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Joy Behar Page
Is Tiger Woods Getting a Divorce?; Interview With Tim Allen
Aired January 06, 2010 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
JOY BEHAR, HOST: Tonight on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW, Tiger Woods is missing from the link, but will he soon be missing half his bank account?
And the mysterious G-spot, where is it?
On "Home Improvement" he spent eight years talking to his neighbor over a fence. But tonight he`s here talking to me face to face -- everybody`s favorite Santa Claus Tim Allen.
All this and more starting now.
How big a star is Tiger Woods? He`s vanished so quickly he could be home without a trace. Yet even in absentia, he is still the one everyone is asking about.
Will he go back to golf? Will he go to sex rehab? Will he go on saltpeter? One place he isn`t going is back home. His wife, Elin, is busier than a Jackson Pollock painting. She`s apparently talking to lawyers and figuring out her next move.
Here now to talk about all of this is Caroline Schaefer, "US Weekly" executive editor and Judge Michele Lowrance, author of "The Good Karma Divorce" -- I love that title.
Welcome, ladies. Did I say it right?
JUDGE MICHELE LOWRANCE, AUTHOR, "THE GOOD KARMA DIVORCE": Lowrance.
BEHAR: Lowrance.
LOWRANCE: The fancy way.
BEHAR: Oh, excuse moi.
Let`s start with Caroline, OK. The new issue of "Us Weekly" says they think they know where Tiger is. Where is he?
CAROLINE SCHAEFER, EXECUTIVE EDITOR US WEEKLY: We have reports that he has been staying on long island at the billionaire home of -- at the home of billionaire James Dolan, the head of Cablevision. That basically he reached out to Tiger and said if you need a place to hide out for a little while, you can use my landing ship or my jet and go on out all over the place.
BEHAR: Very nice of him.
SCHAEFER: Very nice of him yes.
BEHAR: He has a landing pad on his property or something?
SCHAEFER: Yes. I mean a $13.5 million estate, gated community. Yes, he has three planes of his own.
BEHAR: Three planes of his own. And a helicopter can land in his yard.
SCHAEFER: Yes.
BEHAR: So what is Jim Dolan saying about these rumors?
SCHAEFER: He`s saying it`s not true. But obviously he`s trying to protect Tiger who`s a close friend of his. But I also think that he`s not only been there. I think he`s been other places too; obviously he`s jetting in and out.
BEHAR: We heard a rumor that he was across the street at the Trump Hotel.
SCHAEFER: There were rumors that he was there. There were rumors that he was in Africa. You know, everybody`s trying to find him.
BEHAR: Well, he could be in Africa but I doubt he`s across the street.
SCHAEFER: He could be. Right. You probably know.
BEHAR: How do you guys know? You don`t really know?
SCHAEFER: We have sources who are very close to Tiger who are telling us.
BEHAR: We have our ways, huh?
SCHAEFER: Yes we do. Yes we do.
BEHAR: Elin, how about her? The wife has been spotted in the Alps sipping margaritas and having a grand old time. How is she coping?
SCHAEFER: She`s OK. I mean some people say that she`s a little bit like a zombie. She`s sort of going through the motions. She`s obviously getting a lot of support from her family, her twin sister and here kids. But that she`s using a couple of glasses of wine at night to relax and to fall asleep.
BEHAR: Can you imagine, there`s two of them like her. That`s really -- they`re identical twins.
SCHAEFER: She`s an identical twin.
BEHAR: OK. Now there`s a lot of talk about a sex tape that TMZ is reporting.
SCHAEFER: Yes.
BEHAR: It`s reporting that Vivid Entertainment CEO has seen part of the tape. Take a listen to what he told TMZ.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Rumor is that you`ve been in touch with a woman who claims to have a Tiger Woods sex tape?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We were approached anonymously by somebody who supposedly has a Tiger Woods sex tape. We saw maybe 30 seconds of it. Still working to identify to see if it`s actually him.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So you don`t know if it`s really him or not?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We don`t know yet, but we`ll know soon.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: OK. Well, we know it`s not carrot top, but who is it?
SCHAEFER: That`s the million dollar question. But I would actually be very surprised if it were Tiger. Tiger was very careful to cover his tracks. There have been no incriminating pictures of him with his mistresses. He was very careful not to be photographed. So a sex tape seems highly unlikely to me.
BEHAR: It doesn`t really make sense that he would be in there, does it to you?
LOWRANCE: Whether or not somebody has a sex tape has nothing to do with logic, does it?
BEHAR: What do you mean? Of course it does.
LOWRANCE: I don`t think it does.
BEHAR: Well, it sort of follows, like night after day, in a certain way that Paris Hilton had one, she turns out to be, you know, quite the risque little girl.
LOWRANCE: But you would say that somebody who is a high profile person wouldn`t be that inappropriate or sloppy or careless. But that isn`t necessarily true.
BEHAR: But if that is true -- if it is and we`re not saying it is -- wouldn`t that help Elin in the divorce proceedings?
SCHAEFER: One would think so. Absolutely. I mean you can tell me more about the legal aspect of it I would think that yes, it would give her more ammo.
BEHAR: She`s hired a PI purportedly hired a PI and also a divorce lawyer. So she`s on it. That girl is on it and she wants -- I think that it`s not a stretch to say she wants a divorce, right?
SCHAEFER: I think the jury is still out. People are still wondering. Is she going to get a divorce or is she going to walk away. She is a child herself of divorce.
So people are saying that maybe she didn`t want to (INAUDIBLE) her kids through a divorce at such a young age. But it`s hard to ignore 14 mistresses while you`re pregnant. All that drama that she`s been through.
