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Should Marijuana be Legalized?; How Can We Protect Neighborhoods from Molesters?; Woman Sues Over Porn DVD Cover

Aired August 3, 2007 - 19:00:00   ET


GLENN BECK, HOST (voice-over): Tonight, reefer madness. Ordinary law-abiding citizens fight to legalize marijuana. Believe it or not, I`ll tell you where pot does have a place.

Plus, parents fighting back against the pedophile. But just how far can your neighborhood push back before it becomes vigilante justice?

And meet the voice behind one of this summer`s biggest hits.

HARRY SHEARER, ACTOR/COMEDIAN: The good lord is telling me to confess to something.

BECK: Comedy legend Harry Shearer.

All this and more, tonight.


BECK: Well, hello, America.

Pot, herb, buddha, dope, reefer, bud, buduche (ph), chronic, ganja, chiba (ph), homegrown, doobage, indo, hydro, Mary Jane, grass, weed, sticky icky and sensimilla comes to mind.

The point is, tonight, no matter what you call it, you can`t deny a lot of people in this country love marijuana. I wish it weren`t the case, but it`s true and it`s true for all the wrong reasons.

I hate to harsh your buzz here, but, yes, pot does play a role in our society, and there is a place for it, and here`s how I got there.

The numbers speak for themselves. Marijuana is a multibillion dollar industry. Showtime even has an original show called "Weeds" about a suburban drug-dealing mom, and it`s just received five Emmy nominations.

"High Times", the magazine, higher circulation -- this is going to freak you out -- than the "New Republic" and "The American Spectator" combined. And here in New York City, you can have pot delivered to your door in less than 30 minutes. And if it`s later than that, well, it just sucks to be you, I guess.

There`s enough civil libertarian in me that makes me think that if you want to put drugs in your body, have at it. I`m a big fan of personal responsibility, but the same responsibility would have to apply to dealing with your own rehab and the consequences of your stupid decisions. And as a society, I don`t think we`re ready for that. I wish we were. I really do.

So let`s get this straight: I am against the legalization of marijuana. And when it`s put up for state referendums, in states like California and Colorado, the average American usually is against it, as well.

However, there are cases when marijuana makes sense, like in medicine. There are a host of serious diseases when smoking pot is the best and sometimes the only relief for pain and suffering. There are plenty of people who abuse all sorts of prescription drugs, but law-abiding citizens can still have access if they need them.

So, when I read about the Drug Enforcement Agency, the DEA, raiding ten medical marijuana clinics in California last week, totally legal businesses. I have to agree with the critics that call this case, and the DEA, bullies. If these places were selling what they shouldn`t to people they shouldn`t, I`d be the first to say shut them down.

But as I understand it, that is not the case here. What a shocker. I thought to myself earlier: "Oh, wait a minute, selective enforcement of the law by our feds? Hmm."

There`s plenty of drug dealers ruing neighbors and neighborhoods, preying on our children. We don`t need to waste the resources busting people who are dying of cancer or suffering from AIDS. Patients who are simply following a doctor`s order and buying marijuana legally.

Then there`s hemp. That`s a plant whose fibers can be used to make everything from clothing to cosmetics to door panels in some of the new high-end Mercedes. The DEA classifies cannabis and hemp as the same thing, even though one can get you high and the other can`t.

What hemp can do is give American farmers a fighting chance. If we import hemp that`s grown all over the world, and some farmers in North Dakota are now suing the DEA for the right to get into the game, because we`re importing it everywhere. Doesn`t it seem to you that it should make common sense.

And on the other side, too, is -- I mean, it`s North Dakota. Can we throw these people a bone? I mean, it`s not exactly the Paris of the Midwest, you know. If they want to grow some hemp, I say let them.

Anyway, tonight, here`s what you need to know. Pot is a lot like guns. When they`re used irresponsibly by those with bad intentions, the results can be deadly. We should exercise an appropriate amount of regulation and control. But when used legally, and under a doctor`s care, dude, mellow out.

First up, let`s turn to somebody who feels that marijuana is part of their religious observance that he happens to practice. He`s not going to help my case at all, Craig Xrubin, founder of L.A.`s Temple 420.

Craig, a religious -- a religious ceremony? Come on.

CRAIG XRUBIN, FOUNDER, L.A.`S TEMPLE 420: Yes. Well, I`ve been using marijuana in religion for over 20 years with the Native Americans in Havasupai at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. And we just started using that after the Religious Freedom Restoration Act was confirmed or affirmed in a Supreme Court decision...

BECK: Oh, boy.

XRUBIN: ... in 2006 with a church in New Mexico that`s using a DMT, dimethyltryptamine, as a religious drug.

BECK: Let me -- let me ask you this. You were just sentenced about an hour ago to seven years in jail?

XRUBIN: Correct, I was sentenced about one hour ago to seven years in jail, and I was unable to use the federal defense of religious freedom in my case.

