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Joy Behar Page
Interview with Denis Leary; Interview with Gilbert Gottfried; Interview With Kathy Bates
Aired December 14, 2011 - 22:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
ANNOUNCER: Coming up on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW, from Ron Paul to religion, Denis Leary lets loose one last time on the show and turns the tables and interviews Joy.
Plus "Time" Magazine declares Gilbert Gottfried wrote one of the worst tweets of the year. The unpredictable comedian tells Joy whether he wishes he could now take it all back.
That and more starting right now.
JOY BEHAR, HOST: Denis Leary is a comedian, actor, writer, producer, dance hall hostess and award-winning hand model and he`s also one of my favorite all time guests. Here he is, Denis Leary.
Ok.
I was telling you during the break --
DENIS LEARY, ACTOR: I`m staring into my camera.
BEHAR: Yes, I know. Because I was telling you, you look 25 years old.
LEARY: Really?
BEHAR: Doesn`t he?
LEARY: Right. Ok. I want to tell you a little story. I`m not making this up. This is why I asked you to say that on air. I`m walking in. As you know, people who work here. There`s incredible security here at CNN.
BEHAR: Yes, really?
LEARY: And God forbid Gilbert Gottfried or I get into the building without being, you know, checked. Gilbert, I can understand. So the first guy I go through and the second guy stops me, he goes, "Hey, Ryan O`Neal.
BEHAR: Oh, no.
LEARY: Wait. Wait. So I go, excuse me.
He goes, "You were in that movie. You were in that funny movie, the Christmas movie. And I go, yes. And he goes, "You know." And I go, "The Ref". And he goes, Ryan O`Neal. That`s twice, right? There`s two people with me who hear this. And I go Ryan O`Neal? He goes Ryan O`Neal.
I`m assuming he`s talking about me. Is he talking about Kevin Spacey? He said Ryan O`Neal three times. In the elevator I`m going --
BEHAR: What do you mean he`s talking about Kevin Spacey?
LEARY: Does he think Kevin Spacey is Ryan O`Neal? No, I think he things I was Ryan O`Neal. So all the way up I`m going, the smoking has really overtaken me now. All of a sudden I look like Ryan O`Neal. That`s the first time that`s ever -- I`ve never been close -- Tatum O`Neal I`ve been taken for a couple of times.
BEHAR: That makes more sense. You look more like Tatum than Ryan, ok.
LEARY: Ryan O`Neal, I was very depressed. I came up here and laughed at Gilbert and then got depressed again.
BEHAR: Ok. Gilbert is on after you. But that`s ok.
LEARY: He is?
BEHAR: But you left him in the greenroom. He was hilarious.
LEARY: What`s going on? What is happening? Why? Why are they canceling you?
BEHAR: Let`s not talk about me.
LEARY: I want to talk about it. I don`t understand. It`s the final time to air our grievances.
BEHAR: We have one -- tomorrow I`ll be here. It`s my last day here and then there`ll be --
LEARY: This network, you get eight people, you`re a huge hit. I don`t understand, are you getting four? What`s happening?
BEHAR: No, no. I had -- my ratings are fine. I don`t know. Look, they changed -- I don`t know what the answer is. We`ve been trying to figure it out for a while now. It has something to do with the way the network is re -- thing. Re -- what`s the word, re-branding, they`re re- branding.
LEARY: I just want to say that I`m very upset. I just think that.
BEHAR: Thank you.
LEARY: Is Barbara Walters behind this somehow? Is she --
BEHAR: No. Barbara.
LEARY: Is she -- is there a plot?
BEHAR: I`m still working for her.
LEARY: I know. But I`m just saying --
BEHAR: Why would she care?
LEARY: Does she not want you having your own show?
BEHAR: It`s a little late two years later?
LEARY: Well, maybe it took her two years too -- she`s on Alzheimer`s time. It might have taken her awhile to figure it out.
BEHAR: Stop it.
LEARY: It might have been yesterday. It might even be a week ago. She has her own show, where? I don`t know. I`m just saying.
I love you, Barbara. I`m kidding.
BEHAR: You want to be on "The View" again, don`t you? So --
(CROSSTALK)
LEARY: I do want to be on "The View", as Ryan O`Neal. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Tatum O`Neal`s father, Ryan O`Neal.
BEHAR: All right. Let`s talk a little politics all right?
LEARY: I`m very angry about you leaving.
BEHAR: Oh, all right. Well --
LEARY: I just got my Joy Behar mug.
BEHAR: I know. Shouldn`t we be more angry about the fact that Newt Gingrich is the front-runner?
LEARY: Nice segue -- no, I love it.
BEHAR: Why?
LEARY: Because I love mad men when they get out in front. That`s why I want Trump to stay in the race.
BEHAR: Well, he`s not.
LEARY: No. Trump is coming back in, I hope. He`s great for comedy.
BEHAR: What we need for the comedy is Michele Bachmann is hilarious. They`re all very funny.
LEARY: No. She`s not that funny.
BEHAR: Oh, she is funny. Pray the gay away? What`s more hilarious than that?
LEARY: That`s pretty funny. But Newt is an endless supply of comedy. You don`t even have to do comedy, just watch him. His suits are so -- have you seen the suits he`s wearing? I don`t understand what the tailoring thing -- that`s going on. He had a gap in the suit between the shoulder and the neck that you could have put a sub sandwich in.
BEHAR: He`s like the doughboy, he`s thick.
LEARY: Yes. He`s really -- he`s just -- I hope he becomes the nominee.
