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A Rogue's Gallery of Cheaters; Former IMF Head Out on Bail; Schwarzenegger's Secret Love Child
Aired May 21, 2011 - 22:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
DON LEMON, CNN ANCHOR: Good evening, everyone. Thanks for joining us. I'm Don Lemon in Los Angeles.
Anyone who's had an unfaithful partner knows it is a wound that never heals. But sometimes adultery goes beyond the immediate people involve. When the cheater is a wealthy or powerful person, the sense of betrayal can be far reaching.
Private indiscretions can have very public consequences. Think about Bill Clinton as president. His infidelity with an intern didn't simply affect his family it affected the entire country which was tied up for a year with the investigation and impeachment.
So for the next hour here on CNN, in partnership with "Time" magazine, we'll take an in depth look at what makes wealthy, powerful men who seem to have it all risk everything for adulterous sex.
The latest revelations were bombshells. First, a criminal accusation against the head of the International Monetary Fund by a hotel housekeeper. Dominique Strauss-Kahn has since resigned his post and is out of jail on bond.
But even before the ink was dry on that headline, former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger publicly admitted fathering a child with his family's housekeeper over a decade ago.
And as CNN's Tom Foreman explains, these two men, both very wealthy and politically connected are simply the latest in a crowded rogue's gallery of cheaters.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
TOM FOREMAN, CNN CORRESPONDENT (voice-over): Even in the midst of this sex scandal, the former California governor has plenty of company.
BILL CLINTON, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
FOREMAN: Ever since President Clinton was caught fooling around 13 years ago, Internet rumors, cameras everywhere, and the public appetite for dirt have outed dozens of public figures for indiscretions. Among Republicans, such scandals have had particular impact. Former House Speaker, now presidential contender Newt Gingrich led the charge against Clinton, but twice had affairs of his own.
Senators David Vitter and then Senator John Ensign likewise have defended conservative family values, but Vitter was linked to prostitutes and Ensign cheated on his wife.
And when the Governor of South Carolina Mark Sanford was found with his Argentine mistress, not on the Appalachian Trail...
GOV. MARK SANFORD (R), SOUTH CAROLINA: I -- I have been unfaithful to my wife.
FOREMAN: ...his wife suggested he take a hike.
JENNY SANFORD, WIFE OF SOUTH CAROLINA GOVERNOR MARK SANFORD: And I frankly didn't know where he was.
FOREMAN: And it's not as if Republicans have cornered the market on indiscretion.
JOHN EDWARDS (D), FORMER U.S. SENATOR: Because I did not want the public to know what I had done. Very simple.
FOREMAN: Former vice presidential candidate John Edwards talked to "Nightline" about his affair with this woman, Rielle Hunter. She claimed they had a love child, something at first Edwards denied.
QUESTION: When you were running for president, you flat-out denied having a relationship with Rielle Hunter. Is -- did you give me a truthful answer? Were you telling the truth then?
EDWARDS: Yes.
FOREMAN: He later came clean and his wife, Elizabeth, now deceased, left him and took their kids with her.
Other Democrats, former New York Governor, now CNN host Eliot Spitzer paid for escorts. Former New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey cheated with another man.
But it's not just politics. In sports, quarterbacks Brett Favre and Ben Roethlisberger were accused of, but never charged with misconduct. Tiger Woods went into the rough over extramarital playing partners.
TIGER WOODS, PROFESSIONAL GOLFER: I was unfaithful. I had affairs.
FOREMAN: And, in entertainment, scandals have enveloped David Letterman, Hugh Grant, George Michael, and Jesse James, just to name a few.
(on camera): So, the former California governor can take consolation knowing, as a politician, an athlete and an entertainer, he is not alone. But then, when you think about it, that was the whole problem.
Tom Foreman, CNN, Washington.
(END VIDEOTAPE)
LEMON: "Sex, Lies, Arrogance," it's just a headline on the "Time" magazine cover. It also reads what makes powerful men act like pigs. We put that question to the author of the feature story, executive editor Nancy Gibbs.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
NANCY GIBBS, EXECUTIVE EDITOR, TIME MAGAZINE: It is not all men, by any means, but what we have found, all through history is that with opportunity seems to come an inclination to act on it. And the more wealthy and powerful and famous and accomplished men are, the more opportunity they have to misbehave.
And what some social scientists have suggested is that the ordinary men who don't have an opportunity develop the muscles of monogamy, of self-restrained and delayed gratification. But if over time you have all this opportunity, all of these women, then those muscles weaken and you end up with men whose success often also makes them feel entitled to take whatever they want and there's -- if it's available, then they are inclined to take it.