BEHAR: Your book is about really divorce without all this (INAUDIBLE), right?
LOWRANCE: Well, yes, but before I speak about that, even if he -- I have no idea sex tapes, but if somebody has sex tapes, it doesn`t affect the case. Most states are no faults. That stuff isn`t even admissible.
Maybe if there`s a custody fight, but even that wouldn`t be necessarily relevant.
BEHAR: Well, she wants half his money it looks like, allegedly. So can she get half and does that enter into it at all?
LOWRANCE: It shouldn`t have anything to do with money. No fault means that conduct and money never mix that no matter how somebody behaves it doesn`t affect the financial settlement. I think it`s an important point because people always believe it does. They think they`re getting frequent flyer miles by saying somebody behaved terribly, that somehow it`s going to pay off in gifts and cash prizes. It doesn`t work that way.
BEHAR: Can you get frequent flyer mileage for that?
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Thanks very much, ladies.
We`re moving on but I just can`t leave Tiger alone.
Joining me now is the author of this month`s "Vanity Fair" cover story on Tiger Woods, Buzz Bissinger. Buzz, you wrote an article on Tiger Woods which is very revealing especially about him living two different lives. So tell us about that.
BUZZ BISSINGER, VANITY FAIR: Well, it just seems apparent now that Tiger projected a certain image. It was very calculated. It was very manipulative and he projected it along with his handlers because at the bottom of everything is money.
The image Tiger had netted him and made him the first billion-dollar athlete in history. And as we all know behind it was a very, very different Tiger who had 14 or 15 mistresses while married and was not at all what we thought him to be. I think that`s why people feel betrayed and they feel angry. He duped us -- he duped millions of us.
BEHAR: It sounds as though a lot of people duped us though about him because it sounds like a major cover-up. Like people knew about it and just kept quiet because of the money involved, right?
BISSINGER: Well, I don`t know -- you know what? I don`t know how many people knew about it. I`ve spoken to golf writers -- national golf writers who covered hundreds of tournaments. I don`t think golf writers knew about it. Frankly, golf writers are not the most aggressive reporters in the world.
I assume his agent Mark Steinberg knew about it but he should have known about it if he was a good agent. How many golfers -- pro golfers -- knew about it? Tiger was very aloof. Tiger didn`t hang around with a lot of other golfers. They were intimidated by him simply because he was so good on the golf course.
BEHAR: Right but you know...
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Let me ask you a question about those photos. You`ve got a very buffed up Tiger in there.
BISSINGER: Yes you do.
BEHAR: First of all, where did you get these pictures?
BISSINGER: I know very little about them. The only thing I know about them was Annie Leibovitz took them in early 2006. They were taken in Orlando. I do not know the circumstances. Obviously they were never used.
That happens, it went into the archives and when the scandal broke, she went to Graydon Carter at "Vanity Fair" and said look, I got these pictures, are you interested? And Graydon`s eyes popped out of his head. Of course I`m interested and they`re very revealing of a Tiger that we never saw.
A Tiger that -- not only is he buff, he clearly is narcissistic, he clearly is in love with his body. That`s how I interpret this.
BEHAR: He clearly doesn`t look like Sam Snead (ph).
BISSINGER: He sure doesn`t. He definitely doesn`t.
BEHAR: I mean, the photos are fueling rumors that the guy is on some kind of steroids. Of course, we don`t know if that`s true. I`m just throwing that out there. But it kind of sort of throws fuel on the fire of that little rumor, too. Doesn`t it?
BISSINGER: Yes sure. Well, it does. Apparently when he came back after those pictures, he was even bigger. Unfortunately, every athlete has to be under suspicion of using some type of drug to enhance performance. You`re not talking about $10. You`re not talking about $10,000. You`re talking about the possibility of hundreds of millions of dollars.
Would I be surprised if he took them? Absolutely not.
BEHAR: You wouldn`t be surprised.
BISSINGER: No.
BEHAR: To me, golf is about eye-hand coordination. I don`t know anything about it. But that`s what it looks like to me. What do you need steroids to be buffed up to hit a ball?
BISSINGER: Well, you know -- it is about hand-eye coordination, but I think Tiger really proved it also is about strength. His strength training paid off; hitting the ball longer to some degree, but endurance. You`re on that course for six or seven hours sometimes. It can be 95 degrees, 100 degrees.
Steroids help you regenerate very, very quickly. As I say, I have no proof but it would not surprise me.
BEHAR: Maybe I should start taking them. I have two shows and it`s - - I could use a little help now.
BISSINGER: You`re pretty wired without taking them. I don`t think you need them.
BEHAR: Thank you Buzz. What do you think is next for Tiger?
BISSINGER: You know I think he`s going to be in hiding wherever he is whether he`s with Dolan, whether he`s across the street, whether he`s in Africa with Bono. I think he`s going to be in hiding. I think he will come back.
My sense of Tiger is...
BEHAR: Right.
BISSINGER: ... he`s pissed off, he`s pissed off of the media, he`s pissed off saying this was my private life and you screwed up my private life and this is none of your business.
He also is a remarkable competitor. He is a great athlete, whatever we think of him. And I think he will return and I think he can win.
I think he has that relentless focus and that`s his redemption.
BEHAR: Yes.
BISSINGER: Some people say whatever he is, whatever he is and he is a great, great athlete.
BEHAR: He is a great athlete.
BISSINGER: A great athlete.
BEHAR: And when all else fails, blame the media. That`s what I say.
BISSINGER: You`re exactly right.
BEHAR: Ok.
BISSINGER: Exactly right.
BEHAR: Thanks to Buzz and my panel.