BEHAR: But Ron Paul is on him now, is on his case. I want to show you a negative attack that he just ran against Newt Gingrich. Watch this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Newt Gingrich on the defense for taking 1.5 million bucks.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: After he left Congress, Freddie Mac paid Gingrich at least $1.6 million.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: $1.6 million, some of it just before the housing market collapsed.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Newt Gingrich can ridicule Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac publicly while privately pocketing millions.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That`s hard-core lobbying. That`s what Newt Gingrich was doing.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Ok. Now, this is a nasty little ad pointing out that perhaps Gingrich is a hypocrite and he took the money from Fannie and Freddie just as everything was collapsing.
He also was the one who was criticizing Clinton and tried to get him impeached, remember that whole thing, while he was having an affair. So he`s a real bad guy.
LEARY: Yes. That`s what makes him partially so funny. I love the guy.
BEHAR: I know. But what if he`s President of the United States?
LEARY: He won`t be President of the United States.
BEHAR: It could happen.
LEARY: It`s not going to happen.
BEHAR: You know what; we all said that about George Bush and it happened. Ok. So don`t count your chickens.
LEARY: You know what; you`re absolutely right. I take back exactly what I just said. You`re absolutely right.
Although I do think that Gingrich is outwardly -- one thing you can say about George Bush, is that his lack of information probably, you know, was good for him in terms of getting elected. Newt is not really a dumb guy, he`s just kind of an evil, selfish, you know --
BEHAR: Narcissist.
LEARY: Narcissist.
BEHAR: Yes. Yes. And those are his good points.
LEARY: Those are his good points. But he can actually put a sentence together so that would actually make him more dangerous.
BEHAR: But you know what; everybody talks about how smart he is. How smart he is. You really think he`s that smart?
LEARY: I think he`s pretty bright. I mean --
BEHAR: He sounds like he retains information more than that he`s really an original thinker.
LEARY: Maybe that`s what we`re talking about, he retains information, first about where -- like where the next sandwich is coming from. They`re all hypocrites except for, you know, what`s his name -- the little guy.
BEHAR: Ron Paul.
LEARY: Ron Paul.
BEHAR: He`s very consistent, he`s not hypocritical --
LEARY: No.
BEHAR: But he also is a libertarian, who according to him we don`t need a fire department. We don`t need --
LEARY: We don`t need anything.
BEHAR: We don`t need any -- you know --
LEARY: Just be that mug. Ok. Shut up.
BEHAR: It`s like it was 17th century type of thinking.
LEARY: People like him right now, I think because it`s Christmas and he looks like an elf. That`s my --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Yes.
LEARY: And then when it`s not Christmas, he really looks like a troll. Talk about a weird looking guy.
BEHAR: Kucinich was like that. He was like a Keebler elf.
LEARY: Kucinich has -- but Kucinich has that weird thing. I don`t know -- I don`t remember what Ron Paul`s wife looks like. But you remember Kucinich`s wife -- like Kucinich really looked like a madman from like an old "Batman" episode from the television show in the 60s. He was like one of those bad guys.
BEHAR: The wife.
LEARY: And the wife was like the statuesque redhead ex-model. What`s going on here?
BEHAR: Well, I mean come on. That`s what it all is. Look at Trump`s wife is gorgeous, she looks like Hedy Lamarr, his wife. He`s no beauty. I mean he`s not bad but he`s not as pretty as she is?
LEARY: You`re telling me that Trump is not bad.
BEHAR: No.
LEARY: So on the -- if you had a scale on the attractiveness of -- let`s do this -- the attractiveness of presidential hopefuls, who would you put -- who goes 1 through 5, who is number 1?
BEHAR: In looks?
LEARY: Yes.
BEHAR: Just in looks; the best looking one is Huntsman, I think.
LEARY: Ok. Number 2.
BEHAR: You`re leaving Obama out of this because he`s really cute.
LEARY: Ok. Let`s include Obama. Let`s put him number one.
BEHAR: Obama is number 1, Huntsman is number 2, number 3, this is tough, Romney, probably Romney, if you like that slick used car salesman look.
LEARY: Well, apparently you do. You put him third.
BEHAR: Well, who am I going to put?
LEARY: I don`t know.
BEHAR: Do I put Santorum there? I mean I could put Santorum.
LEARY: You could have put Michele Bachmann.
BEHAR: Oh, Bachmann, you`re talking about pretty women, she`s very attractive.
LEARY: To you?
BEHAR: Well, no. She`s just objectively attractive.
LEARY: On the air, you just said that you`re very attracted to Michele Bachmann.
BEHAR: I didn`t say I was attracted.
LEARY: Is this why you`re going off the air?
BEHAR: I said she`s very attractive.
LEARY: She`s very attractive.
BEHAR: She`s very -- Barack Obama, Barack Obama. So she`s kind of like a robot.
LEARY: Now, where would you put Trump in that listing of attractive candidates?
BEHAR: Trump, I would put him before Gingrich.
LEARY: Yes.
BEHAR: Right? Right? Remember Christine O`Donnell -- I`m not a witch -- that one?
LEARY: Yes, yes.
BEHAR: She has endorsed Romney. Romney says he is pleased by that. He is desperate.
LEARY: Or he needs the help of a witch. Isn`t she a witch?
BEHAR: She says she is a witch, yes.
LEARY: She was a witch.
BEHAR: She should have endorsed eye of Newt, no, if she`s a witch?
LEARY: It would make dramatic sense. I tweeted about this today. Gary Busey endorsed Newt Gingrich today.
BEHAR: Yes, that`s right.
LEARY: I was like wow.
BEHAR: Yes. Busey. Well, the crazy leading the evil.
LEARY: Yes.
BEHAR: Now, Romney`s campaign. First of all, you`re from Massachusetts.
LEARY: I am.
BEHAR: So was he governor when you were --
LEARY: No, I was long gone. I was here.
BEHAR: You were gone.
LEARY: I was here.
BEHAR: I was just wondering if he was -- what the people in Massachusetts thought of him? Did they think he was liberal?
