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Joy Behar Page

Racism in America; Interview With Larry David

Aired October 08, 2009 - 19:00   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.


JOY BEHAR, HOST: Tonight, do we really live in a post-racial society? You tell me, after you see this shocking black face routine on a TV show.

Then, Congressman Charlie Rangel writes our tax codes, but has apparently forgotten how to pay his own. Sorry, Charlie, but maybe it`s time for you to go.

And joining me in the studio, the man who never curbs his enthusiasm for laughter, comedy maven, Larry David. All this and much more, tonight.

Well, folks, racism is alive and well. Don`t believe me? Watch this ridiculous black face skit, the "Jackson Jive."

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Look around, the whole world`s coming together now everybody, sing with me.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BEHAR: That was not the Friar`s Club or even the U.S., it was Australia, where apparently they still think this stuff is funny. Joining me to see if Americans still think it`s funny are Arianna Huffington, editor and co-founder of "The Huffington Post," Chuck Nice, comedian and commentator, and Joe Watkins, the best-looking Republican I`ve seen in years, pastor and former White House aide for George Bush senior. OK, Chuck, this is Australia.

CHUCK NICE, COMEDIAN/COMMENTATOR: Yes.

BEHAR: Can we chalk it up to cultural differences or is it race? What do you think?

NICE: I`m going to say that it`s both. What`s funny there is the fact that they actually think that`s entertaining in any way, shape, or form.

BEHAR: Well, it`s down under.

NICE: it was just a horrible, horrible, horrible performance. I mean seriously, how corny, the Jackson Jive. But no on the one hand, it`s a cultural difference, but on the other hand, you know better. So it`s a combination --

BEHAR: Well, the guy, the front man for the sketch did say that he would not do that sketch in the United States, which leads me to think that he knows it`s racist.

NICE: Exactly.

BEHAR: What do you think, Joe?

JOE WATKINS, FORMER WHITE HOUSE AIDE FOR GEORGE BUSH: Of course. And the world is so small now. What you do in Australia is going to be seen, obviously, in the United States of America. So you ought to be sensitive to that and to the fact that maybe you`re hurting folks` feelings and maybe you are being insensitive. Maybe what you think is so funny isn`t so funny.

BEHAR: To his credit, Harry Connick Jr. would not appear on the same stage with these people because he`s an American. He was raised in the south. He`s a musician. And he felt it was inappropriate. He thought it was racist. I don`t think, Arianna, that they would do a sketch like that about the Aborigines, would they?

ARIANNA HUFFINGTON, HUFFINGTON POST: No, you`re right. I think cultural issues is definitely an issue, and lack of sensitivity, but also you know there are still underlying racist vestiges, both in this country and clearly in Australia.

BEHAR: Clearly.

NICE: Clearly.

HUFFINGTON: But a lot of the anger that we`re seeing right now in our country I think goes beyond those vestige, because I think those are just marginal. I think there`s a lot of anger about everything that`s happening, the lack of fair play, what`s happening to people`s lives with lack of jobs and foreclosures and all that. And you know, when you -- when times are hard, that`s when you see a lot of prejudices coming out into the forefront.

BEHAR: That was the precursor to the Holocaust, really, in Germany.

WATKINS: Absolutely.

BEHAR: The economic slump was really bad and they blamed it on the Jews. And that`s what happened there. So you have to be very careful of bad economic times.

HUFFINGTON: But remember that Barack Obama told David Letterman that he was black before he was elected. And that`s a significant point in that, after all, enough people, a majority of Americans have no racism in them, otherwise, they would not have elected a black president.

BEHAR: Do you believe that?

NICE: Yeah because he said, I was black before I was elected, and there were a lot of people who went, well, if I had known that, I wouldn`t have voted for you. What the heck! You tricked me. You tricked me, man.

BEHAR: But this idea that we`re in a post-racial America strikes me as a little bit lame, frankly.

NICE: I think you`re 100 percent right. There is no such thing as a post-racial America.

WATKINS: But we`re getting there. We`re making progress. We aren`t where we were in 1965 or 1935. We`ve made a lot of progress and it`s getting better. We`re getting to the point where, hopefully, some day, we`ll be a colorblind society, where people won`t se color first, they`ll se the person. We haven`t gotten there yet. We haven`t gotten there yet.

NICE: I don`t think we`re ever going to get there, and I don`t want us to get there, because I don`t want us to live in a color blind society.

BEHAR: You don`t?

NICE: No, because the truth is, we see them. You put a bunch of kids on a playground and they don`t allow their differences to stop them from playing with one another, but they certainly do recognize the differences that they have. And I think that that is the --

BEHAR: But that`s different.

HUFFINGTON: That is different.

BEHAR: That`s different from being racist.

NICE: I`m not saying racist, I`m saying --

BEHAR: Well, when we talking post-racial, I`m talking post-racist, is what I`m talking about.

HUFFINGTON: Yes, what we`re saying is that we don`t evaluate or judge people based on their color.

NICE: I hope we do get there.

WATKINS: That`s what I mean, color blind. You look past the person`s color. Somebody`s up for a job, somebody`s running for office, you look past their color.

BEHAR: But you say we`ve come a long way. Of course we have since 1935. How do you account for the account for the fact that black men in jail, in prison has grown five fold in the last 20 years? If we`re getting better, why is that getting worse?

