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CNN Larry King Live
Interview With Kathy Griffin
Aired December 05, 2006 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
LARRY KING, CNN ANCHOR: Tonight...
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP FROM "MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST)
KATHY GRIFFIN, COMEDIAN: Although I'm going to go on LARRY KING on Tuesday and talk about it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: ... fresh from her brush with death, the star of the reality hit "Life on the D-List," Kathy Griffin. A smoke-filled jet and an emergency landing can't stop her from dissing and dishing the A-list.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP FROM "MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST)
GRIFFIN: Oh, Kathy!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Tom Kapp, Madonna -- nobody's safe.
Plus, who's the star that she gladly paid $800 to see?
We'll cover it all with the outrageous Kathy Griffin, now on LARRY KING LIVE.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP FROM "MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST)
GRIFFIN: Put away your bike. Get an extinguisher. Enjoy it. You're on television.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: She's back!
Kathy Griffin, the busiest woman on the Hollywood D-list. She was on the Billboard Awards last night from lasv. She's on tour right now, in fact. She's perpetually on tour. She's always on tour.
She's about to shoot a comedy special for Bravo. She was on the Bravo reality series, "My Life on the D-List," that's just got green- lighted for a third season. And next month she appears live at New York's Carnegie Hall.
But let's get -- before we get to Carnegie Hall, what happened with the plane?
GRIFFIN: I had a near death experience, Larry, and I'm here to talk about it.
All right, so here's what happened.
First of all, I am on tour all the time, so I chartered a private plane, which is ridiculous.
KING: Why?
GRIFFIN: What am I, Chris Rock?
Because I don't have that kind of money, Larry.
KING: If you're on tour all the time, you're making money.
GRIFFIN: Well, not that kind of money.
KING: OK.
GRIFFIN: I don't have Iraq money.
KING: All right.
GRIFFIN: So the next thing you know, I'm in a prop plane because I'm too cheap to get the Lear jet.
KING: Going from where to where?
GRIFFIN: I'm going from Burbank, which is kind of the ultimate D-list airport, to a gig I have in Stockton.
KING: Wait a minute.
GRIFFIN: I don't...
KING: You chartered a prop jet?
GRIFFIN: Yes, Larry.
KING: You wouldn't go the extra...
GRIFFIN: Try not to laugh right in my face...
KING: ... go an extra $1,000 or so...
GRIFFIN: ... because I can actually see you.
KING: ... you get a jet, jet.
GRIFFIN: Well, can you front me at least $700?
KING: OK. Go ahead.
GRIFFIN: You -- can you call the guy? KING: All right, I'll call him.
GRIFFIN: All right.
So I'm going to Stockton to do a show.
Now, do you know where Stockton is?
KING: Yes.
GRIFFIN: Tell me.
KING: It's up north somewhere.
GRIFFIN: All right.
KING: In northern California. They've got a coliseum and they play soccer.
GRIFFIN: Does it have a prison?
KING: They have a -- they might have a prison.
GRIFFIN: OK. I like to play prison towns.
KING: OK.
GRIFFIN: Anyway, so I got a gig in Stockton that night. It is, it's near San Francisco. And the plane takes off about 15 minutes from Burbank. And it's just me and the only passenger is my tour manager. And, by the way, they tell me that there is -- we have two captains that night. So I feel very special, two captains...
KING: You mean you'd ever fly with one? You know, I'd never fly with...
GRIFFIN: No, I think it's like a captain, like a first mate or something.
KING: Oh.
But you actually had two -- two top guys?
GRIFFIN: Yes. Exactly.
KING: How many seated in the plane?
GRIFFIN: Well, I think it had five or six seats.
KING: All right, you're flying.
GRIFFIN: All right. OK.
KING: Was it a nice day?
GRIFFIN: It was a beautiful day. KING: OK.
GRIFFIN: Well, it was the evening. OK, so about 15 minutes into the flight, you know, I have my iPod on right? And I think I smell a little smoke. But I'm thinking I'm imagining it. I'm not like a panicky type. Ah, I'll wait a minute.
A couple of minutes later, I really smell the strong smell of smoke, right?
So I say to my tour manager, do you smell smoke?
And he goes yes.
Within about five seconds, the cabin filled with smoke -- visible smoke.
KING: Like it's on fire?
GRIFFIN: Yes. And I don't want to look out on the wing because I might see either John Lithgow or a ball of fire. You know, remember in that "Night Gallery?"
OK. So, anyway, I'm afraid to look out and the turbulence -- I think turbulence isn't the right word. Actually, the plane just sort of started plummeting. I'm going to use the word plummeting. And it wasn't...
KING: Good word.
GRIFFIN: Yes. It was -- City College. Two years at City College.
It wasn't even like -- it was like an air show, where it was really going from one side to the other. And the glass was breaking and the soda cans were exploding and even though I had seat belts on, you know, I was about two feet above the seat and really...
KING: Was the pilot saying anything?
GRIFFIN: No, they don't talk to you, actually.
In the near death moments, they're busy. And so at one point I said, "Do you guys smell smoke?"
And they were looking at me like stop irritating me, which I also get not on a plane. But then they were flicking switches and every alarm was going off. And it was really, like you'd, you know, you make that grocery list in your head...
KING: Did you...
GRIFFIN: ... like who am I going to call?
KING: Did you pray?
GRIFFIN: No.
KING: No?
Where did you land?
GRIFFIN: Well, OK, we landed back in Burbank and the fire tracks were waiting for me, which is sort of not a good sign.
KING: No, you look out the window...
GRIFFIN: Like why did they call them, you know?
KING: You look out the window and see fire trucks, not a good sign.
GRIFFIN: Not good, you know? And I -- for a minute, I thought oh, there must be another plane that's having trouble, for that poor person. Oh, it's my plane. And, you know, I was shaking and stuff. And I felt well, should I call my parents?
And I thought no, I don't want to leave that message. You know, like I love you guys. They know it. And -- but, you know, you think of like those 9/11 calls and I'm just, the whole time I was just looking at my phone. And I -- I was going to call you and I knew you wouldn't take the call. And that's the last thing I needed, Larry.
And so I, you know, decided not to call anybody and then went down. And so then when you land...
KING: Well, you've got...
GRIFFIN: ... then I'm thinking what if the fireball is right at the end?
KING: You knew you were going to land.
Oh, I see.
It's still smoking in the plane?
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: Why are you landing?
GRIFFIN: Wafting smoke.
Yes. And so we landed. And the I was like OK, can I get out now? Can I just sort of get out on the tarmac? Because then I thought, you know, the safe landing and the kaboom, right, with the fireball.
KING: Yes, let's get off.
GRIFFIN: Right.
