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Joy Behar Page
Interview With Annise Parker; Interview With Fred Armisen
Aired December 18, 2009 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
JOY BEHAR, HOST: Tonight on the JOY BEHAR SHOW, an NBA star says Tiger Woods is the perfect role model for his sons. That`s nice. By the way, Gandhi, Martin Luther King and Jesus came in a distant second, third and fourth.
Then, what`s holding up Jon and Kate Gosselin`s divorce? The anticipation is killing me. It`s worse than waiting for a new Tiger mistress to show up.
And will women actually pay a male prostitute for sex? Or will we continue to have sex the old-fashioned way, by pretending to be interested so we can get a new Tory Burch bag?
All that and "Saturday Night Live`s" Fred Armisen starts right now.
More women, more salacious stories and more to talk about: with just a few minor distractions like climate change and health care reform, this week has basically been all Tiger, all the time.
Joining me to discuss the story that will not go away are Jim Florentine, comedian and co-host of that metal show on VH1 Classic, Lisa Ann Walter, actress and the creator and executive producer of Oxygen`s "Dance Your Ass Off", and Michael Musto, "Village Voice" columnist and author of the upcoming book -- I love this title -- "Fork on the Left, Knife in the Back".
Sounds like showbiz to me.
MICHAEL MUSTO, COLUMNIST, "VILLAGE VOICE": Now I need a book to go with a great title.
BEHAR: You haven`t written it yet?
MUSTO: No.
BEHAR: Ok. Now let`s talk about the case. What are your thoughts on the Tiger Woods` case? The wife, she`s filing for divorce, all sorts of stuff is going on.
LISA ANN WALTER, ACTRESS: I just appreciate that you keep talking about this, because of everybody that does, you show is the only one that says what I`m thinking. I think you should have it every day for the rest of your show and call it "Tiger Watch" for whoever is cheating. Not just him.
BEHAR: We are doing that.
WALTER: Oh, good.
BEHAR: Do you think the mistresses are out of the closet, Michael?
MUSTO: What are you saying?
BEHAR: I mean, out of the picture. I`m sorry. Out of the picture.
MUSTO: Out of the picture. Well, yes. I think Tiger once said he cares about his family more than anything. He obviously cares about his extended family of 15 mistresses. And by the way why did he spend a million dollars to keep Rachel Uchitel quiet? The other 14 are talking.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: I don`t get that. What do you think she knows? They`re paying her a lot of money to keep quiet. What is it that she knows?
JIM FLORENTINE, COMEDIAN: Supposedly she was setting up women and drugs or supposedly, all the stuff when he come into town, so she was pretty much his go-to guy. So she knows a lot of stuff.
There`s supposedly a bunch of e-mail -- I`m just surprised...
BEHAR: Allegedly. We have to say that, just to protect me on the show. Forget about you.
FLORENTINE: So you`re saying "The National Enquirer" is not true?
BEHAR: Well, they protect themselves and they have a team of lawyers. I don`t.
FLORENTINE: You don`t. I understand.
WALTER: Well then, we`ll just say that we`re saying it.
BEHAR: So allegedly...
FLORENTINE: Allegedly -- she knows a lot of info on him. So if that all got out -- as soon as he comes to town, I don`t know if he was sleeping with her or not, but she would hook up everything for him.
Fly women in supposedly that he liked to party with him. So that`s a lot of stuff.
WALTER: So she`s acting like an agent.
MUSTO: She`s more like the madam.
BEHAR: But she, you think, that she`s going to be paid off to keep this all quiet. So we`ll never know if that is true.
FLORENTINE: Never.
WALTER: But the other ones started talking -- because I had my cab driver start talking to me about this when I landed. I have a very definite opinion, some may call it bitter, I just call it being a woman.
BEHAR: Yes. Sometimes they`re the same.
WALTER: Yes. Same thing and then they act like, it`s your fault. Dude, you help me get here. I had an ex very much like Tiger Woods.
BEHAR: Really?
WALTER: Not the championships...
FLORENTINE: He was black?
WALTER: Easy. Not the championships or the black or the millions of dollars in endorsements but certainly he loved golf and women, although I think he had a higher handicap in both.
But, you know, when he cheated and this happened, there was an idea like, maybe we can get through it. I think much like Tiger`s ex-wife, she doesn`t have that option, because all of these people came out because once they found out they weren`t the only one, they got mad. The mistresses got mad. Like they weren`t (INAUDIBLE) -- it was just the wife.
BEHAR: Well, one mistress is mad, the other is cheating with another mistress.
WALTER: Yes, how dare you?
BEHAR: Now, there`s such a thing as a celebrity crisis expert that fixes messes like this. Michael, what do you think? Shouldn`t he hire someone like that?
MUSTO: Do you have the number?
BEHAR: What? Do you need it?
MUSTO: Yes, because he`s actually getting support from people like Giuliani and people like really have the (INAUDIBLE) behind him. That`s like getting a fan letter from O.J.
BEHAR: It`s the fellow philanderers support group. Because Giuliani who, we all know he had an affair when he was married to Donna Hanover is now defending -- well, not defending him but giving him the old college spirit.
FLORENTINE: The guy married his second cousin. It`s like how do you take advice from him.
BEHAR: Who did? Giuliani?
FLORENTINE: Giuliani -- he`s like...
BEHAR: That`s not illegal.
FLORENTINE: Well, no. But he thought it was his third, and then he said it was his second, I got a divorce and I was a good (INAUDIBLE) -- I mean, how do you take advice from a guy that, you know.
