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JOY BEHAR SHOW
Interview With Ann Coulter
Aired October 22, 2009 - 19:00:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
JOY BEHAR, HOST: Tonight, as the White House`s war of words with Fox continues, Ann Coulter will be here with a few words of her own.
Plus George W. Bush has finally stopped cutting brush so he can go and make some cash as a motivational speaker. What is wrong with this picture?
And yet another high-profile cheating husband has been playing ball with the mistress. Oh, yes.
All this and more right now.
Well, we disagree on just about everything under the sun, but somehow we can maintain a civil discourse because we`re adults, that`s why. Conservative commentator and author of "Guilty: Liberal Victims and their Assault on America" Ann Coulter -- Coulter.
ANN COULTER, CONSERVATIVE COMMENTATOR: You always have trouble with names when you`re on with me. Fortunately, it wasn`t mine last time.
BEHAR: I know, I have trouble with my teeth.
I want to tell you first of all, a lot of people on the left do not like it that I have you on my show.
COULTER: Oh they`re just jealous because I won`t go on their shows.
BEHAR: No, like people like Richard Belzer the other night, Munch from "Law & Order."
BEHAR: He said why are you having her on your show? She`s a fascist. They start calling you names.
What should I say to these people?
COULTER: That I`m not a fascist.
BEHAR: All right, this is taking too long. Let`s talk about...
COULTER: I don`t know. I kind of like having them call me fascist. So I have difficulty putting myself in your position of caring about that. That`s why it`s taking so long.
BEHAR: Well, I mean, I think people would like everybody to agree on every show.
COULTER: Since it`s all the trends now...
COULTER: I will quote Chairman Mao -- it`s a good thing, not a bad thing to be attacked by the enemy.
BEHAR: You sure that`s not Martha Stewart?
COULTER: And Mother Teresa.
BEHAR: Yes, ok now what was your first reaction when you heard the White House was taking on Fox News?
COULTER: I -- I`m not -- Obama must be on vacation or something. I mean, it`s just so massively stupid. And now I mean, everybody`s out there speculating on why he`s doing it to try to get, you know, the other networks not to cover the stories of government corruption that Fox is covering which seems is the most likely reason.
(INAUDIBLE) points out...
BEHAR: Which one the ACORN story?
COULTER: ACORN, NEA, Van Jones, Kevin Jennings but as (INAUDIBLE) point out, one of your fellow liberals...
BEHAR: Yes, but you know...
COULTER: They`re not covering it anyway.
BEHAR: Yes, yes.
COULTER: So how does that explain? I now sort of think it`s just because they`re thin skinned and they can`t help themselves.
BEHAR: Ok, let`s listen to what the president said -- he weighed in on Fox News for the first time on NBC`s "Today Show." Listen to this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: What our advisors simply said is that we are going to take the media as it comes. And if media is operating basically as a talk radio format, that`s one thing and if it`s operating as a news outlet and that`s another. But it`s not something I`m losing a lot of sleep over.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Ok, see people are pissed off because and he is too, because Fox lies a lot. They lie. I`ll just give you an example of Glenn Beck, for instance, one of your pals. He said that 45 percent of doctors say they`ll quit health care coverage if reform passes. Now the AMA endorsed Obama`s overhaul in July. So that`s not true of doctors...
COULTER: No, the AMA doesn`t represent all doctors.
BEHAR: All right, well 45 percent of all doctors.
COULTER: That`s like taking a poll of what lawyers think and then saying the ACLU doesn`t say that and that`s a group of lawyers.
BEHAR: No but we have -- listen...
COULTER: The AMA is to lawyers what the ACLU is to lawyers.
BEHAR: Ok so which doctor are you talking to Dr. Weldy (ph) in the middle of nowhere?
COULTER: I saw that poll too -- you can`t call that a lie. You can say I don`t like this poll. And you can take my own poll. And you can`t call it a lie.
BEHAR: I think it`s a lie, he says this is the only country...
COULTER: From my discussions with doctors, I think it`s more like 90 percent. So I agree with you. That`s seems like it`s a poll is underestimating how many doctors are going to drop out of the practice of medicine.
BEHAR: No but the AMA you have to give them some credence.
COULTER: No I don`t. Doctors...
BEHAR: ...that they`re important...
COULTER: No, no it`s like the ABA no it does not represent all doctors.
BEHAR: All right...
COULTER: And in point of fact...
COULTER: Because I have asked doctors what is up with this AMA? And they said it`s all the doctors who can`t practice medicine anymore. They`re all losers.
BEHAR: You know last time you were here Ann you said that most people do not like the public option. But now it`s up to 52 percent who say they want it.
COULTER: No that is a totally phony poll.
BEHAR: Well, your polls are not phony and my polls are?
COULTER: No, you`re calling it a lie.
BEHAR: No that`s a separate thing, I`m talking about -- that was separate.
COULTER: Ok, so on Fox News...
BEHAR: Try to keep up with me.
COULTER: Fox can just put on exactly what you said and say she told a lie. She said 57 percent support the public option.
BEHAR: 52 percent.
COULTER: 52 whatever.
BEHAR: That was the poll I saw. Ok...
COULTER: Ok the polls, the poll that Glenn Beck cited was a poll he saw.
