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Interview with Motley Crue; Interview with Lewis Black

Aired June 20, 2008 - 21:00   ET


LARRY KING, HOST: Tonight, they just might be the dirtiest, drunkest...


KING: ...drug-addled rockers who ever cleaned up their act. But there's plenty of hard core grime left behind.


KING: Tommy, Mick, Nikki and Vince are back. Motley Crue is here.

And Lewis Black.

Right now, on LARRY KING LIVE.

Hey, rockers are rejoicing Motley Crue has a new C.D. "Saints of Los Angeles". It's their first studio album of new material by the group's original lineup in a decade. Their tour CrueFest kicks off on July 1st.

Here they are, my pals -- yes, they are my pals -- Motley Crue, Tommy Lee. You know him. Vince Neil, Nikki Sixx...


KING: ...and Mick Mars. Welcome, guys.



KING: Oh, what are you doing over there?

You got the bad seat.

MARS: I always get the bad seat. You know that.

KING: What brought this all back together, Mick?

MARS: Greed.


KING: That's an honest answer, right? Nikki, what did it?

Why is Motley Crue, Motley Crue again?

NIKKI SIXX, BASSIST, MOTLEY CRUE: Well, you know, to be honest, we went out, what, two years ago, and we did...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, '05 and '06 we went out (INAUDIBLE)...

SIXX: And we toured for almost two years.


SIXX: And we had not been together for a while as the original lineup.

KING: I know.

SIXX: But we never -- we never broke up after that. I mean...

KING: You didn't?

SIXX: No, we didn't break up.


SIXX: But and then people always say that and they might be half right.

KING: But you didn't have an album?

SIXX: That's what we didn't have.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's right. That's right.

SIXX: We haven't made a record together -- an official, full length record -- in nine, 10 years.


KING: So what brought about "Saints of Los Angeles," Tommy?

TOMMY LEE, DRUMMER, MOTLEY CRUE: What brought it about?

KING: Yes, I mean how...

LEE: I don't know. It was just time. We have -- you know, like Nikki said, we haven't made a record in a while. And we've done a couple of new tracks here and there, greatest hits, you know, packages. But it was time for us to like make a -- a full on album.

KING: Mick, anything behind the title?

MARS: Yes. The "Saints of Los Angeles" is -- the album is loosely based on "The Dirt," that book that we have out. It's loosely based -- I believe "The Saints of Los Angeles," it's like kind of like, you know, like our record signing, when we signed our lives away, you know, that kind of a thing. You know, so it's all good, you know -- (INAUDIBLE).

KING: How did the tattooing start?

MARS: He did it.

KING: Who did it?


MARS: He did it.

KING: Who was first?

SIXX: Who was first?

NEIL: I don't know, who was first?

I'm not sure. But we all pretty much right around the same time -- and very early, like the first record did we start getting tattoos?

Tommy wasn't even old enough to get a tattoo.

LEE: No.

NEIL: In the first record.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Not that that stopped us from...


KING: You're friends from childhood, right?

NEIL: Yes.

KING: I mean you know each other a long...

NEIL: Me and Tommy went to high school together. And I slept in his van outside of his parents' house. And they actually, you know, they didn't know who the guy was sleeping outside there in their son's car. So they actually invited me in and I slept on the floor next Tommy's bed for a long time.

KING: Who said let's get tattooed?

SIXX: I can't remember how that started.


SIXX: But we were always like into tattoos and into anything that was rebellious. You know, I think in the beginning -- you know, for me, personally, tattoos were like what's going on?


SIXX: Not my first one. My first one was that rose right there.


NEIL: And it was...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And then that was -- like that was it.

NEIL: And that was it. We all...


KING: Tommy's wearing suspenders tonight.

LEE: Yes, Larry.


LEE: ...just for you, peaches.

KING: How about that?


KING: I hung out with Motley Crue at a rehearsal a few days ago in Los Angeles. We'll be watching what went on throughout the show.

Watch some of it now.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Uh-oh, here we go.



KING: Here we are.


KING: Why do you still need -- I'm serious...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Why do we still need so many amps?

KING: Why do you still need to rehearse?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, because we have new songs...

KING: I mean don't -- oh.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We have a new album.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The new record, yes.

KING: You think you'd have had it down by now.


KING: Are you going to play a little for -- are you going to -- you...

LEE: Well, I was thinking, the last time I saw you...

KING: You taught me to drum, yes.

LEE: ...we had a little drum session on your desk.

KING: Yes.


KING: Oh, yes.