NICE: I`m going to tell you why. In the words of a very good friend of mine from Alabama, it`s because black men are criminals. OK, that`s a joke, people.

BEHAR: I was like, what?

NICE: What is he doing?

HUFFINGTON: But, you know, what is not a joke is that you have a disastrous war on drugs in this country. And I think the main reason we have so many African-American men in jail is because of the fact that the war on drugs is completely unequal.

If you`re black and in inner cities, smoking crack cocaine, there are differentials in the sentencing laws and it`s really one of the major injustices in this country that we put in jail nonviolent drug offenders instead of taking them into treatment. We actually put them in jail and destroy their lives.

NICE: And when you build jails, when you build jails, privatized institutions that exist for profit, then you have to fill them with someone. It really is that simple.

BEHAR: Well, that was in Michael Moore`s movie about the --

HUFFINGTON: The private jails.

BEHAR: The private jails, yeah. That was good.

WATKINS: But it`s a challenge. I pastor a church in the inner city, where young men are going to jail still, in big numbers. I mean, I`ve got a judge number of black men who are members of my church who have been in prison or who are going to prison.

And it really has to do with the disparity and opportunity, but also, what I do like is what President Obama has said about the importance of personal responsibility, and he`s saying it, Bill Cosby is saying it, a number of people are saying it. It has to do with values being taught in the home by parents, without regard to what somebody`s economic status is.

BEHAR: That`s true. But the emphasis should also be on the fact that a lot of people in this society have gotten a raw deal. And it`s not just about pulling yourself up by your boot straps.

WATKINS: No doubt. You`ve got to have boots first.

BEHAR: You have to acknowledge -- I think that`s where the Republicans and the Democrats disagree, right there. You`ve got to have boots first. And the Democrats like to give you the boots, and the Republicans say, no, go get your own boots.

NICE: Right, and then pull yourself up by them.

BEHAR: Right, exactly.

NICE: And you`re like, but I don`t have arms. You`re like, go buy yourself some arms.

WATKINS: It`s not quite that bad. I`m a Republican, and what I do like is the fact that we realize folks need help, and it`s about leveling the playing field so everyone has the same opportunities. It`s not about continuing to play in an unlevel playing field.

HUFFINGTON: But you`re talking about making that a reality and not just rhetoric. Because we`ve been talking about it for years and we still don`t have it.

BEHAR: That`s true.

NICE: And the one way you can make that a reality honestly is education. Education is the most important thing when it comes to giving people an opportunity. Quite frankly, in the inner cities and in low economic areas, being a doctor is not hope, not even being a rapper is hope. Being a drug dealer, actually, is very realistic.

BEHAR: That`s unfortunate.

NICE: That is unfortunate.

BEHAR: But at least we have a president that reads this time, so education is a possibility. Gentleman, thank. Arianna, stick around. We`ll have much more when we come back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

REP. JOHN CARTER (R), TEXAS: Representative Rangel acknowledged his failure to pay -- failure to publicly disclose at least $500,000 in cash assets, tens of thousands of dollars in investment income, and his ownership of two pieces of property in New Jersey.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BEHAR: Congressman Charlie Rangel is in trouble for allegedly not paying enough taxes, which is ironic because he`s in charge of writing tax policy. Hello! Rangel, you`re my representative, I live in the Upper West Side and I`m really worried about you.

Joining me now, Kathleen Parker, syndicated columnist, and still with me, Arianna Huffington, cofounder and managing editor of "The Huffington Post."

Kathleen, let`s start with you. Is it time for Rangel to get out?

KATHLEEN PARKER, SYNDICATED COLUMNIST: I think so. I mean, I think he sort of has to.

BEHAR: You think?

PARKER: Yeah. I can`t remember what the word was you used, but I think hypocrisy is another one that springs to mind. And you know good and well that if a Republican were in that position, people would be calling for his head. That said, let`s go back in time, when Tom DeLay broke some rules, the GOP caucus` own rules, they just changed them so that he would haven`t to step down and be kicked out.

BEHAR: You mean twinkle toes?

PARKER: Yes, this was before "Dancing with the Stars." He actually had a career before that.

BEHAR: But is corruption and government is kind of an oxymoron?

PARKER: Hand in glove.

BEHAR: It`s redundant, it`s not an oxymoron. It`s redundant.

PARKER: Exactly.

HUFFINGTON: I think what`s the major problem right now is that the trust in government is going down dramatically. And when you have Tim Geithner not paying his taxes and becoming Treasury secretary --

BEHAR: Oh, yeah.

HUFFINGTON: When you have, as you say, Charlie Rangel in charge of writing tax policy, not paying his tax, and coming up with some flimsy excuses, that if you and I or any ordinary American had used, we would never have gotten away with. That`s not the kind of America we want to live in. I don`t care whether he`s a Democrat, a Republican, an Independent, this is really need in this country, a level playing field, everybody playing by the same rules.

BEHAR: I know. Well Rangel wants to stay. He`s not going. I`m telling you, I`m not going. Listen to this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

REP. CHARLIE RANGEL (D), NEW YORK: The way it works in the House is that when allegations are made and referred to the Ethics Committee, what is normally done is members wait until the Ethics Committee completes its investigation and its report. That`s what I`m hoping happens with the Republicans.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BEHAR: Do you think that he`s really doing a disservice to the Democrats in that the Republicans are going to really come out looking good and gaining seats in the House in the next election because of him?

