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D.L. Hughley Breaks The News

A Humorous Look at Recent News Stories

Aired December 21, 2008 - 22:00   ET


ANNOUNCER: Tonight's regularly scheduled program, Chicago Hopeless, will not be seen, so that we may bring you this special presentation.
From the CNN studios in New York, D.L. HUGHLEY BREAKS THE NEWS.

D.L. HUGHLEY, HOST, D.L. HUGHLEY BREAKS THE NEWS: Hey, everybody, how are you guys doing? All right! Everybody looks good.

Well, I want to say happy holidays to each and every person. And let me give a special thanks, and a happy birthday, to Bruce, our stage manager. Give him a big round of applause.

We didn't get him anything, but I did say happy birthday. I hope you don't owe anybody any money, because now they see you on TV. Of course, there are 11 shopping days until Christmas, so there's still time to buy a loved one that Illinois Senate seat.

Or if you really want to splurge, you can get them Chrysler. Not "a Chrysler", you can actually buy Chrysler.

So you've heard the governor of Illinois was trying to sell Barack Obama's Senate seat to the highest bidder. Just think, we were this close to having Senator Oprah.

Do you know that Illinois has had four governors indicted and three convicted in the last 40 years? Illinois is so corrupt, they're thinking of changing their state name to Louisiana. The state bird is really the jail bird. It's crazy.

Hillary Clinton was outraged. She said you're not supposed to be able to buy a Senate seat from a governor. The way you do it is you marry a governor, he becomes president, cheats on you, then you move to New York and become a senator. And that's what happens.

And Santa has been kind to everybody this year. Everybody got a little something. Black people, we got Obama for president. White people, you all finally got O.J. So, it's the gift -


White people are clapping hard, too.

Finally, thank you. Did you watch the trial like last week? O.J. was the only one shocked he was going to jail. He was like -- are you serious? Your honor, I'm not a thief, I'm a murder. What's wrong with you? Apparently President Bush is moving to a Dallas neighborhood called Preston Hollow. Up until 2000 they had a covenant saying only white people could live there. That's not shocking, they had the same covenant in the White House until last month.

Karl Rove says in his new book he's going to name names and show examples of people who did not respect President Bush as a legitimate commander in chief. Man, that's going to be a long book, ain't it?

And the CEO of Merrill Lynch, the man whose company lost billions of dollars this year, is asking for a $10 million bonus, $10 million. That must be $5 million for each one of his giant balls. Brass got to be very expensive. I don't understand.

And speaking of testicles, a man is fighting for his life after his wife allegedly set his genitals on fire. Isn't that -- and men have the same reaction, oh, my god, that's horrible. Women have the same one, too, what did he do? Must have done something. He must have done something. And in the article they said, allegedly, and it can't be allegedly. Either you burned his balls, or you didn't burn his balls.

There's something that's been bugging me about the holiday season. So, what I did is I decided to get out of the office and go out on the streets and find some answers. Check this out.


HUGHLEY (On camera): Of course, the holiday season is upon us. And we are here in front of a beautiful Christmas decoration, a beautiful Hanukkah display. Where's Kwanzaa? Where's Kwanzaa? Where's Kwanzaa?

Now, how are you celebrating Kwanzaa this year?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Celebrating Kwanzaa? How many black people in America do you know celebrate Kwanzaa?

HUGHLEY: Do you know Kwanzaa?


HUGHLEY: Do you know any of the principles of Kwanzaa?


HUGHLEY: Tell me what you think it is.



UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: for ethnic people?

HUGHLEY: Ethnic?


HUGHLEY: Now, how are you celebrating Kwanzaa?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. I should though, right?

HUGHLEY: How are you celebrating Kwanzaa this year?


HUGHLEY: OK, Kwanzaa is an African-American holiday, kind of like Christmas. Only you make the gifts. You never heard of Kwanzaa?


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Do you celebrate Kwanzaa?



HUGHLEY: But I'm trying to - I, I, because - this is my show!

HUGHLEY: Where you guys from?


HUGHLEY: Connecticut? Well, maybe it's not -- it hasn't gotten there yet.

We found people who knew some stuff about Kwanzaa.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You know, everyone getting together and having dinner. There's like some dradle.

HUGHLEY: I don't think it's a dradle, no.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: There's like chocolate.

HUGHLEY: Kwanzaa is a chocolate holiday. But it's not -- they don't have chocolates.

Do you know any of the principles of Kwanzaa?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Seven, Kukajakalia (sp), purpose, uh - I'm stuck.

HUGHLEY (voice over): And others, that did not.

(On camera): Can you spell Kwanzaa?




HUGHLEY: That's Quizno's, man. You make me want a sandwich.