LEE: But I was thinking now that we're here with the real deal...

KING: Yes, let's. That would be...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Look at how big that drum set is, too. Drums 101.

KING: Drums 101.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Uh-oh watch out. Watch out. Watch out.

LEE: Put your foot on that pedal.


LEE: So this guy counts. He's your time keeper. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.


LEE: So you're going to go one, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, we've got some base.



LEE: Oh, yes. He's doing tricks already. This is amazing.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, Larry! Woo-hoo.

KING: A star is born.



KING: That was a lot of fun.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I liked it when you were playing the guitar, though.

KING: Yes, that comes in a while.


KING: I think I wrote a song there.


KING: Anyway, are your...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I think you did.

KING: Are your tunes hummable?


KING: Can people leave a concert and sing a Motley Crue song?

LEE: That's kind of one of the things we always, you know, pride ourselves on. You know, you've got to have those melodies that, you know, you leave the concert going, you know, singing...

(SINGING): Girls, girls, girls...

Or "Dr. Feel Good" or

"Don't Go Away Mad." Or even with the new stuff, you know, it's always been something that we've, you know, always made sure that's...

KING: So it's not just...


KING: It's not just sounds and...

SIXX: It's not just -- we're not just like...

KING: Because hard rock is associated with that.

SIXX: I mean hard rock is more melodic, like the Rolling Stones and Aerosmith and ACDC. And you start getting into heavy metal and it -- it starts to lose some of that. People do think we're heavy metal. I don't really think we are.

NEIL: No. We're more pop than anything.

KING: What would you call yourself?

MARS: Just rock and roll band.

KING: A rock and roll band?

MARS: Rock and roll.

KING: We'll come back with the rock and roll band, Motley Crue. They're starting a big tour.


KING: Tommy and Pamela Anderson -- hey, we've got to ask.


KING: And I will, right after the break.




KING: (INAUDIBLE) big that night in concert.



UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, you're right.

KING: I slayed them.

By the way, their new album is "Saints of Los Angeles". It's just out now.

What's your favorite Motley Crue song?

Vote now at OK. That's OK, that's And we'll take a look at the results with the guys in a little while.

All right, Tommy, you told me when we went -- when I went to that rehearsal with you -- we'll move back to a lot of other things in a minute -- that you're back with Pam.

LEE: Well, yes. We're together, the family. It's all good, man.

KING: How did it happen?

LEE: Well, I don't know if you want to get into all that right now. That's kind of a, you know...


LEE: It's our Motley Crue thing right now.


KING: How did it happen?

LEE: Oh, come on, Larry. That's...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's unprofessional, unacceptable.

LEE: No. Everything's good. That's all everyone needs to know. It doesn't matter how it happened.

KING: So you're back together, kids and everybody?

LEE: All good, yes.

KING: All the past put aside?

LEE: Yes.

KING: I'm glad to hear it.

LEE: Well, thank you.

KING: We all want you to be happy.

LEE: Yes, thank you. Thank you.

KING: That's good to hear.

LEE: Thanks, bud.

KING: OK. You described...


KING: Nikki, you described the album -- thanks you for being so forthcoming.


KING: Nikki, you described the album as a tale of dirty needles, damaged minds, music industry battles and a whole lot of sex.

Is that fair?

SIXX: I think that's fair. That's our story. Like Mick said, it's based loosely on "The Dirt". And we used that to thematically write the lyrics from beginning to end. So it's a tale of 27 years.

KING: Who writes the songs?

SIXX: We...

KING: You all do? SIXX: Well, you know what, there's like different combinations. Everybody in the band writes either -- like me and Mick wrote a lot on this record. We wrote with some outside songwriters. Tommy wrote like some stuff. And then that came -- it got to me and then I up, you know, changed it. And Mick changed my part. And then the lyrics changed and...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I was on vacation.

SIXX: He was on vacation.


KING: You said that this set, our set, which has been around for a long time...


KING: a lot like your set on tour?

NEIL: Yes. I mean I don't want to give away too much what our set looks like. But...


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's exactly it. It says CNN.

NEIL: Yes, exactly.


NEIL: All the trucks, too.




UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, the lights.

KING: Does it have dots?

LEE: A lot of -- a lot of dots that make up one broken picture, yes.

KING: How important to the rock band is that?

NEIL: For us, what happens is that we kind of created a monster back in the early '80s when we first started out. Because we, you know, we started up lighting ourselves on fire and doing -- trying to beat ourselves every single tour. And then -- you know, now we've kind of like well, now what do we have to do top our last tour. Because when people think about Motley Crue, not only the songs, but they expect a huge show and some really special stuff. And, you know, we did it again, though. KING: Were you one of the first groups to make it large and big and do things on a big scale?