And so then I got off the plane and I have to say, the pilots were very calm and very, very professional. I think -- I mean I think they were kind of shaken up by it. It was like a -- not a pleasant thing.
KING: Did they ever tell you what happened?
GRIFFIN: Oh, here's the best part. They said it was a burned out light bulb.
KING: Come on, what did they tell you happened?
GRIFFIN: They said it was a burned out light bulb.
KING: Stop it.
GRIFFIN: I -- my hand to god. And as you know, I don't pray.
KING: A burned out light bulb?
GRIFFIN: Yes. And I was like, you know, I've had a burned out light bulb in my bathroom and it didn't fill with smoke. So I mean I don't know anything about flying...
KING: OK.
GRIFFIN: ... and I couldn't think (ph).
KING: Did you fly back to Stockton?
GRIFFIN: I'm actually going to make up the show there on Friday night.
KING: Oh, you didn't work that?
GRIFFIN: But I had a show the next night in Hanford. Larry, I'm back on the horse.
KING: Did they refund the money?
GRIFFIN: They worked out like a little bit of a deal, but I really thought they were going to just give me the plane. I thought they were going to say, you know like how they always give John Travolta planes? You know, Quantas like gave him a plane one time. I thought, well, they're going to give me a plane, which will be nice.
KING: We have an e-mail from Jeff in West Melbourne, Florida: "If the plane had crashed -- "
GRIFFIN: Yes?
KING: "-- and you were killed --"
GRIFFIN: OK.
KING: "-- what celebrity in heaven would you most avoid because you said some not so nice things about them?
GRIFFIN: In heaven?
So this is someone who's passed?
KING: I gather, yes.
GRIFFIN: OK.
KING: Avoid -- who do avoid?
GRIFFIN: God, there are so many that I avoid who are living, it's hard for me to think of someone who's passed.
KING: All right, well, you don't have to answer.
GRIFFIN: I would avoid the mall. I avoid all celebrities.
KING: Any trivial quotes come to mind while you were doing this down (ph)?
GRIFFIN: Oh, yes.
You know what I thought?
When the impact happens, I thought, well, the good thing is it's going to be very quick and painless. And then I thought I'm going to poop my pants, because you know how you always hear that when people die, they like poop themselves and pee?
KING: Yes, that's a...
GRIFFIN: And I thought that's going to be so embarrassing. And also I...
KING: What's the difference if you're dead?
GRIFFIN: Well, that's what I thought. I thought I'm dead and I'll be in 50 pieces.
So who's going to care?
KING: No (UNINTELLIGIBLE).
GRIFFIN: But I did have a new Chanel coat on and I was not happy about soiling it. That's a lot of money.
KING: Woody Allen once said that he was going down in a plane like that and the whole life flashed in front of him and it wasn't his life.
GRIFFIN: Somebody else's?
You take a better life if you can.
KING: Somebody else's life.
GRIFFIN: Why not? KING: But you're safe, you're alive, thank god.
GRIFFIN: Yes, I'm very, very happy to be here.
KING: Up next, who in the world could bring Kathy to tears?
You'll find out when she tells us about her religious experience with perfect strangers at a pop concert.
Don't go away.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP FROM "MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST)
GRIFFIN: So, I tap on my tour manager's, you know, knee, and I said, "Do you smell smoke?"
And he goes, "Yes."
And let me tell you, within about five seconds, the whole cabin filled with smoke.
(AUDIENCE REACTION)
GRIFFIN: Yes, exactly. And -- and I was like OK, that's bad. And let me tell you, I did not want to look out the window because I thought I'd see like John Lithgow on the wing on fire or like Beelzebub or some (OBSCENE WORD OMITTED) or Star Jones. You know, I just -- I don't want to go that way. I really -- that would be horrible.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP FROM "MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST)
GRIFFIN: I'm Kathy Griffin -- outrageous, foul-mouthed comedian. I'm kind of a whistleblower for Hollywood.
And we all thought Tom Cruise was just this great guy. Great. He's a (OBSCENE WORD OMITTED) nut job who thinks he's from Mars.
You'll never hear a straight guy say I want to (OBSCENE WORD OMITTED) Celine Dion.
We all know Hollywood is list obsessed, and yes, I'd like to be on the A-list. But I'm not that nuts.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: Kathy Griffin, the inventor of "The D-List."
All right, you went to the Streisand concert. You paid $800.
Was that the cheapest seat in the house?
GRIFFIN: No. It was -- it was a D-list seat. It was the middle. It wasn't the cheapest, it wasn't the most expensive.
KING: You mean there were $200 seats left?
GRIFFIN: I think there were, yes. I think it went from like $250 to $5 million
KING: How was it?
GRIFFIN: It was fantastic. I, you know, I'm a gay man on the inside and I just love her. I worship her. I think she hung the moon.
You know her, right?
KING: Very well.
GRIFFIN: Very well.
KING: Yes.
GRIFFIN: Very well, what does that mean?
KING: I know her.
GRIFFIN: Have you been to the house?
KING: Yes.
GRIFFIN: You've been to the house?
KING: Yes.
GRIFFIN: How do you get in?
KING: You drive up to the door and you knock. I've been to the house in Beverly Hills...
GRIFFIN: No way.
KING: ... and I've been to the house in Malibu.
GRIFFIN: Now, hold on. All right, excuse me, Mr. Braggie McBraggerson...
KING: You asked me!
GRIFFIN: Have you actually had like one-on-one dinner or is it a big dinner party and you're one of like 80 people?
KING: I had a one-on-one dinner and then we had a dinner for six.
GRIFFIN: Wow!
All right, what do you two talk about?
I'm very impressed by this.
KING: Music.
You know what we talked about a lot?
GRIFFIN: What?
KING: Brooklyn.
GRIFFIN: She said that in the show. She said I'm not bad for a Brooklyn girl.
KING: We're both from Brooklyn.
GRIFFIN: Right.
Now, what do you think of Brolin? Is he a good guy for her?
KING: A great guy. (UNINTELLIGIBLE)...
GRIFFIN: I want her to be happy.
KING: He's a laid back...
GRIFFIN: I want her to have everything she wants.
KING: He's a laid back -- you're -- it's my show.
Let me ask the questions.
GRIFFIN: All right.
KING: All right?
OK.
Last...
GRIFFIN: Can we please talk about Sharon Stone for one second?
KING: Why? What about her?
GRIFFIN: How nuts was she on your show last week in that "Bobby" interview?
She was crying the whole hour.
Why was she crying, Larry?
KING: Over Bobby, I guess. She had an emotional experience doing it.
GRIFFIN: But -- all right.
