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Glenn Beck

Authors Search for a Cure to America`s Hurt

Aired July 13, 2007 - 19:00   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
GLENN BECK, HOST (voice-over): In a nation crowded with self-help guides and motivational speakers, Stephen Covey stands alone.

STEPHEN COVEY, AUTHOR, "THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE": It`s enormously emancipating and freeing to then give yourself and to make a difference.

BECK: "TIME" magazine has called him one of the most influential men in America, a man who has made a difference in the lives of millions. He`s sold over 15 million copies of his book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People", helping everyone from sports stars to senators become a creative force in their own life.

Now he`s on a new mission: to save America by healing the American family. His son, Sean Covey, acclaimed writer of inspirational books for teens, joins him on his journey.

Tonight a Glenn Beck special presentation, America is hurting. We search for the cure with Stephen and Sean Covey for the full hour.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

BECK: Joining us now, Stephen Covey, an internationally respected authority on the principles of leadership and the author of "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People".

Also joined by Stephen`s son, Sean, a success in his own right. He`s the author of "The 6 Most Important Decisions You`ll Ever Make: A Teen`s Guide".

I`m, of course, the author of "5 Things You Should Never Do on Television". So we`ll try to avoid those.

I -- you know, I am so excited to have you guys on, because I`m a selfish guy. I want to make this about me, because I`m struggling with so many things as a dad, as a businessperson, in all -- in all aspects of my life, and I don`t know how to navigate. And I think we`re all facing these trials.

Let`s start with -- let`s start with the big picture. I struggle with where we are as Americans, because I sense a real anger in the country that I`ve never sensed before. Maybe it`s a frustration. Do you sense this at all?

STEPHEN COVEY: I personally believe that there is a -- what you might call a cultural or a social DNA of celebrity obsession and materialism and sensuality which literally overlays our true nature, and it becomes the lens through which we interpret life.

BECK: We think that this is who we are. We think that these are the things that are going to make us happy.

You know, as a guy who`s been in radio for, oh, 30 years now, I`ve done commercials my whole life. And I`ve noticed one thing in commercials is it`s always saying you`ll be complete if you have this. Your life will be better if you have this.

And we`re really convinced that, unless we have those things, we`re not complete. And then when we do get them, we`re even more empty inside.

SEAN COVEY, AUTHOR, "THE 6 MOST IMPORTANT DECISIONS YOU`LL EVER MAKE": Yes. My focus has kind of been on teenagers, you know, and I think we`ve got a huge crisis right now in America, among our teens.

And I think -- I get asked the question all the time, you know, Sean, is it tougher today for teens than it was in your generation, you know, 20, 30 years ago?

And my response is always yes, I think it is. And I think it`s because I think parents -- we have a parent problem. Parents are spending a lot less time with their kids. They`re not being good role models, and I think secondly, we`ve got the influence of the media.

The average teen today spends about 35 hours a week in front of a screen of some kind: IPod, movie, TV, video. And a lot of it is good, but a lot of it`s not. And so I think you`ve got that five hours a day of media coming into your kid`s head that`s creating a lot of havoc out there.

BECK: My father is about your -- you`re 70s? My father is 80. He said to me, "I would not want to be raising kids now and be your age. I wouldn`t trade places for the world." Because he said it`s a lot more difficult now to raise children than it was 30, 40 years ago.

You see the big difference, and what do you think the -- what`s the pivot point?

STEPHEN COVEY: I think the pivot point is for a family to have a real sense of its own identity, and that`s why I encourage families to develop family mission statements by involving everybody and taking time and being patient, to literally develop a family mission statement that represents the purpose of the family and the values that the family represents and wants to live by.

BECK: Do you know -- do you think most people even recognize those values anymore? Those values have been taken down and thrown into the mud so far that we don`t even -- you know, I find this -- I find this election interesting, especially with Mitt Romney.

And Joe Lieberman is, in the same way, a guy who actually believes in his faith. He actually actively pursues it, believes in what he believes in.

And America says, "We want somebody of faith, but not too much faith." We don`t even know what those values are anymore, do we?

How do you regain those? How do you -- how do you find them if you`re a family that has floundered and let`s say you`re not somebody who attends church regularly? How do you find them?