LEMON: How do you go from being a man in power, being a business person, being confident to what seems like as you have said, entitlement and then really just narcissism, isn't it? Is there another way of putting it?
GIBBS: Well, you wonder which comes first. Is it that narcissists who have a very high opinion of themselves, that that is an advantage in becoming successful? Or does the success make you think that the world should revolve around you. And maybe that there's a little bit of both.
But what we find happening and this happens with celebrities in sports and entertainment, as well as in politics, is that if you're surrounded by people telling you how special you are and who have a personal or a political interested in your success and therefore might be inclined to cover up when you misbehave, that does create yet another set of circumstances for you to take advantage of situations where good judgment would say that you shouldn't.
LEMON: Is it the thrill of getting away with it, Nancy? Like, yes!
GIBBS: For some men, there is an element of that, the excitement that comes with feeling like they are special and the rules don't apply with them. And the more often they turn out to be right, the more often that they're going to cross that line again.
(END VIDEOTAPE)
LEMON: So why are we having this conversation? It's because of two men. Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the now former head of the International Monetary Fund, charged this week with sexual assault. And actor and former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger who admitted he fathered a child over a decade ago with a housekeeper. Two men with cases that will yield different results, but both have very similar traits. We'll explore that this hour.
Also, Gayle Haggard, the wife of televangelist Ted Haggard. He preached against cheating, then admitted to having a relationship with a man. Gayle Haggard is here, live, to explain why she has stood by her husband.
And the big question for many wives and partners, especially after the news of this week, how do you keep your man from cheating on you? We have some advice.
And if you have any questions or comments about tonight's subject, write to us on social media. You can reach out to us on Twitter, on Facebook, on CNN.com/Don. You can check in with us on FourSquare.com/DonLemonCNN.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
LEMON: He was a man in charge of billions of the world's money, but now the former head of the International Monetary Fund, Dominique Strauss-Kahn is holed up in a Manhattan apartment, out on bail after his arrest for allegedly trying to rape a hotel maid.
Our Susan Candiotti walks us through his scandalous past week.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
SUSAN CANDIOTTI, CNN NATIONAL CORRESPONDENT (on camera): It was Friday the 13th, the day before the alleged assault, when Dominique Strauss-Kahn checked into a luxury hotel in midtown Manhattan, The Sofitel. According to a law enforcement source, the head of the International Monetary Fund was for company.
(voice-over): Within minutes of checking into suite 2806, he called the front desk and invited the female receptionist to join him for a drink. She declined.
Fast forward to the next day, at around noon, a source tells CNN, a male service attendant entered his room to retrieve service items. Just minutes later, a 32-year-old maid noticed the door was ajar and entered the room to clean. The attendant then left.
(on camera): Inside 62-year-old Strauss-Kahn allegedly was naked in the bedroom and grab at the maid, chasing her through the suite. Authorities say as she tried to escaped, he shut the door and allegedly forced himself on her, sexually assaulting her.
JOHN MCCONNELL, ASSISTANT DISTRICT ATTORNEY: He forced her to perform oral sex on him.
CANDIOTTI (voice-over): About a half hour later, police say Strauss-Kahn checked out of the hotel. Prosecutors contend he was rushing here to JFK Airport for a flight to Paris. The defense claims e was in a hurry to meet his daughter for lunch before heading here to the airport for a pre-booked flight.
Soon after the alleged attack, the maid was reporting the incident to hotel staff. Around 1:30 in the afternoon, the police were called. No one knew of Strauss-Kahn's whereabouts until he called the hotel from the airport asking them to look for his lost cell phone. A move the defense says prove he is innocent and was not fleeing the country.
On Monday, a disheveled Strauss-Kahn appeared in court where he was charge with an array of offenses that could put him behind bars up to 25 years. Denied bail, Strauss-Kahn was sent to Rikers Island Jail.
Wednesday, Strauss-Kahn resigned as IMF chief. In a brief letter to the board he proclaimed his innocence saying, quote, "To all, I want to say that I deny with the greatest possible firmness all of the allegations that have been made against me."
In court Thursday, supported by his wife and daughter, a clean cut Strauss-Kahn was granted some freedom.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I have decided that I will grant a bail.
CANDIOTTI (on camera): After being rejected by another apartment because of a media crush, Strauss-Kahn is now living here in Lower Manhattan until he moves again next week with the media in tow. He's under a court ordered 24-hour watch. His next court appearance, June 6.
Susan Candiotti, CNN, New York.
