Return to Transcripts main page
Joy Behar Page
Interview With Chelsea Handler; Interview With Malcolm McDowell
Aired August 31, 2011 - 22:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
JOY BEHAR, HOST: Chelsea Handler has a funny late-night TV show and she`s an author who`s been on the New York Times best seller list longer than John Grisham and Snooki put together. Check out this clip from her show.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CHELSEA HANDLER, TALK SHOW HOST: Today marks the 700th episode of "Chelsea Lately". I always knew we`ll make it to 700 episodes. I just hope the last 600 would have been on a better network. I`m still awaiting your call, Animal Planet.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
VELEZ-MITCHELL: She`s the host of "Chelsea Lately" and her new book is "Lies that Chelsea Handler Told Me". Please welcome comedian and talk show host, Chelsea Handler.
So Chelsea, you`re in late night and that is really good for the women because you probably are the only one doing it right now.
HANDLER: That I`m aware of. If there was another woman in late night right now then I would be sadly misinformed. If somebody hadn`t told me about that.
But hopefully there will be more to follow; I would think so. There`s a lot of female comedians out there that are getting a lot of attention lately. So hopefully there will be more to come.
BEHAR: You think so?
HANDLER: I would want --
BEHAR: On NBC, CBS and ABC.
HANDLER: I don`t know. I mean whatever. I mean it doesn`t matter really what network you`re on any more, look at you and look at me. So it could be -- it doesn`t matter.
BEHAR: That`s true. But these networks like mine and yours; they have to find us.
HANDLER: They find us, but then, you get to do whatever you kind of want to do. So it`s better to be there than to be -- if I was on NBC and I had to follow their rules, obviously I wouldn`t have a show. I would be in some sort of --
BEHAR: No, they wouldn`t like you --
HANDLER: -- a quarantined area --
BEHAR: They wouldn`t let you do it.
HANDLER: -- where they were spraying me daily.
BEHAR: But I mean it could be that late night will be loaded (ph) with women. I mean do you think Madeleine Albright will ever get a show, for example?
HANDLER: Well, she`s hilarious. So I don`t see why she wouldn`t.
BEHAR: I think she`s definitely in the running.
HANDLER: She`s hilarious and she`s sexy; and those are the two components.
BEHAR: Now, you hosted the VMAs, whatever those are.
HANDLER: Yes, well I tried to find out what they are also right after I agreed to host them. They`re the Video Music Awards -- VMAs -- Video Music Awards. Got it. Yes.
BEHAR: Ok. And you did that on MTV last year, and some of the critics said that you were vulgar. Can a woman be too (EXPLETIVE DELETED) vulgar, really?
HANDLER: It`s an interesting question. I think sometimes you can be. If you`re being vulgar for the sake of being vulgar, then yes, it`s too vulgar, but I`m not. I`ve always been this way. I`m not trying to shock people, that`s the way I speak.
And I was not nearly as vulgar as I can be on that night, that I recall. So, but -- if I paid attention to what critics say or said, have said about me I wouldn`t really be, you know, I wouldn`t have a career in the first place. So I don`t, I try not to let those kinds of things upset me.
BEHAR: I often tell people, they say to me, how come you just speak your mind all the time and don`t care? I say because no one ever told me to shut up. Did you have that kind of a childhood too?
HANDLER: No, everyone told me to shut up.
BEHAR: They did?
HANDLER: Yes, everyone -- people are still telling me to shut up, but I just don`t -- the more someone tells me not to do something the more I want to do it. It`s very --
BEHAR: Where`d you get that? How`d you get that little rebellious streak?
HANDLER: I think I just saw my parents and I thought -- I looked at - - when I was a little girl I looked at my parents and I thought, this is a joke. These people are jokes.
BEHAR: Yes. I understand.
HANDLER: You know what I mean? I just didn`t want to have a life like that. I was like, you guys aren`t even working. Like, do you have jobs? I was the youngest of six kids and my brothers and sisters were kind of a lot older than me. And the one sister that was like in a close age range -- she was five years older than me. She was my closest sister in age, and she was a loser.
And so I was -- I just thought to myself, like, I looked at my parents and it`s a perfect example of how I don`t want my life to become. So I just wanted to work, work, work, work, you know, and be successful, make a lot of money and have decisions so I didn`t have to stay at a Holiday Inn.
BEHAR: Right.
HANDLER: You know.
BEHAR: Good move.
HANDLER: Like, they would take us on vacations, family vacations, and not make a reservation anywhere so we would end up like at a best Western or Holiday Inn. I`m like this is no way to go through life.
BEHAR: Did they have money?
HANDLER: They weren`t poor. We weren`t poor. We were just middle class, you know, somehow they managed to buy property on Martha`s Vineyard so that people think we have money but we didn`t really have money. I mean we weren`t starving but it wasn`t ideal.
BEHAR: Yes, you were more broke than poor.
HANDLER: Yes, broke, exactly.
BEHAR: Broke is the way to look at it.
HANDLER: Exactly. Yes.
BEHAR: But you have a Jewish father and a Mormon mother. How did they ever meet? Did they meet at an Osmond concert?
HANDLER: They -- my mom was German and she was over here from Germany visiting and then my father spotted her and I guess, you know, claimed her.
BEHAR: So a Jewish guy sees a German Mormon and says I must have her?
HANDLER: Well, he like -- my mom was very -- she was very sexy. You know, she was easy, obviously, so he -- they had some love affair, you know, that of course went straight to the pot after they had four or five kids. Of course then she was looking at my father and was like, oh, my gosh, what a nightmare.
But it was just a great example of what not to do. You either become like your parents or you become the opposite of your parents. And I like to think that I`m the opposite of my parents.
