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Viewing the Humorous Side of the News

Aired November 1, 2008 - 22:00   ET


ANNOUNCER: CNN's regularly scheduled program, Watching your Money go Down the Toilet will not be seen tonight so that we may bring you this special presentation.
From the CNN studios in New York, D.L. HUGHLEY BREAKS THE NEWS.

D.L. HUGHLEY: Good evening. Yes, I'm still here. No need to adjust your TV. I know you guys are looking like, woo, Wolf Blitzer's got a tan.

Like I was telling -- I'm new to New York. I'm originally from Los Angeles so I had to move here and it's a rougher city to get around in. I moved here, and in Los Angeles, all the people -- rich people live with rich people and poor people live with poor people. In New York, that is literally from building to building. So I'm talking to a real estate agent, I go what's a good building? He said a good building got a, got a door man. And a bad building got a man in the door. You don't want to hang around him.

So here I am. Let us break the news.

Barack Obama has raised so much money that this week he was able to buy a half an hour of primetime TV on a dozen networks at the same time. Not to be outdone, John McCain handed out big phone fingers with his name on it.

85-year-old Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska was convicted of corruption charges and he told the press, I will fight this unjust verdict with every ounce of energy I have. Then he took out his dentures and laid down for a nap.

Now, Senator Stevens might go to jail, you know, and I don't, I want you, I don't want anybody to get the impression that I take any joy whatsoever in seeing an old white guy get locked up. Actually, yes, I do. That's hilarious.

Now, Stevens says that he will still run for Senate, even though he's facing a long prison term. His new campaign slogan is going to be, vote for me, somebody's bitch. I'm Ted Stevens and I approve this message.

Well, the president of Iran was hospitalized due to exhaustion. Hospitalized due to exhaustion. I don't know what that means in Iran, but in Hollywood it means, I ran out of (UNINTELLIGIBLE). Move over, Lindsay Lohan, I'm exhausted. Nikki Six -- give me the remote.

In Ohio this week, a man shot a teenager who stole a John McCain sign from his yard. I haven't seen anybody with that kind of temper since -- well, John McCain.

Speaking of McCain, experts are saying that he might lose his home state of Arizona to Obama. Wow, that's like, that's like getting locked out of your house while another man is doing your wife.

And I am sure that you have all heard about the assassination plot against Obama. There with two skinheads who planned to assassinate him while wearing white tuxedos? Don't these ignorant hateful bastards understand, you can't assassinate in white after Labor Day.

The good news, that Obama has been true to his word, he's already created hundreds of jobs -- bodyguards. But they're still working.

Now, Obama has been ahead in the polls for weeks. But this election still isn't a done deal. There are still plenty of ways for the Democrats to blow it. For example, voters could find out that Obama top five are Kim Jung-il, William Ayers, Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Michael Vick and Sisco. When he calls, you hear this.

Well, Obama also could still lose if he accidentally promises to free Tibet of all its weed. Or it is discovered that Obama has Nailin' Paylin in his net flicks cue. Or authorities reveal Obama's running a ring of high stakes baby fights in his basement.

But the easiest way Obama could screw up big is just by being overconfident.

Now we're going to talk to somebody who knows what it's like to run a presidential campaign. She (UNINTELLIGIBLE) the campaign manager for the Al Gore/Joe Lieberman ticket for 2000. Joining me now from Washington is Democratic Strategist and CNN Political Contributor Donna Brazile. How are you doing? Good to see you.

Well, it looks good for Obama, but, you know, things can change. So how is he looking?

DONNA BRAZILE, DEMOCRATIC STRATEGIST: He's looking very well. Look, D.L., eight years ago, Al Gore did not campaign in Virginia and North Carolina. We clearly didn't have a strategy to win Colorado and Nevada. And look -- are you sitting? North Dakota. So I think Senator Obama is...

HUGHLEY: Wait a minute. Did you say North Dakota?

BRAZILE: Yes, sir, North Dakota.

HUGHLEY: Any black people in North Dakota is in the witness protection program, aren't they? He actually might take North Dakota?

BRAZILE: North Dakota looks very good at this point. Indiana -- can you imagine Indiana? The Jackson Five will not have to go back to get the vote out.

HUGHLEY: What do you think was the biggest mistake that the Gore campaign made in 2000? BRAZILE: Is anyone listening? We lost Tennessee. We lost our home state. And you just mentioned Arizona, where John McCain is now doing robo calls. Can you imagine? He's calling up saying, hey, don't forget about me. I'm still your United States Senator.

HUGHLEY: I watch President Bush and I actually feel sorry for him because he looks exhausted. You know how like you were in school, and you keep looking at the clock waiting for the -- like waiting for recess to come? He reminds me of that. And I think -- he does.

