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Joy Behar Page
Is Tiger Woods Getting a Divorce?; Meredith Baxter Comes Out of the Closet
Aired December 04, 2009 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
JOY BEHAR, HOST: Tonight on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW, Tiger Woods stays in the house. Meredith Baxter comes out of the closet. And Adam Lambert is off the air. My panel of pundits will discuss
Then joining me in the studio, comedian Howie Mandel, who when he`s not giving away money or washing his hands, can really captivate an audience.
A man who captures everyone else, Dog the Bounty Hunter and his wife Mrs. Bounty Hunter join me to preview the new season of their new show. All that and more starts now.
Let`s face it, there`s really only one story that anybody`s paid attention to this week and I`m not talking about Afghanistan. It`s Tiger Woods and his bimbo eruptions. The burning question on everybody`s mind, will his wife stay with him.
Joining me now to talk all things Tiger are comedian Kathleen Madigan; Alicia Quarles Associated Press entertainment editor and comedian extraordinaire Nick Dipaolo.
First of all, the woman is -- they`re revising the pre-nup in the relationship. So it`s really a nup, because they`re married -- you understand what I`m saying? It`s a nup.
NICK DIPAOLO, COMEDIAN: It`s a nup.
BEHAR: But how did they -- they got the information. They know everything that`s in this new nup...
ALICIA QUARLES, ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR, ASSOCIATED PRESS: To pay her to stay.
BEHAR: Yes, to pay her to stay. How much do you think he should pay her to stay?
KATHLEEN MADIGAN, COMEDIAN: All of it. I would leave. I would call everybody I like in Sweden and say guess what, we have $300 million. Come on over. I would invite everyone I knew -- yes, leave.
BEHAR: You think so too?
QUARLES: There`s not enough money in the world. Your husband cheats once? Maybe you -- but then three women and they`re busted. And they come out -- and the girl is hot. His wife is extremely hot. You`re going to cheat, cheat with like a Heidi Klum, not these women. I would leave, I`d be out of there.
BEHAR: It just shows you, a dog is a dog. No matter how beautiful the wife, no matter how attentive she is to his annoying, he`s going to go out and find some skanks.
DIPAOLO: And there`s a lot of money-grabbing skanks who like to sleep with dogs apparently. Why are we attacking Tiger?
(CROSSTALK)
QUARLES: Because he`s married with two kids.
DIPAOLO: Relax Quarles.
QUARLES: I`m ready.
MADIGAN: Ready.
DIPAOLO: But here`s the thing. Tiger, what he`s doing, cheating on your wife that`s wrong, but at least it`s a biological act that`s natural for guys. What women do to go out ...
MADIGAN: Oh.
QUARLES: Let him finish.
DIPAOLO: I didn`t say we were pigs, you`re still bulling me.
BEHAR: Let him finish.
DIPAOLO: But the women that go after him didn`t release the story for money. They`re doing it for money. That`s a learned behavior. That`s why they`re just as disgusting.
(CROSSTALK)
MADIGAN: Who is the moron? He should know this by now.
DIPAOLO: Maybe he wanted to get out of the marriage.
QUARLES: It`s the caliber of women. If you`re going to cheat with somebody from "Tool Academy" what do you expect? That she`s not going to sell her story and get her 15 minutes of fame?
DIPAOLO: You don`t like her, do you? I thought she was pretty hot.
QUARLES: I`m just saying that she was girl in "Tool Academy"
BEHAR: Do you think she hit him over the head an iron?
MADIGAN: If she did, good for her.
BEHAR: Do you think she hit him? What do you think? Do you think she hit him?
MADIGAN: I do.
DIPAOLO: No, she didn`t hit him. I was surprised he had a black caddy, though.
BEHAR: What does that mean?
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: What do you mean a black caddy?
DIPAOLO: They get it.
BEHAR: I don`t get that.
QUARLES: Now, I get. Ok, I`m really going to slap you.
(CROSSTALK)
MADIGAN: I got it.
Black caddy as in caddy on the golf course, Cadillacs.
QUARLES: Tiger can come back though. You know, America is the land of second chances. We like to see people fall, build them back up. He`ll be fine.
MADIGAN: well, the other thing is all these guys, the guy on ESPN, him, they are fooling around 20-somethings which is the problem because they are going to tell everyone.
QUARLES: Right.
MADIGAN: They`re going to go on Facebook. Have an affair with a 40-year-old. I`m too tired to call anyone.
DIPAOLO: Maybe he`d been seeing a 40-year-old.
MADIGAN: I don`t care. And you`re not going to stay when we`re done. You`re going home, I`ve things to do.
DIPAOLO: But you`re right, I`d rather see a 40-year-old in pajamas than a 20-year-old.
BEHAR: Yes. Really, huh?
Tiger was allegedly seeing Jaimee Grubbs for almost 3 years. She was on VH1`s "Tool Academy", love that. The other alleged women are nightclub promoters. Does he have a type?
DIPAOLO: Yes.
BEHAR: Does he have a type? What`s his type?
QUARLES: Ashley Dupre type. Janice Min had a great comment in the Daily Beast. She did the whole thing. All these women look alike.
MADIGAN: Yes. He has a type.
QUARLES: Dark, over-processed hair, Janice said, tan -- he`s got a type.
BEHAR: There`s this Uchitel.
DIPAOLO: Over-processed hair, like a guy would even know what that means. After some drinks at the end of the night, if she`s like a six, she looks like a ten. Close enough.
BEHAR: This woman, Uchitel...
(CROSSTALK)
DIPAOLO: Do you know how men thing, really?
BEHAR: Jaimee, Uchitel. You could tell she was a (INAUDIBLE) just by looking at her.
DIPAOLO: That`s right. And that`s what a guy wants.
MADIGAN: And weirdly, none of them look like the wife.
QUARLES: They don`t.
BEHAR: Should he have just gotten hookers?
QUARLES: Yes, yes, yes.
BEHAR: Why?