BEHAR: So you won`t have any children?
HANDLER: No, no, I wouldn`t want to do that to a child or to a father of a child. No. I`m busy. You`re busy, you don`t have any children, right?
BEHAR: I have one yes, but she`s 40 years old.
HANDLER: Oh, sorry, sorry.
BEHAR: I have a grandson now. I mean it`s --
HANDLER: Oh, you`re a grandmother.
BEHAR: Yes, I`m a grandma.
HANDLER: See, that`s what I want to avoid by having a child is becoming a grandmother.
BEHAR: Why? That`s the best part. You don`t have to take any responsibility.
HANDLER: Yes. That is true. Yes.
BEHAR: So now let`s talk about the stand-up performance you did in December which fascinated me.
HANDLER: What was it?
BEHAR: Well, you went off on Angelina Jolie calling her an F-ing home wrecker and the C word.
HANDLER: Gosh yes.
BEHAR: Did she ever contact you?
HANDLER: We`ve been in touch. We`re very close. Yes. She loved it. She called me and said thank you.
BEHAR: That made -- that got a lot of press, that show.
HANDLER: Well, it shouldn`t have gotten a lot of press because I`ve been talking about Angelina Jolie since she made out with her brother. And I`ve been -- as has everybody else. So, it`s silly that all of a sudden people were talking about it. And it was stupid. I mean I still -- you know, I always say that about, I talk about everybody. So that was really dumb.
BEHAR: Of you?
HANDLER: No, no, it was dumb of the media.
BEHAR: The media. Well, they thought that you were channeling your girlfriend Jennifer Aniston.
HANDLER: No, I would never do that. I would never speak for anyone else, you know, any of my friends. I`m speaking from my -- from my heart and soul when I call somebody a home wrecker.
BEHAR: Yes. I hear you. I hear you.
Now, let me ask you something about your show for a second before we go to a break. Do you ever get any notes from the network?
HANDLER: I delete those immediately when I get them on my Blackberry. Sometimes they send me standards and practices notes and we have to kind of abide by those rules. But I don`t really take anything -- I`ve gotten to a place now -- I mean we just did our 700th or something episode, so they kind of leave me alone. It`s kind of a cake walk at this point. But I know what I can`t do. I don`t push it too far.
BEHAR: You`re on tape, they can bleep all that stuff.
HANDLER: They can bleep stuff, yes. I mean they would prefer I didn`t make fun of Asians as often as I do but --
BEHAR: Asians in particular?
HANDLER: Well, no. Asians, Jews, black people -- anybody, any sort of minority. I like to just make sure I focus on a fair amount of time so that one group can`t get madder than the next.
BEHAR: I see.
I remember on The View, Rosie O`Donnell got in trouble because she sort of did a joke about the Asians and they went berserk on her.
HANDLER: Well, that`s the problem. If you apologize once then you can never say anything again so I don`t apologize.
BEHAR: All comedians have to apologize at some point.
HANDLER: No, I haven`t and I won`t. I`d rather quit. I have enough money from my --
BEHAR: Do you?
HANDLER: Yes, I have picked up --
BEHAR: Well, you`ve made a fortune in these books, didn`t you?
HANDLER: No, I actually picked up an extra shift at Sizzler on the weekend so that`s where I make most of my income.
BEHAR: Ok. All right.
When we come back, I want to find out how you got Gwyneth Paltrow to curse out her grandmother. You were in on that?
HANDLER: No, I wasn`t in on it. I was there and I loved it.
BEHAR: Ok. We`re going to talk about it when we come back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
HANDLER: You had a grandmother named Mutti and she was -- I guess "Mutti" means mom in German.
GWYNETH PALTROW, ACTRESS: Right.
HANDLER: And my Mutti was a real bitch.
PALTROW: My Mutti was a real (EXPLETIVE DELETED).
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: That was a look at Gwyneth Paltrow opening up about her grandma on "Chelsea Lately". All the lip readers know what she said.
CHELSEA HANDLER: Yes. Well, that`s the unfortunate thing about bleeping, that you have to kind of read lips but --
BEHAR: But so what brought that out, all of a sudden. What made her do that? That doesn`t seem like Gwyneth.
HANDLER: I have no idea. We were just having a regular conversation and just -- I talked about my grandmother, we both called our grandmothers "Mutti" because that`s German for mom. So she had -- and when I was reading her cookbook, I -- I saw it and I thought, oh. And so I just mentioned it and she said that, which was hilarious and perfect because Gwyneth Paltrow is you know, everyone thinks is so prim and proper and she is just -- she is a great girl, and she`s down to earth and she`s salty too.
So it was kind of funny to hear her say that.
BEHAR: Was your grandmother a --
(CROSSTALK)
HANDLER: My grandmother was a total bitch, she was a nightmare and she hated me.
BEHAR: And Gwyneth said her grandmother hated her too.
HANDLER: Yes. Obviously, German women, there`s a problem with them. I`m actually -- I`m coming after you next, ladies.
BEHAR: Don`t you like it when people criticize you? I love that.
HANDLER: I criticize myself all the time so I don`t really have a big problem with it.
BEHAR: No. You have to have a tough skin in this business. People are going to say whatever they want.
Now, this book, "Lies that Chelsea Handler Told Me", which is -- which book is this, number four?
HANDLER: Number four, but that book is under my new imprint so I didn`t write that book. Everyone -- all my friends and family, brothers and sisters wrote that book about me and I oversaw it and kind of added notes at the end of everyone`s chapter. I wrote little things and put in pictures. So it`s really good because everybody thinks that I`ve been lying about my entire life in all of my books. So we say, are these true stories?
And so I wanted people to contribute to a book to show, that yes, I`m not making up any of this. I mean I`m making up a lot of stuff but I`m not making up my own life.
