Return to Transcripts main page
Dr. Drew
Sexy Too Soon
Aired November 27, 2013 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DR. DREW PINSKY, HLN HOST (voice-over): Sex.
(MUSIC)
PINSKY: Sexting.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I can actually grab that photo that she thought would disappear and never be seen again. But then I can text it to all my friends.
PINSKY: Oversexed. Why are our children obsessed with sex? And what can we do about it before it`s too late?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It reminds parents it`s against the law and your kid can be arrested for pornography.
PINSKY: "Sexy Too Soon" right now.
Let`s get started.
(MUSIC)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PINSKY: Good evening, everybody. My co-host, clinical psychologist, Dr. Cheryl Arutt.
Joining the two of us, Sirius XM Radio host and attorney, Jenny Hutt, Mark Eiglarsh, attorney at speaktomark.com, and psychologist Wendy Walsh.
Tonight, the onslaught of sexual content that seems to be bombarding - - well, not just all of us, but our young children as well. Take a look at this.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You see this 10-year-old flashing cash, making it rain, rapping at a nightclub, even smacking the backside of a woman.
His name is Lil Poopy. This Massachusetts rapper whose actual name is Louie Rivera Jr.
LIL POOPY, RAPPER: Coke ain`t about word Coca-Cola.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Underwear printed with phrases like "call me", "feeling lucky" and "wild". There`s also YouTube videos showing young models dancing on the beach.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The company says the line was meant for college- aged women, but many parents think it`s gone too far.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: This just pressures them to feel like they have to be too sexy too soon. This isn`t OK. This isn`t the message we want for our young girls.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Snapchat dubbed by your kids as the sexting app., nude photos of two teenage girls at a New Jersey high school ended up on Instagram. The police were actually called.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: An app that lets the user continue to sext without getting blackmailed since the photos are deleted in a matter of seconds.
ANTHONY WEINER (D-NY), FORMER CONGRESSMAN: I`ve exchanged messages and photos on an explicit nature with about six women over the last three years.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Thirty percent of teens admit to sexting, 28 percent of adults do the same thing.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You`re letting strangers who you don`t know have access to those pictures. And oftentimes, those strangers are what we call predators in law enforcement and the kids called creepers.
The predators are using these apps and sites to go after our kids.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: This is against the law and your kid can be arrested for pornography.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: If you don`t know what Snapchat is, that as a parent is your own fault.
(END VIDEOTAPE)
PINSKY: We`re going to talk about that and more, we`re going to get to with sexting apps. This includes Snapchat. You take a picture, you send it via text, in a very time limited -- my cameraman was trying to explain to me. My kids send me this stuff.
You click on it, hold it for a few seconds, you see the picture. Theoretically, the picture self-destructs, harmless unless you do a screen capture.
Two high school girls were victims after they had sent naked themselves to male classmates. The screen save, what it calls --
CHERYL ARUTT, CO-HOST: Screen capture.
PINSKY: Screen grab, screen capture, screen grab went viral.
All right. Now, Jenny, I go to you first. Your daughter is almost 13. Snapchat is a big thing.
Is it simply something harmless? Have you talked to her about this? Are these conversations you have?
JENNY HUTT, RADIO HOST: Absolutely, but we`ve been having conversations for year at this point, Dr. Drew, because a few years ago prior to Snapchat, a girl in our community at 14 sent a naked video to a boy via text. And that naked video went everywhere. Maybe it was an iChat.
But we`ve got this conversation, because the reality is most teenagers, young adults in this generation are going to end up sending naked pictures. No, I don`t want that to be the case and I tell my daughter don`t do it. I also tell you if you do it, we will deal with it, because it can`t be the biggest deal out of everything.
A lot of things are going to happen and it`s just her body. Yes, I know the legal ramifications, I`m not downplaying that, but I think making it bigger than it is a not helpful with a kid who`s already in distress.
PINSKY: All right. We`re going to have a lot of time to get into all these topics. We asked Snapchat for a comments but did not hear back before deadline for our show here.
We`re going to go now on to another topic we`ll be discussing this hour. Lil Poopy, you saw him in the video leading into this segment. Lil Poopy, did I say it right? Lil Wayne, Lil Poppy.
ARUTT: You said it perfectly.
PINSKY: Fantastic.
Ten-year-old rapper, his lyrics are accompanied by raunchy images on video.
Take a look at this as the fourth grader raps about cocaine, guns, a little patting on the butt party, with a grownup rappers. His daughter was accused of child abuse, but later cleared. He says his son will clean up his act a little.
Mark, you got any thoughts about this?
MARK EIGLARSH, ATTORNEY: Yes, I was thinking about it trying to make it as personal as possible. I have an 11-year-old, 9-year-old and 6-year- old. They`re all into rap. And I thought like if they came and said, dad, we want to be just like Lil Poopy, we want to do everything that he`s doing. We want to be called Lil Crappy, and we want to just go out there.
My thought -- my thought is not definitely no. Let`s talk about it. Why do you want to engage in those certain acts?
I equate it to them being an artist and being like Jodi Foster portrayed a 13-year-old prostitute in "Taxi Driver." And instead of calling DCF on here, they called the Academy and she won an Oscar.