BRAZILE: Well, he looks like he needs a second wind right now. He looks exhausted, really.

HUGHLEY: If and when Obama does win, what do you think he should do right away? What is his first move?

BRAZILE: No question, call Senator McCain and offer Senator McCain an opportunity to help him rebuild this country from the ground up, to offer to John McCain a seat at the table as we begin a transition to the future. And of course, to reach out to just about everyone. Look, it's going to take not just Senator Obama and the Democrats in Congress, but it will take Republicans to help clean up the mess, as well as calling on his old eighth cousin Dick Cheney to come out of his undisclosed location and let us know what he's been hiding all along.

HUGHLEY: That's his eighth cousin?

BRAZILE: Yes. You didn't know that?

HUGHLEY: No, I didn't. But you know.

BRAZILE: But Cheney's the black sheep in the family, you know.

HUGHLEY: See, I always say everybody want to be black until the police roll up, then nobody want to be black.

We do have 72 hours to election day. And actually, how important are these last 72 hours? What do you think?

BRAZILE: The last 72 hours are crucial, D.L., because some voters will think that the election is over. As you well know, in 32 states you can vote early. So if you have an opportunity to cast your ballot on Monday, avoid the gridlock, get out and vote and don't, don't let up until we know the last vote has been cast. So call all your co-workers, call everybody you know. Even call those distant cousins that you've put off your Christmas list. Call them this time.

HUGHLEY: Dick Cheney, it's me, your other cousin.

BRAZILE: Well, you know, that's true. I'm a native Louisianan. And for reasons that you know, because your wife is from my great home state, there are people still hurting on the Gulf Coast. And they need a president who will not only help them rebuild their lives, but a president who will do the right thing for all the American people. And that's Barack Obama. HUGHLEY: We've got plenty more coming up. Give Donna Brazile a big round of applause.



Election Facts. According to the Constitution, if a U.S. president is impeached, he or she is entitled to a lifetime 15 percent discount at J. Crew.


HUGHLEY: We can't predict who will be the next president. But one thing we do know is that each campaign has planned a party for election night. McCain's campaign will be celebrating at the Biltmore Hotel in Phoenix, while the Obama campaign is taking over Chicago's Grant Park.

Joining us live via satellite from Phoenix is the McCain campaign's official party planner Richard Wietz.

Hey, Richard. So give us the update. Give us the update on McCain's election night party.

RICHARD WIETZ, MCCAIN PARTY PLANNER: D.L., we are so excited about John McCain being elected the next president of the United States Tuesday night, and we just can't wait to celebrate.

HUGHLEY: Wow. I'm surprised you're so optimistic. OK, how many people are you expecting there at the Biltmore Hotel?

WIETZ: Unfortunately, D.L., we're no longer at the Biltmore. When McCain went down in the polls, they bumped us for Kenzie Kaplan's (ph) bar mitzvah party. But we've relocated to this beautiful banquet room at the Phoenix Airport Best Western.

HUGHLEY: That sounds exciting. OK, let's check in with the Obama Campaign Party Planner Frank Cooper. How are you doing, Frank?


HUGHLEY: So, tell us what you have planned for Obama's election night party?

COOPER: D.L., we expect this race to be the closest election in history. So our gathering is going to be very low key. Frankly, D.L., we're about -- a little nervous about the outcome. And until the last ballot is counted, Barack is the underdog, and we're preparing for a loss.

HUGHLEY: Really?

COOPER: Hell no! Obama is going to destroy McCain. You know it, I know it, and CNN knows this, D.L.

HUGHLEY: That is not true. But I see there's already a huge crowd gathered. But the election is not until Tuesday.

COOPER: Yes, look, we're so confident that we're going to -- we started partying last week. By Tuesday, most of these people are going to be so drunk, they probably won't even show up to vote. But who cares, we're still going to win by a landslide.

HUGHLEY: But wait, now, don't you think it's a bit early to be celebrating an Obama victory?

COOPER: Not at all, D.L. Look, in the words of Thomas Jefferson, tear the roof off the sucker, tear the roof off the...

HUGHLEY: OK, OK, we're about out of time.

Richard Wietz, any final thoughts about McCain's election party?

WIETZ: Well, D.L., we would like to invite all McCain supporters to come on down and celebrate with us. It's a cash bar.

HUGHLEY: And Frank Cooper, final words?

COOPER: Joe Biden is in the building! It's on!

HUGHLEY: Thank you, gentlemen.

Here with me now to talk about what happens to black America if Obama wins is the Reverend Al Sharpton.

How are you doing?


HUGHLEY: Good to see you.

We were talking earlier, I think I'm numb, like I can't really believe this is happening. And the biggest word I said in that sentence was "if." Like, because, you know, I'm just so cynical. Like I won't believe he's president until he signs the bill and drives -- you know what I mean?

