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Dr. Drew
Why Do Women Cheat?
Aired May 30, 2012 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
DR. DREW PINSKY, HOST: Here we go.
Last week we asked: why men have affairs? What about the women? I`m talking to we`ve whose have strayed and men who have slept with married women.
What would you like to ask them? Call me at 1-855-DRDREW5.
And surviving the glare of reality TV spotlight. From Hef`s girlfriend to happy housewife, Kendra Wilkinson and her husband Hank with my live. Call until with your questions.
Let`s get going.
(MUSIC)
PINSKY: All right now. As I said, women who cheat on their husbands. I want your reactions. So, call me, 855-DRDREW5.
It`s Wednesday, of course. We tend to dedicate these nights to sex and relationships.
And remember, you know, if you are in a relationship, if you`re married, if you`re contemplating marriage, this kind of topic is quite important to everyone. Got to tell you, I`ve done shows and radio television dedicated to these topics for almost three decades now. I hate to even think about it.
But I`ll tell you what? When people have emotional liabilities, nowhere does it come out more than in their interpersonal lives, in their relationships. And cheating is one of the examples that -- well, this gets acted out and how our marriages and our families in this country are at risk because of some of this.
Now, last time, I heard from a prostitute, a legal prostitute, who told us why married men cheat. It`s quite insightful about that.
Now, we`re going to switch things around and talk about married women who cheat. Take a look at this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PINSKY (voice-over): Eyes are glued to the John Edwards trial waiting for a verdict. Why so much interest in the case? Not politics, people, sex and scandal. He fathered a child with another woman while married to his late wife Elizabeth who was dying of cancer.
We often hear about men who stray. We blame them for cheating. But guess what? Married women cheat, too, and it`s not because of lust.
According to May issue of "Men`s Health," women want someone who will listen, who be there emotionally not just physically. We`re talking to married women who cheat and the men who lust after them.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PINSKY: First off to discuss this, Tucker Max. He`s best-selling author of "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell."
Tucker, you`ve gained insight through some field work, I guess. You`ve been with these sorts of women. What have you learned and tell us some stories?
TUCKER MAX, HAS SLEPT WITH MARRIED WOMEN: Well I learned two things. That I think women really only cheat for two reasons, married women, generally because either they have deep-seeded emotional issues they`re trying to work out. Maybe a sex abuse history, something like that, or because they`re deeply unhappy with the relationship they`re in and usually it`s like a way of maybe acting out their unhappiness before they`re willing to maybe admit it to themselves or admit it publicly. That`s what I`ve seen.
PINSKY: Yes, Tucker, when I`ve talked to like call-in type shows I`ve done, women call in and say, you know, I cheated. I`ve been complaining to my husband forever.
Guys, we talk to them and they go, I don`t know. All of a sudden I woke up and she went out one day and cheated.
But when you talk to the wives, they said, no. Three year, 10 years, I`ve been complaining to him. He`s not available. He hangs out with his guy. He doesn`t give me what I need emotionally -- yes, they`ve cheated but that`s after lots and lots of warning.
MAX: Right. Of course, yes. Unless the woman has some issue or is crazy, a lot of preceding steps before she goes out and starts cheating.
PINSKY: OK. Let`s define crazy, but I don`t want to let that lie as a term that sounds so pejorative. But this is something that people do need to understand and Simone Bienne is coming in a little bit later. She`s a relationship and sex therapist who is, I work with and seeing things the way I do.
And I think, Tucker, your field work has taught you the same thing. Women who had trauma, particular around sexual experiences, they tend to act it out over and over again. Humans have this crazy way of re-creating and re-traumatizing themselves once they`ve had a major trauma, right?
TUCKER: Oh, absolutely. Like, unfortunately, I mean I see this -- I can`t really understand in my 20s as much as I do now what was going on, but generally, girls who maybe -- and maybe even to a lesser extent guys, but when you see woman who is extremely promiscuous, how much you want to define promiscuous, you know, in her social circle, any sort of extreme behavior like that is usually some way of sort of acting out, re-creating trauma or trying to fill the void that in absence or some other trauma created.
I don`t mean crazy in a bad sense. I just mean she has emotional issues that she hasn`t worked out. Someone hurt her in some way and she`s trying to maybe unconsciously solve it through, you know, hooking up or something like that.
PINSKY: Let`s get some calls.
Kara in Minnesota, go right ahead.
KARA, CALLER FROM MINNESOTA: Hi, Dr. Drew. I love your show and demeanor.
PINSKY: Thank you.
KARA: Just wanted to say that.
I`ve been married 19 years and dealt with that infidelity, first time in about seven years into our marriage, he and then I, and both (INAUDIBLE). But I feel that women cheat because, to get their sex appeal back. I think spouses take each other for granted and you just don`t feel sexy with your spouse anymore.
PINSKY: Kara, that is one of the -- is it Kara or Cara?
KARA: Kara.
PINSKY: Kara, that is one of the things that is pointed out in "Men`s Health." is it -- help me with that? I think it was "Men`s Health," we said it was the article was in. In that article saying that women want to be really desired by their male partners.
If things become bland, if you don`t mix it up a little built or aren`t really interested in your partner, that feels like something that`s missing, and that women will that act that out, too.
Thanks for your call, Kara.
