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D.L. Hughley Breaks The News

The Humorous Side of the News

Aired March 07, 2009 - 22:00   ET


D.L. HUGHLEY, CNN HOST: I like it. I like it. I like it. Thank you guys very much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. All right. We're excited. At least you care. You guys see a camera and go crazy. I'm excited. That's enough!

This is a disobedient audience. I'm excited about the show tonight. We have a lot of people. We have congressman, Republican Congressman Ron Paul. We're going to find out why Iran doesn't like American Movies because they say they are stereotypical. So we will be talking to Jamie Farr and we will find out how to survive the end of the world Neil Strauss is here. I'm excited. A lot of things are going on. Michael Jackson's coming back on tour. You know what's sad about this -- look, I didn't even tell a joke, you know. It's so sad because he's one of the greatest entertainers ever in a whole generation of people only know him for his, you know, troubles. That's how you can say it, because he's a great entertainer but apparently a lousy babysitter. That's all I'm saying. Even Janet, no, I'm not dropping my kids there.

It is so sad, I'm glad to do this show. I have to hurry up so I can get this shirt back to the picnic. That it's missing from. Well, we have a really exciting show. Last week we had the chairman of the Republican National Committee, Michael Steele, he was here. And he made a comment, I asked him about his feeling on whether Rush Limbaugh was the leader of the party. This is a clip from last week's show.


HUGHLEY: Like Rush Limbaugh, who is the de facto leader of the Republican Party ...


HUGHLEY: I will tell you what, I have never ...

STEELE: I am the leader of the Republican Party. Rush Limbaugh is an entertainer. Rush Limbaugh, his whole thing is entertainment. Yes, it's incendiary. Yes, it's ugly.


HUGHLEY: Well, that is some tough talk. Since then, there has been a firestorm in the media.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Rush versus the RNC. Conservative lightning rod Rush Limbaugh trades heated words of the new leader of the Republican National Committee.

WOLF BLITZER, CNN HOST: A battle under way right now between the new chairman of the Republican Party Michael Steele and the radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh.

CHRIS MATTHEWS, MSNBC HOST: Republican National Party Chairman Michael Steele says in an interview with a guy named Hugly (ph) ...


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Not surprisingly, Limbaugh isn't happy.

RUSH LIMBAUGH, RADIO TALK SHOW HOST: I hope the RNC chairman will realize he's not a talking head pundit.

LARRY KING, CNN HOST: Rush is a personality. He is enjoying this.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Battle lines are drawn.

ROLAND MARTIN, CNN CONTRIBUTOR: Michael Steele punked out.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How sad is the Republican Party right now?

DAVID GERGEN, FORMER PRESIDENTIAL ADVISER: That was one of the dumbest things I have seen a party chairman do in a while.

CHUCK TODD, NBC NEWS ANALYST: They're afraid to offend him.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's a fight that no doubt the White House and the president enjoy.


HUGHLEY: All right, Chris Matthews, it's Hughley, damn it. That's what it is.

You know, first off, I did not -- I was having a conversation but I didn't mean for this to happen. And I like Michael Steele a lot. I'm supporting him on my cup. I don't think he should resign. This is like -- I started all of this. This is like black-on-black crime. That's what it is. I want him to keep his job. But since then Michael Steele has apologized which, I hate. I think if you say something you mean, you should just stand by it. He said, "I respect Rush Limbaugh. He's a national conservative leader. And in no way, do I want to diminish his voice."

Why is the name Steele? You should call him aluminum. He folded that fast. I don't understand. Does Rush Limbaugh run the GOP? It seems like it to me. Here now to talk about the Grand Old Party is Texas Congressman Ron Paul. How are you doing, Ron?

You see, it's amazing. You are probably the most -- the favorite Republican of everybody that I know, man. You talk sensibly. You're very reasonable. You're very pragmatic in your approach. Can I ask you an honest question, is Rush Limbaugh the Republican Party leader? REP. RON PAUL, (R) TX: Philosophically, he has a lot to do with it. But technically, no, he's not an elected leader. But philosophically, he's filling a void, I think there is a void in the Republican Party. And in some ways he's filling it. But there are philosophic influences and that's what Rush Limbaugh does.

HUGHLEY: Then let me ask you probably a more direct question. Why do so many people insist on kissing his ass like that? Why is he so -- Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina apologized. Congressman Phil Gingrey apologized. Now you have the chairman of the RNC apologizing to him. I don't think they said anything that was unreasonable. Why would they insist on ...