BECK: Right. So, isn`t this a case that -- that pot has impaired your judgment, that you would be sentenced to seven years and then you stop by to be on my show?

XRUBIN: Well, actually, I guess they let me go to come be on your show. I`m a big fan of yours. And I, as a conservative Republican, believe marijuana should be legalized and taxed, since it is a $14 billion industry.

But on TV I play the owner of the medical marijuana club on the show "Weeds", and I`ve seen these medical marijuana clubs. I`ve supported medical marijuana, voted for and it believe that...

BECK: That`s really not what you`re talking about. I mean, let`s -- I mean, let`s be honest. You started a church, the Temple of 420.

XRUBIN: It`s not the Temple of 420. It`s called Temple 420.

BECK: Oh, I`m sorry.

XRUBIN: And we just teach the Bible. It`s a Judeo-Christian organization.

BECK: You smoke pot?

XRUBIN: We don`t smoke pot, and we don`t smoke pot in church. What we do is similar to the Native Americans. We burn a bud and bless people with the smoke, believing that the smoke carries our prayers to heaven. And...

BECK: You have to be high if you actually believe that.

XRUBIN: Well, do you know -- are you familiar with Genesis?

BECK: Am I familiar with Genesis? Yes, I`m familiar with a lot of things in the Old Testament that we just don`t do anymore.

XRUBIN: Well, correct. But also in the book of Revelation, Revelation 22, God says there will be a plant that will be harvested 12 months a year like cannabis, that will have at least 12 uses like hemp. You were discussing about clothing, gasoline and gets us out of the war in the Middle East. And it would be for the healing in all nations.

Not only does it help heal people but this is something that can really help heal the environment, as well, because cotton is the No. 1 polluter in our environment. More pesticides and herbicides are used growing cotton where hemp clothing is not only stronger than cotton fiber; you don`t need the pesticides and herbicides to grow it.

BECK: Did I just hear right, America, that he said peace through hemp? I think I did.

XRUBIN: Yes. We can make gasoline and get out of the Middle East by growing marijuana. Willie Nelson has a gas station called Willie Gas, where he makes hemp gas and sells hemp gasoline.

BECK: Well, if we got Willie Nelson on board, I`m in.

Craig, I appreciate it. Thank you very much. And good luck.

XRUBIN: I`m a good -- my dad and I are big fans of yours, Mr. Beck.

BECK: Thank you very much. I appreciate it.

XRUBIN: Thank you.

BECK: Let`s check in with Dale Gieringer now. He`s from NORML, the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws.

Dale, does Craig help or hurt you here?

DALE GIERINGER, NORML: Well, you know, I can`t think but it`s got to be a waste of taxpayers` resources to send him away to prison for seven years at our expense.

BECK: See, I agree. I...

GIERINGER: The religious defense is, I think, different from the medical one that you were pointing to and the one that got me involved with California`s law to legalize medical marijuana, Prop 215.

BECK: I mean, if I -- if I may just point out, America, here, that if this is how profiling just doesn`t work. If you were going to name one of the last two guests that were going to be in jail for smoking dope, which one would it be?

I would -- I would say that Dale, you`re the guy that I would peg in the lineup. I`m just...

XRUBIN: I just wanted to hear.

BECK: But you`re not the guy going to jail.


BECK: Now, you were -- Dale, you actually are trying to help with the clinics, and you say that medical marijuana is -- is good, and the DEA, you agree, that they`re being bullies here?

GIERINGER: Yes. They`re interfering with California state law in this. It`s actually not just Californians voted to legalize medical use of marijuana ten years ago, but a dozen other states have followed suit on that.

And I think -- the majority of the American people in every poll agree that marijuana should be available for medical use for people who need it.

BECK: Medical marijuana, does it -- is it higher or lower in, what is it, THC?

GIERINGER: THC? It would -- good quality would probably be higher.


GIERINGER: But generally people, a given dose, if you have higher- potency marijuana, you use less of it.

BECK: And hemp does not have THC in it or...

GIERINGER: It has negligible amounts of THC.

BECK: How much would -- how much of a plant would you have to smoke for a farmer in South -- in North Dakota to get high?

GIERINGER: You wouldn`t get high. You`d get a sore throat.

BECK: OK. And hemp actually played a big role, even all the way up to World War II, if I`m not mistaken. Were not ropes made out of hemp? And for a while it`s played a big role, and it`s coming back.

Why are we stopping it in North Dakota?

GIERINGER: Well, because the DEA has decided that somehow, if they let hemp grow, that will be the front door to marijuana legalization or something. Or maybe they can`t tell the difference between hemp and marijuana, you know?

BECK: I got to tell you, I -- Dale, I thank you very much for spending some time with us.

You know, we`ve got Compean and Ramos in jail for trying to stop somebody with half a ton of pot coming across the border, and we`re going after AIDS and cancer patients. I don`t -- I don`t understand this country sometimes.