Let`s go to Kathy in California. Kathy?
KATHY, CALLER FROM CALIFORNIA: Hi. Oh, my God. I`m so disgusted.
Look, you can be -- feel sexual and sexy with your husband. It takes a little bit of work, and all of these women that go off and cheat, they are such little chickens, and they`re quitters. They make a commitment to something and they just want an easy way out and a quick fix, and it`s gross and disgusting.
And I`m telling you, my husband thinks I`m hotter now than I was the day that he met me.
PINSKY: Well -- Tucker is shaking his head and rolling his eyes a little bit. But I feel the same about my wife, Kathy. I agree with you. I mean, if I would use the word disgusting but am amazed that people can harm the people they love the most with this kind of acting out. To me that`s astonishing more than disgusting.
What do you think, Tucker? You`re rolling your eyes.
MAX: Well, no, I was saying -- I`m rolling my eyes, this woman -- it`s very easy to sit at home and judge other people when you don`t have to go through the things they go through. By no means I`m saying that cheating is OK. It`s never OK, but there`s a lot of times where there`s a lot more to a situation than someone understands.
I mean, listen, I`ve been on this side of the camera for a long time. I understand, and most people who kind of sit on the other side and say, oh, if you do x, you`re automatically wrong. If you look at their history and their past, they`ve done a lot of bad things, too. If they looked at those objectively they`d probably, you know, they wouldn`t want those talk about in that way either.
I think it`s easy to judge, but it`s very difficult -- much harder to kind of look at things honestly and realize it`s never a simple and cut and dry effect. You know?
PINSKY: Got it.
Nancy in Michigan, tell me what you got.
Uh-oh. Nancy, you there?
Give me another one. What else you got for me?
Peggy in Ohio. Peggy, what do you got for me?
PEGGY, CALLER FROM OHIO: Hi, Dr. Drew, I absolutely love your show.
PINSKY: Thank you, Peggy.
PEGGY: I believe when you meet everything is nice and great and after a couple years, I feel like the romance is out of the marriage, and out of the relationship, and they want to move on and get someone that really shows them the affection. I think they`re just -- affection in a relationship and they need to communicate a little more.
PINSKY: Peggy, I agree. I hope you`ll stay with me across this break, because I`m bringing Simone Bienne here who`s a relationship expert and really goes at this issue particularly. I think if we`re going to have take-homes from today`s conversation, it`s particularly on this very issue, because you`re right. That`s why people cheat, when they`re feeling deficient in that relationship.
So, what are the signs for that? What do you need to do about that? That stuff I want to deal with after the break. We`ll continue taking your calls.
We`re also going to hear from a woman who did cheat on her husband.
And later on, Kendra Wilkinson, he was one of Hugh Hefner`s girl friends. Now, she`s married to NFL`s Hank Baskett. How do they survive the glare of reality TV spotlight. There they are.
Call. Ask them yourselves, 1-855-373-7395. Be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BROOKE TAYLOR, PROSTITUTE: A lot of men I see, they`re really there to have their ego stroke. They really just want boost in confidence more than anything else. I mean, they`re narcissistic at best.
They don`t always come in for sex. You know, sometimes it`s the excitement that, you know, I`m not going to roll my eyes when they tell the same story that their wife has heard 30 times, 40 time, 50 times before, you know? So, a lot of times it is just making them feel good, because let`s face it, they`re stressing at home, stress in relationship, and sometimes, they want to feel special, too.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PINSKY: That was Brooke Taylor, a so-called legal prostitute, sharing her insight into married men that seek out her services.
Tonight, we`re trying to figure out why married women cheat. Back with Tucker Max, author of "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell," and joining me now, Simone Bienne, sex and relationship therapist and, of course, my co- host on "Loveline." Check your local radio listings for that.
And I was talking to Peggy. Peggy, you were saying -- Peggy hung up. You guy, you disappoint me.
Anyway, Simone, she was saying the lack of affection and intimacy. So, two quick things. What are the signs of that and what should men do when they see the signs?
SIMONE BIENNE, DR. DREW`S "LOVELINE" CO-HOST: The signs often are women withdrawing from sex, because women use that unconsciously as a tool to hold on to power. They`re not getting their needs met.
They are very smart, us ladies, and we can figure out, OK. What do men need? What`s on their minds? Sex. So, we can withdraw sex.
And what men need to do about it is talk. Front her out. Because even if men do chores around the house --
PINSKY: Hold on a second. This is what freaks men out, confuses men. I think I just heard Charlie Brown`s teacher. Wa, wa, wa, wa, men want sex. Tucker, back me up on this. Men want sex, so we should talk. What does talking have to doing with sex is what most men think.
BIENNE: Because men need to do is women are very verbal. It`s what men need to do is communicate, and say, hey, listen, I notice you`re doing it.
PINSKY: I notice we`re not going sex. We need to have more sex.
BIENNE: Now, we can go on having sex. I`m going to do the housework and guess what? I`m going to that I`m folding the laundry and I`m going to tell you that I picked up the cereal for you, because I`m reading you how much I go the extra mile for you.
PINSKY: And, really, isn`t it about just spending time? Really. What I tell -- Tucker when I tell some of the young males I deal with, foreplays begins with dinner, and that means sitting, talking, just paying attention emotionally. Have you learned that, too, Tucker?
