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Glenn Beck

Children Thrown Off Bus for Not Speaking English; No Pardon for Border Patrol Agents; Naked Parties Popular at Yale; Media Touts AP Poll Showing Low Support For Iraq Troop Surge, But Don`t Say It Was Taken Before Bush`s Address To The Nation

Aired January 12, 2007 - 19:00   ET


GLENN BECK, HOST: Look out, PC is running wild again. Were children in Minnesota actually kicked off a school bus because they only spoke English? Oh, I have the insane answer coming up.
Plus, the latest trend in college campuses. It`s naked parties! That and more next.


ANNOUNCER: Tonight`s episode is brought to you by Derek`s Naked Party. Calling all co-eds. Bring wine coolers and an open mind to Derek`s Naked Party. Leave your underpants at the door.


BECK: All right, I`m all fired up. It`s Friday.

This week in Minnesota, Rachel Armstrong`s three grade school kids forbidden from taking a bus home from school because they were told that the route was strictly for kids who didn`t speak English as a first language. More on that in a second.

But first, right to the point tonight. If I see one more person on television or one of those stupid billboards that says "celebrate diversity," I just may kill myself. How about instead of celebrating our differences, why don`t we start celebrating the things that bring us all together?

Here is how I got there. The school in question, the Phalen Lake Elementary School, which I don`t think I`d name a school Phalen, but anyway, it shares a building with a language academy for Laotian Hmong children learning English.

Apparently, the school didn`t properly notify the Armstrong family that the bus route was changing, so the bus only transports students to the language academy. So now the Armstrongs have no way to get to and from school. The kids found this out the hard way when they were stranded and had to call their mom for help.

So, let me see if I have this straight. I can`t put a sign up in a cheese steak restaurant in Philadelphia that says, "order in English," but you can have a school bus that says "For Hmong-speaking students only"? Are you kidding me? Where the heck do we live, Laos or America?

We have got to stop dividing ourselves. You want to talk about immersion? Great, let`s talk about immersion for immigrants. This is the opposite of immersion. This is isolationism. You want to live in Laos, then get on a boat and go back to Laos. You`re living here now, America, home of the free, land of the Whopper, whatever it is.

But I`d like to tell you that to your face, but, sadly, I don`t speak a word of Hmong. Sorry.

Look, I know the Hmong people were allies of ours. They fought alongside us in the Vietnam War. How do I know that? I looked it up. I`d never heard of Hmong before. If I were living in Laos right now, I would have heard about Hmong, or Hmong or whatever it is.

I can guarantee you that I wouldn`t be riding around on an English- only bus in Laos. If I lived there, I`d learn Laotian or Hmong. If I didn`t learn it, I`d probably move back to my own country.

Our diversity makes us strong. It really does. It is what has woven this incredible tapestry we call America. But we have been celebrating our differences too long. We need to look for the things that we have in common. If you just celebrate diversity, it separates us. Fold your diversity into one.

I believe it was the late great Lindsay Lohan who once said, "E pluribus unum, out of many, one." Let us please start celebrating our oneness.

So, here`s what I know tonight. I know we got a lot in common. I mean, I can`t think of a damn thing right now, because we`ve been too busy celebrating diversity for so long. But we`ve got some things in common, and we`ve got to find them. Those are the things that unite us. Build on those things.

You don`t have to erase your own individual heritage. But it`s got to be folded into the mix so we can -- do you remember, didn`t your parent ever talk to you about the melting pot? Whatever happened to the melting pot? Can we turn on the stove again, please?

Here`s what I don`t know. I don`t know how long we can go on like this, celebrating our diversity, before we collapse under the weight of our diversity. Or until my head pops.

Dan Restrepo, he is the director of Heritage Project for the Center for American Progress, a center doesn`t really sound like they would fold me into their diversity.

Dan, don`t you think it would be better not to have separate buses by language?

DAN RESTREPO, DIRECTOR, HERITAGE PROJECT, CENTER FOR AMERICAN PROGRESS: The particulars of the Minnesota case, the school district clearly messed up, leaving those poor kids at school that day. But this is kind of beside the point. We get kind of hung up on symbolism. And...

BECK: Wait a minute, wait a minute, this is not symbolism. This is - - look, this is immersion. There is something to be said -- you know what, I took French in school. I can`t speak a word of French. You know why? I never used it. If you`re going to learn a language, the way to really get it going is to use it every day. Why wouldn`t you share buses?

