Return to Transcripts main page
Joy Behar Page
Tiger Out of Rehab; Fox Fight
Aired February 04, 2010 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
JOY BEHAR, HOST: Tonight, on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW, reports say Tiger is about to be released from sex rehab while at the same time a company releases golf balls with pictures of his mistresses. Want to bet Elin is the first one to take a swing?
Then the "Daily Show" reports on Iraq all the time. But this week, Jon Stewart`s sleeping with the enemy. He visited Bill O`Reilly at Fox News.
Plus Sarah Silverman has a plan for Pope Benedict to stop poverty in the world and she`ll be here to tell us how he should do it.
All this and more starting right now.
The latest in the Tiger Woods` saga is he`s reportedly ready to check out of sex rehab and then he and his wife are going to try to work things out. Well, Elin better keep him under wraps because in other news, Madonna and boyfriend Jesus Luz have broken up. So it won`t be long before Madge is on the prowl again.
Wow, a tiger and a cougar. I`m thinking Animal Planet.
Here to dish are editor in chief of "Details" magazine Dan Peres, Associated Press entertainment editor Alicia Quarles and author of "Side by Side", Dr. Charles Sophy. Welcome to the show.
Now, let me start with you, Dr. Sophy.
DR. CHARLES SOPHY, AUTHOR, "SIDE BY SIDE": Yes, ma`am.
BEHAR: Are you a psychiatrist?
SOPHY: I am.
BEHAR: You are?
SOPHY: I am a psychiatrist.
BEHAR: Ok. So maybe you know a little about sexual rehab then.
SOPHY: I do.
BEHAR: Because he`s only been there for four weeks.
SOPHY: Right.
BEHAR: Is that enough?
SOPHY: Well, there`s no cure for this stuff right away. Maybe he`ll get his behavior under control so that he can go home and start to work on the real issue because underneath a lot of that are the real problems. It`s controlling that behavior, maybe you can let him out, then maybe he`ll control himself. But there`s a lot of stuff to deal with underneath.
BEHAR: Well, how many years do you think it will take before you can cure someone?
SOPHY: Well, how many years did it get to be like this? About 5 or 10 years of really acting out behavior -- it`s going to take a couple of years to get himself together and his family.
BEHAR: And as a psychiatrist -- are you a psychiatrist?
SOPHY: I am a psychiatrist.
BEHAR: Well then, do we have to go back to his childhood and find out what causes all of this right?
SOPHY: Yes, some of that. That is repressed anger, it`s not really - - solid parenting maybe. It`s a lot of acting out behavior. That`s behavior of an adolescent to kind of take these marriage vows and all of that kind of stuff and then just throw them out the window.
BEHAR: Repressed anger, I love that idea, don`t you?
ALICIA QUARLES, ASSOCIATED PRESS: I mean I`m sorry, doctor, I`m going to have to disagree here. I have no medical license. Maybe it`s just an athlete doing it because he could. Could it be that simple?
SOPHY: How about love? What happened to love? What happened to commitment?
QUARLES: I don`t think he loved these women.
SOPHY: No but his wife. He has a commitment to her.
QUARLES: Oh absolutely.
SOPHY: The value of that commitment is not upheld and that`s where the immaturity and the adolescent behavior comes in.
QUARLES: But I just feel that every athlete celebrity, whomever, they mess up and they go to rehab or they go to this and they go to that. Sometimes I think it`s a cop out.
BEHAR: She feels you`re letting him off the hook.
SOPHY: We totally are by saying that he`s done. He has a lot of hard work. I`m not sure he`ll stay together with her. I`m saying that he`s ok to go out, he knows people are watching. It`s exposed now and it`s up to him to handle himself and grow up.
I don`t think he`s going to grow up, though. I hope he does, because he has children who role model that.
BEHAR: Ok. Well, it`s being reported Dan that she`s taking him back. What do you think of that. Why is she taking him back? Do you think there`s a Kobe Bryant ring in her future?
DAN PERES, EDITOR IN CHIEF, "DETAILS" MAGAZINE: I think it`s what we call the enragement ring, which is the...
SOPHY: Repressed anger.
PERES: The gift that follows the acting out. So if you remember Kobe Bryant gave his wife like a $4 million ring in the wake of at least infidelity allegations and so she`s probably taking him back.
Look, maybe she wants to work on her marriage, who do I -- I hope that`s the case. What do I know?
BEHAR: No, but you make it sound like we women are so shallow that we can be bought off with a ring when a guy has had 13 mistresses.
SOPHY: You would hope that she sees her children as the number one thing to try to keep that together for her children. Hopefully she`s not selling herself short.
BEHAR: But come on, you`re talking about repressed rage? When he comes back into the house, you don`t think that she`s going to be throwing pots and pans?