MAX: No. Very much.
What I found, Dr. Drew, the kind of -- a key to a great relationship is meeting each other needs, which doesn`t necessarily mean doing the exact same thing. I kind of agree actually with your guest that like if a woman wants to talk a lot and are heard, I`m more than willing to sit and listen to her because that`s what she needs.
PINSKY: Right.
MAX: Whereas, if I need something else, like sex, or you know, maybe I want her to go to a ball game with me or something, then she does that for me and we kind of meet each other`s needs. It doesn`t necessarily mean I have to, you know, emote to her if I don`t feel capable. It means we kind of do what the other one needs.
PINSKY: Hold on, I never thought I`d see the day when Simone Bienne sat here vigorously shaking your heard in agreement with Tucker Max. But, go ahead, Simone. I won`t take a call. Go ahead.
BIENNE: The one thing I want to say, for men, I really like tucker`s point. Men need to feign interest. Us ladies --
PINSKY: Feign interest? Really?
BIENNE: Sorry.
PINSKY: How about paying attention., having interest?
BIENNE: Well, yes. This is not necessary. Reality.
PINSKY: Just feign it.
BIENNE: You can feign it. We can talk and we can talk and we can talk. We can use that --
PINSKY: All right.
BIENNE: More words. So it is a fantasy to expect men to be interested in, you know, this dress or this jewelry. Feign interest.
When you talk to Susan, your gorgeous wife --
PINSKY: Yes.
(CROSSTALK)
BIENNE: She`s going to feign interest.
PINSKY: But she can tell if I`m really not paying attention. But I still try to pay attention.
Lisa in Washington -- Lisa.
LISA, CALLER FROM WASHINGTON: Yes. I have a comment.
PINSKY: Please.
LISA: Hi, Dr. Drew. I love your show. I`m a new watcher.
PINSKY: Thanks, Lisa.
LISA: I`m married and I cheat.
PINSKY: Oh. Why?
LISA: And it`s not for the excitement. It`s not for -- it`s for the sneakiness of it.
PINSKY: The sneakiness. So did you come from a family where people were not allowed to express their needs and had to be very sneaky in order to get their needs met? Your family, like when you were a kid?
LISA: No, no.
PINSKY: Were you traumatized as a child? There`s got to be a lot of trauma if you`re doing that kind of acting out?
LISA: Well, I don`t know. I think I might be counseling. I think I was molested by a man and a woman.
PINSKY: There you go. You had Tucker saying yes, Simone says, yes. I mean, that`s what we hear all the time, the three of us, dealing with people with sexual issues. When they act out, there`s a reason for it and sexual trauma as a child is a common reason.
So, honey, it makes it impossible to have a real intimate relationship when you have this secretive part of yourself that you sort of disavow and save it for these cheating relationships. That makes your primary relationship sort of faulty, sort of incomplete.
I`ve got to take a break. Should a cheating wife tell her husband? We`ll talk about that.
And later, as I said, Kendra Wilkinson, and her husband Hank Baskett are there. How do they keep -- they are. Hi, guys. Wave back. Kendra, hi. There they are.
How do they keep things together, particularly in the glare of -- there you go. We`ll ask them in a bit. Stay with us.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You`re out there messing around not once but even more than once. You`re potentially putting your mate at harm physically for any kind of disease.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I don`t think we should ever tell. I mean, first of all, if you`re doing it again and again, you got other problems you should be discussing with your mate.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PINSKY: I don`t know. Barbara wrote a whole book where she was kissing and telling a little bit of stuff. That, of course, the women of ABC "The View" discussing infidelity`s they bring up an issue.
Should a cheating wife tell her husband? Yes. And under what circumstances?
BIENNE: If she`s committed to the relationship, and committed to making changes, then, yes, they need to get into couple therapy together.
PINSKY: I`m not convinced that -- let`s say something happened -- let`s -- a couple scenarios. Let`s say something happened 10 years and very brief and over, and 10 years, you`ve got a great relationship. Right. There`s no benefit in telling that.
BIENNE: But last time, this is going to make your views irate, because the last time I said that, with you, Dr. Drew, I got annihilated.
PINSKY: For not -- for saying you shouldn`t tell.
BIENNE: She shouldn`t tell, because actually, you got to look at the reason. What are you going to do to the relationship? Always imagine, how is this going to strengthen the relationship? Are you ever going to do it again? No. Fine.
If you`re confident about that, then you`re not telling your partner for the right reason but to alleviate your guilt. And that --
PINSKY: That is not good. However, if the relationship is in trouble and you`re in couple the therapy, you probably need to tell to get everything on the table and start growing again.
You and I have seen couples who do very well with that.
BIENNE: Yes. And that I just think it is so beautiful, it`s incredibly terrifying for couples to make that leap, but when you are able to go into couple therapy, as we both know about, and discuss all of the reasons that you are acting out in your relationship and stuff you don`t know about, then you can have a stronger marriage and that`s beautiful.
PINSKY: Speaking of acting out. Beth is a married woman who cheated on her husband. Beth was on the screen here a second ago. See if we can get -- there she is. Beth, what happened here? What happened with your relationship?
BETH, CHEATED ON HER HUSBAND: It just went south really quick. We stopped talking to one another. We didn`t communicate.
