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CNN Larry King Live
Kathy Griffin: Outspoken, Outrageous, Out of Control
Aired June 06, 2008 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
LARRY KING, HOST: Tonight, is anyone more outrageous than Kathy Griffin?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
KATHY GRIFFIN, COMEDIAN: No one had less to do with this award than Jesus.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: She's outspoken.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: I don't apologize, mother. That's why I'm special.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: OK.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: Out of control.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: You better watch your back, because I'm coming at you full tongue.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: And taking on everything -- including the candidates.
No one is safe. The star of "The D-List" is our A-list. Kathy Griffin for the hour. And, yes, we'll take your calls right now.
GRIFFIN: We need to just talk about it together.
KING: On LARRY KING LIVE.
She's become one of our favorite guests and what a Friday night treat to go into the weekend with Kathy Griffin, the Emmy-winning star of "My Life on the D-List". Season four of "The D-List" premiers next Thursday, by the way, on Bravo. Also on Thursday, she'll host Bravo's A-list Awards.
Good to have you back.
All right. You got an Emmy. Your reality series, fourth hit year...
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: ...hosting an award show.
GRIFFIN: Sure.
KING: Do you think you're moving to the C- or B-list, you?
GRIFFIN: No, Larry, I'm not.
KING: It would appear that way.
GRIFFIN: First of all, I just want to be honest with your viewers, that during the commercial break, you looked at me with regret that you booked me in the first place. So I know -- no, I know the real -- I know you're rethinking this booking.
KING: You found me out is what you're saying.
GRIFFIN: Yes. You're rethinking it.
First of all, are you sure I'm on for the whole hour?
KING: You are, the whole hour.
GRIFFIN: Because, you know...
KING: Unless we get breaking news.
GRIFFIN: Larry, last time, you know who I was bumped for?
Do you remember this?
Kato Kaelin.
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: And that is how I know I am still on the D-list.
KING: Yes, well, that's true.
GRIFFIN: When you say to me, you've got to leave, sweetheart, here comes Kato...
KING: We bumped you for Kato Kaelin?
GRIFFIN: Kaelin.
KING: Why did we -- oh, that was in the O.J. and the Vegas thing?
Was that the...
GRIFFIN: Whatever, Larry. It hurt. It hurt me here...
KING: It would hurt. I understand.
GRIFFIN: In my bosom.
KING: Yes, it would hurt me, too.
OK, first, let's get right to it. There are so many things to talk about.
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: What do you make of Obama/Clinton, that whole thing?
GRIFFIN: Well, I want it to be the power ticket, like everybody else, you know?
So I -- I love Hillary. I think she's brilliant. I love him. I think he's brilliant. The other guy, not so much.
KING: You don't like McCain?
GRIFFIN: Not (INAUDIBLE) no. I think the staying in Iraq for a hundred years is not a great idea. And maybe he regrets saying it.
KING: Should Hillary run with Obama?
GRIFFIN: Yes, of course.
And whose ego is in the way?
I think it's very Hollywood. It's not unlike what happens on "The Hills".
Now, do you watch "The Hills," Larry?
KING: I've heard of it. I haven't watched it.
GRIFFIN: It's very popular. So, to -- Obama and Hillary are kind of like the Heidi and LC of "The Hills," where if they could just make up, it's better for everybody.
KING: And so you think that ticket would work?
GRIFFIN: I think it's a power ticket.
KING: So you're saying to Obama tonight, pick her?
GRIFFIN: You know what I'm saying to Obama tonight, I'm saying Senator Obama, please don't be like LC. Make up with Heidi. Run on the power ticket.
KING: Do you think celebrities, when they endorse candidates, help them?
GRIFFIN: Well, I think we've learned that Oprah is going to elect our next president.
Why?
Because she can.
KING: Was she the key?
GRIFFIN: Are you nervous because I'm making fun of Oprah?
KING: No.
GRIFFIN: No, come on.
KING: Why would I be nervous?
GRIFFIN: Because she owns the world, Larry.
KING: She's a friend of mine. I get along. I've known her a hundred years.
GRIFFIN: And so -- but, OK, now that was a nervous gesture.
KING: No, it wasn't.
GRIFFIN: No. Like if I was like a court specialist, then I would say he's guilty of something.
KING: What do you think (LAUGHTER)...
GRIFFIN: Are you terrified of her?
KING: No!
GRIFFIN: A little?
KING: What do you think Oprah meant...
GRIFFIN: Are you scared of Gayle?
KING: No.
GRIFFIN: OK.
KING: Because we've got the same last name.
GRIFFIN: Well, I -- Oprah and Gayle have the same last names?
KING: No. I am.
GRIFFIN: They're finally married?
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: I love living and California. I knew it. (INAUDIBLE).
KING: Do you think...
GRIFFIN: What do you and Oprah talk about in the commercial breaks?
KING: We talk about interesting things -- politics, serious things, things we don't talk about.
GRIFFIN: But, wait, you're saying that Oprah actually talks to you during the commercial breaks?
KING: She -- yes.
GRIFFIN: Has she ever physically struck you?
KING: No.
What are you -- are you out of your...
GRIFFIN: No, just -- I'm saying, she's very -- very powerful. That's all I'm saying.
KING: You know, you're not going to get on her show if that -- if you keep acting like this.
GRIFFIN: Oh, I've got to tell you this. All right, so the other day, I'm on the "Today Show" and -- which feels very A-list to me, except every time I do the "Today Show," by the time it's my segment, Matt Lauer just leaves.
Like are you -- can you just leave the show in the middle of it?
KING: And who does you, Meredith?
GRIFFIN: Al Roker, who are we kidding?
KING: Al Roker?
GRIFFIN: It's me and Al all the way, baby.
KING: What do you talk about, weather?
GRIFFIN: Whatever. I have no choice. I'm on the D-list. But my point is Matt's like on the subway going home. So I'm just nervous you're going to just leave after 20 minutes or something...
KING: No, I'm not. I'm trying to get to a question.
GRIFFIN: Sorry.
KING: What do you think Oprah meant in the victorious candidacy of Obama?
GRIFFIN: Well, I think that we are under her thumb and we'd better do what she says or else.
KING: So, in other words, she has ordered us to vote for Obama?
GRIFFIN: Yes. And I'll do it. I will do whatever she says.
KING: So there...
GRIFFIN: Because, basically, Barack Obama is one of her favorite things.
KING: So, therefore, he's going to win unanimously?
GRIFFIN: He'd better or else we're all going to pay.
KING: Or she'll be mad?
GRIFFIN: Oh, nobody wants that.
KING: Do you think Oprah will have...
GRIFFIN: I think she can change the weather.
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: Yes. Like she could look at clouds and just make them turn into storms.
