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Priest: There`s Nothing to Fear from 6-6-06; Former FBI Behaviorist Talks about Nature of Evil; Exorcist Discusses His Job; Could Iran Kick Off the Apocalypse?
Aired June 06, 2006 - 19:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
GLENN BECK, HOST: Continuing now our exclusive interview with Bob the antichrist, what have you been up to lately, Bob?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You know, things are a little tough right now, actually.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I`m working over at the Lenscrafters in the Vintage Fair Mall over at Modesto. But you know, still spreading my message of evil. Plus making quality glasses in, you know, just under an hour.
BECK: Welcome to the show. Thanks for spending the last few hours before the apocalypse with us.
I am a Christian. I have read the "Left Behind" books. I do believe that the end is coming. I just, you know, hope it doesn`t happen before the end of the show. Maybe during "Nancy" would be OK. You know, I hope it doesn`t happen in my lifetime. It might.
All around us, signs of the apocalypse are everywhere. For instance, yes, there is "Basic Instinct 2". I mean, only Satan himself would inflict Sharon Stone`s, you know, hoo-hoo on us again.
There`s "Go-Gurt." What the heck is that stuff? It`s not really a snack; it`s not a drink. It`s just a thick fruity mess that really makes your breath smell like wet garbage. It`s the devil`s food.
And of course, the birth of Suri Cruise -- Ooh, Suri -- and Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt. Too many stinking hyphens in the name. These babies will grow up, turn our oceans into fire and pit man against man in an apocalyptic death match.
Don`t believe me? Suri was born on 4/18/06. Shiloh, born on 5/27/06. Add those two numbers together and what do you get? 66. Plus, born six weeks apart: 6-6. I`m just saying.
But real double -- real evil does exist: not the Hollywood evil, which is believe me, a separate show entirely. Real evil, like Islamic extremism, our decaying moral structure, and of course, my odd two-toned hair, which today has been driving me crazy. I feel like Wally -- Polly Walnuts. I do.
If we don`t tackle those problems, and soon, every day will feel like 6-6-6, which, it may not be that bad. I mean, I`m having a pretty good day. I don`t know about you, but I feel pretty good.
Father Felix Just is with us. Father, I have read the Bible. I`m really not that scared about today. But a lot of people are really freaked out: 6-6-6. Tell me the history of it.
FATHER FELIX JUST, THEOLOGY PROFESSOR: Well, first of all, you should certainly not be scared about it. Because even if you want to take the Bible seriously and literally, it says that 6-6-6 is the number of the beast, which is a number of a person. And it is 666, not just any old sequence of sixes. It has absolutely nothing to do with the date of June 6 or whatever else.
BECK: Right. A lot of -- it was killing me today when I was turning on the radio. And I heard people actually -- I mean, really saying, we`re still here. I guess it`s OK. I`m thinking, when did anybody think that the world was going to blow up on 6-6-06? Was it?
JUST: Well, those are the same people who were probably worried that we were going to blow up on June -- January 1, 2000. That didn`t happen either. So...
BECK: Right. Well, I`m storing food for that still. The -- the actual 6-6-6, I`ve heard people say that they think that was just the name for Nero.
JUST: Well, absolutely. I mean, if you`re writing as a Christian in the First Century, and the Roman Empire is persecuting Christians, you`re not going to come out and say, you know, the big bad evil beast is Emperor Nero.
JUST: So the author of the "Book of Revelations" did that by a symbolic way, using what in Hebrew is called gemetria. It`s sort of a code word for matching letters and numbers and counting up the sum of a person`s name.
JUST: It`s Nero Caesar in the equivalent Hebrew alphabet letters, it ends up being 666.
BECK: Right. And the same with "www" or is that false? That would be different.
JUST: The letter -- the letter "w" is the letter six, but it would not be the same as the 666 -- you know, three sixes next to each other in a row.
BECK: Sure. We have a guy on in just a few minutes that is going to talk to us a little bit about what`s happening in Iran, and I`ve seen what this guy actually believes in. It`s pretty spooky stuff. Do you believe that we`re in the end times?
JUST: I don`t believe we`re in the end times. I believe, however, like you said in your opening, that the end could come at anytime. And the New Testament is very clear, the book of -- the gospel according to Mark says we should be ready at any time.
JUST: But we should also not worry about calculating exactly when it might be.
BECK: Right. Right. I don`t -- I mean, I do have a doomsday clock here. But it`s not really set. I`m not sure what time zone it`s actually in.
Father, I thank you very much. And thanks for sharing your busy, busy day with us. I`m sure it`s been nuts for you.
JUST: It`s been a lot of fun, though.
BECK: Yes. Six-six-six, numbers synonymous with evil? I don`t know, it`s up for debate. But Roger Depue, who is the former chief of FBI behavioral science, he actually -- has actually -- he`s been in the room with evil. He says evil does exist. He`s looked it in the eye. Describe evil for me in the context that you mean it.