Up next, a couple of gals and I go searching for the G-spot.
Stay tuned.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Something`s been bugging me ever since I read that a study in England reported there is no such thing is the G-spot. For all of you neophytes out there the G-spot is the place that supposedly gives women true sexual satisfaction. I always thought that was Bloomingdale`s, but whatever.
I haven`t seen mine since 1968, right after the Democratic convention. At this point, I`m thinking of putting it on the side of a milk carton, ok. But then earlier this week on my show, Dr. Oz, the fabulous doctor who I love, he said that the British study is wrong and that there definitely is a G-spot.
Now, what`s a girl to do?
So is there or isn`t there a G-spot? It`s like global warming in a way, isn`t it, the icecaps are sliding into Alabama but there are people like Sean Hannity who say there`s no such thing as global warming. So putting two and two together, here`s what I come up with.
Sean Hannity has never truly satisfied a woman.
Ok, so what`s going on? Does G mark the spot or what?
Joining me on this treasure hunt are Lizz Winstead, comedienne and co- creator of "The Daily Show" and Naomi Wolf, author of the New York Times bestseller, "Give Me Liberty" and she is also working on a cultural history of the vagina. Oh, yes.
Ok, so fasten your seat belts out there, we`re going to dive right in here.
LIZZ WINSTEAD, COMEDIAN & CO-CREATOR, "THE DAILY SHOW": Everything you say is a double entendre from this point forward so forget it.
BEHAR: People have told me I`m a master of the single entendre. Why? Do they ever ask men these questions; do you have a G-spot? Don`t you have a G-spot? It`s a singularly female thing to concentrate, in my opinion, on this particular spot. What do you think?
WINSTEAD: I think that I love when there`s actually a study that -- like well, there`s global warming studies, I`m not a scientist, so I can`t find my own research. I can do my own research no matter what these 1,800 people say, I can do my own research and I can tell you right now, that, I have a G-spot. I have all the alphabets, I think.
So I don`t really gad about, I have 26 spots and they`re all firing on all cylinders.
BEHAR: So you have one?
WINSTEAD: Yes.
BEHAR: Do you have one, Naomi?
NAOMI WOLF, AUTHOR, "GIVE ME LIBERTY": I mean, my daughter would be really annoyed if I answered that positively as I would be inclined to. But let me tell a little allegory.
BEHAR: Ok.
WOLF: I was doing some research last night -- no, just kidding.
WINSTEAD: Well, she got a G-spot, already, already.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Well, maybe she has, maybe she hasn`t. I personally would like to just say now I do not. I have not found it.
WOLF: Well, don`t give up. But this young woman named (INAUDIBLE) did a documentary asking women do you have a G-spot?
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Ok, go ahead.
WOLF: But no, this is important and half the women she talked and said, at like you, and well, I would be inclined to be in your camp...
WINSTEAD: Yes.
WOLF: ... absolutely categorically no question, I know, I don`t need to listen to scientists telling me what`s going on in there.
BEHAR: Right.
WOLF: This is true what happened and it`s great and then half of more like categorically not. And this is like this big, you know, culture war. That in fact, there is this doctor who`s the pudendal (ph) nerve guy, Jeffrey Cole (ph), who said that and no one would listen to him in the world of pop culture, women have a pudendal nerve that either branches in two places or don`t.
And so half of these women who are like absolutely, it`s there, it`s me, I`m down with it...
BEHAR: Yes.
WOLF: ... are telling the truth about themselves and the ones who say no are also telling the truth about themselves, woman are different.
BEHAR: I see.
WINSTEAD: I want to know if there`s a pudendal nerve doctor in my health plan. Is that covered in health care reform?
BEHAR: Is there a cat scan.
WINSTEAD: I don`t have a plan, yes. How do I get that guy?
BEHAR: You have to know that this study was asked of...
WINSTEAD: Could anybody have pulled my wisdom teeth.
BEHAR: That`s tricky.
WINSTEAD: Yes.
BEHAR: ... listen, but they asked heterosexual women from the ages 23 to 83, the 83-year-olds must have broken a hip just looking for it. I mean, why are they asking 83-year-old women this question?
WINSTEAD: Why shouldn`t they?
BEHAR: Well, I mean, really, do we care at 83?
WINSTEAD: I hope we do. I mean, we not, you`re just a bitter old woman.
BEHAR: That`s true. I am a bitter old woman. I don`t have it and I don`t want it. How do you like that?
WINSTEAD: (INAUDIBLE) have brought a G-spot on your show.
BEHAR: Let Dr. Oz find it on me and then we`ll see.
Ok, Dr. Oz was on with me and he claimed the G-spot does exist. So listen to Dr. Oz now.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DR. MEHMET OZ, DR. OZ SHOW: The male prostate...
BEHAR: Yes.
OZ: ... doesn`t disappear in the women, where does it go? Where is the prostate, look, the testes are the ovaries, right?
BEHAR: Yes.
OZ: The penis becomes the clitoris.
BEHAR: Yes.
OZ: So there`s some parallels...
BEHAR: Ok.
OZ: ... in many woman. What happened to the prostate, where did it go?
BEHAR: I don`t know.
OZ: Have you never thought about that?
BEHAR: Where is it?
OZ: The prostate becomes the G-spot.
BEHAR: And where is it?
OZ: It`s right where it`s supposed to be on the back wall of the uterus of the vagina. But here`s the catch. It`s not the one little dime- sized space that you can put your finger in there and find. That`s not how it works.
BEHAR: No.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: That was rather graphic of him but we enjoyed it. You know who discovered the G-spot, Dr. Ernest Grafinberg (ph).