KING: Do you think Oprah will have a place in the administration?
GRIFFIN: On the cabinet?
KING: Somewhere.
GRIFFIN: I certainly hope so.
KING: What cabinet post?
GRIFFIN: I'd like her to be like a woman's Karl Rove. You know, kind of like not really -- you know how he never really had a title, but she's just pulling the strings.
KING: He never had a title, special assistant.
GRIFFIN: Look, here's the thing.
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: I think she -- Oprah should be the special assistant to the president. Yes.
KING: That would work. And she'd live in the White House, redo it...
GRIFFIN: She can live wherever she wants. Wake up, sweetheart. She could live in the Vatican. She delegate buy it. She might even have more money than you, Larry.
Now, by the way, what do you make on this show?
Like what's your annual salary?
KING: I can't tell you that.
GRIFFIN: Well, do you -- do you make like a weekly salary or do they pay you monthly or what happens?
KING: You know my...
GRIFFIN: Do you make a -- like what's your per show?
KING: The money goes to the account. I never broke it down to per show. I think we're paid twice monthly.
Are we paid twice monthly?
I don't know.
GRIFFIN: Do you have to like fill out an invoice or punch a clock or...
KING: Every other week. No, I don't (INAUDIBLE).
GRIFFIN: OK. All right.
(DELETED)
KING: (DELETED).
GRIFFIN: OK. Thanks. I can look it up online.
KING: OK. It's online?
GRIFFIN: You can look up anything online.
KING: Oh, my gosh. I didn't know that.
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: OK. An e-mail question from Jeremy in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania: "What do you make of the news about Clay Aiken fathering a child via artificial insemination?"
GRIFFIN: Well, I'm shocked, of course, that he didn't make love to this woman many, many times slowly throughout a night. That is shocking to me. In addition to that, I am hurt that I was not chosen as his baby mama, because I am a fan of Clay's, and, in fact, bought his new CD the day it came out.
KING: Would you have been his baby mama?
GRIFFIN: Of course.
KING: You...
GRIFFIN: Wouldn't you?
KING: No. You'd have had...
GRIFFIN: Hold it . Hold it. I just want to get this straight.
KING: No, I would not...
GRIFFIN: Since we're on a news channel, you're actually saying that you would not enter a same-sex union with Clay Aiken?
KING: No.
GRIFFIN: Wow!
OK, judge him...
KING: Nothing against...
GRIFFIN: (INAUDIBLE).
KING: Nothing against same-sex. I mean (INAUDIBLE) that's not my bag.
GRIFFIN: No. And I was going to ask you, by the way, how do you feel being snubbed by the GLAD Awards this year?
You were not nominated...
KING: I've gotten (INAUDIBLE)...
GRIFFIN: ...for a gay and lesbian...
KING: I've gotten it in the past and I've all...
GRIFFIN: Are you making that -- you sound like you're making that up.
KING: No.
GRIFFIN: You have a GLAD Award?
KING: Yes.
GRIFFIN: No, you don't.
KING: Presented by Sharon Stone. Yes.
What do you mean no?
GRIFFIN: Wait a minute. Now let me get this straight.
KING: I have the GLAAD Award.
GRIFFIN: Because you can't just make things up on the show, Larry. It's CNN.
KING: I'm not making them up.
GRIFFIN: OK. So you're saying that...
KING: We don't do it. It's Fox they do that.
GRIFFIN: Oh, I know. Look, what's going on over there, those nut bags?
Can you imagine?
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: What is going on?
The Republicans can't just have their own channel. They have (INAUDIBLE) their own channel.
What about Hannity?
That nut bag -- oh, did you see the thing online where Hannity -- you know, because Fox, they're so of the people. Apparently he won't do a speaking gig unless you send the G4 plane. Yes, he and O'Reilly are looking out for you with their talking points.
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: (INAUDIBLE).
KING: Hold on, Kathy.
GRIFFIN: Sorry.
KING: We'll take a break.
Not many people made fun of Madonna. Kathy does that after the break.
GRIFFIN: And you've met her.
KING: After the break.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
KING: We now welcome back to LARRY KING LIVE, Kathy Griffin, the sexiest, most beautiful Emmy winning, better than Oprah comedienne and artist.
Who wrote this?
My producer...
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: What do you mean?
KING: My producer tells me there was an incident in the control room during the break.
GRIFFIN: I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.
KING: Let's look at -- let's look at the security tape.
What's this all about?
GRIFFIN: Oh.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Welcome to LARRY KING LIVE, comedienne Kathy Griffin.
GRIFFIN: I'll take over, sweetheart.
All right. The sexiest, most beautiful, Emmy Award winning, better than Oprah, artiste -- please, no cameras. I want privacy.
How dare you?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: You know what?
KING: You -- wait a minute.
GRIFFIN: That is outrageous.
KING: That is out -- wait a minute. You wrote that open I just did?
GRIFFIN: No.
Why?
KING: But I just saw you do it.
GRIFFIN: Are you asking?
No.
KING: Our security cam was there.
GRIFFIN: It was Photoshopped.
KING: You pushed aside our producer.
GRIFFIN: It was Photoshopped. I think -- you know who did it, Kato Kaelin.
KING: We're back to him again.
GRIFFIN: I harbor things.
KING: OK.
What's the story with the new CD?
GRIFFIN: Well... KING: I like this. Look at this, folks.
GRIFFIN: Thank you. I have a CD coming out next week and...
KING: There it is.
GRIFFIN: Here's the deal. Normally, I would put out a DVD, but I would just like to be nominated for a Grammy. That's why I'm putting it out. And so it's called "For Your Consideration," to be like a nudge to the Gramm -- and here's the thing. I would like to beat Janet Reno because, you know how every year there's...
KING: Janet Reno?
She (INAUDIBLE)...
GRIFFIN: Yes. There's that spoken word category that's Maya Angelou or Janet Reno/Al Gore. I'd like to beat them. So it's a shameless ploy to try to get a Grammy nomination and...
KING: You, Kathy, do a lot of things like that, don't you?
GRIFFIN: Yes, I do. I have no shame.
KING: You make a lot of fun of the "American Idol" judge, Paula Abdul.
What have you got against her?
GRIFFIN: OK. Larry...
KING: What?
GRIFFIN: First of all, what happens when she's here?
Like with the one eye closed...
KING: Here?
She's been here.
GRIFFIN: ...and when she's on God only knows what?
I mean did she ever like fall in or (INAUDIBLE)...
KING: She leans over a lot (ph).
GRIFFIN: Oh, you bet she does.
KING: Wet herself (ph)?
No.