ROGER DEPUE, FORMER CHIEF, FBI BEHAVIORAL SCIENCE: Evil is -- is -- exists in a person who enjoys inflicting pain and suffering on other people.
BECK: Have you been in the room -- tell me who you`ve been in the room with where you went, "Wow. This is evil."
DEPUE: Well, I`ve been in a room with a number of people like that. Serial killers. Child molesters, in particular, serial rapists.
BECK: What does it feel like -- I mean, there have been instances in my life where I`ve actually been someplace where you just -- I mean, the hair stands up on the back of your neck. You`re, like, whoa, should not be here. Is that what it feels like when you`re in the room with a serial killer?
DEPUE: I don`t think it feels exactly like that. It`s more that being in a room with someone who has a distorted perception of reality.
DEPUE: A person who`s so consumed with their own interests and their own narcissistic...
BECK: I heard that people like Ted Bundy, you know, they`re pretty clear on what they`re doing. But child molesters really don`t see themselves as evil.
DEPUE: That`s correct. Almost every child molester that I`ve ever talked to doesn`t think he`s harming his child. He thinks that it`s a love affair, and the child enjoys it.
BECK: Do you think that`s a little game they`re playing in their own head, or do you think they really actually believe that?
DEPUE: I think they`re trying to believe it. I don`t think they can actually believe it. Once you look at what happens to the child and the fact the child who`s been sexually molested probably will have a very difficult time, if at all, to be able to experience normal sexual development.
BECK: Right. Roger, I`ve got to run. We`ve got another guest waiting. I appreciate it. Thank you very much.
DEPUE: Hey, my pleasure.
BECK: You bet.
ANNOUNCER: And now, another person who might be the antichrist.
BECK: I`m thanking Jay Leno. I mean, you wouldn`t see him coming, really, would you? Really?
ANNOUNCER: This has been another person who might be the antichrist.
BECK: I`m just -- I`m just a thinker. Look, I`m not a theologian. I`m just a thinker.
Sometimes people prove their evil by killing. Other times people have evil inside of them. Pastor Chris Ward is a -- is a crazy cat who has performed hundreds of exorcisms on people who say that they`re possessed.
You -- you believe them?
PASTOR CHRIS WARD, PERFORMS EXORCISMS: Oh, yes.
BECK: What -- when somebody shows up on your doorstep and says, "I think I`ve got the devil in me," what do you -- how do you deal with that?
WARD: Well, we usually start with prayer and try to get a background check. Sometimes we get a health check and a mental health check to get as much information as we can.
BECK: Yes, because they might be nuts. Right. I think we have a video -- we have a video of you performing an exorcism on your web site.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
WARD: Get out in Jesus` name. Get out in Jesus` name. Get out. You`re found. You`re found. Look at you. Pitiful, helpless. In the name of Jesus, get out. By the blood of Christ.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BECK: I mean, I think I`ve seen this movie on Lifetime. I`m just saying on Saturday on Lifetime I`ve seen this movie.
What -- what exactly is the ritual? I mean, you say you`ve looked right -- Satan right in the eyes before. What do you -- tell me about it.
WARD: Well, yes. I`ve looked in the eyes of evil many a time. In that particular videotape, that person was involved with an ancient form of Macumba (ph).
BECK: He hates when that happens. No, I do.
WARD: I bet you do, Glenn.
BECK: So, anyway, go ahead.
WARD: Well, Glenn, basically, what I see from my perspective is evil is a lack of compassion. It`s the lack of mercy, and it`s really just a sorcery engine (ph). There`s no feeling at all on the part of evil. They just simply use evil as a mechanism.
BECK: But you say that it`s a lack of compassion. But yet, you`re saying that people are actually possessed with a demon. That`s -- that`s a little bit different -- I mean, you know, how do you get that demon? Is it like a bad case of the spielkas (ph)? What?
WARD: Well, I think it has to do with a love for people. I`m able to separate the person from the behavior, and I recognize that the behavior is not normal. And so we go after separating the behavior instead of the person. And we believe the behavior originates in an evil spirit, as the Bible calls unclean spirits.
BECK: Are you born evil? Do you -- how do you get it? Is it like getting a cold? How do you become evil?
WARD: There`s many ways. You could get generational curses. It could come with your DNA as a start.
BECK: Well, that would suck.
WARD: But you always have to embrace it, you know. You really have to give it permission at some point.
BECK: Wait a minute. We`re not talking about generational demons. You`re saying that my dad might have been possessed, which, Dad, you weren`t. I love you. But you know, your dad was possessed and I could be possessed because the devil`s like, "Yes, you know what? His dad was fun. What the hell? I`ll just -- I`ll screw with this guy, too."
WARD: Well, Glenn, you had -- you had a struggle with alcoholism.
WARD: And you had a predisposition to that. Did that come to you generationally?
