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D.L. Hughley Breaks The News
A Humorous Look at Recent News Stories
Aired December 14, 2008 - 23:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Tonight's regularly scheduled program, "Chicago Hopeless," will not be seen, so that we may bring you this special presentation.
D.L. HUGHLEY, CNN HOST: Hey, everybody. How you guys doing? All right! Everybody looks good. Well, I want to say happy holidays to each and every person. And let me give a special thanks, and a happy birthday, to Bruce, our stage manager. Give him a big round of applause. We didn't get him anything, but I did say happy birthday. I hope you don't owe anybody any money, because now they see you on TV.
Of course, there are 11 shopping days until Christmas, so there's still time to buy your loved one that Illinois Senate seat that's for sale. Or if you really want to splurge, you can get them Chrysler. Not a Chrysler, you can actually buy Chrysler.
So you've heard, the governor of Illinois was trying to sell Barack Obama's Senate seat to the highest bidder. Just think, we were just this close to having Senator Oprah. Do you know that Illinois has had four governors indicted and three convicted in the last 40 years? Illinois is so corrupt, they're thinking of changing their state name to Louisiana. The state bird is really the jail bird. It's crazy. Hillary Clinton was outraged. She said you're not supposed to be able to buy a Senate seat from a governor. No, the way you do it is you marry a governor, he becomes president, cheats on you and then you move to New York and you become a senator. That's what happens.
And Santa has been kind to everybody this year. Everybody got a little something. Black people, we got Obama for president. And white people, y'all finally got O.J. So it's the gift -- white people are clapping hard, too. Finally, thank you.
Did you watch the trial last week? O.J. was the only one shocked he was going to jail. He was like -- are you serious? Your honor, I'm not a thief, I'm a murderer. What's wrong with you? Apparently President Bush is moving to a Dallas neighborhood called Preston Hollow where up until 2000, they have a covenant saying that only white people could live there. That's not shocking. They had that same covenant in the White House until last month.
And Karl Rove said that in his new book he's going to name names and show examples of people who did not respect President Bush as a legitimate commander in chief. Man, that's going to be a long book, ain't it? And the CEO of Merrill Lynch, the man whose company lost billions of dollars this year, is asking for a $10 million bonus -- $10 million. That must be $5 million for each one of his giant balls. Brass got to be very expensive, I don't understand.
And speaking of testicles, a man is fighting for his life after his wife allegedly set his genitals on fire. And men have the same reaction. Oh, my god, that's horrible. Women have the same one, too. What did he do? He must have done something. He must have done something. And in the article, they said allegedly, and it can't be allegedly. Either you burned his balls or you didn't burn his balls.
There is something that's been bugging me about the holiday season, so what I did is I decided to get out of the office and go out on the streets and find some answers. Check this out.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
HUGHLEY: Of course, the holiday season is upon us. And we are here in front of a beautiful Christmas decoration. Beautiful Hanukkah display. Where's Kwanzaa? Where's Kwanzaa? Now, how you celebrating Kwanzaa this year?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Celebrating Kwanzaa? How many black people in America do you know that celebrate Kwanzaa?
HUGHLEY: But do you celebrate Kwanzaa at all?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Not really.
HUGHLEY: Do you know any of the principles of Kwanzaa?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No.
HUGHLEY: Tell me what you think it is.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It's a holiday for ethnic people.
HUGHLEY: Ethnic? How are you celebrating Kwanzaa?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. I should, though, right?
HUGHLEY: How are you celebrating Kwanzaa this year?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm not.
HUGHLEY: OK, Kwanzaa is an African-American holiday, kind of like Christmas, where only you make the gifts. You never heard of Kwanzaa? This is my show. Where you guys from?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Connecticut.
HUGHLEY: Connecticut? Well maybe it's not -- it hasn't gotten there yet. We found some people who knew some stuff about Kwanzaa.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Everyone getting together and having dinner. There's some kind of dreidel.
HUGHLEY: No, I don't think it's a dreidel. Kwanzaa is a chocolate holiday, but it's not -- they don't have chocolate. Do you know any of the principles of Kwanzaa?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Seven, Kukajalea (ph), meal, purpose, I'm stuck.
