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Joy Behar Page
Interview with Bill Murray; Interview with Howie Mandel
Aired April 02, 2010 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
JOY BEHAR, HOST: My first guest tonight needs no introduction but I`m going to give him one anyway. He`s one of the most successful and admired actors of the last 30 years and one of the funniest. His new movie is "Fantastic Mr. Fox," which I saw last night and loved it.
Take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Don`t buy this tree, Foxy. This is Boggis, Buns and Beans, three of the meanest, nastiest, ugliest farmers in this valley. You`re moving into the most dangerous neighborhood for someone of your type of species.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Your comments are valuable but I`m going to ignore your advice.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: A cuss you are?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Are you cussing with me?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Are you cussing with me.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Don`t cuss and point at me. Just buy the tree, ok?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: He is the badger or the voice of the badger and he is here with me right now, Bill Murray. Bill Murray is here.
BILL MURRAY, COMEDIAN: Ok.
BEHAR: So Bill --
MURRAY: We don`t go home until you clap. Let`s go.
BEHAR: I really like this movie. It`s more adult than kiddish in a way isn`t it?
MURRAY: Well, it is -- that it is for adults is what`s refreshing about it. But I was thinking about it the other day, and I thought the way to describe it would be is it is smart enough to take your kids to.
BEHAR: Smart enough to take your kids to. How many kids have you got?
MURRAY: Six.
BEHAR: Of your own?
MURRAY: Yes. Well, people don`t loan them to you anymore. They just don`t. No matter what kind of ad you place, they just will not loan to you.
BEHAR: Well, why did they give their practice up? It was so useful.
The other stars of the movie -- I mean, Meryl Streep, plays Mrs. Fox, and George Clooney. I mean I found myself strangely attracted to the fox. And then I realized why. It was George Clooney underneath that fur.
MURRAY: George. Yes. He`s got a brilliant smile.
BEHAR: He did. He was such a charming, sexy fox.
MURRAY: He is great.
BEHAR: And Jason Schwartzman, what did he play again? I recognized his voice.
MURRAY: He plays the fox`s son.
BEHAR: Oh, the kid. Right.
MURRAY: The fox`s son, the kid. And the director, Wes Anderson`s brother, Eric Anderson plays the cousin. Those two guys are amazing.
BEHAR: Kristofferson.
MURRAY: Kristofferson. The son and the cousin are -- that to me, that`s like the funniest stuff in the movie. I really liked that.
BEHAR: Well, they have that little sibling rivalry going on which is so relatable to the kids who are watching and also the adults of course.
But your career has been very interesting, Bill. You are, you are the darling of the indie filmmakers, a lot of that, don`t you think?
MURRAY: Well, you know, that is not always good, I don`t think. Thank you for tipping me off to that. You know, it`s usually just before that that you are selling insurance late at night.
BEHAR: No.
MURRAY: Or TV.
BEHAR: No, to me that`s -- you know, it`s like Woody Allen used to say or said one time, you don`t want everybody to love your movie. You don`t want to be a big blockbuster all the time. You want movies that are smart, like the ones you do.
MURRAY: It is true. I used to make movies that were successful and I prefer the ones that aren`t. You know.
BEHAR: They`re successful. Your movies are.
MURRAY: No, you don`t want to be, I don`t want to be like that - - it`s too much work.
BEHAR: To do what?
MURRAY: To be in blockbuster movies. It`s too much, you know. I don`t want it.
BEHAR: Was "Ghostbusters" a blockbuster? Would you consider that one?
MURRAY: Yes. I would.
BEHAR: You would. And that was a lot of work.
MURRAY: It`s one of the biggest movies of all time, that movie.
BEHAR: Yes. But I mean, was it a lot of work? Or was it just - -
MURRAY: No. But the impact; it had a lot of impact.
BEHAR: Yes. One of my favorite movies of yours is -- what was it again? "What about Bob?" my favorite all time movie that you ever made.
MURRAY: That is a really great premise. It`s a really wonderful premise. A patient follows a doctor on a vacation.
BEHAR: And haunts him and nudges him until he wants to kill him. And the fact that Dreyfuss gets jealous of you is one of my favorite moments also. It`s so great.
MURRAY: Yes, it`s funny.
BEHAR: Also my other favorite movie that you were in, which you weren`t in a big part, but you stole the movie in a certain way -- "Tootsie".
MURRAY: "Tootsie" was a really good movie too.
BEHAR: What is the line -- I sit there and I watch you and you say, "That is some crazy hospital."
MURRAY: That is one nutty hospital.
BEHAR: Nutty hospital. Hilarious stuff, you know.
I understand that you do not have an agent or publicist?
MURRAY: Are you in that business or are you thinking?
BEHAR: Did you come here by yourself?
MURRAY: I came here by myself. Well, I got a ride.
BEHAR: A taxi?
MURRAY: Well, it`s a little nicer than a taxi. It was black.
BEHAR: It was black.
MURRAY: It wasn`t white. It wasn`t a block long. There was no hot tub in it or anything. It`s just a car.
BEHAR: No, that`s not your speed, huh?
MURRAY: No.
BEHAR: Is it hard to find you?
MURRAY: For some people, for the thick, yes.
BEHAR: For the thick?
MURRAY: It`s virtually impossible.
BEHAR: What`s the thick?
MURRAY: The thick, like, "Oh, God I saw him on TV. Maybe he`s on TV." You know, that`s thick.
BEHAR: Oh, I see.
MURRAY: If I saw him on TV. Maybe I will look on TV. Maybe I will find him there.
BEHAR: Is it hard to find you if somebody wants to hire you?
MURRAY: It`s a little bit hard. But that`s ok. If they really -- if somebody really wants you they will find you.
BEHAR: Have you lost any jobs because of it?
MURRAY: Not that I know of. You don`t know.
BEHAR: How would you know? They can`t find you.
MURRAY: Maybe somebody threw me a quarter yesterday. I have no idea. I didn`t get it.
BEHAR: Is this badger supposed -- this is a great little --
MURRAY: It`s really nice, yes.
BEHAR: Is this for sale or something?
MURRAY: That -- now, I am told that these things cost --
BEHAR: It`s a lovable animal.
MURRAY: I know. It`s really --
BEHAR: It`s an ugly thing in a way but I don`t mind.
