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CNN Larry King Live
Interview With Kathy Griffin
Aired June 21, 2007 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
LARRY KING, HOST: Tonight, the outrageous Kathy Griffin.
What's it like being single again and on the prowl?
Would she date a guy from the D-List?
Will she replace her friend Rosie O'Donnell on "The View?"
What list is Paris Hilton on now that she's in jail?
All that and much more, including your calls with Kathy Griffin, next on LARRY KING LIVE.
Don't be nervous.
KATHY GRIFFIN, COMEDIAN: I am nervous.
KING: Don't be nervous.
GRIFFIN: Well, why are you --
KING: I know --
GRIFFIN: -- yelling at me?
KING: I'm not yelling, I'm --
GRIFFIN: You're already yelling at me.
KING: It's always great to have her with us.
Kathy Griffin, living large and single in her third season as the star of "Kathy Griffin: My Life On the D-List" on Bravo TV.
She'll appear tomorrow night at the huge Universal Amphitheater here in Los Angeles. She's become a major figure on the American comedy scene.
On a previous appearance on this show you talked about your divorce.
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: I don't want to get into that.
But what's it like to be single again?
GRIFFIN: I'm sluttier than I ever thought I would be.
KING: Sluttier?
GRIFFIN: Yes. That's right.
KING: You're an easy mark?
GRIFFIN: Is this already different than the Liz Taylor interview?
KING: What are you talking about?
GRIFFIN: Well, I know you just had Liz on.
Did she ever admit to being slutty?
KING: No.
GRIFFIN: Are you sure?
Maybe in the commercial break?
KING: She's a -- no, she's a classy film star.
GRIFFIN: Let me tell you something, you have had -- don't ever call me classy.
You have had some really good guests recently.
KING: Thank you.
GRIFFIN: All right?
Liz Taylor.
Now what's it like in the commercial break with Liz Taylor?
KING: She's fun.
GRIFFIN: Does she get her meds?
KING: (LAUGHTER).
GRIFFIN: You know what I mean, Larry.
KING: No, I know what you mean. No, she does not.
GRIFFIN: Is there like any oxygen or a tank --
KING: No. She's --
GRIFFIN: Is there a tank of any kind?
KING: Reports of her death are premature.
GRIFFIN: I know. And I like how she has to do a tour about it. KING: (INAUDIBLE) --
GRIFFIN: She has to go on shows and say I'm alive.
KING: I'm not dead yet.
GRIFFIN: Yes, "The I'm Not Dead Yet Tour."
KING: What's it like being single?
GRIFFIN: What's Al Pacino like?
KING: A great guy.
GRIFFIN: Really?
KING: One of the best guys there is.
GRIFFIN: OK, now I have to -- because I watch the show every night. You know that. So I see Al Pacino and then I see you peddling -- which I think is B.S. -- that you're best friends with him.
KING: Not best friends, good friends.
GRIFFIN: Come on.
What does that mean?
KING: We're friends.
GRIFFIN: Like Hollywood --
KING: We socialize --
GRIFFIN: -- fakey friends?
KING: He lives eight blocks from me.
GRIFFIN: Is there a restraining order?
KING: No --
GRIFFIN: I mean on either party?
KING: He has children. They come over. We play.
GRIFFIN: What are your kids -- your kids are named Cain and Abel or Cody and Cassidy?
KING: Chance and Cannon. You're making -- don't make fun of them. Don't -- don't ever make fun of the --
GRIFFIN: I -- I thought it was biblical. I thought Cain and Abel. I'm very, very sorry.
KING: Chance -- that would have been nice, though. GRIFFIN: Are they single?
KING: They're eight and seven.
GRIFFIN: I -- look it, don't judge me, all right?
KING: (LAUGHTER).
GRIFFIN: -- because it's never too young to start.
KING: They're rather good looking, too.
GRIFFIN: What about me and Pacino?
Could you hook that up?
KING: Hey, I'll tell him. I'll bet --
GRIFFIN: You don't even know him, Larry.
KING: What would --
GRIFFIN: You know you don't know him.
KING: OK. All right. I don't know him.
If I can reach him through an intermediary --
GRIFFIN: You tell him I'm --
KING: -- what would a date with Al Pacino be like?
GRIFFIN: You tell him I'm a sure thing.
KING: Oh, he -- the first night?
GRIFFIN: Oh, the first phone call. I'm like a hooker. We arrange it ahead of time.
KING: OK.
GRIFFIN: And I book the hotel, something nice and a good sized suite, at least 800 square feet. And, yes --
KING: Are you really into fooling around now that you're single?
GRIFFIN: Don't use language like fooling around, because that's very vulgar.
KING: All right, how would you apply it, then?
GRIFFIN: Banging.
Now, look --
KING: (LAUGHTER). GRIFFIN: -- Lar, don't look at the contest winners.
Do they know about the contest?
KING: They'll be on -- I'll have to explain that later.
GRIFFIN: All right. There's a contest here. You know, that's very D-List.
I can't ever have my own hour?
It's me and a contest.
KING: They're -- they wanted to see --
GRIFFIN: And it's called The Suspender Contest, is pitiful.
KING: OK.
OK, we have a --
GRIFFIN: So I'm banging Al Pacino --
KING: All right. OK. I'll tell Al.
GRIFFIN: All right.
KING: OK.
GRIFFIN: OK.
KING: We have an e-mail question. We have a few tonight. We'll be taking your phone calls, too.
This e-mail is from John in Washington, D.C.: "If Larry were single" -- that means me, I guess.
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: -- "would you date him?"
GRIFFIN: You're a little young for me. Frankly, I don't know if you have enough scratch. You know what I mean, a little of this.
What do you make a year?
KING: I do all right.
GRIFFIN: What ballpark?
What do you make?
KING: What -- I'm not going to go into that.
GRIFFIN: Like $60,000?
KING: Over.
GRIFFIN: $70,000?
KING: Over.
GRIFFIN: No kidding?
I like it.
KING: What have you been dating?
GRIFFIN: (LAUGHTER). Car mechanics and pool boys. I keep it simple. I keep it basic.
KING: A lot of --
GRIFFIN: You know, Jimmy Kimmel said that to me.
KING: By the way, how is he doing?
He had a --
GRIFFIN: He had an appendectomy today.
KING: The reason I asked.
GRIFFIN: That's right.
KING: He's, OK, I understand.
GRIFFIN: I guess he's 12. Don't you have your appendix out when you're 12?
KING: Yes.
GRIFFIN: Well, he's immature, that's why.
KING: No. No, you have your adenoids out.
GRIFFIN: I don't know what an adenoid is, but I'd like to date one.
Yes, I sent him flowers and I wished him the best. I like him and I (INAUDIBLE) --
KING: OK, you've had interesting dates so far --
GRIFFIN: I'm sorry I'm boring you.
KING: Well, I -- you're not boring me!
GRIFFIN: You just cut me up. You're bored already.
KING: A lot of them --
GRIFFIN: I'm sorry I'm not The Suspender Contest winner, which apparently is very exciting to you, Larry.
