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Joy Behar Page

Interview With Richard Belzer; Interview With Valerie Bertinelli

Aired October 16, 2009 - 19:00   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.


JOY BEHAR, HOST: If you thought Jon and Kate`s marriage was ugly, wait until you see the divorce.

Then Richard Belzer, New York`s favorite detective -- and he`s a comedian too -- he joins me to discuss among other things, his new book "I Am Not a Psychic."

And actress Valerie Bertinelli will be with us in the studio. She`s fun, she`s thin and she speaks her mind.

All this and more tonight.

Welcome to Friday. Well, I don`t know about you, but I had a long week and I want it to end. Lucky for all of us, our long, national nightmare is also at an end, I`m talking about Jon and Kate.

Sources say the TLC show is being put on hold until the ex-couple work out their different differences. This is really crushing me.

Joining me to discuss this and so much more: is Sarah Bernard, New York magazine, contributing editor; Danny Bonaduce, actor and radio talk show host of 94.1 WYSP in Philadelphia; and Judy Gold comedienne extraordinary.

Welcome to the show.

JUDY GOLD, COMEDIENNE: Thank you Joy.

BEHAR: Sarah, let`s start with you. Is that show finished? Please, tell me it is.

SARAH BERNARD, CONTRIBUTING EDITOR, NEW YORK MAGAZINE: It very well might be finished, Jon has put a stop to filming. And they`re going to be showing a couple more episodes until November but that`s from something they`ve already been taping; they`re just stringing it together.

I think the reason why this is happening; why he`s trying to stop it is because he really wants to star in a show of his own. And now believe it or not, he`s teaming up with Michael Lohan, as in Lindsay Lohan`s father ...

BEHAR: Another bargain.

BERNARD: ... right, to do a show called "The Divorced Dad`s Club".

GOLD: Oh, God. That`s going to be a hit, don`t you think?

BEHAR: I don`t know.

GOLD: People are going to watch that.

BEHAR: Do you pay attention to the story of Jon and Kate?

GOLD: I have been paying attention to the story of Jon and Kate, and I find it fascinating that anyone would want to, like, lay out their dirty laundry like that. It`s unbelievable.

DANNY BONADUCE, ACTOR & RADIO TALK SHOW HOST: I do it for a living.

BEHAR: He does.

BONADUCE: That`s my job, display out dirty laundry.

BEHAR: But you know, he`s barring -- he wants to bar the TLC cameras from filming his kids.

GOLD: When he was on the show, he didn`t want to bar them from filming his kids. Now that it`s "Kate plus 8" -- well, it`s "Kate plus No One" now.

BONADUCE: It`s a vendetta thing, to be honest with you. I pretty much did the same thing. I did a reality show with my family at the end of which I ended up getting a divorce and they said we`re going to put it on hold until these two work out their differences. So I will be dead ten years before you see that woman on television with me ever again.

So "Jon & Kate plus 8" is dead.

BEHAR: They were both -- they`re both kind of problematic, let`s put it that way. He`s a bad guy in many ways, he`s cheated on her, and he took money from her. She was a shrew on the show, though. So who do you like better?

BERNARD: It`s really hard know who to like better. But I think the thing is that they`re not actually going away. She`s taped a pilot for Telepictures for a talk show already. And I believe -- what else do we know?

BEHAR: Are you in the pilot too?

BERNARD: Perhaps, a little. As we know from the pilot.

BEHAR: So is it kind of like "The View"?

GOLD: I have no idea what it is. That`s just what my sources tell me. I could be wrong.

BONADUCE: I could make an educated guess, no matter what move she`s making today, they`re both gone.

GOLD: You think they`re going to be a thing of the past?

BONADUCE: They`re already a thing of the past.

GOLD: I heard Jon loves the Jews. I read this whole thing that he loves Jewish people now and his girlfriend`s Jewish and he might be converting to Judaism.

BEHAR: Really?

BERNARD: That`s another show.

BONADUCE: I heard the same thing about Mel Gibson.

BEHAR: I want to turn now to the first lady of California. TMZ snapped some photos of Maria Shriver driving while talking on her cell phone which has been illegal since her husband Governor Schwarzenegger signed a law banning it last year.

Judy, if Arnold can`t even get his wife to follow their law, how is he supposed to control California?

GOLD: You know, this cracked me up.

BEHAR: Why?

GOLD: First of all -- because the guy passes a law and she`s sitting on the phone. Who`s she talking to?

She`s probably talking to the kids. I just think it`s hilarious. It`s her getting back at him for being a fake Republican.

BEHAR: Do you think he`s really a Democrat?

GOLD: I told you I think he`s really a Democrat.

BEHAR: Don`t tell him that.

GOLD: I won`t.

BONADUCE: I think it`s completely overblown, I can`t believe. I was caught at one of those red light cameras, talking on the phone while drinking with my mistress in the passenger seat, and I`m not -- it`s really not that big a deal.

To be honest with you, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger while governor of the state California was pulled over on his motorcycle which he has been riding for years and was not in possession nor had he ever been in possession of a motorcycle license. Did he yell at himself? No.

He was quoted in the paper today as saying there will be swift action at my house tonight. There`ll be swift action between me and my girl tonight at my house. It doesn`t mean she`s going to be reprimanded.

(CROSS TALK)

BONADUCE: She`s younger than I am.

BEHAR: By the way, she`s donating the phone to charity.

GOLD: Maybe she`s not going to get another phone.

BERNARD: I think she needs a phone. I don`t know how that`s going to work.

BEHAR: Maybe the $70 will be better to bail out the state of California.

BONADUCE: She`s actually donating it to MAD, Mothers Against Dialing.

BEHAR: Let`s move on -- David Letterman had an awkward conversation with Tina Fey about sex on Wednesday.

Take a look.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DAVID LETTERMAN, CBS HOST: Did you even know about this? Maybe I shouldn`t bring this up.

TINA FEY, ACTRESS/COMEDIAN: I happened to be reading one of these magazines.

LETTERMAN: Virgins into their 20s.

FEY: Yes. Old virgins.

LETTERMAN: Now wait a minute? It says here you, Tina Fey...

FEY: Yes, we don`t have to read that.

LETTERMAN: 24 here. There`s nothing wrong with that, is there?

FEY: No.

LETTERMAN: And...

FEY: I couldn`t give it away.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GOLD: You know what? If she had been working for Letterman, she probably would have had it done before.