BECK: Hang on. There is a difference between -- you`re mixing physical and metaphysical. I believe that there -- that there is a joining of body and spirit, but the spirit is not in your DNA code, is it?
WARD: Well, it can become that way. I think Dr. M. Scott Peck said it best. It`s not a question whether you`re schizophrenic or possessed but if you`re both.
BECK: Hold on just a second. I have another update for you real quick.
ANNOUNCER: And, now, another person who might be the antichrist.
BECK: I`m thinking Bea Arthur.
ANNOUNCER: This has been another person who might be the antichrist.
BECK: All right. I appreciate it very much. And best of luck to you in driving the demons out. And keep your head down at 6-6-06.
WARD: All right, Glenn.
BECK: Appreciate it. Bye-bye.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BECK: Hello, Tom. You`re on the "Glenn Beck" program.
CALLER: Hello, Glenn.
BECK: Hello, Tom.
CALLER: You`re -- you`re a great host. I love listening to you every single day. My question to you is as a religious scholar, what do you -- what are you personally doing today...
CALLER: ... due to the numerological sequence thing to try to not end up damning yourself to hell?
BECK: Well, as a theologian, what I`m doing today is I am super- sizing everything I might get at McDonald`s. I`m just saying I think I read that someplace in the Bible.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BECK: All right. Here`s another sign of the apocalypse. The European Union`s made a little proposal to Iran today. They`re basically saying, "Hey Iran, why don`t you take some of our aircraft, some agricultural technology, and a free ticket to the World Trade Organization. Just don`t make any nukes, OK?"
Also, the United States is going to kick in nuclear technology for a "civilian energy" program. Right. Why don`t we just give Iran your lunch money while you`re at it? If -- if you`re a country that needs bribes and incentives to not make a doomsday device, I think there`s something wrong there.
What would we do if Iran were developing giant space lasers that were pointed right at the Statue of Liberty? "Hey, we`ll give you a new car if you stop, OK?"
Here`s the proposal I`d like to make: stop making nukes, or we`ll turn Tehran into a parking lot. That`s a little hatemongerish, sure.
Bob Baer used to be with the CIA, just written a novel, "Blow the House Down".
Bob, let me ask you a question. Why, why would we do this and offer them al kinds of incentives?
BOB BAER, AUTHOR, "BLOW THE HOUSE DOWN": Well, you know, if you want to get to the heart of the matter right away, the president is nuts, the new president of Iran.
BECK: Oh, new president. OK. All right.
BAER: The new president.
BECK: I thought you meant our president.
BECK: And I think, I don`t agree with him, but I don`t think he`s nuts.
BAER: Well, you know, this guy`s in a category by himself. Let me give you an idea what he does. Almost every Friday he goes down to the Jamkan (ph) mosque and he`s got these little Post-Its. And he writes. You know, he asks questions on them and drops them down this well to talk to the hidden imam who disappeared hundreds of years ago, who`s been dead for hundreds of years. And this is the kind of, you know, man we`re dealing with.
BECK: So this is why I say -- because I`m a conservative man. And I have really supported George W. Bush all the way. But he`s not making sense to me right now. Why are we getting into bed with somebody who`s nuts, who`s crazy? I -- is it because we`re just trying to bring France and Germany and Russia into bed with us?
BAER: I think what`s going to happen is he`s going to give the international community the full benefit about the doubt on this, Russia and China in particular.
The Europeans said, "Look, we tried to deal with this guy. We have no choice but resort to a strike." This is not going to play out the way we think it is today. It`s not going to go peacefully. We probably will be in conflict with Iran within the next year.
BECK: But see -- wow.
BAER: So I mean, I don`t -- I think what they`re doing is right. You know, pretend to go along, give them the benefit of the doubt.
BECK: But, see, every time we do this, it`s a delay tactic. It`s a delay. You know you can`t trust France, Russia. Like they`re going -- like they`re going to actually be men and women of their word? No, they`re not going to. So it`s a delay tactic. And it gives Iran more and more time.
I`m not suggests a strike in Iran right now. Obviously, I don`t know what to do. It is a frightening situation. Let me -- let me ask you, do you think this is a more precarious situation now than the height of the Cold War?
BAER: Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I was just in Beirut. And I sat down with a guy from Hezbollah. And he said to me, he said, you know, "If you guys hit Iran, don`t ever get on an airplane for the next six months." I mean, it was a bald threat like that.
BECK: But what -- how else do you solve it? If we don`t hit them, you know Israel will hit them. And I mean, how does -- here we are on 6-6- 06. How does this not end in Armageddon?
BAER: Well, I think the apocalypse -- and they`re looking at it in apocalyptic terms, the Iranians. I mean, this guy...
BECK: This isn`t fun -- this is really not a fun interview. I don`t know. Come with me just for a second, will you? Come on over here. Let`s just move it a little closer. OK. Go ahead. So, anyway, you`re saying now that you think this is the apocalypse possibly?