KING: A lot of the show that you do on Bravo is about dating.
GRIFFIN: My Emmy nominated show.
KING: Oh, I'm sorry.
GRIFFIN: Yes. Look at me. Fancy pants comes to town.
KING: Let's discuss some of the dates on your show.
GRIFFIN: OK.
KING: The first date of the season was Nick Carter of the bad Back Street Boys.
GRIFFIN: OK, Larry --
KING: You went to a red carpet event --
GRIFFIN: Larry --
KING: What was it --
GRIFFIN: It's called The Backstreet Boys, not the Bad Backstreet Boys.
KING: Oh, well, that's --
GRIFFIN: And I'll bet you've interviewed them like seven times, that's the best part.
KING: A few times I've interviewed them.
Well, what was Nick like?
GRIFFIN: He -- he was very cute and he was very sweet. He was a little young for me. And he was a -- he was so young I sort of felt like I was on that show "To Catch A Predator."
Did you see that show?
Like I was like the guy that walks in with the Web cam and the six pack going, "What's the problem?"
KING: Did Nick came to your door?
Did he ring the bell?
GRIFFIN: Oh, yes.
KING: Yes?
GRIFFIN: He came to the mansion.
KING: Did he have a limo? GRIFFIN: Yes, he had a limousine and everything.
KING: Where did you go?
GRIFFIN: We went to a very hot night spot called Le Doux, which is where all the starlets go and lift up their skirts and aren't wearing panties.
KING: Oh.
Did you (INAUDIBLE) --
GRIFFIN: Oh, I had my dress over the whole night.
KING: Yes?
Did -- how did it go with Nick?
GRIFFIN: Well, here was the down side. I just did it to be on TMZ and be in the paparazzi. And it turns out that Nick didn't want to be photographed because he's -- yes, I know. He's lost a bunch of weight recently and he wanted to reveal it later and so -- so it was kind of a bust. So I went out with him just for the publicity -- like our relationship, which listen, it's not based in love. Let's be honest. This is a convenience, photo-op kind of an affair that we're having.
KING: When you date someone much younger than you --
GRIFFIN: Yes?
KING: -- did he --
GRIFFIN: Well, it's not -- it's not much. It's not much.
KING: What do you talk about?
GRIFFIN: His mom, who he probably lives with in the basement.
KING: (LAUGHTER).
GRIFFIN: You know, I don't know. I just see with --
KING: Is it hard --
GRIFFIN: -- I'm trying to learn about straight guys because --
KING: Really, is it hard dating again?
GRIFFIN: Well --
KING: How long were you married?
GRIFFIN: Four-and-a-half years.
KING: Is it hard to be single again? GRIFFIN: I like it and here's why. I enjoy dating. I think women do themselves a disservice when they say oh, dating, I hate it. Can't believe I have to date again. I think it's fun. I think worst case scenario, you get to know a new person, a few hours, big deal. If it's bad, you know, you can ditch him. I think dating is great. I like it a lot.
KING: OK.
Another date was with --
GRIFFIN: You're bored already.
KING: Hold on.
GRIFFIN: All right.
KING: Was with a porn star, Ron, right?
The porn --
GRIFFIN: Ron Jeremy.
KING: Ron Jeremy.
GRIFFIN: I like how you know him by his first name, by the way.
KING: How did that go?
GRIFFIN: Good old Ron. Well, let me tell you something about Ron Jeremy. He has made more films than any of your guests here.
KING: Did you ask you to be in any?
GRIFFIN: Yes. I've still got it, Lar. I can go back to porn whenever I feel like it.
KING: Would you do a porn film?
GRIFFIN: Of course I would.
Are you kidding?
I am dying to release a sex tape. And I don't know if it should be me and Haley Joel Osment or I don't know -- it's got to be somebody high profile.
KING: How about Donny Osmond?
GRIFFIN: Donny Osmond -- or Marie would be the ticket, right?
You've had her on with those weird dolls, right?
It's me and having like a naughty doll sex scene with Marie Osmond.
KING: You, Marie and the dolls.
GRIFFIN: What?
KING: OK.
GRIFFIN: Somebody will buy it.
KING: OK.
In an upcoming episode, you put yourself at the mercy of your teenage niece, who fixes you up with a man.
And let's fix her up.
We'll be seeing a clip of that later.
GRIFFIN: Can I just do it myself, Larry?
KING: Yes.
GRIFFIN: All right.
So in an upcoming episode I have -- I double date with my niece. And she fixed me up with her tennis coach, who is a normal guy who is not on television and therefore I have no interest in him. He was just a regular -- he seemed very nice, you know, yawn, I moved on.
Look, I've got to be with someone famous or scandalous, someone I can maybe get like shot with.
KING: You said high standards.
GRIFFIN: (LAUGHTER).
I'm trying to lower them, all right?
That's my mistake.
KING: All right, an e-mail from Bridget, Westminster, Colorado: "You were so hilarious with Barbara on "The View." You held nothing back. Would you consider the job replacing Rosie if offered?"
GRIFFIN: Well, you know, that's an interesting thing. I'm very, very flattered to be on the list and to be considered and all that stuff. I dig Barbara and here's why. She doesn't get a thing I say. She doesn't laugh at one joke. But I love to torture her. It's fun. And then during the commercial break she says things to me like, "They say we're very good together."
And I said, "Yes, we're like a really messed up buddy cop film."
And then she just moves on and talks to Elisabeth.
KING: Would you -- you'd be great for "The View."
GRIFFIN: Well, I -- KING: What?
GRIFFIN: My friends are saying I would be fine. Like, they're taking bets on how fast --
KING: But you and Behar would --
GRIFFIN: -- I would be --
KING: -- would joke who's next, joke line.
GRIFFIN: Well, I love her. I think Joy is great.
KING: Yes, she's a great girl.
GRIFFIN: She's so funny. It's a great group of girls. I love those girls. It's really fun to do. But there's nothing more fun than trying to shock Barbara Walters -- which is not easy, by the way. You know her.
KING: Very well.
GRIFFIN: You've been to the dinner parties.
KING: I know her very well.
GRIFFIN: Now, you know, that I -- I had Dominick Dunn, who's a mutual friend.
KING: A great guy.
GRIFFIN: A great guy. And then he tells me that Barbara Walters has these dinner parties and I should get invited to one. So the next day I go into "The View" and I said, "Barbara, may I be on the dinner party list?"
And then she says, "I don't have them."
I said, "No, Dominick Dunn says you had one six months ago."
And she said, "Unum, no, I -- I never have dinner parties."
So I'm not even allowed in her house.
KING: Do you think she was fibbing?
GRIFFIN: I know she was. She probably has them two or three times a week.
KING: As we go to break, here's a scene with our guest, Kathy Griffin on, I believe, a double date.
Watch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: I'm off to my brother John's house to corrupt my niece, Claire. We have a double date tonight.
JOHN, KATHY'S BROTHER: Well, look who's here.