PAUL: I have no idea. I can't quite figure out all of this excitement about this event.

HUGHLEY: Me neither.

PAUL: Because in a way, I just wonder about the liberals and Democrats wanting to help Rush Limbaugh so much. He's making a lot more money. You know what I suspect that's going on, and this has nothing to do with the conspiracy, but I think what they want to happen is Rush Limbaugh make a whole lot of money and then they're going to tax him and limit his income to about $250,000 a year, and they're going to put a tax on all of the entertainers and we're going to bail out everybody in the country and take care of all of the poor people.

HUGHLEY: Hey, man, the word conspiracy is going to be used, let the black guy do it. I want to do that. But he does represent -- Rush Limbaugh does represent a pretty large segment of the Republican Party.

PAUL: I think -- the poll, nobody knows the exact number. I think I saw a poll that said 11 percent but they are energetic and they know about it. But he doesn't represent a lot of people involved with social values. He certainly doesn't represent me.

HUGHLEY: Now, Rush did say that he wanted President Obama to fail. Do you feel the same way?

PAUL: No, no, not really. And I didn't hear his exact words. But, you know, if a person's goal is to help poor people and take care of and improve the world and bring peace, want them to be successful. But if they want to be -- if they want to socialize the country and -- and nationalize everything, no, you don't want them to be successful there. But you can support their goals, and you hope they do, but I don't want any authoritarian to be successful. I don't want people to be successful in their foreign policy, even if we go off to another war, like Obama's doing right now in Afghanistan. You know, if you say oh, great, let's have great success over there and then he can go on and take on Pakistan.

HUGHLEY: Thank you, Ron. We're going to be right back. Next, we have more with Ron Paul. We'll be right back.


HUGHLEY: We are back with Republican Congressman Ron Paul. Ron, you ran for president. When you dropped out, you did not back John McCain. Obviously, you have some issues with some members of your party, right?

PAUL: Yeah, when they don't live up to their promises, if they call themselves fiscal conservatives and then they double the size of the budget and the deficit, then I can't with a clear conscience support them.

HUGHLEY: So you were against George Bush's big spending, too?

PAUL: Oh, absolutely. And certainly I was against his foreign policy and his violation of personal civil liberties, the privacy that he was invading and the secrecy of government. I didn't like any of that. I'm sort of an old-fashioned conservative that believes in the Constitution.

HUGHLEY: Now, you voted against -- also voted against President Obama's stimulus package. Obviously, you had reservations about that. Why was that?

PAUL: Well, I don't think it's going to do any good. Most of that money so far hasn't helped the little guy. Going to Wall Street, if they would have taken all of that money and just sent checks out, we would have been better off. I would like to get the money into the hands of the people. I don't trust the government and don't trust the politicians and the bureaucrats because they bail out their buddies. What we want is to get more money in the hands of the people. That's why should suspend the income tax and everybody would get a pay raise immediately. There are still a few people employed. So this would be a big boost to the economy. And the people make the decisions rather than bailing out corporate giants and banks, and then they take their money and they get billions of dollars worth of bonuses. It's absolutely out of control.

HUGHLEY: But, Ron, OK, I, too, was against the bailout. But some aspects of the stimulus package, I see like as far as extending unemployment benefits to people, making those a little longer and things like that, other attributes of the stimulus package. I agree with some of those. But the bailout, I have to say, I was totally against it. I didn't think we should bail out G.M.. I thought some of the banks, I could see how that was necessary. But honestly, what do we do then?

PAUL: Well, you had -- you have to understand how we got into this mess. We got into this mess because ...

HUGHLEY: Because we spent like there was no tomorrow. We all spent like there was no time.

PAUL: Right. We elected the Republicans to back up from big government and they doubled the size of everything and ran up the deficit. So we spent too much, we borrowed too much. And then we started putting pressure on the fed. The fed acts on their own and they started inflating, that is creating credit out of thin air, they're the ones who really caused the boom and really bring about the bust. After the depression ended after World War II, the spending went down two-thirds and taxes went down one-third, and that's when the depression finally ended in the late '40s.

HUGHLEY: Why? The amazing thing is you almost -- you don't seem like a Republican to me that I have ever heard. You seem so reasonable. No, honestly, you really do. You seem to make sense, which I don't attribute to very many politicians.

PAUL: OK. Go ahead.