HUFFINGTON: I think he is doing a disservice because, you see, right now the public is, at this moment, when they are suffering so much, you know, the economic crisis has taken such a toll on millions of Americans, that when they actually see that demonstration of double standard, it hurts more than in good economic times. Because they`re paying the price for a lot of what Wall Street did. And they see Wall Street doing incredibly well and they are in trouble.

BEHAR: It`s very annoying.

HUFFINGTON: It`s very annoying.

BEHAR: And this guy, Rangel, who I always liked, he had three rent- controlled apartment. Now, you`re only allowed to have one in this city, and he had three, and he says he didn`t know or something. That`s not flying. That doesn`t fly.

PARKER: His file of alleged offenses is quite thick. It`s not just, oh, gosh, I forgot I got that paycheck, you know. He`s got lots and lots of things. And it is going to hurt the Democrats in 2010. And the honorable thing to do would be for him, I think, to step down and go ahead and --

BEHAR: Because, also, I think that it`s also distracting from the larger issues that we have to deal, like health care, right?

HUFFINGTON: Well, I don`t think it`s going to have any impact on health care. I think health care has plenty of its own problems without Charlie Rangel, but I just think that this is a moment for Democratic leaders to actually draw a line in the sand and say that we are basically going to be in favor of --

BEHAR: Pelosi needs to.

HUFFINGTON: Yeah, Pelosi needs to -- exactly, to draw the line in the sand. That`s where leadership comes. That`s where you say, this is not acceptable in our own caucus, this is not good for the party, this is not good for the country, period.

BEHAR: OK. Big news on the "Huffington Post" yesterday, picked up this Bob Dole quote. "Sometimes," he said, "people fight you just to fight you." This is from Bob Dole. "Health care is one of those things, now we`ve got to do something." Who is he targeting? Palin or Boner?

HUFFINGTON: No, no, no.

PARKER: Who`s Boner?

BEHAR: Boehner. No, no, no, boner.

HUFFINGTON: I`m not giving pronunciation lessons, OK.

BEHAR: That`s one thing you should stay out of.

HUFFINGTON: That`s one thing I`m staying away from in this controversy. I think he was targeting Mitch McConnell, because he effectively said -- and I love that. I love it when there`s counter- casting, when Republicans act in the public interest, no matter what, the interest of the --

BEHAR: And he`s not the only one, Arianna. Also, Schwarzenegger is now saying, we should get in the game. Kathleen, what do you think of that? Tommy Thompson, Mark McClellan, Eric Cantor. I never thought I would see that. He said he`s going to sit down with Steny Hoyer to narrow their differences. Is the apocalypse upon us?

PARKER: Well, you know, President Obama has reached out to some of these people. And once that engagement takes place, it sort of shifts the tone a little bit. And I think Republicans don`t want to be viewed at the end of having obstructed any kind of reform. There was never a sense that no reform was needed. It was just a matter of how you go about it and how you keep the cost down. And Bob Dole and Tom Daschle`s bill, you know, their health care approach was substantially different than what the Baucus bill is.

Those people who are still objecting have, I think, there`s some legitimate problems with the cost and, you know, when Obama says, oh, no, this is not a government-controlled health care plan, it`s not quite accurate, because all decisions in the future on premium and who pays and coverage and all that will be political legislative decisions.

BEHAR: Let me take you to another point. Barack Obama`s approval rating just went up 6 percent. Isn`t that interesting? I mean, are the American people seeing something? They are seeing maybe that the Republicans are the party of no, they`ve had it with them and all of the obstructionism.

PARKER: I think he is benefiting from the comparisons.

HUFFINGTON: Yes, let me say something about polls. "The Huffington Post" have a feature that we are calling poll strategy where we present polls in the same area where we present astrological charts. Because I think there`s way too much emphasis being given to polls. And you know they go up and down and it depends on the response rate and it depends on the order in which you ask the questions. So I think that there should be less attention paid to --

BEHAR: I don`t think that`s ever going to happen.

HUFFINGTON: But you know, you and I and Kathleen can actually determine that, to a large extent. We are part of the media. We can decide what we cover.

BEHAR: I know, but it`s constantly on the news channels, the polls, polls, polls, and more polls.

PARKER: And people respond to what`s in the polls. They want to say what everybody else is saying. If everybody else is saying, Obama`s good, then you don`t want to say, no, no, no. So once Afghanistan escalates and we start seeing more body bags, his ratings are going to go way down. So it`s all according to the day.

BEHAR: What do you think about that? This is his war. This is Obama`s war in Afghanistan?

HUFFINGTON: Well, I think it could be the most disastrous decision of his administration, if he decides to escalate.

BEHAR: Really? They`re asking for 40,000 more troops. McChrystal, isn`t it?

HUFFINGTON: Yes, but look at a lot of the other people around him, including Joe Biden, who are effectively saying that we don`t have a clear mission. We don`t have a clear plan for victory. We don`t have an exit strategy. So why are we there? It`s not in our own national security interests.

BEHAR: But we have to be there, to some extent, don`t we? We have to protect the women, at the very least, against the Taliban in Afghanistan.

HUFFINGTON: But look at who is in charge. The parties in charge is so corrupt, what`s happening to him under the current party in charge is also horrific.

BEHAR: So what would happen if we pulled out? What happens to those women?

HUFFINGTON: Well, first of all, look at how many civilian casualties we are responsible for.