Hey, how are you?
GRIFFIN: Are you letting in any peddlers or solicitors?
JOHN: Come on in.
GRIFFIN: Hi!
Thanks for hosting my night of romance.
JOHN: How are you doing?
GRIFFIN: I'm having my niece Claire pimp me out.
Hey!
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: How are you?
GRIFFIN: Good to see you.
Since there are no celebrities in Chicago for me to date besides maybe Oprah -- and she's already got a boyfriend, Gayle -- I decided to just try a normal guy. So Claire fixed me up with the only person over 15 she knows -- her tennis coach.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
KING: We're back with Kathy Griffin.
And to interrupt my questions about Rosie O'Donnell, it's no secret that Kathy Griffin is single again
GRIFFIN: Wait, I can't -- I have -- can I tell you one thing?
KING: We've got to follow the format.
GRIFFIN: Wait. Larry --
KING: It's no secret that Kathy is
GRIFFIN: Boy!
KING: I'll get to it.
GRIFFIN: But --
KING: Kathy is single again. The dating scene can be difficult.
GRIFFIN: But I --
KING: So we sent our King cam out to the streets of Hollywood in hunt for a potential mate.
Let's see if we could track down any suitors.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: She just got recently divorced and we're going around asking guys would you date her.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Too old.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We'll have a little bit of wine tasting as an appetizer and then for dessert we'll be a little bit creative, but kind of keep down (INAUDIBLE).
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Somewhat mannish in an attractive way.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Are those real boobs?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Would you date her?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Absolutely.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You would?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm going through a divorce myself.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I think she's a little loud, so I think she'd be fun to go hang out with on a date.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I don't even know who she is.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The red hair?
Hot action.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Are those real boobs?
They're real?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I think she's a little too much for me. I don't think I would be able to handle all that.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes. For 10 bucks.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: Oh!
KING: Oh.
GRIFFIN: You know I'm in the room, Larry. You know I'm here. You could have maybe put this in the gag reel for The Suspender Contest winners later.
KING: OK.
If you end up hosting "The View," if you got on that --
GRIFFIN: Wait. I'm sorry. I'm a little traumatized from the guy who --
KING: I'm (INAUDIBLE) --
GRIFFIN: -- wants to be paid 10 bucks to go out with me. And then the one who thought I was maybe a man.
KING: Come on. You know, it's in jest.
GRIFFIN: I'm mannish. There's a difference.
KING: All right.
All right.
GRIFFIN: Have you ever seen Oprah and Gayle make out?
KING: No.
GRIFFIN: Like have you ever actually seen that?
KING: No, have you?
GRIFFIN: I don't know. But I think it might be happening.
Wouldn't that be fun?
KING: To watch?
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: OK. Kathy --
GRIFFIN: I'm just saying -- open mind, Larry.
KING: Kathy, if you got the shot on "The View" --
GRIFFIN: Yes? Yes?
KING: -- would Rosie care?
GRIFFIN: No, I don't think so. I mean I think she's --
KING: She'd be happy for you?
GRIFFIN: Yes. I think she wants the show to go on and do well. And I think she hopes what I hope, actually, which is whoever they put in that position, I really hope they talk about those issues, you know?
Because I think an interesting thing is it's the only daytime women's show that talked about those issues. You know, are you for or against the war?
How do you feel about the Gonzales hearings?
Stuff like that, that the soccer moms really care about.
KING: We have another e-mail question. Boy, you're loaded up with e-mail questions.
GRIFFIN: I'm (INAUDIBLE) --
KING: Laura --
GRIFFIN: With somebody else who wants to say I'm a man, that they would have to be paid $10 to go out with?
KING: What's the (INAUDIBLE)?
GRIFFIN: Is this fun for you to hurt me, Larry?
KING: What's the name of this show?
GRIFFIN: "The King Cam Hurts People Show?"
KING: Laura from Indianapolis has a question about Rosie's departure.
GRIFFIN: OK.
KING: "What do you think about what happened with Rosie on "The View?" Since you've been on the show since she left, what's the mood like on the set? What do you think of Elisabeth?"
GRIFFIN: Well, you know, that I --
KING: A lot of questions there.
GRIFFIN: You know that I co-hosted the week before, when Rosie was there. And then I co-hosted the next day, after the blowup.
KING: Oh. Oh, you were the --
GRIFFIN: It was tense.
Yes, I was on the next day.
KING: What was that like?
GRIFFIN: Oh my god, I was in the eye of the storm. You would have loved it. So I walked in way too early, because I'm always afraid to get into trouble on that show. So Joy makes fun of me because I show up in hair and makeup at 6:00 in the morning, before like the security guards get there.
But, you know, I -- I was very interested to see the vibe in the room and stuff. And it was extremely tense. and then Barbara said, "Well, let's talk about it a little bit and move on."
And I thought, over my dead body. So I said, "That's right, Barbara," and then I just brought it up on the show every four minutes because I felt that it was what people were thinking about.
KING: What about Elisabeth?
How did you get along with her?
GRIFFIN: I get along great with Elisabeth. She was fine and -- you know, I don't -- I don't know her that well, but she's fine.
KING: Did Rosie say anything to you about it?
GRIFFIN: Oh, yes. We talked about it a lot.
KING: What did she say?
GRIFFIN: Well, she -- you know what's funny about Rosie?
This is so great. It's all on her blog. You know, she has the greatest blog. And she writes in that like crazy haiku style, which I had to learn kind of like a language. And now I read it and understand it and I like it. But everything you need to know is -- Larry, are you bored again?
KING: No. I'm just (INAUDIBLE) --
GRIFFIN: You are so bored by this interview. What do I -- I'm sorry I'm not Angelina Jolie --
KING: OK.
GRIFFIN: -- and I'm not helping people in, you know, the Republic of Chad or wherever the hell she goes dragging those poor kids around, who must be exhausted. I thought she looked thin.
KING: (LAUGHTER).
GRIFFIN: You didn't think she looked a little thin?
KING: Are you at Angelina now or are you at Elisabeth or Rosie?
GRIFFIN: No, I -- I --
KING: Where are we?
GRIFFIN: I can't keep track of all the --
KING: I've lost control.
GRIFFIN: What if I dated Larry Birkhead?
KING: Ah, what -- GRIFFIN: Would I not be on the news constantly?
KING: And you'd have a cute -- you might -- you get married, you've got an adopted daughter.
Well, why --
GRIFFIN: I don't like children.
KING: Well why -- you don't like children.
GRIFFIN: Ah --
KING: But like, this one might be rich.
GRIFFIN: Oh, I love her. I love her.
KING: Let me get a break in.
When we come back, we'll have the text results of our question that we asked in our text vote.
GRIFFIN: I don't want to talk to -- your fans are cruel, all right? They want 10 bucks, they think I'm a big drag queen, they think I'm too much to handle -- I can't handle her.
Really?
Maybe they should go out with Liz Taylor for a night and see how that goes. I'm a walk in the park.