And I didn`t feel wanted. I didn`t feel needed, and I felt like I was living in a house by myself.
PINSKY: Did you -- I mean, Beth, I must tell you, this almost like a tape recording I`ve heard for women that cheat. That exact same complaint. What I`m always surprised about is that the men didn`t respond when you complained about that. I imagine you complained for quite some time. No?
BETH: I did. You get tired of the rejection. You get tired of the, "Oh, I can`t be bothered right now." Fine. Then -- don`t be bothered. So you just stop trying. You just -- you -- you look for it elsewhere.
No, it doesn`t make it right, but you get to the point where it`s, OK. Enough is enough. You get rejected and you just want to move on. You know?
PINSKY: How did that work out? How did that strategy work?
BETH: How did that work for me? Huh?
PINSKY: Yes.
BETH: Didn`t work out too well. We -- we -- you know, we tried -- we talked about it. He found out about it.
He knows the whole gamut and I heard Simone talking. Is it all right to tell people? You know, is it all right to tell him the whole thing? And he knows it all, and we did do the couples counseling thing, and, you know it is what it is.
PINSKY: Does he get better? So funny. Women are deeply affected by this stuff. You sound depressed and Simone looks stricken hearing the story.
I mean, it`s a very difficult -- I imagine, are there children involved, too?
BETH: Yes. We have a son.
PINSKY: Oh.
BETH: And, you know -- and it -- and it is hard. But you know, situations happen, and, no, it`s not right, and I`m not condoning what I did. I`m not saying, oh, everybody go out and cheat. You know, once a cheater, always a cheater. I don`t believe that either.
It all depends on, like, Simone said, the couple, if they`re both vested in it and they want it to work, forever how long it is, if they want it to work and really both work at it, maybe it can happen. You know? It`s still a struggle every day for me.
PINSKY: Beth, I must tell you, I appreciate you sharing the story and it is -- it`s -- you are know, it`s not a trivial issue. It`s not a fun issue. It`s a deeply emotional issue and it`s about our families in this country.
And I hope there`s sort of a take here for the men, the husbands out there. It`s like, hey, when the women tell you their relationship isn`t getting what it needs, listen! It`s pretty simple. They know what they`re talking about. We need some good with that. We need some good with nurturing relationships and knowing what relationship needs.
But, Beth, I do appreciate you telling the story. And being so open and honest.
Simone, as always, I`ll see you tonight on "Loveline." Thank you for being here.
Can I bring you back towards at the end of the show? We`re going to address something at the very, very end.
Now, she dated Hugh Hefner. Appeared nude in "Playboy." She`s a reality star, a mother and a wife. Kendra Wilkinson is here talking about sex and relationship. We`ll also have her husband. And they will be taking your calls, 1-855-DRDREW5.
There they are. They look happy. You question them. We`ll be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PINSKY: Romance, love and marriage. They go together. Too often these days they fall apart over time. How do you keep the flame burning while taking care of kids a job and a house? I`m talking to a famous couple who deals with all of that, plus a looming television camera.
Reality star Kendra Wilkinson and her husband brave it all and still maintaining that spark. How? Ask them yourselves. They`re with me live. What are your questions for them? Call, 1-855-373-7395.
(MUSIC)
PINSKY: Hey, and welcome back.
I`m going to have to go over here because there`s no prompter on that particular camera. So -- hey, it`s sex and relationship Wednesday, and Kendra Wilkinson is here. She rose to fame as one of Hugh Hefner`s girl friends. Now, she is married to former NFL player Hank Baskett.
"Kendra on Top" premiers Tuesday, 10:00 on WE tv.
Welcome to Kendra and Hank.
KENDRA WILKINSON: Thanks.
PINSKY: We`ve known you for a while. Thank you for coming back.
WILKINSON: We have. Thank you for having me.
PINSKY: I`ve not met Hank until today. Did you hear the conversation we`re having before you guys got out her about women cheating?
WILKINSON: A little bit, yes.
PINSKY: Yes. And that woman, Beth, did you hear that at the end, how sad that story was? That, her husband sort of wasn`t listening to her needs and wasn`t responding to her and she finally said I`m tired of being rejected, and she went out and cheated. As a man, is that a story that you can understand? You`re a young man. Young men don`t really think about that stuff that much.
HANK BASKETT, FORMER NFL PLAYER: No, but it depends on how you were raised. And I was raised old school. The number one thing my dad taught me was always appreciate your wife. You know, the woman that you love. And that`s what it is. You`ve got to take the time to understand a woman.
Most guys see you as a big, tough, and this masculinity, but to be a true man, you got to also understand the one who`s chosen to spend their entire life with you, and you`ve got to find a way to balance it all out.
PINSKY: Does he live up to that?
KENDRA WILKINSON: Oh, 100 percent.
PINSKY: Hundred percent. Let me ask you this.
KENDRA WILKINSON: A high score (ph).
(LAUGHTER)
PINSKY: Yes. I think he seems like a great guy. We got a great vibe about him.
KENDRA WILKINSON: Yes.
PINSKY: But now, do you -- are you able to accept that kind of intimacy and caring? You know, that`s another feature of this. You have to tolerate that closeness and caring. For some people, that`s kind of uncomfortable?