Coming up, self-described pedophile Jack McClellan hiding behind a law where he`s stalking our children. And it`s time to fight back. If you`re a parent, don`t miss the segment.

And Fred Thompson, the most popular man not running for president. Not officially, yet. We`ll take a closer look at where he stands on the issues that matter to you, in tonight`s "Real Story."

Plus, he`s the man of a thousand voices. The star of box office hit "The Simpsons" Harry Shearer stops by to talk about one of the biggest movies of the summer and his new CD. Stick around.


BECK: I told you yesterday about Jack McClellan. He is the self- proclaimed scum bag. Well, I can`t say he`s called himself a scum bag, but he has called himself a pedophile. Interchangeable in my head.

He`s had the web sites in Seattle and Los Angeles telling all about his lust for little children. He rates the best spots for watching "L.G.`s", or little girls, and he talks freely about his twisted sexual thoughts about our kids.

He`s out there right now. God only knows what he`s watching or where he`s lurking or what dark thoughts he`s planting in the minds of other depraved.

But since McClellan has not acted on his words or feelings, as far as we know, authorities say there`s nothing we can do. Parent groups, sex crime watchdogs don`t really agree with that, nor do I. They track his every move with the same precision and dedication he uses to troll for children.

Look at the face, America. Amen. Find him.

Our Founding Fathers knew that the government isn`t always there to protect us. It`s not their job to protect us every second of the day. It`s our job to protect our land, our families, our kids. That`s why the Constitution starts with powerful words, "We, the people."

We, the people, know that a monster like Jack McClellan is on the prowl. It`s up to private citizens to be as vigilant as possible while minding the letter and the spirit of the law in protecting themselves and their children.

But where is the line? Where does that line stop and start? Where does a neighborhood self-preservation group become a group of vigilantes? And how do you stay on the right side of the law?

Wendy Murphy is a former prosecutor and a professor at the New England School of Law.

Wendy, let`s -- let`s start with this. It`s my understanding, in reading the founding documents and the words of our Founding Fathers, that when they wrote the Declaration of Independence, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness was our God-given right to own land, protect land, and protect ourselves. We have a right to protect our family.


BECK: How do we -- how do we do it without going to jail? And I`m not -- I want to make this very clear. I`m not calling for anybody to rough this guy up, but make sure you know where he is all the time.

MURPHY: Yes. There`s nothing unconstitutional about that, and what these parent groups are doing by letting us know who he is, what he looks like, where he does what he does, how he does what he does, that`s a public service. That`s not a crime.

And I wouldn`t even use the word "vigilantism," although you know, it`s really rooted in that word "vigilant," which is a good thing for parents. The technical term is not a crime.

Using your right to be protective and to protect others and to share information with other families and so forth is not only acceptable; I think it`s a mandate when the criminal justice system or our laws are not good enough.

And that`s what`s unfortunate about our legal system, Glenn. Our laws are not good enough to put guys like that behind bars, so we do have to take matters into our own hands and not be ashamed of it.

BECK: Here`s the deal. We don`t have -- we never had to write laws to put these people behind bars back in the old days, you know, with the Founding Fathers because, quite honestly, they would have run you out of town. That`s what they did. They ran you out of town.

Now we can`t run somebody out of town. We can`t run anybody our town, because there`s just another town down the road not too far way.

And, B, you have the ACLU representing groups like NAMBLA, and if I`m not mistaken, Wendy -- please tell me I`m wrong on this -- making headway.

MURPHY: Well, yes and no. I mean, they`re losing a lot. Look, the ACLU really puts a lot of money and resources into protecting sex offenders. Guess how much money they put into protecting kids and families from the predatory behavior of guys like McClellan? Nothing.

So the bottom line is the ACLU deserves to be ashamed of themselves. In my opinion, I think they got to take a break from doing this, but they have had some successes. They`ve had a lot of losses.

And here`s what`s interesting. They have not only represented NAMBLA when NAMBLA teaches the joys of having sex with children. They have filed lawsuits to prevent those residency restrictions that make predators live far away from kids instead of moving right next door.

And I think the worst thing they do is say that there`s some kind of free speech right in the ability to say, "Go rape children," but there`s no free speech right in my -- in my neck of the woods with my parent groups that I work with to go and say, "You need to know where this guy is"?

That`s what I don`t like about the ACLU. They`re not American Civil Liberties Union. They`re the American Criminals Liberties Union.

BECK: OK. All right. I have less than a minute here. If I`m living in a neighborhood with a pedophile, what can I do as a neighborhood?

MURPHY: Look, you can do anything you want to share information, public information, and that means sharing what he looks like, what he`s done, where he lives. What you can`t do...

BECK: I can -- I can post stuff all over the neighborhood if I want?

