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Tiger in the Rough; Perez Hilton`s Bloggywood

Aired December 3, 2009 - 21:00:00   ET


JOY BEHAR, HLN HOST: Tonight on THE Joy BEHAR SHOW Tiger Woods` problems grow as three women now say they have played the front nine. Can Tiger chip his way out of this bunker or is his career going down the hole? We will discuss.

Then we`ll go from Tiger to catty -- meow -- as Perez Hilton the uber blogger who has turned gossip into a contact sport joins me.

And are there two funnier words in the English language than Martin Short? I think not. Jiminy Glick himself will join me.

All this and more starting now.

Tiger Woods, what a cheater. More women are being linked to the fairway philanderer so does that mean that the billionaire golfer may end up having to spend more money to keep his wife by his side?

Joining me to discuss this are Ashley Banfield, legal analyst; Jim Norton, a comedian who can be heard every morning on the Opie and Anthony Radio Show; plus Gerald Posner, chief investigative reporter for "The Daily Beast".

Hey Gerald, let me start with you, because you know all about this pre-nup that is being presented now, and tell us what that is.

GERALD POSNER, "THE DAILY BEAST": Yes, you know, Joy, you said it, the checkbook is open and Tiger is trying to do anything he can to save the marriage. So he`s not only sitting down for counseling for the last three days. That`s the beginning of it together with his wife.

But the pre-nup said when they got married five years ago, ten years you stay together, you get $20 million and that is what Elin would walk away with if the marriage ended. And now he is giving her a $5 million what some lawyers derisively call a signing bonus. And she can get that now if she decides to stay and the pre-nup will go from ten years to seven. They have been married for five and in another two years it is vested and then she will get $55 million instead of $20, but it would vest each year for 5 years. So the longer she stays, and she has to stay a full seven years from the day to get four times what she was promised in 2004.

But let me tell you, from everything that I hear, this is also a woman who really truly was caught by surprise, is humiliate and outraged and she`s considering the kids. The money is clearly a factor, but I don`t think that alone is the reason that she may decide to stay.

BEHAR: Doesn`t it make her look worse though if she stays for money?

POSNER: Clearly. But I don`t think, you know -- none of us make any decision for one reason. If you move to a city for a new job or decide you`re getting married to somebody, people say why you are moving to that city. It`s not necessarily whether it might be money or it might be opportunities, there is a whole bunch of factors.

So I clearly think that if she decides to stay, it is for the kids in large part, there`s no doubt about that. And remember, she is a wife who did not become a celebrity, herself. She did not go on QVC and Hawk Jewelry lines or makeup. She didn`t write books. She didn`t go on the lecture circuit. She doesn`t trot her kids out in front of the paparazzi like Tom Cruise does with Suri. So she`s been very quiet.

She is sort of the model mother and spouse. And now all of a sudden, her life has changed. Guess what? She walks out the door now, she knows she is the subject of paparazzi for a while; they want pictures of her and the kids. She has to decide if she wants to stay in that relationship.

BEHAR: Ok. What do you guys think? She is 29, she`s beautiful; she`s got a life ahead of her. Should she stay with her or not?

JIM NORTON, COMEDIAN: Well, this is how repulsive the country is. The way they`re talking about the divorce -- it`s like she has the same agent as Derek Jeter. It`s like well, if she stays 5 more years, she`s going to be -- arbitration. It is just despicable. She is staying, she`s not -- why, she`s with him because he is the best golfer on earth.

Clinton`s wife didn`t leave...

BEHAR: That`s not a reason to stay with someone if you can hit a ball into the hole.

NORTON: Sure it is. That`s as long as she`s with him. What do you think? She`s not banging Jackie Mason (ph) from "Caddieshack 2."

BEHAR: Maybe she should.

NORTON: I`m the best.

BEHAR: What do you think Ashleigh?

ASHLEIGH BANFIELD, LEGAL ANALYST: I think that a woman who is at the core of a tabloid story like this and a woman who looks like she does -- let`s not forget she`s pretty easy on the eyes -- will have no problem landing herself, allow herself for an attorney -- a divorce attorney or somebody who can really take this guy to the cleaners.

Pre-nup or not, she holds a lot of cards right now. Don`t think she doesn`t. She knows stories that no one else knows. She knows things that Tiger doesn`t want anyone to know. So that pre-nup could be worth nothing that the paper it is written on at this point if he doesn`t want what she knows to get out.

BEHAR: Gerald, what does she know? What does she know?

POSNER: Joy, that`s the key. I`ll tell you.

You know, what Ashleigh just said is wonderful because one of the things that is being negotiated right now that the agents and sort of what I call the Tiger camp have presented to her is in part of the new pre-nup that would give her more money is also a very clear clause; sort of a non- disclosure agreement that she would not be able to tell or sell her story in the future.

And so what they don`t want is even if she went to court, even if she lost on the basis of the pre-nup, that is the last thing that Nike and Gatorade and the rest of the sponsors spending who are $92 million a year in contracts with him want. They don`t want a messy divorce battle. They don`t want it in court. They`d rather have this it wrapped up very, very easy, and if one of those big sponsors gets wobbly knees, Tiger Inc. is going to start to get nervous.

And by the way, may I`m just naive about this, for somebody who`s been married for 25 years, but I actually think that she did marry him because she loved him. Maybe it is naive but I think that...

BEHAR: She probably did.

BANFIELD: Who wouldn`t love that guy?

