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Inside Man
Morgan the Matchmaker
Aired February 12, 2015 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Kiss me. Kiss me for the last time.
MORGAN SPURLOCK, MORGAN SPURLOCK INSIDE MAN HOST: Love, it's one of the most powerful things on earth. It's the inspiration for epic films, timeless poetry and on inspiring monuments. It can make us feel alive, and it can drive us mad.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I'm not going to be ignored then.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hey, Sarah.
SPURLOCK: Everybody wants love. But finding it can be the biggest challenge of our lives. And now more than ever there seems to be infinite ways to meet people online and in-person. But has it got any easier? With all these tools at our disposal, is there a 21st century secret to finding love. And this week I'm going to find out.
Helping people find love right here in New York City.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I think it's very hard to find love. I think it can be very tricky sometimes.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You know, people think that they find trying to find somebody to complete themselves in rather than be themselves and I think that's what makes it difficult to find.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I see it as more of process.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: To keep you mind open to new experiences, new cultures, different kind of people. I think was...
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yeah.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: ... it was easy.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I think if you're receptive to it and you're receptive to being loved, you know, then I think you'll find love easier.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It's easy to find love when your heart is open.
SPURLOCK: How do you find love? Everyone at some point in their life has pondered that very question, with every advancing technology and efficiency, it feels like you should be within our gasp. So why does it remain so illusive? To answer this question, I'm first meeting with Dr. Helen Fisher.
SPURLOCK: Hi.
HELEN FISHER: Hi, how are you?
SPURLOCK: Good morning.
FISHER: Nice to meet you.
SPURLOCK: Good to see you.
The world renowned expect on love.
So I'm on the process of exploring kind of relationships and dating and, you know, I would love to hear from you, how hard is it for us to find the kind of that perfect person?
FISHER: I think the brain is supposed to fall in love.
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
FISHER: I think the brain circuitry for romantic love evolve millions of years ago, around the world people kinds of love, they live for love, they kill for love, and they die for love. The one most powerful brain system. And look at the artifacts of romantic love. I mean we got poems, songs, stories, place, holidays, myth, legends, I mean the world is lettered with the artifacts the, you know, the reminders of this powerful brain system. You don't see all that for the sex drive.
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
FISHER: You got the porn industry.
SPURLOCK: And that's it.
FISHER: And that just about it.
SPURLOCK: According to Dr. Fisher, love is a survival mechanism like thirst or hunger. He divides to this drive into three unique faces lust, romantic attraction and attachment.
FISHER: The sex drive evolves to get you out their looking for whole range of partners. And you have this -- you don't feel the sex drive when you're driving along in your car...
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
FISHER: ... you know, in the subway whatever. I think romantic love evolve to able you focus your mating energy on just one at a time. And I think that third brain system of attachment evolve to enable you to tolerate that person.
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
She continued her research to find out why is that you fall in love with one person over another.
FISHER: I mean we all know that you tend to fall in love somebody from the same social economic background, same level of intelligence, same level of looks, same religious and social values, a child is certainly plays the role. I am biologically anthropologist, so I started -- I look at the last 40 years of biological literature, for any traits at all...
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
FISHER: ... linked with any brain system. Now we got all kinds of brain system, but most of them keep the heart beating and the eyes blinking, and not leave with personality traits.
SPURLOCK: Right.
FISHER: But there are four systems that are each one of them linked with the constellation of personality traits.
SPURLOCK: Dr. Fisher believes there are four broad personality types, each associated with different hormones. The explorer a trill seeker link to dopamine, the builder a traditional calm figure link to serotonin, the director a competitive and analytical thinker link to testosterone and the negotiator, the compassionate idealist link to estrogen.
We're each made up of unique combination of all four different styles of thinking, but in different proportions and these affects who is drawn to whom. Dr. Fisher believes certain hormone dominate personalities complement others. Base on her research she created a personality test which can help determine who choice as a partner. Today over 13 million people in 40 different countries have taken her test and no two people have taken the questionnaire the same way.
SPURLOCK: What that can most consist advice you tell people when their saying, I'm looking for someone or I'm trying to find a relationship.
FISHER: There's no excuse for not finding them. There are some than, you know, there so many dating sites, there so many match makers, there so many ways to find the human being. But you've got to put the time into it.
SPURLOCK: It makes sense that something this important takes time and attention. And since I'm taken, I'm going to spend my time in attention helping other people find love. By becoming 21st century match maker. In a city the size of New York, there are literally millions of people looking for love. Singles need all the help they can get, so I'm going to jump in, feet first and see if I can make some connections. My first assignment is working for a high in match making service.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Hi.
SPURLOCK Hi, I'm here to see Talia. I'm now the newest member of Three Day Rule. With location in four major cities, they consider themselves dating conciergist to singles looking for meaningful committed relationships.
SPURLOCK: Hey.
THALIA GOLDSTEIN, FOUNDER OF THREE DAY RULE: Hi Morgan, I'm Talia.
SPURLOCK: How are you? Good to see you.
GOLDSTEIN: Nice meeting you.
SPURLOCK: Nice meeting you.
GOLDSTEIN: Come on in.
SPURLOCK: Thank you.
Talia Goldstein is the founder of Three Day Rule and she's going to share some of her companies match making secrets.
SPURLOCK: Oh, so thanks for talking to me I appreciate it.
GOLDSTEIN: Of course.
SPURLOCK: When I think match maker, I think like an old Italian woman in a village.
GOLDSTEIN: Yeah.