SOPHY: Well, if they don`t work on their stuff, it`s not going to work out. She has to be willing to accept him back. If she`s picking him up, she better be ready to pick him up.
PERES: She`s got to keep him on a short, short, short leash.
SOPHY: Yes, in treatment.
QUARLES: And if she is really taking him back -- we don`t know that she is -- if she is, we don`t know what their relationship was like. They could have open relationship for years. We`re not in that relationship. We don`t know, so we really can`t pass judgment. They do have two small kids to think about.
SOPHY: Right.
BEHAR: Do you think she can trust him again?
QUARLES: No. It`s going to take a long time. Maybe one day. Maybe he`ll work at it and work at it. If it was just one mistress or two mistresses or three or three or five, there`s like 14 women.
PERES: That we know of.
BEHAR: Who do you think would be hardest to trust again, Tiger Woods or John Edwards? Because John Edwards is in a single adulteress affair, and what about that other bargain, Sanford. He`s got a soul mate. Here you have a soul mate, a mistress and a bunch of (INAUDIBLE) -- the whole slew of them.
SOPHY: Well, I would trust somebody who is able -- somebody could have one relationship and really know it`s a meaningful relationship. Otherwise they`re animals.
QUARLES: Maybe Sanford. I don`t know -- it`s a draw, Joy.
BEHAR: You think Sanford.
PERES: I wouldn`t trust any of them.
BEHAR: But she`s going to try and work this out with him now.
SOPHY: I think she should. I mean, she`s got kids. They`ve got family. We got too many divorces going on in this country. We got to start building families so good for her. I hope she`s not fooling herself.
BEHAR: All right. Ok.
One of Tiger`s alleged mistresses, who is a former porn star, held a press conference with her lawyer, the fabulous Gloria Allred, about the golf balls that we referred to before. Take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GLORIA ALLRED, ATTORNEY FOR JOSLYN JAMES: Veronica and I are concerned that putting a woman`s face on a golf ball, which a golfer may swing at with full force, may increase the risk of harm to women. Playing a round of golf with these balls may leave marks resembling bruises on the face of the ball which may lead to inappropriate jokes about hitting women.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Or balls. We have it right here. The camera could take a shot. Here are the golf balls. Somebody sent these to me, by the way. I don`t know why they sent them to me. I`m so sympathetic to the case.
PERES: Here is my feeling. I think first of all, you know, this woman is a porn star.
QUARLES: Thank you.
PERES: She has most definitely had men doing different or worse things while kind of standing over her face as it were. So I think...
SOPHY: I`m a doctor.
PERES: For this to...
BEHAR: This part is getting rough. I`m going to put my pants on and leave. Go ahead.
PERES: The point is, it`s a whole lot of nothing. The golf balls are actually funny.
QUARLES: Well, yes. I mean to follow up on that. You`re right. This woman is a porn star. I mean she`s worried about her reputation in all of this? Maybe she should have thought about it before she slept with somebody`s husband. I do worry about Elin coming out to me with a golf club.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: You`re confusing the point.
I mean Allred is saying this could lead to violence towards women because you see one of their faces and you hit it with a golf club and it brings up imagery of violence.
SOPHY: If it`s going to lead to violence in women, that person was going to be violent anyway. I think this woman needs to own her behavior. If she`s going to break up marriages, these are the prices sometimes.
QUARLES: God bless Gloria. She did that with a straight face, that press conference.
BEHAR: She`s demanding that they stop selling the product. Do you think it`s going to work to just demand they stop selling? It`s a Canadian company by the way.
QUARLES: No.
SOPHY: Not at all.
QUARLES: And as they say Joy, don`t hate the player, hate the game. The guy is capitalizing off of this, God bless him.
BEHAR: Exactemente.
Let`s move on to another rocky relationship. It appears that Madonna`s one-year romance with 23-year-old Brazilian model, Jesus Luz is over. But lucky for him, I hear Angela Lansbury is available. So reports say the breakup was his idea, not hers. Do you believe it?
SOPHY: He probably got tired of it.
PERES: Probably got bored.
SOPHY: Yes, I mean he`s a little boy.
BEHAR: Bored with Madonna?
SOPHY: Guess what, a cougar marries a little boy or likes a little boy, the little boy becomes a man and doesn`t like the cougar. You have to look at it like that. He`s growing up.
PERES: Or the little man all of a sudden has great career opportunities and wants to change gears.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Are you saying what -- are you saying that he is using Madonna?
PERES: No. He may have been taking advantage of the circumstances that he now finds himself in. I`m not saying that he used himself to get there but he`s there, he`s well known. He may want to branch out and she`s boring.
BEHAR: Where did she meet him? A camp.
QUARLES: I`ve been in his presence. Let me tell you...
(CROSSTALK)
QUARLES: I`ve been in Jesus Luz`s presence...
BEHAR: You have.
