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D.L. Hughley Breaks The News

A Humorous Look at the News

Aired March 14, 2009 - 22:00   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

D.L. HUGHLEY, HOST, "D.L. HUGHLEY BREAKS THE NEWS": Hey, now, how are you guys doing? Thank you all for coming out. I appreciate it. That is very nice. Settle down, people. Settle down. Thank you all for coming out. I appreciate it.

We got a great show, something for everybody. We have ron Reagan, who's going to be talking to us about stem cells. Of course, Barack Obama repealed-

(APPLAUSE)

-- a lot of George Bush's actions.

Is Obama really a communist? Everybody is saying that, so we are going to find out. How about everything you don't like is an "ist" of some type?

(LAUGHTER)

He's a socialist.

And you know what's so funny? I don't even know that a lot of people know what that is, but I know we're a broke country. So like if tomorrow you said everybody had jobs and gas for $2 a gallon, we're being socialist. Everybody would be like, "Yes, I'm social now."

(LAUGHTER)

A lot of stuff is going on, like the space shuttle. They keep trying to launch it. The space shuttle, the technology is from 1985. You wouldn't drive a car that was built in 1985 from New York to New Jersey.

And it's always falling apart. Remember when we used to go to space, and everything was great. Astronauts would say cool stuff like "One small step for man, one giant step for mankind."

Now they just say, "Oh, I hope we don't blow up. I don't want to go up there."

(LAUGHTER)

And everybody is experiencing something in the economic downturn. "Sesame Street" is actually laying off 20 percent of its workforce, Sesame Street. I always thought "Sesame Street" looked like a rough neighborhood -- a dude living in a garbage can, stray animals, one dude who just ate nothing but cookies. (LAUGHTER)

What is that, like a methadone clinic? What is that?

And, of course, earlier this week, Bernie Madoff. He said he was guilty. You got to give it to him for just manning up, because I know I'm not going to ever tell on myself. I don' care -- you can have DNA, you can have triple a.

(LAUGHTER)

Did you do it? Did you see me? Well, we got a mystery on our hands, officer.

(LAUGHTER)

Well, of course, he bilks people for billions of dollars. And joining me now from his office at Newport Beach to discuss Bernie Madoff's case is his publicist Drew Steinberg. Give him a big round of applause.

(APPLAUSE)

HUGHLEY: Welcome to the show, Mr. Steinberg.

DREW STEINBERG, BERNIE MADOFF'S PUBLICIST: Thanks, Dijon(ph). It's nice to be here.

HUGHLEY: Listen, in appearing in court this week, how is your client doing? How is Bernie doing?

STEINBERG: Honestly, would I say he's very depress.

HUGHLEY: Oh, yes, because of all of the grief he's caused?

STEINBERG: No, because his continued house arrest, being forced to live in a $7 million townhouse. To add to his suffering, his live- in chef has run out of Kobe beef, and the only exercise gets is two hours a day in his indoor lap pool. It's cruel and unusual.

HUGHLEY: That seems cruel.

Now that he admitted that he's guilty, isn't his address going to exchange to a penitentiary?

STEINBERG: Not true. Prisons are full of guilty people who say they are innocent. My client is the opposite, an innocent man claiming to be guilty. Think about that, T.I.

(LAUGHTER)

HUGHLEY: I'm thinking about it, and that's the stupidest defense I have ever heard. The bottom line, people trusted Madoff with their money, and he stole it.

STEINBERG: Allegedly stole it, Master P, allegedly. (LAUGHTER)

Maybe you haven't heard, Q-tip, there's an economic crisis.

(LAUGHTER)

HUGHLEY: So what's next for Bernie Madoff? Is he going to be sentenced? I understand he could be sentenced to 150 years in prison.

STEINBERG: Yes, but his legal team is confident in getting these charges reduced, meaning with time-off for good behavior, Mr. Madoff will be out of jail before he's 160.

(LAUGHTER)

HUGHLEY: All right, Mr. Steinberg, we're almost out of time. Besides the Madoff case, what else are you working on?

STEINBERG: As a publicist, I took an oath to fight for the rights of the unjustly accused, which is why I'm starting a petition to get Chris Brown his Nickelodeon Kids' Choice award.

(LAUGHTER)

HUGHLEY: Good luck with that, Drew Steinberg.

STEINBERG: Always a pleasure, D.D.

HUGHLEY: Thank you. Drew Steinberg, everybody.

(APPLAUSE)

Next, I'm talking to the presidential offspring. No, I don't mean Sasha and Malia. I mean Ron Reagan.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(APPLAUSE)

HUGHLEY: OK. On Monday, President Obama reversed the Bush administration's restriction on federal funding for stem cell research, much to the delight of my next guest. The host of "The Ron Reagan Show" on Air America, Ron Reagan. Give him a big round of applause.

(APPLAUSE)

HUGHLEY: Good to talk to you, Ron. So --

RON REAGAN, HOST, "THE RON REAGAN SHOW": Good to talk to you. Glad to be here.

