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Joy Behar Page
Cain Wasn`t Able; Newt on the Rise; "Kiss" and Make Up
Aired December 05, 2011 - 22:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Coming up on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW, with Herman Cain out of the GOP presidential race, Joy wants to know who his voters will run to.
And what`s up with Donald Trump moderating a debate?
Then Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed had an epic falling out on this very show. But they`re here to tell Joy what changed and made them get married.
Plus a look back at Joy`s interview with the hilarious Gilbert Gottfried.
That and more starting right now.
JOY BEHAR, HLN HOST: Well, smack in the middle of a number of sexual scandals, Herman Cain has dropped out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination. This may give him more free time to date. But where does it leave his supporters? Who will fill that void and where do his supporters go?
Helping answer those and other pertinent questions are political commentator, Ron Reagan and E.D. Hill, CNN contributor and conservative analyst. Thank you, guys for joining me.
At this point -- either one of you can answer this -- who doesn`t believe Herman Cain had sexual relations with that woman?
E.D. HILL, CNN CONTRIBUTOR: I don`t believe it yet.
BEHAR: You don`t believe it.
13 years of giving her money, not telling his wife, and there`s a whole bunch of e-mails we haven`t seen yet.
HILL: When I see those, I want to find out how much money. If it`s $100 here and there because somebody`s having trouble paying their rent, I get it, you know.
BEHAR: But for 13 years?
HILL: It`s a long time.
BEHAR: It sure is.
And why wouldn`t you tell your wife?
RON REAGAN, POLITICAL COMMENTATOR: That`s a lot of rent.
BEHAR: Why wouldn`t you tell your wife?
HILL: I think there`s some things spouses don`t tell each other. And I think -- I found out --
REAGAN: Like when you`re sleeping with somebody else.
BEHAR: That would be one of them see.
REAGAN: That would be top of the list, I think.
HILL: I think that when we get more information, obviously, she`s got the goods, so let`s hear it. He says it`s not true.
REAGAN: You know Joy, I don`t really care whether he was sleeping with this woman or any of these other woman because Herman Cain was never a serious candidate. He was never going to get the nomination. And he was never going to be elected president. He`s on a book tour, for goodness sake. That`s what he was doing here. He was just drumming up publicity for himself.
The fact that he has imploded at this point, he`s probably as relieved as anybody else.
HILL: That is so cynical. How can you say he was out there hawking himself to sell a book?
REAGAN: Because that`s what he was doing.
HILL: No, he had absolutely beliefs in what was the right or wrong for the direction of our country. He`s a businessman who thought that we`re going the wrong way economically and whether or not he ever expected to win the presidency, I certainly believe -- just as Ron Paul has been running year after year for the presidency -- I think he felt it was important to get his views heard and get them out in the dialogue on the national stage.
REAGAN: Do you think he felt it was important -- do you think that it was important that he actually have worthwhile views before he expressed them for running for the President of the United States. He`s running for President of the United States and appears to know absolutely nothing about foreign policy.
HILL: You know what, here`s the truth. I`m sure you understand this as well as anybody else. When we go into the voting booth this time around, we`re not going there in and deciding, do we like this guy`s interpersonal relationships? We aren`t going in there and saying what`s going on with foreign policy. We`re going in there -- we`re going to vote about who`s going to give us more money in our pocket. That`s what it boils down to.
It is the economy and it was Carville who said it first and it continues to be true and especially right now, we hurt. We`re going in there and voting the economy, somebody who can make us wealthier. That`s it.
REAGAN: I think you`re correct there, E.D. that the economy is certainly going to be the big issue in this campaign. And so what do we get from Herman Cain? 9-9-9, which all independent economists look at as a joke. It`s a slogan; it`s not a policy.
HILL: And everybody says the flat tax was a joke also.
(CROSSTALK)
HILL: Steve Forbes came out with that how long ago? Everyone said the flat tax was a joke and Steve Forbes came out with that a long time ago.
REAGAN: Oh, it is.
The flat tax is a joke.
BEHAR: Those taxes help the wealthy, don`t they?
HILL: The flat tax, you can argue. You can also argue that the capital gains tax penalizes the wealthy, the people who are willing to put their money up in the hopes of America doing better. They don`t get it back from the government.
REAGAN: They`re not putting their money up in the hopes of America doing better, they`re putting their money up so that that they will do better.
HILL: And hoping that America does better. They do better only if those companies do better.
REAGAN: That doesn`t enter into the equation. Can I just say one thing? That is like saying corporations send jobs overseas to help America.
HILL: I don`t believe that.
REAGAN: That`s just not the reason they do that.
BEHAR: Let me ask you something that I always want to ask conservative thinkers. The tax breaks for wealthy and all of that business about trickling it down and creating jobs worked. Why are we in this situation. We had that for eight years under George Bush and we continue to have it under Obama and it hasn`t worked. Why do we continue to say that that could work.
HILL: President Obama gave huge breaks to the banks and all the people on Wall Street that had financed his campaign. He`s the one who went in there and said, let`s throw more money at the rich.
BEHAR: Well, so did Bush for a long time.