BEHAR: I see. I was reading some of the things that you supposedly said is lie. But they sound more like practical jokes than lies.
HANDLER: Yes they`re more --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Yes.
HANDLER: -- I wouldn`t ever lie about something serious or be, I`m not a liar like that. No, I`m very to my detriment I`m very direct and I will always tell the truth.
BEHAR: Yes.
HANDLER: But I -- when I think -- I need to be amused constantly, so I like to play jokes on people or send e-mails from people`s accounts to other people --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Yes.
HANDLER: -- and, you know, come out of the closet --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Like -- let me tell you what, you told one of the writers to leave his honeymoon for a "Time" magazine photo shoot. What happened then when you did that?
HANDLER: Well, he was so paranoid that he was going to missed out on being in "Time" magazine, because that was his parents` dreams and the fact that it`s on my show and then we combined the fact that "Time" magazine would be doing a piece on us. To him it was just like, he couldn`t take it. He was like, oh, my God, his parents made him go to business school, he just had to go get his masters and he was just, he couldn`t believe that he would miss out on this opportunity.
So we kind of did it as a group collectively, sent him e-mails saying, you know, it`s such a shame you can`t be here for this, it`s "Time" magazine.
BEHAR: It`s so mean. It was really mean. It was evil.
HANDLER: It was really mean. And then once he finally booked the ticket to come back and leave his honeymoon early we told him it`s a lie. I didn`t tell him but we had someone tell him. And then --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: So what happened then?
HANDLER: Well, then I forwarded all the e-mails to his wife and I said you should see who you married.
BEHAR: What about this one? You sent a phony gay e-mail to an executive at E! from one of your producers. What did you say? I`m really in love with you or something?
HANDLER: I just kept, I started talking about the Gaza Strip and you know, Israel to try and get him because he sent an all-wide company e-mail saying certain sections of Los Angeles were going to be closed this weekend because the Israeli consulate was going to be in town and all this. And so I just kept writing back, talking about this crisis in the Middle East and what our last line of defense is -- and nonsense.
I mean there`s no reason you would ever respond to that e-mail in the first place, and the fact that this guy was getting, from this guy you`ve never met in our office and he was a gay man. So he was responding just to be courteous like, yes, I get it.
Good luck with the voting because the elections were coming up, I`m like, I really need somebody`s ear. I really want to discuss who to vote for. I`m torn. And just, so totally inappropriate e-mails back and forth.
And then finally he -- I said, you know, I`m -- I`m gay and what I really want.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Is you.
HANDLER: Is you. And in my mouth or something like that. Anyway, they ended up, they ended up making plans for them to meet up in Palm Springs for the weekend. It was amazing.
And so that was definitely, yes, that was one of my highlights. It`s fun to --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Well, you made a match.
HANDLER: But we do it with groups of people in the office so you`ll find us in the office and I mean, literally I`ve peed in my pants from laughing. Because we do it collectively so we`re just laughing so hard.
And people now when they leave their computers, I mean it`s no more fun for me to even go to work because everybody has locks and double passwords and they walk down the hallway with their computer which sometimes is a desktop so that`s awkward.
BEHAR: Have you ever checked an e-mail -- e-mails from a boyfriend or a lover?
HANDLER: Yes, all the time. I always do that.
BEHAR: Yes.
HANDLER: I go into people`s Blackberries all the time. I have no problem with that whatsoever.
BEHAR: What did you find out about a boyfriend?
HANDLER: Oh I`ve always found stuff. Every time you look there`s always some stupid flirty thing with somebody or something. But as long as you don`t find anything, you know, I mean I do the same thing but I don`t have any problem with -- I`m not one of those people like, you can`t look at my stuff. You can`t look at my private -- like you go through my Blackberry if you want to.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Yes there`s nothing there that they don`t know --
HANDLER: Good luck yes
BEHAR: -- they haven`t seen.
HANDLER: I`m telling you everything any way.
BEHAR: It`s impressive that you have your own imprint. I`m fascinated by that. How do you get something like that?
HANDLER: You have to sell a lot of books I think.
BEHAR: It means like -- you`re like a publisher.
HANDLER: I am. I know, it`s such a joke, too.
BEHAR: Well, your books are very popular. I mean I have an assistant here, she lives -- lives for you. When she sees you she`s going to get so happy.
HANDLER: Oh why isn`t she here? Did you fire her?
BEHAR: No, no she moved on to MTV. They paid her more money.
HANDLER: Oh yes. MTV is known for their huge budget.
BEHAR: Just shows you what kind of budget we have here.
Now, is there one person that you`re dying to have on your show? People always ask me that. I never have an answer.
HANDLER: I don`t really -- I used to say David Hasselhoff, but I`ve said this so many times as a joke, obviously.
BEHAR: Well, he`s been here.
HANDLER: Has he?
BEHAR: Yes.
HANDLER: Really?
BEHAR: He was here with his daughters. Weird.
HANDLER: Oh when was that?
BEHAR: How long ago was that? Ages ago, yes.
HANDLER: Well, he said he won`t come on my show. He`s scared of me, he said. I don`t know why he would feel that way.
BEHAR: Why? What is he scared of?
HANDLER: He probably is scared of staying sober long enough for me to interview him. Was he sober when he was here?
BEHAR: I don`t know, was he?
HANDLER: Just out of curiosity.
BEHAR: He was.
HANDLER: He was with his daughters so he probably has to stay sober.
BEHAR: Yes, yes, yes.
HANDLER: No burgers, no alcohol.
BEHAR: All right.
So let`s see. I mean I`m just fascinated by the fact that you`re such an important author all this time.