HUGHLEY: Why do you think, Kwanzaa, not a lot of people know a lot about Kwanzaa?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I guess that there's no gifts and I'm not into that homemade stuff.


HUGHLEY: Why do you think Kwanzaa hasn't taken off here?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Because this is America, land of Christmas.

HUGHLEY (voice over): What does Christmas have that Kwanzaa doesn't?

SINGER: Joy to the world,


(On camera): Now, do you think that more people would celebrate Kwanzaa if they, like if they had a good song?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm sure they would.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Happy Kwanzaa to you.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Kwanzaa drums, Kwanzaa drums, Kwanzaa all the way.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We wish you a merry Kwanzaa, we wish you a merry Kwanzaa --

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Happy Kwanzaa to you.


(voice over): Some people showed real potential.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We should celebrate Kwanzaa, y'all.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It's Kwanzaa time, It's Kwanzaa time, families together, families forever.

HUGHLEY: While others were a lost cause.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Rock on, rock on, rock on Kwanzaa, yeah.

HUGHLEY: We heard Kwanzaa go international.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (Singing in French).

HUGHLEY: And Kwanzaa free style.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Kwanzaa on the way, got like, people celebrating, and we chillin', hanging on the corner, got a liquor store right next door, on us, we move in front of the gun store, gettin' shot up, man. HUGHLEY: Wait, wait, wait. That ain't Kwanzaa, man. You done killed everybody.

(voice over): And just plain sweet.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Ta-da da-da-da-da de da, da, da doo, doo, da, de da....

HUGHLEY: We're getting the Kwanzaa song together.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's all we need.

HUGHLEY: Happy Kwanzaa to you, man.


HUGHLEY: Thank you, man. Happy Kwanzaa.


HUGHLEY: Well, that was a good start, but we wanted to get a professional help in our quest for a Kwanzaa song. We reached out to hip-hop producers and R&B singers, jazz artists, to no avail. But then something struck me. Listen to this.

MALE SINGER: Chestnuts roasting on an open fire

HUGHLEY: That was written by the great Mel Torme. He didn't even celebrate Christmas. He was Jewish. Check out this song,

MALE SINGER: I'm Dreaming of A White Christmas.

HUGHLEY: Beautiful. Also the number one selling song of all time, and written by a Jewish guy named Irving Berlin. I'm no dummy, clearly Jews know how to make the best holiday songs. So if this Kwanzaa thing is going to succeed, I needed my own Jewish composer. So I got one.

Here in the studio is the co-creator of the Broadway musical, "Avenue Q", Tony-winning songwriter, Jeff Marx. Give him a good round of applause.


JEFF MARX, CO-CREATOR, "AVENUE Q", SINGING: It's not a religious holiday. It's all about unity, community, and taking the opportunity to celebrate, and say, I'm dreaming of a white Kwanzaa with all the black people that I love, where we celebrate African heritage by lighting candles, and drinking, and thinking about black culture on this white Kwanzaa, while the snow's falling all around.

We'll be home celebrating our common ground -- and African culture.

Regardless of your color or religious affiliation, or your politics, or sexual orientation everyone across the nation, come light a candle and join our celebration. From Washington, to Harlem, to Alabama and Tennessee, it's time for everybody to celebrate being black with me. And that's why I'm dreaming of a white Kwanzaa with the black people that I love, where we celebrate African heritage, by lighting candles, and drinking and thinking about black culture on this white Kwanzaa, with the snow falling all around -- except in Africa.

We'll be home lighting the Kanorra (ph), we'll be home cuddling in our colorful garments We'll be home drinking to our common ground, and celebrating African culture


HUGHLEY: John Marx, everybody! Beautiful song. We've got plenty more coming up. Stick around. Play us out.


HUGHLEY: Well, it seems like every day some corporate CEO comes marching into Washington asking for their company to be bailed out. First it was the banks, then it was the automakers and recently there was another fat cat. Check it out.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We are here today because you realize, and I think a lot of us realize, you're in dire circumstances. You wouldn't be here otherwise.

SANTA CLAUSE: That's correct. The Santa workshop has seen better days due to high overhead costs and low consumer confidence. Do you fellows could spare, say, $25 billion?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How did we get to $25 billion as the magic number?

SANTA CLAUSE: Well, it's a magic number because Santa is magical.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: There's not been any real thinking behind that number.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You're asking an awful lot.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How do we know that you just don't take it from one pocket to the other and put it somewhere else?


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Inaction is not a solution.

SANTA CLAUSE: OK, inaction not a solution. Got it.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: A lot of people think you've already failed, that your model has failed.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Last question I want to raise deals with the hydrogen infrastructure.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I thank you all very much for being here.



HUGHLEY: Our next guest really knows the holidays in New York. Please welcome native New Yorker, actor, comedian, director John Leguizamo.