STEPHEN COVEY: You know what I find, that everyone knows what they are. They`re principles. They`re universal and natural laws, such as integrity, service, kindness and respect, making a contribution, being honest with each other. People know those things.

But this cultural DNA is the thing that robs their identity. The true identity theft is not financial. It`s not in cyberspace. It`s spiritual. It`s been taken. And they begin to see life through the lens of this new overlay, this cultural DNA which comes on their true nature. And it makes them feel like where are the values of today, you know? They know it. Everywhere in the world they know it.

BECK: How do you -- when you`re trying to navigate and teach your kids service -- I don`t know if you guys saw that there was a story in the "New York Times" a few weeks ago that said where are the Boy Scouts? Where service was just for service`s sake?

Now service, you get a reward. You get college. You know, if you`re doing -- if you`re not doing service, you`re going to have a hard time getting into college. Where when I was growing up, when we were growing up, it was Boy Scouts, and you did it because it was the right thing to do. But it`s not -- it`s not that way anymore.

How do you change that? When all of culture is pushing this direction, how do you change that?

SEAN COVEY: Well, I think -- I think the key still comes back to families and good parenting. You know, it`s very hard. You`ve got -- on one hand, you`ve got all this media influence, and on the other hand, you`ve got the average, you know, father today spends about 40 minutes a week with their kid in conversation. Yet, 30 hours a week they`ll watch TV, you know.

So I just believe it`s a matter of prioritization, and for families and parents to say, in particular, raising kids today is a major initiative, and I`ve got to make it a priority. Otherwise, there`s so much minutia and so many things that will push it out of the way, it`s - - you know, you won`t have time for families.

Like, our family we do stuff together as a family, because we plan ahead. My dad taught me that. You know, he plans months ahead, years ahead. We have a family cruise next week, and it was planned three years ago. He set it up, and we get together as a family.

But so -- I just believe it comes back to the role of the parent and teaching these values while all about you`ve got, you know, total chaos. You can still find peace in the home.

BECK: I`m an alcoholic. I`m a recovering alcoholic. And you could preach to me about all of this that you want, but until I hit rock bottom, I wasn`t about to change anything.

And my father said to me once, when I was interviewing somebody for a job, the they said -- and I said, "Hey, they had a really bad reputation in the past." But I said, "They told me they`ve changed."

And he said, "Really? What was their pivot point?"

And I said, "What do you mean?"

And he said, "If somebody can`t tell you the minute they realized, `Holy cow, my whole life has been in the wrong direction,` they`re lying to you."

How do we as a culture, broad view -- how can we pivot without a rock bottom. Do we have to hit a rock bottom to be able to pivot and become -- I hate to use this -- the Norman Rockwell America that we used to be, that we get back to that decent culture?

STEPHEN COVEY: I don`t personally think you have to hit rock bottom. I think it can be done in an evolutionary and slow process by having regular family times and by having a lot of one-on-one time with each child where you let the child write the agenda for the date, and you pay attention. You have two ears and one mouth, and you should use them accordingly.

There`s just too much kind of preaching and telling and not enough genuine relating and loving unconditionally that person. One-on-one. Too much comparison between kids.

BECK: I am -- I learned from a good friend of mine, who is one of the busiest people I know, and he said, "Every Sunday I sit down with each of my children, and I spend time with each of my children."

I started doing that. I did it with one of my daughters here recently. And we just sat down in my office, and we just -- we chatted for a while. And then she read and I read the newspaper.

And it was amazing when we were just together, where no one else was there. And then I`d say -- she`d laugh or something, and I`d say, "What about -- what`s in the book?" And we had that.

All of a sudden boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, all these other things that she had never shared with me before came out. The alone time -- even if you don`t know what you`re doing, just being together alone.

STEPHEN COVEY: I took my daughter to San Francisco one time, on a business trip. And she did homework in the daytime, and then we had this planned date that night that we`d look forward to for weeks. And I had a very prominent client who invited me to go to dinner. I said, "You know, I have my daughter here."

He said, "Oh, she`s welcome to come with us." Well, she could just see her date going.

I said, "You know, so important that I have this one-on-one time with her and we`ve looked forward to it for so long, and -- but thank you anyway."

And he was a little disappointed, because he really made arrangements, but we had that date.