QUARLES: Oh, yes, I`ve met him a few times. God bless Jesus. He is quite handsome. If you get a divorce, that`s who you rebound with, Jesus Luz. I get it. More power to her, yes.
PERES: A boy toy.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Do you think they ran out of things to talk about?
SOPHY: Probably.
PERES: They didn`t talk yet.
BEHAR: The real question here, doctor, all of you is do relationships work do you think with women who are older than the men? He`s 23, she`s in here -- what is she, 51? Over 50 now.
SOPHY: I think you have to realize that, you know...
BEHAR: I didn`t know that.
SOPHY: You`re jumping in as a parent maybe for these people, so understand what you`re getting into and don`t have an expectation that a little boy is going to be a man.
BEHAR: So it`s a maternal thing that they want from her, it`s about mother and son? Always.
SOPHY: Sure, for the kid. For the little boy, for the little toy.
BEHAR: He`s not a little boy, he`s 23.
SOPHY: Ok. For that little toy.
PERES: Maybe it`s just about sex with Madonna.
BEHAR: Or maybe it`s about sex with him that she`s interested in.
(CROSSTALK)
QUARLES: There`s going to be double standard because men do it all the time, older men date younger women all the time. But look at Demi and Ashton, they can work out.
BEHAR: Yes, 6 years, I think.
SOPHY: If it`s done the right way, it works. If it`s not done, it falters.
BEHAR: No, I mean it worked for Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins for many years, more than 20 years. But now they broke up. But you know what, that`s pretty good.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: But their secret was they were not married.
QUARLES: That`s true.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: My spousal equivalent is seven years younger than me, but we`re not married.
PERES: That makes you a cougar, I guess.
BEHAR: I`m beyond a cougar. I`m like a sort of a dead cougar.
SOPHY: Ok.
BEHAR: I`m like, you know, the cougar that`s killed.
QUARLES: I hate that term. Please.
BEHAR: What do you like then?
QUARLES: ...I mean, I don`t know, that means you got it going on, girl on younger men, like it.
BEHAR: Yes, well, yes and I think you know, you have to keep that thing...
QUARLES: Yes.
BEHAR: ...exciting and interesting for me too.
QUARLES: I like it.
PERES: Of course.
BEHAR: Anyway, thank you all very much.
SOPHY: Thank you.
PERES: Thank you.
BEHAR: Jon Stewart went toe to toe with Bill O`Reilly last night. We`ll tell you how he faired and how that went, next.
Thanks...
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Jon Stewart visited the enemy camp last night when he showed up on Bill O`Reilly`s show on Fox. It was like Mel Gibson going into temple Beth Shalom (ph).
Here with me for a blow by blow commentary are comedian Pete Dominick and host of "Standup with Pete Dominick" on Sirius XM and Lizz Winstead, comic and co-creator of "The Daily Show". That`s right.
LIZZ WINSTEAD, CO-CREATOR, "THE DAILY SHOW": That`s right.
BEHAR: Ok. So Stewart went after Fox News pretty aggressively last night. Did you see it?
WINSTEAD: I did.
BEHAR: Oh, let`s look at it, a little piece.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JON STEWART, HOST OF "THE DAILY SHOW" ON COMEDY CENTRAL: You`ve become in some ways the voice of sanity here which as I said is like being the thinnest kid...
BILL O`REILLY, FOX NEWS: Cavuto is sane?
STEWART: Which is like being the thinnest kid at fat camp.
So let`s just get that straight. Here is what Fox has done through their cyclonic perpetual...
O`REILLY: And Fox is a cyclonic...
STEWART: They`re cyclonic, perpetual emotion-machine that is a 24 hour a day, seven-day-a-week, they`ve taken reasonable concerns about this president and this economy and turned it into a full-fledged panic attack about the next coming of chairman Mao.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Ok, if he is the voice of sanity, what does that make Glenn Beck?
WINSTEAD: He should be institutionalized. First of all Glenn Beck, why is he even on television? I think it`s somehow abusive to have Glenn Beck on TV because he seems mentally unstable.
BEHAR: He does.
PETE DOMINICK, HOST, "STAND UP WITH PETE DOMINICK": But that`s not fair only because this is how the media works, this is how capitalism works. The guy is the -- he`s the biggest money maker in all of media last year. We all agree that he`s a nut.
BEHAR: Who, Glenn Beck?
DOMINICK: Glenn Beck...
BEHAR: Yes.
DOMINICK: But he gets ratings. And as we know, that`s important. And how does he get them? By acting crazy. The point about O`Reilly and certainly about Beck is they`re not real. Its world wrestling, it`s wrestling.
And what Lizz and I get that -- you get that but most of America doesn`t understand. They don`t mean half of what they say. They don`t -- they`re not serious.
BEHAR: That`s interesting.