KING: She's great in that movie. GRIFFIN: She's -- I love her. She's fantastic. She's very, very sweet. But I'm just -- I just thought it was sort of funny that she was just crying during the show.
KING: You're not -- what?
She was emotionally involved.
GRIFFIN: All right.
KING: That was (UNINTELLIGIBLE).
GRIFFIN: I might cry, too. I don't know, Larry.
KING: Are you saying you might cry tonight?
You appeared at the Billboard Music Awards.
What kind of dirt did you see or hear?
What can you tell us?
GRIFFIN: Oh, OK.
Well, I saw Janet Jackson up close. And she's a little freaky looking because, you know, she lost the weight so rapidly and she's very muscular, you know? She's very, very beautiful -- a little drag queen, but very beautiful. Very petite. You know, that whole L.A. thing of being just unbelievably petite is beyond me. But there was some good scandal.
I also loved some of the "American Idol" kids, who think they're just huge stars. That always cracks me up. Like that guy Ace from "American Idol," like he was really walking the red carpet like a giant star and I love that stuff. Because I'm like, you know, I'm just...
KING: Because they go from nothing to winning a (UNINTELLIGIBLE)?
GRIFFIN: And then in a year they're back at the mall.
Who are we kidding?
But, yes, I love to see everybody, you know? And I got to talk to Gwen Stefani and that was very exciting.
Oh, and the rappers are the best. There's this one rapper named Young -- I think his name is Young Cheesy (ph) and I kept on calling him Aunt Wheezie. But anyway, he had a whole posse and he had a guy that during the number, he would change his t-shirt. He would do like a costume change. He's a rapper. He was like Cher. He changed from like a blue t-shirt to a green t-shirt.
KING: Did he go back stage...
GRIFFIN: He was like ordering the guy around and stuff.
KING: Did he go back stage to change?
GRIFFIN: Oh, I'm the worst. I'm like a lurker, because...
KING: Did he go back stage to change the T...
GRIFFIN: Yes. Yes, in the middle of the song he went back to change.
KING: Did you have anything to do? Were you on this bill? Were you the master of ceremonies?
GRIFFIN: Yes, I was presenting.
KING: Oh, you were?
GRIFFIN: I presented an award. Yes. So I had an actual reason to be there, because I know where you're going with this. You think I was just stalking everyone, Larry.
KING: Yes, you were, weren't you?
GRIFFIN: Well, I didn't actually sneak in. I was actually a presenter this time.
But I love seeing the performances. And the lip synching always cracks me up, because who are they fooling?
KING: Who -- do they lip synch a lot?
GRIFFIN: I'm sure Janet lip synched. I'm sure of it.
KING: Really?
GRIFFIN: Janet Jackson has not sung live since the Jackson 5 reunion Christmas special in 1987.
KING: Paris Hilton canceled her scheduled appearance because the scripts that they had written for her including jokes ridiculing some of her peers.
GRIFFIN: And possibly her private parts.
Now, here's what I love about it.
Have you looked at the pictures online of her private parts?
KING: I don't -- no, I didn't.
GRIFFIN: Larry, don't kid a kidder.
KING: I didn't see them.
GRIFFIN: Come on!
KING: No, I have never seen them.
GRIFFIN: I hope you don't talk like this with Streisand, where you keep secrets.
KING: In fact, I have no curiosity about them, if that shocks you.
GRIFFIN: You know what?
It's appalling to me. You do not want to see Paris' private parts?
KING: Do not.
GRIFFIN: I do.
KING: Why?
GRIFFIN: I don't know. I just want to look at them. And so I went online and I looked at the pictures of Paris's private parts and you can see Britney's and also Pink, which is ironic. But all these girls are photographed now and what I think is funny is that they, you know, they know the paparazzi is there and they're getting out of the car going into the restaurant and it's almost like they're squatting getting out of that car.
I'm thinking, you know, cover it up a little bit. I know you don't want a panty line.
KING: What does Paris Hilton do?
GRIFFIN: Paris Hilton is a bon vivant. I don't know what she does. She's got the last name. She does nothing. She makes a mean sex tape.
Now, here's what I think is ironic about her freaking out about the photos of her private parts, is that we've already seen them, you know, in action on a tape.
So what's the big deal if there's one still photo?
KING: Yes, I guess so.
GRIFFIN: But that's very trendy. Now I, at the Billboard...
KING: Where is...
GRIFFIN: Now, I held my skirt up for 15 minutes, Larry. No one would take my picture.
KING: (LAUGHTER
GRIFFIN: What is it going to take for you people to put it on the Internet?
KING: Where is Paris on your A-list, B-list, B-list? Where is she?
GRIFFIN: I hate to say it, I think she's an A-lister, based on nothing.
KING: Really?
GRIFFIN: Yes. Because I think we're in such the, you know, cult of fame that she is as much of a household name as anyone. More so.
KING: Yes.
GRIFFIN: Based on I'm not sure what.
KING: Your thoughts about Jessica Simpson apparently bombing while performing a Dolly Parton hit during the Kennedy Center honors.
GRIFFIN: Yes. By the way, I performed at the Kennedy Center myself. I'm very proud of that.
KING: Did you?
GRIFFIN: All right...
KING: Oh, you mean at the Kennedy Center?
GRIFFIN: I did, yes.
KING: Yes.
GRIFFIN: I did not sing "9 To 5," though. So Jessica was singing "9 To 5" with her idol, Dolly Parton, who you know as well, right?
KING: Very well.
GRIFFIN: One-on-one dinner or a party of six?
KING: No dinners, many times a guest on this show.
GRIFFIN: Interesting. Edgy.
All right, so I guess she was singing "9 To 5" and forgot the lyrics. Now, I do not blame Jessica Simpson, who is very sweet, by the way. Also, she can't tell time anyway, so you can't expect her to remember the lyrics of a song called "9 To 5." It's too much.
KING: (LAUGHTER).
GRIFFIN: It's too technical.
KING: So that eliminates that.
You know that...
GRIFFIN: Did you ever kiss Barbra Streisand? Like did you -- when she -- were you guys ever single at the same time? KING: No. But -- we were single at the same time, but I never kissed her. But we hugged and she...
GRIFFIN: She's not your type?
KING: I like her.
GRIFFIN: What's wrong with her?
KING: I like her.
GRIFFIN: She's not hot enough for you?
KING: She's nice.
GRIFFIN: Oh, you are a tough customer, Larry.
KING: She's a great talent.
GRIFFIN: Oh, I love her.
KING: She's -- you have two personal assistants now?
GRIFFIN: I do.
KING: Why?
GRIFFIN: I'm very famous. I have a tour manager...
KING: Oh, well, wait a minute.
