Return to Transcripts main page
Joy Behar Page
Late Night Showdown; Rocking Robin
Aired January 19, 2010 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
JOY BEHAR, HOST: Tonight on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW, Conan`s exit from NBC is nearly complete. But he reportedly won`t be able to take the masturbating bear to any new show. There goes his shot at "Meet the Press.
Then "The Howard Stern Show" is crazy, chaotic and often crude but news anchor Robin Quivers brings a little sanity to the cuckoo`s nest. She`s like the Xanax of radio hosts. She`ll be here in the studio
And "American Idol" judge Randy Jackson will tell us why Paula left, why Ellen`s in, why Simon`s out and why he`s staying right where he is.
All this and more start right now.
All this fighting between Jay and Conan and Dave is giving me (INAUDIBLE). I like all of these guys, I feel like I`m at a big family dinner and my cousins Nuncio and Carmine are in a huge fight over whose turn it is to give grandpa a sponge bath.
That`s how it feels.
So last night, Jay tried to explain what`s going on.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JAY LENO, NBC HOST: Next thing I see Conan has a story in the paper saying he doesn`t want to do that. They come back to me and they say if he decides to walk and doesn`t want to do it, do you want the show back? I go, "Yes, I`ll take the show back."
If that`s what he wants to do. This way we can keep all our people working, fine. So that`s pretty much where we are.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: With me to discuss this family feud is Lynette Rice, writer at "Entertainment Weekly"; Sandra Bernhard, comedian and actress and Joe Levy, editor-in-chief at "Maxim" magazine.
Ok. Hi guys.
You know I spoke to Jay today. I don`t want to drop names but I happen to have spoken to him today. And he said to me, you know, he feels I think as if he`s being targeted as some kind of villain. He said they act like I`m Roman Polanski or that I was stopped for DUI.
SANDRA BERNHARD, COMEDIAN: He should be so lucky.
BEHAR: They`d treat him better.
BERNHARD: That might add a little zest to Jay. He could use that description.
BEHAR: Do you think he`s sincere in last night`s thing?
BERNHARD: What`s he going to do at this point? You know, let`s call a spade a spade. David Letterman should have been hosting "The Tonight Show" the way Johnny Carson wanted. He was the heir apparent. There was so much intrigue and coercion on Jay`s part...
BEHAR: But why should Johnny Carson call the shots on that? The guy had great ratings for 12 years.
BERNHARD: Because David Letterman is a smarter more interesting nighttime host.
BEHAR: I think that`s a complete...
LYNETTE RICE, "ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY": It`s all 14 years ago.
BEHAR: There was a long time ago.
BERNHARD: It doesn`t matter, though. I`m just taking it back to like, you know...
(CROSSTALK)
JOE LEVY, "MAXIM" MAGAZINE: And the amazing thing is, it was a long time ago and here we are again. They screwed it up twice. Isn`t that amazing? It`s like mommy and daddy getting divorced all over again.
You thought it couldn`t happen, you`re living through the nightmare twice. Because again the smarter, funnier host is not the one we`re going to end up with hosting "The Tonight Show".
RICE: That`s your opinion, the smarter, funnier host.
LEVY: No, no, that`s a fact. They tested it.
RICE: But we already saw that Jay Leno demonstrated that he is the bona fides king of late night. He was the winner for many years over. And so when they brought Conan in, there was already a lot of skepticism whether he was the guy, he was the guy who could still keep the ratings strong and he demonstrated he couldn`t.
BERNHARD: It was impossible for him to ever prove whether he could keep the ratings strong because from the week lead-in from Jay being on at 10:00, which destroyed the whole night of television. Nobody wanted to stay up again for another round of a talk show.
BEHAR: Why didn`t Conan just say I`ll take the 12:05, or I`ll take the 12:30 and then go back to exactly where it was?
BERNHARD: Because I think following Jay a half hour later, what is Jay going to accomplish in half an hour that somebody else has to pick up the mess and clean up?
LEVY: How does Conan come out of that as anything other than the loser? He`s embarrassed and he`s still got numbers to beat that he can`t possibly beat. Who`s not going to tune out at midnight when another show starts up? Why would you bother all over again?
I just heard a monologue, I just heard musical performance, I really need to do this all over again?
BERNHARD: I think David Carr (ph) from "The New York Times" really did a good kind of postmortem of late night talk shows. That in their day, we went to them because they kind of like summed up what happened that week or that day in culture and politics.
BEHAR: Right.
BERNHARD: And now we`re on the Internet all day. We already know what`s going on.
BEHAR: Oh, I read that. That was very, very astute.
BERNHARD: What are we really getting? It doesn`t have the zing it had 10, 15 years ago.
BEHAR: It`s true. And if you go on after Jay, he had used all the material up in a lot of ways. So it has to be a different kind of show.
But Conan never really adjusted the format. Lynette, do you think that Jay`s getting the shaft here? What is your opinion of Conan in all of this?
RICE: I don`t think Jay`s necessarily getting the shaft. I mean, he`s getting the show back that he never really wanted to leave in the first place.
When you go back five years ago when NBC orchestrated this whole thing, at the time, Jeff Zucker looked like the brilliant man because he managed to keep Conan in the fold and put off Jay. He didn`t want Conan to leave at the time, so for five years he looked like a genius. Even though...
BEHAR: I don`t agree with that. He didn`t look like a genius because the numbers, Jay kept getting high numbers and was kicking Letterman`s butt.
RICE: No, but think about it. Had he not made that deal, Conan would have been gone to the competition. He would have gone to ABC at that time because Kimmel wasn`t doing that great.
He possibly could have gone to Fox and so he would have lost this great value. So for five years, he held on to both of these men and ultimately he gave Conan what he wanted. And then Jay, of course, was off.
There`s obviously people who questioned whether Conan was the best heir apparent. But then he did it again by convincing Jay not to jump to the competition, which, again, all of us were speculating that could be a real potential and he could beat NBC.
BERNHARD: It wasn`t speculating a potential; it was the worst idea in the world to put him on at 10:00.