WINSTEAD: Well, and that`s the bottom line, is that their network is called Fox News. So when you had -- and O`Reilly last night was trying to make the case to Jon saying, "Oh, but people -- you don`t think people don`t know that my show is opinion?" They know your show is comedy. And it`s like Jon Stewart`s show is on a network called Comedy Central.
BEHAR: Right.
WINSTEAD: ...not called Central News...
BEHAR: Right.
WINSTEAD: And there are some big giant comedy thing going on.
So Bill O`Reilly is really disingenuous. But to me the bigger point is why is Bill O`Reilly so freaked out about a comedian?
DOMINICK: I don`t think...
BEHAR: Because Jon Stewart has power right now, doesn`t he?
WINSTEAD: Exactly but he`s still at end of the day a comedian.
DOMINICK: Yes.
BEHAR: But didn`t you think he made a very good point when he said that Fox News ratchets up all of these anxiety and panic attacks...
DOMINICK: But that`s why...
BEHAR: ...against Obama.
DOMINICK: It sells. I mean...
BEHAR: Yes.
DOMINICK: ... that`s -- that`s what works, that`s what works and I don`t blame Fox News. I blame the American public for not -- for watching them, for buying them.
BEHAR: No, I wonder...
DOMINICK: ...and I would add to what -- but listen...
BEHAR: Yes.
DOMINICK: It`s a Fox network. It`s a news network and it always says in the corner news and it doesn`t say during the O`Reilly segment, opinion. And he made the argument about the newspapers, it says opinion at the top.
BEHAR: Yes.
DOMINICK: And you know his joke, that he`s (INAUDIBLE) that you`re like the skinny guy...
BEHAR: In a fat camp...
DOMINICK: ... at fat camp...
BEHAR: Yes.
DOMINICK: I have a thousand of those, I`d like to add.
WINSTEAD: The smartest supermodel.
DOMINICK: The coolest kid at the comic book convention.
BEHAR: Yes.
WINSTEAD: The hottest nun.
BEHAR: All right.
WINSTEAD: There`s a million of them and way you go.
BEHAR: All right, yes.
DOMINICK: We can keep going, how long...
BEHAR: Give me -- give me another one.
WINSTEAD: These are tweet-tastic...
BEHAR: Then I want you to see what they said about Glenn Beck.
DOMINICK: He`s like the Joy Behar of "The View"...
BEHAR: That`s what I want to show, go ahead. She`s like the Joy Behar "The View" that`s cute.
DOMINICK: Yes, I mean, he`s like the...
BEHAR: Lizz...
DOMINICK: Well, the sanest, the most reasonable person on that lineup doesn`t make him, you know, doesn`t make him reasonable.
BEHAR: Right.
DOMINICK: Look at the context of the situation.
BEHAR: It`s the comparison there that we are going through.
DOMINICK: Yes.
WINSTEAD: Yes.
BEHAR: Ok, listen to what O`Reilly said about fellow Fox News host, Glenn Beck.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
O`REILLY: It`s the narrative of a couple of guys, a Republican, Sean Hannity and a guy, Glenn Beck, who is basically every man. He`s basically...
STEWART: What do you mean, he`s every man? What do you mean, he`s every man?
O`REILLY: He`s every man.
STEWART: Every man has got a show? What are you talking about?
O`REILLY: Well, he`s talented.
STEWART: He`s a very talented man but where is every man?
O`REILLY: It means that he does his show for any party, he just spouts.
STEWART: What?
O`REILLY: He spouts what he believes.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Ok, that`s interesting that O`Reilly...
WINSTEAD: Every man? Every man...
BEHAR: Yes.
WINSTEAD: Every man would have a restraining order with him. He`s not every man. Every man I said you wouldn`t touch me and avoid you to a prison sentence that is what Glenn Beck is.
BEHAR: Well, you know, it`s very -- much of this from O`Reilly because we looked up the definition of spout. Listen to what -- to talk about something tediously at great length usually with no regard for the listener`s interest. That`s what "spout" means and that`s what he said about his colleague, Glenn Beck.
DOMINICK: Well, I like O`Reilly for the fact that he brings on opposing points of view, I think that`s important but I don`t like O`Reilly...
WINSTEAD: Oh my goodness...
DOMINICK: ...when he`s phony, when he`s fake. He`s not being real when he says, number one, that O`Reilly is every man. O`Reilly doesn`t believe that. Glenn Beck`s house is for sale for $30 million right now and every man by the way doesn`t think the eye on the dollar bill is talking to him.
WINSTEAD: Right.
DOMINICK: He`s a conspiracy guy. That`s not every man.
BEHAR: Exactly.
WINSTEAD: No.
DOMINICK: Number one and number two, O`Reilly doesn`t believe that Glenn Beck doesn`t shell for the Republican Party. He does he shells for conservatives, he shells for a movement that you know...