HANDLER: Well, it`s funny that I am an important author because I didn`t even graduate from college, you know. and I`m sure you have done commencement speeches before?
BEHAR: No, I`m never asked.
HANDLER: Well, ok, really? Really?
BEHAR: I mean, they ask Snooki. They don`t ask me.
HANDLER: That`s really embarrassing.
BEHAR: It is. I`m humiliated by that.
HANDLER: Well, I think it`s a good example. As a good example, I did one at Emory this weekend because my brother graduated from there and I forwarded my sister the e-mail when they asked me to do the commencement speech and my sister said, oh, my God, this is getting ridiculous.
Now you`re doing commencement speeches? You didn`t even -- you went to community college for a month. And -- but I think it`s just a great testament, you know, with all the books and I`m -- first of all, I love this book because you know, I didn`t have to work so hard at writing it as the other ones. But I -- I think it`s a testament to like you know, you can just do kind of whatever you want. You really can in this business.
BEHAR: I know, it`s incredible.
HANDLER: And people have all these archetypes about the way they think things are supposed to happen and late night shows and they`re supposed to be this format. And you can`t put a little person on a TV show and you can`t do this and everyone`s like you can`t write a book about one- night stands and people are saying -- they`re always telling you, you can`t, you can`t, you can`t.
BEHAR: Right.
HANDLER: And, you know, what I`ve been thinking a lot about lately is you really can. You can create your own TV show. You can be, you know, author, a performer, a writer, a comedian. You can do whatever you want to do. And people, I think, respond because they know that you`re being truthful, you know. You`re not fitting into somebody else`s idea of what you should be.
BEHAR: Yes.
HANDLER: And so it`s nice to kind of create your own opportunities especially as a woman. And I hate to ride that horse because I hate when people are like, is it hard being a woman --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: They`ll ride it.
HANDLER: -- in comedy because I actually think it`s easier being a woman in comedy.
BEHAR: You do?
HANDLER: Yes, I mean you get noticed more quickly, you know, if you`re -- if you`re funny.
BEHAR: It`s hard to make them laugh, though. It`s a little harder when you have a lot of drunken guys in the audience.
HANDLER: Well, yes, that`s hard, but I mean I`m usually drunk anyway.
BEHAR: One time I opened for Buddy Rich, the drummer --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: You know the famous drummer?
HANDLER: Yes, Buddy Rich from --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Now. He`s like old, old school.
HANDLER: Then I don`t know him. Never mind.
BEHAR: He had a whole audience of drummers from Queens who were just using their sticks drumming while I was on stage. And I said, "Listen, Buddy will be out, he`s doing a little cocaine." Get off, they`re yelling. Get off. That was hard for $50 bucks.
We`ll be back with more.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back with Chelsea Handler. So you`re doing stand-up again?
HANDLER: Well, I`m doing this tour for the book, the "Lies that Chelsea Handler Told Me"; it`s the "Lies Tour", so we`re going to have three of the authors from the "Cleaning the Road" (ph) chapters in the book that are on the show, they`re going to open for me and I`m going to go, and then we`re going to do a big Q&A. So we`re doing, you know, every city, Denver, Phoenix, whatever -- blah, blah, blah -- Chicago.
BEHAR: Do you like to do that? Do you like to travel and do stand- up?
HANDLER: I do. I like, I like -- even though it`s hard -- it`s a hard kind of -- it`s hard to spend all that time traveling, you know.
BEHAR: But you have your friends with you.
HANDLER: Yes, well, I work with these people, too. I don`t need to be spending extra time on planes with them. But yes, I do, it`s good for the fans. I think it`s really -- I`m really grateful that I have a career, so I like to be able to show up for them. And I think it`s important for the book, and you know, they like it. If people want to spend money to see you perform then you should perform.
BEHAR: Right. That`s true.
HANDLER: I think so.
BEHAR: Not everybody can get them into those seats.
HANDLER: No, no, no. Right. Exactly.
BEHAR: Ok. Here`s a couple of Facebook questions. You were offered "Dancing with the Stars" but you turned it down. Why?
HANDLER: Because I have a job.
BEHAR: You don`t have time. Ok. It is a full time job.
HANDLER: That is a ridiculous program. You will never see me dancing.
BEHAR: Me either. I hate it. I mean, I watch it sometimes because it`s like --
HANDLER: I can`t even watch it. I can`t even watch it. Obviously I had to watch when Kirstie Alley was on. I wanted to see what was going to happen to the floor, but I just didn`t -- I can`t watch that show.
BEHAR: She`ll get you for that.
HANDLER: She -- no, she hates me already, it`s ok.
BEHAR: Well, she hates me too. What is that?
HANDLER: She`s mad because we make fun of her. I`m sure.
BEHAR: I never made a fat joke about her.
HANDLER: Oh, well, she hates me because -- I know why she hates me. And I sleep well at night, so I`m ok with that.
BEHAR: Is it true Chelsea broke up with 50 Cent. Did you go out with him?
HANDLER: Not seriously. I just fooled around a little bit, you know. I was just landscaping the atmosphere, trying to see what`s out there, if I still like chocolate.
BEHAR: Do you still like chocolate?
HANDLER: I liked it for a little bit but not long-term.
BEHAR: I see. What`s your color?
HANDLER: I don`t really have a color. I`m kind of like open to anything. But, you know.
BEHAR: Are you dating anyone now?
HANDLER: I am.
BEHAR: Tell me.
HANDLER: Tell you what?
BEHAR: Tell me about him?
HANDLER: He doesn`t want me to talk about him publicly.
BEHAR: You don`t have to tell me his name.
HANDLER: I didn`t say it was a man. Let`s be friends -- no, he doesn`t want to -- I have to try to -- this is the new part of my life where I`m trying to respect other people in my life instead of exploiting and humiliating them. How am I doing?