JOHN LEGUIZAMO, ACTOR, DIRECTOR: Good to be here, man. How's it going?

HUGHLEY: Good to see you.

LEGUIZAMO: Good to see you, too. Thanks for having me.

HUGHLEY: I've been a big fan of yours for a long time. My favorite part, Benny Blanco, "Carlito's Way." --

LEGUIZAMO: From the Bronx.

HUGHLEY: So, it's amazing you do stand-up, you act, you do everything. And you have --

LEGUIZAMO: I'm a Latin man. I have to hustle. I have to do everything.

HUGHLEY: Right, right, right.

LEGUIZAMO: I look at J. Lo, she's got perfume, she's got a clothing line. We have to do a lot of stuff to stay relevant.

HUGHLEY: You've done stand-up, you've done acting. What would you say is your passion?

LEGUIZAMO: I've got to say theater, because it's kind of the stand-up that I do. Theater, and the independent movies I love the most. Everything else can fall away, I don't care.

HUGHLEY: You like independent movies. You said specifically because of the work, the type of work, the causes.

LEGUIZAMO: Yeah, because it's about characters, it's character driven. And it's about story telling. And they respect the artists. They're not telling you like a lot of studio heads coming and tell you how to do it, how it should be done. They just leave you alone. Because there's not that much money.

HUGHLEY: Right, like we ain't paying you, do what you want.

LEGUIZAMO: You're getting scale, so what the hell.

HUGHLEY: You have a new film coming out called "Where God Left His Shoes."


HUGHLEY: Which is a holiday movie but takes -

LEGUIZAMO: Well, it's an anti-Christmas movie.

HUGHLEY: Well, that's big here.

LEGUIZAMO: I love an anti-anything movie.

HUGHLEY: Now, can you introduce this clip, we're going to see a clip from the movie?

LEGUIZAMO: Right, well, is about a dad, I'm a boxer, and I lose my job before Christmas. In this clip, I'm trying to get a job -- trying to get into this project, because we're about to be homeless because I've lost our whole family's earnings.


LEGUIZAMO: All we want is to have an apartment for Christmas. That's all. That's all we want. Look, I understand your position. I know what you're in. But imagine having children and sleeping in a dirty shelter on a cold floor for three months. Can you imagine that for a second?


LEGUIZAMO: No, but are you imagining that for me?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes, I understand your position.


HUGHLEY: John Leguizamo, man.

LEGUIZAMO: I wanted her to imagine.


LEGUIZAMO: If she didn't imagine it, I was going to --

HUGHLEY: You have some interesting kind of story. You were actually homeless for awhile?

LEGUIZAMO: For a day.


LEGUIZAMO: Why are you laughing, man?

HUGHLEY: Because everybody's been homeless for a day.

LEGUIZAMO: Not everyone's been homeless for a day. Come on!

HUGHLEY: Everybody's been kicked out of the - I remember when I was 16, my mother said, you leaving my house, and you leave with nothing I bought you. And I left with underwear on, and Avon chain with the arrow. That was all. For two days I was homeless.

LEGUIZAMO: For two days, oh, you're so much better than me.

HUGHLEY: I beat you by a day.

LEGUIZAMO: You are a real struggling artist.

I've been hungry for a longer time, but I was only homeless one night. I lost my place, and I didn't have another roommate, so I had to call my friends, till my brother to bailed me out.

HUGHLEY: Bailed you out?

LEGUIZAMO: Precisely.

HUGHLEY: That's not homeless, that's jail.

LEGUIZAMO: Not that kind of bailed me out. I've been bailed out by my mom, but that's different.

HUGHLEY: Now, you played a stepfather in this?

LEGUIZAMO: Yes, I played a stepdad in this.

HUGHLEY: And you said that they -

LEGUIZAMO: The little kid, I mean, David Caster (ph) was nine years old when we did the movie. He started to think that I was his real dad. He was like spending all his time with me. Like we didn't have a trailer, because it was that kind of low-budget flick. So, I had a curtain. That's all I had between me and that kid. That kid would come underneath the curtain, Hi, Mr. Leguizamo. Hi, what are you doing today? What are you later? I was just sleeping. Oh, can I just stay here and talk to you while you're sleeping? Then I wouldn't be sleeping if you're talking to me. He goes, that's OK. O go, no, it's not OK. I was like, Director, you got to get me some time alone, man. I love that kid, but I've got to be alone for one minute.

HUGHLEY: Kids are something else. Because I only like my kids because they're mine and I know, because I got them tested.


LEGUIZAMO: I did the same thing because mine came out kind of blondish, and I wasn't sure.

HUGHLEY: Your kids are a just kind of mixes of everything?

LEGUIZAMO: Yeah, they're little Jew-Ricans.

HUGHLEY: Everything.