WINSTEAD: I don`t think he shells for the Republican Party, he shells for the crazy baggers of TEA that`s who he shells for.
DOMINICK: Well, the Republican Party of today, which has become pretty crazy...
BEHAR: They don`t put the clamps on them...
DOMINICK: Yes, you`re right.
BEHAR: ...they encourage it.
DOMINICK: And it seems like and by the way...
BEHAR: Yes.
DOMINICK: Fox News and O`Reilly is the thin man at fat camp and Glenn Beck is the Olympia Snow of the Republican Party perhaps.
But the other thing is -- he said progressives are Nazis. That`s what Glenn Beck said, so yes, he`s a shell for the right, for sure.
BEHAR: All right, let`s take a look at another part of the conversation. It`s so good.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
O`REILLY: When you deliver your stuff, are you cognizant of the fact that your audience are primarily stoned slackers who love Obama. And when you criticize Obama, right, you may be turning on them.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Ok, what do you think there? Go ahead.
WINSTEAD: Well, having known who these audiences are and they`re not stoned slackers. "The Daily Show" audience are the people that invented Google. They`re literally the brainiac nerds who are finally getting laid. They`re not slackers at all. Slackers just smoke pot. You know what they`re interested, in the news and satire of the news.
BEHAR: Yes.
WINSTEAD: They`re not -- they`re interested in finding more pot. It`s ridiculous thing today.
DOMINICK: First of all, how dare you? Secondly, you have the two best guests for that question. Liz created "The Daily Show". I did the audience warmup for over 200 episodes and continued to from time to time. I look at the audience in the eye of "The Daily Show" and I have to say O`Reilly is right, they`re all stoned.
No, they`re the smartest -- they are really the smartest. I know, I have to do my comedy for them. They don`t get the pee and poop humor, they want upper brow. They want upper brow because you can look at people and know -- and by the way, "The Daily Show" is on at 11:00. Any show on at 11:00 will have people that are stoned watching that program.
WINSTEAD: Because they can`t find the remote.
BEHAR: All right. Don`t go anywhere. Let me go to commercial and then we`ll come back.
Is Sarah Palin ready to take on Rush Limbaugh? Find out after the break.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: When Rahm Emanuel lashed out at liberals calling some of them retarded, Sarah Palin was quick to call for his firing on her Facebook page. But it`s not just Rahm Emanuel using that word, it`s someone else closer to her on the political spectrum.
Listen.
(BEGIN AUDIO CLIP)
RUSH LIMBAUGH, RADIO TALK SHOW HOST: Our political correct society is acting like some giant insult has taken place by calling a bunch of people who are retards, retards. I mean these people -- these liberal activists are kooks. They are loony tunes. So now there`s going to be a meeting. There`s going to be a retard summit at the White House.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Isn`t he a charmer. Limbaugh says he only used the word quoting Emanuel. But Palin`s camp has just responded calling it crude and demeaning name-calling.
I`m back with my panel. Was that enough for Sarah to say he was rude and demeaning?
WINSTEAD: No, of course it`s not.
BEHAR: She was under pressure to go after Rush Limbaugh when it came out that he had been using because originally it was just Rahm Emanuel because he`s a Democrat.
WINSTEAD: Right.
DOMINICK: Rahm said -- not that this is ok what Rahm said in public. He said it on a radio show where more Americans listen, he said there`s going to be a retard summit at the White House? I didn`t know that first of all that Rush was attending a summit at the White House. This whole thing about this word, I understand.
But there`s a huge double standard and we have to get past this liberal/conservative divide where we only criticize the people on the other team. Again that`s artificial. If someone on your team says it, be consistent. That`s intellectual and it`s honest and she should be. She should go after him the same way, right, Liz?
WINSTEAD: I also think too, first of all Rahm Emanuel, he`s like a wrecking ball. He`s a one-man (INAUDIBLE). The guy never stops dropping the f-bomb. I think Afghanistan was actually destroyed because of f-bombs.
But I think too, to the point is that word sadly is in our vernacular a lot. People use it a lot when you call someone an idiot. But Sarah Palin...
BEHAR: It`s not politically correct.
WINSTEAD: Not politically correct -- not saying it is. But by the same token, Sarah Palin insinuated the president was a terrorist and was palling around with terrorists. So I think that stone-throwing is so bizarre.
BEHAR: It`s very disingenuous.
WINSTEAD: I just wish she`d shut up.
BEHAR: Let me ask you something about her son-in-law, her faux son- in-law Levi Johnston.
WINSTEAD: Oh, never the son in law.
DOMINICK: Who`s this person?
BEHAR: Levi.
WINSTEAD: He dodged a bullet.
DOMINICK: Never heard of him.