WOLF: Grafinberg.
BEHAR: Who knows more about love making than the Germans?
Another interesting point about women`s sexuality that he told us is that a Viagra-type pill was coming out for women. Would you take it?
WINSTEAD: If I need to, yes.
BEHAR: Oh, you`re such a braggart. She`s got a G-spot, she doesn`t need Viagra.
WINSTEAD: You know what? I can`t live with you, when you`re brought up Catholic...
BEHAR: Yes.
WINSTEAD: And you`re so terrified of having sex, because you`re going to go to hell, you find all sorts of spots by yourself. And regardless of whether Carrie Prejean says it`s not sex.
BEHAR: I hope so.
WINSTEAD: You do a lot of pre-finding.
BEHAR: What about you, would you take a Viagra pill? Because it`s supposed to get the blood flow down.
WOLF: No, because the fact that they`re medicalizing what should be a need filled by basically better sexual attention on the part of ones partner is really bad. I mean, women, you know the G-spot. How do you find your G-spot -- by someone helping you find her, by finding it yourself?
BEHAR: Well, she found it herself.
WOLF: Well...
(CROSSTALK)
WOLF: Let`s move out and nature designed women to be incredibly sexually responsive just sort of continually in all kinds of ways. Clitorally, G-spot, you know, when you say you`re firing on many cylinders, nature designed us to be incredibly responsive. But that takes someone paying attention to us and taking our time and get used to it and they can feel beautiful and they can feel like...
BEHAR: Well, lots of luck with that Naomi, ok.
All right, more with my panel in a minute. Stay right there.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Ok, going from the G-spot to C-Span. Boy, there`s a 180 degree turn. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi took an apparent swipe at President Obama yesterday. Take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (INAUDIBLE) Any response on that?
NANCY PELOSI, HOUSE SPEAKER: No decision has been...
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (INAUDIBLE)
PELOSI: Really? Well, there are a number of things you are throwing...
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: She actually had an expression there, didn`t she?
WINSTEAD: You know why she has so much botox because she had to look at John Boehner every day and it will mask her the same -- she just has to freeze her face.
BEHAR: It looks like the Dems are like turning on each other a little bit. Shouldn`t they be sticking together against the Republicans? Making little cracks about Obama?
WINSTEAD: I don`t know. The Dems haven`t stuck together since money came into politics. That`s just what happens. Everybody interests come into play and so people are looking out for theirs and who gave them money and how they`re going to do it. I think you have a real problem with cohesion when...
BEHAR: But she`s ticked of at him about the public option I think.
WINSTEAD: He said he would like it -- he would like something that would control the cost. The bigger thing that she should be mad about -- what he did promise was the fact that he said that he wanted re-importation of prescription drugs and that he was promising we were going to be able to negotiate prices, one of the biggest problems of health care today.
And he backed off on that and had some kind of, you know...
BEHAR: But you know, doesn`t it make the conservative -- Naomi, doesn`t it make the conservatives in a way like him better now because they hate Pelosi so much? It`s like, oh good, you know.
WOLF: I think that`s wishful thinking. I also think you`re giving Pelosi a little too much credit that didn`t seem to me like a calculated strategic moment, it seemed like a politician blurting out what a politician thinks which is you promise one thing on a campaign trail then you get down to real life.
BEHAR: I see. It wasn`t a dis against him specifically.
WOLF: I think it was inadvertent.
BEHAR: Inadvertent?
WOLF: Yes. I think it was.
BEHAR: You know what Freud said.
A bunch of Democrats seem to be backing out of running or they`re going to lose. Chris Dodd is backing off of Connecticut. But Byron Dorgan...
WOLF: Dorgan.
BEHAR: What`s his name?
WINSTEAD: Byron Dorgan -- North Dakota. He`s my neighboring state from Minnesota.
BEHAR: What about him, he`s going to lose.
WINSTEAD: Well, no...
BEHAR: And some Republican will take his place. And then Bill Ritter, another guy, the Governor of Colorado probably won`t run again. So we`re losing Democrats. We barely are squeezing that 60 votes out of them now.
WINSTEAD: Here`s the thing. There`s two problems with this. There`s more Republicans who aren`t stepping down than Democrats -- that`s the headline here; 14 in the House versus 10, 6 in the Senate versus 2 -- 6 Republicans versus 2. And there`s more governors that are Republicans that are not going to run again than Democrats. That`s not the headline.
But what`s so weird is why Democrats didn`t strategize. Three of them announced today they`re stepping down. So that becomes the main story. And then we`re talking about it.
BEHAR: And they talk about the liberal media.
WINSTEAD: Yes.
BEHAR: What about this -- just before we go -- his approval rating is at 50 percent approximately; one of the lowest for presidents entering their second year. George W. Bush, one of the great minds of the 18th century, he had 84 percent entering his second year, but that was right after 9/11 and Reagan was 49 percent. So it`s not as bad as Reagan`s was.
Thanks, ladies, we ran out of time.
When we come back, the talented Tim Allen stops by. Maybe he has a G- spot.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Welcome back, everyone. The tragic death of Casey Johnson has thrust her name into the headlines and the bizarre circumstances surrounding her life have a lot of us wondering just what happened to the young heiress. Here now to talk about the latest on this story is Mike Walters, assignment manager from TMZ. Hi, Mike, how are you?
MIKE WALTERS, ASSIGNMENT MANAGER FROM TMZ: Good. How are you?
BEHAR: Okay, what is the latest on the Casey Johnson story?
WALTERS: Well they finished the autopsy with her body to figure out exactly obviously what happened to such a young girl passing away so early and they deferred it, which means basically there`s no sign of foul play. There was no sign of suicide. There was nothing to them obvious right then and there that this was something that could be told to the family or to prosecutors or anybody what happened.