LEGUIZAMO: Yeah, they have, they're Jewish.

HUGHLEY: Half Christmas, half Hanukkah.

LEGUIZAMO: Yeah, exactly. You have to give a lot of gifts. It's a pain in the neck.

HUGHLEY: You lived in New York your whole life. It's interesting. Because it's a brand-new city for me.

LEGUIZAMO: Come on. It's got to be an easy adjustment, though. You're not sweating it. Come on.

HUGHLEY: But it's different, because, people like here are like mad all the time.

LEGUIZAMO: Yeah, we're angry, so what? You got a problem with that?

HUGHLEY: No, I'm just -- I know --

LEGUIZAMO: What? What?

HUGHLEY: You can get like -- I said hi to a girl. What you want? You got some toilet paper on your shoe. I didn't want no trouble.

LEGUIZAMO: Yeah. What's your problem? But it's all right. Because we're up front about it. It's not hostility.


LEGUIZAMO: No. It's just like -- be straight up. Just tell me what you want. I got things to do, brother, OK? I'm about to leave.

HUGHLEY: I feel like I did an interview and got mugged on the same show. John Leguizamo, everybody.


LEGUIZAMO: Glad to see you.

HUGHLEY: Even in these special times, it's nice to know that Christmas, kids still write letters to Santa. Unfortunately, this year Santa wrote letters back.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Dear Santa, can I please have a pony for Christmas? Love, Emily, age three.

SANTA CLAUSE: Dear Emily, do you know how hard it is to take care of a horse? You already killed a hamster and five goldfish. Get real. You're three! Merry Christmas, Santa.


HUGHLEY: Our next guest -- our next guest followed Barack Obama around for two years taking about 1 million photos of him. I don't know what to say about that, that sounds like a stalker to me. But here with me now is photographer and author of the new book "Yes, We Can". Welcome Scout Tufankjian.

How you doing? Wow. So, you followed him around for two years?


HUGHLEY: Took a million photos? Usually a brother gets that many photos taken of him he's under indictment, but I'm glad this isn't for that.

TUFANKJIAN: Totally, yes.

HUGHLEY: So, how did you hooked up with the Obama campaign?

TUFANKJIAN: I first got to cover him in December in '06. So this is before he decided he was running for president. He was going to be in New Hampshire doing a book signing and some Democratic party function. And I didn't want to go. But then they found someone to pay me to go. Everybody needs money.


TUFANKJIAN: So, I drove up to New Hampshire. And I got there, and it was awful. It was this horrible, dark room.

HUGHLEY: I've never been to New Hampshire.

TUFANKJIAN: It's dark. Snows pretty much all the time.

HUGHLEY: Ain't no black people in New Hampshire, so --

TUFANKJIAN: Just like three.


TUFANKJIAN: Yeah, they were all there.

HUGHLEY: And when he left, there was only two.

TUFANKJIAN: Yeah. I have now met every mixed race child.

HUGHLEY: Right. So when you got there, you met him?

TUFANKJIAN: Yeah. He came in, we were all waiting for him in this dark room. And we're thinking, no pictures, this is going to be awful. And I'm missing my date.


TUFANKJIAN: And he came in and everyone just went completely insane. And in the way that we are now used to seeing people react to him. At the time it was kind of newer --to me, anyway, because I never photographed him before. And I thought, wow.

And I immediately called up my editor and said, I want to cover his presidential campaign. And she said, he's not running for president. And I thought about it, I said, he's from Hawaii, he doesn't ski. There's no other reason to be in New Hampshire unless you're running for president. So I started in early and I never left. HUGHLEY: You photographed him. And children reacted to him even differently.

TUFANKJIAN: Oh, yeah, I mean -

HUGHLEY: We have pictures of the way the children reacted to him.

TUFANKJIAN: These little girls from South Carolina. They just lost their minds over him. They were so excited. The thing is, I don't know about you, but when I was six -


TUFANKJIAN: No way, right?

HUGHLEY: Not a presidential candidate.

TUFANKJIAN: No, maybe for five seconds, if I had been at something and everyone else was cheering, I would have cheered along. But there is now way I would have paid attention - for like an hour.

HUGHLEY: And one of my favorite pictures was, you took a picture of one of his staff members when he was giving the speech on race.

TUFANKJIAN: Oh, yeah, Marty.

HUGHLEY: Which I thought was the most transcendent speech I've ever seen.


HUGHLEY: So, tell me about that picture.

TUFANKJIAN: It was actually, it was normally I don't necessarily listen to everything that he's saying. Not because I don't want to --

HUGHLEY: Like me and my wife, I never hear her.

TUFANKJIAN: You're concentrating on work, and trying to make your picture and see -- your brain is kind of tunnel vision that way. But I noticed Marty, who's not only one of his campaign staffers, but they're best friends. His wife delivered the Obama children. He was crying. He had tears rolling down his face. I just thought, I should probably start paying attention.