MURRAY: It`s all right. It`s good. You should get your picture taken or be on TV. It`s a nice guy. He`s -- if you have to be one of them. These are extremely expensive and very difficult to make. You can touch it all you like. If they built it they can fix it, right.
BEHAR: Maybe I shouldn`t touch it in that area.
MURRAY: In the area --- you are safe with the badger. I think it -- it may even be a marsupial, I can`t remember.
BEHAR: It`s not a rodent?
MURRAY: Let`s go to the -- let`s --
BEHAR: Can somebody Google badger and find out what this animal is.
MURRAY: Someone is a marsupial that I wasn`t aware of. I can`t remember.
BEHAR: But you know what? It sort of follows in a way that you would do this movie for some reason to me because it`s kind of a serious -- it`s not a cartoon. I don`t know what would you call this?
MURRAY: well, technically it`s called stop-motion animation.
BEHAR: Oh yes.
MURRAY: But the story is written by a fellow named Roald Dahl who`s a very famous English writer.
BEHAR: Oh, I know him. He was married to Patricia Neil.
MURRAY: That`s right.
BEHAR: Hello.
MURRAY: Hello.
BEHAR: And there was a little bit of --
MURRAY: And there was a thing in the --
BEHAR: Problem there.
MURRAY: There was an issue. And they had some issue too. They had a couple of beautiful children.
BEHAR: Yes.
MURRAY: Yes. But I think, people grow apart sometimes but she was certainly one of the most beautiful women. And he is a fascinating man.
BEHAR: Is he still alive now?
MURRAY: No. He passed away ten years ago.
BEHAR: Isn`t Sophie Dahl his daughter, the model and actress?
MURRAY: Yes.
BEHAR: Yes indeed. And his other book -- "The Chocolate Factory".
MURRAY: Willie Wonka.
BEHAR: Yes.
MURRAY: "James and the Giant Peach".
BEHAR: All his stories are very -- they have depth.
MURRAY: They have some moves to them. They have some highs, some light and some dark.
BEHAR: That`s why I was saying I think that this was right for you. Because your work to me is not kind of flimsy, crazy comedy as much as -- I don`t know --- they call it dra-medy in a way. It`s kind of like - - I hate that, I know, it`s annoying. You have a better word for it? Tragedy.
MURRAY: A comma.
BEHAR: Just comma.
MURRAY: Comma-da.
BEHAR: Comma-da we`ll call it.
MURRAY: But dra-medy always gives me the willies.
The fellow I`m working with though, Anderson, Wes Anderson. He`s really a great film maker; he`s a young man. I worked with him in a few movies. He calls me up because he, he knows how to find me.
BEHAR: He`s one of the few who actually can find you.
MURRAY: But I really enjoy working with him. He is a great -- he`s a great person. I really enjoy him personally.
BEHAR: Yes.
MURRAY: He does great movies. We have had great luck. We`ve had good success and some challenging times.
BEHAR: What was it like to work with Sophia Coppola?
MURRAY: She`s a doll; a total doll. She knows exactly what she wants to do and she does it. She is very soft-spoken. People think that that means she has no -- she is -- velvet hammer. She is very talented and very kind. Very sweet. Real nice.
BEHAR: Very kind. Her father is kind I think too?
MURRAY: Yes, yes, yes. Hey, very warm. Warm people.
BEHAR: But you know, both of us are in the comedy business. Or I used to be until I got this job.
MURRAY: Until success broke out. Yes. I know. This happens.
BEHAR: But we all did the comedy thing.
MURRAY: This is really great.
BEHAR: I`m enjoying this very much.
MURRAY: I think -- and I just love your show that`s why I wanted to come here.
BEHAR: Is that why?
MURRAY: You had someone on. That looks wholesome or something.
BEHAR: It looks wholesome?
MURRAY: Well it looked. I don`t know -- maybe that is a disgusting word. It just looked -- friendly and it looked like it was -- you know people weren`t dying over it. You know, there was no bloodshed.
BEHAR: It`s a friendly show. You have time to talk and elucidate.
I want to talk about comedy a little bit with you. Because you know, again, Woody Allen, he is -- I keep quoting him. But he used to say or he said that the industry does not respect comedy really. They hardly ever give an Oscar to a comedy.
MURRAY: He can say that because he is the only one that ever got one in our lifetime. But he`s accurate, true.
BEHAR: Yes. What about "Tootsie"? Didn`t "Tootsie" win?
MURRAY: No, "Tootsie" didn`t. They gave it to that little man with the diaper. It was the one that --
BEHAR: Who?
MURRAY: It was "Gandhi". You know "Gandhi".
BEHAR: Gandhi". Well, that`s a tough act to follow. Hilarious as "Gandhi" was.
MURRAY: I know. I mean, he was a nut. He was a nut, you know.
But no, Sydney Pollack used to tell me that he had to go to every award show for like a whole year and every time it was Sir Richard Attenborough giving the speech about this little man with the diaper. He had to sit through it like 11 times. Any way the little man with the diaper won that year.
BEHAR: But it should have won, "Tootsie", because you know comedy is harder to do --
MURRAY: It`s great.
BEHAR: It`s much more difficult.
MURRAY: It`s much harder.
BEHAR: Why doesn`t it get the respect?
MURRAY: I don`t know. I don`t understand why. But "Groundhog Day" to me was a good -- a comedy --
BEHAR: Yes.
MURRAY: But what a brilliant screen play that was. That kid wrote an amazing screen play.
BEHAR: Who wrote that?
MURRAY: Great.
BEHAR: I`m sorry. I`ll never forget what`s his name?
MURRAY: Oh God, Danny Reuben -- I`m sorry, thank you.
BEHAR: Danny Reuben.
MURRAY: That was close.
BEHAR: Well, he has OCD thank God.
MURRAY: For some reason I wanted to say Andy Glover. I have no idea who Andy Glover is.
BEHAR: And he just got married, I think Danny Glover.
MURRAY: Yes.
MURRAY: Oh, Danny Glover.
BEHAR: Yes.
MURRAY: Well, maybe that`s where I was -- and then came up with Andy because I know Danny Glover wasn`t right, so I changed the first word to Andy.
BEHAR: Whatever.
MURRAY: Anyway, that was a good one. But like "It Happened One" night was a comedy, and that was -- that won the Best Picture, but that`s 1935 or something.
BEHAR: `39, I think it was the same year --
MURRAY: Way back --
BEHAR: -- as all of the other ones.
MURRAY: Way back.