HUGHLEY: Thank you. Glad you're here. Thank you.

What did you think when you first heard that the president was going to allow federal funding for stem cells? REAGAN: Well, this is great news. He promised this during the campaign, and he delivered this past Monday. It's great news for the scientists who have been working so hard on this sort of thing. It's even better news for people who suffer from Parkinson's disease, diabetes, who have spinal injuries, things like that.

Theirs is potential now for cures using embryonic stem cells. The federal funding had been held up for years. We just sort of spun our wheels because of George Bush and his political agenda, and now can he move forward.

But there's still work to be done. Congress still has to reform some of the laws that it continually renews every year since 1996 that will actually restrict federal funds still from being used to develop new stem cell lines.

Once they're developed, the federal funds can be used to do research on them, but they can't be originally developed with federal funds yet, unless Congress does its job.

HUGHLEY: Do you think that President Bush's opposition to stem cells was ideological or political or just was it religious or did he just try to use that as a political wedge?

REAGAN: I can't read his mind. He may have sincerely had religious objections to stem cell research. But I'm pretty sure that Karl Rove saw it as a political issue. And he told some people that visited in his office a few years back just that. So that's a pretty shameful thing.

If you sincerely believe for religious reasons that this is wrong, that's one thing. But to use this as a political football is just shameful.

HUGHLEY: Now, your mother actually broke with members of the Republican Party, and she was -- she has always been in support of stem cell research.

As a matter of fact, she released this statement, "I'm very grateful that President Obama has lifted the restrictions on federal funding for embryonic stem cell research. These new rules will now make it possible for scientists to move forward." So she's obviously very happy about this.

REAGAN: Everybody's very happy in our family. Well, all but one. My brother is not too happy. He's on the other side.

HUGHLEY: There's always one.

REAGAN: There's always one. In every family, there's got to be one. But the rest of us are, yes, pretty happy about that.

HUGHLEY: How did that feel? She definitely, and you, too, to some extent, have drawn the ire of members of the Republican Party by- you did cross lines, and this is kind of unusual for people to dissent that way, don't you think? REAGAN: I have never been a Republican, so I don't care much if the Republicans objected to the way I feel about things. She may have had a little harder time with that.

But it's interesting, when you look at this issue, it's a little like the abortion issue or gay marriage. There's only one side that's trying to tell everybody else what they can and can't do.

HUGHLEY: Right.

REAGAN: And my feeling is, if you don't want to avail yourself of treatments or therapies that might be derived from embryonic stem cells, if you have diabetes or your child has diabetes, let's say, you're free to not do that.

HUGHLEY: Right.

REAGAN: That's fine. But don't be telling the rest of us, the 70 percent of America that wants this research to go forward with federal funds, don't be telling us what to do.

HUGHLEY: You know what's so funny. When I hear people arguing about it's a right-to-life issue, it seems that we only care about lives until they get here, and then we don't care about them at all.

And that's amazing to me. We will send you to way, we'll give you the death penalty, but we want you to be born. Those arguments kind of have always never made sense to me.

What happens to states like California that already have approved funding for stem cell? They already proved that they're ahead of the curve on this. What happens to them?

REAGAN: The federal funds, of course, will be available there, too.

The worry in California, where private money is being used to develop embryonic stem cells, is that some of that private money might now dry up. And I hope that doesn't happen, because we can use as much money as possible to push this sort of revolutionary technology forward.

This has the potential to revolutionize medicine. You can have your own essentially personal repair kit for your body that's derived from your own cells.

HUGHLEY: How does that work specifically? I'm a little fuzzy how, like you say that you can have your own personal repair kit. How does that work?

REAGAN: Let's say you have diabetes. So cells in your pancreas are not producing insulin the way they should. So we take one of your skin cells. We develop a line of embryonic stem cells based on that. We turn them embryonic stem cells into pancreatic cells that actually function correctly and produce insulin. We put those into your pancreas, and, voila, the hope is you're cured. It could be just that simple in a few years, but we have to do the research to find out.

HUGHLEY: But isn't one of the concerns from a lot of religious people, the ability to take those and make human clones out of them, which I think a lot of people would have a problem with.

REAGAN: Yes, including me, and including every scientist who's now working with embryonic stem cells.

HUGHLEY: I only need one me, Ron. Only one me.

(LAUGHTER)

REAGAN: The world -- the world only needs one of you, D.L.

(LAUGHTER)

HUGHLEY: Hey, wait a minute.

REAGAN: I think there's only room in the world for one of you. It would be too much if there were more.

HUGHLEY: You have gone far enough.

(LAUGHTER)

So, but, that is a legitimate concern.

REAGAN: Nobody is trying to do that. This is a red herring that's been thrown out there people who object to these sorts of things. But nobody is trying to clone human beings. That's an entirely different effort, and there would be no purpose for it in the first place. So that is not a worry.