HUGHLEY: The dude's crying.

TUFANKJIAN: Yeah, if Marty's crying, I should probably listen.

HUGHLEY: You told a story about how you were in Des Moines.


This group of young guys comes up. I don't know if they're actually thugs, but they definitely wanted us to think they were. They're telling us how they steal cars. They told Secret Service that they were in a gang.

HUGHLEY: In Des Moines, Iowa!

TUFANKJIAN: Right, in Des Moines, Iowa, right, exactly.

And all of a sudden they see Obama. And all of a sudden they turn into like 19-year-old little kids. They're all excited. One of them calls their friend and like, you're not going to believe who's here. Your man! Your man! And they're talking to him and they go and they're like, yo, you know, that mother (EXPLETIVE DELETED) is going to be president!


HUGHLEY: You know what? I bet that's the first time somebody ever said that and it was true.

TUFANKJIAN: Totally, right? Totally!

TUFANKJIAN: Scout Tufankjian, thanks. Give her a big round of applause.


HUGHLEY: Now, to tell us what's coming up next hour, Chuck Sklar in our newsroom.

CHUCK SKLAR, CNN CORRESPONDENT: Well, D.L., tonight we're going to be following the continuing story of who President-Elect Obama is going to pick for his Cabinet. Now with Richardson and Hillary Clinton on the team, that just leaves two spots, Interior and Education. We're all anxious to see who those people are going to be.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: CNN, hello? Hi! I cannot believe you -

SKLAR: Excuse me, I'm on television. Thank you.

Then we're going to be talking to the embattled president of Chrysler --

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Turkey club and a diet Coke, $13.75.

SKLAR: Can't you see I'm teasing "News Hour"?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You ordered a sandwich. $13.75.

SKLAR: Jesus.

OK. Now, are airfare's going to be cheaper this holiday season? Our own Ali Velshi will be joining us to tell us exactly where the -- hello! I'm on TV here. Excuse me. Geez, you thought the planet was in peril? I'm about to snap. OK.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Secret Santa time, come on.

SKLAR: Are you kidding me? Get the (EXPLETIVE DELETED) out of here. That's all, D.L. Back to you.

HUGHLEY: We'll be right back.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is world peace. Terry, age 9

SANTA CLAUSE: Dear Terry, Oh, world peace, is that all? What am I, Gandhi over here? You wrote to Santa. How about a Slinky? You're friend, Santa.


RANDI KAYE, CNN ANCHOR: I'm Randi Kaye in Atlanta. Here's what's happening.

Breaking news out of Denver Airport where a passenger jet has skidded off the runway while taking off. Several injuries are reported. A fire apparently broke out on that airplane. There are some flight delays. But the airport is still open. Our national desk is making calls on this story and we will bring you much more at the top of the hour.

Weather apparently wasn't a factor in this accident, but it certainly is a factor elsewhere across the country. Isn't that right, Chris Smith?

CHRIS SMITH, CNN METEOROLOGIST: That is certainly right, Randi. Twenty-one degrees in Denver. It is a little breezy but as far as any major weather problems, just the cold temperatures and breezy conditions out there in Denver. Flight Explorer shows flights are still inbound toward the Denver area. One runway closed at this very moment. Let's go ahead and go back to the maps and show you what's going across the Pacific Northwest. Big, big, big storm system up there. We're talking about several feet of snow possible up towards the Cascades. Seeing a good bit of snow all the way down toward the Portland area. Making your way over towards Wisconsin this evening. You're going to see a good bit of snowfall. With very gusty winds on the back side of this. You're going to see winds to 25 to 45 miles per hour as we head throughout the overnight hours. That storm system is headed to the Northeast. You just got rid of the snow, expect more snow. Across Upstate New York, back up towards Vermont, New Hampshire, back down into western Massachusetts, eight to 16 inches of snowfall. Three to six inches of snowfall across Pennsylvania. One to three iinches around New York City down towards the Philadelphia area.

We're continuing to watch the weather situation as we go throughout the country. We'll have another update, of course, at the top of the hour. Now we're have more information from D.L. HUGHLEY BREAKS THE NEWS.


D.L. HUGHLEY, CNN HOST: Oh, man. Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested on federal corruption charges for conspiring to sell Barack Obama's vacant Senate seat in exchange for money. If convicted, Blagojevich could be sentenced up to 30 years in prison. Joining us live from his law offices in Springfield, Illinois is one of the governor's attorneys, Drew Steinberg. Hey, Drew.

It's good to see you. Thank you for joining us, Drew.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Good to be here, Deion.