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: It`s disgusting to go to hookers when you are a married man with children.
QUARLES: You shouldn`t do it at all, period, end of story. If you`re going to do it, don`t do it with the woman that`s working, again, at the bar up the street because she`s going to talk.
MADIGAN: What I`m saying is if he didn`t want to get caught, he should have gotten -- he should have found a hooker.
BEHAR: You know there`s a difference between him and that guy Sanford, Governor Sanford. He found his soul mate. That`s so beautiful
DIPAOLO: Yes, that`s terrific. It worked out well. Might as well go for the cheap, good-looking whore, I`m still going to get creamed, right?
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: No matter what you do.
DIPAOLO: Absolutely.
QUARLES: His image is built on being wholesome, right.
DIPAOLO: Absolutely. Understand, he`s a married guy.
QUARLES: But Tiger makes all his money on endorsements on being extremely wholesome. He shouldn`t have cheated at all. You are the wholesome guy. It`s how you make your money. Don`t cheat.
DIPAOLO: He should be on Wheaties this week, in my opinion.
BEHAR: He did change golf which is the most boring sport. I`d rather watch paint dry as they say.
DIPAOLO: What sport do you like?
BEHAR: I hate all sports, frankly.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: But I really hate golf. I mean, how boring is golf?
QUARLES: I love it.
BEHAR: He has made it into like a sexy sport. Normally, you see these guys with like Bermuda shorts and knee highs, you know, in plaid pants. He`s good-looking...
DIPAOLO: There`s John Dailey.
MADIGAN: John Dailey really, really...
BEHAR: Who`s John Dailey?
MADIGAN: The big fat guy.
(CROSSTALK)
MADIGAN: He smokes. He made it fun.
DIPAOLO: He would be in jail if he did what Tiger did.
BEHAR: Listen to this. Tiger and his wife were introduced to each other by another pro-golfer and he`s pissed. Listen to this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JESPER PARNEVIK, PROFESSIONAL GOLFER: I`ve been especially sad about it since I kind of feel really sorry for Elin since me and my wife are at fault, hooking her up with him. We thought he was a better guy than he is. I would probably just have to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time than a three iron, I would say.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
DIPAOLO: It`s ok, but he`s a liar.
MADIGAN: What`s his name?
QUARLES: (INAUDIBLE)
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Jesper Parnevik. He basically is saying that she hit him. Next time, I hope she uses a driver next time rather than a three iron. That means that he thinks she hit him with the club.
MADIGAN: Well, I don`t -- does anyone think that she didn`t?
DIPAOLO: She hit the truck. You can`t hit a guy with an iron and not -- you`d have more than a bloody lip. You`d open the guys head like a ripe melon.
MADIGAN: And I would put that on eBay tonight.
QUARLES: We`ll be speculating about this until...
(CROSSTALK)
MADIGAN: It was a wedge.
BEHAR: All right. What scoop do you have for us?
QUARLES: Well, we`ll never find out. Tiger is so, so private. I have interviewed him before. He has people on top of people on top of people to control it. He`s private...
BEHAR: That`s for sure. And he`s the person on top of all the people.
(CROSSTALK)
DIPAOLO: How did you get that interview, by the way?
QUARLES: Excuse me, I worked for the AP, how do I not get the interview? No.
But Tiger is very private. We`ll never find out what happened. He`s not going to come out and say it. And Elin probably won`t come out. We`ll be speculating about this for years.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: But what`s the scoop on the girls.
QUARLES: The scoop on the girls, we know somebody that actually cast girl number two, Jaimee, in "Tool Academy".
BEHAR: Jaimee Grubbs.
QUARLES: Jaimee Grubbs and he was telling my producer that she just wanted to be famous, she wanted her 15 minutes. She sold Tiger out like any other girl would have and should have and could have.
MADIGAN: How bad is it that there`s a line of them, though? The first one says I didn`t sleep with him. The second jumps out, I did and I got messages.
BEHAR: Do you think Nick that he should just say he`s a sex addict and be done with it and they`ll put him in rehab?
DIPAOLO: No. He`s a healthy male. What he should do -- he is. He`s doing what comes natural for men. You guys think we are wired the same.
Let me ask you this. I`m trying to think what women have a passion for like guys. Shoes. Everywhere you went, if they threw thousand dollar shoes at you, wouldn`t you try a pair on every once in a while?
BEHAR: Yes, I would. You`re right.
Would you be surprised to know that gay men agree with you? Because ...
DIPAOLO: Gay men?
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: A lot of gay guys say women are too picky about men cheating on them. Relationships can last years and years and years and people go on the side -- a little extra on the side.
(CROSSTALK)
MADIGAN: If you are at Thanksgiving dinner, texting three different hoes (ph), I`m going to have an issue with this. It`s Thanksgiving for Christ`s sake.
(CROSSTALK)
QUARLES: You can answer this.
(CROSSTALK)
QUARLES: Tiger`s wife is gorgeous, right? So if you are going to cheat, why are you cheating with these women that just don`t look so good allegedly?
DIPAOLO: Because -- it`s Bill Maher, who I never agree with. There are two kinds of -- there`s new and there`s old.
QUARLES: What?
DIPAOLO: There`s new "P"...
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Everyone stay right there. Back with my panel in just a minute.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back with my pop culture panel.
Let`s talk about Adam Lambert. Now this week, ABC cancels his performance on "Jimmy Kimmel Live." And he tweeted they also removed him from New Year`s "Rocking Eve." Yes, so let me ask you Alicia, are they busy kowtowing to the FCC or is there hate mail involved too or what?
QUARLES: I think they`re kowtowing. And what`s interesting is that we had a reporter in rehearsals with Adam Lambert at the AMAs before airing. Anybody that was there and knew that it was going to be controversial he was doing this at his rehearsals. And so suddenly this happens and ABC goes, oh, my God, we can`t believe he`s doing this.
BEHAR: Oh.
QUARLES: Yes, he`s going to be on your (INAUDIBLE) to the most fascinating people.