So basically they`re looking for the toxicology reports, what was in her blood stream, what signs of any kind of drugs or she was a diabetic, so anything that has to do with that that, with insulin, with anything like that that could have caused her death at such a young age. So that`s where we are at.
BEHAR: Uh-huh.
WALTERS: She`s actually been flown to the east coast. Her family is planning a funeral in the next week for immediate family.
BEHAR: Well you know I was reading some reports that were talking about the unsanitary conditions in her -- in her -- where she lived, rats and also garbage around. Do you know anything about that? What was that about?
WALTERS: Yes, you know this is actually the interesting part of this story, and that is she had a place here in Los Angeles and I think that is the place you`re talking about, that was in a little bit of disrepair. But she actually lived -- she stayed at another house, a back house of a family friend, which I don`t think was that bad off, where she is actually living, where they found her. But that does bring up the finances.
Apparently Casey had a lot of financial problems when she passed away. The family had sort of cut her off to that big Johnson & Johnson fortune. We found out they - she got her Porsche taken away by Porsche Beverly Hills in the last month before she passed away.
BEHAR: Uh-huh.
WALTERS: Also she had a nanny service, she has a daughter. She had a nanny service she owed almost $20,000 to that she didn`t pay and actually won a lawsuit and a judgment against her on the 21st. So just a couple weeks ago. So it looked like at the last - you know right when she passed away she had financial issues and that might be why that is with her place and why it looked like that.
BEHAR: I see okay, all right let`s move on to Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen`s uncle spoke to Enews about, about his wife Brooke and this is what his uncle had to say quote, "there is just as much chance of her being a drama queen as of what she`s saying being true." Unquote. So the uncle is calling the alleged victim in this domestic abuse scandal a drama queen.
WALTERS: Well, I mean you have to be very careful right away calling a victim a drama queen, number one.
BEHAR: Exactly.
WALTERS: Number two, the situation, and I know a lot about what happened between both of them and it was a very serious situation. Whether Brooke had been drinking heavily which we know is true whether Charlie was the aggressor in this situation. Whether a knife was used, they`re trying to figure all that out right now. The prosecutor in Aspen could charge him with a crime if he thinks that it happened. Either way, the interesting part is that we are actually told at TMZ they want to reconcile, that Brooke wants this protective order lifted, at least some of it so they can live together, they can resume living together with their kids here in Los Angeles.
So sometimes stories do change when people tell them to the cops right when it`s happening and a then few days later. So right now they`re trying to figure out whether or not Charlie did all that and if he did whether he did, you know, he should be charged with a crime. But we`re told they`re actually going to live together and at least resume part of that - that part of their marriage with their kids here in L.A. soon.
BEHAR: You know it makes me queasy to say this, but I wish them good luck. All right thanks very much Mike.
WALTERS: Totally.
BEHAR: Okay you know my next guest from movies like "Galaxy Quest," "Santa Claus" and "Toy Story" and you may also have caught him during his 8 seasons on the hit sitcom "Home Improvement." Well, here`s a clip from his latest movie, let`s take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What did mom always say? Hate is for Hitler. Now come on, you`re staying with us until you`re back on your feet. Let`s go. Grammy is busting.
She`s excited I`m finally out huh?
Well --
Well? Well? Hey, Vick, well what?
Tom, we never exactly told her you were in prison. Her heart might just break.
I know about her heart. So where have I been for three years?
Welcome home from France.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Okay, that was Tim Allen, director and star of "Crazy On The Outside." it`s a pleasure to welcome him here. Hello, Tim.
TIM ALLEN, DIRECTOR AND ACTOR: How are you?
BEHAR: So now you`re a director, huh?
ALLEN: I have a beret. I left it in the dressing room. And japoys and a hoy, and action! Mr. Allen, the actors are over here. oh that`s of course, you`re right.
BEHAR: This is your first directorial debut?
ALLEN: Yes, I went to film school and I directed an episode of "Home Improvement" I`ve done some commercial work. But nothing like this. This was a, I always wondered as a comedian, I would do comedy movies and go, boy, they missed that joke.
BEHAR: Yes.
ALLEN: How did they miss the joke? And I talked to the director, I never saw it. Well I never saw it. And I kept to myself and I asked a buddy of mine, Kevin Costner - How does that work acting and --
BEHAR: He`s hilarious.
ALLEN: He`s so funny. I asked him about directing. And he said the only way Charlie Chaplain made sense of his movies is to direct them. So I said I found this script "Crazy on the Outside" and I got Sigourney Weaver and Kelsey Grammer, Jeanne Tripplehorn to join in, and it`s a real fringe forest. It moves very quick.
BEHAR: Yes.
ALLEN: And late on some drama, it looks like you`re bored already.
BEHAR: No, I`m not. I`m not --
ALLEN: Just for a moment.
BEHAR: No.
ALLEN: Just for a moment I saw your Blackberry in your eyes.
BEHAR: No I was actually having a fantasy about Kevin Costner and how host he is.
ALLEN: He is actually I`ve had the same fantasy.
BEHAR: So, so -
ALLEN: Over and over in my head.
BEHAR: You have a fantastic cast. It`s about a guy who gets out of prison, right? He gets out --
ALLEN: He gets out and Sigourney plays my sister.
BEHAR: Yes.
ALLEN: And lies the whole way. Manipulates my life to get me to go straight, Ray Liotta plays the villain, go figure. And he wants me to go back to the cell and bootleg videos.
BEHAR: Yes.