BAER: Look, you know, these guys are talking about taking the world`s oil supplies off the market for years by blowing them up in the gulf. I mean, these are the kind of terms we`re dealing with. We`re talking about nuking Iran. They`re talking about driving oil up to $200, $300. It`s not a pretty picture.
BECK: Holy cow. So what`s the next step? What are the things that we should be looking for? What are the things that you`re like, if you start to see this, freak out?
BAER: I -- you know, if the negotiations fall apart and the Israelis say, "We`re doing it alone" because the Israelis don`t want to sitting in Tel Aviv...
BAER: ... with this guy with a nuke with his finger on the trigger, because he`s crazy. He has a member of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard. He`s got American and Israeli blood on his hands.
BAER: He can`t be trusted with a nuke, much less than Pakistan.
BECK: Well, I got to tell you, Bob. I want to party with you, dude. Because it would be -- it would be fun.
BAER: I`m sorry.
BECK: No, no. I appreciate it. Bob, thank you so much. We`ll have you on again.
BAER: Thanks for having me.
BECK: All right. Each night we check in with different parts of the country to get what you`re talking about. We`re checking in with the buzz in Los Angeles with one of that city`s most popular radio hosts. It`s Bill Handel. He`s an attorney, host of the "Bill Handel Show" on KFI. Great radio station.
Bill, can you bring yourself to care about this stupid gay marriage amendment?
BILL HANDEL, RADIO TALK SHOW HOST: You know, Glenn, not only can I care about it, I`m going insane, because I love the fact that our president and this Senate is so concerned with gay marriage -- now, keep in mind, Tehran is three minutes from launching a nuke into the suburbs of Tel Aviv. Gas is on its way of hitting four bucks a gallon down here in the south land. Iraq is going to pieces. And of course, the invasion of the illegal aliens pouring over our borders by the thousands per day.
And we`re concerned about Bruce and Fred getting married in front of a tree. That`s what we`re talking about. God!
BECK: You and I -- you know what? You and I are on different ends of the spectrum when it comes to this issue. I actually -- I believe in the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman.
BECK: No, no. Hang on just a second. What hacks me off about this stupid story is nothing is going to get done here.
HANDEL: That`s the other side of it. You`re absolutely right.
BECK: The Republicans are only -- here`s what they`re doing. "Hey, I want you to know, conservatives, I`m just like you."
HANDEL: Yes, yes.
BECK: "And if you don`t vote for me in November, you`re going to be gay by the Saturday after the election."
And the Democrats are doing the exact same thing: "I want you to know we`re just like you, liberals. You`ve got to vote for us. Otherwise, they`ll be killing all gay people."
BECK: That`s all they`re doing right now. They`re not actually trying to solve things.
HANDEL: The problem is -- I`m going to tell you. I`m going to blame the president more than I`m going to blame the Senate or the House. I figure the people that get elected on the religious right-wing, God is on our side ticket they sort of have a duty...
BECK: He is. He`s on my side; he`s not on your side.
HANDEL: Yes, I understand. The president, though, come on. He`s got to be above the fray. And he -- we need leadership here. And we`re not getting it.
HANDEL: I mean, we`re not getting it. It`s really distressing to see where he stands. And I`ve got to tell you -- let me ask you this. Glenn, I know you`re not in favor of gay marriage. Let me ask you a question. If your best buddy got married to his best boyfriend, how does that interfere with your marriage?
BECK: You know what? No, honestly, here`s what -- I want to do everything to strengthen marriage. And I would rather have this proposed in Congress -- talk about an outrageous proposal this is -- I believe we should get rid of no-fault divorce.
HANDEL: You know what? You know, that`s a very good point. This morning we were saying if the president was really adamant. I want to quote. "Our policy should aim to strengthen families, not undermine them. Marriage between a man and woman is the most important and enduring human institution."
Let`s make divorce illegal.
BECK: There you go.
HANDEL: There`s the answer.
BECK: I got to tell you. And a lot of people say, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute."
First of all, I`m a divorced guy. I get it. Pot calling kettle. I get it. But let me tell you something, you would not -- if you were not allowed to get out of marriage, it might make you reconsider getting married in the first place.
HANDEL: You bet.
BECK: You would stop with this -- with this Oprah Winfrey pie in the sky, oh, you could just get married for as long as love lasts. That`s bull crap.
HANDEL: Yes, it is.
BECK: Marriage is an institution that needs to be protected and needs to be sanctified.
HANDEL: I`m going to tell you, you know, having worked with gay people for many, many years, helping them create children with my surrogacy work, you know, Kinky Friedman, who`s running for governor has it absolutely right. It is a question of civil rights. It is a question of being treated the same. They have every right, Glenn, to be as miserable as we are in marriage.
BECK: All right. Bill, I got to go. Thanks.
