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Joy Behar Page
Interview With Ann Coulter; Bertinelli`s Back; Interview With Lewis Black
Aired November 29, 2011 - 22:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
ANNOUNCER: Coming up on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW, right-wing firebrand Ann Coulter is here to talk to Joy about the latest round of accuse-and-deny with Herman Cain as well as Barney Frank`s decision to call it quits.
Then Joy`s pal Val is here. Valerie Bertinelli dishes on some hot topics and her hit show.
Plus Chelsea Clinton joins fellow political offspring Jenna Bush and Meghan McCain at NBC News. So what`s with the political nepotism at NBC?
That and more starting now.
JOY BEHAR, HOST: The lovely Ann Coulter is a woman who holds some opinions I truly love to hate. It`s been like that since the beginning of this show. Here`s a clip from 2009. Watch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: The last time you were here, Ann, you said that most people do not like the public option but now it`s up to 52 percent.
ANN COULTER, TALK SHOW HOST: No. That is a totally phony poll.
BEHAR: Your polls are not phony and my polls are?
COULTER: No. You`re calling it a lie.
BEHAR: No, that`s a separate thing. I`m talking about -- that was separate.
COULTER: Ok. So on Fox News --
BEHAR: Try to keep up with me.
COULTER: Fox can just --
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Trying to keep up with me here is Ann Coulter. Welcome back to the show.
COULTER: Thank you. I`m just so happy I wasn`t wearing the same shirt.
BEHAR: I look like a biker. Horrible, horrible. Before we get into anything. I saw you on "Morning Joe" this morning and you were bleeped.
COULTER: Yes.
BEHAR: What did you say?
COULTER: I don`t want to be bleeped again, I said "duckweed". I thought you could say that.
BEHAR: Who would you call a duckweed?
COULTER: I was making a very important point, I might add. They were talking about the lack of consistency, people complain about it with Romney and they were saying that Gingrich is just as -- has had as many flip- flops, and I was just making the point, I don`t think consistency is the most important value.
And you know, look at John McCain, he was consistently a dickweed.
BEHAR: Oh, I see and so -- Halperin called the President a (EXPLETIVE DELETED) and (EXPLETIVE DELETED). What the (EXPLETIVE DELETED) is the matter with those people over there?
COULTER: Ok. At least you`re going to be bleeped more than I am. If they have to bleep that, they are not going to be able to use Republican 2012 slogan, which is going to be, "Obama: he`s kind of a (EXPLETIVE DELETED). We`re getting it from Halperin. I love that.
BEHAR: Well, Halperin is not exactly a liberal.
COULTER: Well, he`s not a conservative. That was a fine little turn of --
BEHAR: He`s not liberal. Ok. You know, let me ask you something. You are on the show today because you were supporting Mitt Romney, correct?
COULTER: Well, I was on the show because I was taunting Joe to have me on. So he had me on and that was our topic.
BEHAR: You do seem to be supporting Mitt Romney.
COULTER: Yes, I am.
BEHAR: Ok. Why him?
COULTER: Well, I like all our candidates this year compared to three years ago, as what I got bleeped for might indicate.
BEHAR: You really do like this group?
COULTER: They are all a million times better than John McCain. And within that group --
BEHAR: We`re talking about Rick Perry now who can`t remember his own name.
COULTER: But he`s so handsome.
BEHAR: He is very cute. So is Huntsman adorable. Mitt Romney if you like that used car look, is very nice. I don`t happen to go for that type but I do think Huntsman is handsome.
COULTER: He looks like a multimillionaire man to me.
BEHAR: Why do you think they`re any better than John McCain, this crowd.
COULTER: I don`t want to go back to McCain. I`m just happy the Republicans have gotten over through that horrible phase.
BEHAR: The flip-flopping of Mitt Romney doesn`t bother you?
COULTER: As long as they flop in my direction.
BEHAR: Yes, but that means he can flop back.
COULTER: In theory he could but I mean the two -- the two possibilities are he`s a Manchurian candidate. He`s total liberal and he`s just scamming Republicans to get it. Why not just run as a Democrat. Or he was taking liberal positions when he was trying to take out the human pestilence, Teddy Kennedy, in Massachusetts, one of the most liberal states in the union.
(CROSSTALK)
That theory makes more sense.
BEHAR: Let me show you a DNC ad that`s been running. Look at this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: From the creator of "I`m running for Office for Pete`s Sake" comes the story of two men trapped in one body, Mitt versus Mitt.
MITT ROMNEY (R), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: I will preserve and protect a woman`s right to choose.
The right next step is to see Roe v Wade overturned.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Is Mitt willing to say anything.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: I mean they`re going to run that constantly.
COULTER: Yes, but he keeps flipping in my direction. I love that.
BEHAR: But again, why would you like somebody who flips -- the Republicans did this to Kerry back in the day. Now the Democrats are kerryizing Romney. That`s the way it`s going to go.
COULTER: I hate to give Democrats advice. But I think that is not -- I didn`t think the flip-flopping thing was really such a big thing with Kerry.
BEHAR: Why? Yes, it was.
COULTER: It was more that he was, you know, Hollywood -- I know Republicans used it. But it was more the impression, it fit the impression of Kerry being this like Hollywood-loving dilettante opposed to Mitt Romney -- he came within five points of beating Teddy Kennedy. If he had done that, I would have demanded we put him on Mt. Rushmore. I don`t care what he says when he`s running against Teddy Kennedy.
BEHAR: So you have no trouble with the guy that he just changes his position, it`s like he`s soulless.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Hello.