BEHAR: Ok and he also said -- and how about this one. He said this is only country that has automatic citizenship. That`s not true. Brazil has it, Canada has it, Guatemala has it, a lot of countries have it. So he really needs to get his facts together.
COULTER: Ok, that`s -- assuming you are right and I did not know that. I`ve not looked at what other countries make you a citizen for simply being born here.
BEHAR: Take my word for it. Now how about this from Hannity...
COULTER: But the point is that isn`t a lie. Ok, he made a mistake.
BEHAR: Well, it`s uninformed.
COULTER: Look, if you`re going to talk that much, he has a radio show. He has a TV show. If you`re going to talk that much, people are going to make errors, they`re going trip over themselves. To be constantly jumping down...
BEHAR: But here`s what...
COULTER: I mean, they treat Fox News like they`re Stalin and every little thing has to be analyzed.
BEHAR: That`s not true.
COULTER: There`s more respect for Roman Polanski than for hosts on Fox News...
COULTER: Everybody makes mistakes and by the way just yesterday Little Contessa Brewer on MSNBC was introducing Jesse Jackson and introduced him as Al Sharpton. I think that`s a little bigger than making a mistake about how many countries say you`re a citizen if you`re born here.
BEHAR: Listen, I`m not going to deal with Contessa Brewer right now.
COULTER: No, if I`m defending Glenn Beck, you are defending Contessa Brewer because she`s yours.
BEHAR: No she`s not, I don`t even know who she is.
How about Hannity? This is another that I loved. He says the "Cash for Clunkers" -- in "Cash for Clunkers" you can go to a junk yard, tow it to your house, and get $4,500. That`s not true. You have to own the car for a year.
So why is he putting that out? I don`t know why he did that?
COULTER: Ok, how about the one from my column that went up today with everyone on MSNBC citing the Willie Horton ad as an act of racism and the introduction of vicious personal politics.
BEHAR: Oh boy that was really, yes, he was pretty vicious.
COULTER: No. No, no and they keep doctoring what they`re claiming was the Bush ad to make it look like they showed a picture of Willie Horton. Anyone who knows anything about the 1988 campaign knows that George Bush never showed a picture of Willie Horton. They scrubbed and erased from that ad, in fact...
BEHAR: You`re talking about Bush...
COULTER: Right that was 1988.
BEHAR: That was part of his campaign against Dukakis, yes.
COULTER: Correct and it was a fantastic ad. The Furlough Program was unbelievable than letting convicted murders out.
BEHAR: Can`t go down memory lane that far.
COULTER: No, you`re going to start talking back that lies, that is a lie being promoted nightly on MSNBC.
The point is the lies on other stations are so much more egregious, so much more relevant. And you`re disagreeing with a poll because you have another poll that says something different, that isn`t a lie.
BEHAR: Ok, and then what about Karl Rove? This really annoyed me also. Can we get that sound on tape for Karl Rove? He`s spoken out a lot about the fight too. So listen to this. About Fox.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
KARL ROVE, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: If you go out and call an entire news network, you know, out and basically tell the rest of the media don`t emulate them, don`t follow them, don`t be like them or we`re going to attack you too, it`s across the line.
This is an administration that`s getting very arrogant and slippery in its dealings with people and if you dare to oppose them, they`re going to come hard at you and they`re going to cut your legs off.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: That`s really the height of hypocrisy. This is the same guy who went after Valerie Plame out of the CIA agent. And he`s talking about vindictiveness from the left? I mean give me a break? Come on, Ann?
COULTER: No, I`m not following the parallels at all.
BEHAR: I am.
COULTER: ...at all.
BEHAR: ...it`s called vindictive.
COULTER: George Bush was interviewed...
BEHAR: They come hard at you and they`re going to cut your legs off.
COULTER: George Bush was interviewed on CNN by Larry King. He was interviewed by Brian Williams. He was interviewed on all of these stations. He never stood up and said don`t listen to Dan Rather the way the President of the United States tells Congressional Republicans don`t listen to talk radio and Fox News.
BEHAR: I think didn`t he get Dan Rather fired from CBS?
COULTER: Hang on, no Dan Rather got himself fired by running lying slanderous mocked up National Guard documents and treating it as news against the sitting president in a time of war...
BEHAR: Isn`t there a lawsuit around about that...
COULTER: And still, you never saw George Bush saying don`t listen to Dan Rather but then Obama gets his feelings hurt.
BEHAR: Well, you know...
COULTER: And that`s why I think, I tended to agree with what Rove just said there.
BEHAR: Well, of course.
COULTER: At first what he was trying to do, no I mean, about why is the White House doing this? Look, when you have Helen Thomas and all of these liberals saying, wow, this is stupid, there`s -- people are wondering why the White House is doing this.
That`s why I said, at first, I thought it was because it`s not believing; they don`t want Fox always stories being picked up in other places.
BEHAR: So why do you think they`re doing it? Why do you think they are doing it?
COULTER: They make the excellent point that they aren`t picking them up anyway. And Mickey Cal (ph) says, it`s to raise money from the base. I don`t think so where you got money from the base by attacking the Fox.