At least Tiger called him about -- look, at least I`m not sleeping within the family.
WALTER: Are any of us acting like this is a shock that men are stepping out? It`s not a new story. What`s new about it, I think, and the reason why there`s so much attention paid and things are getting so out of hand between them and the Gosselins, and the Brangelina`s and everything is that it is becoming a viable career option for girls to skank it up. It didn`t used to be something that you celebrated.
It used to be something that your mother said, really, can you please just get yourself together? And there was some shame attached to it. There`s not shame anymore.
FLORENTINE: Let`s bring back the shame to whoring.
UF2: Yes, please can we bring back a little shame to the whoring?
FLORENTINE: Because it makes it more fun when it`s dirty.
BEHAR: I know. Yes, it`s true. That`s certainly that...
FLORENTINE: Tiger should have just slept with A-list actresses. They wouldn`t open their mouth. Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, they wouldn`t be selling their stories for $150,000.
WALTER: They don`t have to. They have paparazzi following.
FLORENTINE: They broke up other homes. They didn`t need to break up his home.
WALTER: Yes. Exactly.
BEHAR: What makes you think they would have slept with him? Some girls don`t think he`s even that attractive.
WALTER: I don`t think that`s the point.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Tiger Woods and Brad Pitt, I think Brad Pitt wins.
WALTER: Yes but they`re never that -- no, Tiger is hot. It depends on your type. Maybe you like the boyish blondes. There are other people that go for other things.
BEHAR: My type is Earnest Borgnine.
WALTER: Well, ok.
BEHAR: This video of Tiger Woods talking about his family surfaced this week. It was in an interview with Sky TV in New Zealand, taken just days before the sex scandal exploded.
Listen to the promotion for the interview in which Woods is asked about his priorities.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This is the man who had it all.
TIGER WOODS, PRO GOLFER: It`s been great, actually. It`s been the best things that ever happened.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Fame, fortune and family.
WOODS: They`ve got my wife`s stubbornness so that`s enough.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: A man unaware that very soon fate would make his answers sound like lies.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Family first, golf second, always be like that?
WOODS: Always.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Do you think he cringed when he saw that?
WALTER: Do you think he`s spending a lot of time cringing right now? I know so many married men in L.A. right now who are big flirts that have gotten away with text messaging, they`re really...
BEHAR: Are you one of those guys, Jim?
FLORENTINE: I am. I`ll flirt with a text message but if you throw an LOL at the end, then you`re safe.
BEHAR: That`s right.
FLORENTINE: I`ve known Lisa for years. I`ll text Lisa, "Lisa, do you want to have sex? LOL." So if she says, "Are you serious."
WALTER: I thought that meant look out, lady. I thought that meant you were on your way over.
BEHAR: Some people think that he should adopt a bad boy image now and just go with it. And just be like Elvis.
FLORENTINE: No, he can adopt 5 children.
BEHAR: What about that.
MUSTO: Yes, adopt a bad boy image, I`m totally with that, Joy. I think just give in to it. You`re not going to convince us that you`re a happy family man especially without a wife.
(CROSSTALK)
MUSTO: And you know what. Just because you cheat on your wife, why doesn`t that mean you can`t engage in sports? If everyone who cheated on their spouse left the sports arena it will be one big empty arena.
WALTER: It was a moment, very lonely.
FLORENTINE: And you know, he can get other endorsements now. Ashley Madison (ph), he can endorse that.
MUSTO: Extenze (ph).
FLORENTINE: And then Ambien, because supposedly he had Ambien sex.
BEHAR: You know, that`s interesting -- the Ambien sex part. Did you know that this was like a thing?
FLORENTINE: I usually take Ambien just so I can fall asleep so I don`t have to have sex with my girlfriend.
WALTER: Hang on because I want to learn something Joy. What is the Ambien sex thing?
BEHAR: They said that it was like a turn on to take Ambien and then have sex. I guess it makes you drowsy, you don`t realize who you`re sleeping with.
WALTER: Exactly. They have a better shot at you.
MUSTO: Maybe Roman Polanski used that.
BEHAR: Ok. Apparently Tiger`s famous friends can`t get in touch with him. Listen to a clip from HLN`s "With All Due Respect."
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
SPIKE LEE, DIRECTOR: Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan can`t get to him...
ROBIN MEADE, HLN HOST, "WITH ALL DUE RESPECT": Right, that`s insulation because you guys have his number.
LEE: And those are his boys.
MEADE: You have his number, right?
CHARLES BARKLEY, TNT NBA ANALYST: He changed his number.
LEE: If Charles and Michael can`t get to him, then...
MEADE: Too much going on.
LEE: Then these other people are making bad news.
BARKLEY: I think when you have these fires in your life, as I call them, you need to talk to somebody else who is famous who have been through things in their life.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: What do you think, he needs a hug, doesn`t he? Tiger needs a hug.
FLORENTINE: Look, he`s got to change his number. When you have a Perkins waitress having your phone number, you got to change it.
WALTER: Or your taste in women.
FLORENTINE: Yes, that`s low rent. I`ve slept with Perkins waitress and I`m nothing. You know what I mean. I`m just waiting for like a Waffle House waitress to come out of hiding.
That`s when it hits the fan.
MUSTO: I`m going to leave Tiger a message, call me for a hug, but please block your name when you call.
(INAUDIBLE). He needs a hug from his friends but I can understand why he`s hiding. But Tiger, if you`re out there listening to us and I know you are, come out.