COULTER: I mean the biggest position change was abortion. There have been a fair number of people, by the way, who have switched both ways. It makes sense to me that you could be pro-choice, haven`t really thought about it, you haven`t seen a fetus, you don`t know about viability. And then -- I mean I know people that are not in politics that that has happened to. And then they find out. They see the baby fetus smiling in its mother`s womb. Or they see (INAUDIBLE) when they`re saving viable babies and they switch to pro-life.
BEHAR: You can go from pro-life to pro-choice if you realize that a woman is going to get a back alley abortion and die. So that`s how you go from pro life to pro choice.
COULTER: Yes. But you always know there`s an operation involved. It`s inconvenient for the woman. You always know that. It`s when you see --
BEHAR: It`s not inconvenient. It`s not inconvenient; it`s life- threatening.
COULTER: It`s when you see what is in the womb and you see the little baby smiling and sleeping peacefully.
BEHAR: I think that`s after many, many months, you see a smile. You can barely see the penis if it`s a boy in the sonogram. You can`t even see it. I don`t know what you`re talking about.
My daughter just had a grandchild. I have seen a sonogram. It doesn`t look like a person for quite a while.
COULTER: I`m just saying, I can see moving in that direction when you start to care about what is growing in the womb.
BEHAR: Ok. I got you.
What about his position on global warming? I think it`s so irresponsible for people to say that there is no issue with global warming. He was for the idea that there was global warming, this is Mitt and now he`s saying it`s not true. Is he scientific or isn`t he scientific?
COULTER: Well, there has been a lot more that`s come out about global warming like those fake e-mails and the scientist hiding the decline and we have to fiddle with the numbers. When you have 50 percent of Americans not believing in global warming, you can`t say that`s a crazy position.
BEHAR: 50 percent of Americans don`t know what they`re talking about.
COULTER: They`re Democrats.
BEHAR: Every intelligent brilliant scientist said there`s an issue with global warming. But Rush Limbaugh and 50 percent of his ditto heads say it`s not true. We`re supposed go along with that.
COULTER: You know, after writing my book "Demonic" about group think, I do not buy the argument of this person believes x so you have to believe x. Let`s look at what the facts. Mars has gotten warm at the exact same time.
BEHAR: Oh, let`s not go into this.
COULTER: Oh, we won`t go into the actual scientific facts. You`re just going to say all these scientists agree.
BEHAR: I`m not talking about the scientific facts. I`m talking about scientists say this and the right wing people say no.
COULTER: There are plenty of scientists on the other side. And by the way --
BEHAR: No, there are not.
COULTER: When you set things --
BEHAR: No, there are not.
COULTER: Yes, there are.
BEHAR: That`s not true.
COULTER: And when you set things up where any scientist who disagrees with global warning gets hounded and get any government grants it does discourage people from coming out and seeking the truth.
BEHAR: Shouldn`t we air on the side of possibly that the climate is changing and that we`re all going to die at some point of global warming? Let`s not even go there anymore. Let`s talk about --
COULTER: I want global warming. It`s too cold for me and a little more global warming and I`ll have beachfront property.
BEHAR: Fine. Ok. And you`ll die of skin cancer. Good.
Let`s talk about something really hot. Herman Cain`s sex life. Here`s a guy. Now, this woman says that for 13 years she had an affair with him. Shall we put a fork in it? He`s done.
COULTER: Well, having nothing to do with this, now, he has to continue only because of this crazy allegation. The reason I say it`s crazy is this woman is like the combo platter of everything that is unbelievable in an accuser all the other ones.
COULTER: Really?
Bankruptcy filings. She was sued for stalking this year. She was convicted of libel this year. She has had 11 liens filed against her this year.
BEHAR: You don`t believe her?
COULTER: She has sued for sexual harassment before and her only proof is a signed book from Herman Cain saying "Friendship is the most important thing in life. Everything else is a bonus." If that is proof of an affair, I have had affairs with like a million Americans out there.
BEHAR: Well, I mean 13 years is not exactly a short time.
COULTER: 13 years, you better have some evidence.
BEHAR: Don`t you think that there were people along the way. Why is he saying --
COULTER: Why does she have no evidence?
BEHAR: Why is he saying he`s reassessing his campaign. Your friend, Sean Hannity is turning on him at the moment. And so did Mike Huckabee.
COULTER: If they are -- I didn`t know what happened. When the story first broke there was a lot of false information coming out including that lawyer of his. And by the way, lawyers are total killjoys. Every time I`ve been accused of something --
BEHAR: Why aren`t they dickweeds?
COULTER: No, they`re killjoy, not dickweeds. I`m very precise about which one I`m using.
This lawyer looked at it, he`s only looking for, is there any legal culpability, and comes out with a horrible statement that sounded like he was admitting to an affair but then you flash to the simultaneous interview with Herman Cain and he`s saying this is absolutely untrue, she was my friend. There was no sex, I never had sex with her.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Where there`s smoke there`s fire, Ann, come on. How many women coming out --
COULTER: There are a couple of journalists rubbing sticks together.
BEHAR: They`re not coming out against Mitt Romney. You don`t hear any woman saying he`d harassed them --
COULTER: No, but a conservative black man is very threatening to the (INAUDIBLE)
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: The last time you were here, you were saying your blacks are better than my black.
COULTER: Yes.
BEHAR: So come on Herman Cain --
COULTER: Yes.
BEHAR: Even the African-American community doesn`t think so.
COULTER: Well, they`re Democrats. We`re not going to get any blacks to vote for Herman Cain.