HUGHLEY: But the government does have to do something. I think we're very panicked. I think the electorate is clearly nervous. The government has to do something to kind of allay their fears or we'll never get on track, right?

PAUL: That is true. And we could if we had some sensible people here. And I, even though I'm a strict constitutionalist, I don't believe in most of these programs, I still have an interim set of priorities. I would cut $400 billion, $500 billion from overseas. I don't think it makes any sense to blow up bridges in Iraq and then pay a no-bid to rebuild them through no-bid contracts where the corporations never rebuild. I would say spend all of that money back here at home. We would save enough money by changing our foreign policy, cutting down on our deficit and still take care of people we have taught to be so dependent. We spent over a trillion dollars a year maintaining an American empire but nobody wants to give up on the empire, not even this new administration.

They're pursuing the Bush policies in the Middle East and are not cutting back. And yesterday a gave a speech on the House floor, and I literally bet the troops will not be out of Iraq in 2011, because the -- we're going to have a big amnesty and we're going to have 56 military bases. Believe me, that is very offensive to the people of Iraq.

HUGHLEY: Ron, you are -- you are too human to be Republican.

Now, I was on Bill Maher about a year and a half ago or so. And you came on, and you came on by satellite, and you were explaining about the Civil War, how it didn't need to be fought. I was at first, like, is he saying it didn't need to be fought? But when you explained it to me, I thought it was one of the most pragmatic, reasonable things I have ever heard a politician say.

PAUL: You know, the other nations in the west that had slavery all got rid of slavery without a civil war. And the motivation behind the Civil War had more to do than just the slavery issue.


PAUL: So we lost 600,000 Americans and a lot of residual, probably some leftover today. There's still residual. So you could have for a small fraction of the money and no deaths just bought the slaves, you know, and freed the slaves. That's what Britain did and some other nations. And that just makes a lot more sense than fighting a war and killing each other.

HUGHLEY: I tell you what ...

PAUL: I don't like this war as a solution to our problems.

HUGHLEY: I tell you what, you make way too much sense. You can't be Republican. I will say it again. Are you going to run again in 2012?

PAUL: Well, I might be running from somebody or running for Congress. Or who knows what?

HUGHLEY: Thank you, Congressman Ron Paul. It was a pleasure, man. A real pleasure. Wow.

Next, we will find out if Jesus was a Republican.


HUGHLEY: James Dobson, a prominent voice of the evangelical movement recently stepped down as chairman of Focus on the Family. So who was left to lead the religious right? Joining me now is a former evangelist and author "Crazy for God," Frank Schaeffer. How are you doing, Frank?

It seems as if President Bush was the perfect candidate for the religious right. He was born-again, he was an evangelical, he was an End of Days believer. So the Republican, evangelical right got what they wanted. What went wrong?

FRANK SCHAEFFER, AUTHOR, "CRAZY FOR GOD": Well, first of all, he was unqualified to be president.

HUGHLEY: All he had to do was believe in Jesus, right?

SCHAEFFER: That's right. That's why he got elected. You saw this in the last election when Sarah Palin was introduced as the vice presidential candidate for McCain. The only reason he picked her is because she was another born-again Christian and he thought he would throw that sop to the religious right. So the game continued but this time it didn't work because people had it for voting for people just on the basis of their belief in kind of a fundamentalist Christianity.

HUGHLEY: But you -- you grew up that way?


HUGHLEY: Your father was instrumental in the evangelical movement.

SCHAEFFER: My father was someone who was key to the formation of the religious right. In the 1970s and '80s, for people who know about that little subculture in our country, Francis and Edith Schaeffer were very big names. And "Crazy for God," my book, talked about what it was like to grow up in that home. And later as we became involved, palling around with the Bush family, dad going to the Reagan White House a number of times and meeting with the president about pro-life issues and all of these other things, that's the world I grew up in. And then as an adult, I really began to have second thoughts about where the religion right was going. Essentially, if I could put it this way, moved away from that background and politically changed sides. So, for instance, recently I have been one of the bloggers on Huffington Post and other places that have been supporting the Obama candidacy from the very beginning. And for ...

HUGHLEY: (inaudible) thing.

SCHAEFFER: And for me to be doing that, if you asked me 25 years ago would I be doing this, I would have thought you were crazy. That's how people can change. So I changed my mind.

HUGHLEY: But your father, who was so integral in starting the evangelical movement, what would he think of the new you? Of the more ...