SPURLOCK: You know, with like a hairy mole, whose like getting like the neighbor's kid to meet like her nephew or something?
GOLDSTEIN: Right.
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
GOLDSTEIN: We're modern match makers.
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
GOLDSTEIN: Yeah, we're not exactly like the old (inaudible) that people think.
SPURLOCK: And how does match making differ from like if I go on a website and just signed up.
GOLDSTEIN: So websites are great...
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
GOLDSTEIN: ... but you do it all yourself. Where as with match making, we did the work for you, we mean everyone. So lets say I have 100 people that are perfect for you, we will meet everyone, we get to know them, where did they grow up, are their parents still married, all these questions that you would want answers, when we find a great match then will set up you up on a date.
SPURLOCK: Sounds like having an agent.
GOLDSTEIN: Yeah.
SPURLOCK: All right, I got an agent (inaudible) people how awesome I'm am.
GOLDSTEIN: Right. Well, it's...
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
GOLDSTEIN: ... really hard to picture yourself online dating.
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
GOLDSTEIN: It's so much easier for me to say that about you and people trust my opinion because this is what I do for a living.
SPURLOCK: This sounds expensive.
GOLDSTEIN: It's worth it. It's a $5,000 for six month.
SPURLOCK: OK, so you already pricing at place where it's exclusive. Where you're going to...
GOLDSTEIN: Right.
SPURLOCK: ... get a very specific clientele of people who...
GOLDSTEIN: Exactly.
SPURLOCK: ... are successful.
GOLDSTEIN: And very relationship minded.
Morgan, this is Vanessa.
SPURLOCK: Hi, Vanessa.
VANESSA RINGLE, DIRECTOR OF MATCHMAKING: Hi. Lovely to good meet you.
SPURLOCK: Nice to meet you, how are you?
Vanessa Ringle, the director of matchmaking is going to test my interview skills and intuition in a scenario where I'm the match maker and Talia is the client.
OK. Hi, I'm Morgan.
GOLDSTEIN: Hi, I'm Carol, nice to meet you.
SPURLOCK: Carol, nice to meet you. Tell me a little bit about yourself, how old are you, where you from.
GOLDSTEIN: I'm 36, I grew up in L.A., I work in politics.
SPURLOCK: Is there anything especial that you think about you that I should know about?
GOLDSTEIN: So I'm really -- I'm patience, and fun, and I'm really like up, up, up. And I think I should be with somebody just like me.
SPURLOCK: OK, or could it be someone who while you're fun and outgoing also just like a rock in your relationship somebody who's a little more calm.
GOLDSTEIN: I've never dated somebody like that, but might be over to it as long as their not boring.
SPURLOCK: Thank you.
GOLDSTEIN: OK, thank you.
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
RINGLE: Yeah.
SPURLOCK: How was that?
RINGLE: You're natural.
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
GOLDSTEIN: You totally were right like I don't think that two crazy fun people should be together and I think people have to balance each other out.
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
GOLDSTEIN: So it's great that you caught that too.
RINGLE: Yeah.
GOLDSTEIN: You know, you present her with matches that you think are right for and then she'll have to learn it on her own.
RINGLE: So do you feel ready to have real matchmaker meeting?
SPURLOCK: I think I'll be willing to give it a shot.
KERRY (PH): What I'm looking for in a relationship is someone that I can trust, someone who is a family guy, who is willing to take on a lady with three children, who's open and honest and adventurous.
SPURLOCK: Meet Kerry (ph) my first official client.
Hey.
KERRY (PH): Hi.
SPURLOCK: Hi, I'm Morgan. KERRY (PH): Hi, nice to meet you.
SPURLOCK: Nice to meet you.
ROBYN SWIDER: Kerry (ph), I'm Robyn, pleasure to meet you.
SPURLOCK: Three Day Rule New York matchmaker Robyn Swider is here to guide me through the process.
SWIDER: Morgan is being trained as one of our newest matchmakers. We're very excited have him. He's going to be leading the meeting. Ask you a lot of question about yourself and I'll chime when appropriate.
SPURLOCK: So let's start off with your age, you're 38.
KERRY (PH): 38.
SPURLOCK: Great.
KERRY (PH): Yeah.
SPURLOCK: And what do you for a living?
KERRY (PH): I'm a stay at home mom.
SPURLOCK: How many kids do you have?
KERRY (PH): I have three.
SPURLOCK: Three kids.
KERRY (PH): I have an eight year old and have twins.
SPURLOCK: OK.
KERRY (PH): Who are three.
SPURLOCK: So you've been married?
KERRY (PH): Yes.
SPURLOCK: And how long you've been split up?
KERRY (PH): Beginning of the year.
SPURLOCK: What brought you to us?
KERRY (PH): I'm trying to come out of my comfort zone, broaden my horizons, you know, taking some chances.
SPURLOCK: Why do you think you're single?
KERRY (PH): Well I had no idea my marriage is going to end to the way it ended.
SPURLOCK: OK.
KERRY (PH): And I -- if you would have told me, you know, last summer, this is what I would be, sitting here and doing, I would respect (inaudible). I was, you know, for the hall, just -- my partner and I have different ideas.
SPURLOCK: OK. OK.
SWIDER: Would you say you're ready to be in other serious relationship now?
KERRY (PH): Yeah, I feel like I am ready to...
SPURLOCK: Explore it.
KERRY (PH): ... explore it, with the possibility.
SPURLOCK: You took a break to be mom?
KERRY (PH): I took a break to be mom.