BEHAR: All right, I have one more thing to say. Now you were one off my first guests here.
COULTER: Thank you. I love this show.
BEHAR: And I cherish, I cherish those moments that we spent.
COULTER: Me too.
BEHAR: Now -- but I want to know my show is going off the air.
COULTER: I`m so depressed.
BEHAR: Do you think it`s the best right-wing conspiracy?
COULTER: No, I think it is -- it is a vast Casey Anthony conspiracy. For how long was that? Eight months your show was the only one I could watch and avoid hearing anything about that white trash bimbo who apparently -- well, I guess I can`t say what we all think --
BEHAR: You said it already.
COULTER: Who was acquitted of killing her child, wasting all these police resources when she knew where the kid was.
BEHAR: And you know what?
COULTER: I mean, I do think we ought to have a white trash fee. Because it`s always white trash causing all these troubles, cops are all over Florida looking for the kid. And the one thing we do know, is she knew where the kid was. Other than that I know nothing about what happened because I change the channel every time I heard her name.
BEHAR: You know what, why do you incite the entire white community that happens to be poor by calling them all trash?
COULTER: Oh no, no, no. There are many --
BEHAR: That is not -- that`s not very nice.
COULTER: -- white, black and Latino people are poor. White trash means something different.
BEHAR: What does it mean white trash? Because I`m Italian, I don`t know from this. What does it mean to you?
COULTER: In fact, I can name some beautiful wealthy white people I think most people would categorize as white trash.
BEHAR: Are they running for office on the Republican ticket --
COULTER: No but you read about them, you read about them on page 6 a lot in "People" magazine.
BEHAR: Well, all I can say is I have enjoyed your company and wherever I land, you will be there.
COULTER: Thank you. And I`m going to miss this show so much. Nice to watch and be a guest.
BEHAR: I know. You`re going to like spend time with Rachel Maddow.
COULTER: No. I don`t think I am allowed on MSNBC unless I can get her involved in a Twitter fight.
BEHAR: Ok by the way Ann`s book, "Demonic" that`s out. We`ll be right back.
COULTER: You`re going to have to have me on "The View."
BEHAR: I don`t book "The View."
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: When we come back, "Hot in Cleveland," star Valerie Bertinelli, along with her husband, Tom.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Over the past two years here there have been a couple of guests who have become like family to me which means I can ignore them, talk behind their backs and not feel one shred of guilt about it.
Valerie Bertinelli is one of those people.
VALERIE BERTINELLI, ACTRESS: I feel so loved.
BEHAR: The new season of her hit comedy "Hot in Cleveland" is on Wednesdays at 10:00 p.m. on TV land. Let`s watch a clip.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BETTY WHITE, ACTRESS: You guys find me.
BERTINELLI: Oh we were searching the guest house for clues when I noticed you had written on a pad next to the phone. So I took a pencil and I started to lightly shade over the impression and that`s when I realized it was a souvenir pencil from the Happy Shopping Grounds.
WHITE: Don`t let him hear you.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Here now with my old pal, Valerie Bertinelli.
BARTINELLI: Thank you.
BEHAR: Valerie was that -- was that Rickles (ph)?
BERTINELLI: Don Rickles (ph) is Betty`s ex-husband or husband because he was supposedly dead but he`s not dead.
BEHAR: He`s not dead.
BERTINELLI: Don Rickles is alive and well.
BEHAR: You are the young chick on that show baby?
BERTINELLI: I`m not. Jane is the young chick on that show.
BEHAR: Oh she is younger than you?
BERTINELLI: Yes younger than me by a year.
BEHAR: Oh well --
BERTINELLI: But still she was in her 40s when we were all the rest of us were in our 50s and 60s and 80s. And so --
BEHAR: But I mean, isn`t it fun to be the younger batch?
BERTINELLI: I was the youngest person for so long, then it`s kind of fun being the old person in the room now.
BEHAR: Yes, yes.
BERTINELLI: Because I feel, you know, more smarter than even though I`m not. But you always tend a feel a little bit, more smart. I can`t even say it correctly.
BEHAR: You look adorable.
BERTINELLI: Thank you.
BEHAR: What have you been doing? Any face lifts or anything?
BERTINELLI: No, like me and Kate Gosselin, right? Yes, no.
BEHAR: Nothing?
BERTINELLI: Nothing yet. Yet, I never say never.
BEHAR: You don`t need it.
BERTINELLI: I never say never but maybe one day but I`m too afraid. I`m too afraid.
BEHAR: You`re afraid?
BERTINELLI: Afraid of the needles. And you know if anything, I might do something here one day.
BEHAR: Well, you don`t need that.
BERTINELLI: Sometimes they get a little --
BEHAR: Well the lids come down a little.
BERTINELLI: The lids come down a little bit.
BEHAR: Yes right. You put a shade you won`t be able to see.
BERTINELLI: Right and if the lids get any further down, I might have them clipped away a little bit but right now no.
BEHAR: No. But you know the needles don`t bother you?
BERTINELLI: I have not tried botox yet.
BEHAR: Yes one day you will.
BERTINELLI: I don`t want to.
BEHAR: All right, whatever.
Tell me about the show, the show --
(CROSSTALK)
BERTINELLI: See I can move my -- I don`t want to. I`m a comedian.
BEHAR: Yes that`s right.
BERTINELLI: I can`t -- I have to be able to move my face to express myself.
BEHAR: Yes it`s true. Tell me about the show.
BERTINELLI: Do you do botox?
BEHAR: Of course.