BEHAR: Yes, "Gone with the Wind" and all of that.
MURRAY: But you know, they don`t -- but now, they have this crazy thing where they get to nominate ten films for the best movie.
BEHAR: Oh yes, that`s new.
MURRAY: I don`t -- yes, that`s this year. I don`t know how they`re going to -- sometimes they can`t find ten great films, you know. So that would be interesting.
BEHAR: That`s going to be hard.
MURRAY: So it`s clear enough that something could win now that wouldn`t, you know I think "Zombieland" might have a chance.
BEHAR: "Zombieland" definitely, that`s a really --
MURRAY: That something like that could --
BEHAR: That`s up there "Citizen Kane" --
MURRAY: -- something could win now. Because really you know, it`s all voting and, you know --
BEHAR: Ok, will you stay with me for a little while longer?
MURRAY: Sure.
BEHAR: We`ll be right back with Bill Murray and Danny Glover.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: All right, let`s start planning, who knows shorthand? Great, Linda Lutra Lutra, you`ve got some dry paper? Here we go, Mole helping Europeo, what do you got?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I can see in the dark.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That`s incredible. We can use that. Linda?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Got it.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Rabbit, or Atalicus Cunicula (ph)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I`m fast.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You bet you are, Linda?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Got it.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Beaver Castor Fiber (ph).
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I can chew through wood.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Amazing Linda.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Got it.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Badger Mellus Mellus (ph).
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Demolitions expert.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What, since when?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Explosions, flames, burning things, demolitions expert.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Ok, Linda?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Got it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MURRAY: (SINGING "PHYSICAL")
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: He`s so inspired.
I`m back with Bill Murray, one of the stars of the new movie "Fantastic Mr. Fox", that clip we just saw. You were David Letterman`s very first guest. What year was that?
MURRAY: I don`t know.
BEHAR: God knows, a long time ago.
MURRAY: I don`t know. He was still with us then.
BEHAR: He was still with us. Are you shocked by all of the revelations about Letterman?
MURRAY: I think it`s ridiculous.
BEHAR: It`s ridiculous?
MURRAY: Stupid, ridiculous.
BEHAR: Yes, ok.
MURRAY: He`s a nice -- he`s good man.
BEHAR: I know he is.
MURRAY: You know, the guy works in New York for 25 years, is he going to have a date once in a while? So what?
BEHAR: He had a lot of dates.
MURRAY: He was great. If he didn`t, then we`d have issues.
BEHAR: But that was the thing that was shocking you know. I`ve done his show. I did it a long time ago. He doesn`t talk to you before. He barely talks to you during, and then he kind of is mysterious. So everybody always thought he was just a nerd who just disappeared into the woodwork and then we find out, no, au contraire.
MURRAY: Well, the quality of his work speaks for what kind of person he is.
BEHAR: Yes.
MURRAY: He`s very committed to doing his job.
BEHAR: He`s very good, oh, yes. Absolutely.
MURRAY: He does it better than anyone.
BEHAR: Yes, now, we would --
MURRAY: Present company included.
BEHAR: That`s all right.
MURRAY: So you know, he`s great.
BEHAR: We found out during the break that a badger is a weasel. Now, I find that -- badgering somebody is negative and being a little weasel is negative. And yet this is the most endearing little animal that I`ve been accustomed to -- I`m in love with him.
MURRAY: Yes -- people are thinking that weasel thing with the wrong way. I think that some of your people that are uninformed. This is really the king of the jungle right here. This is one of the kings of the American jungle.
BEHAR: And when you did him -- well you didn`t do him -- you played him --
MURRAY: What time are we on here?
BEHAR: 9:00 o`clock.
Ok, when you played the Badger, you played him with a Wisconsin accent.
MURRAY: Well, I tried. I`d worked --
BEHAR: Where did you learn that?
MURRAY: Well, I`m from Illinois but I got these tapes of NPR Radio from Wisconsin, listening to these people talking about planting things and I really had it. It was great too. But he`s -- I did a couple of takes and you kind of went -- you know the thing is more of like a Savile Row lawyer kind of a Badger.
BEHAR: A what?
MURRAY: Yes, exactly, exactly. That`s right. That stops all conversation. I`m just going to go have a cup of coffee and think about that, ok.
BEHAR: Yes, ok. Now -- and let`s go back to your career for a minute. Because I`m interested in that a little bit. Because you were -- you exploded in a way. I mean not literally, but figuratively exploded in the `80s. You had "Ghostbusters", "Meatballs" and "Stripes" and "Caddy Shack" all in a very short period of time.
So did you freak out -- a lot of people do from the fame.
MURRAY: Well, you know, everyone -- I`ll give you my whole wrap on fame, I think everyone becomes a jerk for about two years when they become famous. And you get to -- I give you -- so I give people two years to figure it out and pull it together.
But you end up behaving poorly because there`s just no training for it. There`s nothing your parents ever did no matter what kind of people they are because everything just gets different. The information coming to you becomes differently -- comes differently, and people treat you differently sort of and everything changes for us.
So it takes you a little while to figure it out --
BEHAR: Yes.
MURRAY: -- but then you can figure it out and then it`s ok. And I was really fortunate. I was just behind two friends of mine, Danny Aykroyd and John Belushi who were like in a class ahead of me sort of at "Saturday Night Life". So I got to see them, you know, do the things that I said I`m never going to do that one. But I did anyway. But I mean, I learned a lot -- I learned a lot from having them in front of me.
BEHAR: Maybe they were role models?
MURRAY: No, they weren`t role models.
BEHAR: Negative.
MURRAY: But they`re -- no, no, no.
BEHAR: No?
MURRAY: They are really wonderful people.
BEHAR: No, I mean, in terms of well, Belushi, we know what happened, he had a rough time and --
MURRAY: Well, he -- he was also one of the most fun people you`ll ever meet in your life.
BEHAR: He was hilarious.
MURRAY: He could more fun out of nothing. It was just an accident. He had like that -- he had like that -- whatever that sleep apnea thing going on.
BEHAR: Oh, really.
MURRAY: It was just a weird accident. It shouldn`t have happened. He was a lightweight in terms of that sort of thing. And it was just an accident.
BEHAR: You know, we -- we asked the Twitter people out there. Do you Twitter? No, well, a lot of people like this twittering thing. And they twittered me some question.
MURRAY: Oh, I understand. The twits will do that.
