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Joy Behar Page

Tiger Woods Controversy; Interview With Lewis Black

Aired December 01, 2009 - 21:00   ET


JOY BEHAR, HOST: Tonight on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW, the Tiger Woods story is becoming a story of he said, she said. Only they`re both saying the same thing, nothing happened. So why is Tiger hunkering down? Is he making himself look guilty? We`ll discuss.

Also, is there a better way to experience the joy of the holidays than by spending quality time with the sunny and cheerful Lewis Black? I think not. He`ll be here to spread some mirth about all of today`s headlines.

And the man whose music can pull on your heartstring, put smiles on your faces and leave your clothes in the backseat of a car, my good friend, the fabulous Barry Manilow will join me.

All this and more tonight, starting now.

Tiger Woods still isn`t talking about his little incident. And to some, it appears his wife let a 9 iron do her talking. If that`s true, does it make Elin Woods the latest woman to stand up for herself instead of simply standing by her man? That`s an even more important question today because "US Weekly" is reporting that another woman may be in the picture.

Here to help me sort it all out are Mary Jo Eustace, the author of "Divorce Sucks", psychotherapist Robi Ludwig -- I almost said Rabbi before because you spell it Robi...

ROBI LUDWIG, PSYCHOTHERAPIST: Because I feel very religious.

BEHAR: And also here with me, talk radio show host Judith Regan.

First of all ladies, welcome to the show. "US Weekly" is reporting that the 24-year-old cocktail waitress had an affair with Tiger Woods in 2007. He was married in 2004 and so it`s not so good for Tiger. What do you make of this new woman that`s coming into the picture here?

JUDITH REGAN, RADIO TALK SHOW HOST, SIRIUS/XM: I think if we actually see evidence. She claims that there`s evidence; there are e-mails, there`s a phone message, then it will be more credible.

LUDWIG: And also why are we so surprised? When we see these very successful athletes, they`re very wealthy, they have access to all of these women throwing themselves at them. It`s like a kid in candy store. It would be very hard for somebody to resist that.

BEHAR: You don`t believe her?

MARY JO EUSTACE, AUTHOR, "DIVORCE SUCKS": I don`t believe any of them frankly.

BEHAR: You don`t believe any of them?

EUSTACE: The thing that I find super surprising is that Tiger Woods has sex. I know that he has two kids.


EUSTACE: Well because he`s always been so studious and, I guess, perfect, and so disciplined in his sport that I mean again...

BEHAR: Come on.

REGAN: He`s 33 years old. He`s a big stud. Of course he`s having sex. Are you crazy?


LUDWIG: ... when a sexy woman throws herself at you.

BEHAR: And some of the biggest nerds have sex.

REGAN: And good sex, by the way.

EUSTACE: Ok. I guess David Letterman is a good example of that.

BEHAR: Another example of what you`re saying though. We were sort of shocked that David Letterman had sex. Of course he does. He`s a man.

REGAN: We were shocked to discover that there`s gambling going on in Casablanca, seriously. I mean you`re a big famous sports star. Women are throwing themselves at you. And if he`s having sex with them, I would be surprised if he wasn`t wouldn`t you? That would be shocking.

LUDWIG: And you may thing somebody who`s not having sex would be more unusual and we`d want to know, you know, how is this guy resisting? I think that person would be very interesting to all of us.

BEHAR: Let me just say that this woman, "Us Weekly is reporting that she has more than 300 text messages and a voice message from Tiger.

REGAN: We also don`t know if she sent those text messages.

BEHAR: We cannot confirm it but that`s what they`re saying.

REGAN: Or if one of her friends did. We don`t really know. And there`s so much that goes around. I`ve been through it myself with people claiming that they have had sex with me; people I have never met.

I went through this myself, now seriously.

BEHAR: That`s pretty good to be able to do that.

REGAN: No, but you know, I don`t know how credible people are. And the other woman, this Rachel woman...

BEHAR: Yes. Let`s listen to something about her -- let`s read something about her. She`s Tiger`s other alleged mistress.

Rachel Uchitel gave an interview to "The New York Post" regarding the alleged affair. She says this. She says, "This is ridiculous. Not a word of it is true. And it`s horrible to Tiger`s family, his wife must feel horrible. The worst part of it is it`s not true."

Do you believe her?

LUDWIG: She`s protesting it too much. What`s so interesting is she`s denying it and she seems to be going out of her way to deny it to such an extent it makes you wonder why is she going out of her way? It`s like she wants to legitimize herself.

EUSTACE: Well, she does protest too much.

She`s protesting too much about the whole thing. And the thing that I find really interesting is this article or this interview she gave which was really incoherent.


BEHAR: It was worse than Sarah Palin.

EUSTAC: It was like Rachel gone rogue. But here`s the thing, is this pre-Gloria Allred? Because I can`t see her saying that this is a great interview and this format for this woman to be speaking out. She sounded completely not credible.


BEHAR: I`m told that it`s before Gloria.

LUDWIG: And you have to assume that there`s an agenda...


REGAN: Why does she need to hire Gloria Allred? Let`s be frank.

First of all, there are images of her with the sunglasses, with the skinny jeans at LAX, getting off. How do you think the reporters and the photographers find out that she`s there? Gloria or somebody called them to tip them off that she`s coming in.

BEHAR: Maybe she wants a book deal or a reality show?


REGAN: It`s so obvious.

