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American Morning
Thanksgiving Day: Holiday Stress
Aired November 27, 2003 - 07:34 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
BILL HEMMER, CNN ANCHOR: Well as many are putting that turkey in the oven, relatives coming over a bit later today, will this be a stressful holiday or a pleasant and memorable one?
"Real Simple" magazine has studied the difficult relatives. They have come up with ways to defuse the unpleasant moments. Good advice, too.
The Managing Editor of "Real Simple," Kristin van Ogtrop sat down with Soledad to talk about it.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
SOLEDAD O'BRIEN, CNN ANCHOR: You talk about in the magazine sort of 15 different personality types. We're just going to focus on what I think are kind of the most common. And I want to break them down and have you talk about them.
First, the constructive criticizer, which sort of sounds like a positive, but actually...
KRISTIN VAN OGTROP, MANAGING EDITOR, "REAL SIMPLE" MAGAZINE: Right.
O'BRIEN: ... is a negative.
VAN OGTROP: Right. The constructive criticizer is the person who can often be heard saying at the table, when I was in your situation I knew exactly what to do. And then kind of goes on to tell you, in a constructive way, how you should lead your life.
O'BRIEN: Often this person is your mother,...
VAN OGTROP: Your mother.
O'BRIEN: ... not my mother.
VAN OGTROP: Your mother-in-law sometimes. Not mine. But anyway, it's they are often barbed comments that look like advice.
What you need to do with that person is, you know, take the high road. Say very politely thank you for your concern. Thank you for thinking about me, you know, smile and change the subject. Because that's a person who wants to kind of get into your business and feel superior by acting like he or she knows better than you do.
O'BRIEN: The slacker. VAN OGTROP: The slacker is the person who is often heard saying OK, I'll be right in, while you know he sits watching football on the couch.
O'BRIEN: On one hand, easy to ignore, but on the other hand,...
VAN OGTROP: Yes.
O'BRIEN: ... they don't do anything.
This is a fairly benign category of person. You know to give that person the benefit of the doubt, he might not know that his help is not needed. He might see a million people whizzing around the kitchen (INAUDIBLE). That person, the best way to deal with that person is to give him a job, even if it's something small, like, would you mind folding the napkins. You know get the person involved and then he will, like you, want the day to be a success.
O'BRIEN: The martyr is possibly the most annoying kind of person to have at your table on Thanksgiving.
VAN OGTROP: OK, the martyr is not heard saying anything, because she is slaving away over the hot stove, unfortunately. She is -- this is the personality type who she needs to feel that way. There is something in her that needs to feel like she's responsible for the whole dinner. So the easiest way to kind of diffuse that...
O'BRIEN: Let them do everything?
VAN OGTROP: Well, let them do anything. Let them do everything is definitely a strategy. Another thing to do is kind of throw her a bone and say, I cannot believe the amount of work you've done. Because that's what she wants to hear and that's what will make her feel better and that's what will make that annoyingness (ph) kind of, you know, abate a little bit. Also, tell her you know you enjoy -- you deserve a really relaxing night after this dinner is over. She wants to be acknowledged for the fact that she's doing so much work.
O'BRIEN: So go ahead and acknowledge her and move on.
VAN OGTROP: It doesn't cost you that much, and it will make her behavior a little bit better.
O'BRIEN: The gossip.
VAN OGTROP: OK, the gossip is heard saying that's not what I heard. You know every family has one of these, it's the person who's the spreader of family secrets.
O'BRIEN: Stirring the pot always.
VAN OGTROP: Stirring the pot, right. And luckily, in most cases, gossip is pretty benign. You know the best way to deal with this person is not go there, not stoop to that level. Again, politely change the subject. If the gossip is really malicious, you might consider, and this is true with any kind of toxic personality you'll see at your -- at your Thanksgiving table, talking to her in advance of the dinner or in advance of the Thanksgiving gathering and you know, don't make it about her. Use words such as I. You know I have to say I feel kind of uncomfortable.
O'BRIEN: I don't like that you're a big gossip.
VAN OGTROP: Right, but don't put her on the defensive. You know sometimes if you, and this is the way you can deal with a lot of different, kind of more malicious personalities, the person who drinks too much year after year, the bully. You know there are some personalities that are harder to deal with than others. One way to deal with those people is to kind of gently, diplomatically talk to them before Thanksgiving comes.
(END VIDEOTAPE)
BILL HEMMER, CNN ANCHOR: Good luck, if that applies.
Kristin van Ogtrop, the Managing Editor for "Real Simple" magazine.
TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com
Aired November 27, 2003 - 07:34 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
BILL HEMMER, CNN ANCHOR: Well as many are putting that turkey in the oven, relatives coming over a bit later today, will this be a stressful holiday or a pleasant and memorable one?
"Real Simple" magazine has studied the difficult relatives. They have come up with ways to defuse the unpleasant moments. Good advice, too.
The Managing Editor of "Real Simple," Kristin van Ogtrop sat down with Soledad to talk about it.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
SOLEDAD O'BRIEN, CNN ANCHOR: You talk about in the magazine sort of 15 different personality types. We're just going to focus on what I think are kind of the most common. And I want to break them down and have you talk about them.
First, the constructive criticizer, which sort of sounds like a positive, but actually...
KRISTIN VAN OGTROP, MANAGING EDITOR, "REAL SIMPLE" MAGAZINE: Right.
O'BRIEN: ... is a negative.
VAN OGTROP: Right. The constructive criticizer is the person who can often be heard saying at the table, when I was in your situation I knew exactly what to do. And then kind of goes on to tell you, in a constructive way, how you should lead your life.
O'BRIEN: Often this person is your mother,...
VAN OGTROP: Your mother.
O'BRIEN: ... not my mother.
VAN OGTROP: Your mother-in-law sometimes. Not mine. But anyway, it's they are often barbed comments that look like advice.
What you need to do with that person is, you know, take the high road. Say very politely thank you for your concern. Thank you for thinking about me, you know, smile and change the subject. Because that's a person who wants to kind of get into your business and feel superior by acting like he or she knows better than you do.
O'BRIEN: The slacker. VAN OGTROP: The slacker is the person who is often heard saying OK, I'll be right in, while you know he sits watching football on the couch.
O'BRIEN: On one hand, easy to ignore, but on the other hand,...
VAN OGTROP: Yes.
O'BRIEN: ... they don't do anything.
This is a fairly benign category of person. You know to give that person the benefit of the doubt, he might not know that his help is not needed. He might see a million people whizzing around the kitchen (INAUDIBLE). That person, the best way to deal with that person is to give him a job, even if it's something small, like, would you mind folding the napkins. You know get the person involved and then he will, like you, want the day to be a success.
O'BRIEN: The martyr is possibly the most annoying kind of person to have at your table on Thanksgiving.
VAN OGTROP: OK, the martyr is not heard saying anything, because she is slaving away over the hot stove, unfortunately. She is -- this is the personality type who she needs to feel that way. There is something in her that needs to feel like she's responsible for the whole dinner. So the easiest way to kind of diffuse that...
O'BRIEN: Let them do everything?
VAN OGTROP: Well, let them do anything. Let them do everything is definitely a strategy. Another thing to do is kind of throw her a bone and say, I cannot believe the amount of work you've done. Because that's what she wants to hear and that's what will make her feel better and that's what will make that annoyingness (ph) kind of, you know, abate a little bit. Also, tell her you know you enjoy -- you deserve a really relaxing night after this dinner is over. She wants to be acknowledged for the fact that she's doing so much work.
O'BRIEN: So go ahead and acknowledge her and move on.
VAN OGTROP: It doesn't cost you that much, and it will make her behavior a little bit better.
O'BRIEN: The gossip.
VAN OGTROP: OK, the gossip is heard saying that's not what I heard. You know every family has one of these, it's the person who's the spreader of family secrets.
O'BRIEN: Stirring the pot always.
VAN OGTROP: Stirring the pot, right. And luckily, in most cases, gossip is pretty benign. You know the best way to deal with this person is not go there, not stoop to that level. Again, politely change the subject. If the gossip is really malicious, you might consider, and this is true with any kind of toxic personality you'll see at your -- at your Thanksgiving table, talking to her in advance of the dinner or in advance of the Thanksgiving gathering and you know, don't make it about her. Use words such as I. You know I have to say I feel kind of uncomfortable.
O'BRIEN: I don't like that you're a big gossip.
VAN OGTROP: Right, but don't put her on the defensive. You know sometimes if you, and this is the way you can deal with a lot of different, kind of more malicious personalities, the person who drinks too much year after year, the bully. You know there are some personalities that are harder to deal with than others. One way to deal with those people is to kind of gently, diplomatically talk to them before Thanksgiving comes.
(END VIDEOTAPE)
BILL HEMMER, CNN ANCHOR: Good luck, if that applies.
Kristin van Ogtrop, the Managing Editor for "Real Simple" magazine.
TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com