BERTINELLI: Really, you have bangs. What`s the point?
BEHAR: I don`t do it up here. You do it like, here, here.
BERTINELLI: Why? What does it do it here?
BEHAR: I don`t know whatever. He sticks needles in my face. I don`t know what the hell he`s doing. I don`t do a lot but I don`t need a lot, I have good skin.
BERTINELLI: No you don`t. You really do.
BEHAR: But -- but people do like it a little bit.
BERTINELLI: I just think if you don`t know what you`re doing it for, why are you doing it?
BEHAR: Well, supposedly, I look better.
BERTINELLI: Ok, you always look good to me. But have I only seen you with botox?
BEHAR: Maybe. That could be. But no, no knives.
BERTINELLI: No, no, well I might have to if I do something here.
BEHAR: No forget it.
BERTINELLI: Ok.
BEHAR: You`re not going to have to do that.
BERTINELLI: I`m not going to do any of these.
BEHAR: No, no, if the eyes start to go --
BERTINELLI: See that`s wrong if the eyebrow that`s too much.
BEHAR: So I hear that your marriage is going along nicely.
BERTINELLI: I hear somebody got married.
BEHAR: Yes well somebody.
BERTINELLI: Who somebody -- didn`t you give me hell for getting married when I saw you in January?
BEHAR: What did I say to you?
BERTINELLI: You said, what the hell? Wait a minute. I have something for you. I heard you complaining on your show a couple of weeks ago.
BEHAR: About what?
BERTINELLI: You said, I get married, nobody even gives me a toaster oven. Here`s your toaster oven.
BEHAR: Oh it`s a big heavy thing.
BERTINELLI: It`s a good one, it`s the same toaster oven I have.
BEHAR: Wow. It`s look like a real oven not a toaster oven.
BERTINELLI: I love it. Open it. Open it. Open it.
BEHAR: Oh, my God.
BERTINELLI: It`s upside down.
BEHAR: Oh my fabulous, you know it so happens, I need one of these.
BERTINELLI: Do you really freaking need it? Because I thought you know what, now this is Tom and I in the store today. I`m like, honey let`s get her the cheap one. No, you have to get Joy Behar the good one. I`m like what if she already has one? She`s just going to re-gift it anyway.
BEHAR: No I`m not going to re-gift it because I need that.
BERTINELLI: Ok good. This is your toaster oven.
BEHAR: Aren`t you funny. Who brought me a gift, Kate what`s the name -- Bruce Jenner`s wife, what`s her name --
BERTINELLI: Kris Jenner. She brought me a blender. I love it.
BERTINELLI: You were complaining that you didn`t, so you don`t have a toaster oven.
BEHAR: No, I do not.
BERTINELLI: This is our toaster oven.
BEHAR: Thank you. That`s so nice.
When we come back, we`ll be joined by Valerie`s husband, Tom. So stay right there.
They are a happy, happy couple. Aren`t you funny?
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back with Valerie Bertinelli and joining us is her hubby, Tom Vitale.
BERTINELLI: Can I just say this is really stupid that your show is going off the air. Did I do something wrong when I filled in for you those two days?
BEHAR: No, darling. It has nothing to do with you.
BERTINELLI: Stupid HLN. At least you get to laugh and have fun.
BEHAR: I know. We did have a lot of fun. And it was a great run. And, you know --
BERTINELLI: When is the last show?
BEHAR: The end of the year we`ll be gone.
BERTINELLI: It pisses me off.
BEHAR: All right. Thank you but let`s move on to you guys.
BERTINELLI: Ok.
BEHAR: Tell me, what is this --
BERTINELLI: Now that you`ve just gone off the air.
BEHAR: What is this VEEBOW thing you do?
BERTINELLI: Veebow -- it`s a free app that I`m supporting because it`s -- ok --
BEHAR: Tom, we`ll let you talk in a minute.
BERTINELLI: No. He`s not allowed to talk. I clip coupons. I`ve always loved clipping coupons forever. Online there are all these coupon sites. And I`m like, I always ask him why questions. He hates why questions. Why are coupons on the Internet -- why do you have to pay for them. Coupons are supposed to be free.
BEHAR: Yes.
TOM VITALE, HUSBAND OF VALERIE BERTINELLI: After the hundredth question -- go ahead.
BERTINELLI: After the hundredth question, he said ok, fine. I`ll start a company for you.
BEHAR: Really? What a man.
BERTINELLI: So he and his partner, Ed Low --
VITALE: No, it`s good. It`s good. Ed Low and myself, we`re pretty smart about this, coupons are supposed to be free. Who pays for them?
BEHAR: I guess the seller.
BERTINELLI: All these people -- but all these people that go online, they pay for these coupons.
VITALE: So we decided to make them free.
BEHAR: If you`re paying for the coupon, what`s the point of the coupon?
VITALE: Right.
BERTINELLI: That`s what I was thinking.
VITALE: And what if you don`t use it?
BERTINELLI: Then you`re SOL --
VITALE: Then you`re going to pay for it.
BEHAR: Yes. So why would anybody do that? Why would anybody pay for it?
VITALE: It`s a multi-billion dollar business. A lot of people do it.
BEHAR: I see.
VITALE: So what we have done is make them free, number one. And number two, the merchant only pays us after they`re paid.
BEHAR: I see.
BERTINELLI: But the merchant never pays (INAUDIBLE)
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: That`s a clever business.
BERTINELLI: Why didn`t anybody else think of this first? I`m glad we thought of it.
