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D.L. Hughley Breaks The News
A Humorous Look at the News
Aired November 24, 2008 - 22:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
ANNOUNCER: CNN's regularly scheduled program, "David Gergen Clears his Throat", will not be seen tonight so that we may bring you this special presentation.
From CNN studios in New York, D.L. HUGHLEY BREAKS THE NEWS.
(APPLAUSE)
D.L. HUGHLEY, HOST: Hey now. Hello! Hey! What? You guys -- all right.
First off you are the best looking audience -- we've been on five weeks -- you're the best looking audience we've had. Like when we first started out, used to be like they had a bus load that was methadone clinic people.
Are we paying these money -- people - food (ph) for this? And you know I'm new here. And I guess they weren't expecting nobody to come work here and had hair like mine, because they don't have no products for me. Like I walked into makeup, they go we have electricity and tape. We can...
Maybe you can use something from the Soledad O'Brien collection. We don't have nothing for you.
And stuff would happen to me behind my head. Like I was on a plane, I was coming from Los Angeles, to Albuquerque, New Mexico, and somebody grabbed a whole handful of my hair. And I'm like who the hell? And I turned around and I swear to God it was a 90-year-old white woman. And she goes I have always wanted to do that.
And when you're 90, you do what you want. And she did it. And I thought, great, I'm on some old white lady's bucket list. That's it now. (INAUDIBLE)
We have a whole lot going on this week. Well, the votes are finally counted in Missouri and John McCain has won Missouri, so congratulations, John McCain. That is one down, and 29 to go, baby. Rumor has it that Sarah Palin just signed a $7 million book deal. Damn!
That's a lot of money for a comic book, ain't it? Goodness gracious. That is a lot of money. Now al Qaeda just released a video in which they called Barack Obama a house Negro. They called him a house Negro.
Now, the Obama camp has declined to respond. So I will. Yes, he's the house Negro, but it is the White House (EXPLETIVE DELETED). I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know I can't do that. You know that ain't going to happen. Just trying to break the tension...
CEOs of the big three automakers were in Congress this week and they were asking for a bailout. And they actually flew there on private jets. I mean if you're going to ask for a lot of money, pretend like you're broke. Even a crack head pretend like he's going to use the money for food, don't he?
Now in California, officials claim that an arsonist caused one of the wildfires. Remember when gas was so high you wouldn't use it to start a fire? Remember that? So -- and in sports news, Dallas Mavericks owner, Mark Cuban, was accused of insider trading and not for illegally trading stock. It was for that stupid-ass Jason Kidd trade he made. That was -- and - look at the three Nets fans in here.
Of course, we all know what's going on, on Capitol Hill. Auto industry leaders, they're begging for a bailout and if they don't get it those who will be affected most will be the U.S. auto workers. Joining me now to discuss their future is the United Auto Builders Union president, Terrence Main. How are you doing, Terrence?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (INAUDIBLE)
HUGHLEY: Good to see you.
TERRENCE MAIN, UNITED AUTO BUILDERS PRESIDENT: (INAUDIBLE) the auto worker in this country has reached crisis level. It's clear that even if the big three get a bailout, we are in trouble long term.
HUGHLEY: I know it is scary. What are all those auto worker unions going to -- members going to do, not just in Michigan, but in many places across the country?
MAIN: Well some will find work with foreign automakers who are already officially producing in this country, but the majority will have to be retrained for other jobs outside of manufacturing.
HUGHLEY: Like in the service industry?
MAIN: Absolutely not, D.L. We're auto workers. We've enjoyed above-average salaries with the best retirement in the world for decades.
HUGHLEY: OK, but what should auto workers be retrained to do?
MAIN: To be pirates.
HUGHLEY: Pirates?
MAIN: Aye-aye, D.L. As our united brothers off the coast of Somalia have shown, this is a growth industry with long-term viability on today's high seas.
HUGHLEY: Are you nuts? MAIN: For too long, regulations and rules on things like safety, the environment, and fuel efficiency have hampered the car business. As pirates, we'll have no laws to follow, and then we'll be able to steal, kill and rape without government interference.
HUGHLEY: OK. Mr. Main, even if auto workers wanted to live their homes to live on pirate ships, most guys that work on the assembly line, they're not criminals.
MAIN: No. But many of them are Raiders fans. Only a small leap and these are desperate times.
HUGHLEY: You seem to be (INAUDIBLE) in this country we have the Navy and the Coast Guard protecting our shores.
MAIN: Yes, that's why we'll be operating where those guys can't get us.
HUGHLEY: International waters?
MAIN: No, the Bronx, Brooklyn, Jersey and throughout the Tristate area.
HUGHLEY: Wait a minute. You got to be careful. "The Sopranos," the mafia still -- they still control those parts of the country.
MAIN: Don't worry about that, D.L. We've worked with the mob for 60 years. They still owe us for Jimmy Hoffa.
HUGHLEY: OK, everybody, Terrence Main.
MAIN: Thank you, D.L.
HUGHLEY: All right, now we have somebody that is going to give us the real information on the big three automakers. He is the chairman of the House Financial Services Committee and he's been meeting with auto execs all year. Thank you for joining us, Congressman Barney Frank. Give him a big round of applause.