(END VIDEOTAPE)
LEMON: In "Time" magazine's feature article called "Sex, Lies, Arrogance," executive editor Nancy Gibbs points out that of all the powerful men involve in recent scandals, the allegations against Dominique Strauss-Kahn are on a whole different level. Not just a cheater or a liar, he's accused of being a violent predator.
Gibbs talked with me about the new accusations made by journalist Tristan Banon.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
GIBBS: Well, after this news broke, another woman came forward in France, talking about how when she went to interview him, when she was in her early 20s, she was a journalist, she was actually god daughter to his second wife, that that interview turned into an attack, that he initially was holding her hand, and then he -- but he ended up trying to rip her clothes off, trying to take her pants off, undoing her bra and her on the floor kicking him. She describes it as a violent attack.
And at the time, this was in 2002, she never pressed any charges so the case was never investigated. Her mother admitted to talking her out of it. And the reason was partly this was a very powerful man, and the fear was that if this daughter came forward to accuse him, that people wouldn't believe her, that it was end up ruing her life.
And so, you know, now all these years later, with the accusation of this episode in the hotel room, she has come forward. You know, the cynical view is women now come forward in order to cash in and the less cynical view is women now come forward because they think that there's a chance that their stories will be believed.
(END VIDEOTAPE)
LEMON: Dominique Strauss-Kahn was expected by many to become the next president of France. That likely won't happen now.
Ahead this hour, how the case is playing out across the Atlantic. It's not the same as what you're seeing here, definitely.
But first, Arnold Schwarzenegger, how a 13-year-old secret about fathering a child with his housekeeper was finally revealed.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER, FORMER CALIFORNIA GOVERNOR: We both love each other very much. We are very fortunate to have four extraordinary children, and we're taking one day at a time.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
LEMON: That was Arnold Schwarzenegger talking about his separation from his wife Maria Shriver just days before the jaw dropping revelation that he fathered a son with his family housekeeper. It's something he has hid from the world for 13 years now. Imagine that.
Our Thelma Gutierrez looks at how the secret came after so many years.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
THELMA GUTIERREZ, CNN CORRESPONDENT (voice-over): The lives of the former California governor, his wife and four children had been imploding in private when over the course of a week the scandal surrounding the other woman and their love child exploded in the media.
It began on May 9th with the surprising announcement that the couple was separating after 25 years of marriage.
SCHWARZENEGGER: We both love each other very much. We are very fortunate that we have four extraordinary children.
GUTIERREZ: Then a week later, a bombshell. Schwarzenegger releases a statement confirming a "Los Angeles Times" story that he had an extramarital affair and a child with a member of his household staff.
And the next day, we learned who she is. The "New York Times" identifies the woman as 50-year-old Mildred Patricia Baena. The native of Guatemala who had worked in the Schwarzenegger home as a housekeeper for 20 years.
The child's birth certificate obtained by CNN shows the baby, a boy, was born in 1997, just days after Maria Shriver gave birth to her youngest son. The father named on the document is a man who was Baena's husband at the time. Baena's divorce document showed the couple separated just three weeks after the birth.
Baena did have two older children from a previous marriage, her daughter Jacqueline Rozo has come to her defense.
JACQUELINE ROZO, MILDRED PATRICIA BAENA'S DAUGHTER: My mom is a great woman.
GUTIERREZ: In January Baena retired from her job with the Schwarzeneggers to an upscale home she purchased in Bakersfield, California, 100 miles away from the Brentwood Mansion where she worked.
(on camera): Baena has kept a low profile according to neighbors. They also describe her son as going to a local middle school, and they say that he's very polite, incredibly bright and well-liked in the neighborhood.
MARILYN STEELMAN, NEIGHBOR: The son is a wonderful, very respectful, very intelligent young man. He's got great manners.
GUTIERREZ (voice-over): Ever since the scandal broke, the teenager has not been seen at school. Neighbors say neither the boy nor his mother have returned home.
As for Schwarzenegger, he was looking forward to returning to the big screen. He just announced three upcoming movie deals have been put on hold while he works on his personal life.
While he was laying low away from the camera, Maria Shriver has stepped out, taking center stage with Oprah during one of the final tapings of her show to a roaring applause in front of 20,000 people.
Thelma Gutierrez, CNN, Bakersfield, California.
(END VIDEOTAPE)
LEMON: Well, Schwarzenegger has faced sex scandals before, accused of groping and other bad behavior against women when he campaigned to become governor of California.
