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Dr. Drew
Richard Simmons Fights Obesity; Boomerang Kids
Aired May 09, 2012 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
DR. DREW PINSKY, HOST: Here we go.
Americans are more overweight than ever. We`re even getting kicked off planes because, to fat.
Now, are you struggling with weight issues? If you are, Richard Simmons is here with me taking calls.
And later, are you kids out of college but still depend on you and asking for support. Suze Orman is here as well answering your money questions.
So, let`s get started.
(MUSIC)
PINSKY: Well, now, Richard Simmons is here --
RICHARD SIMMONS, FITNESS ADVOCATE: It`s me and Dr. Drew to help you.
PINSKY: We will, indeed.
Now, although he`s been working with people for more than 30 years, sadly in the same time, obesity rates among children have nearly tripled. And now, a report says by the year 2030, 43 percent of Americans are going to be overweight.
Richard, we`re obsessed with losing weight and we`re still fat.
SIMMONS: I know, I know.
PINSKY: That makes you sad. It really bothers you.
SIMMONS: It`s frustrating.
PINSKY: I feel like I have to touch you. At the start of the show, all backstage, you were all over me like an amoeba. And now, you`re not.
SIMMONS: You know what? We`re on television all over the world. Can you try to just calm down?
PINSKY: Thank you.
SIMMONS: Now, nowhere was I?
I`ve been doing this for 39 years. I opened my exercise studio 39 years ago in Beverly Hills. People started coming. I was obese my whole life. I kept my weight off.
I understand what they`re going through. I call 20, 30, 40, 50 people a day who are overweight, house bound, obese. I listen to their stories and see if you can help?
PINSKY: Do you? You feel like you can?
SIMMONS: I`ve seen great turnarounds. But, you know, there`s a lot of people that have just not made the commitment. And it`s a commitment.
PINSKY: Isn`t it true about connection? Isn`t it the fact that you call them that sometimes gets this going? The fact that caring comes across.
SIMMONS: Well, 50 percent of e-mails are from people asking me to call them. But the other 50 percent is asking me to call their wife, their brother, their cousin, their mother. I call those cold calls, because they don`t know I`m calling.
But I sing to them. But they know my story.
PINSKY: Hold on. You sing? You sing?
SIMMONS: Let me ask you, does he do that with other guests or is it just me in my purple jacket.
PINSKY: I heard about 14 songs before we went to air.
SIMMONS: OK, so we sang a little bit.
PINSKY: We sang together.
SIMMONS: We did "Phantom". We did "Annie". We did Camelot. You should have seen him as King Arthur.
PINSKY: Let`s get back to serious.
I`ve got Kenlie. She`s going to join us. She`s up her. Take a look at her.
Now, she -- I know Kenlie. Last year, she was told by a gate agent that she was too fat to fly.
By the way, Kenlie. Have you lost weight? You do not look too fat to fly on an airline for God`s sakes. You look great.
KENLIE TIGGEMAN, SUING SOUTHWEST: Oh, wow. Well, thank you so much.
I have. I`ve lost over 100 pounds so far.
PINSKY: Good for you.
TIGGEMAN: And a lot of that I can definitely attribute to Richard, actually, for changing the way that I view fitness. So, yes.
PINSKY: Wow, what a beautiful woman.
And did you not feel -- she`s a pretty girl. Did you not feel this way?
SIMMONS: I`ve kissed this woman from her neck up all over. Have I kissed you a lot when you come to class?
TIGGEMAN: You have kissed me a lot, yes. A lot, Richard.
I know so many people are jealous of me around the world because I`ve gotten to spend time with you, and you`re so amazing. Hi!
SIMMONS: I need to ask you a very serious question. What is this lawsuit about? We know that -- we know the first story.
PINSKY: Let`s tell it. She was told you couldn`t go on the plane because you needed two seats or something? Is that what they were telling you?
TIGGEMAN: I was -- I was told at the gate on a connecting flight that I was too fat to fly without getting an additional ticket. And I was asked what size clothes I wore. I was asked how much I weighed.
And I was happy to share that because I have come so far in my personal journey. But I shouldn`t have had to.
So, when I flew again, I flew without incident twice. Southwest apologized to me. And I flew without incident twice.
The third time, I had a similar situation. The woman looked at me and said, well, obviously you need two seats.
At that point I knew I really need to seek out consistency, because it`s not just me. This is an issue that affects almost 30 percent of Americans. Someone has to talk about it to bring it out -- bring it out in the open.
SIMMONS: Did they in any way appease you with money or tickets after they really did not treat you right?
TIGGEMAN: They did give me a voucher to fly again. I flew in to meet you, Richard. You know, they asked for a second chance. I gave it to them. I think everyone deserves a second chance.
PINSKY: But I think you`re --
(CROSSTALK)
PINSKY: Right. But you`re raising an important issue, which is -- and I`ve said this for a long time. That our ostracism, our -- you know about the society being intolerant, we`re more intolerant of people being overweight than probably any other -- it`s not even minority group anymore, but almost any other group.
SIMMONS: You`re right.
PINSKY: We`re very judgmental.
SIMMONS: Kenlie, let me ask you, what is this lawsuit about now?
TIGGEMAN: Well, Richard, I`m not at all advocating obesity. You know how hard I`m trying to change this in my own life.