ALLEN: It`s a real life morality tale but these two writers Pillot and Peaslee wrote -- and it`s got funny, funny bits in it. I pitched it to Disney probably three years ago, they liked it but a little too much language for them.
BEHAR: Sure.
ALLEN: So I did it on my own.
BEHAR: Disney loves you. But the guy -- this is what I read. They tell everybody he was in France but he was actually in jail, right?
ALLEN: Well my grandma it`s in the story has a bad heart, so Sigourney said we couldn`t tell her you were in prison. So where was I, so half the movie I`m still trying to convince my grandma I was in France with a girlfriend named Simon. Laying on top of this other movie where I`m falling in love with Julie Bowen, my ex love who is in modern family.
BEHAR: Yes.
ALLEN: That Sigourney said she was dead, so I find out she`s alive. Jean Tripplehorn plays my PRO, who I`m getting kind of the feelings for. And Kelsey Grammer is dating Julia. It`s a whole fringe forest -
BEHAR: Yes, yes, yes.
ALLEN: It`s not like --
BEHAR: But what I`m trying to go here, you were in jail, too.
ALLEN: Oh you had to go there, right. That wasn`t even a circle.
BEHAR: This is a CNN station.
ALLEN: Right, this is independent news.
BEHAR: So we go there. But it`s not exactly a stretch for you.
ALLEN: No.
BEHAR: Isn`t it a pun? Sort of - that was a pun, sorry.
ALLEN: It was even a pun, it was a bad joke.
BEHAR: I`m sorry.
ALLEN: A stretch? I get it. A stretch.
BEHAR: Get it?
ALLEN; Get my lawyer, I will sue! This is headline news. This is kind of in between CNN.
BEHAR: That`s right, that`s right. This is CNN with opinions.
ALLEN: Huh?
BEHAR: News and views, that our motto.
ALLEN: Yes, CNN doesn`t have an opinion.
BEHAR: That`s right.
ALLEN: We have no opinion
BEHAR: Well they have opinions, but not the hosts.
ALLEN: Does James Earl Jones know you`re using his voice?
BEHAR: This is CNN.
ALLEN: This is CNN.
BEHAR: I know I love that.
ALLEN: He still looks up going did I ever get any money for that? Did that - there`s no checks for that.
BEHAR: But you don`t want to talk about your time?
ALLEN: This had nothing to do with my prison.
BEHAR: But I`m interested in the slammer time.
ALLEN: All right, let`s talk. I learned to pick up the soap with my feet, is that what you want to know.
BEHAR: No, no.
ALLEN: Look at this, this kind of posture means - I --
BEHAR: What I was going for is as a comedian, because you know when we were kids, we get out of jams and get out of - we manipulate the teachers with our humor. What did you do in jail to like save yourself? That`s my question.
ALLEN: That`s actually a good question.
BEHAR: It`s not about the soap.
ALLEN: I was on the paint crew, which is very much like one of the bits in this movie. But I`ll go back to this. The only thing I used in my experience is when I did the prison scenes, which I threw most of them out in editing is I wanted it realistic.
BEHAR: Right.
ALLEN: So I did the cells realistic. The other prisoners realistic. But we threw most of that out because it wasn`t interesting.
BEHAR: Oh I see.
ALLEN: The story was about Sigourney
BEHAR: Yes, yes, yes.
ALLEN: And the brother and sister. But -- when I was in the slammer, it was 30 years ago, oh wait, it was 30 years ago, there was a guy in the paint crew that wanted to kick my -- tush. That sounds so --
BEHAR: You can say anything if you want on this show.
ALLEN: Ass. He wanted to kick my ass.
BEHAR: Yes.
ALLEN: He`s just got bored, I don`t like men they get bored, when men get bored they get in fights. That`s my mom would say, his idle time is the devil`s time, she use to say.
BEHAR: Uh huh.
ALLEN: And this guy, he`d start picking on me because we`ve run out of stuff to paint. So I go pretty close to close in time, you go, that sounds Like Elmer Fudd. So I had to do that like 24/7. I had to keep coming up with Elmer Fudd jokes because it would completely disarm this guy. And I don`t do a good Elmer Fudd, as you just saw. But it saved my life.
BEHAR: You made my point. That`s where I was going with this. Okay.
ALLEN: Right, well that`s good. Time`s up, right?
BEHAR: Okay no, we`re just getting started with Tim Allen, so don`t go anywhere.
ALLEN: (UNINTELLIGIBLE)
(VIDEO CLIP, "CRAZY ON THE OUTSIDE")
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: They`re coming this way, they`re going to cut me down. They`re going to put up a parking lot here. Boo!
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Get him, dad.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Nice shot.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yeah, dad, go tree.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Starring Tim Allen.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You were right, Rocky. Every living thing is important.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I love you, dad.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: My bark is worse than my bite.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: That was Tim Allen sticking a pin into his wholesome movie image with, right? "Arbor Days" a fake trailer for a movie about an uncaring lumberjack who turns into a tree. A likely story. You`re not a healthy man, are you, Tim?
ALLEN: No, no, never have. I`m not -- if you cough up bacon, do you have the swine flu? That`s what I want to know. I coughed - horked up some pork this morning and I said that must be the swine flu. Really, if you smell like pork most of the day --
BEHAR: Let me ask you about your movie again.
ALLEN: Movie.
BEHAR: For example, I`m interested in the movie in your process as a director. Did you have to fire anybody?
ALLEN: Every day. No I didn`t fire anybody. What the cool thing about it was I told all the actors, who are great actors, that I was directing and seeing their opinion. And Sigourney on down, they said no, as long as you do your business, we`re actors. What I said was, as dramatic actors, I`ll listen to you and let you play a little bit. But the comedy is -- I`m very specific. That`s why I`m doing this. That`s why I put the money up.