REAGAN: That`s not true.
HILL: What`s not true about that?
BEHAR: Ron.
REAGAN: That`s simply not true. We now know that the fed gave $7 trillion to the bank during the Bush Administration that they didn`t tell anybody about. The Bush Administration knew it but they weren`t telling the American people, $7 trillion, that`s with a t, trillion dollars were being handed over to the banks. That wasn`t Barack Obama who did that.
HILL: But I`m not arguing what Bush did. I`m just saying that this continues to happen. It`s not that --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: But I keep asking you the same question.
HILL: No, no. They`re talking about corporations. They`re not talking about individual people. People who are well off, And I`m not talking super rich because frankly, they have enough money. They can sit there and do anything. They can put it out of our country and we`re not going to be able to --
BEHAR: And they don`t want to pay more tax, those people are talking about?
HILL: No. However, the people who are classified as the wealthy under most of these tax plans really aren`t that wealthy when it comes right down to it. When you`re trying to raise kids, send them to college, pay rent, pay mortgage, all that. I think that paying more taxes if you are the super rich, like Warren Buffet, yes go for it. If you`re a Kennedy, go for it.
BEHAR: All right. Let`s talk about Newt Gingrich.
REAGAN: Well, we agree there.
BEHAR: I want to talk about Newt Gingrich ok. He recently said the most heinous thing, I think. He said poor children have no working role models and should go to work. Every time he says something crazy his numbers go up. Why do Republicans like him?
HILL: I think that the basic premise of what he just said, the basic premise is correct, that children, not just poor children, every child should go out there and should have the opportunity to work.
And right now, I`m a mom who sent my kid out to work as a janitor when he was 14. Because I thought that it helped him build character.
BEHAR: But why would you take the job away from the janitor to give it to your kid? What`s the point of that?
HILL: There was an opening. It`s not paying that much money, it`s like $7.75 an hour. So for a kid who`s 14 years old, that`s good money. You`re not raising a family on that. But I had to go through legal loopholes, signing away papers, I won`t let him work this hour, won`t let him work that hour. He can`t work between, you know, these days --
BEHAR: Right.
HILL: And you`ve got to sign all this stuff away. Make it easier for kids to learn about hard work. Absolutely amen.
BEHAR: What about this idea that poor children have no working role models? Why would he say something stupid like that and get away with it?
HILL: I don`t get that.
BEHAR: Ron, what do you think about that?
REAGAN: Well, I don`t think he`s really gotten away with it. You know most people --
BEHAR: Not here.
REAGAN: -- Newt Gingrich`s thoughts -- no not here and not in a lot of places actually. Most people have observed -- you know Newt Gingrich is a very glib guy. He`s not nearly as smart as he thinks he is but he can talk a pretty good game and spin pretty well for five or 10 minutes.
But then when you stop and you actually examine what he just said, let`s put kids, children to work, being the janitors in schools. Absolutely, let`s take some children, hand them caustic chemicals and tell them to go and clean up the vomit of their schoolmates. That sounds like a great idea; that`s exactly what he`s suggesting.
HILL: The chemicals he`s using to clean the restroom at the school is the same thing you`re sending your kid in to clean his own bathroom. We`re talking 14, 15 years old.
REAGAN: That, yes, your own bathroom -- it`s your own bathroom.
HILL: They`re not stupid enough to suck down caustic chemicals.
REAGAN: Not somebody else`s bathrooms. What do you think janitors do?
HILL: I have no problem with that. I have had my kids in there cleaning restrooms. I don`t think there`s a problem with it. And --
(CROSSTALK)
REAGAN: A public restroom. You want your children to clean public restrooms with caustic chemicals?
HILL: Yes. Public restrooms -- they clean them.
REAGAN: Mother of the year award coming your way at any moment.
HILL: Ok, ok, ok. You know what; I have good hard working kids.
BEHAR: All right. We have only a minute left and I really want to ask you about what you think about Donald Trump hosting the next debate. He has gotten backlash already from Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman.
HILL: He deserves it.
BEHAR: Who? Donald Trump does?
HILL: Yes, he does.
BEHAR: Why?
HILL: I like Donald but you know what; he has no business in there moderating a debate. He`s not a moderator.
REAGAN: You`re right.
BEHAR: Ok.
HILL: Thank you.
BEHAR: And Huntsman said I`m not going to kiss his ring and I`m not going to kiss any other part of his anatomy.
HILL: Good for him.
BEHAR: What does he mean by that?
HILL: He`s had plenty of other people kissing it.
BEHAR: Where is he going with that?
REAGAN: I don`t want to have to think about Donald Trump`s anatomy, if you don`t mind. I really don`t.
I think it`s fitting though that Donald Trump is moderating this debate. He`s a game show host, a reality show host and frankly, the Republican primary is turning into a reality show.
HILL: Exactly. You`re right.
BEHAR: It is and there`s so many more to go, I`m enjoying it more than the Kardashian show.