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
KERRY (PH): Yeah.
SPURLOCK: That's great.
KERRY (PH): Yeah. And now I am taking steps to be (inaudible).
SPURLOCK: We're going to do the dirty work...
KERRY (PH): OK.
SPURLOCK: ... for you.
KERRY (PH): All right, that's in your hands. Yup, all right.
SWIDER: I think we've got a good handle on it, right.
SPURLOCK: Yeah. Thank you very much.
You know, I think a lot of it is just comprehend of getting her comfortable, of getting her feeling good about this whole process.
SWIDER: Right. Making it an encouraging experience...
SPURLOCK: That's right.
SWIDER: ... giving her an opportunity to learn a little bit about what she is looking for...
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
SWIDER: ... her next serious relationship.
SPURLOCK: I've just had my kind of first match making experience. And to do this whole time, I think it would be -- I would be stressed out about having somebody's like relationship on -- in my hands. But, I guess, once your start to get used to it, you're like, you're always spotting somebody. You're always looking for someone who could be that perfect someone for someone else. But I need a lot of practice.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
SPURLOCK: I'm trying to solve the riddle of love by setting up some single New Yorkers to different methods.
Are you single?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, I am.
SPURLOCK: You are. And are you looking?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, I am.
SPURLOCK: You are. Well perfect.
I already have a client for a high end in the matchmaking service. But what about finding a mate online? In this day and age, you maybe part of the nearly 40 percent of Americans that have used some sort of web service to find love. In fact, about a third of all marriages in the U.S. over the past decade have been the results of online connections.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's all now for America online, a new way to use a computer.
SPURLOCK: As long as the Internet has been around, online dating has been around. At first in forums and chat rooms, then the real game change happened in the mid 90s with the creation of kiss.com and match.com. The first website specifically intended for meeting up a singles.
Fast forward, 20 years later and it's not just the websites but also in every increase pool of ads to help you find a hook up or true love at first swipe. And now, online dating is globally $2 billion a year industry and there is something for everyone out there.
So you got a dietary restriction or a pension for pot. Maybe you like your women like your wine, well aged, or maybe you like your men in makeup. And aren't we all just looking for that emotional anchor?
But what do all these sites have in common? They in favor computer data over human intuition to determine compatibility. So how you make those ones and zeros work for you? I'm getting a rare sneak peek behind the curtain at OkCupid headquarters to find out.
SPURLOCK: Hey, how are you?
CHRISTIAN RUDDER, CO-FOUNDER OF OKCUPID: Hey Morgan, how are you? Christian Rudder. How are you?
SPURLOCK: Hey great to meet you, man. RUDDER: Nice to meet to you.
SPURLOCK: Pleasure.
RUDDER: Welcome to OkCupid.
SPURLOCK: So this is where all the love happens.
RUDDER: Yeah, sort of. Yeah.
SPURLOCK: Sort of is understatement. With over six million active users a month, OkCupid is one of the largest dating sites in the world.
How many success stories do you know that you had?
RUDDER: Well about 350 couples everyday like go through this long process of like disabling your account together. So that's 100,000 couples a year that we know for sure that I'm sure they stand for, you know, maybe five, 10 times that...
SPURLOCK: Who is the inspiration behind OkCupid, like why did you decide to start the business?
RUDDER: Well, I mean, I'm one of four co-founders.
SPURLOCK: OK.
RUDDER: So, you know, this is like 2003. We saw the other dating sites out there and we thought we can have a different approach, you know, you use a little bit more math and try to be smarter about the algorithm like we are all math majors, but back then we thought it was like a new enough idea to actually try and start something with.
SPURLOCK: Right.
OkCupid's philosophy is that you don't need to wait for destiny to take its course, where you could use a mathematical model instead to find your one true love.
RUDDER: So you guys answer a bunch of questions and the questions come in three parts, so it's like you answer what you want and then how important. If it's a question like do you like scaring movies, you know, you say yes or you say no. Almost always answer you want from some else is also yes or no, whatever you say, like I like scaring movies. I want my wife to like scaring movies too.
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
RUDDEN: And then we let people weigh an important, so like, if you really, really care about scaring movies or whatever, you can match it out or if you just don't care, then you can give it a zero basically.
SPURLOCK: OK.
RUDDEN: So the math percentage is actually really simple. There is not like calculus or anything, it's just a kind of like enormous long arithmetic chain.
Each question kind of forms like...
SPURLOCK: Some signal electrical circuit. It only say, yes, no, yes, no.
RUDDEN: Yeah, exactly. Like how many kind of like compatible arrows do we have right? And the important is how big the arrows are, right?
SPURLOCK: Right.
RUDDEN: So like this is something important question like God, yeah, you guys satisfy each other, this is movies, whatever, you know.
SPURLOCK: Right.
RUDDEN: And this is for something that doesn't matter to either of you. You have something like this. And so you imagine the (inaudible) is simply just adding up the weights of this kind of like compatible arrows. There obviously people on OkCupid who probably get message more -- I guess their secret sauce to being somebody who is kind of a magnet besides look hot.
Any website rewards us users for using the site more. So like if you upload more pictures, that just naturally -- the algorithms will detect that. Obviously, you know, like, "Oh, she is busy. She is online right now."
SPURLOCK: The many you engage you get bumped up.
RUDDEN: Yeah, exactly. So if you message people, put yourself out there, the site interior should pay you back for that.
SPURLOCK: Christian makes it sound pretty straightforward but for some singles, waiting through the endless profile is anything but...