BEHAR: Is letterman going to come up this creepy every time this topic of sex comes up now? How long is this going to go on, do you think?

GOLD: I think a long time. He looks like a creepy old guy, don`t you think?

BEHAR: Do you really think so now?

GOLD: Yes, I love him but, I`m sorry. But it`s just the elephant in the middle of the room. At least he acknowledges it.

BONADUCE: It`s a difference of opinion, I think possibly between genders because I`m saying I can`t believe the creepy old guy still gets laid. Look at us.

GOLD: He`s your hero.

BONADUCE: He`s a hero to lots of men.

BEHAR: He`s a hero to you?

BONADUCE: Yes.

BEHAR: Is he a hero to you, Sarah?

BERNARD: I think he`s holding through the last about 5 more minutes. I think it just helps his ratings.

First of all, before this whole thing, two weeks ago he was killing everybody else and he was number one. I think this is only when we get over it a little bit, it`s only going to help him. CBS is definitely going to renew his contract and this is not going to be the end of Letterman.

GOLD: I want to think it`s ...

(CROSS TALK)

BONADUCE: What`s the point of having your own show if you`re not sleeping with the staff?

BEHAR: That is so retro. We can`t even go there.

BONADUCE: I want a deli tray and I want to sleep with one of the producers. It`s in my rider.

GOLD: I just think he`s not a politician, he`s a comic, that`s what happens on these shows.

BEHAR: Well, they`re about -- you know, Gloria Allred is talking about or her daughter Lisa Bloom -- one of them were saying that it`s about favoritism more than harassment. Because the other girls are not sleeping with him and they`re not on TV getting actor`s (INAUDIBLE).

GOLD: Right, exactly.

BEHAR: That`s the real problem.

BONADUCE: Well, I don`t think Gloria Allred -- if you`re going to talk about somebody -- she actually turns the screws on people. It`s an entirely different subject. She`s just bitter about the whole thing.

BEHAR: But it`s interesting that the men -- practically every man who`s discussed it on the show this week, they think it`s just fine. The women have issues.

GOLD: I have noticed that, women have issues. I don`t have that much of an issue with it, but it`s true, they`re really pissed off at him.

BEHAR: Yes. But you`re not pissed, are you?

GOLD: No.

BONADUCE: I just want you to know that this is not any kind of a joke. I`m being dead serious and honest with you. I have had three television shows in the last three years and I have slept with a member of every single staff and I don`t think any of them would say it wasn`t a pretty good time.

BEHAR: How long is the extortion case going to go on with this other guy? I don`t even know if he actually thought he could have actually -- could he have cashed that check for $2 million?

BERNARD: I think he believed he could. That`s the best part of the whole story.

BEHAR: You really think so?

He seemed to be just in pain because the girlfriend was cheating on him and everything.

GOLD: With Letterman.

BONADUCE: Isn`t this guy though a respected producer of a respected news show? Who walks into a bank with a check for $2 million, by the way, can I have a million back in cash, please.

GOLD: It`s a little -- he`s a little out of it.

BEHAR: On the other hand, he`s a single guy. He`s available.

Thanks everybody.

Richard Belzer, when we come back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BEHAR: And I`m back with my fabulous panel. So let`s talk about the magazine "Teen Vogue." They`re in hot water for putting an unmarried pregnant 19-year-old, Jordan Dunn (ph), on the cover. Sarah, you`re in the magazine industry, is somebody like really losing it over there at Teen Vogue?

BERNARD: Probably. But I have to say I sympathize with "Teen Vogue" in this situation.

I bet that they booked this model. She is doing a lot of great things. She actually was the first African-American model to walk the Prada runway since Naomi Campbell. They are trying to highlight her life and along with a bunch of other African-American models and it ended up that after this photo shoot they found out that she was actually pregnant, she`s due in December.

That was a tricky situation, because if they actually had canceled it, they would have also gotten a lot of coverage due to the fact that they canned this pregnant unwed mom.

GOLD: Well, maybe they`ll put her on after she had stretch marks.

BEHAR: Don`t hold your breath.

BERNARD: She`s 19 years old, and while that is young, that`s not as young as lets say Jamie Lynn Spears who starred in a Nickelodeon show.

GOLD: Or someone else I know, Sarah Palin`s daughter.

BEHAR: Yes, that`ll happen.

BONADUCE: That is a brilliant point though, by the way. The fact that she`s in two protected classes: she`s an African-American -- she has three: she`s an African-American, female, pregnant woman. Have you ever tried and fire that lady.

BEHAR: My question is they didn`t know she was pregnant. She`s a model, she weighs 12 points. Anything should be -- a grape would show.

BONADUCE: You know what? It depends on how you look at those things, if you`re Rush Limbaugh, you`re screaming that the liberal Democrats, the decline of western civilization. If you`re like I am, the father of a teenaged daughter, you don`t mind showing them, look, you really do end up pregnant, you should be careful.

BEHAR: But it`s equivalent to saying it was okay to end up pregnant if you`re unmarried. Everybody`s complaining about that...

GOLD: Or if you`re beautiful.

(CROSS TALK)

BERNARD: I think the thing that got them in their hot water is that their readership is not 19, their readership is 14, 15. But it`s gotten the conversation going, so that might be okay.

GOLD: So that`s good it opens the doors.

BONADUCE: Isn`t it okay to be pregnant and not married? Am I behind the times?

GOLD: It is.

If you`re Republican and your mother...

(CROSS TALK)

BEHAR: In "Time" magazine there`s a new study that it`s pretty much jumped about 30 percent since the `70s, unmarried, pregnant women.

BONADUCE: I didn`t say it was bright. I just said...

BEHAR: It`s not really the greatest thing financially. That`s the only issue.

BONADUCE: Right. I don`t think it`s immoral, I think it`s impractical.

BEHAR: It`s impractical, but a lot of women just wanted to have their baby. You know, that`s evolution.

(CROSS TALK)

GOLD: But you have to think about it. I think it`s annoying.

(CROSS TALK)

GOLD: I know. You warned me, Joy. You were right.

BEHAR: And you`re a lesbian, you didn`t even have to do it.

GOLD: I went way out of my way, oh, God.

BEHAR: Let`s go to another story, across the Atlantic, "French Vogue" is in hot water. They did a photo spread of white of supermodel Lara Stone in black face.