LUDWIG: Yes. Some people that are better at getting legitimate attention than others and she might be one of them. Listen, she hangs around people who are famous and sports stars...

BEHAR: So why is this other one coming out now? Just to get publicity?

LUDWIG: Well, hey what about me? Or to say the truth has finally come out about Tiger. I don`t have to be the first one to shed this real image of him.

EUSTACE: Well, what if it`s true?

REGAN: We don`t know if it`s true. But what we do know is true is that these are two women who are opportunists, who are looking to be famous, who want the publicity, who want to be heard and want to say, "Look at me. Look at me. I had sex with this guy or didn`t."

Even then we think the lady doth protest too much about -- I didn`t, I didn`t, I didn`t. It wouldn`t surprise me, as a person who knows the game and how it`s played, that this woman may have in fact gotten someone to tip off "The National Enquirer" so that she could then say, "I did not have sex with that man, Tiger Woods."

BEHAR: Let me move on to another point. Because it seems as though women are not standing by their man the way they used to in the old days. The days of Hillary Clinton standing by Bill and all of that, it seems to have changed. Silda Spitzer was the last one it seems to me to really stand by her man.

Jenny Sanford is not standing by her man so much. The other ones that come mind -- people like -- who is it -- Berlusconi`s wife, for example.

REGAN: She`s brave.

BEHAR: She outed him in Italy.

Bristol Palin, even Bristol Palin is not marrying Levi Johnston. She said so or not.

LUDWIG: Well, he may not want to marry her also.

BEHAR: That could be. That`s a little bit different because he`s not cheating but you know.

Kate Gosselin even is dumping the husband. It`s like they`re not exactly saying, ok, I`m just going to be the good little girl who bakes the cookies anymore.

EUSTACE: But that`s a whole image. That`s the whole thing that, you know, when this sort of thing happens, that I think it`s really interesting.

Tiger`s wife, perhaps, going after him with a golf club is probably not the best way to solve the situation.

BEHAR: I don`t know about that.

EUSTACE: But things like this -- we don`t know that that is what she was doing.


EUSTACE: I probably could have done that. But here`s the thing that people are very uncomfortable with when these women don`t stand by their men. Women are not -- people are not comfortable with women being angry and standing up for themselves. We`re just not comfortable with that in our society.


BEHAR: Would you have stood by your man? After he told you he was with Tori Spelling?

EUSTACE: No, no, no, no.


LUDWIG: Women do not have to stand by their man anymore because they can have jobs on their own. They can be sexy...

BEHAR: The unemployment rate is over 10 percent. I don`t think so.

LUDWIG: But I think women in general, they`re more independent. They know what it`s like to be in the real world. They`re not just dependent on a husband in order to have a life.

BEHAR: It seems like these political wives want to stay in the politics -- in the game of politics.

LUDWIG: But there`s still a lot pressure.

REGAN: Look, there are a lot of reasons that women want to stand by their men. When you`re in politics, it`s part of the job, it`s part of the image.

LUDWIG: Although with Sanford`s wife, I mean it would be so masochistic. He was basically saying, "I don`t love you, and I met the love of my life." How do you stand near that?

BEHAR: Oh, the Argentinean thing? That was ridiculous.

LUDWIG: I mean, whatever. How do you stand by your man?

REGAN: How do you marry this man, would be my question.

BEHAR: That`s a whole other conversation.

LUDWIG: She said it was not romantic.

REGAN: She gave up her life as an investment banker to marry him. So we`ll start there.

EUSTACE: But ladies, aside from the Hollywood thing and the political thing and all that stuff, a lot of women have families with these men. They have children, they have a life. It`s a very difficult decision to decide to stand by them or leave them.

BEHAR: It seems to me that a lot of women that I know even personally become extremely violent when they find out their husband or their boyfriend has another woman. It`s a very primal reaction.

LUDWIG: Men do this...

REGAN: Men do the same thing.

LUDWIG: It`s such a loon...

REGAN: This is a human response, but I think it`s a good idea.

BEHAR: I think that people don`t have that image of women.

LUDWIG: Really?

BEHAR: Yes. I think most...


LUDWIG: Let me tell you, as someone that wrote a book another marital homicide, women could probably be even more dangerous than men. I mean we can be very aggressive.


REGAN: People don`t like being betrayed.

EUSTACE: Remember, was it Betty Broderick who killed her husband? Remember she was in Oprah and he left her, took all the savings, took the kids, remarried and you know she went crazy.


BEHAR: There was a Lifetime movie about her.


LUDWIG: She was happier with him dead. I don`t have to worry about him cheating on me now or being with the younger woman.

BEHAR: I can understand that, can`t you?

LUDWIG: Yes, right.

REGAN: I don`t think it`s a good idea.

I don`t really advocate violence. I don`t think it`s a good idea to be violent. I think when people are betrayed, I think it`s a bad response for men, I think it`s a bad response for women.

And this whole notion now that women are somehow liberated and that it`s the new stage of feminism that we`re allowed to be violent. I think it`s outrageous.

BEHAR: It`s not new feminism.

REGAN: No but I`ve read this...

EUSTACE: But in the dailybeast.

BEHAR: No, no.

REGAN: You know this is a new feminist thing. And that women are...


EUSTACE: But what about, what about...

REGAN: and were fighting, and we`re fighting and we`re fighting. I don`t think it`s a good idea to be violent. I think if she did took a golf club to the car, I think if she took a golf club to the car it`s unacceptable. It`s unacceptable.