LEARY: I don`t really know. To me, Romney is the worst case scenario in several regards. First of all, he`s probably the whitest man I`ve ever seen in my life. He makes me feel black, that`s how white he is. He is as white as you can come.
I mean that $10,000 bet thing to me, I don`t care what anybody said about it, as soon as I saw that clip, here is a guy that`s just has a lot of money and has always has had a lot of money.
BEHAR: He does. But the Republican base reveres people with money. It`s not -- that`s not a negative.
LEARY: I`m not against people with money but --
BEHAR: No, they like it.
LEARY: -- to take a guy on television and betting him $10,000 -- what are you, nuts?
BEHAR: But Americans like guys with money. They consider that an asset. They don`t want somebody who`s homeless being president. They want somebody with some cash.
Well, I`m being hyperbolic when I say that --
(CROSSTALK)
LEARY: I don`t want a guy that white running the White House anymore.
BEHAR: You don`t? Really.
LEARY: No, no.
BEHAR: Ok, all right. We`ll have much more with Denis Leary on the way. So sit tight.
That was ladylike, was it?
LEARY: She`s got a crush on Michele Bachmann.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back with the always entertaining Denis Leary.
Denis I want you to know that Rosie O`Donnell and Donald Trump are having another feud. She started it really on my show the other night.
LEARY: Why? What did she say?
BEHAR: And they`re in the news -- she called him "Voldemort" on my show. So he said this. Watch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DONALD TRUMP, ENTREPRENEUR: Really amazing. When I don`t like somebody, their shows do really badly. Rosie`s show is a complete and total disaster. So I have an idea, maybe Rosie O`Donnell and Lawrence O`Donnell -- and they must be related somewhere along the line -- they should get together, form a show and they`ll have the lowest rated show of all time. What a good idea. I`m a natural at television.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Now, now then she tweeted back and then he tweeted back. I won`t read them because it`s long and tedious actually. But -- it`s just like this little fight going on again.
But the thing about him, is like, he -- if you say anything about him, he goes at you.
LEARY: Yes, he does.
BEHAR: You know, he`s like psychologically, he`s so easily offended.
LEARY: Can I ask you, what is that camera that he`s looking into? He has a camera on his desk?
BEHAR: It looks like a Skype or something.
LEARY: Does he have a Skype thing mounted on his desk in his office?
BEHAR: I don`t know.
LEARY: Here`s what I love about him by the way amongst many things, comedy-wise.
BEHAR: Yes.
LEARY: I can never -- I can never get around the hair, I just love the hair. But look at him, now I don`t know a lot about women`s make up, but aren`t we -- aren`t we talking about like some lavender lip gloss and - -
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: No. No, no.
LEARY: -- and like, yes, really isn`t there some kind of lavender thing going on under the eyes too.
BEHAR: No, no. I`ve seen him up close. He`s made up the same way as you.
LEARY: Ok, there`s no fake tan or anything?
BEHAR: Yes a little -- a little pouch. I don`t think so. No. No.
LEARY: Ok.
BEHAR: Yes.
LEARY: I`ve gotten a couple of good -- he did a cameo once on a television show he did called, "The Jap".
BEHAR: Yes.
LEARY: And by the way he was -- when he was there, he was very professional.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: But why is he --
LEARY: And he had to bend over to -- to speak to me at this table. I was playing a cop. And I got to tell you, every time he bent over, I lost eye contact because I got a look right into the hair. It was mesmerizing, it was like looking into the face of God in a way. It`s like -- and then around, it`s -- the construction is unbelievable.
I asked for two extra takes so that he could come and bend down a couple more times.
BEHAR: Really.
LEARY: And I -- I just couldn`t figure out -- I couldn`t figure out where it started and where it ended. But it was all there, you know. It was fabulous. It was really unbelievable. I want to have, I asked if we could have him on the show again? And they are like, no. We had him on. He`s done the cameo. Just one more time because I want to look at the hair.
BEHAR: Yes.
LEARY: Its` amazing. And he does it every morning.
BEHAR: Well, he came on -- one time I pulled his hair, I have a picture of me pulling his hair to see if it was real.
LEARY: What happened?
BEHAR: It was real, his hair and then Barbara today was talking on "The View".
LEARY: What did it feel like?
BEHAR: It felt like hair.
LEARY: But it wasn`t like, it wasn`t like, it wasn`t frozen in place from the hairspray?
BEHAR: Well, yes a little bit. I mean, he does have spray on the side to keep it back.
LEARY: What did he do when you grabbed it?
BEHAR: He let me grab it so he could prove that it was his hair. And then Barbara pulled his hair and she said she thinks it`s his hair. So it`s his hair, ok?
LEARY: I figured it was his hair, I knew it was his hair it`s just about where -- where is the hair coming from? That`s my question, because, you know, most guys, they do a comb over from here. But I think he`s swirling around like cotton candy.
BEHAR: Yes.
LEARY: That`s what I think he`s got going on. I think he`s got a cotton candy thing in the morning, he sticks the head and all right -- what`s your name Melanea, Melania.
BEHAR: Melania.
LEARY: Yes.
BEHAR: She`s beautiful, his wife.
LEARY: She is beautiful but you know a least a couple times a week he gets the name wrong. Melania, you got it wrong.
BEHAR: So you have the best hair.
LEARY: No, I don`t. No, no.
BEHAR: Yes, you do. The girls love your hair.
LEARY: Do they?
BEHAR: Yes you`re very, you`re very practical --
LEARY: I have Ryan O`Neal hair.
BEHAR: Why are you so attractive to women? The women find you very attractive, I have to tell you.
LEARY: I don`t, yes you know what they all say that but they don`t know me. Ask my wife. I`m no day at the beach. And if it is a beach, it`s Hampton Beach. Ever been there? It`s not nice.
BEHAR: I`m really talking about your whole look and thing.