BIANCA CAAMPUED: I have been on all of the dating sites, almost all of the dating sites. OkCupid standard, How About We, Taste Buds, which is like matching with people's who like the same music as you, Coffee Meets Bagel, Hinge, Tinder. I have met boys on Tumbler and Twitter. There's an app that I'm using called Selfie and I kind of meet a boys that are, I don't know, I guess he is like my app sound boyfriend.
I tried down which is like the pivot from being with friends. You spend the day like you find all your friends on Facebook that you would be down to do stuff with. Oh, Facebook.
SPURLOCK: I met Bianca, an early adopter with every new daily technology out there, but she's on the cutting edge. She's justice mystified as everybody else on how to make it work for her.
So I want to talk to you just -- I want to get a little bit more, hear a little bit more about your dating life. Why...
CAAMPUED: Guys are so stressful. SPURLOCK: Yeah. Why is that it's so stressful.
CAAMPUED: If I just talk about like what I do, how old I am, how many siblings I have, where -- how long have I been in New York, I hate all of those questions. It's like the same questions every single time.
SPURLOCK: I think a date shouldn't feel like an interview.
CAAMPUED: Right. Yes, exactly. But most people see dating is that.
SPURLOCK: Yeah, which I think that's the mistake. What are you looking for?
CAAMPUED: Tall, (inaudible), nerdy, smart.
SPURLOCK: How tall?
CAAMPUED: Six foot.
SPURLOCK: Like six foot. You want a tall guy.
CAAMPUED: I want a tall guy.
SPURLOCK: Tell me about your experience with like the dating sites, the things you've been on?
CAAMPUED: So OKCupid, I was like pretty active on, maybe three years ago and that was what I used to basically go in a date every night.
SPURLOCK: That's a lot of date.
CAAMPUED: Yeah.
SPURLOCK: I see that -- I find that to be like exhausting date...
CAAMPUED: Exactly. That's why I...
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
CAAMPUED: ... I get stressed.
SPURLOCK: Because I feel like exactly that much dating is like, "Now, I going to go date. Now, I'm going to be like crazy. I got to get this many people as I can. I'm going to get all these and one of these guys can be perfect."
But the dance car that full, who wouldn't feel burnt out on love. Armed with insider information from my time at OkCupid, I'm going to help Bianca make the most of this online dating experience by encouraging her to be proactive and reached out to matches.
You know what Christian (ph) from OkCupid said?
CAAMPUED: What?
SPURLOCK: He said, you need to put yourself out there and be the one who ask guys, like finds guy. He says, were you kind of look for who ever you want to engage with. More than half of them will say yes, if not all of them.
Let's browse matches. Let's just see if he browsed matches. Let's just look at people who are automatically supposedly your matches.
So now, this guy is a 93.
CAAMPUED: Maybe.
SPURLOCK: What about these guys.
CAAMPUED: I was thinking maybe up (inaudible).
SPURLOCK: Yeah, that guy looks (inaudible) too. Let's go down to the 16, so you never do about.
This camera (inaudible) streets, back stand in the window in the summer, road bikes (inaudible). I think you have to message this guy.
CAAMPUED: OK. What do I say? Am I asking him to get here?
SPURLOCK: I'd like to say, want to get together and talk about...
CAAMPUED: I came to hang out during the first encounter or message encounter is a little aggressive.
SPURLOCK: Is it? Is it?
CAAMPUED: I'm just going to send this.
SPURLOCK: Just send it. OK, let's go (inaudible).
CAAMPUED: Oh sorry.
SPURLOCK: Let's look at the other guy.
CAAMPUED: All right, other guy.
SPURLOCK: I like to kick box and meditate, boom, boom. Send it. Send it.
CAAMPUED: OK, so this other guy...
SPURLOCK: Love Jazz.
CAAMPUED: Messaged me on Monday.
SPURLOCK: Messaged you on Monday. So you've got -- he get kind of good little band group.
CAAMPUED: (Inaudible) venture.
SPURLOCK: (inaudible) venture.
CAAMPUED: Yeah. SPURLOCK: You got nothing to loss. Send, pow.
CAAMPUED: Done.
SPURLOCK: Why does this scare you? Why is this process overwhelming?
CAAMPUED: Because I don't know anything.
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
CAAMPUED: You know what I mean.
SPURLOCK: But you have (inaudible) someone is thinking when you...
CAAMPUED: No. That's why just dating and relationship in general even you're with someone is a scary thought for me.
SPURLOCK: But I think you are -- I think you're doing the right thing by owning it.
CAAMPUED: Somebody responded.
SPURLOCK: Let's go. Let's go.
CAAMPUED: Someone responded.
SPURLOCK: Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
And just like that. One of Bianca's matches accepted her invitation to a date. But will the chemistry transcend the Internet for these two when they meet in-person? We'll soon find out.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I meet people through various forms of social media.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We use OkCupid.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We met on a dating service called JDate which advertise itself as a Jewish dating service.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I use this online service called dadyhunt.com. And I use an app called grinder.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We met on Instragam, even though he seen me a couple of times ...
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yeah.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: ... around the block.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Around the neighborhood.
SPURLOCK: So with all this technology, the websites with apps, all of these ways to meet people, are we losing the ability to actually have a conversation? Have we so disconnects to ourselves from reality to actually talking to a real person could become a problem?
These days, social media apps, IMs, texting and now sexting, allow us to communicate with another instantaneously and very intimately. But are we really trying hard enough to connect?