MURPHY: You can. There are states with restrictions on what private citizens can do to disseminate information. Massachusetts, we have privacy rights for convicted sex offenders. Most states don`t have that.

But you have to be careful never to cross the line into committing a crime.

BECK: Right.

MURPHY: And that means never hit him in the head with a bat, never throw rocks at his house. Don`t destroy his property.

But you know, it`s a public service, much like what the media does when we tell each other who the dangerous people are, because that`s how we can stay away from them.

BECK: Right, Wendy, thank you very much.

MURPHY: You`re welcome.

BECK: Coming up later in the program, imagine finding your own self- portrait on the cover of a porn DVD. And you`re not a porn star. And you`re 14. I`ve got one woman`s nightmare story and shocking response she got from the pornographer when she complained.

And Russia claims ownership of the North Pole. No, they`re not looking for more land. They want the millions of dollars in oil sitting just below the land. Don`t miss it.



BECK: Oh, as you know, many young women dream of having their picture appear on the cover of a DVD. No, not so much, especially, they especially don`t have that dream if they`re 14 years old and the DVD is a piece of low-grade porn titled "Body Magic". That dream is a nightmare.

And that is exactly what happened to Laura Jane Cotton when someone stole her self-portrait from a web site and plastered it all over the packaging of an adult movie. She`s suing the movie`s distributors. By the way, that picture was taken when she was 14 years old. broke the story. Joined now by William Bastone. He`s the editor of the site.

Bill, how did they get the picture when she was 14?

WILLIAM BASTONE, EDITOR, THESMOKINGGUN.COM: Well, she actually has a web site. She`s now 18 years old. She`s in college in England, and she has a web site upon which she has a lot of her art photographs, one of which is this self-portrait she took when she was 14 years of age.

And apparently, when they were putting together the packaging art for this film "Body Magic", the reissue of this film, "Body Magic", they just went onto her site and took the image and plastered it on the DVD box, as well as the actual DVD itself. It`s silk-screened on there, as well.

BECK: OK. Now, we have a couple of -- we have a couple of responses when she wrote and said, "Hey, you know, please take my picture off the cover." These are the two letters that she has received back from the company.

"Not only will you not be compenstated (sic)" -- their spelling -- "for your photo, but we have turned this problem over to our attorney. It seems the company my graphic company got the photo from on the Internet is a public domain operation. You knew this when you originally sent us your scheming letter. Nice try, toots. We`re still trying to remove you from the art, not because of your claim, but let`s face it, your picture means very little to the film."

Well, I would hope so, she`s 14 years old.

And then the other one was -- "I`m sure by the end of the month, your face will be history. We`ve stopped selling the DVD until the cover is replaced. We have further checked out your name, and it`s not like a house whole (sic) name. Actually, removing your image will help us improve the sell (sic) of the DVD. So far it bombed."

They actually haven`t taken her picture off the DVD, right?

BASTONE: No. While they changed the box that the DVD came in, if you were to order it, as her lawyer has, within the past couple of weeks, he`s received the DVD, and while the box has new -- has a new photograph on it, when he took the DVD itself out, her image is still silk-screened on the actual DVD.

BECK: Well, I mean, this is weird, because you would think that you would -- you`d be able to trust the people who made "Sensual Encounters of Every Kind" and "The Rhinestone Cowgirl", which is like "Rhinestone Cowboy" except with a girl, and she has a lot of sex.

BASTONE: Right. Well, if you can`t trust your local pornographer, really, Glenn, who can you trust?

BECK: Yes, I understand. Isn`t there some kind of law about putting 14-year-old pictures -- you know, a picture of a 14-year-old on the cover of a porn?

BASTONE: Well, I mean, I think that the image itself is very demur. It`s not a lewd image, so I don`t think they would have a problem on that. I mean, the question is -- is, obviously, they`re violating her copyright.

And her contention is that if people see this, they`re going to think that she`s starring in the movie, and it casts her in a pretty -- pretty poor light for someone who`s trying to be a legitimate art photographer.

BECK: Yes, all right. William, thanks a lot.

Up next, the "Real Story" on Fred Thompson`s undeclared run for the White House. Back in a second.


BECK: Coming up, the "Real Story" on Fred Thompson and Harry Shearer. This is the guy who`s behind the voice of Mr. Burns, Smithers, Ned Flanders, and a lot of other "Simpsons" characters that you know and love.

But first, it`s time for "Story Count," four stories, 90 seconds. Buckle up, here we go.

Story one: Some time in the next 24 hours, a submarine is going to drop a metal canister containing a Russian flag onto the sea bed at the North Pole. Does that mean they own it? Well, yes, sure, it does, and we own the moon, too. The Russians actually think they do, but the U.S., and Canada, and Denmark all respectfully disagree. Who cares? I mean, it`s the North Pole, Santa and the elves, right? Wrong.