BEHAR: And the first question is, "First a groundhog, now a badger, is there something he`s not telling us about his relationship with gerbils?
MURRAY: Ok, all right, this is -- this is the audience you`re getting and you`ve got to be careful. And you ought to be careful.
BEHAR: But they`re out there, you know.
MURRAY: Those stories are all a pocketful (ph).
BEHAR: Ok. I have to take another break.
Up next, more of your questions for Bill Murray. Back in a bit.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I can`t marry you until I finish college and become an established concert pianist and the first female open heart surgeon.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I`ll wait for you. I`ll wait for these too.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: That was Bill Murray with the late Gilda Radner on "SNL".
Ok, I have a couple of questions from the twitters -- twitterers. "Hey, Joy --
MURRAY: They`ll take over the show, you know.
BEHAR: I know.
MURRAY: Be careful. You are new here. You don`t know how they`re going to operate. It`s like letting -- it`s like letting the executives tell you what to put on. Be careful.
BEHAR: Like the badgers, underground. "Hey, Joy, ask him if he realizes he is super-sexy. I can`t be the only woman that thinks so. And how come `People` magazine leaves him out of the sexiest man list?"
MURRAY: Yes. There you go.
BEHAR: What do you think?
MURRAY: How come? I don`t know why. Every year I grab my issue and my subscription comes to the door, I rip it open. And I`m never on the cover.
BEHAR: You know why?
MURRAY: I just rushed right past Johnny Depp. I saw him in the grocery store the other night. It`s Johnny Depp.
Johnny Depp. He is cute, sure, but --
BEHAR: You know why they don`t pick you?
MURRAY: Sure, just let me -- George Clooney won three times. He called himself three-time sexiest man alive.
BEHAR: George Clooney yes. That`s true. He is a recidivist.
But you know, the reason that you are not on the cover, you don`t have a publicist. That`s the reason.
MURRAY: I know. I got to get there.
BEHAR: You know? Ok. "Who, dead or alive would Bill look to work with?" That`s what the question is.
MURRAY: Well, it would be nice -- you just saw Gilda. It would be nice to have Gilda and Belushi. They`d be fun. They`ll be probably my number one and two choices.
BEHAR: How about the living?
MURRAY: The living.
BEHAR: Scorsese.
MURRAY: He is pretty intense, that guy. He`s great. My asking him to work with him is sort of like, you know, some of the kids saying I have a chance with Princess Diana. It`s not going to happen.
BEHAR: Why? The Irish mob. I could see you doing the Irish mob.
MURRAY: That`s true. I like the actor -- I did work a little bit, not exactly with him, an actor named John Heard, English actor. He`s a guy I really like.
BEHAR: Oh yes. He played Caligula in the "I, Claudius" series.
MURRAY: He`s fantastic. He`s just fantastic.
Michael Gambon is another English guy. Who do I like?
BEHAR: How about women? Well, you now worked with Meryl Streep, a great American actress. Vanessa Redgrave.
MURRAY: Foreigner. Let`s see. I don`t know.
BEHAR: How about somebody like Steve Martin who`s going to be hosting the Oscars.
MURRAY: I worked with him.
BEHAR: You`re over him. Next.
MURRAY: Next. I don`t know. I can`t think -- get the Twitter people to make a list of people.
BEHAR: All right. Never mind. That`s too hard sometimes. It`s too hard. How about this one? Before we go I want you to -- what? Go ahead.
MURRAY: I like -- I`ll think of it.
BEHAR: "What was your most mind-altering experience?
MURRAY: Mind-altering. If I could remember, I would. What was that? I had it then it was gone.
BEHAR: Did you ever do LSD in your day?
MURRAY: Oh, I don`t know.
BEHAR: You don`t remember?
MURRAY: Maybe -- could have. Could have. Could have.
BEHAR: Is there anything you haven`t done that you would look to do still?
MURRAY: Well I have never done any crack. But I don`t know anyone that has any. I don`t know where to get it. I have no idea.
BEHAR: Bill. Thank you so much. You are absolutely delightful.
MURRAY: I would look to do a Shakespeare comedy. That`s what I want to do.
BEHAR: Oh, Shakespeare comedy, yes that`s a riot.
MURRAY: Well, they can be funny. The guy was funny -- that`s because the people that are playing him aren`t always very funny.
BEHAR: All right. Thanks to Bill Murray.
When we come back, I`ll be talking with the very funny Howie Mandel.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
HOWIE MANDEL, HOST: Tell me what`s in the case.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes! Yes! Yes!
MANDEL: All right. This is exciting. This is exciting. The biggest number is still up on the board. $500,000.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes.
MANDEL: $500,000.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes!
MANDEL: He`s watching, the banker is calling.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
JOY BEHAR, HLN HOST: Howie Mandel, host of "DEAL OR NO DEAL" is an impulsive color blind germaphobe with an insatiable appetite for practical jokes, who needs to be the center of attention at all times. And as we learn in his new memoir "Here`s The Deal, Don`t Touch Me." he also suffers from ADHD and OCD. I am pleased to be joined by Howie Mandel, but I won`t shake his hand.
MANDEL: I love you for that.
BEHAR: Welcome Howie, I know.
MANDEL: Don`t touch me.
BEHAR: I won`t touch you.
MANDEL: But what a gracious introduction. It`s all my problems, like a litany of issues.
BEHAR: Is there anything that --
MANDEL: Well you want people to stay tuned. This guy is an idiot, he needs to be the center of attention.
BEHAR: Right.
MANDEL: He`s a mental case.
BEHAR: People can relate.
MANDEL: Do you want to stay tuned?
BEHAR: Hundreds of people who watch are relating to you. Everybody has A.D.D these days. You are not the alone.
MANDEL: Hundreds of people are watching? That is amazing!
BEHAR: At least a hundred.
MANDEL: Wow. This is --
BEHAR: That`s just my family.
MANDEL: No, that is amazing. To be on the show. Now that you`ve pointed out that hundreds are watching, I`m nervous, I didn`t think I`d be in front of that size audience tonight.
BEHAR: I know but some of them are deaf, they won`t hear a word we`re saying --
MANDEL: Deaf people we are selling -- well, this is closed captioned. Do you have closed captioning on this show?
BEHAR: Yes I think we do.
MANDEL: You don`t know do you.
BEHAR: I don`t really know.
MANDEL: So we should just talk - you know what then -
BEHAR: Do we have it?