RICE: Speculation that somebody else could steal away Jay. So he managed to keep him in the fold.
LEVY: He managed to keep all the toys but none of them work anymore. And we`re not having...
BERNHARD: They`re all broken without batteries.
BEHAR: The batteries are dead.
Look at Conan. Conan`s coming up with more and more creative ways to criticize his bosses. Look at this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CONAN O`BRIEN, NBC HOST: It`s been reported that I can`t say anything negative about the network. Yes. Luckily, folks, they`re not saying I can`t sing anything negative about the network.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: I mean, should he give it up at this point?
BERNHARD: What does he have to lose?
BEHAR: It`s true.
BERNHARD: He`s going to walk away with $40 million and eventually he`ll end up on another network and so he`s...
BEHAR: Don`t you think Fox is going to nickel and dime him when he goes over there?
BERNHARD: He`ll have so much money from NBC that he`ll be able to take a few less shekels than he`s got now. Don`t worry about him.
RICE: He definitely won`t get the kind of money at Fox that he got at NBC. And you know what, the great thing for him is that public perception is on his side and everyone does feel sorry for him. How can you not feel sorry for this guy?
But at the end of the day, he didn`t get what he wanted. He wanted "The Tonight Show" and he`s lost it. So I`m sure the man he still feels this ridiculous sense of loss.
Everybody makes note of the fact he`s going to walk away with so much money yes, Conan got screwed. He got totally screwed and he doesn`t have the show.
BEHAR: There are huge protests going on, on Conan`s behalf. These people, they would never protest anti-gay marriage or abortion rights. But for this they`re on the roof with the pizzas and everything else.
BERNHARD: There`s nothing to lose. There`s nothing to lose, Joy.
BEHAR: It`s just insane. I happen to like Jay`s show because I feel as though his show is more diverse. He had more gay comedians; he had more women comedians on his show. Letterman and Conan don`t do it as much. True or not true?
RICE: I think that`s true and you know what? The funny thing is Joy, you`re probably in the minority in terms of the media elite if you`d like to say who actually comes out and says that they like Leno. It`s very uncool to say that you like Leno and everyone wants to pile on the guy right now.
But probably fortunately for Leno and for NBC, there`s a segment of the population that doesn`t read us, doesn`t watch us, they don`t pay attention to entertainment blogs and one day they`ll be tuning in to "The Tonight Show" and they`ll say, "Oh, my old buddy is back."
BEHAR: Yes. He`ll be fine. I think he`s going to be fine
RICE: Yes, it`s going to be fine.
BERNHARD: I don`t cry the blues for any of these white men.
BEHAR: There you go.
BERNHARD: Please. Spare me.
BEHAR: Right.
BERNHARD: Bring me Mo`nique honey, on BET.
BEHAR: There you go. Joe, what do you want to say?
LEVY: Well, I think we`re all going to survive.
BEHAR: Oh, yes, we will survive.
LEVY: I think given a choice between is this going to be ok and is the health care thing going to work out, I`m more worried about the health care thing, to be perfectly honest.
BEHAR: Yes.
Letterman is interesting, too. He`s flat outside he enjoys the drama last night. Let`s see this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DAVID LETTERMAN, CBS HOST: I`m telling jokes and making fun of Jay Leno over and over and over relentlessly, mercilessly, simply for one reason and that is, I`m really enjoying it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: You know, he`s in a very good position, because this whole story took that whole extortion/sexual harassment thing off the table. So he likes it.
BERNHARD: I just hope that at some point that the late night forum opens up to a little wider expanse of entertainers; white boy, white boy, white boy. And also the guests they have on, it`s redundant.
LEVY: Why are you looking at me?
BERNHARD: They`re all coming from major hits and when I started off, you go on the Letterman show, nothing particular was happening. You just go on because you`re funny and interesting. And now everything has to be geared towards people being...
BEHAR: PR.
BERNHARD: Yes, it`s a PR machine.
BEHAR: It`s all public relations; it`s true.
BERNHARD: It`s just a bummer, that`s the bottom line in all of this.
BEHAR: Now, let me ask you one thing about Zucker...
BERNHARD: Jay Zucker.
BEHAR: Jeff Zucker.
BERNHARD: A joker.
BEHAR: Yes maybe you can respond to this. I saw him on Charlie Rose last night and he said that he receives death threats.
BERNHARD: Well, it`s true. When he looks in the mirror and says "I`m going to kill myself."
UM1: Yes he gets death threats...
BEHAR: That was low.
LEVY: No, I mean, everybody gets death threats; this is just another way of saying he`s unfaithful.
BERNHARD: Come on, hello, can it go any lower, Joy?
BEHAR: No, it can`t.
BERNHARD: Joy?
BEHAR: Yes, I know it`s true. But the guy, I don`t even know -- somebody said to me, do you think he`s really getting it or is he trying to re-create a victim`s image himself? Because he`s getting pummeled.
LEVY: I`m not sure he`s getting death threats I`m just not sure anybody is actually going to kill him or wants to kill him.
BEHAR: All right, we`re out of time. Sorry Lynette I couldn`t get you in. Thanks, guys.
So what it`s like to be sitting next to the king of all media every morning? Howard Stern`s sidekick Robin Quivers will tell me next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ROBIN QUIVERS, NEWS ANCHOR, "THE HOWARD STERN SHOW": Forget it.
HOWARD STERN, ANCHOR, "THE HOWARD STERN SHOW": They`ve been trying to break us apart, they`re trying to beat us.
QUIVERS: That`s the whole point you and Fred should quit, and you should go somewhere else.
STERN: If I quit, they win. Don`t you see? I don`t want them to win. I can`t quit.
QUIVERS: You`re not going to quit?
STERN: No.
QUIVERS: You`re going to let them throw me out like garbage?
STERN: No. I want to beat these guys. I want to stomp them into the ground. The only way to do that is to stay on the air; I`ve got to stay on the air Robin.