HUGHLEY: And others that did not. Can you spell Kwanzaa?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Q-U-A-N-Z-A. I don't know.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: K-W-A-N.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Q-U-A-N-C-I. Or C-A?
HUGHLEY: That's Quiznos, man, you make me want a sandwich. Why do you think Kwanzaa, not a lot of people know a lot about Kwanzaa?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I guess because there's no gifts. And I'm not into that homemade stuff.
HUGHLEY: Why do you think Kwanzaa hasn't taken off here?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Because this is America, the land of Christmas.
HUGHLEY: What does Christmas have that Kwanzaa doesn't? Songs. Do you think that more people would celebrate Kwanzaa if they like had a good song?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm sure they would.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Happy Kwanzaa to you.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Kwanzaa drums, Kwanzaa drums, Kwanzaa all the way.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We wish you a merry Kwanzaa, we wish you a merry Kwanzaa.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Happy Kwanzaa.
HUGHLEY: Some people showed real potential.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We should celebrate Kwanzaa, y'all.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It's Kwanzaa time. Families together, families forever.
HUGHLEY: While others were a lost cause.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Rock on, rock on, rock on, Kwanzaa.
HUGHLEY: We heard Kwanzaa go international.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
HUGHLEY: And Kwanzaa free style.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Kwanzaa on the way got black people celebrating. And we chilling hanging on the corner. Got a liquor store right next door. We move in front of the liquor store, to the gun store. Getting shot up.
HUGHLEY: Wait, wait, wait. That ain't Kwanzaa, man. You done killed everybody. And just plain sweet.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (SINGING)
HUGHLEY: We getting the Kwanzaa song together.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's all we need.
HUGHLEY: Happy Kwanzaa to you, man. Thank you, man. Happy Kwanzaa.
(END VIDEOTAPE)
HUGHLEY: Well, that was a good start. But we wanted to get a professional help in our quest for a Kwanzaa song. We reached out to hip-hop producers and R&B singers, jazz artists, to no avail. But then something struck me. Listen to this.
(SINGING)
HUGHLEY: That was written by the great Mel Torme. He doesn't even celebrate Christmas. He was Jewish. Check out this song.
(SINGING)
HUGHLEY: Beautiful. Also the number one selling song of all- time, and written by a Jewish guy named Irving Berlin. I'm no dummy. Clearly Jews know how to make the best holiday songs. So if this Kwanzaa thing is going to succeed, I needed my own Jewish composer. So I got one.
Here in the studio is the co-creator of the Broadway musical, Avenue Q, Tony-winning songwriter, Jeff Marx. Give him a good round of applause. Jeff?
JEFF MARX, SONGWRITER: (SINGING)
HUGHLEY: Jeff Marx, everybody! Beautiful song. We've got plenty more coming up. Stick around, play us out.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
HUGHLEY: Well, it seems like every day, some corporate CEO comes marching into Washington asking for their companies to be bailed out. First it was the banks, then it was the automakers. And recently there was another fat cat. Check it out.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
SEN. RICHARD SHELBY (R), ALABAMA: We are here today because you realize, and I think a lot of us realize, you're in dire circumstances. You wouldn't be here otherwise.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's correct. The Santa workshop has seen better days due to high overhead costs and low consumer confidence. Do you think your fellows could spare, say, $25 billion?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How did we get to $25 billion as the magic number?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well, it's a magic number, because Santa is magical.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: There's not been any real thinking behind that number.
SEN. CHRIS DODD (D), CONNECTICUT: You're asking an awful lot.
SEN. JON TESTER (D), MONTANA: How do we know you just don't take it from one pocket to the other and put it somewhere else?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm Santa.
DODD: Inaction is not a solution.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK. Inaction, not a solution. Got it.
SHELBY: A lot of people think you've already failed, that your model has failed.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The last question I want to raise deals with the hydrogen infrastructure.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What the (BLEEP) is that?
DODD: I thank you all very much for being here. We're adjourned.
(END VIDEOTAPE)
HUGHLEY: Our next guest really knows the holidays in New York. Please welcome native New Yorker, actor, comedian, director, John Leguizamo.
JOHN LEGUIZAMO, ACTOR: How are you doing?
HUGHLEY: Good to see you.
LEGUIZAMO: Thanks for having me.