SHARPTON: Well, I believe he'll be president. And I believe he'll be a great president. And I think that he will bring all of America, I think he has that kind of vision. Yes, there will still be the gap that we have to close in terms of race, because it's a long time we've had this gap. It won't close overnight. But I think that we will have a president that will bring sides together to talk about how we do that. And I'm very excited about it.

HUGHLEY: I'm scared to be excited. I really am. Like I'm just so cynical. I'm like, what's going to happen, that they take this away. Like, I just feel such a, like I'm so nervous. And it's almost like I'm running, and I'm so nervous.

SHARPTON: Yes. Well, I think a lot of us are like that. But you know, when I look at my mother's generation, Dr. King, and that generation, I'm going to be at Dr. King's grave the night of election because I want to thank that generation for making it possible. I think they expect us to in this generation to be able to reach those heights. I mean, we've seen now two black governors we have now. We've seen black mayors.

The question, though, is we've got to allow them not to be black mayors, black governors, black presidents, but a president who is black that serves all of America. And I think that Barack has really convinced people of that.

There are those in civil rights like me that will continue to fight on those issues of civil rights. But he's not running to be the black president, he's running to be president. And he proves we can do that, and remain who we are at the same time. I think it's a great day.

HUGHLEY: And I think that what I, what I -- the biggest question I have is not what America is going to think of black people, it is kind of what black people think of black people. You know, because like I see a lot of things, like now if and when Obama becomes president, they're going to throw a lot of words around like accountability and responsibility. And when I say how we look at each other, we have a lot of problems with ourselves. I think it's particularly telling that the first black president we have in this country wasn't raised in this country, in the mainland of this country, and wasn't raised by black people.

SHARPTON: I think it's also telling that he challenges America to be fair, things that I believe in, but then he challenges black Americans to be responsible. Which is why I think when he said that black fathers have to be more responsible, we have to be more responsible about how we deal with our own internal community. I think he'll be holding us accountable as we hold him accountable.

And I think that that is a very important thing. And he can do that.

You know, there will be the cynics who say, we don't need civil rights anymore. I look at guys on CNN, what if Al Sharpton be dead? Well, they never thought we were alive, so I'm glad they finally acknowledged we were alive.

But you know, the George Will crowd always want to kill. I think all of us will have a role. But I think that it will redefine how we look at ourselves, because I hope it makes young black men and women that say, I can't be nothing, or that I can just be criminal, or that's the black thing to be fugish (ph), now I have to kind of straight up and say, wait a minute, I'm expected to perform because Obama's raised the bar for all of us.

HUGHLEY: I think people, children in particular, rise to the level of your expectations.

SHARPTON: That's right.

HUGHLEY: And one of the things when I was talking about race earlier, you know, it's funny because you'll see a lot of sisters who hate to see a black man with a white woman, a black man with a white woman. But they love Obama, who actually wouldn't even be here unless a black man was with a white woman. Like, that would never have happened.

So now we have like all kind of things that we have to deal with. I mean, so...

SHARPTON: I think that white America needs to understand that black America has to deal with all of that, because he is as white as he is black. White America's got to deal with that. He's going to make America grow in a just -- and that's good for all of us. And all of us are going to have to compete for our issues, with someone who understands all sides of America.

I mean, it is absolutely the right man at the right time. And I think all of us should be excited about it. And I think that we cannot claim any more of an Obama presidency than anyone else. We're going to fight for our part of it. But it clearly is somebody we've got to share, and it's at a time when the nation needs it. Everybody's broke. And everybody needs some help.

HUGHLEY: It is no better time than to have a black president than when you're broke. I'm telling you.

SHARPTON: That's right. That's right.

HUGHLEY: Nobody can do more with less than us.

SHARPTON: We know how to take nothing and make something happen. And I think that he also at the same time understands, as you said, the whole width and breadth of the culture span of America. So it's an exciting time.

HUGHLEY: Obviously you have to take some measure of pride, because...

SHARPTON: Oh, I'm very proud.

HUGHLEY: ... a lot of things that you've done have kind of, you know, allowed this to kind of happen.

SHARPTON: Barack Obama comes out of a succession of blacks who became mainstream politicians who happened to be black. I come out of a corridor of our community that fights to confront the system. They can complement each other, they don't have to contradict each other.

HUGHLEY: I'm a comedian, I'm not a civil rights activist. But I think that you and I ultimately have the same goal, which is to get America to look at itself. You do it in a more sobering kind of way than me. But I do it in my own way. And I think that you and I are trying to get to the same place, only I'm taking the scenic route.

SHARPTON: Well, I think, I think, I think you take the scenic and comedic route.