QUIVERS: You`re pathetic.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: That was shock doc Howard Stern and co-star Robin Quivers from the movie "Private Parts". She`s the woman behind the man; the yin to Howard`s twisted yang. broadcaster and news anchor on "The Howard Stern`s Show" Robin Quivers is here. Hey, Robin, how are you?
QUIVERS: Thank you for having me.
BEHAR: It`s so nice to see you.
Let`s just -- before I get to everything about you and your personal thing, I was wondering since we just came off with something else, what do you think about the Leno thing? Is there a -- do you have a dog in this fight?
QUIVERS: Actually, it`s kind of hard to have a dog in the fight.
BEHAR: Yes.
QUIVERS: ...because while Jay Leno has been, you know, sort of underhanded and he`s, you know, wormed his way into his positions, you know, most of his career, Conan did really go after his job. And if you`re going to go after a guy`s job and he`s the number one guy...
BEHAR: Right.
QUIVERS: ...you better be number one at the end of that fight. And so seven months later, he`s finding himself pushed out. But he pushed first.
BEHAR: That`s interesting that you put it that way. But it`s a dog- eat-dog world, the show business. You have to push to get your job. Don`t you?
QUIVERS: Yes. But when a guy -- you got to wonder what NBC was thinking.
BEHAR: I know.
QUIVERS: They were the ones who really created this whole mess...
BEHAR: Yes.
QUIVERS: ...by saying, "Oh you know, we got these two whining babies here and we don`t want to lose the younger baby so we`re going to give him the older baby`s job even though the older baby is doing a fantastic job for us.
BEHAR: Right, right, it`s true. Doesn`t Howard have a bone to pick with one of them?
QUIVERS: Yes, he`s not a big Jay Leno fan.
BEHAR: Why?
QUIVERS: Friends -- Stuttering John who was a person on our show, he eventually was lured away by Jay Leno to be his announcer. And when that was all going on, they were kind of -- he was kind of underhanded about it. He didn`t ever call Howard and said -- and say there was a guy on our staff that he was interested in. And he was going to go talk to him. He did it all behind our backs. And when the deal was done, that`s when we found out about it...
BEHAR: Yes.
QUIVERS: ...and Howard has resented that because we were supposed to be friends. We would have been -- well Jay had been on our show for years.
BEHAR: Well, see that the trick was that is, if you tell -- if he had told Howard, Howard might have prevented it from happening. So that`s why probably he didn`t tell him.
QUIVERS: Like how? We didn`t have any money.
BEHAR: Well and also if you offered somebody more money, you can`t expect them to turn it down, right?
QUIVERS: Absolutely -- no, nobody would have stood in his way. He just thought it was kind of cheesy for a friend to do that.
BEHAR: Listen, I remember when that happened to Joan Rivers back in the day when she got a show and she didn`t ask Johnny Carson and Johnny was furious. And it`s like this is show business, business is the key word here. People have to get over their sensitive feelings about being...
QUIVERS: Do they?
BEHAR: Yes I think so.
QUIVERS: They don`t seem to.
BEHAR: They don`t, yes...
QUIVERS: They don`t seem to agree with you, Joy.
BEHAR: Well, they should. It`s like get some therapy and get over yourself.
QUIVERS: Seems that everybody is still holding grudges. Look at Letterman and how he`s enjoying this whole thing.
BEHAR: He`s enjoying it...
QUIVERS: Yes.
BEHAR: ...and it`s a nice distraction from his problems.
QUIVERS: Absolutely. You know, he has Tiger Woods to thank, actually, for knocking him off the front pages.
BEHAR: He really does. We all -- you know what, we all have Tiger to thank. I`d like to thank Tiger right now for giving me the opportunity to have a constant conversation about his peccadillo.
So now, let`s talk about "Howard Stern Show". How do you survive in that male environment? That is testosterone to the max.
QUIVERS: I grew up with three brothers. And so it`s sort of was I walked into the same kind of environment I`ve always felt comfortable, being around guys, I guess. And so I don`t find it intimidating at all.
BEHAR: I noticed that.
QUIVERS: Yes, I don`t have a problem with it.
BEHAR: Yes.
QUIVERS: I enjoy it. I really love men. So it`s fun for me.
BEHAR: Yes, that`s good. I mean, we love men but...
QUIVERS: No, I really love men. Girls don`t really like guys, they love them.
BEHAR: Yes I see.
QUIVERS: ...but I like them to the point of loving them, yes.
BEHAR: Man loving, well, I see.
QUIVERS: Yes, yes.
BEHAR: So do you have issues with men because you love them so much?
QUIVERS: Issues, like what?
BEHAR: You know, like romantic issues?
QUIVERS: Doesn`t everybody have romantic issues? And I don`t think that comes from whether you love men or not...
BEHAR: Yes.
QUIVERS: I think that comes from how you grow up and what you saw and that sort of things.
BEHAR: I guess so. And I think it helps if you were raised with three brothers, though. That really is the key right there.
QUIVERS: Yes, yes absolutely.
BEHAR: Ok.
QUIVERS: Because I always felt comfortable -- you know I can talk sports, I can do all that stuff.
BEHAR: That`s right.
QUIVERS: Yes. In fact, one of -- they already heard me scream once in the hall...
BEHAR: Artie Lang (ph)...
QUIVERS: ...or squeal when I saw another girl and she was talking about her cookie party were like. And he was like, oh my God, Robin just made one of those shrieks that I never thought would come out of her. And I said, well, I talk guy, I am a girl.
BEHAR: You`ve got to remind them.
QUIVERS: Absolutely.
BEHAR: Well, Artie, How is Artie by the way? Artie Lang?
QUIVERS: Well, you know, we`re all praying and hoping that everything is going to be ok.
BEHAR: Do you know the status at the moment?
QUIVERS: I know that physically he`s ok and that, you know, we`re just pulling for him and we`re hoping that...
BEHAR: He tried to kill himself, right?
QUIVERS: Well, that`s what the papers say, yes...
BEHAR: Yes, yes.
QUIVERS: Yes, yes.
