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Sanjay Gupta MD

"My Son is Mentally Ill"; Can You Spoil Your Children Too Much?; Healthy Holiday Gift Guide

Aired December 14, 2013 - 16:30   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

DR. SANJAY GUPTA, CNN HOST: Welcome to SGMD.

You know, it's been a full year now since Adam Lanza killed more than two dozen people at an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut. And, you know, that's usually when a mental disturbance makes the news, when something terrible has just happened.

Over the past several months, we decided to do something different here at CNN -- to pay attention to this very important issue when the news wasn't breaking. When you had a little bit more time to truly process and understand the impact of mental illness on everyone, on anyone. But it is a challenge, at times heartbreaking, yet very important story to tell.

And a family in San Antonio invited us to see what their lives are really like.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

STEPHANIE ESCAMILLA, DANIEL'S MOTHER: When people meet my son, they don't see the mental illness.

DANIEL, DIAGNOSED WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER: Hey, mom, I'm going to go.

GUPTA (voice-over): I want to tell you a story about the love between a mother and her son.

ESCAMILLA: They don't see the 20 hospitalizations. They don't see that he hallucinates. He strives to be a normal kid, but he has something that holds him back from doing that.

GUPTA: To protect his privacy, we're not going to show you his face or use his real name. For the next few minutes, he'll be known as Daniel.

DANIEL: Mom says I don't know my own strength. When I hit the bag, I think of the voices.

GUPTA: At age 10, Daniel was diagnosed with bipolar illness. Even with medications, he hallucinates and hears voices.

ESCAMILLA: It would get very heated because he would yell at me. And when he would yell at me, I would get really offended because he was being disrespectful to me.

DANIEL: I'm trying to help you. I'm trying to help me, too.

ESCAMILLA: I don't tell you when to hear voices.

DANIEL: I can't handle it anymore.

ESCAMILLA: Not once thinking that, well, he's hearing voices, he's trying to talk over those voices, and with talking over those voices he has to yell.

GUPTA: We wanted to get to know Daniel and understand what life is like for a teenager with mental illness. This was day one of eighth grade.

DANIEL: I'm in middle school. And being bully is really popular over there. I don't like to being bullied, I don't want to see people get bullied.

GUPTA: As it does for many people, stress makes Daniel feel worse. At first, it goes well. But on day three, an ominous call.

ESCAMILLA: Is there any way that I can just show up there and just wait in the waiting area? I don't want to be driving around with my son.

DANIEL: I was hearing voices and all of a sudden I had the urge to cut, so I started cutting my arm.

GUPTA: He was cutting himself again.

ESCAMILLA: He's cut himself multiple times. They've bandaged him up. And that they felt that maybe it was best that I go get him.

GUPTA: It ended with a trip to the hospital. Daniel stayed for a week.

(on camera): How many times has he been hospitalized?

ESCAMILLA: I think it's been about 20 to 21 -- 22 times?

GUPTA: Just over a few years.

ESCAMILLA: Yes.

GUPTA: And it consumes your whole life.

(voice-over): If Stephanie seems to take it all in stride, it's only because she's seen worse -- even worse than what you're about to see.

DANIEL: Please help me. Please help me.

(CRYING)

GUPTA: What is it like to record your son? ESCAMILLA: It was horrible. What gets me are his eyes on the video. He's got the huge pupil eyes and he's just crying and you can see the despair in his eyes it breaks my heart.

GUPTA (voice-over): That was just days before Daniel was first diagnosed. Stephanie was near a breaking point.

ESCAMILLA: For a while, I hated him. I could not stand him. I didn't want to look at him because of everything I've gone through. And it was when I stood there, I talked to them, it made me realize it wasn't him who I hated. It was his illness.

GUPTA (on camera): It's tough, huh?

ESCAMILLA: I lost sight of who he was.

GUPTA (voice-over): Eventually, so did Daniel. Last year after a family fight, there were pills, too many of them. Daniel tried to take his own life. He was just 13 years old.

DANIEL: I wanted to die so bad because I was tired of my life. I'm sorry I put you through that. I'm sorry I made a poor mistake. And I really, really want you to know that I will never do that again.

ESCAMILLA: It's really hard to -- for me to --

DANIEL: Believe that?