BEHAR: You`re doing great.
One more question, how did you meet your assistant sidekick Chewy? Is Chewy the little person?
HANDLER: I met -- yes, he`s the little person. Thanks for watching, Joy. He`s what I call little nugget. He`s like 4`3 and he weighs about 150 pounds, which is kind of like my favorite measurement.
BEHAR: Oh, I like that.
HANDLER: Yes, he`s cute.
BEHAR: So where`d you find him?
HANDLER: He was -- I saw him on the road, I think, probably selling fruit in L.A. or something. He`s a little Mexican is what he is. And he`s fat and he looks like something out of Super Mario Brothers. And I had to have him. So I got him.
BEHAR: I love that you put somebody like that on your show. As you said before, don`t let them tell you what to do.
HANDLER: No. No. Don`t let them tell you what to do.
BEHAR: I know.
Ok, darling, thanks very much for stopping by. Her new book is "Lies that Chelsea Handler Told Me". And be sure to go to ChelseaHandler.com for more information on the live comedy tour.
Stay right there.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: The great actor Malcolm McDowell`s career spans six decades and includes over 130 films. But it was his turn as a show-tune-whistling psychopath in "A Clockwork Orange," one of the most controversial movies of all time, that people still talk about. Watch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MALCOLM MCDOWELL, ACTOR: Stop it! Stop, it please, I beg you!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: That`s how I feel watching Fox News.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: The 40th anniversary Blu-ray of "A Clockwork Orange" is out May 31st. There it is. And Malcolm McDowell is here with me now. Welcome to the show, Malcolm.
MCDOWELL: Thanks, Joy. Thank you.
BEHAR: It was banned in Britain for years, that movie. It`s such a feel-good movie. Why would they ban?
(LAUGHTER)
MCDOWELL: It wasn`t banned. It was withdrawn by Kubrick because --
BEHAR: The director.
MCDOWELL: Yes. There were death threats toward him and his family. And he talked to Scotland Yard. His wife told me this, actually. And they advised him to withdraw the film while this was, you know, current.
BEHAR: Really?
MCDOWELL: But Stanley just withdrew it for all time. And they only released it again when he passed on.
BEHAR: Ooh, wow.
MCDOWELL: Yes. But it was nothing to do with, you know -- I mean, the thing was that it had played for a year in the West End. It wasn`t like it was an economic hardship. You know, I mean, it had played its -- it had done its time, as it were.
BEHAR: Yes, yes. But didn`t you get death threats for something on "Star Trek" because you killed off Captain Kirk?
MCDOWELL: Yes.
BEHAR: What is this with the death threats? People, get a life.
MCDOWELL: Hey, listen. It`s the Internet. You know, anybody can make any threat, you know, you get on the Internet. But you know, I would have thought they should have been thrilled that I got rid of him. You know.
(LAUGHTER)
MCDOWELL: I thought they were going to give me a medal or something.
BEHAR: Yes, because he can then do those Priceline commercials.
MCDOWELL: Well, no, he went on to do "Boston Legal" and he was wonderful in that.
BEHAR: He`s very funny.
MCDOWELL: Oh, he`s very funny, yes, he is.
BEHAR: Now, you have said that "A Clockwork Orange" predicted a lot of today`s society. From -- unless I`m misquoting you. From violence to drugs to "American Idol." "American Idol" I can see.
MCDOWELL: "American Idol?"
BEHAR: How do you mean that? What do you mean?
MCDOWELL: I don`t think I said that, but I`ll answer it anyway.
BEHAR: OK, answer it.
MCDOWELL: I`ll take it. Well, you know, look, there have been gangs for what, since the Greeks. I mean, what`s "West Side Story?" It`s about gangs in New York.
BEHAR: Really? I don`t picture Plato and Aristotle in a gang.
MCDOWELL: You don`t? Hey. There was a lot of gay gangs in that day. Yes, exactly. There was a lot of gay gangs. Anyway, but you know, the Romans had gangs. You know, this -- and of course, you know, "A Clockwork Orange" said it with drugs that would put -- spiking milk in the old Korova milk bar and stuff. Of course when it first came out, there was this hoopla about the violence. But it really isn`t that violent.
BEHAR: No. It`s kind of a satire, isn`t it?
MCDOWELL: Exactly. It`s a satire. You know, it`s like can you not take a joke? I mean, all right. He rapes a woman, you know, to "Singin` in the Rain." But come on. Isn`t that funny?
BEHAR: Well, because you have to -- you have to take the satirical leap for that.
MCDOWELL: Thank you. Yes.
BEHAR: And a lot of people are too concrete-minded and they can`t do that.
MCDOWELL: No. But the thing is that`s -- you know, that was sort of an improv that just came out and bang, I went straight into "Singin` in the Rain." And a year later when I went to Hollywood, and one of the minders said, would you like to go to a party that -- there`s a lot of Hollywood stars. I said oh, yes, please, I`d love to meet some of these stars. And I go and they go, hey, Malcolm, Gene Kelly`s here. I went, oh, I`d love to meet him. I would be thrilled. And he had his back to me. The guy tapped him on the back. He goes, "Gene, I`d like you to meet Malcolm McDowell." He looks around, he looked at me, and he just turned and --
BEHAR: Whoa.
MCDOWELL: And the guy said, look, I started to apologize. I said, please, don`t apologize. I took his moment and completely wrecked it for him.
BEHAR: Oh, boy. No sense of humor.
MCDOWELL: Well, no.
BEHAR: I mean --
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: I mean, I have to say, if it`s just a plain rape, it`s a horror. But when you put the "Singin` in the Rain" to it, you know that it`s a send-up of something.