PINSKY: Well, I`ll be sure to let her known that you associate that Oscar-winning performance with Lil Crappy. I`m just sayin`.
Cheryl, you got something?
ARUTT: Mark, are you saying as long as it`s a character and as long as someone knows it`s put on, that it doesn`t bother you?
EIGLARSH: Well, let me just say this. It`s not maybe something that I recommend for my own children, but I`m a tremendous advocate for the First Amendment. I`m not going to stop him for being an artist, and let his parent -- let his parent tell him what`s a strong choice or what not. He`s not necessarily going home and doing coke as many kids are with their parents, and DCF should be dealing with that. He`s talking about it and people are reading into his lyrics.
PINSKY: Wendy, I`m going to keep you up one second because on the phone, I have the attorney for Lil Poopy`s family. His name is Joseph Krowski, Jr. Poopy`s dad says they`re going to clean up the act.
Mr. Krowski, what exactly does that mean? Does he have an obligation 20 do so?
JOSEPH KROWSKI, JR., ATTORNEY FOR LIL POOPY`S FAMILY (via telephone): Legally, no obligation whatsoever. Clean up the act really is a matter of choice. I don`t think there`s anything dirty to clean up.
Just a clarification, he doesn`t use the word cocaine. The word is "coke" and refers to it as Coca-Cola.
The only gun reference is to rapper Machine Gun Kelly, who was one of his early influences.
And the only real issue was the patting of the backside, very small portion of a much larger body of work.
ARUTT: I`m so glad you said work.
(CROSSTALK)
KROWSKI: If we want to isolate it --
EIGLARSH: It sounds so cute the way he says it.
(LAUGHTER)
KROWSKI: If we`re going to refer to just that, I think for now they won`t do that, not because it`s a legal choice, but because he doesn`t want to bring the unnecessary scrutiny on this son. But I heard some talk about, would I let my kids do that? I`d let my kids do that, I have four of them.
I want you to know, this is a great kid. He goes to school every day. He`s been student of the month twice. He gets A`s and B`s, never misses school.
This has not impacted him in a negative way whatsoever. He understands it`s acting. He doesn`t walk down Main Street and pat a girl on the backside, flash cash in a Gucci wallet, or do any of those things. People need to lighten up.
HUTT: By the way --
PINSKY: Jenny?
HUTT: I was just going to say I`m much happier that he`s patting her backside than her patting his.
KROWSKI: I agree.
PINSKY: For sure. And I guess there`s -- I mean, you have to think these things through, interesting ways. I guess if the rapper becomes like a cartoon character, it takes some of the energy out of the deleterious impact we`ve all been concerned about when it comes to some of that music and some of those images. I don`t know.
WENDY WALSH, PSYCHOLOGIST: Dr. Drew --
PINSKY: Wendy, and then we`ll finish this up. Wendy?
WALSH: We need to stop right now. I`ve heard one parent saying, oh, it`s only your body, let`s not make such a big deal about it. I`ve heard another parent saying, two parents say, I would let my child do that.
OK, we know what sexualization of young children does to their minds. They`re emotionally not ready. They`re intellectually not ready. It also makes them open and vulnerable to predator, because they make take on provocative mannerisms in the real world.
(CROSSTALK)
PINSKY: OK, guys, guys, hang on, everybody. We`re going to get more to this --
EIGLARSH: Not much different than actors.
PINSKY: Hold on, hold on, we`re going to get into this in the behavior bureau. You`re your thoughts. Hang on a second.
Thank you, Mr. Krowski.
I`ve got to get to the third story, which is Victoria`s Secret and a line of lingerie called Bright Young Things.
Here now is a YouTube video of the marketing campaign that features panties with slogans like "Call Me", "Wild", "Feeling Lucky". Some parents are offended. Some are alarmed. They say the company is targeting young girls.
Victoria`s Secret says Bright Young Thing is a slogan targeted to college women, particularly those on spring break evidently, if you look at those images, I guess it looks they`re on spring break.
Wendy Walsh, do you buy it?
WALSH: No, absolutely not. I have a 9-year-old, and a 14 -- almost 15-year-old daughter, and I have banned them from Victoria`s Secret, because they used to want to buy the cute pajamas in middle school. Middle school and high school girls copy college girls.
HUTT: Respectfully, Wendy, I disagree 100 percent with you and here`s why. Ever since my daughter was a little girl, she looked at my lingerie, she wanted lingerie like mine. She`s almost 13. We do shop at Victoria`s Secret.
Does she buy a negligee? No.
PINSKY: Here`s the deal. We -- listen, those of us that are in mental health, and helping professions probably were trained during a period when we were encouraging people to talk about their sexuality and feel good about their sexuality. We seem to have gone too far, so that`s where the rubber hits the road in this conversation.
So, are sexy kids outrageous? Are they ever OK? Are we overreacting?
The behavior bureau will weigh in on these topics and more.
And later on, former child star Tracey Gold is a mom of four boys. Does she worry that they`re too sexy too soon?
We`ll be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(MUSIC)
PINSKY: It is time for the behavior bureau, and we`ve been talking about the child rapper known as Lil Poopy. He was 9 when he made that video, you guys have been looking at.