BEHAR: Well, it might be a distraction from the fact that progressives are on his case about the public option and Afghanistan. Just like Bush used orange alerts to distract us from his shenanigans you know what I mean.
I`ll be back with Ann Coulter after this.
COULTER: Hey, I had more.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: It does offend our values when executives of big financial firms, firms that are struggling, pay themselves huge bonuses even as they rely on taxpayer assistance to stay afloat.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: I`m back with Ann Coulter.
What did you think of the president -- what do you have to say about that getting the money back from Wall Street.
COULTER: I say ha, ha, ha.
BEHAR: To whom?
COULTER: To Wall Street who gave more money than they`ve ever given to a president. I feel about them that I do about all these young college kids who also supported Obama to make a fashion statement and they`re all out of work now.
Enjoy the Obama economy.
Wall Street gave more money to Obama than they have ever given to a presidential candidate. I hope you got to go to nice parties in the Hamptons with this. Now your bonuses are cut.
BEHAR: Don`t you think we should get the money back? It`s my tax money. I want it back.
COULTER: I know. You`re going to get no argument from me. I can`t stand them.
BEHAR: Bush was the one that started the ball rolling when he calls and gave them all that money before he was out of office.
COULTER: It was like that compared to now. And by the way, I was against that. But Obama took it up in a big way with all of his little Goldman friends working for him because Wall Street is joined at the hip with Democrats and somehow Republicans get saddled with defending Wall Street.
They don`t like us, they don`t vote for us. Screw them.
BEHAR: You know what? When we see Republicans, money; that`s how people think.
COULTER: But now, we`re the small businessmen. They`re the money manipulators on Wall Street who do not create anything, who do not make society a better place, who have enormous mansions and they run for governor in New Jersey.
BEHAR: You know what I said today. I said it before but I`ll say it again -- the mob should have given these bailouts. If you put them, who are you going to be afraid of? Timothy Geithner or Frankie (INAUDIBLE); you see my point?
COULTER: That`s good. I vote for you.
BEHAR: Yes, I know you would. Yes.
And did you ever thing about this whole thing is that conservatives say we`re going to turn in to Sweden. What`s wrong with Sweden? I like Sweden. Have you been to Stockholm?
COULTER: Well, they`re a lovely people.
BEHAR: They`re a lovely people and so...
COULTER: It`s kind of a sad, useless little country...
BEHAR: They`re a little bit socialist.
It`s not a sad, useless -- they`re happy there.
COULTER: I don`t think you`re going to count on Sweden to, A, invent pharmaceuticals, B, protect the sea lanes. All the rest of the world has no military because thank you, United States of America, we`re there to protect all of the pip squeak countries.
BEHAR: We`re too good. More wars --
COULTER: You want to count on Sweden for that?
BEHAR: More wars more...
COULTER: But you`re saying -- why do you want to be Sweden?
BEHAR: More military buildup. That`s what we`re supposed to be known for. Great.
COULTER: Pharmaceuticals. You`re not going to have any pharmaceuticals being invented. Democrats have a genetic inability to understand the market -- how things get invented.
Someone is not (INAUDIBLE) -- how much it takes -- it costs to bring a new drug to market. It`s something like $800 million for a new drug. So, yes, you can say once Merck has figured it out, well, I can get those ingredients for $4, why are you selling it to me for $100.
You`re never going to figure out what that drug is. It will be the end of innovation as the head of the patents office said in 1900. Everything that needs to be invented is going to be invented.
BEHAR: God, you just go...
COULTER: I know but I have a lot of information in.
BEHAR: You did. You did. But you know, it`s interesting that you can get a health insurance for Viagra -- you know...
BEHAR: They will pay for Viagra but you will not pay for birth control. Don`t you think that`s interesting?
COULTER: I don`t think they should pay Viagra. I don`t think they should pay for people to have babies. I don`t think they should pay for marriage counseling. I think you should buy catastrophic health insurance which you`re not allowed to do because why -- government intervention.
BEHAR: Why shouldn`t they pay for having babies? We need more consumers. This is a consumer...
COULTER: Why shouldn`t they pay for me to put an addition on my house? Having a baby isn`t...
BEHAR: It stimulates it economy. It puts people to work.
COULTER: And people will stop having children?
BEHAR: Listen. What -- do you want to go back to the 19th century when nobody paid anything and people are on the streets begging. Come on.
COULTER: No, we already have Medicare and Medicaid and the chips program. We have socialism mucking things up and particularly with the restrictions on insurance companies as we discussed the last time.
BEHAR: I want to change the subject now because it`s my show.
I saw a report that said threats against Obama are straining the secret service. What do you think of that? A Newark airport guard was arrested for making threats against the guy. What the hell is going on? Why are there so many threats?
COULTER: I do not -- I mean, I do not know what the evidence is. I would be shocked if there were more threats against Obama than there were against President Bush.
BEHAR: I`m telling you. What is it? Another, I don`t believe the polls? I`m telling you, look at me. Trust what I`m saying.
COULTER: I think they may be more aggressive about investigating it.
BEHAR: No, no, no. He`s getting more threats.
COULTER: As I have not only witnessed in my own life but described and guilty (ph), every presidential assassination or attempted presidential assassination was committed by a left wing loon, communist, anarchist, communitarians. Yes they were or they had no politics at all.