SCHAEFFER: You know, in some ways, he would be pleased. Because my dad was very interested in the human life issue of abortion. But when it comes to things like gay bashing, political correctness on the right wing issues, starting the war in Iraq for bad reasons or no reasons, my father would not have been going along with that. So where the religious right went, which was to turn into this kind of hard-assed neo fascist kind of direction in America that has given us eight years of a bad presidency, a collapsed economy, two wars, one of which we shouldn't have been in.

By the way, my son was a United States Marine. So I talk with no apology about what I think about the war.

HUGHLEY: You saw what an apology can get you in trouble.

SCHAEFFER: He was out there getting shot at. So I can say what I think about it.

And the fact of the matter is, I think we have come through a very, very bad time and unfortunately, I'm sorry to say, my dad and I, when I was a young man and he in his career had a lot to do with it. Because we were the people, who along with others like James Dobson, Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell and the others, we put all of this crap in place. And now the reason I wrote "Crazy for God" is because the title is literally that if awe approach God in a certain way, it will drive you crazy. And this has been a period of craziness.

HUGHLEY: And you have said some -- you do blog for the Huffington Post. You have written some things and I have read you for a little while. You have written some things that I never heard anybody say out loud. You said the Republican base is now made up of religious and neoconservative ideologues and the uneducated white underclass was a token person of color or up two up in front of the "TV to obscure the all-white, all reactionary, all backward, and there is no global warming, rube reality. Actual conservatives, let alone the educated class have long since fled."

You believe everybody in the Republican Party is a neocon or an ideologue. SCHAEFFER: I'd put it differently. I'd say the Republican Party knows that's who that their base is. There are individuals, private citizens ...

HUGHLEY: You mean elected people.

SCHAEFFER: I'm talking either the elected people fall into one of those two categories. Either they are pandering to the religious right -- I don't know what they believe, of course. I can't get into their head. They are pandering to the religion out right or they are pandering to the neocons to whom every war is a good war. And there is very little room in between.

And the people, for instance like William F. Buckley, who was a friend of my dad's, or Barry Goldwater. You could have disagreed or agreed with them. But these were not crazy people. These were not Fruit Loops.

HUGHLEY: They wanted a separation of church and state.

SCHAEFFER: Right. They wanted a separation of church and state. They were not using politics to beat people over the head with a moral crusade. They were not looking to start wars for no reason. We moved from a period where the Republicans represented something you could agree or disagree with, to a period where it represents a kind of fundamentalist Christianity on one side and a view of the world, which sees everyone who is other, whether that is black, white, Arab, Muslim, a different country, gay, as the enemy. And basically that's a very dangerous position. And so I think when you look at a guy like Rush Limbaugh today, what you're seeing is the lid off. This is the raw, naked true face of where Republicanism is. And be my guest, if people want to vote for that, fine. We just had eight years of this that drove us over the cliff and you want to keep going over the clip, fine. But as far as I'm concerned, the greatest miracle, speaking of God because I'm still a religious person what has happened happen ed in any lifetime, is the election of Barack Obama. Who I think is in a position to genuinely turn this country around. It's going to take a while but I'm tremendously optimistic about what he can do.

HUGHLEY: That's an amazing thing. In your letter. You wrote an open letter to President Obama. You asked him not to even count on Republican backing.


HUGHLEY: You say that they hate him.

SCHAEFFER: They do hate him.

HUGHLEY: They hate him.

SCHAEFFER: They do hate him.

HUGHLEY: That's pretty strong.

SCHAEFFER: Rush Limbaugh's telling the truth when he says he wants him to fail. These people are ideological enough that they would rather take our whole country down and be proven right than be patriotic Americans and stand up and do the thing that every American ought to do right now, which is support the president, whether you voted for him or not.


HUGHLEY: Why -- why then are men like Rush Limbaugh and a woman like Ann Coulter so tremendously popular? Why then? It makes me as an American go, this is how a large percentage of the country feels.

SCHAEFFER: No, don't think so. I think if people read my book, they're going to see that the religious right started with good intentions. And then was manipulated by very crass people who have taken it in a different direction for personal gain. Today you have about 20 million people who buy all of Ann Coulter's books, watch Rush Limbaugh. Send money into the televangelists. It's all the same people.