And Cynthia said to me years later, "You have no idea what that did to me and the impact that it had on me." And now she`s got her five kids, six kids, and she takes time for each one, for a private date, just because she had an experience with her own father and felt that unconditional love. It cannot be supplanted by anything else.

Sean and I used to -- when he was a quarterback at a major university, we used to lay down on couches. And he would tell me the challenges he was facing, and I would take him through a visualization exercise on a regular basis and see himself carrying out these plans.

But it was so, so endearing and so, so connecting to us. It was so real and so...

BECK: I have to tell you, we have to come back in a second, because I want to know what it`s like growing up with Stephen Covey as your dad. We`ll be back in just a second.

GRAPHIC: Which daytime talk show host did Stephen Covey arm- wrestle live on air? A, Ellen DeGeneres; B, Montel Williams; C, Oprah Winfrey.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GRAPHIC: Which daytime talk show host did Stephen Covey arm- wrestle live on air? A, Ellen DeGeneres; B, Montel Williams; C, Oprah Winfrey. Answer: Oprah Winfrey

BECK: Did you win, with Oprah? Did you take her?

STEPHEN COVEY: Well, you`ll see when I do it with you.

BECK: Back with Stephen and Sean Covey.

I no longer believe -- and tell me if I`m fooling myself. I no longer believe in a balanced life, because I`m always cheating somebody, integrated life. Fooling myself, or is that accurate? Trying to -- the silence is deafening. This is scaring me.

STEPHEN COVEY: What percent of the time are you spending doing things that are urgent but not really important?

BECK: Urgent but -- well, that`s a trick question, because really, the only thing that`s...

STEPHEN COVEY: Not urgent and important.

BECK: The only things that are really important are with my family. I mean, in the eternal, you know, view, the only thing that`s - - I get this way because my father -- he`s 80 now, or about to be 80, and he keeps saying to me, "You know, I wonder if I really made an impact. I wonder if I really" -- and I keep bringing him back to "Dad, look at the family."

And he does, and he`s, like, "Yes, and I wish I would have spent more time."

So really, it`s the only thing important, is my family.

STEPHEN COVEY: There are other things important to you, in your profession. But nevertheless, your supremely important thing is the family.

BECK: Right.

STEPHEN COVEY: But did you know that half the people spend half their time doing things that are urgent and not important and admit it? Half the time.

BECK: What is the difference?

STEPHEN COVEY: Well, it`s because they don`t have a clear understanding of what is important. They haven`t really identified it, so they can`t say no to that which is unimportant without feeling guilty. Because the unimportant stuff presses on us. The important stuff, you must act on. You must be proactive, not reactive.

BECK: OK. So you didn`t really answer my question. It`s a trick you guys are doing now.

Is it -- can -- can I have an integrated life to where, for instance, I`m traveling with my family. I`m going to do a -- host a thing for the troops here in a few days. And the Fourth of July is an important day for me, and we always as a family spend it together.

This will be the first time I`ve ever worked on the fourth of July, but we looked at it and went, it`s -- it`s for the troops. It`s something great, and it`s something that we can experience as a family that we can do together. Now, is that -- am I lying to myself? That`s not a balanced life. That`s not separating the two -- the two, family and business.

STEPHEN COVEY: That`s balance, because your kids are involved in that decision.

SEAN COVEY: Yes. Have you thought about taking your kids, too?

BECK: No, my kids are going.

SEAN COVEY: They`re going?

BECK: Oh, yes, my kids are going. We`re going as a family.

So -- so an integrated life -- is a balanced life, then, a fallacy? Or is it -- are we saying the same thing?

STEPHEN COVEY: I think it`s essentially the same thing, because you have prioritized what`s most important to you, and you`re doing it. That is balanced. It`s also prioritized, and it`s integrated.

BECK: Can you have it all? I mean, how many -- you have nine kids?

STEPHEN COVEY: Nine kids, and 48 grandkids.

BECK: Did you sleep? Did you sleep? How many kids do you have?

SEAN COVEY: I`ve got seven. I`ve got -- like you, I`ve got teenagers and little kids, as well. And it`s a challenge. I feel the same way you were sharing with me before, that you felt so stressed and harried. And I think it`s a big challenge.