Judy, who`s their editor, Rush Limbaugh? What do you think of that?

GOLD: Black face is coming up. I asked the makeup people to do black face on me but they didn`t have enough time? I don`t understand.

What is the point, it`s black face with white lips, isn`t it?

BEHAR: It`s very insulting to African-Americans.

BONADUCE: If it is not insulting to African-Americans, then everybody owes Ted Danson a huge apology. If, on the other hand, it is offensive then we need to dig up Al Jolson and tell him what a rack (ph) he turned out to be.

BEHAR: Well, that was a long time ago with -- that was before...

BONADUCE: When was racism ok?

BEHAR: It`s never been ok, but in those days they were giving it away because they were that dumb. It`s really inexcusable today.

BONADUCE: You know, the first amendment will cover you unless you`re trying to incite insurrection. I think they were trying to incite an erection. Totally different thing.

BEHAR: I mean the Jackson Jive on Australian TV, they did this whole thing -- you saw that right?

BERNARD: That was with Harry Connick Jr., yes.

BEHAR: A Turkish news reporter was in black face while reporting on Obama. I mean, what is going on.

BERNARD: And actually there was an episode "Mad Men", where actually one of the characters was wearing black face. But I think that was also in the context of the time in trying to point out that that was offensive and wrong.

I think what`s bizarre about this "French Vogue" situation is that there`s absolutely no context. We can`t really tell...

GOLD: Yes, what`s the point?

(CROSS TALK)

BERNARD: Is it supposed to be funny or not?

BEHAR: I don`t know. They`re crazy.

GOLD: They just want to sell their magazine.

BERNARD: They want us to be talking about it and here we are.

BEHAR: One more story, the Obama administration is in the middle of a heated feud with Fox News, predictably Glenn Beck brought the feud to a whole new and ridiculous level.

Listen to this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GLENN BECK, HOST, FOX NEWS: When they`re done with Fox, and you decide to speak out on something. The old "first they came for the Jews, and I wasn`t Jewish" -- when they`re done with Fox and talk radio, do you really think they`re going to leave you alone if you want to ask a tough question?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BEHAR: Ok, before we discuss this, can I just point out that calling the president a racist isn`t a tough question. It`s not even a question, you idiot, it`s a declarative.

Ok, I`m back with my panel.

GOLD: He`s a mental patient, this guy. He`s out of his mind.

BEHAR: But isn`t he trivializing the Holocaust a little bit?

BONADUCE: A little?

BEHAR: He`s essentially bringing the Jews into this.

GOLD: Why do we always get brought in to -- I know you`re not sure. Sarah you`re Jewish.

BERNARD: I am, right.

GOLD: You don`t want to be involved.

I don`t need to be involved with Glenn Beck.

BEHAR: I know why thread the Jews in.

GOLD: We always get dragged into everything, I`m sick of it.

BONADUCE: The thing is it`s horrifying -- it shouldn`t be taken that lightly. He says when they`re done with Fox News, and he compares it with the Holocaust, the Holocaust is just a word. 6 million people were gassed to death, how dare he say that? How dare he make that...

(CROSS TALK)

BEHAR: Let`s just try to see what the point is, at least. Let`s forget about the Jewish part.

GOLD: the point is he can say whatever he wants about whomever and there`s no censorship, but the minute someone says something in retaliation, then he brings up the Holocaust.

BEHAR: Then he`s a victim.

GOLD: Right. He is a victim.

BEHAR: But he`s rooting for the first amendment in a certain way.

BONADUCE: But I think he blurs that line because it`s after a while you blur the line between the news and entertainment and there are only a few things. We`re having a big recession, there are only a few things that are recession proof in my opinion: drugs, prostitution and entertainment and I`m for all three. You know?

BERNARD: I think what`s interesting is what is the White House going to do about this? The more attention they pay, the more ratings he gets. So it`s just a tricky situation that they`re in.

BEHAR: Is he a ratings idol for you Danny?

BONADUCE: He is an idol of mine because he is in recovery for alcoholism. The second he started talking -- and I have been in recovery for years -- I immediately started drinking again. I need to thank him for that. He`s been going another way.

BEHAR: Do you see a trend? Rush Limbaugh Oxycontin. Glenn Beck alcoholic, Danny Bonaduce, alcoholic.

(CROSS TALK)

BEHAR: George Bush, ex-alcoholic.

BONADUCE: Literally jumping on the wagon? I jumped off.

BEHAR: But don`t you think that when you`re an alcoholic or a drug addict and then you quit, you really still have that addictive personality. You have to put it someplace else. Where did you put it?

BONADUCE: I put it back in the bar...

BEHAR: Where did you put your addiction, what are you addicted to now? Talking on the radio?

BONADUCE: Talking incessantly. It`s horrifying, I can`t stop. I use up all the oxygen in the world.

BEHAR: And Glenn Beck`s addiction might be getting more publicity. More and more publicity.

(CROSS TALK)

GOLD: Why don`t the Republicans -- why do they align themselves with people like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh. These zealots -- they don`t say...

BEHAR: Who, who`s aligning?

GOLD: The Republicans.

BEHAR: They`re not exactly aligning.

GOLD: They don`t say anything.

BEHAR: Because they know they have a base. Just like Sarah Palin, they know she was dumb, but she has a tremendous base in the Republican Party.

BERNARD: I was going to bring that but I think that is exactly the right analogy. They handled her so well because they didn`t attack her as much as they could because they knew it was just going to add fuel to the fire. If they keep attacking him and pointing this out over and over if the communications director keeps doing that, he`s just going to gain and they`re going to lose.

BEHAR: Right.

(CROSS TALK).

BONADUCE: I thought it was interesting that Rush Limbaugh who was such a conservative of course took so much Oxycontin that he went deaf. But that`s his god blessing him so he doesn`t have to hear his show.

BEHAR: That`s funny, Danny...

BONADUCE: Thank you.

BEHAR: ...you ought to be a comedian. Thanks all of you, for coming.

GOLD: Thank you.

BERNARD: Thank you.

BEHAR: Really I enjoyed this. Did you have fun?

GOLD: I had so much fun.

BONADUCE: I did, thank you.

BEHAR: Ok, thanks to my entire panel.

Stephen Baldwin joins me next. Don`t go away. What a night.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BEHAR: My next guest is from Hollywood royalty. And he and his family play a big role in the breast cancer fight through the Carol M. Baldwin Breast Cancer Research Fund.