HUGHLEY: Thank you, Ron, for coming to do this show. We appreciate it. Give Ron Reagan a big round of applause. Thank you very much.

(APPLAUSE)

HUGHLEY: Next, we dare to ask, is Barack Obama working too hard? Too hard?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(APPLAUSE)

HUGHLEY: Well, it has been 55 days, and the president is working his ass off. Seriously Mr. President, stop doing so much. You're making George Bush look bad.

(LAUGHTER)

Joining me now is Joanne Walsh, Peter Beinart and Nancy Pfotenhauer. Is Obama working too hard, because I heard that charged leveled against him, that he's trying to do too much?

PETER BEINART, COUNCIL ON FOREIGN RELATIONS: No. I think we've actually realized that a hard-working president is something valuable.

Now George W. Bush putting in more hours might have actually made things worse. But I think for Barack Obama putting in more hours, particularly given the amazingly difficult set of thing he's got going on now, I think he's good.

HUGHLEY: OK. Nancy, do you think the stimulus package, is that going to work, or are we just throwing money at a problem?

NANCY PFOTENHAUER, FORMER MCCAIN ADVISOR: I think it's a big mistake. When you look at about like spending $300 million on golf carts or $400 million on beautifying places like the Tidal(ph) Basin, which are already pretty beautiful, or $46 billion on 15 programs that's have already been determined to be ineffective, I don't think that's going to stimulate the economy.

And I do think he's been working hard. I think he has even lost weight, if that was possible, because he looks like he's even thinner. But, unfortunately, I believe spending $1.2 trillion in the first 50- plus days is a bad idea.

And to give it some perspective, that's like $24 billion, a day or $1 billion an hour, most of it borrowed.

WALSH: That's ridiculous.

PFOTENHAUER: That's not ridiculous.

WALSH: Come on.

PFOTENHAUER: That's not ridiculous. And most of it is borrowed.

WALSH: This money is spent out over years. That's a ridiculous claim.

HUGHLEY: No one was as vocal or adamant when the Republicans were spending money like drunk sailors. I didn't see the aversion to it. And I think the problem, to me --

PFOTENHAUER: That's not true. That's not true, because I got a lot of push lack because I stood up and said they are spending like it's a taxpayer-funded party. Sometimes I said the term "orgy."

And that's not responsible. It is mortgaging our future. It's not good when Republicans do it. It's not good when Democrats do it.

HUGHLEY: Parties are bad, but orgies are something I have to look into.

(LAUGHTER)

HUGHLEY: But what do you think, Joan? What do you think? JOAN WALSH, SALON.COM: It was an orgy of bad behavior for eight years, and poor Barack Obama is working overtime to clean it up, just like we elected him to. We elected him to work hard.

Nancy's candidate was the one who said, "I'm going to go back to Washington because I can't work more than one thing at time," trying to block the TARP.

And Barack Obama told us, "I'm going to work on a lot of things all at once because that's what the world needs."

And so I think he's done an awesome job. I think it's funny we are sitting here. It's like 55 days. We can't give people 100 days anymore.

HUGHLEY: Right. When you're black, have you to get it done faster.

(LAUGHTER)

Now, Timothy Geithner, Barack's appointee, is he doing what needs to be done, Joan?

WALSH: That is where I would be a little bit critical. He too, has an almost impossible job, D.L. But I think he's been slow out of the gate. I think that a few weeks ago he came out and said "I have a plan, I have a plan," and he didn't have a plan. I think that shook the markets.

I think the markets want certainty, and they still haven't delivered certainty about what they're going to do with the banks and the toxic assets and all that zombie stuff we get scared about.

HUGHLEY: Right. I have heard this term a lot, so much in the last couple of weeks. But could anybody please explain to me how Obama is a communist. I don't understand that. I hear it so much.

WALSH: It's vicious, vicious.

BEINART: Here's the problem. Capitalism works really well when there's effective regulation. It's like a car that has a really fast motor, but you need a steering wheel, brakes, and some traffic lights.

What happens is when Democrats and liberals try to impose some legislation, which is what they did a hundred years ago under Theodore Roosevelt, Woodrow Wilson, under Franklin Roosevelt, then conservatives actually say it's communism.

If fact, what it is, it's saving capitalism from itself, because without the regulation, with we run straight into a wall, which is what happened under of the Bush administration.

HUGHLEY: Nancy, what do you think? Is he a communist?

PFOTENHAUER: I heard communist and socialist thrown around, and they are two different things. If you want to talk about communism, that's more "From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs." So it would be more the redistribution of wealth aspect.

I do think his tax the rich thing is punishing prosperity, which is an antithetical to the American dream, and completely ignores the fact that the top five percent of the earners in this country, they do earn about 36 percent of the income. They pay about 60 percent of the income tax, and the bottom 40 percent pay zero.

So I'm not sure that's the way he should be going. So that would speak to the redistribution act.