And I find that you can -- it`s hard to -- maybe balance isn`t the right word. Maybe integrated is the right word.

BECK: Yes.

SEAN COVEY: But you know, my experience is blocking out things -- time for things that are most important in advance is the key.

So I remember my dad growing up. He would call and get on the phone and call Provo High School and say, "When are my sons` football games next year?" This would be a year in advance. And he would block them out. And then he -- he traveled like crazy. He`s always gone. But he was there for every game, again, because...

BECK: I do the same thing.

SEAN COVEY: ... he thought ahead.

BECK: I do the same thing with my kids, and the school looks at me like, "It`s a year and a half away. I don`t know." I need it on my schedule.

STEPHEN COVEY: They didn`t even have it on their schedule.

BECK: That`s the problem I get into.

So you`re a dad who has a lot of kids. You`re -- you`re fighting at work, trying to keep your head above water, if you`re the average -- if you`re the average Joe. And most likely, your wife is working at this point, and she`s just trying to -- how does the family survive where everybody is running at a million miles an hour?

STEPHEN COVEY: I think that, if they will sit down together and take the very question you just asked and discuss it as a family -- "how are we going to survive with all these pressures upon us" -- and then say, now, what are the various options that we can look at?

Well, maybe we could change the nature of our work. Maybe we could say no to these things. I mean, the average family spends 30 hours in front of a television, and they say they don`t have the time to have a balanced, integrated life.

BECK: Right.

You know what? We have to take a break. When I come back, I want to ask you about -- everybody is taking their kids to soccer and baseball and football and basketball and ballet, and it`s going, going, going, going all the time. I want to know if that`s important or if that`s a detriment. We`ll be back in just a second.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BECK: Back with Stephen and Sean Covey.

When we went into the break, I think that -- I mean, I just watch the parents with kids, and I feel like a bad parent because I`m saying, "No, no, no, no. We`re not going to do ballet and soccer and everything else. We`re going to have family time."

So many families I know are constantly running to this game, that game, this practice, that practice. And they don`t have -- they don`t have dinner anymore. They don`t have time just to hang with each other. Is this a lie we tell ourselves?

SEAN COVEY: Yes, I think it is. It`s a kind of paranoia. You know, you think my kid is not going to turn out good unless they`re involved in everything, and they get so competitive, you know.

I know in my -- in my valley where I live they`ve got personal coaches at young ages. They`re into camps all year-round. They`re on three basketball teams, not one, and everyone says if they`re not on three, they`re not going to make it. And so I think...

BECK: Make it into what? We never -- were you on three basketball teams? Did you have a coach?

STEPHEN COVEY: No.

BECK: I mean, how much are you pulling down a year? I mean, you made it, right?

Have things changed that much to where we have to have -- help me relieve the guilt that I`m a bad parent because I don`t want my kids involved in 800 different activities. I want them at home.

STEPHEN COVEY: You see, if you have a family mission statement that clarifies what your purpose is, then you use that as the criterion by which you make the decisions.

How much stuff should we get into? Well, let`s do this one and then this one and then this one and say no to these other three, because we want to have our family vacation. We want to have more time just to hang with each other.

In other words, you have a basis on which to make those decisions. But if people don`t have the criteria in their head, then they will feel all...

BECK: They`ll say that socialization is key, that -- well, let`s make sure that our kids aren`t misfits. Let`s have the socialization. Let`s make sure that they`re not left behind. So how do you make that?

SEAN COVEY: It`s all good as long as, you know, more important things get placed first, you know. So I`m struggling with this right now, because I`ve got lots of kids. And we`ve kind of -- my wife and I sat down...

BECK: You know what`s causing that, right? I mean, you can slow down on the activity things.

SEAN COVEY: Yes, exactly. We decided to choose two things for this girl and two things for this guy and that`s it, because...

BECK: For the whole year?

SEAN COVEY: For the whole year. We have a family vacation, and we have -- every Sunday we want to have family dinner together. We want to do one-on-one dates with our kids, you know, each month.

And so we`ve basically set apart certain boundaries and have tried -- basically limited the guilt by saying, you know, one or two things is enough. They don`t have to be involved in every activity.

BECK: Do you feel any guilt on that?

SEAN COVEY: Yes.