RESTREPO: There`s a lot -- there are a lot of ways to learn languages. English is my second language, and I think I handle it pretty well, having grown up in a Spanish-speaking household.

There`s a number of ways. Immersion is one way of doing it, but we can`t be in a position where we isolate people because they don`t speak English. We can`t be telling them that you are other, that you`re not part of us, that we don`t want to deal with your issues and your problems because you haven`t gotten to the point of learning English.

BECK: Wait. How did this get turned around? That`s exactly the opposite of what we`re talking about. We`re not isolating people because, I`m sorry, you don`t speak -- you don`t speak English. We`re isolating people because you don`t speak Hmong!

RESTREPO: In this particular example, the school district has chosen...

BECK: Which is what we`re talking about.

RESTREPO: Absolutely. The school district has chosen to go this route, has chosen to go a route where they`re trying to put kids in a comfortable setting for them to be able to learn.

This is bilingual education. They`re not just learning the Hmong. They`re learning English. And they`re using the native language that these kids bring to the table as a bridge to learning English and becoming a better part of our society or more fully part of our society.

BECK: OK. Here`s what -- here`s what -- I mean, look, I have absolutely no problem with -- I mean, I don`t think that much has changed, and correct me if I`m wrong here. I don`t think that much has changed between now and 1900 when, you know -- when all the immigrants came here.

The parents generally didn`t speak the language, but they did one thing that I don`t know is happening today. They insisted that their children learn the language. Is that happening today?

RESTREPO: It`s certainly happening today. Today`s immigrants are learning English as fast or faster than any previous immigrant community, group of immigrants in the history of this country.

And your concern that children aren`t learning language is as old of the republic. It`s older than the republic. Benjamin Franklin wrote in colonial times about Germans coming to the Philadelphia area and a big concern that they were sending the least intelligent of the Germans to Philadelphia, and that those -- and the children of the Germans weren`t learning English. This -- Franklin was as wrong then as you are today, so you`re in good company.

BECK: I don`t know. You know what, my friend? I don`t know if that`s true. I`m German descent, and that would make a case for Ben Franklin. I don`t speak English very well, and I obviously am not one of the brightest.

From the immigrants from 1900, Ellis Island -- it was huge, and it changed the very fabric of our nation. It changed us and for the better. What are the changes that we`re going to seep, because I just read a stat. This is a bigger wave of immigration than we saw even back in the early 1900, around the turn of the century last time.

RESTREPO: Right, it actually hasn`t gotten to that point. We`re still -- the number of foreign born or the percentage of foreign born in the United States is lower than it was between 1890 and 1920. That counts everybody.

BECK: Does that count the illegals?

RESTREPO: That counts the folks who are documented and undocumented. That counts everybody. We`re not an historic peak of immigration. But you`re right, it changed society. It changed American society in the 1900s, early 1900s, and it certainly changed society moving forward. But it`s always been for the better. And there`s no reason to believe this isn`t for the better.

We can`t be afraid of change. And being afraid of what these immigrant groups are doing or not doing...

BECK: You`re exactly right. You are exactly right. I mean, immigrants changed us, and they changed us for the better. They absolutely did.

But I will correct your English, if I may. May I, Dan?

RESTREPO: Certainly.

BECK: Not undocumented, illegal. It`s an English word; there is a difference.

Dan, thanks a lot.

While we`re on the subject of assimilation or lack thereof, there is now a pizza chain down in Texas that is allowing their customers to pay for their pizza with pesos. Obviously, it`s been creating some controversy, but wait -- it could just get worse.


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BECK: All right. Coming up, presidential pardons are the ultimate gift. The latest list of recipients may surprise you. Hopefully, it will shock you who`s not on the list.

And partying naked? Yes, yes, kids on campus just love it. And they are our future. I`m just saying. We`ll talk to a frequent attendee.

Plus, President Tom plans a trip to see his good friend, Hugo Chavez. Tonight, "The Real Story" of why these two make a very dangerous duo. Don`t miss it.



BECK: I did get a disturbing e-mail last night, and I want to share it with you.


BECK: It says, "Dear Glenn, you and your show are an atrocity. Hard to believe CNN actually airs this garbage and the untruths that you utter. The only reason Tony Snow does not do interviews in the studio with you is that the producers are afraid you two just might start kissing. You two belong to each other."


