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Richard Simmons: Self-Esteem Key to Weight Loss; Roller Rink Owner, 83, Runs Family Owned Business

Aired June 22, 2006 - 19:00:00   ET


GLENN BECK, HOST: Well, here we are before the performance. And you know, not really a superstitious guy. But I do have...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Glenn, here`s your lucky penny. I had it buffed.

BECK: Thank you. Thank you.

I do have a few things that I like to do before I go on the show.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Here`s your lucky underwear.

BECK: Thank you. Thank you. Not a lot of starch?


BECK: OK, good.

You know, just to be ready...


BECK: Great. Thank you. Mmm, mmm. Going to be a great show.


BECK: Let me tell you something. That is exactly the way I would eat Lucky Charms, as well, if I could live my life the way I wanted to without ballooning up and being a big fat cow.

Welcome to Spoons Bistros and Mitchell`s Books in Fort Wayne, Indiana. This is day two in the heartland of America in our -- on our Midlife Crisis Tour.

You might ask yourself from time to time if you`re just, you know, flipping by, how did this unattractive guy get a television show? Let me tell you something. I used to be 50 pounds bigger. Mainly the 50 pounds were right here, right here, and, oh, in these voluptuous breasts. There is a fat man -- these things are screaming at me, man. There`s a fat man screaming to get out inside of me.

I don`t exactly need to, you know, fit into a Speedo swim trunk or something that only Germans would wear, but I do understand being fat. We talk a little bit about it in our Midlife Crisis Tour show.


BECK: You marry us, and we`re, you know, in pretty in shape and stuff, and within months it starts to just hang over. It does. And cute little you thought we would stay in shape. Why?

I mean, let`s be honest with each other. I mean, I`m getting married. I`m not doing crunches. You`re legally bound to have sex with me now.


BECK: I`ll be honest. When I -- when I make jokes about my own fatness on my stage show, I am -- I am noticing what`s happening in the audience, and even though I`m making fun of myself, I can see the people who are overweight and heavy, and they are just wildly uncomfortable. I mean, they`re laughing, but they`re immediately aware of themselves.

And let me just tell you, I get it. I mean, I`m not exactly Dom DeLuise, but when I can get so big I can`t fit into my relax fit fat pants, which I have, I get depressed. And then what happens? I start eating more of these, and then it`s just a self-fulfilling shame-spiraled covered in just delicious hot fudge. It is just a horrible thing.

Richard Simmons is here. He`s one of the world`s preeminent nutrition and exercise gurus.

Richard, you actually make a couple of hundred phone calls a day, calling people and just trying to talk them away from the Twinkies. How do I get on your speed dial, my friend?

RICHARD SIMMONS, FITNESS EXPERT: Well, thank you for having me on your show today.

You know, I`ve been doing this now for over 30 years. We still have a population of people who are not willing to walk the line, not willing to cut their portions, not willing to do the exercise, and so I call them, you know. I`ve been doing this since "General Hospital" days when I was on with Luke and Laura. You were watching "General Hospital" back then?

BECK: Oh, yes. Sure. I wasn`t. I wasn`t.

SIMMONS: When I figured out, Glenn, after all these years, you know, life is like a staircase, and your self-worth is up here. This is what`s missing in America today. We don`t know our own worth, and we`re not taking care of ourselves.

We live in the past. We don`t make time for exercise. We`re not patient. We`re not forgiving. And that`s why there`s so many overweight children, teens, and obese people in America today, adults, and so I travel -- like you, I travel 250 days a year. I teach classes. I act silly. I`m their court jester, and some people get it, and some people don`t, so I work harder to get the people who don`t get it to get it.

BECK: I mean, it`s really amazing, what kind of self-hating egomaniacs we are in this country. We are so obsessed with good looks and, you know, being in shape, et cetera, et cetera. Yet, most of us are fat, and you`re at that -- I mean, I got to tell you, it rips my heart out. When I`m making jokes about me and I can see members of the audience that are uncomfortable, because they know -- it`s almost, Richard, like they are afraid to laugh because they`re afraid that somebody is going to look at them and say what are you laughing at, fatso? You`re fat. You know what I mean?

SIMMONS: I was 200 pounds in the eighth grade. I was 268 pounds my days in high school. It`s very hard to be the brunt of all these jokes. Even though it`s funny, still, they go home and say, "I`m not worth it. I don`t deserve to lose weight. You know, I don`t love myself enough." And you know, that`s the problem.

And now look at our kids. I have been traveling all around the country doing lectures about getting fitness back into schools. Look at our kids. Type two diabetes, blood pressure problems, anti-depressants. These are children, Glenn. They`re children.

BECK: How do you break the cycle? Because I know it`s true. Honestly, Richard, I don`t know if I`m the only guy that thinks this, but when I was 50 pounds heavier, I was -- there was a point where I`m, like, I mean, why not go for the record? Let`s see if I can put, you know, 300 pounds on. How fat could I get?

SIMMONS: I know. I know.