BECK: Do you? You do?

SEAN COVEY: Yes, I do. Sometimes...

BECK: I`m so glad to hear that.

SEAN COVEY: I feel like you`re getting behind. You know, you hear about the neighbor girl that`s in this play and in drama and debate, and you`re thinking, man, are we doing something wrong here?

But I think you got to pull back and say, you know what? They`re going to turn out fine.

BECK: Yes.

SEAN COVEY: They need family time. It`s more important they`re on vacation with their brothers and sisters, learning to get along, than to go to another camp.

BECK: OK. I want to work on the family mission statement, and I want to talk to you about the things that our teens do that just screw them up.

SEAN COVEY: Yes. Sure.

BECK: And we`ll do that in just a second.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK, so here`s what we`re going to do, right? Andy, I want you out on the wing. Trent, I want you to fake the pass to Andy and push the ball up the field, and then pass the ball to your forwards, Sophie and Chris. Sophie, I want you to hold the ball and draw the defense out to you, all right? Then I want you to float a lob pass all the way over the defense to Chris. Chris, you take it in for the score, just like we did in practice. Everybody got it? Let`s go get them!

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: We`re back with Stephen and Sean Covey. This is the way -- this is the way you kind of feel, you know what I mean? Everything now is planned. And, you know, kids should just be kids. Just let them go out and just be kids. Do you remember when we were kids -- we`re about, I think, about the same age -- we`d go out all day and we`d just play, but now everything is planned and scheduled and you get a trophy at the end. I mean, necessary?

SEAN COVEY: No, I think, you know, growing up I just wandered. I`d get up on a Saturday, and I`d just go all over the valley and do what I wanted. And, you know, I think it`s a problem because a lot of our kids, because we`re so scheduled and structured, they don`t learn independence. They don`t learn how to make decision on their own. And it`s really showing up in all kinds of ways today because of that.

BECK: So what are the six things that you say teenagers do that highly impact their life, that you do these six things and you`re going in one direction or the other?

SEAN COVEY: Yes, well, this came about because I spoke with so many 20-year-olds that said, "If only I`d known better." So this six most important decisions you`ll ever make book was around helping kids make smart choices. And in the research, I found that, if kids were smart about these six things, they would have a great life.

And the topics are school. What are you going to do about your education? What kind of friends do you choose? What kind of relationship do you want with your parents? What are you going to do about dating and sex? That`s probably the most important issue. Are you going to become addicted to something? And then, finally, how do you -- are you going to feel good about yourself or not?

BECK: Those aren`t really -- some of those aren`t really conscious decisions. Do you feel good about yourself or not? I don`t know about you, but how many girls do you have?

SEAN COVEY: I`ve got four girls.

BECK: OK. I`ve got...

SEAN COVEY: A couple teenagers.

BECK: I have three girls, two teenagers, and I don`t know if you went through this, that freaks a guy out, because my wife is constantly saying, when my girls will leave the room, "Don`t ever say that to a girl." You know, you`re like, "What?" You know, you don`t know -- at least in my case, you don`t know the damage you`re doing until you`ve done the damage, you know? And so some of these things, like, you know, are you going to become addicted? I never set out and said, "I`m going to be an alcoholic," but you just do. You know, the sex and the friends, really crucial.

SEAN COVEY: Absolutely. And so I think the key as a parent is just educating your kids around these decisions, you know? Because they`ll learn it from the street if they don`t get it from you. And just making sure they understand, you know, "Here`s what happens if you go to school. Here`s what happens if you get more education. Here`s what happens if you don`t." And laying it out for them so they don`t get down the road 20, 30 years and say, "If only I`d known better."

BECK: But so many people will say, "My kids know better." I mean, if I hear one more parent tell me that it`s OK for their kids to watch the "Sopranos" with them, because I`m watching the "Sopranos" -- I`m sitting there with them, and they know this is just a TV show. I think my head is going to pop. I mean, they don`t know the difference.

But we treat our kids like adults, and then I go into my -- I go into my doctor`s office, my pediatrician`s office with my son, just -- what was it -- last week, we go to a doctor`s appointment, and he`s running, of course, 45 minutes late, because his time is more important than mine. And I`m sitting there, and I`m reading the little bulletin board, and it said, "Let us talk to your kids." And that caught my eye. And it said, "We have sessions available so we can tell your kids, you know, what`s coming up in life and what they should know about sex and everything else." And I`m thinking, we`ve outsourced this?