BECK: I`ve got to tell you, what I responded to this guy was, at least for me the reason why we weren`t in the same room was because I was in New York and you were in Washington. I don`t know if you`re purposely avoiding me because of my heat. So...

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No, I`m purposely avoiding you because my job`s here.


BECK: All right, presidential pardon is the ultimate gift the commander in chief can give. It is literally a get out of jail free card. So, who has George W. so graciously given this little perk to?

Well, it was just a few days before last Christmas that he freed someone who had conspired to defraud the United States. Couple of guys convicted of bank and IRS infractions, a small handful of folks who were dealing huge amounts of cocaine. Why would you do that?

Who didn`t get the nod? Well, there was the two Border Patrol agents who were trying to defend Americans against drug smugglers. Remember these guys?

Last year, two agents intercepted a van carrying nearly half a ton of marijuana. They were forced to shoot one of the smugglers who tried to escape. They didn`t even kill him. Not even close. They shot him in the butt, hardly a fatal wound. It`s my understanding they didn`t even know if they hit the guy.

However, they were tried and convicted by our own government, because they had the audacity to shoot this dirtbag and then not file the appropriate paperwork. That little infraction has earned them 12 years in jail.

Seems a little ironic that border agents would be punished for doing their jobs and preventing more than a million dollars worth of drugs from getting into the country. But that is exactly what happened, and it is a travesty. This week, they go to jail.

It`s time we wake up in this country. We are dealing with an illegal alien crime wave, and drug smuggling is just the beginning. According to a recent "Washington Times" poll, 73 percent of illegal aliens have been arrested, shockingly, six times or more.

Joining me now is the California representative, Duncan Hunter. He is one of the five lawmakers who petitioned the president on the agents` behalf.

Congressman, how did this happen?

REP. DUNCAN HUNTER (R), CALIFORNIA: You know, Glenn, I think that the truth is stranger than fiction.

I`ve been on the armed services committee for 26 years, and I`ve watched a lot of cases in which our Marines and soldiers were involved, where they were charged or not charged with incidents like this under the Uniform Code of Military Justice. And I`ve never seen a case in the military where they have treated people as unfairly as these Border Patrol agents were treated.

And I think the real bizarre piece of this is what happened in that jury room, because the idea that you had a guy who was this partner, who was prostrate and bleeding on the ground. The other agent ran past him, thought that the guy who was running away, the drug dealer, turned back, looked like he had a gun, and hit him in the rear end. And for that they got this monster conviction and sentence is -- it`s just strange.

BECK: Well, Congressman, I have to tell you, the one thing that I think most Americans don`t understand is this whole border situation. I mean, it`s clear that the Republicans and the Democrats want new voters. They want the base on the Hispanics. They want the money from the big corporations. They want to break down the borders. I mean, it`s clear that there is something going on that nobody`s vocalizing in America.

Now, what is the deal? Why are these guys serving this time? And why have we treated these -- this drug smuggler and given him amnesty, not once, but two times now?

HUNTER: Well, Glenn, you`ve got the right guy on because I build border fence, and I built the double fence between San Diego and Tijuana. The double fence that`s 15 feet high with a big overhang that`s knocked down smuggling of people in narcotics by more than 90 percent.

But I wrote the law that has now been signed by President Bush, which would extend this fence 854 miles across Arizona, New Mexico and Texas. That`s now the law. The Democrats are not going to vote for it.

BECK: It`s not going to happen.

HUNTER: It will happen, because we`ve got $1.2 billion that has been appropriated for it. And we are going to see to it that it happens. And we`ve got a task force of members of Congress who are marching down and meeting with the Department of Homeland Security, making sure that this fence gets built.

I built fences. I drafted the law on this fence. I put the smugglers` corridors, the places where most of the narcotics and people are being smuggled. If we had a fence in this area, you wouldn`t have had the problems that these Border Patrolmen had, but the Border Patrolmen, nonetheless, were treated very unfairly.

And I recommended that the -- that the U.S. attorney not -- not try to get them to go to jail, that he -- that he does not resist a motion by them to stay out of jail, pending this appeal. I think they`re going to win on appeal, but if they don`t win on appeal, they should be pardoned.

BECK: OK, so we didn`t get back to the question. We didn`t get the answer on what`s going on? You`re a guy who would know.