Ok. We`ll be right back. Thank you guys very much.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Next up, Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed return to the show for the first time since Shannon`s infamous walk-off.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Tell me is there anything worse than a guest walking off the set in a huff? Yes. A guest walking off the set in a huff and not being able to get out of the studio. That`s what happened the last time Shannon Tweed was here with her now new husband, Gene Simmons. And they are back on my show for the first time since Shannon told Gene to kiss off that day.
Welcome back the stars of "Gene Simmons` Family Jewels" Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed. Hi guys how are you? I`ve missed you. Where have you been.
SHANNON TWEED, "GENE SIMMONS` FAMILY JEWELS": We`ve missed you too. I was trapped. You trapped me like a rodent.
BEHAR: I know. I mean it sort of interfered with the drama of the moment when you couldn`t get out of here.
TWEED: It`s like my life. It was so --
BEHAR: What did you -- I want to -- I have to ask you what -- after you left the studio that day and you`ve been -- got together again? What did you talk about? Did you talk about --
TWEED: We didn`t -- we didn`t have sex, that`s for sure.
BEHAR: I`m sure you never did that day. But what did you have -- what was your conversation like at that point?
TWEED: My conversation was -- my part of the conversation was -- I -- you know I didn`t think that was a funny joke. I didn`t think it was worth joking about. I don`t see how you could joke about that.
BEHAR: Yes.
TWEED: To me, it wasn`t funny.
BEHAR: I know so that was real.
TWEED: You know the usual.
BEHAR: Some people have said that they thought it was staged.
TWEED: Yes, I`m not a drama queen, I`m not known for being a drama queen, really.
GENE SIMMONS, "GENE SIMMONS` FAMILY JEWELS": No, no everything was so true. By the way, I haven`t had a chance to say a word from all of this. So you girls just continue.
TWEED: Get used to it.
BEHAR: Well, we`ll get to you.
SIMMONS: I`ll just --
BEHAR: We`ll get to you Gene. Because I heard that you -- you got married. You guys get married.
TWEED: Well, not before you.
BEHAR: No I got married in August. When did you -- what was your date?
TWEED: October 1st.
SIMMONS: October 1st.
BEHAR: So Gene, what made you decide to finally, you know, bite the bullet?
SIMMONS: You know, the God`s honest truth is I didn`t want to lose her. She put up with so much of my crap for 28 years.
BEHAR: Yes.
SIMMONS: Brought up two -- brought up two amazing kids. And you know, the same thing that made me strong and succeed in business and rock and roll and all that stuff is kind of arrogant, stubborn, headstrong guy, where nothing stops him, also never really wanted to answer the question, where are you going? Where am I going? It`s like who wants to know?
And -- you know, left with the uncertainty of whether I would spend the rest of my life alone and pathetic, and a caricature of what you`re supposed to be, I looked around me and realized, that there`s only one person who loves me.
BEHAR: Oh,
SIMMONS: Top to bottom, with my faults. And it`s a -- at some point, it`s probably time to grow up.
BEHAR: Very good, Gene. Very good. Does that all -- does that all break your -- does that touch you, Shannon?
TWEED: Of course. Yes. But, you know, I`m the -- I`m the only one that really knows what`s inside there. So, I mean, you know, I`ve had people say, why are you -- why do you stay with him? Why are you -- why are you doing that to yourself? And it`s -- you know it`s not anything I feel I need to explain to anyone. But I know who he is and I like who he is.
SIMMONS: But what about you? You know, you`ve been an avowed single woman forever and all of a sudden?
BEHAR: You know in a post menopausal world, slutting around doesn`t work. It just doesn`t -- doesn`t play anymore, you know what I mean? So that`s why I did it.
SIMMONS: I certainly do.
BEHAR: Yes.
TWEED: I like somebody that farts back.
SIMMONS: That does what?
TWEED: Farting around, fart back.
BEHAR: Ok but let`s talk about -- let`s just talk about your wedding for one second. Because I understand that Hugh Hefner was there. And Shannon, you used to date Hefner. Did he -- did Hefner remember when you dated him or is it all one big blank?
TWEED: No we had a good laugh. We had a good laugh that night because he was supposed to get married before us.
BEHAR: Yes.
TWEED: And you know she --
BEHAR: She dumped him, I know.
TWEED: She walked away.
BEHAR: She did yes.
TWEED: And so we had -- we had -- we had a good laugh about it. And he was happy to be there and happy for us.
BEHAR: And also who else -- Bill Maher was at the wedding, too, right? Bill Maher was there?
TWEED: Yes.
BEHAR: Ok go ahead, Gene. What were you going to say?
GENE: What I will tell you, life is -- I`ve always been afraid of this thing, where men -- why -- why can`t he commit? Why is he running away, all those jokes, I`m going to get my claws in him. I`ve been scared of this thing all my life. I will tell you that the only two pieces of advice I have for men and women are the following.
One is for men, do get married. Really. Two, don`t get, don`t get married -- men and women, take heed -- don`t marry a guy until he`s mature. And for us, that happens much, much later. As you`re approaching 50, 60.
TWEED: What -- basically marry old guys.
SIMMONS: That`s right. Let us build our -- let us build fortune, let us get our --
(CROSSTALK)
TWEED: Ok.