BECK: You get to that point. How do you break the cycle? I did it through being scared witless of doing national television. If you don`t have your own TV show, how do you do it?

SIMMONS: Is that -- is that the reason that you actually lost 50 pounds in the first place to be on television?

BECK: No, no, no.

SIMMONS: Tell me that`s not true. The thing that...

BECK: No, it`s not true. I lost it because I was getting unhealthy, et cetera, et cetera.

SIMMONS: Things we don`t think about. We don`t think about our health. We don`t think about our health.

BECK: What keeps me from eating this -- the thing that keeps me eating this is the fact that I have to look at myself in a monitor all the time. I`m like, oh, my gosh, look how I look.

SIMMONS: That`s not the only reason do you it. Glenn, that`s the only reason why you take care of yourself. You have a family. You have people that love you. You can count your blessings. All the wonderful things that have happened in your life. And you want to be here longer, and you want to be here stronger, and that`s why the truth is you`re taking care of yourself.

BECK: No. Yes. Right. No, you are exactly right. That is the reason why I started to lose the weight. I mean, what helps me keep it off is looking at myself on television, and I apologize, America. I really, really do.

Richard, you -- you are such a great guy that you are going around and you are helping people. You are working one-on-one with children, and I just think it`s a tremendous thing. I know you`ve toned it down a little bit. I don`t know if America can notice it. But you`ve toned it down a little bit, and you are really doing some amazing work. And I thank you, sir, for being on the program.

SIMMONS: Thank you so much. Big success, and please give my love to your daughter, Mary.

BECK: Thank you very much, Richard.


ANNOUNCER: Hey, fatty, is that you? No, I mean, literally, is that you on the screen? If so, good God, are you fat, and I don`t mean the kind with a "ph." I mean the kind like this where they put you on TV with your face not shown. You know, for legal reasons. Man, you are so fat.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How fat are you?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How fat are you?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How fat are you?

ANNOUNCER: Well, you`re so fat that when you -- sorry. Not appropriate. I was saying, if you are one of these people, listen up, because we`re about to whip you into shape. It`s time for the Glenn Beck diet revolution. It`s time to be scared skinny.


BECK: All right. All right. This is exactly the kind of thing that Richard Simmons would not approve of, but I`ve got to tell you, I have literally tried everything, every diet known to man. I can`t keep it off. I have kept my weight off because of this stupid TV show. It`s a miracle drug.

You`re not going to find this in any bookstore, any infomercial. The only place you`re going to hear about it is right here. I invented something it. It`s something I like to call scared skinny.

Here`s how it works. First, you send me a picture of yourself wearing something, shall we say, really revealing, in a humiliating position. You know, sort of like this. I mean, do we have a picture? Oh. Now, I promise -- see? I mean, is that horrible? I promise I will keep the pictures under lock and key unless, of course, you don`t hit your target weight. Then the fun begins. If you fail, you don`t hit your target weight, I show your picture on national television just like that. And trust me, your face will not be blurred out. That`s just for starters.

Then I`m going to e-mail the pictures to my list of over 100,000 subscribers on my e-mail. Then I put them on my web site. Then I publish them in my national magazine "Fusion."

There is nothing like the fear of complete public embarrassment to help you drop a few pounds. I`m a helper.

So if you`re up for this, you want to really lose a few pounds, you go to and sign up. But, trust me, America, this is a binding contract. If you don`t hit your goal, well, let`s just say you better find a job that lets you work from home. .



BECK: When did school change? Do you remember when we were going to school? It was, like, cool and stuff. Nobody was getting molested by teachers. What happened? When did that happen?

When did -- let me ask you this. Bring up Deb Lefave. When did teachers start to look like that? That didn`t happen. All of my teachers -- I mean, every single one of them -- looked like they were in some industrial accident and always smelled like potato salad. What`s that?

You know, what really hacks me off is everybody that always says, oh - - if I hear one of more of these people I`m just going on smack them across the face. "Oh, please. Do you see her? She didn`t scar that boy."

Well, OK, you`re right.


BECK: One of my fondest memories of Fort Wayne was a few years back and I had the genius insane idea to take everybody who was in the audience who went to one of my shows over to the roller skating rink here in Fort Wayne.

We showed up at the roller -- roller rink just how many hundreds of us were there, and there was a woman who greeted us at the door. Her name was Marjorie Wall. She is just an amazing woman, and her story is even more so.

Roller girl, Marjorie Wall, the focus of today`s "Real America".


BECK (voice-over): From the look of it, the Roller Dome in Fort Wayne, Indiana, looks just like any other skate place across America, but go inside, and you`ll find that it`s actually a pretty special place.

MARJORIE WALL, OWNER, ROLLER DOME: This shows you`re here until 5. Thank you.

BECK: It`s all because of this lady, Marjorie Wall. She owns Roller Dome North and a few others in the area. She`s the lady who greets you when you walk in and thanks you when you leave.

M. WALL: They tell me when I`m gone, they`re going to stuff me and sit me in the corner over here so I can tell people good-bye.