HANDEL: Take care.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You`re offending soccer moms, calling them fat, bald women in front of Barry Manilow.
BECK: Well, have you ever been to a Barry Manilow concert?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: No.
BECK: OK, I`m man enough to admit it. I`ve been to a Barry Manilow concert.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes, well, still, and...
BECK: Wait a minute. Hold on just a second. I`m not going to be accused of just trying to offend everyone when I speak the truth.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes, but you are not a soccer mom. You`re just a pasty white guy.
BECK: Excuse me. Let`s get it right: a doughy, pasty white guy.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BECK: Homeland security people are doing some real-time drills here in New York today, simulating simultaneous terrorist attacks on our ports. Nothing real secret about it. Press release invites "civic, business and political leaders" to join in. I mean, what`s up with that?
I`m all for getting the agencies on the same page, you know, when it comes to knowing who`s in charge and what`s going on, you know, sharing information when something bad happens, which it will. But this is 2006, nearly five years after 9/11.
I got to tell you: I don`t feel a bit safer as I ride into home -- every night, I come down the West Side Highway, and I see -- right there in the river, I see a bunch of boats. And I`m thinking, "All right. Not safe at all."
Imagine this: Some terrorist hides a nuclear device in the keel of a cruise ship that docks along the Hudson River. I know you`re saying right now, "Let`s not give them any ideas, Glenn!" Ted Bell already went down this road.
He wrote a scary book with the exact same scenario. It`s called "Pirate." Fortunately, it`s fiction.
But, Ted, is it really fiction? You think it could really happen, don`t you?
TED BELL, AUTHOR: Yes, I actually do, Glenn. You know, I`m a slogan guy. And I got a slogan for you: One if by land, two if by sea. Remember that one, Glenn?
BECK: You`re a guy -- because you really do a lot of research on this. You called me up, I don`t know, about a year ago and said, "I`m telling you, Iran, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. China is the real threat."
BELL: I think China is the biggest threat that we face in this coming century. They see this -- it`s their turn. You know, they see democracy as a 200-year mistake that they intend to rectify, and they`re coming after us.
BECK: You say that China is the biggest threat in this century. I mean, I just had a guy on, what, 20 minutes ago that was saying...
BELL: It`s early in the century.
BECK: But 20 minutes ago, this other guy, he`s from the CIA. And he`s, like, "Oh, Armageddon stuff with Iran in the next 12 months." I mean, this is not a happy show today. It`s really not.
BELL: No, it`s not. It`s not, Glenn. And it`s a scary world we live in. There`s just no getting around that. But I have seen the future of warfare, Glenn. I`ve seen the future.
BECK: And it`s China?
BELL: It`s actually robots, but China is in the future. There`s no question about that.
BECK: OK, now why are we going down -- what, the robot thing, what is this?
BELL: I think -- well, you know, you were talking about this port security conference. And what we don`t hear about -- I mean, that`s why I said one if by land, two if by sea. I mean, it`s the old Paul Revere thing. Which way are they going to come after us?
And my feeling is, is that they could come either way. And one of the things that we`ve got going is these incredible new underwater unmanned vehicles that are guarding the ports, unseen by anybody, little submarines with cameras and sensors to go after...
BECK: So then how do you know -- by the way, that`s not robots. Those are underwater unmanned vehicles.
BECK: Those are not robots. You know what robots are?
BELL: That`s the definition of a robot.
BECK: No. Robots are like -- they`re made by Sony. What is it with the Japanese? They`re always making little robots that can carry old people and dogs in the robots. There`s something freaky going on with the Japanese. That`s who you need to look at.
So you`re saying that we have underwater stuff that nobody knows about, until this broadcast, which, seriously, America thanks you.
BELL: Some people know about it, Glenn.
BECK: Yes, America thanks you.
BELL: Some people know about t.
BECK: Why do you know about it?
BELL: I`m glad they`re there.
BECK: Right, why do you know about it?
BELL: I keep my eyes -- I hear things, you know? That`s my job. I`m always thinking about this stuff...
BECK: And then you come on national television and tell everybody -- this is irresponsible. And I hold you personally responsible.
BELL: If I know about it, Glenn, it`s not that big a secret, you know what I`m saying?
BECK: Right, OK, all right. So let me switch gears here for just a second, because China, Russia, Germany, France, everybody is on this bandwagon of, "Hey, let`s give Iran a little help here. Let`s help them with their nuclear technology."
BECK: This little plan that we gave the Iranians today, do we actually think that Russia and China are going to be men and women of their words, that when Iran says, "No," or when they violate the treaty or whatever, that China is actually going to say, "Oh, you know what? I`m still with America." No way.
BELL: Yes, Glenn, China is not our friend. You know, that`s not a secret. These guys are not our pals. And we`ve got to watch out. I think that`s a huge threat.
Right now, I mean, the border situation is immensely scary. You know, they`re having this big port security conference in New York. Ports are, by definition, narrow, controlled areas. They`re narrow. You know, you can sort of control what goes in and out of them, but you can`t control an open, 2,000-mile border.