In her article "Sex, Lies, Arrogance," "Time" magazine executive editor Nancy Gibbs takes note of how his wife Maria Shriver acted back in 2003 and how she has acted about this latest revelation. (BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
GIBBS: At the time that Maria Shriver in a very important moment in his gubernatorial campaign stood by him as a character witness, it was when more than a dozen women had accused him of this aggressive groping and harassing, and she said, you know, I know him, take my word for it. You know, he's a gentleman, he's a great guy. And that carried a lot of weight with voters.
What's, you know, been especially tragic and poignant watching this week is that when he told her that in fact all this time he had a son that he had had with their housekeeper. She was not prepared to stand by that, and she moved out. And so, you know, we have no way of knowing what she would have done if she had known the truth back when she was defending him.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
LEMON: OK, so we know many of the details, but none of them seem to answer the burning question, and that's, why? What makes men who rise so high fall for one of the most primitive desires, and that's sex?
Our resident human behavior expert Dr. Wendy Walsh joins me now.
And, Wendy, you're the author of "The Boyfriend Guide." So this is right up your ally.
DR. WENDY WALSH, AUTHOR, "THE BOYFRIEND GUIDE": The boyfriend test.
LEMON: The boyfriend test. The boyfriend test.
So why do you think this keeps happening to powerful men? They keep having these cadre accusations.
WALSH: Well, I always think that these are like the star hunters from our anthropological past. They brought back this woolly mammoths which means lots of protein so the whole village would gave them access to more females, right? So today's hunters are the athletes, the actors, the Wall Street power brokers.
LEMON: High profile.
WALSH: They are risk takers. They want a sense of entitlement. It's never too much for them. But what is the psychological underpinning? Could there be a bit of narcissism? People think narcissism is, oh, I'm great. I deserve all this. No, the underbelly of it is actually a sense of self-loathing.
LEMON: Yes.
WALSH: And trying to make up for what they don't deserve. They're trying to prove to themselves.
LEMON: There's actually a primetime drama based on this called "The Good Wife."
WALSH: That's right.
LEMON: Standing by your man. Why do these wives stand by their accused men?
WALSH: Well, women love love. Women define themselves through their relationships. And their relationship and their attachment and the security of their family is sometimes far more important than losing him physically.
LEMON: So why are they attracted to these bad boys? And if they love love, maybe these men are not, you know, prone to that.
WALSH: Well, there's certainly a chance that they can have better opportunities for their children with more money, better education, everybody can eat better and live in nicer houses. So there's that piece of it. The gold digger, if you will.
But there's another piece. And that is bad boys are kind of what I call a random interval reward system. They're like a slot machine in Vegas, but you're hoping they're going to pay off and be a really good guy at some point. Because when they do pay a little dribs and drabs along the way, it's really nice.
LEMON: OK, honest question. I don't know if you can answer exactly how many. But how many men cheat? And is this really an instinct that we're fighting?
WALSH: Well, Don, here's the problem with studies on infidelity. They're mostly self-report studies so people lie a lot. People tend to lie about money and sex. Those are the big areas. But one study I came up with that seems to be the most valid says that about 60 percent of married men are unfaithful at some point.
LEMON: All right, so men in power, should they be examining themselves right now? And are they susceptible to this time of behavior as everyone?
WALSH: Well, one thing we know about monogamy is that monogamy is more likely with men if they make an intellectual decision. An intellectual commitment to themselves to overcome their animal instinct. So the question is what kind of role model are these men.
Why are you laughing at me?
LEMON: I'm laughing because I love listening to you. I love talking to you. It's a great conversation, and one that I want to have because I want you to stick around, Dr. Wendy. In about 20 minutes, we're going to talk about how a woman can stop a bad boy from playing her.
WALSH: Exactly. There are signs she can look for to make sure she does not hire a bad boy as a boyfriend.
LEMON: All right. Dr. Wendy, we'll see you in just a little bit here.
You know, it's called a misconduct matrix. It's one of the features of this week's "Time" magazine to help you understand whose acts are worst than others. We'll take a look at it right after the break.
And if your spouse cheated on you, would you stand by him or her? When we come back, we'll talk with Gayle Haggard about why she decided to stay with her husband Pastor Ted Haggard after he cheated on her.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BILL CLINTON, FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
LEMON: As part of it's article "Sex, Lies, Arrogance, "Time" magazine created what's called a misconduct matrix. It's a chart created to help readers see what all men behaving badly that they are all not equal. It puts together people like John F. Kennedy with Gary Hart. "Time" Magazine executive editor Nancy Gibbs explained it to me.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GIBBS: We did not want to lump together all different kinds of behavior that just have to do with powerful men behaving in different ways that people disapprove of.