(CROSSTALK)
WALTER: I`m really not worried about Tiger. I think he`s holed up just fine at a happy place and a couple of women are bringing him cocktails.
BEHAR: He just won "Athlete of the Decade" by the AP.
FLORENTINE: He deserves it just for dating these 15 women.
BEHAR: I know. But half of the ballots were returned after the scandal broke.
WALTER: And half from before which again proves that there`s not really anybody in the professional golf or sports arena...
(CROSSTALK)
WALTER: Are you kidding, how many high fives are going on at the PGA Tour? Around the world on ESPN shows, how many guys are going, 15, dude. And they`re all hot.
BEHAR: Ok. We`re going to have more with my panel when we come right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Ok, we`re back talking about the week`s news and there was, believe it or not, more to it than Tiger Woods. Ok?
Ok, let`s get right into it, starting with Jon and Kate. It appears their divorce will be final any day now. Their reality show is off the air. So does that mean we are done with these two?
The divorce is almost final and the show is kaput. Are we finished with them?
WALTER: They`re still on tabloids so they`re going to be around until the tabloid interest goes away. They`re stuck ...
BEHAR: What is the interest in that story to you?
FLORENTINE: I don`t know. You know, I mean, the guy is broke now too. He can`t get a job.
BEHAR: Yes.
FLORENTINE: TLC is holding him to his contract so he can`t even do another show...
BEHAR: Right.
FLORENTINE: He can`t pay his lawyers. But when you work for TLC, I mean, this is CNN, I worked with VH1 classic. There`s no money in cable.
WALTER: No.
FLORENTINE: So you know what I mean?
BEHAR: I know.
WALTER: He`s getting endorsement money from Ed Hardy, which that`s the bad news too.
MUSTO: These two are never -- they are never going away. They`re like head lice that you think you got rid of, you know, head lice that you get from thrift shop clothing or something.
BEHAR: Yes.
MUSTO: You think it`s gone and then it resurfaces. They`re never going away, they`re like to implode for the public delectation and we enable them.
BEHAR: Well, there`s a rumor that she`s going to have another show.
WALTER: And that will work.
BEHAR: Yes.
WALTER: And you know what`s interesting it`s the first time around my sister watched the show because she loved babies. And I remember when she -- now I have four kids, I have twice the number that I know of, (INAUDIBLE) thank you.
But she watched it because she loved watching these eight kids run around. And I was like, how can you see them and she goes oh, the wife is so mean. I watched her for one episode and I said he`s a big baby man. He doesn`t do anything.
BEHAR: The husband? Yes.
WALTER: Right.
MUSTO: So really she has nine kids.
WALTER: So she`s got to chase after him too.
MUSTO: Yes.
WALTER: And the thing that`s interesting to watch about her now is that she represents what a lot of these -- we as women like to watch which is somebody who`s making it after they have all of these hardships.
BEHAR: Yes.
WALTER: So that`s what`s interesting about her and he just keeps doing stuff that couldn`t be more ridiculous.
BEHAR: So do you guys feel sympathetic to her like she`s talking?
FLORENTINE: Yes, I do and then -- the guy has got no money -- he`s got eight kids that`s a lot of baggage...
BEHAR: And his lawyer is suing him I heard.
FLORENTINE: His lawyer is suing him and he`s still getting girls left and right. That guy has got a lot of baggage.
BEHAR: Yes.
FLORENTINE: He`s got no money and eight kids.
WALTER: Because he`s famous that proves what you said before forget how a guy looked. If you have paparazzi following you and going Jon, Jon, look over here there`s always some bimbo that`s going to be like I`m in picture. I mean, there`s always...
MUSTO: But I don`t have a lot of sympathy -- I have no sympathy for people who kind of parade their dysfunctions around for TV, especially when it involves little kids...
BEHAR: Yes, right.
MUSTO: ... who could grow up to be Liza Minnelli or something a very damaging.
WALTER: But is that all of you?
BEHAR: Yes, but why did he turn down the show at TLC? He has no money why would he turn down the show?
MUSTO: I think he`s more famous when he does messy things like that and implodes.
BEHAR: Yes, but famous doesn`t mean money. You know that.
MUSTO: I know, I know.
WALTER: I -- well, he`s short-sighted. He`s had bad representation and I hope he goes away because he`s annoying, and a cheater and I hate him.
BEHAR: Ok, let`s continue with -- thank you Lisa.
WALTER: You`re welcome.
BEHAR: Let`s continue with the reality TV theme with the Jon and Kate train wreck gone, there`s a vacancy. Who better to fill it than White House party crashers, the Salahis. "The New York Post" is reporting that they could get their own reality series. You know, those two nitwits that crashed the White House that day.
WALTER: Yes.
BEHAR: The one with a sari and those two.
MUSTO: I love them.
FLORENTINE: It`s amazing, I`ve been sleeping into -- sneaking into events for years and I get nothing out of it. I sneak at concerts, everywhere and I got nothing.
BEHAR: Well, my favorite thing is that Bravo TV is putting out something like a feeler on the Internet. Would you watch a show -- don`t they have people who plan these shows now with the public?
MUSTO: I would watch it, Joy, I love them.
BEHAR: Its program in Bravo?
MUSTO: I love the Salahis.
BEHAR: Why? Why do you love them?
MUSTO: Because I get invited to parties every night. Half the time they can`t find my name on the list, I`m turned away and sent home. These two are brilliant. They got into the White House.