HUGHLEY: It's D.L. Now, how would you describe the state of mind of your client, Rod Blagojevich, since his arrest earlier this week?

UNIDENTIFIEED MALE: Honestly the governor is doing great. He's looking forward to getting back to the business of running the state of Illinois.

HUGHLEY: With all due respect, you can't be serious. The governor is coming off like an arrogant crook.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Far from the truth. My client is just like thousands of other Serbian Americans, who worked as meat packers, became governor, got busted by the FBI on multiple counts of fraud and named Blagojevich.

HUGHLEY: OK. Now, how does the governor explain being caught on tape soliciting cash for a Senate seat?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Allegedly soliciting, L.L., allegedly.

HUGHLEY: Mr. Steinberg, are you actually denying the governor is guilty?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Look, the only thing Blagojevich is guilty of is offering people of Illinois a great opportunity to become senator.

HUGHLEY: Yeah, but he did it for money, and that's illegal, Mr. Steinberg.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You're talking about a little bribery charge here. Why don't you focus on paying for sex in an airport men's room?

HUGHLEY: But the governor was caught on tape trying to bribe for a Senate seat. You don't think that's wrong?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's for a jury to decide, Jay Z. All Governor Blagojevich is trying to do is sell something to the highest bidder.

HUGHLEY: That is a crime.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No, I call it going on eBay.

HUGHLEY: Even if it was legal, most people don't have $1 million laying around to buy a Senate seat.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Right. Which is why you can do a U.S. Senate seat time share with your buddies.

HUGHLEY: What? UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Come on, DHL, it will be fun. You'll be senator for two weeks in August. I get to be senator for the fall. And then Joey gets the holidays and weekends. If that's not democracy, I don't know what is.

HUGHLEY: That is corruption, Mr. Steinberg. Even Obama himself has said that the governor should resign.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Look, Rod Blagojevich will decide who gets to be Illinois's next senator. Anyone out there watching that's interested should contact the governor directly. He accepts Paypal and Visa.

HUGHLEY: Thank you, Mr. Steinberg.



UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Dear Santa, All I want this year for Christmas is a Slinky. Times are tough so I don't want to get something expensive. Happy Holidays, Tammy, Age 10.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hi, Tammy. A Slinky? Good choice. You know it goes down stairs. But then again, what doesn't if you push it? Santa.


HUGHLEY: Now, we've heard a lot from Washington about the problems with the American car industry. Let's talk to someone who actually knows what's going on under the hood. Certified mechanic and owner of Irvin Classic Cars in Brooklyn. David Goldsmith. How are you doing, David?


HUGHLEY: So, you work on cars? How does the American car industry look from under the hood?

GOLDSMITH: From under the hood right now, it's not looking too good. I told the guys at the shop just a couple of hours ago, hey, guys, I'm going downtown to talk about the bailout. They went, oh. Good luck, man. Good luck.

I mean, a lot of thumbs went down, and a lot of people went -- you know, one guy came up with a great idea. He says, you know, there should be a bailout. I said, Rudy, really, a bailout? You really think we should be pulling money out of our pockets to save the auto companies? He says, yeah. But they should get their money from someplace else. I said, where? He says, their buddies. Their partners. He said how about the oil companies? How about the oil companies? They've all been selling those gas guzzlers for a couple of decades. And made a lot of money with it. So that was one idea.

HUGHLEY: I don't think that's going to happen. We used to make a great car. GOLDSMITH: We used to make a great car.

HUGHLEY: A really great call.

GOLDSMITH: We're urban classics. We have in the shop right now, I've got a '55 Packard and I've got a '65 Ford Galaxy. In the heyday, there's a '57 Chevy in the shop right now. We make our money repairing daily drivers.

And we see -- you know, the cars are better today, but ...

HUGHLEY: Better than the Vega and the Pinto ...

GOLDSMITH: Well, you know, when they made a '57 Chevy, that's when the United States, again, they came through. The Cadillac Motor Car Company. Best car in the world. Then we saw the slide. You know, we saw the slide. It's really been tragic to see. From the Vegas and the Pintos and the Chevettes and the Citations. Even, Cadillac, Cadillac makes a, you know, they really, really, really went downhill. And they treated the public shabbily.

HUGHLEY: There are some American cars that you're starting to really like.

GOLDSMITH: You know, the real tragedy is that they build better cars today than they used to. In fact, much better cars.

HUGHLEY: But it's hard not to be better than the Vega, though.

GOLDSMITH: Not hard to be better than the Vega.

HUGHLEY: Not hard.

GOLDSMITH: But, you know, seriously ...

HUGHLEY: You like the Malibu.

GOLDSMITH: The Malibu, Impala. Look at the Crown Victoria. And it's a bigger car.