Story two: There may be over $1 trillion worth of oil and gas buried in that sea bed, which would come in pretty handy, considering that we`re about to run out of it. Oil prices hit another record yesterday, topping out at over $78 a barrel. Some experts think that it could be at least $90 a barrel this fall. Of course, those prices assume that Al Qaeda doesn`t continue their summer vacation. What if they don`t?

Well, that brings us to story three and Barack Obama. After being routinely criticized by Hillary Clinton for his lack of foreign policy backbone, Obama played the role of hawk today.


SEN. BARACK OBAMA (D), ILLINOIS: If we have actionable intelligence about high-valued terrorist targets and President Musharraf will not act, we will.


BECK: Yes, OK, so Barack says he`s tough on Al Qaeda, but what do you do about the bigger threat we all face, baby formula? Story four: New York City health officials announced today they want to triple the number of moms who breast feed their babies. That means no more city information about formula, and no more freebies when you leave the hospital. That also means that Mayor Bloomberg now has banned smoking, banned trans-fats, and banned baby formula. I know he keeps changing political parties, but perhaps he should check out the Communist -- I mean, Progressive Party.

OK, switching gears. Now to the "Real Story." Fred Thompson has received a ton of interest ever since rumors started that he was going to run and enter the GOP race, but what does anybody really know about this guy? Tonight, we begin a two-part series: The "Real Story" on Fred Thompson.


BECK (voice-over): Fred Thompson has a lot of fans. In the most recent "USA Today"-Gallup polls, he`s ranked number two among Republican candidates. Giuliani placed first. The thing is, the guy hasn`t even officially announced his candidacy.

FMR. SEN. FRED THOMPSON (R), TENNESSEE: I don`t have any big announcements to make here tonight.

BECK: But he definitely isn`t leaving anything to doubt.

THOMPSON: I`ll just say this, I plan on seeing a whole lot more of you, how about that?

BECK: So who is Fred Thompson? Where does he stand? Everybody says he`s the next Ronald Reagan, but is he?

MIKE ALLEN, POLITICO.COM: As one person said to me, when he was in the Senate, no one called him Ronald Reagan. Now, of course, that`s exactly how he`s being portrayed. And so he is determined to come out with a lot to say, things that connect with the American people, a determination to take on big issues.

BECK: Issues like homeland security and terrorism. As far as the war in Iraq, he stands by President Bush`s decision to duke it out as long as we have to.

THOMPSON: This is going to be not a war of bombs; this is going to be a war of will, a war of will that we have to win.

BECK: But when it comes to immigration, he thinks we need to secure our borders, but he didn`t buy in to President Bush`s plan.

THOMPSON: The bottom line is what`s best for the strength and the long-term endurance of this country. And this immigration bill is not it.

ALLEN: And the challenge for Senator Thompson is to be a Bush ally without being seen as Bush. So he`s going to say that he supported the president on most things that are near and dear to the heart of conservatives, but he`s going to make it clear that he understands that the country is ready for a different direction.

BECK: Most speeches, he talks about his deep, personal belief in federalism.

THOMPSON: The rule of law. Market economies. The rights of private property. Free and fair trade.

BECK: But his ideals about federalism have made his stance on abortion a little confusing to some.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Fred Thompson is not pro-life.

BECK: Thompson says he`s pro-life, but in this 1994 debate we found on YouTube, listen to how Thompson replies to a question about whether or not the government should make laws banning abortion.

THOMPSON: I do not believe that the federal government ought to be involved in that process.

BECK: The other controversy came after his term as senator.

ALLEN: While Senator Thompson was out of office, he made a fair amount of money over several years as a lobbyist. Now people are going to start to go through those client lists and try to figure out, like what exactly he did, what issues were involved, and how that image as a lobbyist might detract from the image of Senator Thompson as a regular guy.

BECK: And regular guy is the exact image he`s trying to portray. Many pundits say it`s his biggest strength as a candidate.

ANNOUNCER: ... the bold change Washington needs.

BECK: Even back in 1994 as he was running for the Senate, he donned that plaid shirt and stood next to a red pickup.

THOMPSON: We need somebody on the inside of that place fighting for us.

BECK: Back then and today, Fred Thompson wants America to believe he`s not a Washington insider. I, for one, hope he`s not, but whether or not he is remains to be seen.


BECK: Joining me now is Republican strategist Amy Holmes and Dave Glover, a radio talk show host in St. Louis, KFDK. By the way, David, congratulations on your number-one rating yet again in St. Louis.

DAVE GLOVER, RADIO HOST: Thank you, buddy.

BECK: Let me start with you, Dave, actually. When you think of Fred Thompson, do you think, "Good god, announce already"?

GLOVER: I do. It`s just about time. I think that he has stretched out the drama about as long as he can. Now it`s beginning to become annoying to a lot of people. But we`re going to forget that six months from now. But Labor Day, give or take a week or so.