HUGHLEY: I've been a big fan of yours for a long time. My favorite part, Benny Blanco.
LEGUIZAMO: From the Bronx. HUGHLEY: It's amazing you do stand-up, you act, you do everything. And you have --
LEGUIZAMO: I'm a Latin man. I have to hustle. I have to do everything. I look at J. Lo. She's got perfume, she's a clothing line. We've got to do a lot of stuff to stay relevant.
HUGHLEY: You've done stand-up. You've done acting. What would you say was your passion?
HUGHLEY: I've got to say, theater. Because it's kind of like the stand-up that I do. Theater and independent movies are the things that I love the most. Everything else can fall away, I don't care.
HUGHLEY: Now you like independent movies. You said specifically because of the work, the type of work.
LEGUIZAMO: Yeah. Because it's about characters, character driven. And it's about story telling. And they respect the artist. They're not telling you, like a lot of studio heads come in and tell you how to do it, how it should be done. They just leave you alone, because there's not a lot of money. You're getting a scale, so what the hell.
HUGHLEY: Now you have a film coming out called "Where God Left His Shoes," which is a holiday movie.
LEGUIZAMO: It's an anti-Christmas movie.
HUGHLEY: That's a big hit.
LEGUIZAMO: Anti-everything movie.
HUGHLEY: Now can you introduce this clip? We're going to see a clip from the movie.
LEGUIZAMO: This is about a dad, I'm a boxer and I lose my job before Christmas. And this clip, I'm trying to get a job, trying to get into this project, because we're about to be homeless because I've lost our whole family's earnings.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
LEGUIZAMO: All we want is to have an apartment for Christmas. That's all. That's all we want. Look, I understand your position. I know what you're in. Imagine having children sleeping in a dirty shelter on a cold floor for a free lunch? Can you imagine that for a second? Are you imagining that for me?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes, I understand your position.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
HUGHLEY: John Leguizamo, man.
LEGUIZAMO: I wanted her to imagine that. HUGHLEY: You have some interesting kind of story. You were actually homeless for awhile?
LEGUIZAMO: For a day. Why are you laughing, man?
HUGHLEY: Because everybody's been homeless for a day.
LEGUIZAMO: Not everybody has been homeless for a day.
HUGHLEY: Everybody has been kicked out of the house. I remember when I was 16, my mother said, you are leaving my house and don't you leave with nothing I bought you. And I left with underwear on and an Avon chain with an arrow.
LEGUIZAMO: How many days?
HUGHLEY: For two days I was homeless.
LEGUIZAMO: Oh, two days. Oh, you're so much better than me.
HUGHLEY: I beat you by a day.
LEGUIZAMO: I've been hungry for a longer time. But I was only homeless for one night. I lost my place and I didn't have another roommate, so I had to call my friend, so my brother bailed me out.
HUGHLEY: Bailed you out? That's not homeless. That's jail.
LEGUIZAMO: Not that kind of bailout. I've been bailed out by my mom. That was different.
HUGHLEY: Now you played a stepfather in this.
LEGUIZAMO: Yes, I play a stepdad in this. The little kid, David Cassidy was 9-years-old when we did the movie. He started to think that I was his real dad. He was like spending all his time with me. Like we didn't have a trailer, because it was that kind of low-budget flick. So I had a curtain. That's all I had between me and that kid. The little kid would come under the curtain. What are you doing? What are you doing later? Oh, just sleeping. Can I stay here and talk to you while you're sleeping? I go, then I wouldn't be sleeping if you're talking to me. He goes, that's OK. I'm like, no, that's not OK. I was like director, you've got to get me -- I love that kid, but I've got to be alone for one minute.
HUGHLEY: But kids are something else. I only like my kids because they're mine and I know because I got them tested.
LEGUIZAMO: I did the same thing. Because mine came out kind of blondish, and I wasn't sure.
HUGHLEY: Your kids are just kind of mixes of everything.
LEGUIZAMO: They're little choricans. They have everything.
HUGHLEY: Half Christmas, half Hanukkah. LEGUIZAMO: Exactly. You have to give a lot of gifts. It's a pain in the neck.
HUGHLEY: And you've lived in New York your whole life. It's interesting because it's a brand-new city for me.