BEHAR: That`s true.
MUSTO: They aren`t even on the list.
BEHAR: How did they get in?
MUSTO: And you know what?
WALTER: And she wore a sari.
MUSTO: They look good. If you looked good that`s half the battle.
WALTER: That`s right.
MUSTO: You know that. You crashed -- I`m just kidding.
BEHAR: I`ve never crashed a party.
MUSTO: I know, you`re on every person`s list. But the thing is, finally they will be invited to something, the launch party for their reality show.
BEHAR: But would you watch the show? What do they have to bring to the table?
WALTER: No, because I don`t like when people are overproduced. I like it when they are their own brand of crazy. When they`re doing something because they want to get famous which is why these people engage in all of this bad behavior. Balloon boy...
BEHAR: Right.
WALTER: That stupid Jon Gosselin.
BEHAR: Yes.
WALTER: And even all these people that are...
BEHAR: Well, it`s the Andy Warhol 15 minutes of fame...
WALTER: Exactly.
BEHAR: ... everybody gets through.
WALTER: I don`t care why I`m on TV, I don`t care because I`m called the stupidest hooker in the room I`m on TV.
MUSTO: But if you want to get into some boring White House dinner so badly, I say punish them by letting them in.
BEHAR: But doesn`t it just reward them for crashing the White House?
WALTER: Yes.
FLORENTINE: Yes, I mean, she tried to pose as a Redskins cheerleader. I mean, she`s like -- she`s in her 40s.
BEHAR: Yes.
FLORENTINE: You`re not a Redskin cheerleader. They`re 19 years old.
WALTER: You know what the rest of the night - 15 they used to be.
FLORENTINE: I`m poring the picture like who`s mom is that?
MUSTO: But she did sleep with Tiger Woods, by the way.
BEHAR: Yes.
FLORENTINE: I mean, that`s Tiger`s type, though, definitely a blond and...
BEHAR: She`s his type, yes. He has a particular type, doesn`t he?
MUSTO: A head, hair...
WALTER: No, if you notice all of the little mistresses and waitresses...
BEHAR: Yes.
WALTER: .. were all sort of brunettes and a lot more exotic looking than the Swedish, gorgeous Elin, the wife.
BEHAR: They are not as pretty as she is.
WALTER: Probably not. But I don`t think that`s what they get those women for. They don`t get them for the pretty. He`s got a beautiful wife.
BEHAR: Well, then in the surveys that we found, I don`t know where we found them. But the women...
WALTER: The government...
BEHAR: ... when they look at the story, the women feel like what is wrong with him? He has a beautiful family, why would he cheat on his wife? And the men are like, look, we`re dogs, we`re primal and we do it.
WALTER: Which is why...
BEHAR: And we get bore with one woman.
WALTER: Right, because that`s their biological imperative. And until we women get together and stop being predatory on other people`s men and start having a hand shake deal, hands off, or at least some shame attached to doing it and it`s going to keep going.
MUSTO: Let`s start with Liz Taylor.
WALTER: You know what?
BEHAR: That`s current.
WALTER: Yes, no, I think that her time is up; we`ve got newer ones, though who`s been doing it.
BEHAR: Well, wait a minute, I`ve asked a lot of people this question, who`ve been on this show this week. What are men -- what is he supposed to do for sex now? I keep asking men this question, what do you guys do when the wife doesn`t really want to do it with you but you have to stay married to her and you can`t go out philandering anymore because you`re Tiger Woods.
MUSTO: There is something you can do, but you go blind unfortunately.
BEHAR: Talk to the hand.
FLORENTINE: Well, you know, he`s probably coming home, he`s got two kids, two young kids, he`s coming home, his wife is breastfeeding and one is one breast, one is on the other...
BEHAR: Yes.
FLORENTINE: ... ok, can I get in there for a minute?
WALTER: Are you kidding me Jim?
FLORENTINE: And then he gets aggravated.
BEHAR: Ok, you`ve helped me not one bit, but thanks everyone.
We`re not the only ones discussing reality TV. Here`s a sneak peek from Sunday night`s premiere of "All Due Respect" airing right here on HLN. Take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ANTHONY ANDERSON, ACTOR: I`m not going to lie, my guilty pleasure...
MEADE: Yes.
ANDERSON: ... is "Housewives of Atlanta."
ANDERSON: Yes.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Is it really...
MEADE: But you didn`t say, you`re wanted to take it all off, Anthony?
ANDERSON: I`m sorry?
MEADE: But you just said you wanted to take it off.
ANDERSON: I do, but I will watch the final season. Well, before they take it off the air. And I like Mimi, yes I like Mimi, Mimi is my favorite though.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I like Kim too.
MEADE: So the managers that take reality TV off, like I like Mimi, I like Kim...
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Take it all off except the "Housewives of Atlanta."
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Who is Kim?
MEADE: Kim has the wig. She`s the blonde with the wig.
DENNIS ECKERSLEY, TNT ANALSYT: I like "Orange County". I got sucked into it. I mean, my wife -- I blame it on my wife. The next thing you know, I`m watching the stuff
MEADE: Oh, sure, Dennis.
ECKERSLEY: The thing about it is, is it really reality TV? Because it`s really scripted and we`re watching this play act is what we`re doing. So it`s really not reality TV. But meanwhile I have to admit that I`ve watched a few.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ANNISE PARKER, MAYOR-ELECT, HOUSTON, TEXAS: This election has changed the world, for the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered community.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: That was Houston`s openly gay major-elect, Anise Parker. Over the weekend, Houston became the largest city in the nation to elect an openly gay mayor. Good old liberal Texas.