SIMMONS: -- get all the seed planted all over the place because we don`t grow up until we`re much, much later.
BEHAR: Let me ask you --
SIMMONS: So don`t hang out -- don`t hang out with young guys. Yes.
SIMMONS: All right, but let me ask you something about married men. Have you been following the Herman Cain story? Because he`s now dropping out of the race due to all the ladies who are surfacing?
TWEED: We had a -- we had a lovely debate about that, we had a debate about that when the first little hint of something came and said, he`s out. And Gene said, no, I don`t think so, and I`m no, no he`s out.
SIMMONS: I have --
TWEED: And then, and the other 15-year person came forward and I said, told you, told you he was out.
SIMMONS: I have a decidedly different view about politics. Let`s call it for what it is. I -- I don`t really care what anybody does in their bedroom.
TWEED: You`re alone. You`re alone.
SIMMONS: I understand that because 50 percent of the population are women. I want to know your qualification for being in office. If that was a qualification, then George Washington slept here doesn`t mean he stayed at a hotel, Ben Franklin all these --
TWEED: I think in these days in this media, if you`re lying and cheating at home --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: That`s it.
TWEED: -- you`re lying and cheating at work.
BEHAR: It`s about the lying and the hypocrisy more than a cheating I think.
TWEED: If you`re lying, you`re lying there, you`re lying there.
SIMMONS: Welcome to politics, FDR wouldn`t have been president. Teddy Roosevelt wouldn`t have been President.
TWEED: We`re learning.
SIMMONS: John Kennedy wouldn`t have been president. Go right down the line, there wouldn`t be any presidents.
BEHAR: I don`t think that those guys went on the air and started preaching family values, though. So that`s not hypocrisy.
TWEED: But if they had known -- if they had know beforehand, they wouldn`t have been elected, that`s the thing. But now we know beforehand because of the media.
(CROSSTALK)
SIMMONS: But I -- think -- I think politicians should stay away from families, anyway, I think you should balance the budget.
BEHAR: Yes.
SIMMONS: Pass a -- pass a balanced budget amendment so that it`s against the law. That`s right.
BEHAR: All right, I got to take a break.
TWEED: Not have a life. Just do politics.
BEHAR: I`ve got to take a break and you know we`ll comeback in a second. I mean, just FYI, FDR was in a wheelchair when he was schtooping (ph) the secretary. So he gets a pass.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back with Gene Simmons and his legal wife, Shannon Tweed.
You know, you guys, I wanted to ask you about the football game coming up. Madonna is doing the halftime show at the Super Bowl. Do you think that she can do well? Is she right for the venue? I know that "Kiss" did it back in 1999.
SIMMON: Think it was 1899. I think Madonna is terrific running tapes and singing along. She`s going to be great. Just put the karaoke tape on. It will sound fantastic on TV.
I am so -- in all seriousness, I`m so incensed by all these girls. By the way, good luck to everybody. Hope everybody succeeds. It is buffoonery to watch people get up there and dance and have a tape in the background. I think she`s terrific. Stop with the tapes and have some integrity and play live or tell everybody, this is a karaoke show. All the music you`re hearing is on a tape.
BEHAR: It is lip synching, is it not?
SIMMON: It`s fakery. It`s karaoke. The only thing happening maybe is that she`s singing live. The rest it is all tape.
TWEED: I`ll come back later.
BEHAR: Some of the baby boomers, Shannon, have been on the show. Tom Petty, Bruce Springsteen, all those guys, they were not lip synching, I don`t think. Were they?
SIMMONS: I don`t know but I think --
TWEED: That`s his point. He doesn`t like lip synching
SIMMONS: I don`t like tapes. If you`re going to -- full disclosure before the fact. The following program is going to be 70 percent canned music, say it.
BEHAR: Ok. All right. Fine. I mean Madonna -- I`m just thinking --
SIMMONS: All right, fine.
BEHAR: Madonna -- she`s kind of like why didn`t they get Lady Gaga? She`s hotter right now?
(CROSSTALK)
TWEED: Maybe she didn`t want to do it.
SIMMON: I think Gaga blows everyone of these away. She`s the only new rock star in the last 20 years, easily.
BEHAR: You don`t think much of the music of the last 20 years then, do you?
SIMMONS: No. You can go between 60 and 70, that 20-year period produced the iconic music perhaps of the 20th century. You`re talking about the Beatles and the Stones and Hendrix and on and on -- yes, Kiss. But go to `80s onward -- nothing.
BEHAR: I think you`re right. There will never be a period like that of music. But that had to do with the Vietnam War. It had to do with the people rebelling against the `50s. It was quite a time and I`m happy that I was there.
TWEED: Something to sing about.
BEHAR: Yes. It was.
TWEED: I mean we have nothing to sing about now.
SIMMONS: Yes.
BEHAR: Well, there`s stuff to sing about.
Let me ask you one more political question because I heard that you think that -- you tweeted that Rick Perry will be the next president. Where did you come up with that one?