Joining me is actor Stephen Baldwin. In the Hollywood world --welcome to the show.

STEPHEN BALDWIN, ACTOR: Thank you.

BEHAR: But if you`re Hollywood royalty...

BALDWIN: Yes.

BEHAR: ...before we get to the cancer conversation...

BALDWIN: Sure.

BEHAR: Who`s the king of the family, Alec? Come on.

BALDWIN: Oh, without question.

BEHAR: Without question he`s the king.

BALDWIN: I just got asked the question, if I ever seriously needed a large a lot of money, who would I go to? I said, Alec, he`s got the most. And it would probably be bail money and it would be at least $5 million so I would have to go right to Alec.

BEHAR: All right, now your family is very close. We`re talking about your mother`s illness; she survived breast cancer?

BALDWIN: Sure, 19 years survivor, absolutely.

BEHAR: It must have been difficult for all the children to have a mother who was very ill and with breast cancer. Tell us about that a little bit.

BALDWIN: Well, when my mom was diagnosed it was a year before my wedding which I`ve been married 19 years and she didn`t say anything. In typical Baldwin dysfunction, she just keep her mouth shot and didn`t want to ruin the wedding.

Oh gosh mom thanks now, we found you have a breast cancer. But it was pretty far along, she eventually had a double mastectomy and has been a tremendous crusader ever since.

BEHAR: Now, when was the Carol M. Baldwin fund started? How long ago?

BALDWIN: Over ten years ago?

BEHAR: Ten years ago and what`s your part in the organization?

BALDWIN: Well, there`s two chapters, there`s an upstate (INAUDIBLE) organization and a down state Long Island organization. Daniel and myself work on the upstate one and Alec and Billy do most of the stuff down in the Long Island. And we do lots of different golf tournaments and events and black tie galas and yearly they have a motorcycle ride that mom puts on the old pink helmet and rides in the side car of a Harley Davidson.

BEHAR: It`s a whacky group, but they`re fun, the Baldwins.

BALDWIN: Yes, you know.

BEHEAR: Do you all get along with each other?

BALDWIN: Very well.

BEHAR: Do you have a fight with Alec politically? Because he doesn`t agree with you on politics.

BALDWIN: Well, I`ll put it to you this way. We were hanging out a few months back. And he said oh, who would have ever thought. And I said what? And he said, "Little Stephen, born again, conservative and Republican." I said I`m a registered independent. And he goes, "We all know you`re a Republican sympathizer."

So...

BEHAR: And you`re a born again Christian too, right?

BALDWIN: That`s correct.

BEHAR: So do you think that God has helped your mother to get better?

BALDWIN: Oh absolutely yes.

I think that God is sovereign and that he allows and doesn`t allow for things to happen. So if she`s still here, then I would say that it`s his will.

BEHAR: Well, but see, I don`t understand that when people talk like that, because there are a lot of bad things that happen in the world...

BALDWIN: Correct.

BEHAR: ...so is God responsible for the bad as well as the good?

BALDWIN: No.

BEHAR: Only the good.

BALDWIN: ...God allows to the bad, he allows the bad.

BEHAR: What do you mean allows the bad?

BALDWIN: God allows the devil to do what he does.

BEHAR: Oh, the devil?

BALDWIN: Yes.

BEHAR: What does devil look like?

BALDWIN: Do you have any children?

BEHAR: I do.

STEPHEN: Did you ever discipline them?

BEHAR: No.

BALDWIN: Never?

BEHAR: She never needed it. She was always a perfect child.

BALDWIN: Never once, never.

BEHAR: No, no she`s isn`t, but I don`t believe...

BALDWIN: You asked me before the program was I scared of you.

BEHAR: Are you scared of me?

BALDWIN: When you do that I get scared of you.

BEHAR: What do you get scared of?

BALDWIN: You`re quite ferocious, Joy.

BEHAR: I`m ferocious?

BALDWIN: Oh my goodness.

BEHAR: Alec is not afraid of me.

BALDWIN: Alec is Alec, come on Joy.

BEHAR: In fact I wish he would come on the show more often.

BALDWIN: Oh, has he not been on yet?

BEHAR: He hasn`t been on this show. No, he was on with me on Larry King.

BALDWIN: He`ll be on.

BEHAR: He`ll be on and he`ll talk about you if you want him to.

BALDWIN: He`ll say nothing but how much he loves me and how much fun we have.

BEHAR: Ok, kid it was nice to have you. I hope I didn`t scare you too much.

BALDWIN: No, I survived.

BEHAR: I`m really a very nice person; I just have questions that I ask all the time.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BEHAR: You probably know my next guest as Detective Munch, the longest running character on prime time. What you may not know is that the actor, Richard Belzer, is also a comic and an author.

His new book is called "I Am Not a Psychic" and he joins me now. Hi, Richard.

RICHARD BELZER, ACTOR AND AUTHOR: Hi Joy. I - I hope people knew I was a comic...

BEHAR: Yes, they kind of know it but...

BELZER: ... maybe not an author.

BEHAR: ... you know - you know time marches on. You`ve been on...

BELZER: I know. I`m 73 now.

BEHAR: I mean, let`s talk about those days. Do you miss them?

BELZER: You know what, I remember when I first started out, you know, Catch A Rising Star and those clubs and the improve, and not having any money, sleeping on my brother`s couch, you know, taking the subway, eating Colombo yogurt because it was only 50 cents, and even when I was doing it - although, I mean, I - I knew that this was the only thing I could be doing at that point. And I - I kind of looked at the romantic showbiz, you know, this is - I`m in showbiz. Even though I - you know, I was cynical and bitter and all that, I still had this sense of magic and romanticism about it.

BEHAR: About comedy?

BELZER: No, about - you asked me about the early days, which were hard but I`m glad. You know that was...

BEHAR: You mean being on - being a standup, you had like a fantasy about how great it would be or...?

BELZER: Well, just, you know, being in a nightclub and it`s filling up and the band`s playing and there`s smoke in the air, you know? That to me was what I wanted to be - I wanted to be in that world, you know?

BEHAR: Yes. I`ve had a few comedians on the show already and, I don`t know, some of us had had difficult childhoods. Mine was pretty good.

BELZER: Right.