GRIFFIN: I'm just curious. Well, I'm just saying, sometimes she doesn't seem in control of her faculties a hundred percent, allegedly. It's what I'm alleging as a comedian. That's covered under the First Amendment, satire.
KING: Correct. What did you make of the -- of the finals, David versus David?
GRIFFIN: Well, that -- that's fine. I -- they're both adorable and I think David Cook is a great singer. But can we -- I'm sorry, can we jump to the other incident where Paula, on live television, thought that one guy had sung two songs when he had only sung one?
Now, that was one of the great moments in live television.
KING: Can that...
GRIFFIN: I know, you pride yourself on great live television. But Paula Abdul might have taken that trophy away from him.
KING: There was a lot going on. She had seen it in rehearsal, right?
GRIFFIN: Oh. Oh, my god.
You're not sticking up for Paula Abdul, are you?
KING: Yes.
GRIFFIN: What?
KING: Because things can happen in live television.
GRIFFIN: Are you going to hit me?
Because you look like you're actually going to hit me.
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: Look, things can happen like the...
KING: Like you a rehearsal...
GRIFFIN: ...Oxycontin falls out of your purse and then...
KING: You watch a rehearsal and five minutes later you're on and you thank them for both songs.
GRIFFIN: Larry...
KING: But for one of the songs is...
GRIFFIN: ...she can't even sit up straight half the time.
Who in America could keep their job if they acted like that?
Who?
Did you see that show, "Hey, Paula"? It was on Bravo. It was the best show Bravo has ever done. KING: How does she keep the job?
GRIFFIN: Exactly. It's a mystery to rival the pyramids.
KING: Why (INAUDIBLE)?
GRIFFIN: I don't know.
KING: Well, why would...
GRIFFIN: She must have naked pictures of somebody over there at Fox because the way she is on "Hey, Paula" and on "Idol."
How about when she just misses certain cities when they have the auditions?
She just doesn't make it sometimes because her plane was late.
KING: What do you make of Ryan...
GRIFFIN: (INAUDIBLE).
KING: Do you like Ryan Seacrest?
GRIFFIN: Are you kidding me with this?
OK, first of all, look.
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: I think she's a great hostess. And...
KING: He.
GRIFFIN: Oh, I'm sorry.
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: I think he does a great job over there. No. Ryan Seacrest is a perfect target for me because he...
KING: Why?
GRIFFIN: Because he here has so much money that he -- there's like nothing I could ever do to hurt him.
But did you know that he is secretly taking over the world with Oprah?
KING: He's the -- oh, he's the co-partner in crime?
GRIFFIN: He -- there's a co-partner in crime, yes.
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: And he's another one filthy rich with the flat iron hair and the -- when's the last time you got a fake tan?
KING: Never.
GRIFFIN: OK, because Ryan enjoys the fake tans. He talks about it. He gets the mani-pedi.
When was the last time you got a mani-pedi?
KING: Never.
Are you...
GRIFFIN: OK.
KING: You're not saying he's gay?
GRIFFIN: No, I'm not.
KING: (INAUDIBLE).
GRIFFIN: I'm not saying...
KING: He's not gay.
GRIFFIN: I'm not saying he's gay, I'm just saying he's...
KING: Have you ever seen some of the girls he goes out with?
GRIFFIN: Oh, are we -- are we playing that game?
KING: What game?
GRIFFIN: Because then we'll talk about Al Reynolds. If we're going to go there, let's just talk about Star Jones.
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: Now, no. I think Ryan has got his hands full with little Paula. But I'm just saying, I could not keep my job if I behaved that way.
KING: OK. Now...
GRIFFIN: And I know she has a back injury.
KING: I'm hopscotching all over the board.
GRIFFIN: Sorry.
KING: A lot of celebrities have clothing lines, they have perfumes.
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: What about you? GRIFFIN: Well, that's why I think it's funny about these celebrities, you know, pimping their clothing lines and stuff on their reality shows. And, by the way, I loved it when you had Pam Anderson on. That was so nuts.
Remember when she kept looking off camera?
KING: Yes.
GRIFFIN: What was that?
The whole interview, she was looking over here and talking about her docu-series. Now, that's what I love. I have a reality show, but when an A-lister does it, it's a docu-series. It's a reality show.
KING: Is she A-list, she, Pam...
GRIFFIN: Of course she is. She's a worldwide international star. But I didn't know what she kept look over at like that.
KING: I don't know. I don't remember.
GRIFFIN: Larry, you actually said, what are you looking at?
You stopped the interview and you go, what are you looking at?
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: And she like -- it snapped her into place but it was weird.
KING: So you're not going to have a perfume...
GRIFFIN: No. Look, I have...
KING: You've got no clothing?
GRIFFIN: A perfume, yes, right.
KING: What could you have?
GRIFFIN: All right, here's -- this is the honest truth. I just started, for the first time, selling T-shirts at my shows, because, you know, I tour all the time and stuff. And...
KING: And you sell out everywhere.
GRIFFIN: I have -- I have great ticket sales, I've got to say. I get to...
KING: You do.
GRIFFIN: I sold out the Garden for three nights, the Kodak Theater.
KING: I know. You pack them in. GRIFFIN: I love it. OK. So I decided to sell T-shirts and I average about seven per show. I don't know...
KING: Seven?
GRIFFIN: It's pitiful. It is a disaster. I'm losing money on the whole thing.
KING: Well, how do you do it?
How do you promote it?
GRIFFIN: Well, here's what happens. Everybody, you know, people e-mail me and they say you should sell T-shirts that say "everybody can suck it." And then when I do make those T-shirts, then they e-mail and they say, I can't wear those in the workplace. I'm a mom.
So I don't know what the secret is...
KING: So...
GRIFFIN: But I am not like Jessica Simpson...
KING: Why have you...
GRIFFIN: ...with a $50 million shoe business.
KING: Why have you -- why don't you change what you say on it?
GRIFFIN: What am I supposed to say?
I mean my, you know, my T-shirts say things like "suck it," "straight to hell," "holy blank balls."
Wait. OK. I didn't say anything bad.
KING: You're risque, you know?
GRIFFIN: Really?
You would never say that to Oprah, not to her face, anyway.
(LAUGHTER)
KING: You broke up with your boyfriend, huh?
GRIFFIN: No, when -- oh, do you want to hear about that?
KING: Yes. When I get back.
GRIFFIN: OK.
KING: This is called a grabber.
GRIFFIN: OK.
KING: See, you say that...
GRIFFIN: Now, have you ever asked Gayle if she's ever broken up with her boyfriend?
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: What?
What did I do?
KING: We'll find out what happened with her boyfriend right after this.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Ladies and gentlemen, Kathy Griffin.