LEGUIZAMO: Come on. It's got to be easy adjustment though. You're not sweating it, come on.
HUGHLEY: But it's different because people like here are mad all the time.
LEGUIZAMO: Yes, we're angry. So what? You got a problem with that? What? What?
HUGHLEY: You can get like -- I said hi to a girl. What you want? You got some toilet paper on your shoe. I didn't want no trouble.
LEGUIZAMO: Yes, what's your problem? But, that's all right because we're up front about it. It's not hostility.
HUGHLEY: No?
LEGUIZAMO: No. It's just be straight up. Just tell me what you want. I got things to do, brother, all right? I'm about to leave.
HUGHLEY: I feel like I did an interview and got mugged at the same time. John Leguizamo, everybody.
Even in these special times, it's nice to know that at Christmas, kids still write letters to Santa. Unfortunately, this year Santa wrote letters back.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Dear Santa, can I please have a pony for Christmas? Love, Emily, age 3.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Dear, Emily. Do you know how hard it is to take care of a horse? You already killed a hamster and five goldfish. Get real, you're three. Merry Christmas, Santa.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
HUGHLEY: Our next guest followed Barack Obama around for two years, taking about a million photos of him. I don't know what to say about that. That sounds like a stalker to me. But here with me now is photographer and author of the new book "Yes, We Can." Welcome Scout Tufankjian. How you doing? Wow.
So you followed him around for two years, took a million photos. Usually a brother gets that many photos, he's under indictment. But I'm glad this isn't. So how did you hook up with the Obama camp? SCOUT TUFANKJIAN, PHOTOGRAPHER: I first got sent out to cover him in December '06, so this was before he decided to run for president. He was going to be in New Hampshire doing a book signing at some Democratic Party function. And I didn't want to go. But then they found someone to pay me to go and you know, everyone needs money.
HUGHLEY: Right.
TUFANKJIAN: So I drove up to New Hampshire, and I got up there and it was awful. It was this horrible, dark room.
HUGHLEY: I've never been to New Hampshire.
TUFANKJIAN: It's dark. It snows pretty much all the time.
HUGHLEY: There aren't any black people in New Hampshire.
TUFANKJIAN: There's like three.
HUGHLEY: Three. And when he left, there was only two.
TUFANKJIAN: Yeah. I have now met every mixed race child.
HUGHLEY: So when you got there, you met him?
TUFANKJIAN: Yes. Well, he came in, we're all waiting for him in this dark room. And we're thinking, no pictures, this is going to be awful. And I'm missing my date. And he came in and everybody just went completely insane. In a way that we're now used to seeing people react to him.
At the time, it was kind of newer. To me, anyway, because I never photographed him before. And I thought, wow. And I immediately called up my editor and said, I want to cover his presidential campaign. And she said, he's not running for president. And I said, he's from Hawaii, he doesn't ski, there's no other reason to be in New Hampshire unless you're running for president. So I started in early, and I never left.
HUGHLEY: You photographed him. And children reacted to him even differently. So we have pictures of the way that children reacted to him.
TUFANKJIAN: These little girls from South Carolina. And they just lost their minds over him. They were so excited. The thing is, I don't know about you, but when I was 6, no way, right?
HUGHLEY: Not a presidential candidate.
TUFANKJIAN: Maybe for five seconds if I had been at something that everyone else was cheering, I would have cheered along. But there's no way I would have paid attention for an hour.
HUGHLEY: One of my favorite pictures was, you took a picture of one of his staff members when he was giving a speech on race. The most transcendent speech I've ever seen. TUFANKJIAN: Oh yes, me too.
HUGHLEY: So tell me about that picture.
TUFANKJIAN: It was actually -- normally I don't necessarily listen to everything that he's saying. Not because I don't want to --
HUGHLEY: I never hear it either.
TUFANKJIAN: You're concentrating on your work and you're trying to make your picture, and your brain is kind of tunnel vision that way. But I noticed Marty, who's not only one of his campaign staffers, but they're best friends. His wife delivered the Obama children. He was crying. He had tears rolling down his face. I thought, I should probably start paying attention.
HUGHLEY: Right. This dude's crying.
TUFANKJIAN: Marty's crying, I should probably listen.