BEHAR: Larry David said the childhood was fine, it was the adulthood that was difficult. I mean, did you have a hard time as a kid? Is that what prompted you to be funny?

BELZER: Well, I - I - that`s - that`s an old cliche that people say, oh, comics have suffered, and you`re a good example. You did - you weren`t abused as a kid.

BEHAR: No. Not at all.

BELZER: And you`re...

BEHAR: I was adored. That was my issue.

BELZER: Well, you`re incredibly funny and - and you were able to do that. My feeling is this - whether I was abused or not, and I was whacked around a little bit as a kid, more than average, but I think I was funny anyway and maybe the pain and all that stuff brought it out more, but it was always there. You - you don`t become brilliantly funny because somebody abused you.

BEHAR: No.

BELZER: It has to be indigenous to your being.

BEHAR: But it`s a defense in a way, protect you (ph). Yes.

BELZER: Oh, absolutely. I mean, if I wasn`t funny, I may have found another way to, you know, defend myself.

BEHAR: You know, there`s a new study that came out a couple of weeks ago that said that kids who are spanked have a lower IQ.

BELZER: And many other things too about spankings. Along those lines, I - I saw this book years ago - I wish I could remember the name of it. Someone went around to visit people who hid Jews during the war.

BEHAR: Yes.

BELZER: And - in different countries. And the people who hid Jews, they went and they interviewed them and they found that two - two or three similarities between them. The first one was none of them thought of themselves as heroes.

BEHAR: Right.

BELZER: They say, what - you know, it`s another person, you know? And some of them, you know, really imperiled their lives and their families and hid Jews. And the other thing was virtually every single person who hid Jews was not hit as a child.

BEHAR: They were not hit?

BELZER: Which means they weren`t afraid.

BEHAR: That`s interesting.

BELZER: Isn`t that fascinating?

BEHAR: Yes. Wow!

BELZER: Because if you`re hit as a kid, it`s wired into your head - your brain, even as an adult that you`re going to get hit. I mean, I`ve had problems for years sleeping at night because I`m - you know, I`m 105 years old, but, I mean, up until - I don`t want to say how recently, I had trouble sleeping because on some level I thought, well, she`s going to come in any minute and beat the (EXPLETIVE DELETED) out of me.

BEHAR: Really?

BELZER: Yes, because I got - you know, I never knew - it wasn`t logical, what she did.

BEHAR: Your mother?

BELZER: Yes.

BEHAR: Your mother hit you, not your father?

BELZER: My father begrudgingly hit me. You know, she`s, "Charlie, go kick his ass," you know?

BEHAR: Yes. Yes. And your brother too?

BELZER: Yes. He was - we were both whacked around.

BEHAR: But, I mean, the comedy in your case might have been a way of survival, you know?

BELZER: Absolutely.

BEHAR: When you`re having a tough time as a kid, you know - even in school I - I used to be funny in class because the teachers would scare me.

BELZER: Because you were bored.

BEHAR: And I was bored also, you know, a lot. So I`d start trouble and talk to people and, you know, start little talk conversations, which they pay me now to do.

BELZER: Yes. That`s...

BEHAR: The same thing I was doing then.

BELZER: That`s the line. I got - now I get paid for what I got thrown out of school for.

BEHAR: Yes. Now, let`s...

BELZER: Yes. Go ahead.

BEHAR: ... talk about, you know, you`re a big conspiracy theory person?

BELZER: Yes.

BEHAR: Yes? So Hillary Clinton brought up the vast Right Wing conspiracy in `98. She said is this - it is this vast Right Wing conspiracy that has been conspiring against my husband since the day he was announced the president. But this last September, Bill Clinton said it`s still alive. OK? He said it`s not as strong as it was because America`s changed demographically, but it`s as virulent as it was.

Now, what do you think about all that? Is there really a Right Wing conspiracy in this country?

BELZER: I don`t - I think it`s an open conspiracy. It`s common knowledge that think tanks and publishers on the Right will buy Ann Coulter`s book to get it on the bestseller list. They`ll fund films that say Bill and Hillary killed Vincent Foster. They`ll get in bed with - so to speak, with the - with the religious Right and demonize the Left.

It`s clear. I mean, from day one they hated Clinton and they`ve tried everything they could do to destroy him. If it`s a conspiracy, it`s an open conspiracy.

BEHAR: So do you think there`s a conspiracy against Obama now?

BELZER: Well, it`s not a conspiracy. It`s on television every day. This is semantics. There`s no - they have - the right wing has a common interest, which is to destroy Obama and put their party before their country. That`s what they have chosen to do, and I think the cat`s out of the bag now. We see, you know, they`re cheering when we don`t get the Olympics and - and demeaning the Nobel Prize...

BEHAR: Right, which is so un-American.

BELZER: ... and questioning where he`s born and - I mean - and if - if all the - if every single Republican in the Senate does not vote for health care reform, then, you know, it`s like they shouldn`t exist as a political party. That`s the most callous, heartless, mean political expediency, playing on the worst fears of the elderly and the poor. They`re the most despicable pieces of human (INAUDIBLE) ever.

BEHAR: Do you think that - do you think that the American electorate is now catching on to that or not?

BELZER: No.

BEHAR: They`re not?

BELZER: No. American people are - always have been and always will be a moderate to left, not moderate to right, as we liked - as people liked to believe. Every survey I`ve seen since the `60s, if you asked somebody, would you pay a little bit more for clean air? Yes. A little bit more for good health care? Yes?

BEHAR: Yes.

BELZER: I mean, what are you going to do, give - give the firemen a bill? Is that a - the socialist fire department? You`re not going to go to parks, you`re not going to go to public hospitals, highways? This whole thing of using the word socialism - which, by the way, was a good thing. That`s why Hitler named his party socialism because the connotation was that everybody shares in the - in the success of a nation.

BEHAR: Not everybody. Not everybody in his case.

BELZER: What?

BEHAR: Not the Jews - not in his case.

BELZER: No, I mean - I mean, he used socialism.

BEHAR: Yes, I know.

BELZER: No, I`m not saying - I`m not saying the way he used it. I`m saying the way it was known before he used it, was an all inclusive thing. And in France they have what you call social democracy. You have free enterprise, you have capitalism, but you also take care of the disenfranchised. It`s not a mystery. It`s - it`s this - this rabid Right thing...

BEHAR: What about - what about the racism...