BEHAR: Yes.
ALLEN: That`s why I took this chance because I want - shut up when I tell you to shut up. The joke doesn`t run off. I want to time it the way I time my jokes.
BEHAR: Right.
ALLEN: I learned every -- I watched Pryor when I was a kid. I went to see him, got to be friends with him. And he`s the guy, I think was the most brilliant for me, Pryor, and Carlin at times. Really, and Lenny Bruce, of course. But the way they set up their jokes and ended their jokes. And I did this -- the movie just like that. I wanted jokes like that. And these guys aren`t trained comedians. So that part was cool. The part that was odd was the money.
BEHAR: Why?
ALLEN: Well you know because all of a sudden people are asking me questions about - I`ll I`d hear was mmmmm - and advertised over six years. Yes. And then we were shooting in Santa Monica and the pier was lit in Santa Monica, the ferries wheel. I go, boy, they must be doing a big feature down there, look at that lights and trucks down there.
BEHAR: Right.
ALLEN: And DP, Rodney Greenberg, that`s us. We`re lighting the background, oh god! Oh god! What`s a truck like that cost? And he goes, you know, six grand a night or something. I was - all day long I was looking at people. Are you going to finish the water? You know, those waters don`t fill themselves.
BEHAR: Uh huh.
ALLEN: Why don`t we have a sack lunch day, everybody bring their lunch to work.
BEHAR: That was clever.
ALLEN: Wouldn`t that be great?
BEHAR: That was clever.
ALLEN: Share a burger today.
BEHAR: Now you talk about your standup jobs. Which you`re still doing?
ALLEN: I did - I did eight cities. I sold my show really to really ABC, "Home Improvement" which is out in TV land now, to be honest with you.
BEHAR: Oh.
ALLEN: And they did a -- that was my act for 20 years. I sold it to ABC and that was really my act in a nutshell and I started -- I did eight cities to promote the movie. And I haven`t been on stage in a long time.
BEHAR: Yes. But you can get back into it. It just takes a little time.
ALLEN: Boy it sure does.
BEHAR: Yes.
ALLEN: And then I`m waiting backstage at the improv, I`ve been doing clubs.
BEHAR: Yes.
ALLEN: Getting that timing back. I --
BEHAR: Did you get the nerves?
ALLEN: You bet.
BEHAR: Yes.
ALLEN: I feel like I`m going to throw up. And I`m waiting back there for 20 bucks a set. Like boy, they`ve really come a long way, haven`t they?
BEHAR: $20 bucks.
ALLEN: And I said, but before, and I don`t mean to make light of it, I needed the dough. And now thank god I don`t need the money so I`m doing it for a different reasons.
BEHAR: Yes. What are the reasons?
ALLEN: And I can`t quite find them right now. I don`t know.
BEHAR: Because it`s what you do. I once asked Rosy Clooney that question and she was older and brilliant and I went to see her. Why do you do the road so much? She said it`s what I do.
ALLEN: Well this story -- well Bonnie Raitt and I sat at a charity event once with Donald Trump, which is a whole other night - about an 11 year old kid who will not stop asking questions, how much do you suppose that cost? How much does that cost? Jesus Donald, I don`t know about the table. Who cares what it costs, but Bonnie Raitt and I sat there watching this show, you know if the bottom falls out, I know I can still get $700 a week.
BEHAR: That`s true.
ALLEN: And that`s what I felt about the stand up. No matter what -
BEHAR: Right.
ALLEN: If we go back to Punch Line and at Lang get $750 a week.
BEHAR: Right, that`s right, has the audience changed as you`ve gotten older? As you`ve gotten older, have they gotten older with you? Or are they younger, what are they now?
ALLEN: Kind of embarrassing. I did these eight cities. At one point it was a little curious of the reaction I was getting up front. Like they were amazed I was funny.
BEHAR: Yes.
ALLEN: And I said how many people in audience know that I`m a comedian?
BEHAR: Uh huh.
ALLEN: I get about 30 percent, the rest of it - it was Buzz Lightyear of Santa Claus. So I said, you came here to see Santa Claus, the actor that was in Santa Claus -
BEHAR: Oh I know, yes.
ALLEN: And it was a little overwhelming there`s only about 30 percent of the audience said, oh, I remember you, you came through the city when you were first doing comedy. So the rest of you came out to see me in concert with no real idea what I was going to do. And here I`m talking about my groin half the time, which is one of my favorite subjects, I think because I have no material.
BEHAR: Did you do like hot topics, political subjects?
ALLEN: Oh yes.
BEHAR: Do you talk about Tiger Woods for instance these days?
ALLEN: No, I -
BEHAR: What do you think of that case any way?
ALLEN: Well he`s staying around the corner, isn`t he?
BEHAR: Well there was a rumor that he was but we now found out he`s on Long Island somewhere.
ALLEN: I don`t think so.
BEHAR: Some lily pad.
ALLEN: I think he`s here.
BEHAR: You do? You saw him?
ALLEN: I can`t say.
BEHAR: Scoop.
ALLEN: No, I just I got a very good source that`s a floor of that hotel, and I won`t --.
BEHAR: No kidding?
ALLEN: Whose joke was it -- they asked his wife, do you remember hitting me? And she says not really. Do you remember how many times you hit him? I don`t remember really, just put me down for a five. The only reason I like that joke, the one that I got is that I was - I`ve been processing, I sit at lunch with a bunch of comics in L.A.., Liberals, Conservatives. One guy said imagine the post office as the public option.