EUSTACE: Well, I know, if she hasn`t done it too.

REGAN: It`s unacceptable if the woman does it. It`s outrageous.

EUSTACE: But it`s the whole thing, it`s the whole thing that women aren`t allowed to be angry. No it`s horrible its terrible.

REGAN: Listen, nobody is allowed to take a golf club to a car...

EUSTACE: No. But I`m not saying that.

REGAN: O.J. Simpson did the same thing.

LUDWIG: People are allowed to be angry. You just may not be able to act on it.

REGAN: No listen, I think it`s outrageous, I think acts of violence against spouses, against children, against each other is unacceptable.

LUDWIG: We agree with that. Right.

BEHAR: We`re not disagreeing with that. We`re only saying that it is a reaction that women are having. That`s all and that it`s a natural human reaction to want to take a golf club to your husband`s head when he`s cheating.

And thanks so much to my panel.

Coming up, the always funny, Lewis Black joins me next.

It`s natural.


BEHAR: Well, it appears that during that last segment, my next guest was in the green room watching. And that he`s scared of women now.

Lewis Black is here. His new comedy special "Stark Raving Black" is on Epic HD (ph) beginning Saturday December 5th, welcome to the show.

Were you scared, Lewis?

LEWIS BLACK, COMEDIAN: I was scared, annoyed. I thought -- I`m glad you`re still here. I thought -- I thought literally, there was going to be a levitation. It was like a little, it got wacky. I mean, it`s just got a little...

BEHAR: You know, you men have to understand, you can`t cheat on us. We will kill you.

BLACK: Who`s got the energy?

BEHAR: Well, apparently some young golfers do.

BLACK: Well, the first -- the first thing I`ll you...


BLACK: Is just that I`m -- why didn`t he just say, when he -- when they said what happened, he just should have said, I took Ambien. That`s all he had to say.

BEHAR: That would have been smart.

BLACK: How good would that have been? It`s 2:30 in the morning, I didn`t know I got in the car. The next thing I know I`m lying next to car, my wife saved me. And then you move on.

BEHAR: Yes. You know, I mean, they really don`t have anything if they keep their mouths shut all these people. Now these other bimbos are coming out -- this what they call a bimbo eruption.

BLACK: Yes I know.

BEHAR: And that`s what the problem is.

BLACK: Oh, is just...


BLACK: It`s like and I don`t care and I don`t care.

BEHAR: Well, do you care about those party -- those party crashers? Those two that went in to the White House dinner?

BLACK: No, you know what? I went to the Yale School of Drama to try to break into show business.

BEHAR: Really. You and Meryl Streep.

BLACK: Meryl Streep, me, Sigourney Weaver, the list is endless, I`m at the bottom of the list but it`s endless. And these -- these people...


BLACK: ... which I can`t take -- you can`t be allowed notoriety because you just -- because you do something stupid.

BEHAR: Well, that`s what they did. They`ve crashed the party. Did you ever do that? Did you ever crash a party?

BLACK: I tried to crash parties in high school and they beat you up. What happened to the good old days?

BEHAR: Well, they just beat the crap out of you.

BLACK: Yes, they just said, you don`t belong here boom.

BEHAR: And the way they say these two, the truth will be revealed. Why do we have to wait for the truth? Why can`t you tell us the truth now?

BLACK: Well...

BEHAR: How did you get in, who let you in? What name were you using? And why are you doing it?

BLACK: Well, if -- I would say this, I`m more than willing to accept their story if Christ reveals their truth. If Christ joins them on TV and says, now I will reveal their truth, if Jesus sits next to them.

BEHAR: Why are you bringing Jesus in? It complicates things.

BLACK: Because the truth shall be revealed is a quote from them.

BEHAR: Oh I see.

BLACK: And from him. Don`t you remember that, you were religious?

BEHAR: You know I was raised Catholic, we didn`t do the Bible. We did -- only in a hotel that I see a Bible.

BLACK: Well, then, why do I know this stuff?

BEHAR: I don`t know.

Well, let`s look at this little piece of tape we have here about these party crashers on "The Today Show" today.


TAREQ SALAHI, ACCUSED WHITE HOUSE DINNER CRASHER: This has been the most devastating thing that has ever happened to us. We`re greatly saddened by all the circumstances that have been involved and portraying my wife and I as party crashers. And I can tell you, we did not party crash the White House.


BEHAR: This is the most devastating thing that ever happened to these two nit wits.

BLACK: Can you imagine?

BEHAR: They never had a hemorrhoid, nothing ever happened to them only this.

BLACK: If she was sitting next to him...


BLACK: ... and her head had been cut off, so she`s just there and blood is coming out of her neck...


BLACK: ... he might be able to say devastating. It`s extraordinary.

BEHAR: They`re just annoying. But they`re going be, I bet you, any amount of money they get a reality show out of it.

BLACK: Get a reality show, they`re going bump your show.

BEHAR: Oh, well, what can he do?

BLACK: And listen to the whiners. It`s a joke, you idiots. Don`t worry -- the folks behind the camera will still be there with the camera. I can assure you that.

BEHAR: And now, they`re acting like children you were saying in some interview.

BLACK: They are.


BLACK: I`ve said that they`re basically -- I don`t know how you do this. But you and I, I think, can come to an agreement. There is a group of adults in the country...


BLACK: ... who are no longer acting like adults.

BEHAR: Yes, the Gosselins.