VITALE: Now, let me give you one more example. You know when you get in the mail direct marketing, booklets of coupons in the newspaper. 1 percent to 3 percent of those are used. 97 percent of those are thrown away in the trash.
BEHAR: Right.
BERTINELLI: Not by me.
VITALE: Veebow 100 percent of the money is used -- that`s received goes to the merchant. In other words, there`s 100 percent return on your advertising dollar.
BEHAR: So you`re helping -- you`re helping the economy.
BERTINELLI: -- and the consumers. And especially small businesses that really need a leg up.
BEHAR: Are you Republicans, by the way?
VITALE: No.
BEHAR: You`re not Republicans?
VITALE: No.
BEHAR: But you`re small business owners now.
VITALE: Yes.
BEHAR: Who do you think is going to support small business the best, the Republicans or the Democrats?
VITALE: That`s a great question.
BEHAR: Do you think the Democrats will?
VITALE: I think the small business people are.
BERTINELLI: I wish there were no parties. I wish there was D and no R behind anybody`s name and so you had to really look at the candidate and see what they were for and see what they believed in. So you voted on that.
BEHAR: I see.
BERTINELLI: That`s what I wish.
BEHAR: What do you -- just one more question and politically -- what do you think about raising taxes on multimillionaires?
VITALE: I think we should do it.
BEHAR: You think they should?
VITALE: Absolutely.
BEHAR: You agree with that?
BERTINELLI: Get rid of the loopholes.
BEHAR: No loopholes.
VITALE: How many baseball players that make over a million bucks are -- what`s it -- they hire people --
BERTINELLI: The top 1 percent.
VITALE: What`s the phrase, they`re job starters, they support companies. No.
BEHAR: What`s your point? I got to go, you guys.
VITALE: It`s been fun. I will tell you.
BEHAR: Wonderful to have you on the show. Both of you. You`re so adorable. You can see Valerie -- she`s always on television. The season premiere of "Hot in Cleveland" tomorrow night on TV Land.
We`ll be right back.
BERTINELLI: And you can download a free app. Veebow. V-e-e-b-o-w.
BEHAR: There you go. See that all the plugs you got in.
BERTINELLI: I know.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: First came claims of sexual harassment against Herman Cain. Now a woman named Ginger White said she had a 13 year affair with him, and although Cain is denying everything, he says he is reassessing his presidential run. Why? Not enough booty in the White House for him?
With me now to talk about this and other pop culture stories in the news are Kristen Johnston, actress from TV Land`s "The Exes," comedian Chuck Nice, and Rebecca Dana, senior correspondent, "Newsweek" and "The Daily Beast."
Chuck, he denies it all, says he didn`t do it.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: 13 years.
CHUCK NICE, COMEDIAN: Says she`s looking for money. The thing that kills me is, he says, that as long as his wife is behind him, he is still going to run. I am like, maybe if you got behind your wife, you wouldn`t be in this problem in the first place.
REBECCA DANA, NEWSWEEK: Can I ask you something? At what point does alleged infidelity just become straight up bigamy? Because I feel like Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman have gotten a lot of flak for being Mormons and all the negative associations with radical Mormonism. This man had two wives allegedly for 13 years.
BEHAR: Well, if you consider a mistress a wife. I don`t think legally--
(CROSSTALK)
DANA: And certainly, we can`t get into his head and we have no idea what was going on behind the scenes with his wife.
(CROSSTALK)
DANA: But who has a 13-year affair? That is a long-term relationship.
(CROSSTALK)
KRISTEN JOHNSTON, ACTRESS: I thought mistresses were a temporary thing.
BEHAR: Yes, exactly, not this one.
DANA: I wonder if Ginger White came forward because she was pissed off because she found out he was cheating on her with the National Restaurant Association gropey gropes.
BEHAR: Well, what about the fact that she does not have any money? See, I was trying to figure out today, what is she in this for? She`s not going to get any money out of it.
JOHNSTON: She has no self-esteem, if -- seriously.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: I`m saying, why is she bringing it out now?
DANA: She said her stated reason for bringing it out is that they demonized the other women, so she feels compelled---
(CROSSTALK)
NICE: So I want to add my name to that list.
JOHNSTON: She wants to make a couple dollars.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: The question is, is this the final nail in the coffin for him? In a presidential campaign?
DANA: The final nail in Herman Cain`s coffin came like a month and a half ago. This man has not been a realistic presidential candidate--
(CROSSTALK)
DANA: We`re just talking about this because the rest of them are so boring.
BEHAR: We`re talking about it because he`s in the news.
(CROSSTALK)
NICE: I don`t think he was ever running for president. I really don`t. I don`t think he was ever running for president.
DANA: No, he thought he was on a book tour.
JOHNSTON: He just wanted it all out.
NICE: And it caught fire. It just caught fire.
(CROSSTALK)
JOHNSTON: Just to expose it all.
DANA: Actually, that`s not a bad point. I mean, if Herman, when Herman Cain came out and said, I`m running for resident, if he said, by the way, I groped seven women, I had a 13-year affair, I did this, I did that, much the way Newt Gingrich has done by having all of these horrible sexual traumas in his past, maybe the situation would be different.
BEHAR: Isn`t it ironic that the family values party is the one that has all this aggravation?
(CROSSTALK)
JOHNSTON: The other party has some aggravation too.
NICE: But they don`t run on that. That`s the difference. Democrats do not run on being --
(CROSSTALK)
NICE: The Republicans are like, hey, we`re all family values, we`re about -- we`re good, we are pure, we`re Christian. And you know, they really are the keep it in your pants party, or should be.