BEHAR: The home-grown terrorists are also another group that we have to worry about.
COULTER: Ok. But they`re all liberals.
BEHAR: They`re liberals? Wait a minute. You can`t make that jump from murderer, terrorists, to liberals. That is an outrageous statement and you know it.
COUTER: Well, it`s all described in "Guilty"; you can go through it. Assassin by assassin by assassin and moreover, you can go to...
BEHAR: They`re not liberals, Ann, they`re murderers, they`re terrorists. Stop it.
COULTER: Right. Ok. But what ideology...
BEHAR: Stop it.
COULTER: They are communists...
BEHAR: They`re communist?
COULTER: Lee Harvey Oswald tried to move to the Soviet Union; he was on his way to Cuba. He was a communist. You have one after another of all of these guys -- so it isn`t good -- it isn`t because Obama is liberal. If something happens to him, it will be moveon.org.
BEHAR: It`s because he`s black. Let`s just say it.
BEHAR: Yes, it is.
COULTER: Well, ok, maybe liberals -- liberals are a little racist.
BEHAR: She says it with a straight face. That`s what I love about her.
COULTER: They are. Would you like examples?
BEHAR: No. I`m -- I don`t want to go in to that. It sounds ridiculous.
COULTER: The New York Times (INAUDIBLE) Charlie Rangel or the Democratic Party treating Governor Paterson?
BEHAR: Charlie Rangel is on the way out. They`re after him too. Don`t worry about it.
COULTER: But that`s what I`m saying. They`re jumping on his case but leaving Chris Dodd alone? They`ll get the head of the DNC...
BEHAR: You act is if the Republicans don`t attack their -- don`t go after their own -- after 100 years. Democrats go after their own at their own pace. The same as the Republicans.
COULTER: If you`re comparing the crimes then put Charlie Rangel within the same universe as what Chris Dodd and Barney Frank have done to...
BEHAR: You`re putting a liberal, Charlie Rangel in the same category as Timothy McVeigh?
BEHAR: That`s what you just said. Terrorists are liberals.
Therefore Charlie Rangel...
COULTER: That was a past discussion, this is a new discussion.
No. You have completely combined conversations to create a Frankenstein`s monster.
BEHAR: Do you think you`re the only one who`s allowed to confuse the discussion?
COULTER: Liberals are racists and my evidence of that is how liberals are going after Charlie Rangel but not Chris Dodd. The way they go after Governor Paterson and the way they treated Roland Burris.
BEHAR: They should go after Karl Rove or Valerie Plame. They should go after Cheney for what he said.
COULTER: He did not make Donna Brazile the head of the DNC. They said Howard Dean will take the wasp in the green pants. Donna Brazile is one of the smartest members of the Democratic Party. And I don`t think most Democrats are smart. She is a smart woman. She had just won Gore`s campaign; she isn`t made head of the DNC.
BEHAR: When we come back, I want to talk about George Bush then we`ll see who`s smart. Back with Ann Coulter in just a second.
BEHAR: I`m back with one of the very few blond conservative women I know.
I just heard that President Bush is about to get a new gig as a motivational speaker. And let`s look at some of the material.
COULTER: Oh, boy.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GEORGE W. BUSH, FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Our enemies are innovative and resourceful. And so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people and neither do we.
We`ve got issue in America -- too many good docs are getting out of business. Too many OB-GYNs are not able to practice their love with women all across this country.
Teach a child to read and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.
If you`re a single mother with 2 children which is the toughest job in America as far as I`m concern, you`re working hard to put food on this family.
Families is where this nation finds hope, where wings take dream.
There`s an old saying in Tennessee -- I know in Texas -- fool me once, shame on -- shame on you. Fool me, you can`t get fooled again.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: He`s funny -- he should be a comedian. Him being a motivational speaker is like Mark Sanford being a family therapist. It doesn`t work. What do you think of all of this?
COULTER: Despite the total tendentiousness of that little clip, I will admit, he`s not our strongest speaker and that kind of hurt the Republican Party. We need a good speaker since -- except for Fox News, the entire media is against us.
BEHAR: The victimization, don`t go there.
COULTER: It`s very important to have someone like Reagan who can speak and Republicans feel that most of all right now.
BEHAR: Reagan could not really speak without a script. And his whole rhetoric was so simple -- tear down this wall, Gorbachev is like, ok, he said to tear down the wall. Let me tear it down. I mean...
COULTER: No, what happened was cheers went up across the wall in East Germany and in a matter of years, it went down.
BEHAR: Believe me, it was Gorbachev`s work not Reagan saying "Tear down this wall."
COULTER: This is covered in treason.
BEHAR: I know when you talk about the Saint Ronald Reagan, the right gets very, very...
BEHAR: She`s almost in tears.
COULTER: No, when you talk about Ronald Reagan -- to the contrary, when Reagan or Palin or I guess Bush comes up, I think you`re the ones who need to go into the therapy. I don`t know if it`s motivational speaking but you do need the therapy on the three of them.
As for motivational speaking, I think motivational speaking is kind of moronic and stupid and someone who maybe listened to a little too much motivational speaking...
BEHAR: Was who?