BEHAR: Right.
ALLEN: If you were to send a letter like UPS, Fedex, it would be $1.97, so think of the public option as the post office it gives you $0.50, it may not be perfect, God, like I never thought of it that way. But if you go to the TSA, or the airbus -
BEHAR: Yes. You don`t like that the government keeps showing up --
ALLEN: I don`t mind it. It`s just you`re going to have to get prepared no matter what`s wrong with you. You got to take your shoes off and put them in a plastic bin.
BEHAR: Right.
ALLEN: No matter - but I got a boil on mu arm, yes, but we`ll still need you to take your shoes off.
BEHAR: Is that what you think it will be like?
ALLEN: Well, what else would it be like?
BEHAR: Well I don`t know, it`s a huge thing that you know, responsibility that TSA has. They pretty much do their job, I guess.
ALLEN: They do their job. It`s just do dee do. Do dee do dee do.
BEHAR: Now and then somebody got explosives in his crouch and that`s the day they miss it.
ALLEN: I have explosives in my crotch right now. I have a very exclusive crotch.
BEHAR: But I mean you`re telling me who cares at this point. But if somebody asked today, would you still think --
ALLEN: I think he`s across the street, like who cares at this point. Somebody asked today, they said, would you still think he`s a good golfer? We all argued at lunch just today about it.
BEHAR: Yes
ALLEN: Now he becomes just one of those people. You know he`s a great golfer -
BEHAR: Right.
ALLEN: You can`t divide those two but wasn`t Sammy Sosa, one of those baseball players, didn`t they take it down a notch when they found out they were pumped up on steroids.
BEHAR: Yes, that`s the problem.
ALLEN: It just takes a little -- how come Nike didn`t pull out of this?
BEHAR: Well they can`t. Tiger is Nike. I`ll have you`re questions for Tim Allen next so stick around.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I just swear those Binford clothes Wratchet Wreench
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Blah blah blah.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: That I will never touch my husband`s Tim Taylor`s bench ever again.
Ever again. Touched it.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Jill.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: I`m back with Tim Allen who seems to be everywhere these days. His hit series Home Improvement can be seen every night on TV land. And his new movie Crazy on the Outside opens on Friday. Did you know anything about fixing things before Home Improvement?
ALLEN: Yes, I`m that guy.
BEHAR: You are.
ALLEN: Oh yes. I`m like all this - I have a handy guy - Pat Richardson play my wife on this show said there`s nothing sexier than a guy that can actually do stuff. It`s old school sex appeal.
BEHAR: It`s very hot.
ALLEN: I like women that can prepare meals. I just.
BEHAR: You do.
ALLEN: Because my mother was an angel.
BEHAR: Maybe you should have dated Betty Crocker. Okay.
ALLEN: Well, well, aren`t you a little tired are we?
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Women that can prepare meals, sort of guess put a feminist but -
ALLEN: I guess so.
BEHAR: Yes.
ALLEN: You should have dated Betty Crocker. How do you know I don`t? Mrs. Crocker please raise your hand.
BEHAR: Okay these are some Twitter questions for you.
ALLEN: I`m still working on the maybe you should have dated Betty Crocker.
BEHAR: Okay here`s one. Can Tim do his famous grunting sound.
ALLEN: What am I a monkey. Oh, oh, it`s not a grunting sound, specifically I`m dying in Akron, Ohio, sometime in `79 `80 dying in a scotch and sirloin night, evidently, which is all guys from Goodyear tire and rubber.
(LAUGHTER)
ALLEN: Cigars in between bits of big steaks and brown liquor. ARh - arh. Maybe if I just spoke your language you would listen to me. arh arh. The whole night I said, I`m killing.
BEHAR: You`re killing?
ALLEN: I`m going, oh, yeah.
BEHAR: That was the whole set?
ALLEN: That was the whole set.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Has the Grinch aged at all with you? Has it gotten deeper?
ALLEN: Has my grunting changed at all?
BEHAR: The grunt, has it changed you?
ALLEN: No.
BEHAR: All right never mind, it says here Tim collects cars.
ALLEN: Yes.
BEHAR: Which I always think is a ridiculous obsession, frankly.
ALLEN: Maybe you should have married Betty Crocker. Maybe you should date Al
BEHAR: Or Mercedes-Benz. Okay does he have more than -
ALLEN: Is that a black rapper?
BEHAR: Does he have more cars than another famous car collector? Jay leno?
ALLEN: No. Jay`s collection is absurd. It really is absurd.
BEHAR: And yours is not?
ALLEN: I have thousands. 2 or 3,000. Maybe you should have dated Betty Crocker. More angry
BEHAR: Who do you think is --
ALLEN: Richard Pryor.
BEHAR: Yes but he`s dead pick somebody who is alive.
ALLEN: Lewis Black.
BEHAR: He`s very funny.
ALLEN: I think he`s terrific. And Jim is quite funny.
BEHAR: Okay. And did your parents nurture you and your funny side, someone wants to know? That was from doctor Joyce brother
ALLEN: No. My mother always -- my mother always thought that I should get into the military because they will take care of you. You`re aiming a little high, son. That was my son`s advice; I think you`re aiming a little high. I just wanted to graduate from elementary school, she said, oh, I`d aim a little lower than that.
BEHAR: It`s been a pleasure spending this time with you, Tim. Has it been a pleasure for you too?
ALLEN: Maybe you should date Betty Crocker.
BEHAR: Tim Allen`s film Crazy on the Outside opens on Friday. Good night, everybody. This was fun tonight.
ALLEN: You can never find that G spot.
BEHAR: Where is it, where is it?
END