REP. BARNEY FRANK (D), MASSACHUSETTS: Thank you. Thank you.
HUGHLEY: Hey, Barney? So you've been meeting with the auto execs all week long. Why should we bail them out? Why?
FRANK: Well, it's especially important now and now is a relevant phrase. We're in a terrible economic situation. This might be different, if we were at a point where we had great economic prosperity and unemployment was under four percent.
People were doing well. But we're already in the most serious economic downturn since the great depression. If you now have the companies begin to stop paying their suppliers, laying people off, shutting back on production, shutting down, in effect, automobile dealers, you'd be taking a tremendous shot at the country when it's already in a very weakened state. HUGHLEY: I know but the problem is that nobody's buying the cars or one of the problems is nobody's buying the cars. Because you know -- so how does bailing them out and giving them money do something about the fact that the American population just doesn't buy the cars from them?
FRANK: Well, it is true. If no one -- if that doesn't get better they can't survive. But what we're talking about doing in the first place is lending them the money, $25 billion, for a few months, and it's going to be required that it be paid back.
We are number one on the list of people to be paid back. So if you're a current shareholder, if you're currently a bond holder, you'll come second or third to the federal government. We are hoping -- well, let's put it this way, they were hurting, but they weren't about to collapse until the economy turned so bad.
And we do hope that by next spring, if we do a couple of things, including a broader economic stimulus plan and reduce the number of foreclosures that the economy will start to turn back again. So we are giving them a lifeline until the economy starts to get better.
HUGHLEY: But we don't have a guarantee that this is going to work. I think one of the problems is if they make a product that -- like I said earlier we don't buy -- a classic example -- I took my father -- this is true -- I took my father on November 3rd to buy a Ford. I don't know why.
But I went. And on November 4th it was in the shop. I swear to God. It was November 4th. And I think that's that the problem they have. They're synonymous for not making a quality product.
BARNEY: Well, a couple of things. First of all, we believe they are trying to improve. And I again agree. If they aren't able to get better, they won't survive. But this is an awfully bad hit to take right now and we are saying it's worth a try.
HUGHLEY: It's funny, because when a CEO asks for a lot of money for the bailout, you call them CEOs; we call them crackheads, if somebody asked for that much money all the time...
FRANK: Well I -- in the first place, it's going to be taken back. And the second place is do you want to punish the American economy because people made bad decisions 10 years ago. I'm not doing this as a favor for the CEOs.
And by the way, D.L., those CEOs are going to be living very good no matter what we do. You won't see any of them on the welfare line or the unemployment line. What we are saying, though, is this, the American economy right now can't take, I believe, all kinds of small business suppliers getting stiffed, people being laid off, retirees' pensions being collapsed, health care benefits not being paid.
So I wish they had done things a lot better years ago. I wish I could eat more and not gain weight. I wish a lot of things, but sometimes we can't always act on your weakest. HUGHLEY: Now the Republicans are pushing for bankruptcy. They want a chapter -- the option is Chapter 11. How come that isn't a viable option?
FRANK: Because the only thing bankruptcy gives you other than trying to reorganize without bankruptcy is your ability to stop paying people. They want to break up union contracts. They want to stop paying workers what they're supposed to pay them.
Now, the union to its credit did just renegotiate the contract and new workers are going to take less. But frankly, I think there's already been too much income inequality in this country to give them a tool to start undercutting what people already have.
It means they don't have to pay their bills. That's what bankruptcy means. Bankruptcy is OK for the companies. The problems with bankruptcy are the people who are owed money, the small businesses. And then there's one last point.
We do hope that they're going to start selling cars again. As bad as the attitude might be towards buying an American car now, make them bankrupt you say, you know, you bought your father the Ford. The next day it was in the shop. Well people are worried that if they buy a car from a company that went bankrupt, the next day there won't be a shop to go to.
HUGHLEY: But Barney, we bailed out -- in 2000 we bailed out the airline industry, we bailed out the financial people. Now we're bailing out -- I mean when does it -- when does this stop. These people just -- and the financial industry, instead of Citibank taking the money and doing something positive with it, they're using the money to buy the bank, so it's still like we're getting screwed no matter what happens.
FRANK: I'd say two things. This is a very tough bill if it passes. It's going to be administered by President Obama. We have in there, for instance, provisions that say the cabinet has to approve once we give them this loan any new investments.
And that means they won't be able to take this money and put it overseas. They won't be able to outsource it. It means they won't be able to pay dividends until they've paid us the money back. So we are going to put much tougher conditions on this than we had before.
HUGHLEY: Do you think that the primary reason so much of this has gone wrong is because there was not oversight or do you think -- I'm sure a lot of it was greed. But primarily we could have done a better job...
(CROSSTALK)
HUGHLEY: ... having some level of oversight on these people.
FRANK: In terms of the financial institutions, yeah, I think the administration had the tools to do more. But let me say, with regard to the car companies, it's true that the car companies made some bad decisions. But you know who else made bad decisions?