JOHNSTON: It`s like the British people, they`re so horny.
(CROSSTALK)
JOHNSTON: They`re like, oh. And then they are like, ah-ha.
(CROSSTALK)
DANA: The louder you scream about how much you hate sexual deviants, the more likely you are to be diddling little boys.
JOHNSTON: Wow! Good to know.
BEHAR: Next week, "Newsweek," your newspaper has a cover story on sexual addiction and they say that almost 9 million people may be addicted to sex. I think I`m one of them. Wait, did I say sex? I meant pizza. Sorry. This is your magazine`s story, Rebecca. So tell us, is, first of all, is Herman Cain a sex addict?
DANA: I`m not a doctor so I can`t diagnose it. And also it would be -- it`s hard to define exactly I think what a sex addict is, and it is also difficult to pin down -- you`re speaking with a lot of authority.
JOHNSTON: No, it`s just an interesting topic. I`m not a sex addict. But I know sex -- I know people who have--
(CROSSTALK)
JOHNSTON: I know people who grappled with it. It`s serious.
DANA: Some of the people who are featured in the article really have ruined their lives with this. A woman ruined her marriage. People can -- they lose their jobs, they can`t get out of bed, they can`t leave the house. It`s really a very sad thing. And it`s not--
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Not getting out of bed is the issue, isn`t it? So is there such a thing in your mind as a sex addiction or is it just a bunch of horny dogs like this? I mean, what is it?
NICE: Before I was married, I had a very vigorous dating life, and I said to a friend of mine, I think I`m a sex addict, I can`t stop having sex with all these women. And he said, oh, so you`re that guy, I think I read about you somewhere. Oh, yes, you have a penis, that`s your problem, and basically, this is the way men are. If you gave a man -- what allows a man to cheat they say for the most part is opportunity. So, you know, when it starts to compromise your life, then maybe there`s a medical problem there, maybe.
BEHAR: Anthony Weiner, is he a sex addict or --
(CROSSTALK)
JOHNSTON: He makes me uncomfortable.
DANA: Joy, he`s a politician. I defy you to find any politician who doesn`t have some sort of crazy closeted --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: President Obama doesn`t seem to have it.
(CROSSTALK)
NICE: I hope to God he doesn`t.
BEHAR: I don`t think he has.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: They hate him so much on the right wing, they would have found it.
NICE: There`s a Republican -- Republican conspiracy that he actually did have sex with Hitler, not that he is Hitler.
BEHAR: Who did?
NICE: Obama.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: The majority of men -- are there women also in your study who are sex addicts?
DANA: Yes. We did not do a study, but yes, there are increasing numbers of women and other folks not -- who don`t fit Chuck`s traditional male profile who are suffering with this. It`s overwhelmingly something that afflicts men but there are incidences with women.
NICE: And I believe that it`s a real condition, don`t get me wrong. I was being glib, but I believe it`s a real condition, and I`m sure it must be even worse for women, because it`s like ringing a dinner bell. I mean, the access is just unbelievable. At least men run into some resistance, whereas when you`re a woman, it`s like, let`s go.
JOHNSTON: I don`t know, don`t you think the whole thing is the winning?
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Chelsea Clinton has landed a gig as a special correspondent for NBC News, prompting some to complain about nepotism. And why is nepotism wrong? George W. Bush. That`s why. OK.
Rebecca.
DANA: Joy.
BEHAR: Would she have gotten the job --
DANA: Joy, I am going to miss you.
BEHAR: Thank you, darling. If her parents were not famous? You might have gotten the job Chelsea got.
DANA: Well, how do you know who my parents are?
JOHNSTON: Oh, that`s true.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Who are your parents?
DANA: They`re chemists, they live in Minnesota.
BEHAR: So we can say right away they don`t have any clout.
DANA: No. Chelsea wouldn`t have gotten this job if her -- she hates journalists. She`s a very smart woman, she is very accomplished. I honestly -- I am less --
JOHNSTON: I never heard her talk. Like I wonder if she will just be like -- I don`t even know what she is going to sound like.
DANA: I have heard her talk. And she`s really bright. She went to Stanford, she`s had quite a career.
(CROSSTALK)
DANA: She`s had incredible DNA. My question is less why NBC was interested in Chelsea, that`s pretty obvious, it`s a little bit craven, like it would be great to get a Hillary Clinton interview some day. So -- (inaudible) -- why would Chelsea want this job? She never gives interviews. She clearly like, journalists were horrible to her father. I`m sure she blames--
BEHAR: Because she wants to get her word out, and what better way than being on television?
(CROSSTALK)
JOHNSTON: Isn`t she doing it about volunteerism or something?
BEHAR: Whatever. What about the other one, Jenna Bush, she got the job also.
NICE: That`s clearly nepotism. Listen--
JOHNSTON: Anything Republican is nepotism.
NICE: Here`s the deal. It`s like nepotism is the way of the world. The only reason it`s nepotism is if you suck. If you`re good, then it`s not nepotism. Case in point. Janet Jackson, not nepotism. Rebe Jackson, nepotism.
BEHAR: OK. You made your point, Chuck. Oh, my God. Very funny. And Meghan McCain also has a gig on MSNBC. She`s kind of in politics, though. This girl is making her bones, I think, she made a few bones, don`t you think? Meghan did?
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: You know what I mean, it`s a Mafia term.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: She paid her dues. She writes blogs.
(CROSSTALK)
JOHNSTON: I think Chelsea paid her dues.
BEHAR: Chelsea has not paid her dues on TV.