GRIFFIN: Hello. I'm Kathy Griffin, the foul-mouthed comedian that doesn't take (EXPLETIVE DELETED) from anyone.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: The Emmy for outstanding reality program goes to Kathy Griffin, "My Life on the D-List".
GRIFFIN: No one had less to do with this award than Jesus.
KING: This is in response to comments given by Kathy Griffin that she accepted her Emmy.
GRIFFIN: I love it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: We're back with Kathy.
All right, what happened with...
GRIFFIN: You're on episode one of "My Life on the D-List".
KING: I'm thrilled.
GRIFFIN: Oh, wow! Look at the enthusiasm, ladies and gentlemen.
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: Oh, you would never talk that way to Janet Jackson.
KING: OK...
GRIFFIN: Now, when Janet Jackson is here, can you even hear her?
She's very quiet.
KING: I hear her.
GRIFFIN: All right.
KING: I've done this a while. I know how to do it.
GRIFFIN: No, I know. I'm just saying she's very quiet (INAUDIBLE).
KING: What happened with the boyfriend?
GRIFFIN: OK. So Steve Wozniak, billionaire gnus, Apple cofounder, and I met and we dated a few times and then he...
KING: You were in love?
(LAUGHTER)
KING: Come on, you were in love.
GRIFFIN: Well, it was never really serious. But he is a great, awesome guy. And then through the course of doing "My Life on the D- List" he met someone else and married her.
But you know what?
Here's the thing. We move on in life -- what happened?
KING: Did you feel dumped?
GRIFFIN: Well, look, we were kind of -- we were better as friends, but I'm just saying I didn't think he would meet someone so quite...
KING: The paparazzi treated you as boyfriend/girlfriend?
GRIFFIN: Yes. But I also went to the Emmys with a fake engagement ring on because I thought it would be funny. But...
KING: Did he think it was funny?
GRIFFIN: He didn't see it. He didn't notice.
KING: OK.
GRIFFIN: He's like (LAUGHTER). He's like an absent-minded professor that way. He doesn't notice minutia. He changed the world.
But, no, he met somebody who was much more appropriate and, you know, all that stuff. And I've met her and I'm going to see them in a week and...
KING: You like her?
GRIFFIN: Yes. Well, she's like super smart and stuff.
KING: We have a King Cam question for Kathy. Throw it up. VERONICA: Hi, Kathy. My name is Veronica.
And I wanted to know, what's a secret to your sex life?
GRIFFIN: I'm wild.
KING: You are?
GRIFFIN: Yes. I'm wild and I enjoy sex. I don't phone it in. I'm in the moment.
KING: You have...
GRIFFIN: When we get busy, it's with two Zs. It's busy.
KING: Nothing fake?
GRIFFIN: No. Well, that's -- there's a lot of options when you say that. But if you mean my, you know, involvement...
KING: Yes, you know -- yes.
GRIFFIN: ...then I'll go all night with you buddy.
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: I will wink your head off.
KING: You don't fake it?
GRIFFIN: Why should I?
KING: That's all right.
But you do enjoy it?
GRIFFIN: I love it.
What's not to like?
KING: How do you explain your huge gay following?
GRIFFIN: I -- I love the gays. And I -- you know, I never -- I never actively went for a gay audience. I was just that girl that went to the prom with a gay guy and all that stuff. I mean I just always had gay friends. And I respect the gay community tremendously because I feel like they're so good at mobilizing and getting stuff done and they write the legislation and they do the marches and it's great.
KING: Why do so many pretty girls -- and I put you in that category...
GRIFFIN: Naturally. So many models, if you will.
KING: ...get along with the gay fellows?
GRIFFIN: Well, first of all, they're all almost hot. So they always in great shape.
KING: So it looks good?
GRIFFIN: Yes. They look good and...
KING: So it's a show?
GRIFFIN: It -- no, well, for me, I think we have a lot of common interests. For example, if I was going to have, you know, a night where maybe we were going to watch "Project Runway" and "Flipping Out," no offense, but I wouldn't invite you. It would be more enjoyable with gay people. It wouldn't be that much fun with you.
KING: Do you like shopping with gay people?
GRIFFIN: Well, I'm not going to go shopping with you, Larry. Let's be honest -- you and your buddies.
KING: Now I'm insulted.
GRIFFIN: Well, you should be, because you...
KING: Why wouldn't you go shopping?
GRIFFIN: Because you -- I don't think you would be a very good gay shopping companion. There.
KING: I'm not gay, but I would be...
GRIFFIN: But -- I know, but that's what I'm saying is -- first of all, what season am I?
KING: What season are you?
GRIFFIN: That's what I'm saying. I'm an autumn, Larry. All the gays know that. And that's why.
(LAUGHTER)
KING: OK. You win.
An e-mail from Mary in San Francisco: "California legalized gay marriage so I proposed to my partner and he said no. I'm asking you, as someone with unique sensibilities on this kind of thing, do I stay with him or move on?"
GRIFFIN: Well, of course, you move on. But here's -- I'm going to say something extremely controversial. I am actually against gay marriage and here's why. I'm against marriage of all kinds, because I'm just a bitter divorcees. So I think all marriage should be banned and illegal, because it didn't work out for me.
KING: That's a very selfish position.
GRIFFIN: Oh, sorry. I'm pro -- no, of course, I'm pro-gay marriage. I want the gays to do whatever they want. My goodness, who cares?
That's another thing with the Republicans worried about the gay marriage, they don't have bigger fish to fry?
KING: Hey, I've got a perfect match for you.
GRIFFIN: Who?
KING: George Clooney.
(LAUGHTER)
KING: What's the matter?
GRIFFIN: Is he gay?
KING: No.
GRIFFIN: Wouldn't be heaven?
KING: Maybe.
GRIFFIN: Maybe that's why he broke up with the cocktail waitress.
KING: He'd be serious with you. He could...
GRIFFIN: Oh.
KING: You could have a real...
GRIFFIN: I don't know, I've got to tell you...
KING: You don't like George Clooney?
GRIFFIN: Of course I do. Who doesn't? But I'm just saying he's a little green, you know what I mean? Everything is (INAUDIBLE)...
KING: Green?
GRIFFIN: Yes. He and Julia Roberts with the environmentally conscious and...
KING: That's not your bag?
GRIFFIN: Well, I don't have time to recycle. I'm very busy and famous and I have a lot of, you know, jokes to write about naughty parts.
KING: If George Clooney called you and asked you out, would you go?
GRIFFIN: No. That's right.
You know, why?
Because I could sell the story to "OK!" magazine about how I was the only women to say no to George Clooney and then maybe more people watch "My Life on the D-List". KING: (INAUDIBLE).
GRIFFIN: (INAUDIBLE).