Let's not kid around, the American people. Nobody was putting a gun to people's heads and saying you got to go buy a Hummer. Nobody was saying to people, the American people, why don't you disregard energy efficiency? In fairness to the companies, at some point when some of them were offering energy efficient cars, gas was too cheap and the American people didn't understand it, so you know it's not popular, obviously, to tell the voters that they were part of the problem, but they have been.
Now, I do think we have a different America today. Energy efficient cars will sell better today than they would have sold 10 years ago. And we're hoping that if we keep the companies alive, we'll be able to take advantage of that.
HUGHLEY: You're right. Nothing like being broke to fix things, right?
FRANK: That's exactly right.
HUGHLEY: Thank you so much, Congressman Barney Frank...
FRANK: Thank you.
HUGHLEY: We got plenty more coming up. Stick around.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
HUGHLEY: Meanwhile, raging wildfires in southern California have forced thousands of people to flee their homes. Governor Schwarzenegger has declared a state of emergency. We go live to our California correspondent, Hugh Fink. Hey, Hugh, those fires look really bad. How serious is the current situation?
HUGH FINK, CALIFORNIA CORRESPONDENT: D.L., in all my years of reporting, I've never seen wildfires this devastating.
HUGHLEY: Oh, man, it looks bad. So where are you located right now?
FINK: I'm just outside Santa Barbara in the town of Montecito near the Pacific Ocean. More than 50,000 people have been evacuated and obviously our hearts go out to them.
HUGHLEY: Obviously. Now have you had a chance to speak with any of these people who were evacuated?
FINK: Yes, D.L., a few minutes ago I spoke with a 31-year-old single mother of two named Reese Witherspoon who owns a beach house about two miles north of here.
HUGHLEY: Wait. Reese Witherspoon lives there. Is she OK?
FINK: Sadly, D.L., by the time firefighters arrived at Miss Witherspoon's place, it was a little too late to rescue her BMW convertible. Honestly she's a little shaken up. HUGHLEY: OK, but what is the status of thousands of other people who have been evacuated?
FINK: Well, as you can imagine, the residents of this town are grief stricken. Residents like 34-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio, whose private vineyard was destroyed. This morning I met a sickly looking elderly man named Michael Douglas and his gorgeous daughter Catherine, who were forced to evacuate after their grass tennis court was singed beyond recognition. Resodding (ph) could take days, D.L.
HUGHLEY: What about ordinary people, like people in mobile homes whose homes were destroyed? Can't you report on somebody who's not a movie star?
FINK: Well of course, D.L., I can't begin to mention all the hard-working citizens who were victims of these fires.
HUGHLEY: Please do.
FINK: Citizens like a man I met named Kid Rock, whose collection of homemade Japanese porn was damaged, or a lady named Oprah Winfrey, who told me she will never forget the horrifying experience of watching her yacht, the HMS Stedman burn to the ground.
HUGHLEY: OK, enough of celebrities. Aren't there any ordinary families who live there?
FINK: Yes. And I have some sad news about one particular family. The Jonas Brothers were forced to evacuate their home as were the Olsen twins. But fortunately, I do have some good news to report.
HUGHLEY: What is that?
FINK: The gay guy on "Dancing with the Stars" was evacuated with no injuries whatsoever.
HUGHLEY: Oh, Lance Bass? Is he still on -- is he going to beat Warren Sapp? Do you think...
FINK: Well I think he has -- hold on a second, D.L. I'm getting an emergency update.
HUGHLEY: It better be good.
FINK: I've just been told that all journalists in this vicinity have been invited to a party at Li'l Wayne's mansion. Got to go!
HUGHLEY: Hugh Fink, everybody.
I was flipping through the channels and I saw a public service announcement that I wanted to share with you. It addresses a pretty serious issue in our community. Take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
SEN. BARACK OBAMA (D-IL), PRESIDENT-ELECT OF THE UNITED STATES: (INAUDIBLE) should pull up their pants. Pull up their pants. Pull up their pants.
HUGHLEY: It's so easy for you to say, Barack Obama. But many African-American males between the ages of 14 and 32 suffer from an embarrassing and misunderstood condition called "pull your pants up over your assplagia (ph)".
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Underwear stays up fine, but my pants, it's like they're made of iron and the floor is a magnet.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (INAUDIBLE) it's cool. It's not cool. The only thing that's cool is my behind. It's freezing.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You know what I mean? I've heard all the lingo and lines, you know pull your pants up, buy a belt that fits, go see a tailor. Let me tell you something, man, it hurts.
HUGHLEY: Most people assume that assplagia (ph) is a lifestyle choice, like acting a fool. But it's not. It's a disease. A disease that makes walking awkward, holding a job impossible, and is responsible each year for the loss of thousands of coins.
Assplagia (ph) is hereditary and can be transmitted by clothing. Like a large pair of pants. Those with assplagia (ph) in their family are advised not to wear (INAUDIBLE). Please help those suffering from "pull your pants up over your assplagia (ph) today by donating nickels, dimes and suspenders to the address you see below me. Because I'm not just a scientist struggling to deal with this dreaded disease, I'm also a sufferer.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
HUGHLEY: We will be right back. We'll be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
HUGHLEY: Of course, there is a lot of talk who Obama will pick for his cabinet. Now during the campaign he talked a lot about the type of people he wants.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
OBAMA: We can't chart a new course with the same philosophy and the same captain of the ship. We need real change.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
HUGHLEY: You see that's great. And Obama's really going to shake things up fulfilling his promise to bring in new blood. He's got these fresh new faces on the short list. And I don't recognize any of them. Obama wanted his first cabinet pick to be a real outsider, so he appointed Rahm Emanuel, who worked as senior adviser to Bill Clinton.