BECK: Eighty-three years old -- she`ll remind you she`s almost 84 -- and she shows no signs of slowing down. She`s poured her heart and soul into this place.

M. WALL: There isn`t a day goes by that we don`t have someone come up to us and say thanks for being -- still being in business. So that makes you feel good.

BECK: You know what else makes you feel good? Knowing that this is a place where families make great memories together. And not just other families. Hers.

M. WALL: I have a granddaughter -- we call her Andy -- who is the DJ. And Alexis is at the refreshment stand. Then I have a daughter, Karen, who works in the office, and a daughter, Cathy.

BECK: As a matter of fact, the whole place is run by her family, and let me tell you, it`s a lot of family.

M. WALL: We had 12 children. Their names all started with K. I have 33 grandchildren and 31 great-grandchildren.

BECK: On the wall you`ll see a picture of Mrs. Wall and her husband. He passed away 13 years ago. But he`s still very much at the heart of the family business.

M. WALL: I met him at a roller rink.

BECK: Actually, Mr. and Mrs. Wall fell in love at a roller rink.

M. WALL: And he paid his best friend 50 cents to ask me to skate.

BECK: She agreed, and the rest, as they say, is history. And when her husband was called to serve in World War II, they decided buy a rink of their own.

M. WALL: We decided that we should do something with as many children as we had that I could run if something happened to him.

BECK: Thank goodness nothing did happen to him, but growing up here, her children say this roller rink is in their blood. Her daughters remember it all very clearly.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We lived in the very back. Our house is attached to the rink, and so whenever they were busy, we were called. It was automatic. Family came out.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And we had to be out of the door before my mother walked out or we were grounded.

BECK: Sure, you know, they grimace a little when they look on the old photos of the family decked out in skating attire. I mean, who wouldn`t? But overall, it was a good childhood.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: When you think back on it, we had a great time. There was 12 of us, and if we needed to do something, we did it together. It was a lot of fun. We still do.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We still do everything together.

BECK: But they tell me this sweet little lady they call Mom is actually a bit of a tiger. A no-nonsense woman, they say, who back in the 1950s was doing something unheard of, balancing work and family.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: She was there as a woman in the business world when it was never accepted at that point, so she had to break some barriers during that period of time.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I think the ironic part about the whole thing is she still kept the family.

BECK: They call her their role model. And not just the daughters, but the granddaughters, too.

ANDREA JONES, GRANDDAUGHTER: Yes, actually, my mom has her own business too, so I`m thinking about starting mine when I graduate from college.

BECK: Mrs. Wall shows her family every day what it takes to be the best.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: She`s very Christian. She`s very family- oriented. As someone said earlier, she`s always there for you.

ALEXIS WALL, GRANDDAUGHTER: My grandma is great. She treats everyone fairly, and she puts them in their place, and she runs this great -- this business great.

BECK: Mrs. Wall is proud of her family and the business they built together. And for her, retirement is a long way off.

M. WALL: I don`t want to go home and sit in a rocking chair or sit down and just read a book. I would rather be doing something. The guy upstairs will tell me when.


BECK: Mrs. Wall, so good to see you.

M. WALL: Well, it`s good to see you.

BECK: You know, I`ve been in radio for 30 years, and I have done everything from ride in blimps to take off on an aircraft carrier, and one of my favorite memories is just spending the afternoon with you. You are so kind, and it was just...

M. WALL: Thank you.

BECK: You reminded me of a more gentle time.

M. WALL: Thank you.

BECK: You have been in the business forever, and you, by the way, welcome to three of your 12 children. You -- you have seen so much over the years. What is the difference between 1950 when you opened it up and what you see now? What changes have you seen?

M. WALL: Mostly the music. Other than that, I think the children are the same. We`ve always had rules, and, you know, you get a bad apple once in a while, but they don`t last long.

BECK: Yes. That`s really good to hear. Good to hear. So you are kind of a trailblazer. When they had all-day skating at the skating rinks all around the country, you actually were the woman who came up with that.

M. WALL: We did a lot of that. My husband was very innovative and came up with a lot of the ideas, and I just followed through.

BECK: You are -- you are so -- you see? That`s why we have your children here. You are so modest. You are actually in the Roller Skating Hall of Fame, are you not?

M. WALL: Yes, I am.

BECK: What for?

M. WALL: Mainly because of innovative ideas.

BECK: That your husband came up with.

M. WALL: And being around.

BECK: That`s right. Well, it is just a pleasure to have you here. Do you ever see yourself retiring?

M. WALL: No. I think the fellow upstairs will tell me when that comes.

BECK: Good for you. I`m on a tour right now of the country. I`m doing a stage show. It`s called the Midlife Crisis. I`m halfway through my life, and I`m not sure what I really know for sure. I don`t know what answers I`ll have now that will remain the same when I`m your age. What is it that you know?

M. WALL: Well, my husband and I always felt that if we had our life to live over, I don`t know of anything that we would change. It`s been great.

BECK: Good. Thank you. You and your family, blessings to all of you.