NORTON: He is a very handsome guy. That`s why -- of course, that`s not why she married him.

Hillary Clinton stayed with Bill because he is a powerful guy. Spitzer`s wife stayed with him; she`s going to stay with him simply -- A, he`s got money but B, because of who he is. There is an association of being with the best on earth or something.

BANFIELD: But don`t we fall in love with people for what they are and what they become and what they have the potential to become as well?

NORTON: Yes, it`s the motivation for success for men. That`s why we -- I am only a comic, so I could not get laid in high school.

BEHAR: Well, the pro golfer who introduced Tiger and his wife chimed in. Listen to this.


JESPER PARNEVIK, PROFESSIONAL GOLFER: Well, especially sad about it, since I`m kind of feeling sorry for Elin, since, me and my wife are at fault hooking her up with him, and we thought he is a better guy than he is then. I would probably just have to apologize to her, and hope she uses a driver next time than a three-iron I would say.


BEHAR: Do you think the golf world is turning on Tiger?


BEHAR: Not yet. Not yet.

He has made the whole sports sexier than it has ever been. Golf is a boring sport.

BANFIELD: Listen, he brought single-handedly a demographic to that sport that heretofore had never considered watching golf and you watch now what the ratings will be the first time he walks out on the link. This guy is going to bring an even bigger demographic after all this.

BEHAR: Go ahead Gerald.

POSNER: That is true. But I actually am working on a story that I hope to have out tomorrow about sex, groupies and golf. And I must tell you, from a couple of days of reporting on this, I guess that we all assumed and I did as well that golf was sort of this middle aged and boring sport and didn`t have any of the people that would chase Mick Jagger at a rock concert or chase an NBA player or whatever else and they may not leave a trail of children in each and every city and unpaid child support. And they don`t necessarily go to the stripper clubs and photograph the next morning in the "National Enquirer".

But there is a built-in sort of groupies that follow the golfers from city to city. They`re crazy frat boy stories inside the clubhouse...

BEHAR: It`s typical of sports, isn`t it?


BANFIEDL: Sure, I once had a crush on Arnold Palmer.

BEHAR: Let`s talk about some of the mistresses. TMZ caught one of the rumored mistresses out in L.A. last night. Let`s look at that.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Did you think you`re the only girl?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We are just having a good night out.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So what did Tiger`s wife -- what did you and Tiger`s wife talk about?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I`m not making any comment.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Is there anything you would like to say to us, though? The curiosity, the rumors...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What made you show your co-workers the voice mails?


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What do you think of your newfound fame?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It`s overwhelming.


BEHAR: She is so strangely reticent, isn`t she suddenly? Extremely demure.

BANFIELD: Yes, that was not a "no comment". That was a "no comment".

BEHAR: Well, TMZ reported that Tiger and Uchitel, the one in the middle talked last night about a possible money deal to keep her quiet.

NORTON: And that is why prostitution is great, and I really have spent most of my adult life patronizing them. And that`s why because you pay up front not afterwards when the cameras go off.

BANFIELD: I thought I recognized you.

NORTON: Yes. I think...

BEHAR: Oh, that wasn`t Uchitel? Not Uchitel. That was the other one -- Jaimee Grubbs -- I`m sorry. I made a mistake.

But Uchitel and Tiger are having a talk. Go ahead, I`m sorry.

POSNER: Well, I mean look at it, Gloria Allred is nobody shy in front of a camera...

BEHAR: Right. She`s with Gloria.

POSNER: She`s ready to hold that press -- right -- Gloria is there ready to hold the conferences. Suddenly they cancelled because of, quote, "changed circumstances".

Let me tell you they are talking to Tiger and Tiger has that checkbook open. Whether something was paid or not, I don`t know but this is -- he can`t pay for every girl he has slept with in the last few years. It seems to me.

And the key is what you said, Joy, when you used the plural, mistresses. Because that`s the problem I think that`s getting his wife. This isn`t one affair eight years ago. During her second pregnancy, he was evidently, according to one of the girls having an affair with her for 18 months.

This is the type of material that has to send a wife absolutely over the edge, even a 29-year-old.

BEHAR: But there`s a bunch of them. There`s a bunch of them. Maybe he should just come out and say he is a sex addict like some of them and get off the hook?

BANFIELD: Well, you know, I`ll only disagree with that comment because I think he can afford actually to pay off anybody he slept with the last few years.

POSNER: You might be right. Yes, it could be.

BANFIELD: I do believe he can, and I think he`d be wise to, as well, because it is awful when it comes out in dribs and drabs. This is a man who...

BEHAR: Letterman could have done it, but he didn`t.

BANFIELD: Well, he was mad, I think, at that one, too. That was a dirty, possible criminal activity and I think he had had it with that guy. There was a different motivation though.

And I do think that the sports writers who have covered Tiger for the last ten years and more have said there is no one in the business who is more reticent and more private. He named his yacht "Privacy." There is nobody more private than Tiger Woods and he wants to stay that way

BEHAR: Really? Well, we`ll see. Thanks to my panel.

Up next, Perez Hilton stops by to dish on all the celebrity juice of the day. Stick around.



UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Mr. and Mrs. Salahi.


BEHAR: The party crashers are in the news again and here to give us the low-down on these two (INAUDIBLE) and some other juicy celebrity tidbits is celebrity blogger and author of "Perez Hilton`s True Bloggywood Stories: The glamorous life of feeding, cheating and overdosing," Perez Hilton. Greetings.