KING: We'll be right back with Kathy Griffin.
When we come back, we'll be in Central Park.
Don't go away.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: All right, so tell me about my date.
CLAIRE, KATHY'S NIECE/PIMP: He's really cool. He's been my tennis instructor for a few years and --
GRIFFIN: What's his name?
CLAIRE: Marty.
GRIFFIN: You know, I'm sure he's a good Chicagoan, old park stock, probably, you know, not like a highfalutin Hollywood type -- a Midwesterner like myself.
Now, should we have a signal, like if I want to make out --
CLAIRE: OK --
GRIFFIN: Understandable.
JOHN: My signal is when I drive the car through the plate glass window. That says it's time to stop making out.
GRIFFIN: I know, why is John driving us on our date?
JOHN: That's my signal.
CLAIRE: Dad, you're driving us?
GRIFFIN: It's called (OBSCENE WORD OMITTED) walk, John.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
KING: I'm looking -- I'm looking at Angelina Jolie on my pod cast, available starting tomorrow. All you have to do is head to cnn.com/larryking or iTunes. Thanks for downloading us.
And tomorrow you can see this whole interview with Kathy.
Do you have a pod cast?
GRIFFIN: I -- I -- I, yes. I have an iPod. I think I'm on Bravo's Web site -- I don't know.
KING: Do they pod cast your Bravo show?
GRIFFIN: Oh, you can get it on iTunes and stuff. Pod cast is like separate, where you have to do like the after the show and stuff like that. I do --
KING: But they can get you?
GRIFFIN: They can get me. I'm very easy to get.
KING: Wait a minute.
You said you got a call before the show?
GRIFFIN: OK. So I'm in the elevator coming up here, right? And I get a call and I recognize the number and it's Andy Dick.
And so Andy goes, "Kathy, it's Andy."
I said, "Hey, what's going on?" I go, "Hey, you know, I'm just going to do Larry King."
He goes, "I know. I know you're going to do Larry King. I want to you bring up something with him."
And I said, "What?"
And he goes, "Why I haven't been on his show? You've been on three times. That's not fair. Why?" So what do you think of Andy Dick?
KING: I'll take it up to the producers, OK?
GRIFFIN: All right.
KING: I like him. A good note.
GRIFFIN: He's funny, right?
KING: Yes. I think he's funny.
GRIFFIN: Yes. But it's just very him he would just call me in the elevator.
KING: By the way, our text vote results in. We asked regarding you and "The View."
GRIFFIN: OK.
KING: Do you think Kathy Griffin is going to be Rosie O'Donnell's replacement on "The View?"
Get this -- 59 percent.
GRIFFIN: Ooh.
KING: No, they said -- see, on my card it says 59 percent --
GRIFFIN: Wait -- 95 percent.
KING: Up there it says 95.
All right, what's right, guys?
Fifty-nine is right.
GRIFFIN: Larry --
KING: Fifty-nine percent go with yes.
GRIFFIN: How --
KING: The slate is wrong.
GRIFFIN: When is it enough with you?
First, I was so excited that I got 95 percent after nobody wants to date me.
KING: You know something?
I want to tell you something --
GRIFFIN: And this is not a great neighborhood, even, that this building is in, by the way. KING: We never screw up on this show except when you're on. So I --
GRIFFIN: What is that?
KING: I don't know what that is.
GRIFFIN: You know, if it was Jolie, everybody would be fired if you screwed up when she's here.
KING: Oh, you know --
GRIFFIN: Right?
Kids would be starving all over. She'd be feeding them, giving them bird seed or whatever the heck she does. I don't know.
Have you met her kids?
KING: No.
GRIFFIN: Does she know them, do you think.
Or no?
I mean has she met them?
KING: Does she know them?
GRIFFIN: Well, you know, some of these celebrities --
KING: you think they're props?
GRIFFIN: I'm just saying --
KING: Wait a minute.
GRIFFIN: No, no -- I'm just saying.
KING: That's blasphemous.
GRIFFIN: (LAUGHTER).
Some of these -- some of these, you know, celebrities, I just wonder when they keep a job (INAUDIBLE) --
KING: Do you think Brad Pitt knows them?
GRIFFIN: No.
KING: He doesn't know them?
GRIFFIN: He probably knows their names. No, I think she -- I actually think she's great. Now, she's an example of somebody that I --
KING: She's a great girl.
GRIFFIN: -- I kind of don't go for in my act because she's a little too cool, you know what I mean?
KING: Really?
GRIFFIN: She travels the world. She helps people.
KING: What are you knocking her for?
GRIFFIN: What do you knock her for?
KING: Yes.
GRIFFIN: Just being gorgeous. That's all I've got.
KING: Well, you've got new additions to --
GRIFFIN: On the other hand, Oprah --
KING: You knock Oprah?
GRIFFIN: What about that prison school she has?
It turns out that school is a prison.
Have you heard?
KING: You mean because they treat people -- because they're -- they're tough?
GRIFFIN: No, this is what's funny. OK, so she opens this school --
KING: A prison?
GRIFFIN: -- and, god love her, she opens a school and she's helping people --
KING: Right.
GRIFFIN: -- and doing all these wonderful things. And she goes to Africa -- and, by the way, brings, you know, Mariah Carey and Chris Rock and there's a -- maybe a bit of a photo-op, but also helping children. And -- and then a couple of the parents complain that it's like a prison.
Now that's funny to me. And I like the idea of going to Oprah prison. I think that's where Paris should have gone. She should have gone to Oprah prison, which is where I hope to go and finish out my sentence.
KING: Speaking of Paris --
GRIFFIN: Yes?
KING: What do you make of this?
GRIFFIN: OK. Look, here's the deal --
KING: Where is she on your list?
GRIFFIN: She is A now, Lar, because we're all talking about you.
KING: Oh.
She was what?
GRIFFIN: Somehow.
She was D. She was D. She was happily on the D-List. But, no, she banged her way to the top. That's how it works. You've got to get the sex tape and the scandal and prison time is gold.
Let me tell you something, I -- I have a story about the sheriff.
You know the sheriff, the infamous sheriff, Lee Baca?
KING: Yes.
GRIFFIN: OK. So get this, on my show, "My Life On the D-List," I was going to perform. And I don't know if you knew this, but there's a gay wing at L.A. County Jail, where they segregate the gays and they put them in the programs --
KING: I didn't know that.
GRIFFIN: And it's fabulous. But I saw a special on it. But I, first of all, just putting -- the idea there's a gay wing in jail is funny to me.
KING: It is funny.
GRIFFIN: and if I was Paris I would beg to be there, because they would do your hair and call you diva. Oh, my sentence couldn't be long enough.
So I heard that there was this gay wing and this year on "My Life On the D-List" I perform in a prison, like I'm Johnny Cash with boobs or something, because they're trying to kill me on that show.
And I wanted to perform there. So I had to meet with the sheriff.
KING: Lee Baca.
GRIFFIN: Lee Baca.