MANDEL: You know what, then so we should just talk louder in case -
BEHAR: Yes, OK.
MANDEL: Just in case we -
BEHAR: So is there anything not wrong with you, Howie?
MANDEL: I am the biggest mess you ever want to meet. I didn`t realize it until -- well, I knew it. But I didn`t realize it until I wrote the book and saw it in front of me.
BEHAR: Yes.
MANDEL: How much of a mess -- oh, thank you for holding it up. Yes "Here`s The Deal, Don`t Touch Me." I am a mess, I mean but I think a lot of people are a mess I just didn`t realize how it affected every waking moment. I do realize that and now I`m having a discussion with myself. But I am. You know I do a lot of therapy, I go to a lot -
BEHAR: Yes.
MANDEL: I see a lot of people. And I get a lot of help.
BEHAR: Yes.
MANDEL: And I`m medicated.
BEHAR: You`re medicated as we speak.
MANDEL: Yes.
BEHAR: What kind of medication are you on?
MANDEL: I can`t say.
BEHAR: All right.
MANDEL: I`m not supposed to say. Tom Cruise told me, just don`t mention it.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: He did not.
MANDEL: No, he did not.
BEHAR: Which is worse? The OCD or the A.D.D?
MANDEL: You know what? I know I have OCD, and when I`m trying to fix it, I lose focus. So what`s worse?
(LAUGHTER)
MANDEL: And then I go on to something else.
BEHAR: That`s fine.
MANDEL: I want to deal with the OCD, but the A.D.D., I`m on to something else. So --
BEHAR: Yes how do you do "Deal Or No Deal." you have to touch people all the time.
MANDEL: Well, touching is no issue.
BEHAR: Oh it`s not.
MANDEL: No, no.
BEHAR: So if I touch you -
MANDEL: What don`t -
BEHAR: Touch you now -
MANDEL: Don`t test - it`s not a test. You wanted - the guy wanted me to be comfortable, you have no idea if you`re before if you are just joining us now, they spent 20 minutes adjusting my chair so I would look comfortable. And now you are reaching for me. No if you touch me, probably nothing would happen. But the thought that something might happen --
BEHAR: Like what?
MANDEL: Well, I`ll get triggered.
BEHAR: Into what?
MANDEL: Into thinking -- don`t, please. It wasn`t the touch, it was the cough. Why did you cough.
BEHAR: I`m sorry, I`m sorry.
MANDEL: The touch of the H1N1. You`re reaching and coughing.
BEHAR: Maybe I have --
MANDEL: Hundreds of people are out there.
BEHAR: Well you know the cough could be like a nervous reaction to the OCD.
MANDEL: Well, I`m having a nervous reaction to your nervous reaction. Do you have a cough? Are you sick?
BEHAR: No, I`m not sick, stop it.
MANDEL: Why did you cough.
BEHAR: I`m not sick, stop it. It`s an allergy.
MANDEL: It`s an allergy, well, I have an issue. You have an allergy.
BEHAR: I see that you have an issue.
MANDEL: But I would think that maybe I have a germ and then I would go in and wash my hands and I would scald my hands and like a normal person would probably leave think they`ve -
BEHAR: Yes.
MANDEL: Cleaned. They`ve cleansed.
BEHAR: Right. Yes.
MANDEL: I would go back again and keep going back and it would put - my day would stop, my life would stop. And it`s this never ending dark circle I can`t break.
BEHAR: But you`re a married guy with children.
MANDEL: Yes, I am. Thank you.
BEHAR: OK, let`s just I want to ask you about the courtship section. Like when you were dating your wife --
MANDEL: Right.
BEHAR: You would be in the bathroom washing your hands all the time. Wasn`t she curious? Did she think you left her?
MANDEL: She knew. She`s very tolerant, wonderful woman.
BEHAR: She must be.
MANDEL: Yes. She is and she deserves an award. I hope there is an award for her. But she knew a lot of our time -- and maybe that`s why it`s lasted 36 years because I spent a lot of time away. I`m on the road or washing my hands.
BEHAR: Busy day.
MANDEL: We don`t spend time, we don`t` spend time.
BEHAR: What about public restrooms when you`re away.
MANDEL: I try not to go. But when I do --
BEHAR: So that gives you another disease.
MANDEL: What`s that?
BEHAR: Backed up bladder.
MANDEL: No, I have a catheter. But the thing is when I do go -
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: He does not.
MANDEL: How do you know? Why do you know?
BEHAR: Because I know.
MANDEL: You don`t know. And the desk is coming to here,
BEHAR: Well I noticed that you moved further away -
MANDEL: I did, I`ll move close to you -- I don`t want to ruin the angle.
BEHAR: Don`t be afraid of me.
MANDEL: I don`t want to ruin the angle or anything.
BEHAR: Don`t be afraid of me.
MANDEL: And I don`t want there to be a space between - back and the chair
BEHAR: Look just because I like you and I am sympathetic-
MANDEL: Oh that is so wonderful.
BEHAR: To your plight, I have all sorts of things here to clean the studio -
MANDEL: Look at you.
BEHAR: Up with you and everything. Because of you.
MANDEL: To me, the sounds of Lysol and that, it`s like porn to me. The sound of Lysol.
(LAUGHTER)
MANDEL: You know you just pause, thank god the desk is here. But the thing is that, you know, but -- and I laugh about it, but there are very serious parts in the book. It`s hard for me. But making fun of it allows me to survive.
BEHAR: Yes, right, well, it helps to be a comedian when you have all of these disorders.
MANDEL: Do you have a disorder.
BEHAR: Just the coughing.
MANDEL: Is she serious, is she sick?
BEHAR: No you know it is interesting, Howie -
MANDEL: No, she`s sick.
BEHAR: Howie, I`m fine.
MANDEL: OK.
BEHAR: This was a big secret until you went on "THE HOWARD STERN" show. And then --
MANDEL: Well, you know I grew up the same time as you. We`re about the same age. And the thing is, that I you know, there`s a stigma attached to mental health issues.
BEHAR: Yes.
MANDEL: And going to a therapist and going to a psychiatrist or being medicated.
BEHAR: Right.
MANDEL: You don`t tell people. And then Howard -- I was locked in his --
BEHAR: In his embrace --
MANDEL: No, we were just spooning. No, in his studio.
BEHAR: Yes.