BEHAR: And so is he going to come back to Howard`s show?
QUIVERS: Isn`t that all up in the air in a situation like this?
BEHAR: I guess so.
QUIVERS: We have to find out how he is and if he`s ok and if that`s..
BEHAR: If he wants to come back.
QUIVERS: ...an ok thing for him to be doing. Yes.
BEHAR: Yes, yes.
Now, you have a new radio show you`re doing I understand.
QUIVERS: Well, I`m working on something. I have some ideas about things I want to do.
BEHAR: You love radio?
QUIVERS: Radio is a wonderful media.
BEHAR: Why do you love radio so much?
QUIVERS: I was just saying that television takes so many people to get off the ground.
BEHAR: Yes.
QUIVERS: And radio, you can be one person sitting in the room with a microphone and create a whole world. You know we can have...
BEHAR: Without hair and makeup.
QUIVERS: Yes, not only that.
BEHAR: Yes.
QUIVERS: But you could pretend you`re, you know, once we did a show where we pretended that we were at Charles and Di`s wedding and everybody thought we were there. Because there was no picture we were using the sound from TV...
BEHAR: Oh that`s hilarious.
QUIVERS: ...and we`re watching the pictures and pretending we were right there while it was happening.
BEHAR: You know, one time I was asked to go to Germany to do a radio show that would be broadcast into Boston. I said why go to Germany, I`ll come up to Boston with a dog barking and some boots in the background. Who`s going to know we`re not in Germany?
QUIVERS: Absolutely. Absolutely. That`s how...
BEHAR: The magic of radio.
Now, one more thing about you, and Oprah I wanted to ask you because she`s leaving. I was thinking maybe Robin is the next Oprah.
QUIVERS: Well, I don`t think anybody is going to be the next Oprah. That would be like saying David Lee Roth trying to be the next Howard Stern and that`s a bad thing to try to do. You don`t want to step into shoes that big.
BEHAR: I was thinking of you because you`re very warm and you`re smart like she is and you`re a good businesswoman. You know?
QUIVERS: I would certainly love to do a television show that was female oriented and that sort of thing. So I`m here. If somebody wants to try it out.
BEHAR: Ok.
All right. Stay right there. We`ll be back with more from Robin Quivers when we come back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: so I come and rub your feet for an hour in your apartment?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Well, just before -- as I go to sleep.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, boy. Oh, man. You`re totally comfortable with that, huh?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I`m not.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: That`s what I`m thinking about last night while they`re rubbing my feet.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: I`m back with Robin Quivers who is so much more than Howard Stern`s sidekick. You have a warmth about you and also I think he must love you. You laugh with him and laugh at his jokes and keep the spirit going. It`s a great job for you.
QUIVERS: Yes and I think he does love it. Absolutely.
BEHAR: He does? He should.
QUIVERS: And I love him.
BEHAR: You know, Suze Orman was on last night and she was saying that women in a tight spot need to take risks. And I thought that was so interesting because I`ve taken -- I did that too. I changed my life at around 40 years old.
How about you, did you take a risk and jump into something new that women need to hear about?
QUIVERS: Geez, I think this was the risk. I was a nurse. That`s how, you know, I got started. I went to nursing school and I graduated and I was a nurse and working in hospitals and taking care of people.
But I knew that there was something I wanted to do that nursing didn`t answer. And so I went to broadcasting school and the whole time I was going to broadcasting school, my nursing friends were saying, she thinks she`s going to be on the radio.
BEHAR: Who the hell she is.
QUIVERS: You know, what does she think she`s going to do?
And I literally left a very stable substantial job and went to work for like, I don`t know, $150 a week in radio to see if I could actually do it in a little town in Carlisle, Pennsylvania.
BEHAR: And it worked?
QUIVERS: It did work. It was shocking. I thought I`d get lost and nobody would ever hear from me again when I went to that little town. But it turned out to be the best thing that I ever did.
BEHAR: Uh-huh. Let me ask you a couple of Twitter questions, because people love to give me questions that I couldn`t possibly ask you, probably.
QUIVERS: All right. What are these people up to?
BEHAR: "How does she put up with Howard`s ego and all his BS all these years?
QUIVERS: What do I care about that? What`s it to me?
BEHAR: Good point.
QUIVERS: That`s his problem.
BEHAR: Good. He has to deal with all that.
QUIVERS: yes.
BEHAR: "Has she ever felt that Howard has crossed the line when it came to his jokes about race?" That`s an interesting question.
QUIVERS: You know what? People assume Howard is doing a lot of jokes about race and that`s not really the case. We might have Daniel Carver (ph) from the Ku Klux Klan on and he may be saying something and you know sometimes Artie Johnson (ph) with something or a guest will come in with something. But my attitude...
BEHAR: You`ve had a Klansman on that show?
QUIVERS: For years. He almost hugged me once he was so excited.
BEHAR: That`s adorable. There`s nothing that makes me happier than a warm Klansman.
QUIVERS: Crazy things will happen.
BEHAR: That show is wacky. But when I worked at "Good Morning America" they had Albert Spear (ph) the Nazi on and some people used to call me, is that Nazi on your show? Look, I don`t book the show.
QUIVERS: Right, right. Absolutely. But my point is, in the world, you`re going to deal with things. And so to be that sensitive, you know, somebody calling you a name doesn`t define who you are unless you let it.
BEHAR: Right.
QUIVERS: And so, you know, if you`re going to be for freedom of speech, you got to be for freedom of speech.
BEHAR: If someone says something racist you`ll call them on it?
QUIVERS: Yes, absolutely. I`ll point out that it`s racist or whatever, but I don`t have to get angry or never speak to them again. People are like, "I would have walked off that show." I`m like, I`m not letting them take my job.
BEHAR: That`s right. Just tie a sheet in a knot.
Robin, thanks very much for coming on the show.
QUIVERS: It`s a pleasure.
BEHAR: It`s always a pleasure to see you.