BEHAR: Perez, these guys are going to -- they`re going to really parlay this into something big, aren`t they?

HILTON: I hope so. I think that they should do a reality show with balloon boy and his family.

BEHAR: Why? What, just float off together somewhere?

HILTON: No, they can try to outdo each other each week.

BEHAR: Don`t people like you and I guess me, too, and the media give these people exactly what they want, which is attention.

HILTON: We need them, because the celebrities have become boring. So I need someone to talk about.

BEHAR: What do you mean, they`d become boring?

HILTON: Well, you know, people like Brad and Angelina are happy. Even Paris Hilton have got a boyfriend and not getting arrested anymore.

BEHAR: Oh, it`s so tedious.

HILTON: She is boring. I want crazy people.

BEHAR: You know, if she is as you say that, she could have to be talked off of a ledge. The last thing Paris Hilton wants to be known as is boring.

HILTON: I think she`s happy to be boring now, she is pushing 30.

BEHAR: Oh, so it is over.

HILTON: She`s growing up.

BEHAR: It`s over for Paris.

HILTON: Actually, you know what I find refreshing? I love the whole "Real Housewives" phenomenon, because it shows older women being on TV and successful.

BEHAR: By older women, you mean what, 40?


BEHAR: How old are you?

HILTON: I`m 31. Older, I didn`t say, old woman.

BEHAR: Older than you.


BEHAR: What about Tiger, Tiger Woods the story is getting hotter now.

HILTON: I live for that because it was so unexpected.


HILTON: You know, he had this image before of being Mr. Goody Two Shoes and no flaws...

BEHAR: No more.

HILTON: ... and now it is like, how many chicks is he banging all over the country.

BEHAR: And we don`t even know how many are coming out?

HILTON: Maybe a dude or two as well.

BEHAR: It reminds me of the Clinton years when there were all the bimbo eruptions. Do you remember that?

HILTON: Who knows? Those golf clubs can be used for many things.

BEHAR: Oh, my God. I don`t want to go there. I`m not going there.

HILTON: Is this the guard of -- all right. I went there. I go there.

BEHAR: But you know the thing about Clinton is that he was the president...

HILTON: I was talking about bashing the back seat of the window, but I don`t know what you all were thinking.

BEHAR: Oh, don`t worry about it, the dirty minds will stay in their places.


BEHAR: But -- but my question is, I wanted to just make the point that Clinton was the president at the time, this guy is a golfer and he`s private citizen. Why should we have to ruin his life and his wife`s life also with all the media attention?

HILTON: I don`t think it will ruin his life.

BEHAR: Do you think it`s going to make him more famous?

HILTON: The only setback that he will suffer as a result of this is he might lose some endorsements, but he probably won`t. And at this point, he is so rich, who cares?

BEHAR: Well, people just like to keep working. They don`t want to stop working just because they have money.

HILTON: Well, it won`t affect his game unless he lets it affect his game.

BEHAR: It could affect his game, he could be very nervous and anxious and you know that`s very precise what he does.


BEHAR: That he won`t be able to -- what about the mistresses? Do you think that they`re going to be famous like Ashley Dupre, Spitzer`s (INAUDIBLE)? She did really well.

HILTON: She did well enough but she missed the boat on that one, because she was getting all of these offers to appear naked...


HILTON: ... she passed on them and now...


HILTON: ... we are not really talking about her.

BEHAR: Why did she pass?

HILTON: I think maybe she was holding out for too high of a price and then her opportunity left.

So, one of these girls was on a reality show I think called "Tool Box" or something really ridiculous.

BEHAR: Yes, "Tool Box."

HILTON: I think she...

BEHAR: It`s true.

HILTON: She sees this opportunity; I would be shocked if I didn`t see her cashing in on this left and right.

BEHAR: So you...

HILTON: And in fact, she probably already got paid.


HILTON: She probably got paid to talk to "US Weekly."

BEHAR: Well, she did probably.


BEHAR: But we don`t know yet. All the story is not out yet, but I mean, wouldn`t it be kind of dumping him to go after a girl who is working for something called "Tool Box." I mean you thought he had a brain in his head?

HILTON: They had before then...

BEHAR: Before she was involved with "Tool Box."

HILTON: Apparently there are men in Las Vegas at some club and he was probably drunk and when you`re drunk, you do foolish things a lot of the time.

BEHAR: Yes, like send 100 text messages.

HILTON: I love those text messages, too.

BEHAR: Let`s talk about Meredith Baxter who announced this morning on "The Today Show" that she is gay. Watch.


MEREDITH BAXTER, FAMILY TIES STAR: To come out and disclose stuff is really antithetical to who I am.

MATT LAUER, NBC HOST: And what do you want to disclose is? Do you want me to say? I don`t know what is the appropriate etiquette here?

BAXTER: Well, I guess, I just want to say that I`m a lesbian and it was a later in life recognition of that fact.


BEHAR: So, you know, you posted pictures of Meredith and her new squeeze or whoever the girlfriend...

HILTON: It`s a cute picture. Look at that.

BEHAR: She`s -- well, she is a beautiful girl.

HILTON: Look at them hugging. I love it.


HILTON: It makes my cold heart feel a little warm.

BEHAR: Really?

HILTON: It does. It`s inspiring. She said in the interview for "The Today Show" that her coming out was a political statement, and it is. Especially, you know, right now here in New York State where they decided to vote down to gay marriage bill.