KENDRA WILKINSON: People, you know, know that I have a sexy side. And you know, everybody thinks that I`m like really, really over the top sexual. But actually, like, I get shy about that. Like, I`m not that, like, intimate, huh?
PINSKY: Well, but there`s physical intimate -- he`s smiling. It`s enough, evidently. Right.
(LAUGHTER)
PINSKY: But it says physical and emotional intimacy. He`s really talking about emotional intimacy here. Are you comfortable with that?
KENDRA WILKINSON: Yes, I am. I`m very comfortable with the emotional intimacy, but the whole like, you know, hugging and kissing in public, that`s a different thing. But, I will always be there for him. Anytime he wants to be there emotionally, I will always be there for him and vice versa.
PINSKY: OK. Let`s take some calls. Go to Patti in California. Patti, what do you got?
VOICE OF PATTI WILKINSON, KENDRA`S MOM: I have a question for Kendra.
PINSKY: Go right ahead.
PATTI WILKINSON: When are you coming to San Diego to see you mother dead?
KENDRA WILKINSON: Oh! That`s my mom!
PINSKY: Oh! It`s your mom.
(LAUGHTER)
(CROSSTALK)
KENDRA WILKINSON: I`m like, that sounds like my mom.
PINSKY: That is hysterical.
KENDRA WILKINSON: That is hilarious.
PINSKY: So, Patti -- OK. So, I`ve always wanted to talk to your mom. This is my big --
KENDRA WILKINSON: Oh, my God. This is so funny.
PATTI WILKINSON: A whole other show. Whole another show --
(LAUGHTER)
PINSKY: Patti on top, Kendra on top. So, Patti, what was Kendra like as a 17, 18-year-old? How was that? I`ve got 19-year-old kids at home. Well, I`m saying. You have 19-year-old kids at home.
PATTI WILKINSON: Let me sum this up. From birth to 13, Kendra was an angel. Angel. From 13 to 18, she was a nightmare.
(LAUGHTER)
PINSKY: And then --
PATTI WILKINSON: From 18 on, she`s been wonderful.
PINSKY: OK. So, she worked it through. You worked it through?
KENDRA WILKINSON: Yes.
PATTI WILKINSON: We all worked it through. Yes.
PINSKY: I remember seeing -- I`ve watched some of the "Girl Next Door," your first reality with Hank where they were showing birthday parties with you at 10 and 12 years of age.
KENDRA WILKINSON: Yes.
PINSKY: And you mom was like, she was so great. What happened?
KENDRA WILKINSON: I know.
PATTI WILKINSON: Oh, yes.
PINSKY: Patti, it`s so great you called in. Thank you for joining us.
KENDRA WILKINSON: I`ll call you later!
PATTI WILKINSON: OK, hon.
PINSKY: OK. This now is Shantelle in Rhode Island. This is live television, guys.
BASKET: That was funny.
PINSKY: All right. Shantelle, what do you got?
SHANTELLE, RHODE ISLAND: Hi, Dr. Drew and Kendra and Hank. How are you?
KENDRA WILKINSON: Hey. How are you doing?
PINSKY: We`ve gone from San Diego to Rhode Island.
SHANTELLE: So, I`m just wondering. I`ve been watching you, guys -- well, I`ve been watching you, Kendra, for years and I`ve been watching the show with you and Hank recently, and I`m just wondering how you transitioned from being, you know, playboy bunny, living with Hugh Hefner, doing the girls next door and then sort of being a housewife, which you`re great at, by the way, with a baby and, you know, being married?
KENDRA WILKINSON: You know, like I always say, I always know what`s real and what`s fake in life. You know what I`m saying? I loved being at the "Playboy" mansion, but it was stage of my life, but I always knew it was a fantasy world. I always knew that that was always going to end.
And, those days of you seeing me, you know, thinking to yourself, oh, this girl`s never going to grow up. This is a blond bimbo girl that doesn`t even know what life is all about. Those were the moments were I was actually thinking about what I want in my life, and I`m actually living in my dream right now.
PINSKY: That`s nice. Not just Hank. It`s Hank and the baby.
KENDRA WILKINSON: Yes. Yes. This is real to me, this whole lifestyle and life, and my husband and my son.
PINSKY: Hank -- sorry -- Jade in Texas. Jade, you got something for us?
JADE, TEXAS: Yes. Hi you all doing today? I love your show, Drew.
PINSKY: Thanks, Jade.
JADE: I just wanted to ask Kendra a question about their communication. How is it that you communication so well, you know, despite all your hectic schedule, being on TV, having and raise, you know, beautiful baby? And you know, I just -- I kind of fail at communication, sometimes, so I just want to kind of get your input on that.
KENDRA WILKINSON: You know, you got to -- you can`t be with someone and leave one word out. That`s what I believe. I believe everything on your mind --
PINSKY: Don`t edit. You`re not allowed.
KENDRA WILKINSON: I believe everything on your mind should come out of your mouth. That`s what I believe, and that`s why I get in trouble, sometimes.
PINSKY: Isn`t that rough, Hank? A little bit editing might be OK once in a while. OK. Listen, guys, I got to take break. I`m going to read something I`m seeing appear on my prompter that I don`t know how you feel about this. It says, how did Kendra tell Hank about the porn video? I don`t know anything about this? Are you comfortable talking about that or would you rather we skip --
KENDRA WILKINSON: It`s a legal thing.