COULTER: That girl Huntley who just -- sending the letters to the ESPN guy -- you know, all of that was about how I`m really motivated and I have the ambition and I can do anything in life. Maybe had too much of the motivational speaking.
What is motivational about Bush is what he can say, not necessarily the pretty language or the idiotic things that you normally get at motivational speaking sections.
BEHAR: I mean, come on.
COULTER: What? That`s you`re argument -- come on.
BEHAR: What`s he going to say? What can he say? Nothing perks me up like invading a country? What`s the motivation? What`s he going to say?
COULTER: He defended America.
BEHAR: Can he even be motivational?
He may have finally learned how to say nuclear. Laura Bush must want...
COULTER: That was a weird thing.
BEHAR: She must be like, "It`s nuclear, you idiot."
COULTER: He wasn`t the only one. Jimmy Carter can`t say it. I think it maybe a southern thing.
BEHAR: My friends hate it when you`re on the show. But I love it.
Thanks for coming. I appreciate it. Seriously. Sincerely.
COULTER: Hey, we`re putting that on a clip. I want a clip of Behar mispronouncing...
BEHAR: I`m not the president of the United States.
COULTER: Neither is George Bush, so just back off.
BEHAR: But he was.
BEHAR: Here`s some stunning news another man in a powerful position has admitted to an affair with a younger assistant -- I know, I was shocked too. OK, this time the cheater is ESPN Analyst Steve Phillips. But what makes this affair extra tabloid friendly is that his 22-year-old mistress has apparently watched fatal attraction one too many times. So hide that rabbit, kids. Joining me to talk about men and the ambitious younger women who love them are comedian Nick Depalo, Lauren Lake, attorney and author of " Girl Let Me Tell You" and the author of "Divorce Sucks." Mary Jo Eustace. Welcome everyone OK.
BEHAR: So this guy has an affair with a young woman then she breaks it off. And she goes to his house. Listen to the 911 call from his wife Marney-
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
OPERATOR: Wilton 9-1-1, what`s your emergency?
PHILLIPS: Please come to (beep) I have a crazy woman who is involved with my husband and she has come to my house to harm me and my children.
OPERATOR: OK, ma`am is she outside?
PHILLIPS: She`s pulling to my door right now, she`s in a blue Prius, she just pulled past me.
OPERATOR: OK, so you`re.
PHILLIPS: She`s pulling down my driveway on (beep) street, It`s a blue car, it`s a blue sedan.
OPERATOR: OK, I`m sending officers right now, what`s your name again?
PHILLIPS: Please hurry!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: OK, It`s scary. But isn`t this is what happens when you fool around with a 22-year-old girl and you`re 30 years older or whatever he is.
LAUREN LAKE, LAWYER AND AUTHOR: It`s a real love story.
NICK DEPALO, COMEDIAN: She`s a wacky environmentalist, she drives a Prius. A left wing nut case.
BEHAR: I mean what is this guy thinking?
DEPALO: I don`t know, she`s very, very unattractive.
BEHAR: Well that is that irrelevant?
DEPALO: Wait a minute.
BEHAR: He`s not thinking.
MARY JO EUSTACE, AUTHOR: Well that is interesting. It is interesting. It`s a good point. His wife is a real babe. And you know, 22-year-old -- I don`t want to say anything derogatory, it`s always interesting when you meet the other woman because she`s not quite what you expect.
LAKE: Never are.
BEHAR: You know what this reminds me of, King -- Prince Charles. He drops Diana, the beauty, and he goes with -
DEPALO: Horse face.
BEHAR: The Rottweiler that she use to call her-
LAKE: These guys are not thinking.
BEHAR: I just saying -- I`m quoting what -
LAKE: You know, they`re not thinking.
DEPALO: It`s a different part of the body.
LAKE: You get a little money, a little power, a little success, he`s halfway decent looking. It`s a recipe for infidelity in many cases. And it`s unfortunate, 22 years old.
EUSTACE: How unfortunate.
LAKE: 22 years old?
DEPALO: Oh I love this argument from women.
LAKE: 22 years old DEPALO: I love this argument from women. I mean 22, she`s so young. You guys don`t drool over young guys.
LAKE: Look I married a young guy. My husband is ten years younger than me - that`s not the point.
EUSTACE: I married a hot guy and he left me. I`m married to a hot young guy -- so I`m going for an old 90-year-old billionaire.
DEPALO: Emotional needs.
EUSTACE: Thank you.
BEHAR: Let me tell you - it`s - she contacts it 16-year-old son, this crazy girl on e-mail. She poses as a teenager when she does that. Asks questions about the parents` relationship, and it`s now being reported that she hired a stalker through Craig`s list to harass Phillips` wife. OK?
DEPALO: You can hire stalkers?
LAKE: He didn`t know the gun was loaded.
DEPALO: I`m doing my own work.
LAKE: You`re terrible.
DEPALO: Been hiding in bushes.
LAKE: But really you don`t know what you`re getting.
BEHAR: All right look at this picture of them from "The New York Post." look at the picture? Have it. We will get it. There it is. He posed with her. He`s a moron.
EUSTACE: Clearly - She`s mentally a little off, right?
BEHAR: This picture was not a setup.
LAKE: She definitely is two sandwiches short of the picnic however - she wants creditable enough to get a job at his network.