What I`ve asked Southwest for isn`t damages. I haven`t asked for that in any fashion. What I`m asking for is injunctive relief. I want them to expressly state what their policy is at the point of purchase.
So, I`m not suggesting an overweight person should never have to purchase two seats. I`m saying that sometimes they want me to and sometimes they don`t.
SIMMONS: Here are the choices for the airlines. Either the airlines has to take coach, they have to remove some of the smaller seats. They have to put larger seats. But they`re going to have to charge more money only because --
PINSKY: They`re using up the space.
SIMMONS: They`re using up the space. So, you know, that`s one way of looking at it.
PINSKY: Let`s take calls. We`ve got Aaron in California.
Aaron, go right ahead.
ARRON, CALLER FROM CALFORNIA: Hello. Last week, I was on a flight and I got seated next to an overweight man, and I have to say, I was really, really uncomfortable. So I was thinking maybe they should have overweight people pay for two seats on the airline.
PINSKY: Well, that`s what happened.
SIMMONS: This is our problem now. Did you -- now, you flew on the plane. Did you buy two seats? Did you buy two seats?
AARON: I did not.
PINSKY: He was next to somebody.
SIMMONS: Oh, you were next to somebody.
Did you say anything to that person?
AARON: I did not. I just felt really, really uncomfortable. And you know, I feel that they should pay for two seats, you know?
SIMMONS: Well, there is that. But I think because the bodies of Americans have changed, and we`re not talking about two or three people who need a seat belt extension or a larger seat. We`re talking about a lot of people.
PINSKY: Yes.
AARON: Right.
SIMMONS: And they`re not going to lose weight overnight. Now if this personally happened to me, and I was very obese, and I -- you know, I would say to myself, as Kenlie has, it`s time to lose some weight.
PINSKY: But here`s the problem. This is the part that gets messy. And you tell me if this isn`t what`s happening. A lot of people that are very overweight are that way for mental health reasons, some sort of internal deep misery or lack of self worth.
So, when they`re treated like that, sometimes they expect that from the environment.
SIMMONS: It`s emotional when we`re rejected.
Kenlie, when you`re rejected, how bad does that feel? Whether you`re thin or fat? It feels bad.
PINSKY: Yes, but my point is that --
KENLIE: Of course. No one likes rejection. And what I like to say to Aaron is --
PINSKY: Go ahead.
TIGGEMAN: Sorry?
PINSKY: Go ahead.
TIGGEMAN: What I would like to say to Aaron is I`m not suggesting that an overweight person should never have to purchase two seats. What I`m asking for is some sort of -- some sort of test or some sort of requirement, because when I was at the gate, I offered to sit -- when I was at the checkout counter during the last incident I offered to sit in a seat to prove that I could put the armrest down.
So -- and then at that point I was denied the opportunity to do that. So I`m not asking for obesity -- for people that are obese to be treated differently. I`m asking to be treated equally.
SIMMONS: No, I think the most important thing you want to say, Kenlie, is that -- no matter if you`re thin or overweight, you`re a human being. And you should not be treated that way.
TIGGEMAN: I am a human being. No one should be subject to humiliation, in public or in private.
PINSKY: Guys, absolutely the case.
We reached out to Southwest for comment. We had no comment back from them. But we`ve got to take a break.
Thank you, Kenlie, for joining us.
Now, Richard and I are going to really mix it up in the next segment. We`re taking your calls about weight loss, your kids` weight issue, nutrition, exercise, all that.
Stay with us. Taking your calls, next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
SIMMONS: Come on! Come on, Dr. Drew!
PINSKY: Richard, am I doing it right?
SIMMONS: Dr. Drew, harder, stronger. Four more.
PINSKY: Four. OK. One.
SIMMONS: Four and three, and two, and one!
Whoa, oh, during the break, we`ve done. I hope one day you`ll come to my studio.
PINSKY: I would love to. But the question I have though, so, OK, we`re creating increased resistance. We do it for a certain period of time. That`s almost no exercise right there, what I just did, isn`t it?
SIMMONS: No.
PINSKY: Some people think, oh, I walk the stairs at work, or I do sit-ups in the morning.
SIMMONS: My class is an hour and 20 minutes. Cardio, strength training and stretching.
PINSKY: How do you get people to understand that doing work in a period of time is what they need to do and increase that amount of work?
SIMMONS: First of all, they have to find the time.
And here`s the big problem with every email and phone call -- I get I don`t have the time.
We all get 24 hours a day.
PINSKY: Yes.
SIMMONS: We have to take and we have to find the time. I get up early.
That`s the biggest thing I can tell people -- get up early. Get your workout in. Put the music on. Make it hot and sweaty.
Have a good time. Find something you enjoy. I -- when I started to lose weight, I like walking, but I like dancing. Everyone likes to dance.
PINSKY: I`m not good at it. Why aren`t you on "Dancing with the Stars"?
SIMMONS: Because I`d be too nervous. Why haven`t you done it?
PINSKY: Because I`d be too bad.
SIMMONS: No, you`d be good at it. You`d be good at it.
PINSKY: Well, I`ll tell you, one of our HLN anchors has a question for you, Richard. Here it is. Watch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ROBIN MEADE, HOST, HLN`S "MORNING EXPRESS": Richard, do you have any long pants? I never see you in long pants. Do you have any?