We`ll be back in a minute.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: The where is Tiger rumors have now officially surpassed the number of alleged, how shall I call them, put-ons. Last week, "People" magazine reported he was in sex rehab in Arizona. Not so fast, now US Weekly reports he`s in sex rehab clinic in Mississippi of all places. Hey maybe he`ll go to a different rehab clinic for every bimbo. At least he`ll build up the frequent flyer mileage. Here with me now to discuss Tiger`s whereabouts are Andy Borowitz, of borowitzreport.com, Marvet Britto, President, and CEO of the Britto Agency, and Executive Editor of US Weekly Caroline Shaefer. Okay, let`s talk about this, Caroline. Where is he?
CAROLINE SHAEFER, EXECUTIVE EDITOR OF US WEEKLY: We have several sources confirming that he is indeed in Mississippi getting sex rehab. It`s a very, very tight security facility. He`s getting the rehab, but getting in there is like Ft. Knox so you know, nobody has been able to actually see him.
BEHAR: Uh huh, well there are a lot of conflicts reports about where he is because they say - "People" said he was in Arizona.
SHAEFER: Right.
BEHAR: TMZ said he was in Africa.
SHAEFER: Yes.
BEHAR: And Tiger, another guy, Brooks the blogger is saying he`s not in Mississippi.
SHAEFER: It`s like where is Waldo? You know, everybody is trying to find him. He is here. He`s in California, he`s in Florida, I mean this is somebody who has, he`s worth millions and millions of dollars. He has the means to go wherever he wants and to have the security to hide out.
ANDY BOROWITZ, BOROWITZREPORT.COM: One tip for the viewers out there, if you`re looking for Tiger, his current ring tone is "Pants On The Ground." so just, it has a special meaning for him, of course.
BEHAR: Yes, but you know, you`re a publicist, shouldn`t there be some consistency in these reports? I mean, now journalism has just gone to hell in a hand basket.
MARVET BRITTO, PRESIDENT/CEO OF BRITTO AGENCY: It really has but the consistency is that everyone that gets caught cheating they say allegedly goes to sex rehab. But the only problem with that is that sex rehab only work if you check yourself in before you get caught. So really at this point it is --
BEHAR: Why? Why is that? I don`t understand, why?
BRITTO: Because you`re checking yourself into sex rehab, wouldn`t your wife be the first to know that you`re a sex addict?
BOROWITZ: We know - I tried -
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: True. So you only go because you got caught.
BRITTO: He`s a cheater, he`s not a sex addict.
BEHAR: Uh huh.
BRITTO: So it`s an old tactic PR tactic to make the public sympathize for you. But this public is now desensitized to it because everyone uses that strategy.
BOROWITZ: I take issue a little bit with this, Joy. I am a recovering sex-a-holic. I had tried everything, I have tried the sex patches -
BEHAR: Really.
BOROWTIZ: The sex gum and really checking in was the only way we could do it. It`s really a very, very useful thing. There`s all kinds of aversion therapy to make you not want to have sex.
BEHAR: Like what?
BOROWITZ: When I was there, we watched the "Lou Dobbs Show."
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: That will do it.
BOROWITZ: Yes, yes, it was very successful. I`ve been clean ever since.
BEHAR: You`re kidding, right?
BOROWITZ: I am kidding. I`m a happily married man about to have a child. Not me personally but my wife.
BEHAR: Oh really.
SHAEFER: But the truth of the matter is that people go to these clinics and it`s for six weeks, they pay $40,000. You have to be somewhat serious about it. Really, it cost a lot of money.
BOROWITZ: Right.
SHAEFER: You have therapy every day. They encourage the spouses to come if you really do want to get help.
BOROWITZ: Right.
BEHAR: Yes.
SHAEFER: Elin has not been seen there.
BOROWITZ: And $40,000 --
(CROSSTALK)
BRITTO: Well what does it tell you that she`s not there?
SHAEFER: Well -
BRITTO: You know if part of the strategy is to have the wife part of the process and healing. Elin is living life business as usual for her. So I think it`s just you know, remember -- we`re living in a day and age where it`s not blog to news. No longer news to blog, so every blogger is trying to make a name for themselves by saying where`s Tiger? Tiger is here, Tiger is there.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: That is what annoys me - what you just said because that means that Perez Hilton is the new Walter Cronkite. That can`t happen.
BRITTO: Well but it`s happening. It`s happening.
BEHAR: That cannot happen.
BRITTO: It`s happening.
BEHAR: I don`t accept it. You know, Obama stuck his two cents into this. So someone asked him the question, and he said, the President told "People" magazine that Tiger Woods can absolutely could be rehabilitated.
BOROWITZ: Okay now doesn`t he have enough on his plate?
BEHAR: Exactly.
BOROWITZ: I mean Obama should take care maybe of that health care thing first. And then get -- maybe give Biden the whole Tiger thing. You know, they can invite - you know what they should do? They could invite like all the cheaters of the White House, like Anson and Sanford and Tiger, have a booty summit and take care of the whole thing.
BEHAR: That`s a good idea. But I mean he`s basically saying he thinks he`s a sex addict when he says he`ll get better in rehab? Right?
BOROWITZ: Yes, he can.
BEHAR: The President is saying -
BRITTO: Well the President is responding to a question I`m sure that he was asked.
BEHAR: Yes.
BRITTO: I`m sure he didn`t walk into his weekly press conference with Tiger Woods on his mind. But I think for him to be supportive of Tiger and supportive of the steps Tiger is allegedly taking is just Obama being a supportive President that we`ve known him to - that he`s become.
BEHAR: Yes, now you know that Nike has come up with a new set of clubs or something.
BRITTO: Yes.
BEHAR: And they`re not using Tiger to promote it, because they don`t know where he is either. So that`s not good.
BOROWITZ: Well if you want to sell clubs, you want to sell clubs you should use Elin. I mean -
BEHAR: I know she`s the one, okay.
BOROWITZ: She`s got a great swing.
BEHAR: Absolutely. When and how will he resurface do you think Marvet?
BRITTO: I think he will surface in an atmosphere where he controls the environment. Because right now there`s a big, you know, dollar sign on Tiger Woods` head for that first photo.