DEPALO: Yea I wonder how she gets an interview.
(CROSSTALK) LAKE: But she was there.
EUSTACE: As an intern, but did you read the letter?
DEPALO: Jack Black.
BEHAR: I`m going to read you part of the letter, she writes, I maybe only 22, but I`m not stupid. To top it off, Steve has a big birthmark on his crotch --
DEPALO: That`s not true.
BEHAR: Wait a minute -- which part? How do you know that? And he has big birthmark on his crotch right above his penis and one on his inner left thigh so you know I`m not being fake. That is -
LAKE: No you are being disgusting.
EUSTACE: But you know what`s really interesting about that she did the whole letter. She said, I want to -- hi, it`s just writing you, the wife, to let you know I -- I`m having an affair with your husband. And it`s serious because we`re not just having sex in parking lots and you know by the way your last two kids were just because he`s guilty over bad affairs. And just in case you don`t think we`re talking about the same guy, let me describe his crotch. I mean this is just bizarre.
BEHAR: That was - wait a second -- that`s how Paula Jones got Clinton in trouble in the first place when he was the Governor of Arkansas. Remember that?
BEHAR: She identifies genitalia and that led to the impeachment case.
LAKE: But at the same time when will these men learn? Now she`s written a letter, put it in the house.
DEPALO: Will you quit acting like we`re wired the same, men and women. We`re totally different.
DEPALO: Are we pigs and dogs are aren`t we?
LAKE: No, no, no, the point is that you guys -- we are wired differently. So I don`t know what your beef is with me. But I`ll tell you my beef with men -- my beef with men who continually cheat but expect sometimes there`s going to be a ramification. Now this girl is a nut case. Granted, however, the same time, when are you going to learn?
EUSTACE: No but you know --.
LAKE: No I`m not talking about you.
BEHAR: One at a time please otherwise everyone -
EUSTACE: Hold on a second, that argument just doesn`t go. I`m sorry it doesn`t --Men are pigs, yes. I`ve had some experience.
LAKE: No, but not all of them.
EUSTACE: But some men are pigs, you know, present company -you`re a lovely man and I talked to you in the green room just before you hit me.
DEPALO: Thank you very much.
EUSTACE: You`re lovely. But, listen, you -- this woman is 22 years old -- women going into the field. They like getting hooked one powerful men. Clearly she`s mentally off, you know off. But you can`t blame it on the men. These women are inclusive.
LAKE: You guys are missing my point completely. What I`m saying is that once you make the vow and you`re married to someone -- I`m not yelling, I`m passionate. Once you make the vow to someone and you`re married, all I`m saying is don`t you owe the duty and care to your wife to not cheat - that`s my point. If you`re not -
BEHAR: Let him talk.
DEPALO: Can I ask a question? I mean, history of show business, has it never been a famous woman who cheated on her husband? Where`s that story? Would you even cover it?
LAKE: We`re not doing that now.
DEPALO: We live --
BEHAR: Did you hear that? We`re not doing that right now.
DEPALO: I know but I`m making a nice argument.
BEHAR: Next segment.
DEPALO: Would you cover that story if that happen, Joy?
BEHAR: But don`t you think that married men should pay attention to this type of story, remember Fatal Attraction?
DEPALO: We know, we learn this stuff in high school.
BEHAR: A lot of women say that their husbands calmed down after they saw that movie.
LAKE: For good reason.
BEHAR: You remember that movie?
EUSTACE: The interesting thing about this movie about this whole argument about cheating. Michael Douglas had this swanky great life, this hot wife this great apartment-
BEHAR: Michael Douglas, the actor?
EUSTACE: Yea in Fatal Attraction,
BEHAR: Oh in the movie. I`m sorry - I didn`t mean to do that, I thought in real life.
EUSTACE: But he had this perfect wife. All of a sudden, one weekend the wife went away up north. And he was like you know, I`m just going to - here`s an opportunity, I`m going to take it. And he`s presumably happily married and he thought he could get away with it. That`s why he did it.
BEHAR: Well I mean you saw the Letterman case even Jimmy Kimmel is going out with someone on staff. But he`s not married. So we`re not getting too upset with him. It was not a guy. Letterman wasn`t worried when he was fooling around. But he was in a committed relationship for 23 years while he was doing it. What is it about men? Why do they feel that they can risk everything in their personal lives with their wives for a few minutes of nookie? Why?
DEPALO: You`re assuming first of all it`s a risk -- how did you know that Letterman - how do you know the wife didn`t cut a deal with Letterman? You can do whatever you want. Some people do this -- you can do whatever you want, if you`re going to make $40 million a year and I can live like a queen, I`ll turn a blind eye to you. Are you going to tell me that that doesn`t happen?
BEHAR: That is so cynical -
LAKE: Because they can.
DEPALO: Yea you`re right, I just made that up.
EUSTACE: No but that would be interesting because of the interesting correlation for that is John Edwards. He was running for president. And clearly he had an affair and probably an illegitimate child and he thought he could pull it off.
LAKE: I think it`s the ego. It`s ego but at the same time, if you don`t know who you`re with and you don`t know -
DEPALO: Oh, please. Nothing to do with ego.