Where do you live? Because it`s got to get cold some time.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PINSKY: By the way --
MEADE: Oh my. It`s Robin. We were just talking.
I love you, Robin Meade. I want to buy you a pair of earrings. I check out your jewelry all the time.
PINSKY: What I like about her -- yes, she adopts this attitude with you.
SIMMONS: Yes, this attitude right here.
PINSKY: So what about those dolphin shorts? The same pair since 1981?
SIMMONS: No, I`m wearing dark, you know --
PINSKY: They`re beautiful. They`re lovely.
SIMMONS: No, but I dressed up for you.
PINSKY: I appreciate that. And I`m taking my clothes off.
SIMMONS: No, it`s fine. You don`t have to take your clothes off. But I love -- you know, the thing is, I`m just known with my shorts and tank top. And those are from 1979.
PINSKY: Those very ones?
SIMMONS: Those vey ones. They don`t make them anymore.
PINSKY: They end up in the Smithsonian. They probably will.
SIMMONS: Smithsonian. They asked me for a pair. But I got to keep teaching. I live to teach.
PINSKY: OK, let`s go to a caller.
Kim in California -- go right ahead, Kim.
KIM, CALLER FROM CALIFORNIA: Hi, Richard. I`m calling about my 7- year-old daughter. Her pediatrician says I need to work on her weight. It`s not that she gets teased at school or anything, but how do I encourage her to workout without giving her bad self esteem?
PINSKY: Wow.
SIMMONS: Let me ask you this question: are you overweight?
PINSKY: Right.
KIM: No.
SIMMONS: You are?
KIM: Of course I could lose 10 or 15 pounds but --
PINSKY: Hang on, just so we know. I`m sorry to ask, but we really kind of -- how tall are you and how much do you weigh?
SIMMONS: This is a very sensitive subject when you ask people what they weigh?
PINSKY: We don`t know. We don`t see her.
But the point is, a lot of people -- I hear this in call-in shows -- my call-in shows all the time. I`ve got big bone. They`re 50 pounds overweight some time.
SIMMONS: Well, here`s my advice for you. Get your kids active. We`re waiting for P.E. to get back in the school system. That`s taking forever.
We`re waiting for the school lunch programs to get better. That`s taking forever. Now, it`s a grassroots -- it`s admission.
PINSKY: Richard, I agree with you. She wants her kid (INAUDIBLE).
Seriously, though, no negative messages about her body, number one. Number two, talk about health, wouldn`t you say, and getting active. And number three, make good nutritional choices in the home, right? You can do what you do.
SIMMONS: But for you to be active with your daughter, a child who grows up with parents who work out is a child that`s going to tend to work out.
In New Orleans, Louisiana, I never saw my parents work out. And I never did. But, you know --
KIM: We work out to your videos, Richard. We do no ifs, ands or buts about it.
SIMMONS: Wow.
(CROSSTALK)
SIMMONS: I just think the most important thing is let your child be who she is. Let her be the individual with her and not compete with other kids for body image. And just keep being there for your daughter.
PINSKY: And a great parenting --
SIMMONS: And I know you`re a great mom. I know that.
PINSKY: And a great parenting message is, do what you do with your kids. If you`re a reader, your kid tends to be a reader. If you`re big good nutritional sources, your kid -- there you are, right?
SIMMONS: There`s Kenlie, who we just talked to.
PINSKY: Oh my goodness. She looks great.
SIMMONS: Would give your daughter a hug for me?
KIM: I will.
SIMMONS: Give you daughter a hug for me and Dr. Drew.
KIM: Go to Carol in Georgia. Carol, what`s going on?
SIMMONS: Hey, Carol. Hey, hey, Carol!
PINSKY: Is this Carol Channing (ph)?
CAROL, CALLER FROM GEORGIA: I`ve never had a problem with my weight until I turned about 37.
PINSKY: Yes. I`m going to have to get details quickly here. Was this after you had a couple children?
CAROL: I had my kids by the time I was 29, 30. I had a massive car accident. I developed arthritis, PTSD from the accident.
PINSKY: So, Carol, Carol. I will fill in the gaps here. Then you were put on killers and psychiatric medication that stimulated your appetite and your weight went out of control. How about that?
CAROL: Right.
PINSKY: Yes. That -- I see that all the time.
You must see this all the time, too. This is a big part, Richard.
SIMMONS: She needs a starting point.
PINSKY: Then I have a question for you. You`ve been through the car accident. The Vicodin, whatever you took. I don`t know if you still take pain medication.
CAROL: Yes, and I hate it. I know when I`m going to go off it, I know I`m going to go to the detox.
PINSKY: Yes, you are.
SIMMONS: How much weight would you like to lose for you to be happy with yourself?
CAROL: Let`s see. I went from 140 to 206. Actually 125 to 206.
SIMMONS: OK. So, here`s the first thing, is for you to get out of the 200s. Something happens to a woman when she goes below 200.
CAROL: Tell me about it.
SIMMONS: That means you got to be strict. Do you smoke?
CAROL: Yes.
SIMMONS: OK. So you`re spending "x" amount of money on cigarettes. Do you drink any alcohol?
CAROL: No, I`m a recovering addict.
PINSKY: You`re not a recovering addict. You`re a using addict. Let`s be clear -- you`re using painkillers.