BEHAR: I know.

HILTON: And that`s a big old suck.

BEHAR: What is being said and what -- the two most liberal states in the country, California and New York, they both voted down gay marriage?

HILTON: Because...

BEHAR: Is it that there are so many gays in both states...


BEHAR: ... and people are afraid of it or is it the religious population?

HILL: Well, religion has a play in it, and the religion is what feeds these political issues. I learned very well this year after my whole Miss California incident that America is still very homophobic...

BEHAR: Right.

HILTON: They might not pretend they are, but they still think that being gay is bad and simple and abnormal.


HILTON: And we`re not. We`re just like everyone else.

BEHAR: Well, except for you.

HILTON: I have different colored hair and I`m more fabulous.

BEHAR: More fabulous.

Now, what about Adam Lambert, do you think he was treated unfairly?

HILTON: I think he was, he was treated unfairly, by ABC and CBS.

BEHAR: Why? What did CBS do? I thought they were putting him on?

HILTON: CBS booked him after ABC canceled his GMA performance, but then while doing a report covering the incident...


HILTON: ... they blurred out the kiss that he had with his male band member, yet they showed the kiss that Britney had with Madonna...

BEHAR: Oh, yes.

HILTON: ... that`s hypocritical.

BEHAR: Well, it`s also you know men are running the industries and men like to watch women kiss, they don`t want to watch men kiss...

HILTON: I know.

BEHAR: ... that`s a fact.

HILTON: I really want Adam Lambert to do well, because I think we need that representation of a gay male pop star.

BEHAR: Yes that would be nice.


BEHAR: But just to go back to Meredith Baxter for a second. You basically posted pictures of her and her girlfriend on your Web site.


BEHAR: Do you feel it is your job to out gay people in the media?

HILTON: I think it`s my job to treat everyone equally. And I don`t want to give gay people special treatment on my site. I want to treat them just like I do every other celebrity.

BEHAR: But if you treat them like every other celebrity, what is it your business? You don`t go around saying Angelina is a flaming (ph) heterosexual. So why would you out a gay guy?

HILTON: No but if she -- if she were to have a new relationship with somebody, even if were a non-famous person, I would talk about it and post pictures of them.

BEHAR: So only if they are having a relationship do you out them? No, you don`t.

HILTON: Maybe.

BEHAR: We will be back in a minute with more Perez Hilton.

HILTON: I`m naughty.

BEHAR: You are naughty.


BEHAR: I am back with celebrity blogger Perez Hilton. Just to keep up that conversation with you, I am very much in favor of outing gay politicians who are in the closet who vote against gay rights and rights of gay legislation.

That really ticks me off a lot, but I am not in favor of outing a celebrity who doesn`t want to be outed. I am just not, and I don`t think it is my business and sometimes it hurts an actor, you know?

HILTON: I don`t think so.

BEHAR: In this country, it does.

HILTON: I can`t think of -- in the past it did -- but in the last ten years, I can`t think of one single instance where a celebrity has come out and it has hurt their career.

BEHAR: But just picture it. Let`s and just say -- of course this is not true -- but let`s just say George Clooney were gay. And he comes out as a gay guy, do you think he would ever get a romantic lead again in an American film?

HILTON: There needs to be that first one to do it.

BEHAR: It is not Britain, it`s not England where Rupert Everett came out and he still gets romantic leads.

HILTON: Look at Neil Patrick Harris. After he came out, he is still on "How I Met Your Mother" on CBS...

BEHAR: That`s television.

HILTON: He is still getting work. He`s hosting all these award shows. He`s doing films and his popularity has increased exponentially since he came out.

BEHAR: All right. Ok. Now you wrote in your book "The True Bloggywood Stories" -- you wrote that Drew Barrymore, quote, "is not the sober kitten that the main public may thinks he is". What do you mean by that?

HILTON: Meaning I had a run in with her a few months ago, and she was so out of it. According to her behavior and what I judge and how she was having trouble speaking, she was clearly in my opinion, not sober.

BEHAR: Ambien.

HILTON: Maybe. I think it was some pills. I do think it was pills.

BEHAR: It could have been Ambien. You know, they`re saying Tiger Woods had Ambien in his system.

HILTON: I don`t take that.

BEHAR: But I mean, she -- there might be some reports that she maybe taking legal action against you. Doesn`t that worry you? You`re going to be sued?

HILTON: I hope she does that. No.


HILTON: I`d love for her to sue me, like right now, it would be great publicity for my book. If you go to, buy it, send it to me, I`m signing every single copy.

I have to get a gimmick.

BEHAR: Why do you put a penis on people`s faces? What is that about?

HILTON: It is love.

BEHAR: All righty then. What about Jennifer Lopez? You have been rather evil to her. What happens if you run into her in person?

HILTON: I actually enjoy her. I`m a fan. Just because I like somebody doesn`t mean I can`t make fun of them. My ultimate idol is Madonna, and I make fun of her often.

BEHAR: Well, she doesn`t care, right. I bet she doesn`t even care.

HILTON: She reads the Web site.

BEHAR: But you call Jennifer Aniston a stalker. She might not like that.

HILTON: I am joking.

BEHAR: Oh, it`s a joke.

HILTON: But it is based on truth.

BEHAR: You see, I don`t think that people take you as a comedian. I think they take you as somebody who has a Web site who gossips about celebrities.

HILTON: I am an infotainer.