Mayor-elect Annise Parker joins me now and with me is David High Pierce. First of all, congratulations, Mayor. This is the same Texas that George Bush is from, is that right?
ANNISE PARKER, MAYOR-ELECT, HOUSTON: Absolutely.
BEHAR: So why isn`t gay marriage passing in the Blue States. Why is it now starting to be a Red State phenomenon, do you think?
PARKER: Well, I have nothing to do with gay marriage. I just focused on my race here in Houston and I would point out that Houston is a blue island in the big red sea.
BEHAR: Houston is? And what about San Antonio? Isn`t that supposed to be...
PARKER: The big cities in Texas; Houston, San Antonio, Austin, even Dallas.
BEHAR: Really? Dallas, too.
PARKER: Dallas tipped Blue two election cycles ago.
DAVID HYDE PIERCE, BROADWAY/TELEVISION STAR: You know I was also going to say -- first of all, congratulations, Mayor. And also, one of the great things is that it didn`t matter that the voters were voting for your qualifications to do the job and your past experience and the fact that you happen to be lesbian, was apparently not an issue and that`s fantastic.
PARKER: I`m glad you pointed that out. I campaigned as the best, most experienced candidate for mayor and the voters already knew about my personal life; even a late in the campaign personal attack and anti-gay mailers that went out really didn`t blunt that. Partly because I think voters appreciated the fact that I`ve always been honest with them.
This is my 12th year in public office here in Houston, and my seventh winning campaign. So we have a history together.
BEHAR: Well, that is a lesson to be learned. You know you were honest with the voters and they repaid you for that in many ways. That`s - - that`s terrific.
But as mayor, I hate to harp on gay marriage because that is the issue. Are you going to try to pass gay marriage in your state? Are you going to try to work towards it?
PARKER: No and for a very simple reason. We had an anti gay marriage ballot initiative several years ago in the state of Texas and it`s constitutionally prohibited so that`s done. Unless the -- and we don`t have initiative and referendum in Texas. So unless our state legislature, which is still pretty conservative decided to reverse it, it`s not going to happen.
BEHAR: Why do you suppose there is such resistance to gay marriage in this country? What is it about? Just pure and simple homophobia, is it?
PIERCE: Tradition and -- some of it is religion and wouldn`t you say just habit.
PARKER: A marriage is religious, marriage is emotional. It taps into really deep core values for a lot of people and everybody has a mental image of what a marriage is and what it means and an emotional attachment. It`s very visceral...
BEHAR: Yes. Maybe marriage should be strictly a religious ceremony and civil unions should be for everybody. I wonder if the gay community would be okay with that. Do you think that they would in terms of all of the rights of marriage but we call it a civil union or do we want to always have it marriage? Just a yes or a no?
PARKER: That`s an individual answer.
BEHAR: Yes, it`s an individual answer for people.
PIERCE: Yes, for the Supreme Court.
BEHAR: Ok, thanks very much. Annise, David, thank you.
Coming up, we`ll talk a little Tiger with Stephen A. Smith. Don`t go anywhere.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Like O. J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant, Tiger Woods is an all-time great, or so I`m told. Personally, I don`t know a three iron from a curling iron.
(LAUGHTER)
But I do know a good scandal when I see one. And these star athletes have all been at the center of a big one. Here to discuss this affair is Stephen A. Smith, columnist for the "Philadelphia Inquirer" and syndicated radio talk show host.
STEPHEN A. SMITH, COLUMNIST, "PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER": Hello, Joy. You don`t know how happy I am to talk to you. I love you. How are you doing?
BEHAR: That`s so sweet. Thank you.
What do you make of this Tiger scandal, Stephen?
SMITH: It`s trifling on his part. He`s mishandled the entire situation not just because of his behavior the PR manner in which he`s handled it. He`s been either getting horrific advice or he hasn`t been listening to anybody and has made an absolute fool of himself.
He`s come across as a bit disingenuous, considerably more concerned with his image than addressing the issue. And even if you`re not going to address the issue, at least come out from jump street and tell everybody, you know what, I have a situation where my wife. It`s entirely my fault and of my doing. I`m trying to save my marriage.
Outside of that, anything else is none of your business. I`m not commenting on it anymore. But he did not do that. And because of that, his image is taking a big-time hit, and rightfully so.
BEHAR: Yes, he seems to be in hiding. I want you to listen to a clip from HLN. Apparently Tiger`s famous friends can`t get in touch with him.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: If Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan can`t get --
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Right.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Those are his boys.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You have his number, right?
CHARLES BARKLEY, FORMER NBA PLAYER: He changed his number.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: If Charles and Michael can`t get to him, these other people are making bad news.
BARKLEY: I think when you have these fires in your life, as I call them, you need to talk to somebody else who is famous who have been through things in their life.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: You can see more of that interview on HLN this Sunday at 10:00 p.m.
OK, Stephen, should he be talking to other famous people or should he be talking to a shrink?
SMITH: In my opinion, both, to be quite honest with you, because he seems a bit clueless at this moment. Especially somebody like Charles Barkley. I`ve known Charles for years, and he`s as honest as they come. And lord knows he doesn`t done everything right all of the time, but Charles Barkley is as authentic and real as they come.