BELZER: But I have opinion on it (ph).

BEHAR: What about the racism question on - on Obama? You said I`m concerned that there are still serious issues of race relations, for example, as exemplified in the Sotomayor confirmation hearing and the arrest of Professor Gates that we need to better address and be brutally honest about.

People do skirt the racist issue, I think, quite a bit. They like to think it`s not still a racist country, but in a way, it is, isn`t it?

BELZER: Well, in - in a big way it is. They`re still red lining in banks. You still see health problems among the blacks and Hispanics and poor people that people of means don`t have the same health problems. We put pollution next to poor neighborhoods. I mean, there`s so much discrimination that`s just built into the fabric of America.

But also, 70 million people - that we know of, maybe more - voted for Obama, and this is - this is a triumph for this country, which is steeped in this racism...

BEHAR: But will it hold? Will it hold, do you think? That`s what I worry about.

BELZER: Here`s what I...

BEHAR: Because his approval rating went down and it`s steady now (ph).

BELZER: Well, that`s because he`s president.

BEHAR: OK.

BELZER: It`s not because he`s black, although some people are - are trying to tie the two together. No. I think the fact that he became president will - first of all, I think every black kid in America is one inch taller now there`s a black president. So the self esteem, for that alone, it`s a great thing. I think his presidency, symbolically, is just as important as it is politically, what he represents.

BEHAR: Right. And what - you know, they`re always saying he`s not doing anything, that Bush did so many wrong things that it`s nice to take a break to too - too much negative action.

BELZER: Well, I - I disagree in that Roosevelt, you know, was fighting a war and, you know, rebuilding the country and doing 50 things (ph) and was always - he could either (ph) do health care, he could do the economy. The health care is the economy.

BEHAR: Well, he is in the - I have hope that he`ll get - speed this up a little. Thanks.

BELZER: Well, he`s like Lincoln. He has a team of rivals that argue with him, which is great (ph).

BEHAR: I love that. I have to go, Richard...

BELZER: Yes. Go ahead, baby. Greatest to you.

BEHAR: The book is called "I Am Not a Psychic" and it`s in stories now.

Up next, the beautiful and talented Valerie Bertinelli stops by. Stay right there.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BEHAR: Earlier this week, the beautiful and talented Valerie Bertinelli stopped by to discuss her new book "Finding It," so of course my first question was "What did you find?"

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

VALERIE BERTINELLI: I`m still finding it.

BEHAR: What is it?

BERTINELLI: Exactly. I`m just - that a whole weird thing about maintenance and finding what caused me to put the weight on, what`s going to - what I`m going to find to help me keep it off - just finding it in my weird, bizarre life which isn`t probably so weird because a lot of people, I think, have the same stories going on in their lives.

BEHAR: Oh, yes. Oh, it was highly relatable (ph). Are you kidding me? But you also talked about your marriage to Eddie Van Halen who`s a great rock star and a cute guy and everything, and - How long was that marriage?

BERTINELLI: Well, I think we were married for 20 years.

BEHAR: Wow!

BERTINELLI: But we were separated for some of it, so - I don`t know. Let`s say - I`ve known him for almost 30 years.

BEHAR: Wow! Wow, I can`t believe you`re - you have - that it`s that long. I mean, just looking at you...

BERTINELLI: Well, August of 1980 we met.

BEHAR: Time goes by so fast. I mean it was just yesterday Monica Lewinsky was just a little girl under the desk.

BERTINELLI: I just want to know why she didn`t clean the freaking dress - you know? Really, are you disgusting or what? Clean the dress.

BEHAR: But...

BERTINELLI: Golly! I mean, I send my clothes in to be cleaned if they get dirty.

BEHAR: Because she`s Looney Tunes, you know?

BERTINELLI: Disgusting.

BEHAR: But let me ask you something. There was a little bit - bit of a discussion about extramarital affairs in this book, which usually is the reason people break up.

BERTINELLI: Yes.

BEHAR: That`s it. It`s not the (ph) baloney, oh, I had (INAUDIBLE) you know, I need my space - such a bunch or baloney.

BERTINELLI: Right.

BEHAR: Somebody is waiting in the wings.

BERTINELLI: Right.

BEHAR: So what happened there?

BERTINELLI: Well, I think by the time you start having affairs is that something`s obviously quite broken in the marriage. So - and obviously something was quite broken in our marriage early on, but we, you know, we kept up the good fight and we didn`t quite make it.

BEHAR: But who was cheating on who?

BERTINELLI: You know, do you have to know who, when, where, why? We have a little - we have a little thing going. Ed thinks I did first and I`m thinking he did first, but we don`t know all about the timing.

BEHAR: But I`m interested in that. It`s almost like the same conversation about why we eat. People stray in a relationship for an emotional reason, usually.

BERTINELLI: Yes. Because you`re not being emotionally fulfilled in whatever relationship that you`re on.

BEHAR: Right. Well, yes. Either that or you`re just a horny dog.

BERTINELLI: Yes. That too. And when in you`re 20s, you know?

BEHAR: I mean, I`ll refer you to Governor Spitzer, for example, and some of these other dogs that we keep reading about.

BERTINELLI: Yes.

BEHAR: They`re out there just hounding it up. But I think that with women, it seems like there`s an emotional...

BERTINELLI: We know how to hound it up once in a while, too. Unfortunately.

BEHAR: We do, but - but have usually a reason. It`s not just, oh, I`m...

BERTINELLI: Oh, so we`re given a "get out of jail free" card? No, no, no, no, no.

BEHAR: You think women cheat in the same way that men cheat?

BERTINELLI: I think cheating is cheating and it`s wrong, and you shouldn`t do it. And I can speak from experience from having been cheated on, and having had cheated. And I`ve got to say, I think the feeling - there`s it -it feels worse for me to have cheated on, because that feeling of the pain that I inflicted on somebody? I don`t ever want to do again. The good thing is that now I`m in a relationship that I know I don`t want to hurt that man, ever, like that.

BEHAR: So you learned?

BERTINELLI: Yes, I`ve learned my lesson. Monogamy is in my life. And if I think I can`t be monogamous with this man, which I really seriously doubt, because he`s really -OK, not going to go there.

He`s good in bed. He`s really good in bed!

BEHAR: Is he really?

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: Better than Van Halen was?

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: You don`t have to answer that.