HUGHLEY: You know the problem with Crown Victorias and Malibus, they're police cars from where I'm from. Like everybody I love got took away in a Crown Victoria or Malibu. It's horrible. It is.

GOLDSMITH: A friend of mine has a black '97 Grand Marquis. The thing about driving that car is when I drive through the city streets, everybody's scared of me or they're waving me down. Like you're a gypsy cab or a limo. But, you know, there are some great American cars built today. But they don't even -- they don't market them well.

HUGHLEY: Maybe the dude who marketed Viagra should market the cars.



GOLDSMITH: There you go. You need some marketing genius.

HUGHLEY: If Apple computers, I think one of the foremost companies. They make a great product - and I'm not just saying that because I'm hoping for them to give me one. I'm saying that because they make a great product, great support system. Now we need -- Congress is proposing a car czar, to kind of bring quality up.

GOLDSMITH: I think Rudy in my shop should be the car czar.

HUGHLEY: Actually, it should be a guy who makes cars or fixes them and works on them.

GOLDSMITH: Well, you know, I think that -- I mean, we do need a car czar. We do need somebody who's got some vision.

HUGHLEY: Come on. No one has vision anymore.

GOLDSMITH: Come on, just a little bit. And I think that -- I think that there are people that are just dying to jump onboard and buy American cars again.

HUGHLEY: You're the car czar in this country ...

GOLDSMITH: Me? No, I don't want that job.

HUGHLEY: I mean, besides the Crown Vic, which I told you my obvious problems with. What would be the first thing you do? Car czar?

GOLDSMITH: I think that the top job right now is to get the -- to get your customers to have confidence in you again. And to know that -- I was telling somebody, one of your producer people, saying that one of the -- as a small business owner, some of the best customers and the most loyal customers I have are with customers where my company let them down. But we went way out of our way to make sure that they were happy. That they were taken care of. That if we made a mistake, that we righted it and we did it in the right way. And I think that if people -- if these car companies could convince people that they would stand by their customer, you know, 110 percent, then people would come back. I think they'd flock back. They would be very forgiving to help rebuild the American car manufacturers.

HUGHLEY: You know, I think the old way of doing things has to die. My father used to say something that I never understood. He said, without a death, that can't be a resurrection.

GOLDSMITH: That's right.

HUGHLEY: So hopefully that will work out.

GOLDSMITH: We hope so.

HUGHLEY: Give it up to David Goldsmith everybody. Thank you.

We've got plenty more coming up. Stick around.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Dear Santa, you deliver president to everyone in the world in one night. But my dad works at the post office and he says it is impossible and would take a miracle. Billy, age seven and a half.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Dear Billy, your dad should talk. He works at the post office. I'm still waiting for my "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit issue from last winter. Your dad probably took it. Your mom hasn't slept with him in three years. Merry Christmas, Santa.


HUGHLEY: Now, the holidays are a time when we all reflect back on our year and share memories with friends and family. When it comes to this show, we've had quite a year. Actually, it's only been a couple of months. But still, let's take a look back at the good times and bad times we've had during the last six weeks.


HUGHLEY: Good evening. How are you doing?


HUGHLEY: Yep, I'm still here. No need to adjust your TV. I know people are thinking like, Wolf Blitzer got a tan.

Now Obama's first order of business is to get a puppy for his two daughters. Now, you know when Michael Vick heard that, man, there goes my pardon.

As the nation's second largest mortgage buyer, you've been accused of costing taxpayers tens of billions of dollars due to shady accounting. How do you respond to these serious allegations?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I have a message for the candidates trying to ruin my reputation. Shut your mouth, bitches.

HUGHLEY: So you never voted before in any other election?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This is worth -- I was saving my one and only. Got to be strong.

HUGHLEY: Yeah. You could have voted for Lincoln, but you saved it for Obama, right?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: As a hockey mom, I really want to like D.L. But I don't like D.L.'s hair. And he talks too fast. Plus he's got a GED. And he's black.

On election night, the Palin family gathered around their home in Alaska to rest up and recover. All except for Levi, the pregnant daughter's boyfriend. He went out for cigarettes and never came back.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: A little nervous about the outcome. Until the last ballot is counted, Barack is the underdog. And we're preparing for a loss.

HUGHLEY: Really?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hell, no! Obama is going to destroy McCain!

HUGHLEY: What are you getting for Christmas.


HUGHLEY: Are you serious?


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I would rather watch reruns of "The Magic Johnson Hour."

HUGHLEY: Now, al Qaeda just releasing a video in which they called Barack Obama a house Negro. They called him a house Negro. Now, the Obama camp has declined to respond. So I will. Yes, he's a house negro. But it is the White House (EXPLETIVE DELETED).

Thank you, guys. We'll see you next week. You guys are great.

Good night, everybody. Thank you very much.