BEHAR: That`s not good.

HUFFINGTON: We are not wanted there. Al Qaeda is in Pakistan.

PARKER: That`s what the strategy is, though. The strategy is, to the extent that we have one, is to shift away from killing -- well, that`s obviously something we don`t want to do, but to protecting the people.

BEHAR: Why can`t they find bin Laden? Can`t they Google Earth him? I mean, they can find the back hairs on my head with that thing, and they can`t find Osama bin Laden schlepping around the mountains up there? Come on.

HUFFINGTON: Here we are, eight years later, I mean, if we had stayed in Afghanistan instead of being distracted with Iraq, we would have gotten bin Laden, we would have actually made a difference.

BEHAR: Do you think we would have found him?

HUFFINGTON: Of course.

BEHAR: You don`t think, so Kathleen? Kathleen says no.

PARKER: I don`t think so. I think if we could find him, we would find it. I just don`t think we can.

BEHAR: It`s apples and oranges in a way. Iraq was a horror and Osama is a horror, but one doesn`t exclude the other.

PARKER: If the Taliban takes over again and they make a hospitable environment for al Qaeda, so it`s a horrible, horrible situation, and I feel sorry for President Obama, because it`s a very tough decision. I`m glad he`s taking his time.

BEHAR: OK, this has been very interesting. Will you stick around for a wile?

HUFFINGTON: Of course.

BEHAR: We`ll be right back in just a bit with these ladies.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

LARRY DAVID, ACTOR: Hey.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: What?

DAVID: No, thank you, Larry, for saving my life?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Saving my life? How`d you save my life? You didn`t save my life.

DAVID: I diagnosed my illness.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Well, it`s treated and I feel great.

DAVID: Give it up, man.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Give what up?

DAVID: What kind of person doesn`t a say thank you for saving your life?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You know what. Oh Larry, thank you so much. You saved my life.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BEHAR: Back with me to discuss everything from sexual harassment to girly men are Arianna Huffington and Kathleen Parker. So this week and last week, we were very much entertained by a certain show, shall we say, on television. Letterman. What was your take on all that? Because I had the women from NOW on last night and Gloria Allred and they really are against him and they feel it was sexual harassment. Did you?

HUFFINGTON: Well, we have no evidence that it is sexual harassment, you know. If it is sexual harassment, it`s one story. If it isn`t, it remains in the private realm. And I feel really strongly that whether you`re a comedian or a politician, if it is a private matter, it`s between you and your wife. If the law is involved, whether because it`s sexual harassment or prostitution or anything else, that`s another story. But we have no evidence, yet. I mean, we may have, that it was sexual harassment.

BEHAR: With do you think about that?

PARKER: Well, first of all, I have a very high tolerance for sexual harassment.

BEHAR: You write about politics, no wonder.

PARKER: I used to have a sign over my door, sexual harassment welcome here. No one has knocked lately, that`s all I can say. But if it`s two consenting adults in an environment where it has no affect on the environment, then that`s one thing. And I haven`t heard these women complaining, right?

But, there is -- you know, the problem is, if you have the boss, who`s having relationships with one of the staff and everybody kind of knows it and there`s this sort of sexual thing going on, it`s just --

BEHAR: Icky.

PARKER: It`s just distracting to the rest of the staff.

BEHAR: Very distracting. And you feel like you`re not going to get the promotion.

PARKER: Exactly.

HUFFINGTON: Well, remember, his dating pool was kind of restricted.

BEHAR: He`s kind of nerdy. He doesn`t leave the building.

HUFFINGTON: He doesn`t leave the building. And most of his writers are men. So, basically, it was down to the assistants.

PARKER: And let`s not make the girls feel bad. They may have been very attractive, young women.

HUFFINGTON: I`m not saying that at all. I`m just saying this was the dating pool.

PARKER: This was convenient.

HUFFINGTON: That he was actually going out -- being on match.com.

BEHAR: He`s not going to hooters, for example, to see what`s available. I was sexually harassed when I was a schoolteacher years ago.

HUFFINGTON: And how was it?

BEHAR: Well I was teaching. I`ll tell you. I`ll tell you the story, I was at the blackboard, teaching an English lesson on verb and subject agreement, OK? The chairman of the department is sitting in the back of the room, and after my lesson was over, he was supposed to critique me. And he comes up to me and he goes, you were so good, I could have done you -- used another word -- on the blackboard.

And I was like, what about my lesson, I was doing verb and subject, how good was that? He couldn`t care less about my lesson. And believe me, it was a tough lesson, verb and subject, very difficult. I was good up there.

PARKER: At least it didn`t end in a preposition.

BEHAR: It didn`t end in a preposition, exactly. Now, you have a book, Arianna, about stress. Tell me about your book.

HUFFINGTON: Well, you know, actually, it`s a book that I chose for our book club. "The Huffington Post" launched a book section. And for my first pick of the book club, I picked the book, "In Praise of Slowness," which is a book in favor of not multitasking all the time, not being sleep deprived all the time, enjoying life, and actually as a result, being more effective and more creative.

PARKER: And you wrote this book while running "The Huffington Post".

BEHAR: She didn`t write it.

HUFFINGTON: I didn`t write it. I just picked it. And I picked it because I need it. You know, you pick what you need.

BEHAR: Well, I have to tell you, I love "The Huffington Post." I really do. Do you read it, Kathleen?