MARS: In the '80s, I think we were the first that broke like the -- a lot of the bands from the '80s -- like in '81, I mean we went from like zero to 100 in like three months.


KING: I mean to just be...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And we had our first album...

KING: ...four guys on a stage to drama?





MARS: Well, I just thank Ozzie Osbourne for that.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: For teaching us a bit.


KING: Was he the -- he the one that...

LEE: Yes, he took us on.

KING: Like a mentor?

LEE: Well, as -- well, that and, you know, he took us...

SIXX: He kind of taught us the ropes.

LEE: ...he took us on a huge...

NEIL: He gave us a great opportunity.

LEE: ...a huge opportunity to open up for him in front of 20,000 people. We went from playing the Whiskey A Gogo and The Roxy and The Troubadour to "Blam," you know...


KING: Where did he find you?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I think it was...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's a good question. UNIDENTIFIED MALE: ...the fact that was such a buzz on the band...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: In a back alley somewhere.


SIXX: And Ozzie has always been smart in finding new bands and taking them out on tour.


SIXX: He's one it with Ozzfest and stuff. You know but I mean to kind of help answer what Mick was saying, I think that when we came along, theater was pretty much dead in rock and roll. It was new wave. It was -- it was real stripped down.


SIXX: The Knack and the Plencils (ph) and all that stuff. And, you know, before us, like in the '70s, bands that we looked up to -- Queen, you know Kiss was known for their shows, Alice Cooper. You know, that's the stuff, like we looked at those kind of shows. But at the same time, we grew up in the punk era, so we kind of had that raw sensibility. And we just mixed it together and...

NEIL: There was no theatrics in the '80s.


NEIL: We kind of brought the theater to the stage.

KING: There were a lot of pluses to that. There had to be some minuses, too.

NEIL: Well, I mean some of the minuses were like, you know...

KING: Drugs?

NEIL: We didn't -- well, yes, that.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: He goes right on to drugs.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I was thinking more along the lines of lighting Nikki on fire and burning each other up.

KING: He got burned?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: But there was drugs, too, yes.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: He got burned with the drugs.

MARS: That might fall under the health category.



KING: You lit yourself on fire?

SIXX: Well, we were always looking for shtick, especially as a club band, to try and blow people's minds. Tommy and Vince built our first drummerizer...



SIXX: hand. It was this -- it was sort of a copy of the Queen drummerizer, right? It was all these lights.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (INAUDIBLE) was hammers and nails and...

SIXX: Hammers and nails...


KING: What happened?

SIXX: That was fine. And then the idea of doing something theatrical with rubbing alcohol came up. And Vince was practicing lighting my leather pants on fire in our apartment.

NEIL: Yes. Yes.

SIXX: I think you...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We found Pyrogel and...



KING: You set yourself on fire in the apartment?



UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This one right here.

SIXX: This one right here.


KING: And someone said let's do this in the act?

NEIL: Yes. LEE: Yes. And maybe that all stemmed from -- because we had a lot of cockroaches in our apartment. And we would take hairspray and a lighter and cook them.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's how we got rid of them.



KING: Were you there for all of this, Mick?

MARS: No. No.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I think Mick was smart. The three of us lived together. And then Mick lived somewhere else.


KING: Smart.


MARS: I don't. I had to stay away from that.

KING: Motley Crue is starting a big tour. We're going to ask about it right after this.





KING: We're back.

The new album is "Saints of Los Angeles". It got a great review in "Rolling Stone". They ended it, by the way, saying as of press time, all four members of Motley Crue is still alive.


KING: There you see its cover.

We have an e-mail question from Lori in St. John's, Newfoundland: "A lot of talk about the possibility of a movie based on the band's autobiography, "The Dirt." What's the latest? Is that going to happen?"


NEIL: I think it eventually will. UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It will eventually happen, let's just leave it at that.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's just -- yes.

KING: You would make a great -- this would be a great movie.



KING: We've got an e-mail from Frigo (ph)...


KING: Chicago, Illinois. The answer to this might not be suitable for family viewing: "What's the Motley Crue record for most girls in one night and who holds it?"

You want to keep your marriage together, so you don't have to answer it.


KING: Is there a record?

Do we keep these records?


LEE: There is a record for the most consecutive days without a shower.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That doesn't count. That's (INAUDIBLE)...