You know, obviously, since the news this week is of Dominique Strauss-Kahn, that is the most extreme case, where if those charges are true, he's not a womanizer, he's not a philanderer, he's a violent criminal. If that is true. And so that sort of at one extreme.
At the other extreme, though, are cases that are more a matter of hypocrisy. If it is for instance a politician who presents himself as a family values champion, in the case of Newt Gingrich. Another one who is coming up a lot this week. Someone who was, you know, pursuing the impeachment of a president for lying about his affair with an intern while Gingrich himself was having an affair with a congressional staffer. So we sort of have a matrix that runs from stupid and hypocritical to actionable, potentially criminal.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
LEMON: And although it's just accusation, Dominique Strauss-Kahn has been grouped with men like Mike Tyson who was convicted of rape.
And, you know, for every cheater who loses their spouse like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Tiger Woods or Jesse James as a matter of fact, there are many others who manage to hang on to their significant others.
But how can someone stick around after such an enormous betrayal. That's the subject of Gayle Haggard's book, "Why I Stayed."
And Gayle, you may remember, is married to pastor Ted Haggard who resigned from his mega church in 2006 after a male escort claimed he had an encounter with him. The Haggard stayed married and opened up a church just last year
Gayle Haggard is joining us live.
Gayle, thank you for joining us. It's right there in the title of your book. Tell us why you stayed.
GAYLE HAGGARD, AUTHOR, "WHY I STAYED": Well, I stayed because I knew that my husband was so much more than the allegations that were being levelled against him and even his betrayal. And I wasn't willing to let this negative behavior that was going on in my husband totally negate everything good that we had built into our lives.
And so I had to ask myself who I was going to be in this story, and I was going to be a woman who fought for what I really do believe in.
LEMON: And Gayle, I know you've met Maria Shriver and really that's one reason you have decided to speak to us about this today.
HAGGARD: Well, I think Maria is a remarkable woman. And I met her a couple of years ago when I spoke at the California Women's Conference. And I have admired her for many years. She is a courageous woman, a gracious woman. She has a big heart. And I just want to speak out to say the complexities of these issues are beyond the judgments of all of us sitting on our couches watching. And that we need to give her the benefit of the doubt. And know that she's a smart woman. She's been smart all along. She has reasons for loving this man. And if she chooses to stay with him, we can respect that because she sees more than we see in this man.
LEMON: You know, can you broaden what you're saying to women or even men who may be watching and may have -- their spouses may have cheated, or is cheating on them now?
HAGGARD: Well, certainly, and my responses in why I stayed are not a one size fits all solution. But I think when you have a partner who has betrayed you, you have to look at the bigger picture.
And I think our human behavior is so complex that we cannot just categorize and just see the person through the lens of their failings. I am a person who embraces my Christian faith. I understand the fact that people fail, that people are flawed. And I was willing to give my husband the benefit of the doubt that even though he had messed up, and it was very painful, and we had a process to walk through, that he was also the man that I had loved for at that time 28 years. Now 33 years. And I knew that there was so much more to him that was worth fighting for.
LEMON: I have to ask you this, you mentioned your faith. Was your husband's scandal doubly worse for you because of the circumstances? And so how hard was it for you to reconcile that with your faith?
HAGGARD: Well, it was difficult for me to reconcile what I was hearing with the man that I knew. But as I chose to go through the process of counseling and trying to understand the situation, I began to understand the why, the root problem and understanding that, it helped me to forgive him and to get to the other side, and I am so grateful that I stuck with it because I now have the marriage that I always longed for and that is an open, honest, communication between the two of us where we really do trust each other and we feel safe with each other.
LEMON: Gayle Haggard, thank you so much for your candor. We appreciate you coming on and being so brave to speak about this. Thank you.
HAGGARD: Thank you.
LEMON: Do women behave badly like some men when they are in positions of power? Or are they built differently? I'll put that question and others to Dr. Drew right after the break.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
LEMON: If you really want to know what makes men tick, and why the rich and powerful sometimes do stupid and damaging things, well, you won't find anyone better to ask than our very own Dr. Drew Pinsky, host of "Dr. Drew" on our sister network HLN.
I recently sat down with him to talk about why monogamy is important. His insights as you're about to hear are dead on.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
LEMON: We hear the salacious details, should we be surprised by this behavior especially when it comes to Arnold?
DR. DREW PINSKY, HOST, HLN's "DR. DREW": I'm not sure we should be surprised, but I don't think we should endorse it or look away. I think that's a huge mistake for several reasons.