BECK: Yes. Amy, I actually think that this is working to his detriment, because I don`t know if he -- and you probably do -- I don`t know if he said he was going to announce around July 4th or if that was just a rumor, but it almost seems like now there`s this impression that, "Well, there must be something wrong, what`s going on?"

AMY HOLMES, REPUBLICAN STRATEGIST: Well, that July 4th number was a rumor that got wide circulation, so there was a lot of expectation that you`d hear from him from them. But, you know, I don`t think this is hurting him at all. Look, this is Washington, August, the dog days of the summer. Families are on vacation. They`re at the beach. They`re camping. They`re not paying attention to whether or not Fred Thompson is going to be announcing for president. If anything, they`re probably watching him in "Law & Order" reruns.

So I think when he gets back, September, back to school, big announcement, then he can get all the hoopla, all the positive press. To do it right now would just be putting it in an media black hole, and it doesn`t really make sense.

BECK: Dave, Amy brings up a good point that, you know, now people are not watching TV, they`re not thinking about the news. What are real people doing? Do you think anybody really is paying attention to this political cycle now?

GLOVER: No, no. And that`s why I ultimately think that Fred Thompson very well may be our next president, because I think he appeals to those very people, the people who read "People" magazine as opposed to "The Economist" and who are watching "Age of Love" instead of "Frontline." I think he appeals to middle America.

HOLMES: Oh, come on now. I think that`s a bit of an elitist statement. We also know that Fred Thompson appeals to conservatives, he appeals to the base, and that`s why his numbers are so high.

GLOVER: Those aren`t the people who elect the president, though, with all due respect.

HOLMES: Well, they`re certainly the people who elect the Republican nominee right now.

GLOVER: That`s going to be a much bigger challenge for him. If he can get the nomination, I think he`ll do very well in the general election.

BECK: Wait, wait, hang on just a second, Dave. Who do you think is going to get the nomination? I mean, you have Rudy Giuliani, who, I`ve got to tell you, I think the next president should be, and would be for conservatives, the guy that will come out and say, "You know what I`m going to do? I`m going to try a new strategy over in Iraq. I`m going to try something we haven`t done yet and that`s kick their ass!" I think that`s what America`s looking for.

GLOVER: And I think that`s who Fred Thompson is. I think that`s what he`s going to say. I think, though, at this point, even though Giuliani`s running ahead in the polls, and if you look at the ones that matter, where the primaries are going to be, that Romney looks about as good as anybody.

BECK: Amy, too early to tell who you think is going to come out on top in the Republican nomination?

HOLMES: Oh, far too early. I mean, we saw a poll that said that none of the above was polling better than the frontrunners.

BECK: What`s your gut tell you, though? For instance, Fred Thompson, can he stand the scrutiny -- you know, Rudy Giuliani, I like him on some things, I hate him on other things, but the one thing that really spooks me is: That guy has more skeletons in the closet than most serial killers. I mean, there are just skeletons...

HOLMES: Oh, my goodness!

BECK: No, there are. There are skeletons all over.

HOLMES: Well, we elected Bill Clinton. We elected Bill Clinton, and he had a lot of female skeletons in his closet.

BECK: Right.

HOLMES: With the Republican nominee, Glenn, in all honesty, I don`t have a gut feeling on this one. I like Giuliani, but as we know he has problems with being pro-choice and pro-gay rights. He`s running ahead so far among Republican voters, but that`s before Fred Thompson has joined the race.

And you have to remember, Fred Thompson, he has been in this game a long, long time. He was Howard Baker`s right-hand man during the Watergate hearings. He is no stranger to the ups and downs of politics. I mean, even being an actor, let`s face it, it`s giving him skills to be able to stand on the national stage and be able to withstand a roller coaster career, so...

BECK: Amy, I will tell you this. And, Dave, I want you to chime in on this, because I saw this as a good thing, actually, and I think you`ll probably relate. I had somebody who`s high-placed here in Washington, who I won`t rat out on this, who said Fred Thompson, God bless him, I love him, but lazy. He said he was just known in the Senate as being one lazy guy. Dave, in a way, I saw that as an advantage. Wait a minute, a politician -- more politicians won`t get things done?


HOLMES: Good conservatives might actually applaud that.

GLOVER: Yes, he`s going to need to surround himself with some good people. It sounds like his wife`s not lazy, so that`s a plus. But I still say that, once he gets in this thing, he is the only one of him in the race. The rest are very Type A, to the point of being shrill, and I think he`s really going to stand out. And all these Republicans who are talking about none of the above, wait until someone, Fred Thompson or one of the others, is running against Clinton or Obama. They`re going to turn out in droves in `08.

BECK: OK, Amy, David, thank you so much. That`s "The Real Story" tonight.

Coming up, "The Simpsons," one of the biggest movies of the summer, I`ll talk to one of the biggest stars. I`m not interviewing a cartoon, although that would be kind of cool. We`ll sit down with Harry Shearer. Don`t miss it, next.