KING: Oh, yes?

Who has that?





KING: What is the record?

MARS: Thirty days.

KING: Thirty days without a shower.

SIXX: It's you. MARS: No.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's five years for Mick.

KING: Listen, we're going to check out...


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Five years for Mick.




KING: Or is this -- or, as he said, what's a shower?

Let's check out another part of my behind-the-scenes visit with Motley Crue.



KING: Are you going to do a little guitar riff with me?

MARS: A guitar riff?

Dude, I don't know if you can handle it.

KING: I'll try it. Come on.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, Larry, strap it on. Come on, man.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You want to put it on, dude?

KING: No, no, no, you...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No, I'll show you how to do it.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Watch your ears.


KING: Let me try it.



KING: Wait a -- wait a minute.



KING: Thank you.


KING: I'll tell you, I'm getting to like it.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's awesome.

KING: We have a King Cam question about a famous -- or maybe, should I say, notorious aspect of past Motley Crue shows.



STEVE MASON: Hey, Lewis (ph), this is Steve Mason.

Do you think that same-sex marriages will be accepted nationwide now that they've been accepted in California?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's a good question.


KING: Oh, I'm sorry that was the wrong -- that one is for Lewis Black. The wrong question, wrong time.


KING: Bad timing.


KING: An e-mail question from...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's getting spicy in here.

KING: An e-mail question -- hey, it's Motley Crue, what the hell?


KING: We've got an e-mail question for Vince from Pete in Phoenix, Arizona: "Hey, Vince, do you still want to beat up Axl Rose?


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, that question.


NEIL: That was 20 years ago. It's like...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's more than that.

NEIL: It is -- it was longer than 20 years ago.


NEIL: It's like if somebody pulls your hair when you're in third grade, are you still going to beat them up?


NEIL: I don't think so.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: He's already done (INAUDIBLE). KING: Are you friendly with Axl Rose?

NEIL: I haven't talked to him in 20 years. It's been a long tell me.

KING: All right, we've got the right King Cam question now.

Let's watch.

MIKE YATES: What's going on?

My name is Mike Yates (ph). And this question is specifically for Tommy.

Are you still doing the breast cam at your shows or has that been (INAUDIBLE)?

LEE: Oh, absolutely. You know, the tittie cam is still alive and well. He's actually...


LEE: He's actually been in the gym every day getting ready for the tour.

KING: Would you -- how long are your concerts?

LEE: Well, the one we -- well, the CrueFest that we're going out to do is a little bit shorter because there's five, six -- what, five bands?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, five bands.

LEE: When we do our own...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We play an hour-and-a-half.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We play an hour-and-a-half.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: But it's a long -- it's an all day event.


NEIL: Last year when we played we played, it was -- we played almost three hours.


NEIL: You know, because we didn't have an opening act.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Or two something.

NEIL: So were able to play, you know, without -- just us.

KING: This tour is how long?

NEIL: We're on for an hour-and-a-half.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes. NEIL: But the band -- I think the first band probably go on at 5:00.

KING: And how many cities?



Forty on this run, only in America and in Canada. And then we'll go from there.

KING: Do you go around the world?


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, we always go around the world.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We'll finish up in '09 sometime.

KING: Are you big in the Orient?

Are you big in Europe?



UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Especially in the Orient.

KING: Are you alive?

MARS: Yes, I'm here.


KING: Did you pass away?

MARS: No. I'm the only one that (INAUDIBLE)...


KING: Here's a little more of me with the Motley Crue. You might say this is really behind the scenes. Let's rock and roll.



KING: This is living.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Where did you find him?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, he was hitchhiking.


KING: Whoa.


KING: Boy, I don't know how you -- how you're not dead.




KING: That is fun.


KING: You guys are really great.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You looked like you were having fun.

KING: An e-mail question from Mike in Irmo, South Carolina: "You are a great band and you've stood the test of time. But if you hadn't made it in music, what do you think you'd be doing job-wise?"


MARS: I would actually -- not lying, I would be a bum, because this is all I wanted to do.

KING: This is a shock.

MARS: I would be a bum, just a regular bum.

KING: A bum. Nikki?

SIXX: Oh, my God.

KING: A photographer?

SIXX: Yes, you know what, that came later in life, but I'm going to go with that answer. KING: Vince?

NEIL: I'd probably be the guy that rents you out jet skis at the -- the cabana boy.

KING: In Hawaii?

NEIL: Hawaii. I'm the guy. I'm your man.

KING: Tommy?

SIXX: Probably something to do with music, helping other bands make music, producing.