BEHAR: Yes.
BRITTO: It`s best for him to control the environment from which he emerges so that everyone is on equal playing ground and it won`t be an issue of him being stalked. Or his safety being in harm`s way. So he will emerge, I suspect, when he`s ready and in a controlled environment so everyone gets the story and then he`ll move on to business as usual for him, which is going back to being a great golfer.
BEHAR: Uh huh, okay, let`s change the topic to Charlie Sheen. Now Charlie Sheen is going to be back in court tomorrow because his wife Brook wants to lift the restraining order and they want to get back together. She wants to get back together with him.
BRITTO: Yes.
BEHAR: Because she`s calling the incident one bad night. Do you think that was one bad night or one bad life?
BOROWITZ: Well you know, I went to his Wikipedia page and looked up his relationships with women. I counted 900 bad nights. So I think it`s a slightly different -- they actually had a ticker on his Wikipedia page. I have never seen such a thing.
BEHAR: So why does she want to go back with him Marvet?
BRITTO: I think you know she`s reflective of the lifestyle and she`s realizing that one bad night couldn`t turn into one bad life for her. If she doesn`t have the cushioning relationship in marriage that she thought she had. And she`s thought about it. She really has put her relationship and her husband`s life and brand and, you know, profession in jeopardy. So really her credibility is an issue because if he really did do the things she alleges, she should stick to it and see to it he gets the help that he needs. Instead of back tracking and back pedaling on her original statement.
BEHAR: So she could stay with him, Carol?
SHAEFER: Well I don`t think it`s been a secret about Charlie`s bad behavior. I mean he, in 1990, he accidentally shot Kelly Preston, you know, he, you know, Denise Richards.
BEHAR: I hate that when that happens.
SHAEFER: I mean come on. You would think that it gays hurt and -
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: It reminds me of Dick Cheney, I get very flustered.
SHAEFER: Yes in 2006, Denise Richards filed a 17-page report asking for a restraining order because he threatened to kill her. So he definitely has a history. So I think you know, for her to say this is one bad night makes her just look a little --
BOROWITZ: You know I`m not an expert in this thing but I do watch the lifetime movie network and this sort of thing usually ends up with a secluded cabin with law and implements being --
BEHAR: Talk about aversion therapy.
BOROWITZ: I know, I know so I just feel it`s really not her call to say we`re not going to press charges that is sort of like --
SHAEFER: Right, right, it isn`t her call.
BOROWITZ: It isn`t her call.
SHAEFER: It`s Colorado`s call.
BEHAR: Would you stay with a man who hit you once, ladies?
SHAEFER: No, I would not.
BRITTO: No.
BEHAR: I wouldn`t either. You`re out.
BRITTO: Because if he hits you once, he`ll hit you again.
SHAEFER: But he wasn`t just hitting her, he threatened her, he had a knife to her throat.
BEHAR: A knife to her throat.
SHAEFER: I mean come on.
BOROWITZ: And he also, he did make her watch that show he`s on and I think that was kind of mean.
BEHAR: I know, that`s mean. That`s really over the top, I think.
BOROWITZ: Yes.
BEHAR: But a man will do it once, he`ll do it again. Won`t he?
BRITTO: Absolutely.
BEHAR: But she wants to just maintain her lovely lifestyle doesn`t she?
SHAEFER: Well it`s one thing, you know she wants to maintain her lifestyle but she has to think about her safety and they have twin, you know, infants, sons. You know that`s something to think about that, too.
BEHAR: Okay, so who do you think comes out worse in this whole thing, Tiger or him, or Charlie?
BRITTO: I think Charlie.
BEHAR: Oh no, no, Conan.
BRITTO: I think Charlie.
BEHAR: Let`s go all over the place.
SHAEFER: No, I think Tiger. I mean Charlie has had this bad PR for so long and he`s sort of been like Teflon. His show has been number one, he`s made millions of dollars just in spite of all these thing that have happen to him.
BRITTO: Well just because you have habitual bad behavior doesn`t mean hitting a woman is ever acceptable.
SHAEFER: Right.
BRITTO: Cheating is one thing, but that`s not a crime. That is him exercising poor judgment and poor character. But hitting a woman is a completely different line.
BEHAR: Have you ever hit a woman, Andy?
BOROWITZ: I never hit a woman. And I want to just say something, I feel like I`m part of a reality show here. You have lured me in, I`m surrounded by women and you`re bad mouthing men. I just want to say two words, Sully Sullenberger. He landed that plane properly on the Hudson. He is a good man, he`s the one good man we have.
BEHAR: We like men. We like men. We`re just talking about --
BOROWITZ: Do you like me?
BEHAR: At the moment, yeah.
BOROWITZ: At the moment, okay.
BEHAR: I like you very much. I keep inviting you back.
BOROWITZ: Because not all men are bad, right?
(CROSSTALK)
BRITTO: That`s right, that`s right.
BEHAR: You see how you`re taking this too personal, on such a dramatic level.
BOROWITZ: I am taking it very personally.
BEHAR: You are. Well, I mean Marvet, you`ve been married, haven`t you?
BRITTO: No, I haven`t. Not yet.
BEHAR: How about you, Carol?
SHAEFER: I`m married to a good man, to a great man.
BEHAR: Really? I`ve been married once, that`s enough for me. I just do spousal equivalent now. Thanks everyone, up next, "American Idol"`s big dog, Randy Jackson. Stay right there.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
LARRY PLATT (singing): Hey, looking like a fool. Talking with your pants on the ground. Hey, get your pants off the ground. Looking like a fool with your pants on the ground. Hey keep your pants of the ground.
SIMON COWELL: I have a horrible feeling that song can be a hit.
RANDY JACKSON: I`m going to keep my pants up, I`m going to buy myself a belt after this.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: You know funny coincidence, I performed that very same audition to get this show. 62-year-old Larry Platt is just the latest overnight sensation to spring up from one of the most popular programs in TV history, "American Idol." And I`m joined now by one of the show`s most popular judges, Randy Jackson. Hey Randy.