PARKER: Of course.

BEHAR: And you write for it also.

HUFFINGTON: No, she writes for "The Washington Post". But any time she wants to switch, we`d love to have her.

BEHAR: You should make the switch. It`s a fabulous site.

PARKER: We`ll talk later.

BEHAR: Arianna, Kathleen, thank you. We`ll be back in a minute.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BEHAR: OK, I love this guy. He`s a captain of the TV industry. He produced and co-created a little megahit called "Seinfeld" and then created a starring vehicle for himself. Let`s take a look.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

LARRY DAVID: You know, if there`s anything I can do, you`ll let me know.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You know what, there is something you can do.

DAVID: What?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes. You can come over today at 1:00 and visit with her.

DAVID: Visit her?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes.

DAVID: What are you, kidding?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What, you didn`t mean it?

DAVID: Of course not.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: Joining me now from HBO`s "Curb your Enthusiasm," my pal, Larry David. Welcome to the show, Larry.

DAVID: Thank you.

BEHAR: Does it feel like old times being here with me?

DAVID: In the sense that we worked together?

BEHAR: Yes.

DAVID: Yes.

BEHAR: Yes.

DAVID: But I don`t think we`ve ever sat -- I`ve never sat across from a desk from you.

BEHAR: No, but you`ve sat across a table, because in 1987 when I was doing some show called "Way off Broadway" for Lifetime, do you remember that?

DAVID: Of course, yes.

BEHAR: You were writing for me on the show. You used to come over to my apartment with really a stack of notes and concepts. Your mind was always filled with ideas. And then we would work out the stuff.

And we would then order in and the show would pay for it and you would get so excited -- "They`re going to pick up the check! They`re going to pay for this!"

(LAUGHTER)

DAVID: Yes, anything for free. And, you know, you`d take anything.

I notice now, like I have some stuff, you know, that I give away, people in the office, and nobody -- you could mention like a record from 1972 -- yes, I`ll take it.

BEHAR: I know.

DAVID: Anything that`s for free, people will just take. They don`t discriminate. They don`t care.

BEHAR: And no matter how much money, no matter how much they have, they still want it.

DAVID: They want it, yes. It`s the best way to get rid of your garbage, really.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: The laughter that you hear is the staff, they hang around here. We have Hank Gallo and Frank Sansopadre--

DAVID: Hank Gallo is here?

BEHAR: Yes, he`s here. That`s his laughing. There`s like Gallo and Santapadre, we call them the explorers. Don`t they sound like Degama and Magellan.

DAVID: Yes. You know I love explorers.

BEHAR: I know you do. Who`s your favorite explorer?

DAVID: Magellan was good.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: I always liked Magellan.

DAVID: Come on, he circumnavigated.

BEHAR: That`s pretty big deal.

DAVID: That was a big thing. The others, they just went to Africa, they just went to south America. This guy said "I`m going all the way. All the way, baby!"

(LAUGHTER)

BAIER: All right.

DAVID: We used to do an old thing on Pons de Leone, that he went looking for the fountain of youth.

BEHAR: Yes, I remember.

DAVID: He got ships for that. He went to Queen Isabella and said, "I want to go look for the fountain of youth. Can a get a couple of ships?"

BEHAR: And she said sure.

DAVID: And she said, yes, put this guy in charge of an expedition. He wants to look for the fountain of youth. Go, go look for it.

BEHAR: So Queen Isabella, not that bright.

DAVID: No, I guess not.

BEHAR: I want to show a little clip of you doing stand-up.

DAVID: No, come on, seriously. Really? You didn`t run this by me.

BEHAR: Come on, let`s just show it.

DAVID: By the way, it`s freezing in here. That`s why I`m wearing this thing.

BEHAR: I know it`s freezing. I`ve been in menopause for 13 years.

(LAUGHTER)

DAVID: What is this clip?

BEHAR: Let`s see it.

DAVID: No, let`s not see it.

BEHAR: Come on.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DAVID: Chuck Scarborough, who`s the -- he`s like the anchorman guy, exciting guy. He`s the kind of guy you would like to play tennis with because he`s such a nice guy you know you could cheat the pants off of him. It`s no good, chuck, forget it, it`s out. He`s not going to argue with you this time.

(LAUGHTER)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

DAVID: What was that? I didn`t even hear what I said.

BEHAR: It doesn`t matter. It doesn`t matter what you said. I can`t believe they dug that up.

DAVID: What the hell is that?

BEHAR: That`s you, I guess.

DAVID: Yes.

BEHAR: You look better now. I like you. You`re so cute now.

DAVID: See, that -- young Larry resents that.

Last night, somebody came up to me and said, my god, you know, you look so much better in person than you do on TV.

BEHAR: I hate that.

DAVID: I was like, what is that? Is that supposed to be a compliment? So what I look like a dog on TV? I don`t get that.

BEHAR: And they fix you up for television, so you should look better.

DAVID: You should look better, yes.

BEHAR: I remember you from the old days of "Catch a Rising Star," and you were what you would call a temperamental comic.

DAVID: Yes, temperamental.

BEHAR: The comics always love to come into the room and they say, oh, Larry`s getting up, and everybody would look at their watches and see how long you`d last.

(LAUGHTER)

DAVID: They didn`t know if I was going to have a breakdown on stage.

BEHAR: Yes.

DAVID: And you didn`t really know what was happening.