So it's my day off and I'm going to this stupid meeting, because I thought they'd be saying, oh, Miss. Griffin, what an honor.
No. So I'm sitting there with him. And he doesn't -- he doesn't know who I am. It's much like being on this show -- he has no idea who I am and doesn't care for me. And yet I -- he really, truly thought I was a secretary for Bravo.
So he kept saying to me, "What do you do?"
And I was trying to say, "We're going to bring our television show. It's going to be great. We're going to show all the wonderful programs you have here."
And he goes, "What do you do?"
And I go, "Uh, I'm the comedian."
And he goes, "Well, what kind of comedy do you do?"
I go, "Funny. Are we done?"
Like, I didn't like this guy, is my point.
KING: OK.
GRIFFIN: And so it turns out that this is the same guy --
KING: That let her out.
GRIFFIN: -- that let her out after two days. And I realized that was my problem. I wasn't like famous enough to go do stand up at the gay wing.
KING: Oh.
What is famous -- why is she famous?
GRIFFIN: Because I think she ticks people off, you know, because she represents everything that bugs us about celebrities -- entitled, doesn't really seem to work, you know, kind of -- has no regard for the law or other people.
KING: But why?
What made her a celebrity?
What does she do?
GRIFFIN: I guess she --
KING: What did she do to become a celebrity?
GRIFFIN: I guess she wears like whacky outfits.
KING: But so does Matilda in Indianapolis wear whacky outfits.
GRIFFIN: Who's called Matilda anymore?
KING: And Irma in --
GRIFFIN: Irma?
What -- how -- what city -- in Indianapolis?
All right, I mean, hey --
KING: Why her?
GRIFFIN: I mean -- OK, because, well, she has the pedigree.
KING: Because she's got a hotel name.
GRIFFIN: She's got the hotel name, exactly. And she's done a little --
KING: So Phil Marriott would do well?
GRIFFIN: Maybe.
KING: OK --
GRIFFIN: If he lifted his skirt up and it turns out he was a hermaphrodite.
KING: OK --
GRIFFIN: Look, you've got to go the extra mile. But I think she says outrageous things.
You know, like when she was depoed in the Joe Francis case, which I'm fascinated by. You know, that guy, the girls gone wild guy?
KING: Oh, yes, yes. Oh.
GRIFFIN: That jerk is in jail and that's pretty sweet, right?
I'd like to see him fry. I can't stand that idiot.
KING: You (INAUDIBLE) -- you want him to fry?
GRIFFIN: Yes, fry, literally, fry. Maybe Jolie could take him to a Third World country where they just do that. Put him on the fryer.
KING: (LAUGHTER).
GRIFFIN: Anyway, he -- apparently he was depoed in that case and then Paris Hilton said -- and it's right there -- I'm sure it's on TMZ -- and she said, "I'm not very smart."
That's kind of fun. You've this giant superstar just going and saying, "I'm not very smart."
So, you know, we pick up on that. We make the jokes.
KING: Did the punishment fit the crime? GRIFFIN: Yes, of course. I mean like everyone is asking acting like she's, you know, a hero. Like she's Benazir Bhutto in house arrest. I mean, my goodness, this is a woman that sleeps around and goes to parties and, you know, looks cute and wears fashion --
KING: Drives -- drives drunk.
GRIFFIN: -- and drives drunk. And, yes.
First of all, 23 days, that's it?
All the moaning about that. That sounds like a vacation to me.
Wouldn't you love to just go somewhere for 23 days and not get e- mails or phone calls, get some rest, maybe a few tats?
KING: Not a bad idea.
GRIFFIN: Right?
I hope she gets one of those like Mike Tyson tattoos. She's got to join a gang, right?
She's either in the Aryan Brotherhood or the Crips or the Bloods. I don't know her gang yet.
But now all of the teenaged girls are going to want to be in the gang. And she should cap some crazy tattoos. This is the beginning --
KING: Might --
GRIFFIN: This is the beginning of bigger things for her.
KING: We'll be back with Kathy Griffin.
We're only halfway home.
Don't go away.
(VIDEO CLIPS OF A-LIST)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP FROM "MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST," COURTESY BRAVE/NBC STUDIOS, INC.)
(VIDEO CLIPS OF A-LIST)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: Hi.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(VIDEO CLIPS OF A-LIST)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP FROM "LARRY KING LIVE") GRIFFIN: You're going, oh.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(VIDEO CLIPS OF A-LIST)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: A decadent Hollywood lifestyle.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Brian, how are you?
GRIFFIN: He's cute. I'm making the moves on your date, screw it. Claire and I have some pretty hot dates and we can also switch. You know we don't have to stick with the guy we came with.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, girls, we have two eligible bachelors down here.
GRIFFIN: Hello. Well, you look a little young for me, but I'm -- hi, how are you?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Nice to meet you, Marty.
(CROSSTALK)
GRIFFIN: Can I have those or are you going to hold them all night?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: We're back with Kathy Griffin. She'll be at the Universal Amphitheater in Los Angeles tomorrow night.
GRIFFIN: Which is now called the Gibson, by the way?
KING: Oh, it is?
GRIFFIN: Which I hate when they do that. Its' -- you know...
KING: E-mail question from Rylan in Denver who wants to know: "On your show you were interviewing handymen. Since you love your gays don't you think you should have a lesbian handywoman? My partner and I are more than willing and will be in Los Angeles this weekend?"
GRIFFIN: That is the answer to my dreams. Have you ever gotten yourself a good handy lesbian?
KING: No.
GRIFFIN: You have to, Larry, because let me tell you something, they run this town. Don't be fooled.
KING: Handy lesbians?
GRIFFIN: Oh, yes!
KING: You mean they fix things?
GRIFFIN: They do everything. And they can caulk a tub and the can run that dog park. There's no lesbian that can't train a dog.
KING: So do you want these two that are coming in to contact you?
GRIFFIN: I do.
KING: OK, please contact her.
GRIFFIN: Call Larry on his cell phone.
KING: OK. You've heard the expression that someone so unpopular that they can't even get arrested in Hollywood. Apparently, you're so D-list that you can't even get shot.
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: Watch this clip, folks.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: Hi.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Kathy, we're going this way.
GRIFFIN: Where's my car?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Get down, get down, get down.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Watch your head, man.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: Only Superman could see that with his x-ray vision but what happened?
GRIFFIN: The point is people are trying to kill me. Now, look, I think it was Gwyneth Paltrow. I don't have proof. I think it was Ryan Seacrest. I think he finally...
KING: Ryan Seacrest?
GRIFFIN: Yes, I think Ryan Seacrest took a hit out on me. And, in fact, I'm pretty sure I saw him, come to think of it. KING: Why would Ryan Seacrest be at all interested in harming you?
GRIFFIN: Well, you know, sometimes I say things about people in my act that I think are an homage that they might take offense to. It could be Whitney Houston. Look, it's a long list. There's a lot of people...
KING: Let's run them down. What do you have against Ryan?
GRIFFIN: Look, I think Ryan is a very, very good hostess. I think she's...