BERTINELLI: What time is this show on? Oh, my God, my parents are watching this! I`m sorry, Pop, I love you. Hi Mom. I`m still a virgin, right?

BEHAR: You`re like a virgin. Let`s put it that way.

BERTINELLI: Right, that had a child 18 years ago.

BEHAR: But what was I saying about extramarital affairs?

BERTINELLI: I`ve done it all. Let`s go get a drink!

BEHAR: The thing about monogamy when you`re younger, like under 40, is that monogamy is monotonous, is really the truth.

BERTINELLI: I guess it depends who you`re being monogamous with.

BEHAR: Well, it is difficult to say monogamous when you`re young, I think.

BERTINELLI: Oh, absolutely.

BEHAR: You`re still finding it.

BERTINELLI: There are so many roads. You`re still finding it.

BEHAR: You`re still "Finding It".

BERTINELLI: Yes, whatever that "It" may be.

BEHAR: That`s the real reason.

BERTINELLI: That`s why I think getting married at 20 was really stupid. And I don`t suggest anybody do that. I think the more mature love that I`m going through right now -I`m like, I`m with my buddy, I really -- I enjoy his company, he`s my best friend, I don`t want to hurt him.

BEHAR: First of all, you named your son Wolfgang --

BERTINELLI: William Van Halen.

BEHAR: You left out the Bertinelli, fortunately, for him.

BERTINELLI: Yes.

BEHAR: I mean, this could take a year to say his name.

BERTINELLI: Poor guy.

BEHAR: But I mean, you really named him after Mozart, didn`t you?

BERTINELLI: Amadeus, yes.

BEHAR: Were you lying in bed, very post-orgasmic one night and said, and listen to Mozart and said, you know what? Wolfgang, that`s the name for this kid.

BERTINELLI: No, I loved the movie "Amadeus".

BEHAR: Oh, it`s a great movie.

BERTINELLI: And I loved the way Elizabeth Berridge says, "Wolfie! Wolfie!" And I thought, well, that sounds really cute. And trying to come up with a name that goes with Van Halen wasn`t real easy. His father`s name was Jan, which is spelled J-A-N. So, I didn`t want Wolfie, if he was going to be a boy, to be called Jan. I just didn`t think that would cut it in America.

BEHAR: How about Robert Van Halen? That works.

BERTINELLI: Hmm, no.

BEHAR: No? Tom, Tom Van Halen.

(LAUGHTER)

BERTINELLI: Tom Van -no.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: Mike?

BERTINELLI: Frank?

BEHAR: How about Salvatore?

BERTINELLI: Salvatore Van Halen! Salvatore, yeah! Mazarino (ph) Van Halen!

BEHAR: I think Wolfgang really determines that the kid had to be in the business with your husband, though. And he is, right?

BERTINELLI: Yes, he got his dad`s gift, he`s very lucky he got his dad`s gift and not mine.

BEHAR: Well, you are, you have a gift, too.

BERTINELLI: Vomit mouth?

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: But what instrument does he play?

BERTINELLI: He started on the drums when he was nine and then he picked up the guitar when he was 12 or 11. And then his dad asked him to start playing the bass, so he started playing the bass.

BEHAR: He`s talented?

BERTINELLI: He`s very talented. He`s got a beautiful singing voice. And he plays -oh, there`s my boy.

BEHAR: Which one is he?

BERTINELLI: He`s that one.

BEHAR: Oh, he`s cute.

BERTINELLI: He`s a sweetie pie.

BEHAR: Very cute.

BERTINELLI: He`s a big boy.

And he is now teaching himself the piano.

BEHAR: He`s teaching himself.

BERTINELLI: And he kicks ass in Rock Band.

BEHAR: Really? Does he sing, too?

BERTINELLI: Yes, he does. He sings very - yeah.

BEHAR: And what was that whole thing today about him being a virgin? You think he`s a virgin?

BERTINELLI: Really? Seriously?

BEHAR: Yeah.

BERTINELLI: You want to talk about that?

BEHAR: It`s funny today.

BERTINELLI: I just got a text from my son, too. And he said, "We`re watching `The View` now. And I got it a couple of hours later. I said, "Oh, are you still speaking to me?"

BEHAR: But you were teasing about it.

BERTINELLI: I was.

BEHAR: I mean, he`s now, 18 years old?

BERTINELLI: He`s 18 years old, so he`s a virgin, right?

BEHAR: Whatever! He might be, he might not. But that`s none of your business now.

BERTINELLI: It`s none of my business.

BEHAR: Let go.

BERTINELLI: If not, he`s --I don`t want to talk about it!

BEHAR: All right. Never mind. This happened today also, you didn`t want to talk about it, but is it in here, in the book?

BERTINELLI: I talk about the "sex talk" and the sex talk that Ed had with Wolfie.

BEHAR: Oh, yes, that you were listening to.

BERTINELLI: Well, yes, because it was on the road. And we were listening in the dressing room and I could hear Ed talking. If you have ever met my ex-husband, he has this gravelly voice, he`s like so, Wolfie, when you --all of a sudden he`s in the mafia.

But he just has this gravelly voice, he`s saying be careful with what you do with your heart, and protect it. But once you fall in love, don`t protect it so much that you don`t let anybody in, and protect her heart and treat her with kindness. And I`m like that`s all the stuff that I would say.

BEHAR: Oh, that`s beautiful.

BERTINELLI: And he then he says, be careful of the skanks, whores and bitches, that are going to want to date you because you`re in a rock band, and your last name is Van Halen.

BEHAR: Well, he should know.

BERTINELLI: I wouldn`t have put it exactly that way. But it is good information for him to have.

BEHAR: Yeah.

BERTINELLI: Because I`ve ran into a few skanks and whores in my lifetime.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: I bet you have.

BERTINELLI: Oh, yeah.

BEHAR: So you`re happy with the way he spoke to your son?

BERTINELLI: I am. You know what, I may joke around but he`s a really good dad.

BEHAR: You are friends with Eddie now? Are you friends?

BERTINELLI: Well, I don`t know --we`re friendly. I don`t know that I would ever call him my friend, or my buddy, the way Tom is my buddy.

BEHAR: Yes.

BERTINELLI: But I like him again, and I fell out of like with him for a long time. I`ve always loved him, but I like him again. I like his new wife. They`re good people.

BEHAR: He got married again, too.

BERTINELLI: Yes, I was at the wedding.