KING: Everything about you is commercial, isn't it?
GRIFFIN: Would you say that to Miley Cyrus?
By the way, what do you think of those pictures?
KING: Oh, yes, what do you think of them?
GRIFFIN: I know. And I don't even mean the "Vanity Fair" naughty with the blankie like uh-oh, almost. I mean the like Internet ones that are more naughty.
KING: I don't see those. I don't...
GRIFFIN: OK. Well, she takes them herself. So there's one where she's chewing on a T-shirt and she's holding the camera herself taking it -- and, oh, there's that "Vanity Fair" one.
KING: Hmm.
GRIFFIN: I know. Next to RFK. Why, I don't know. But, yes, she's naughty. And now I was, you know, not quite that sophisticated when I was 15. I was walking around saying things like, when do I menstruate?
But, you know, she's a little maybe more advanced than I was. And I am fascinated by all things Miley Cyrus.
KING: What do you make on Tatum O'Neal?
GRIFFIN: Oh, I'm so jealous.
What?
KING: Jealous?
GRIFFIN: Look at all the press she's got. Why didn't I think of that?
KING: You can do it. Go out of here and...
GRIFFIN: So all I had to do was go score some crack?
KING: Go out here and buy some crack.
GRIFFIN: Well...
KING: Call some paparazzi. You could call the police.
GRIFFIN: I was going to say, could any of your...
KING: Call the police.
GRIFFIN: ...camera guys come and maybe accidentally film it or?
KING: You want us to film it? What about filming your arrest?
GRIFFIN: I'm in.
Where do I -- what happens?
KING: Boy, you would do anything.
GRIFFIN: Yes. I am dying to get arrested. I want a mug shot. I want -- I also want to do like the celebrity one night in jail. You know, like when JLo went and just signed autographs all night.
KING: You want to go to rehab?
GRIFFIN: Yes.
Do you know -- where can I get in?
I can't get in.
(LAUGHTER)
GRIFFIN: Promises always is booked, you know. I mean the big ones are booked. You know, there's a waiting list. Yes.
KING: Why would you want to do that?
GRIFFIN: Because...
KING: Why would you want to be arrested?
Why would you want -- why?
GRIFFIN: Because then I could sit down with Barbara Walters and maybe she would forgive me. Because, you know, Barbara and I are on the outs.
KING: Why?
GRIFFIN: Well, I made a very innocent and harmless joke about her in my last special and then I was re-banned from "The View."
KING: What was the joke?
GRIFFIN: Well, Barbara and I had a conversation backstage. And, you know, Barbara's a little naughty and a little randy. You know that.
Did you ever sleep with her when you were an African-American Senator?
KING: No.
GRIFFIN: OK. I'm just asking. I'm asking an innocent question. Anyway, we were having a conversation and I was trying to shock her and I was talking about K-Y Jelly, which is a lubricant. And she said turned to me and she said, "I prefer Astroglide."
And I -- that doesn't -- that -- you have no reaction to that?
KING: I don't know what you're talking about.
GRIFFIN: Have you and Barbara Walters talked about Astroglide so extensively...
KING: Never.
GRIFFIN: ...that you're not even shocked by that.
KING: I never heard the word.
GRIFFIN: OK. So I, you know, mentioned it in my last special. And I was supposed...
KING: You mentioned that she said Astroglide in response?
GRIFFIN: How could I not?
KING: OK. And she got mad at that?
GRIFFIN: Well, the executive producer of "The View," Bill Geddie -- and I think that's G-E-D-D-I-E -- he is the one that canceled my bookings then on "The View."
KING: Not her?
GRIFFIN: Well, I don't think Barbara Walters watches my specials. I don't think she's, you know, I don't think I'm on her radar.
KING: We'll talk polygamy and we'll take your calls next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: Now there's something that we need to work out as a family. Yes. We need to process it together. There's something going on with our girl and she's been in the news a lot lately. We need to just talk about it together. All right? Because we raised her and now we have to fix her. You know who I mean, right? What the (EXPLETIVE DELETED) is going on with Britney?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: Oh. The incredible Kathy Griffin. We promised to talk about Madonna. Taking some calls in a moment. What is your read?
GRIFFIN: I want to talk about the polygamy polygamy.
KING: We'll get to that.
GRIFFIN: I was going to say is Britney one of the polygamy wives now? I thought the Britney material was a good - And you know, that might not be a bad place for her.
KING: Polygamy.
GRIFFIN: I'm not for polygamy. I'm just saying with everything Britney is going through, maybe she could live at the come pound with the FLDS or LDS or ...
KING: And be one of the wives?
GRIFFIN: I'm just saying it would calm her down a little bit. Get her in the nice, comfortable outfit.
KING: Would you be a polygamist?
GRIFFIN: Of course I would. I would never have to pick out an outfit or tweeze my eyebrows. I could grow my hair and put in it a crazy bun.
KING: Go to your husband when he needs you?
GRIFFIN: Yes. By the way, they're always real catches. That Warren Jeffs is a real hottie. But the funny thing is over there at the compound, you know, they don't watch TV or anything but they obviously watch "Little House on the Prairie" on TV Land or how would they know how to dress like that?
KING: Good point.
GRIFFIN: They're just Laura Ingalls.
KING: What about Madonna?
GRIFFIN: Of course, like every gay man I'm obsessed with Madonna and I'm fascinated by her and her beauty and ...
KING: Talent?
GRIFFIN: Of course she's talented. And I'm not afraid if she sings a note or not. She's not afraid of lip synching.
KING: She's tiny.
GRIFFIN: Teeny weeny. And amazing shape. Of course I'm a fan. I'll go to the tour. Love her.
KING: Jealous of her?
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: You are?
GRIFFIN: Yes.
KING: That's sad a way.
GRIFFIN: Very sad. Pitiful. Very D-list. KING: Dallas, hello, as we take calls for Kathy.
CALLER: Hey, Kathy. It is one of your biggest fans.
GRIFFIN: Hi.
CALLER: I just wanted to chat with you for a minute and see have you actually had a facelift?
GRIFFIN: Oh, yes. I had what was a lower facelift. Which is where ...
KING: Lower facelift?
GRIFFIN: Yes. Which is where -- it is like the movie "Face Off" with John Travolta where they cut your face off, put it on a table, then put it on 20 minutes later.
KING: They did that to you?
GRIFFIN: Yes. It was like down here and so I think they took, you know, days or weeks off my appearance.
KING: You got new lips?
GRIFFIN: No. I never did the lips. I was afraid of that. I just do lip liner.
KING: Your jaw?
GRIFFIN: My jaw is my original jaw.
KING: What did they change?
GRIFFIN: Take the skin and try to make it higher and it's painful and humiliating and disgusting.