CAROL: Yes, and it`s very --
SIMMONS: God, you`re so harsh.
PINSKY: It`s a fact.
SIMMONS: Do you do any sort of exercise?
CAROL: I don`t. That`s where I`m -- I don`t know where to start.
SIMMONS: Here`s my best suggestion.
PINSKY: Great point. Go.
SIMMONS: She goes to the "Y" and gets in the pool.
PINSKY: OK.
SIMMONS: That would be the first thing. It would help your lungs because you smoke. Your body is weight less. It would move the muscles and burn calories. So, I f I start anywhere it would be at the --
PINSKY: Yes. That`s a great note. And also, your intention is to go to the program. Get back to narcotics anonymous. Get detox from the opiates.
Of course, things will get better. Things have a way of flourishing in the program as you well know.
Diane in New York, you`ve got a question for us?
DIANE, CALLER FROM NEW YORK: Hi, Dr. Drew. Hi, Richard.
SIMMONS: Hi.
DIANE: Thanks for taking my call.
SIMMONS: Hi. How are you?
DIANE: I`m good. Thanks. How are you?
SIMMONS: I`m great. Look, Richard and Dr. Drew.
PINSKY: It`s quite a team, isn`t it?
DIANE: Quite a team. I think you both should do "Dancing with the Stars."
PINSKY: Well, that`s an idea. We should be together, anyway.
Diane, you have a question?
DIANE: Anyway, my question -- because I have some medical conditions, I have to do low impact exercises.
PINSKY: What are the conditions?
DIANE: I have fibromyalgia and I have neuropathy in my feet.
SIMMONS: You know, when you have --
PINSKY: OK, hang on, neuropathy from what?
DIANE: They don`t know.
PINSKY: Are you a drinker?
DIANE: Maybe something to do with the fibromyalgia. Excuse me?
PINSKY: Were you a drinker?
DIANE: No.
PINSKY: OK.
SIMMONS: It doesn`t mean everyone who has fibromyalgia, Doctor.
PINSKY: Neuropathy, it`s very common from alcohol.
We have one minute, Richard.
Here`s my thing, fibromyalgia patients, primary issue is sleep. It`s the primary issue. If they exercise hard, they get better.
SIMMONS: No.
PINSKY: They do.
SIMMONS: When you feel good, you can exercise. But the minute the exercise is too much then you`ve got to stop it. I have many people with fibromyalgia in my exercise studio with women. And I can see them when it`s time for them to sit down and drink water.
So it`s a double edged sword because you the exercise sometimes hurts, but you`ve got to do it.
PINSKY: Got to do it.
SIMMONS: So, when you`re really feeling fatigue, you need to go sit down and to drink some water and a little bit of juice.
PINSKY: All right. Guys, thanks for these great calls.
Richard and I are going to continue taking more of the calls.
SIMMONS: But during the commercial, we`re going to try the samba and the cha cha to get ready for the audition for "Dancing with the Stars."
PINSKY: For "Dancing with the Stars." Yes, indeed.
SIMMONS: OK. Let`s do the cha cha, back -- back and cha, cha, cha.
PINSKY: Get out of here. We`re busy. Go, go, go.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
SIMMONS: It`s sweating time! Come on! Oh! Get that body going!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PINSKY: Richard Simmons sweating to the oldies was voted the number one infomercial of all time by Askmen.com.
Richard, why do you think people are so drawn to that particular video?
SIMMONS: Well, I`ve done 66 videos and DVDs.
PINSKY: But that was the one that really got launched it all.
SIMMONS: This was the first time people heard real music to exercise to. And it`s the first time they saw real people exercise of all different shapes and sizes.
PINSKY: Not just television people.
SIMMONS: That`s still my philosophy. I`m just doing two more DVDs. I`ll have an audition. And I`ll pick all different kinds of people to work out with me.
I call it population exercise. We`ll have a 90-year-old woman here and a 15-year-old girl here and we`re all doing the best we can.
PINSKY: You seem very happy these days?
SIMMONS: I`m very joyful about that god has let me live this long. In a couple months, I`ll be 64. I get to travel, teach at colleges.
You know, people have -- they treat me like I`m a relative, you know? And they`ve known I never lie to them. I always say, love yourself. Move your body ands watch your portions.
I never told them --
PINSKY: You`ve been of service. And that`s very fulfilling.
SIMMONS: The frustrating part is we`re sitting here, standing here in the studio today. So many children, teenagers, young adults, seniors have stopped their life because of their food.
And I just have to figure out, every night I go, God, teach me another way to help them. What else can I say to them? And sometimes you say something, Dr. Drew, and you know this is true. And all the sudden it clicks. It`s like, oh, my God, that one sentence changed my life. And then you see people go from 300 down to a goal of 140. And it`s a joyful experience.
PINSKY: What I love is it`s a reminder that we affect each other. You affect these people you reached.
Let`s go the phones.
Brian from South Carolina, go ahead.
SIMMONS: Hi, Brian.
PINSKY: Hi, Brian.
BRYAN GANELY, LOST 380 POUNDS (via telephone): Yes, Dr. Drew. Richard, I just want to give a quick shout-out, you called in many months ago. I`ve written to you to tell you about my success. I`ve been able to lose 300 pounds over the last few years on my own with diet and exercise.