KING: But around music?

SIXX: But, yes, definitely.

KING: More of questions for Motley Crue.

You're watching LARRY KING LIVE.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This is it (INAUDIBLE), home sweet home.


KING: The tour starts July 1 in Palm Beach, Florida. What's your favorite Motley Crue song? That's what we asked, our question on the Web site. Right now "Kick Start My Heart" is in the lead.

There's still time to vote. Vote now at

You guys ever get tired of playing the same song you played 30 years ago?

NEIL: I don't. I don't get tired singing it. When I look out there and the people are singing it right along with you, that makes you feel really good. It's cool.

KING: Yes.

LEE: You know what's cool, Larry, is like now, we've been doing this awhile, obviously, and now you look out in the crowd and you've got like, probably 30-year-old dad or something who's got his 7, 10- year-old son on his shoulders, with the horns up going, yes, singing the song. You're like, wow, this is crazy. It's cool.

KING: A great credit to you.

LEE: It's beautiful.

KING: Let's take a call.

Baltimore, Maryland -- hello.

CALLER: Yes, what has been the best aspect of you guys getting back together to do this album, and as well do this tour?

LEE: I think one of the coolest things ever is we've been wanting to do a festival like this, like the Ozzfest for some time. We've been talking about it, it seems like forever. It's finally happening, like we have our own festival.

SIXX: It made sense having a new record, summertime, and our first festival. And the bands that were available. There's great bands on the festival. They all got big hits. And they're all over the radio as well. So it's going to be a good time.

KING: You wrote "Kick Start My Heart" when you nearly died, right?

SIXX: Yes, after.

KING: While you were dying, right?

SIXX: I didn't write it at that moment.

NEIL: Wait, wait, stop, I've got to write this down.

SIXX: I got it. Clear!

LEE: Clear, OK.

KING: You guys all live in Los Angeles?

NEIL: I live in Vegas.

SIXX: Los Angeles.

KING: You live in Los Angeles?

LEE: Los Angeles.

KING: Where?

MARS: L.A. of course. There's no other place.

KING: How long have the Motley Crue been Motley Crue?

SIXX: January 17th, 1981, is when we started.

NEIL: That's right.

KING: Twenty-seven years. SIXX: Yes. And I met Mick before that when I worked in a liquor store. And he came in to buy some liquor. We got in a fight. We didn't agree on the kind of music. We got in an argument. I went down and saw him play in this little bar and he just blew my mind. And then we lost contact with each other for like a few years.

MARS: Five years.

KING: You two went to high school together?

NEIL: High school.

KING: Where?

NEIL: In Covina.

LEE: In Covina, California, a school called Royal Oak.

NEIL: Yes.

SIXX: We had another singer that we were sort of looking at. And Tommy mentioned --

NEIL: He wouldn't make it.

LEE: There was this guy in my school, dude, all the girls loved this guy. And I went to his band at the time, it was Rock Candy. And I went to go see him play. And they just did the best Cheap Trick covers. And like, you know, I mean, mother's finest, just some great, great stuff. I'm like, dude, that's our guy, I'm telling you right now.

SIXX: So we went and saw him and we stole him.

KING: Who named Motley Crue, Motley Crue?

NEIL: Mick.

LEE: It's all your fault.

KING: I knew Mr. Excitement probably did that.

Hey, thank you all very much. Good luck on the tour. Good luck with the album.

The album is "Saints of Los Angeles." The tour starts July 1 in Palm Beach, Florida.

Motley Crue, thank you all, great working with you.

NEIL: Thanks, Larry.

KING: Lewis Black has a tough act to follow, probably up to the job, next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK) KING: One of my favorite people is Lewis Black, the Grammy winning comedian and actor. He is the host of "Root of All Evil" on Comedy Central. Season two starts the end of July. And his new book, "Me of Little Faith," already a "New York Times" best seller. It's number nine. There you see its cover.

You're an author.

LEWIS BLACK, COMEDIAN: Yes, second book.

KING: That's right. How do you account for the success of "Me of Little Faith"? Do you think the country is sort of --

BLACK: Desperate people, desperate times. I don't know. It makes no sense to me. There's so many books that were written about religion, that I thought, while I was writing, I thought, this is absurd. But I think they bought it because of the cover, I look so stunning.

KING: What's the angle of this book? What are you saying?

BLACK: I'm saying that there are those who have total faith and there are those who, you know, spent 36 years in prison and did 3,000 pounds of cocaine, and on a Thursday discovered Jesus in their cell block. And then there are those who hate religion. And then there are those like myself who were stumbling toward the light.