KING: Hostess?
GRIFFIN: I'm sorry. Did I say that? Look, the point is I was walking past a nightclub and I actually had been eating at the burger joint next door because I don't go to trendy nightclubs and didn't know it was a night club. So when the paparazzi was there I was giddy with the excitement that they were filming me and then shots fired out and I didn't even get shot. And now look, here is why I'm complaining: how great would it be if I had just been grazed? I don't mean shot and killed. But if I had been grazed, there could be maybe a vigil at Cedars Sinai. You know "Access Hollywood" could have covered it. Just a slight grazing. Do you have a handgun?
KING: I never fired a weapon. I never heard a gunshot.
GRIFFIN: I know you have friends. You know Pellicano. You were all mixed up in that whole Pellicano crazy thing.
KING: No, I met him once.
GRIFFIN: Come on, I hear you're very inside on that case. Now, look, could you have him shoot at me slightly on the arm?
KING: What do you think it would help the career?
GRIFFIN: Of course it would. I'd be all over the news. And finally Larry Birkhead would ask me out. I'd be on the cover of "OK" magazine. I'd sell a picture for $500,000. Do I have to do everything, Larry? Do I have to sell the popcorn, too?
KING: Why this interest in Mr. Birkhead?
GRIFFIN: Because he's the guy in the news at the moment. You know that...
KING: You go moment to moment?
GRIFFIN: I do. Well, fame is fleeting. And so I need to start being seen with somebody that can really help me. Now who else is out there?
KING: There's Larry.
GRIFFIN: Well, see, good guy for me, right. We put the kid in daycare. You know I don't have time for -- what, the kid goes gustad (ph)? Is the kid old enough for boarding school?
KING: Six months. I don't think so.
GRIFFIN: That's perfect. They start skiing right at an early age. They go to the boarding school. It's like a Mary...
KING: Why don't you like kids?
GRIFFIN: I think they smell funny. Also, they don't get my jokes. Now who is your favorite head of state that you've interviewed?
KING: Of all of the head of states?
GRIFFIN: Of all -- yes, all of them living because I can't name Yasser Arafat.
KING: Living head of state?
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: Yes, I can't separate them.
GRIFFIN: Clinton?
KING: Clinton is way up there, Tony Blair.
GRIFFIN: What about me and Jim McGreevey?
KING: That's not a head of state. He's governor.
GRIFFIN: Well, he's gay. That's the joke. Larry, remember when he came on with the life partner or as you called him love partner. You said that to him.
KING: I said he was his love partner.
GRIFFIN: No, it's life partner. Don't piss off the gays, Larry. Let me tell you...
KING: Why?
GRIFFIN: ...it will be the biggest mistake you ever made.
KING: What happens if you do?
GRIFFIN: Because they have an army and they will come after you and they will find you. Look, I...
KING: By the way are you popular with gays?
GRIFFIN: Oh, I love them. That's my dream audience.
KING: Do they come to see you?
GRIFFIN: They come to see me.
KING: Why you?
GRIFFIN: I think because -- I don't know. They live everything from I was the girl that went to the prom with the gay kid, right? Like that was me. There was always that one couple at the prom where maybe the guy was a little gayish.
Let me just say this, the guy I went to the prom with is now choreographer at Disneyworld. You tell me. Now, have you ever done a gay pride fest?
KING: A gay what?
GRIFFIN: Have you ever done a guy pride fest?
KING: Gay pride fest, no, I've never done it. I've seen the parades.
GRIFFIN: Well, why don't you do a gay pride fest?
KING: What do you mean, sponsor a parade?
GRIFFIN: Look, here's the...
KING: I have nothing against them.
GRIFFIN: Well, you've got to get more in the fold, Larry. Now, look, you've got to go to -- I did Orlando Gay Days, all right. So what happens is it's a big -- the gays take over a park. And you've never seen so many six pack abs in your life. They're all in very good shape. They don't touch a carb. And so, you go there and they're outrageous and have glow sticks. It's fabulous. You take your shirt off and then what you do is if you run into one of your friends it's like you and Don Rickles going, what's up, girl? How are you doing, girl? You'd fit right in.
KING: Girls who go out with gays a lot...
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: ...what is that story?
GRIFFIN: Well, I -- you know, here is my dream. What about me and Merv. Is he gay, Merv Griffin? That's the perfect marriage of convenience, all right. He's got more money than God. I keep my same name. I look the other way when he's with the pool boy. I'm not making an assumption here. I'm just curious. Now, look...
KING: And you keep the same name, that's true.
GRIFFIN: Right. I would have been perfect to marry like Rock Hudson or one of those guys, right? What do I care? I'm very busy. I have a lot on my plate. What do I care if the guy is banging guys on the side?
KING: Wouldn't it bother you that they would have no romance with you?
GRIFFIN: Not really. No, because then I'm on the side with Jose the gardener. Everybody is happy, everybody wins.
KING: We'll be right back with Kathy Griffin who is really grooving tonight. Don't go away.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Try and keep your hands in your pockets. That's all I can tell you.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Dad, I'll drive the car. I don't need you.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Marty, you're on your own.
GRIFFIN: Please put your hands in my pockets.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: All right.
GRIFFIN: Well, let's move this thing along, Marty. So my brother is driving on our date to try to (UNINTELLIGIBLE). He can't (UNINTELLIGIBLE) me. There's no (UNINTELLIGIBLE) that I don't have a block that you can get right through. I'm experienced. I'll break through that thing like the karate kid. Wax on, wax off.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Do you date a lot now?
GRIFFIN: No, just you. I only have eyes for you, Marty.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hey, you know what to say.
GRIFFIN: I'm a virgin. You should know that. Take your pants off.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Kathy lives for awkward moments.
GRIFFIN: I love them.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
KING: It's time for the summer suspender sweepstakes. Each week this summer we'll run a clip from a previous show. I ask the question, you figure out who the question's for, then go to CNN.com/LarryKing to answer. Correctly I.D. the guest and you could win a signed pair of my suspenders, maybe even a trip to Los Angeles to see the show live.
Here's tonight's clip. The young black comic and star, was there a black predecessor that you looked up to? Think you know the guest? Go to CNN.com/LarryKing and you have until 9:00 p.m. Eastern tomorrow night to enter. Good luck.
Once again if you know the answer, go to CNN.com/LarryKing.
Tonight we're launching our summer version of the suspender sweepstakes. And it just so happens the grand prize winner of our 50th anniversary suspender sweepstakes right here in the studio. Karla Highfield (ph) of Arab, Alabama. She's here with her daughter, Mary; two beautiful ladies. Congratulations, Karla. I didn't know there was an Arab, Alabama. Did you?
GRIFFIN: No, it's a little unfortunate after September 12.
KING: Jewish Georgia.
GRIFFIN: What's wrong with that? I'm sure I've played there or will. Now can I enter the contest because I think I know who it is?
KING: No, don't say it.
GRIFFIN: I'm not going to say. I just have an idea.