MCDOWELL: Of course. And the actress, you know, she was so great. You know, Adrian Corre (ph), she was--
BEHAR: A lot of nudity.
MCDOWELL: Well, yes. You have a rape, you`ve got to have a bit of nudity. I mean, she said to me when she came on, I hadn`t met her before, and she just looked at me, and she was a real game actress. She just said, you`re going to find out in a minute that I`m a real redhead.
BEHAR: Oh. Hello. Whoa.
MCDOWELL: And she was. She was as good as her word.
BEHAR: It`s good when the collar and the cuffs match, isn`t it?
MCDOWELL: Oh, thank God. Because we had another problem with another one where they didn`t. And Kubrick goes, could you -- so she just -- and he goes, I thought you were a blond. So they got this cockney hairdresser. It`s all right, Stanley, I can fix that. And she`s got one of these -- it`s aerosol. I can fix it. So here, it comes out green. Green. Here`s another one. Oh, my God, now it`s pink. We had certain color problems on that film.
BEHAR: Yes. Now --
MCDOWELL: What are we talking about?
BEHAR: I don`t know.
(LAUGHTER)
MCDOWELL: Pubic hair?
BEHAR: This show, you just talk about whatever you want. Now, another thing that was interesting, you worked with so many great British actors. I`m a very big Anglophile, and I love Masterpiece Theater. I love British mysteries. I am on your list of fans because -- and I also love Helen Mirren, who you did "Caligula" with. And Peter O`Toole. And you played Laurence Olivier`s lover in movie "The Collection."
MCDOWELL: Yes. Well, when you say lover, it sounds like it`s some sort of sex piece. It wasn`t that at all. It`s very in the closet.
BEHAR: Oh, it`s about two guys in the closet.
MCDOWELL: No. No. He was in the closet.
BEHAR: Oh.
MCDOWELL: And I was just really -- I would sleep with anything that moved, basically. He was an opportunist. But when we first -- the whole point is you don`t know that he`s gay. And Olivier at the read-through literally came swinging a handbag in high heels. And Alan Bates, who was the other great actor, and I were sort of -- you know. And he went on like this for a week. We kept saying to the director, Michael Apted, are you going to tell Sir? And eventually --
BEHAR: Sir Olivier, you mean?
MCDOWELL: Yes, sir, of course. There`s only one sir. You know. And we were looking through -- it had like restaurant doors in this rehearsal room. And we just saw the back of Olivier`s ears sticking out. And the director whispering in his ear. And suddenly he said, "of course, dear boy. I start big and bring it in!" So, thank God.
BEHAR: I love that. But there were rumors that--
MCDOWELL: He was great, though.
BEHAR: There were rumors that Olivier was playing for the other team.
MCDOWELL: Joy, I`m not going there.
BEHAR: OK, because he--
MCDOWELL: Of course there were rumors.
BEHAR: More than rumors. Because -- listen to the dish that I have on that.
MCDOWELL: Give it to me, baby.
BEHAR: The dish that I heard was that he would meet with Danny Kaye - -
MCDOWELL: Oh, you`ve heard that one.
BEHAR: Is it true?
MCDOWELL: Of course. Rubber gloves, baby. Straight in. Yeah. Whoo. Hey. Is this where the crown jewels are kept? Whoa.
BEHAR: But is it true, Malcolm?
MCDOWELL: Yes, it is true.
BEHAR: It is true?
MCDOWELL: I believe it`s true.
BEHAR: Oh, boy.
MCDOWELL: Yes. And let`s -- we`ll have to fill that out for the viewers, because Danny Kaye was -- they were best of friends. Very, very - -
BEHAR: I have to take a break.
MCDOWELL: Oh, do it.
BEHAR: I want you to finish the story when we come back.
MCDOWELL: We`ll have some --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: I wouldn`t want to miss any more of this. OK.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back with the very entertaining Malcolm McDowell. OK, so Danny Kaye and Laurence Oliver were having an affair.
MCDOWELL: Whoa, whoa, whoa--
BEHAR: Allegedly.
MCDOWELL: Let`s just not go there quite so fast.
BEHAR: I jumped the gun, I got excited.
MCDOWELL: No, I mean, listen, the thing was that Danny Kaye was coming to London to work with Olivier, who is directing this movie. And so Olivier, who had a real love of putting on putty noses and characters, you know, everything was sort of externalized with him in his characters.
BEHAR: Yes.
MCDOWELL: So he goes to the airport. This is before any security stuff and all that. And he borrows a customs uniform. They had uniforms in those days. And when Danny Kaye comes in, he says, excuse me, sir. Sir? Sir? Please? And Danny Kaye, goes, what? Me? Are you sure, me? He goes, yes, if you wouldn`t mind, sir, please come to the back room. I`d like to -- sorry, sir, but we`ve got to do a body search. And I`m very sorry to say this, sir, but that would include a cavity search. He goes, how dare you? I want to see the American ambassador. I want to make a phone call. No, sorry, sir, you`ll be in the clink if you start all that.
He bends him over, right? He gets the glove. Got the glove on. He`s about to penetrate him with a cavity search. And he whispered in his ear, and he goes, "Danny, welcome to London."
He goes, oh, you son of a --
(LAUGHTER)
MCDOWELL: Isn`t that great?
BEHAR: Wow. He was a practical joker, Sir Olivier.
MCDOWELL: Oh, yes. But listen, after we were doing this, we were rehearsing this play. So Alan Bates, myself, and Olivier, we go into the pub for lunch, just a quick lunch. We`re sitting in the little snug and a cockney guy comes in, and he goes, oh -- what? Hey, go on. This is the old clockwork banana, isn`t it? Oh, come on, here, here, sign, this, come on.