LEARY: Yes.
BEHAR: And you as a comedian and what have you.
LEARY: Yes.
BEHAR: That`s what they`re attracted to.
LEARY: Really?
BEHAR: So what do you think it is? What is it about?
LEARY: I don`t know it`s a loud-mouth, wise-ass, bad guy, Irish guy thing. I don`t know.
BEHAR: They like you.
LEARY: Really?
BEHAR: Yes.
LEARY: I can tell you I can cite a long list of women that have not liked me. All the ones that are related to me number one. You know it depends on --
BEHAR: But you stayed married a long time now.
LEARY: I have yes.
BEHAR: How long?
LEARY: My son is 21 so I`ve been married for 22 years but we`ve been together for almost 30.
BEHAR: Wow.
LEARY: I know.
BEHAR: Good for you.
LEARY: Well good, God bless my wife. That`s all I have to say.
BEHAR: I say that, too. Yes.
LEARY: It`s like I said, no day at the beach.
BEHAR: See if you were -- if you were on "The View" now and you said you were together for 30 years, they would burst into applause.
LEARY: I know. There is a huge gigantic -- I was surprised I didn`t get one here. Anyways -- it has nothing to do with me. Listen, it has nothing to do with me.
BEHAR: A little late.
LEARY: It has -- you know, it`s my wife.
BEHAR: Ok now, now let me ask you another topic.
LEARY: Sure.
BEHAR: There`s a sign we --
LEARY: Was that a topic?
BEHAR: Yes. There`s a sign --
LEARY: What was the name of that topic that I -- I was attractive to women, was that that section?
BEHAR: No I went off the page. This is on the page, though.
A sign reading, "Keep Christ in Christmas" is upsetting some New Jersey residents, should be allowed to stay? That`s my question to you to. Some of the atheists don`t like it. With this whole thing about say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" is kind of picking up steam now again.
LEARY: Yes, I don`t really care. I`m not a big Jesus guy. I mean I like Jesus.
BEHAR: Who doesn`t?
LEARY: Yes.
BEHAR: Who doesn`t like Jesus? Everyone likes Jesus.
LEARY: I like Jesus, I mean, I think he was a good guy.
BEHAR: Yes.
LEARY: I think he hung around with a lot of guys.
BEHAR: But he was a -- Jesus was a great person.
LEARY: But -- so Jesus was a good guy, right?
BEHAR: And possibly even you know more than that.
LEARY: Yes. Exactly so and you know he could do magic and stuff. So that means he`s probably fun to have around.
BEHAR: You went to Catholic school and that`s how you talk?
LEARY: I know. That`s why I talk this way. I did 12 years with nuns, you know. So I came out of it going like, I think Jesus is all right. The rest of it I think stinks to the high heavens. But I think -- I like Jesus. And I with a -- Christmas is -- I don`t know, it`s probably the only time I really honestly think about Jesus during the course of the year.
BEHAR: Yes. Really, how about Easter?
LEARY: I don`t really think about Jesus at Easter.
BEHAR: No.
LEARY: I always forget. Here`s the problem with Easter. The Catholic Church needs to pick a date because it keeps moving. And I think the reason they always have Easter moving to different dates is to catch us. Because if you`re a -- if you`re a Catholic, remember this if you`re a Catholic it was always like, this is the way I -- still to this day I find out Easter is coming, I go some place and I look and somebody has ashes on their forehead and I go, oh no, I missed it again.
BEHAR: Well, yes because at Wednesday --
LEARY: They float that Easter thing to find out.
BEHAR: Yes, yes.
LEARY: Ah, you don`t remember, do you? So I gave up on that.
I think, if they picked a date like Christmas then I go hey, Easter is coming you know. So I don`t really -- Jesus` resurrection, you know, is probably the big magic trick of all. I don`t -- but Christmas is like -- that`s like -- Jesus` birth.
BEHAR: When you say things like that, you get letters, don`t you? People don`t like them?
LEARY: I don`t read the letters. I don`t know where they go.
BEHAR: Ok.
LEARY: Must be an office --
BEHAR: All right. We`ll be back with this agnostic atheist.
LEARY: What is that -- I know what atheist means but agnostic --
BEHAR: In a minute. We`ll be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back with Denis Leary. And this is -- this is the --
LEARY: This is the last show, right?
BEHAR: No -- tomorrow is my last show. This is the next to the last show.
LEARY: Who is on the last show?
BEHAR: Steve Martin will be here tomorrow night.
LEARY: And they`re canceling you? Most people -- that`s when they`re --
BEHAR: They cancelled it before they knew Steve Martin will be on.
LEARY: Has Steve Martin been on the show before?
BEHAR: No.
LEARY: Then you have to get a reprieve here.
BEHAR: Steve is a fan of the show and we tweeted that he would miss the show so we booked him and he said sure, I`ll come on.
LEARY: That`s when you continue the show. You make an announcement. Seriously, CNN Headline News, this is when you say, we changed our minds, Steve Martin is on. That`s a huge guest --
BEHAR: I know.
LEARY: This guy was a co-host of the Oscars. It`s Steve Martin.
BEHAR: Yes. Well, I had Whoopi Goldberg.
LEARY: What am I doing on here right now?
BEHAR: I had Whoopi Goldberg on last night. She was the host of the Oscars --
LEARY: But you don`t count her as not counted because she is like your buddy.
BEHAR: She`s on "The View" with me, right.
LEARY: Steve Martin is like that`s -- now, you have to continue the show.
BEHAR: Yes. We had Robin Williams on, too. Did you know that? We had Bill Murray. Bill Murray does nothing.
LEARY: You had Bill Murray. Robin I was going to say I like Robin but he will pretty much do anything.
BEHAR: No, he won`t.
LEARY: Yes, he will.