It seems the technology created a simplify our lives, we could be having a paradoxical effects. Have we lost the fine art of conversation and courting? This guy think so.
Anthony Recenello, a self-proclaimed social development coach in dating expert is the proprietor of Wolf & Garden, a service that allows men of ages to hire him as a profession wingman.
ANTHONY RECENELLO, SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT COACH: So what I am is a social development coach. I teach people how to meet people. What I am working to do is to get people, you know, off their phones and engaging with people.
SPURLOCK: That's right. He'll go to the bar with you or to your social event and coach you through the finer points of talking the talk and walking the walk.
I think if it like at 21st century terms for men.
RECENELLO: What are we planning is really important is the ability to engage with another person.
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
RECENELLO: The ability to just be there present with another person. So we're saying that people are listening. We're not connected anymore.
SPURLOCK: Yeah. I mean, it does seem like were at a time right now where set things like this...
RECENELLO: Yeah.
SPURLOCK: ... don't happen very often.
RECENELLO: Yeah. I truly believe that. I am finding -- I am victim of technology. So I got rid of my iPhone.
SPURLOCK: You did?
RECENELLO: Yes, because I lost my engagement. You know, even now, you know, I'm, you know, continually trying to work to be always engage with people at all times. I want the majority of my day to be like this.
SPURLOCK: Yeah. I think we can live without our phones. So then, what do you tell to your clients if somebody says like, "I can't live without my smart phone?"
RECENELLO: Yeah, of course.
SPURLOCK: I got to have it. So what could I do?
RECENELLO: No, so exactly. What I say is, don't look at your phone when you wake.
For a lot of clients that I work with, once I could get them being in the moment, so many of these bad social skills and these habits. But they pick up just all off.
SPURLOCK: I don't know if you need to go the extreme with hiring of professional wingman, but he brings up a good point. Maybe being a matchmaker, is not just about setting two people up, but also encouraging someone to stop looking down at device and look up at the world of possibility all around them.
RAJA: To find dates I am mostly looking for my friends to help me out. I'm using some Grinder application on the iPhone. I'm also are using some other website like crazy blind dates and going out a little bit, but mostly with my friends.
SPURLOCK: Raja is a professional dancer who's already been single for over a year and ready to get off the merry go around of dating sites and apps and fine something serious through friend or in-person.
Seriously going out.
RAJA: I'm so single.
SPURLOCK: So single.
RAJA: Not single. So it's like, you know.
SPURLOCK: It like six O, soooooo.
RAJA: Soooooo single.
SPURLOCK: Yeah. And do you looking for?
RAJA: I'm looking to not be single.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Was that clear.
RAJA: Yeah.
SPURLOCK: Why do you guys think his single?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You don't want flipping relationships, you're not that person. So it's hard to find somebody that is not flipping.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I was thinking about like who I could match you up with and I was like, I don't any like diplomat. Like, I don't know any really accomplished people.
SPURLOCK: It's got to be somebody with some (inaudible).
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yeah, somebody who's like really especial.
SPURLOCK: Do you do any online dating like go on sites like "OkCupid or match.com or things like that?
RAJA: I've gone on dates with OkCupid in the past.
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
RAJA: Nothing and several worked out longer than a date.
SPURLOCK: OK.
RAJA: But then there is like Grinder. It's an apps for gay men...
SPURLOCK: Right.
RAJA: ... exclusively and it's for dating.
SPURLOCK: Whether it be for a minute or forever.
RAJA: Right. I have had a profile on there.
SPURLOCK: OK.
RAJA: And I delete it, every time I use it. There's a lot of shame that comes with it. I feel..
SPURLOCK: It's like you got like app date shame.
RAJA: I don't want it to be my story. But I know that don't want to be single forever or too much longer. I'm ready -- I have lot of love to give.
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
RAJA: And I really like sharing my time with other people and my friends I do that with, a lot. But then there is other thing and I'm not just talking about the sex, but there is -- there's another kind of intimacy with getting to know someone.
SPURLOCK: With our support Raja is taking the plunge and doing something that he hasn't done in along time, buying someone to drink at bar.
RAJA: All right, how do I look?
SPURLOCK: You look great.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Just amazing.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You look a little bit...
RAJA: Cheers.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Cheers to see you.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Nice to meet you. Where you from?
RAJA: I'm from Texas, with -- and a lot of places I travel quite a bit.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How's your day going?
RAJA: It's going OK, I had some (inaudible).
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: For what?
RAJA: I'm a dance, I have a show.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh.
SPURLOCK: It's easy to see how many singles today up for online connections, because meeting in-person requires more courage than a text message and more sensitivity than swipe of the app.
RAJA: Well that was nice.
SPURLOCK: What happened?
RAJA: He's very nice.
SPURLOCK: What does he do?
RAJA: He works for like a website.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Does he have a career? Simply like...
RAJA: It seems like. He's been working at the place for three years.
SPURLOCK: OK. Felt good?
RAJA: Yeah, there is an interest. That is for sure.
SPURLOCK: So what's the next step?
RAJA: I was like what are you doing this weekend and if take my number I need to...
SPURLOCK: You interacted.
RAJA: I had real connection.
SPURLOCK: You like it and you have a positive connection.
RAJA: That's true.
SPURLOCK: I think that's a success.
RAJA: That's all true.
SPURLOCK: So far I've help two single in New York and their quest for love.
RAJA: I'm exited.
SPURLOCK: I'm so excited for you. RAJA: Yes.
SPURLOCK: By taking this initiative Raja might just be one step closer to finding his Mr. Right, instead of his Mr. Right now.