BELL: You know, you can drive a truck into this country easier than you can smuggle a weapon inside a port. So where`s the land security conference, Glenn? That`s what I`m wondering.
BECK: OK, Ted, thanks a lot. I appreciate it.
Erica, my head`s going to explode today.
ERICA HILL, CNN HEADLINE NEWS ANCHOR: Do we get to see the exploding head?
BECK: Ellie, run the exploding head.
HILL: Come on, Ellie. There it is. Watch out. It`s going to blow!
BECK: I have to tell you, every guest we`ve had on the program today is, like, "The end is near." I need a sandwich sign that just says that. My gosh, it`s been tough today.
HILL: It ain`t easy on 6-6-06, is it?
BECK: Oh, my goodness. Put a little salve on the wound, will you, Erica? Ooh.
HILL: Yes, yes. You want some news?
BECK: No, if you`d put a little salve.
HILL: It might depress you.
HILL: I said do you want a little news?
HILL: Not Neosporin, all right? We`ll start off with the newsiest one.
Suspects in this alleged terror cell arrested in Canada last week...
BECK: Oh, yes, I`m listening now. Yes, go ahead.
HILL: They`re in court today, 12 men, 5 teens, of course, arrested last week on terrorism charges, including plotting to bomb buildings in Ottawa and Toronto. Some of them also are charged with weapon smuggling and taking part in terrorist training courses. We should point, though, as for the charges against those five minors...
BECK: Hang on. I`m just trying to -- I`m trying to sit like -- you know Brian Williams? You know how he sits and he`s all -- have you ever noticed Brian Williams` face is the really crooked -- it`s the most crooked face you`ve ever seen. But the way he sits...
HILL: I`ve never really looked at it that close.
BECK: Look. Next time, look. And the way he sits, he makes his nose look straight. But then his whole face is like cockeyed. It`s weird the way he sits.
HILL: Wouldn`t that hurt your back after a while?
BECK: I don`t know. I`m not Brian Williams` chiropractor. I couldn`t tell you.
HILL: You might want to talk to him.
BECK: Yes, well, maybe we can put a little salve on...
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ANNOUNCER: And, now, another person who might be the anti-Christ.
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BECK: Yes, Brian Williams. Might be. You don`t know.
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ANNOUNCER: This has been another person who might be the anti-Christ.
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HILL: I`m sure he really appreciate that one, too.
BECK: No, I`m sure he does.
HILL: Not only are you giving him, you know, a hard time about, apparently, the alignment of his face...
BECK: No, he has a weird TV alignment.
HILL: ... but he might be the anti-Christ? The poor man.
BECK: He does. I don`t...
HILL: What did he ever do to you?
BECK: Nothing. I like him. He`s funny. He`s nice. He`s strangely tan.
HILL: Honey, everybody in TV is strangely tan.
BECK: I know. I`m strangely pasty. OK, so next story, please.
HILL: All right. Next up, this one got a lot of attention when it first broke, and it`s understandable. A two-month-old Chinese born, you may remember, was born with three arms. Well, today he`s recovering in Shanghai. He had that third arm removed.
BECK: This story is trouble for me, because all I can think of -- I mean, God bless the kid and the family, you know. But, I mean, is it really -- if you`re born with three arms, if they`re all working, can`t you make that work for you?
HILL: Well, see, that was the problem. The two left arms weren`t necessarily working that well.
BECK: Well, can you do rehab with it or something.
BECK: No, listen to me. Listen to me. You know how good that guy would be at, like, a Subway sandwich store? He`s be -- am I right? If he had the three arms going, he would be tremendous. Think of this, as a crook? As a crook, he`d be great. He could go steal something, but he could just have one inside his shirt. They cuff him; he keeps the third hand. He`s got the handcuff key in there, and all of a sudden he`s out. It`s great.
HILL: Maybe you should have talked to his parents before they OK`d the operation. If they had known this future was in front of their son...
BECK: You know what happened here? I am convinced that it was the nurses that convinced the doctor to lop off the other arm, because the nurses saw the future. They were looking at it and saying, "If this kid grows up to be a doctor, he`s not going to need somebody to say, `Scalpel.`" He can just get it himself.
HILL: These are very interesting theories, Glenn Beck.
BECK: I`m telling you. I`m telling you.
HILL: Very interesting, indeed.
BECK: Well, that`s what I`m here for, Erica. You`re here for the credibility part; I`m here for the thinking.
Erica, thanks a lot.
HILL: See you later.
BECK: All right. In case you just joined us, day two in D.C. in the Senate debate on constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, something, you know, Republican supporters are even saying, "Why are we doing this? It`s going nowhere."