M. WALL: Thank you.

BECK: Thank you so much. A pleasure to be with you.

M. WALL: Thank you.



BECK: All right. Let`s get the buzz now from America`s wettest city, 950 KPRC in Houston, and the morning host, my best friend, Pat Gray.

Hello, Pat.

PAT GRAY, RADIO TALK SHOW HOST: Hey, Glenn. You`re a great American.

BECK: You -- thank you. You haven`t committed to the beard, have you? We had a lot...

GRAY: Commitment? This is my commitment, OK? I`m not going for a ZZ Top look. I`m not going for a Moses feel, OK? I work meticulously to keep it this length. OK? This is my commitment.

BECK: Well, we`re getting a lot of mail.

GRAY: Are you? Yes, me too.

BECK: We`re getting a lot of mail. We`re getting a lot of mail from people who would like you to be less....

GRAY: More committed?

BECK: Yes.

GRAY: I`ll think about it.


GRAY: Maybe I`ll go Grizzly Adams.

BECK: So, Pat, tell us -- tell me the latest on Starbucks.

GRAY: Well, Starbucks is under fire from the Center for Science in the Public Interest. You know, first it was soda drinks. Then it was fast food. We can`t have hamburgers. We can`t have French fries.

Now I love these -- the one good thing about this story is it`s liberal organizations eating their own, which is kind of great to see. A little cannibalism among the liberals.

BECK: Wait a minute.

GRAY: But the last...

BECK: You`re right. I never even thought of that. I was going to say McDonald`s, fast food, but it is. It`s Starbucks.

GRAY: Yes. Starbucks and the Center for Science in the Public Interest, both liberal organizations, so it`s great to see...

BECK: Hold it. Hold it. Wait a minute. Let`s just all take a moment and bask into that for just a second.

GRAY: All right. Ah.

BECK: Ah. It`s nice, isn`t it? So anyway.

GRAY: So anyway, unless I missed something and Starbucks has centers in elementary schools and nursery schools, aren`t they mostly consenting adults going in and buying these double mocha choco-lattes?

BECK: Actually -- actually, when I was in Seattle the last time, I went and picked up my niece at high school, and there was a Starbucks in the high school.

GRAY: Really?

BECK: So I mean, it is happening in schools. Yes. It is happening in schools.

GRAY: I mean, high school, you know, by then can you tell your kids to make informed decisions. Can you help them. You can -- I mean, you know, they`re not -- I mean, mostly isn`t it adults who are going to these places and making these choices? I mean, don`t we know that there`s not, let`s say, liquefied bean curd in Starbucks` environmentally-friendly little cups?

BECK: Are -- are you actually trying to make a case for person responsibility?

GRAY: I know. It`s outrageous, and that`s the kind of freak I am, Glenn. But I`m trying to say -- I`m trying to say let us make a decision. Just one. Just one. Even if that`s buying coffee. And you know I`m not even a big fan. I don`t even drink coffee.

BECK: Right.

GRAY: But can we please just make our own decisions as adults here?

BECK: Yes. Well, I mean, it`s worked so well with McDonald`s. I got to tell you, I don`t even go to McDonald`s anymore.

GRAY: I`ve never even seen one.

BECK: Except for around lunch or if I`m hungry at dinner or mostly in the morning, but I swear them off other than those times of the day. Yes.

GRAY: Right, right. And you and I, I think, are big enough boys, literally and figuratively, to decide, you know, OK, yes, we`re going on to be on TV tonight, I`m still stuff this burger in my mouth, right?

BECK: Right, I know. It`s sad and pathetic, isn`t it?

GRAY: It is. It is.

BECK: But I think that`s exactly where America is or should be. Personal responsibility.

Pat from Houston, stay safe, stay wet, or dry, or whichever you prefer.

GRAY: I don`t have much choice.

BECK: I don`t know, webbed fingers, I think, from Pat. Thanks a lot, Pat. We`ll talk to you soon. Bye.



BECK: The great thing about the show and what makes it really worthwhile is just the way the fans are.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I really love how passionate he is. He really gets to the heart of what people really feel and everything, and he`s just such a people person.

BECK: My fans come from everywhere, all walks of life, and, you know, they`ll fly in to cities to be able to see the show.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: When I heard he was coming, I dropped everything. I was the first one in line waiting for the doors to open, was the first one in line to turn around and get my tickets.

BECK: Just that real connection with me and the audience.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Although he`s incredibly famous, I feel as though he`s like a regular person, a regular Joe, like all of us.

BECK: I`m kind of famous for the stage show. You know, we do so much. We do the radio. We do television. But stage is really where it`s all coming together. And, I mean, you just ask people anywhere, and they`ll say just that it is just a great show to see.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: If you have a chance, you have to see Bon Jovi in concert. He`s awesome.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Bon Jovi, he rocks.