PINSKY: So, we not talk about that.
KENDRA WILKINSON: No. I`m sorry.
PINSKY: So, good. See, I`m glad I asked.
All right. So, we`ll just continue with more of your guys calls after the break.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PINSKY: We are talking about relationships and Sex. It is the sex relationship Wednesday. We`re here with Kendra Wilkinson and her husband, Hank Baskett, and we are taking your calls. Let`s take a look at this clip from "Kendra on Top" which airs on WeTV starting June 5th, 10:00 p.m. Take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
KENDRA WILKINSON: There`s two lines. It`s positive. What am I supposed to do? This can`t happen, Hank.
We are both going through career changes right now. We are both going through life changes right now. After having Little Hank, it took me a long time to like get these pounds off and get back to work.
You know how hard I`ve worked. It took me two and a half years to get my body back.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PINSKY: So, Kendra -- Hank, you can ring in on this, too. The one thing -- my wife and I have a pact that we`ll never put a reality show camera in our home.
KENDRA WILKINSON: Good for you.
PINSKY: Want to know why? I`ll tell you why, because it seems like, other than Ozzy and Sharon, every marriage that comes under that scrutiny of the cameras falls apart. You know, you guys are obviously great together, but does that ever worry you?
KENDRA WILKINSON: No, not at all, because we went in this relationship with the right reasons --
PINSKY: But don`t the cameras do something weird when you have to look at yourself and upset you.
KENDRA WILKINSON: Yes. I must admit, it did a little bit, but, you know, we`re strong people and we know how to get back on track. We never give up, and we never --
PINSKY: You had some trouble at one point, right?
KENDRA WILKINSON: A little bit.
PINSKY: A little rocky. What`s -- you were unhappy, though?
KENDRA WILKINSON: Well, right after having Little Hank, like we were on the road, and, you know, after he got cut from the Eagles, like -- he had to leave right away and I was stuck in Philly with the cameras and baby and all by myself.
PINSKY: Did you have postpartum depression, too?
KENDRA WILKINSON: Yes, a little built.
PINSKY: A little bit of that. So, it`s a lot.
KENDRA WILKINSON: Yes.
PINSKY: But that could have happened without the cameras? I mean, it would have happened without the cameras.
KENDRA WILKINSON: Oh, I actually like the fact that I was shooting my show while going through that stage because I was in Indianapolis. You know, I was snowed in, like, I had -- that was like something I focused on.
And I know it`s an excuse and all that, but, like, I actually, I feel like it did help me get through things that help put the pressure to like get my mind off of dwelling on the negative stuff and, you know, going into what I Truly love doing.
PINSKY: OK. Let`s go to some calls. Kacey in California -- Kacey.
KACEY, CALIFORNIA: Hi, Dr. Drew and Kendra.
KENDRA WILKINSON: Hey.
PINSKY: Kacey, and Hank.
BASKETT: Inaudible.
(LAUGHTER)
PINSKY: And chopped liver!
KACEY: Hi, Kendra. Hey, I was wondering if you can give me any tips on how I can get my body back after having a baby? I feel like --
PINSKY: Oh, that`s a good question.
KACEY: -- it`s the hardest thing in the world.
PINSKY: It is very difficult.
KENDRA WILKINSON: How long ago did you have your baby?
KACEY: Seven months.
KENDRA WILKINSON: Oh. Wow. Yes. I didn`t start seeing results until now. I mean, two and a half years later, you know --
KACEY: You look great.
KENDRA WILKINSON: Thank you. Thank you, but after seven months, man, I was still struggling.
PINSKY: Is that part of the depression was the body image stuff?
KENDRA WILKINSON: It was part of it. It wasn`t the reason.
PINSKY: I understand, but did you -- you made your living off of that. So, it`s kind of
KENDRA WILKINSON: I did. Yes. And you know, I found out I had really bad hypothyroid, and --
PINSKY: During pregnancy or afterwards?
KENDRA WILKINSON: Afterwards.
PINSKY: Oh, interesting.
KENDRA WILKINSON: And I found out nine months after giving birth.
PINSKY: Oh, my God. You didn`t know?
KENDRA WILKINSON: I didn`t know at all. And they said, you could have done whatever you could, and you wouldn`t have lost the weight.
PINSKY: Right.
KENDRA WILKINSON: And I was doing everything. I mean -- so, you just have to give it time. Let your body, like, do its thing you know. And, you know, just find the key to your metabolism. I think that`s the key.
PINSKY: Yes. Are you still breast feeding?
KACEY: Yes I am. And I`m having my thyroid tested, and there were some issues with that as well.
PINSKY: OK. So, this is all very important stuff to look at. And you might want to consult with a dietitian. I mean, that`s something very helpful in situations like this. Thank you for your call. Linda in Tennessee -- Linda.
LINDA, TENNESSEE: Hi, Dr. Drew.
PINSKY: Hi, Linda.
LINDA: Hi, Kendra and Hank.
BASKETT: Thank you.
(LAUGHTER)
LINDA: I have a question for you, Hank.
BASKETT: OK.
LINDA: The question is, are you putting your loving relationship into your marriage from what you learned from your own parents. They have a very loving relationship.
PINSKY: Is this your family, too, now calling us, Hank?