BEHAR: I had a bet. If you know what I had to do, I won`t go into it. Don`t even start me. And Bill Murray -
LEARY: Bill Murray doesn`t do anything. He barely shows up at the movies he says he`s going to do. He`s a huge guest.
BEHAR: Did you ever see "What about Bob?" One of the funnies --
LEARY: I`ve seen every Bill Murray movie.
BEHAR: That is the funniest --
LEARY: Did you see "Get Low" which didn`t get nominated so far this year but he was great in it. Him and Robert Duvall. He`s a great actor.
Steve martin, I don`t know what to say. Genius. Have you met him before?
BEHAR: Yes.
LEARY: Is he nice?
BEHAR: Lovely.
LEARY: I`ve never met him.
BEHAR: What are you doing next?
LEARY: She skipped right over that.
BEHAR: Well, that`s -- I only have another minute for you now.
LEARY: Oh, ok. Sorry, sorry. Geez, I thought I had another 20- minute segment.
BEHAR: No, you have a minute.
LEARY: I have to get out of here. Steve Martin is coming in. The show`s getting canceled. What? What? What do you want to know?
BEHAR: I want to know what you`re doing next?
LEARY: I am finishing -- I`m still shooting "Spider-Man"
BEHAR: Oh, "Spider-Man".
LEARY: The new "Spider-Man" movie which come --
BEHAR: And who do you play?
LEARY: I play George Stacy, if you -- people who read comic books know who he is. That comes out July 4th. And then, the weekend after is "Ice Age 4" and that`s --
BEHAR: Which I`m in with you.
LEARY: That`s right. And then we have "Ice Age" 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 and 11 which they haven`t been announced yet, but that`s my -- the rest of my career basically. "Spider-Man" 4 through 10 and "Ice Age" 4 through 11. That`s what I -- that`s my plan.
BEHAR: Now, who are you playing in "Ice Age". Because I`m playing John Leguizamo`s mother and Wanda Sikes is playing his grandmother.
LEARY: I`m playing the same character I`ve played in the first three, Joy, the beloved Diego. By the way, I just want to mention that "Ice Age 4", the story this time finally is my story. It`s a love story and my girlfriend is played by Jennifer Lopez.
BEHAR: Well, excuse me.
LEARY: Maybe I`ll get her on the show right after Steve Martin and you won`t get cancelled. We should have thought ahead. You should have called me. I would have gotten her -- you would have gotten Steve Martin and you would have gotten renewed. And then, you know, we would have been fine.
BEHAR: Look, you know --
LEARY: I`m really angry about the show going out.
BEHAR: Don`t be angry. Don`t be angry.
LEARY: But I`m more pissed that Steve Martin isn`t here when I`m here. He probably hates me.
BEHAR: I don`t think he hates you Denis.
LEARY: I`ll tell you what.
BEHAR: What?
LEARY: Did you read his stand up book?
BEHAR: Yes.
LEARY: That`s the best stand up comedy book I`ve ever read.
BEHAR: We`re going to ask him all about that tomorrow night.
LEARY: Will you tell him that --
BEHAR: Be sure to tune in.
LEARY: -- tell him that Denis says "hi".
BEHAR: And I will tell him that Denis said "hi".
Thank you for coming on the Titanic with us. I really appreciate it. Thank you, Denis Leary.
We`ll be right back.
LEARY: Thank you. Bye.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: You may know him from the Aflac duck commercials from which he was fired or from "Saturday Night Live" from which he was fired, or from my show. Enough said there, huh? He stars in the filthiest movie ever made, "The Aristocrats," he is the David Niven of comedy, my friend, Gilbert Gottfried. Gilbert. OK.
GILBERT GOTTFRIED, COMEDIAN: You`re not the first person to call me the David Niven of comedy.
BEHAR: I`m not?
GOTTFRIED: It`s just -- it`s so often I get that one. I always get the David Niven of comedy.
BEHAR: Really? I would think the Noel Coward or the Cole Porter ...
GOTTFRIED: Yes.
BEHAR: But David Niven?
GOTTFRIED: Yeah. And I don`t want to start a fight right now, but I`m standing up and saying, this is the last time I`m doing your show. Yeah. I don`t want to -- I don`t want to make a big deal out of it. I don`t want to get threatening, but this is the last time ...
BEHAR: OK.
GOTTFRIED: I`m coming on your show.
BEHAR: All right. If you insist.
GOTTFRIED: Yes. You know, when they announced that JOY BEHAR SHOW is going off the air ...
BEHAR: Yes.
GOTTFRIED: All of America said, she has a show?
BEHAR: You`re right. Who is she again?
GOTTFRIED: Yes. Yes. This was right up there with Ellen DeGeneres announcing she`s a lesbian. Yeah. Yeah.
BEHAR: Maybe I should do that.
GOTTFRIED: Oh my god!
BEHAR: Do you think that would help if I announce I`m a lesbian?
GOTTFRIED: Yes. Yes. I`m going to announce I`m a lesbian. And but, see, I couldn`t because lesbians get women.
BEHAR: That`s true.
GOTTFRIED: Yes. So I can`t -- I can`t say ...
BEHAR: Well, how are you going to do that?
GOTTFRIED: Yeah. So it wouldn`t be believable in my case.
BEHAR: Well, you have a beautiful wife. I mean you -- you don`t do justice to your sexual magnetism.
GOTTFRIED: Yes. Well, that`s because I don`t have a penis. Yes.
BEHAR: You still don`t?
GOTTFRIED: That`s a whole other story. I was going to do that on your next show. But I guess we`ll never get to that.
BEHAR: We won`t get to that. Not on this network, no.
GOTTFRIED: You know, if after September 11th, Osama bin Laden became your guest host he never would have been found. He could have been here for years ...
BEHAR: Right.