PINSKY: Oh my God. We have a picture of him. There he is.
SIMMONS: I called you. Hi.
PINSKY: Oh, my goodness. That`s incredible, my friend.
SIMMONS: Look at him.
PINSKY: How are you doing, sweet man?
GANELY: I`m doing well, Richard. I`m doing well. I`m continuing to lose at a slower pace. But I`m still doing the work. Still doing the exercise, moving my body, watching my portion.
SIMMONS: Bryan, let me ask you a question. Why do you think that you did not detour and gain your weight back as 95 percent of people do? Why, Brian? Share that with them.
PINSKY: Bryan, I`ve only got about 20 seconds. So go ahead.
GANELY: Yes, I almost dropped dead from a pulmonary embolism and blood clot in my lung. I spent a week laying in the hospital and it`s almost realizing that my life is going to end is what made me.
SIMMONS: Well, your life is just beginning. Thank you.
PINSKY: Bryan, thank you for sharing that.
SIMMONS: Thank you, Bryan. Let me know how you`re doing.
PINSKY: When people have to change the behavior, a near death experience will change their behavior.
SIMMONS: For some people. But not for everyone.
PINSKY: For some people. But that turns it around.
Thank you, Richard. I appreciate. It`s been a pleasure.
SIMMONS: Thanks, Drew.
And to all of you viewers, take care of yourself. Take care of your family.
PINSKY: Next up, I`ve got -- if you want, he can call you. He can look after them for you. He`ll make those calls.
Next up, Suze Orman is here. So, we`re switching from how to manage diet and exercise to how manage our dollars and how to manage --
SIMMONS: She`s so cute.
PINSKY: She`s so awesome.
SIMMONS: I`ve kissed her quite a few times too.
PINSKY: And then kids that get dependent on their parents, how do we get hem out of the house.
SIMMONS: She`s a great kisser.
PINSKY: Stay with us.
SIMMONS: And I`ve hugged her with --
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
DR. DREW PINSKY, HOST (voice-over): Coming up, your kids, your money, and money maven, Suze Orman. Are you still supporting your grown-up children? How much help is too much? When should you say no? Suze is with me taking your calls, answering these tough questions about family and finance.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hanna, your mother and I, we feel that it may be time for one final push.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: What is a final push?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: No more money.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: All I`m asking for is $1,100 a month for the next two years.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: That`s insane.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PINSKY (on-camera): I love that clip. And many of you may actually relate to it. It`s from the HBO Original series "Girls." Your child is out of college, starting life as an adult, but can`t find a job in this economy, maybe has a bunch of debt. What do you do? Now, many of you are letting kids move back in. Consider this recent study.
In 1980, 11 percent of young adults age 25-34 lived at their home with their parents. In 2012, 29 percent of young adults age 25 to 34 are living at home. Are we handicapping these kids by letting them become so dependent on us? Joining me now to discuss all this is financial adviser, Suze Orman. She is the host of CNBC`s "The Suze Orman Show."
Suze, since 1980, three times many young people living back at home. Is this something we should be concerned about or is it just a function of the economy we`re living in?
SUZE ORMAN, HOST, CNBC`S "THE SUZE ORMAN SHOW": I think it`s obviously a function of the economy that we`re living in. You know, Dr. Drew, what young adult wants to move back in with their parents? It cramps their sex life, truthfully. It cramps everything about the rights of becoming a young adult.
So, when there is no money, when there are no jobs, that`s when you are forced to move back into a home, and it forces you in a way to become and stay a young kid, which many of these kids are no longer.
So, it`s really a horrific situation that`s going on, and mainly it`s going on because of the lack of jobs, the incredible amount it takes now to go to college. Student loans are a serious problem, and the kids really don`t have any other alternatives.
PINSKY: All right. Let`s take some calls, Suze. Danielle in Pennsylvania, go right ahead. Danielle, that is. Go right ahead.
DANIELLE, PENNSYLVANIA: Hi, Dr. Drew.
PINSKY: Hi, Danielle.
DANIELLE: My husband and I left home around 18. Living back was never appropriate. We`re independent and appreciate parental generosity. With our own children, it only is necessary to move back.
PINSKY: Wait, Danielle, hold on. Danielle, hold on a second. You`re like reading something to me. I want to hear about your life. You`re how old now?
DANIELLE: I`m 22.
PINSKY: You`re 22 and you`re married for four years?
DANIELLE: No, three.
PINSKY: Three years. Way off.
DANIELLE: Yes.
PINSKY: And you`re planning on having kids. And you`re saying now, without kids, it looks easy to you to say not my kids, they`re not going to get dependent on us, because we were able to move out. Is that what you`re saying?
DANIELLE: No. Actually, I have a daughter.
PINSKY: You have a daughter. She`s not going to be able to come back in when she graduates from Harvard, right?
DANIELLE: Well, the point of it is really -- it`s only if necessary.
PINSKY: Only if necessary. Only if necessary. So, Suze, so I think people -- maybe idealize what it`s going to be like raising kids, and then, they may get caught off guard. They don`t plan for this. Are there ways parents can sort of plan to help ease that transition out?
Should they set aside funding for the kids and maybe, you know, leave that sort of as a fund the kid manages on their own? What`s your recommendation?