Back with my co-host, forensic and clinical psychologist Cheryl Arutt.
Cheryl, does this stuff bother you? We heard Wendy and Jenny were going at it a little bit. We`re going to let them do some more talking in a second. But you first?
ARUTT: OK. Well, there was an APA study about --
PINSKY: The American Psychological Association.
ARUTT: American Psychological Association that studied the effect of sexualizing children.
PINSKY: You mean like "Toodlers and Tiaras", that sort of thing.
ARUTT: Yes, the beauty pageants and stuff. And the thing is that they sound that it can cause eating disorders and depression and low self- esteem. And I think its` a tough thing because we want to have our kids feel healthy about sex and not create that things are so bad that we can`t talk about it.
PINSKY: That`s where this gets confusing.
ARUTT: It`s a tough one.
PINSKY: Wendy Walsh and Jenny Hutt are back, and they`re back to take one another one.
Also joining them and us is infidelity expert Danine Manette and author of "Ultimate Betrayal", and pop culture sociologist Samantha Schacher, host of "Pop Trigger" on the Young Turks Network.
First, Lil Poopy`s dad was cleared of child abuse and neglect charges as a result of the video. Let`s quickly what he told the CNN affiliate WHDH, and then, Wendy and Jenny, you go at it again.
Here we go.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: My son was never neglected. He said, you don`t see on the video?
He wasn`t neglected. Nothing wrong with what he`s doing. He`s a human being, he likes to rap. He likes -- no one can take that away from him, nobody.
So, they can keep trying. No one can -- he`s going to keep doing what he`s doing. He`s an awesome kid. He gets good grades. He loves sports. Rapping is just -- he`s able to rap because he`s great in school. He reads.
How am I a bad father? The kid, they don`t -- just look at the kid swagged out. How can I be a bat father? I never owned a pair of jeans that he`s got them. How can I be a bad father?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PINSKY: Jenny, he`s swagged out. How can he be a bad father? You`ll hear from the dad and the attorney now?
What say you?
HUTT: I have to say initially I heard one of the charges was possibly neglect. And I thought, that`s not neglect when they`re throwing making that kid of video. I mean, it is pretty swag.
PINSKY: But, Wendy, you`ve got issues with this? Go ahead.
WALSH: Oh, yes, yes, yeas. So, he`s a good parent because he knows how to tart up his little kid? I`m sorry. But that`s not the point because it`s the adult themes this child sings about. He sings about sex, drugs, guns.
Now, I think there`s gender bias in what I`m hearing from people. I want you to imagine a 9-year-old little girl hitting the butt of a 30-year- old guy, okay? And singing about sex and coke.
PINSKY: Danine, go ahead. You can bring in.
DANINE MANETTE, INFIDELITY EXPERT: Just because something is legal doesn`t mean it`s moral, or it`s right or it`s appropriate. If the kid wants to rap, he can rap when he`s 16, he can rap when he`s 18.
Why can`t kids be kids? Why do we have to live our lives through our children, because our chance has come and gone?
PINSKY: Danine --
MANETTE: Why is this -- are these adults now using this kid as a cash cow for themselves so they can relieve their alter ego from their childhood,
(CROSSTALK)
PINSKY: I think that`s where the real issue is here, what parents are doing through their kids and can`t see it.
Samantha, what do you say?
MANETTE: Yes, it`s absolutely sickening.
SAMANTHA SCHACHER, YOUNG TURKS NETWORK: I agree with you, Danine. What I would have liked to see the father do, because here`s the thing -- the father is stating on record that his kid is a great rapper, he`s talented, he gets good grade. That`s fantastic. Why can`t the father influence the child to rap about things that are age relevant, that are positive?
There have been plenty of children rappers in the past, whether it would be in the `90s, who sings about the playground. They were very successful. They were respectable. Unfortunately this kid is being seen as are novelty.
PINSKY: I`m just thinking about Lil Poopy doing Christian rap. That`s all I`m saying.
But, Jenny, let`s go --
MANETTE: I mean, he can rap about anything. He can rap on a bicycle, not behind the wheel of a car. He can`t drive. Why are we behind the wheel of a car? Get a skateboard.
PINSKY: But, Jenny, you`re getting ganged up here a bit.
HUTT: That`s OK.
PINSKY: Go ahead.
HUTT: I have a lot of eye roll going on right now. I`m like, everyone is so uptight. The fact is things are as being a deal as we`ll make them be, going back to the bras and Victoria`s Secret? Frankly, it`s just clothing and bras and underwear.
My mother would put me in anything I wanted to be in, and I can dress as provocatively or not provocatively.
PINSKY: How`s -- OK --
HUTT: Let me finish, let me finish.
PINSKY: Yes.
HUTT: There`s a point to that. My friend, who was only allowed to wear the preppiest to preppiest stuff, and full-cut panties rather than a thong, was having sex on a regular basis way before I was.
WALSH: OK, can I please get in here?
PINSKY: Please?
WALSH: What it does is it, Jenny, it puts young girls in a very vulnerable position, because they`re not intellectually or emotional mature enough to handle the advances that will come. I want to be able to explain how men are visually wired and men have real cognitive dissonance when it comes --
HUTT: I know.