And when you have somebody who is supposed to be a member of your inner circle that has been in the spotlight for less than favorable things and is reaching out to you and you`ve changed your number and even he can`t reach you, then it not only shows that you`re hiding but it shows who you really consider a friend and who you just labeled a friend for public consumption. That`s my opinion about it.
BEHAR: What is the obsession about Tiger? We talk about it every night on my show. People can`t get enough of it. Is it the sensationalism, is it the -- therefore, it`s a good thing my husband is like that? What is it about that people are so interested.
SMITH: You have to consider the fact that if you want to be successful in this world, you have to have mass appeal with that female audience, because that`s the major consumer in the United States of America.
And the reality is that you have an abundance of women out there that want to know about this, because women have an appetite for trying to figure out why men can be as trifling as we can be. You have people that explain it as a sex addiction. I never buy into that nonsense.
BEHAR: You don`t?
SMITH: We are men. We covet what we see. We see a nice, shapely, voluptuous woman, we covet her and we work to try and not pursue her. a lot of people don`t want to admit that. They certainly wouldn`t come on "The View" and admit that publicly, but that is the reality of the situation.
BEHAR: What happened to thou shall not covet thy neighbor`s bimbo?
(LAUGHTER)
SMITH: Men have never listened to that. I`m a man, I`m 42 and that`s the first time I heard that because I`ve never listened to such nonsense. It`s a constant battle, and men are in constant rehab, and we don`t want to admit it to the women out there because we don`t want to alienate that female audience.
BEHAR: Is there any hope for your gender, Stephen?
SMITH: No, no.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Just as an end to this conversation, the AP voted Tiger the athlete of the decade, is that going to help him at all?
SMITH: No, but he is worthy of the award, but it`s not going to help his image. It will help remind everybody he`s the greatest golfer in the world and he`s a tremendous winner. But that doesn`t make you a great man and it certainly doesn`t make you pure as snow.
BEHAR: Thank you, Stephen. In search of an honest man, I think I found it in you.
SMITH: Thank you.
BEHAR: Thanks for doing the show.
Moving on from professional athletes to the world`s oldest profession, the owner of a Nevada brothel is planning on hiring that state`s first legal male prostitutes. But will she attract any customers other than gay men and the occasional congressman?
(LAUGHTER)
Here to talk about it are the owner of that brothel, which is called Shady Lady Ranch, Bobbi Davis and Dr. Drew Pinsky, star VH1`s "Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew." Hello, everybody. You`re planning to be the first person to ever open a brothel that hires male prostitutes?
BOBBI DAVIS, OWNER, SHADY LADY RANCH: That`s right.
BEHAR: Didn`t Heidi Fleiss try to do that one time?
DAVIS: She was going to do it. She never got it off the ground.
BEHAR: She didn`t?
DAVIS: Well, her background kept her from doing it. She had too many felonies.
BEHAR: What makes you think women are going to have to pay for sex? We don`t have to pay for it. We can just get it if we want it.
DAVIS: Gosh, Joy...
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: You know how easy it is, Bobbi.
DAVIS: I know, I know. But you know what? There`s also women that don`t want to go out and expose themselves to diseases. There`s women that don`t want a relationship.
There`s women that want to do a couples thing. We have couples. We`ve been doing couples for years where men come in with their wives, girlfriends or significant others. And we could provide a woman but not a man if they wanted that mix.
BEHAR: What kind of guys are you going to have? Like studley guys or like accountants with really strange looking slumps? You never know. Women are not like men.
(LAUGHTER)
DAVIS: That`s right.
BEHAR: Men, they like a certain curvaceous blonde, there`s a certain type that they go for. But women, we like Woody Allen, for example.
DAVIS: You`re right. We`re going to have all types.
DR. DREW PINSKY, "SEX REHAB WITH DR. DREW": You guys aren`t inventing male prostitution. I can walk out o the studio and walk down Santa Monica Blvd and there`s male prostitutes all over the place there.
DAVIS: That`s true.
PINSKY: The primary customers are not females.
DAVIS: That`s true.
PINSKY: That`s the reality here. I`m all for equal protection under the law, and god bless you for providing equal opportunity here, but do we need more places for sex addicts to act out?
DAVIS: Come on, Dr. Drew, not everybody that comes to these places are sex addicts. There`s some people that don`t want relationships, Dr. Drew.
PINSKY: Absolutely. And they`ve invented a term for that. It`s called friends for benefits. That`s the case.
DAVIS: There`s some men that don`t want that either. They want to come to a place, they pay what they want -- I have men tell me what they pay for is for her to leave.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Really?
PINSKY: But then that`s the ultimate objectification of a human being.
DAVIS: Come on.
BEHAR: Don`t you think, Bobbi, you`re going to get a lot of gay guys and maybe some trannies?
DAVIS: I can`t discriminate under the law.
BEHAR: So anybody?
DAVIS: Yes, anybody.
BEHAR: I will make a bet with you now, Bobbi. You`re going to get more men coming than women.
PINSKY: I`ll take that bet.
DAVIS: If that happens, then that`s the way it goes. I`m not going to discriminate. It will be up to the workers to decide. Nobody in my business has to do anyone they do not wish to do.
PINSKY: How are they testing for human papilloma virus, just making sure all the men are vaccinated for that?
DAVIS: I`m not sure what they`ll do with the men yet. The women are tested -- not tested, but are examined.
PINSKY: I understand, but there are a lot of things you can`t test for in a man.
BEHAR: Like mental stability.