WALSH: But why is it --

PFOTENHAUER: Excuse me?

BEINART: Sorry, go ahead.

HUGHLEY: We just turned into Jerry Springer. Who is going to say --

(LAUGHTER)

HUGHLEY: Joan, what were you saying? You were about to say something.

WALSH: I think that we have had a situation. We are not punishing the rich. Let's be honest. In this country, we have a game that is rigged. If you're born wealthy, you stay wealthy. It's very hard to climb out of the middle class into wealth.

It's still possible. It's a great country. We provide a lot of opportunity. But the rich are finally about to pay their fair share, and Obama, finally a president did what he promised to do. He gave a tax cut to 95 percent of the country.

And if you're lucky enough to be in the top five percent who will pay a little bit more, well, you're a lucky person to start with and you should be paying more.

(CROSSTALK)

(APPLAUSE)

BEINART: What happens is Republicans always play this game, Republicans always play this game when they start talking about taxes. They start talking about taxes, and then they add the word "income taxes."

PFOTENHAUER: I will talk about payroll.

BEINART: Payroll taxes are much more regressive. They fall much more aggressively on poor people. So do sales tax.

So Republicans always talk about income taxes are so weighted against the rich. That is actually the most progressive part of our taxes. PFOTENHAUER: Let me talk then, particularly, to payroll taxes. When you include payroll taxes with income taxes, the numbers do drop, but not demonstrably.

So you can look at it. You still see the top earners paying the lion's share of both the income and the payroll taxes, and you see the prime earners -- I'm not arguing for anybody to pay more taxes. In a recession, no one's taxes should be raised.

HUGHLEY: But the amazing thing to me is, I have heard all kinds of plans bantered around, and I heard all kind of ideas bantered around. But what is happening here is that we did let capitalism run unchecked. And it has brought this country on the brink of devastation.

There are no good options. We constantly discussed this. But at least what he's doing seems to be giving people at least some idea that the government is trying to help the individual and not a corporation. And that seems to be the idea that I can grasp onto most.

But another question I would like to ask is this week, Obama is talking about working with the Taliban. And that drew a lot of fire from people.

I just don't know how talking to someone who is your enemy hurts you, if you're going to find something else. You can reach across and find out what's going on and maybe have some level of dialogue with somebody. How is that horrible?

BEINART: That's actually what we did in Iraq, you know. The success -- and give George W. Bush some credit -- the success we had in Iraq is largely because we turned to a lot of these former Saddam loyalists, basically, paid them off so they stopped attacking U.S. troops.

And that is now the model they are trying in Afghanistan. It may or may not work. Afghanistan is a different place. But it's actually a good idea, because we've shown we can't kill all of these people, even if we really wanted to.

(LAUGHTER)

HUGHLEY: Thanks Joan, Peter, and Nancy. We appreciate you being here. Thank you very much.

(APPLAUSE)

Next, there is good news in an industry that actually might be booming -- debt collection.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(NEWS BREAK)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK) (APPLAUSE)

HUGHLEY: Now we got to take a look at people in the news this week, and to find out what the hell they were thinking.

Like here's Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, he's giving a speech.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BERNANKE: Until we stabilize the financial system, a sustainable economic recovery will remain out of reach.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

HUGHLEY: Good thing you're out of my reach, or I would whoop your ass.

Here's the clip of a new sport called underwater hockey.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

HUGHLEY: Hockey combined with swimming, finally a sport black people can't dominate.

(LAUGHTER)

HUGHLEY: Here is Sarah Palin discussing the annual Iditarod dog sled race.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GOV. SARAH PALIN, (R) ALASKA: This is what puts Alaska on the map, yes, this uniquely Alaskan event. We're so proud to get to -- Alaska, for us, to get to host such an event is -- it's world class. It's so unique --

(END VIDEO CLIP)

HUGHLEY: You know, Sarah, what makes Alaska unique is teen pregnancy, meth labs, and a view of Russia from their front porch.

(LAUGHTER)

HUGHLEY: And, finally, here's actor Richard Gere discussing the situation in Tibet.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

RICHARD GERE, ACTOR: Compassion, wisdom. These are elements that can come out of this as we reevaluate why we got here, the incredible greed and stupidity that led us here.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Richard Gere, thanks for coming in. GERE: That's all?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's it.

GERE: OK.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

HUGHLEY: That was it in 1983, Richard. Actually, I wanted to ask you about the gerbil thing, but I'm far too delicate for that.

(JEERS)

You guys turn on me fast, don't you?

(LAUGHTER)

And you act like you didn't want to know. That's the thing. That's judgmental, people.

According to the Federal Reserve, consumer debt in this country stands at $2.6 trillion. Man, do we like to charge.

Here with me now is an attorney who specializes in debt collection. Welcome Joann Needleman. How are you doing?

(APPLAUSE)

JOANN NEEDLEMAN, VP, MAURICE AND NEEDLEMAN: Hi. Good, how are you? Thank you for having me.