BLACK: Yes and they`re acting like children. And so...

BEHAR: Yes, what about in politics?

BLACK: Sarah Palin.

BEHAR: She`s acting like a child?

BLACK: She`s acting like a child and then, and "they did this to me, and it was so bad. Somebody bought dresses."

BEHAR: Well, this is like Sarah -- wait this is Sarah Palin channeling Jerry Lewis through Lewis Black.

BLACK: And if you`d asked me to do Jerry Lewis, I couldn`t have done it.

BEHAR: Yes, hello.

BLACK: But Sarah Palin comes up with -- she talked about the death panel.


BLACK: So you can`t make stuff up. That`s like a nine year old you just make up a lie. Well, I don`t want to do that because -- and then you make up a lie. People adults who do who act like children have to be taken away.


BLACK: And I don`t know what we do with them, I don`t know if we put them in a pen? I don`t know, but they`ve got to be dealt with.

BEHAR: Yes. Now, speaking of people who should be taken away, Cheney is in the news and he is upset about Obama. He says he`s dithering. He`s upset that the guy bowed to the Japanese emperor. He thinks that was an obsequious behavior and it makes us look bad in the world. What do you think?

BLACK: Ever since he shot that guy in the face, I stopped listening.

BEHAR: You know something. We never saw that guy again. Do you think maybe the guy disappeared? What happened to that guy?

BLACK: Did you know what that guy did? He apologized.

BEHAR: What an idiot. He apologizes.

BLACK: How good is that, though? How scary must Dick Cheney be? He shoots somebody in the face and the guy who gets shot is so afraid that even he apologizes for getting shot.

BEHAR: I have never heard of lower self-esteem than that story.

BLACK: That`s just unbelievable.

BEHAR: And didn`t George Bush give a back rub to Angela Merkel in Germany? Hello.

We`ll be right back with more Lewis Black. Stick around.

He gave her a back rub. Remember that? And then ...


BLACK: I`ve been lucky. My parents are great. They`ve given me a number of gifts, one which is a sense of humor which people seem to enjoy but which scares the (EXPLETIVE DELETED) out of me.

To give you an idea of where my sense of humor comes from, my mother, when she turned 90, I called, I said how do you like being 90? "How do I like it? It`s like overtime."


BEHAR: We`re back with the very funny comedian and curmudgeon, Lewis Black. Do you like that being called a curmudgeon Lewis?

BLACK: It`s a little weird. It makes me feel like some aging British man.

BEHAR: Does your mother call you a curmudgeon?

BLACK: No, my mother -- the other bit in there that she liked is my mother -- about my -- on my birthday called and said, "I`ve been thinking about it. And in -- and you know, in retrospect, if I had to do it over again, I`m not sure."

BEHAR: About you?

BLACK: About my birth.

BEHAR: Oh, that`s so maternal.

BLACK: Isn`t that though? But it`s good.

BEHAR: Mommy dearest.

BLACK: No, at 61, it`s okay. She could have said it at 21 I`d be sitting here today like twitching.

BEHAR: At 61...

BLACK: At 61 it goes right over my head.

I don`t even believe she`s my mother anymore.

BEHAR: Maybe she`s not. Have you ever seen her birth certificate?

BLACK: Oh, yes. No, but that`s the way it works.

BEHAR: Let`s talk about Cheney again for a little bit.


BEHAR: We didn`t do enough on Cheney.


BEHAR: Do you think anybody is actually listening to this guy? Didn`t you like him better when he was in the bunker and nobody heard from him?

BLACK: It was much better. And wherever it was that he was and then -- but he`s kind -- and Bush is not saying anything. It`s bizarre.

BEHAR: Bush is happy to be quiet now.

BLACK: Bush is working on his library.

BEHAR: What library? He`s got two books in it. It`s like a two-book library.

BLACK: No, it`s going to be a snack shack.

BEHAR: What was the book he was reading when they told him they attacked us on 9/11?

BLACK: I have no idea. I don`t remember.

BEHAR: Remember that book?

BLACK: I don`t remember anything anymore.

BEHAR: "My Pet Goat". That will be in the library. That with the "Cat in the Hat". Those are his two books.

BLACK: That and a bunch of moon pies. That will be the whole thing.

BEHAR: Yes, exactly.

But Cheney is -- they`ve been sort of like beating the drum for Obama to go into Afghanistan. Now he`s going to go in with 30,000 troops.

BLACK: Yes. Which I think is -- my take on it is we can`t afford to do it. We don`t have the money. We don`t have the money to build our own things. How do you go in somewhere, to help other people when you can`t -- we have 10 percent unemployment. What do you think you`re doing?

BEHAR: But that`s the point. The right wing of this country wants him to go into Afghanistan. You hear it mostly from the right.

BLACK: Because the right wing has believed that going into Iraq made sense and going into Afghanistan -- which is where we should have gone first so that this wouldn`t be...

BEHAR: Yes, but that ship has passed.

BLACK: That ship is way pass. It`s almost a decade later, for crying out loud. They go, we can`t afford not to. We can go in, we can try to bring this country out of the stone age, why are we more chained to the stone age?

BEHAR: This is the only thing that -- I have a question because I`m not really up on Afghanistan, obviously. Not many people are.


BEHAR: But if in Pakistan which is right on the border, they have nuclear weapons, right? If the Taliban take over Pakistan, then the Taliban will have the nuclear weapons. Is that the reason we`re going in? I never even hear that argument.