HUGHLEY: Right. SHARPTON: And I think that if we are honest, we learn how to appreciate each other. And sometimes you'll sit back and say, what is Sharpton doing and why is he doing that. And sometimes I'll, I'll act like I ain't watching you, but I'm really watching you, and I'll kind of if nobody's looking, laugh at what you say. I don't want nobody to know I'm laughing. And...

HUGHLEY: Am I a dark secret to you, Al?

SHARPTON: But at the end of the day, if all of us can make all of us understand each other as people, that's what it's all about. We've got different roles. And I think if everybody stays in their lane, there won't be any accidents.

HUGHLEY: All of us have a role. Like, I'm a guy who didn't go to school, wasn't formally educated. And I'm sitting here on a show on CNN, and I don't know how long I'll be here, but I'm sitting here. So, I honestly believe almost anything is possible. But seeing Obama and seeing what's happened, there was a lot of anger that I've had like over the years and now I'm like, I don't have nowhere to put it. What do I do with it? Because now America has turned into a distinctly different place.

SHARPTON: And that's good. Because people paid the price, the thing that I hope we're not afraid of is now that we win a seat, you on CNN; Barack Obama the White House, which is a world of a difference -- now we perform? Did we use our anger to open doors or did we use our anger as an excuse to veil that we didn't think we could do it. You got to perform now that you're here.

HUGHLEY: I will.

SHARPTON: Senator Obama as President Obama will have to perform. People like me, that have to keep those doors open and open other doors. Otherwise history will say, all of it was for nothing.

If we get down the road four, eight years, and things haven't improved, things haven't changed, you haven't made people relax more, laugh more, we haven't kept the doors open for civil rights leaders ahead of us, then all of it was for nothing. And that's what we've got to do. We're in the positive seat now. We've got to make the plane fly or we should have never got in the seat.

HUGHLEY: You know what? There's that ugly word, accountability again. I can't stand you.

Reverend Al Sharpton, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much.

SHARPTON: Thank you.

HUGHLEY: Thank you.

We've got a lot more coming up. We're going to be right back.



Election Facts. History has shown that it's difficult to find candidates who will agree to run for the mayor of Loserville.


HUGHLEY: I've only been on the air a week, but there's already a group of undecided group of viewers who have watched my show. Standing by right now in Cincinnati, Ohio, with a group of these undecided viewers is CNN Correspondent Erica Hill.

Hi Erica.


HUGHLEY: How are you doing? Now, Erica, explain to our viewers exactly what's going on.

HILL: Well, D.L., we find one of the best ways to really gauge these undecideds here at CNN is to invite them to come in and monitor their reaction while they watch your show.

In fact, we have 10 people with us tonight, four are registered Democrats, three of you are registered Republicans. I understand we have registered nurse, which is good in case we have a medical emergency. And I think two of you are registered at Pottery Bride (ph), so best wishes to you all.

What they're going to be doing is taking look with this perception analyzer. Here it is right here, a high-tech device which will tell us second by second just how good or bad these people think your show is. That translates into those little squiggly lines you see on your screen while you're watching.

HUGHLEY: Did she just say my, say my show was bad? Did she?

HILL: Well, let's check in with the viewers. In fact, if you could give us a show of hands, how many of you think that D.L. Hughley, frankly, doesn't have what it takes to do this show?

HUGHLEY: That, that's cold.

HILL: All right, well let's, let's try this one. Is D.L. Hughley, of course, supposed to make you laugh? How many of you think that he can in fact fulfill that goal?


HILL: Not very many hands on that one. But, really, D.L., this is important. This is the kind of issue really hitting home with viewers here in Ohio. So, I want you to get a better idea. Maybe this can help you out, help you make them laugh. Let's meet a few of the folks here.

Allen is a computer programmer. I know you also collect vintage toys. You enjoy updating your MySpace page. What is it that D.L. needs to do to win you over?

ALLEN: Well, I want to hear what D.L.'s plan is for making me laugh. I mean, it's bad right now. I've been unemployed for three years. And I'm feeling really depressed and hopeless. So tonight I'm hoping D.L. Hughley will make me laugh. Finally.

HUGHLEY: I can't.

HILL: OK. Well, one down there. Maybe Colleen. Maybe you can help Colleen out.

Colleen, you're a homemaker. You're a mother of four. Also, I understand you hold the title of Ohio state's indoor taser champion. Congratulations on that. Can D.L. make you laugh? How?

COLLEEN: You know, as a hockey mom, I really want to like D.L., but I don't like D.L.'s hair. And he talks too fast. Plus he's got a GED. And he's black.

HILL: OK. Let's hear perhaps from another member of our, of our panel here.