KING: Then why do it?
GRIFFIN: I'm off the junk now. I haven't had face work in five years.
KING: Why did you do it then?
GRIFFIN: I thought that I could turn into Jennifer Aniston.
KING: Why did you want to be Jennifer Aniston?
GRIFFIN: Yes. I still do.
KING: Are you saying it failed?
GRIFFIN: I'm saying I'm not Jennifer Aniston but it didn't help me.
KING: How did you look before? GRIFFIN: I look kind of like it didn't really change that much. I thought it would improve my life and help me. It really ...
KING: What about the pain? Why you would you willing accept the pain?
GRIFFIN: Disgusting and oozy and disgusting and bruised. I know. I know. It's horrible.
KING: What about Lauren Hutton?
GRIFFIN: Oh, OK.
KING: What is this story here? She is on the Bravo's "A-List Awards."
GRIFFIN: All right. So hosting the award show and it's -- it's really -- it's a crazy awards show. I'm telling you. It's on next Thursday. They give Lauren Hutton an icon award. Because she's a world famous supermodel and everything and then she gets up there and I live for these moments. She is just out of it. All over the Internet. I don't know ...
KING: Out of it how?
GRIFFIN: Let me say she had a Paula Abdul moment, OK? And she was stammering and didn't seem to know what she was talking about or what time it was. And, yes. And was sort of making fun of the award and it was uncomfortable and it was just delicious.
KING: Did you say something after?
GRIFFIN: I wasn't on right afterwards. That's the thing. In comedy, you kind of have to follow the person right away or too much time has passed.
KING: Did people talk to her backstage?
GRIFFIN: I think people were afraid to. So I -- I actually have watched it myself on tape several times just on -- you know, YouTube.
KING: You don't know what it was?
GRIFFIN: I don't know what it was but it was a bag of crazy. I opened it up and said, hmm, this smells good.
KING: St. Simons Island, Georgia, hello.
CALLER: Hi, Kathy. Great fan of yours.
GRIFFIN: Hi.
CALLER: I have a question for you. I know your father had such an extraordinary impact on your life and career. How have you been doing since his passing? GRIFFIN: Oh. Thank you so much for asking. My dad was on "My Life on the D-List" and passed away and all that stuff. I'm grateful the show because I feel like America got to see how funny and clever he really was.
KING: He loved it, right?
GRIFFIN: He loved it. He loved it.
KING: How old was he when he died?
GRIFFIN: Ninety. Ninety. And I mean really kicking until, you know, like the last couple of months of his life. And I'm really OK. I think of him all the time and I'm much more worried about my mom. They were married for 65 years so its much more -- obviously more difficult on her than me and trying to take care of her and I give her a fresh box of wine every day.
KING: How old is she?
GRIFFIN: She is 87 years young and drink you under the table, Larry.
KING: Does she live near you?
GRIFFIN: She lives near me and with me. She goes back and forth. Stays at my place. She really likes living at my palatial mansion I don't think she likes the part that I live there. Everything else she likes about it but I think I irritate her.
KING: You have a palatial mansion?
GRIFFIN: Oh, I do, yes. I have a big, fancy house. You know what? I lived in a little room for seven years. Like a tiny studio apartment for so long that when I finally got out of there I just wanted a lot of room.
KING: Would you rather stay overnight ...
GRIFFIN: Are you actually leaving? No. You look like you're ready to leave. You don't have to stay the whole hour.
KING: You really have an inferiority complex. Would you rather stay overnight at a man's house or have him stay at your house?
GRIFFIN: Oh, let me think. Do you mean your house?
KING: No.
GRIFFIN: OK. I just thought that was like code.
KING: You stay at home and he goes home in the morning or you go home in the morning?
GRIFFIN: Let's see. I think that -- I think I -- I think I should leave his place and I've done that before. And it's shameful. I don't have always have my pants on. I've run out of a couple of apartments just bottomless.
KING: Just to get out or you forgot?
GRIFFIN: I second guess the whole experience. I shouldn't have slept with him. I'm gonna get out of here. I just grab the shirt and go.
KING: You have had moments like that? Shouldn't have slept ...
GRIFFIN: Several, several.
KING: That must be weird.
GRIFFIN: It's really weird.
KING: I can't imagine ...
GRIFFIN: I'm a coat of many colors, Lar.
KING: No kidding. Tom Cruise and Scientology. Don't go anywhere. Kathy is talking about that next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: What is your biggest fear? That I will say on CNN. What would bother you the most.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Of course the F-word. Not picking on anyone specifically.
GRIFFIN: Mother!
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: No barbs or no going to cause any problems. But please, nothing religious. Please.
GRIFFIN: I should just go on CNN and apologize for my Jesus joke for five segments.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Not five seconds. Just a real quick passing.
GRIFFIN: Andy, this will only take a second.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: Go to CNN's number one show place, cnn.com/larryking right now and answer the quick vote question. Kathy Griffin is, one, hilariously funny. Two, annoying and obnoxious. Three, Kathy who?
GRIFFIN: I'm sorry. I don't mean to stop the show. What the hell kind of a survey is that? KING: Because we want you to get in that you are funny. We hope number one wins. We hope number two doesn't and if number three wins, why have we booked you?
GRIFFIN: Is that you would say to Barack Obama? Number two, annoying and obnoxious. You are in cahoots with my mother. I swear to God you and my mother are against me.
My mother and I ran into Ellen DeGeneres and my mother threw me under the bus and said I wish you were my daughter instead of Kathy because you never offend anyone. My own mother. I just smiled and took a picture. My mom walked away ...
KING: I apologize for that question.
GRIFFIN: You, my mother and Oprah.
KING: Thoughts on Tom Cruise. State of his career and everything.
GRIFFIN: Who saw that one coming? Right? Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Was he crazy before Scientology or did Scientology make him crazy?
KING: You think he's crazy?
GRIFFIN: Of course. I don't care if you go to Telluride or Jackson Hole or wherever you go to interview him, he is crazy. And now with the child bride that seems to get thinner and thinner and taller and taller. She's like a basketball player now compared to him. But I am obsessed with watching his interviews because the gig now is like, I'm really normal. When's the big deal? With the antenna. You know? Because the Scientologists think they're aliens and stuff. But he is great actor, obviously.
KING: He is a great interview. He is a lot of fun to be around. He's ...
GRIFFIN: What is -- I know what you're doing. You are trying to get the next booking. Trying to -- you are no better than my mother. Why don't you call Ellen and you two can be all perfect. So typical.
KING: He is entitled to his religion is what I'm saying.
GRIFFIN: Now we're calling it a religion.
KING: What do you call it?
GRIFFIN: I call it woo-hoo. Ooh-hoo.