That is a great first step.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
SPURLOCK: I'm a 21st century matchmaker this week trying every trick in the book of love.
Cheers, cheers, cheers good luck.
Finding romance for some single New Yorkers.
I like the kick box and meditate, boom.
But now I need to find a match for Kerry (ph).
KERRY (PH): Nice to meet you.
SPURLOCK: Nice to meet you.
KERRY (PH): All right.
SPURLOCK: A mom looking to reenter the dating scene.
KERRY (PH): I think I'm a fund gal to hang out with. I like to be spontaneous, I like to just, you know, sort of make things out as you go and it would be great to have somebody who can, you know, sort of go with the flow and not let things in rattle them. I like to do a whole lot of things, you know, sort of -- like game of Yahtzee, you know, does it. I don't have a method sometimes it just makes it up as you go.
SPURLOCK: Since I consider myself a people person. I'm going to hit the street using my intuition as a guide to try and find a good guy for Kerry (ph). It's a little unconventional, but I think it could worked.
Like those two guys.
SWIDER: Totally, yeah.
SPURLOCK: Those guys look the ideal guy.
SWIDER: Well, yeah (inaudible) perfect. Yeah.
SPURLOCK: Those guys look perfect. I'm Morgan.
SWIDER: Oh, that's right.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes.
SPURLOCK: How are you? UNIDENTIFIED MALE: All the documentaries.
SPURLOCK: Yeah, how are you?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's right.
SPURLOCK: I'm Morgan what's your name.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Claudio (ph).
SPURLOCK: Claudio, nice meeting with you. What's you're name.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Robert.
SPURLOCK: Robert, so.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: My wife loves your documentary.
SPURLOCK: Your wife well you're married. Well, thank you congratulation.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yeah.
SPURLOCK: Thank you and thanks for watching.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yeah.
SPURLOCK: How about you, sir?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I've a girlfriend.
SPURLOCK: OK, that's a strike. Their great guys but not single.
You guys look like three very successful potentially single men.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm single.
SPURLOCK: You're single.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Ready to mingle, ready.
SPURLOCK: He's ready to mingle, OK.
Strike two their eager but too young for Kerry. I'm getting closer.
I'm a matchmaker and I was curious if either one of your gentlemen are single.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yeah, now I have been with the same guy for the last almost two year now, so.
SPURLOCK: OK.
And that's a strikeout. I guess (inaudible) is right. All the good once are taken or gay. It turns out walking up to random men is not going to get a match for Kerry in a short amount of time. I think the best thing to do is look through Three Day Rule database of embedded Bachelors to find someone who fits the bill. I feel like the most important things for Kerry to meet someone who makes her feel comfortable and who is at a similar place in life as her.
Yeah, I'll call him.
Let's see if my guts is right on this.
Meet Robert (ph) an older bachelor looking to start over.
So I was going to ask you some questions, just be honest. Tell me everything you can and we'll know it from there.
Great so what do you do for leaving?
ROBERT (PH): I'm in the textile business.
SPURLOCK: What's your education?
ROBERT (PH): I'm master's degree in Industrial Design and a B.A. in Architecture.
SPURLOCK: How tall are you?
ROBERT (PH): 5'6. I'll add a cup of glass of wine made me 5'10.
SPURLOCK: And have you been married?
ROBERT (PH): I have.
SPURLOCK: You have.
SWIDER: How long ago?
ROBERT (PH): Nine years ago, and I was married for nine years.
SPURLOCK: Can you tell us why you got divorce or why she split up from you...
ROBERT (PH): No (inaudible) of heart, we remained really good friends. We hired one lawyer. We split everything.
SPURLOCK: How often actually you go on a date? How many times a year?
ROBERT (PH): We go out a couple dates a month.
SWIDER: Yeah, OK.
SPURLOCK: Couples of month.
ROBERT (PH): Yeah.
SPURLOCK: OK.
SWIDER: And sounds like the kind of a chemistry or the spark is the reason that you don't want to keep it going?
ROBERT (PH): Yeah. I just have not that right person.
SPURLOCK: OK.
ROBERT (PH): And I think there's a lot of things that go into two people really getting along. Sometimes you just set his good attraction or you have one thing in common but not finding all those common things that really will make this odd relationship.
SPURLOCK: OK.
I have a good feeling about Robert (ph). He is potential match for Kerry (ph). He seems very measured and thoughtful and serious about finding love.
We just met Robert now I want to let Kerry (ph) know that he is interested. Find out if we can hook the two of them up.
KERRY (PH): Hello.
SPURLOCK: Hey, it's Morgan.
KERRY (PH): Hey Morgan.
SPURLOCK: So I just met a spectacular guy.
KERRY (PH): Mr. awesome.
SPURLOCK: He is Mr. Awesome. He is...
KERRY (PH): OK.
SPURLOCK: ... very together. I think he is very grounded.
KERRY (PH): You really check him out. Did you go on a date with him already?
SPURLOCK: I just grilled him, you know, like I like to do. So are you game to meet him?
KERRY (PH): All right, I'm game. I trust you guys.
SPURLOCK: Awesome. I will pass your info on.
KERRY (PH): OK. Thanks Morgan.
SPURLOCK: Thank you Kerry (ph). Take care. Bye, bye.
KERRY (PH): All right, you too. Bye.
SPURLOCK: One step closer to making their love magic. I believe. I believe.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
SPURLOCK: How do you find love or does love find you? I'm trying to figure this out on assignment as a 21st century matchmaking.