BLACK: Well, that might be a good argument. But what`s interesting - - but the day of when they started talking about this, Monday, they have in one column, they`re talking about going into Afghanistan. Next to it, they`re telling us that Iran is going to build 19 more nuclear reactors or whatever it is and so we`re going in the other place?

BEHAR: I know. I know.

Don`t go anywhere. We have lots more to discuss when we come back.



LEWIS BLACK: I turned 60 this year. And I`m not done. No need to applaud. Seriously, no reason to applaud when somebody gets older. The only reason somebody gets older is because of dumb (EXPLICATIVE DELETED) luck. Not like you were sitting out there saying, gee he`s really in tremendous shape. I bet he`s on a high fiber diet. And I`m not. I had an oat muffin ten years ago and I`m still (EXPLICATIVE DELETED) because of it.


BEHAR: OK, I`m back with the very funny Lewis Black. OK, Lewis, I have to tell you, when your ad just appeared in the Washington Times. I want you to take a look that. Look that ad.

BLACK: That`s unbelievable.

BEHAR: I know, isn`t that the most -- it`s just so appalling.

BLACK: How do they keep bringing it back? Do they think this stuff? This is like -- going back to separate but equal. This is 1962. This is like madness.

BEHAR: Big birthers are like dogs with bones. They will not let go of this idea that he was not born in the country. They have proof he was born in Hawaii. The end. Stop it.

BLACK: Even like the most right-wing Republican in Congress doesn`t start whining about this. They`ve got birth certificates and stuff. Why not say he was raised by dingoes? And they should show an ad and dogs are running amock and there should be like some, you know, small black infant running in the back crowd. You know, really, this is just -- it`s sick.

BEHAR: Let`s tell them what we think of it.

BLACK: Yes, it`s disgusting.


BLACK: And why do we have to put up with it? I mean that`s what I mean about adults acting like children. You don`t get to make stuff up anymore.

BEHAR: OK, now you know, this thing with Huckabee this week was interesting. Did you read about it.

BLACK: Yes, he seemed to be pardoning - pardoned everybody.

BEHAR: Well he pardoned this guy

BLACK: I know, he pardoned -

BEHAR: Who then shot all the cops. And now that guy is dead and he let out. It`s hurting his potential Presidential campaign.

BLACK: I`m sure they will turn it around.

BEHAR: But you know what, the Republicans have anybody. Huckabee doesn`t believe in evolution.


BEHAR: Palin doesn`t believe in reading. Romney wears magic underpants. I mean, they`re going to the White House or the nut house? I want to know that. They have nothing.

BLACK: They`ll come up with something. Right now, it does look like Romney.

BEHAR: It does?

BLACK: I guess.

BEHAR: But you know what, didn`t he have flack because he`s a Muslim. A Muslim, oh, stop it. He`s a Mormon.

BLACK: That what would be the left-wing ad, he`s not a Mormon, he`s a Muslim.

BEHAR: It starts with an M. But I mean I think Huckabee is in trouble, don`t you think?

BLACK: I think Huckabee is in trouble. Huckabee was in trouble from the moment he said that he didn`t believe in evolution. (inaudible) is a mildly psychotic position.

BEHAR: It`s so psychotic.

BLACK: At this point in time -

BEHAR: How can you possibly expect us to take you seriously if you don`t believe in evolution at this point?

BLACK: That`s it, fossils, end of argument.

BEHAR: Go to the museum of natural history and see what`s doing --

BLACK: Or you go to the museum they have there in the South where they have kids go and play with dinosaurs.

BEHAR: Yes, but they keep saying, I can`t go into that. Another interesting thing is these words that are popping in. They are the most commonly used now: vampire, Twitter, Obama, h1n1 and stimulus. The top words of 2009.

BLACK: Stimulus has always been a good word to me.

BEHAR: Especially sexually.

BLACK: Yes. Anything -

BEHAR: And Twitter to could be considered -

BLACK: Yes, do you Twitter?

BEHAR: I Twitter, yes.

BLACK: Why? This is the --

BEHAR: I want to reach out to my people.

BLACK: You have somebody Twittering behind one of those buildings is Twittering.

BEHAR: I do it.

BLACK: What do you say? I`m here, having a delightful salad for lunch? The fruit is impeccable?

BEHAR: No, I say I`m watching the marathon and exhausted from watching it. That was one of my Twitters.

BLACK: What?

BEHAR: That`s all. Little things like that.


BEHAR: I made meat balls. People enjoy that.

BLACK: Why? Why do you do this? Who put you up to this? When did you stop living and describing the actions you`re doing?

BEHAR: It`s sickness.

BLACK: With a little thing -- with your Blackberry.

BEHAR: With my Blackberry -- I do it right on here, here it is.

BLACK: 140 characters.

BEHAR: What are you? You are not into this?

BLACK: I`ve got a phone.

BEHAR: Are you a Luddite?

BLACK: I`ve got an Iphone. You know. I got that. But come on. I`m not going tell people, gee, I just discovered my shoe size dropped half. Who cares? If somebody is paying attention to what I`m doing with my life, then what are they doing?

BEHAR: That`s a true, well that`s good point. Like get a life.

BLACK: Really it`s unbelievable. And they offered me money to Twitter. So you`re really -- you better be getting cash for this.

BEHAR: No, I don`t get paid for it. What`s wrong with you?