BEHAR: You`re an infotainer. That is why Jennifer Aniston could get ticked off if you call her a stalker.

HILTON: She`s already sued me; been there, done that.

BEHAR: You say, Halle Berry lies about eating Doritos. Oh, stop the presses. Wait a second, this is a big one. And you said, in your book -- I read your book -- that she`s sitting watching the Oscars or something or any television, she sits and eats Doritos. You don`t believe it.

HILTON: No, I don`t believe that she`d eat Doritos. But she says that she does.

BEHAR: Why don`t you believe her?

HILTON: Look at her.

BEHAR: She could have two -- she could say I eat Doritos I have two Doritos, and she can be telling the truth.

Why do you say that Miley Cyrus will get a boob job when she is 18? Isn`t she 18 already? How old is she?

HILTON: Actually she just turned 17 and you know what she wore to her birthday party? She went dressed as a hooker.

BEHAR: Oh really?

HILTON: I`m not kidding. She went dressed as Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman" with those boots up to here and the short, short shorts.

BEHAR: Ok. Watch out Disney.

HILTON: And her parents let her go dressed like that. It`s like, what?

BEHAR: What are they thinking? What are we all thinking when we read his book. And it is called "True Bloggywood Stories".

Thanks for joining me.

We will be back in just a minute.



This has been the most devastating thing that has ever happened to us. We are greatly saddened by all of the circumstances that have been involved and portraying my wife and I as party crashers and I can tell you that we did not party crash the White House.


JOY BEHAR, HEN HOST: Yes, you did. The White House party crasher saga continues. Tariq and Michaele Salahis still insist they were not uninvited guests to the state dinner last week, yet today, they blew off an invite to a Congressional hearing. Who`s their booking agent, William Morris? Here to discuss this dissing of Congress is Representative Eleanor Holmes Norton, who was on that Congressional committee today. Welcome to the show, Congressman, or


BEHAR: OR Congresswoman I`m sorry. So, the Salahis were a no-show, but why are we wasting, why are we wasting tax dollars on these people? Why bother?

NORTON: Well, fortunately, we are not giving them much of a thought. We did believe that the tax dollars should - should go to questioning the secret service, and as greater protecting service they have been, they did not fully satisfy me on at least two measures. They did not satisfy me on their assurance to the committee that the Salahis were the only interlopers. I said to them, would you have known the Salahis were there if they had not pasted themselves all over their facebook? And he conceded that he learned only from their facebook that they were there. So, once you get past the palace gates, you crash in, it looks like you are in. My second concern is that this is the first African-American President, and we know that in the beginning of the presidency, there was far, far more, far greater number of threats than any other President. We did get some assuring news today from my question on that, and that was that now the threats to this president are back to, shall we call it normal.

BEHAR: Yes, I would like to quote something you said. You said that the Salahis have pioneered a new technique that could be taken up by terrorist`s intent on harming the President. Is that what you are talking about? Can you explain that? What kind of techniques are they -- could they have been copying?

NORTON: Well, for all that we have been doing on this committee, it looks like the message from the state dinner, and I was there, was that forget about the barriers, forget about cracking the safe, just con your way into the White House, that is the easiest way to get in. Now, I really don`t believe it is necessarily always the easiest way to get in. And I think that one of the problems here is that there were four times of the people invited as to the normal state dinner. We had it under what can only be called an additional building. The secret service never answered my questions about person power or personnel because I asked them were they able to get enough secret service people. I asked the D.C. police in my own district if they helped them, and they didn`t know that. If they were fully staffed for this, they must have pulled every secret service officer from every other place they were supposed to be to this dinner, and we have to look in this committee into seeing whether or not these people are staffed up for a President who may be in particular danger.

BEHAR: I see. But this is not just about the Salahis and the secret service the White House prevented the social secretary from testifying today. Listen to this.


We think it is important to have a balance and have the White House staff able to have confidential conversations with the President and his team without appearing before Congress.


BEHAR: Now, why bring in the social secretary, Congresswoman? Why her?

NORTON: Well, my -- I`m going to say for our committee that we invited her as well, and we thought she should have been there, but I have to tell you that every President puts up exactly this barrier which is in fact a constitutional barrier. They do not have to come to testify. And the reason that the committee --

BEHAR: I will tell you that annoy me a little bit, I have to tell you.

NORTON: Well, I don`t want to get into the weeds, but this has to do with separation of power, so it is true that the personnel of the President under separation of powers can give him advice and answerable only to him. Technically that is true. You could kind of say, well, you can go anyway, but most presidents are very, very reluctant to set that kind of precedent. The reason that I am not as concerned about her is that we have now been informed publicly that the White House essentially has taken responsibilities and said they will have somebody always at the palace gates with the secret service, and that they did not have someone there as they should have.

BEHAR: Right.

NORTON: At the state dinner.

BEHAR: Well, Congresswoman, thank you very much for being with us.

NORTON: Oh it is a pleasure.

BEHAR: OK, I want to bring in Teresa Foss-Conlan, a friend of the Salahis, there she is. And Ashleigh Banfield a legal analyst. OK, Ashleigh, let me start with you. The Salahis were a no-show at the hearings, was that a smart move for them?

ASHLEIGH BANFIELD, LEGAL ANALYST: I wouldn`t have gone. I mean, what would be the point?

BEHAR: SO, you think it was a smart move?

BANFIELD: Well, first of all, I can`t believe they said no to an invitation from the government. Secondly --

BEHAR: Well, it was not exactly a party, but a grilling. Yes.