KING: Anyone can enter.
GRIFFIN: OK, good.
KING: OK, good.
By the way, when do you get off -- if you get older, do you get off the list? Are you automatically off A-list if you're old?
GRIFFIN: No. I think there's a lot of...
KING: Give me an old person on the A-list?
GRIFFIN: Queen Elizabeth.
KING: She's on the A-list?
GRIFFIN: Everybody wants her. People talk about her.
KING: Everybody wants her?
GRIFFIN: I don't know. It depends. Clinton, always A-list.
KING: Bill Clinton?
GRIFFIN: Yes. Now, when he -- I can't believe he's actually sat in this chair. Do you have a little thing for him? Like, is it true what they say, you get a little turned on when you're even in his presence?
KING: Men? I don't think men get turned on, no. I don't get turned on.
GRIFFIN: I'm trying to get you in with the gay pride fest circuit, Lar, work with me here.
KING: He's a great guest and a fun guy. He is a fun guy to be around. I like him.
GRIFFIN: What do you talk about on the commercial breaks, you and Clinton?
KING: We talked about basketball.
GRIFFIN: Basketball?
KING: Yes, he's a big college basketball freak.
GRIFFIN: Oh!
KING: Or we talk about inside political things.
GRIFFIN: What do you and Jolie talk about in the commercial break?
KING: Jolie who?
GRIFFIN: Why do I bother? Angelina Jolie.
KING: You call her Jolie?
GRIFFIN: No, I'm afraid to call you Larry because I hear someone called him Larry by mistake and he said, "Mr. King." And then they turned into dust.
KING: Stop that!
GRIFFIN: They turned into dust before my very own eyes. I saw it. You're going to miss me.
KING: I know you. You're into rare form tonight.
GRIFFIN: Oh, Lar.
KING: Britney Spears, up or down on the list?
GRIFFIN: That's interesting. She's got the deadly combo of -- you know, I think once you beat up a car with an umbrella you're always A-list to me. And I've had those feelings. I've been so mad at either my umbrella or a car, and finally they came together.
Now, I am enjoying her wig work. And I like when the wig falls off. I now that makes me a bad person. All that stuff is interesting.
You know I'm fascinated by the Alec Baldwin cell phone message.
KING: Yes, what about that?
GRIFFIN: That is the ring tone on my cell phone. Does that make me a bad person?
KING: You mean if I ring your cell phone, I...
GRIFFIN: It's Alec Baldwin yelling at me. But let me tell you, I answer that phone right away. It comes right out of my purse. I get nervous.
I like Hasselhoff chasing the hamburger around the carpet. That was fun. What about when the wife was on? Did you think she was a little cuckoo? What happens when you have a guest that's just freaking nuts? And I don't mean charming...
KING: Tonight is a good example.
GRIFFIN: Larry! No, I meant...
KING: All right, hold it, calm down.
GRIFFIN: I'm too excited.
KING: OK. Anderson Cooper is on at the top of the hour. Do you like him?
GRIFFIN: Dream boat.
KING: Dream boat?
GRIFFIN: You heard me, dream boat.
KING: Well, he's going to host "AC 360."
GRIFFIN: How long has he had that gig?
KING: All you have to do -- quite a while. All you have to do is say, "Anderson, what's on tonight?" Look in the camera and say that.
GRIFFIN: I'm in love with you.
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: I am in love with you, Anderson Cooper, hold me, touch me inappropriately. Anderson cooper, come to my home tonight and love me. How was that?
KING: OK.
KING: Anderson, what's on tonight?
(LAUGHTER)
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN ANCHOR: Oh, goodness.
GRIFFIN: Paula Zahn never gets that excited.
KING: Kathy, Kathy, Kathy.
GRIFFIN: Paula Zahn just ignores. Anderson at least laughs.
KING: There should have been a...
GRIFFIN: I like a lot of attention with Anderson Cooper in that segment.
KING: There should have been a Lawrence Welk museum, shouldn't there?
GRIFFIN: Of course. What are you talking about?
KING: We'll be right back.
GRIFFIN: I agree.
KING: Yes, OK. We'll be back with Kathy Griffin right after this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The Beatles are the pop music phenomenon of the century.
(MUSIC)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: All right, I feel a little old on my double date. All right, I'm trying to relate to them, but I do feel like I'm out with my kids. What's your story, Marty? What's your dating history? Have you left a trail of broken hearts? How many girls have you slept with, ballpark? How many digits?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK, you're going to get me in trouble here. I'll say two hands, at least two hands worth.
GRIFFIN: At least two hands. OK, what's your type, Marty?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: My type, pretty.
GRIFFIN: OK, so you're shallow.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Female.
GRIFFIN: You're straight. You're a typical shallow, straight guy.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Shallow, straight. Yes, basically a shallow, straight guy.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: Kathy Griffin, one more e-mail from Dave in Suffolk, Virginia: "Which celebrity annoys you the most and why?"
GRIFFIN: Oh, gosh, there are so many to choose from. Nicole Richie is a mystery. She is a mystery. Why is she famous? She doesn't like to eat? That's it? That's all she's got? KING: That's it, somebody who doesn't like to eat?
GRIFFIN: But she's photographed every day.
KING: You complained because my niece...
GRIFFIN: Yes, because...
KING: ....wanted to get tickets to see you in Atlanta.
GRIFFIN: OK, don't spin it, Larry.
KING: What do you mean spinning it?
GRIFFIN: This is typical of being a D-list celebrity.
KING: She couldn't get in to see you.
GRIFFIN: No. My office gets a call. Larry King wants tickets to your Atlanta show.
KING: No, it wasn't.
GRIFFIN: Whatever Mr. King wants. Then we go down the food chain and it's your cousin's friend's best friend's niece's au pair or some crap. And I think you're coming. I'm telling everybody...
KING: My niece...
GRIFFIN: ...Larry King is coming to see me. He's a big fan. We're going to take a picture afterwards.
KING: OK.
GRIFFIN: Look, is her name even King?
KING: No.
GRIFFIN: Oh, typical.
KING: She's my brother's daughter.
GRIFFIN: As far as you know because it looks like you're making it up.
KING: And you got thrilled about meeting Jane Fonda right here on my 50th anniversary surprise show.
GRIFFIN: What about that?
KING: That was some night.
GRIFFIN: I couldn't believe they even called me. I was so excited. Bill Maher is hosting. I said, "Who else is on?" Dr. Phil, who, you know, a tool, let's face it.
KING: A tool?
GRIFFIN: Yes. Come on, with the diet books, that guy, are you kidding me? With the diet books, please, lift your shirt up and show us your six-pack, Dr. Phil. Anyway, so he's there. KING: Barry Bonds, hey.
GRIFFIN: Who's that?
KING: Never mind.
GRIFFIN: All right. Yes, didn't Barry Bonds call from the middle of a hockey game or whatever?
KING: Baseball.
GRIFFIN: I don't have time for the minutia.
KING: All right. He didn't call. He was on...