I said it a couple of minutes ago. You know, I`m not opposed to a civil union, but please stop changing the definition of words. Marriage, between a man and a woman, that`s it. Next guest has a definition of his own for two guys who want to marry each other. He says they`re cowards. Hmm.
Brad Stine is an out-of-the-closet Christian, openly conservative comic whose book, "Live from Middle America: Rants from the Red-State Comedian" is out now, if you will. I mean, maybe not in gay -- well, it could be in gay bookstores.
Brad, is your book in gay bookstores?
BRAD STINE, CONSERVATIVE COMEDIAN: Are you kidding me? I`m a capitalist. You can sell it anywhere. You can sell it on the streets, for crying out loud.
BECK: That`s right.
STINE: I don`t care. Sell it anywhere, Glenn.
BECK: So gay people that get married, cowards?
STINE: Oh, please. You know, it`s always the gay people always taking the easy way out.
Let me tell you something, Glenn: If you want the privilege of getting married, I think you should have to marry the opposite sex and suck it up like the rest of us guys have to do. I mean, that`s hard.
Marriage was supposed to build character. I mean, it would be easy to be married to a guy. There`s no challenge.
BECK: May I tell you something? I think, if it wasn`t for the icky sex, I`d be gay.
BECK: No, I would.
STINE: I mean, you know what, whatever. I mean, I understand. My point, Glenn, is this: There`s no challenge. I mean, being married to a girl is hard. That`s the tough -- if I was married to a guy -- and I could be. It would be easy. It`d be like I don`t have to wonder, "Where`s that shirt I had on last night?" I know where it is. It`s crumpled in the corner where I threw it."
Nobody picked it up, because I`m a guy! I don`t have to worry about, "Does my stinking clothes match?" If everything -- I`m a guy! There`s no challenge. There`s nothing to that. That would be easy.
BECK: All right. I see your point. Now, let`s move to something else George Bush is doing, because now he`s in Roswell, New Mexico. I don`t know who`s running his P.R. campaign here, but that`s the dumbest place to give a speech on illegal aliens, Roswell, New Mexico.
STINE: Well, I mean, you know, no, it`s not the dumb place. It`s the perfect political place, Glenn, because I mean -- one thing about Bush is, when he goes for something, baby, he goes in feet first.
I mean, when he went after terrorist, "I`m taking Iraq. I`m going for Afghanistan. Everybody`s going down." He`s now saying, "I`m going to take such a stance against Mexican illegal aliens and, not only that, but if we get those pesky Neptunians that come from -- and land in Area 54, I`m driving them out, too."
STINE: "We`re not going to have aliens from anywhere." He`s not taking aliens from outer space or from Mexico. You got to give him credit for that. He picked the right place, where the aliens might show up from outer space.
BECK: Right. So are you a little wound up from 6-6-06? Is this what`s happening here? Because, I mean, it`s 6-6-06. They could come calling -- you`re a Christian. I`m a Christian. Oh, the Lord could come at anytime.
STINE: He could. You know, and I would be happy, too. I would happy -- "come on right now."
But, you know, here`s what kills me, Glenn -- and you can appreciate this, my brother -- here`s the problem. How come the only time we ever talk about God is when it`s something creepy? It`s like, you know, Satan perhaps is here.
I mean, this is the same God we threw out of school, we threw out of the public sphere, we don`t want him anywhere, and we never want him around, because it would be offensive, but as soon as something bad happens, you know, it`s like -- you know, God, get out of our society, but then there`s a hurricane. He`s like, "Where are you, God? You have forsaken us now."
It`s like God`s like saying, "You threw me out, you morons!" I mean, it`s like what your parents used to say. "OK, in or out? In or out? You want me here? You not want me here? Because I can`t figure you people out."
I don`t know where you want me to be. All I know is you told me to get lost. All I know is I wanted a nativity scene, and you people are like, "Avert the eyes of the children so they don`t see, Jesus, for crying out" -- take them home, where they can purge their mind with MTV.
I mean, give me a stinking break. We don`t need anymore of this nonsense. I mean, it`s like the act of God, used to be natural disaster. Now it`s called the act of God. You know who came up with that, Glenn?
STINE: The insurance companies. It`s not in the Bible; they`re the ones that came up with the act of God clause so they didn`t have to pay out.
It was like, "Hey, sorry your house got swept away in that hurricane. Love to pay you, but it was an act of God. Apparently, God didn`t want you to have a house. So who are we to argue with God?"
I mean, it`s a bunch of babies who don`t want to pay out on their premiums. That`s the problem. So either we have to decide we want God or we don`t, but if we tell him to leave, don`t be upset about the boils and the pus and the locusts, because they`re coming.
BECK: Thanks a lot, Brad. Wait, wait, wait. I have one more. Maybe I could get your thoughts on this.
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ANNOUNCER: And now, another person who might be the anti-Christ.
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BECK: Bring Brad in on this. Brad, I believe that the anti-Christ could be Angelina Jolie.
BECK: No, she works for the U.N.