Sir, I know you were really excited to come in and talk to us tonight.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I ain't concerned about nothing. I just don't like the dude, man. He owes me money, man. That's right. It was 20 years ago, Harlem. It was me, him, Frank Lucas, a deal went down, it went bad. Long story short, he owes me $5, man. He got a new show, a new suit, and can't pay me my own money? To hell with D.L. Hughley, man.

HILL: Really, all of these folks here, the good news is, you all say that you are still persuadable. They haven't decided yet. If you haven't decided if you've watched the show, so, you've got a little time to work on them.

HUGHLEY: OK, OK. Now, you're sure they're persuadable, right?

HILL: They tell me they are absolutely undecided. None of you have made up your -- yes, ma'am?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE I've made up my mind.

HILL: Oh, great.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes. I would rather watch reruns of the Magic Johnson Hour.

HUGHLEY: That's enough, Erica. We'll check in with you at the end of the show.

CNN has received reports of irregularities of the electronic voting machines in Lake County, Indiana. Some footage has just come in. Let's take a look. Nobody ever said this was going to be easy. Now, there remain significant voting problems that have not been addressed since the last election.

Here to explain is a professor of computer science at Princeton University, Andrew Appel.

Now, so they haven't fixed all the voter related problems?

ANDREW APPEL, PRINCETON UNIVERSITY: Well, the problem with some of these computerized electronic voting machines is that there is a computer in them. And the computer will do whatever it's programmed to do. If it's programmed to add up the votes correctly the way the voters vote, that's what it will do. But if it's programmed to transfer votes from one candidate to another, it can do that. Because whatever program is loaded in the machine controls what it will do.

HUGHLEY: So you actually bought a couple of voting machines.

APPEL: Last year I bought a couple of voting machines on the Internet used from North Carolina. And this year, a court in New Jersey ordered that the state provide some voting machines for me to examine to see if they can be hacked in that way.

HUGHLEY: And you did it. So we actually have a tape of that. Can we see it?

So here you are.

APPEL: Here I'm picking the lock.

HUGHLEY: you're breaking the law.


HUGHLEY: You are fast. So you're actually -- so what are you doing here?

APPEL: Well, I'm going to install a new computer program in this voting machine that will cheat.

HUGHLEY: So it can, you can program it to, to say, to vote for...

APPEL: So right here I'm taking out the old chip that has the legitimate computer program in it, adds up the votes the right way. Now I put in the fake program that transfers votes from one candidate to another.

HUGHLEY: So you can actually rig a machine so I could literally -- you can actually do a version of that?

APPEL: Well, it won't look like that. The voter, you know, he'll press a button and it will look perfectly normal to the voter. See, when those machines appear to malfunction, they're just malfunctioning. They're not cheating. If you're going to cheat, you're not going to let on.


APPEL: So you press the buttons and it can count up whatever it wants to.

HUGHLEY: So I can say, think I voted theoretically for Barack Obama, Like I theoretically vote for him. Damn it, I told him who I was voting for. I'll bet they're shocked.

APPEL: In the privacy of the voting booth, you can vote for whoever you want.

HUGHLEY: Right, right. Are you trying to influence me? But theoretically, I place a vote. That vote can be rigged, so it's automatically attributed to somebody else?

APPEL: That's right.

HUGHLEY: Now, how are we ever supposed to believe in the system where you can cheat so blatantly?

APPEL: Well, what we should do is we should switch to voting on optical scan paper ballots. So you mark the paper, you fill in the bubble and you feed it into the scanning machine that counts it. And then the scanning machine keeps all those papers, so it can be recounted. The very pieces of paper that the voter filled out can be recounted. And then there's no place for the computer to cheat. Because it can't change what's on the paper.

HUGHLEY: You know what me and you going to do? We're going to hang out and drink. You need to relax a little bit. You dig this voting thing. Give him a big round of applause. Thank you, Andrew Appel.

We'll be right back after this.


DON LEMON, CNN CORRESPONDENT: Hello, everyone. I'm Don Lemon at the CNN headquarters here in Atlanta.

We have all the news coming from the campaign trail, but tonight I want to tell you about something in the newsroom. My conversation -- a very compelling conversation with Dr. Cornel West. He's a Princeton professor and author and a lecturer. He is a Barack Obama supporter now, but he wasn't always. Take a listen.


LEMON: In the beginning, were you a supporter, or were you like many African-American leaders who said, I'm going to wait and see? I want to see what he does first? Or were you on Obama's fan wagon at the beginning? DR. CORNEL WEST, PROFESSOR, AUTHOR, LECTURER: Oh, no, no. I was deeply suspicious of the brother.

LEMON: As were many African-American leaders. What is that?