BLACK: Well, hello -

BEHAR: OK, another person that weighed in on the presidential thing is Bradgelina, Angelina Jolie and her husband, what`s his name?

BLACK: Brad.

BEHAR: Brad Pitt. Are they married?

BLACK: I don`t know.

BEHAR: I can`t keep up with them.

BLACK: No but they have the - you know, collect children.

BEHAR: She says that Obama is not good as a President and it`s going to be a one-term president. Why do we have to listen to what she thinks about this?

BLACK: Hold on.

BEHAR: Well people listen to me too --

BLACK: Yes but her, seriously? This is -- why -- she -- did you see her last movie? Whatever it was?

BEHAR: The Changeling.

BLACK: No it was - Changeling or the one where the bullet went -- whatever that stupid movie was. They were shooting at one another and twisting their head.

BEHAR: There they`re always on the red carpet looking gorgeous.

BLACK: Oh look at that.

BEHAR: They`re the most stunning, stunning people.

BLACK: Yes, really. That`s terrific. I`m glad. But what does she really have to tell us about --

BEHAR: I know, when I have a decision to make, you know a life and death move, I say to myself, what would Angelina Jolie do? I often say that to myself.

BLACK: But my mother -- if I was going call someone to find out what they thought about the President, it would be my mother. Who is at least -


BEHAR: No, I`m not interested about your mother, I`m only interested in what Angelina said.

BLACK: What did Brad think? Or did they have a spat over it? And she took a golf club out?

BEHAR: But you know this has been one of the worst decades. Hasn`t it? It started with 2001 with the 9/11. And it`s ending up with total financial collapse. People out of work, an invasion of a country that really was not a threat to us.

BLACK: Yes, but you know -

BEHAR: Another war starting is starting in Afghanistan. It`s been a terrible decade.

BLACK: But you know what the weird part of it is -- during the decade, you and I got a career. How crazy is that?

BEHAR: That`s irrelevant.

BLACK: How crazy is that?

BEHAR: That`s irrelevant. I had a career in the Reagan Administration, also.


BLACK: But things kind of exploded for us.

BEHAR: Well the comedy boomed in the `80`s that`s what you`re talking about, yes.

BLACK: No but late - but now - the last ten years. That was when I knew that things were getting bad was when I became a main stream comedian. I said, something is wrong here.

BEHAR: You know people don`t know that your age of 61, which you love to keep telling.

BLACK: Well I`m sorry.

BEHAR: I know but that`s fine, men are like that. They`ll tell their age.

BLACK: Well I have to tell my age because it was a bit. You understand that, you can`t set up a bit by going, I`m 36 but I`m really old.

BEHAR: No you can`t but you have to have another bit when you`re me. But anyway that`s another -

BLACK: Exactly.

BEHAR: But people don`t realize that you really worked hard for many years before you hit.

BLACK: Oh yes.

BEHAR: I mean what was the worst night of your life in standup? Do you remember?

BLACK: The worst night of my life was a guy was, this is a true story. I was at a club in New Haven, Connecticut, called today`s place.

BEHAR: Toad`s Place? All right whatever.

BLACK: Yes, Toad`s Place. Yes, it was a rock and roll club. I was auditioning to be a comic. It was bands, all these bands and me. What I wanted to was kind of emcee there. And I was just kind of breaking in. And I really didn`t know what I was doing. While I was performing, a woman came up on stage and was yelling at me because I was talking about about women and she was upset with it and she started screaming, you know -- she basically said that you know I didn`t have -- you know, you don`t have any manhood. You don`t have a --

BEHAR: You don`t have any manhood?

BLACK: Yes, basically -

BEHAR: Why, were you naked?

BLACK: No, no, no she was talking about -- she was saying, talking about my - my, I don`t know how to say it without saying it.

BEHAR: Say it, we`ll bleep it. Your penis?

BLACK: My penis. You can say penis.

BEHAR: She said to you, you do not have -

BLACK: You know you don`t have a penis. I bet you don`t have one, if I pulled down your fly, I wouldn`t see a penis would I? You ain`t got nothing there, do you, have you? Nothing. Nobody in the audience can hear this. And she`s coming me at 100 miles an hour. Now she`s walking toward me, and she comes up. And she goes, this is what you`re talking about. And she pulls her blouse up, shows me her breasts, and then turns around at the audience and shows the breasts to the audience.

BEHAR: I see.

BLACK: And walks off stage. There`s utter silence in the room. I realized for the first time in my life, this is what comedy is about. There`s so much tension in the room, I can say anything. I can say mahogany elbows. The audience is going to --

BEHAR: The interesting thing about that story is you married that woman.

BLACK: But you know it did happen.

BEHAR: What I got to go -- tell me.

BLACK: Oh no -

BEHAR: Go ahead -

BLACK: A guy jumped up on the table and screamed at the top of his lungs, I`m a (EXPLICATIVE DELETED) and I brought her here tonight and I deserve a round of applause.

BEHAR: That`s a terrible story.

BLACK: And then I stayed with the gig.

BEHAR: Thanks to Lewis Black, be sure to check out Stark Raving Black on Efix HD, back in a minute with the legendary Barry Manilow.





BEHAR: He writes the songs that make the whole world sing. And they must be singing them a lot. He`s sold over 80 million albums. Musing icon and legendary singer and song writer, and my pal, Barry Manilow. Barry, thanks for coming on this show

BARRY MANILOW, SINGER: I`m so happy to be here Joy.