I mean, where`s the disconnect there? It`s frightening as an adult. How do you get past -- we keep looking for experts and looking to experts, but we didn`t have experts when my parents were growing up. And they did fine. How do you get -- how do you get to a point -- how do you teach someone, "Trust your gut"?

STEPHEN COVEY: One thing I`d say is, you`ve got to really develop that relationship so that they feel willing to be open and honest with you and you empathize with them, you listen to them within their frame of reference. When you do that, they`re very, very influence-able.

Seek first to understand, then to be understood. That`s a fundamental principle. Once they feel understood, they`re open to your influence. And I wouldn`t overreact. I think you`re having more impact than you think you are. And you should say more often, smile, and say, "This too shall pass. I`m not going to overreact to this, the mistakes I make." I just believe in the power of unconditional love, and good example, and getting together on a regular basis, and teaching these principles, and listening a lot, and having private dates, and having a family mission statement. You do those things, I`ll guarantee you, over time, you will see that things will come together for your kids.

BECK: Tell me about this stick.

STEPHEN COVEY: This is an Indian talking stick. It was given to me by Indian chiefs. The original one is this high and it was beautifully carved. It had my name on the back side, Bald Eagle. But this is what I carry with me.

The idea is you always give it to the other person first. And until you feel understood, I can say nothing. Once you feel understood, then you give it to me. Now it`s my turn to speak, and you can`t say anything. This goes back and forth between the people. It changes the energy from defensive and protective to creative and positive. I promise you. You can do it with two little kids. Use a spoon. Use a pencil. Don`t use a knife.

BECK: At what point did you go, "Dad, stop with the stupid walking stick"?

SEAN COVEY: You know, he never did that when we were young, but people would come up to me all the time and say, "Your daddy changed my life. His books are so good." And I`d say -- when I was a teenager, I would say, "Who, my dad? He wears black high socks when he goes jogging."

But it was pretty normal in our home. You know, we had our share of fights and conflicts and stuff. And I think the thing I learned from my parents, they did right, was that they were always apologizing and starting again and trying again, and we always had the sense of, "Let`s get back on track. We made some mistakes. Let`s get back on track."

BECK: They admitted their mistakes to you?

SEAN COVEY: Yes, always, yes. I remember my dad apologizing all the time for, you know, "Sorry, kids. I lost my temper or whatever."

BECK: You know, I`ve been wondering this recently, because I`ve shared with my older kids -- and not in these words -- but I think actually with my eldest I`ve shared, you know, I`m bluffing. I don`t know what I`m doing. But I have shared with my kids that I`m trying to be a better parent. You know, I`ve shared with them that I have met with parents who I so respect to try to learn how they`re doing it and trying to show them that we`re all growing, that none of us are perfect and we`re all growing. Is that a mistake, or is that good?

STEPHEN COVEY: I think that`s good. I think that`s exactly a correct principle to admit when you make mistakes and to show you`re human so that you model that you`re willing to repent and you`re willing to apologize and that you are not the source of the principles. God`s the source of the principles. You aren`t, and that you are trying to follow those principles yourself. And when you blow it, you admit it.

BECK: How do you be a parent if you didn`t have a role model? How do you do it? My father said to me when I was a kid, I said, "I`ll never be like you," and he said, "Good." But find a role model, find someone you can model yourself. Otherwise, you`re going to be exactly like me. How do you do it?

SEAN COVEY: Well, I think I ask teens the question all the time, "Who is your role model?" And they seldom say any superstar or celebrity. It`s always a parent or a grandma, grandpa. I think it`s looking around for a role model for somebody you can relate to.

I mean, most of us in life have succeeded because somebody believed in us during a time when nobody else did. You know, it was a coach or a parent or a cousin. And I think kids that don`t have a good upbringing, to look to another model, a brother, sister, friend, cousin, coach, and try to follow that pattern.

BECK: Who is your role model?

STEPHEN COVEY: I guess my parents were and my grandfather, my grandparents. Ultimately, it`s Jesus Christ.

BECK: Sean?