WALSH: -- figuring out the age of a girl. The average 13 year old girl looks to be 18 nowadays. You put her in an extra padded bra and G- string, she could be 21 in their eyes.
HUTT: Hold on, I hope she`s not walking around in a G-string anywhere that there are men. That`s not what -- I have open conversation with my daughter. We have a great line of communication about the padded bra. That the padded bra means nothing more than it makes her feel better when she goes out of the house and maybe the school.
However, with boys in her grade -- let me just finish -- we`ve talked about fooling around. If she`s kissed anybody, no one`s allowed to touch her, not her padded bra or under it. And furthermore, it`s false advertising, and she wouldn`t want to be embarrassed.
PINSKY: Cheryl, let`s go back to the sexualization of children and the concerns we have.
ARUTT: All right.
PINSKY: And the data is clear. The data speaks for itself. You over-sexualize a child at a young age, you get a bad outcome. That`s just the data.
ARUTT: You do.
PINSKY: Now, you think that`s the result of the sexualization of a child, the way the parents are encouraging this stuff and acting this business out?
ARUTT: Well, I think it`s both. But we`re not talking about do we get uptight and not talk to our kids about sex or feeling good?
But if girls don`t have anything to kind of refer to say, no, I`m not comfortable doing this, and they feel like they`re being uptight, my parents are fine with me dressing provocatively or doing whatever I want, having boys sleep over, it puts more pressure on girls.
PINSKY: All right. Samantha, I`m going to go to you. I`m worried about the pornification of young people, which is what I see this as an outgrowth of.
Tell me about that.
SCHACHER: Well, at the end of the day, I think, just to keep it on a real understandable level, I think parents need to build their children up from the inside out. The more we can tell our children, hey, you want to a padded bra, you don`t need a padded brad, you`re beautiful without a padded bra.
The more we can encourage our children to look at themselves from within and to know that their value isn`t contingent on what they look like, but rather that they get good grades, rather that they`re funny, rather than they`re great at swimming -- that`s what`s important. That`s what my mom did to me.
PINSKY: Danine, take me home.
MANETTE: That`s so important. I have a 7 1/2 years old. If someone says she`s pretty, she says, yes, and I`m a very nice person, but thank you.
I mean, let`s start with the inside. Let`s start giving them moral and values and making them feel good about themselves. They have the rest of their lives to worry about whose butt is bigger or whatever.
Let`s just start building them up and making their priorities something that can sustain them into adulthood instead of this superficial stuff that`s going to be gone, you know, in the next 50, 60 years anyway.
PINSKY: And we have to stop it there. We have to stop it there.
Next, more on padded bras for the 6-year-old girls. That will come back again in the behavior bureau.
And later, meet a woman who didn`t wear a bikini until she went on her honeymoon, in her 20s, and then she was afraid to have her mom see those pictures.
Be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIPS)
PINSKY: Breast milk baby doll, look at this video from breastmilkbaby.com. Pretty much shows you all you knead need to know. Whatever you don`t get from this commercial, Lisa is going to demonstrate.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Look, I think this is a great product. You put a little bib on. You put the doll, not to the little child`s breast, and it makes a suckling noise.
LONI COOMBS, ATTORNEY: These are marketed to 6-year-old little girls. At that time what a parent should be teaching their little girl they have private parts in their body that are special and you should not allow strangers to touch them.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I am astonished. Is the next thing going to be pretend period? And it`s going to give you a calendar?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You know, that might be healthy.
UNIDENTIFEID FEMALE: I mean, this is revolting.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PINSKY: Oh, yes, we`re back with the behavior bureau and my co-host, forensic and clinical psychologist, Cheryl Arutt.
Baby -- breast milk baby doll, guys. Where are we taking all this?
Jenny, you OK with that, too?
HUTT: Yes, I know, here we go again. I can`t believe I`m the minority in this intelligent beautiful dynamic group of women. But, I wouldn`t even have a problem with the pretend period doll. My daughter has followed me into the bathroom her whole life. I mean, it`s a period, it`s breast feeding.
Yes, your boobs are special enough, they can provide nourishment.
PINSKY: All right. Jenny, hold on, slow down.
HUTT: It`s not about sex.
PINSKY: OK, slowdown. Wendy and Cheryl, we`ve got to take a beat here, because we are the sort of clinical people here.
And we know -- we know that over-sexualization of children is not good. We know that unresolved envy and issues about parents` own sexuality gets acted out with their kids. No good.
How do we help distinguish between that and us just talking about sexuality the way Jenny seems to be with her daughter? Let`s help Jenny out on this so she understands where it coming from.
WALSH: OK. I just want to say on the onset, I nursed each of my children for three years. So, they remember breast feeding.
PINSKY: Strangely, so did I, Wendy. It`s a strange thing.
(CROSSTALK)
WALSH: But having said that, let me also say, what you are talking about are adult parents who live vicariously through their children.
PINSKY: Yes, that.
WALSH: And dress up their children, because the children have the hot body they wish they had. And, no, your daughter, Jenny, shouldn`t be following you into the bathroom at a certainly point.
HUTT: By the way, hold on!
PINSKY: Go, Jenny, please? Don`t cry. Go ahead.