There`s something that just doesn`t seem right. What kind of message in the first place are we sending that we are going to pardon a drug smuggler, not once, but then after we go back and pardon him, he testifies against our own two border agents, then he comes back, is caught smuggling drugs a second time, and we give him amnesty a second time. What is that?

HUNTER: You left out the last piece. He`s also suing, I understand, for several million dollars.

BECK: Oh my...

HUNTER: So -- so this is one of the most bizarre cases I`ve ever seen, but a bizarre case like this is one that lends itself to the chief executive, the president of the United States, using that pardon pen and pardoning -- and I met with -- I met with one of the Border Patrol agents yesterday or the day before yesterday, Agent Compean. He`s got a great family.

BECK: Yes.

HUNTER: Both of them have great families. They did their job. They`re -- they are doing exactly what we underpay them to do.

BECK: Yes, Congressman...

HUNTER: I think -- I think that, I think that justice will finally be served in this case, but it wasn`t served by that jury.

BECK: I`ve got to tell you, I hope you`re right. I`ve already -- I just signed a petition today. We`re going to put it down on the bottom of the screen. There it is. If you want to help these guys get out, sign this petition. Congressman, you let us know what else we can do.

HUNTER: Help me one other way, Glenn.

BECK: Yes, quickly.

HUNTER: Help us get this border fence built and get people to call in.

BECK: I`ll roll up my sleeves myself, sir.

HUNTER: It`s a law. Call the Department of Homeland Security. Everybody call them and tell them it`s the law, build the fence.

BECK: You got it, thank you.

HUNTER: Thanks.

BECK: Coming up next, naked parties. You are not going to believe the new trend that is sweeping the Ivy League.

And "The Real Story" tonight is this weekend`s summit of psychos in Venezuela. Doan miss it, coming up next.


BECK: You want to check us out on the radio? Check us out on 1200 WOAI in San Antonio or 1210 WPHT in Philadelphia.

Now have you ever been invited to a party and you looked in your closet and said, "I have nothing to wear"? Well, in this case, that would be a good thing.

Naked pirates are now all the rage at Yale and equally nerdy schools where -- you guessed it -- you can show up completely naked.

Joining me now to talk about these particular parties is a Yale student, naked party frequenter. Her name is Megan Crandell.

Megan, would I be arrested if I showed up at the naked party?

MEGAN CRANDELL, YALE STUDENT: Would you be arrested?

BECK: Would I be arrested?

CRANDELL: You wouldn`t be able to find one, because the only people who can come to these parties are ones who have been invited specifically or heard about it through word of mouth from close friends.

BECK: It`s like, oh, this is one of those secret things at Yale.

CRANDELL: Well, in a sense, but more than that, there`s a lot of concern to keep it something that`s safe and comfortable for the people going.

And it seems as though the more interesting question is, why is everybody so curious about the naked parties? And I think the rest of the world is envisioning a sort of, like, the ride of the tipsy bacchanals, and I don`t think that`s really accurate.

BECK: Nobody was thinking the ride of the what? Nobody`s thinking that. Listen -- OK, Yaley, pipe down for a second. Here`s the thing.

You know and I know, you know -- you may not know because you`re, well, "What, sir, I`m just having a naked party because it breaks down barriers." Every guy that`s going is not going to break down -- well, yes, they are going down to break down barriers, but they`re different kinds of barriers, Megan.

CRANDELL: Do you know this? When was the last time you went to a naked party, just out of curiosity?

BECK: No, no, I don`t need to go to -- Megan, excuse me. Megan, Megan...


BECK: I`m a guy. I speak for all men when we say, we live to get women naked. Period.

CRANDELL: Although...

BECK: We`re that simple. You`re complex, we`re not.

CRANDELL: It`s a pretty dramatic difference between getting a woman naked with you in your bed and a room full of naked women.

BECK: Yes.

CRANDELL: And, suddenly, you`re scared to death of insulting somebody. And it`s really a very different dynamic.

BECK: Yes, it is.

CRANDELL: And I think part of it has to do with the fact -- I don`t know, I think people oversexualize the idea of these parties.

BECK: Oh, I hate that.

CRANDELL: In the best way to envision the naked party is to envision a regular party and then, in your mind`s eye, strip all the clothes away, and that`s basically what it is. Nobody`s having sex.

BECK: I know.

CRANDELL: And nobody`s making out, and if people start to make out, then, somebody comes and quietly ushers them out the door, because it`s not really the idea.

BECK: I know, I know.