Then Barack didn't stop there. For attorney general he wanted a man of integrity who's not associated with the Clintons at all, so he picked Eric Holder, deputy attorney general to Bill Clinton. Then there's all the new faces he's expected to appoint. For secretary of Treasury, looks like Lawrence Summers, who was Treasury Secretary to Bill Clinton.
For defense secretary, it could be Richard Danzig, former Navy secretary for Bill Clinton.
And finally he wants a secretary of state who's got nothing to do with Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton. When Hillary is secretary of state, there's no possible way her husband will have any input. So it looks like the Obama cabinet will really bring the change we need. That's it.
We have been -- speaking a lot of the Clinton administration, my next guest knows a thing or two about that. He ran President's Clinton campaign from '92 and served as a senior political adviser. Here from New Orleans is CNN political contributor, James Carville. How are you doing, James?
JAMES CARVILLE, CNN POLITICAL ANALYST: (INAUDIBLE)
HUGHLEY: It's good to see you. Thank you.
(CROSSTALK)
HUGHLEY: Now we just mentioned how Obama's picking his administration. There are a lot of former Clinton staffers.
CARVILLE: Right, well, you know, yeah. The policies -- people have -- I don't know what people's problem with the Clinton administration was. Some people didn't like the peace. Other people didn't like the prosperity. So you can take your pick. And you know so maybe the president-elect is coming through and said there's some talented people in there and I'm going to pick a couple of them up.
HUGHLEY: Well he picked -- I think that he promised to pick great people and I think that he did. But you know do you think that it's a good idea for Hillary -- for Obama to pick Hillary as secretary of state? Do you think she might try to take over?
CARVILLE: I don't -- I think the president, under our Constitution, has -- the cabinet members serve at the pleasure of the president. I think the president has figured that out. You know he was a constitutional law -- taught constitutional law I think at the University of Chicago.
So he probably got a pretty good handle on what it says. And I think that he wants talented people in there. And I think he is a man who has supreme confidence in himself and is not afraid to have talented people around him. I think it speaks well of him.
HUGHLEY: Well now when you -- but a lot of people are concerned, when you get Hillary, don't you get Bill also?
CARVILLE: Well you know what, I wouldn't mind the secretary of state having a relationship with Bill Clinton and can get some advice from him. I think he conducted the foreign policy of this country actually pretty good. But, you know, I know Senator Clinton, and she's pretty much her own person.
(CROSSTALK)
HUGHLEY: Just like my wife. She never...
CARVILLE: Yeah. Yeah.
HUGHLEY: It makes me...
(CROSSTALK)
CARVILLE: You know we kind of -- you and I kind of understand that.
(CROSSTALK)
HUGHLEY: Wait a minute, you know my wife? What are you saying?
(LAUGHTER)
CARVILLE: I know mine. And if yours is anything like mine, then I know how this deal gets done, you know.
HUGHLEY: Absolutely. Absolutely. And the deal gets done. So now they are vetting Bill Clinton, I don't know -- how do you vet a president?
CARVILLE: I don't know, but I said in the press that you know she wasn't married to Todd Palin. He said you know the guy does, he does a lot of things. He's very active in the Clinton Foundation. You got the Clinton Global Edition (ph). You've got the Clinton this, you got the Clinton that.
But they've been very cooperative. I think the president-elect people have been very, very professional. I've talked to some of the president's people. And they have -- think that this whole process has gone quite well.
HUGHLEY: That's the first time I've ever heard Bill Clinton and Todd Palin in the same sentence, but it's funny because I think -- don't we know -- we know everything there is to know about Bill. I don't know that there are going to be any surprises.
CARVILLE: Yeah, you know he's probably the single most vetted human being on earth. I mean they only have like 18 special prosecutors and congressional committees and everything. And you know and they came up with the startling fact that you know he acted foolish at the office one day, but...
HUGHLEY: That's the best explanation I ever heard. Baby, I just acted foolish at the office one day.
CARVILLE: (INAUDIBLE)
HUGHLEY: I got to have you on my team.
CARVILLE: Yeah. I will be part of the D.L. team. I am part of this team here because any team that doesn't take itself too seriously...
HUGHLEY: Right.
CARVILLE: ... is the team I want to play on.
HUGHLEY: Right, right. Now I love the fact that Hillary wants to be secretary of state and I love the fact that she wants to be a senator. But James, she -- doesn't she really want to be president? I mean that's really...
CARVILLE: Of course she did.
HUGHLEY: Yeah and so...
CARVILLE: And she did. Yeah, she ran. She spent you know years out of her life, of course she did.
HUGHLEY: OK.
CARVILLE: But I mean that's -- and I think that anybody that runs for president, you couldn't go through everything that she went through, and, you know, all the cold weather and brazen fund-raising calls and coffee klatches, and head board meetings and God knows whatnot unless you really wanted to be president.