BANFIELD: And you don`t want to say something that could land you in hot water legally.

BEHAR: They will be subpoenaed anyway aren`t they?

BANFIELD: (UNINTELLIGIBLE) Well, wait for that.

BEHAR: You could plead the fifth; it makes you look like you are in the mob.

BANFIELD: Correct so why start it when you might not have to actually finish it. Meaning say no to the invitation and if the subpoena comes, deal with it then, but honestly I thought it was honestly a smart move to not get anything further into this or to say something they might regret later.

BEHAR: OK, I`d like to now talk to a friend of the Salahis, Teresa Foss-Conlan, what is going on with the friends? What are they saying to you these days?

TERESA FOSS-CONLAN, FRIEND OF SALAHIS: I spoke to Michaele yesterday, and she`s just really devastated by everything that`s happened at this time. You know, her and Tariq haven`t slept, they haven`t eaten and they have paparazzi camped outside of the home, hanging in trees, chasing them off of the road, and it`s been very stressful for them. And I don`t think they ever imagined anything like this would`ve come out of this.

BEHAR: What do they do for a living? Do they have a job?

FOSS-CONLAN: Tariq he does America`s Polo Cup --

BEHAR: He does what? Say it again.

FOSS-CONLAN: It is called America`s Polo Cup, and which is one of the reasons why none of us that know him and her thought it was unusual for them to have gone to the state dinner because they are hosting India this year, and we just assumed that that`s the reason why they had an invite.

BEHAR: These people have been described basically as scam artists by a lot of people and that is the impression. They look like a couple of wannabes who want a reality show. Is that your impression of your friends?

FOSS-CONLAN: No it`s not at all. I have known Michaele for ten years and she`s always been a genuine sweet person as long as I have known her and we have a lot of mutual friends that hold her in very high regards.

BEHAR: Well, you can be a sweet person and still want a reality show. I don`t think that the two are mutually exclusive, but to crash a party like that and really go through security the way they did, I think that they are culpable, don`t you?

FOSS-CONALN: I don`t feel that they felt they crashed the party. I don`t think that was the intention, and to say that they were trying to do this to get on a reality show, I think that a lot of us already know that they are currently already filming that show, so this was not a publicity stunt for them to get on the show.

BEHAR: But there is not the first time they crashed something, because they crashed the Black Caucus Event once before, so this is a sort of thing with them. Do they go for "The New York Times" and say, who is getting married this week that is famous, I want to crash that wedding?

FOSS-CONALN: I hear you, Joy. I don`t know the validity to all of the things that have come out, but all I can speak is my opinion on her.

BEHAR: Yes. Ashleigh, do you think they will be charged on anything?

BANFIELD: No, I really don`t. I don`t think they did anything sinister. I think they pushed the envelope super far. I also think there`s a great cell phone commercial that could come out of it. Like the drop calls that you did here. You are not on the list; they heard that you are on the list - something went wrong -

BEHAR: Do you believe that?


BEHAR: It is like the dog ate my homework.

BANFIELD: It is a little bit - no, I do believe they probably pushed and pushed and pushed to the point where they thought maybe there`s a shot that we`ll end up on the list. So when they got to the first checkpoint, the guy who was at secret service checkpoint was not responsible for the social invitation, and they had clearance, but that they had documentation for.

BEHAR: But was their name was not on the list? I don`t think their names were on the list.

BANFIELD: Well here`s the thing, probably not, but the secret service fellow was probably more concerned with who was cleared than who was socially acceptable, I think that is where the breakdown was, and I think definitely the fault here is with the A, the White House for not staffing a social secretary representative with the secret service, and they have acknowledged that. I don`t think there is a lot of criminal talk here, but I think is interesting though is a couple that just pushed and pushed and pushed and now say they are devastated for getting attention. For heaven`s sake they want to be on the Real Housewives.

BEHAR: Exactly.

BANFIELD: Isn`t that what you thrive on? BEHAR: she didn`t put that story on for any reason. I`ll tell you right now.

BANFIELD: She is awfully pretty though, I will say. She should get a break, D.C. Housewife.

BEHAR: You know what Ashleigh, this is whole week is filled with pretty women. I don`t care how pretty they are. You can`t crash into the White House. These other people, these bimbos, or eruptions ago are ruining marriages. Please with these pretty women.

BANFIELD: And they get bigger -

BEHAR: Ugly women a manuze.

BANFIELD: They get bigger headlines.

BEHAR: I need less scan and more brains.

BANFIELD: I know, I know, isn`t it awful when the President takes the airways for 36 minutes and he`s this big on the front covers of "New York Post" to the Tiger Woods story which is five or six days old.

BEHAR: I mean who`s going to lose their job over this? The Social Secretary, what`s her name?

BANFIELD: You know what Desiree Rogers.

BEHAR: Desiree - Rogers-

BANFIELD: There`s a weird thing going on there. Listen, in protocol the social secretary does not sit for dinner and end up in the invitation list.

BEHAR: She - what was she doing at the dinner.

BANFIELD: She works in the room right?

BEHAR: Yes, yes -- there was a little hostility I picked up in some of the descriptions about her that she was a dressed as an attention getter.

BANFIELD: Well, she was dressed beautifully. She had a designer gown on and she wasn`t invited guest who sat for dinner, they don`t typically do that.

BEHAR: All right, Ashleigh, Teresa, thank you, when we come back the fabulous Martin Short joins me right here in the studio. Don`t go anywhere.