CRANDELL: It`s not really true that everybody stands around discussing Nietzsche and very serious things either.

BECK: Sure, sure.

CRANDELL: I mean, it happens sometimes.

BECK: I will tell you, Megan, that I am with you on this. And I think those guys who would come to the party and that would just be using women for their own sexual -- whatever -- they`re sick. They really are.

And -- and -- can I get into the club? Can I get into the party if I said something like that? I`m just saying! Because that`s what guys are doing, Megan! You might have this -- what, what is the point of the naked party, really?

CRANDELL: Well, I think it boils down to a couple of different things.

BECK: Yes.

CRANDELL: The truth is that a guy who is interested in going to a party to ogle girls would be scared to death of the naked party, because the first thing, imagine the first thing that happens to you when you walk in the door, that`s the most embarrassing thing that can possibly happen to you at the naked party.

BECK: Yes. You know what? We`re almost out of time. But I -- I just have to tell you this. The way we cure that: alcohol. Also available at some parties. I don`t know if you know that.

Megan, thanks a lot.


GLENN BECK, CNN HEADLINE NEWS ANCHOR, THE REAL STORY: Welcome to THE REAL STORY. In the wake of the president`s speech on Wednesday night, most of the major media has been reporting on a, quote, "recent AP poll" supposedly, how it reveals 26 percent of the American people favor a troop increase in Iraq. Only 26 percent? Wow, that`s horrible.

Yeah, well, here`s what the major media`s not telling you. It`s called THE REAL STORY.

And it is tonight that the AP poll, everybody`s quoting was done during a three-day period before the speech was given. The first poll, done after the speech, showed that the number of people supporting the strategy increased by 10 full percentage points.

I know, I know, 36 percent, really not fantastic, I get it.

Still, though -- but, what they don`t tell you is that less than half of the people that were polled, in that poll, had actually even seen the speech. So, for the most part, they`re getting opinions from people who are hearing about this, possibly, for the first time from the telephone pollster.

And if you really want to play the polling game, the one the media is not reporting on is the new poll that shows 82 percent of Americans say the Democrats have no plan for Iraq, 82 percent. Now, I don`t bring that up just to play politics. I bring it up because if you legitimately want to ask people about, you know, what do we do in Iraq? You need to give them at least both options.

You know, it would be like if somebody came up to you and said, Hey, Bill, you want your tooth pulled out? I think Bill says, no, thank you. But if you don`t ask the question in a vacuum because the options aren`t pulling the tooth or doing nothing, you got to ask the fair question, Hey, bill, you want to have the tooth pulled? Or, could I do a root canal on you? All of a sudden, Bill`s saying, I think you could pull my tooth, please.

Now, put aside all the controversy about the troop surge plan for just a second. I have heard a lot of people, including some politicians, coming out and saying the president is literally heartless; that he is so obsessed with being right that he`s blinded to the pain that his decisions have caused for families.

Well, it`s actually not just the president who`s been targeted. Senator Barbara Boxer actually told Condoleezza Rice yesterday, during a hearing, that she wouldn`t have to pay the personal price for escalation. This comment apparently implying that since Rice has no children, well, she couldn`t possibly understand the sacrifice that others are making.

Now, the president has been, you know, he`s bared the brunt of all of this. One columnist went so far as to say that the president is literally a psychopath. And that he, quote, "exhibits behavior that reflects a lack of empathy or conscience. He has no concern for the feelings of others," end quote.

It is unbelievable to me that anyone could think about that way for any president. But in case you need proof about this president, THE REAL STORY tonight, is this, this is a photo taken at the White House just yesterday. This is during a medal of honor of ceremony for a Marine that was killed in Iraq, when he dove on a grenade to save two of his fellow soldiers. It is a fascinating and heartbreaking story of heroism.

If you don`t think that the president bears the heavy burden of every single lost soul on his shoulders, then perhaps you are the one who`s crazy.

Now, speaking of crazy, I got to quick Iran update for you. Do you remember the story from earlier this week, in which a U.S. submarine collided with a Japanese oil tanker? OK. REAL STORY is, collision really didn`t happen anywhere near Japan. It actually occurred in the Strait of Hormuz. In case you didn`t win the geography bee, the Straight of Hormuz is actually the entrance to the Persian Gulf. It`s boarded, yes, to the north by Iran.