BEHAR: Yes.
QUARLES: He`ll be on ABC then, so they need to pick what side they`re on.
BEHAR: Exactly. Well, here`s his performance from the American Music Awards that started all of this. Take a look at this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(ADAM LAMBERT PERFORMING AT THE AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
KATHLEEN MADIGAN, COMEDIAN: There it is.
BEHAR: Yes, baby.
Ok. It`s interesting, the FCC basically says that after 10:00 p.m., you can show indecent material. This was at 10:55 p.m. Even though, Dipaolo is nauseous from watching it, I know you, I can read your mind.
Why? Why does it bother you are you a homophobic, two guys doing that sort of thing?
DIPAOLO: No, I`m actually with him on this one. I think there`s a double standard, two women kissing each other, they wouldn`t have a problem with it.
BEHAR: Yes, but...
DIPAOLO: I agree with the fruit cup on this one.
BEHAR: But it`s not just kiss -- it`s not kissing, it`s oral sex simulation.
DIPAOLO: Well yes, wait at 10:55, it`s a little early. About 11:05, I`d let that slide.
MADIGAN: Well, they didn`t want him on a morning show because it`s not appropriate for early morning. But the whole point of your early morning show is to wake me up. If I saw that, I`d be like oh, my God, what was that?
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: It happens to a lot of music acts, these types of things.
DIPAOLO: They know it`s coming did he...
BEHAR: They have the malfunction. That`s interesting that you`re saying they knew it was coming.
QUARLES: They know it was coming. And also after the AMAs he`s performed on other things and he`s been totally clean. He said you know what, yes I know I took it too far, enough already. But ABC was (INAUDIBLE) his performance. They knew it was going to be controversial.
BEHAR: Ok, let`s move on to another topic.
This week Perez Hilton posted pictures of actress Meredith Baxter with her girlfriend...
MADIGAN: Oh yes.
BEHAR: ... prompting her to come out on "The Today Show". And she did, she came out and she said I`m a lesbian. I`m an American, what is that guy, the American -- what is that guy McGreevey
QUARLES: Oh, I`m a gay American.
BEHAR: I`m a gay American. Ok, I`m a gay American, I love that.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Is it fair to out somebody like that and push her to the point where she have to go on TV and say she`s a lesbian.
MADIGAN: Well, wasn`t the Enquirer going to? I think she thought she said it at tabloid or maybe it was him.
BEHAR: Well, he put - he posted pictures of her with her girlfriend.
MADIGAN: And She`s 62. You know really, I mean.
DIPAOLO: Yes, who wants to see that?
BEHAR: Oh, come on. She`s a gorgeous woman.
DIPAOLO: Seriously.
(CROSSTALK)
DIPAOLO: She`s got a jaw line like the Marlboro man.
BEHAR: She does not, she doesn`t. I refuse to laugh at that. She`s a very good looking woman and he`s just being a beast.
QUARLES: That`s not news, I mean, she went on a lesbian cruise a couple years ago. When I`m on that way I figure it out with her girlfriend, I`m like who cares. The woman is a lesbian, let her live her life.
MADIGAN: Well, that was what my mom thinks.
BEHAR: The lesbian cruise was the tip off.
DIPAOLO: What`s the obsession, what`s the obsession with cruises.
BEHAR: I was on Rosy O`Donnell`s cruise.
QUARLES: Oh, yes.
MADIGAN: Yes, it`s good.
DIPAOLO: Oh, how was that?
BEHAR: I worked on that cruise. I did stand-up on the cruise.
DIPAOLO: Did you really?
BEHAR: Yes.
DIPAOLO: Terrific.
BEHAR: Well, it was great. It was fine.
DIPAOLO: Was it?
BEHAR: Yes.
MADIGAN: It did make me laugh though because she was married three times...
DIPAOLO: Yes.
MADIGAN: ... with all these kids and all of that. If my mom, who was on about her age, if my mom at this point sat us all down and said I`m a lesbian, it would take me ten years to quit laughing. I wouldn`t be able to believe it. I`m like now?
BEHAR: It`s interesting Rupert Everett.
DIPAOLO: It was kind of like Adam Lambert.
BEHAR: You know Rupert Everett?
QUARLES: Yes, the actor.
MADIGAN: Yes.
DIPAOLO: Oh, yes, I don`t but I...
BEHAR: He`s a gay actor, he`s a Brit.
DIPAOLO: Yes.
BEHAR: He says that he`s losing a lot of work because he has come out, he`s sorry that he`s come out.
QUARLES: Why? What`s he talking about. Please. I think that`s total baloney. Like I covered him when I work in Hollywood there are plenty of gay people and lesbian people working. And I don`t believe that.
BEHAR: I think it`s true. I think it`s a problem for the man, and I`ve said this before but I`ll say it again.
DIPAOLO: He said it`s hurt him in Hollywood or London?
BEHAR: It hurts him Hollywood.
DIPAOLO: How can they say that? It`s run by gays.
BEHAR: You don`t want it because women in this country want to have a fantasy when they watching George Clooney make out with a woman in a movie. They don`t to want think...
QUARLES: Right.
BEHAR: ... he was making out with a guy. They don`t want to know that.
DIPAOULO: What are you a homophobic?
QUARLES: That`s coming out of her.
BEHAR: I`m a homophobic, I`m giving you the...
MADIGAN: I don`t think Adam had a choice to come out and laying this -- this AMA performance, I`m surprised he didn`t do that on "Idol." Every week I was thinking that was coming, I`m like he contain himself. He`s just going to go completely...
BEHAR: A lot of people think he didn`t win American Idol because he was gay, because he was superior. Who even remembers who won? Who won that thing?
DIPAOLO: Chris Allen.
QUARLES: Well, Chris Allen, look at that.
DIPAOLO: I looked up before and...
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: All right, let`s talk about the White House party crashers. The Salahis -- the Salahis were invited to a Congressional hearing on this security -- on this security breach but this time, they were no-shows.