Oh, wait a minute. Tom Jones, isn`t it? Alan Bates. Of course it was Albert Finney. Oh come on, you`re joking. One of my favorites! So there`s this sort of impasse. And I said, well, surely you want the autograph of the greatest living actor. And he goes, oh, yes, who`s that? And I say, well, this is Sir Laurence Olivier. He goes, what, him? This old geezer? Get out of here! Nah. And he`s off. And Olivier was like seething. Alan Bates grabbed a hold of me and said, oh, my God, we`re going to pay for this this afternoon. I said, I`m not, I don`t have a scene with him, you do.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: That`s funny. Oh, my God. OK. Now, you also were in the infamous and semi-pornographic "Caligula."
MCDOWELL: What do you mean semi?
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: OK. Let`s go for it.
MCDOWELL: Darling, it was right there.
BEHAR: With Ms. Helen -- Dame Helen Mirren.
MCDOWELL: Yes. Dame Helen, showing her all.
BEHAR: Yes. And Caligula slept with his sister, right?
MCDOWELL: Oh, yes. Amongst the horses and all the rest of it.
BEHAR: Yes, he was really--
MCDOWELL: I mean, he put it to everybody. He was quite a democrat in that way.
(LAUGHTER)
MCDOWELL: OK. Let`s not get there. This is CNN that`s wafting through me.
BEHAR: But you had a couple of naked scenes with Helen. And she was quite a hot ticket in those days.
MCDOWELL: Helen was -- and still is. Gorgeous. Gorgeous.
BEHAR: She still is. Did you have fun with her? Did you have an affair with her or anything?
MCDOWELL: Joy, I`m here to tell you that of course not.
BEHAR: Oh, you did not?
MCDOWELL: No. No, I`d like to have said, oh, yes, we had a great time. Actually, she was a mate, and I loved her. We did three things. "Oh Lucky Man," the collection with Olivier. And "Caligula." And it`s amazing that she`s had such a sparkling sort of mid-career on, which is so unusual for a woman and so inspiring to other actresses, because here she`s always been a great actress, but you know, to suddenly, you know, get this great part --
BEHAR: But I think the British -- the Brits have a lot of older actresses who are still working. Maggie Smith, for one. Eileen Atkins.
MCDOWELL: Oh, yes. Yes, great, great actresses.
BEHAR: A lot of them work on Masterpiece Theater and the mystery series and all that.
MCDOWELL: Well, they`ve got such a good theater, you know, the West End and the National and the Royal Shakespeare Company, that can keep them employed, thank goodness.
BEHAR: You weren`t invited to the royal wedding, I take it.
MCDOWELL: Oh, yes.
BEHAR: You were?
MCDOWELL: It was fabulous.
BEHAR: You went?
MCDOWELL: I was right behind David Beckham and next to the woman with the funny hat that got all the signals --
BEHAR: You mean the queen?
MCDOWELL: Oh, yes, that`s who it was. Which queen are we talking about?
BEHAR: I don`t know. There are so many in Britain.
MCDOWELL: No, no. As if I`d be invited to the wedding.
BEHAR: You weren`t invited.
MCDOWELL: Of course not.
BEHAR: You`re pulling my leg.
MCDOWELL: Yes.
BEHAR: Why wouldn`t you be invited? You`re a big star. A big actor, British actor.
MCDOWELL: I think I`m a little bit too on the edge for the royals.
BEHAR: Too much porn.
MCDOWELL: No, not too much porn. In fact, they probably -- that would be a reason to invite.
(LAUGHTER)
MCDOWELL: Actually, that`s a funny story. That I had dinner with Princess Margaret, who is the -- of course was the sister of the queen.
BEHAR: Yes.
MCDOWELL: She was sitting next to me, and she was smoking in between, I mean, courses. And then she turned to me and went, my husband tells me you did a film about rape. What`s the matter, Joy? Are you all right?
BEHAR: I`m laughing at you. You`re just hilarious.
MCDOWELL: And I was like -- so uncomfortable because I had to call her, you know, your royal highness. I mean, you know, and I`m really rather Republican for all that. So I said, yes, ma`am, I did a film about rape and other things. And at that moment Gore Vidal, who`d brought me along and who was a friend of hers, leaned in and said, "she wants you to go home with her." And I said, Gore, not even for England.
(LAUGHTER)
MCDOWELL: You can`t get past those thighs, darling. You can`t. You can`t.
BEHAR: Margaret. She was a hefty girl. Oh, yes, really? I heard she was quite the beotch. You know what I`m saying?
MCDOWELL: Oh, yes.
BEHAR: Yes. That she was not a nice girl. Maybe she was bitter because they didn`t allow her to marry the guy she was in love with. Remember?
MCDOWELL: That`s probably true. And it`s ridiculous, actually. I just hope that these kids make it. You know, I hope they don`t treat Kate like they treated Diana. You know, which was just pathetic.
BEHAR: Yes. That was sad. We had a show about the royal wedding here. And I do jokes about the royal family because --
MCDOWELL: Good.
BEHAR: -- I have no respect for them. I don`t care. I`m American.
MCDOWELL: They`re not going to make you a dame, are they?
BEHAR: No. Exactly.
MCDOWELL: You are a dame.
BEHAR: I`m a dame, but not a dame.
MCDOWELL: In New York -- no, you`re a dame.
BEHAR: And so I got all this criticism from "The Telegraph", the newspaper there, that how dare I call the queen looking like a bumblebee on alcohol, or whatever I said about her.
(LAUGHTER)
MCDOWELL: Well, actually --
BEHAR: An alcoholic bumblebee.
MCDOWELL: You said that?
BEHAR: Yes, I did. And they were mad at me for that.