JOHNSTON: No, she hasn`t, and that`s why I can`t wait to see her suck.
(LAUGHTER)
JOHNSTON: If she does. If she does. But she probably won`t.
NICE: I don`t know about -- listen, whether she sucks or not, that remains to be seen. Jenna Bush is definitely nepotism. That`s all there is. Jenna Bush makes Barbara Walters look like a better Barbara Walters, that`s how bad she is.
BEHAR: Finally, Kate Gosselin is denying rumors that she had a face lift, despite her sudden youthful appearance in a photo shoot posted on couponcabin.com. What the hell is couponcabin.com?
JOHNSTON: Oh, dear. I`m just looking at her face.
BEHAR: OK. Did she do something to herself? And should she have? And will it help her? And why shouldn`t she if she did?
NICE: I`m saying go for it. If she -- she already admitted to the fact she had breast implants, that she had, you know, some -- a tummy tuck, breast implants. She says she didn`t have a face lift. I`m like this. You`re a single mom with eight kids. You need all the help you can get. Go for it.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Last word, darling, I`m sorry, I have to go. You can see Kristen Johnston on the new sitcom "The Exes" debuting tomorrow on TVLand. I`m sorry, I had to cut you off.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Thousands of neurotic people pay hundreds of dollars an hour to vent their anger, but Lewis Black comes here instead and does it for free. Here to vent on politics and anything else that`s annoying him is Lewis Black. His new CD is Lewis Black. What a title. "The Prophet." Lewis, lovely to have you here.
LEWIS BLACK, COMEDIAN: Good to be here.
BEHAR: And why are you the prophet?
BLACK: I`m not, and that`s kind of a tongue-in-cheek, ironic, good luck, yeah, I`m the prophet.
BEHAR: Yes.
BLACK: Some guy who`s half nuts wandering around the United States, bellowing like a lunatic.
BEHAR: I know, on the bus. But, you know, what do you think about -- let`s talk about politics because, you know, I know that`s your favorite subject.
BLACK: Oh, I love it.
BEHAR: Yes, did you -- have you been -- have you been watching the Republican debates? What do you think about the Republican candidates?
BLACK: I think it`s the -- I think what the Republicans have done is their response to the ineffectual -- the Democrats ineffectuality is to move toward ignorance in kind of a counterbalance. We`ve never really -- I did not think we could go beyond stupid. They tried stupid, we tried it for a long time, and they said let`s see if we just totally bereft of any intelligence we were given by God...
BEHAR: Yes.
BLACK: ...and let`s go -- let`s not even take science -- let`s dismiss science completely, let`s, you know, but what did we study it for? What -- did those guys ever study it? Did they ever...
BEHAR: Rick Perry, you mean, people like him. I don`t think he believes in evolution, he doesn`t believe in climate change.
BLACK: No, the climate change -- there`s no global warming or as my friend, John Bowman the comic says, you know, he`s standing there -- we`re watching CNN, he`s standing there, the fires are licking...
BEHAR: In Texas.
BLACK: ...behind him, it`s 50 days over 100 degrees, well, there`s no such thing as climate change. Are you nuts? Oh no, you`re just standing in hell. That`s where you are.
BEHAR: Well, maybe that`s what he thinks is happening to him. The apocalypse.
BLACK: Well, if it`s the apocalypse, I am -- you know, people are -- what do you think about that? Well, for me as a Jew, it`s great because I get beachfront property.
BEHAR: Why, what`s going to happen to you?
BLACK: Well, they all go away. Everybody leaves. It`s (INAUDIBLE) here too.
BEHAR: Only the Jews are left.
BLACK: No, the Jews -- you`re a Catholic, you`re screwed.
BEHAR: So, I don`t understand. What`s going to happen?
BLACK: They leave. They go.
BEHAR: Who`s they? Who leaves?
BLACK: The -- the ones who believe, the ones who believe in Jesus. I`m sure I`ve screwed this up because I really didn`t study this but -- but from what I`ve gathered on my -- my travels...
BEHAR: Yes.
BLACK: ...and the people, you know, occasionally sitting next to a born again Christian on the plane telling me that I`ll be frying in hell, I`ve -- I`ve garnered that they leave. You know, Jesus comes...
BEHAR: Yes.
BLACK: ...I`m sure there`s more to the story, and he gathers everybody. They don`t go by bus, they kind of whip the souls, they go woo, they`re gone. I don`t know where they go but we`re here and it`s supposed to be kind of terrible, but I can`t imagine it if they`re gone.
BEHAR: I see. OK. Well, that`s something to look forward to.
BLACK: I think so, well, that`s why whenever they say, you know, oh, it`s coming, it`s coming, I go, good, fine. Let`s -- let`s get there. Let`s move on.
BEHAR: Well, you know, Perry and Romney and also Huntsman are very good looking men, I think.
BLACK: Yes.
BEHAR: They`re all handsome. They have a hairdo and they have a look.
BLACK: Huntsman gets lost. Huntsman, actually, I think, has a fairly decent working intelligence and he`s just lost and he`s like, well, boy, what he -- he believes in some stuff, he believes in evolution? Please.
BEHAR: Yes.
BLACK: You know, they marginalize. I mean, what -- what kind of a party have they become and -- and let`s just get this straight, America. You know, don`t put me on the Obama train either. You know, what he gave us was what I expected was someone who speaks in paragraphs. Woohoo.
BEHAR: Who, Obama?
BLACK: Yes.
BEHAR: But he does.