The fact of the matter is, there are 300 million of us. There's no 20 million of us. The truth is I failed every math class. But somebody in the audience will tell us what the percentage of 20 million of 300 million. It's not a big percentage. It's just a loud percentage. This is the drunk on the subway making trouble in the car for all of the people on the subway. There are 100 decent citizens on there, there is one ass in the front that's molesting women. That's the Republican Party now in terms of the loud car.

HUGHLEY: I'm going to get in trouble again, aren't I?

SCHAEFFER: The difference is, I'm not apologizing or kissing Rush Limbaugh's butt. Though there is quite a bit to kiss.

HUGHLEY: Thank you very much. Frank Schaffer, thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Next, I'll get inside the head of some of the big newsmakers of the week. This is scary stuff.




HUGHLEY: The stock market is down, and AIG gets billions more in bailout money, and you're thinking, why should I care? Here with me now is the money coach and author of "Zero Debt," Lynnette Khalfani- Cox. How you doing, gorgeous.

LYNNETTE KHALFANI-COX, AUTHOR, "ZERO DEBT": I'm great. Thank you for having me.

HUGHLEY: So, AIG, why should we care?

KHALFANI-COX: I know a lot of people are saying, first of all, where's my bailout? Why are we throwing what they perceive to be good money after bad. The reason we should care, frankly, is this company is massive in size. We are talking about one of the biggest global insurers in the world. They've got more than 70 million policyholders worldwide, including 30 million just in the U.S. alone. So you might not even know that you could stand to benefit potentially from a policy. Somebody might have a life insurance policy with AIG for example, and you might be the beneficiary of it and not even know it.

So this company is deemed too big to fail. Remember back in September when Lehman Brothers went under than kind of started with the whole financial crisis really being accelerated. So now I think the government is saying, look, we don't want another repeat of that scenario. What can we do to step in?

I understand the logic, though. A lot of people are saying, how come we are giving so much money when they just lost $62 billion in the fourth quarter alone?

HUGHLEY: I'm turning into Oprah. Uh-huh.

KHALFANI-COX: It's crazy. It's crazy. They have to have much better set of management and financial -- they are supposed to be a risk management company. They're supposed to be able to protect against these kinds of things but clearly they haven't been doing a good job.

HUGHLEY: It really came home to me when we were talking about the segment and I was reading some articles about you and my producer came over and she told me, her mother had a conversation, she was watching -- she was over your house and she was watching the financial reports, and it talked about AIG, and she said, you know, I have an annuity set up for you with that company so if it goes down, you lose your money. That's when all of a sudden, she was like -- how did it get this bad?

KHALFANI-COX: I think a whole bunch of things got into place. Clearly the mortgage crisis played a role. They also insured complex derivatives. They provided insurance for corporate bonds. All of those things went bad. And frankly, I just don't think they had the controls in place. They provided some forms of insurance where they shouldn't have been. We're in it now, almost $180 billion's worth. That is a massive amount of money.

HUGHLEY: You know what's funny, the stock market's down below 7000 and the reason I remember that is because in 1997 my wife and decided to get into the stock market, and it was 7000.

KHALFANI-COX: And now you're back where you were.

HUGHLEY: And now we have come full circle.

KHALFANI-COX: I want to give your viewers a little bit of perspective. I think too often we're getting a little negativity and the gloom and doom, all of the bad headlines we're seeing. Yes, the market is doing terribly right now. Nobody's going to question that.

HUGHLEY: Then that's gloom and doom. What else are you going to say?

KHALFANI-COX: Hold on now. I've got some hope for you.

HUGHLEY: Right, right, right.

KHALFANI-COX: I guess my message is that you shouldn't be overly depressed or overly concerned that this situation cannot or will not ultimately turn around. Is it going to take some time? Absolutely, yes. On the stock market front, frankly, nobody has a crystal ball.

HUGHLEY: But should we stay in the market, should we?

KHALFANI-COX: I think if you're a younger person, absolutely. You still should be investing in stocks.

HUGHLEY: You say if you're 50 or younger.

KHALFANI-COX: Absolutely, stay in the market. If you're a pre- retiree or in retirement, now we are talking a whole new ball game. Those folks are going to have to make some very tough choices.


KHALFANI-COX: For a lot of them, they might have to downsize, move from one house to a smaller house. Or perhaps to a different part of the country that's less expensive. They might have to work longer. I think in this environment, everybody should plan for a pink slip even if they're absolutely certain they won't receive one. So you should be ...

HUGHLEY: I thought you said you had good news. Where is that at?