SIMMONS: I will tell you, in all honesty, initially, first impressions are always not the best. My first impression was here`s a guy that knows how to run the economy or at least his team does in Texas. Texas has a stellar, stellar employment record, the envy of the rest of the country.
California is in default. We can`t even feed our own population. America should take a page with the way Texas does business. In hindsight, it`s not 20/20, Rick Perry can`t put a sentence together and may not be qualified to do much of anything. However, I would take a closer look at the business model in Texas. That actually works. I believe in right to work states.
If you want to join a union, join a union; if you don`t want to, don`t.
BEHAR: Ok. Very good.,
SIMMONS: And we`re done.
BEHAR: Well, I must say I`m thrilled to see you guys again. I`m very happy that you`re happy. And come again at some point.
TWEED: Thanks Joy.
BEHAR: But you know, I will only be here until next week so it`s going to be a little hard for us to get together. Maybe you`ll come to my house.
SIMMONS: But we`re going to watch you on that other show.
BEHAR: Ok.
We`ll be right back. Thank you.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Herman Cain is officially out of the presidential race, so please direct all your adultery questions to Newt Gingrich. But Cain is keeping his hands in the mix, so to speak. He is saying he is starting a political website, the CainSolutions, and will endorse another candidate soon. Oh, I can`t wait.
With me now to talk about this and other stories in the news are Joe Levy, pop culture commentator; Sandra Bernhardt, comedian and actress, guest starring in "Hot in Cleveland," and Robert Verdi, celebrity stylist of co-creator of firstcomefashion.com.
SANDRA BERNHARDT, COMEDIAN: Oh. First come.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: So rumor has it that Cain is going to endorse Newt Gingrich. So will that hurt or help Newt Gingrich?
JOE LEVY, POP CULTURE COMMENTATOR: I am going to go with, for right now, it`s going to help. It`s actually going to help. It is going to get those crazy people who are still supporting Herman Cain to think, hey, Newt looks pretty good. He looks like an ordinary fellow. I want to sign on for him. He only gets like $100 million to be historian for some lobbying group. That sounds good to me.
BERNHARDT: And Newt is dapper and so sexy. You just want to like sink your teeth into him.
BEHAR: Really?
BERNHARDT: Into that fleshy greasy -- blah.
ROBERT VERDI, CELEBRITY STYLIST: Personally, I never would have booked a ticket to labia if it weren`t for Herman Cain.
BEHAR: To labia?
VERDI: Isn`t that what he --
BEHAR: What are you talking about?
VERDI: Wasn`t he talking about labia?
BEHAR: No. Is that a place in Lithuania?
LEVY: I think it`s Libya.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Oh, boy. But you know, since he`s stepping down, doesn`t that pretty much say the allegations are true?
LEVY: First off, let`s get this straight. He has suspended his campaign. Let`s be clear about this, because that allows him to continue to accept campaign donations.
BEHAR: Yes. I know.
LEVY: So he can stay on the Cain train and get us the Cain solution, which sounds like a sequel to the "Bourne Identity."
BEHAR: All right. Let`s talk about something more poppy. It`s official, Madonna will be performing with Cirque du Soleil at the half time show at the Super Bowl. Does anything scream football more than a gay icon and tiny French acrobats? I ask you, Robert.
VERDI: I always go to circus oh gay when I can.
BEHAR: Circus oh gay.
VERDI: I love it.
BEHAR: I called them that once on "The View" and they got mad.
VERDI: Really?
BEHAR: Yes, they got mad. They`re Canadian, they`re not gay.
Now, I like Madonna, I do. I`m not saying--
VERDI: Is she as flexible as the rest of those acrobats?
BEHAR: I don`t know. I haven`t really worked out with her. But are you surprised they didn`t go with Lady Gaga, Sandra?
BERNHARDT: Lady Gaga would never perform during the half time show.
BEHAR: Why not?
BERNHARDT: She doesn`t have to. She`s not there yet.
BEHAR: You mean it`s (inaudible) a career move?
BERNHARDT: She`s not there yet.
BEHAR: So Madonna is kind of like trying to resuscitate?
BERNHARDT: It`s people who have hit their pinnacle in the `80s, `70s, `80s, `90s, they want to reach the masses and sell some -- move some merchandise.
LEVY: It is -- it`s a big tent kind of thing. You need someone who everybody gets. Mom gets, dad gets, the kids get. At least everybody recognizes Madonna`s names and outfits, not the same with Gaga. And she will have a movie out right around the time of the Super Bowl. I`m just going to guess there might be a record or a single that comes out then, maybe a tour launching that you can buy tickets while -- maybe I can text for tickets while I am watching the Super Bowl.
But I think this is great, because I think nothing, as you said, says Super Bowl like a Madonna performance, a bunch of guys sitting around going, come on en Vogue, you`re going to do like a passing move along with -- a little forward spiral along with this.
BERNHARDT: And the cone bras will get on--
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Do you think she`ll do some kind of a nipple thing to cause controversy? She likes that.
VERDI: Yes. She does like controversy. You`re notoriously friends with her. Do you think--
BERNHARDT: I love that I`m notoriously friends with her. That`s--
(CROSSTALK)
BERNHARDT: We run into each other now and then.