I can`t believe it is a White Christmas. I mean, it can`t be much more perfect, I must say. Thank you, Bing. As if he had anything to do with it. I bet in a way he did. Oh, this is insane. I have to get to sleep. It is like torture. What if I woke up in the morning and I found out my stocking was full? I think I would be found dead from excitement. Okay. That`s it. I have to go downstairs to see if anything has happened yet. Get to bed!


BEHAR: I guess I`m not the only one excited about Santa. That is the character Ed Grimly from the classic Second City TV, a show that has spawned so many comedy greats including the fabulous Martin Shorts who is with me tonight. Hi, Marty.


BEHAR: I love you. I really do, I think you are just the funniest thing, and I loved your Broadway Show, and I`m just taken with you.

SHORTS: Well, thank you very much. You are a Twitter.

BEHAR: I am a Twitter.

SHORTS: Well, I have a little crush on you, too.

BEHAR: Well, this is getting nauseating now. But you know --

SHORTS: What do you mean now? It was nauseating in three seconds.

BEHAR: Exactly, well you know, the two of us are talk show host people.


BEHAR: You sat in for Larry or did you sit in with Larry? I don`t know what happened there.

SHORTS: I sat in with Larry, but I did it as Jiminy Glick.

BEHAR: Yes, so it was just a - so can you do an impression of Larry King?

SHORTS: Not really. Obviously, I can`t. You know, I don`t -- I have done a lot of impressions particularly like film impressions, but what I would have them for about a minute, like, I would have the IPod and go, and let`s shoot it. And I would be suddenly Paul Lanka singing "oh my darling don`t you know by now" but you know, you lose it ten minutes later. So I could do Larry king, but I need to work on it.

BEHAR: Ok, now when you were kid, I`m interested in comedians when they were children? Were you a wacky kid? What were you like?

SHORTS: I think I was a funny kid and I fooled around in school. If the teacher was weak and vulnerable, and if they were they strict and controlled, I was just as good as gold because you know; who wanted to get sent to the principal`s and gets your parents over.

BEHAR: Did you ever want to be a teacher?

SHORTS: I want - no. I wanted to be a doctor.

BEHAR: A doctor? An MD

SHORTS: Yes. I was in pre-meds for two years but then I realized that everyone else in the class liked science and I was just a fan of "Quincy" and that was not enough. It was not enough. You need more for life.

BEHAR: Yes, yes, yes.

SHORTS: For a life.

BEHAR: You do. But someone told me that you created a fantasy variety show in your house.

SHORTS: I did.

BEHAR: On Saturday Night.

SHORTS: I had an applause record from Sinatra at the Sands. I had looped at the end, and all of the people applauding, yeah, Frank. I put those all together, and had my own. So I had a variety show on NBC every other Tuesday which left me time to have imaginary film career, and I had the goose neck lamp, because even then I knew you know I needed lighting. And I had my applause record, I`d have you know Tony Bennett would come on forget your troubles and get happy and do the applause with the records. And then I`d sing a medley of songs that weren`t nominated let`s say. And then I`d read from the Playboy magazine and have a hard-hitting interview. Then we had that section in there

BEHAR: Well did your family encourage you?

SHORTS: They were concerned. My brother, Michael, I used to have a rocking chair in my room and the arm was broken. And I had a tube of glue to fix it. And he sincerely went to my parents and said, look, he is sniffing that glue. He is not a normal child. People are outside playing road hockey you know, and he is "weather wise such a coo coo day" - I can see that in the window. I am concerned.

BEHAR: Well, it is very King of comedy and you know the schorsazy movie. It has a little tinge of that.

SHORTS: Do you know what the weird part of it though, is I have three kids - And you always wonder what --

BEHAR: How old are they?

SHORTS: 25, 23, 20.

BEHAR: Are they ashamed of you or proud of you?

SHORTS: Interesting question, doctor. No, they love da da.

BEHAR: They love daddy.

SHORTS: Daddy mail boy they call me. But I -- you wonder, what will they ultimately should do -- and even as a kid, when I was up in my attic to do these shows I wanted to be a doctor. Nobody said, hey, you should go into show business.

BEHAR: Why is that?

SHORTS: Maybe it was Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, and not Manhattan and maybe it seemed like fulfilling a fantasy life.

BEHAR: Well, I was in Brooklyn doing the same thing as a kid, doing the same thing, and nobody told me to go into show business. They can`t see it.

SHORTS: You know Frank Sinatra once said of the father, he was always there to piss on his dreams.

BEHAR: Oh, he is a bitter guy.

SHORTS: And no, junior,

BEHAR: Oh junior. I think the father -

SHORTS: No, I`m kidding -

BEHAR: It`s the father you are talking about.

SHORTS: Of course. The barber. I`m on the barber side.

BEHAR: And also you were going if be a social worker whom I found was fascinating. So you have had many neither dreams all of them nor related to show business except the one. I mean doctor, social worker, all of this sort of civil service.

SHORTS: We`ll I think it was tied to people. I think it was tied to interacting with people. I don`t think show business seemed like a realistic option.

BEHAR: That`s true you know. It doesn`t to anybody.


BEHAR: Except crazy people like us. Now the Second City group is celebrating 50 --

SHORTS: 50 years.