BECK: Yes, OK, that didn`t really work out the way I thought it would. Welcome back to Spoon`s Bistro and Mitchell Books (ph) in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Before we move on from my midlife crisis obsession with food, we should probably acknowledge that it was another restaurant here in Fort Wayne a guy named Dave Thomas once worked at. In fact, he actually met here in Fort Wayne, Kentucky Fried Chicken creator Colonel Sanders.

It`s kind of like you`ve got chocolate in my peanut butter. And speaking of chocolate, also, yes, Fort Wayne, home of DeBrand Fine Chocolates. Hmm, we`ve been devouring them ever since we got here. Hang on just a second.

We -- hang on. We have breaking news. We go to Brian Sack here in Fort Wayne.

Brian, go ahead.


BRIAN SACK, PUBLIC VIEWER: Hi, Glenn. I`m standing here in Fort Wayne, Indiana, in front of some kind of building. Maybe it`s a courthouse. Maybe it`s the city hall. I don`t really know. I didn`t do any research.

But it has a dome on it, which means it`s official in some capacity. And there`s a gigantic huge protest here and a counter-protest across the street. And we`re going talk to the protesters and find out what exactly they`re protesting and what exactly the people across the street are protesting about the people across the street protesting.

(voice-over): Horns were blaring their support as two angry groups of protesters engaged in a dramatic face-off over "The Da Vinci Code." I mean, Iraq. The ironic dividing line? Clinton Street.

On the west side of the street, people waving flags and signs that made no sense to me. On the east side, people waving flags and signs that made a little more sense.

I needed answers. Why were they demonstrating? I asked the west side.

TIM TIERNON, WEST SIDE SPOKESPERSON: Our agenda is to end the war in Iraq, absolutely bring the troops home alive.

SACK: That sounded reasonable. So I headed to the counter-protest on the east side of Clinton, the street.

(on camera): You`re supporting the war?

REX MERCER, EAST SIDE SPOKESPERSON: We`re not supporting the war. We`re supporting the troops. Yes, we want to show that, no matter what people believe, politics, you know, whatever it is, that we support them no matter what.

SACK (voice-over): I was confused. If both sides supported the troops, why not just stand on one side of the street?

(on camera): Now, what separates this side of the street from that side of the street? You both seem to actually support the troops.

TIERNON: Absolutely. I really think more of a misunderstanding. I was talking with the gentleman last week, and he was...

SACK (voice-over): A misunderstanding perhaps, but without some kind of conflict, I had no story. And if I had no story, Glenn would make me eat staples again.

I went back to the east side and tried one more time.

(on camera): Have you heard of a person named Glenn Beck?

MERCER: Yes, I have.

SACK: What do you think of Glenn Beck?

MERCER: I think Glenn Beck`s great.

SACK: You think he`s great?


SACK: Really? Tell me more.

MERCER: Yes. Well, actually...

SACK: Why the hell are you honking?

MERCER: Actually, I did a thing for him -- I sold a sandwich on eBay with his face on it.

SACK: You sold a sandwich on eBay with Glenn Beck`s face?

MERCER: Yes, I can say that.

SACK (voice-over): Fortunately, he`s the only person that can say that. Back on the west side of the street, I found the conflict I needed.

(on camera): Do you know a person named Glenn Beck?

TIERNON: Yes, I do.

SACK: And what do you think of Glenn Beck?

TIERNON: Glenn Beck is a warmonger. Glenn Beck is one of the people responsible for selling this war to the American people, deceiving the American people, that Iraq was involved in 9/11.

SACK (voice-over): Finally, I had my story. Glenn would be happy, and I could have my son back.

(on camera): Glenn, what it boils down to is both sides actually support the troops, but the east side of Clinton Street loves you, while the west side of Clinton Street can`t stand you a bit.

Brian Sack reporting.


BECK: That was great. Seriously, I feel really bad about that warmongering thing and getting all of America into the war. It was bad. Apologize.

Hey, let`s go to somebody with some actual, you know, journalistic credentials, Erica Hill.

ERICA HILL, CNN HEADLINE NEWS ANCHOR: Are you saying -- are you saying that your boy out there didn`t have any journalistic credentials?

BECK: Me? Did I -- why would I -- I don`t even know what you`re -- do you just eat chocolates from the box or do you use the little guide?

HILL: Well, I find that there aren`t guides as often as I would like there to be.

BECK: You what?

HILL: I wish there were more guides with the chocolates.

BECK: Yes, I wish there were more chocolates to the guides, but that`s the difference between you...

HILL: Well, that would help, too.

BECK: That`s the difference between and you me. Hello, lovely, it`s good to see you again.

HILL: Hello, darling.

BECK: I`ve been on the road for a while. Thousands of people I`ve seen, and they`re all in love with you, and they all think that you`re going to beat me up at some point.

HILL: No, no, no. There will be no beating up.

BECK: No, no.

HILL: Uh-uh.

BECK: OK. Go ahead -- and somehow or another I don`t believe you, and I don`t think the viewers do either.

HILL: You digest.

BECK: Well, let`s go ahead and look at some of the headlines here.

HILL: All right, that sounds good. We`ll do that while you digest those chocolates.