HUTT: OK, the assumption, I don`t dress my daughter up like that. If it were my decision at all times with my strong-willed adorable, delightful secure almost 13-year-old, I would put her in a jog bra. I don`t care what size her boobs are.
PINSKY: Companies are making money off that issue. Victoria`s Secret says it`s a new line of sexy bikinis for college age women. But critics say they`re targeting tweens and teens.
There`s the adult version.
Samantha, most of these models, I guess they`re quasi-college age. Hard for me to tell you.
But don`t you think a lot of the younger kids are picking up on this as well?
SCHACHER: I`m sure they are picking up on it. But listen, historically if you look at the pink line since it came out back when I was in junior high in high school, the pink line has always been --
PINSKY: A few years ago?
SCHACHER: No, not -- thank you very much. I`ll take it.
But the pink line has always been geared toward college kids. Much of their garment have university logos on them. So, I am on Victoria`s Secret side of this. What I want --
WALSH: I`m not.
SCHACHER: Would I want my teenager to wear some of these provocative underwear with the logos? Absolutely not.
But this is where the parents have to be responsible by taking their children to purchase the undergarments. My mom never allowed me to purchase undergarments on my own until I was out of the house in college.
PINSKY: And, Danine, this is where I look to you, for the common sense. Get us back in line here. We`ve tried to walk the clinical line, to help people understand that they shouldn`t be their stuff, there needs to be a boundary between their stuff and their kids.
It`s why we give kids awards for participation because we can`t have them be disappointed. Not because kids can be disappointed, because we can`t tolerate seeing them disappointed.
MANETTE: This is a constant struggle. This is a constant struggle in my home. Just because it`s good for me because I`m a grown woman, it`s not good for my daughter. When I go buy her jeans, there is the skinny jeans, the super-skinny jeans, the low-rise hip jeans -- you know, all these adult-themed clothes for my 7 1/2-year-old. And it drives me insane.
People are just wanting children to be little women. Little girls are not little women. They`re little girls. Let them be little girls.
Let them have the frills and be able to play and not be sexualized by grown men who are sitting over here salivating at them, because they look like they`re so much older than they are.
WALSH: Exactly.
MANETTE: It`s sickening to me.
WALSH: Exactly.
Dr. Drew --
PINSKY: Wendy?
WALSH: You know the Victoria`s Secret`s pink line is a gateway drug. It -- at the front of the store that gets the middle schoolers and high schoolers in, and once they`re through the gateway, they`re in the hard core pornography lingerie --
(CROSSTALK)
PINSKY: I`m going to give Jenny a second. Cheryl --
(CROSSTALK)
ARUTT: I was joking when I said lingerie heroin. I don`t really think that it`s that terrible --
(CROSSTALK)
PINSKY: I`m feeling very uncomfortable.
(CROSSTALK)
ARUTT: Dr. Drew, do you think that having a billboard on your private parts in a G-string or something saying call me or lucky is appropriate for a child or teen?
PINSKY: No. I think, generally, women ought to be aware that a man sees that, you got to understand no matter what you say, it`s going to be game on in a guy`s head.
WALSH: It`s not appropriate for a 25-year-old.
PINSKY: I agree. Jenny, finish us up. Go ahead, Jenny. I give you the last word.
HUTT: OK. I just want to say that earlier, you guys were all saying, tell her that she`s good inside. She`s great and she`s smart and she`s beautiful and it doesn`t matter on the outside. I`ve got news for you. It matters on the outside. We can all say it doesn`t.
(CROSSTALK)
ARUTT: Girls get praised for looks, boys get praised for all sorts of things. But how often when we speak to little girls, oh, you look so pretty in that dress.
WALSH: Yes. Drives me crazy.
ARUTT: We need to be making an effort to praise our little girls --
(CROSSTALK)
PINSKY: All right. We all agree on that. That`s a great place to stop. Thank you. Excellent panel.
Next up, would actress and mother of four children, Tracey Gold, let her boys sex? Would she buy skimpy underwear for a teen? Would she let these boys buy that kind of stuff for their girlfriends? She`s here with her opinion.
And later, my jury weighs in. Back after this.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PINSKY (voice-over): Tracey Gold grew up on television. She played the daughter of Carol Seaver on "Growing Pains," but she wasn`t immune from teen pressures. She publicly and successfully battled anorexia. Now, she`s a mom with four sons of her own, and like any parent, worries about their growing pains. What are they exposed to and what can she and we do about it?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PINSKY (on-camera): Welcome back. Actress, Tracey Gold, joins us now. Tracey, thanks for coming back. We really appreciate it.
TRACEY GOLD, ACTRESS: My pleasure.
PINSKY: My co-host tonight is psychologist, Cheryl Arutt, and our panel includes Attorney Mark Eiglarsh from SpeaktoMark.com and Jenny Hutt, attorney and Sirius XM radio host. And now, Tracey, you`ve been back in our greenroom, watching and I hear yelling at the screen.
GOLD: I have.
PINSKY: You want to take on Jenny, perhaps. Is she -- disagree with or no?
(LAUGHTER)
GOLD: Jenny is going to be very pleased to have me on the panel.
PINSKY: oh, good. Well, go ahead. Let`s hear it.