MCDOWELL: Well, hey. You should just say get yourself a life and a sense of humor.
BEHAR: Exactly.
MCDOWELL: I mean, look, she`s up there. You know, she`s worth gazillions of dollars. It must be a very pleasant life. On one side. And of course the other side is it`s a goldfish bowl and it`s horrible. Who`d want that?
BEHAR: Well, Kate Middleton wanted it. She walked right in --
MCDOWELL: She wants it, apparently. She wants it. But she loves -- she loves Andrew -- I mean William.
BEHAR: How can you tell?
MCDOWELL: Well, because you can tell.
BEHAR: What`s his name? William.
MCDOWELL: I don`t know. William. Whatever. They`re all the same to me. Charles.
BEHAR: You`re such a devoted British subject.
MCDOWELL: Henry, whatever -- yes.
BEHAR: And now I find out that you are a new father. I think that`s so interesting.
MCDOWELL: Yes.
BEHAR: This is your first family?
MCDOWELL: No. No. I`ve got several families, Joy.
BEHAR: Tell me.
MCDOWELL: Why do you think I`m working? You know, I`m just out there, keeping the balls in the air.
BEHAR: You have three young ones now, right?
MCDOWELL: I have three young boys, yes. Two, Seamus, Finn 4, Beckett 7. And my older kids Lily and Charlie. So I`ve got five kids. That`s it. That`s it.
BEHAR: Five kids. How many wives have you had?
MCDOWELL: Just three.
BEHAR: Just three. Oh. All right. You enjoy the new family and the whole thing? It`s wonderful.
MCDOWELL: Yes. It`s an interesting household at the moment. Very quite noisy.
BEHAR: OK. You know what? We have one more segment with you.
MCDOWELL: You do? OK. Great.
BEHAR: Yes.
MCDOWELL: We`ll burn it up.
BEHAR: We`ll burn it up. OK. We`ll be back with a little more from Malcolm McDowell.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I am back with actor Malcolm McDowell. OK, now, let`s talk a little bit -- your father they say was an alcoholic who owned a pub. That seems to be --
MCDOWELL: It`s dangerous.
BEHAR: It`s very dangerous.
MCDOWELL: An oxymoron. What were you going to say? No, it`s not. It goes hand in hand with the territory. You know, it`s good night, everyone.
BEHAR: And then you started to indulge a bit.
MCDOWELL: Yes, I did.
BEHAR: Had a bad spell there.
MCDOWELL: Yes, I had a few cocaine years. But that was quite a while ago, and touch wood, 28 years.
BEHAR: You`re out of that now.
MCDOWELL: Out of that now.
BEHAR: A lot of people come on this show and say they`ve been there and they`ve stopped it.
MCDOWELL: I think in the `80s, it was hard not to --
BEHAR: And the `70s.
MCDOWELL: Well, and the `60 and the `50s.
BEHAR: The `50s was martinis.
MCDOWELL: Yes, but still, I think cocaine was around in the `20s, wasn`t it?
BEHAR: Oh, yes.
MCDOWELL: Big time.
BEHAR: OK. We have a Facebook question.
MCDOWELL: Yes, OK, what`s that?
BEHAR: Someone wrote in and said, if you could be a woman for a day who would you be and what would you do?
MCDOWELL: Margaret Thatcher without a shadow of a doubt.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: And why is that?
MCDOWELL: Because she had more balls than any politician I`d ever seen. I mean, I didn`t agree with what she was doing, but I saw her and it made me roll with laughter, on a live political broadcast show in England on Sunday morning. And this questioner was trying to get her to answer this question, and he asked her five times, she said "I`ve told you the answer." And he kept -- so he tried coming around this way, around this way. In the end, she just got her handbag and went whack, hit him like this and said, "I`ve answered the question, move on!" I mean, it`s priceless.
BEHAR: I love that.
MCDOWELL: I do too.
BEHAR: She`s ill now. Doesn`t she have Alzheimer`s or something?
MCDOWELL: Yes, I think so. But you know, she was -- there was a lot of -- I think she was magnificent in many ways.
BEHAR: Was she in love with Ronald Reagan? I always felt like she had a crush on Ronald Reagan.
MCDOWELL: She may well have done, but Ronnie was --
BEHAR: He was quite fabulous.
MCDOWELL: He was a movie star. Come on, who wouldn`t have a crush on him.
BEHAR: That`s true.
MCDOWELL: And he was funny. He had a great sense of humor.
BEHAR: OK, one more question. What is why are favorite movie and favorite actor of all time?
MCDOWELL: James Cagney, hands down. Great. The greatest.
BEHAR: Really? What did you like about him?
MCDOWELL: His energy. Just a force -- he was like a force of energy. When he came on the screen, whoever he was with, you never took your eyes off him.
BEHAR: And your favorite British actor?
MCDOWELL: Albert Finney.
BEHAR: Albert Finney is mine, too, besides you. Of course.
MCDOWELL: No, that`s all right, you can --
BEHAR: I love Albert Finney.
MCDOWELL: I love him too.
(CROSSTALK)
MCDOWELL: He made it possible for the likes of me, my generation, which is one under him, to actually leave the provinces and go to London and make it. He made it, he was one of the first to do that.
BEHAR: Oh, he is so hot. He used to be. Like you. In "Clockwork Orange," which is celebrating its 40th anniversary. This edition is out right now. Well, not right now. May 31st. So--
MCDOWELL: That`s right now.
BEHAR: On Blu-ray. And go get it, it`s wonderful.
And we love you so much for doing it.
MCDOWELL: Thanks, Joy.
BEHAR: You`re just adorable. Isn`t he the best?
(APPLAUSE)
Thank you all for watching. Good night, everybody.
END