(LAUGHTER)
DAVIS: But here`s the other thing, Dr. Drew. You can`t test but we have male -- we`ve had male clients for years.
PINSKY: Yes.
DAVIS: And you don`t test -- we don`t test our clients that come in at all.
BEHAR: Isn`t this just a male fantasy, drew, where men dreaming that women will pay to sleep with them? It`s kind of a male fantasy. "She wants me so much she`ll pay for it."
PINSKY: To be a male prostitute? Well, yes, in a way. Men want to believe they`re just desired no matter what. So once money is exchanged it loses its appeal.
BEHAR: According to Ashley Dupre, who I had on here last night, Eliot Spitzer`s girlfriend there, she says that they think it`s romantic. They like it. They don`t say to themselves, gee, I`m paying for this, therefore she probably is not in love with me. They make up a fantasy.
PINSKY: It is a fantasy. That`s really the stripper fantasy, she`s there for me, she wants me. She wants your money, and that`s all that is. But men build this fantasy that`s why she is paying attention to me, she`s attracted to me. That`s not a real relationship. That`s kind of sad.
BEHAR: When are you opening up this brothel, Bobbi?
DAVIS: We`re hoping to hire our first man after January.
BEHAR: January.
DAVID: January is our county commissioners meeting to decide what rules they want to put on this. And so January 5th, and from then on we`ll see what happens.
BEHAR: I want you to call me February 5th and tell me how business is. I`ll be interested to find out. Dr. Drew, I`m going to report back to you, because we have a bet. But you and I agree on that, so I need somebody who disagrees.
Bobbi, you and I, ten bucks.
DAVIS: All right, ten bucks.
BEHAR: Ten bucks, more men and trannies will be coming than women. That`s all I`m saying.
DAVIS: I`ll say you`re wrong.
BEHAR: OK, darling. Drew, Bobbi, thanks. The season finale of VH1`s "Sex Rehab" with Dr. Drew is this Sunday at 10:00 p.m. Back in a minute with "Saturday Night Live`s" star Fred Armisen.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Fortunately for comedians, including the cast of "Saturday Night Live," there`s never a shortage of ridiculous things to make fun of in Washington. With me now is the man who plays the most powerful man in the free world for "SNL" actor and comedian Fred Armisen. Welcome to the show, Fred.
FRED ARMISEN, "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE": Hi, Joy. How are you?
BEHAR: I love your work.
ARMISEN: Likewise. I love "The View" and I`ve been watching this show as well.
BEHAR: Thank you.
Now, you poked fun at Obama quite a bit these days. Is it hard to poke fun at him?
ARMISEN: Yes, in a way it`s hard. I think were still -- still trying to find all the right subject matter, and he`s someone we`re getting to get to know.
BEHAR: He`s hard to do, because Bush was easy, everything he said was a joke.
ARMISEN: Yes. The writers, a lot of the stuff is done by the writers. Seth Myers and Jim Downey, we still --
BEHAR: Jim Downey, you have him back. He`s been therefore.
ARMISEN: He does a lot of the political stuff.
BEHAR: Let`s look at another clip of you playing the president.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PINSKY: Take a look at this checklist. On my first day in office, on my first day in office I said I`d close Guantanamo Bay. Is it closed yet? No.
(LAUGHTER)
I said we`d be out of Iraq. Are we? Not the last time I checked. I said I`d make improvements in the war in Afghanistan. Is it better? No, I think it`s actually worse.
(LAUGHTER)
When you look at my record, it`s very clear what I`ve done so far. And that is nothing.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Wow, you were a little rough on the president in that sketch. You agree with all the Republicans who were down his case, don`t you think?
ARMISEN: I don`t know if -- I think that the goal of every sketch is for it to be funny. So we don`t think about like rough or fair. It`s just about...
BEHAR: That`s interesting.
ARMISEN: It`s like what`s going to work. The show changes from the dress rehearsal to air show that same night. And we judge everything on how the audience reacts and what`s working and what`s not.
BEHAR: So you had a dress rehearsal on this and they laughed at certain things and you kept it in.
ARMISEN: Yes. And it`s more than things being rough, it`s about things relevant or timely.
BEHAR: There`s no Michelle Obama. Has anybody played Michelle?
ARMISEN: No, Maya did it for one show.
BEHAR: Maya Rudolph. She`s very funny.
ARMISEN: She`s brilliant. So she did it one time.
BEHAR: Is it hard to do Obama because he`s black? You`re afraid of being construed as racist?
ARMISEN: I don`t think any of us put that much thought into it. It`s like we need to make this sketch work. And I just think of the person and the way he talks.
BEHAR: You have that down, that cadence.
ARMISEN: A very interesting cadence. And I think we just go from there and you don`t get weighed down too much.
BEHAR: But you put makeup on. You sort of go on black faced, don`t you?
ARMISEN: I suppose that would be an issue, yes.
BEHAR: Where is the line -- well, it`s supposed to be funny. You just do whatever you think is funny?
ARMISEN: I don`t know where the line is.
BEHAR: What if you didn`t agree with the concept, you felt that it was completely politically incorrect or racist or something, would you open your mouth, or would you just do it anyway?
ARMISEN: Wow. If I was uncomfortable with something, I think I wouldn`t do it. But I trust everyone there a lot.
BEHAR: You do?
ARMISEN: I trust Loren.
BEHAR: Loren knows what he`s doing. He`s been doing it long enough.