KING: OK. CNN's Anderson Cooper is featured in the premier episode of the new season of "My Life on the D-List." Let's take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRIFFIN: Can we start up a drinking game?
ANDERSON COOPER, HOST, "A.C. 360": What is the drinking game?
GRIFFIN: I think the world should play along. Every time I call you Andy instead of Anderson, you take a shot.
COOPER: So it's every time you say Andy?
GRIFFIN: Yes. Every time I call you Andy. Or if you say it.
COOPER: My mom calls me Andy.
GRIFFIN: Happy new year, Andy.
COOPER: Someone takes a shot.
What are you going to do at the moment of 2008? What's going to be going through your mind?
GRIFFIN: You better watch your back. I'm coming at you full ...
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KING: OK. What is it like ...
GRIFFIN: By the way, I just want to say also what they didn't show is that I asked Anderson Cooper live on the air who he thought would win a cage match, a cage match between you and Christiane Amanpour and he said you.
KING: Really? Well, I'm complimented.
GRIFFIN: Good.
KING: What do you think of Anderson?
GRIFFIN: I love Andy Cooper.
KING: Andy?
GRIFFIN: Yes. I don't care how much money he's got and where he's from. I'm calling him Andy right to his face.
KING: OK.
GRIFFIN: So first of all I believe Andy's off tonight because it's his birthday?
KING: But he is not an Andy.
GRIFFIN: He is off for his birthday?
KING: I don't know. Not an Andy. He is an Anderson.
GRIFFIN: We had a shot game. We should do that with you. What can I call you besides Larry? Lar is like a little too boring. I should think of another name for you.
KING: OK. Think about it while we take a break.
GRIFFIN: What about if I called you Oprah? Live. Oprah King. Wait a minute. Gayle King.
KING: What's Kathy make of Brad and Angelina having twins? We'll ask. Stay right there.
GRIFFIN: You can't even get through it.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
KING: What am I coming up to? We're back. Let's -- oh. Andy has the night off. Let's check in ...
GRIFFIN: It's his birthday. Did he get docked?
KING: Let's check in ...
ERICA HILL, CNN CORRESPONDENT: Pay get docked?
GRIFFIN: Yes.
HILL: Absolutely. You can't take off for your birthday around here.
KING: Why don't you introduce Erica? Introduce her.
GRIFFIN: And now live with Eric Hill to tell us when's coming up on "Erica Hill 360."
HILL: Oh, thanks. A nice ring to it, Kathy Griffin. We know it's really Andy's show. Coming tonight, Hillary's exit. Last night at this time, of course, we were just learning Senators Obama and Clinton meeting in Washington. Well tonight, hearing more about what Senator Clinton will say tomorrow at noon when she exit it is race. We'll have the latest on that, as well, your brain on politics.
As much as we all may like to think we choose candidates based on reason and on fact, new research suggests our gut actually calls most of the shots. Randi Kaye has that story for us.
All that and much more at the top of the hour -- Larry, Kathy?
KING: Thanks, Erica. Erica Hill, she will host tonight's "A.C. 360." 10:00 Eastern, 7:00 Pacific.
GRIFFIN: Isn't that going to be exciting? Obama and Hillary. They have to make it happen.
KING: Well, it would be ...
GRIFFIN: Can you call them live? You have a phone. You know you have their numbers. Don't even act like you don't.
KING: I do.
GRIFFIN: What? That was a test. You actually have Barack Obama's phone number?
KING: Yes.
GRIFFIN: That's -- can I have it? What is it?
KING: You want me to give it on the air?
GRIFFIN: I think you should broker that. You should have like a Camp David at your house. Make those two come together.
KING: What do you make of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? Her twins. Not adopted. Her twins.
GRIFFIN: I don't even think she's pregnant. That's right. There's been a lot of false alarms. I think it's a prosthetic.
KING: Whoa.
GRIFFIN: That's right. That would be the ultimate punk.
KING: What about the pictures for "People"?
GRIFFIN: They get paid, right? That's the thing. The whole thing, brokering the baby pictures. They give it to charity. Not like the stinking McConaughey. I get that he's hot and I get that the gays want him but doesn't it make McConaughey kind of look like he smells bad? Running on the beach and doing yoga with Woody Harrelson and Lance Armstrong. They can't shower once a week?
KING: Good point.
GRIFFIN: OK. They're sexy but, whoo.
KING: Bluebell, Pennsylvania, hello.
CALLER: Hi, Kathy.
GRIFFIN: Hello.
CALLER: I'm a proud "Team Griffin" shirt owner.
GRIFFIN: Oh. Thank you.
CALLER: And I was your "bring it on, Kathy" screamer at the regatta in Atlantic City on Saturday.
GRIFFIN: Thank you.
CALLER: You're very welcome. I love your show.
GRIFFIN: Thanks.
CALLER: And you look awesome at the A-List Awards in your red dress, by the way.
GRIFFIN: Thank you. Rented. Went back the next day.
CALLER: Well, it is gorgeous on you. You should have kept it. Is there any one celebrity that you've taken a shot at and now maybe kind of maybe regret or feel a little bit about?
GRIFFIN: Oh yes. Lots of them. Lots of them. You know, like Angelina Jolie, for example. I used to make fun of her in my act a lot but now it's hard to ....
KING: Not funny to pick at.
GRIFFIN: Kind of funny to pick on her because she is beautiful and got the crazy lips. You know? I mean, this is a woman going to like some very, very difficult, you know, countries. And doing the work. So, yes. There are people like that. I change my mind. I flip on people.
KING: E-mail from Katie in Phoenix, Arizona: "What happens when you encounter celebrities you have made fun of?"
GRIFFIN: Well, I usually eat crap and back pedal.
KING: Cop out.
GRIFFIN: Yes. No. I actually -- I have some celebrities who do what I call a preemptive strike like one time Alec Baldwin came up to me and whispered in my ear, I think you're hilarious. You know? I mean, I'm sure he has done that to you a few times.
KING: Whispered in my ear?
GRIFFIN: I don't know what happens.
KING: You like Alec?
GRIFFIN: I do. I think that the phone message to the daughter was crazy but, you know, we all have our moments but I call that the preemptive strike. I don't know if he knew who I was. Maybe someone said say something nice to her and you'll stay out of her act. I think that happens occasionally. But I can't be bought, Larry.
KING: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, hello.
CALLER: Hello. Hi, Kathy. I love you.
GRIFFIN: Hey. Thanks.
CALLER: You are my goddess. I worship you.
GRIFFIN: OK, Larry. How many times have you had guys say to that you?
KING: Say what?
GRIFFIN: Never gets old. You are my goddess. I worship you.