ORMAN: You know, it`s so nice to think that there`s extra money there to help your kids. It`s so nice to think that you`re going to be able to pay for the kids` college education, but the truth of the matter is now that we`re living far into our 80s, early 90, it is possible. In fact, it`s even probable. Forget the kids for a second.
Get them out of the equation. Danielle, will you have enough money to be able to support yourself? Will you have enough money to be able to retire and do all the things that you want to do? And the answer to that, given the low interest rates, given the volatility of the real estate market, the stock market, it could be doubtful.
So, it isn`t about you being able to sit in judgment anymore, my dear, and look at these kids. Are you doing everything you need to do at your young age of 23 in order to be able to live a lifestyle that you want to live for the rest of your life? And I have to say, if I were a betting woman, I would doubt it.
PINSKY: Which would include, Suze, her taking care -- not taking care of her kids, I guess. She said she wouldn`t let that happen to her. Let`s take another call. Frank in New Jersey, what`s on your mind?
FRANK, NEW JERSEY: How you doing, everybody? This is kind of a touchy subject. My children have been working since they`ve been 16 and going to school full time. Yes, I`ve been helping them out, but I can tell you this much, if they weren`t working and going to school full time, I don`t necessarily believe I would help them out.
PINSKY: So, I want to refine what Frank is saying, Suze. I think what he`s saying is that provided the kids are pulling their weight, he doesn`t mind supplementing to make it more possible, say, for them to focus on their studies, so maybe they can rise a little bit further in life. Is that what you hear?
ORMAN: Well, listen, here is the real problem that`s going on today. It`s not that these kids don`t want to work. It`s not that these kids are lazy because I don`t believe that they are. There are no jobs for them to get, number one. There aren`t even jobs for adults to get who have lost their jobs over these past few years.
But the cost of a college education is so prohibitive today, number one. Number two, good luck finding community colleges anymore. Everybody is trying to go to a community college. And, when you`re getting student loans, the fact that the student loans are not dischargeable in bankruptcy really creates a serious problem in that student loans are skyrocketing.
There are no jobs. These kids don`t have anything to do. So, while, I know it`s easy to say my kids are going to work. They`re going to make it on their own, and I hope that they do -- yes? What`s your comment?
FRANK: I don`t necessarily believe that there`s no jobs out there. First of all, I own a contracting company. And I would hire anybody. OK. It also seems that, sometimes, I think as adults raising our children in the 20th century, and I agree a little bit about this, that we made it to soft for them.
Most of the people that I employ are of a different ethnic background, and they work just as hard as I ever work. And that`s what I require. Most of the other workers I`ve hired, OK, and given (Inaudible) I just hired someone 42 years old, just moved back from Texas. And, he worked one day and couldn`t keep up with the crew. OK?
So, I try to figure out like, how did he -- where is his work ethic? What was he doing at age 16? I know what my kids are doing at 16.
PINSKY: So, Frank, Frank, again, to paraphrase what I`m hearing you say and I`ll let Suze answer this is, how do we indoctrinate our kids to be sort of have an IQ about money and have a motivation and not become dependent? How do we do that, Suze?
ORMAN: You do it by starting when they`re very, very young. You don`t wait until they finally go to college and now you`re trying to instill financial ethics in them and work ethics in them. You stop giving them allowances when they`re born. You stop giving them entitlement to the fact that just because they`re getting older, they get more money every single year.
You have to get them to understand that you have to work for money. This is what it takes to pay the bills so that there`s electricity. And you should make them a vital participant in paying the bills, talking about money with them, teaching them money, and understand that if they don`t work, if they don`t contribute, then they don`t get the privilege of just living this great lifestyle just because they were born.
But that`s not what we`re doing, Dr. Drew. We aren`t raising children. We aren`t -- with the conversation of money. Listen, we talk about sex today more than we talk about money to our children. Nobody out there knows how much their parents are making. Nobody understands debt. These kids don`t have a clue when it comes to money. So, we can`t blame them because we`re not teaching them.
PINSKY: Wow. Suze, you`re saying something very profound, because one thing I have noticed about the -- when we ever start complaining about the kids today. You know, it sounds like a musical again. I wish Richard were still here to sing about it, but it`s really about us always. It`s really about what we did with these kids.
We complain that they got trophies for everything and awards for everything. That`s because of us. We couldn`t tolerate seeing them disappointed. And now, we`re saying, well, they don`t understand money. They don`t have work ethic. That`s about us. We didn`t instill that in them.
So, when we get back after the break, Suze, I want to talk a little bit about what we might do if the horse is already out of the barn. So, we now -- we made -- we`ve got 19, 20-year-olds.
We maybe didn`t give them a great -- as you said, we talk more about sex and relationships, which is great, but more than we do about money, which is a more practical issue that really kids need a sensibility about, an IQ about. More with suze on that issue after the break. Stay with us.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PINSKY: Welcome back. Suze Orman is still with me. She`s answering money questions. And as I said before the break, Suze, what if we have created some dependency of our kids upon us, inadvertently. We didn`t mean to do. We`re not bad parents, but oh my God, all of a sudden, they`re home.
They don`t seem to have the motivation to get out and do it on their own. And we didn`t really give them a good I.Q. about money. What should we do?