BEHAR: Holy molly. I mean, some of the people that have come out of there are Robert Kline, Joan Rivers, Bill Murray, Stephen Colbert, Steve Corel, Tina Fey,

SHORTS: John Belushi, the Cast of SC TV cafe remember -

BEHAR: Elaine May and Mike Nickels, two of the most brilliant from group, don`t you think?

SHORTS: Pretty astounding.

BEHAR: Pretty astounding -

SHORTS: Yes, right there. That was the influence for me when I was a kid. Those two.

BEHAR: Those two? Yes. And also John Candy and John Belushi and a lot of people, right?


BEHAR: And they will be reunited in some little thing?

SHORTS: Well, no, it is the 50th anniversary in Chicago at Second City and Friday night we are going the do two shows a reunion for the first time in the states of the cast of SC TV. And this is to benefit the alumni foundation we started to help anyone involved in Second City through the years who has financial problems or medical problems, particularly, you know, in Canada we have socialized medicine, in the United States you don`t. So actors get into trouble you know.

BEHAR: In this country.


BEHAR: So the Canadians have to help us.

SHORTS: Since I was 12, we had socialized medicine in Canada. It wasn`t until Glenn Beck told me that there was a problem with it that I started to -- I mean, we never had an issue.

BEHAR: Americans like to say the Canadian system; we have to wait in line. You have to wait in line here too.

SHORTS: I`ve had people forget that I`m Canadian and at dinners and they`ll say you know in Canada, they`ll have to line up. And I`m like, come on.

BEHAR: You`re a witness to the entire system.

SHORTS: Rush Limbaugh, those guys. That`s Joe the plumber with the community college degree.

BEHAR: OK, we`ll be around here for another segment with Martin Shorts, don`t go away, ok. All right.



I know you. You always want to do the right thing. I get it.

So you are asking me to do nothing?

No. But I need you to wait.


BEHAR: That was a very dramatic Martin Short in a sneak peek of FX`S new season of "Damages." premiering January 25th. So you have the Lawrence Olivia in you also, huh?

SHORTS: Well, you know, it`s called range. It`s called stretch.

BEHAR: It`s range, I`ll say.

SHORTS: It`s rangy.

BEHAR: Rangy -- do you like to do the dramatic?

SHORTS: You know, I like, -- and this show is such a well written, well crafted show. And Glenn Close is so particular. So it was a rare time when someone phones you up and you say would you like to do the third season of a show. I watch three shows on TV and you`re one of them. So it`s not each like -- I sometimes worry about people who are known for comedy now, you know, I`m going to be the assassin.

BEHAR: It`s a little hard to pull off. Woody Allan can never do a serious part.

SHORTS: And in reverse, you don`t want to see those dramatic guys go wacky.

BEHAR: Do your Jerry Lewis for me.

SHORTS: There`s many Jerried. There`s Jerry when he`s young, got to get my old tux pressed, yeah. But then there was Jerry as his gold older.

BEHAR: Yes and how did that go?

SHORTS: Well it was always like there was like imaginary laws in his mouth.

BEHAR: Yes, yes, yes.

SHORTS: Can I tell you what a joy and a thrill and all good stuff it is to be here with you? On a marvelous super duper show? Oh Lawsons, I`ll put it here.

BEHAR: How about now that he`s really older, is it more - is there more stuff in his mouth now or what?

SHORTS: Well now he doesn`t take the wrapper off. It`s he forgets.

BEHAR: You know a lot of times celebrity impersonations can be mean.

SHORTS: Yes. Well, I think the secret is, truthfully, they can be mean. I think the secret to do an impersonation of someone iconic is that you have to celebrate their talent. So when I do a piece - you know I haven`t done Jerry Lewis obviously for a long time, but when I did it on SC TV for example, I would make sure that Jerry as Jerry was hilarious in it. You know I would be running around --

BEHAR: That`s good of you.

SHORTS: You know light up and flame would go up and stuff he`d done and sometimes if they`re just mean -- they`re not --

BEHAR: Then they`re not funny.

SHORTS: (UNINTELLIGIBLE) you`re showing the awards but celebrating the talent.

BEHAR: Well look at Tina Fey how she did Sarah Palin. A lot of people think she was very much involved in taking down Sarah Palin.

SHORTS: She was complimentary to Sarah Palin.

BEHAR: No, not exactly.

SHORTS: Oh, think if you --

BEHAR: I can see Russia from my house is not complimentary.

SHORTS: I thunk I saw Russia from her house, that`s what Sarah said.

BEHAR: Oh so she was even nicer to Sarah than Sarah was, is that your point?

SHORTS: That`s what I said until I stuttered. But you edit.

BEHAR: No, we don`t edit.

SHORTS: You don`t? You know that`s a big mistake.

BEHAR: We don`t edit. Listen before -

SHORTS: If edited you wouldn`t be here on cable.

BEHAR: I have to wrap, but I want you to do quickly Katharine Hepburn`s sister - because I don`t understand how you do that.

SHORTS: No, cousin.

BEHAR: Oh her cousin, ok. Oh her cousin evens more confusion.

SHORT: It was Nelson Hepburn he was a hotdog vendor. He never met his aunt Kate but he knew he would phone her and she would hang up. To hell with her.

BEHAR: Ok. Thank you, Marty. Remember, the Second City`s 50th anniversary celebration is happening December 11th.

SHORTS: 11th and 12th. Big big show.

BEHAR: 11th and 12th and the 13th also in Chicago.

SHORTS: Oh ok.

BEHAR: So go get your tickets now. Good night, everybody.