(LAUGHTER)
GOLD: Here`s the thing, I think there`s way too much of a big deal being made about this. It`s Victoria`s Secret. It`s underwear. It`s clothing. We`re talking about our child`s self-worth and instilling values in our child and who they are. That goes from the inside. And it`s not about a pair of underwear. And I think that when --
HUTT: Thank you.
GOLD: You`re welcome.
PINSKY: Well, let`s hold on a second. Let`s make everyone disclose here. I have two 20-year-old boys, 20-year-old daughter -- Cheryl.
ARUTT: I have boy/girl twins, they`re eight.
PINSKY: Eight. And Tracey have all boys, right?
GOLD: I have all boys, 16, 14, almost nine, and just turned five.
PINSKY: Mark.
MARK EIGLARSH, SPEAKTOMARK.COM: Boy, girl, boy, 11, 9 and 6.
PINSKY: And Jenny.
HUTT: I have 14-year-old boy, almost 13-year-old girl.
PINSKY: OK. So, we`re all over the place, but let`s be fair. Jenny is the one that`s really into it. She`s got the twin girl, right? And you`re going to have one soon. So, yes. So, Tracey, do you support what Jenny is saying and this is really what this conversation is about. How do you promote healthy sexuality? How do you allowed this sexualized culture that we have not to become problematic. Isn`t that it, Tracey?
GOLD: It is, and I don`t think we`re talking little girls here. We`re talking teenagers, 13, 14. At that age where you get your first training bra, it`s something like that. And I would, in a heartbeat, take my daughter to Victoria`s Secret and get a bra. I would. I mean, what I buy my daughter something that said let`s make out, there was one pair of panties -- no, I wouldn`t.
But as a parent, I make that decision. That`s my choice, and that`s my job. It`s not the store`s job.
PINSKY: Mark, you`re laughing. We haven`t heard from you in a good 20 minutes. It`s time. Let`s go
EIGLARSH: I tell you why I`m laughing because I keep hearing Wendy`s voice and what she`s saying to the likes of Tracey and her thought is, you go by Victoria`s Secret, and their secret by the way, is to make money, and you see a pair of panties which say wild, and apparently it`s the gateway garment that draws you in, and by the time these girls get to the cash register all the way in the back, they`re thinking about playing naked lift (ph) frog. It`s nuts.
(CROSSTALK)
PINSKY: This panel is basically, basically agrees on these things. Tracey, I want you to weigh in, though, on the Li`l Poopy video, not to be confused with Li`;crappy which is Mark Son (ph), but did you see that video?
GOLD: I did. I think the most regrettable thing about it is the name Li`l Poopy, but what I do --
(LAUGHTER)
GOLD: I do think is that it`s similar in a way to being a child actor. And that`s what I likened it too. When I was a kid actor, there were many parts that came along that my parents wouldn`t let me audition for, because it was either too sexualized -- horror movies, things like that. It was too violent. And I wasn`t allowed to go for those parts. So once again, it`s a parental decision what you allow your child to do.
PINSKY: But Tracey --
GOLD: Would I allow my child to do it? No.
PINSKY: That`s the question, but does that mean that an agency or somebody else should be in there not allowing anyone to do it. Mark, you say it`s a First Amendment issue. Tracey, do you agree?
GOLD: Freedom of speech towards children. So, I think children are a whole different category. I really do. I think, first -- you have to put them in a different category than the First Amendment.
PINSKY: Well, Mark, finish it up, then.
EIGLARSH: Well, I say that when you tell a child no, as your parents did and my parents did, what that means to any of us is yes, at some point, I`m going to do it. I`ll get those panties. I`ll put them in my book bag and I`ll change when I get out of house. No --
GOLD: No means yes?
PINSKY: You know, Mark --
EIGLARSH: It means you need to sit with children and discuss your understanding.
HUTT: That`s the key thing.
PINSKY: Jenny, Mark, yes, but I`m going to tell you something. Kids do respond to very clear boundaries and direction. It is anachronistic. It`s left over from the 1960s and 1970s to think that when an authority figures and says don`t do something --
EIGLARSH: I agree. There has to be boundaries.
PINSKY: You`re going to do the opposite.
EIGLARSH: There has to be boundaries.
PINSKY: That was a different generation.
GOLD: I don`t want to see a nine-year-old do that. I don`t think it`s cute. I don`t think it`s funny, but it`s not -- do I think that he should be brought up on child abuse charges? No, but I think it`s inappropriate.
PINSKY: But I want to drill in on this, Jenny, a little bit really quickly, which is that I`m telling you, this generation, the one that we`re all raising, sees adults as an asset to help them get in a healthy way to their adult life, not like a yoke that needs to be cast off, the way we did in our generation. That`s a previous generation`s experience, not this generation`s. Jenny, do you agree?
HUTT: Yes. Well, listen, I think that you were right, Dr. Drew, that there has to be some limits and boundaries and some no. Of course. But to mark`s point earlier about free speech in the first place with this whole Li`l Poopy video, and Tracey well said about the name being the worst part of the whole thing.
I agree. Yes, I believe in protected free speech. I believe everyone should be available to express him or herself. And so, I`m thankful for that. Would I want my kid to make that exact video? No. But is it the worst thing? No.
