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CNN Live Saturday
Interview With Dr. Michael Popkin
Aired May 10, 2003 - 14:38 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
FREDRICKA WHITFIELD, CNN ANCHOR: Teenagers often feel compelled to go along with the crowds. So, how do parents teach teens to ignore peer pressure and do the right thing? Dr. Michael Popkin is a parenting specialist, author of the book, "Active Parenting of Teens," and he joins us now to talk about that. And what also helped to precipitate this entire conversation, we're talking about the hazing incident in Illinois, where you saw a huge number of kids who were not only being abused, being the abusers, and those who were watching. Doesn't that also make them, in effect, an accomplice as well?
DR. MICHAEL POPKIN, PARENTING SPECIALIST: Sure. And that's what happens when you get a mob mentality going, as you get kids that ordinarily wouldn't participate in something like that, looking around and seeing what is everybody else is doing, and if they're doing it, must be the thing to do, and then they go along, particularly if there's alcohol involved in that, and I think there was in that story also. You get alcohol going, you get mob mentality going, you get a hazing incident that gets out of control, and pretty soon kids are doing some things that as a culture we just find obnoxious and unacceptable.
WHITFIELD: We asked our viewers to send, particularly parents, send some questions in to try and help understand what are the right things to do to try and teach some principles to your kids. And of course, we didn't get a lot of questions, but we did get some comments, comments from people who wrote in who said that there has to be some responsibility taken from both the parent's point of view as well as the kids. You know, the parents have to instill some values.
POPKIN: Absolutely. From a young age on. We're trying to teach in programs like Active Parenting and Active Parenting of Teens, really, actually, teach a full range of parenting education skills. We spend the whole session on responsibility, and how you teach kids with giving them choices and then logically connected consequences of those choices, so kids learn that I'm responsible for my behavior. It's not OK just to say everybody else was doing it. I've got to think, what's going to happen if I do this, is this the kind of person I want to be? And really teach kids how to be responsible, and make those kind of choices.
WHITFIELD: And so then, it begs the question of when? When do you start teaching these lessons? It has to come way before you're a teenager, when you're starting to kind of experiment with some independence, right?
POPKIN: Sure, it's easier when they are younger, but it's never too late. And these are great stories, like you're showing now on the Illinois story and this drinking and driving story, because parents can look at those kind of stories, sit down and talk to their kids, even as teenagers, and talk about what would you do in this situation? If you were at a hazing situation, or you're at graduation and kids are starting to drink and you have a choice of going along or not going along. You have a choice of getting in a car with somebody who has been drinking or not. What would you do?
WHITFIELD: They are tragic stories that become great examples that everyone really needs to be paying attention and listening. But you have a lot of teenage kids who say, you know, this is never going to happen to me, I'm never going to find myself in this situation. And if it does, I can handle it. Isn't that what you usually hear from a lot of kids?
POPKIN: That's what teenagers think. And that's why once they've gone through an experience like Illinois -- you've got a lot of kids in Illinois waking up this week, thinking, boy, I can't believe I did that, I cannot believe that I would be part of that kind of hazing, that kind of cruelty to other kids. And if the whole country starts seeing these kind of stories and parents will take the time to talk to their kids, then they don't have to make the mistake themselves. I'd love to say there's no substitute for experience, but there is also no substitute for somebody else's experience. You don't have to make those mistakes.
WHITFIELD: So I wonder for a parent, are there things, are there kind of clues they should be looking for in their kids that may be exhibiting early on some sort of behaviors or some sort of pre- disposition for making some of these wrong decisions in scenarios just like that, like the hazing or perhaps even, you know, a DUI case?
POPKIN: Well, what happened in the hazing incident is you probably had a handful of really aggressive kids that became the ringleaders and motivated the other kids to do that. So if you've got an aggressive child, somebody that's in fights a lot, somebody that talks aggressively, disrespectfully, then you need to take some action as a parent, and that may mean getting counseling, it may mean getting into a treatment program. But you can't ignore aggressive, violent behavior.
Signs for other parents -- if you've seen kids, their grades dropping, if you see them stop caring about things they used to care about, those are kind of signs. But the aggressiveness is really what we're really concerned about right now.
WHITFIELD: All right, Dr. Michael Popkin, thanks very much. So difficult to understand, too, isn't it, though? It's pretty remarkable to see images like this and believe that it's happening.
POPKIN: We're all capable of violence and we're all capable of compassion. And the key is to bring out the compassionate, the kindness side of people.
WHITFIELD: All right, thanks very much.
POPKIN: You're welcome.
WHITFIELD: Appreciate it.
TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com
Aired May 10, 2003 - 14:38 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
FREDRICKA WHITFIELD, CNN ANCHOR: Teenagers often feel compelled to go along with the crowds. So, how do parents teach teens to ignore peer pressure and do the right thing? Dr. Michael Popkin is a parenting specialist, author of the book, "Active Parenting of Teens," and he joins us now to talk about that. And what also helped to precipitate this entire conversation, we're talking about the hazing incident in Illinois, where you saw a huge number of kids who were not only being abused, being the abusers, and those who were watching. Doesn't that also make them, in effect, an accomplice as well?
DR. MICHAEL POPKIN, PARENTING SPECIALIST: Sure. And that's what happens when you get a mob mentality going, as you get kids that ordinarily wouldn't participate in something like that, looking around and seeing what is everybody else is doing, and if they're doing it, must be the thing to do, and then they go along, particularly if there's alcohol involved in that, and I think there was in that story also. You get alcohol going, you get mob mentality going, you get a hazing incident that gets out of control, and pretty soon kids are doing some things that as a culture we just find obnoxious and unacceptable.
WHITFIELD: We asked our viewers to send, particularly parents, send some questions in to try and help understand what are the right things to do to try and teach some principles to your kids. And of course, we didn't get a lot of questions, but we did get some comments, comments from people who wrote in who said that there has to be some responsibility taken from both the parent's point of view as well as the kids. You know, the parents have to instill some values.
POPKIN: Absolutely. From a young age on. We're trying to teach in programs like Active Parenting and Active Parenting of Teens, really, actually, teach a full range of parenting education skills. We spend the whole session on responsibility, and how you teach kids with giving them choices and then logically connected consequences of those choices, so kids learn that I'm responsible for my behavior. It's not OK just to say everybody else was doing it. I've got to think, what's going to happen if I do this, is this the kind of person I want to be? And really teach kids how to be responsible, and make those kind of choices.
WHITFIELD: And so then, it begs the question of when? When do you start teaching these lessons? It has to come way before you're a teenager, when you're starting to kind of experiment with some independence, right?
POPKIN: Sure, it's easier when they are younger, but it's never too late. And these are great stories, like you're showing now on the Illinois story and this drinking and driving story, because parents can look at those kind of stories, sit down and talk to their kids, even as teenagers, and talk about what would you do in this situation? If you were at a hazing situation, or you're at graduation and kids are starting to drink and you have a choice of going along or not going along. You have a choice of getting in a car with somebody who has been drinking or not. What would you do?
WHITFIELD: They are tragic stories that become great examples that everyone really needs to be paying attention and listening. But you have a lot of teenage kids who say, you know, this is never going to happen to me, I'm never going to find myself in this situation. And if it does, I can handle it. Isn't that what you usually hear from a lot of kids?
POPKIN: That's what teenagers think. And that's why once they've gone through an experience like Illinois -- you've got a lot of kids in Illinois waking up this week, thinking, boy, I can't believe I did that, I cannot believe that I would be part of that kind of hazing, that kind of cruelty to other kids. And if the whole country starts seeing these kind of stories and parents will take the time to talk to their kids, then they don't have to make the mistake themselves. I'd love to say there's no substitute for experience, but there is also no substitute for somebody else's experience. You don't have to make those mistakes.
WHITFIELD: So I wonder for a parent, are there things, are there kind of clues they should be looking for in their kids that may be exhibiting early on some sort of behaviors or some sort of pre- disposition for making some of these wrong decisions in scenarios just like that, like the hazing or perhaps even, you know, a DUI case?
POPKIN: Well, what happened in the hazing incident is you probably had a handful of really aggressive kids that became the ringleaders and motivated the other kids to do that. So if you've got an aggressive child, somebody that's in fights a lot, somebody that talks aggressively, disrespectfully, then you need to take some action as a parent, and that may mean getting counseling, it may mean getting into a treatment program. But you can't ignore aggressive, violent behavior.
Signs for other parents -- if you've seen kids, their grades dropping, if you see them stop caring about things they used to care about, those are kind of signs. But the aggressiveness is really what we're really concerned about right now.
WHITFIELD: All right, Dr. Michael Popkin, thanks very much. So difficult to understand, too, isn't it, though? It's pretty remarkable to see images like this and believe that it's happening.
POPKIN: We're all capable of violence and we're all capable of compassion. And the key is to bring out the compassionate, the kindness side of people.
WHITFIELD: All right, thanks very much.
POPKIN: You're welcome.
WHITFIELD: Appreciate it.
TO ORDER A VIDEO OF THIS TRANSCRIPT, PLEASE CALL 800-CNN-NEWS OR USE OUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER FORM LOCATED AT www.fdch.com