BEHAR: Oh that`s so nice.

BERTINELLI: So was Tom. Tom was with me.

BEHAR: Once you have a child you never separate 100 percent from your husband.

BERTINELLI: No.

BEHAR: It`s impossible.

BERTINELLI: So you must treat each other with kindness and you must love your children more than you hate your ex. You`ve just got to figure out a way to...

BEHAR: You know what? I`m not letting you go yet.

BERTINELLI: OK.

BEHAR: This woman isn`t going anywhere; more with Valerie Bertinelli when we return.

BERTINELLI: Because I won`t shut up.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: We have many more things to discuss.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BEHAR: Valerie Bertinelli, and her boyfriend Tom Vitale, are sitting across from me.

BERTINELLI: We roped him in.

BEHAR: We`ve been discussing Valerie`s new book, "Finding It" and a lot more.

Welcome to the show, Tom.

TOM VITALE, BERTINELLI`S BOYFRIEND: Thank you.

BEHAR: We`ve dragged you in here from the Green Room.

VITALE: Pleasure to be here.

BEHAR: Now, you two are an item for now how long?

VITALE: Five years.

BERTINELLI: Five years next week.

BEHAR: So dating for five years. There are wedding plans?

BERTINELLI: We`re living in sin, shush.

BEHAR: I know me too for 27 years.

BERTINELLI: What did you call him the other day?

BEHAR: My spousal equivalent, honey.

BERTINELLI: I love that. You`re my spousal equivalent, honey. I don`t want to do the seating chart.

BEHAR: You don`t want to get married?

BERTINELLI: I don`t want to do the seating chart.

BEHAR: OK?

BERTINELLI: Everyone gets mad at you because nobody wants to be at table 17.

BEHAR: That`s true.

BERTINELLI: I don`t know why.

BEHAR: How about you? You want to get married, Tom?

VITALE: I don`t know. She hasn`t asked me yet.

BHEAR: If she asked you, would you say yes?

VITALE: I might, I might.

BERTINELLI: You want to marry me?

VITALE: I might.

BERTINELLI: I didn`t say that!

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: Where did you two meet?

BERTINELLI: At my brother`s house in Scottsdale, Arizona. My brother, Patrick and his wife, Stacy. We were going to a wine event and I keep my wine, my -- in the freezer especially in Scottsdale when it`s hot as all get out?

BEHAR: In the freezer?

BERTINELLI: Yes, so I was -

BEHAR: What, do you suck on ice cubes?

BERTINELLI: No, but you get it out before it gets too cold. I know I bruise my wine all the time. But that`s the way I like it.

BEHAR: OK.

BERTINELLI: So, I take it out before it gets too frozen. He was in front freezer and I saw this guy, in a tux, that was like-- looked like that, and I was like, oh, baby.

VITALE: It was a black-tie event. We had a good time.

BERTINELLI: I said, oh, hello. I`m Valerie, and you are? And he`s like, Tom.

BEHAR: So what did you think about a big star like her coming onto you, Tom.

VITALE: It was difficult. I had to get used to it.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: Did you --

VITALE: I just plowed her with champagne.

BERTINELLI: He did.

VITALE: To be honest with you.

BERTINELLI: Yes, he did. At the event, he kept -- every time my champagne glass would like, go down to here, I would have another one in the hand. I was like what the -- that was before Jenny Craig.

(LAUGHTER)

BEHAR: He met you and fell in love with you before you lost the weight.

BERTINELLI: When I was big.

BEHAR: I love that. See, that`s a keeper.

BERTINELLI: Yes, he`s a keeper.

BEHAR: That`s a keeper.

VITALE: Was big too. I was 220.

BERTINELLI: Yes, he`s lost a lot of weight, too, on the program.

BEHAR: But on a man it doesn`t have the same effect.

VITALE: Really?

BEHAR: They always -

BERTINELLI: No, because he could -remember how big your belly was? It`s not big anymore.

BEHAR: They criticize the women.

BEHAR: Oh, the ol` bonzone?

BERTINELLI: Yes, you had the little

VITALE: Bonzone?

(LAUGHTER)

VITALE: That`s good.

BEHAR: That`s really something.

We have a couple of e-mails for you.

BERTINELLI: What?

BEHAR: Questions for you.

BERTINELLI: All right. Sure, what are they saying?

BEHAR: There was a question from --.

BERTINELLI: You can read that without glasses?

BEHAR: Yes.

BERTINELLI: How old you are?

BEHAR: I know. I`m older than you, believe me.

BERTINELLI: How come your eyes are so --?

BEHAR: Check with "People" magazine, they print it every month. That is like --.

BERTINELLI: But if they didn`t put your birthday wouldn`t you be offended?

BEHAR: No, I would not. But I mean, they do, like Lassie, 12. I mean, they`re ridiculous.

BERTINELLI: Which Lassie?

BEHAR: I know, so this woman, Janice Passishnickshnick (ph).

BERTINELLI: Italian name, huh?

BEHAR: Right. She writes, I`m on a very low calorie program now. And I`m worried about when I get back to real food. How did you handle that? And are you still on Jenny Craig?

BERTINELLI: Yes, I`m still on Jenny Craig and this is the whole thing. She has to turn her head around because if it`s a super low ago - I don`t know how much weight she has to lose - but maybe she`s on too-low of a program. But in Jenny, as you start to incorporate other food into your program -- and as you get to a maintenance level, you can up your calorie count, but you don`t up it to a point to where you go back to your bad behavior.

BEHAR: But you are off of the food that they package for you, at that point?

BERTINELLI: No, I still eat it.

BEHAR: Oh, you still do?

BERTINELLI: Yes, I like it.

BEHAR: But not 100 percent?

BERTINELLI: No.

BEHAR: OK. Well that was --

BERTINELLI: Some days I do eat it 100 percent. I will just want to have a nice clean day, and know what`s going into my body and I`ll just do Jenny and my two snacks all day.

BEHAR: You know, Valerie, I just love you. I think you are just adorable. You`re my kind of girl.

BERTINELLI: Yes, you`re my kind of gal.

BEHAR: I just love you. Tom, too. I just think you are a wonderful little couple. I love it.

Thanks to Valerie and Tom, and all of my guests for joining me tonight. And thank you for watching. Good night, everybody.

BERTINELLI: I love your show! It`s so good.

END