Question. You don`t have to answer it. You can just think about the answer. What would you give the leader of a free world for a gift? If not chocolate, how about $60 worth of dates?

BECK: Chocolate. Chocolate.

HILL: Chocolate, $60 worth of dates...


BECK: Chocolate.

HILL: Do you want the story or not?

BECK: No, not really. You know what I`m doing, actually?

HILL: What are you doing?

BECK: No, no, I`m very interested in that cute little story and you - - this is how you know you`re not in New York City. I got a couple -- I`m at a bookstore. Here are a couple of magazines for you. This is from the voice of independent flock masters. This is a magazine you`ll never find in New York. It`s called "Sheep."

HILL: No, I don`t think you would find very many of those.

BECK: Yes. And then -- well, this is the independent flock masters, not like those bastards that are keeping them down. And this, of course, is the "Dairy Goat Journal." So...

HILL: Wait, I got a question, though. Who is keeping the journal? Is it the goat or the person who tends to the goat?

BECK: Not that kind of journal, although I don`t know. Maybe -- you know, maybe there are little goats with the cloven hooves just -- "Today, I had some more milk and then someone milked me." I don`t -- maybe. I don`t know.

HILL: And then...

BECK: Anyway, you were saying president -- something for the president or something?

HILL: Well, you know, we were just talking about gifts that the president got and members of his administration in 2004, some kind of interesting things that you may not have thought of, like $60 worth of dates from the Tunisian president. That was on there. Also, pretty much everything from books to booze, even some guns coming from King Abdullah of Jordan. How`s that chocolate?

BECK: Yes. It`s good. I really am not paying any attention to the story. Why don`t we go to the next story?

HILL: You`re not paying any attention whatsoever.

BECK: Nothing there for me. I mean, maybe it`s just me, but...

HILL: I`m trying to see...


BECK: America, it`s my show, so what?

HILL: Oh, he`s laying down the law.

BECK: Yes.

HILL: "Erica, in case you hadn`t heard, it`s the GLENN BECK SHOW."

BECK: That`s right. I think -- I think I`m the one with the box of chocolates and you`re the one with paper with words on it.

HILL: Well, I think we know who wins then, don`t we?

BECK: Yes, you do. Let`s compare paychecks sometime. I have a feeling you do.

HILL: I`m going to have to go to the vending machine upstairs now and get chocolate. Thanks a lot.

BECK: All right. This really hasn`t been the news part of Headline News, has it? It`s really been a little rough for you, not for me.

HILL: It`s been somewhat informational. Newsworthy? That may be up for debate.

BECK: I know. You haven`t missed me at all, have you?

HILL: That`s not true. I`ve have missed you dearly. Get home safely.

BECK: Oh, that is so sweet. Thanks. All right, Erica. We`ll see you again next week.

HILL: Bye.

BECK: Bye-bye.


BECK: All right. This weekend, I finally wrap up my seemingly unending road show, head home, collapse for a couple of hours. Then I get to go watch my daughter graduate from high school.

If I make it back from there, I`m going to lay on the sofa and maybe watch "Big Mama`s House 2." No, not so much.

On the other hand, if you get ahead to the mall and you can catch a couple of movies that I wish I had the energy to see, Christy Lemire is here, and she`s the critic of the Associated Press.

What is the big film that we should see this weekend, Christy?

CHRISTY LEMIRE, MOVIE CRITIC, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS: Well, I`m not sure you should go see it, because you probably already have seen it. It`s "Click." And it mixes "Bruce Almighty" with "It`s a Wonderful Life."

So you`ve already seen this movie before, basically. Adam Sandler gets a remote control that allows him to control the universe. He can stop things; he can pause things; he can zap forward in time; make traffic part, whatever. You`ve seen it before. But then he misses important stuff, and so he wants to go back and look at it, and feels regretful, and he`s standing there watching himself.

So it`s a message film. It`s kind of feel-good, and yet it has the obligatory Adam Sandler gross-out factors.

BECK: Yes, see, you know, that`s the thing I don`t like about Adam Sandler. I think he`s really funny, but there are times that I swear you have to be 12 to appreciate him.

LEMIRE: Right, that`s the core audience right there. But he has evolved. He`s done other films like "Spanglish" and like "Punch Drunk Love." He actually has to act here. He has to cry. So he is growing up a little bit.

BECK: OK. Anything else that`s coming out? Have you seen "Nacho Libre"?

LEMIRE: I have, indeed, and actually it`s "Napoleon Dynamite" in Mexico. It`s very funny. It has much more of a plot than "Napoleon Dynamite" did.

BECK: I love that.

LEMIRE: I mean, Jack Black is hysterical, just the very sight of him in his stupid, stretchy pants, as he calls them, is hilarious, and underlying it`s very sweet. It`s a good story. He`s wrestling to save the orphans in Mexico. It`s funny.

BECK: I know that Jared Hess`s family a big fan of the radio show, and it`s so weird to have them listen to us. I think this guy -- I said before the movie came out that, if he puts two of these back-to-back, this guy has got a real career coming, doesn`t he?