KING: Stumbling toward the light?

BLACK: Yes, I kind of believe there's something out there. There's got to be. You know? Or I'm going to be really angry.

KING: You're not an agnostic then?

BLACK: No. I think there's something. I call it glue.

KING: Glue?

BLACK: That's what I've been calling it.

KING: Do you go to any kind of services?

BLACK: Do you?

KING: No. I do on the high holy days, out of respect for my late parents.

BLACK: That's terrific. My parents are still alive, so I don't go. And they don't go. It's Yom Kippur, I can't handle Yom Kippur. Day of atonement?

KING: You can't fast. Oh, you don't want to atone?

BLACK: No, I don't mind atoning, I don't like the concept of today's the day God writes your name in the book of life or the book of death. I don't like that. That's not a great concept. One day? And then if my prayers aren't sincere enough, I'm out of here? No. What if I've got a mild headache and my prayers just kind of can't get through to him. I don't like it. I like confession, Larry. You screw up, get in, that's it. Clean. You're out. You can get rid of it on any single day. Not this one day thing.

KING: Are you Catholic?

BLACK: No. No. They're crazy, too.

KING: Well, we're all crazy in a sense, aren't we? Faith is hard to comprehend.

BLACK: Faith is. But that's the real key to it. I think you can have faith in the seven dwarves. And say, I'm giving myself unto the seven dwarves, and you would get through -- seriously.

KING: If it gets you through the day --

BLACK: You know, I'm hoping that one day there will be a political candidate who takes you to his home, and says, and has a room filled with dwarves. Nice lighting, and say, this is what I worship.

KING: Especially Grumpy.

BLACK: And Dopey would be good, too.

KING: You would be Grumpy.

We've got a King cam question for you. It asks you to make a tough choice. Watch.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hey, Lewis, this is J.R. Would you rather be stuck on the island with Sean Hannity or stuck on an island with Bill O'Reilly?


BLACK: Wow. Wow. If I was -- it would be a tossup. Probably -- wow. I know that I would need a razor blade, because I'd like to spend a little time while they're talking doing what the kids call cutting.

KING: Cutting yourself?

BLACK: Yes, cutting, just that kind of thing like that, so I could feel something while they were speaking.

KING: What --

BLACK: That was the King cam. What are they writing on who's got him worked up now?

KING: You don't like writing on the bottom-- BLACK: We're talking. They can hear it. Black talks back. Yes, isn't that odd? And you know there's something at the bottom.

KING: It says, uh-oh, here he goes.

BLACK: You mean these words? Yes, those words, idiot. Stop, why do you do that? Oh, there it is.

KING: Who does that? I've worked here a long time. Greg, who does that?

BLACK: You don't even know.

KING: No, I don't.

BLACK: Man. There's stuff going on behind your back.

KING: Greg, you won't tell me? Amy? Our own Amy. She's terrific.

BLACK: I'm sure she's terrific, but she's got to stop this. And what's she writing on the bottom? She could be saying, why don't you watch somebody else talk on another channel. Turn to Sean Hannity now.

KING: Do you think God has a sense of humor?

BLACK: He better, or you and I are screwed, you know that.

KING: Do you think? Do you think there is an afterlife?

BLACK: I'm banking on it.

KING: What do you think it is? What's your perception?

BLACK: My perception is, I kind of lean toward reincarnation.

KING: You do?

BLACK: Yes. I think you kind of roll along -- I like the whole idea of it, that you roll along, you get better at what you do, a little worse and a little better. You gain a certain amount of knowledge and go on to the next step. So we're actually -- we think we're at that peak point. I actually think it's chimps that are at the peak point.

KING: Chimps?

BLACK: I think they're a step beyond us.

KING: Do you know what you were before?

BLACK: Probably a dung beetle is my guess.

KING: A dung beetle?

BLACK: And not on the good part of the dung beetle ladder, because why would I be this angry?

KING: Do you accept Darwin?

BLACK: Yes, I accept Darwin. But I'm willing to give up Darwin if they give up the -- if the creationists give up the concept of seven days. If they will stop believing that the earth was created in seven days, I'll stop believing in evolution. And we as a country can move on.

KING: Together?

BLACK: Absolutely. That's what's hanging us up more than anything else. And whatever they're writing at the bottom of the screen right now which is stopping the publicity guns. They don't like it.

KING: Where will Lewis go when we're over? You're watching LARRY KING LIVE. Don't go away.