HUGHLEY: Plan for a pink slip.

KHALFANI-COX: Some of the good news is frankly what we are seeing from President Obama and the administration. This week we got some great news for homeowners who might be at risk for foreclosure, some assistance, a real lifeline being thrown to people there. And I actually think that $75 billion plan is going to do a lot of good. It is going to stop some of the foreclosures that we have been seeing.

HUGHLEY: Well, have you given us some good information. Give it up for Lynette Khalani-Cox. We will take a look at who is in the news this week to find out what the hell they were thinking. Like here is Rush Limbaugh, addressing the Conservative Political Action Committee, CPAC.

Hey, I just ate Johnny Cash. Also at CPAC here's what a 13-year-old author, Jonathan Crone, had to say ...


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: But in the book, I define conservatism, and I believe it is fit, upon four categories of principle, respect for the constitution, respect for life, less government and personal responsibility. (END VIDEO CLIP)

HUGHLEY: That is the worst bar mitzvah speech I have ever heard. That boy will never have sex, I promise you.

Here is Defense Secretary Robert Gates talking about the differences between Presidents Bush and Obama.


ROBERT GATES, DEFENSE SECRETARY: Um -- it's really hard to say. Um, I think that -- I think ...


HUGHLEY: I think Obama's black. Ann Coulter, this is Ann Coulter, claiming that conservative women are hot.


ANN COULTER, CONSERVATIVE AUTHOR: One thing that is overwhelming about CPAC is all of the hot babes. I would be a conservative if we weren't so good looking, but, wow, we have a lot of pulchritude on our side.


HUGHLEY: Wow, this one puts the C in CPAC. Coulter, of course. Now, here's the end of Michael Jackson's press conference, after announcing his comeback.


MICHAEL JACKSON, MUSICIAN: I love you. I really do. You have to know that. I love you so much. Really, from the bottom of my heart.


HUGHLEY: Which is now on the bottom of my chin. Now, this is a USC student at a ping-pong tournament when he scores his first point after being down 10-0.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Whoo! Yeah! Whoo, yeah!


HUGHLEY: That's what happens when you give a white guy ping-pong balls, man. Next, what happens in Iran in the movie "Cannonball Run 2."


HUGHLEY: Oh, last week in Teheran one of Iran's top advisers told a group of Hollywood actors that American movies are insulting to his culture. Huh, where did he get that idea?

You know, if you look closely, you will see how American movies show so much understanding and respect for Middle Easterners. An understanding that goes back decades. Like Rudolph Valentino as the sheik. Well, he shows that Arabs are really snappy dressers. And they have a special way with the ladies. Come on, girl, you know you want it! Give it here. Give it here.

Now, Jamie Farr, as Prince Abdul Falafel, in "Cannonball Run 2" is also good with the ladies.


JAMIE FARR, ACTOR: Ladies, you must wait your turn. There's only so much water in the fountain.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We're not girls.

FARR: How dare you! It is out of the question. Allah will only forgive so much.


HUGHLEY: That is not insulting at all. From "Aladdin," we know that Arabs are good at selling.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Come on down. Look at this. Combination hooker and coffeemaker!


HUGHLEY: And Arabs are also good at buying, like Eugene Levy as Mr. Habib here.


EUGENE LEVY, ACTOR: We like house very much. When you can move out?



HUGHLEY: Come on, Habib just wants something nice for his wife. That's good family values.

What did he say? I got to learn that. Now the Bond movie "Never Say Never Again," the Arabs are also making a family values purchase. They want to buy another wife. Hey, I'd buy a 1983 version of Kim Basinger. Who wouldn't?

In the Charlie Sheen classic "Navy SEALS," we learn that Arabs love American TV. They love American football so much, that they take over the Goodyear blimp just to get a good view of the Super Bowl. So what if the blimp has a bomb? Even when it comes to weapons, Arabs like to kick it old school.

But in our moment, it seems like Arabs are truly best at one thing, like holding a really big gun and point it at an American. Like in this movie from the '80s. And this one from the '90s. Go, governor of California, go!

And this one from the year 2000. Wow, we have come so far.

But, hey, it's not all about war. American movies never forget that Arabs know how to love, like these girls.


SINGING: Stop in the name of love before you break my heart.


HUGHLEY: My next guest played one of the characters. I'm dying to hear what he has to say. Welcome longtime movie and TV actor, Jamie Farr. How are you doing, Jamie?