I'll call him.
CAAMPUED: Hi.
SPURLOCK: Hi, how are you?
I'm optimized Bianca's online dating strategy.
You need to put yourself out there and be the one who asks guys, like finds guy.
And I've been a wingman to give Raja encouragement.
RAJA: All right. How do I look?
SPURLOCK: You look great.
SWIDER: You look the same thing.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You are so bad.
SPURLOCK: And now, I'm interested to see whether I've been able to find the right match for Kerry (ph).
We got a guy, (inaudible) together, has career good looking, a little bit over than Kerry (ph) want it but I think that's going to be OK. Now, we just have to see if the match is going to work. Hopefully, will get spark.
ROBERT (PH): Kerry (ph).
KERRY (PH): Hi.
ROBERT (PH): Hi. I'm Robert (ph).
KERRY (PH): Nice to meet you.
ROBERT (PH): Nice to meet you too. I read a little bit about your profile, three kids, originally from New Orleans, great city.
KERRY (PH): I was just there for two weeks and I pretty much ate my way through the two weeks that I was there, like any excuse I would say to my kids, unlike you want to go get a snowball, how about the venues.
SPURLOCK: People often say a date goes well if you both have chemistry. But what is chemistry? Well it's a combination of factors that subconsciously tell us whether or another person is worthy of being our mate. This includes the symmetry of their face, the pitch of their voice, and possibly pheromones.
That's right, love could literally be in the air. A spark can happen at lightening speed and then as little as 90 seconds, our brains kick into Darwinian mode to discern whether or another person is attractive or not. ROBERT (PH): So you have three little girls?
KERRY (PH): I have. I have three kids. I have an eight year old and I have twin three year old who are hilarious and the most (inaudible) you could ever imagine.
ROBERT (PH): Most of friends that I hang out with, a lot them have kids. I'm not kind of odd man out.
KERRY (PH): No kids guy?
ROBERT (PH): I love kids. No, I love kids.
KERRY (PH): Yeah.
ROBERT (PH): I have no kids. I was married for nine years. I love my ex-wife. She was a great lady but kid was in the deal with that point.
KERRY (PH): Yeah.
ROBERT (PH): Yeah. Things have changed a lot though.
KERRY (PH): Yeah.
ROBERT (PH): Have you ever been to the Jersey Shore?
KERRY (PH): Do you know what I have discovered the Jersey Shore this summer.
ROBERT (PH): I'm privilege to have the family beach house.
KERRY (PH): Yeah.
ROBERT (PH): Yeah (inaudible).
KERRY (PH): Good for you.
ROBERT (PH): Yeah. This weekend, I think you should bring your kids and come to my beach house and (inaudible).
KERRY (PH): That is a very generous offer.
SPURLOCK: So how was the date?
KERRY (PH): Date was fine. I didn't, you know, feel any spark, chemistry, whole lot of that but he is a great guy.
SPURLOCK: OK.
KERRY (PH): Super nice. And, you know, I don't know, I feel like I'm still (inaudible) with this myself, I'm still trying to figure out what I'm looking for. Yeah...
SWIDER: Yeah, I think you're trying to learn about what you're looking for. Is there maybe any lesson or takeaway that you got just from this one experience?
KERRY (PH): Well, for me, you know, just for somebody to say so soon after meeting me come to the Jersey Shore and spend the weekend with me, I'll go.
SWIDER: OK.
KERRY (PH): Why.
SPURLOCK: That's because you're a catch. That's the point. The point is you're a catch.
KERRY (PH): That was very sweet but, you know, for me to introduce my children to somebody, it's going to take a look more than just a few minutes of conversation.
SPURLOCK: That's right.
SWIDER: You know, that for me was a big thing. So maybe someone who already has kids or at least has a better sense of what it means to date someone with kids.
KERRY (PH): Yes.
SWIDER: OK.
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
KERRY (PH): And those steps that are involve in meeting someone else's kid, right?
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
KERRY (PH): I feel like -- for me...
SWIDER: It's going to take time.
SPURLOCK: It takes time.
KERRY (PH): ... personally is that, you know, that's a six months down the road the kind of thing, you know.
SWIDER: OK.
KERRY (PH): Not so immediate.
SPURLOCK: Do you want to keep moving forward? Do want us to skip trying? Do you want us to keep bringing you people?
SWIDEN: Yeah, definitely.
KERRY (PH): Yeah. You can keep the last, so go on.
SPURLOCK: OK. OK.
KERRY (PH): Throw it out a couple of more time to see what happen? SWIDER: Sure.
SPURLOCK: Good.
SWIDER: Yeah. We'll probably have someone for you like within the next two weeks.
KERRY (PH): Oh my goodness.
SPURLOCK: Or sooner.
I'm disappointed that I couldn't get a match for Kerry (ph) but I'm going to keep on trying. I think I was overly pragmatic about putting two people together in the same stage in life as supposed thinking about who they were as individuals.
SWIDER: It's so much fun meeting with you.
KERRY (PH): Thank you.
SWIDER: Ready for the next time.
KERRY (PH): Absolutely.
SPURLOCK: I now see that the path for love is a long one full of a healthy dose of trial and error.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
SPURLOCK: I'm trying to understand love and dating in the 21st century by playing Cupid as a single New Yorkers. Raja, a professional dancer is ready for a serious committed relationship and is taking a lead with faith with someone he just asked out.
And then there's Bianca, a techy 20 something who never had trouble finding a date online but has get to find love in the real world.