BLACK: Yes, don't go away.


BLACK: Evil. I used to fall asleep with a bottle of vodka and a teddy bear. Go ahead, let your fat ass breathe in a pair of stretch pants. She tricked me into 20 relationships I didn't need.


KING: Our guest is Lewis Black. And his book is "Me of Little Faith" which incredibly is number nine on the best seller list.

BLACK: That's incredible.

KING: You see similarities between religion and comedy?

BLACK: Yes, absolutely. They both provide comfort. I mean, every comic I've ever known has had someone come up and say, you know, I lost a relative, I have --

KING: I forgot to toss to Anderson. See you threw me, hold on.

BLACK: Anderson, where are you?

KING: Anderson, he's in New York. Anderson Cooper, the host of "A.C. 360" following the program. Lewis is looking for you. I forgot, Anderson, he threw me.

BLACK: I did, I had important things to say.

ANDERSON COOPER, HOST, "A.C. 360": I know.

BLACK: What have you got, news?

COOPER: A little bit, a little bit. Lewis, Larry, ahead on "360," a night of misery along the Mississippi. Right now there are more levees barely holding up north of St. Louis. We're going to take you to the hardest hit areas. CNN severe weather expert Chad Myers is also going to tell us how more rain is coming and what that may mean for the floodwaters.

We'll also hear from Senator Barack Obama today at a fund-raiser. He brought race into the race, saying the Republicans may use a race card against him. The comments have created a lot of buzz. Are they appropriate or do they cross a line? We'll play you his comments and let you be the judge.

Also, the alleged high school pregnancy pact. A bizarre group. A group of girls in a New England school who thought it would be cool to get pregnant. Some are as young as 15. A strange story. All that, and more, Larry, at the top of the hour.

KING: Strange ain't the word. "A.C. 360," 10:00 Eastern, 7:00 Pacific.

BLACK: That was a good break. That really was an upbeat break. Do we have any --

KING: Is it true that you --

BLACK: Flooding, and let's go back to clowny.

KING: Is it true that you put "American Idol" on your list of reasons you don't believe in God list?

BLACK: Yes. And I didn't put it high enough.

KING: Why?

BLACK: It's a mistake. It should be way up the list.

KING: Because?

BLACK: It's destroyed music.

KING: What do you mean? They're not good?

BLACK: You don't have a contest. OK, it's absurd, all right? You do what these guys who you had on before. You play in the club, you play in the club and you have people throw stuff at you, and then you play some more and people throw more stuff at you.

You don't skip the steps. That's absurd. You know? So we can watch? It's not competition. It's -- you know, music is a very precious thing. They denigrate it. And they made it kind of, you know, like the -- it's like pop. There's other forms. Don't do this to me. And I think it should be like number two. And they say -- it doesn't end, Larry. It doesn't end. That's no way to find music. They've already run out of good people. Clay Aiken? Somebody shoot me.

KING: Our guest is Lewis Black. Airports and hell have a lot in common, and Lewis will enlighten us after the break. (COMMERCIAL BREAK)


BLACK: Evil! Even I like to show off my ample breasts when I'm in Los Angeles. Look at the old unfunny hobo. The root of all evil is Oprah.


KING: Lewis Black, his new hit book "Me of Little Faith." He's also into the second evil of "Root of All Evil" on "Comedy Central." You compare airports to hell?


KING: You go to hell if you go to an airport?

BLACK: It's the same place. Yes, I think that hell is when you die, then you go to hell. If you go there, you're in an airport, generic airport, where you wander from gate to gate with your ticket. The plane is constantly being moved to another gate. And then occasionally you're given a voucher that will give you just enough money to eat, to just keep going enough, if you have a constant headache. And the thing that you get in the airport, because the temperature's always that kind of clammy thing, so that your nipples actually bristle against your shirt. It's constant pain.

KING: Do you mind being examined, going through security?


KING: But there's a reason for it. It's your country.

BLACK: I know it's my country, OK. If they found stuff, if every day they found stuff, if they went, look, somebody was doing this. But they find nothing. And when we send stuff through, and they don't even cheat enough to have somebody in the group go, hey, they're sending stuff through today. They just go and they push it through and it's like, no problem. We've got to come up with a machine that will do it. We need a machine that you go in -- and then they debate, oh, boy, if you go in, they might see you nude. I don't care. If I could walk into the airport nude and just go onto my plane, I'd do it. Wouldn't you?

KING: What do you make of the coming election?

BLACK: What do you think?

KING: What do you think? You're the guest.