GRIFFIN: I have a bodyguard.
KING: Hold it. Let's stop -- stop the baloney.
GRIFFIN: OK.
KING: You are not a D-lister.
GRIFFIN: Not tonight, but normally I am.
Let me tell you something, just yesterday someone said, "It's nice to see you, Miss. Gifford." Now, that hurts. And I know you know her and you've had lunch and dinner and several outings and gone camping with her like everybody else, Larry.
KING: Would you stop?
GRIFFIN: Oh, I'm Larry King. I know everybody. I'm so fancy. But any -- no.
Have you ever gone camping with Streisand, because I'll bet she wouldn't like that?
KING: You think she'd like camping? Pass.
GRIFFIN: I don't...
KING: She wouldn't like it.
GRIFFIN: OK -- she's -- it's a pass.
KING: We'll be back with Kathy Griffin.
Don't go away.
GRIFFIN: Have you ever gone camping with a president? Any president?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP FROM "MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST)
GRIFFIN: You came on a good night. You came on a good (OBSCENE WORD OMITTED) night. I -- this is a gorgeous theater, too. It really is. It's almost -- it's almost too nice to be talking such (OBSCENE WORD OMITTED) people. Oh, well. Nothing is going to keep me down now that I've seen Britney Spears (OBSCENE WORD OMITTED).
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP FROM "MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST)
GRIFFIN: I have no couth, I have no fashion sense. Oh, and let me tell you something. I loathe the fashion industry. I hate them. I hate all those (OBSCENE WORD OMITTED) and here's why. I got this gig one time, and this is such a (OBSCENE WORD OMITTED) idealistic gig, you're not going to believe it, because, you know, I'm very open about my status as a D-list celebrity and this...
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: Oh, yes, when "Hollywood Squares" calls, I say what time?
So...
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: All right, you have two assistants?
GRIFFIN: I do.
KING: Why?
GRIFFIN: I do. Because I'm just...
KING: That's not D-list, by the way.
GRIFFIN: No, it's very fancy. It makes me feel important, is the number one reason. I don't really need them. And I'm too famous to go to the dry cleaners. So, yes, I have my assistant Jessica, who's wonderful. And now I have a new assistant, Tiffany. And the key is I yanked her out of junior college. You've got to get them before they know any better.
KING: Does Tiffany answer to Jessica?
GRIFFIN: They have kind of an equal thing going on. They're very good friends, which is good. My dream is that they move into my house and then it's like all the lines are blurred, like what's work and what's fun. And they're just always around me.
KING: That'll work.
We have an e-mail from Troy in Rochester, New York: "I'd love to be one of your gays. Are you holding auditions to be more than willing to do your hair and makeup, if required?"
What is this with you and gays?
GRIFFIN: I, you know, I just was that girl in high school that went to the prom with a gay guy. You know, that girl?
And, in fact, my prom date is now a choreography for Disneyworld.
KING: Why...
GRIFFIN: Do you have to be hit over the head with it, Larry?
KING: Why do certain girls...
GRIFFIN: So...
KING: ... like gay guys?
GRIFFIN: You know, I just sort of always identified with gay people. They're the best audiences in the world. And I kind of, you know, I sort of identify with a little bit of a struggle, feeling like an outsider looking in. And I don't know, audience wise, gay audiences are great because they'll just go there with you. You know, you can't shock them and they are just game.
But I did have a gay panic recently. I went to the Streisand shows with discussed and I didn't go with my gays. And I don't think a Streisand concert is as good with straight people. I think it is a little bit better if you go with gay people?
KING: Why?
GRIFFIN: It enhances the experience. And so when she started to sing "Oh My Man, I Love Him So," I welled up. And I looked around and there was a heterosexual couple to my right, a heterosexual couple to my left. And I just panicked and I turned to a gay man behind me, because I have very good gay-dar. And I just grabbed his hand and we held hands. And it was like a one night stand where I never knew his name, he never knew mine and we just looked at each other and welled up and kind of gave like the gay, like the gay nod, like that's our Streisand. KING: Well, wait a minute.
Are you saying gays appreciate her more than heteros?
GRIFFIN: I think it's a horse race, but I know she does very well with gay audiences. We get her, Larry.
KING: Back to ADC-list.
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: Where is Britney Spears?
GRIFFIN: Britney is an A-lister all the way. And here's what's great about her. She's an A-lister as a train wreck as she was as a chart topping pop artist. So I don't really care what she does. I'm going to watch her take out the garbage. I'm going to watch her be the trash. I'm going to watch her sing or sing. I really don't care. I...
KING: Anna Nicole Smith?
GRIFFIN: Always, always fascinating. You know, the recent tragedy she's been through is unfathomable. I can't even imagine, you know, going through something like that. But interesting and beautiful and fat and skinny and crazy and not crazy. I mean I'm...
KING: That's A?
GRIFFIN: You know, I don't know about A, because she's a little nutty. But, I mean, she's a household name. I wouldn't say she's Meryl Streep, who's an A-lister. Nicole Kidman is a A-lister. But Anna Nicole Smith is as well known.
KING: Is Tom Cruise's wife an A-lister?
GRIFFIN: She is now, huh?
KING: Because she married him?
GRIFFIN: Married up. Married up. I thought we left her at the creek. I thought we were done with her. I just thought, you know, she'd be one of those girls we're going to hear about. And now she's with him. And I don't know what's going to happen. Once you're in that web of Scientology, Lar -- you're not in that web, are you?
KING: No.
GRIFFIN: Be careful. I think they think they're from Mars.
KING: Is that what you worry about with Scientology?
GRIFFIN: I worry about being abducted by Scientologists. I do. And now they've got that baby. I don't know who that baby's parents are, but I'll tell you, it's not his kid.
KING: Because of the way just -- judging the way it looks?
GRIFFIN: I'm just guessing.
KING: Gwyneth Paltrow reportedly put down life in the United States...
GRIFFIN: What!
KING: ... as compared to life in the United Kingdom. It was reported in a Spanish language publication: "I love the English way, which is not as capitalistic as it is in America."
Are you surprised that Gwyneth would be doing this?
GRIFFIN: Well, I've noticed (UNINTELLIGIBLE) a few years ago she got in a little trouble for saying that she didn't like British men or didn't think British men were as attractive or whatever. And then she had to marry one just to get out of that statement.
So now she's going to have to, I don't know, move to the Republic of Chad and just start with a clean slate. I don't know.
KING: Madonna -- where is she on our list?
GRIFFIN: OK, Madonna is an A-lister, of course. But have you noticed how adopting that new kid has turned her more British than ever? More British. She's now like a member of the royal family. I saw her on "Oprah" talking about that kid, who she paid $3 million for...