PINSKY: OK. Cheryl, do you agree? And then we`re going out.
ARUTT: I agree. It`s a different generation. I think we need moderation and to not freak out about these things, but to think about them.
PINSKY: Fair enough. Next up, thank you, panel. I`m answering questions about sex, nudity, and kids, you name it. I`ll answer it. Back after this.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: They`ve been going around school for a while. People have been seeing them for a while.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: People just don`t think it`s as bad as it is. They think, like, oh, this will never happen to me.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Students describe pictures that they and almost all of their 1,600 classmates and others saw of naked girls who attend this North Jersey School.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PINSKY: Time for Drew`s Views where my guests get to ask me the questions and I`ll try to answer. Tonight, too sexy, too soon. Back with my co-host, forensic and clinical psychologist, Cheryl Arutt. And we`re going to go around the horn with my panel. Cheryl, you`re up first. Let`s go. What do you got?
ARUTT: How do we, Dr. Drew --
PINSKY: Yes.
ARUTT: -- teach other kids to have a positive healthy attitude about sex and sexuality and still protect them from the bad things that are out there?
PINSKY: It is really hard. I think one of the important things is to know that premature -- listen, prior to the age of 16, and you brought this up tonight, kids really don`t process sexual material. They don`t understand adult sexuality.
Protect them from that, but don`t make them feel ashamed about their body and answer open-ended questions about sexuality, make sure they can come to you for anything, don`t give them a pluming lesson. That`s your material. You think you need to tell them. Jenny, what do you got?
HUTT: OK. So, as you know, I`ve had these conversations ad nauseam with my own daughter about sexting and what happens and why it`s not OK. What if she comes to me and tells me one of her friends is sending naked pictures? She has come to me, by the way, and said one of her friends was sending something suggestive.
PINSKY: Yes.
HUTT: Is it my responsibility to tell the parents?
PINSKY: Yes, I believe so. We have lost many friends by living by that stand. We, categorically, would want to know from other parents and other kids. If our kids were doing something and if parents can`t handle it, it`s on them. You have an ethical and I think a personal obligation, and for the kids, you care about those kids (INAUDIBLE) you can. Mark, what`s your question?
EIGLARSH: My wife and I we stress with our kids, listen, happiness comes from inside out, not outside in like so many people are raised, including me candidly. And so, we`re hoping that that takes care of most of these issues. But you can`t have conversations about every possible danger out there.
What speech? What method can we use to ensure that our child doesn`t, at some point, choose to take pictures of their genitalia or get involved in some of these other things?
PINSKY: Mark, I`m going to give a real simple answer, live a certain kind of life. Ask your kid to live that same life, make clear consequences if they don`t. Very simply. Wendy, what`s up?
WALSH: Jenny, by the way, I love your question, and Dr. Drew, I love your answer. But, listen, we have talked about the emotional consequences on children of hypersexualization when they`re young. Do you think there are physical consequences as well? Do you think the fact their naked bodies on every bus that goes by are causing an environment that stimulating precocious puberty where girls are getting their period at eight and nine?
PINSKY: It`s a really great question, Wendy. The age of pre-pubertal changes have actually dropped quite a bit. So, it`s like hair distribution, hair of the arm, these sorts of things. Actually, menarche, the age in which girls have their period has not changed that much. So, people are thinking that it might be things like stress that they`re going under and maybe the sexualization is part of that stress.
We don`t know that for sure. Wendy, it`s a really interesting question, but boy, it is something that is happening, and as a result, we need to stay on top of it. I don`t think it is, although people try to blame additives in food and things like that. It doesn`t seem to be that. It seems to be more about stress and other things.
Thank you to another panel. Reminder, Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox." Please check that book out. You`ll see my comment on the cover.
And next up, we heard from attorneys, psychologists, and author, now, some real experts. My jurors will tell us what they think about the sex stuff young population. Back after this.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PINSKY: It is time for Dr. Drew`s jurors. And I`m back with my co- host, clinical and forensic psychologist, Cheryl Arutt, and my jury, Katie Wick, Stacey Fairrington. Stacey, you are the mom of two boys and two girls ages five to 12. My question, first, is to Stacey. Would you, as a teen, or would you allow your kids to have worn some of this underwear that have these crazy slogans on them?
STACEY FAIRRINGTON, DR. DREW JUROR: No way. Never. The only slogan that I want on their underwear is Hanes, meaning keep your Hanes off my daughter.
(LAUGHTER)
FAIRRINGTON: That`s it. Nothing more.
PINSKY: What are your thoughts about all this? Have you even listened to what we`re talking about tonight with kids are being sexualized young and encourage to wear -- you know, material that`s sort of -- they may not understand really what they`re wearing.
FAIRRINGTON: They don`t understand. And I think it`s just giving them the wrong impression. I think it`s more saying, hey, girls here`s what boys want you to wear, give all your control to them, wear these cute underwear so they can see it when your this young age, and I don`t think they understand that the ramifications that can come from that.
PINSKY: That`s a really excellent point. We haven`t even gotten to that whole issue. That`s really --
(CROSSTALK)
PINSKY: But before we go to Katie, one last question to Stacey is my understanding, you yourself had these kinds of issues with your mom even at your honeymoon. Is that right?