So let me get this straight, when you are uninvited, they show up but when they are invited they stiff you, these two. Now, what do you think about this? Somebody needs to get fired in this case, don`t you think?
DIPAOLO: Yes. Obama.
QUARLES: Oh, why?
BEHAR: Why him?
DIPAOLO: No, hey.
BEHAR: He was minding he`s own business.
DIPAOLO: No, I`m just kidding.
BEHAR: Yes.
DIPAOLO: But -- let`s be honest, if this was the Bush administration, all that we hear is what an incompetent administration. This is typical that goes on there.
QUARLES: It`s not.
DIPAOLO: Ginger, what`s her name, it`s not Ginger Rogers, Miss Rogers.
BEHAR: Desiree Rogers.
DIPAOLO: Desiree Rogers.
QUARLES: Desiree...
BEHAR: The social secretary.
DIPAOLO: That`s right.
BEHAR: Yes.
DIPAOLO: She should get canned. But she`s not going to because she`s been a friend of the Obama`s for over ten year and she`s a black woman.
QUARLES: You know what? Oh shut-up Nick. This couple needs to get - - I`m going to slap him. I`m going to slap him.
DIPAOLO: Well, that was the whole goal.
QUARLES: I mean, I`m sitting by a racist homophobe. No seriously. There`s a (INAUDIBLE) to be fired. At this point you are getting their 15 minutes to fame. You know Obama is saying, he`s sending troops to Afghanistan, we`re discussing that, we`re discussing the Salahis, enough of them already.
BEHAR: Well, nobody wants to discuss Afghanistan because it`s either scary, it`s too complicated. We don`t know why they`re going in really.
(CROSSTALK)
I mean, we don`t get it, it`s like health care, it`s over our heads. We can`t take it anymore. I can`t take it.
DIPAOLO: I`m actually with you on this one.
BEHAR: Yes.
QUARLES: So I can`t take this couple anymore.
BEHAR: Yes, oh you think that we should pull out of Afghanistan.
DIPAOLO: Yes, anyway. No. I was talking about the Salahis, all about Salahis.
MADIGAN: I think we should send these two to Afghanistan. If they can sneak into this party why can`t they sneak into a cave and...
DIPAOLO: Yes exactly right.
MADIGAN: ... and find Osama bin Laden, obviously they are very good at sneaking around.
BEHAR: Yes.
MADIGAN: And getting into places they shouldn`t be. I don`t think at all...
DIPAOLO: I`d love to see their limo go over an IED.
BEHAR: All right, you guys. What else can we say about this topic? Your last word on Tiger Woods, anybody?
QUARLES: Redemption. He`s going to go out there. He`s going to win a few tournaments and America is going to love him again.
DIPAOLO: Tiger, get rid of the wife and go nuts. Seriously, there`s a zillion cocktail waitresses waiting for you. Go crazy.
MADIGAN: Tiger`s wife, leave. Bring all of Sweden to you in Orlando.
DIPAOLO: She should be a billionaire because she`s the one who...
BEHAR: Go for the money. Get the money. She has to stay with him. She`ll get the money. She doesn`t have to sleep with him anymore. Just take the money.
DIPAOLO: That`s right. And everybody`s happy.
BEHAR: Thanks to my panel. Back in just a minute comedian Jim Norton.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
JESSE VENTURA, FORMER GOVERNOR, MINNESOTA: Bye, tough guy.
JIM NORTON, COMEDIAN: Bye tough guy.
VENTURA: Thanks for your service.
NORTON: You`re welcome. Thanks for touching me with your (EXPLETIVE DELETED), hair (EXPLETIVE DELETED). You`re bigger than me and stronger than me. So what? I don`t (EXPLETIVE DELETED). You want to beat me up, go ahead. I`m not going to fight a guy like you. That means nothing to me.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: That was a Smackdown between comedian Jim Norton and former Minnesota governor and wrestler, I might add, Jesse Ventura. That happened during an interview on the "Opie and Anthony Show".
Here with me now to talk about that and a few other things is a very funny and apparently very brave comedian Jim Norton.
NORTON: Hi.
BEHAR: Hi, Jim. What happened between the two of you? I thought you were lovers?
NORTON: Well, that was -- no, we met in a rest area once. That was the actually the end of a one hour interview on "Opie and Anthony". It was the third time we had Jesse on.
It wasn`t like I just attacked Jesse Ventura. He`s a tough guy to kind of go back and forth with. He`s a dominant alpha male.
BEHAR: Yes, he is.
NORTON: So if you disagree -- it`s like, I don`t about that. "What would you want your government to do?" Like he`s a very, very overpowering guy.
BEHAR: He`s in your face.
NORTON: So when you start jumping in aggressively, it becomes aggressive.
So the interview went -- the first time we interviewed him at K- Rock a few years ago, he got so mad at me, he was sitting there and he just pushed the microphone away from himself and he goes all right, fine, you talk I`ll just sit here.
BEHAR: You did it very well. He does talk like that.
NORTON: Thank you. That was exactly -- he rocks a lot too. It`s really frightening.
BEHAR: Were you afraid he was going to hit you?
NORTON: Yesterday, I was. It got so heated at the very end. He got up. The reason I insulted him like that was because he cursed at me and I cursed at him. He patted me and he goes, "thanks for your patriotism" and he patted.
And when he touched me, it`s like that raises it. I`m not going to get up and touch him back. I`m not stupid. I have a big mouth and a microphone. But I`m not going to challenge an ex-wrestler. He would have punched me through the wall.
BEHAR: Exactly. But he`s a lot older than you. You might have been able take him.
NORTON: He`s an older gentleman. Hopefully he`d have a Viagra heart attack. But there`s nothing else I could do to combat Jesse Ventura. So I just insulted him.
But people made more out of it. It was like, look, we`re both guys, we had a fight. He`s a combative guy, I`m a combative guy. I`m glad he didn`t punch me in the face.
BEHAR: Boy, that is something.