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: So Jane Fonda -- do you want me to get your itch?
KING: No, I can scratch it.
GRIFFIN: Don't you have one of those plastic things that could help you?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: Jane Fonda. I was thrilled over Jane Fonda.
GRIFFIN: OK, what did you write down?
KING: I wrote down Lenexa, Kansas, my next call.
GRIFFIN: Is that the score of the basketball game? Are you listening to a basketball game?
KING: Basketball is over.
GRIFFIN: I don't want a problem with you.
All right, so Barry Bonds calls in from his Jai-Alai game and that was boring. However, Jane Fonda walks in. So that was very exciting that I got to meet her. I got a picture with her. That's it?
KING: I'm going to take a call now.
GRIFFIN: Did you just turn me off? Did you just go, like, shut her up and press a button?
KING: Lenexa, Kansas?
GRIFFIN: Anderson Cooper gets me in a way that you never will.
KING: Lenexa, Kansas, hello.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Hello. What a great show tonight. KING: Thank you.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Well, Kathy, I get such a kick out of your show. And there's a lot of rumors on the web right now about you and Tom. So what's the dirt or set us straight on your relationship with him.
GRIFFIN: OK.
KING: Tom who?
GRIFFIN: I can tell you're a fan of the show.
KING: Tom who? I haven't...
GRIFFIN: This hurts. What if I thought this was the Joe King Show?
KING: All right, Tom who?
GRIFFIN: All right, so on my reality show, it follows my real life and I have -- this is really weird but I have a roommate and he's also my tour manager. And there's this...
KING: He lives with you?
GRIFFIN: Yes, it's weird. There's like a weird dude who lives in my house. And he's very...
KING: Does he sleep with you?
GRIFFIN: How dare you! I am a virgin and I resent how you could ever...
KING: He lives in the same house with you.
GRIFFIN: Do you think Barry Bonds wants to go out? What does he do?
KING: He's married with a kid. He's about to break the all-time home run record in baseball history.
GRIFFIN: That must be a lot of home runs. Yawn, all right.
Remember when Jane Fonda was here? God, that was fun!
KING: So what about the Tom question?
GRIFFIN: Oh, right. So there's a guy named Tom who lives in my house. He's very sweet but no, we work together and he wishes.
KING: OK.
GRIFFIN: They all do, honey. They all want a piece of this hotness.
KING: San Jose, hello.
GRIFFIN: I've heard of it. I've heard of it.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hi, Larry.
KING: Hi.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I love your show.
KING: Thank you.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Gosh, I'm tongue-tied. Kathy, I met you a few years ago...
GRIFFIN: Is this a gay?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, it is.
GRIFFIN: Oh, thank you.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm one of your biggest fans and I feel like I'm destined -- actually destined to be one much your gays.
GRIFFIN: Of course, you...
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How do I apply?
GRIFFIN: You're in.
KING: What do you mean one of your gays?
GRIFFIN: He wants to be one much my gays. Now, Larry, I know you hang out with a lot of gay guys. Everybody knows that. It's been a secret in Hollywood and tonight the secret's over. Remember Peter Allen? Remember when you guys would go clubbing?
Now, look, Mr. Bicoastal -- so look, when I say my gays that means I've always hung out with a lot of gay guys and I just lovingly refer to them as my gays.
KING: So can this guy be one?
GRIFFIN: Of course.
KING: What's your name, sir?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Berkeley.
GRIFFIN: Oh, no straight guy would be named Berkeley. Of course he is.
All right, now, honey, what's your birth name? You can tell us. His birth name is like Marvin.
KING: Wait a minute. So wait, if Berkeley is a gay name, does that mean when he was born they knew he was gay and they named him Berkeley?
GRIFFIN: No, it means he changed it when he came out to his parents when he was 13 and they all fought about it and now they accept him.
Berkeley, does that ring a bell?
KING: Berkeley, you're a gay....
GRIFFIN: He's one of my gays.
KING: We'll be back with our remaining moments with Kathy Griffin.
GRIFFIN: He knows he's a gay person.
KING: And then I'll go home and...
GRIFFIN: Berkeley, you're a gay person.
KING: ... then I'll go home and talk to my interpreter to explain this show. Don't go away.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: Marty is a very sweet guy. He's not going to get my picture in a magazine. He's just a nice guy with a nice personality. And who's got time for that? What's he going to get me in, "The Chicago Sun Times"? B.F.D.
Where's our pick-up? So embarrassing.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You have a show to do tomorrow night and you've got homework still.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh, Dad, I did my homework.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It will be too late.
GRIFFIN: You know you're not the boss of me.
OK, here's the thing: dating a normal guy isn't all it's cracked up to be. Yes, I got a free meal. I didn't get free press. Anyway, I've got to go home and rest.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
KING: We have one more e-mail. We don't want to end on a down note but we should mention it. Shelby in Glen Mills, Pennsylvania: "I was so sorry to learn of the passing of your wonderful father. He was such a funny and inspiring man. Any plans to set up any kind of foundation in his honor?" And they say, "Love to you."
GRIFFIN: Yes, if you go on my website, KathyGriffin.net, you can click on and make donations to the, I think it's American Heart Association and the Multiple Myeloma Foundation.
KING: How old was he?
GRIFFIN: He was 91. But really like up until the last few months driving and going to movies all the time and he was such a pistol. And I'm really glad that people got to see how funny he was on the show because the show really captured him perfectly. So when people come up to me and say, "Oh, it's weird. I feel like you knew your dad." And I say, "You did know him."
KING: I'll take 91.
GRIFFIN: Yes, he had a great, great life.
KING: So Kathy...
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: ...you sell them out tomorrow night; kill them.
GRIFFIN: I will kill them tomorrow at the Gibson Amphitheater. Maybe your niece can come or her friend.
KING: Kathy Griffin. Before we go tonight, something new and revolutionary from CNN. Ever watch a news story about an issue like poverty or natural disaster and wish you could do something about it? Well, now you can thanks to CNN's "Impact Your World." It empowers you, the viewer, to not just watch the news but use the news to take action, impact change, and be part of a solution. You go to CNN.com/Impact and learn all about it.
And my congratulations tonight. Go to the opera legend and the great friend, Placido Domingo. Tomorrow he's being inducted into the Hollywood Bowl Hall of Fame, a rare honor for someone with a rare talent. Besides performing and recording, Domingo is the general director of the L.A. Opera and the Washington National Opera, not to mention a Grammy winner 11 times over.
Placido, we wish you nothing but the best as you accept this well deserved honor.
GRIFFIN: Good for me.
KING: Good guy for you?
GRIFFIN: Kathy Domingo.
KING: Tomorrow night, an important program, Congressman Patrick Kennedy and we talk about depression and alcoholism.
One more thing before we go, don't forget to submit your videotaped questions for the first-ever CNN YouTube Democratic presidential debate July 23. Send us your on-camera questions. Just go to this Internet address, youtube.com/debates. And Anderson Cooper, who hosts "AC 360," will host those debates.
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