JAMIE FARR, ACTOR: Thank you, D.L. I'm just fine. And I hate to tell you, but you have ants on your picture.

HUGHLEY: You saw it.

FARR: I saw it, yes.

HUGHLEY: Isn't that a little bit -- that's got to be a little bit insulting, wasn't it?

FARR: When I took -- well, actually, if you remember correctly, Clinger, the character on "MASH" was also of Lebanese-American descent. So Larry Gelbard, who created the character, did that on purpose because one of the first comedians he ever wrote for was Danny Thomas. That was sort of a payback. When Al Ruddy, who was the producer of "Cannonball Run" movies came to me, as a comedy actor, I didn't look at it from the standpoint, was I insulting Arabs. I looked at it from the standpoint, this was a part and is it was comedic. So I took it and had some fun with it. But I took some heat after I did the movie by some of the writers who were insulted by my -- by my performance.

Of course, I played other parts that a lot of people were insulted by.

HUGHLEY: Right. I know, I did "Soul Plane" so, come on.

FARR: Hey, we're a working actors. You got to pay your bills. You have a mortgage to pay.

HUGHLEY: I'm in no position to criticize. But what did your parents think? You did "Cannonball Run 2." They are obviously traditional Lebanese parents.

FARR: My parents weren't around, D.L. My dad had passed away and that. And I -- there was a very fine writer by the name of Jack Shaheen. And he was insulted by my playing the role that way, and I could understand if you're sensitive about it. But then when I was doing "Guys and Dolls" on Broadway and "True Lies" came out, some people asked me to go and picket the movie, and I said, I can't do that. Does art imitate life? Meaning this if there are Arab terrorists, they are doing certain things. You certainly can't make the characters Norwegian.

HUGHLEY: Right. So when you have seen something that was redeeming in a character or funny to you, you had no problem playing it at all, right?

FARR: As I said, I didn't look at it from that standpoint because I wasn't ultra sensitive to that. For example, take "Lawrence of Arabia" is a great movie. And I think that depicted Arabs and the different tribes in a historical sense. Now, if you're going to do something that I think is -- is incorrect or dishonest about it, then I think people should -- should get up in arms and protest. I'm very proud of our heritage in this country. We have some great Arab actors, Tony Shalhoub is an example, Michael Nouri, Michael Ansara, Salma Hayek. We have very fine actors and actresses and i don't know even know if they play Arabs in movies.

HUGHLEY: Right, right. But - the Iranian minister said Hollywood actors basically are portraying stereotypical roles of them.

FARR: I think there's an objection to it. It would be nice if they did, let's say, a movie about Michael DeBakey, who's a great heart specialist, who is an Arab American, who's passed on. My cousin, James Jabara, who is America's first jet air ace. The airport in Wichita, Kansas, is named after him. Philip Habib was our under secretary of state. He was Lebanese-American. John Elway and Doug Flute are Arab-Americans. Helen Thomas, Ralph Nader, General Abizaid, General Jalwan (ph).

HUGHLEY: I did not know that. It's amazing how -- as a performer like me, you just try to do what you believe in and what's funny.

FARR: I would think I would be more sensitive about taking the parts. Also, I don't need the money as much as I did then.

HUGHLEY: Jamie Farr, everybody. Thank you, Jamie.

If the world ends tomorrow, are you prepared? Well, my next guest is.


HUGHLEY: My next guest is the author of a brand new book, "Emergency: This Book Will Save Your Life." Please welcome Neil Strauss. How you doing, Neil?

NEIL STRAUSS, AUTHOR, "EMERGENCY": Hi, thanks for having me on.

HUGHLEY: Now one of your first books was "The Game" and it was about picking up women and then you go to "Emergency" about survival. How do you go from one book like that to another? STRAUSS: It's not that big of a leap. I was raised in the city, my dad worked behind a desk, my friends played Dungeons and Dragons, I never learned about life. So when it came to meeting women, I was a lonely guy in New York, I'd go two years dateless. So I kind of had to immerse myself in the secret community of pickup artists to learn that. So it's all about survival skills. You've got to breed and you've got to survive and replicate.

HUGHLEY: "Emergency". From picking up women to surviving disaster. They're almost the same thing.

STRAUSS: Pretty much.

HUGHLEY: Now that you understand how the government will respond to disasters, what scares you the most?