ESCAMILLA: No. It's not so much that I don't believe that. It's just that it's a trauma that no parent needs to go through, and it's really hard to say, OK, I believe you. Because he doesn't understand that -- that for weeks after that, and it still happens, that I worry every day.

If there's one thing that I remember the most is him begging the nurses to let him die. That's one of my biggest fears.

You OK?

It's scary because one of these days he's going to get old enough to where I can't protect him.

And you're still having thoughts of killing yourself?

DANIEL: Yes. They're saying, like, good job, good job, and some other voice and was, like, like, do it again, do it again. I'm just trying to get my head straight.

GUPTA (voice-over): Despite some high-profile cases, the facts are people with mental illness are more likely to hurt themselves than anyone else. They are more likely to be victims of crime rather than perpetrators.

ESCAMILLA: Every few weeks I help law enforcement understand what it's like to live with a family member who has a mental illness.

DANIEL: Go away. Go away. Go away.

ESCAMILLA: When he was hospitalized, he would call me and he would tell me if you don't come tomorrow, I know you're dead, they're telling me they're going to kill you, you know, and it's things like that, you know, nobody knows how that feels. When I think about Newtown and several other shootings that occurred, this would help put in perspective how to approach a mentally ill person. Telling my story helps me with acceptance.

DANIEL: Is it open soon?

ESCAMILLA: Yes, they open.

I see myself being the person he comes to all the time. And I've accepted that. He was a really small baby, but he was just I thought he would be -- I always wanted to be a doctor, I thought, this guy is going to be my doctor. But then there's a part of me that really knows that it may not work that way, you know? And it's something that I've accepted a long time ago, you know, I have accepted that one part, that he may have to be with me forever.

GUPTA (on camera): Your mom is, again, she's just such a strong woman and she loves you so much. I asked her, I said, people say that one person's love can make all the difference. Can your mom's love make all the difference for you?

DANIEL: Yes.

GUPTA: You think she can help shepherd you, get you through this?

DANIEL: Yes.

GUPTA: Get married, have your own kids one day and live that life that you imagine.

DANIEL: Yes, I want to be with my mom.

GUPTA (voice-over): After all they've been through, most of all, Daniel wishes he could one day be just like the mother who loves him so much.

ESCAMILLA: I just want him -- most of all I just want him to be happy. I really want him to be happy. And I just -- I need him to know that when he's in the dark place, I'm always here.

GUPTA (on camera): You're always there.

ESCAMILLA: Yes. Always.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

GUPTA: You know, in some ways Daniel is doing very well. His illness is more under control. He's taking regular classes in school. He's getting B's and C's, even with all of this, you know, he's a smart kid. I spent time with him. But as you also heard from his mom, it's hard to know what the future looks like, what happens down the road. Families like Daniel's require a huge amount of support and there simply isn't enough to go around. Now, one problem I'll tell you, a simple shortage of mental health professionals and now fully half of all psychiatrists don't even take most insurance plans. Though there is some positive news in all of this as well.

Since Newtown, 36 states have increased funding for mental health programs and something called the Mental Health Parity Act was recently written into federal law, that means if you do have insurance, it covers mental health care on the same basis as anything else. It's considered an essential health benefit.

For example, they can no longer limit you to just 20 visits if, in fact, you need more. We're going to keep an eye on this, see how it plays on out and also keep you posted on Daniel's story as well.

I want you to take a look at this video from Texas just this summer. The sight of a drunk driving crash that killed four people.

Now, the driver was a drunk 16-year-old kid who got off the hook this week with just a probation sentence. No jail time. How? Well, it has to do with how he was raised by his parents. I'll explain it, break it down for you. That's next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ERIC BOYLES, LOST WIFE & DAUGHTER IN DUI ACCIDENT: We had over 180 years of life taken future life, not 180 years lived, but 180 years of future life taken. And two of those were my wife and daughter.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUPTA: An eye-opening story this week, one that certainly caught a lot of people's attention. While driving drunk 16-year-old, Ethan Couch killed four people on the side of the road including Eric Boyles' wife and his daughter as you heard.

Couch's blood tested three times the legal limit for alcohol. I think what shocked a lot of people was the sentence he got in court this week which was 10 years probation instead of jail. Couch's defense essentially was that he was spoiled.

I'm not a parenting expert. But I am a parent. And I found this surprising, if not shocking, so I invited psychologist Wendy Walsh to come chat.