One is these people are our leaders. They set the cultural tone and what's normative for our kids. And to some extent that bleeds down to them and we have to remember that. So we have to hold leaders accountable to be leaders.
Also behind the idea of sort of accepting men behaving badly is some sort of cultural endorsement of the idea that men gain power and money in order to act like this, which is a sad, sad indictment on the male psyche if that's indeed the case.
And then finally people go, oh, if they hadn't gotten caught, this would have gone on indefinitely. And the same is true of any adverse behavior, any problematic behavior. When people come to a psychologist, to a psychiatrist to treatment for addiction, it's always because people in their lives go enough, enough of this. It's becoming disruptive. LEMON: OK, so what -- do you think women, and I don't know if we can even gauge this, would women act the same way if the tables were turn, if women had the positions of power in our society, or are we just built differently?
PINSKY: Well, we are definitely built differently, biologically. It's just the way it is. But you're asking a question that is somewhat arguable, which is if indeed, if we were a society run by women, where they had all the power, would they act like this?
The probability is no, because they are motivational. Biological motivational priorities are just different. They're not going to act like that. But again, men are happier when they don't act like this. They are healthier when they don't act like this.
So again, it's something that everyone can go, well, OK, I understand that men would behave like this, but to allow them to do so, and to sort of give them a pass, again, it's a big, big mistake.
LEMON: OK, so if -- are we -- marriage and monogamy, is this something that is an invention of the church? Are we trying to do something with our bodies that our bodies weren't actually meant to do?
PINSKY: Yes and no. OK, not only, there's no doubt again, particularly for men. Every measure of health and happiness is improved when we are in a sustained, monogamous relationship.
LEMON: OK.
PINSKY: It just is. So it's better for us overall. And this is an institution that if there were not a lot of powerful forces in place that motivated us to stay in it over all these centuries, it's not likely to have survive. It does a lot of things for us. It does a lot of good for us, both as individuals and as someone who wants to be a part of a family system, and to head of a family system.
So there's stuff beyond religious in us, us as men that we get out of being the head of a household. I think the single biggest issue that's coming to bear on the problem today is two things. One is we are living so long.
LEMON: Right.
PINSKY: So people have an urge to get married to escape their family of origin or to, whatever it might be, to reproduce in their 20s, and they're going to live another 65 years.
LEMON: Right.
PINSKY: That's what's unnatural about this. And people have to be really prepared for that, that this is a lifetime partnership that they better be ready to make. And, boy, in the early 20s, the data at least suggests we shouldn't be making it then.
LEMON: OK, that's a good point. So we shouldn't be making it then. Some marriages and some relationships sort of thrive on not being monogamous.
PINSKY: Yes. You know, again, I would argue, in my experience, that those are not people that are very happy. Yes, there are people that will say, oh, no, we are having an open relationship and all this stuff. And it works for a while, but those are people that actually don't know how to achieve genuine intimacy, because real intimacy is diminish by outside flow to have attention.
LEMON: But in some societies, it's OK to have more than one wife, to have children by, it's OK.
(CROSSTALK)
This is America and this is our value is about.
PINSKY: I understand, and I'm not passing judgment. But, again, from my experience having worked with couples that are happier and flourish more, real intimacy is a much healthier place for people to hang out. Even if people have multiple wives, usually within that, they at least have one that they are real intimate with.
(END VIDEOTAPE)
LEMON: Thank you Dr. Drew.
And you have heard why men may cheat on their spouses. But is there anything you can do to prevent it? Our resident human behavior expert Dr. Wendy Walsh joins me again with some answers -- next. I want to know.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER, FORMER CALIFORNIA GOVERNOR: Maria is an extraordinary wife and a great partner. And she's my partner. She is the best first lady that the state ever had.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
LEMON: All right covering all these cheaters begs the question, how can a woman stop her man from cheating. And how can a man stop his woman, I guess. And for this, we turn to Dr. Wendy Walsh. She's back with me here.
So when do you say a woman needs to ask her man, or a potential mate several important questions, explain that to me.
DR. WENDY WALSH, PSYCHOLOGIST: She had to think about things before she marries a guy. If she, remember, not all men are born to be cheaters. There are plenty that are not and here's how to spot them.
First of all, look at his history of relationships. Does he have a bunch of angry ex's? Has he fooled around before? There's a good chance he's going to do it to you, too. How much guilt does he feel? Did you know that men actually feel less guilt than women, in general?
LEMON: Wait, hang on, can I say something here?
If you have a pen or a piece of paper or pencil --
WALSH: Start scoring.
LEMON: Start writing this stuff down. Fair warning. So, again, continue.