KING: Yes.
GRIFFIN: ... which just makes me laugh. That's probably more than the gross national product of Malawi. I hope they gave her the country, like the deed to the country with that kid, whose name is David, which I there I think is almost more odd to have like a Malawi kid named David who thinks he's English because his mom thinks she's English now.
But, yes, I saw her on "Oprah" and she's British now. And she was like, "I shall give him tea and scones."
It's very odd. She's from Detroit.
KING: E-mail from Lia in Odenton, Maryland: "You are amazing. I admire you so much for going to Iraq to entertain the troops even though you oppose the war. Did you pick yourself up a new man while you were there?"
GRIFFIN: I did. I picked up a new man.
But why are you shocked by that?
KING: I'm not shocked.
GRIFFIN: A lot of men would be very attracted by me, Larry. KING: But in Iraq, they'd be much younger, wouldn't they?
GRIFFIN: Ouch, first of all. That did not go over my head or my hair extensions.
KING: No, no, no, no.
GRIFFIN: Is that how you talk to Streisand, Larry?
KING: No.
Would you stop?
GRIFFIN: Anyway, I did. I did kind of pick up a guy there. I took him to the Emmys, actually. You know that I was nominated for an Emmy.
KING: Wait a minute.
GRIFFIN: Do you even read my filmography?
KING: Congratulations.
Wait a minute. Hold it.
GRIFFIN: I'm a big Emmy nominee.
KING: You met a guy in Iraq and you -- did you take him -- did he go AWOL? Did you bring him back?
GRIFFIN: He was in insurgent. No. He...
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: His name is Major Todd Breassale and he's very, very...
KING: Oh, a major...
GRIFFIN: ... hot and sexy. He's actually going to school now to be a lieutenant colonel, so.
KING: This -- there is a picture of him. Is this here...
GRIFFIN: Oh, he's cute, isn't he?
He's very hot.
KING: Is this serious?
GRIFFIN: It's not serious because he's in D.C. and he's probably going to go back to Iraq and, you know, he's very busy. But I see him when I can. He's very, very wonderful.
KING: How does he feel about your being opposed to the war?
GRIFFIN: Oh, he doesn't care. You know, what I learned when I went to Iraq is that they fight very hard to be apolitical. They can't do their job. And, you know, they were so -- so many of the troops came up to me and said, you know, we don't care what your political leanings are, we just love that you came here to make us laugh.
And, you know, I'm so far to the left, I'm not even a Democrat. I'm a Sandinista. I'm registered with the Sandinista Party. I don't even -- I don't have a party, Larry.
KING: Well, when you come back, when we come back, when you come back, when we all come back, you thought Faith Hill's reaction when she lost a...
GRIFFIN: Cartoon Music Award.
KING: ... an ACM Award...
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: ... was bad. Wait until Kathy tells us about how she walked out on the Emmys.
Don't go away.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP FROM "MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Sir, are we in the Sunni Triangle, being in Baghdad?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (UNINTELLIGIBLE) it's a bigger area than this (UNINTELLIGIBLE).
GRIFFIN: We are in it.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So, yes.
GRIFFIN: So we're in the Sunni Triangle?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We're technically in the Sunni Triangle.
GRIFFIN: We would like to leave it and go some place safer. So if you could drop us off at the mall, I want to get a cute shirt for over 21 (ph).
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (UNINTELLIGIBLE).
(LAUGHTER)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Kathy bought a burkha she needs to return. She needs a different size.
GRIFFIN: It's too tight and I like it more flowing, so I can choke myself when I swim.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
KING: We're back with one of the hottest people in show business, Kathy Griffin, discussing a lot of things. And we're going to go to phone calls and more e-mails. In fact, an e-mail now from Liz in Bayfield, Wisconsin. "Since your newly rediscovered fame, will you be able to go back on the talk shows that have banned you?"
GRIFFIN: No. I'm still banned from Leno, Letterman, Conan, Ellen and Regis.
KING: Let's run them down. Leno, why?
GRIFFIN: Leno, I think because he was on season one of my reality show and I don't think he likes the way he was portrayed. And so...
KING: ... How do you not like the way you're portrayed on a reality show. You're portrayed the way you know.
GRIFFIN: Exactly, that's right. Now he's Omarosa, he was edited that way. I don't know. Conan I don't really know. Conan had me on doing "Suddenly Susan," which I assume was an NBC mandate. And never since.
KING: No?
GRIFFIN: Letterman, I swore on the show. So I think that's why. But I may just not be his cup of tea. Not all men are just attracted to me like you, Larry. Some men just don't get it.
KING: Regis?
GRIFFIN: I love Regis. I think -- I think, I don't know, but I think I'm banned because of Gelman, the producer, because last time I was on I said that Gelman was Regis's bitch which I still think is funny which maybe Gelman doesn't. But I love Regis, you love him right? He's a hoot.
KING: Yes, you don't think you'll be back on any of these?
GRIFFIN: Ellen, no.
KING: Why not Ellen? I think because -- Ellen's show is -- I don't know. I think it's all about really sort of kissing celebrity butt and I'm sort of more about making fun of celebrities.
KING: To Coopers City, Florida, hello.
CALLER: Hi, Kathy.
KING: Cooper City, Florida. Are you there?
CALLER: Hello. Can you hear me?
KING: Yes, go ahead.
CALLER: Hi, Kathy.
GRIFFIN: Hello.
CALLER: I can't wait for your show to start again. I love it.
GRIFFIN: Thank you very much, season three.
CALLER: Yes, can't wait. I'm wondering how you feel about the whole Clay Aiken and Kelly Ripa issue and the remarks that Rosie O'Donnell made after that whole incident?
GRIFFIN: I love for this. Now did you see this whole thing?
KING: Read it, didn't see it.
GRIFFIN: OK, so I just think it's funny that there's a controversy between Aiken and Ripa. Like who would have thought that Kelly Ripa ever got mad at anybody? But as my mother said, be careful of those tiny ones. And I don't know what that means but she sticks to it.
And Clay, you know put his hand over Ripa's mouth which, you know, just for my makeup point of view I don't agree with because, you know, don't mess with my lip liner, Clay. And I think Ripa had a point. He never would have done that to Regis. You know, but it's funny to me that there's like a controversy with those two. I mean, who would have thought.
And then when Rosie made her comments where she said you know, this is a show called "The View" and as a gay woman, I thought it was homophobic. Let me tell you, I did an informal gay survey and I talked to several gay people and they all said that when Ripa said to Clay, "Honey, I don't know where that hand has been," that the knee- jerk reaction was maybe it was homophobic. But when they thought about it, oh, maybe not.
KING: Did you think it was homophobic?