HUGHLEY: But you told a story about how you were in Des Moines.
TUFANKJIAN: This group of young guys comes up. I don't know if they're actually thugs, but they definitely wanted us to think they were. They're telling us how they steal cars. They told the Secret Service they were in a gang.
HUGHLEY: Right, in Des Moines, Iowa.
TUFANKJIAN: In Des Moines, Iowa, right, exactly. And all of a sudden they see Obama. And all of a sudden they turn into like 19- year-old little kids. They're all excited. One calls their friend and says, you're not going to believe who's here, your man, your man. Then they're talking to him and they go, yo, that (BLEEP) is going to be president.
HUGHLEY: You know what, I bet that's the first time somebody ever said that, and it was true.
TUFANKJIAN: Totally, right?
HUGHLEY: Scout Tufankjian, give her a big round of applause.
Now, to tell us what's coming up next hour, Jeff Sklar in our newsroom.
JEFF SKLAR, CNN CORRESPONDENT: Well, D.L., tonight we're going to be following a continuing story of who President-elect Obama is going to pick for his cabinet. Now with Richardson and Hillary Clinton now on the team, that just leaves two spots, interior and education. We're all anxious to see who those people are going to be.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Hi, I cannot believe this --
SKLAR: Excuse me. I'm on television. Thank you.
Then we're going to be talking to the embattled president of Chrysler --
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Turkey club and a Diet Coke, $13.75.
SKLAR: Can't you see I'm teasing news hour?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You ordered a sandwich, $13.75.
SKLAR: Jesus.
OK. Now, our airfare is going to be cheaper this holiday season. Other own Ali Velshi will be joining us to tell us exactly -- hello, I'm on TV here. Excuse me. Jesus? You thought the planet was in peril? I'm about to snap. OK.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Mr. Santa time.
SKLAR: Are you kidding? Get the (BLEEP) out of here. That's all, D.L., back to you.
HUGHLEY: We'll be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
HUGHLEY: Oh man, Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested on federal corruption charges for conspiring to sell Barack Obama's vacant senate seat in exchange for money. If convicted Blagojevich could be sentenced up to 30 years in prison, from his law offices in Springfield, IL is one of the governor's attorneys. Drew Steinberg. Hey Drew.
DREW STEINBERG, ATTORNEY: It's good to be here, Dion.
HUGHLEY: No, it's D.L. Now how would you describe the state of mind of your client, Rod Blagojevih since earlier this week?
STEINBERG: Honesty, the governor is doing great and he's just looking forward to getting back to the business of running the state of Illinois.
HUGHLEY: But with all due respect, you can't be serious, the governor is coming off like an arrogant crook.
STEINBERG: Far from the truth. My client is just like thousands of other Serbian Americans, who worked as meat packers, became governor, got busted by the FBI on multiple counts of fraud and are named Blagojevich.
HUGHLEY: OK now, how does the governor explain soliciting cash for a senate seat?
STEINBERG: Allegedly, soliciting, L.L. allegedly.
HUGHLEY: Mr. Steinberg, are you actually denying the governor is guilty?
STEINBERG: Look, the only thing Blagojevich is guilty of is offering people of Illinois a great opportunity to become senator.
HUGHLEY: Yes, but he did it for money and that's illegal Mr. Steinberg.
STEINBERG: Come on, you're talking about a little bribery charge here. Why aren't you focusing on serious political crimes like paying for sex in an airport men's room?
HUGHLEY: But the governor was caught on tape trying to take a bribe for a senate seat. You don't think that's wrong?
STEINBERG: That's for a jury to decide Jay Z. All governor Blagojevich was trying to do is sell something to the highest bidder.
HUGHLEY: That is a crime.
STEINBERG: No, I call it going on Ebay.
HUGHLEY: OK even it was legal, most folks don't have $1 million laying around to buy a senate seat.
STEINBERG: Right which is why you can do a U.S. senate seat timeshare with your buddies.
HUGHLEY: What!
STEINBERG: Come on, DHL, it will be fun. You'll be senator for two weeks in August. I get to be senator for the fall and then Joey gets the holidays and weekends. If that's not democracy I don't know what is.
HUGHLEY: That is corruption Mr. Steinberg, even Obama himself has said that the governor should resign.