MANDEL: And I didn`t want to touch the door because a guest before me had touched himself and then touched the door. And he thought it was funny and I thought it was funny, but then I got worn down and I said this is serious, you know I deal with this.
BEHAR: Yes.
MANDEL: And as soon as I said it`s serious and it`s OCD, and I`m going to a therapist, I thought what have I just done?
BEHAR: Yes.
MANDEL: On national -
BEHAR: Now you`ve opened -
MANDEL: Because him like you -- he has hundreds -
BEHAR: Hundreds of fans also.
MANDEL: Listeners. Listeners and I thought you know I just shamed my family I`m never going to work again.
BEHAR: But then you got over that. What happened then?
MANDEL: I went down to the street and thought of maybe running into traffic. But some guy came up to me and said, I heard you, me too. And I thought I`m not alone. That was a little more comforting, I still didn`t know what I`ve done. And throughout the years as I`ve talked about it and become more vocal about it --
BEHAR: I`m sorry.
MANDEL: Why do you -- I watch this show. Are you serious?
BEHAR: I`m allergic to this maybe. Forget it, I`m throwing it out.
MANDEL: You know it starts with a cough.
BEHAR: But wait a second -
MANDEL: Did you get a shot. Did you have one of those shots? Did you have one of those shots?
BEHAR: I had my shots.
MANDEL: Did you have an H1 -- not shots, not like rabies.
BEHAR: No, no I had -
MANDEL: Did you get the H1N1 -
BEHAR: No just the regular flu shot, I haven`t had the time.
MANDEL: I want one, I won`t go.
BEHAR: Why because you are afraid of the needle?
MANDEL: No, I`m not afraid of needles. I`m not going where they have that, there could be sick people.
BEHAR: What if you had to go to a hospital?
MANDEL: I`ve been to a hospital.
BEHAR: And?
MANDEL: I freaked. I had a - last year it says so in the book I had a heart thing, and I had to go to the hospital.
BEHAR: So that must have been terrible for you.
MANDEL: Horrible. Horrible, I mean going to the hospital is not fun for anyone, but I wouldn`t let them undress me. I was on the gurney dressed and I wouldn`t touch - then I threw out the clothes I wore that night.
BEHAR: Of course.
MANDEL: And I didn`t get a private room. I had a semi-private room with a man who wore a gown -
BEHAR: Oh.
MANDEL: And stood at the window with the back open -
BEHAR: The phlegm.
MANDEL: The phlegm, no but I was looking out the window at the moon, I was in the room looking at his moon. It was horrible, it`s not a joke. It`s true.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Is this a genetic disorder?
MANDEL: I don`t know. I don`t know. They`re doing research now. I don`t know if it`s genetic. You know, my kids are showing signs, but I don`t know if it`s because they copy. I told them don`t copy me, it`s really hard, it`s torturous.
BEHAR: How old are the kids?
MANDEL: Twenty five, not all of them are - they are 25, 20, and 17.
BEHAR: So are they all showing a little OCD tendencies?
MANDEL: Not all.
BEHAR: How about your wife?
MANDEL: No. She just doesn`t show any -- no, she`s normal.
BEHAR: OK. So it`s not all --
MANDEL: She married me how normal can she be --
BEHAR: So it`s not copying then because she`s been with you all these years --
MANDEL: Yes so she`s tolerant.
BEHAR: So maybe it is a genetic - isn`t your father -- I read somewhere, your parents, your father --
MANDEL: No, no, no, my mother -- OCD, you know what people say I`m a germaphobe. I`m not a germaphobe -
BEHAR: Yes.
MANDEL: As much as I am - if I get a crazy thought in my head, I can`t get it out. My mom was with the Lysol on the side of the crib.
BEHAR: Ah hah, oh.
MANDEL: And my grandmother was waxing the sidewalk outside.
BEHAR: Uh huh, that is sick that is so wrong.
MANDEL: She didn`t want dirt to be tracked in the house. That`s sick, you know how many people broke their neck -
BEHAR: It`s sick.
MANDEL: In front of their house, but not one cold was ever caught. There was no dirt in the house. We just had a lot of people with broken necks lying out in the front yard.
BEHAR: Now, I have to ask you, though, you`re married. And you have sex with your wife.
MANDEL: I have sex with my wife.
BEHAR: You have three children.
MANDEL: She frowns upon me having sex with others.
BEHAR: How did you work that out?
MANDEL: Pardon me?
BEHAR: How do you - I have to ask you this question, how do have sex when you can`t --
MANDEL: I don`t have to shake her hand -
BEHAR: But there are so many germs when you are having sex.
MANDEL: No, not my wife. My wife has no germs. Oh, no --
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Howie --
MANDEL: I have a special -- no, I don`t have anything special.
BEHAR: Do you do it through a sheet like some of the religions do.
MANDEL: Like a religion like that -- that is terrible.
BEHAR: Through the sheet.
MANDEL: Yes I know, they have -- what do you mean some religions? They - the Orthodox Jews -
BEHAR: Yes.
MANDEL: And there was, they live down the street from us and then -
BEHAR: Yes.
MANDEL: I remember on Halloween their kid came as a one-eyed ghost. That really bothered me because I`m thinking that`s not the sheet you want them to use, right?
BEHAR: That`s right, well, maybe they were not Orthodox. Religious Orthodox maybe they were germaphobes --
MANDEL: I think the pink eye, all the crust and everything. That`s horrible.
BEHAR: All right don`t go anywhere, we`re going to take a break.
MANDEL: Where are we going? Yes take care of your cough. We`ll be right back.
BEHAR: More with Howie Mandel in a just minute.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(LAUGHTER)
MIKE DOUGLAS, HOST: Howie Mandel.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Wow, that`s 100 years ago.
MANDEL: I brought a clip with me because I wanted to promote the fact that I`m on Mike Douglas 31 years from now last February. Where did you get a Mike Douglas clip?
BEHAR: I don`t know.
MANDEL: You`re really digging things up here. I was looking at that and I`m going hundreds of people.
BEHAR: Yes well listen, hundreds of people, but I guess we wanted to get that to see how the way your hair used to look. What happened to your hair?
MANDEL: I still have it just not on my head.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Did you lose it or did you shave it?
MANDEL: Well, I shaved it and once you shave it, you lose it, right?
BEHAR: No you don`t.
MANDEL: It falls of the -- no, I just shaved it - I didn`t - I shaved it for a part.
BEHAR: Yes.
MANDEL: In a movie.