BEHAR: I want to hear from the men. I want to hear. What is the motivation. He`s telling us.
DEPALO: It an itch that needs to be scratched. It`s nothing to do with ego. And yea - I`m not proud of -- it`s stupid what he did. But men are risk takers. Are we not?
LAKE: So it has nothing to do with ego.
DEPALO: It`s more risk than women.
BEHAR: But how come he gets so ticked off when the wife does it. The men then they go crazy if the wife is having an affair. Which doesn`t happen as often as men -
DEPALO: Well what do you mean? Who goes crazy?
BEHAR: The men
LAKE: Their egos are injured and -
DEPALO: The men go crazy when -- when they`re married and is a custody suit and they lose their kids because all of the laws benefit the life in this situation. That`s when they go nuts!
BEHAR: So you say -
LAKE: Men go crazy. They cheat all the time.
DEPALO: I live in a parallel universe here, everything I`ve said is a lie.
BEHAR: How long were you marry, Nick?
DEPALO: 6 or 22 years. One or the other.
BEHAR: Well -
DEPALO: 6 years. But I`ve been with her for 15.
BEHAR: 15 years. What if she was having an affair on the side?
DEPALO: She would be doing me a favor at this point. No, I`m kidding. I`d say, look, don`t put it on youtube. I don`t know? What do you want me?
LAKE: You don`t care at this point.
DEPALO: Of course it would make me nuts.
LAKE: Well, you just agree with what you said we were - come on, now.
BEHAR: I have a feeling that you can`t even imagine it happening.
DEPALO: My wife? It`s baloney. I can. I picture it every night.
EUSTACE: Well she lives with him. She knows. But, listen, can I ask you a question, Nick, you are the expert here.
BEHAR: Okay, we have to go. You can ask him off camera. Thanks to my panel. By the way, the very funny Nick Depaulo will be at the Houston improv at October 29 through November1. Back with the legendary Gore Vidal in just a minute, what a show, what a show!
BEHAR: This man once said once that his greatest achievement was not killing anyone. Let`s hope that doesn`t change tonight. I`ve been an admirer of his for years, celebrated essayist, novelist, playwright, satirist. We don`t have enough space on the prompter to fill in everything that this guy has done. His new memoir is titled "Gore Vidal snapshots in history`s glare". Welcome to the show. It`s a pleasure to have you on the show.
GORE VIDAL: It`s a joy to me, Joy, to be on your show.
BEHAR: Now, I started with you wanted to kill somebody. You have anybody in mind right now?
VIDAL: Yes. Of course I do. Nobody present.
BEHAR: Nobody present that`s good.
VIDAL: We have to go to the district of Columbia where I go to work to cleanse the Republic.
BEHAR: OK so you don`t want to name names?
VIDAL: No, I won`t name names.
BEHAR: All right. Now let`s talk about -- I`ll name a couple of names. Barack Obama.
VIDAL: I like him. I wish he knew more about the United States because I was for Hillary at the beginning on the grounds she knew how to be President. Having sort of done the job as a spouse. And -- and I realized that he`s to intelligence for the job.
BEHAR: Obama is --
VIDAL: Well of course. The worst educated population of any first world country. And I hope you`re listening and I hope you know that your lack of education is the joke of the world. It`s not a very nice joke.
BEHAR: You`re talking to the Americans now.
VIDAL: The Americans, yeah.
BEHAR: Do they make fun of us in Italy where you lived for all those years?
VIDAL: No, cause Italians are kind.
BEHAR: But I think you have a point. He`s a little too smart for the country in a certain way. I mean after Bush, I don`t know if the country could take the shock of such a smart guy.
VIDAL: Well he didn`t. What happened was, for the first time the American people are people. We`re listening on primetime to a President of the United States duly elected officially, anyway -- duly elected president who is speaking as one intelligent, well-educated man to his fellows. Well, they never heard anyone like that.
Now since I`m president, you got that. I`m a wartime president. And he`s marching along there. And let me tell you, if we don`t fight them over here, we`re going to have to fight them here. I`m all for fighting them right here at that moment, you know? But I couldn`t jump into the screen fast enough to kill him off. That`s one murder that I missed not committing. yeah, too late anyway.
BEHAR: Yes well, it`s too late anyway.
BEHAR: So Obama, the other thing about him is he`s always trying to be bipartisan. You know?
VIDAL: It don`t work.
BEHAR: It`s not working.
VIDAL: No. And I think he realized it`s not working. And feels like he`s been President, you know, since McKinley. And I wish him well. And he comes up with nice ideas. But this health care thing has me in knots. My brain is in knots. Well when I think about it I can --
BEHAR: It does?
VIDAL: I don`t know what it means.
BEHAR: None of us understand it.
VIDAL: No I think it`s to our credit that we don`t. I mean we aren`t working for the banks that we got - what was this $700 trillion or something?
VIDAL: From the previous Administration? Which was, god, they were generous to a fault.
BEHAR: Oh they loved to give money to the rich in this country.
VIDAL: Oh well the rich deserve the money. You see, if you`re a Protestant, I suspect you might be catholic -- we Protestants Italians are Protestants and Protestants firmly believe if you`re a good person, you`re rich.