BASKETT: No, no.
(LAUGHTER)
BASKETT: Actually, I am, because I look into what my parents went through, and this will be their 32nd year of marriage, and I just see the way they love each other, and I just -- I told Kendra in the get-go that I want to grow old with her.
And that`s when you find that person that you want to spend your life with is when you know at the end of the day, you`re laying there beside each other when our last day, our last air is there, I want to be next to Kendra. And that`s when you know you found the one.
I`m all about putting everything into it because I know that my happiness in general and everything I do stems from how my family life is.
KENDRA WILKINSON: Oh, shut up, Hank.
(LAUGHTER)
PINSKY: See? She blushes a little.
(CROSSTALK)
PINSKY: She first -- very happy look and then she got embarrassed and told you to shut up.
KENDRA WILKINSON: I get really shy. See, he`s like that, and I`m like that. I mean, I get shy. I mean, I love it, but, you know --
PINSKY: But, I`ll tell you what.
KENDRA WILKINSON: You make life incredible.
PINSKY: What he said -- one of the things he`s saying which I like is that divorce is not an option.
KENDRA WILKINSON: No.
PINSKY: You have trouble, you --
BASKETT: Work through it. Divorce --
PINSKY: You make some sacred commitments.
BASKETT: Exactly.
PINSKY: And you believe in that. And you have models in your own parents.
KENDRA WILKINSON: Yes.
PINSKY: It`s a good thing. I`m married 21 years, and it becomes -- self-sustaining. I can`t imagine it --
BASKETT: I mean, now that the tough times is what makes your marriage actually stronger.
PINSKY: Yes, And also doing things, creating a life together, a family together. It`s tough raising a baby and you`re trying to have a football career. It`s tough.
KENDRA WILKINSON: I know this sounds a little bit bad, but like, every now and then I`ll think to myself, like, am I -- am I living the best life? Could I have more? Could I you know -- being married, is this what I always dreamed of having? Yes. I mean, this is where I truly want to be.
This is the happiest I`ve ever been and I ever will be, and this is the highest part of my life and I never want to leave this feel and this part of my life.
PINSKY: Interesting you both say the same thing in different ways which is fascinating.
(LAUGHTER)
PINSKY: But I tell you what, you know what I do? I`ve dealt with death and dying (ph) a lot of my career as a physician, and when people get to the end of life, they will always say it`s important relationships that make life meaningful. Period.
KENDRA WILKINSON: We make lifetime goals. We don`t make goals for tomorrow, we do, but we make lifetime goals.
PINSKY: Barbara in Idaho. Barbara, you got something for us?
BARBARA, IDAHO: Hey, Drew. Oh, so love you, first of all.
PINSKY: Thank you, Barbara. Very sweet.
BARBARA: Kendra, what`s up?
(LAUGHTER)
KENDRA WILKINSON: What`s up?
BARBARA: Love you. I want to tell you something.
KENDRA WILKINSON: What`s going on?
BARBARA: I walked the path that you did when we were teenagers. You got some Hank. Keep it going. It`s going to work. We had our rough times. We had our bad times. We had our really great times. You got beautiful baby and a beautiful man.
KENDRA WILKINSON: Thank you.
BARBARA: I love you, and I love me some Hank.
(LAUGHTER)
BARBARA: See you all up in it. But just keep on keeping -- keeping on tough.
KENDRA WILKINSON: Thank you.
PINSKY: Barbara, are you watching the show on We? It starts up when, next week?
KENDRA WILKINSON: Yes. June 5th.
PINSKY: June 5th. So, keep an eye on her on that. We`ll see what really goes on behind close doors as cameras --
KENDRA WILKINSON: Yes.
PINSKY: Cameras are all over the place -- all over the place here, too.
KENDRA WILKINSON: Yes. You`re special. I mean, we never shoot this kind of stuff.
PINSKY: Well, we appreciate it, but they`re all up in your stuff. So -- they aren`t leaving anything out.
KENDRA WILKINSON: No, they aren`t. Got to watch.
PINSKY: Guys, thank you for joining me. And Barbara, thanks for the call, by the way.
KENDRA WILKINSON: Yes, thank you.
PINSKY: You know, I guess, I said, I`ve known you for awhile and you do seem guys happy as you`ve ever been.
KENDRA WILKINSON: Oh, thank you.
PINSKY: And Hank, congratulations. I think there`s another kid in the future. I think I can feel it. I think I know it.
KENDRA WILKINSON: Yes. Yes, you`re probably right.
(CROSSTALK)
(LAUGHTER)
PINSKY: Coming up, here`s a question we`re going to ask everybody. And we`re asking the women, particularly. Would you give up sex for a month in exchange for a bikini body, for a great body? That`s what we`re asking a simple question we asked online, and you guys went nuts about it.
All right. But first up, calls and comments about anything. Stay with us.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PINSKY: And it is time for your questions and calls about really anything on your mind. Suzanne in Arizona -- Suzanne.
SUZANNE, ARIZONA: Hi, Dr. Drew. I have a question for you.
PINSKY: Yes.
SUZANNE: I have a seven-year-old little girl, and I made the poor decision to use drugs when I was pregnant with her.
PINSKY: What drugs?
SUZANNE: It was methamphetamines.