GOTTFRIED: And, you know, he`d be like, you know, you`re friendly, he`d be there with the turban.
BEHAR: He did wear a turban.
GOTTFRIED: Yes. We`ll be back next week. That was my Osama bin Laden imitation. Because I`m --believe me, in certain Middle Eastern countries, that kills.
BEHAR: Does it kill?
GOTTFRIED: Yes. Yes. Good Osama bin Laden, you know, because I turn around and go, it might go something like this, and then -- yeah. That`s something that only impressionists used to do years ago. Hey. And if he was there working in the army, it could go something like this, and then I would get it.
BEHAR: Do the impression you do, when you sing Jerry Lewis singing the Who.
GOTTFRIED: Oh, yeah. This was my Jerry Lewis singing the Who -- first you want to say it twice ...
BEHAR: Yeah.
GOTTFRIED: ... because this is the reason the show`s going off.
BEHAR: This could be.
GOTTFRIED: It`s stuff like this.
BEHAR: It`s true, you`re right.
GOTTFRIED: It`s too repetitious. See me, touch me, see me, touch and see me feel and touching nice -- Feel ...
BEHAR: All right. That`s good. OK. That`s one of my favorites -- you know, we`d like to go out with a bang here. And ...
GOTTFRIED: Yes.
BEHAR: That was one of your better impressions.
GOTTFRIED: What do you say, I don`t know if it will be a bang but you`re certainly going out.
BEHAR: Your other ...
GOTTFRIED: Yeah. That`s happening. You`re certainly off the -- hey, both of us have lost a job this year. Isn`t that something?
BEHAR: Well, you, you know, you know, just FYI, you made "Time" magazine`s top ten list of the worst tweets of 2011. Your tsunami jokes were number three. Anthony Weiner was number one. So you lost out to the Weiner.
GOTTFRIED: Yes. I lost out to a pair of testicles. Yeah. That`s when you know you`ve hit rock bottom that a pair of testicles are more impressive than you. Yes.
BEHAR: Have you been laying low since then?
GOTTFRIED: Yes. I think twice about everything I tweet and then I do it anyway, because, really, what job do I have to lose?
BEHAR: I don`t know.
GOTTFRIED: Yes.
BEHAR: What job do you have?
GOTTFRIED: I don`t have a voiceover. My only job was coming on here. So basically, I`ve got free range.
BEHAR: But you`re still tweeting?
GOTTFRIED: Yes. Yes.
BEHAR: Aren`t you worried, though, you know, that you`re going to offend maybe -- who were you tweeting about?
GOTTFRIED: Yes. Yes.
BEHAR: What was your last offensive tweet?
GOTTFRIED: That I`ll lose my Giggles job in Cincinnati or something? Yeah. This would be ...
BEHAR: But what was the last tweet that you did that possibly was offensive?
GOTTFRIED: Let`s see. I said that the good news is I just hired coach Sandusky to be a clown at my kid`s birthday party. And I think that`s a good idea because, you know, when you leave him with the kids, you can leave and know they`ll be occupied.
BEHAR: That`s right.
GOTTFRIED: Yes.
BEHAR: Any others? Any others?
GOTTFRIED: I forget. Had I known you were going to ask, I would have remembered.
BEHAR: OK. What about -- I understand that you`re doing impression of Elmer Fudd.
GOTTFRIED: Oh, yes. Yes. This was, I haven`t done this one for years, I`ll try to remember it.
BEHAR: OK.
GOTTFRIED: This was Elmer Fudd in "Apocalypse Now." Oh, oh, the horror, the horror, I killed the little Vietnamese, ha-ha ha-ha. Yeah.
BEHAR: So your impressions have layers, I see.
GOTTFRIED: Yes.
BEHAR: You take them inside something else.
GOTTFRIED: Yes.
BEHAR: So, for instance ...
GOTTFRIED: And I used to, like years -- I`ve started doing Seinfeld before anyone knew who Seinfeld was.
BEHAR: I know. I remember.
GOTTFRIED: Yes. Because I`d used to, I`d be at the clubs and when I`d be doing Seinfeld, the comedians would run in and watch and like the wait staff would come in, and no one knew who he was, he was just another comic ...
BEHAR: Yeah.
GOTTFRIED: And I would do this and they`d all be laughing and applauding. The audience wouldn`t know what was going on. And in the bar, Seinfeld would never come in when I was doing that. And he`d be walking around angrily.
BEHAR: Really?
GOTTFRIED: At the bar, going that doesn`t sound anything like me. I don`t know why he does me in a sing-song voice. I don`t talk that way. And when have I ever done a joke about lunch on an airplane? I don`t do that kind of stuff. When have I done jokes about flip-top cans on soda?
BEHAR: Was he really mad? He wasn`t really mad?
GOTTFRIED: Yes, yes.
BEHAR: He was?
GOTTFRIED: He was so angry.
BEHAR: And now he`s a big star and a multimillionaire.
GOTTFRIED: Yes. Yes. He still -- he still can`t give it up. He still, he sits there in his mansion standing at the window, pulling the curtains, one day, I`ll get you, Gottfried. I have not forgotten.
BEHAR: What about -- what about Bob Dylan? Did you do Bob Dylan?
GOTTFRIED: Yes. Yes. Yes. I do -- this is Bob Dylan talking to Floyd the Barber from the old "Andy Griffith Show," because I like to remain hip.
BEHAR: You`re really up to date with this one.
GOTTFRIED: I`m working on a "Rawhide" bit for my next show. Yes. So, this is Bob Dylan talking to Floyd the Barber. Hello, Ooh, oh jr, yee, aa, give me a haircut, Floyd. Right away aaaaa aa, aa."
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: OK. No more. No more. And I really don`t know why that is so funny, but it is. OK.
GOTTFRIED: I`ll have to work on my Howard Sprague from the "Andy Griffith Show."