GRIFFIN: The first second I heard it I was like, oh, a little cringe. And later I thought, no, I guess it was a funny little quip.
KING: What do you think it meant if it didn't mean that?
GRIFFIN: That he's gay. No, I'm kidding. I love Rosie, though. And I think it's great that "The View" has really become a watercooler show again. I mean, Barbara's got a spring in her step. And you know Barbara very well, don't you?
KING: Very.
GRIFFIN: OK, I'm going to tell you something, I'm going to be honest with you. I'm scared of her. I just peed a little bit thinking about her. I'll tell you why.
What I learned from the whole Starr Jones demise, which, by the way, is delicious, is that Barbara Walters at 73 can take you down in 24 hours. She looked at Starr and Starr turned into a pillar of salt. I love Barbara.
KING: I'll get that to that in minute. Monroe, somewhere, Michigan.
CALLER: Hello again.
KING: Go ahead.
CALLER: Hi, this is Amy. Kathy, I love you very much. I was wondering, do you still talk to Matt at all? Has he found somebody else to support him?
KING: We discussed this the last time, your ex. Is he your ex now?
CALLER: Yes, I'm officially divorced, I'm back on the market. And let me say this to the camera. I'm back on the market.
Also let me just say. I know this is a little forward but I'm what you call a sure thing. So pretty much you take me out to dinner and we're going to close, A, B, C, always be closing. So I don't have time for the dance, Larry.
So, yes, it's been interesting being single again. I never thought I would be. But, you know, it's interesting.
KING: We have an e-mail from Mitchell in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. "Kathy, I've been wanting to a new comedy charity event. As a gay, HIV-positive person, I have not had any luck with help from other celebs. Would you consider leading the way and helping me? I love you all the same and thank you."
GRIFFIN: Of course. I do that all the time.
KING: She's a contractor, that's what she does.
GRIFFIN: Yes, I'm doing a benefit Thursday night for the L.A. Gay and Lesbian Center. And they do a lot of outreach programs for the young gays. And that's a big cause of mine.
KING: Do you like charities?
GRIFFIN: Oh, I love that stuff. It's fun.
KING: You work harder sometimes for charity than when you're working for profit?
GRIFFIN: Absolutely. That's what bites me in the butt is that they don't pay you and sometimes I bomb at the charity events and then I'm bitter. I'm going to be honest. So I'm much more likely to bomb at a charity event than anywhere else.
KING: How many charities do you do a year?
GRIFFIN: I do a lot.
KING: Toys for Tots?
GRIFFIN: Oh yes, that's right. I'm actually hosting a big Toys for Tots event on Saturday night. I do that every year. It's kind of an excuse to get a bunch of hot Marines to come over. But apparently it helps children in some way. I don't know. I don't really like children.
KING: Marines collect them, right?
GRIFFIN: I collect Marines, so it all works out.
KING: Marines collects the toys?
GRIFFIN: Yes. They come with a Humvee.
KING: They do?
GRIFFIN: Yes. Why didn't you believe me?
KING: Because I don't know what to believe with you.
GRIFFIN: You know I made it up with that Humvee. Help, I'm lost, save me, Marine.
KING: Still ahead, the drug buying, massage-loving evangelical who got outed by gay prostitute. You can only imagine what Kathy might have to say about that. We'll be right back.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: I got the new Clay CD the day it came out. I'm not even kidding. And I didn't buy it. I had my assistant to download it from iTunes. I don't physically have it. I don't know what's called, I think it's called a bucket of gay. I'm not sure. Oh, I tease him. I tease him because I want him.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GRIFFIN: I'm doing Hollywood Squares, right? Another square is Starr Jones. I don't know Starr that well. I only now her from doing "The View." I go up to her at lunch and I go Starr, I don't know if you remember me, but -- and then Starr Jones goes, "Girl."
CROWD: (APPLAUSE)
GRIFFIN: Which can't be good, right? So I said, what? She goes, remember you? We still talk about that day. And I -- I said, why? And she goes, in fact, when Barbara's not there, we take turns being you in the dressing room.
CROWD: (APPLAUSE)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: We're back with Kathy Griffin. What's with the Emmys? What happened?
GRIFFIN: I'm the big fat Emmy nominee, which is very exciting. But I'm going to be honest. I wasn't in the fancy NBC televised Emmys. I was in the week before non-televised creative arts Emmys.
KING: Creative arts Emmys, that's still nice, though. You...
GRIFFIN: You mean the Shmemmys (ph), Larry?
KING: Is that what you call them, the Shmemmys?
GRIFFIN: Yes. I call them the Shmemmys.
KING: The non...
(CROSSTALK)
GRIFFIN: That's right. So, by the way, I was on the front row. For the Shmemmys, I was the biggest star they had. I'll never be the front row of an awards show again. I was front and center.
KING: Did you win?
GRIFFIN: No, I didn't win. And I was bitter. I'll tell you right to your face.
KING: Who won? Who won?
GRIFFIN: "Extreme Home Makeover". Big deal, giving homes to people that had -- had disabilities. You know what, cry me a river.
KING: Is that a comedy show? "Extreme Home Makeovers" ain't comedy.
GRIFFIN: No, everybody cries, boo-hoo, I wish I had a house. It's cold being homeless, whatever.
KING: What was the category?
GRIFFIN: The category was non-competition reality. Yes. OK.
KING: What does that mean?
GRIFFIN: So -- like, as opposed to, like, "The Apprentice" or something, where it's a contest, or "Survivor".
OK. So here's what I thought. I thought, you know when you watch the Emmys and you see the girls in the five boxes. And one of them wins and the other four have to do this:
(CLAPS)
Well, I thought, not today. So I lost and they announced "Extreme Home Makeover" and all the, like, 40 people from "Extreme Home Makeover" comes down. And, you know, my show has a crew of seven, two which are my parents with a camcorder. So I'm sitting there, and I thought, wouldn't it be funny just once to see someone just lose it at the Emmys? So I stood up and I yelled and I flipped the birds, both birds flying, and I yelled this is bull-blank, blank you and you guys can suck my blank. And I went on and on. And I screamed it.
I thought it was a funny bit, now profane, granted. And then I stormed out and my friend Adam helped me. We did a bit where he acted...
KING: Did the cameras show you?
GRIFFIN: No, it's non-televised. It was just for, like, my friends, to make my friends laugh. And my friends, by the way, thought it was very funny. The other 5,000 people at the Shrine Auditorium, not very much. The Academy, not so much. And I high- fived the ushers. And this one usher goes, I ain't ever seen this at the Emmys. And I was "Whooo!" And then I got in trouble. I got in trouble from everybody, the Academy...
KING: You will never be back?