HUGHLEY: Well, I don't -- I don't know that I've ever talked to a debt collector that I wasn't cussing out. So --

(LAUGHTER)

NEEDLEMAN: Well, be kind. Be kind.

HUGHLEY: Absolutely. You're business is debt collecting. You must be very, very busy these days.

NEEDLEMAN: Well, the industry is busy, no doubt. Obviously, there's a lot of debt out there, and, obviously, it needs to be collected.

I'm an attorney, so I'm dealing more with the legal end of debt collection.

But the industry, as a whole, obviously, the inventories are up. I can't tell you the recoveries are up, because, as you know when you stated at the beginning of your show, a lot of people are out of work.

D.L. HUGHLEY, HOST, "D.L. HUGHLEY BREAKS THE NEWS": Right. It's hard to get -- what my mother used to always say, you can't get love from a turnip.

NEEDLEMAN: That's right.

HUGHLEY: But one of the things they do -- it is amazing. They send you a notice saying you're late. Then they send you another notice. And then they say if you don't reply or respond to the first two notices, then we're going to mess up your credit. Like OK.

Some of the message that's they use, are they effective?

NEEDLEMAN: The debt collection industry is regulated by the federal government. You can say certain things and you can't say others. The statute that governs debt collection is the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act, and the government has stated very clearly what it is you can say and you can't say.

Are they effective? It's very, very hard to say. What I can say -- what I can tell you is, is you said you received a lot of notices --

HUGHLEY: I didn't say I did now, no, no.

(LAUGHTER)

NEEDLEMAN: OK.

HUGHLEY: I'm fine.

NEEDLEMAN: That's fine. I'm sorry.

But for the people who are watching today, the consumers, people who are watching your show, I would say when you get those notices, the best advice that I can give you is you really need to respond, especially in this time of economy, where people are struggling.

HUGHLEY: Right.

NEEDLEMAN: We really need to hear from you. And if you ignore it, it is only going to make the matter worse.

And, yes, will it affect your credit and your long-term ability to get credit? Absolutely.

HUGHLEY: Yes, but how are you collecting now? It is clearly a very turbulent economic time. How can you literally get blood from a turnip if people don't have it? What is the end game?

NEEDLEMAN: I think you made a good point.

There are two groups of people I'm seeing, that I come in contact with. And, again, I represent attorneys who collect debt, and we deal with the same people as regular debt collectors and collection agencies.

And you have the one group who are obviously out of work. They don't have money. What we're doing is obviously trying to keep the lines of communication open. When they do get work, when they're able to start paying their bills back, we want to hear from them. I had an interesting situation last week. A gentleman called me. He's a self-contractor. He had been on a payment plan, and he stopped for a few months.

But he called me back and said, "You know what, I just got a job. And can I send you a little bit more this month, and I will try to do a little bit more as the months go on?" Absolutely.

Attorneys, especially, if you do hear from an attorney, we really want to help the consumers. I know that maybe you audience doesn't feel that way, but as attorneys, we're -- as attorneys, we're not only regulated by the federal government, as I just explained, but we're also regulated by our various state bars.

We have to collect ethically. We have to follow the rules on both ends. We are getting doubly regulated. I don't know too many industries that are.

So to your listeners, please, you know, keep the lines of communication open.

For the other group that I'm seeing, are there people who have jobs but their incomes are flat. They expected a bonus, it didn't come. They didn't get a salary increase.

Those group of people are very interested in clearing up their debt right now because they understand that when the economy comes back, they're going to need new credit, they're going to want to be able to get credit.

And I can tell you that lenders now, having had this wonderful party for the past five years, throwing out credit cards to everybody, are going to look for pristine credit. Access to credit is going to be very, very difficult once the economy gets turned around. And you better have good credit. so it's really important to work on it now.

HUGHLEY: Wow. You're a nicer, kinder, gentler field collector. So thank you very much.

(LAUGHTER)

NEEDLEMAN: Thank you very much.

HUGHLEY: Thank you. Give it up to Joann Needleman.

NEEDLEMAN: Thank you, D.L.

HUGHLEY: Next, my favorite rabbi will tell me how to keep sex closer.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(APPLAUSE)

HUGHLEY: Well, sex is everywhere these days -- TVs, movies, magazines. And I'm personally grateful for that, but my next guest says that the one place sex is missing from is inside the bedroom.

Welcome to the author of "Kosher Sutra," Rabbi Schmuley Boteach. Give him a round of applause.

(APPLAUSE)

Always good to see you.

HUGHLEY: You say sex is everywhere except in the bedroom. Now, why do you say that?

RABBI SCHMULEY BOTEACH, AUTHOR, "THE KOSHER SUTRA": Look at the audience tonight. Does it look like anyone's getting some?

(LAUGHTER)

HUGHLEY: Look at him! Hell yes!