STRAUSS: Yeah, man, what scares me is I didn't know this. Like you read about survivalists sitting on their stockpiles of food with a shotgun and they sound kind of crazy.

And then you go to the FEMA Web site and you talk to the chief of police or the chief of fire and they basically say if a disaster happens you're on your own. The federal plan, and any rescue workers plan is we'll get to you when we get to there. If there's a big disaster there, we're putting that out, so you can call 911 all you want.

And the scary thing is the plan is you're alone.

HUGHLEY: So my wife is stocking up on all those canned foods ...

STRAUSS: Is she really.

HUGHLEY: Yeah, she does.

You advocate getting a second passport. Is that something everyone should do?

STRAUSS: I don't know if everyone wants a second passport but we all went through the Bush era and we see a country that's making decisions that we're not happy with and we don't necessarily support and I thought I want a backup plan from America. If the S goes down, I just want to be somewhere else and I got a passport from a Caribbean island and anyone can go get a passport, you just have to live somewhere for two to five years.

HUGHLEY: You went to trackers' school in the woods of New Jersey but you live in L.A. So how the hell would that help you, man?

STRAUSS: I went to trackers' school, this guy Tom Rubb (ph) in Jersey to learn how to survive in the wilderness with nothing but the clothes on my back and a knife. So it sounds kind of insane but no matter what happens in the world I know how to be fine.

It's like learning how to be fine.

HUGHLEY: All you've got is clothes and a knife and you'll be all right.

STRAUSS: I toughed it out. I went out in the woods for a week and did it. You don't have fear. If you've hit the bottom and you've been there and you have nothing to lose, you don't have fear.

When I did this book - go ahead, sorry, I'm talking too much.

HUGHLEY: I can't imagine being in the woods with dudes with shirts off and knives. I would need a second passport at that time.

STRAUSS: Exactly. Or maybe a shotgun.

HUGHLEY: You say survival isn't about surviving, it's about choosing how you're going to die.

STRAUSS: I was scared about all these things happening in the world so I learned to like, ride a motorcycle, I learned to shoot guns, I rode around in ambulances to learn EMT and medical skills. I learned to fly a plane and literally I realize these are the most dangerous things I've done in my life.

And I think a lot of panic people are having is because things are out of your control. It's scary things are happening in the world with terrorism, things that are happening in the government, things that are happening in the economy that we can't control, so it's about taking control.

HUGHLEY: Now you said that you met some billionaires and they believe that for some reason they're safer than us. Is that true, because of all their money, that they're safer?

STRAUSS: Yes but I think they're wrong. I think they're more scared because if you're a billionaire you define yourself by your money so you have a big stack of money that's getting more worthless everyday. So these guys are scared, they've got tons of passports, they've got money spent all over the world. But the truth is the people they've hired to do things for them are more safe because these people know how to raise livestock, how to live off the land. But the fact is they're not safer, they're more scared.

HUGHLEY: What was the most interesting thing you learned doing all this, writing the book?

STRAUSS: Here's a crazy - here's a tip. It may happen to one person listen. If you're ever in a mall and someone sprays gunfire, right. The police wonder why do the people they're aiming for always live and the innocent bystanders always die.


STRAUSS: Here's why. They know how to drop. If someone sprays gunfire you drop with your feet towards the shooter and your stomach on the ground, that way they're not going to hit your vital parts.

HUGHLEY: Ain't that something? The white guy trying to tell me how to survive a drive by. Thanks, Neil, "Emergency, This Book Will Save Your Life" comes out Tuesday.

Next I'll tell you how (inaudible) when Rush Limbaugh gets even more (inaudible).


HUGHLEY: OK, before we go, there's one last thing. After all of the noise this week, it appears I was right. Rush Limbaugh is the de facto leader of the Republican Party. But will there be a President Rush Limbaugh in the next four or eight years? I know I hope not. But if there is, if so, here's what we can look forward to during his first 100 days in the office.

On day four, Rush solves the energy crisis by harnessing his rage. Day 19, Rush bombs North Korea because it's communist. Iran because it's fundamentalist, and San Francisco just because it's San Francisco. On day 27, he replaces Lincoln on Mt. Rushmore with an Oxycontin pill. On day 35, big changes at the Navy. New subs. On day 78, President Rush Limbaugh replaces Bill and Hillary Clinton as ambassador to the moon. And finally, day 100, Rush builds a wall along the Mexican borders made of his pants. That's our show. Good night, everybody. Thank you.