Wait a minute -- why was a submarine -- it`s so shallow in the first place? Well, scary news from Interfax News, this is one of the former commanders of the Russian Black Sea Fleet. This is a guy who might know a few things about submarines. He actually believes that the collision happened because the sub was at periscope depth, possibly practicing for future surprise attacks on Iran`s nuclear facilities.

Now, the Navy has denied that the sub was surfacing, but won`t provide any other information on its depth at the time of collision. I`m no sub commander, yes. But I am a thinker. And it may just be me, but I probably would wait for the 300-ton oil supertanker to leave the area before I did my dry-run missile attack. I`m just saying.

Finally, if we were actually preparing for an attack, then what better time to do it than this weekend when Iran`s nut-job leader will be leaving the country for a playdate with Hugo Chavez in South America? I imagine they`ll be eating hot pockets, playing some video games and plot their world domination.

I guess with all the talk about Iraq and Iran this week, it was easy to miss the fact that Hugo was sworn in for yet another six-year term in Venezuela. But, unfortunately, if you think six years is a long time, the real story tonight -- this guy just might end up being a whole lot longer in as commander in chief. Immediately after being sworn in, Chavez announced that he would seek a constitutional amendment -- and you better give it to him -- to extend his tenure.

That, if I may translate, is dictator speak for abolishing term limits and setting yourself up for ruler for life. Hello? Fidel Castro. For those of you keeping score at home, that`s red flag number one.

Then, Chavez invoked the mantra of his mentor and ally, Fidel Castro, by saying that the choice for Venezuela is clear -- fatherland, socialism, or death. Oops, probably wrong signal to put out, huh? Wow, talk about deal or no deal. This time, there`s no Howie Mandel or pretty girl with suitcases, unless they have nukes inside. That`s red flag number two.

Chavez is a deluded liar with a messiah complex. He does not want socialism. He wants good old-fashioned Communism. And you only have to watch "Rocky IV" to remind yourself, Communism -- oh, yeah, not so good. What`s bad for Dolph Lungren, bad for everybody.

But it`s red flag number three, that is really impressive. Chavez sent some shock waves through the world financial markets and angered Bush administration by promising to nationalize his country`s utilities. This is the first goose step toward total control of the state`s economy. Once the public entities, like oil and electricity, are grabbed by Chavez`s iron fist, it`s not going to be long before the private businesses fall as well.

If you ask me, I say, three red flags, and we`ve been warned. A storm is coming.

Bottom line is, Hugo Chavez, is he crazy? Sure looks like it and crazy guys with power have proven to be super villains of world history. You got Hitler, Mussolini, Edi Amin, Pol Pot, all mad for power and all dangerous to world stability, and to American safety.

Shannon O`Neil, she`s adjunct fellow for the Latin American S at the Council of Foreign Relations.

Shannon, this guy, a lot of people thought he was crazy this summer. I don`t think so. Crazy like a fox. What do you think?

SHANNON O`NEIL, COUNCIL ON FOREIGN RELATIONS: I think the analogies with Pol Pot are probably stretching it a bit too far, but you are right that he`s been consolidating political power.

And in the last few years, he`s undermined the independence of the judiciary, putting his loyalists on the bench. He`s undermined the power and independence of the bureaucracy. Firing those who didn`t agree with him. And he`s also gained total control of the congress. So he has consolidated political power. And as you mentioned, he`s now moving into the economic realm.

BECK: Right. He -- you know what, Pol Pot is too far, with Chavez, at least at this point, you never know what these guys turn into. He is Castro. I think this guy really wants to be the replacement for Castro in South America.

O`NEIL: He does. He`s definitely following Castro`s line. And he definitely reveres Castro. The question actually is really, could he be the next Castro? And Chavez is coming up in a very different historical time. There`s no Soviet Union anymore. There`s no big power that can be behind him.

And ironically, the way he`s been able to do this is because he has so many economic resources due to high oil prices. So ironically, what`s supporting this socialist revolution is global capital markets, not a big country like the Soviet Union.

BECK: But he is trying to get into bed -- deeply in bed -- with President Ahmadinejad. I think there are world leaders that see this great struggle that is coming our way, and they look to Ahmadinejad as maybe he`s going to be the guy that leads it. Maybe he`s going to be the leader of, you know, another super power on the globe.

This guy`s getting into bed with all of the bad guys. He`s in bed with Putin, he`s in bed with Ahmadinejad. Isn`t that power that has enough money that wants to take us down?