BEHAR: Yeah, do that one.
GOTTFRIED: Just to keep it -- the kids like that one.
BEHAR: Keep it coming. What about ...
GOTTFRIED: I`ll have to work on my Ken Berry ...
BEHAR: Yes.
GOTTFRIED: ... from "Mayberry RFD."
BEHAR: And how about Bill Cosby? That`s ...
GOTTFRIED: Oh yes. I did the "Cosby Show" twice.
BEHAR: Did you?
GOTTFRIED: I did the one where he was the Huxtables. And the other one that -- God knows what that one was.
BEHAR: Yes.
GOTTFRIED: And I -- see, I actually, I got the job because I auditioned to be one of the Cosby kids, but they said I was too black for the part, and so I got turned down. But -- yeah. And so I was on this show and Cosby himself asked for me.
BEHAR: Yes.
GOTTFRIED: ... to be on -- he said to me, (inaudible).
BEHAR: OK. So now everyone knows why we`re going off the air.
GOTTFRIED: Yes.
BEHAR: If you`re in New York City for the holidays, catch Gilbert performing at Caroline`s, you can`t miss it. On December 22nd and 23rd. We`ll be right back. Thank you, Gilbert.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Oscar winner Kathy Bates has made a career out of playing no- nonsense tough-talking women. Her title role as a disillusioned lawyer on the NBC crime drama "Harry`s Law" is no different.
Take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
KATHY BATES, ACTRESS: If that boy, status one, doesn`t get a transplant and dies, his family will have a wrongful death claim against this hospital, which I will bring with all my girth.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Are you threatening us?
BATES: That`s exactly what I`m doing. You want to roll the dice here? Fine, let`s play.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: With me now is the very talented Kathy Bates. Kathy, it`s so great to have you here. Who wrote that line "with all my girth"?
BATES: David E. Kelly wrote it.
BEHAR: David Kelly?
BATES: David E. Kelly wrote that line about all my girth. And I`ve - - I`ve got to write him a note about that.
BEHAR: Hey, listen, skinny boy. What is he a skinny guy or --
(CROSSTALK)
BATES: Well, there`s later on in the scene, and the guy I`m talking to says shouldn`t you be out somewhere with all your girth?
BEHAR: Oh boy.
BATES: To take better care of --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Boy oh, boy the abuse you have to take --
BATES: I know.
BEHAR: -- in this industry, you know. And in fact, but, do you know what, the truth of the matter is Kathy is that, I don`t know exactly how old you are, I have an idea, you`re over 50 --
(CROSSTALK)
BATES: Yes.
BEHAR: -- right? You`re still the star of the show, which is unusual.
BATES: Yes, it is.
BEHAR: You`re carrying the whole show.
BATES: Yes.
BEHAR: So that`s great.
BATES: Yes, and I`m very proud of that, in fact. As my sister said to me, at your age, your size, your gender --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Your age or size --
BATES: -- despite of your gender and look at all your accomplishments.
BEHAR: You work a lot. But you know what, that is a testimony to how talented you are.
BATES: Yes. Yes.
BEHAR: Isn`t it?
BATES: Yes.
BEHAR: It really is.
BATES: Yes.
BEHAR: Because I mean, you the part -- they come up with parts for you constantly.
BATES: I`m pretty pleased. I`m -- I`m enjoying Harriet, I love playing her.
BEHAR: What`s your favorite movie role?
BATES: My favorite movie role is Delores Claiborne actually. And that`s one that sort of slipped through the cracks, we did it back in 1994. Taylor Hackford directed it.
BEHAR: Yes. Oh Helen Mirren`s husband.
BATES: And -- yes. Yes. Helen Mirren`s husband, and he did such a great job with it, and it was -- I love, it`s my favorite role because I got to play a character when she was young and when she was old. And go back and forth in which --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: You like that?
BATES: Yes.
BEHAR: That`s nice. You haven`t done that in any other film?
BATES: No. No.
BEHAR: Well, maybe that`s your next role. You`ll have to wear the gray hair in the second part.
BATES: Yes.
BEHAR: And they`ll bleach you in the first.
BATES: Yes maybe I`ll give that a --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Yes, one of my favorites is "About Schmidt", where you were actually naked in the movie at the age of 54. I mean, the guts that that took, it was fabulous.
BATES: The Cosmopolitans that took.
BEHAR: How many -- how many did you need?
BATES: I think that was a two-Cosmopolitan.
BEHAR: That was a two?
BATES: Yes.
BEHAR: I wonder how many Cosmopolitans it took -- what`s his name, Jack Nicholson to show his fat belly --
(CROSS TALK)
BATES: I know, I mean, and his rear end -- he shows his rear end in that movie.
BEHAR: Right, exactly.
BATES: Yes.
BEHAR: And we were also subjected to Harvey Keitel`s tush in "The Piano", remember that?
BATES: Right, right.
BEHAR: It was like, no back. And also Sipowitz`s tush in the series "NYPD Blue."
BATES: Yes, yes.
BEHAR: -- well, remember that?
BATES: Yes.
BEHAR: So -- so but when you did it, it became like a whole conversation point. Because that you`re a woman, I guess.
BATES: I guess, I don`t know.
BEHAR: But you know, I often think that these actresses today all have to do nude scenes. Every one of them.
BATES: You don`t think that they --
BEHAR: They do. I think they do.
BATES: Still?
BEHAR: A lot of nudity in all the movies that I watch. A lot of sex and a lot of nudity.
BATES: I mean, it seems that way certainly in the -- in the -- in the -- the song business area. You have to be a stripper while you`re singing your song.
BEHAR: What - exactly, that helps the song sometimes. But no, I mean, I was talking the other day about "Blue Valentine", which is a great film.
BATES: Yes.