BLACK: Well, that`s what he -- that`s all I thought I`d get from him and I did.
BEHAR: Right.
BLACK: Everybody else thought oh, it`s going to be change, change, change. I thought paragraphs. That`s what we got and, woohoo, and then they yell at him for giving us paragraphs. I think that`s the most you can hope for at this point. We`re not even getting it from those -- the Republicans.
BEHAR: No, they don`t speak in paragraphs, no.
BLACK: No, they (INAUDIBLE) and then they get a chewy stick and run around in circles and pee.
BEHAR: Why do they all want to have lunch with Donald Trump?
BLACK: I don`t know because he`s a -- I don`t know -- I don`t know -- I almost said it. I did. I say it on stage in my act.
BEHAR: Don`t say it here.
BLACK: I won`t say it because I don`t need him calling me.
BEHAR: Exactly.
BLACK: And you don`t either.
BEHAR: And I don`t either. But, I mean, why do they go to him? He`s like the Oracle of Delphi.
BLACK: Well, because I think he-- you know, he was the first one to throw his hair into the ring. And boom, boom, boom, and how good was that joke? He was the first one, he was, and the thing about Donald Trump to me is that he says he`s a self-made man and his father owned a ton of real estate in New York, which means what? Which means his father could have raised a chimpanzee and the chimpanzee would have been a self-made chimp.
BEHAR: What about Christie? He`s not -- he`s not running.
BLACK: Well, that`s the -- you know, and why would he run?
BEHAR: You think it`s legit to make fat jokes about him?
BLACK: I -- I thought it was the -- the approach should have been that you have Obama, who`s like the, you know, if you went to Wal-Mart and you had these -- and let`s say there were products...
BEHAR: Right.
BLACK: ...you know, and Obama was over here and that was the size and you paid, let`s say $300 for that product, but, for $325 you get Christie, who`s massive...
BEHAR: Yes.
BLACK: ...then I would go for Christie because it`s like three Obamas for the price of one.
BEHAR: Oh, I see, so it`s quantity rather than quality.
BLACK: Yes.
BEHAR: I see. OK, we`re going to take a break. We`ll have more with Lewis Black after a very quick break. Stay there, OK?
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: We`re back with comedian Lewis Black. His new CD is called The Prophet. Now, when you`re not on the road, what do you do with your time? Would you like to be on a show like Dancing With The Stars, for example?
BLACK: What do you think? They asked me to be on it.
BEHAR: They did?
BLACK: Yes, and I said I would rather spend the time doing as the kids who are kindly mildly neurotic, cutting myself. And the show -- the show would be called Lew Black Cuts Himself, and then each week I would think about something or bring -- watch a video of like Dancing With The Stars and just go on scratching myself -- not deeply, not deeply, and I don`t mean to make jokes about it so shut up and don`t send a letter.
BEHAR: Nobody said a word.
BLACK: But they will. They will. There`ll be like 20,000 Tweets, oh crap, he`s talking about cutting and he did and it shows no sensitivity to the children out there.
BEHAR: I think that when you`re a comedian, sensitivity is the last thing on your list. Let`s watch a -- let`s watch a video from Dancing With The Stars last night of Chaz Bono.
BLACK: Oh, I was hoping...
(VIDEO CLIP)
(MUSIC)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: What do you think?
BLACK: Looked like Christie.
BEHAR: That was...
BLACK: Isn`t it?
BEHAR: No, that was Sonny`s -- Sonny`s boy.
BLACK: Yes.
BEHAR: Chaz Bono. And -- and it seems to me and we were talking about it earlier, that the judges don`t want to say anything bad to him.
BLACK: Well, you know.
BEHAR: Because he can`t dance. Obviously, and not in that -- not in that video.
BLACK: No, and most of them really can`t dance and why are we watching it? Why -- why would a country that can`t dance watch people dance?
BEHAR: Maybe that`s why they watch people who they think can dance because they can`t dance.
BLACK: No, that`s insane, isn`t it? You should have an interest in it, shouldn`t you, Joy?
BEHAR: Yes.
BLACK: Shouldn`t it be something that you kind of do? And you think, ooh, now I`ll watch people who really do it well as opposed to I`m sitting here and get me another big giant pizza and let`s watch some dance. Do you want to dance? No. I`m going to go take a potty, OK?
BEHAR: So, in other words, in Russia, where they really know how to dance the ballet, they would go to the ballet because...
BLACK: Yes.
BEHAR: ...most people, those alcoholics in Russia, know how to do the ballet? I don`t think so.
BLACK: Well, no, they don`t...
BEHAR: I don`t know what you`re talking about.
BLACK: ...but there`s a big difference between ballet, which is art, and a waltz or a cha cha cha.
BEHAR: Yes.
BLACK: Or a tango or even chiapanecas, a piano song. I thought it was the dance that went that -- did you, when you were a kid, did you ever think a cotillion or dance when you were like ...
BEHAR: No, I -- I grew up in a ghetto. I grew up in a ghetto.
BLACK: I know you grew up -- I know your parents -- I know your chains....
BEHAR: We couldn`t afford a cotillion.
BLACK: ...I know, your chains on your legs, they wouldn`t let you out to dance.
BEHAR: All right, we`re going to -- oh, and I`m done with you.
BLACK: Oh, you can`t be done with me.
BEHAR: Yes, I`m done with you for now. Lewis Black`s new CD is called The Prophet. Be sure to stay tuned for Showbiz Tonight, A.J. Hammer will have a look at Amanda Knox`s return to the States. Thank you for watching. Good night, everybody.
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