BLACK: What do I think? I think that I, with the heat the way it is so far this summer, on the East Coast and the West, what is it here, 112. What will it be in August, 280, Larry.

I don't think I can hydrate enough to make it to the election. There's not enough water to get us there. And they have to stop talking about what the people say. Obama says this. They're going to do it on Anderson Cooper. He said something today. There's got to be a moratorium where the person says it, and everybody gets to hear it, and then they can tell me what they thought he said. They have to stop that.

KING: You don't like pundits.

BLACK: I'm sick of them. All they do is interpret what it is that somebody said. They said something. You don't need to interpret it. It's like English. This isn't the -- you're not a Rabbi interpreting Obama and McCain. It irks me to no end. I don't want debates either. I want them in a room doing a math test. I want them to do multiplication tables in front of me. I want to see their eyes move like there's thought behind there.

OK? Are you happy now? Get it on the scroll. Oh, what was he yelling about now, voting?

KING: We have a call. Orlando, hello.

CALLER: Oh, my god, it's so awesome I got through. Thank you for getting me through the last few years with your sense of humor.

BLACK: Well that's nice, thank you.

CALLER: Listen I wanted to tell you, what do you think about the news coverage, since they hacked Hillary Clinton out of the nomination. Why are people not really pushing Obama to make her the have been VP because we want him to be the next president?

KING: Should Hillary be the VP?

BLACK: Well you know, they are people pushing. There's all sorts of pushing going on. Should she be the next VP? I don't know. I can't -- it's crazy.

KING: What's crazy?

BLACK: Where we are in terms of it. If they pick her, and then we've got to listen to, oh, he picked her. Then he's not as progressive as he thought he was, even though she might be a smart choice.

KING: So he's in a no-win?

BLACK: He's in a total no-win. And boy, he talked today about race. Woo, that's a shocker. Boy, the Republicans might bring it up. You think so? And then they're going to -- it's nonsense. I don't have the energy for it. And you know what I already feel like Hillary's been president, she was around for so long. Can we move on?

KING: What about McCain? You haven't discussed McCain.

BLACK: He's not going to get any younger. And Obama's not going to get any older. But McCain would have been great in 2000 when he was sane. That would have been fun. I'm going to build 45 nuclear reactors tomorrow. We're going to drill off shore. It's going to be splendid. Oh, boy. It's going to be Elizabeth, New Jersey everywhere. Mark my words. Write it on the bottom of the screen. Write it on the bottom of the screen.

KING: What bothers you, would you say -- what bothers you the most? Of all the little irks, what's your irk of the year?

BLACK: The irk of this year is, we have to -- it's 40 years now of trying to figure out a different source of energy. And if we just have to do it. OK, it just has to be done, all right?

KING: Do you drive a hybrid car?

BLACK: I don't drive anything. I have to be driven around. Do you think they would trust me behind a wheel? I have friends, they're even sitting here, and they literally said when I'm driving, you have to stop driving. I don't drive anymore. They won't let me drive.

KING: You get mad, huh?

BLACK: I get mad and I don't pay attention. You know? I've got a lot of things going on in my mind.

KING: Let me get in a quick call in before we hay to say good- bye. Largo, Florida, go ahead.

CALLER: Hello.

KING: Hello, go ahead.

CALLER: OK, my question is for Lewis Black. As an older guy, he's not in our same generation. I'm a younger man. How are his views so close -- how does he know so much that, how we're thinking?

KING: How are you so in tuned with younger people?

BLACK: Because I'm emotional stunted. I got out of college --

KING: You reach a young demographic.

BLACK: It goes down to the age of 10-year-olds in my book signings. By the time, I got out of college, I was -- that was it. I was emotionally set. And I don't think I've really changed much since I've been a kid.

KING: So you communicate?

BLACK: And I'm pretty much honest about things, you know?

KING: Lewis.

BLACK: It's a pleasure, as always.

KING: Your name, always one of the great treats in life is knowing and getting to watch him. Lewis Black, new book "Me of Little Faith."

Summer's here and if you're looking for a terrific beach read, check out "Trophies" it's by actress by Heather Thomas, who has got brains as well as beauty. Her new novel tells a dishy tale about A- list Hollywood wives. "Trophies," by Heather Thomas.

And don't forget to check out our Web site, our new podcast is Steve Carell, ready for downloading. And our Motley Crue quick vote is still up.

Time now for my man Anderson Cooper. Introduce him.

BLACK: Here comes Anderson Cooper and it's going to be a fun night with him, I can assure you it always is.