BEHAR: But what would happen to you when you`d got up there and you didn`t get the first laugh?

DAVID: I didn`t -- I don`t like -- I don`t react well to adversity. I`m a baby, really, almost the way that John McEnroe used to be when he played tennis, if a call went against him -- what, god, you know.

And that`s how I was. Something went against me, if a person -- I could be doing great, and if I saw one person kind of start talking during the whole thing, I would go, hey, hey, you. Oh, what, you don`t like this? It`s no good.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: And then you`d walk out.

DAVID: I can`t do this. I`m getting out of here.

BEHAR: So that stops your act.

DAVID: One time, I actually -- and I said this, I`ve done this story before, but I got up on stage, it was "Catch a Rising tar," I went up on stage. And I looked at the audience and I went, nah, I don`t think so.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: Just the way they looked.

DAVID: Just the way they looked.

BEHAR: It was enough.

DAVID: And I left, yes.

BEHAR: I know. But we always thought you were brilliant. You had some funny bits.

DAVID: Thank you.

BEHAR: And you used to talk about, you know, how, you know, we would talk about before. Come on.

DAVID: Oh, if Mengele gave me a compliment, I still would have been his friend.

BEHAR: If Mengele he was here now and said, "Larry, you look handsome."

DAVID: Oh, really? Thank you, Dr. Mengele. My god, that`s so sweet of you. Thank you very much. Really? I`m blown away. I really am, yes.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: But here`s the Larry David conundrum. You get annoyed with audiences, yet you wanted them to love you. It`s like a Catch-22, wasn`t it? How do you break through that?

DAVID: They`re your lover.

BEHAR: They`re your lover?

DAVID: If the lover rejects you, you yell at them. You don`t like that.

BEHAR: I always saw that person that wasn`t laughing as my father, who never really laughed. So that person would strike me as my father and then I would be like, scared, I didn`t want to go on anymore.

So maybe there was a little mother issue.

DAVID: No, not mother. I saw the audience as a woman.

BEHAR: Oh, a woman. Not your mother, though? Not that woman?

DAVID: Not my mother. No, please.

BEHAR: Like a girlfriend. But if you went on stage now --

DAVID: No, not my girlfriend. Someone I`m trying -- I want to become my girlfriend. Someone I`m flirting with who I`m going after.

BEHAR: I see. But like, take you now. First of all, you`re hugely successful now and everybody knows you and you have enormous fans.

DAVID: Yes.

BEHAR: And women, I`m sure, are flocking to you now.

DAVID: Now I`ll treat the audience like my ex-wife.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: So there`s no winning. There`s no winning with you.

DAVID: I`m sorry, what were you going to say? I interrupted you?

BEHAR: No, that`s fine. You were going good.

Now, the other thing is, you didn`t have any money in those days. You didn`t have cab fare. You were living in that dungeon for actors.

DAVID: Manhattan plaza.

BEHAR: Manhattan plaza.

And now you have money. You`re very successful. You made a lot of money on "Seinfeld." I mean, really a lot of money, not just my kind of money. Your money, big money.

(LAUGHTER)

DAVID: Well, let`s not forget I got divorced.

BEHAR: And California, she took half, didn`t she?

DAVID: Yes.

BEHAR: That is outrageous.

DAVID: Isn`t that crazy?

BEHAR: You`re the one who`s funny, you`re the one who made all the money. Why should she get half? I don`t get that.

And then you must have got hit with the economy a little bit too?

DAVID: Yes. So I really don`t have anything near what`s --

BEHAR: What you had.

DAVID: -- what I am reputed to have --

BEHAR: But it`s stilled good.

DAVID: I`m not complaining.

BEHAR: Don`t complain about it.

Michael Moore, he was on --

DAVID: Now if somebody asks me for money, I have to go, I have to ask my kids, because it`s their money.

BEHAR: Michael Moore was on "The View," and some of the things he said -- he really hates capitalists. Did you see his movie?

DAVID: I did.

BEHAR: Do you feel he might hate you know because you`re a capitalist, you have money?

DAVID: No. He also has tons of money, but he has compassion.

BEHAR: He has compassion. Why doesn`t he give some of the money away?

DAVID: You don`t know how much money he gives away. He could be giving away a lot of money to charities.

BEHAR: You think so?

DAVID: Yes, I do. Don`t impugn Michael Moore to me.

BEHAR: I`m sorry. I didn`t know you were so attached to Michael Moore.

DAVID: I think Michael Moore`s a hero.

BEHAR: He is. We love him.

DAVID: I love him, yes.

BEHAR: All right, we`ll be back with more of Larry David, so don`t go away.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BEHAR: Just when you thought the Sarah Palin soap opera might be riding off into the tundra, up pops Levi Johnston. And I mean pops up. Levi, Bristol Palin`s baby daddy, is going to unzip his Levi`s and show us his Johnston in "Playgirl" online magazine.

(LAUGHTER)

I hope he`s not built like a moose. Sarah`s liable to shoot him from a helicopter.

(LAUGHTER)

I don`t know if this will hurt Sarah`s career, but I`m sure it will help Levi meet some fabulous men. Allow me to enlighten. Levi, how do you feel about Liza Minnelli or Madonna? You see, most of "Playgirl`s" subscribers are men, and not the kind of males to become baby daddies like you, capice hockey boy?