MARGE SIMPSON, "THE SIMPSONS": We need diapers. No, we don`t, no. Ladies razor blades.


M. SIMPSON: No, no, we don`t. I forgot, we`re European.




BECK: What is the number-one reason people buy a Prius? What`s going to get you into this ugly car? The trees, I just love the trees so much. No. The number-one answer, "It says something about me." Well, how fabulous. It says something about you. To me, it says that you`re a blind moron. It says something about me, number one. I like its unique design qualities. Number three, it will save me money. And, number four, I care about the trees.

So in other words, the average person buying a Prius doesn`t really care about the trees. I mean, they care a little bit. Well, I`ve got news for you: I care a little bit.


BECK: Unbelievable what narcissists we have become. Now, if I could only get one -- if I could make this about me and I could only get one guest that`s a bass-playing comedic actor who has his own radio show, also does funny voices for an award-winning animated series, it would have to be Harry Shearer. And what a coincidence, here he is.

How are you, sir?

HARRY SHEARER, ACTOR: You`re looking good, Glenn.

BECK: Now, see, let`s make it about me.

SHEARER: Let`s make it about you.

BECK: Last time you were here, you had "For Your Consideration" out. Hadn`t seen it yet, saw it, tragically sad.

SHEARER: Oh, yes.

BECK: My gosh, I didn`t expect that at all.

SHEARER: Yes, I said, as we were making it, this is going to be the saddest of this bunch of movies.

BECK: Oh, my gosh. And you know what? It showed the actors. You know, I`m a Christopher Guest fan, and that whole ensemble, it really showed everyone`s talent because it was not just funny and dry. It was tragically sad.

SHEARER: When Catherine O`Hara gets drunk the morning that she doesn`t win -- not to give anything away -- and comes out to take out the trash from the night before, and she gets ambushed by Fred Willard as an "ET" reporter, it`s just -- you think, I think the audience has to feel, "Thank god I`m not in show business."

BECK: OK, we have so much to talk to and such little time. "Simpsons," saw it this weekend, funny.

SHEARER: Thank you. Number one, baby, number one!

BECK: Yes, were you up at night worried about that? Was anybody?

SHEARER: I was up in the daytime worrying about it.

BECK: Were you?

SHEARER: Yes. Nights were good.

BECK: Yes, I bet you have very little sleep, all of you guys.

SHEARER: Yes. Well, I`ve had very little sleep recently because it went straight from Live Earth, Spinal Tap at Live Earth.

BECK: I didn`t know you did that.

SHEARER: Oh, yes.

BECK: Was it here in New Jersey?

SHEARER: No, London, at Wembley Stadium.

BECK: OK, because, you know, I was called a fascist corporate toadie by RFK here in New York.

SHEARER: Really? Well, nobody talked about you in London.

BECK: Good, thank you, thank you.


BECK: Did you take a big jet over there?

SHEARER: Yes, big, expensive jet, yes.

BECK: Good, good.

SHEARER: But we walked back, so...

BECK: Good. So you did that, you have "The Simpsons," you just started a Web site.

SHEARER: I`m part of a Web site that just started up called, which is a place where creative people are told, "Hey, nobody`s around to tell you what you can or cannot do. Here`s the money. Go do it. We`ll put it up on the Internet."

BECK: And I`ve got to tell you, this is the kind of stuff that`s the future. I was just in Detroit, and I was talking to a radio guy who said they`re trying to now legislate that if you`re an independent record person that you should have a right to have your music exposed on radio. And I thought, "That`s such a lack of understanding of how radio works anymore. It`s so tested." I mean, ring tones are tested to see if that song should be played. The Internet, finding people who are just, you know, expressing themselves creatively, the real future is to find them on the Internet.

SHEARER: Yes, it is, because the idea for this site is, it`s not repurposed network programming. It`s not cats in the bathtub, you know, amateur videos.


SHEARER: It`s professionals, people who have careers, but who are lured by the promise of no network suits, nobody saying, "Here are the rules," free to sort of create for the audience, and get feedback from the audience.

BECK: How do you make money on this?

SHEARER: Advertising.

BECK: Oh, that`s fabulous.


BECK: And you have a lot of stuff of yours up there?

SHEARER: Yes, I`m sort of the lead guy. I have a piece that started this week. The premise is Dick Cheney, not free with his emotions a lot in public...


SHEARER: ... has a little secure, disclosed nightclub where he comes down and sings with a jazz trio to vent his feelings.

BECK: Oh, that`s fabulous.

SHEARER: And it`s a little jazzy ballad about how...

BECK: Dick Cheney singing...

SHEARER: Dick Cheney singing with a jazz trio about how glad he is that Scooter didn`t do jail time.

BECK: That`s good.