O`NEIL: Well, you no, I think you`re giving Chavez a little bit too much credit on what influence he has on the world`s fear. He`s really appealing to his domestic constituency. He appeals -- lots of Venezuela, despite the high oil revenues they have -- many people in Venezuela have been very poor, and they have been excluded from the economic and social and political scene for many years. And it is that constituency that he appeals to and that supports him.

BECK: OK, see -- you know what, I must be speaking another language with you because I`m not -- I don`t believe that Chavez, I believe he is Castro. I don`t believe that he is a -- you know, somebody that is bringing everybody together.

I think this guy is the sloppy seconds. He`s the -- you know, he`s the fat kid that`s running behind the cool kids going, yeah, me, too, me, too. I think he is, right now, almost -- I don`t know, he`s like this sinew between the real muscles. Does that make sense to you? He`s going between Putin and Ahmadinejad, and all the bad guys right now. He`s like this weird fat kid following them around.

O`NEIL: I think he`d like to play in those leagues. And why he`s turning to them, and also he`s turning to Castro. But you know, he -- this is really a phenomenon happening in Venezuela. So, he`s consolidating power there both economically and politically in Venezuela, but this isn`t something he`s going to be able to spread to the rest of Latin America, or really the rest of the world.

BECK: Great, Shannon, thank you very much.

O`NEIL: Thank you.

BECK: That is THE REAL STORY tonight and we will be back in a minute.



BECK: Donald Trump is an egomaniac. Rosie, you`re right. And Rosie O`Donnell, face it -- yes, you`re fat and ugly. Really fat and really ugly. That`s just the way it is.

Neither of you guys pretty on the inside, or the outside. It`s like trying to figure out who to root for in a fistfight between bin Laden and al-Sadr. I don`t know, I`d like to se them both land a punch in the face and knock the other one out at the same time. There`s nobody you want to win. And whoever does win is going to be twice as obnoxious.


BECK: Now, when I went to college, I was 30. And I lasted about three weeks. I think I spent more time in the parking lot than the actual classroom. But those memories of those three weeks will last a lifetime.

And I have a feeling that`s the way most adults feel when they look back on their college years. You wish you could relive them -- kind of. That is the idea behind the Oxygen Network show, "Campus Ladies," where two 40-year-old housewives decide to become college freshmen. Here`s a look.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: He`s a geography professor named T.J. West. How`s that for sexy?


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: He looks just like Kris Kristofferson.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh, Joan! Go ask him out.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: No, it`s no big deal. It`s no big deal.




UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hey, geography man.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It`s so exciting.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: So embarrassing. Both of you! Really!

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (makes turkey gobble sound)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Barry! You see what he`s doing now? He`s looking over here! Look over here, I`m blonde and I want to kiss you on you lips!


BECK: Cheryl Hines, you know her from "Curb Your Enthusiasm". She is the executive producer of the program.

Hi, Sheryl. How are you?


BECK: Very funny scene.

HINES: It is. You know, these two women, Kristen Susten (ph) and Carrie Azar (ph) are very funny. And that scene, of course, they`re being immature.

BECK: Right.

HINES: And silly. I know, the hairdos, they think are cool and attractive. That was Jason Alexander and Sean Hayes guest-starring, among a lot of other guest stars this season.

BECK: Like, who else is a guest star? I notice that -- it seems as though that the Seinfeld pack kind of sticks together. It`s almost like Christopher Guests. You know what I mean? You got that little pack that stays together.

HINES: Yeah, it`s interesting. I think comedians tend to sort of collect in a little pot all together.

BECK: Yes, right.

HINES: So this season we have Megan Mullally`s on. And Penny Marshall and, oh, dear, Jeff Garland was on.

BECK: So what was the inspiration for this?

HINES: Well, these two gals, Kristen and Carrie, they had these characters, Joan and Berry, these very naive, sort of Midwestern housewives who never really made it out of the neighborhood. So, we were trying to figure out where is the best place to put them, that would be the funniest?

BECK: Right.

HINES: And figured, freshmen in a college.

BECK: I got the tell you, you want to college when I was 30, and I remember sitting in the classroom, as a freshman, surrounded by 18-year- olds. And they kept raising their hand and they would -- uh, brilliant -- I remember looking at them thinking, oh, go out and get drunk or something, will you? Geez, you`re not supposed to know all of this stuff!