JACKSON: What`s going on, Joy. How are you?
BEHAR: Oh it`s very nice to have you here. You know this guy is kind of like the reason that people love the show. He`s kind of like the William Hung for seniors, right?
JACKSON: Yes, that`s a good way to put it.
BEHAR: Yes.
JACKSON: He`s probably the reason that I love the show. You know, listen, he`s gone on to huge viral success. I mean I`m just so happy for him. You know what I mean?
BEHAR: Yes.
JACKSON: It makes me feel so good because he came in, and saw him. Okay, he`s definitely not the age, what is this about? And actually what he`s saying in the song is actually kind of deep in an interesting sort of way.
BEHAR: Really?
JACKSON: Well, he`s basically saying -- no, no, he`s saying why are all of our young kids, all the rappers walking around with their pants hanging on the ground?
BEHAR: It`s a sociological song. But let me just bring you to the age thing. Because he`s 63 year old and your limit is 28, right? So how come he made it through?
JACKSON: I think you know, if you wait in line all day and you`re doing this for days on end, I`m sure the producers are like, listen, we know this is not, you know, going to happen, but this guy has been waiting in line for a long time. Let`s at least put him in. And it was cool for us because it breaks up our day and you already know, because you kind of get serious in the trenches, who`s going to make it, who`s not.
BEHAR: Right.
JACKSON: It was fun. It was really fun. I had a good time.
BEHAR: Okay so let`s get to some of the dish about the show.
JACKSON: The dish?
BEHAR: The dish, I mean first of all, Simon is leaving, we know he`s done now, right?
JACKSON: Yes, yes.
BEHAR: So what do you think about that, can the show make it without him?
JACKSON: Yeah, I think the definitely the show can go on. I think "Idol" has more life let, for sure and you know I think Simon probably needed a new challenge. You know he wanted a new challenge. And I think you know he`s excited about trying to do that. So you know it`s definitely been an interesting time. Because you know Paula left, she`s no longer there.
BEHAR: Yes.
JACKSON: You know we now have Ellen. So it`s been a shakeup of things.
BEHAR: Paula, Paula, Paula.
JACKSON: I miss Paula. I miss her, too. You know, when we were doing these auditions on the road and I would look down the table and say, where`s P.A.? I call her P.A. Where`s P.A? What`s going on? You know?
BEHAR: Yes.
JACKSON: It`s because you know, we started it together. Me, Ryan, Simon and Paula started this journey together. None of us knew when we started it. So that team, you know. But it`s kind of --
BEHAR: But why didn`t she take the deal?
JACKSON: You know, I really don`t really know. I don`t know. I don`t know, it`s her personal - I don`t really know what was really going on and what was proposed and all that.
BEHAR: Maybe she felt dissed because other people were making more. Ryan Seacrest was making more - that was just what I read, I don`t know the story.
JACKSON: You know look money is always a thing. You know you`re on a show with a bunch of different people on a panel.
BEHAR: Right.
JACKSON: It`s always a thing. You know what I mean? But I think, listen, she`s doing well. I talk to her all the time. I`m sure she`ll go on to big things. I`m sure she`ll be more than fine.
BEHAR: Yes, I`m sure. Anyways Simon gave a hint on Ryan Seacrest`s radio show who might replace him. Take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
COWELL: You know the rumors that`s going around at the moment?
SEACREST: Who?
COWELL: You`re going to replace me.
SEACREST: Oh I heard this in the press, that you suggested that I come over and sit at the table.
COWELL: Well you just literally jump from your stage. Onto the judging chair. And that way you get an extra job.
SEACREST: Thank god.
COWELL: Yes. I`m thinking of you.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: He`s kidding, right?
JACKSON: Yeah. Listen, just so you know, I`ve been going around doing my own kind of you know -- just checking out seeing who could do it and who would be the right fit. I have an idea, there`s a woman in New York here named Joy Behar.
BEHAR: You want me for the show?
JACKSON: Come on.
BEHAR: That`s interesting.
JACKSON: Joy, you could do it.
BEHAR: I could. But you have Ellen. I mean I have, what time is it? I mean I have like a little window I could fit there. But you have Ellen, you already have a comedian. She`ll be good I think.
JACKSON: No, Ellen is going to be great.
BEHAR: Ellen`s going to be good.
JACKSON: Yes, she`s going to be great.
BEHAR: But thank you for even thinking of that.
JACKSON: But you have that sensibility. You`re quick on your feet. You know --
BEHAR: The thing about it, though, is I`m not a music person. But neither is Ellen really. She just dances. I don`t think -- she dances very well.
JACKSON: No listen she dances very well, but the thing about her is that I think we`ve never had on the judging panel somebody that has viewers opinions. So that person sitting at home on the sofa watching, she`s going to give that, plus she`s just really, really good TV.
BEHAR: She is.
JACKSON: She`s funny, she`s interesting, she loves music. And by the way, the thing is she`s a giant fan of the show.
BEHAR: Yeah, she`ll be good. I think she`s be very good. So she`s like the every woman that`s sitting home watching -
JACKSON: Yes.
BEHAR: And thinking I like this, I don`t like that.
JACKSON: Yes, she can disagree with us, those judges don`t know what they`re talking about.
BEHAR: I will miss the fights between Paula and Simon.
JACKSON: You will?
BEHAR: Yes. I enjoyed that. I will miss that. I have to tell you, it`s going to take a little adjusting.
JACKSON: I think there will probably be more fights. I think Simon has the knack of fighting with a lot of people.
BEHAR: He does. But he`ll be doing it on this other show, right?
JACKSON: Yeah. That will come on -- I don`t know when it`s coming on.
BEHAR: And he says he`s taking Paula. You don`t know?
JACKSON: I don`t even know.
BEHAR: Look at me.
JACKSON: Really, I don`t. I don`t know. I don`t know.
BEHAR: You don`t know?
JACKSON: He said that he was interesting in maybe Joy. Hey, come on, Joy.