Wendy, welcome back to the show, first of all. You watched this, I'm sure like I did, it seems the judge bought the story from the defense who said the kid was suffering from affluenza, affluent and enza, a disease, his wealthy parents let him get away with pretty much anything. And people should know, of course, that's not a real medical diagnosis. But it sounded outrageous to me. What did you think? Is there something to this?

WENDY WALSH, PSYCHOLOGIST: Well, it sounds outrageous to all of us, but it's important, Dr. Gupta, to remember that there are two arguments and two things that we should consider when we're thinking about this case. First is the idea of social class, is this a rich guy getting off because his parents can afford it?

And the other issue is age. You know, the legal system looks at people under the age of 18 as partly being rehabilitatable because they have a developing brain.

So, I think that maybe in this case the legal system looked at this terrible, terrible tragedy and said, really, what is best for society? For this young 16-year-old to be put in prison, take all our tax dollars for many years where he will learn great criminal habits, or for them to find a way to re-parent him and hopefully make something positive of himself in society. It's a tragedy all around, but I think that's how the thinking went.

GUPTA: This doesn't usually play out in a criminal trial, but do you counsel families who are wrestling with this same sort of dilemma, trying to understand if their child is spoiled, how much is too much?

WALSH: Yes, I mean, that's the question that parents, especially affluent parents, come up with all the time. And the other flip side, parents who don't have enough feel somehow they're hurting their children by not being able to glorify them at Christmas with lots of consumer goods.

I want to remind parents the most valuable gift you can ever give your child is your time. If you were to interview any child and ask them if you could have every PlayStation game for the rest of your life or play board games with undivided attention of your parents, I'm telling you they would be much happier with that attention from their parents.

And I think you know that research has shown that consumerism or materialism doesn't actually make people happy. The three things that have been proven statistically to make people happy are -- you know this -- one exercise can elevate our mood, altruism, giving back, doing charity work, and more than anything, strong, healthy supportive relationships. That's the key to happiness.

GUPTA: Such an important lesson I think and especially this time of year. Especially that middle, you know, I think it's always remarkable, simply being a charitable person can just make you feel so good, almost to the point where it's selfish to be charitable, it makes you feel so good.

WALSH: Exactly.

GUPTA: Always great to have you on the show. Again, a story that just sort of caught my eye, glad you could comment on it.

So, you may not want to spoil your kids too much obviously, but one of the guys from "Men's Health" is going to be here. I love that magazine. He's got great fit gifts for the holidays, for everybody.

We've got that coming right up.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUPTA: You know, if you are like me, you may not have even started your Christmas shopping yet, but, you know, we're in the homestretch. It's time to order the latest and greatest gadgets maybe for your friends and family. It's what I think about this time of year.

And here to help me out is Clint Carter. He's senior associate editor for "Men's Health" magazine.

Thanks for joining us, sir. How is your shopping going?

CLINT CARTER, MEN'S HEALTH: My -- I have a slow start, I would say. I haven't done -- well, I haven't done any of it. But I'm looking forward to helping other people, you know, sort of get the people in their lives healthier. You know, New Year's coming around, too, so holiday time is a great time to help people out with that.

GUPTA: Slow start is right, if you haven't done any shopping yet. I'm in the same boat. And the kind of gifts I like to give because I'm interested in health is stuff that's fun, but, also, you know, potentially going to help people become healthier in the New Year.

CARTER: Exactly, right.

GUPTA: We tell people to exercise. We tell people to eat right. You know what they always ask me about, Clint, is sleep. And they're right to ask me about is sleep because the importance of it on your overall health. How can technology help play a role here?

CARTER: It really is -- it's really important. So, this is a great one to get especially for, you know, anybody who you share a bed with.

So, what we have is the Lark sleep monitor here. What's great about it is you put the monitor on your wrist before you go to bed. And then when it's time to wake up, it just vibrates you awake, so softly wakes you up. But it also has a sensor in there so it monitors, you know, the movements you make throughout the night, and by doing that, it gives you a good idea of how well you're sleeping.

So, if you wake up feeling tired, you can start to make connections to the things you did before bed. It could be the third glass of wine, you know, that's making you have a rough sleep and you'll learn that with an app like this.