BEHAR: It`s lovely to see you. You know, you and I have a lot in common. We`re from Williams Burg, Brooklyn.

MANILOW: We talk the same.

BEHAR: We talk the same. We`re both in our mid 30s.

MANILOW: Are you from Williams Burg too?

BEHAR: Williams Burg, Brooklyn, Metropolitan Avenue.

MANILOW: Really, keep street.

BEHAR: Well yes, keep street, that`s the south side. That was more the Jewish area. Mine was the Italian area.

MANILOW: You know when we grew up there it -- now that`s hip and new area. People say Williams Burg, everybody lives in Williams burg. When I grew up there taxi drivers would run for the hills when I said I was going over to William Burg.

BEHAR: No, they have hip stores. They don`t hang out in the mozzarella stores - it`s embarrassing.

MANILOW: Have you been back there?

BEHAR: I was there recently. My Aunt still lives there.


BEHAR: And it`s the same sort of look. But it`s very hip now. People have tattoos, earrings. They didn`t have that.

MANILOW: No, they didn`t.

BEHAR: They had brass knuckles, that`s what they wore as jewelry in those days. Now, you and Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond make the best Christmas albums. What is it about the Jews making Christmas albums?

MANILOW: Isn`t it something. I thought the same thing. Isn`t that something?

BEHAR: It`s fascinating.

MANILOW: Well I don`t - for me, it has nothing to do with the holiday. It has to do with the song writing. I like the way they wrote -- Irving Berlin writing White Christmas and There`s No Place Like Home for the holidays, and the rest of them. I like that kind of song writing. And I could sing Christmas songs forever.

BEHAR: It`s not about the religion, it`s about the tune. You love the melody?

MANILOW: No, for me, it`s about the songs.

BEHAR: You`re a great song writer. Do you write mostly the song -- the lyrics and the music?

MANILOW: Sometimes, most of the time I just write the music.

BEHAR: The music, which is the hardest part to me? No?

MANILOW: No, the lyrics is the hardest part for me. I mean for me it is.

BEHAR: So, you didn`t write the words, I write the songs that make the whole world sing?

MANILOW: No, Bruce Johnson wrote that. I wrote the songs it`s not about I, it`s about the spirit of music any way. So I mean Bruce Johnson wrote that one.

BEHAR: I bet you took a lot of flack on that one, I remember when that song came out. The smothers brothers did a whole bit on it. About how impossible it would be for you to write the song. And make the whole world sing.



BEHAR: They don`t speak English in the world.

MANILOW: But you didn`t listen to the (UNINTELLIGIBLE) line. I`ve been alive forever. It`s about like -- see.

BEHAR: Yes, I understand.

MANILOW: I know but the smothers brothers didn`t.

BEHAR: No, they were comedians, you know. So, and you have a new album out, which we can plug right now.

MANILOW: I`ve got this Christmas album out, which is a lot of fun. And then I`m in the middle of working on a really interesting one. It`s called the Greatest Love Songs of All Time. And it`s more, again, other people`s songs. I`ll do one later on about. An original album. But this is the Greatest Love Songs Of All Time. And they are. They`re the Greatest Love Songs of All Time, Gershwin, Irving Berlin, Burt Bacharach, Harry Warren. All these great, great, song writers, great song titles and --

BEHAR: What do you think about songs like American Women, and Stay Way From Me. Is that a love song? I don`t think so.

MANILOW: I don`t think so. What is that about?

BEHAR: It`s about politics, think. Anyway let`s talk about the world of music. Adam Lambert, you know this kid right? You worked on -- you mentored some of them over there. Was he one of your students?

MANILOW: No, that was another year. I didn`t work with him that year.

BEHAR: Well he got into a hot water jam recently because he you know. You saw the video?


BEHAR: You saw his performance on the American Music Awards and he actually acted very crazy in that is n a certain way. He had a guy`s head in his crotch; had someone on a leash, which could be amusing, I guess. He kissed a guy. He had another thing with a girl. I mean they would not put this particular music on "Good Morning America" the next day. He says it was homophobia. What do you think about all that? Should they have put on it "Good Morning America "?


BEHAR: They should?

MANILOW: What the hell. Why not? I`ll tell you what I was hoping. I was watching it and I think he`s got a fantastic voice.

BEHAR: Yes, he`s a talented kid.

MANILOW: I was hoping he would stand there and sing some fantastic song and blow the roof off the place. I think running around and doing all that, I think he missed a great opportunity.

BEHAR: It was like watching Cirque du Soleil.

MANILOW: I mean listen, you know he could do whatever he wants to do. I was hoping that they would give him some great lighting and let him sing something just fantastic - music he`s got a great instrument. Let him sing something great. Let him blow the roofs off - I would have been very happy.

BEHAR: Well his complaint was, you know, Britney and Madonna they had a lip lock. Everybody seems to like that. Then the country loves a lesbian moment. They love a lesbian moment.

MANILOW: Ain`t that the truth.

And that`s fantasy of males to see two women in bed together.

MANILOW: I don`t really give a -- I don`t really care. I just was hoping that he would sing a great song.

BEHAR: But the other controversy around that was Chris Brown, who you know, allegedly beat up his girlfriend Brianna. And they were going put him on and sing and they caught flack for that. And then they said we`ll interview him. It`s a new standard for "Good Morning America" they decide who will be on singing on their show.