Yes I'm going to break this to your viewers gently, but yes, Senator Clinton wanted to be president of the United States. That's it. That's for a fact, as we say down here. That's for a fact.
HUGHLEY: And thank you man and I'll tell you what. I'll never misbehave at the office, man.
(CROSSTALK)
HUGHLEY: Thank you, political strategist James Carville.
(CROSSTALK)
HUGHLEY: Thank you very much.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
DON LEMON, CNN ANCHOR: Hello. I'm Don Lemon live here at the CNN world headquarters.
"D.L. HUGHLEY BREAKS THE NEWS" will be back in just a moment. But first we want to give you some headlines.
Two more U.S. banks have been taken over by federal regulators. Southern California's Downey Savings and Loan and PFF Bank and Trust suffered from bad mortgage loans. 22 U.S. banks have failed this year. A final overseas trip as president, George W. Bush is at a global economic summit in Lima, Peru tonight with a warning for other world leaders. He's telling them not to restrict free trade despite the global economic crisis.
We've been asking, what's on your mind tonight if you're scared about this economy. A couple of people are writing in. Here's what one person says.
"Seems like the economy has affected most people in the nation. I just took in a friend and her 4-year-old daughter into my house this week."
Another person writes -- this is Divaonwheelz, "Very scared. I'm disabled and live on Social Security. There won't be holidays for me this year. I need every dime just to live."
And Jimmigrafix says, "I'm going survivalist, filling the freezer with food, mattresses with cash, and a garage with gas cans. And I'm hunkering down."
Keep your comments coming to us right here on CNN. We'll be back at midnight, midnight live here. We'll take your questions on Twitter, MySpace, iReport and Facebook.
I'm Don Lemon. More "D.L. HUGHLEY BREAKS THE NEWS" right now.
HUGHLEY: Last week when Obama visited the White House, it was his first chance to check out some of the presidential perks. There's a yacht, a bowling alley and a pastry chef.
But that's the flashy stuff. There are some lesser known perks that come along with the office. Like first, there's little-known Air Force 2 which flies from Washington, D.C. to the Bellagio Hotel in Las Vegas.
Then you get to go to the Oval Office bathroom that has toilet paper made out of angel wings. Also you can be as loud as you want in the Library of Congress. Plus, my personal favorite, white cleaning ladies.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
HUGHLEY: And best of all, you get to bomb the crap out of any country in the world.
Also in Washington, anticipation is still in the air. The inauguration is the hottest ticket in town. Hotel rooms are going for $1,000 a night with a minimum of a four-night stay. Joining us to discuss this historic day, please welcome live via satellite from Washington, D.C., the undersecretary of inaugural events, Frank Cooper.
How are you doing, Frank?
(APPLAUSE) Good to see you. Thanks for having me on, D.L.
HUGHLEY: Well, you are welcome. Well, I assume D.C. is going to be one big party. Tell us exactly what's going to be going down for the inaugural.
FRANK COOPER, UNDER-SECRETARY OF INAUGURAL EVENTS: It's going to be an exciting day on Washington Mall.
HUGHLEY: I couldn't agree more. We finally have a black president.
COOPER: Oh, yes, I hadn't thought of that.
HUGHLEY: You hadn't thought of that?
COOPER: No.
HUGHLEY: OK. Then you must be excited because after eight years, Democrats are finally getting their shot.
COOPER: Good point, D.L. Good point but no.
HUGHLEY: Well, then why are you so excited?
COOPER: Because, D.L., I'm selling inauguration tickets for two 2G's a pop.
(Singing) It's Inauguration Day-O? Day-O? Obama's coming, you want to see his show today.
I'm paid, man! Woo!
(APPLAUSE)
HUGHLEY: Wait a minute. You're a ticket scalper for the inauguration?
COOPER: No, I'm not a ticket scalper, I'm a ticket broker.
(LAUGHTER)
HUGHLEY: That's the difference between a burglar and a thief, man.
COOPER: No, D.L., look, just log on to www.me2gotto.com. And click on the icon for U.S. Treasury.
HUGHLEY: Mr. Cooper, you've got a lot of nerve making a dollar like that.
COOPER: What are you talking about? I'm only making a small profit of 30,000 percent. The rest of the proceeds are going to go to a worthy cause.
HUGHLEY: Like what? COOPER: All the programs Barack promised everybody during the election. This country is B-R-O-K-E, broke. If you think we can bail out Chrysler, Ford and GM in the age of smart car, you must be driving a stupid car.
(LAUGHTER)
HUGHLEY: Come on, Mr. Cooper, just -- you're pocketing the money. You couldn't possibly make enough money selling tickets to run the government.
COOPER: Correct. That's why afterwards I'm selling tickets to $100,000 a plate dinner, baby.
(LAUGHTER)
HUGHLEY: $100,000 a plate?
COOPER: Yes, but look, you get to keep the plate. Check this out, D.L.
(LAUGHTER)
COOPER: You like that, man? Look at that.
HUGHLEY: That's a commemorative plate of Obama. Now, Frank, that's just tacky.
COOPER: Look, don't you want to be a part of history? That's beautiful handcrafted and dishwasher safe, baby.