(LAUGHTER)

BOTEACH: On the contrary, that guy over there. The national average is sex once a week for seven minutes at a time. And this guy said to me, my god, is every American husband superman!

Come on, look, the fact is that the recession on. Men feel emasculated. And more than anything else, sex operates on certain fundamental principles, like mystery. And yet we all parade around the bedroom stark naked, flossing our teeth, and going the bathroom in front of each other. That's not going to be the sexiest thing.

It also works, the old unquenchable yearnings, things that are just outside of our reach. The problem with marriage is that it's always about sex on tap, instant availability. When was the last time you went to fast food and actually like it? So, you know --

HUGHLEY: All the time. All the time.

(LAUGHTER)

I like ass on tap. That's a good thing. I do.

(LAUGHTER)

But I can understand. I think that, for me, when you talked about the economy, and, of course, the economy has taken a hard downturn. And I don't know if it made me feel emasculated, but I am worried about more things, like children going to school. I'm worried about making sure everybody has what they need.

So it occupies more of my mental space than probably it used to. So that may affect me in some kind of way.

BOTEACH: Yes, but beyond that. I think sex comes from a place of feeling very confident and feeling very alive.

And when you feel like you're a bit of a failure, if you're unemployed, if they're about to take your house. And if you had great sex, you wouldn't care if they took away your house. Just leave the mattress.

But I think we're not really feeling good about ourselves. And we also denigrate the place of sex in marriage. We keep on thinking communication really matters, trust really matters.

The reason why sex is the most pleasurable of all human experiences is it's the only thing that makes us feel completely free and completely alive. We don't think about all these problems. We just submit to instinct. We put ourselves on autopilot.

America is all about freedom. And you only get it when you're no longer inhibited. And I think so many couples are just losing the spark. And we see marriage as drudgery and monotony.

Sacha Guitry said marriage is whereby a woman exchanges the attention of many men for the inattention of one.

(LAUGHTER)

And for a lot of women, that's true.

HUGHLEY: I have to get that woman.

(LAUGHTER)

But I think you say in your book that one third of married couples are completely platonic. What is that?

BOTEACH: It means that they don't have sex anymore. It means -- and it's not that I have photo cameras in every American bedroom that I know this.

I get emails almost every day. It's not just about the sexless, platonic American marriage. It's the shocking funding that it's the men who aren't touching their wives, because we all think that the men just love sex, can't get enough. It's not true anymore.

And if you're a woman, and you're lying naked next to your husband every night, but he wants to go to the room next door where there's a computer and download porn instead, which 25 percent of husbands have this porn addiction defined as an hour a day --

HUGHLEY: Oh!

(LAUGHTER)

HUGHLEY: Missed me by ten minutes.

(LAUGHTER)

Thank god. Oh, Jesus. I thought this was going to turn into Oprah.

No, but, you know, it's so funny, because I have been married for 23 years --

(APPLAUSE)

-- and I'm on the road a lot and gone a lot. But -- and exhausted a lot. But there's a level of intimacy that women need that is just exhausting.

BOTEACH: Yes.

HUGHLEY: Can't you give me some and then we talk? "Well, if I give you some, you fall asleep." That's the point.

(LAUGHTER)

I will talk to you in my sleep.

(LAUGHTER)

BOTEACH: Isn't that interesting. So, in other words, the history of marriage --

HUGHLEY: Right.

BOTEACH: -- is that the legitimate female need for attention is never matched by the male's attention span.

HUGHLEY: Right.

BOTEACH: He takes his wife out for dinner, and his head is a rotating radio tower. Every time a woman-

HUGHLEY: Look at this.

BOTEACH: The thing is, I also think men want intimacy. I actually think in these difficult times of an economic recession, I think men need to talk about their pain. They need to talk about their feelings of failure. But they don't. They just keep it inside.

I know guys who lost their jobs who lie to their wives because they can't be honest, because they think their wives are going to look down on them. The exact opposite is true. Women want men to open up to them.

The thing is that we men, we don't recognize the fact that we need intimacy. We think it's just the woman.

And, secondly, look what you just said. Husband and wife go to bed every night. And he thinks all he has to do is nuke her. She's a microwave oven.

(LAUGHTER)

And one moment, "I love you. I'm crazy about you." The next second she has a corpse lying next to her in the bed. She's calling the undertaker. There's a dead man in my bed.

HUGHLEY: It's like --

(LAUGHTER)

BOTEACH: We don't have a camera in your bedroom, D.L. We have Blu-Ray, HD.

HUGHLEY: But that is a tribute to you, baby. I was so -- you knocked me out.

(LAUGHTER)

BOTEACH: Thirty seconds and you knocked me out.

HUGHLEY: You know what, they don't call me "quiet storm" for nothing, damn it. I'm just saying.

But I think it is a -- I'm very aware of when my wife needs for me to hear her, very aware. Which -- my father says something that's true -- a woman only needs one thing to be happy, and that's everything.