NORTON: But it did get uncomfortable. I`m not that brave where I would have been in an alley to fist fight him. But I really did think that he was going to strike.
BEHAR: It was really kind of interesting television I just watched. Are you going to put it in your stand-up act? Are you going to do anything with it?
NORTON: Yes, people will probably shout it out because the fans tend to yell out stuff. It`s happened on the radio show. I mean I`ll talk about it if people want me to. I`m not going to trash him. I still like him.
BEHAR: Let`s talk about something else.
NORTON: Sure.
BEHAR: Let`s talk about "The Jay Leno Show"? He`s having a little trouble over there. What is your take on that?
NORTON: The critics have never liked Jay. His phony mavericks. It`s like, they`re like, he`s not as edgy as the other. He does the edgiest late night monologue. He`s the only guy that touches race. He`s the only guys that touches Islam. But they think because it`s "Tonight Show" that it`s still the days of Johnny Carson where there`s a younger hipper guy on later.
It`s crap. No one thought Jay was going to beat "CSI Miami." Everybody knew it would take a while. And I think he`s doing 6 million people they`re like he`s failing.
BEHAR: It`s a lot about the time slot, isn`t it?
NORTON: Yes. It`s a tough time slot to compete in.
BEHAR: It didn`t work as well as they thought it would. And he said in an interview I`d like to go back to my old time slot and we haven`t seen him since on any talk show since he said that.
NORTON: They did know that he was going to have a while before he caught on. Like Jay said, they`ll get us on the straight away and we`ll get them on the curves. Meaning on re-runs. But if he does 6 million people, I think, on "30 Rock," that`s considered a success in that area. For Jay, it`s a failure. The critics have never liked him so they`re not trashing...
BEHAR: Do they like you, the critics?
NORTON: No. They`ve never liked me.
BEHAR: They hate you too. So what? Who cares.
Thanks Jim. If you are in New York City go see Jim at Caroline`s on Broadway now through December 6.
Back in just a minute with the hilarious comedian, Howie Mandel.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Well, that was the arresting Howie Mandel doing his thing on the mega hit "Deal Or No Deal." Earlier this week I asked him what the deal is with his assortment of anxieties, fears, and phobias. Got a lot of them.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
HOWARD MANDEL, ACTOR/COMEDIAN: I am the biggest mess you ever want to meet. I didn`t realize it until I, well I knew it, but I didn`t realize it until I wrote the book and saw it in front of me. How much of a mess I am. Thank you for holding it up. Boo "Here`s The Deal: Don`t Touch Me." I am a mess. But I think a lot of people are a mess. I didn`t realize how it affected every waking moment. I do realize that and now I`m having a discussion with myself. But I am. I do a lot of therapy. I do a lot of -- I see a lot of people. I get a lot of help. And I`m medicated.
BEHAR: You`re medicated as we speak.
MANDEL: Yes.
BEHAR: What kind of medication are you on?
MANDEL: I can`t say. I`m not suppose to say.
BEHAR: OK.
MANDEL: Tom Cruise told me just don`t mention it.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: He did not.
MANDEL: No, he did not. No but I --
BEHAR: Which is worse, the OCD or the ADD?
MANDEL: You know what, I know I have OCD and when I`m trying to fix it I lose focus. What is worse. And then I go on to something else. I want to deal with the OCD but the ADD, I just I`m on to something else so I --
BEHAR: Yes how do you do "Deal Or No Deal"? You have to touch people all the time over there.
MANDEL: Well touching is not the issue.
BEHAR: Oh so it`s not? So if I
(CROSSTALK)
MANDEL: No don`t - you wanted me to be comfortable you have no idea before people that are just joining us now, they spent 20 minutes adjusting my chair so I`d look comfortable. And now you are reaching for me? No if you touch me, probably nothing would happen. But the thought that something might happen --
BEHAR: Like what?
MANDEL: I`ll get triggered.
BEHAR: Into what?
MANDEL: Are you doing that to me? It wasn`t a touch. It`s the cough. Why did you cough?
BEHAR: I`m sorry, I`m sorry.
MANDEL: What does that a tough of the H1N1 - you are reaching and coughing -
BEHAR: Maybe I have -
MANDEL: Hundreds of people out there -
BEHAR: Well you know the cough could be like the nervous action to the OCD.
MANDEL: Well I`m having a nervous reaction to your first reaction. Do you have a cough? Are you sick?
BEHAR: No, I`m not sick.
MANDEL: Why did you cough?
BEHAR: I`m not sick, stop it. It`s an allergy?
MANDEL: It`s an allergy? Well I have many issues. You have an allergy?
BEHAR: I see that you have an issue.
MANDEL: But I would think that maybe I have a germ and then I would go in and wash my hands. And I would scald my hands and like a normal person would probably leave and think they have cleaned, they`ve cleansed. I would go back again and keep going back. And it would -- my day would stop. My life would stop. And it`s a never ending dark circle that I can`t break.
BEHAR: But you`re married guy with children.
MANDEL: Yes, I am, thank you.
BEHAR: Let`s just -- I want to ask you about the courtship section. Like when you were dating your wife -
MANDEL: Right.
BEHAR: You would be in the bathroom washing your hands all the time. Wasn`t she curious -- did she think you left her?
MANDEL: She knew. She`s a very tolerant, wonderful woman.
BEHAR: She must be.
MANDEL: Yes, she is. And she deserves an award. I hope there is an award for her. But she knew. A lot of our - and maybe that`s why I lasted 30 years. Because I spent a lot of time away --I`m on the road or I`m washing my hands.
BEHAR: It`s a busy day.
MANDEL: We don`t spend time.
BEHAR: What about public restrooms when you`re away?
MANDEL: I try not to go. When I do --
BEHAR: So that gives you another disease? Backed up bladder.
MANDEL: No, I have a catheter. But the thing is that I - when I do go.
BEHAR: He does not.
MANDEL: How do you know? Why do you know? You don`t know. You just met me now. And the desk is coming to here.