STEINBERG: Look, Rod Blagojevich will decide who gets to be Illinois's next senator. So anyone out there watching that's interested should contact the governor directly. He accepts PayPal and Visa.
HUGHLEY: Thank you, Mr. Steinberg.
STEINBERG: Anytime, T.D.
HUGHLEY: It's D.L.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
HUGHLEY: Now we've heard a lot from Washington about the problem with the American car industry. Now let's talk to someone who actually knows what's going on under the hood. Certified mechanic and owner of Irvin classic cars in Brooklyn, David Goldsmith. How are you doing, David?
So you work on cars, how does the American car industry look from under the hood? DAVID GOLDSMITH, CERTIFIED MECHANIC: Well, from under the hood right now, it's not looking too good. I told the guys at the shop just a couple of hours ago, hey, guys, I'm going downtown to talk about the bailout. They went, oh. Good luck, man. Good luck. I mean there are a lot of thumbs went down, and a lot of people went - you know, one guy came up with a great idea. He says, you know, there should be a bailout. I said, Rudy really, a bailout? You really think we should be pulling money out of our pockets to save the auto companies? He said, yeah. But they should get their money from someplace else. I said, where? He said, their buddies, you know, their partners. He said how about the oil companies? How about the oil companies? They've all been selling those gas guzzlers for a couple of decades. And made a lot of money with it. So that was one idea.
HUGHLEY: But I don't think that's going to happen. We used to make a great car.
GOLDSMITH: We used to make a great car.
HUGHLEY: A really great car.
GOLDSMITH: You know, we're urban classics so we have in the shop right now; I've got a 55 Packard in there and I've got a 65 Ford Galaxy. In the heyday, you know, there's a 57 Chevy in the shop right now. But we make our money really repairing daily drivers and we see, you know, the cars are better today but...
HUGHLEY: Like the Vega and the Pinto.
GOLDSMITH: Yes, well, you know, when they made a 57 Chevy that's when the United States, they were the kings of the hill. Cadillac motor car company is the best car in the world.
HUGHLEY: Right.
GOLDSMITH: And then we saw the slide. We saw the slide and it's really been tragic to see, you know, from the Vegas and the Pintos and the Chevettes and the Citation. And even Cadillac, I mean, Cadillac makes a -- you know, they really, really, really went downhill. And they treated the public shabbily, they, you know...
HUGHLEY: There are some American cars that you are starting to really like.
GOLDSMITH: Yes, you know the real tragedy is that they build better cars today then they used to, in fact, much better cars.
HUGHLEY: But it's hard not to be better than the Vega, though.
GOLDSMITH: It's not hard to be better than the Vega.
HUGHLEY: It's not hard. You like the Malibu.
GOLDSMITH: Yes, the Malibus, the Impalas. I mean look at the Crown Victoria. I mean, it's a bigger car. HUGHLEY: But you know the problem with Crown Victorias and Malibus? They are police cars where I'm from. Like everybody I love got took away in a Crown Victoria or Malibu, so it's just horrible, it is.
GOLDSMITH: A friend of mine has a black '97 Crown Grand Marquis, you know, and the thing about driving that car is when I drive through the city streets, everybody is either scared of me or they're waving me down. Like I'm a gypsy cab or a limo.
HUGHLEY: Help, he got my purse!
GOLDSMITH: Right, but you know there are some great American cars built today but they don't market them well.
HUGHLEY: Maybe the dude who markets Viagra should market cars. Just the same thing.
GOLDSMITH: Genius. There you go, you need some marketing genius.
HUGHLEY: If Apple computers- I think is one of the foremost companies in the world. Man they are great, they make a great product and they -- and I'm not just saying that because I'm hoping for them to give me one. I'm saying that because they make a great product, great support system and now we need congress is proposing a car czar to kind of bring quality...
GOLDSMITH: I'd say Rudy in my shop should be the car czar. But no...
HUGHLEY: Actually it should be a guy who makes cars (inaudible)
GOLDSMITH: Well, you know I think that we do need a car czar. We do need somebody that's got some vision.
HUGHLEY: Oh, come on, no one's into vision anymore.
GOLDSMITH: And I think that there are people that are just dying to jump on board and buy American cars.