SHEARER: "No Cooler for the Scooter." And he actually gets up and lies on the piano at one point, Baker Boy style (ph). You`ve never seen that before.

BECK: No, I haven`t. Is he wearing anything low-cut and lacy? No, nothing at all?

SHEARER: No, nothing Hillary-style, no cleavage.

BECK: And you have a new album out or a new CD.

SHEARER: What the hell is this? Where did that come from?

BECK: This wasn`t planned at all. That wasn`t on the list. It was number five question.

SHEARER: This is so live.

BECK: It`s crazy. Anything can happen.

SHEARER: Yes, it`s my CD, first musical CD I`ve done called "Songs Pointed and Pointless." Some of them are satirical. Some of them are just goofy.

BECK: Can we play -- do we have a little clip? Do we have time to play a clip of one? I know this television, we usually do this on radio. Except you have to look at us two dopes...

SHEARER: I didn`t hear that.

BECK: It was fabulous.

SHEARER: That was George W. Bush singing "Addicted to Oil," the premise being, you know, people are tuning out his speeches. Maybe he needs to start singing them.

BECK: May I ask you?


BECK: Because I was against Scooter Libby, and I want to get us off of oil, but I can`t take messages anymore. If you`re somebody who also happens to not like, you know, live in Hollywood, can you listen to this CD without your head exploding?

SHEARER: Yes. A friend of mine said to me today, "My dad and mom are real like conservative Republicans, and they saw the Dick Cheney video, and they said they really laughed at it and liked it.

BECK: Good, good.

SHEARER: So I`m not campaigning.

BECK: You are truly one of the funniest people or one of the most talented people in Hollywood.

SHEARER: Well, thank you. Thank you.

BECK: Just love your work.

SHEARER: And you`re looking great.

BECK: No, seriously, tell me some more.

SHEARER: OK, the tie...

BECK: We`ll be back in just a minute.

SHEARER: That is a tie, isn`t it?

BECK: No, this is actually just some of my chin that has been pulled out and knotted and then we paint it.

SHEARER: That`s a lovely tie.

BECK: Yes, thank you.


BECK: Sheryl Crow made headlines a few months ago by suggesting we could help prevent global warming by using just a single sheet of toilet paper. Thankfully, as I reported, and not a lot of people did, she was joking. But now a remarkable new invention is about to hit the market and promises to help save this planet, five sheets at a time.

Joining me now is the director of North American washroom business, Kimberly-Clark, Richard Thorne.

Hello, Richard, how are you?

RICHARD THORNE, KIMBERLY-CLARK: Good evening, Glenn, I`m very well, thank you.

BECK: Good. Now, this is kind of like the iPod thing. You know, when you`re the only people that had an iPod, I`m the first guy to have this, right?

THORNE: Absolutely right. We think this is a great, cool, new invention that`s going to really help health and hygiene everywhere in the public stalls out there.

BECK: And what exactly is it?

THORNE: It`s an electronic jumbo roll toilet tissue from Kimberly- Clark. It dispenses our Scott bathroom tissue in, as you pointed out before, 20 inches at a time, in pre-measured sheets.

BECK: Watch this. Watch this, America. You just put your hand down here, and it`s just that easy. Hang on, you just -- there it is. There it is. Five sheets of -- now, this is going to make a difference right here.

THORNE: This is going to make a big difference right there.

BECK: This wouldn`t make a difference for my 2-year-old son. I would be wiping his pooty with five sheets. I mean, how did you come up with it should dispense five sheets?

THORNE: Well, we came up with it. We do a huge amount of research. Toilet tissue is our business. We`ve been in it for over 100 years now.

BECK: I haven`t heard that phrase from very many people, but, OK, so, quickly, we`ve only got a minute, how did you come up with the five sheets?

THORNE: We came up with -- a huge amount of research, both internally at Kimberly-Clark, but also we have smart dispensers which measure the amount of toilet tissue people take and use when they use the product in use. And basically...

BECK: So this is an average. So some people use less than five sheets?

THORNE: Some people use less; some people use more. So the dispenser has got three settings on it, a short one for 16 inches, a medium one for 20, and a long one for 24, but you can go back to it as many times as you want.

BECK: There you go.

THORNE: It isn`t only 20 sheets and then you have to put a dime in to get some more tissue. You can go back many, many times.

BECK: OK, OK. Well, you know what, I have to tell you, I do love your products, you know, and the roll of toilet paper, but if people are using less than five sheets, I`m never shaking anyone`s hand ever again.

THORNE: Absolutely right.

BECK: Richard, thank you very much.

THORNE: Thanks very much, Glenn.

BECK: Bye-bye.

THORNE: Bye-bye.

BECK: And it`s all mine. Don`t forget, if you want to know what`s on tomorrow`s show or if you`d like a little more in-depth commentary on toilet paper, hey, you sign up for my free daily e-mail newsletter at From New York, good night, America.