HUGHLEY: I'm living in New York and doing this show, and my wife is still in California. We've been married for over 20 years. My wife said I don't do anything for myself, including make the bed. So you can just forget about cooking. So it's time I learned to learn.

So I called a woman who has written three cookbooks and has one of the most amazing voices I've ever heard. Please welcome the one and only, Miss Patti LaBelle.

PATTI LABELLE, SINGER: Thank you. Stand up! Oh, gosh.

HUGHLEY: It is amazing to be loved as long as we've loved you. I'm glad you're here.

LABELLE: I'm so happy to be here with you.

HUGHLEY: When I turn 25, I hope I look as good as you do right now.

LABELLE: This is what you call 64 and still standing.

HUGHLEY: Goodness gracious.

LABELLE: Sixty-four. And this "Living the Good Life", and that's -- all my products today, that's what we're talking about.

HUGHLEY: That's the name of your book, "Recipes for the Good Life."

LABELLE: "Recipes for the Good Life." And a DVD called "In the Kitchen with Miss Patti." It's an instructional DVD to show you and everybody else how to cook. This is easy for you to do. We'll start with the hot Patti Labelle relish. HUGHLEY: How come I didn't get to do it? I got the gloves on and everything.

LABELLE: I'll have you mix it. Mix. Put stuff in. Put the glass down. Come on, D.L. Put this in. And congratulations on your show, honey.

HUGHLEY: Thank you.

LABELLE: Congratulations. This is egg. Usually I use 12 boiled eggs. This is jalapeno.

HUGHLEY: Put a lot of that in. I like that.

LABELLE: You do?

HUGHLEY: Absolutely.

LABELLE: This is celery seed.

HUGHLEY: Celery seed. I got to do it like you.

LABELLE: Just drop. Drop it like it's hot.

Now, put this in. This is mustard, you put yellow mustard in. You've got to do it like this. We need a little -- see, you don't know. Poor baby. Pretend it's in there. OK. If you put it on my dress, I'll cut you. You're flipping that mustard.

HUGHLEY: I'm getting assaulted on my own show.

LABELLE: I don't mean to. Now, get the mayo, baby.

HUGHLEY: The mayo. OK.

LABELLE: Just drop it all. And then get the celery. Green pepper and onion.

HUGHLEY: Green pepper? Celery first?

LABELLE: It doesn't matter. This bowl is not going to be big enough anyway. Give me that green pepper. Give me the onion. You're doing ...

HUGHLEY: This onion? That's a lot of onion.

LABELLE: I know. Just give me a little.

HUGHLEY: We are mixing together.

LABELLE: Go ahead.

HUGHLEY: You guys are performing on the 19th.

LABELLE: At the Apollo. It's sold out. We're going to be on tour January. Next year we start touring. HUGHLEY: Can I ask you something ...

LABELLE: For 30 years we've been apart.

HUGHLEY: And LaBelle came on and they used to say voulez fu fu (ph). What does that mean? My mom would say ...

LABELLE: That means, "Will you sleep with me tonight?"


LABELLE: That's what the song means.

HUGHLEY: I thought it was spreading a good time or something. Well, we got the gloves on, so ...

LABELLE: You're so funny. You're funny, funny, baby. But no, that means will you sleep with me tonight, you know what that song means. When we recorded it, we had no idea that's what it meant.

HUGHLEY: You were just singing it?

LABELLE: We were just singing it because it sounded great.

HUGHLEY: It sounds great to me. I'm going to try it?

LABELLE: You going to try it?

HUGHLEY: Absolutely. You say you do two things. You cook and you sing. You were born to do.

LABELLE: I'm born to buy pumps, cook and sing. Go ahead. Say it's delicious.

HUGHLEY: It's delicious.

LABELLE: Thanks.

HUGHLEY: It really is.

LABELLE: That's the best we can do right now.

HUGHLEY: We've got potato salad. We have this.

LABELLE: Hot and spicy shrimp.

HUGHLEY: I'll eat some of that. But I don't eat chicken in front of white folk. They go, ooh, they love it, don't they.

LABELLE: But we do love it. We love chicken.

HUGHLEY: For everybody, we have a Patti LaBelle, "In the Kitchen with Patti LaBelle" DVD.

Stay with us. When we come back, Miss Patti LaBelle will be performing for us. We'll be right back. (COMMERCIAL BREAK)

HUGHLEY: Man, I love this job. First, Patti LaBelle teaches me to cook. And now here to perform "Christmas Jam" is Patti LaBelle. Have a happy holiday, everybody. Thanks for watching.

LABELLE: Happy holiday, D.L. Congratulations on your new show. God bless you. God bless America. I'm ready, y'all. Hey, everybody, it's a Christmas Jam.


LABELLE: Merry Christmas and a happy new year. God bless you.