WALSH: So many people molded their behavior is shaped through how much guilt they feel. So if you're watching your guy and he seems to not have any problem bending the rules at work, even if it might hurt a co-worker, well, it means he's not going to feel a lot of compassion and empathy and guilt for you when he's cheating.
You want him to not go into another compartment, but to take pieces of you into that mental compartment and not have an affair. How old is he? Did you know that one study on guilt shows that men feel the least amount of guilt in their 40s and 50s making it easier for them to have an affair at that age group.
LEMON: Because they feel entitled, I have lived a little.
WALSH: It's my turn. I didn't do it when I was young.
I think the big one, though, is something Dr. Drew addressed to. Does he fear emotional intimacy? Emotional intimacy is the bond that keeps people together. But for some men it's a way to water down the milk, because they are so afraid of emotional intimacy, they just have a lot of physical relationships and not a lot of close emotional ones.
And my favorite one, what is his score in his SATs. And what I mean is that some studies have actually linked intelligence with monogamy, meaning that you're smart enough to make that intellectual decision to go above your animal instincts.
LEMON: OK, so someone who is smart like the president. These people are --
WALSH: Is there Rhode scholar there?
LEMON: They are smart.
WALSH: They are smart, but then there's that other piece -- narcissism and --
LEMON: Testosterone.
WALSH: Testosterone. Well, that just it, biological predisposition. That does it.
Plenty of people are born with a gene for heart disease or obesity, and they make lifestyle changes and never had a heart attack.
LEMON: OK. Can I ask you this because I'm getting a lot of this on social media, especially Twitter.
What about women? They're like, Don, you're bashing men. What about women? What about them?
WALSH: Yes. Actually let me say this. Right now we are seeing such a rise of sexual freedom for women as women are rising in economic power. There's no reason anymore for them to withhold their sexuality in order to hopefully get a man to marry them and support them. So women are starting to behave like men. I'm not joking.
I got a call from a successful man recently who is very rich and he said all these women are literally following me home. They want to have sex with me. What do I do, because I want to have a real relationship?
LEMON: All right.
WALSH: And I told him keep it zipped. Get to know a woman first.
LEMON: Dr. Walsh, you always make me blush. I always say, whenever I talk to you, I know I'm going to turn rust.
WALSH: Well, I know, you would pass the boyfriend test for sure.
LEMON: Yes.
WALSH: I want to send you a copy.
LEMON: Yes. All right, I'll leave it at that. Thank you very much, Dr. Wendy. Always a pleasure.
WALSH: All right.
LEMON: You know, this is the image of Dominique Strauss-Kahn seen here in the U.S. But in France, politicians are often viewed through a different lens. A report from Paris is next.
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LEMON: Well, the arrest of Dominique Strauss-Kahn was an eye opener for the people in France. Seeing a potential presidential candidate paraded in front of the cameras appalled many people. And as CNN's Jim Bittermann tells us, the French media are learning a lesson about how they cover their own politicians.
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JIM BITTERMANN, CNN SENIOR EUROPEAN CORRESPONDENT (voice-over): What was it that Franklin Roosevelt always used to say, "There's no indispensable man?" Well, for some French who saw him as the next president, Dominic Strauss-Kahn was about as close as you could come.
But put him in cuffs and in court, and it wasn't 48 hours before they were writing him out of politics for good. Wait a minute, go back there. You can't show a prisoner handcuffs in France. It's against the law, because the French believe it suggest guilt. Who knew?
But on the other hand, the French press published the name of the alleged victim, that's against the rules in the U.S. In fact the Strauss-Kahn affair has been a learning experience on both sides of the Atlantic, but mostly here.
For days, blase French journalists and sophisticated politicos have been engage in nombrilisme, navel-gazing, wondering how Strauss- Kahn made it all the way to the top with a social and political ladder without someone taking notice of his alleged darker side. The relationship between politicians and journalists is a question raised even at the most edgy news magazine in France.
REGIS LE SOMMIER, FRENCH JOURNALIST: The problem is probably there's fear in relation with power in France, and maybe the journalists corps is not as powerful as united as it is in the U.S. in matters like that.
BITTERMANN (on camera): In France, the problem is the relation is much more blurred and that's a very big problem that we should very much improve in that manner.
(voice-over): As the pretty much deputy editor himself points out, everybody knows some politicians here fool around. That was lost on no one, especially after former President Francois Mitterrand' funeral when a mistress and Mitterrand's daughter showed up next to his wife and legitimate children. But there are strict privacy laws to stop reporters from delving into simple valances. Does that mean French women are more tolerant of misbehavior?