BECK: She`s, you know, stealing African babies. I don`t even know what`s going on. Her baby is being protected by lions down there. I think she could be the anti-Christ.
STINE: It wouldn`t surprise me.
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ANNOUNCER: This has been another person who might be the anti-Christ.
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BECK: I really wanted to hear his side -- really wanted to your take on that, Brad.
STINE: Well, I mean, I was -- I was leaning towards Angelina Jolie myself, but, I mean, you beat me to it. Obviously, we have the same prophet...
BECK: Yes, I mean, it wouldn`t be so bad, you know, if you get sleep with the anti-Christ, it may not be so bad. Brad, thanks a lot.
STINE: Well, and she`s got has nice-looking lips. I mean, who would have thought the anti-Christ was going to have good-looking lips?
BECK: I`m willing to look for, you know, the 666s around there.
BECK: Thanks a lot, Brad. I appreciate it.
STINE: Thank you, brother, big fan.
BECK: All right. Here we go. Today`s "Quality of Life" market update.
The stock of women in the workforce moving higher on the news that their voices, believe it or not, are getting lower. A new book out of England has found a direct correlation between the pitch of a woman`s voice and the growing equality of women in the workplace.
Believe it or not, somebody has spent time noodling this idea. Her name: Anne Karpf. She an author. She examined women`s voices over the second half of the 20th century and found that their voices have deepened dramatically. She`s got nothing else to do with her time.
She says the trend is most evident in high-powered positions like TV correspondents and female politicians. She says they`re often encouraged to lower their pitch in order to get ahead. We wanted to see if there was anything to this. We looked at a couple of pieces of tape. We`re going to roll them for you. Here`s Hillary Clinton in `93.
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SEN. HILLARY CLINTON (D), NEW YORK: I`m not looking for any particular role.
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BECK: OK, OK. Bringing back too many memories. Please, stop with that. OK, now let`s listen to what Hillary Clinton sounds like today.
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SEN. HILLARY CLINTON (D), NEW YORK (voice artificially deepened): The public-private partnership exemplified by...
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BECK: I think we may have found our anti-Christ and our next president. Back in a second.
BECK: So tonight, evil will bring the end of this world that we call home. But until then, who wants to see a movie? The remake of "The Omen" is out starring Mia Farrow, Julia Stiles, and yet another satanic kid that -- I swear to you -- is freaking me out. That kid`s not going to get another job until he`s 40, because everybody is going to be too freaked out. "Oh, man, the `Omen` kid`s here. Don`t give him the job."
I loved the original "Omen." You know, it`s a `70s, classic horror flick. It`s one of my favorite movies. I can`t imagine that it`s being done better than the original. It`s probably one of those movies that you just, you know, just leave it alone, man. It`s "The Omen." Don`t mess with it.
Besides, I`m really suspicious of any movie that`s focusing this much on its advertising campaign, the release date, you know, 6-6-06. Got it. Clever. So you`re going to see "The Omen?" We sent Lisa Paige to find out.
LISA PAIGE, Q102: 6-6-06, "The Omen." It`s a thriller movie. Have you seen the previews for it? Looks a little scary. Julia Stiles is in it. Are you planning anything specific going down on 6-6-06, because, I mean, I would not want to be born on that date, personally.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: No, I`m not going to see it, and I`m not planning anything.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: 06-06-06, it`s coming.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I cannot wait.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I`m so excited.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I`m probably going to cry.
PAIGE: You`re going to cry?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes.
PAIGE: You`re not going to do any sort of like satanic rituals, dress in black, honor the devil?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Not at all. I`m probably just going to cry on the sixth.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I hate scary movies.
PAIGE: You do?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Absolutely. Very scary.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Right.
PAIGE: And you know what they say about 666?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Mark of the beast. I`m going to see the movie.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I think it`s just a number. I`m actually going to go see Anderson Cooper do a book reading at the Barnes and Noble.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It`s kind of scary to have a baby boy on that day, and then you see this little mark on him and you don`t know what it is.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You want to check if I have the mark?
PAIGE: No, you`re good.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I`m good? OK.
PAIGE: Yes. You`re good. You`re safe.
We just checked your head. You`re free of the mark.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Is that what you were doing? OK, all right, all right.
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BECK: Thanks, Lisa Paige, for some images, quite honestly, that I don`t think I`ll ever be able to get out of my head.
Personally, I`m not going to bother seeing "The Omen" remake. It`s something, you know, really not going to frighten me on 6-6-06. If I really want to be afraid, I`m going to go see not some cheesy horror film. I`m going to see the newest, state-of-the-art scare tactic, yes, the Al Gore movie.
Believe it or not, I`m headed my way to the theater right now. I`m going to see it. I`ll report back on it tomorrow on the radio show. Be afraid. The polar ice caps are melting!
Until then, you can e-mail me at email@example.com. See you tomorrow, you sick freak.
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