(LAUGHTER)
HUGHLEY: I wonder if they're going to throw you off a building. You know people are doing whatever it takes to get to Washington to see the first black president and you're soaking up the money they don't have. It's despicable, it's disrespectful and I'm not going to let you get away with it.
COOPER: OK, OK, you got me, D.L. I feel a little guilty. That's why I'm giving each and every customer one of these, baby, a Barack Obama and Michelle commemorative coin.
(LAUGHTER)
COOPER: Heads for Barack, tails for Michelle. Whoo!
HUGHLEY: You know I can't...
COOPER: It's Michelle, baby.
(LAUGHTER)
HUGHLEY: I can't tell you off here, but I can tell you off my show. I'm going to see you in court, Mr. Cooper.
COOPER: Michelle. Michelle-O.
HUGHLEY: We've got plenty more coming up. Stick around.
(APPLAUSE)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
HUGHLEY: Now one thing I've noticed about CNN since I've been here is they love counting things down before the election. Remember they had the ongoing graphic that counted down the days until Election Day. And now that the Election Day is over, they're counting down the days to the inauguration.
But there are also a lot of non-election related things they're counting down, like, for example, a week ago I was watching "THE SITUATION ROOM" with Wolf Blitzer. I love saying that name. Wolf Blitzer, that's the cool -- sounds like a super hero.
And -- then they were counting down the days until Miley Cyrus turns 18. I feel like Woody Allen telling that joke. I don't know why.
The other day I was watching "AC360" and they were counting down the days until Joe Lieberman betrays the Democrats again.
(LAUGHTER)
HUGHLEY: I didn't even know that was in the works but CNN would know. Finally, a couple of days ago I was checking out "LOU DOBBS TONIGHT," and he had a graphic counting down the days until Sarah Palin poses for "Penthouse." So...
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
HUGHLEY: So now you know the network's on top of all the important news.
There were two religious stories that really caught my attention this week. One, of course, is about sex, that's my favorite.
(LAUGHTER)
HUGHLEY: As a matter of fact, we don't need the other one. No.
(LAUGHTER)
HUGHLEY: And the other one is about the anti-Christ. Joining me now is the author of the new book, "The Kosher Sutra," Rabbi Shmuley Boteach.
How are you doing, man?
(APPLAUSE)
HUGHLEY: Good to see you, man. I couldn't believe this. But I was reading "Newsweek," and there was actually an article that asked, was Obama the anti-Christ? And I -- can't believe that some religious leaders would seriously believe something as silly as that.
RABBI SHMULEY BOTEACH, AUTHOR, "THE KOSHER SUTRA": I always thought the anti-Christ was going to be a Jew from Brooklyn. It turns out it's a black man from Chicago. But the anti-Christ is supposed to come from hell. Chicago is way too cold. So that can't be right.
Now, look, you know, religion is really sort of going off the deep end these days.
HUGHLEY: Right.
BOTEACH: I mean, we're seriously distracted. So we're not bringing real values to the culture. We're trying to rescue families by stopping gays from getting married. Gays are the only people who still want to get married.
(LAUGHTER)
BOTEACH: You know...
HUGHLEY: Wait a minute. I want to get married. Well, I am married, so I don't have to want to.
BOTEACH: Yes, we hope that you're happy being married.
HUGHLEY: Absolutely.
BOTEACH: OK. So, no, I mean, look, the anti-Christ is supposed to be some guy who's going to subvert Jesus' plan and everything. And Barack Obama, I don't think fits the bill. I mean it's quite a thing to put on your resume, president of the United States, anti-Christ.
But, you know, religion always seems to be the enemy, D.L., right? It always seems to have some party it doesn't like.
HUGHLEY: Right.
BOTEACH: And it really should have a more positive message. Aren't the people we do like? I mean if you want to call Osama bin Laden the anti-Christ, I can live with that. If it's Saddam Hussein. But the president of the United States is probably not the anti- Christ. And I wish religions just had a more positive message.
HUGHLEY: But why? I mean, honestly, you -- I was reading the interview that we did with you, and you were saying that after -- the day after Obama got elected there were people actually walking around in black like they were in mourning.
BOTEACH: Right. Right. Right. Well, look, you know, there are a lot of political conservatives, and a lot of them are part of, say, the Christian Evangelical camp, who feel that Obama is not a conservative, and they're concerned about him talking to people like Ahmadinejad who may be the anti-Christ. But, look, at the end of the day, you have to take the good with the bad. And every politician is going to have positions you agree and you don't agree with.
HUGHLEY: Right.
BOTEACH: The problem with religious people is we're swallowing so much on critically and we're really embarrassing ourselves. I mean Bill Maher has made so much money from "Religulous" portraying religious people as knuckle-dragging, you know, morons that he could really bail out Detroit himself.
I mean, you know -- and so mocking religions has become an all- American sport. And we're lending ourselves to this by really sounding like we're irrational, like we're just crazy.
HUGHLEY: But, you know, it's fine, because I grew up in a very religious household. Had to go to church five times a week. And I would see my parents with some of the things that made me go wow.