LEMIRE: Yes, the "Napoleon Dynamite" had a huge cult following, and this will, as well, based on that film and based on just the fact that Jack Black has a huge audience. And he`s so likeable. He can like raise one eyebrow and it`s hysterical. So it will do well. It`ll keep doing well.

BECK: All right. OK. And what`s coming out on video?

LEMIRE: "Syriana," which is excellent, which you have to pay attention for. You cannot sit on the couch and doze for this because it`s so complicated. It`s so amazingly written. It`s so well-acted. George Clooney got an Oscar for this. George Clooney put on 35 pounds for this. That is method acting right there.

BECK: Oh, that`s great. If I could get -- I don`t know if I have time to put more message films into my life, but...

LEMIRE: It will make you think.

BECK: I appreciate that.

LEMIRE: You don`t want to think, I know you hate to think. This will make you think, so...

BECK: No, no, no, wait a minute. Hang on just a second. I like to think. I like thinking movies. I just don`t want to think about all the stuff that Hollywood is trying to make me think.

LEMIRE: Right.

BECK: Does that make any sense?

LEMIRE: I think.

BECK: I think it does. I think. OK. Anything else?

LEMIRE: It`s kind of a bad time. "Superman Returns" comes out next week, so I think everyone is sort of waiting for that. That`s just going to dominate probably the rest of the summer. It`s like 20 years in the making. Comic book geeks are already in line outside the theaters, so it looks really, really good.

BECK: Have you seen it yet?

LEMIRE: I`m seeing it on Thursday, actually, so pretty soon.

BECK: Good. We`ll talk to you then. Thanks a lot. We`ll see you then.

LEMIRE: OK. Bye. Thanks.

BECK: All right. As long as we`re in the world of fiction, I guess it`s a good time as any to get through my least favorite part of the week. It`s the lovely and talented public viewer, Brian Sack.


BECK: Now, this guy pretends to be objective every week and critiques the performance of my show. But, Brian, like 10 minutes ago, was pretending to be a reporter. So how is it that I`m supposed to take anything you say seriously here, Brian?

SACK: Well, I wasn`t pretending to be a reporter. I was a reporter. I`ve got gray hair like Anderson Cooper.

BECK: Oh, yes, you do look a little like Anderson Cooper.

SACK: It qualifies me.

BECK: An ugly Anderson Cooper. An Anderson Cooper that`s been dragged behind a dump truck for about four blocks.

SACK: Oh, thanks so much.

BECK: Just trying to help.

SACK: I was running. I ran from there to here. I didn`t take the Fort Wayne monorail.

BECK: Sure. All right. So what do you have?

SACK: Well, it was an interesting week. Got a lot of love in the inbox for clip week. People love that stuff.

BECK: Yes.

SACK: And so moving onto the mayor -- what is it -- Wilder from Richard, Virginia, the interview you had there, sounded like an interesting guy. It was kind of -- very charismatic gentleman, and he had stuff I wanted to hear, but I could not pay attention.

And I thought -- see? Who`s that lady in the corner? And what`s going on there? I thought -- you know, you with the ADD would have noticed that and been completely distracted, but apparently you just kept on going. Meanwhile, I could only focus on this little elf just kind of peeking out.

BECK: Yes, no, I didn`t notice that.

SACK: OK. Well, it`s a shame.


SACK: The Thomas Haden Church interview brought back a lot of memories for me.

BECK: Uh-huh.

SACK: My wife is Polish. I met her in an Irish bar in Paris, and so when we were dating we had a lot of international phone calls, and you know how those can kind of get sort of awkward every now and then, but when I saw that interview, I was, like, "Oh, god, I`m reliving the dating all over again." So let me show you what I mean by that.


BECK: Glad to hear it. I`m glad to hear it. You actually started -- you started your career. You don`t live in Hollywood, right?


BECK: Yes, and you have a ranch out there?

CHURCH: I did.

BECK: Go ahead.

CHURCH: No, go ahead, Glenn.

BECK: I mean, what is your life like?

CHURCH: You never see anybody where I live.

BECK: Yes, it`s really nuts. And we`re going have to cut you loose.


SACK: Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now?

BECK: Oh, it`s been a nightmare week. I`ve had, like, three hours of sleep in the last two weeks.

SACK: I understand. I`m just here to point out things objectively.

BECK: Yes, you know what? Let me -- I want to point something out to you. You stink. I`m just saying.

SACK: That`s an opinion.

BECK: Here`s why you stink: The biggest faux pas on network television happened on this program. Here`s the deal. And I`m the one that has to point it out.

The people who mike me all the time, they`re going and they sneak up through my shirt -- and I noticed this, and you can see here at the bottom. See how my shirt is unbuttoned, OK, got it? Now, if you zoom in and if look just below the shirt, you see that my zipper is undone, as well. I was on national television with my pants undone.

SACK: Well, there`s a reason I don`t notice those things, because I`m not hanging around your rest areas.

BECK: You`re looking there.