KURT (PH): Hey, how are you?
CAAMPUED: Hi.
KURT (PH): Hi.
CAAMPUED: Good.
KURT (PH): Bianca. Bianca, I'm Kurt (ph).
CAAMPUED: Nice to meet you.
KURT (PH): Good to see you.
SPURLOCK: I encouraged her to take the first move online and she's got a date out of it. But will there be any chemistry.
CAAMPUED: I'm very in to the comic book.
KURT (PH): Oh cool.
CAAMPUED: Yeah. One of my favorite Batman character is Harley Quinn. I have sort of a (inaudible) like Catwoman, Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn are my three favorite.
KURT (PH): OK. Who do you think could in a fight out of those three?
CAAMPUED: Out of those three, I stand by Catwoman.
KURT (PH): OK.
CAAMPUED: Yeah.
KURT (PH): Yeah, for sure. Yeah, Catwoman is pretty bad ass.
CAAMPUED: Yeah.
KURT (PH): I remember her and like the olds -- I think its (inaudible) movie.
CAAMPUED: Yeah, the Michelle Pfeiffer.
KURT (PH): Yeah, that's right.
CAAMPUED: It's so good.
KURT (PH): Yeah. Yeah.
CAAMPUED: Yeah.
KURT (PH): Who do you think is like the best Batman?
CAAMPUED: I got Christian Bale.
KURT (PH): Yeah.
CAAMPUED: Yeah.
KURT (PH): I mean, I had to go with Michael Keaton with this, really.
CAAMPUED: Really?
KURT (PH): Yeah. Really. Yeah.
SPURLOCK: How was the big date?
CAAMPUED: It was good.
SPURLOCK: Yeah, it was that good.
CAAMPUED: I don't know, I'm kind of (inaudible) right now, so I feel like it's such a good sign.
SPURLOCK: That's a good sign. That was the good sign.
CAAMPUED: Yeah. I don't know. SPURLOCK: So this was cats loves Jazz.
CAAMPUED: Cats loves Jazz.
SPURLOCK: How tall was he? That's important.
CAAMPUED: He wasn't that tall but it was fine. He was like -- he had a great personality.
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
CAAMPUED: And a cute face.
SPURLOCK: OK.
CAAMPUED: And pretty eyes
SPURLOCK: That's good.
CAAMPUED: I'm in a good mood. All of the stressed like going through my profile and messaging people, I think this day was like worth it.
SPURLOCK: Yeah.
CAAMPUED: Yeah.
SPURLOCK: Nice.
CAAMPUED: Yeah.
SPURLOCK: See? That makes me happy.
I'm so glad Bianca has a great first date. And I hope things go just as well for Raja.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's pretty.
RAJA: It's just really pretty, I feel like it should be more summer than it is.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I forget (inaudible) you have.
RAJA: It's a (inaudible).
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Can you show -- (inaudible).
RAJA: I do.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's so cute. Yeah.
RAJA: Do you have a dog?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No, no.
RAJA: Have you had a dog?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Never. Not even with my family, no.
RAJA: You never had pets? Wow.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We had a hermit crab, as a pet.
SPURLOCK: We don't know what next for Raja and David (ph), but if Raja smile, it's an indication that seem so promising.
Will the spark turn into an internal flame or will things cool off after this encounter back to this encounter? Only time will tell. But as for now, let's see what Raja thinks about at all.
Well come on. How was it?
RAJA: I think it was really great.
SPURLOCK: I'm glad. You look happy. You're smiling.
RAJA: I'm very happy. I think it was really good.
SPURLOCK: It felt natural?
RAJA: Yeah, it did. I felt like, you know, I was excited to learn more about him and excited to make him laugh because he has a really sweet laugh.
SPURLOCK: You going to see him again?
RAJA: I think so, yeah. He told me that I should text him. We talk about hanging out again.
SPURLOCK: That's cool.
RAJA: I loved that.
SPURLOCK: Well, when was the last time you felt like that on a date?
RAJA: Definitely not in the past two years, I haven't felt that.
SPURLOCK: So you felt like he was really engage and...
RAJA: Absolutely. And we really didn't stop talking.
SPURLOCK: That's the best. I'm happy for you. That's exciting.
RAJA: Thank you.
SPURLOCK: That's great. What a great thing. And that's makes me -- it makes my heart a warm (inaudible).
RAJA: I mean, I just smile, I can't...
SPURLOCK: I know. Look at you, you're smiling.
RAJA: It's good. KERRY (PH): I certainly never would have guests the past of my life up until now. And have no idea what the next three, five, 10 are going to bring. I just thought that wherever and whoever I am with that it's full of happiness and joy.
CAAMPUED: Actually, somebody once told me, you know, like it's so easy to find somebody to love but to find somebody to love you the same amount back is very hard.
RAJA: It's about getting to know yourself through another person with another person and experiencing the world together.
SPURLOCK: Out of three dates, two would really, really, really well. In fact, that both Raja and Bianca had positive experience is fantastic.
Kerry (ph), I wish I would have a better date but all first dates aren't great dates. (inaudible) to tell you, I've had a lot of bad first dates, it's a shocker.
I think the biggest thing I've learn through the process is that there is no shortcut to finding love, even in the 21st century.
You can choose to meet online, face-to-face or through match making service. But all the (inaudible) options don't make it easier to fall in love. It turns out even in this day and age the best way to find your special someone is to try in true way by putting yourself out there, be willing to take the first step. Most importantly, putting in the time.
Next thing you know, you might be in love.