SEAN COVEY: Me? Well, my dad is a good role model for me, and then I had a high school coach that really helped me out when I was struggling and made a big difference in my life.

BECK: All right, I want to put together a mission statement for a family. Show me how to do it, and we`ll do that here in just a second.

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(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

STEPHEN COVEY: Now, this is called the Indian talking stick. It was given to me by Indian chiefs after training them for several days. They run Indian nations in North America, the states and Canada. They even gave me my name, Bald Eagle.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BECK: We`re going to touch on that again here in a second. And then interesting story about you in the Middle East with Madeleine Albright and leaders of the Arab world. We`ll get into that in a second.

First, I want to pursue the -- how do you make a mission statement with a family?

STEPHEN COVEY: Just say you`re having dinner with your family, and you just say, "Let me talk about something a little serious. What are the values? What kind of a family are you happy to have? What makes you happy to bring your friends home?" At first, they`ll kind of say, "What`s dad getting into?" And they get turned off and so forth.

BECK: They`re, like, "Dad, shut up."

STEPHEN COVEY: I know. They will. But just persist. Be sincere. Say, "This, too, shall pass," and just continue to do that. And if you have family meetings, do it in your family meetings. It took us eight months to produce our first family mission statement. Now we all have one of these. They`re family mission statements. Basically, we serve others by serving God. And we serve God by serving others.

And so everyone has it. And everyone understands it. Every time I meet a grandkid, what`s our family mission statement? He shows me his or, "Oh, how are you doing? What does that mean to you? How are you trying to do that?" Love to serve. Love to serve, you know? Begrudgingly, they may say it sometimes.

BECK: So it took you eight months -- it took you eight months to come with that line. What was the process? You sat down originally and said, "What is it?"

STEPHEN COVEY: By getting everyone involved. Sean, at first, thought he didn`t want to get involved.

BECK: How old were you, Sean?

SEAN COVEY: I was like 16.

STEPHEN COVEY: And he said, "Just that we`re a great family that kicks butt," because he was into football, and that`s all he thought about. That`s all he wanted. But that made no difference. Just persist. Be patient. Eventually, I`ll tell you, the spirit of your sincerity and your integrity will get across to your kids.

BECK: And is that the case? Or were you just like, "I`ve got to give dad what he wants or he`s going to never let up"?

SEAN COVEY: We kind of felt both, you know? But in the end, we had one. We talked about it. He had us memorize it. We posted it on the wall, and we kind of thought, "Oh, this is stupid." At the same time, I think it subtly influenced us a lot as kids.

BECK: In what way? It`s amazing how the things that we do as kids that we hated are the things that we keep coming back to. I hated working in my father`s bakery, but everything I learned that was really important, I learned -- and not from him telling me, because I remember the lectures when Dad would say, "Let`s talk about runs"? Oh, let`s not. I remember the things that I learned from just watching him, and watching him deal with other people, and being honest, and full of integrity and compassion. That`s where you learn it, the things that drive you crazy as kids.

SEAN COVEY: That`s kind of how I felt as a teenager. I thought, you know, I don`t really care about the mission statement, but I can see my dad cares about the family. He cares about where we`re headed and what we`re doing, and so it communicated an importance of family to me, you know, if nothing else.

BECK: You guys are working on something now, a survival guide for parents like me who are completely out of control?

SEAN COVEY: Yes.

BECK: Yes.

SEAN COVEY: Well, we just put together a 14-page short document called "The Ultimate Parent Survival Guide," and it`s how to develop a great relationship with your kid, just some basic principles, like the emotional bank account. If you`re overdrawn in your relationship, you can make small deposits by keeping promises and keeping commitments, apologizing. It`s a little guide. It`s available online for free. You can download it or just read online at 6decisions.com, the number 6decisions.com. It`s a little survival guide for parents.

BECK: There is nothing more damaging than breaking your word to your kid, is there?

SEAN COVEY: No. You`ve got to be very careful about making commitments and then keeping them, so...

BECK: I felt -- as my son is now, you know, we made a little balsawood airplane over the weekend, and we were playing with it, and he said -- we were trying to get him down. And he`s, like, "Dad, outside tomorrow. Outside we`ll play." And then my first instinct was, "Yes, yes, yes, we`ll play outside tomorrow." And I started to say yes, and then I realized, no, I have other commitments, et cetera, et cetera. And even though it made the going down harder, I thought if I don`t -- he won`t forget. He`ll get up in the morning with that balsawood airplane and say...