BEHAR: You could say that he`s not the swiftest if you want to. But in the article in "Vanity Fair," he said that Sarah called little Trig, the Down Syndrome kid, "my little retarded baby." I don`t know if we can believe him, because who knows who is telling the truth?
WINSTEAD: But also she, in her book, page 251, I had to read this thing for a reading.
BEHAR: You`re the only one who actually has read it I think.
WINSTEAD: And you know what? It is so boring. You know what it`s like. It`s like...
DOMINICK: Are your ears bleeding.
WINSTEAD: Have you ever been in a yarn store and seen women just mumbling about shopping for yarn? That`s about as meaty as it is.
On page 251, she says that she was sent a bumper sticker from an organization of people who have mentally-challenged children and the bumper sticker she proudly has in her car says, "My kid has more chromosomes than your kid." So she has that as a bumper sticker in her car. It`s in the book.
BEHAR: What is wrong with this woman?
WINSTEAD: I don`t know, someone should just pour water on her once and for all.
BEHAR: And you know, she`s the keynote speaker at this next TEA party convention and she`s getting the money, they`re paying her I think 100 Gs.
WINSTEAD: She`s giving the money back to herself, to her pack.
BEHAR: To her pack and everybody is up in arms.
WINSTEAD: So that she can buy more of her books. Are we done?
BEHAR: We ran out of time.
DOMINICK: That`s her political action committee that she`s giving the money back to. But who cares, I mean, first of all, any time we think about anything that Levi Johnston is saying, we`ve lost time in our lives.
BEHAR: Ok. I have to go. Thanks guys very much.
The hilarious Sarah Silverman joins me next. Silver Silverman, that works too.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Cause of death reports have been released in the cases of both Brittany Murphy and Aires Casey Johnson. And is there a feud brewing between the LAPD and the D.A.`s office in the Michael Jackson case? For the latest, let`s turn to Mike Walters, Assignment Manager at TMZ. Mike, what is the latest in the findings about Brittany Murphy`s breath, is her husband off the hook now or what?
MIKE WALTERS, ASSIGNMENT MANAGER TMZ: Well, not yet. I mean, they basically are investigating her death and because of what came back in the toxicology, and that is, number one, what was in her system, multiple drugs. Number two, the anemia. Basically she had this really bad cold, and it turned into pneumonia. And she didn`t go to the hospital. Nobody took her to the hospital. She was self-medicating. And what happened was, this medication pushed her over the line. She ended up dying because of the medication that went into her system while she was so, so sick. So the L.A. coroner`s office has gone out yesterday to Simon`s house and talked to him and her mom about her health care and why she wasn`t taken to the hospital when she was so, so sick.
BEHAR: Wow. So the coroner is basically saying is that the death was preventable?
WALTERS: Yes, so all she really needed to do was go to the hospital or even the doctor when she was starting to get really sick. And a lot of celebrities do this where they don`t want to go into the hospital you know, because of privacy reasons but she self-medicated instead and everybody out there, don`t do that because you don`t know exactly what`s wrong with you.
BEHAR: Right.
WALTERS: She obviously didn`t and she took the medication, multiple medications, including prescriptions and cough syrup, stuff like that and it ultimately killed her.
BEHAR: So the husband -- sounds like the husband is off the hook.
WALTERS: Well it depends on what he knows and depends on what the prescriptions were exactly. We don`t know what drugs were in her system, where they came from, how she got them and that`s what the coroner right now is trying to investigate.
BEHAR: Okay let`s move on to the Casey Johnson case. What did the coroner say about her in his report?
WALTERS: Well and this is really, really sad. Casey Johnson took a lot of heat for her partying ways and a lot of people assumed there was drugs involved. And it`s just not true. The coroner`s report basically says she didn`t take her insulin, now also a preventable death if Casey would have followed the regimen of diet, exercise, monitoring her blood sugar, and taking her insulin, this probably would have been prevented also. But she basically fell into a diabetic coma, she lived alone. Because she didn`t take her insulin, her shot, and have the right amount of insulin in her blood with her blood sugar and slipped into the coma and ultimately was found several days later.
BEHAR: Why didn`t she take it?
WALTERS: You know that`s a good question. I think right now we`re actually waiting to hear from her people say. You know she had a wild lifestyle but you know, if she would have just taken the insulin and had the right diet, you can`t eat sweets, stuff like that. Then probably would have been fine. We`re not exactly sure why lately or leading up to her death she wasn`t following the regimen.
BEHAR: Okay so her death could have been prevented also.
WALTERS: Totally.
BEHAR: That`s very sad, the two cases are very sad.
WALTERS: Very much.
BEHAR: Okay let`s move on to Michael Jackson. An arrest could be made in his death as early as tomorrow. What can you tell us about that?