BEHAR: But it`s not close like it used to.
BERNHARDT: No, no, we haven`t been close for years.
BEHAR: Did you have a fight?
BERNHARDT: You know, things shifted, the ground underneath us shook. It`s OK.
BEHAR: It`s OK now?
BERNHARDT: It`s been so long. I mean it`s been longer than we were friends.
VERDI: I don`t know if she`s as controversial as she used to be.
BEHAR: No, maybe not.
VERDI: I think she`s a little more buttoned up.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: She`s dating a 24-year-old guy right now and she`s how old, 50 now?
VERDI: 53.
LEVY: 53.
BEHAR: 53, OK. And she`s dating a 24-year-old guy, she is doing the Super Bowl. She`s kind of desperate to be relevant, I think.
VERDI: Desperately seeking Susan.
BEHAR: I still think she`s a great act.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: She is a great act.
BEHAR: Lady Gaga basically is doing an homage to Madonna, is she not?
BERNHARDT: I think Gaga is more of a mix-up. Don`t forget Gaga can sit at a piano and she can sing with nothing else around her. And not many people can do that. She`s written some beautiful songs. It`s very interesting.
(CROSSTALK)
LEVY: Gaga is very talented.
BERNHARDT: I loved her special too, her Thanksgiving special was amazing. Did you see it?
VERDI: I agree with you, I think she`s really talented. But I don`t -- I think she borrows from Madonna, but I think there are other icons probably lesser known like Daphne Guinness (ph) and Isabella (ph) that she`s borrowed elements from.
BEHAR: I never heard of either one of those.
VERDI: Lesser known. That`s what I said.
BEHAR: Much lesser known.
OK, let`s do another story. A 9-year-old North Carolina boy has been suspended from school for sexual harassment after apparently calling a teacher cute. Really? He called her cute, not a fine looking mother [EXPLETIVE DELETED].
The boy --
BERNHARDT: You`re blowing it out the last two weeks, Joy.
BEHAR: The boy didn`t even say it to her directly, he didn`t even say to her, you`re cute.
VERDI: You can`t rape the willing anyway. I`m sure if he had a cute kid, she would have hopped right in the sack with him.
BEHAR: Oh, come on, he`s a little boy, he`s a tiny boy. A substitute teacher apparently overheard him say to a friend, she`s cute, and snitched.
VERDI: Why is that sexual harassment, though? I don`t get it.
BERNHARDT: I loved that, the teacher snitched? Where are we at? The world is just topsy-turvy. The problem is the little girls who have been raised on the milk with all the hormones, of course, have breasts at 8 years old, so of course, they`re promiscuous and precocious.
BEHAR: Just because you have breasts means you want to have sex?
(CROSSTALK)
LEVY: Generally speaking, yes, for me 100 percent of the time.
BEHAR: But I mean, sexual harassment usually implies that there`s a power play going on. A person in power is harassing an underling. This is a kid saying a teacher is cute, it`s going from here up. That`s not sexual harassment.
LEVY: This is the kind of nonsense you get into when schools have these zero-tolerance policies. There`s another case in Boston where a younger kid, I think he was 7, kicked a boy who was bullying him in the crotch.
BEHAR: That`s right. In the groin. Yes.
LEVY: And he`s being tossed out not for fighting, which I`m sure they have a zero-tolerance policy on, but also this was called sexual harassment.
BEHAR: Right, for kicking him in the groin.
LEVY: Inappropriate touching.
BEHAR: Really?
LEVY: I always found that the kicking is the inappropriate part of that touching, but yes.
BEHAR: The guy was holding him down.
LEVY: The kid was bullying him and trying to I think take his gloves. And also, this happened in Boston, where kicking someone in the groin is practically a religion, as far as I know. I mean, it`s just crazy.
BEHAR: Haven`t you ever had a crush on a teacher also and said that a teacher was cute when you were a little kid? Everybody has done that.
BERNHARDT: A little bit older, 14 or 15.
BEHAR: Really?
(CROSSTALK)
BERNHARDT: I didn`t have crushes on my teachers when I was 7 or 8.
BEHAR: No, 7 or 8, no.
BERNHARDT: Of course, most of them were 80 years old then. When Myrtle Angstrom (ph) was sitting with her legs spread with her open girdle, it wasn`t something you`d go, wow, I`m really digging Myrtle.
(CROSSTALK)
VERDI: What would the kid be -- what`s the power play with the kid? Like, was he threatening that he wouldn`t give her half of his peanut butter and jelly sandwich if she didn`t show him one of her lady parts?
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Finally last story. Her rep denies it, but Lindsay Lohan is reportedly in talks to join the London, England cast of "Celebrity Big Brother." Good, now she can shoplift at Herrod`s. Is this a good career move?
LEVY: No. It`s a terrible career move, but it might be her only career move. By the way, she has to get permission from the courts to go overseas to be on "celebrity Big Brother."
BEHAR: Is she a little desperate, this girl? She just did a spread for "Playboy."