HUGHLEY: Now, you are the car czar in this country.
GOLDSMITH: Me? No I don't want that job.
HUGHLEY: I mean, beside the Crown Vic which I told you my obvious problem with, what do you do? First job, first thing you do, car czar?
GOLDSMITH: Well I think the top job right now is to get your customers to have confidence in you again. And to know- I was telling somebody, one of your producer people, you know as a small business owner, some of the best customers and the most loyal customers I have are with customers where my company let them down. But we went way out of our way to make sure that they were happy, that they were taken care of, that if we made a mistake that we righted it and it we did it in the right way. And I think that if people, if these car companies could convince people that they would stand by their customer, you know, 110 percent then people would come back. I think they'd flock back. They'd be very forgiving to help rebuild the American car manufacturers.
HUGHLEY: You know, I think the old way of doing things has to die. And my father used to say something that I never understood. He said, without a death there can't be a resurrection so hopefully that will work out.
(CROSSTALK)
HUGHLEY: We've got plenty more coming up, stick around.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
HUGHLEY: Now, the holidays are a time when we all reflect back on our year of shared memories with friends and family. When it comes to this show, we've had quite a year. Actually, it's only been a couple of months. But still, let's take a look back at the good times and bad times we've had during the last six weeks.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
HUGHLEY: Yes, I'm still here. No need to adjust your TV. I know you guys are looking like, oh Blitzer got a tan.
Now Obama said that his first order of business is to get a puppy for his two daughters. Now you know when Michael Vick heard that he was like, damn there goes my pardon.
AS the nation's second largest mortgage buyer, you've been accused of costing tax payers tens of billions of dollars due to shady accounting. How do you respond to these serious allegations?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well I have a message for these candidates who are trying to ruin my reputation, shut your mouth bitches.
HUGHLEY: So you've never voted before at any other election?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No, this is worth -- I was saving my one and and only.
HUGHLEY: Man, well you could have voted for Lincoln, but you saved it for Obama right?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: As a hockey mom I really want to like D.L. but I don't like D.L.'s hair and he talks too fast plus he's got a GED and he's black.
HUGHLEY: On election night, they gathered around their home in Alaska to rest up and recover. All except for Levi there, pregnant daughter's boyfriend. He went out for cigarettes and never came back so.
FRANK COOPER, OBAMA PARTY PLANNER: I'm a little nervous about the outcome, until the last balance count, Barack is the underdog and we're preparing for a loss.
HUGHLEY: Really?
COOPER: Hell no! Obama is going to destroy McCain!
HUGHLEY: What are you getting for Christmas?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: A divorce.
HUGHLEY: Are you serious?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I would rather watch re-runs of the Magic Johnson hour.
HUGHLEY: Now al Qaeda just released a video in which they called Barack Obama a house Negro. They called him a house Negro. Now the Obama camp has declined to respond so I will. Yes, he's a house Negro but it is the White House (bleep)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
HUGHLEY: I'm living in New York and I'm doing this show and my wife is still in California. Now, we've been married for over 20 years and my wife says I don't know how to do anything for myself including make the bed so you can just forget about cooking. So it's time that I learned so I called who's not only written three cook books but also has one of the most amazing voices that I've ever heard, please welcome the one and only Miss Patty Labelle.
It is amazing to be loved as long as we've loved you and I'm glad you're here.
PATTY LABELLE, SINGER: I'm so happy to be here with you.
HUGHLEY: When I turn 25 I hope I look as good as you do right now.
LABELLE: This is what you call 64 and still standing.
HUGHLEY: Goodness gracious, goodness gracious.
LABELLE: 64 and just living the good life and that's all my products today. That's what we're talking about.
HUGHLEY: That's the name of your book "Recipes for the Good Life."
LABELLE: "Recipes For the Good Life" and a DVD called "In the Kitchen With Miss Patty." It's an instructional DVD to show you and everybody else how to cook. This is easy for you. We can start with my hot Patty LaBelle relish.
HUGHLEY: How come I didn't do it? I got the gloves on and everything.
LABELLE: I'm going to have you mixing, boo. HUGHLEY: Ok, ok...
LABELLE: OK, but mix, put stuff in. No put the glass down. Come on D.L., put this in.