MANILOW: Well I think that stinks. I do. I think it stinks. All I can tell you I`m looking for great music. I, as a musician, a song writer, I`m looking for good music. And you know if they want to fool around like that, it`s up to them.

BEHAR: I don`t know if people who are watching are the younger version of people knows that you worked with Bette Midler in the Continental Baths in her day. When she first started.


BEHAR: When you were starting right. But, something --

MANILOW: That was an interesting gig.

BEHAR: Tell me what happen in those days?

MANILOW: I got a gig, there was a girl who was auditioning. I played piano for everybody in New York. I was the human jute box. I was the guy that went to who played for their auditions. I was good. I was good.

BEHAR: I bet you were.

MANILOW: I guess I`m not a great piano player. I`m a real good accompanist. I played an audition for her. She said that it was at the Continental Bath. I never heard of it. She said that it was a Turkish bath and it had a little area and she was up first. And she didn`t get the job, but I did as the piano player. So and the first girl that came in to sing --

BEHAR: Did she turn on you for that?

MANILOW: No, she`s still a friend of mine. But the first person that called me for that was Bette. She was going to perform then next Saturday night and wanted extra rehearsal. I said who`s going to pay for this? So she told me -- we worked together and she -- you know, she was -- she just kind of walked through her rehearsal. I just figured, well, she`s a good singer. But -- that night, holy mackerel.

BEHAR: She knocked it out of the park.

MANILOW: Out of the park. I couldn`t believe her.

BEHAR: And then you worked with her.

MANILOW: I stayed with her three years.

BEHAR: That bathhouse experience, someone said it`s four performances and became legendary. As if you guys were there for years.

MANILOW: It was four for Bette and I played for four other singers and that was it. It was a wild, it was a wild experience.

BEHAR: Hang in there. We`re going to talk a little bit more when we come back with Barry Manilow. Don`t go away.



Love is a many splendor thing it`s the April rose that only -


BEHAR: I`m back with the fabulous Barry Manilow. You know, I must tell you when I saw you at the Radio City Musical, women were jumping out of their seat. One woman jumped out of her wheelchair. I said, not only does he entertainment, he heals the sick. This man -- they were walking. Now you`re doing a show at the Paris Hotel in Las Vegas.

MANILOW: We`re going from the Hilton to the Paris. We open on March 5th. I`m excited.

BEHAR: What`s the new show like? All new songs and stuff?

MANILOW: I got a --

BEHAR: Got to do the oldies.

MANILOW: Cope Cabana. We`re going to lower the ceiling on Copa Cabana so it`s a big one. It`s going to be beautiful. I want to make it beautiful. Paris is the most romantic city and I thought, well, I`m romantic and have this romantic album coming out. I thought I would make it the most beautiful show I could put together.

BEHAR: That`s nice. You`re going to sing in French?

MANILOW: Do you speak French?

BEHAR: No, I watch French movies. That`s the extent of it.

MANILOW: I don`t even do that. Oo-la-la was as far as I got.

BEHAR: Barbra Streisand loves to sing in French.

MANILOW: She does. And she`s good.

BEHAR: You could sing and keep the pod. You could do that.

MANILOW: She does that.

BEHAR: Let me ask you a couple questions we got on Twitter for you.

MANILOW: Go ahead.

BEHAR: This is -- I love this one. I love that man, says someone. I named my daughter Amanda so I could call her Mandy. I knew it was about his dog but I loved that song.

MANILOW: No, it`s not. It wasn`t about the dog.

BEHAR: It`s not? Let`s clear it up.

MANILOW: It`s not about the dog. A guy named Scott English wrote the lyrics for it in Britain and said they were bothering him, the press was bothering him so much that they woke him up in the morning and says who`s Mandy? He says, it`s my dog and hung up on them.

BEHAR: I see. Okay. Who are your favorite singers right now? Who do you think is overhyped?

MANILOW: Oh my god. I don`t think anybody`s overhyped.

BEHAR: You don`t?

MANILOW: No. You`re not going to hear negative stuff from me.

BEHAR: Okay. Good.

MANILOW: My favorite singer right now, I don`t know --

BEHAR: Yeah?

MANILOW: Sting is always my favorite.

BEHAR: Sting, he has a new Christmas album out.

MANILOW: I wish he would do a love song album I`m doing. He sounds so great when he does old standards.

BEHAR: Yeah. He`s got a beautiful voice. What was it like for you when you almost lost your voice?

MANILOW: When did I almost lose my voice?

BEHAR: Okay. Never mind.

MANILOW: Who are you talking to?

BEHAR: Oh, I like this one. What do you do when you hear one of your songs come on the car radio? Do you start singing with it or do you turn it off?

MANILOW: No, I don`t start singing with it. I hear all the mistakes in the record.


MANILOW; That`s what I do.

BEHAR: When they`re your songs that you`ve recorded. What if someone else records it?

MANILOW: Then I`m happy to hear them.

BEHAR: It`s like watching yourself on TV.

MANILOW: Yeah. When you see yourself, don`t you see all the mistakes?

BEHAR: Oh, my hair is wrong, I have a big bump in my nose.

MANILOW; That`s what I hear when I hear the old records.

BEHAR: Is that why you like old performing because you do it and it`s done? I understand. Barry, thank you so much for down this. I know you had a very long day today.

MANILOW: Congratulations on all this.

BEHAR: See Barry in his new Las Vegas show starting march 5th at the Paris Hotel. Go get tickets. Thanks for watching, everybody. Say good night.

MANILOW: Good night.