VERDI: Lindsay Locans (ph)?
BEHAR: Yeah. And now she wants to be maybe in a reality show in England. Isn`t she a good actress?
BERNHARDT: She`s a fabulous actress. She was exploited way too young and now she`s lost. So what is she left to do? I mean, she has got to like rehabilitate herself and see where she goes.
BEHAR: But it`s not a good career move. It`s not a track you want to be on.
BERNHARDT: But you know, maybe they just don`t want to hire her to be an actress right now, so she figures nothing, how can you go wrong, I mean, look at Charlie Sheen, look at all these people. You can always circle back around again. Nothing`s too much these days.
BEHAR: That`s true. And also if she`s in Britain, you can sort of -- it`s under the radar for Americans.
LEVY: I think that will be on Youtube, every second of it will be broadcast over here one way or the other.
BERNHARDT: I don`t think people care.
BEHAR: All right. Thank you, guys, very much. And if you`re in New York, catch Sandra performing at Joe`s Pub, which she does every year, I believe, December 28th through the 31st. We`ll be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Our long national nightmare is over. After firing comedian Gilbert Gottfried in March for making jokes about the tsunami, Aflac Insurance has replaced him as the Aflac spokesman duck. Watch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: If we hear you one more time, we`ve heard it on video but we want to hear it in person.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Aflac! Aflac!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
DAN MCKEAGUE: That`s the new voice of Aflac sales manager Dan McKeague. The Aflac people must be praying he doesn`t do 20 minutes on Chernobyl. Hello. Gilbert Gottfried is with me now, his new book is "Rubber Balls and Liquor." I think you stole that from Maya Angelou. Is that true?
GILBERT GOTTFRIED, AUTHOR "RUBBER BALLS AND LIQUOR: Oh, yes, yes.
BEHAR: That title?
GOTTFRIED: Yeah. Yeah. Yes. It had to do with the black experience. "Rubber Balls and Liquor."
BEHAR: Were you -- tell me something.
GOTTFRIED: Yes.
BEHAR: Were you surprised at this backlash? I mean really, it was a bit much.
GOTTFRIED: Wait, there was a backlash?
BEHAR: Now, you forgot.
GOTTFRIED: I didn`t know. I had no idea.
BEHAR: There was.
GOTTFRIED: There was a controversy.
BEHAR: Yes. They were turning on you like crazy.
GOTTFRIED: Oh, yes. It was -- to me, it was like, well, first of all, the media was -- well, the first people who blew it out of control was TMZ and Perez Hilton and they were both shocked and offended.
BEHAR: Really?
GOTTFRIED: Because they`re the arbiters of good taste.
BEHAR: Really?
GOTTFRIED: And then "Showbiz Tonight" brought out, this is true, they brought out Camille Grammer, Kelsey`s ex-wife to say how shocked and offended she was.
BEHAR: Oh, is that true?
GOTTFRIED: Yes, this is absolutely true. And the media keeps saying, and these insensitive comments and remarks. You know, they wouldn`t call them jokes, because if you say jokes, people go, yes, jokes? And then they go, well, they were jokes. A comedian said that. Well, that`s what comedians do. But they were -- they were kind of on the tasteless side. And -- but this was Gilbert Gottfried, right? Has he ever said something tasteful?
BEHAR: No.
GOTTFRIED: No. And so, what -- what is the actual news item here? Yes, so ...
BEHAR: So in your mind, Gilly, is there anything off limits in comedy?
GOTTFRIED: No.
BEHAR: No?
GOTTFRIED: No.
BEHAR: There is nothing.
GOTTFRIED: No. No. No. If you were to drop dead right now?
BEHAR: You`d make a joke.
GOTTFRIED: I`d turn to the camera, I`d have an hour on it.
BEHAR: I understand. I understand. I`m a comic. I get it.
GOTTFRIED: In fact, I`m looking at you wondering if I should whack you over the head with a chair just so I can have some jokes to tell.
BEHAR: All right. What about like the Holocaust? How about that?
GOTTFRIED: Oh, yes.
BEHAR: ... missing children?
GOTTFRIED: Oh, funny, funny.
BEHAR: Hilarious.
GOTTFRIED: Yeah, I`ve sent out an actual -- I sent out a twitter on Hitler`s birthday. This was because it was a couple of days ago.
BEHAR: Aha. Gee, I forgot to send a card.
GOTTFRIED: Yeah.
BEHAR: Go ahead.
GOTTFRIED: And I said, birthday message to Hitler, you`re dead, and the Jews run the world, ha-ha.
BEHAR: That`s a good one. Now tell me about when you ran afoul of Marlon Brando. How -- what`s that story?
GOTTFRIED: Yeah, OK. This was, I was on Hollywood Squares. And I`m -- I really was. I`m not saying that just to brag. I`m not saying I was on Hollywood Squares just to try and get laid. I was actually on Hollywood Squares. Yes. That`s right. So I demand a little respect.
BEHAR: So what happened with Marlon?