STEPHEN COVEY: You did what`s right. You really did. You held back. And if you ever have to change your circumstance, ask to be relieved from the promise. Just say I promised you. Will you relieve me of that promise, because here`s something that came up? If they won`t, keep your promise.

SEAN COVEY: Yes. That`s important, apologizing, listening, you know, I think the teens I speak with, most of them don`t feel understood. They feel like they`re being lectured to all the time.

BECK: Isn`t that part of -- this is really a hard thing for dads, guys. We`re fixers. I mean, I -- my two teenagers and I -- you know what? I see so many of the things that led me down the wrong path. And I called my father, and I said, "Dad, it`s driving me crazy, because I don`t want them to make the same mistakes." And he said, "Son, I`ve never told you this." He just told me this last week, two weeks ago. He said, "I`ve never told you this." He said, "The day you left the house, I cried all day. And the thing that I hung my hat on is, I taught you correct principles. It`s in your hands now and whether you`re going to apply them or not," and it`s hard, especially as a guy, to not rush in and fix it, but you`ve got to let them fail.

SEAN COVEY: Absolutely.

STEPHEN COVEY: You`ve got to know that half of fixing is just listening with empathy. What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart.

BECK: Wait a minute. Say it again.

STEPHEN COVEY: What air is to the body, you know how important, to be understood is to the heart. So understand, and you heal hearts. But most people won`t do that, because they`re vulnerable, they don`t know what`s going to happen. Listen within their frame of reference, not your frame of reference. Don`t just pretend to listen.

BECK: Right.

SEAN COVEY: You know, half the problems will resolve themselves if you just let them talk, you know? They`ll keep opening more and more up. And as soon as you come in with a fix-it solution, they shut down and clam up.

BECK: OK. Back in just a second with an interesting story of the Middle East and the power of the talking stick. Back in a second.

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BECK: Back with Stephen and Sean for some final thoughts on the world. We started with the big picture; let`s end with the big picture. The world is in so much trouble, and you just met over in the Middle East with leaders over there, including Madeleine Albright, and what happened?

STEPHEN COVEY: Well, it`s part of a summit, a leadership summit, with Christians, Jewish, and Islamic people, to build a better relationship between the United States and the world Arab community. They all had read the seven habits, so they were open to my sharing this on the first Sunday night, the Indian talking stick approach.

And for two-and-a-half days, Sunday night and Monday and Tuesday, we all used the Indian talking stick. And I`ll tell you, within just a few hours, people, as soon as they feel even heard and understood, they would pass it to people who were thinking differently, politically, religiously, culturally. Madeleine Albright said to me, "This would revolutionize international diplomacy," because all we do was focus on who`s got the power and what kind of a compromise can we come up with.

And we created a third alternative, Glenn. I`m serious, that group did in two-and-a-half days, profoundly different people, a third alternative that was better than what anyone brought to the table when they began.

BECK: And that is, just listen to each other and hear each other out?

STEPHEN COVEY: And create new solutions that you produce together, not ones you are defending, not a compromise situation, but new solutions. And we came up with four goals, with scoreboards on every goal. And now we`re all accountable to each other, and our next meeting is in two weeks.

BECK: Back in the Middle East?

STEPHEN COVEY: It will be in Washington, D.C. The first one was not in the Middle East. It was in New York, outside in the Rockefeller Center Foundation.

BECK: You guys are fascinating and a great, great help to so many. Thank you for being on the program.

SEAN COVEY: Thanks for having us.

BECK: What`s next, quickly?

SEAN COVEY: What`s next?

BECK: What`s next? What are you working on right now?

SEAN COVEY: Go ahead, dad.

STEPHEN COVEY: Poverty, crime. We can reduce crime 80 percent through partnership and preventing, not thinking, catching bad guys, bringing character education into primary and secondary schools. His book, I promise you, I`m unbiased, too, is the finest teenage book there is out there. We`re going to introduce that to this, as well.

BECK: You guys are tremendous. Thank you very much. From New York, good night.

END