But Levi is not the only one dropping his jeans these days. Six famous athletes, including tennis champion Serena Williams, are posing au naturel for ESPN`s the magazine`s body issue. Since when does ESPN stand for "Ever Seen Plaxico Naked"?

(LAUGHTER)

I say, big whoop. Celebrities posing naked for magazines is nothing new. Years ago Marilyn Monroe posed for "Playboy," and Burt Reynolds took it all off for "Cosmo."

It`s enough with the nude pictures of pretty people, OK. Been there, done that. It`s time for something new. Just once I would like see a magazine celebrate brains instead of bodies. How fabulous would that be?

Imagine nude centerfolds of Alan Greenspan or Doris Kearns Goodwin or Madeleine Albright, without the pins, of course. That has got to hurt. But that`s just me.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BEHAR: We`re back with the great Larry David. In the new season of "Curb," you have arranged for a "Seinfeld" reunion, am I right?

DAVID: Yes.

BEHAR: OK. Let`s take a look.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SEINFELD: Why would we do something like this? I mean, I remember you talking about whenever a sitcom does a reunion episode, you`re like, isn`t this pathetic?

DAVID: I said pathetic?

SEINFELD: Desperate, pathetic.

DAVID: Desperate?

SEINFELD: When I would watch those other shows, we would see them do reunion shows, you would look and you would look and make that face, that, you know, that very judgmental face of yours.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

DAVID: Who did you call first? Did you call Jerry first?

DAVID: Jerry.

BEHAR: And then who?

DAVID: People ask me that question and I`m not telling them.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: OK.

Why did you decide to do it now, the reunion? Just like that?

DAVID: I had the idea few years ago, but then hurricane Katrina came along, and I thought of the idea about taking in the Blacks, which became the arc for that season. So that seemed very topical at the time, to coincide with Katrina. I needed to exploit their tragedy in any way that I could.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: As only you could.

DAVID: As only I could.

So then, you know, I did that. And so I still had the idea, and I thought, this season, maybe we could do this. But it was a very ambitious thing to undertake, really.

BEHAR: To get them altogether.

DAVID: To get them all together and then to get all those schedules down and get all the sets and all that, and then write the shows. What were the shows going to be? It`s one thing to just say, do you want to do a reunion, but what`s it going to be about?

BEHAR: But you`re thinking all the time about those shows, aren`t you? Always thinking about the plots.

DAVID: yes.

BEHAR: And everybody likes to work on "Curb," because they don`t really have a script. They improvise and make it up as they go within your parameters.

DAVID: Right.

BEHAR: But you haven`t exactly asked me to be on I noticed over the years.

(LAUGHTER)

DAVID: I haven`t exactly, or I haven`t asked?

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: You haven`t asked.

DAVID: We have Susie Espen on.

BEHAR: Yes, we`re the same person.

DAVID: The same person, yes.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: One of my spies told me that Michael Richards is one of the things, something about him. I don`t know what it is because the information is not out. Could it be that hysterical craziness that he went through saying the "N" word in that club?

DAVID: What about it?

BEHAR: Is the episode going to be about that?

DAVID: First of all, he`s not just on one episode.

BEHAR: But one of the episodes.

DAVID: We will touch upon it, yes. We will touch upon it, yes.

BEHAR: OK.

And now, the other thing is, another thing that interested me was NBC, I read that NBC thought that the first draft of "Seinfeld" was too Jewish. Is that true?

DAVID: That was one of the notes, yes.

BEHAR: "Too Jewish." Who was saying that? Jewish people were saying that, right?

(LAUGHTER)

DAVID: That`s usually the way it is.

But in this case, I think it was -- well, he`s no longer with us, but it might have been Brandon Tartakoff who said that. I`m not sure.

BEHAR: OK, would you consider those self-hating Jews, those people who say it`s too Jewish?

DAVID: No. I think those are probably people that are concerned about their jobs and maybe they think that the show has to be completely generic --

BEHAR: Meaning gentile? More gentile than Jewish? Like that middle America would relate to?

DAVID: Right.

BEHAR: Rather than New York and L.A.?

DAVID: Exactly.

BEHAR: But that`s not true. Look at the tremendous hit it was.

DAVID: Yes, it wasn`t too Jewish.

BEHAR: It was very Jewish. But it was hilarious.

DAVID: Wait a second, you`re saying it was very Jewish, maybe the characters behaved in what you perceived to be a Jewish way.

BEHAR: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

DAVID: But that doesn`t mean that it didn`t appeal to everyone.

BEHAR: Exactly, the particular to the universal. Just like Mel Brooks appeals to everyone, also, and Woody Alan.

DAVID: Right.

BEHAR: But it`s interesting that they would reject it out of hand just because it was too New York, too Jewish.

DAVID: They might as well just say, if you`re Jewish, don`t bother sending in a script, because we don`t want to read it and we don`t want you on the shows either. So go to Israel, if you want to have a show.

(LAUGHTER)

Go do a sitcom in Tel Aviv. It`s no good here.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: It`s kind of creepy.

DAVID: Yes.

BEHAR: Now, let`s talk a little -- is there anything else you want to tell me about "Curb," any little secrets, any little thing that`s going to happen?

DAVID: No.

BEHAR: Any little thing that`s going to happen. I mean, you`re single now on the show.

DAVID: Yes.

BEHAR: The "Curb" Larry is single and the real Larry is single.

DAVID: Yes.