KING: Oh, goddess. I don't hear the ...
GRIFFIN: I'm sorry. Back to ...
KING: I thought he said if you wear my garter I'll worship you.
CALLER: No. She is my goddess.
KING: That's what I thought I heard.
GRIFFIN: You have to stay the whole hour. Do you get that? I know you are at the Dodger game in your head. You have to stay focused and then ...
KING: You got it. OK.
GRIFFIN: I'm sorry.
KING: What is your question, sir?
GRIFFIN: Sorry, sir.
CALLER: My question for Kathy is how are you able to not take yourself so seriously all the time? I think a lot of us should be able to learn that lesson from you.
GRIFFIN: How? Have you met Larry King? He doesn't know my name. He thinks he is talking to Kathie Lee Gifford because she is more famous. That is how.
KING: That's how she does it. Will there be a fifth season of "My Life on the D-List"? Stay there for the answer.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
KING: Are you out and about? And want to know who we've got on the show? Sign up for my daily text message. Just text 26688 from your cell phone and text LKLALERT. That's 26688 LKLALERT. One word or go to cnn.com/larryking. Sign up for Larry King on the go.
Our text promo made Jon Stewart's moment of Zen last night. We're happy to have the attention. I'm sure Jon signed up and you should, too.
GRIFFIN: Now, am I the podcast this week?
KING: You probably will be and you will be repeated Sunday night.
GRIFFIN: That's all I want out of life. To be the podcast.
KING: You want to be the podcast? Make her the podcast.
GRIFFIN: Oh.
KING: OK. You are the podcast.
GRIFFIN: Thank you.
KING: Next week you will be the podcast.
E-mail from Brandon in New York: "I love you, Kathy. I am one of your New York gays. I want to know is there any topic that's too risque for you or is everything fair game in your comedy?"
GRIFFIN: Everything is on the table. Everything is fair game. I had policy when I started, no cancer, no AIDS until I did a performance for a cancer ward where they were like bored until making jokes of how difficult for them and they were laughing and laughing and laughing and then this year on "My Life on the D-List" I actually go to Walter Reed Army Medical Center and do a performance there and what I learned is these are men and women returning from Iraq, war heroes, amputees. They have the sickest sense of humor in the world. It was awesome.
So, the minute I started teasing them about their situation, how difficult it was, that's when I got the laughs so, yes, everything is on the table.
KING: Will there a be a fifth year of "The D-List"?
GRIFFIN: I don't know. I have to renegotiate t. My salary this year is $13,000 a year. So I'm trying to get the big Bravo bump. Wish me luck, Lar.
KING: You said something that was crazy during the break. And I think we should tell the audience.
GRIFFIN: Give it up.
KING: You said if Oprah called me and asked me to shoot you, I would do it.
GRIFFIN: I think if Oprah called you and gave you a directive to do it, you would take a gun out and blow my head off. Not because you have anything against me. I'm just saying that, we kind of have to do what she says.
KING: It is a command?
GRIFFIN: Oh, I got so nervous. I thought you were reaching for a gun. I thought, this is it. This is how I'm going out.
KING: Charleston, West Virginia, hello.
CALLER: Hi, Kathy. This is Amanda. How are you?
GRIFFIN: I am nervous. Because Larry King almost just shot me.
KING: I'm reaching for the phone.
CALLER: I saw that. GRIFFIN: I know, it's nerve-wracking, right?
KING: It's button.
GRIFFIN: That's what Oprah calls it. Go ahead. Sorry.
CALLER: I'm sorry. I haven't been so excited since I called for Elizabeth Taylor. You're so exciting to me.
GRIFFIN: Don't you love her? Liz Taylor. I'm sorry. I had a gay moment.
KING: What's the question?
CALLER: Do you have anything to say about Elizabeth?
GRIFFIN: I love Liz Taylor too, of course, I love that she loved Montgomery Clift and didn't know he was gay. We sometimes just don't know that our boyfriend is gay and I think -- I'm not saying that that's what Ryan Seacrest's girlfriends go through. But I'm just saying there could be a Liz Taylor out there as well.
KING: A little slap at Ryan, there.
GRIFFIN: I love it.
KING: Do you regard Ryan Seacrest as the next Dick Clark?
GRIFFIN: No. I don't. And you know ...
KING: Everyone puts that on him.
GRIFFIN: First of all. It's your fault because I read the interview where you were like, maybe Ryan Seacrest could do a show like this ...
KING: In the future. He'll do a talk show.
GRIFFIN: Really? Does Ryan Seacrest know who Benazir Bhutto was? Is he going to cover that assassination.
Larry, you can't have Ryan Seacrest do a show where you had all the pundits talking about Hillary. He thinks Hillary is Hillary Duff. No. It's inappropriate.
You have got to stick around, Lar.
KING: OK. We have about a minute.
GRIFFIN: Who can I offend?
KING: What is your goal? Do you have another goal?
GRIFFIN: My goal is to ...
KING: Want to make a movie? GRIFFIN: Oh, I'd have to get up so early. I mean, no, it's tough hours.
KING: Want to get married?
GRIFFIN: No, no. No, I don't.
KING: What is your goal?
GRIFFIN: My goal is to make sure you get to the Dodger game on time.
KING: I'll get there.
GRIFFIN: Also, next time on the show, I would like it if you could send a car.
KING: We didn't send a car?
GRIFFIN: No. I drove here myself. And I know ...
KING: I can't believe that. I'll bet we offered a car and you said no, I would rather drive.
GRIFFIN: I don't think so. I think you said, you tell that B-I- T you know what to walk. That's what I heard. That's what I heard.
KING: Why would you do that? We gave Kato Kaelin a stretch.
GRIFFIN: Did you just fire somebody with a point? I know you can do that, like you point at somebody and they're fired. Because somebody just left crying and I don't even know what they did.
KING: Whoever didn't order a car for you is maybe history.
GRIFFIN: Fired on my behalf. Thank you, Larry.
KING: Would you like that?
GRIFFIN: It would make me feel very A-list, yes.
KING: Thank you, Kathy, as always.
GRIFFIN: Thank you Mr. Larry King.
KING: Come back sooner. Don't forget to check out our cnn.com/larryking. There's still time to participate in our Kathy Griffin vote. Download our new podcast. Or e-mail upcoming guests.
Tomorrow night, we'll have a special live show. We will be with you tomorrow night as Hillary Clinton exits her campaign. And get this, next week, Tuesday night, Hulk Hogan, exclusive, speaking publicly for the first time since his son was jailed. That's Tuesday night's LARRY KING LIVE.
And we'll also have "Get Smart" star Steve Carell a week from today.
Time now for Erica Hill hosting "ANDERSON COOPER 360" -- Erica.
