL, CNN ANCHOR: Most parents have a to-do list for getting your kids ready to school, to go back to school, but having the dreaded sex talk may not be on it. The book, "Everything you Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex but Were Afraid to ask" may help you.
Pediatrician and author Mark Schuster joins us from Los Angeles. So, Dr. Schuster how do you broach the topic with your kids? Should you wait until they come up to you or should you bring it up?

R. MARK SCHUSTER, PEDIATRICIAN: I think that you want to talk to your kids on an ongoing basis about sexual matters. You don't want to wait to have one big talk. That's where everyone gets nervous and you don't want to be there. Your child doesn't want to be there. You feel like you have to say everything in one conversation.

Instead, as they're growing up as issues come up when they ask you where babies come from, when they ask what the word sex means explain it to them. Don't tell them you're too young, you have to wait until you're older, or mommy will explain that to you when she gets home tonight and then she never does. It's good to establish an ongoing dialog throughout their childhood.

KOPPEL: I think one challenge that parents face certainly in this subject matter is what is appropriate to discuss with what age group and, certainly, kids are coming up with questions at very young ages. How do you know just how expansive to be in your explanation?

SCHUSTER: Well, I say that it's often very scary to talk to children about sex but, in fact, they can understand a fair amount and we rarely say too much. So, if your younger child starts asking questions give a simple answer, small words, and just a few sentences.

If you've overwhelmed them with too much information they'll tune out and move on to the next question but they may come back to you a few days later and ask you again what does sex mean or how are babies made? It's fine to talk to our kids. We don't have to protect them from information. They'll tune out if it's too much.

KOPPEL: Why should we not feel the need to protect them from certain information?

SCHUSTER: Well, I think parents are the most important source of information for children. If we tell them that we're not willing to talk to them about these topics they're curious. They will get the information somewhere and it's not always correct better to have them getting the information from their parents and feeling that they can talk to their parents and come back and ask questions of their parents.

KOPPEL: What is -- in terms of the patients that you're seeing and just the research that you've done in terms of just how young kids are becoming sexually active these days?

SCHUSTER: Well, we know that over a third of ninth graders have had sexual intercourse. We're hearing reports that even younger children are having intercourse and we don't have actual data on oral sex but there are more and more reports that eighth graders and even younger are engaging in oral sex and that has a lot of parents and physicians concerned.

KOPPEL: And so, what can parents do to try to dissuade their children from participating in oral sex or, for that matter, having sexual intercourse?

SCHUSTER: You know one of the best prevention mechanisms is to have a close relationship with your child, parents who are invested in their child's lives, who are involved in their child's lives and who monitor their children, monitoring means supervising your children, knowing who their friends are.

Knowing where your kids are doesn't mean you have to come home from work every day at 3:00 p.m. when your child gets home from school but it does mean calling to check in on your child or having another adult in the neighborhood take care of the children and when you do get home, go over the homework that they were supposed to be doing that afternoon or touch base with them.

Sit down and talk to them about their afternoon. You want to be invested in your child's life. You also want them to know that if they go running around the neighborhood and getting into all sorts of trouble in the afternoon you will find out about it.

KOPPEL: There's a movie out in the theaters, in fact this weekend. We were talking about it last night on the ten o'clock program and it's called "Thirteen" and it's about how even a good kid can go bad and how difficult it is for parents to get their teenagers to talk to them. How do you do that?

SCHUSTER: Well, the best way to get your teenager to talk to you about sex or any other major subject is to start talking about it before they're teenagers. It's very hard to start when your child is 16 years old and you say well, let's talk about sex.

It's much easier to start when they're younger when it's not so immediate to them when they're not actually thinking about it. It can be much more abstract then and it's more comfortable for them and then you reestablish a dialog so it's easier when they get older.

But, it can be very scary for parents to talk about sex. Even if you didn't start when they were younger don't wait. Start now. Sit down with them. If you're watching this show with your child and it's on CNN start talking about sex. This show provides you an opportunity as do many of the teen dramas that are on. Sit with your child and watch them. KOPPEL: Well, I'm not sure a lot of parents view CNN necessarily as the sex talk program but maybe after tonight they will. Dr. Schuster thank you so much for your very practical tips. Hope we helped some folks.

SCHUSTER: Thank you.

TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com







Aired August 31, 2003 - 18:44   ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
ANDREA KOPPEL, CNN ANCHOR: Most parents have a to-do list for getting your kids ready to school, to go back to school, but having the dreaded sex talk may not be on it. The book, "Everything you Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex but Were Afraid to ask" may help you.
Pediatrician and author Mark Schuster joins us from Los Angeles. So, Dr. Schuster how do you broach the topic with your kids? Should you wait until they come up to you or should you bring it up?

R. MARK SCHUSTER, PEDIATRICIAN: I think that you want to talk to your kids on an ongoing basis about sexual matters. You don't want to wait to have one big talk. That's where everyone gets nervous and you don't want to be there. Your child doesn't want to be there. You feel like you have to say everything in one conversation.

Instead, as they're growing up as issues come up when they ask you where babies come from, when they ask what the word sex means explain it to them. Don't tell them you're too young, you have to wait until you're older, or mommy will explain that to you when she gets home tonight and then she never does. It's good to establish an ongoing dialog throughout their childhood.

KOPPEL: I think one challenge that parents face certainly in this subject matter is what is appropriate to discuss with what age group and, certainly, kids are coming up with questions at very young ages. How do you know just how expansive to be in your explanation?

SCHUSTER: Well, I say that it's often very scary to talk to children about sex but, in fact, they can understand a fair amount and we rarely say too much. So, if your younger child starts asking questions give a simple answer, small words, and just a few sentences.

If you've overwhelmed them with too much information they'll tune out and move on to the next question but they may come back to you a few days later and ask you again what does sex mean or how are babies made? It's fine to talk to our kids. We don't have to protect them from information. They'll tune out if it's too much.

KOPPEL: Why should we not feel the need to protect them from certain information?

SCHUSTER: Well, I think parents are the most important source of information for children. If we tell them that we're not willing to talk to them about these topics they're curious. They will get the information somewhere and it's not always correct better to have them getting the information from their parents and feeling that they can talk to their parents and come back and ask questions of their parents.

KOPPEL: What is -- in terms of the patients that you're seeing and just the research that you've done in terms of just how young kids are becoming sexually active these days?

SCHUSTER: Well, we know that over a third of ninth graders have had sexual intercourse. We're hearing reports that even younger children are having intercourse and we don't have actual data on oral sex but there are more and more reports that eighth graders and even younger are engaging in oral sex and that has a lot of parents and physicians concerned.

KOPPEL: And so, what can parents do to try to dissuade their children from participating in oral sex or, for that matter, having sexual intercourse?

SCHUSTER: You know one of the best prevention mechanisms is to have a close relationship with your child, parents who are invested in their child's lives, who are involved in their child's lives and who monitor their children, monitoring means supervising your children, knowing who their friends are.

Knowing where your kids are doesn't mean you have to come home from work every day at 3:00 p.m. when your child gets home from school but it does mean calling to check in on your child or having another adult in the neighborhood take care of the children and when you do get home, go over the homework that they were supposed to be doing that afternoon or touch base with them.

Sit down and talk to them about their afternoon. You want to be invested in your child's life. You also want them to know that if they go running around the neighborhood and getting into all sorts of trouble in the afternoon you will find out about it.

KOPPEL: There's a movie out in the theaters, in fact this weekend. We were talking about it last night on the ten o'clock program and it's called "Thirteen" and it's about how even a good kid can go bad and how difficult it is for parents to get their teenagers to talk to them. How do you do that?

SCHUSTER: Well, the best way to get your teenager to talk to you about sex or any other major subject is to start talking about it before they're teenagers. It's very hard to start when your child is 16 years old and you say well, let's talk about sex.

It's much easier to start when they're younger when it's not so immediate to them when they're not actually thinking about it. It can be much more abstract then and it's more comfortable for them and then you reestablish a dialog so it's easier when they get older.

But, it can be very scary for parents to talk about sex. Even if you didn't start when they were younger don't wait. Start now. Sit down with them. If you're watching this show with your child and it's on CNN start talking about sex. This show provides you an opportunity as do many of the teen dramas that are on. Sit with your child and watch them. KOPPEL: Well, I'm not sure a lot of parents view CNN necessarily as the sex talk program but maybe after tonight they will. Dr. Schuster thank you so much for your very practical tips. Hope we helped some folks.

SCHUSTER: Thank you.

TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com