WEST: Well, see he gave a speech in Boston talking about America's a magical land and magical country. I thought, magical? Jimmy Crowe, slavery, worker subordinated, domestic violence, what country is he talking about? He's going having a Christopher Columbus experience. He's going to discover America. And of course I then had a suspicion because the white mainstream was just so excited about it. And I said, well, when the white mainstream gets highly excited about a black man, you got to have a critical disposition because he's making folks feel too...


LEMON: That is not the end of that conversation. More of that at the top of the hour.

Plus, will Senator Obama's aunt living here illegally hurt his chances for president? We'll talk about that with the best political team on television.

And with just three days out, what is on your mind? We're taking your comments live here. Make sure you join us on FaceBook, on Twitter, on MySpace, and also on iReport. We'll be talking to our i- reporters and they will be weighing in on some of the discussion as well. I'll see you right here at the top of the hour in the CNN Newsroom, 11:00 p.m., Eastern.


HUGHLEY: A lot of people are wondering this election if the Bradley effect is going to be in play. For those who don't know, Tom Bradley was the black mayor of L.A. who ran for governor of California back in 1982. And even though he was way ahead in the polls, he lost. So a lot of voters said they were voting for the black guy, but when they got into the booth, they voted differently. That's the Bradley effect.

But there are a great many other effects that can change an election. For example, there's the Spike Lee effect. That's when you vote for the candidate who says he loves Spike Lee movies, but he never goes to see them. Then there's also the effect when you vote for the candidate with the biggest stimulus package. That's right, the Tommy Lee effect. Then there's also the Leelee effect, where you vote for the candidate who can name even one Leelee (UNINTELLIGIBLE) detail. There's also the General Lee effect. That's when you vote for the candidate who can jump a ravine. And we shouldn't forget the Bruce Lee effect. That's when you vote for the candidate who can kick the crap out of the other guy.

Take that Karl Rove. You too, Dick Cheney. Come get some Todd Palin. John McCain, I got you. Joe the plumber, Joe Six Pack, Mitt Romney, "Scooter" Libby -- ooh! And that's for you, baby. You may have heard about ACORN, that they're registering fake names to vote, that they're destroying democracy. And of course, Obama's tight with them. Here to sort all of this out is ACORN'S Chief Executive Bertha Lewis.

How are you doing, Bertha?


HUGHLEY: You don't look like you're tearing the country apart.


HUGHLEY: What is the deal? Like ACORN has planned that they've registered 1.3 million new voters. The "New York Times" disputes that and says you've only registered 450 new voters. What is this?

LEWIS: Here's the fact. The fact of the matter is, that we turned in 1.3 million voter registration applications. Most states you have to turn in every card that you get.


LEWIS: No matter whether it says D.L. Hughley. We turned them in...

HUGHLEY: But I'm a real person.

LEWIS: Well, we'll let that -- the audience decide that. So, here's the fact, "New York Times," and here's the facts to your audience. A million people are going to be voting in this election because of the efforts of ACORN that wouldn't have been voting before. That's the fact.

HUGHLEY: So what is, what is -- let me ask you something. You said you primary focus on black and brown, register black and brown voters.

LEWIS: We are nonpartisan. We register low and moderate income folks, whether they're white working class, black, brown, Asian, you name it. We have 400,000 member families of all stripes.

HUGHLEY: What about the $800,000 payment that the Republicans are claiming that you all received? I mean, that's...

LEWIS: Once again, you can tell a lie over and over again. It doesn't make it the truth.

HUGHLEY: Why do you look at me when you say that? You sound like my wife. You liar. What do you mean?

LEWIS: We were never, ever, ever not paid a dime by the Obama campaign to do voter registration. A group called Citizens Services, Inc., and they are consultants of political folks, hired us to do a couple weekends of work for get out the vote in the primaries. HUGHLEY: But I actually -- and I read a lot, but I've never actually heard of ACORN being involved, like being on the top of everybody's hit list. What is it, why do you think that all of a sudden people have put you in their sights and how all of a sudden you're public enemy number one?

LEWIS: Because for 38 years we've organized people. We're organizers, and we ain't ashamed of that. We've been organizing people around affordable housing, better schools, better living wages, health care. Yes, we'll march. Yes, we'll sit in. Yes, we'll do civil disobedience. We will take...

HUGHLEY: You just scared the hell out of me now. One more time, Bertha Lewis, thank you. Thank you.

Now, the election is almost here. The clock is running out, so the McCain campaign is throwing everything they have at Obama. Check out this.


SARAH PALIN, VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: Barack Obama is not a man who sees America as you and I do.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Of course he doesn't. Because this is America, and Obama grew up all the way over there in a place called Hawaii. Do you want a president from a place where they draw you into their pagan cult with a fragrant neck harness? Where they don't even talk like us.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Instead they communicate in a secret code using their hands. A place where their strange mountains breath fire. And the locals think they can walk on water. It's a place where our big guitars aren't good enough for them. And they eat apples made of pine.