ARMISEN: Yes. And so I just trust everyone. And I can`t remember a time at the show I`ve gone like, yes, I`m not comfortable with that. I always think that sounds great, let`s do it.
BEHAR: The other guy that does Tiger, what is his name? Keenan, he`s hilarious.
ARMISEN: He`s great. He`s a genius.
BEHAR: But I think that you would be more in the body type of Tiger. But you don`t do Tiger. Tiger Woods says he`s a Cablanasian, he`s Caucasian, black, and Asian. But why aren`t you playing tiger?
ARMISEN: Because Keenan did it great. He killed
BEHAR: He`s more of a robust, how should I put this, a chubby version of Tiger.
ARMISEN: He was funny. That`s all that matters.
BEHAR: I guess. But don`t they want you to look like the person more?
ARMISEN: I mean, I think all that matters is who does it the best. I thought Keenan was great.
BEHAR: Let`s talk about the women on the show. There aren`t a lot of women in comedy. A lot of comedians say that women are not funny. What do you think about that?
ARMISEN: Who says that?
BEHAR: Christopher Hitchens, although he`s not funny himself. He`s not a comedian.
ARMISEN: My favorite comediennes are women. Growing up, I remember Catherine O`Hara was --
BEHAR: Hilarious.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: So you don`t agree with that. Is your wife funny?
ARMISEN: She`s really, really funny.
BEHAR: Tell the audience who your wife is.
ARMISEN: Her name is Elizabeth Moss.
BEHAR: Elizabeth Moss. She`s one of the stars of "Madmen."
ARMISEN: That`s right.
BEHAR: And you guys just got married, didn`t you.
ARMISEN: Yes.
BEHAR: And she`s wonderful on that show. I`m full of complements today.
ARMISEN: She`s great. I think she`s really funny, too.
BEHAR: On, what, "Madmen"?
ARMISEN: Yes. I think "Madmen" has a lot of humor to it. I see it sometimes as a comedy show.
BEHAR: I`ve lived through that period. So I recognize every crazy thing about it.
ARMISEN: Do you feel like a female comedian that you went through a lot of things that were sexist?
BEHAR: Who`s doing the interview here?
(LAUGHTER)
More with Fred ARMISEN when we come back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PINSKY: You`ve got a lot of jokes lined up with this one. I can tell by the look on your face.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: The only shot I want is a shot of David Caruso getting out of the showers.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: That`s my doppelganger, "Saturday Night Live" star Fred ARMISEN doing his best impression of me. I thought he was making fun of me, and then I thought, so what, who cares?
(LAUGHTER)
ARMISEN: But the Joy from this show a little different from the Joy on "the view".
BEHAR: Oh really? How?
ARMISEN: On this show you`re a little bit more calm.
BEHAR: I`m calmer here?
ARMISEN: You`re a little more quiet.
BEHAR: Well, I`m the host.
ARMISEN: There`s not so much yelling.
BEHAR: There`s no cacophony around me.
ARMISEN: Yes. What is that like? Do people just shout over you?
BEHAR: Yes.
(LAUGHTER)
Do you like playing me?
ARMISEN: Oh, it`s great. The fun thing for me is, and it sounds like such a showbiz thing. But being around the other comedians doing everybody else is just fantastic. And it`s great. Kristen doing Elizabeth and --
BEHAR: I love Kristen`s impression of Kathie Lee Gifford. That is the funniest.
ARMISEN: That`s great.
BEHAR: The little twitches that Kathie Lee has. I never noticed all the twitches I have. So what. Who cares? You`ve got me down.
ARMISEN: You`re nice to say that.
BEHAR: But you need some more material and I`ll help you later with that.
ARMISEN: We do, yes.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: You are the oldest person on the cast now. How old are you now.
ARMISEN: I`ve 43.
BEHAR: Wow, for that show.
ARMISEN: Yes.
BEHAR: How does it feel to be the elder statesman? Darrell Hammond is not older than you?
ARMISEN: He`s not on anymore really.
BEHAR: He used to be there all the time.
ARMISEN: I think Bill Hartman was up there.
BEHAR: Well, he`s passed away.
ARMISEN: I`m saying during his tenure of "SNL".
BEHAR: But he`s no longer with us. But when he was there he was the oldest.
ARMISEN: I would say, yes.
BEHAR: Do you think that Keenan does a better impression of Whoopi than you do of me?
ARMISEN: Oh, wow.
BEHAR: These are deep questions.
ARMISEN: Yes, these are really deep.
(LAUGHTER)
I`m going to say I think Keenan`s is more wordy and therefore better, because he has these long runs of these little speeches...
BEHAR: Well, Whoopi does more of an in-depth conversation than I do. My boyfriend, Steve, he says that you`re a jabber. I jab and come out. That`s why I`m quieter here than there? No, it`s impossible.
(LAUGHTER)
Is your wife funny at home, too?
ARMISEN: She`s hilarious. She really makes me laugh.
BEHAR: Do you imitate her?
ARMISEN: I can do an impression of her, but I`ve never really done it.
BEHAR: Do you do an impression of John Hamm and just walk around looking gorgeous all day?
ARMISEN: He`s also good to do.
BEHAR: And then also the other woman -- the woman with the big role. Joan. Thank you.
ARMISEN: Yes.
BEHAR: Any way, thanks Fred, and it`s always a pleasure to talk to you. Keep it going. You`re very funny.
ARMISEN: Thank you.
BEHAR: And thanks to all of my guests. Goodnight, everybody.
ARMISEN: Goodnight, everybody.
END