WALTERS: Well this is unbelievable, there`s a major feud brewing between the LAPD and the district attorney`s office. And that`s because the LAPD, this is one of the most big, thorough, great actually, I`m hearing, investigations in their past and it`s come right down to the bottom end here and the D.A. wants him to turn himself in to the court, which kind of takes away the prestige of locking up and handcuffing and taking this perp walk with Michael Jackson`s alleged killer. You know, he`s been charged with or is going to be charged with, we`re being told, involuntary manslaughter and I think LAPD wants that prestige to walk him into the courthouse or at least arrest him, put him back of the squad car and sort of have that press conference. Now, we`re told the D.A. on the other hand, will bring him in and surrender him at the courthouse and they`ll do a press conference. This is all political, Joy.
BEHAR: Very interesting.
WALTERS: People want - people want the politics on this one.
BEHAR: Uh huh, okay thanks, Mike. Keep us posted. Thank you very much.
WALTERS: Absolutely.
BEHAR: Sarah Silverman has been called outrageous, inappropriate, and blasphemous, and that`s just by her fans. The third season of "The Sarah Silverman Program" premieres tonight at 10:30 p.m. eastern on Comedy Central. Take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
SARAH SILVERMAN: You`re overreacting to the extra hair I have on my face. Funny story, my wonderful sister graciously defined the difference between my wants and needs by putting a cap on my spending. So I have not been able to wax my facial hair the past couple of days. So I guess congratulations to Laura on this most unique achievement. Uh huh.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Joining me now is the painfully shy and demure Sarah Silverman. Hey, there she is. So you were nominated for an Emmy last year for that show, right?
SARAH SILVERMAN, ACTRESS: Yeah. Don`t look so shocked, Joy.
BEHAR: No, it`s great, were you excited, do you care about an Emmys or any awards?
SILVERMAN: I couldn`t believe it. It never occurred to us that the show that that was even a possibility. So much so that we were in production, nobody even knew that they were making the announcements for the Emmys that night. I mean my phone was off and I woke up to my alarm and looked at my phone and I had like eight messages. I thought my mother had died. Sad, sad, sad.
BEHAR: was that like a wish you have secretly? No, you love your mother.
SILVERMAN: No. Yes, very much.
BEHAR: And your sisters, you have three of them, right?
SILVERMNA: Yes.
BEHAR: And your sister in the show is that -- that`s not the rabbi?
SILVERMAN: No, she`s an actress.
BEHAR: I`m so - I didn`t know that. I thought you were the only performer.
SILVERMAN: No Laura is - Laura has been acting for a while now. She was -- remember that show "The Comeback?"
BEHAR: No.
SILVERMAN: Oh, it was so good with Lisa Kudrow on HBO, they only gave it one season.
BEHAR: That was a good show.
SILVERMAN: It was so great. And puberty doctor cast professional therapist.
BEHAR: Yes. I was one of his patients.
SILVERMAN: Yes she was the receptionist, Laura.
BEHAR: Oh.
SILVERMAN: She`s been doing a lot of stuff but - it`s really fun.
BEHAR: Where`s the rabbi sister?
SILVERMAN: She`s in my pocket, actually. Susan? She`s -- they live in Jerusalem.
BEHAR: Oh, wow.
SILVERMAN: They`re very Jewish.
BEHAR: They`re really Jewish. That`s as Jewish as you`re going to get. What did you think of that incident on the plane, with a guy, they thought he was a terrorist because he was (inaudible). You know that thing that the orthodox use it`s like leather things and they put something on their head and they thought the guy was a terrorist but he was just deboning (ph)--
SILVERMAN: He was just a weirdo.
BEHAR: He was just a Jewish guy.
SILVERMAN: I don`t know what that is. I`m just calling it a weirdo because I don`t understand it. I`m sure if I understood where it came from that I would think that it was totally normal to tie a box to your head.
BEHAR: Yes, whatever. You know I have to clear something up with you. Years and years ago when you were doing alternative comedy, remember those years?
SILVERMAN: Is it different from now?
BEHAR: Well yes because -
SILVERMAN: I`m mainstream.
BEHAR: Well, you are mainstream now but you were alternative when main stream was going on.
SILVERMAN: Right - but I saw it as mainstream, exactly --
BEHAR: But if -- so someone told me that you did an act, just correct me, we can clear it up right now, where you put your finger in your vagina is that true? And was that funny?
SILVERMAN: No, it`s not true. And yes, it`s funny.
BEHAR: Okay, okay.
SILVERMAN: You know what? That was one time. In Montreal Comedy we -
BEHAR: Uh hah.
SILVERMAN: We did this thing called the Dirty show, the Midnight Show. And like each night it was switch up who would do the long sets and the rest of us would do like short little made up things that we just made up. So I happened to have a talent, a special talent that I can say all the states in the United States in alphabetical order in less than 30 seconds.
BEHAR: Really?