When America's favorite family went to Hawaii, they almost died.

So why does Barack Obama still make frequent trips to this Hawaii? Perhaps to eat more apples made of pine. Is that who you want as president? Or would you prefer a real American?

Paid for by the committee for responsible racism.


HUGHLEY: We've got plenty more coming up. Stick around.



Election Facts. The faces on Mount Rushmore are a natural phenomenon. Voters elected presidents who resemble the faces in an attempt to avoid angering the mountain gods.


HUGHLEY: This just in. Another Hail Mary for the McCain campaign. Take a look.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Obama's a great kid. Barack is great. That's why O.J. Simpson's voting for Barack Obama. If you like me, the juice, then you'll love Barack Obama.

JOHN MCCAIN, PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: I'm John McCain and I approve this message.


HUGHLEY: That is not the only problematic endorsement.

Last weekend, the terrorist organization al Qaeda actually said they were endorsing John McCain for president.

Joining me now to explain this is a man who is no stranger to controversy, as he is the most hated person in America, if not the world. Please welcome the embodiment of evil, Osama bin Laden.

OSAMA BIN LADEN, WORLD'S BIGGEST A-HOLE: Thank you, D.L. Thank you so much. It's good to be with you. I wanted to be there in person, but I was the victim of racial profiling at Habib International Airstrip.

HUGHLEY: OK, so where are you calling from?

BIN LADEN: I can't tell you that, or I would be incinerated by drone aircraft in just four minutes.

HUGHLEY: I KNOW, I was just trying to practice some gotcha journalism.

BIN LADEN: D.L., you lying traitor, infidel, murderer. Have you ever thought of joining al Qaeda?

HUGHLEY: No. And if I can unscramble this call, I'll come over there and unscramble your brain.

BIN LADEN: Oh really? You and what army?

HUGHLEY: The United States Army.

BIN LADEN: Oh, they're good. Point taken.

HUGHLEY: Why did al Qaeda endorse John McCain?

BIN LADEN: It's very simple, D.L. I really relate to that Sarah Palin. She's a lot like me. And let's face it, she's pretty hot for a non-virgin. HUGHLEY: OK. That's good for you. But let me ask you this...

JOSH LEVS, THE TRUTH SQUAD: Excuse me, D.L.? D.L. Hughley? Excuse me?

HUGHLEY: Who is that?

LEVS: D.L., I'm Josh Levs from CNN's The Truth Squad.

HUGHLEY: OK. What do you want, Josh?

LEVS: Our job is to keep the reporting on CNN totally honest.

HUGHLEY: No, your job is to bring my show to a screeching halt.

LEVS: Only when you file a completely misleading and erroneous story. Now, in the introduction to this segment, you said that Osama bin Laden is the most hated person in America.


LEVS: Correct. But the man you introduced is not Osama bin Laden. In fact, he's a Jewish actor named David Himmelbar (ph).

HUGHLEY: Yeah, but we're doing a bit.

LEVS: Well, here at the CNN center in Atlanta we call that fabricating a source.

HUGHLEY: I'm a comedian.

LEVS: Fabricator.

HUGHLEY: Look, I know how to find you, Josh.

LEVS: Great. Come down to Atlanta and I'll teach you about the inverted pyramid of journalism and the five Ws -- where, when, who, what and why.

HUGHLEY: You know what, you're forgetting whooped, which is what I'm going to do to you if you interrupt my show again. And I'll tell you when, what, why and what, what -- you got me?

LEVS: Yes. You are being completely honest this time.

HUGHLEY: I don't need you to tell me that, you little robot. Get off my show.

LEVS: I'm watching you, D.L. Hughley. I am watching you.

HUGHLEY: We'll be right back after this.


(BEGIN GRAPHIC) Grover Cleveland was the only person to serve two non-consecutive terms, until Shannen Doherty returned to the new "Beverly Hills 90210".


HUGHLEY: I know Barack Obama is ahead in the polls, but is he ahead enough? Can John McCain still win? Joining us from Chicago is a numbers guy from Polling Site, Nate Silver.

How are you doing, Nate?


HUGHLEY: OK, now how much of a lead does Obama have in the polls right now?

SILVER: There are a lot of different takes on this election. Is it going to look more like 2004, where you have, you know, mostly kind of the whiter, older side of America turning out. Or is the electorate going to be different this year like it was during the primaries. If the former is true, if you have the kind of 2004 electorate, Obama might win by a couple of points. Looks like he's favored. McCain might be within striking distance.

If you do get the turnout though among black voters, among Latinos, among young voters, then you can see a 10, 11 kind of Ronald Reagan type of margin.