BEHAR: Well I noticed that you move further away from me.
MANDEL: I did. I move close to you -- I don`t want to ruin the angle.
BEHAR: Don`t be afraid of me.
MANDEL: I don`t want to be a space between my back -
BEHAR: Just because I like you, I am sympathetic to your plight. I have all sorts of things here. To clean the studio and everything because of you.
MANDEL: To me, the sounds of Lysol are like porn to me. You just caused thank god the desk is to here. But -- the thing is, that, you know, and I laugh about it. And there are very serious parts in the book. It`s hard for me. But making fun of it allows me to survive.
BEHAR: Well it helps to be a comedian when you have all these disorders.
MANDEL: Do you have a disorder?
BEHAR: Just the coughing.
MANDEL: Is this for real? Is she sick?
BEHAR: Howie -
MANDEL: Oh she`s sick -
BEHAR: No, I`m fine. Howie, this was a big secret until the Howard Stern Show.
(CROSSTALK)
MANDEL: Well you know, I grew up the same time as you. We`re about the same age. And the thing is there`s a stigma attached to mental health issues. And going a therapist or being medicated, you don`t tell people. And then Howard, I was locked in his --
BEHAR: In his embrace.
MANDEL: Well, no. We were just spooning. In his studio. And I didn`t want to touch the door because a guest before me touched himself and touched the door. He thought it was funny, and then I thought it was funny. I got worn down. I said this is serious. It`s OCD. I`m going a therapist. I thought, what have I just done on national?
BEHAR: No you opened the pandora`s box.
MANDEL: Hundreds of -
BEHAR: Hundreds of fans -
MANDEL: Hundreds of listeners -- listeners. And I thought I just shamed my family, I`ll never work again.
BEHAR: You got over that. What happened then?
MANDEL: I went to the street and thought of maybe running into traffic. Some guy came up to me and said, I heard you, me, too. I thought, I`m not alone. That was a little more comforting. I still didn`t know what I`ve done. And throughout the years as I`ve talked about it and become more vocal about it.
BEHAR: I`m sorry.
MANDEL: Why do you -- are you serious?
BEHAR: I`m allergic to this maybe.
MANDEL: No, why are you coughing? You don`t start with a cough. Did you get a shot? Not like shots, not like rabies. Did you have the H1N1 shot?
BEHAR: No, just the regular flu shot. I haven`t had the -
MANDEL: You can`t. I want one - I won`t go.
BEHAR: Why because you`re afraid of needles.
MANDEL: No, because - no, I`m not afraid of the needles. I`m not going to where they have that? There could be sick people there.
BEHAR: What if you go to the hospital?
MANDEL: I have been to the hospital.
BEHAR: And.
MANDEL: I freaked. I had a heart thing. I had to go to the hospital.
BEHAR: That must have been terrible for you.
MANDEL: Horrible. Horrible. But it was. I would not let them undress me. I was on the gurney dress. I wouldn`t touch that - and then I threw out the clothes I wore that night. I didn`t even get a private room I had a semiprivate room. With an older man who wore a gown and stared at out the window with the back opening -
BEHAR: The flab -
MANDEL: No but I was looking out the window at the moon on in the room, looking at his moon. It was horrible. Not a joke, it`s true, I had a -
BEHAR: Is this a genetic disorder?
MANDEL: I don`t know. You know, I don`t know. They are doing research now. I don`t know if it`s genetic, you know my kids are showing signs, but I don`t know if it`s because they copy. I told them, don`t copy me. It`s really hard. It`s torturous.
BEHAR: How old are the kids?
MANDEL: 25, not all of them. They are 25, 20, and 17.
BEHAR: So are they all showing a little OCD tendencies?
MANDEL: Not all.
BEHAR: How about your wife?
MANDEL: No. She doesn`t show any. She`s normal.
BEHAR: It`s not just --
MANDEL: She married me, how normal could SHE be?
BEHAR: So it`s not copying then because she`s been with you all these years too. So maybe it is a genetic.
MANDEL: Yes, she is tolerant.
BEHAR: Maybe it is in your - I read somewhere your parents, your father had a little bit.
MANDEL: No, no, my mother, you know what, OCD, people say I`m a bit of a germaphobe. I`m not as much of a germaphobe as much as if I get a crazy thought in my head, I can`t get it out. My mom with thee Lysol on the side of the crib. And my grandmother was waxing the curb. You know how many people broke their neck in front of her house. But not one cold in the house. A lot of people with broken next out in the front yard. But not one cold in front of her house. There was no dirt in the house. We just had a lot of people with broken necks lying out in the front yard.
BEHAR: Now I have to ask you though you are married. And you obviously have sex with your wife.
MANDEL: I have sex with my wife.
BEHAR: You have three children.
MANDEL: She frowns upon me having sex with others.
BEHAR: But how do you work that out?
MANDEL: Pardon me?
BEHAR: I have to ask you this question, how did you have sex when you are afraid of -
MANDEL: I don`t shake her hand.
BEHAR: But there are so many germs when you`re having sex.
MANDEL: No not my wife. My wife has no germs.
BEHAR: Howie.
MANDEL: I have a special -- no, I don`t have anything special.
BEHAR: Do you do through the sheet like some religions do?
MANDEL: Yes, I know. What do you mean some religions? The orthodox Jews. They lived down the street from us. And then I remember on Halloween their kid came as a one-eyed ghost. That really bothered me. Because that`s not the sheet you want him to use, right?
BEHAR: That`s right. Well maybe they were not orthodox, religious orthodox. Maybe they were germaphobes.
MANDEL: I don`t know. The pink eye. All the crust and everything. That`s hobble.
(END VIDEOTAPE)
BEHAR: Howie is always a riot. Coming up next, Dog the Bounty Hunter and his wife, Mrs. Dog the Bounty Hunter. Stay right there.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
BEHAR: That was from the A & E series "Dog" the Bounty Hunter. The sixth season premiers this Wednesday. These two are relentless. Here with me now, our Duane Dog Chapman and his wife and partner Beth Chapman. Hi guys, How are you?