PINSKY: OK.
SUZANNE: Now, she is having severe behavioral problems.
PINSKY: OK.
SUZANNE: And it`s to the point where she`s pulling her hair --
PINSKY: OK.
SUZANNE: -- running her head into the wall --
PINSKY: Oh, my goodness.
SUZANNE: -- biting herself
PINSKY: Oh, my goodness.
SUZANNE: All kinds of -- she`s out of the home right now because she is such a danger.
PINSKY: Oh, goodness, Suzanne.
SUZANNE: But I seriously believe that it has something to do with neurological. Can you tell me?
PINSKY: But you got to understand, psychiatric and neurological are the same, right? It`s all brain disorder. Neurological is more about gross dysfunction of the brain or regional dysfunction, and while psychiatric is more integrative dysfunction. You know, the biology is off in certain areas of the brain, and absolutely, this is a neuropsychiatric problem for sure. For sure.
Now, whether or not the methamphetamine actually caused this, I`ve got to tell you, of course, there would be concerns about that, but it is what it is, and in point of fact, particularly, when it comes to crack and cocaine, the effects are far less than we thought they would be. So -- is there a specific question want me to address?
SUZANNE: I was just wondering, what part of the brain would it affect?
PINSKY: I don`t think anyone could give you a solid answer to that specifically except to say that, clearly, there`s something going on in, at least, the frontal lobe, which is the part of the brain that controls impulses and maybe something in the deeper regions where impulses are generated as well.
This kind of thing can benefit from medication and, of course, a prolonged structure as you`re getting for the child. Thank goodness you`re doing all that stuff, because that`s what she needs. All right. Here`s a call now that relates to HLN`s 2012 election coverage called our "Country Votes."
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PINSKY: Rachel in Arizona -- Rachel.
RACHEL, ARIZONA: Hi, Dr. Drew.
PINSKY: Rachel.
RACHEL: I think that Donald Trump should be allowed to weigh in on politics. You know, we see a lot of other celebrities do it.
PINSKY: OK.
RACHEL: And I think it`s difficult to be a conservative in Hollywood and I really think that, you know, kudos to him for standing up for what he believes in.
PINSKY: OK. Well, I mean, it`s a statement. And, listen, I think anybody has a right to stand up and have their political points of view. I get very disturbed when people attack people for merely expressing their views. We should all celebrate the fact that we live in a country where people can do that. You may not agree with him. You may not agree with one of those guys that are up there, but I completely respect their ability to do all that. I agree with you.
More of your calls and remember that bikini body survey, after this.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PINSKY: Welcome back. Simone Bienne is back with me to talk about the survey we did, and guess what? Sixty-eight percent of women said they would give up sex for at least one month for an ideal body according to a recent survey by "Shape" magazine.
What about you? I got a Facebook response to that. Marie says, "Yes, I don`t have sex that often anyway," which I think is funny.
Samantha writes, "Add in me never having to work out again to be thin, and I`ll give up sex for a year."
Jasmine in New York. Are you there with us? Jasmine?
JASMINE, NEW YORK: Yes, Hi, Dr. Drew.
PINSKY: Hi there. What do you say to this?
JASMINE: I would definitely give up sex for longer that a month.
(LAUGHTER)
PINSKY: If it gives you a perfect body? So, what is that? Men would not do this.
SIMONE BIENNE, DR. DREW`S `LOVELINE` CO-HOST: No, they wouldn`t. When men are thinking about sex, women are thinking about their bodies.
PINSKY: But wait a minute. Men are thinking about their bodies when they`re thinking about sex. You understand?
BIENNE: Oh, yes. Certain parts of the body.
PINSKY: No, no. What I`m saying is if men were concerned with having a perfect body, it would be so they could have sex. The women, it`s disconnected.
BIENNE: It is disconnected because we are slightly narcissistic.
PINSKY: No. You would have a perfect body for other women.
BIENNE: I know. This is true, because we adore each other. But what`s really sad is that I`ve even known women who will not go on top during sex because of the unflattering position, and women need to know and focus on the fact that their body gives them pleasure rather than what they`re body looks like, and that sort of the skew. But Dr. Drew, you`ll like this. Women have also said that they would give up sex for chocolate as well. So, chocolate and the per effect body.
PINSKY: Strikingly low priority relative to how men`s motivational system works.
BIENNE: Is it --
PINSKY: Particularly when men are younger. Then, they`re overcome by all that. Chocolate could be damned.
BIENNE: And then, it goes back to your biological theory which is if women did have more testosterone, then perhaps, they would have the drive for sex more so we get pleasure out of different things.
PINSKY: Not only that, but I would tell people again as a warning that as they age, the hormones change dramatically in women, and there are doctors out there, experts who can help you by replacing hormones and increasing testosterone levels can really make a huge difference.
We have Suzanne Somers sitting in that seat who alluded to that. She spoke in code a little bit, but I knew what she was talking about.
BIENNE: We must enjoy sex. Ladies, we must.
PINSKY: Yes. I think it`s a good idea. so, we got an interesting conversation. I really do appreciate you being here. I want to thank Kendra and her husband, Hank, for being here us as well, and all of you for calling in, of course. And remember, we are taking your calls for the entire show every night. The number is 1-855-DrDrew5. And Nancy Grace starts right now.
END