ORMAN: Well, now, you`re going to have to give them some motivation and you`re going to have to create some contracts with them. The truth of the matter is, Dr. Drew, when they move back home, your expenses are going to increase, your water bills, your electricity bills and your food bills, especially if it is a male child coming back home.
So, given that your expenses are increasing, I think you need to make it mandatory that that child is responsible for the increase in your expenses. I don`t care how they have to pay for it. Whether they have to babysit, walk dogs, but they have to do something to generate money to cover the increase of your expenses, number one.
Number two, there needs to be a time limit set. You can move back home, you have six months to the date, and then, you are out of here.
PINSKY: That`s good.
ORMAN: And they`re going to think, oh, you don`t mean it. Mom will never kick me out. Oh, yes, you will. Five months come and you have one month left, and that kid is still not doing anything, you can tell that kid one month, every lock on this house is going to be changed. You`ve got to be strong.
You`ve got to practice tough love, but you got to make agreements with them and make them stick to it. But for them to stick to it, you have to stick to the agreement, as well.
PINSKY: Now, couple of things, Suze -- first of all, I think I hear you say discriminate against male children. I got that. Make sure they leave because they cost too much money when they eat. They eat too much.
ORMAN: Yes.
PINSKY: But the issue is that you and I, you know, I work with addicts and family of addicts, this is a very similar kind of intervention we would do with addiction, and I agree with you. I think that kind of intense structure, but people in the control room ask me, I don`t think I could do that to my kid.
And somebody who`s already sort of brought in some dependencies may have difficulty being that firm which is why the kid knows they can push that limit. And at six months, maybe stay seven months and maybe stay nine months. What do we tell those parents?
ORMAN: You give them a metaphor, so to speak, or a different analogy, which is, if the kid was doing drugs, if the kid was drinking, doing alcohol, or whatever it may be, you would be very strict with what you allowed that kid to do and not do.
When it comes to money and when it comes to not being motivated, the ramifications of not being aggressive in today`s world, of not being responsible financially speaking are almost just as bad, Dr. Drew, as being a drug addict or an alcoholic, because it can dehabilitate you in every possible way.
PINSKY: Yes. Yes.
ORMAN: So, you have got to look at your children and understand. If you really love them, you will be tough. If you really love them, you will not just sit there and go, OK, walk all over me and be nothing for the rest of your life.
PINSKY: Suze --
ORMAN: Because it`s one thing when they`re 20.
PINSKY: Yes.
ORMAN: It`s another thing when they`re 40 or 50.
PINSKY: Oh, my God! Then, they`re completely incapacitated, but I fully endorse what you`re saying. Cathy in California. Let`s get a question in here.
CATHY, CALIFORNIA: Hi, Dr. Drew and Suze. Yes. Hi, Dr. Drew and Suze. I filed for divorce and now have the half of the community debt. I`m a stay-at-home mom. I`m looking for work now and going to college. My husband`s debt is 50,000 not including the mortgage.
I`m working on trying to get my ex to financially support the kid so (ph) the court order. I get about $2,000 a month. No help with the medical bills, which are pretty high. I`m wondering if bankruptcy would be a good solution for me. I would rather not file, but it`s going to that point where I really have no other option.
ORMAN: You know, what`s so sad, Nance is that so many people feel like, oh, my God, I`m claiming bankruptcy, and therefore, I`m a bad person. You are a single mother. You are $50,000 in debt. Credit card debt, correct?
CATHY: Credit card, promissory notes, these things that my ex --
ORMAN: But not student loan debt is part of that, correct?
CATHY: No. No student loan.
ORMAN: All right. Because, again, remember, everybody, student loans are not dischargeable in bankruptcy in most cases. Just remember that. So, here, you are $50,000 in debt. When is the last time you even made a payment on this debt?
CATHY: I haven`t been able to. The money that we receive is barely enough to cover the house payment and basic expenses.
ORMAN: And I get all that. I get that, Nancy. But here`s a thing. You haven`t even been making payments on this debt. So, essentially, you`ve already kind of claimed bankruptcy on this debt. Claiming official bankruptcy simply means that they can`t come after you. The interest rate stops and things like that.
If it has been a while already that you haven`t been paying some of this credit card debt, do you know every state has a statute of limitations so that after three, four, five, six years, they legally can`t come after you, anyway.
So if, in fact, you haven`t been making payments on this debt, it`s almost as if you`ve already claimed bankruptcy, because the truth of the matter is, where are you even going to get the money to claim bankruptcy?
PINSKY: Right. So, she needs to claim bankruptcy.
ORMAN: So, it`s not so bad -- Yes. It`s not so bad, Nancy. You just live your life the way that you need to live your life. Be responsible. But you have to learn from this. Because let`s just say I said claim bankruptcy, OK? You can legally claim bankruptcy. Do you know that most people who claim bankruptcy once claim it twice?
PINSKY: Wow. That`s interesting. Why do you think that is? Why is that, Suze?
ORMAN: Because they don`t learn. They were able to get rid of all their doubts. They feel like, OK, here I get to go again, and they did learn the reason that they got into financial trouble to begin with. So, you get into financial trouble because you spend more than when you feel less than. You`re filling up holes with money.
So, it`s not just about solving a financial problem. It`s always about solving an emotional problem as to why are you being disrespectful with money, because money is just a physical manifestation of who you are, Dr. Drew. You`re the one who earns it.