Really, oh, it was just -- one of them said to me at one point, I said something about my children. And the girl who was sitting next to me went, ooh, you really are old! Thank you! Thank you.

HINES: Well, it`s funny because this show definitely captures that.

BECK: Right.

HINES: Like these two women, you know, don`t want to shower in the communal shower with everyone, so they wear their bathing suits when they have to shower with the 18-year-olds. Things like that where it`s like, oh, yeah, I guess it would be hard, but I wouldn`t be that much of a dork, hopefully.

BECK: Right, sure.

Now, let me switch gears here on "Curb Your Enthusiasm". HBO, as all shows seem to do, it`s been a long time since a new episode. What`s up with that?

HINES: Well, let`s get Larry on the phone.


Well, you know, Larry writes all the story outlines and he -- he doesn`t want to shoot a season until he feels like it`s ready, and he`s ready.

BECK: Right.

HINES: So, and I guess that --

BECK: Is he feeling ready yet?

HINES: He feels ready. We`re shooting right now.

No, it`s good. We`re shooting a season that will probably air in the fall sometime.

BECK: OK. And you are, again, with Christopher Guest. It`s that kind of, that kind of a show where it`s just an outline --

HINES: Improvised. Yes, all the dialogue is improvised.

BECK: What is your background?

HINES: I studied lot and performed at the Groundling`s Theater in LA. Which is --

BECK: Is that that Chinese place with the hand prints?

HINES: Yes. I studied Chinese for a long time.

BECK: Really?

HINES: Yes, and I landed on curbs.

BECK: I don`t know how that relates to --?

HINES: You don`t have to.


BECK: Interesting.

HINES: No, the Groundlings Theater is known for, by some people, for their --

BECK: She`s talking down to me, you see that, America? She`s talking down to me.

HINES: No. Because in my mind, I think everybody knows about the Groundling.

BECK: Sure. And we do and we`re going to leave it at that. Because it`s a fabulous place, I was funning you, I know.


BECK: You can catch "Campus Ladies" Tuesday nights on the Oxygen Network.


BECK: Hello, I`m television host/radio personality and everybody`s favorite recovering alcoholic, Glenn Beck. And it`s time for everybody to gather around the TV and play our fabulous game show, "Guess Who`s Drunk!"

Yes, today we have to retire our returning champion of six weeks, Danny DeVito, who won the championship with that performance from "The View." hard one to measure up to, sure. But our first contest is "American Idol" judge, Paula Abdul. She`s going to try with this appearance on a FOX affiliate in Seattle. Watch.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Tell us, what are you looking forward to this season?

PAULA ABDUL, JUDGE, "AMERICAN IDOL": How about a lot of you coming in? It`s a wild party where you are.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yeah, that`s what we hear. We hear that Simon has actually said this had some of the worst singers that he`s ever heard. What did you think of the singers in Seattle?

ABDUL: Well, I have to agree with Simon.



ABDUL: Hey, you know what? It is what it is. And it was -- and it was brilliant.


BECK: You know, I don`t really know what it is about celebrities that are going on TV like this lately. I know she`s on lots of medications, but I don`t understand how they`re trotting her out for interviews in this state. Her publicist now is saying that what caused the problems -- the sound, and the satellite.

Yeah, they were both on. Maybe they think that, know, this going to bring more publicity to the show to have her embarrass herself. But, come on, man! A person`s life is on the line here. Would you let that happen for ratings? It is despicable. Although, if I fall off the wagon, I give Headline News complete permission to exploit it for every ratings point it`s worth.

Contestant number two, on "Guess Who`s Drunk!" is this good-hearted idiot. Watch this, her name is Anna Julia Torres. She actually rescues animals from Columbia. In completely unrelated news, Colombia has a big problem with drugs, lots of drugs, lots of cheap available drugs, apparently.

And our third contest and the is the Los Angeles Galaxy. I don`t know if you heard this one, but they just signed David Beckham to a five-year, $248 million deal. Uh, they do know that David Beckham plays soccer, right? Isn`t that -- in America, isn`t that the game where they kick the ball around in front of thousands of empty seats?

I`m sure he has the added drawing power of 20 percent of the Spice Girls, but $50 million? I think CEOs, dictators and people named Oprah should be the only ones making that kind of cash. I think the LA Galaxy wins this edition of "Guess Who`s Drunk!" I`m not a soccer expert, But I am a thinker, I just am. See you Monday, you sick, twisted freak.