GOTTFRIED: So the question was, what mammal has the largest eyes. And I said, Marlon Brando at a buffet. And all of a sudden, you know, so they usually the best clips are -- that got the biggest laugh. Also, yes. See? I got the biggest laugh on Hollywood Squares and I did one on "Pyramid" that wasn`t bad, either. No. So I -- that got the biggest laugh, and it wasn`t in the commercial. And so it was found out that when they were editing, Whoopi Goldberg gets a call, and on the phone it was Marlon Brando.
BEHAR: Oh.
GOTTFRIED: Yes.
BEHAR: What did he say? Do it as him.
GOTTFRIED: Yes. No, I was going to do it as Peter O`Toole. And -- but if you want me to do it ...
BEHAR: OK. Do it as Peter O`Toole. That`s even funnier. Go ahead.
GOTTFRIED: No, so Marlon Brando calls up Whoopi Goldberg and he goes, um, am I going to be, um, the running joke on -- on your show? And it`s like I thought at that point the perfect answer would have been, well, the words Marlon Brando and running don`t quite go together. You know, maybe you`ll be the lumbering joke on the show. The barely getting out of bed joke on the show, the eating piece of cheesecake while trying to stand up part of the show, but running is not really a number one on that list. So, yes, so Marlon Brando kept me from getting in the commercial.
BEHAR: And how do you do -- somebody said that you do Marlon Brando as Howie Mandel. Is that true?
GOTTFRIED: I don`t think I`ve ever done it. I could try it, now. But, see, no one really knows Howie -- I -- I think now I`m going to blow up a rubber glove on my head. Yes. So that would be Brando as Howie ...
BEHAR: OK. OK. Now -- now ...
GOTTFRIED: That was the first time I ever did that. So, all right, if it wasn`t funny, but at least I -- and you know, tomorrow I`ll be coming on TV to apologize about that joke. I apologize to anyone I offended by my Marlon Brando as Howie Mandel joke.
BEHAR: Now, tell me something. You do -- you did "The Aristocrats "...
GOTTFRIED: Yes.
BEHAR: OK. And they were -- the jokes were vile and filthy. Everybody knows that you do great jokes. Do you have a joke that you can do on this show that`s not vile before we go out to commercial?
GOTTFRIED: Oh, OK. A man walks into his son`s room. Hey, now, father goes, hey son, if you keep masturbating, you`re going to go blind. The son goes, I`m over here, dad.
BEHAR: That`s a good joke. You got another one?
GOTTFRIED: No, I can do my Marlon Brando as Howie Mandel again. I have another one that`s fun but it`s longer.
BEHAR: Longer joke?
GOTTFRIED: Yes. It`s -- yeah?
BEHAR: How much time do I have? I`ve got to wrap. When we come back, we`ll have more with Gilbert Gottfried.
GOTTFRIED: But it was such a good one. .
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GOTTFRIED: Jerry Seinfeld as Hamlet. To be or not to be. I don`t know whether I should be or not. Shall be will be. Who are these people that be?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: We`re back with comedian Gilbert Gottfried.
GOTTFRIED: And I`d like to put out a formal apology for anything I said in the first section of this show and anyone who was hurt by it.
BEHAR: OK.
GOTTFRIED: Yes. You used to do a bit back at the catch day, "Catch a Rising Star" days.
BEHAR: You know, when we were going over this in the commercial breaks, what voices I could do that people would actually know. And, you know, it`s like most of the voices I do, you`d have to go to an old kinescope to find.
GOTTFRIED: But this one was Jerry Lewis does the Who?
BEHAR: Yes. This I haven`t done for a while, but I`ll put it with my Marlon Brando doing Howie Mandel. "See me, touch me, hurt me, see me, see me, feel and touch, touch me."
GOTTFRIED: OK. OK. I didn`t -- yeah.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: All right. That`s right. Now because of this -- because of this brilliant talent that you have for impression, you were on "Saturday Night Live" at one point.
GOTTFRIED: Yes.
BEHAR: But then they dumped you. What happened?
GOTTFRIED: Well, I think they were the first ones, and then it just became a habit with anyplace I worked for me to get dumped. They were just ahead of their time. Yes.
BEHAR: Ahead of the AFLAC.
GOTTFRIED: Yes, yes. They -- "Saturday Night Live," they had the insight to go, hey, let`s fire him before. That will be ...
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Now, was that before or after you had this near death experience?
GOTTFRIED: Oh, yes, that came after. In fact, I was fired from "Mr. Ed," the original. Thanks for the two people in the nursing home who remember that show. Yes -- yes, I had a near death experience.
BEHAR: Can you tell me in 30 seconds?
GOTTFRIED: OK. No, I`d be dead by then. In 30 seconds I can redo my Marlon Brando as Howie Mandel.
(CROSSTALK)
GOTTFRIED: My appendix exploded.
BEHAR: Exploded, yes.
GOTTFRIED: Yes. And basically, my appendix and you`re fired. And so I was in the hospital, and then that was about it. It wasn`t all that funny, really. Yes, I almost died. That was funny!
BEHAR: All right. OK. His book is called "Rubber Balls and Liquor." And it`s out now. Good night, everybody. Thank you, Gilbert.
END