DUANE DOG CHAPMAN, ACTOR A&E SERIES OF DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER: Hi.
BETH CHAPMAN, WIFE OF DUANE CHAPMAN: Hi. Thank you.
BEHAR: Welcome to the show. Now you guys have been doing this for what? Four decades?
DUANE CHAPMAN: Yes almost feels like it.
BETH CHAPMAN: Barely four decades old.
BEHAR: What I didn`t hear that?
MRS. CHAPMAN: I said I`m barely four decades old.
BEHAR: I love your outfit. Did Sarah Palin kill that for you?
MRS. CHAPMAN: Maybe, I think. I got it straight from Alaska. I live in Hawaii where it is not cold.
BEHAR: I know that. So --
MRS. CHAPMAN: So I come here, I`m cold.
BEHAR: So what`s the longest you`ve ever tracked a fugitive?
DUANE CHAPMAN: 161 days.
BETH CHAPMAN: 166. Andrew Luster.
DUANE CHAPMAN: 166. Sorry.
BEHAR: Just keep going at it and at it and at it until you get them.
DUANE CHAPMAN: Exactly right. Yes.
BEHAR: Now you`ve seen the Roman Polanski thing in the news lately, right? He`s been on the run for 30 years. He could be let out on bail and put under house arrest as early as today. Do you think he`ll run again?
DUANE CHAPMAN: His bail is $4 million?
BEHAR: I don`t know. I`m not sure.
BETH CHAPMAN: $4.5 with an ankle bracelet.
DUANE CHAPMAN: The price of the bail can usually tell if you they`re going to run or not.
BEHAR: Is 4.5 million - that`s right.
DUANE CHAPMAN: How much time will he get in the United States?
BEHAR: I don`t know. A lot. If he`s convicted.
DUANE CHAPMAN: Then he probably will run again, I would think.
BEHAR: I understand that he has a, what do you call it? A brace on his leg?
BETH CHAPMAN: The ankle bracelet. The electronic monitoring.
BEHAR: I had one in junior high school. It`s not an ankle bracelet. It said I love you Joy.
MRS. CHAPMAN: Andrew Luster had an ankle bracelet. It didn`t work well on him either.
BEHAR: I understand that Polanski`s ankle bracelet does not have a GPS system on it. He can leave. They`ll know he left but they won`t be able to track hill.
BETH CHAPMAN: Correct.
DUANE CHAPMAN: Exactly right.
BEHAR: So what do you do about somebody like that? How do you track them?
BETH CHAPMAN: You don`t let them out of your sight. You have to stay with them. I mean, you know, he is such a high profile person right now that you know, when they granted a dog bail, they felt he couldn`t really flee anywhere because everyone knew what he looked like. You know Mr. Polanski at this point has been splattered all over international news. I don`t know that he could flee anywhere at this point.
BEHAR: Probably not but he has a lot of friends in the world.
MRS. CHAPMAN: Yes, he does.
BEHAR: Yes, he does.
BETH CHAPMAN: Careers.
BEHAR: How many people have you captured in your career? Careers?
DUANE CHAPMAN: We have captured over 6,000 in the 30-year career.
BEHAR: Wow! Who has been the most dangerous fugitive to catch?
DUANE CHAPMAN: Dangerous? Well, right now, your methamphetamine users that are usually the chemist that cooks, those are the most dangerous right now.
BEHAR: The chemist that cooks.
BETH CHAPMAN: The chemists that cooks, the people who make the methamphetamine. The speed, the ice that people are consuming on a day-to- day basis which makes them very insane.
DUANE CHAPMAN: There is one guy usually in the group that is called the cook. And he has basically a kitchen. And he makes the ingredients, the recipe, and he make the methamphetamine. He is the most dangerous one as far as, you know, going after --
BETH CHAPMAN: They call it a bathtub.
BEHAR: Why do you say he is the most dangerous? I`ll not clear.
DUANE CHAPMAN: Well he is usually the one that will take the most risks. He is usually the most, the highest. He make the most money on the drug. So he is, you know, he is like the kingpin, the top of the mountain.
BEHAR: I see. Is it harder to catch, let`s say, a smart cagey guy rather than a violent dangerous guy? Which one is harder to catch?
DUANE CHAPMAN: The violent dangerous guy is a lot harder to catch. The white collar criminal doesn`t have a chance. I mean, usually they fake a suicide right off the bat. And you know they need they need pillows to sleep on and so on and so forth. Where a killer, say a sniper killer, something like that, is just on the run. Is a night mover. A night stalker.
BETH CHAPMAN: Definitely moving. People that are constantly moving are the harder ones to catch. People try to bunker down are the harder ones to catch.
BEHAR: Now Dog, you did some jail time in your time. They say it takes a thief to catch a thief. Does it make you a better hunter because of the jail time you`ve done? Do you know your prey? Your quarry?
DUANE CHAPMAN: Well, you know, years ago, I think, everyone said that to make it sound like that`s why I could. I think my heritage and my relentlessness does more than because my crimes were 30 years ago. And you know, thieves of changed. We ran into a store and ran and grabbed out. Today it is completely different stuff. So, I think the relentless, we stay right on the person. And you get used to doing what you do and you get better at it. And I think that you know, I also have a deep religious belief that you are predestined to do certain things. And I think that I was predestined to be a bounty hunter and I`ve kind of proven that to myself. So those qualities, I think, help in the hunt.
BETH CHAPMAN: I personally think that his, I personally think that the amount of experience that both of us shared on the other side of the tracks absolutely contributes to what we do every day. Because we are not fooled by the everyday, oh, I missed my court work -- court date. Oh, my dog ate my homework. We`re not bamboozled by any of that so we`re relentless in that fact. So I think from my opinion, it helps enormously.
BEHAR: Do you think, Beth, that you were predestined to be a bounty hunter, too?