FAIRRINGTON: Well, The first time I ever wore a bikini was on my honeymoon. And when we got the pictures back, I didn`t even want my mom to see those. I didn`t show those for a long time to her because I was too embarrassed to even show it to her.
PINSKY: I`ve seen Katie poolside. I know she`s OK with the bathing suits. Did you have any --
(CROSSTALK)
PINSKY: She puts pictures on the social media. What Am I going to do?
ARUTT: Now she`s embarrassed.
(CROSSTALK)
(LAUGHTER)
PINSKY: But do you have thoughts about what Stacey was just saying, Katie?
KATIE WICK, DR. DREW JUROR: I do, Dr. Drew. You know, one of the things nearest to my heart is the younger generation. I`m really concerned about the younger generation. Most of all, though, the people at fault are the parents. For example, that show "Toddlers in Tiaras." Those parents need to quit living vicariously through their children. I find it -- it`s disgusting. And what happened to the days when little girls used to have underwear that said Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday Friday?
I mean, that`s what I used to wear when I was five, six, seven. And now, it says let`s make out, kiss me? It`s not right. And the parents have a responsibility. And I have to disagree with Mark earlier and the comment he made about when you say no, I don`t have children, but I know when my parents told me no, it didn`t make me want to go out and do what they told me. I respected what they said.
PINSKY: There you go. Cheryl, you have (ph) point here.
WICK: Exactly. And we can`t have a free for all.
ARUTT: Katie, I have a question for you because you`re pretty tapped in to the younger generation. Is there such a thing as safe sexting? Do you think that these --
WICK: No.
(CROSSTALK)
ARUTT: -- disappear can make that OK or do you think --
(CROSSTALK)
PINSKY: Let me go to quick call. Linda in Illinois. Linda, you got something for us?
LINDA, ILLINOIS: Hey, Dr. Drew. I do have a quick question for you. What do you think about using reverse psychology? That`s what I did on my daughter.
PINSKY: It worked at certain kids. It worked on me when I was a kid.
(LAUGHTER)
PINSKY: I have found -- again, I don`t think you need that with this generation. I think Katie is on to it. I think Stacey is on to it. Be very direct, very clear. They know you`re there to help them get in a healthy way, a successful way into life. They see it that way. That`s the new generation. Thank you, guys.
Next up, the "Last Call" on -- with my jurors as well and a surprise picture for Cheryl. We`ll be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PINSKY: We are back with my co-host, psychologist, Cheryl Arutt, and my jurors, Katie Wick and Stacey Fairrington. And, jurors, I don`t think you can see this, but I`ve got a little surprise for Cheryl. I want to put up a picture. Cheryl was a child actress. And earlier, we had Tracey Gold on with us.
(CROSSTALK)
PINSKY: They were acting together in an acting special --
ARUTT: We did an after-school special. I played her big sister and that`s a picture of us.
PINSKY: Put that up there again. I`ve got to see that again.
(LAUGHTER)
PINSKY: That is Tracey --
ARUTT: Oh, my God!
PINSKY: Tracey the little girl. And Cheryl, who does not look a second older --
(CROSSTALK)
ARUTT: I was 16.
(LAUGHTER)
PINSKY: Sixteen. That`s so funny. Do you see Tracey back in the greenroom --
ARUTT: Oh, that`s funny.
PINSKY: Did you say hi to her --
ARUTT: Oh, yes. We were catching up. It was great to see her.
PINSKY: All right. You guys, let`s take a call for the jury. This is Carina in Minnesota -- Carina or Corena.
CORENA, MINNESOTA: Hi, Dr. Drew.
PINSKY: Hey, there.
CORENA: I just had to say I bought some racy things for my daughter when she was younger. I thought it was the norm. And I noticed a big difference once I did it. She started acting more sensual and sexual, and I found it very disturbing. What do you think about that?
PINSKY: I think you better talk to your child. Katie, you agree?
WICK: I do. Absolutely. And we are sending the wrong message that little girls need to be little girls. Little girls don`t need to be in high-heeled shoes and little bikinis. They don`t need to be doing this. Let them be little girls. It`s so scary to see this young generation brought up faster than they need to be. I completely disagree with this.
PINSKY: And Stacey, I`m sure you agree. You`re a mom. What advice would you give Corena?
FAIRRINGTON: You know, I would say try to recover the damage. I mean, you really need to talk to her about what makes her so special, and the kind of boys that she wants to attract aren`t the boys that are going to want to see her always in that underwear. She needs to really focus on who she is to attract the same kind of person she eventually wants to find later on.
PINSKY: And Cheryl, I`d be actually concerned that maybe because she wore that clothe, something actually happened to her. She got very different. I might have her actually evaluated, you know what I`m saying?
ARUTT: If she really started changing her behavior a lot, that there may be something else going on inside, do you mean?
PINSKY: Well, maybe wearing all that sexualized clothing led to somebody touching her inappropriately or something actually did happen to her. So, I actually would get her evaluated by a pediatrician if you can.
Thank you, panel. Thank you, Cheryl Arutt. Thank you all for watching. I will see you next time.
END