HUGHLEY: How close is it actually going to be in your estimation?

SILVER: You know, I think it will stick at about five or six points with a kind of big margin for error on either side. People have learned an awful lot about these candidates. They've been running for president literally for two years. The polls don't move for no reason. They move because of events happen that make voters come to a decision or change their mind. And right now, John McCain -- I don't think Joe the plumber is going to help anyone change their mind and vote for McCain. He's not really...

HUGHLEY: You mean that's not working?

SILVER: I don't think it's working, no. I think people are kind of like -- I mean, I think it's kind of like, there was one like Christmas Eve when my family went to McDonald's because all of the restaurants were closed and our fridge was broken. It's that kind of thing, where, you know, if they're talking about taxes and Joe the plumber, that's like they're default, the Republicans. That means the other message hasn't really worked and so it's the only kind of thing they have left. Except in this case Obama is actually lowering taxes for the middle class. So it's kind of a double whammy for them this year I think.

HUGHLEY: A double whammy and McDonald's. Ain't that something? Now, he does have a statistical chance to win, McCain does. So what would you put that at?

SILVER: Yes, it's about 5 percent in my estimation. Remember, the polls, when they're wrong, they're often wrong in the same direction.

HUGHLEY: The fact that we've never seen this, we've never had a nationally, a national black candidate, and, you know, I lived in California, when they, when they talk about the Bradley effect. I was there. And I remember my father being very happy, like he was up and he was smiling. I remember, because it was one of the five times I ever saw him smile. And he said we're going to have a black governor. And the next, the day he didn't, he didn't win, and he was ahead by a double digit lead. So what about the Bradley effect? Can that happen?

SILVER: From the best research I've seen done on the subject, the Bradley effect has disappeared, or dissipated, and did so at some point in the '90s. I mean, not that our country is racially enlightened right now, but, you know, hot button issues like affirmative action and crime, aren't discussed as much as they used to, and welfare. You know, Bill Clinton, for better or for worse, took a lot of those issues off the table. And since then you haven't seen much of to a Bradley effect, if any.

HUGHLEY: There is the issue of the undecided voter. Every poll I've seen always factors that in. What is the undecided voter, and when does he finally make his mind up, or she finally make her mind up and make a commitment toward one candidate or the other?

SILVER: Well, there are people who decide at the, at the, you know, at the polls literally. I think about 5 percent of Americans every year do that. I also think some people who are undecided are actually people that aren't going to turn out to vote necessarily. If you have seen these candidates on the national stage for two years, and you can't reach a decision, and the pollsters are asking you, well, who are you leaning towards, if you can't answer then, then you might just not be that engaged by the election. You know, you might sit it out I think.

HUGHLEY: On the primaries the undecided voters almost always broke for Hillary Clinton. They almost always broke for the more established candidate. Isn't that pretty true throughout the election process, that they will break for the familiar?

SILVER: Well, the traditional rule is that they break against the incumbent, because if the incumbent hasn't convinced the voters by that late in the election, then he hasn't closed the sale. But the question number one, is there an incumbent in this election? Literally, there's not. You can argue in some, in some sense it's John McCain, he does have that Republican legacy. And in another sense, it seems like it's Barack Obama. He kind of almost seems like a shadow president right now. And he's been ahead...

HUGHLEY: Watch yourself. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. He's what shadow? Wait a minute, I didn't mean that. I'm just kidding. So, we're a few days away from the general election. Give me your prediction. What does it look like Tuesday?

SILVER: Yes, I think the most likely scenario is Obama wins around 345, 350 electoral votes. Not a huge popular vote margin. But because he has put more states in play and have had a campaign in states like Indiana, North Carolina, that used to be red, you know, they can have a map that will look very impressive, even with the relatively small margin in the popular vote.

HUGHLEY: All right. Nate Silver, thank you very much.

We'll be right back.



Election Facts. The difference between the U.S. and Canadian election is that in America, the winner is determined by electoral votes, but Canada is ruled by a military strongman.


HUGHLEY: Our show is almost over. So we're going to check back in with Erica Hill and those weird undecided viewers -- Erica.

HILL: I don't know if you want to call them weird if you want them to watch. But anyway, we have been logging their reactions very carefully on the bottom of your screen. So let's give you the final result of what they thought of your show tonight. There you have it.

HUGHLEY: Is that good?

HILL: Not exactly. But let's give you another idea here about how they really felt. By a show of hands, do any of you plan on watching D.L. HUGHLEY BREAKS THE NEWS next week? Just our friend Allen over there. So there you have it, D.L., the results from Ohio. Overwhelming you might say.

HUGHLEY: I want a recount.

Well, that does it for this week. Thanks for watching. Thanks to our studio audience. And do not forget to vote. Good night, you guys!