BEHAR: You want to be my publicist?
JACKSON: Yes. I`m working for Joy.
BEHAR: The thing about the show is I have to tell you why I like the show very much. It`s not my demographic and I still like it. It`s a phenomenon because 30 million people watch "American Idol," am I right?
JACKSON: Yeah.
BEHAR: 30 million people. That`s 10 percent of the American population, which is phenomenal, really. I don`t think anybody has come that close to that number.
JACKSON: Look, we`re so lucky and so blessed as I said before. When the show started, none of us really knew. It`s taken off just like unbelievably well. And we`re going into season nine. It`s going to be dope and cool and great.
BEHAR: It`s going to be dope.
JACKSON: It`s going to be dope and cool and great.
BEHAR: I like that.
JACKSON: And you know, the thing is, is that I think that it`s kind of a nurturing sort of talent show, if you will. You know what I mean.
BEHAR: When you say it`s going to be dope, though, doesn`t mean that you like dope?
JACKSON: No. It means that it`s mad, cool, beyond cool, mad cool.
BEHAR: Where did they come up with dope means that you`re smoking dope or you`re a dope.
JACKSON: No.
BEHAR: I don`t get -
JACKSON: No, this is a different kind of hood, vernacular. Dope means cool.
BEHAR: Like bad means good yes.
JACKSON: Yes, yes, yes.
BEHAR: I`ve got you. And we`re going to take a break and then have more with Randy Jackson. Stay right there.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back with Randy Jackson. Randy let`s talk about your other show, "America`s Best Dance Crew".
JACKSON: Yes, season five starting next week.
BEHAR: Uh huh.
JACKSON: Really, really excited about that. I mean these kids are just amazing, Joy. What they do and what they do with their bodies, how they do the stuff with their bodies and the formations and it`s just a great show on "MTV." so we`re looking forward to season five, it`s really hot.
BEHAR: So you`re expanding. You have other things that you`re doing.
JACKSON: Yes, you know I mean I manage artists. I manage band called Paper Tongues out in Charlotte, North Carolina, rock band that is breaking now. And you know I`ve got a bunch of other shows that I`m working on. And music supervisor and films and TV shows, and scoring.
BEHAR: Wow, you`re busy.
JACKSON: You know, I`m kind of a wild crazy workaholic guy.
BEHAR: You are. But the business is fun.
JACKSON: Yes, it`s what I love.
BEHAR: I like it.
JACKSON: If it`s music, I love it.
BEHAR: Uh huh. Okay we have twitter questions for you, right?
JACKSON: Yes.
BEHAR: Let`s see, when you call someone dog, are you referring to a specific breed of dog? That`s from the ASPCA.
JACKSON: What kind of question is that? No, it`s dawg, to begin with.
BEHAR: Yeah.
JACKSON: And, no it`s really more of --
BEHAR: Another affectionate hood remark, right?
JACKSON: Yes, a hood remark. I love that it`s a term of endearment. You know it`s like saying my boy, my girl, you know what I mean? I you know?
BEHAR: Dawg.
JACKSON: My dawg, you know? All sorts of dogs?.
BEHAR: Okay. This one is kind of a -- why do they feel like they have to humiliate some of the less than talented kids.
JACKSON: I don`t think it`s humiliation -
BEHAR: Oh yes it is.
JACKSON: No, no -
BEHAR: Oh yes, come on Randy.
JACKSON: No, if you were bad, wouldn`t you want to know that?
BEHAR: No.
JACKSON: To save your money?
BEHAR: No, those kids - some of them are so bad, so bad. That I think that they don`t get it. And all it is is like a stab in the heart, you know.
JACKSON: Well, we call that delusional behavior right?
BEHAR: Yes. I know.
JACKSON: But you want someone to tell you, if you`re not listening to your parents whatever, and we`ll always claim that. And it always happens, you`ll see people auditioning and they say, everybody says that I sound good. Nobody wants to tell you the truth. Well here is the truth, mirror. You know what I mean?
BEHAR: But you`re producers - come one let`s tell the truth here. Your producers find these people who are really outrageously bad.
JACKSON: No.
BEHAR: And it makes good TV. In your early stages.
JACKSON: The idea is that we want to cross section everything that they see. So if we went out here on fifth avenue and we have a microphone, camera, we`re from ABC, wherever, can anybody out here sing? You`re going to find some of everything. So we want to see that because you know?
BEHAR: Okay, whatever.
JACKSON: She`s not buying it, dude.
BEHAR: I`m not. I`m not.
JACKSON: She`s not buying it. It`s the truth.
BEHAR: Okay, what about this, what did you make of Adam Lambert`s sexually charged performance? Did you think it was over the line?
JACKSON: Oh, listen, it`s probably what I wouldn`t have done. But I mean every artist is left to their own interpretation of what they want to do.
BEHAR: Uh huh.
JACKSON: And now that he`s no longer on the show, dude, I mean, who would I be to say that I love Lady Gaga, what she wears. I wouldn`t wear. But like you know, so I mean it`s his thing, you know what I mean. So when you`re an artist like that now, you`ve got to take the bumps and bruises as people like it or don`t like it. I`m sure --
BEHAR: He`s very talented.
JACKSON: He`s amazingly talented.
BEHAR: And some people say that he didn`t win "American Idol" because he`s gay. Do you think there`s any validity to that?
JACKSON: I don`t really think it`s that.
BEHAR: No.
JACKSON: I think he`s really, really talented. Chris who won is really, really talented. And I think he came very close to winning. It was a very close race at the end.
BEHAR: Yes.
JACKSON: So you know, they both are going to go on to hopefully big careers. So you know -
BEHAR: It`s great to have you on the show. So thank you. And thanks for pushing me to be a judge.
JACKSON: Yes, thanks for having me Joy is in the house.
BEHAR: Randy`s MTV show "America`s Best Dance Crew" returns January 28th and of course "American Idol" is on right now. Good night everybody. Not, right now.
JACKSON: Yes, right now.
END