BEHAR: So we`re seeing parallels in the script. So are you going to meet another woman?

DAVID: I have a couple of dates.

BEHAR: In reality or on the show?

DAVID: Well, hopefully I will have a couple of dates in reality.

(LAUGHTER)

I`ve got my fingered crossed. You know, I`ve been divorced two years, maybe one day, I will have a date. But on the show, I have -- there are two episodes, two dating episodes.

BEHAR: Two dating episodes. So are you dating anyone in real life?

DAVID: Presently, no.

BEHAR: No? You`re loose?

DAVID: Yes.

BEHAR: I`m putting that out right now for all you women.

DAVID: I`m loose and promiscuous.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: My kind of guy. Well, you came to the right place.

DAVID: So I run the gamut.

BEHAR: New York is filled with women who are loose and promiscuous. It`s right for you.

DAVID: I`ve heard that for years.

BEHAR: Do you think they`re more slutty in L.A. or New York?

DAVID: I was part of the whole hippie generation, the free love and all that, and I kept going "Where is it? I don`t see anything."

BEHAR: I missed it too, the whole sexual revelation.

DAVID: Right, it just passed me by.

BEHAR: Well, we`ll make up for it now.

DAVID: You know why, because I couldn`t kind of hang and listen to music. You know, I just wasn`t that guy, you know.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: And I was home with a kid nursing children and taking care of dependent husbands.

(LAUGHTER)

DAVID: I was like, so what do you like to do? You like baseball?

BEHAR: You used to be shy with women.

DAVID: I still am.

BEHAR: You`re still shy with women?

DAVID: You don`t lose that quality no matter what happens to you. If you`re shy, you`re shy. And I`m still shy.

BEHAR: Do you think all comedians are like that in a way?

DAVID: I wouldn`t say all comedians are shy, no. There`s a lot of comedians that will get right up on stage and, hey, you want to go on now? And they go hello, everybody.

BEHAR: I can`t get over that. How do you get that, where did that come from?

DAVID: I don`t know. I`m so envious.

BEHAR: When I come back, I want to talk a little bit about your past. Larry and I will be back, stick around.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Do you want to know what else is unacceptable? It is totally and completely unacceptable that you would grill my daughter Gracie about whether I took her to a birthday party. And then you call me a liar?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BEHAR: Who`s that?

DAVID: That`s Julia Louis Dreyfus.

BEHAR: Oh, Julia Louis, that`s right.

We`re back with Larry David for our final segment, which I`m dreading already that you have to leave.

DAVID: That`s sweet.

BEHAR: I love this quote, "The more people I offend, the better."

DAVID: I said that?

BEHAR: Yes, you said that. And you had one show where you had to tell a girl who has cancer that you`re breaking up with her, Vivica Fox.

DAVID: No, I didn`t tell her because the doctor beat me to it.

BEHAR: I know, but you wanted to before.

DAVID: I tried to beat the doctor before she got the diagnosis, yes.

BEHAR: You and Newt Gingrich had this in common. He told his wife he was breaking up with her while she had cancer. Did you get the idea from him?

DAVID: Yes.

BEHAR: You did. So he was helpful to you, that`s interesting.

DAVID: Yes, very helpful.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: They always say that comics and funny people have a miserable childhood. Did you?

DAVID: No, I don`t think I had a miserable childhood, no. Yes, I used to do a line in my act -- I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it`s hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: I can relate to that.

DAVID: I didn`t have a bad childhood at all.

BEHAR: They loved you. You had a bunch of aunts and uncles around you.

DAVID: They loved me -- you know, parents, I don`t know, back in the `50s, or whatever, they didn`t love like the way parents do today. Parents today, you tell your kid a hundred times, "I love you." They`re so sick of it. Yes, you love me, shut the hell up already. I get it, you love me.

And there`s more hugging and all that today. You see it amongst everyone.

BEHAR: But don`t you think it makes kids insecure to keep telling them you love them? Do they really love me or are they just saying that.

DAVID: Who the hell knows? But in my days, I never heard that. There was no hugging. There was only watching. How is he doing? Where is he? He`s talking to a girl. What`s going on there? Just watching.

BEHAR: Did they worry you might be gay?

DAVID: Oh, no.

BEHAR: No one was gay in the `50s.

DAVID: Yes, no one was gay. No one was gay and no one was allergic to peanuts.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: That`s true. That basically tells the `50s. That`s it about the `50s.

DAVID: And by the way, women had no problems getting pregnant.

BEHAR: No, that`s true. And nowadays -- that`s because they were under 30. Now they`re in their 60s getting pregnant. That`s the reason.

DAVID: Yes.

BEHAR: Well, will you come back and sit with me again when you`re in New York?

DAVID: I will.

BEHAR: Because this show is going to be on, we don`t know. It`s a hit so far.

DAVID: Good. Knock on wood.

BEHAR: Thanks, Larry. I so appreciate you coming. It was great to see you.

DAVID: Anytime. Good to see you.

BEHAR: Don`t forget to watch HBO`s "Curb your Enthusiasm" one of the funniest shows on television on Sunday nights.

Goodnight and good luck. I shouldn`t say that. That was Edward R. Murrow. But I`ll say it any way.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: Easiest interview you ever had.

DAVID: Easiest by far.

BEHAR: By far.

DAVID: And probably the best.

BEHAR: Thank you. You were great.

(APPLAUSE)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

END