GUPTA: Yes. You know, it's interesting to get that feedback, again, because you may not feel well the next day, but not recognize how much of that was because of a poor night's sleep.

CARTER: Right.

GUPTA: You know, one thing speaking of these types of devices, my wife and I intermittently wear these activity trackers like Fitbits to track our steps and it's funny she and I have a competition, we'll text each other throughout the day to see how many steps. She always does more than me and it's shocking because I think I walk a lot.

But now, they have a scale that measures more than just your weight.

CARTER: Right. This is like the house bathroom scale that NASA would make. I mean, it's really smart. On top of getting your weight, it uses a really light electrical impulse to measure your body fat percentage, so it has that, too, but then it connects to your wi-fi and sends all that data to your profile online.

So, you can track your progress. You can set, you know, weight loss and body fat goals and then it will give you awards as you reach those goals. So it's just like, you know, where you and your wife are competing with each other, you can compete with yourself or have eight users on one scale, so you can have the whole house competing to meet their personal goals.

GUPTA: I do wonder sometimes, this is just the way it's going to be now. We'll have all this data coming at us. But does it ever get to be too much, do you think?

CARTER: You know, I think as long as it's not overwhelming you, I think it's important to figure out what data is important to you. You know, if you're trying to lose weight, then that's the data that's important to you. You don't need all of the data.

But that's what's great about that these. Each one of the products seem to focus on one sort of thing. Another one I think is a really great one is this LUMOback posture monitor.

So, you know, if you are feeling creaky, if you are feeling achy, this is a great gift to give somebody who has those feelings because it's like the fitness tracker, it's like the Fitbit that monitors, you know, how many steps you're taking throughout the day, how many calories you're burning, but you wear it around your waist and it also gives you a little just vibrates a little bit every time you start slouching.

So, a lot of people are taking yoga classes and things like that trying to feel better in their own skin, something like this can help give you that piece of data you need to make sure you're feeling good all day long.

GUPTA: It would be like my mom, stop slouching, stop slouching. I'm a sloucher.

CARTER: Well, you know, this can also get pretty annoying, you'll realize you just sort of slouch in your chair and every time you get that little buzz, you know, maybe it's the right kind of annoying, though. It keeps from slouching.

GUPTA: Thank you very much, Clint Carter. I know I got to let you go because you've got some shopping to do is my guess.

CARTER: I do have some shopping to do.

GUPTA: I'm a big fan of the magazine. Thank you for being on. Happy holidays to you.

CARTER: Likewise. You, too. Thanks.

GUPTA: All right. Still ahead, we have a family's incredible story of survival. You need to hear this. They're in the Nevada wilderness, and I'm going to tell you what they did right what you can learn as well from this whole ordeal.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DR. DOUGLAS VACEK, PERSHING GENERAL HOSPITAL: The fact that it's just mild exposure and dehydration and they're not going to have any long- lasting health problems associated with this, I think is amazing.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUPTA: Some incredible news delivered Wednesday morning in Lovelock, Nevada. You heard the story a lost family of six, stranded for two days in the snow, were very innovative to survive. They warmed rocks in a fire, for example.

We don't get to tell stories like this nearly enough, but I love it when stories have a happy ending like this one. And here's the thing, the family did everything right. And you can, too. Should you ever find yourself in a similar situation.

Let me give you a few tips. First of all, remember this acronym, COLD to stay warm.

Keep your clothing clean. If it's dirty, it can lose some of its insulation affect.

Avoid overheighting or sweating during the day because that sweat can also transmit body heat at night making you even cooler.

Wear your clothing loose and in layers to allow heat to build up between those layers and obviously keep your clothing dry.

Also, if you live in a snowy part of the country, which is a lot of the country now where it's possible you could become stranded, take the time to put together a winter survival kit. I want to just show you a few things and you should do this today potentially.

A blanket, for example, put this in your trunk, a pillow and then really focus in on these objects over here, making sure you have bottled water in the car, some nonperishable food item like these, high protein sources, preferably. Water-proof matches, this was important in how the family survived, being able to start a fire. A cell phone that is charged, another very important. It played a role with this family. They could geo-locate on the phone and hear the pings from the phone. A flashlight and a knife. You can put together a survival kit like this and that's something that could help you chase life.

That's all the time we have for SGMD today.

Time to get you back into the CNN NEWSROOM with Rosa Flores.