A high-profile journalist who has interviewed scores of politicians and is married to a political figure herself thinks yes and no. Yes, if you're talking about just having an affair and absolutely not if you're talking about the kind of thing that Strauss- Kahn is accused of.
CHRISTINE OCKRENT, FRENCH JOURNALIST: The relationship between men and women in France is more natural, more based on seduction, less obsessed with sin, and it's part of the charm of living here. But let's be clear, seduction is not sexual harassment, and of course, it's not rape. Rape is a crime, and it's as much of a crime here in France as in the U.S.
BITTERMANN (on camera): So as much as the Strauss-Kahn affair has embarrassed and scandalized people here, it has also provoked a debate, the like of which has seldom been seen over questions which have rarely been so openly discussed.
Jim Bittermann, CNN, France.
(END VIDEOTAPE)
LEMON: All right, so what causes men to behave badly? Is it the adrenaline rush? Is it just in their nature? Some final thoughts with the host of HLN's "Issues." Jane Velez-Mitchell is next.
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TED HAGGARD, EVANGELICAL PASTOR: I made the worst mistake of my life. I embarrassed my wife and violated her and my children, and everybody that trusted me and myself. I did some things that were contrary to the things that I believe, and I made a mess of my life.
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LEMON: That was Ted Haggard and you heard from his wife earlier.
Why do men behave badly? Why do they cheat? And shouldn't those who are married be afraid of getting caught? Earlier I talked with the host of "Issues" on HLN, Jane Velez-Mitchell.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
LEMON: Is there some element, Jane, for these men of getting caught? Is that what attracts some of them? "Oh my gosh, I had a kid. It's been ten years. I got away with it, I'm the man." Is there some degree of that going on?
JANE VELEZ-MITCHELL, HOST, HLN'S "ISSUES WITH JANE VELEZ- MITCHELL": Well, if you look at it from the perspective of addiction, and let's face it, some of the bad boys like Tiger have gone into rehab. The addictive cycle is to take very high-risk behavior because that supersizes the rush and the high.
So when you're doing something bad, and you're taking a risk at the same time, there is an adrenaline rush like no other. And so from an addictive perspective, they may be subconsciously doing these very high risk things, simply to get that rush.
LEMON: And what about, do some of them want to get caught? I know when you're an addict, maybe that's a cry for help when you go to the very bottom. Is this a cry for help from some of these guys?
VELEZ-MITCHELL: Well, I think you have to separate the conscious from the subconscious. Consciously, they're trying to keep everything quiet. But subconsciously they're doing things to self-sabotage because ultimately it's very, very stressful to carry around a toxic secret.
It is like carrying an albatross around you. So there's a part of you subconsciously that wants the release of letting the secret out. So on some subconscious level, they do things that will ultimately result in the secret getting out. Because what is the one thing that all of this behavior has in common? A toxic secret that is eventually revealed to the public.
You cannot keep big secrets about sexuality secret forever. It rarely happens. Secrets do come out.
LEMON: And you know about it because you write about this in your book, "Addict Nation." So you know firsthand about these things. Here's my thing, what do we do from here with this information? Because who's going to be the next person and the salacious details are going to come out. We're going to be interested in that person. Is there some sort of lesson for us in this? Where do we go from here, Jane?
VELEZ-MITCHELL: Well, the lesson is that honesty is always an option, even when you don't think it is.
For example, Arnold Schwarzenegger. He had this secret child. At some point, at many points along the line, he had the opportunity to turn to Maria and say, look, something happened that I'm very ashamed of, but yet it's a situation, there's other human beings involve, an innocent boy. I have to level with you. I've got to tell you what's going on.
She seems like a very understanding person. She came to his defense when he was running for governor, and he was accused by more than a dozen women of inappropriate sexual behavior and fiercely defended him. You would think she would have a sympathetic ear, if anyone would. And yet, he missed those opportunities to be honest. And look what's happened. The scandal has exploded in his face, and there's a lot of people who think it's just going to get worse. So I think that the lesson here is that honesty is always an option, even when you think it's not.
LEMON: Well, as the name of your show says "Issues" we all have them and some are bigger than others. "Issues With Jane Velez- Mitchell" airs every night on HLN.
Thank you, Jane.
(END VIDEOTAPE)
LEMON: That's right, at 7:00 p.m. Eastern on HLN.
I'm Don Lemon at CNN in Los Angeles. Thank you so much for joining us. I'll see you back here tomorrow night at 6:00 and 10:00 p.m. Eastern. Good night. Thanks for watching.