SACK: You zipper your own fly. That`s not my job to stare at your crotch.

BECK: That`s what America does. That`s why they`re watching this show, my friend.

SACK: All right, well, then you`ve got a package there worth selling.

BECK: Sure. This is uncomfortable.

SACK: This is very uncomfortable.

BECK: Do you spend a lot of time with the governor, former governor of New Jersey, Brian, at all?

SACK: McGreevey, no, sir.

BECK: No, sir.

SACK: But we`re going to move on. Speaking of McGreevey, pink sweaters. What`s up? I get e-mails like crazy. Please, no more pink sweaters, no more pink, no more pink shoes, no more pink socks, no more pinkish...

BECK: Look, I am comfortable with my sexuality. Hey, look, I match today.

SACK: But, you know, I had an idea.


SACK: I`ve got friends in advertising. I asked them, you know, how can we make some money off of Glenn`s obsession with pink sweaters? And they immediately came up with an answer. There we go, marketing. We`re going to market you. We`re going to sell off your clothing to the highest bidder.

BECK: Let me tell you something: He is one hot and sexy man.

SACK: Absolutely. And if you get indigestion, you know who to call.

BECK: Oh, yes.

SACK: OK. Another thing that caught my ear was -- let me just play the tape for you here.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Much more severe than what I do now. Now I`m just keeping my demons in check with a little scotch.

BECK: Good for you. You know, Ron, I`m out of talent -- time. I would love to continue the conversation. Best of luck. And your book is great.


SACK: Did you hear that? I heard something. Did you just say, "I`m out of talent"?

BECK: No, I think...

SACK: Let me go back and let`s hear that.


BECK: You know, Ron, I`m out of talent -- time. I would love to continue the conversation. Best of luck. And your book is great.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Glenn, thank you.

BECK: Thank you. Bye-bye.


BECK: Clean the ears out. It`s, "I`m out of time." Open the ears, Brian. Open the ears. Oh.


BECK: What are you doing here? Hey, how are you? I thought you were in another box.

SACK: Well, so did I.

BECK: That`s good.

SACK: So, anyway, one more thing, if we have time.

BECK: Yes.

SACK: Do we have time?

BECK: Oh, I don`t...

SACK: The animation thing I thought was very funny, and, you know, there was a little animation piece, the history of immigration in the United States, illegal immigration.

BECK: Like the one thing I had nothing to do with.

SACK: It`s very good.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The history of illegal immigration in a couple of minutes.

BECK: Illegal immigration is as old as, well, immigration itself. In 1890, a headline of "The L.A. Times"...


SACK: Very, very funny stuff. And I thought it was hilarious, and I was wondering if maybe you could do that for 45 minutes.

BECK: Yes. I`m going to drop a giant safe on your head, Brian, a giant safe.

SACK: OK, thank you, sir. Well, I`ll talk to you later. I am



BECK: All right. Welcome to "Hate Mail," where you get to focus your hatred on something that everyone can unite on: hating me. I`m here for you and your hate.

Robert in Florida writes, "Glenn, I don`t understand your view concerning American youth and their overt laziness. If you could assemble a simple and concise explanation, just text me, since I probably won`t answer my phone. I`ll be playing videogames." Robert, Lake Mary, Florida.

Well, Robert, I mean, I don`t think all youth is lazy waste of oily skin. I mean, it`s hard for us old people to understand the culture.

Allow me to do my best impersonation of 1,000-year-old. "When I was young, we used to go outside. We actually worked. We did chores."

But you know what? I`m not going to blame all the kids, you know, on this one. I`m going to go straight after the parents. The same parents that yell at their Little League coaches when their kids don`t play, they complain to the teachers when they use that hurtful red pen, and they threaten to sue when little Bobby gets a booboo on his elbow.

Unless the booboo is a shattered arm in 12 places supplied by the bus driver and a crowbar, shut the pie hole! Well, you know, we don`t think youth is pathetic; we just wonder how this place is really going to run, you know, when you take control of things.

So, Robert, put down the vibrating control of Laura Croft just for a second and realize this country allows you to either succeed tremendously or collapse in a whining heap of failures. It`s up to you.

You figure out which one`s going to happen. Incidentally, America also allows for my plan of sustained and uncomfortable mediocrity, which I promise to continue to bring you every night for a sustained and uncomfortable amount of time.

Christine writes, "Dear Glenn, my husband listens to your radio broadcast every day, watches your television show every night. He listens to you more than he listens to me." What a surprise. "And what do you have that I don`t?"

Well, I mean, I hope that I have something kind of crucial that you don`t have, but, without the intimate knowledge of, you know, your anatomy, I`m just guessing.

But here`s how to get to the heart of a true sick freak: ice cream, cheerleader uniforms, and several minutes of in-depth talk about the benefits of the free market system. In your best bedroom voice, throw in a dash of hatemongering and, oh, you are in for a hot weekend. You can also throw in the Web address, you know. It`s That is hot.

We`ll see you tomorrow, you sick, twisted freaks.



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