Did you just go up and do that? And I've always had this kind of -- my mother would always say, you can't question the Lord. You can't question the Lord. And then she said, you have to give Jesus 10 percent of your money. Well, he knows where I live, he can come pick it up.
So -- but I've always had these questions and one of the things I was always told, you're never supposed to question anything. You're supposed to do -- and I see people do things and it really makes me question religion to a large extent.
BOTEACH: Well, sure, I mean, look, that's really sad that people tell you not to question. The whole idea of religion is to pose the great questions of existence that we're supposed to explore that. It's what leads to real depths in life.
I mean the problem with our culture is the only thing we question is whether or not Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie adopted the country of Chad. So, you know...
(LAUGHTER)
BOTEACH: We're supposed to -- we're supposed to look at the big questions in life. I don't wand you (INAUDIBLE) you're not supposed to question. I mean we're not going to find all the answers.
You know life is a journey. It's a journey and adventure. And religion is supposed to provide the impetus to really explore the mysteries of existence. As far as giving 10 percent, I mean, look, we're hoping it's not going to end up with a televangelists in one of his G5s flying in those auto presidents, right, to their hearings in Congress.
I mean there's a lot of problems with religion. And on the one hand, we need religion, because this is what's going to give us our values. On the other hand, the value have become, quote, "opposition to abortion, opposition to gay marriage, Obama is the anti-Christ."
So there's a really skewed religious message. A lot of people are saying, you know what, I'd rather be an atheist. An atheist is making a big come back and we're enabling it.
HUGHLEY: There was a reverend in -- Reverend Ed Young -- who has a fellowship church in Texas. And last Sunday he challenged his parishioners, his married parishioners, to have sex for seven straight days. And although I'm not a regular churchgoer...
(LAUGHTER)
HUGHLEY: ... I want to book a ticket there. Because it was the first time I had ever heard somebody from -- in a religious context talk about sex. Because every time you hear, generally, a religious leader talking about sex, it's from the position of what you're not supposed to -- from the position...
(LAUGHTER)
HUGHLEY: From the aspect...
BOTEACH: No pun intended. OK. Yes. Yes.
HUGHLEY: What you're not supposed to do and what's wrong with having sex. So it's interesting to see somebody actually evoke it in a positive way.
BOTEACH: Well, first of all, I'm a Jew, but where do I convert, right?
HUGHLEY: Right.
(LAUGHTER)
BOTEACH: Why don't we do have sex marathons?
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
BOTEACH: No, I think, you know, we Jews can't have sex marathons because it would interfere with our suffering. So...
(LAUGHTER)
BOTEACH: You know...
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
BOTEACH: Look, someone's got to bring sex back to America. You know, one out of three American couples...
HUGHLEY: It ain't Justin Timberlake.
BOTEACH: No, no. (LAUGHTER)
BOTEACH: Justin Timberlake is making himself feel sexy. He has to do something about it.
One out of three American couples is platonic, no sex at all. The other two out of three that have sex, it's a once a week for seven minutes at a time and that includes the time that he spends begging.
So, you know...
(LAUGHTER)
BOTEACH: You know, it's amazing that we don't have storks delivering babies. So there isn't a lot of sex. And religion actually has beautiful sensual teaching about sex, that's why I wrote "The Kosher Sutra."
HUGHLEY: Right
BOTEACH: That's why I wrote kosher sex. But I don't think it has to become religion doing like the New York sex marathon. And I could see Jerry Lewis trying to make a buck off of this. You know, I mean, we're going to see the -- you know the sex telethon.
No, we don't want to trivialize. Sex is an incredible -- the best kind of sex is often had by religious people, statistically, because religious people actually -- they're...
(LAUGHTER)
BOTEACH: I got...
HUGHLEY: You got to hang out with me on the weekend, Jack.
(LAUGHTER)
HUGHLEY: I have people going, hide the bible.
BOTEACH: If you don't believe -- if you don't believe me, I've got nine kids.
HUGHLEY: Right.
BOTEACH: We have no television at home, OK? No. So...
(LAUGHTER)
BOTEACH: Religious people often...
HUGHLEY: That's why you shoe string it. That's pretty much -- this is turning into Jerry Springer. No, but it is. And I was reading...
BOTEACH: Statistically it's true. Religious people often have more sex than (INAUDIBLE) people. I'll tell you what... HUGHLEY: With their wives or partners?
BOTEACH: I hope.
(LAUGHTER)
HUGHLEY: But I read a little bit of your book, and you were talking about the dynamics of, you know, living and you said that boredom is the bane of our existence.
BOTEACH: Correct.
HUGHLEY: Like I always make this point, women will put up with a lot of things. Like you, you could not have a job. You can be abusive. But if you bore them, they will leave tomorrow.
BOTEACH: Right. Right.
HUGHLEY: Women can't stand being bored.
BOTEACH: That's why they love bad boys because bad boys have -- they have no rules, right?
HUGHLEY: Right. Nothing like...
BOTEACH: I'm not talking about you here. Just talking...
HUGHLEY: That's great news. That was great. But why, why are we so, like as a society, particularly in America, so bored? Like you -- you made the point that we're so bored that we watch reality TVs, that we have to supplant our lives with somebody else's.