And because -- it really is amazing. It can get like sometimes -- I mean, exhausting, like to hear somebody and to go through the kind of levels of frustration and anger and you're gone and all of that kind of stuff is kind of hard sometimes.

BOTEACH: Yes, but wait a second. Just think about all of these women who have affairs. Suddenly they're pouring these hearts out to this other woman.

Why are you looking at me like that?

HUGHLEY: I'm looking down.

(LAUGHTER)

HUGHLEY: I just lost my job. What's wrong with you?

BOTEACH: That's why we're having this conversation. I want you open up to me about your pain. Talk to me about your pain.

HUGHLEY: Right, right.

BOTEACH: The fact is that men only find things exhausting when they lose their desire. All these guys say "I'm too tired for sex. I'm too exhausted to hear my wife's problems."

And yet, when they have affairs, they listen for hours. They pour their heart out. They tell the woman, "My wife doesn't understand me," or "My wife doesn't understand me." And they're not exhausted anymore.

It comes down to desire. And what we need to do is have a whole new approach to relationships, because one of the reasons the economy tanked is that we are so empty on the inside because of the absence of love that we need to stuff all kinds of junk inside thinking it's going to satisfy us. And it doesn't satisfy us.

So we need to go back to our relationships.

So one of the things we need to change this thing about making love and falling asleep. Let me lay on you a very interesting concept. It's called sex without climax.

HUGHLEY: Ha!

(LAUGHTER)

HUGHLEY: Is that a knock-knock joke?

BOTEACH: I will tell you what, sex without climax is where men are more means oriented or goal oriented, because you need to stoke the fire of desire. And you need to ration the passion, OK?

(LAUGHTER)

You just said yourself, men --

HUGHLEY: I can't wait to say that. "Baby, I'm just rationing my passion." Because they all end up in a nap.

Next we're going to find out who the audience has a dirty mind as the rabbi smooly takes some questions.

(APPLAUSE)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

HUGHLEY: We are back with the Rabbi Schmuley Boteach, the author of "Kosher Sutra." Rabbi Schmuley is helping us all have a little more sex. I thank you.

And we have a few brave souls in the audience that are going to have some questions for the rabbi. My first question is from Monique. And you popped up.

So Monique, you have a question for the rabbi?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Hi. Rabbi, I would like to know, you say that we're only have sex once a week for a few minutes. How often should we be having sex, and for how long?

BOTEACH: You're suggesting that we ought to stop somewhere along the line. Don't we want to be alive? Aren't we supposed to be passionate?

If we're people of leisure, and most of us are, then if you could watch be TV every night, and now the national average is five hours -- and the only show you ought to be watching is D.L.'s. You should be turning off the rest.

I think you should making love several times a week. And it shouldn't be ten minutes at a time. And I think women need to be more respectful of themselves. Even though their married, marriage isn't legalized prostitution.

He cannot believe that foreplay is a golf iron, OK.

HUGHLEY: Right.

BOTEACH: Don't rush to the finish line. We need passion in our lives, and I think it gives us far better marriages.

(APPLAUSE)

HUGHLEY: All right. Next question comes from Beverly.

BOTEACH: That was a good one.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: At what age do you feel that sex should cease?

HUGHLEY: She said that and she's throwing her hip out, because I know I'm not tired. I don't need to ration my passion, damn it.

(LAUGHTER)

BOTEACH: I actually think that as men and women get older, and women especially, I think they get much better at love making, because women are much more comfortable with their bodies, they're not as inhibited, they're more confident and they're more comfortable in their skin.

Sex is not something that is supposed to have a sell-by date. It's not supposed to just go off a cliff. And one of the reasons we think it is, is that we're a society that glorifies youth. God mighty, on the contrary, sex is something that is like wine. It's better with age!

(APPLAUSE)

HUGHLEY: So, I -- I had Ron Reagan on earlier, and one of the things his father said about love is you're not a man because you can make love to a lot of women.

BOTEACH: Right.

HUGHLEY: It's you're a man when you can make love to the same woman over and over again. It was the one thing that he said that I agree with.

(LAUGHTER)

My next -- no.

BOTEACH: And all of that came out in the interview.

HUGHLEY: No, I'm talking about his father.

BOTEACH: That's what you were thinking about during the interview. HUGHLEY: Next up is a question from Tony, a brother. There you go. Stand up for us.

BOTEACH: We got a guy.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How are you doing, rabbi?

BOTEACH: Hi, Tony.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: If your mate ends sex in the relationship, but wants to stay together, does it give you a right to get sex outside of the relationship?

BOTEACH: OK

HUGHLEY: I love you. I love you. You know what -- there you go.

(LAUGHTER)

BOTEACH: It's only a coincidence that the man asked that question, by the way.

Look, Tony, come on, getting sex outside of a relationship isn't just about hurting someone that you love, it's always about being duplicitous, being dishonest.

Even if you get permission, you're not going to feel good about yourself, because the reason why sex is so amazing is because you let go completely. But if you bring all this baggage into the relationship because you don't feel like it's right, it's not going to be good sex.