BEHAR: There`s like a lot of sex in that movie. And --
BATES: Yes.
BEHAR: -- "The Fighter."
BATES: She was great in that, Michele Williams.
BEHAR: She was great and so is Ryan.
BATES: Ryan Gosling --
BEHAR: Yes. But like in the days when Bette Davis was a star, she never had to take her clothes off.
BATES: It wasn`t classy.
BEHAR: It wasn`t classy to take your clothes off. The waves would crash and everybody knew you were having sex. You had to use your imagination.
BATES: Yes.
BEHAR: You know, now, they take it all off. You were married, I found out once.
BEHAR: Yes, I was married --
(CROSS TALK)
BEHAR: You were married to Tony Camtezzi (ph). You like Italian guys?
BATES: Yes.
BEHAR: Why?
BATES: He was Sicilian actually.
BEHAR: Yes.
BATES: Yes.
BEHAR: That`s Italian.
BATES: I know, it`s more Italian.
BEHAR: He`s even more Italian.
BATES: Yes, yes, yes.
BEHAR: So you were married to him for a while.
BATES: We were together for a long time. And we were married for about four years and yes, he was a good guy.
BEHAR: Yes?
BATES: Yes.
BEHAR: Did you get a divorce?
BATES: Yes.
BEHAR: How good could he have been?
BATES: He was a good guy.
BEHAR: He was?
BATES: He was a good guy.
BEHAR: Yes. All right. Whatever. You know -- did you have any children? You don`t have any kids, right?
BATES: No. We don`t have any children.
BEHAR: Did you regret that at all that you didn`t have?
BATES: No, I never, ever wanted to have kids and I knew that from a very early age.
BEHAR: Really?
BATES: Yes, and I don`t regret having children.
BEHAR: No, because your career is your child, I guess.
BATES: I was my child.
BEHAR: You were your own child.
BATES: Yes. I`m still trying to bring me up.
BEHAR: Well, you have to always maintain that child-like quality when you`re an actor.
BATES: Right. I remember Mike Nichols said to me one time because I was getting ready to direct my first thing for TV and I said, "Gee, Mike, have you got any pointers for me now I`m going to be a director." He said, "Oh, good, you get to be the parent now. You don`t have to be the baby."
BEHAR: That`s nice.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: We`re going to take a short break and we`ll be back with more with Kathy Bates in a minute.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: And we`re back with Kathy Bates. You know, I found out, I was looking through the research about you and I found out you were or are an ovarian cancer survivor.
BATES: I am.
BEHAR: Now, you kept the news to yourself for years. I mean no one really knew this.
BATES: No, I was very quiet about it. In retrospect, I probably would have done it differently, but when I was going through it, I don`t know, I just was so focused on getting better, you know. And my doctor told me, I guess, too, I was listening to her advice. She said, don`t tell anybody. Just keep it to yourself.
BEHAR: Really? Why?
BATES: She says -- I guess because it was that thing in Hollywood, you don`t want people to know you`re sick.
BEHAR: Yes, that`s true because then they`ll say, we can`t use her.
BATES: Yes.
BEHAR: You probably were right to do that.
BATES: I think there`s more of a thing against having ovarian cancer for some reason than there is of other types of cancer like breast cancer. There`s something kind of taboo about ovarian cancer.
BEHAR: Probably because it`s a hard one to cure.
BATES: And what`s involved usually is a hysterectomy and that`s something people don`t like to talk about.
BEHAR: Yes, yes, yes.
BATES: That`s what I found when I was going through it. People don`t like to talk about cancer.
BEHAR: No. We never did.
BATES: Yes. And they don`t -- it`s not dinner table conversation. Hi, how are you doing? You know. You don`t want to talk about your chemo.
BEHAR: Illnesses, yes. But I think you`re right about the industry that it`s not a good idea, probably. So it`s better that you kept it to yourself.
BATES: Yes. But now, I`ve been doing some work with the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance and trying to get the word out about symptoms and stuff and done a couple of PSAs for them. That`s a tricky thing with ovarian cancer is really getting the symptoms right.
BEHAR: So they don`t have a test that`s accurate.
BATES: No, they don`t.
BEHAR: That`s the real issue.
BATES: Yes.
BEHAR: You know, the Pap smear tells you about cervical. The mammogram, the breasts. And this is really like it gives you false positives. That`s not great. So that`s where we need to work, I think.
BATES: Yes.
BEHAR: You were actually billed as BoBo Bates in your first film, 1971`s "Taking Off". And we just so happen to have a clip of that. Let`s watch it.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BATES (singing): And even in the darkest of storms you knew that the sun was still there and even the horses had wings.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Beautiful. Really pretty.
BATES: Thank you. I wrote that song.
BEHAR: You did?
BATES: I did.
BEHAR: Are you a songwriter?
BATES: I used to be when I was a kid. I really wanted to do that more than anything else was play the guitar and write songs and sing. And then, I don`t know, I got into the acting.
BEHAR: You got famous. But you can actually sing beautifully.
BATES: Thank you.
BEHAR: Do you have any other hidden talents? What else do you do?
BATES: I`m going to have to think about that.
BEHAR: You write songs, you sing. Do you play an instrument?
BATES: I used to play the guitar. I don`t know. I write.
BEHAR: You write books?
BATES: Well, I`m working on something now that I can`t really talk about, but I`m working on something, and yes, I have -- I paint a little bit.
BEHAR: Boy, you`re a Renaissance woman. Look at you.
BATES: Yes, I`m a Renaissance woman.
BEHAR: Do you live in California?
BATES: I do.
BEHAR: You can do the outdoor painting there. You can write a song on the hills while the coyotes are howling in the back. I mean, it`s a perfect setting for a woman of your talents.
And you can be a big star on "Harry`s Law", which airs Monday nights on NBC. Good night, everybody.
END