GRIFFIN: I will never be -- of course not.
KING: That's what you do to yourself. You banned yourself.
GRIFFIN: I burn bridges, yes.
KING: What do you make of the Michael Richards thing?
GRIFFIN: Oh, it's bad. It's bad. Nobody will touch it, right? I mean, the big comics don't want to touch it, you know.
KING: What do you think happened to him?
GRIFFIN: I think he is equal parts insane and racist. I don't know if there is a dominant, but it's bad. And I used to think -- I don't think he handled it properly. All right? He's, like, apologizing to everybody. And when I heard that he apologized to Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson -- I know this is going to sound terrible, but didn't it sort of sound like he just apologized the only two black people he's ever heard of?
Come on. He called Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson. Who's he going to call next, Fat Albert? That's not the way you reach out to the community.
I think what he should do -- he should get his butt into rehab, whether he has an addiction or not. Go to some Happy Springs or some rehab B.S. place, right? And if you don't have something, you make something up. You know, I'm addicted to, you know, Flintstones' Vitamins, I don't care. It doesn't matter. Then, boom, you go on "Oprah" and you let her physically beat you. I mean, rocks in a tube sock and just around and you come out battered and bruised and then maybe you can recover.
KING: You play on sympathy then.
GRIFFIN: I'm dying to go to rehab.
KING: You know that would be hip, because it works for you.
GRIFFIN: It's a very, very trendy -- yes. But for me, being a D-Lister, I got to ratchet things up. I can't just go to rehab for, like, drugs or alcohol, who cares. I've got to go for, like, having sex with donkeys. I don't know. But it's got to be big.
KING: How about sexual addiction?
GRIFFIN: That's very good, and sexy and hot. So that's what it is. I'm here -- I am a sex addict. I'm going to rehab for sexual addiction.
KING: Do you think it therefore improves your career?
GRIFFIN: I'm busy. Take my picture. Take a mental picture.
Yes, it's only going to help my career to go to rehab. I can't wait to go. Sunny Springs Restful Hills. I don't know. It doesn't matter where I go.
KING: Our guest is Kathy Griffin. We will -- I want to ask you one more thing. We have an e-mail from a man claiming to be John Griffin, Kathy's brother. From River Forest, Illinois.
GRIFFIN: That is my brother.
KING: Since our parents have been so prominently featured on your Bravo show, what would be one or two of the especially funny moments with them that stand out over the two years?
GRIFFIN: My parents are the stars of my Bravo show. In fact, the Bravo people have mandated that they're in every episode. That's when you're on the D-List, when you're the sidekick on your own show.
But my parents are just inherently funny. And what makes them funny is that they're really, truly incapable of being anything but themselves. And they're to the going to stop drinking just because there's camera crew there.
KING: And what's your brother like?
GRIFFIN: My brother is -- I come from a very, very funny family -- very funny, smart, sarcastic family.
KING: What does John do?
GRIFFIN: John writes and produces industrial films -- for companies.
KING: From River Forest, Illinois?
GRIFFIN: Exactly, yes. KING: We'll be right back with Kathy Griffin.
Let's check in with Anderson Cooper in New York.
What's up on "AC 30" tonight, Anderson?
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN ANCHOR: By the way, Kathy's parents also drink wine by, like, the gallon jug on her show, which is always -- always good.
Larry, we are following...
KING: Is that true?
GRIFFIN: They like a box of wine because, as my mother says, it has a spigot.
COOPER: Larry, we're following a he story that you touched on last night. The search for a man missing in the Oregon mountains. His wife and two young daughters were found yesterday after more than a week stranded on an isolated mountain road.
Now rescuers are tracking the man James Kim through the snow. Today they found his pants, a clue he may have left to mark his trail. We'll have the latest on that.
Also, Robert Gates, President Bush's nominee for defense secretary, in front of senators today. His surprising admissions and what it could mean for the war in Iraq and the way forward in Iraq.
All of that at the top of the hour -- Larry.
KING: Thanks, Anderson.
That's "AC 360" at 10:00 Eastern, 7:00 Pacific.
Still to come, Kathy mentioned her parents. When we come back, we'll find out why they get so many freebies. That's next.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: My mom always wants to turn on me, OK? Always. So the whole conversation was just me saying, now, mom, whose side are you on is anything gets ugly?
And she goes, Tyra's. Oh, Christ, I mean yours.
I mean, I just constantly have to remind her that she's my mother. And then dad just can't hear anything because of his hearing aids. Huh, what? And then there's, like, a sandwich flowing out of his mouth.
You know the drill.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
KING: Before we talk about your folks and freebies, what do you make of Ted Haggard, the minister and the choir boy?
GRIFFIN: I love it. I think it's historical because it's always, like, the ultra-right-wing conservatives that are banging the kids and the prostitutes and doing the crystal meth.
Foley, delicious. Did you read those e-mails?
Do I make you horny?
No, grandpa, back off. And I'm changing the lock to the dorm.
I mean, you know, if you're doing that stuff, don't be on the ethic committee, don't be a preacher.
I saw that documentary, "Jesus Camp" because you guys showed a clip of it one the show. He's kind of busted on that. He's all freaky.
KING: The hypocrisy of it all...
GRIFFIN: Well, of course. Of course. It's funny, but it's also ridiculous.
KING: What do you think about what Lewis Black says, things are so funny that there's nothing funny to say about them?
GRIFFIN: Well somebody like Haggart, he does kind of just hang himself because it's almost hard to make comedy out of it because it's so ridiculous. I mean, if I did that stuff in my act, I read those e- mails from Foley verbatim. You don't have to do anything.
KING: Scarborough, Maine, hello.
CALLER: Hello.
KING: Hi.
CALLER: Kathy, how are you doing?
GRIFFIN: Hi. Great, thanks.
CALLER: I saw you on a gay cruise in the Mexican Riviera a couple of years ago and I've been following you ever since. I think you're hilarious.
GRIFFIN: I love doing the gay cruises. Thank you.
CALLER: I have a question for you. What do you think of Rosie now hosting "The View" and do you have any plans to go back onto "The View" anytime soon?
GRIFFIN: I've had a triumphant return to "The View," because you know, I was banned for a little while because I was a little tough on Starr. And I adore Rosie. I think she's such a good egg and I think she's so funny. She's one of my favorite comedians. And I just love the way she was with Danny DeVito. That show has really got, you know, a spark to it now.
And the way she just took Danny DeVito and put him in her lap. It was just great. The other three girls were, like it seems like he's drunk. And Rosie goes, "Come on, Danny, come sit with me." I love her. I think it makes the show even more interesting.
KING: What's a gay cruise?