So you can't not have sex in a relationship, because it is a functional determination of a relationship. We as a society, we've vulgarized sex. We've cheapened it. We have lost its centrality in our relationships.

You need to talk to each other, because if someone is saying to you, "I'm not going to make love to you," it's out of anger. It's usually out of rage, because women are much more sexual than men, much more.

But the problem is-

(LAUGHTER)

BOTEACH: Every male magazine is Black and Decker has 50 new electric screwdrivers. In the women's magazine, they're talking about a totally different kind of screwdriver. So women are much more sexual then men.

HUGHLEY: And my last question comes from Mary.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Hi, Rabbi. I was wondering, you mentioned earlier about how sex is other things, it's kissing and hugging, and et cetera. I was just wondering, how important is intercourse versus other sexual activities to a couple?

BOTEACH: That's a great question.

HUGHLEY: Wait, wait, wait, wait. What are you asking?

(LAUGHTER)

No, I think I get it. I get it by context.

BOTEACH: Everything I learned, I learned only from D.L. I'm just a mouthpiece over here.

HUGHLEY: Right.

BOTEACH: It's very important, because it's the one aspect of sexual -- about sexual experience that makes you bone upon bone, flesh upon flesh. You become that intertwined.

In fact, it's very important, couples find it difficult to practice this, to practice eyes-open during intercourse. Studies show that 99 percent of women cannot climax if they close their eyes, because, god forbid, she should see him having a good time.

(LAUGHTER)

HUGHLEY: He's coming back on our time. I'm worried about you, brother.

BOTEACH: But isn't that weird, you want to tune the other person out while you're making love to them.

So intercourse is very important, because the eyes are the window to the soul. You're one flesh, you're one spirit.

But you can't limit it only to that. And I think men rush to it so quickly, and that leaves women so dissatisfied. And the ratio to male-to-female climax in sex is eight to one. And so a lot of women are saying, this just ain't worth it. I would rather sit home with my cat.

(LAUGHTER)

So we ought to change that. Great question.

HUGHLEY: But I think what was the question you're asking, are there other types of things you can do besides have intercourse? Or maybe that's just what I wanted to hear you-

(LAUGHTER)

-- you ask, because uh, uh -

(LAUGHTER)

BOTEACH: Now you're back on the women's side, by the way. You just abandoned the guys.

HUGHLEY: No, I'm trying to be -- but, but, religiously, there are practices that some people deem kind of not appropriate.

BOTEACH: Really? Not us Jews.

(LAUGHTER)

Go for it.

HUGHLEY: People have religious hang-ups about some sexual practices, like the ones you only get on your birthday, is what I'm saying.

(LAUGHTER)

BOTEACH: I tell you, on the contrary, I think from a religious perspective --

HUGHLEY: Why are you laughing that hard?

(LAUGHTER)

Even though my birthday was last week, which is why I'm smiling.

(LAUGHTER)

But there are some people would believe, some women in particular -- not my wife -- but that believe some practices are just out of bounds.

BOTEACH: I completely disagree. I think porn is out of bounds, because what's the point of getting excited about someone else?

(LAUGHTER)

So many couples say to me, come on, we like watching porn together. I don't know if the wife always likes it as much as the husband does.

But everything else, if it increases passion and intimacy in your relationship, sex is a beautiful thing. It is a spiritual thing. We have to stop seeing sex is for procreation. The fact is that a female, the human female is the only organism on earth that loves sex while pregnant, clearly demonstrating it's not about --

HUGHLEY: You're absolutely right. As of tomorrow, I'm going home to not burn my porn collection.

Thank you, rabbi.

BOTEACH: You're going to ration the passion.

HUGHLEY: Thank you, Rabbi.

(APPLAUSE)

Next, I will tell you which court is supremely poor.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(APPLAUSE)

HUGHLEY: Now, now it's time for one more thing.

This week the Supreme Court ruling on a case from North Carolina limited the power of the Voters' Rights Act, which has traditionally helped black voters have a say in elections.

Hmm, I wonder why they would do that now? Oh, yes, that guy. The court voted 5-4 against applying the Voters' Rights Act in this case. Hmm, 5-4. Why does that ratio sound so familiar to me?

Now, the majority opinion was written by Justice Kennedy and signed by the other white men on the court, Roberts, Scalia, Alito, and Thomas.

(LAUGHTER)

In this case, the court ruled that only districts with 50 percent or more minority voters are eligible for protection. But if minorities are 50 percent or more, they're not minorities anymore. You see, they don't need protection. You do, or white guys need to be in charge of everything.

(LAUGHTER)

Now, the justices are appointed for life, so I guess they can do anything they want. But watch out, or after eight more years of Obama appointments, the Supreme Court is going to look a lot like this.

(LAUGHTER)

HUGHLEY: Thank you all. See you all next week. Thank you very much. Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)