BEHAR: Uh-huh.
MANDEL: And then it feels clean and I keep it and it`s really easy.
BEHAR: I like it, oh, it feels clean.
MANDEL: It does.
BEHAR: This is more of the OCD.
MANDEL: It feeds into my -
BEHAR: Illness.
MANDEL: Plus being shaved cuts three and a half seconds off my time.
BEHAR: Yes did you get a Brazilian wax also? I mean just --
MANDEL: You know what, it`s funny you ask because I talk about that in the book. I don`t. But there is - not here but when you watch me on "Deal," you know I have just a little goat here. A little, what do you call that -- soul patch.
BEHAR: Uh huh. I don`t know, yes.
MANDEL: Like that, you know I do that, I have, like that you see it? I`m walking out, I have a little soul patch.
BEHAR: Yes.
MANDEL: And I think this is one of the biggest honors is there is a Brazilian waxing place in California, southern California.
BEHAR: Right.
MANDEL: And they actually -- you can order the Howie Mandel. The ladies can order that.
BEHAR: Oh god.
MANDEL: That`s not a joke.
BEHAR: You know what I prefer Hitler`s mustache.
MANDEL: Hitler -- oh, my --
BEHAR: Let`s talk about -- Howie, let`s talk about -- Howie! Focus! Focus!
MANDEL: I`m a Jew. That`s -- can you imagine Hitler?
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: A little bit there. Let`s talk about your comedy career.
MANDEL: We tell people it`s Charlie Chaplin right, if a Jew is in that area -
BEHAR: OK we tell them that.
MANDEL: You say it`s Charlie Chaplin.
BEHAR: Of course, of course. Now the comedy career, hod did you -- we`re both comedians -
MANDEL: Yes we are.
BEHAR: And we`re on stage -
MANDEL: We are very funny.
BEHAR: We are out of our minds to do that. I think, don`t you?
MANDEL: Yes, I do.
BEHAR: How did you start?
MANDEL: On a dare. I went to Yuck Yucks in Canada --
BEHAR: In Canada.
MANDEL: Yes in the `70s. And it was --
BEHAR: Are you Canadian?
MANDEL: Yes. No, I flew there because I heard that is the Mecca.
BEHAR: Yuck Yucks in Toronto, you can`t miss it.
MANDEL: I was in New York City and I heard if you want to make it in comedy, Toronto. That`s what I did. So I was living there. And the comedy boom was beginning and I went to see a comedy club. And they said if you want to come back on Monday nights, we have amateur nights, and my friends dared me to get up. And I did.
BEHAR: Uh huh.
MANDEL: And Mark Resin who is the owner there said come back next week, come back next week. And it was a great hobby. I didn`t like disco, I`m not a dancer, and it was a great -- I didn`t play sports.
BEHAR: Uh huh.
MANDEL: It was my hang out. Like guys get --
BEHAR: Right.
MANDEL: Together.
BEHAR: Right.
MANDEL: And play one on one, I loved the camaraderie, I loved -- it was a bunch of -- I don`t know where you started.
BEHAR: The Garth seems fun -
MANDEL: Wasn`t it great?
BEHAR: I loved it.
MANDEL: Where did you start?
BEHAR: I started at Catch with Gilbert Godfrey.
MANDEL: I loved Gilbert. Gilbert is one of the funniest -
BEHAR: Yes, uh huh.
MANDEL: So I just loved hanging out there, and then I went to California and went to the comedy store, and there happened to be a guy in the audience who is producing a comedy game show called "Make Me Laugh." do you remember "Make Me Laugh"?
BEHAR: Yes, yes.
MANDEL: Yes so he hired me right there on my vacation to do "Make Me Laugh." and I did that and I got seen on that and Dick Shawn called me. Do you remember Dick Shawn?
BEHAR: Oh so dear departed but very funny. Died on stage in the middle of the act.
MANDEL: His son was doing the lighting.
BEHAR: Oh, really? His son electrocuted him?
MANDEL: No, no, no, it was in San Diego. He`d be lying on the stage covered in newspapers.
BEHAR: Oh yes.
MANDEL: And then that`s how the act was supposed to start and the lights went down and his son put on the spotlight and the newspapers were there. And he never -- didn`t get up.
BEHAR: Uh huh, he didn`t get up.
MANDEL: The act didn`t start. The son`s got the light on him. It`s horrible, it`s tragic yes you`re smiling --
BEHAR: Well you know tragedy times it`s comedy.
MANDEL: If you are just tuning in now and you missed the story we`re talking about a great man who died.
BEHAR: Dick Shawn.
MANDEL: Yes, yes.
BEHAR: One of the funniest.
MANDEL: They are probably going what are they laughing about? What did I miss? He died.
BEHAR: Comedians laugh at everything.
MANDEL: Yes, somebody died.
BEHAR: Are we going to laugh or we`re going to cry? Are we going to cry, no.
MANDEL: That`s exactly what I say in my book.
BEHAR: Yes but you know what I`m impressed with your confidence I have to say, in reading those chapters about your comedy career and how you didn`t think twice. Oh, yes, amateur night I`ll get on stage. Oh, I`ll get on stage. Oh they are doing "Make Me Laugh" I`ll get on stage. Most people are a little more scared than that.
MANDEL: Right.
BEHAR: And you were not.
MANDEL: I don`t know if it`s confidence or I`m an idiot. I don`t really think things through, you know what I mean.
BEHAR: Yes.
MANDEL: I don`t think of the ramifications, I never did. That`s why I don`t have a GED. You know I got thrown out of school because I always just act on impulse.
BEHAR: Oh I see, you don`t have a high school diploma?
MANDEL: That`s what a GED is.
BEHAR: I taught GED, you never got that or high school diploma - -
MANDEL: No.
BEHAR: Or anything.
MANDEL: I don`t.
BEHAR: Why don`t you go back and get it? I can teach you.
MANDEL: I am, I`m being home schooled, right now.
BEHAR: You have to know grammar, you have to know -
MANDEL: Were you a teacher?
BEHAR: I taught, yes. I used to teach.
MANDEL: My daughter`s a teacher.
BEHAR: Oh yes, what does she teach?
MANDEL: Where does she teach?
BEHAR: What?
MANDEL: She teaches first grade and second grade.
BEHAR: Oh that`s so cute.
MANDEL: It is cute. To 40-year-olds at night.