VIDAL: If you`re a poor person, you`re poor.
BEHAR: And you deserve to be -
VIDAL: Otherwise, God wouldn`t have made you that way.
BEHAR: That`s right. That`s Calvinism.
VIDAL: Oh, honey, I knew you`d drop his name. Are you still dating him?
BEHAR: No. You know what he -- he wasn`t that good in bed.
VIDAL: Well, I don`t know, everybody swore by him. But Washington and the old days. But it`s the new regime now.
BEHAR: Last night at the Y -- or the night before whenever it was, it was interesting. We were talking about comedy cause you`re very funny and you`re a satirist. And I`m in the comedy business myself even though you can`t tell from this interview.
VIDAL: I can tell.
BEHAR: Anyway, you said something interesting. You said comedy is cruel. Now, that would make Dick Cheney funny. And he`s not.
VIDAL: Well come on, Vice President of the United States, a working sadist? Who`s trying to get more prisons to lock up people to give them the water treatment? I mean come on. I can`t think of any higher comedy that we`ve had.
BEHAR: It`s a riot, all right.
VIDAL: Wow. That`s about as funny as it gets, you know?
BEHAR: And so, that`s -- the other thing I want to ask you, so many things I could stay here all day. But you -- you have a long-time partner, Howard - I read you said the secret to the success of the relationship was no sex.
VIDAL: Well of course.
VIDAL: I thought it was clear.
BEHAR: I`m not sure if it petered out like everybody else`s.
VIDAL: We were virgins.
BEHAR: That`s a platonic relationship. No? Or do you call it a love match?
VIDAL: Well I never knew what Plato was up to. We only have his word for it.
BEHAR: So, that`s interesting. So you were able to really stay together, because there was none of that sexual jealousy going on.
VIDAL: Oh no.
BEHAR: None of that.
VIDAL: Imagine being jealous of anybody over sex of all things?
BEHAR: It happens all the time.
VIDAL: I know it does which reminds you if you just go out into the street and grab something passing by - you know you`re just off because you were -
BEHAR: That`s true
VIDAL: Because you were there looking out.
BEHAR: That`s a good point. And I presume from that, that you`re not interested in gay marriage in any way, it doesn`t interest you?
VIDAL: Oh, no. Both put me to sleep.
BEHAR: Okay. We`ll have more with refreshingly and brutally candid Gore Vidal coming up.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
VIDAL: I don`t think that novel it`s our tradition anymore. I think our tradition now has shifted in my life time we were at the center stage novelist. Poets have been pushed out there to one side. In my lifetime, I`ve watched the novelists being push off to the periphery and what do we have at the center, we have the film auteur. Which is one of the most ridiculous expressions on earth because of the movie culture.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
I happen to believe that the United States policy is wrong in Vietnam and the Vietcong are correct in wanting to organize their own way politically. This happens to be pretty much the opinion of Western Europe and many other parts of the world. It is the novelty in Chicago that is too bad, but I assume that it is the point of the American Democracy --
Shut up a minute.
No, I won`t.
Some people were Nazi, and I`m for ostracizing people that egg on other people to shoot American marines and American soldiers.
Listen, stop calling me a Nazi. You [bleep ] you stay plastered.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: So you got along nicely with him?
VIDAL: He was all girl.
BEHAR: You know, after he died, you said, "I thought hell is bound to be a livelier place as he joins those who applauded their prejudices and signing their hatred." You didn`t like this guy, did you?
VIDAL: No, I didn`t.
BEHAR: Before we go, first of all I love the book. It`s beautiful. Everyone should buy this book. It has beautiful pictures of you and your family and your mother, who I read that you really loved your mother.
VIDAL: Just an adorable person, yeah. I saw that little boy, the one in the balloon -- no, I will not talk about him. But the balloon boy. And he`s giving an interview afterwards and he can`t stop throwing up.
BEHAR: I know.
VIDAL: Well, I was like that, not at 6, but at 10 years old. Every time I had to -- my mother was a mad woman, and she was raging all the time. And happily she was drunk most of the time. And I can remember every time I had to say something to her, which was not very often, if I could help it. I would start vomiting
VIDAL: Yes. If she were a modern mother, she might have said, there`s something wrong here.
BEHAR: But she didn`t?
VIDAL: No, she changed the cook. Who was actually quite good.
BEHAR: Okay, there`s one more quote I want to run by you. This is something that I read a long time ago, from Da Vinci and it always keeps me thinking, maybe it won`t be so bad after I`m dead because he said " a well spent day" - just says "a well spent day brings a happy sleep. So a well spent life brings a happy death." And I thought what a great thing to believe. Do you believe that?
VIDAL: Well, we have an old Italian expression for it in Italy. It means, he`s just whistling dixie.
BEHAR: So much for the great Da Vinci.
VIDAL: Lenny was cool.
BEHAR: Lenny was something. Thanks for doing this with me. I always enjoy watching you. I interviewed you years ago on the radio. You told me last night I looked different on the radio. That was good.
VIDAL: Superb while you were there. I thought just wise.
BEHAR: OK thanks everybody for joining me tonight. And thank you for watching. Everybody, good night and good luck. Who said that?
VIDAL: Edward R. Morrow.
BEHAR: Oh, yes.