BOTEACH: Yes, it's fascinating. We used to escape in "Star Wars." Now we escape our reality to someone else's reality. It's bizarre. No, I think that -- look, boredom is where you have nothing to look forward to. Life becomes so monotonous and predictable especially when it comes to sex.
I think so many women are used to slam, bam, is that all there is, ma'am. And, you know, the net result is, that they don't look forward to sex because it's not passionate. You know, we have this vision that the guy says, so how about some sex, honey, she turns back and says, not tonight, I have a headache.
And yet the man can have an ax lodged in his head, you know?
HUGHLEY: Right.
BOTEACH: And he's still ready.
HUGHLEY: Right. Right.
BOTEACH: Really the opposite is true. Women are more sexual, more sensual and they won't put up -- little by little I think husbands begin to extinguish their wives' libidos. They get their wives uninterested in sex. Later they blame them but they're the ones who really poured all that water on the fire.
So I mean, "The Kosher Sutra," or you know, religious teachings about sex. The bible speaks about sex very openly. Sex is a -- sex according to the bible is the sensual aspect of a marriage.
If things don't work in the bedroom, they're not going to work well in the living room. In that sense, I think, religion has a lot to offer. I just don't want it seen trivialize it.
HUGHLEY: That's they way to have, I mean, like, I think if I got...
BOTEACH: Are you coming to my synagogue?
HUGHLEY: Absolutely. If you all got a mattress, I'm coming.
(LAUGHTER)
HUGHLEY: No. I didn't even mean it that way. That's horrible. No, but you -- look, I've never heard anybody, like I remember I was -- there was all this controversy, where Dan Brown, the author of the "Da Vinci Code," alleges that Jesus and Mary had children.
BOTEACH: Right.
HUGHLEY: And people are upset. They thought of Jesus having sex and having a wife. And I thought, wow, it would be amazing to me, that wouldn't make me look at him any harshly. It would be amazing if he was able to have a wife and still do everything he did like -- can you imagine doing all that with a wife? Gees, you're going out with your 12 friends again?
(LAUGHTER)
HUGHLEY: So, like...
BOTEACH: I want to save the world? No, you're not. You're taking out the garbage right now. Yes.
HUGHLEY: But it just -- you're so beating down with the idea of religious having sex, it makes you like, there are certain types of things you can't have. Like everything you do is supposed to be for procreation. So how do you...
BOTEACH: Well, that's a very big misconception. The bible actually says Genesis 2:24 that the reason for sex is emotional intimacy. It's like taking a needle and a thread, the needle will go without any kind of special metaphor here, and by the time you're finished, you hope that those threads are still there and you feel as close the morning after as you did the night before.
Now a lot of people make the mistake of thinking that sex is for procreation. We know that's not true because women like having sex when they're pregnant. Right?
HUGHLEY: It's like you're following me around. (LAUGHTER)
HUGHLEY: Thank you very much, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach.
BOTEACH: Thank you. Thank you, D.L.
(APPLAUSE)
HUGHLEY: We will be right back after this.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
HUGHLEY: I'm back. Lawmakers in Nebraska are examining their Safe Haven Law. That's the rule that says a parent can abandon a child at a hospital and not face criminal charges. This year alone 34 children have been dropped off.
Joining me now to discuss this is an advocate for Safe Haven. Give it up for Justin Daly.
How are you doing, Justin Daly?
JUSTIN DALY: Thanks for having me, D.L.
HUGHLEY: OK. Justin, do you agree with people who want to limit Safe Haven?
DALY: No, D.L. If anything, we need to expand Safe Haven, otherwise it's a tough fate for the unwanted.
HUGHLEY: Right. You seem very, very passionate about this issue.
DALY: I am. And there's a reason. I'm abandoning someone today.
(LAUGHTER)
HUGHLEY: So you're leaving your child?
DALY: No. I'm abandoning me.
HUGHLEY: You're abandoning yourself?
DALY: Absolutely.
HUGHLEY: But you're a grown man.
DALY: On the outside. But inside, I'm emotionally stunted. I need a break from life. And living in a hospital in Nebraska sounds so good right now.
HUGHLEY: Listen, Mr. Daly, I understand we all go through rough stretches. I mean...
DALY: Well, I'm not going through a rough stretch, D.L. HUGHLEY: You're not?
DALY: No, I have a high-paying job, a beautiful wife and three children I adore. But I feel like I'm in a cage, man. I bought a cherry-red motorcycle with a side car but that didn't make it go away.
HUGHLEY: Listen, you can't just run away from your life like that.
DALY: I can if I get a new start in Nebraska. The truth is, I just need to be taken care of by a team of hot nurses.
(LAUGHTER)
HUGHLEY: Mr. Daly, those are nurses in a hospital in Nebraska, they're not like the women dressed up as nurses at a strip club.
DALY: Oh. Then can I crash at your place? I really need to get my head together.
HUGHLEY: No! Justin Daly, everybody.
(APPLAUSE)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
HUGHLEY: I would like to thank my guests, James Carville, Barney Frank, the -- the Rabbi, Shmuley Boteach, and I want to say happy Thanksgiving to each and every one of you guys.
Give yourself a big round of applause and we will see you next week. Thank you very much.