BETH CHAPMAN: No. I was drug along on this ride. Forcibly.
DUANE CHAPMAN: Whatever!
BETH CHAPMAN: Forcibly. I still have my -- of course.
BEHAR: The sixth season is coming up of "Dog" the bounty hunter. What can we expect in the new show?
DUANE CHAPMAN: Have you seen the fist season, Joy?
BEHAR: I`m sorry but I have not. I`ve seen one through four.
DUANE CHAPMAN: Listen, let me tell you this ok?
BETH CHAPMAN: Sure.
DUANE CHAPMAN: Listen, I promise if you watch the show, if you watch the show coming up, you would like it. We go after very violent people without guns. We use nonlethal weapons. After we capture they will, we get them in the car, we say straighten up or you`re going to meet us again. We do that four or five times a week every week, 52 weeks a year. We take out the nation`s most violent. If they need a chance, they get a chance. If they don`t get a chance, they`re in jail for a long time.
BETH CHAPMAN: Shale therapy goes a long way.
DUANE CHAPMAN: We`re slowly cleaning know, the urban terrorism as we go through life.
BEHAR: You know --
DUANE CHAPMAN: Good show.
BEHAR: The government is having a lot of trouble finding Bin Laden. What about you guys? Why don`t you look for him?
DUANE CHAPMAN: You know, we -- I don`t want to get in that subject.
BETH CHAPMAN: We`ve been down this road before.
BEHAR: You have? Is it too far out of your domain?
DUANE CHAPMAN: We don`t want to talk about that. No, but once you -- he has a lot of friends in America, obviously, right?
BEHAR: Well we hope not.
DUANE CHAPMAN: Well, we better realize that he does.
BETH CHAPMAN: He could have been caught many, many times. It`s not a matter of can you catch him, it`s a matter of when do you want to catch him?
DUANE CHAPMAN: When you start talking bad about someone you better be able to do it instead of threaten it. He`s got a lot of friends.
BEHAR: Beth, that`s very interesting what you say. You think he could have gotten caught many times. Before we go out of this segment, we`re going to come back with more, but why do you think he wasn`t caught in that case?
BETH CHAPMAN: I think that, you know, strategically people, you know, take their time and they want to methodically capture him to make sure he`s caught. And that much planning, sometimes you miss your window.
BEHAR: I see. Stay right there. We have more coming up with Dog and Beth.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back with my guest Duane Dog Chapman and Beth Chapman. You guys have been together a long time but you got married in 2006. What made you pull the trigger?
BETH CHAPMAN: Literally.
DUANE CHAPMAN: Stop it. She found out there was no such thing as common law in Hawaii.
BEHAR: Oh, really?
DUANE CHAPMAN: Stop it.
DUANE CHAPMAN: I married my -- I married my, you know, my common law wife the Christian way is the truth. I love her and did it right. Now I`m happy about it.
BEHAR: She`s not your first, I know. You`ve had several children.
DUANE CHAPMAN: No, I`m 50-some years old, sister.
BETH CHAPMAN: Like that`s an excuse for crying out loud.
BEHAR: I don`t know any --
BETH CHAPMAN: I`m the last, let`s say that.
BEHAR: You`re the last one. Yes, probably. At 57, where`s he going after this? You know what I`m saying?
DUANE CHAPMAN: I know.
BETH CHAPMAN: Stop.
BEHAR: Listen, dog, let me ask you about your hair for a second.
DUANE CHAPMAN: No, don`t do that, Joy. I knew you were going to try that. I don`t talk about your hair and I love you.
(CROSSTALK)
DUANE CHAPMAN: Listen, I love you sister on the "View." please don`t do this to me.
BEHAR: No, no, doesn`t the hair and the look take away from the surprise element?
BETH CHAPMAN: You know what? It actually adds to the surprise element.
DUANE CHAPMAN: See, it works.
BEHAR: Okay. Okay. You know, we have a couple of twitter questions. You know, people very interested in you guys and so they sent us some questions. So let me ask you a couple. How does Beth run in those high heels she wears?
DUANE CHAPMAN: She slips on tennis shoes right at the last second.
BETH CHAPMAN: I do not.
DUANE CHAPMAN: Like bat girl.
BETH CHAPMAN: This is reality television. What you see is what you get.
DUANE CHAPMAN: She doesn`t really have to run -- I`m her bulletproof vest. I do the running.
BETH CHAPMAN: It`s years of training is the real answer.
BEHAR: Okay. What is the reason behind the strand of beads in your hair, dog?
DUANE CHAPMAN: I am -- I have ChairCowwa in my blood and the tribe sent me those like a good luck piece or that spirit of god will be with me. Certain guys, you know, I don`t get scared but I get a little worried so I use that as a strength.
BEHAR: Uh-huh. This person says I would like to know how he justifies his bad language against his praying and talking about God on his show.
DUANE CHAPMAN: Well, I met with Roberts` son last week and I`m working on the -- freeze in the name of Jesus don`t work all the time. So freeze da da da kind of does. And you know --
BETH CHAPMAN: Jaw dropping, sort of mind altering, sort of stops you in your tracks all at one time.
DUANE CHAPMAN: When the bible was written, the cuss words were not even there. So I think --
BETH CHAPMAN: Cursing it to the big biblical terms is not --
DUANE CHAPMAN: I should watch -- here I go. I should watch my mouth because I`ve learned to in the past. So if I offend everybody because in the, you know, when I think one of my family members may die right now and some guy`s standing there and I happen to call him a blah, blah, blah, I`m very sorry, but at least he`s going to jail and they get to go home and be safe in your house, too.
BETH CHAPMAN: I rather he yell and call them names and all of that than be physically violent.
BEHAR: That`s a very good plan. Thank you both for being on my show. Check out the sixth season premiere of "Dog The Bounty Hunter December 2nd on A&E. Thanks to dog and Beth and all my guests for joining me tonight. Thanks for watching. Good night, everybody.
END