BEHAR: Oh they`re a little slow -- now, "DEAL OR NO DEAL" I heard you almost turned down the gig.
MANDEL: I did turn it down two or three times.
BEHAR: Why?
MANDEL: Because I didn`t -- number one, I didn`t see myself nor did I want to be a game show host.
BEHAR: Uh huh.
MANDEL: It didn`t make -- I think in our profession of stand-up comics, you know the irony, game show host is something maybe you made fun of.
BEHAR: That`s right. Usually, yes.
MANDEL: Yes so I didn`t -- and when they explained the game. Now it doesn`t make sense because you see the game, but there was no game. There`s no stunts, no trivia.
BEHAR: It`s based on greed pretty much. Isn`t it?
MANDEL: Well, I don`t know if you can fathom somebody pitching me the idea we`re going to spend the entire hour -
BEHAR: Yes.
MANDEL: Choosing cases, opening the cases and offering people money -- that`s the hour.
BEHAR: I know, yes, yes, yes.
MANDEL: We`ll have bikini models holding the cases.
BEHAR: Right.
MANDEL: The description was so cheesy and so weird and so bad --
BEHAR: And then it`s a huge hit.
MANDEL: And my wife -
BEHAR: You have hundreds watching.
MANDEL: Hundreds. My wife saw the tape of it and said you idiot, take the deal.
BEHAR: Take the deal.
MANDEL: I said it will ruin my career. I said, this will ruin my career. She said, you idiot, what are you doing? You don`t have much of a career at this point. She`s very honest -- honesty is the best policy when it comes to marriage.
BEHAR: Well I love this people they come on and say, I`m out of work, haven`t worked for ten years, I have no money. I owe a million dollars and then they`ll turn down $750,000.
MANDEL: Not only turn it down, they`re adamant. I`ll show the banker, no deal, with pride. And you see the kids sitting in the audience, three kids who haven`t eaten in two days saying what are you doing, mommy?
BEHAR: More with Howie Mandel when we return in a moment.
MANDEL: You cleared up the cough. Thank you for this.
BEHAR: I don`t want to scare you.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back with OCD sufferer and host of "DEAL OR NO DEAL" and very funny guy. Howie Mandel.
MANDEL: Can I ask a question?
BEHAR: Yes.
MANDEL: Just before I know that right before we came to air, like when we were coming out of break you said Howie, this is a very short segment.
BEHAR: Yes.
MANDEL: How do I -- what do I do to adjust for that? I don`t know why I need that information.
BEHAR: You need that information.
MANDEL: When you say good-bye I`ll be gone.
BEHAR: I don`t want you to think I`m rejecting you after a few minutes.
MANDEL: Is that it?
BEHAR: No, people want to know some things about you. On twitter.
MANDEL: What you mean, who are these people?
BEHAR: Twitter.
MANDEL: I`m twittering now.
BEHAR: And Facebook.
MANDEL: Howie M. Mandel. Will you twitter me? Can you --
BEHAR: Sure. I`m Joy V. Behar.
MANDEL: V.?
BEHAR: V. as in Victoria.
MANDEL: Is that your middle name? M. As in Michael. Howie M. Mandel.
BEHAR: There you go.
MANDEL: Will you follow me, I`ll follow you.
BEHAR: All right well, sure, whatever.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: No, I mean - I don`t know if I feel like following anybody but --
MANDEL: No, I hear you.
BEHAR: But who are you dying to work with? Is there anybody you`re dying to work with?
MANDEL: Alone.
BEHAR: Alone?
MANDEL: I want to work alone.
BEHAR: You like to work alone?
MANDEL: I`m not a people -- I don`t have touch like I die to work with myself.
BEHAR: Acting would have been a nightmare mess.
MANDEL: There`s enough voices and crap going on in here. Can I say that?
BEHAR: Yes, that`s all right.
MANDEL: Stuff going on in here I don`t want to -- I`d love to work with anybody. Anybody who offers me a job to be honest with you.
BEHAR: But like when you watch a movie -
MANDEL: Yes.
BEHAR: With people kissing and they`re in bed together in the films -- don`t you think to yourself I could never do that? Not just because --
MANDEL: I`ve done movies and had to kiss people.
BEHAR: Really?
MANDEL: I don`t shake hands. It doesn`t make sense.
BEHAR: Oh it`s the hands.
MANDEL: Yes I have children. I`ll have sex. I`ll hug.
BEHAR: But you won`t touch.
MANDEL: No, I --
BEHAR: You`ve never copped a feel?
MANDEL: Hands. I do. I have. I will -- are you offering?
BEHAR: No, no, no, it`s already. Somebody wants to know you are colorblind.
MANDEL: Yes.
BEHAR: They found out. How do you pick out your socks when you get dressed?
MANDEL: How do I pick out my socks?
BEHAR: How do you know what socks to wear? Black or white?
MANDEL: They`re usually black or white. These are white. There`s not much of them. They`re a little short sock. Would that be a hard thing? One word, garanimals.
BEHAR: So there, whoever wrote that question. Let`s see. Will you do the voice of gismo the gremlin for us?
MANDEL: Doctor McGrowl.
BEHAR: What is that from? The gremlins?
MANDEL: Good. There`s a movie in the `80s called "The Gremlins" and Gismo -- you never saw gremlins? It was a classic thing. Not a big thing. I played a little fuzzy gismo. When he got wet he started -- you know what is funny? It`s not really English. Just noises. Little noises like that, but they had me record it in every language for all the different countries.
BEHAR: So how do you do it in Italian?
MANDEL: Italian they would go -- whatever it was. Or, you know, Germany -- like light bright. You know, so they had me -- every language I spoke nothing.
BEHAR: Can you do it in Swedish? That`s good. That`s very impressive.
MANDEL: It is very impressive. What is it? It`s just impressive.
BEHAR: It`s just --
MANDEL: I don`t know what it is.
BEHAR: It`s impressive. I am -- a talent -- beyond.
MANDEL: People don`t realize.
BEHAR: It`s up there with Yasha Hifitz (ph).
MANDEL: I have those people in my family. You know who my cousin is?
BEHAR: Who?
MANDEL: Yitach Proman (ph).
BEHAR: Oh stop it.
MANDEL: He`s my cousin.
BEHAR: OK his new book is "Here`s The Deal, Don`t Touch Me." good night, everybody. Thank you, Howie.
MANDEL: Thank you.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: That was fun.
END