GRIFFIN: Oh, a gay cruise is a boat full of gay people, Larry, doing gay things to one another. It's super gay. I've done several gay cruise.
KING: Are there Jew cruises and Italian cruises?
GRIFFIN: Oh, from the mouth to God's ears. I will do every niche cruise that I did. I actually recently did the Rosie O'Donnell lesbians and their children cruise, The R Family. It's a ship full of acceptance, yes.
KING: Now what about your parents and freebies?
GRIFFIN: Well, my parents -- first of all my parents love the Dollar Store. They're super obsessed with getting like Mexican toothpaste and stuff. And my mom will buy anything for a dollar whether she uses it or not. But they were so bitter when the 98-cent store opened up a mile away because my mom couldn't stop thinking about the two cents she lost. But yes, my parents are depression era and my mom's expression is use it up, wear it out, make it due.
And she loves to say "I was doing recycling before recycling was cool." But they're very funny. You know, my parents are Irish Catholic. My mom's very Catholic and I'm what you would call a fallen Catholic.
KING: Does your mom go to mass?
GRIFFIN: Oh yes, they still go to mass, you know. And I love to torture my parents. I'm terrible. I make fun of them with all the scandal with the archdiocese and being inappropriate with the kids. And my mom's response is, not all of them. That's her defense.
KING: Why did you fall off the wayside?
GRIFFIN: I don't know. I just don't believe in any of that crap. I mean I think when you're a comedian, you can't have those sensors and boundaries.
KING: When did you turn, at what age?
GRIFFIN: Like high school. I tried to become a unitarian and my parents were furious with me. To this day I really don't the unitarians believe, but I knew I wanted to be part of them.
KING: We'll be back with our remaining moments of the delightful Kathy Griffin. Don't go away.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: But no matter what's happening in my personal life, I am just a working stiff. I'll do anything for a laugh. Come on, Starr's not normal? Finally? Even go do stand-up in Iraq. Incoming. Oh my (BLEEP).
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: Some good (BLEEP) happening on Larry King, you guys. I (BLEEP) love that show. You know how certain shows, like all the good -- I feel like all the good (BLEEP) isn't really happening on Oprah at this moment. Like there was that couch jumping time, like super crazy Oprah time. And now I swear to God it's all happening on Larry King.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: You bet.
GRIFFIN: That's true.
KING: Michael in Cincinnati, "Dear Ms. Griffin," another e-mail. "Anyone who makes it on to the Larry King show is definitely not on the D-List. Since this is the second time you've been on, are you now an A-lister?"
GRIFFIN: I'm only an A-lister tonight.
KING: It disappears when you leave?
GRIFFIN: Well no, this is a true story. Last week I was doing a gig in San Francisco and I was at the shoe department at Saks. And I was looking at some very expensive shoes and feeling very full of myself. And a woman came up to me and she said, excuse me. And I said, yes. She said, do you have this in a seven? And I'm not making that up, I know it sounds like a hacky joke. And then I said I'll check and I went and got one of the shoe gays and I said, do you have this in a seven?
KING: Shoe gay?
GRIFFIN: Well the Saks shoe department cannot run without gay people, Larry. You cannot having heterosexuals picking out shoes.
KING: OK, I'm learning, I'm learning.
GRIFFIN: Thank you.
KING: A lot of things, Suzanne Somers throwing down with the doctors. GRIFFIN: That was awesome. Suzanne is a tough chick. I dig her. She's so awesome. She took on all the doctors and the holistic people.
KING: What did you make of the former New Jersey Governor James McGreevey on this show?
GRIFFIN: Larry, that was intense. First of all, he vanished. So he does the press conference, I'm a proud gay American. And you know what I'll never forget, is the wife. Remember the wife standing next to him in the Chanel suit, Xanaxed out of her gourd? God love her. She's seen everything. Give that woman a vacation. Give her a break. So McGreevey what is it, he went to like India or something for a while?
KING: There he is.
GRIFFIN: Yes, with the boyfriend. And, Larry, I can't believe you asked him if it was a life partner or a love partner. It's life partner, Larry, you have to speak gay. It's a language. And then when he was talking about how difficult it was to tell his father. Very emotional, that was a very compelling hour.
KING: And then we had a guy who said he had a relationship with he came on last week and said he didn't do it. That he was lying.
GRIFFIN: I don't know about that. He was molested? He's 40.
KING: Molested.
GRIFFIN: I don't know. McGreevey's hot. I would, you know, I have no problem getting him off the bubble. You know what I'm saying.
KING: Do you think we're ready for a gay president?
GRIFFIN: I'd love it. By that, I assume you mean Oprah. I tease, Larry, I know we're scared of her. Oprah, first lesbian president, Gayle, lesbian vice president. Just a thought, I'm not outing anybody.
KING: Are we ready for a Jewish president?
GRIFFIN: Of course.
KING: Bloomberg?
GRIFFIN: Why not? I met Bloomberg. I went to his house. Dominick Dunne took me to his house. You know Bloomberg is so fancy he won't live at Gracie Mansion. He has a separate fancy house. You've been to the house, Larry. Who am I talking to?
KING: I haven't been to the house.
GRIFFIN: You haven't been to -- I've been to someone's house that you? KING: Correct.
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: What do you think of Barack Obama?
GRIFFIN: Let's go to Anderson Cooper.
KING: Barack Obama?
GRIFFIN: Love him, he can do no wrong. Let's go. I like all...
KING: Hillary?
GRIFFIN: ... love her.
KING: Do you like them all?
GRIFFIN: I like them...
KING: ... What Republican do you like?
GRIFFIN: Anderson?
KING: I'll go to him in a minute.
GRIFFIN: All right, sorry. Can't I throw to Anderson? It would be very exciting for me.
KING: I'll have you throw to Anderson, OK. Thanks so much for coming, Kathy.
GRIFFIN: Anderson, back to you.
KING: No, wait a minute.
GRIFFIN: What did I do?
KING: I'll point to you.
GRIFFIN: And now, AC 720, coming up live.
KING: Hold, hold on, control yourself.
GRIFFIN: C&C Music Factory, 30/20.
KING: Tomorrow night, the Baker/Hamilton, the commission report will be released on where they think we should go in Iraq. It's a very distinguished panel headed by two distinguished Americans, the former secretary of state, Jim Baker, and the former Congressman Lee Hamilton. They both will be our special guests tomorrow night, Hamilton and Baker. That's tomorrow evening on LARRY KING LIVE, the only show in America that can have Kathy Griffin and then go to Hamilton and Baker.
GRIFFIN: I was going to say, very similar panel. KING: OK, toss.
GRIFFIN: Anderson, what've you got for us tonight there over at "A.C. 360?"
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