HUGHLEY: Now what am I supposed to put in?
LABELLE: And congratulations on your show, man. Put it all in. Congratulations. Put this in. This is eggs.
HUGHLEY: That's egg.
LABELLE: Yes, usually I use like 12 boiled eggs. This halepeno.
HUGHLEY: Yes, put a lot in. I like that.
LABELLE: Oh you do? Good.
HUGHLEY: Absolutely.
LABELLE: This is celery seed.
HUGHLEY: Celery seeds. All right, do I got to do it like you?
LABELLE: Just drop, drop it like it's hot.
HUGHLEY: That' s it, that's nice right there.
LABELLE: Now put this in, this is mustard. You put yellow mustard in but you got to do it like this. Oh we need a little- see, you don't know, poor baby. Pretend it's in there. OK you put it on my dress I'm going to cut you.
HUGHLEY: (inaudible) because I'm getting assaulted on my own show.
LABELLE: No, I don't mean- now, get the mayo, baby.
HUGHLEY: Mayo? Now put mayo in. Do I have to- OK.
LABELLE: Just drop it all? And then get the celery.
HUGHLEY: OK
LABELLE: Green pepper and onion.
HUGHLEY: Green pepper- oh celery first, right?
LABELLE: It doesn't matter. This bowl is not going to be big enough anyway.
HUGHLEY: Green pepper and onion.
LABELLE: Give me that green pepper.
HUGHLEY: All right. LABELLE: Give me the onion.
HUGHLEY: Onion.
LABELLE: And give me- I can't -- yes, you dump that.
HUGHLEY: This is the onion?
LABELLE: That's onion.
HUGHLEY: That's a lot of onion, baby.
LABELLE: Poor baby, I know, give me just a little.
HUGHLEY: You're mixing together all...
(CROSSTALK)
LABELLE: Go ahead.
HUGHLEY: You guys are performing on the 19th here
LABELLE: At The Apollo, it's sold out. And we're going to be on tour January -- next year we start touring.
HUGHLEY: Can I ask you something? I was a kid...
LABELLE: ... For 30 years we've been apart.
HUGHLEY: And Labelle came and they used to say voulez-vous...
LABELLE: That was yes -
HUGHLEY: What does that mean?
LABELLE: That means will you sleep with me...
HUGHLEY: ...will I?
LABELLE: No, that means -- that's what the song means.
HUGHLEY: Because I thought you were threatening me with a good time or something.
LABELLE: No, no, no!
HUGHLEY: Well, we got the gloves on so-
(CROSSTALK)
LABELLE: You're funny, funny, baby, no. But that means, will you sleep with me tonight and that's, you know, that's what that song means. And when we recorded this song we had no idea that's what it meant.
HUGHLEY: No, you were just singing? LABELLE: We were just singing because it sounded great.
HUGHLEY: It sounds great to me too.
LABELLE: OK.
HUGHLEY: I'm going to try it.
LABELLE: You're going to try it?
HUGHLEY: Yes, absolutely. You said that you do two things. You cook and you sing. And that is what you were born to do.
LABELLE: And I buy pumps. I'm born to buy pumps, cook and sing.
Say it's delicious.
HUGHLEY: It's delicious.
LABELLE: It's the best we can do I guess.
HUGHLEY: So we have potato salad, we have this.
LABELLE: WE have those hot and spicy shrimp.
HUGHLEY: Now, I'll eat some of that but I don't eat chicken in front of white folk. I just don't because they-
LABELLE: Oh you don't do that?
HUGHLEY: (inaudible) Oh they love it don't they?
LABELLE: We do love it, we love chicken.
HUGHLEY: For everybody we have a Patty Labelle, "In the Kitchen with Patty Labelle" CD.
All right stay with us, Miss Patty Labelle will be performing for us. We'll be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
HUGHLEY: Man I love this job. First Patty Labelle teaches me to cook and now she's going to sing. Here now to perform "Christmas Jam" is Patty Labelle.
Have a happy holiday everybody. Thank you for watching.
LABELLE: Happy holiday D.L. Congratulations on your new show. God bless you. God bless America. I'm ready y'all, hey. Everybody it's a Christmas jam. Everybody, get your jam on, get your jam on.
(Singing)