PINSKY: Suze.
ORMAN: Yes?
PINSKY: You`re singing my tune. I think that is such a clear insight that people fill with money. As you said, you spend more than if you feel less than. That`s a brilliant analogy. I love that.
ORMAN: That is correct.
PINSKY: That`s a great call. I`ll take one more call before the break. This is Jeff in Michigan. Jeff, what do you got?
JEFF, MICHIGAN: Hey, Dr. Drew. Changing -- that I`m dying to hear Suze`s take on Octomom`s $500 haircut, especially after she attempted (INAUDIBLE) the financial makeover on the Oprah Winfrey show.
PINSKY: OK. You did a financial makeover on her? Oh, you tried, too. I tried to help Nadya, too. So, hold on, Suze, I`ve got -- go ahead. I got to take a break. Give me a 30-second answer, and then, we`ll finish the answer across the break. So, go ahead.
ORMAN: I wish I could give you an absolute intelligent answer as to what do I think about the things that she does. I cannot, because nothing that she`s doing at this point in time or she really has done has made any financial sense to me at all.
I had hoped that maybe she would be OK. But, she`s trying to do the best that she can at this point. But she has 11 tattoos. She has all kinds of things. So, you know, go figure.
PINSKY: Well, I`m going to try to figure out with you a little bit more after the break, because Suze is going to stay with me across this break, and maybe Jeff, you can hang in there, too. You seem kind of fascinated by, particularly, the haircut, which she had all kinds of explanations for it.
Let`s see if Suze buys any of that. And we`ll be taking more of your calls. So, stay with us. We`re taking your calls with Suze Orman about money, dependency of kids, I.Q., and anything you want to know or want to know from Suze. I`ve learned, spend more when you feel less. That`s interesting. Back after this.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PINSKY: We are back with Suze Orman talking about money, money I.Q. and the kids becoming dependent and the job market with such a -- so awful today. And I was taking a call from Jeff who had a question about Octomom. And Jeff, you specifically wanted to know about that $500 haircut, right?
JEFF: Yes. That just seems crazy to me. She filed bankruptcy. I mean, where is she getting the money from?
PINSKY: Well, Suze -- now, Suze, you and I both tried to help Octo- mom, right? Nadya Suleman. And she`s a lovely woman. She seems insightful. And she`s out of control and has more kids than she knows what to do with but seems unable to sort of make a plan. And if I were to look at the situation, I would say is that she doesn`t make a plan and then starts reaching for lifeboats all over the place.
And each lifeboat she reaches for ends up being an (INAUDIBLE), and she goes down further. Why do people have such difficulty making plans, financial plans? I do this a lot with people as they age. They just become unwilling to make a plan. I`ve seen disasters from that as people reach the latter stages of their life.
ORMAN: Well, you know, I don`t think it`s just as simple with Nadya as to why she`s not willing to make a plan. Dr. Drew, I spent 130 hours, 130 hours going over every single check, deposit, anything that Nadya had to do with money for the first two years since the kids -- when the kids were born. And nothing really made sense whatsoever.
It`s not that money didn`t come in. A lot of money came in. She just didn`t know how to handle it. And Nadya, in some level, is no different, really, than everybody else. Money comes in, money goes out. You know, each one of us is like a glass that has holes in it. And you pour water into that glass and it just pours out.
And nobody wants to take the time to figure out how do they stop up those holes. What does it take to stop up the holes? And it takes knowledge, it takes time, and I really believe that money is so important to every single person out there. It`s almost the most important thing in somebody`s life that they are so afraid of making a mistake with it.
They bought the ticket that Wall Street has tried to sell them, which is, you need an adviser. You need this. You need that. So, you can`t do it. You`re just a financial idiot, everybody, that they believe that, and they run the other way from their money versus really getting involved with it.
And somebody who`s now for 30 years given my life to talking about money, somebody who was a waitress until the age of 30, I was a waitress for seven years, Dr. Drew, until I was 30 years of age making $400 a month. If I can turn my life around and do what I`ve done, everybody watching me right now, there isn`t an excuse for one of you, including Nadya.
That you can`t turn your lives around and be more and have more. But you have to look within to see why you`re doing without.
PINSKY: OK. Suze, I so agree with you, and you`re sort of you`re in my territory here. So, how do you get people to change their -- I only have 30 seconds -- we`re going to talk about changing someone`s life but change their emotional relationship with money, because really, that`s what you`re talking about. The symbolism of what money means to their internal life, emotional life.
ORMAN: You know, I don`t like to do this -- yes, 30 seconds worth.
PINSKY: Yes. So try.
ORMAN: Twenty seconds. Here`s the thing, everybody. Fifteen years ago, I wrote a book called the "Nine Steps to Financial Freedom" that talks in detail about this. They just brought this book out again recently in soft back. Go to the library and take it out, because if you`re in debt, don`t go buying one of my books.
But go to the library, read this book, and it will explain everything, Dr. Drew, that you are asking me about.
PINSKY: Thank you, Suze. Thank you so much for joining us. And tomorrow, we`ll be talking about something called genetic sexual attraction. You won`t believe what that is. Why some blood relatives seem to be drawn to each other? Taking your calls. Watch us tomorrow. See you then. Thank you, Suze.
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