SILVERMAN: And but I said to the audience, to do this I need total -- I`m not, you know, it`s not like my winning bid, it was like a made up thing in the moment that but --
BEHAR: I`m fascinated by it.
SILVERMAN: I said in order to do this I need to have total silence from the audience, and I need to have one finger inside my vagina or something. I was wearing a sun dress and I pretended to do it.
BEHAR: Oh.
SILVERMAN: And then I said Alabama, Alaska through Wyoming. I don`t know, it was just absurdist.
BEHAR: Did it kill?
SILVERMAN: No, okay? It bombed.
BEHAR: All right so all these years I`ve been wondering if that was a hypocritical story --
SILVERMAN: It was not true but it was --
BEHAR: You didn`t literally do it, you pretended. You mimed the finger in the vagina. Okay.
SILVERMAN: Yeah. Still I`m glad that we cleared that -
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: I am too. But I mean who in this business of comedy do you compare yourself to? Who are you like, is there anybody? Because you`re very original. But there must be somebody, no?
SILVERMAN: You know, Joy, I`m one of a kind.
BEHAR: You are. I agree with that.
SILVERMAN: I don`t know. That`s an interesting question. Do you have someone in mind that you`re thinking of?
BEHAR: Of you? A little Stevie Wright.
SILVERMAN: Wow, really?
BEHAR: Yes, a little skewy, off the center.
SILVERMAN: I love that.
BEHAR: And then Belle Barths. Do you remember her? She died in the 1920s or something but -
SILVERMAN: That`s not the thing I would know.
BEHAR: But she also was quite gaudy and fun like that.
SILVERMAN: Right. Like Moms Maibly.
BEHAR: Oh Mom`s was hilarious. Wasn`t she?
SILVERMAN: She was disgusting.
BEHAR: No she was - she use to do funny stuff.
SILVERMAN: I`m a huge fan of a lot of comedians but I don`t know - like I was always madly in love with Steve Martin you know growing up.
BEHAR: Oh really.
SILVERMAN: And everything he did.
BEHAR: Well he`s a little bit of an absurdist.
SILVERMAN: Yes.
BEHAR: Which I think you`re a little bit of an absurdist.
SILVERMAN: Yes I think just like aggressively dumb and silly in everything he did. But --
BEHAR: Yes but risky and dangerous also you.
SILVERMAN: Very dangerous.
BEHAR: He wasn`t really dangerous but you are more, I think because you get into trouble and that`s the thing we like about you because you brazenly walk into things and you don`t - you know, you`re not scared. Right?
SILVERMAN: I`m a little bit scared.
BEHAR: Did you ever get into trouble when you felt scared? Oh wait hold that thought because we have to take a break and I have more time with you tonight. So don`t say it. We`ll be back with Sarah Silverman in just a minute.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED: I`ve been thinking about you a lot, and I`ve been meaning to tell you something. I`m (EXPLICATIVE DELETED) Matt Damon.
UNIDENTIFIED: She`s (EXPLICATIVE DELETED) Matt Damon.
UNIDENTIFIED: I`m sorry but it`s true. I`m (EXPLICATIVE DELETED) Matt Damon.
UNIDENTIFIED: She`s (EXPLICATIVE DELETED) Matt Damon.
UNIDENTIFIED: I`m not imagining it`s you. I`m (EXPLICATIVE DELETED)Matt Damon.
UNIDENTIFIED: On the bed, on the floor, on a towel by the door. In the tub, in the car, up against the mini bar.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: That was Sarah Silverman in her YouTube sensation I`m bleeping Matt Damon, which she dedicated to then boyfriend Jimmy Kimmel.
SILVERMAN: Isn`t it weird picture. I was just singing that - in that clip. It`s weird that I like -- my main stream kind of excessive came from a video where I say the dirtiest of swears.
BEHAR: I know. But you had Matt Damon in it, too.
SILVERMAN: That`s true.
BEHAR: So that puts you right in the center -- in the middle of everything, you know? I`m very interested - we`ll talk about Jimmy Kimmel in a second, because you`re not with him anymore, right?
SILVERMAN: Right.
BEHAR: But I like that you are only interested in comedians. You only go out with comics, right?
SILVERMAN: Well, I mean, don`t you just need to be with somebody funny? I mean he can be the funniest plumber. But -- you know what I mean?
BEHAR: I like it when they`re funny.
SILVERMAN: I mean how do you talk to - I mean when you`re a comic, it`s like being a different kind of thing.
BEHAR: You by think -- I have a funny guy. He`s funny but he`s not a comic. I don`t know if I could take somebody who is on or who is competing with me.
SILVERMAN: Yes.
BEHAR: That would be rough. Maybe that`s why they don`t last as long as you would like them to. Maybe they think you`re funnier.
SILVERMAN: Hey, Jimmy and I had a good run.
BEHAR: How many years? How long?
SILVERMAN: Six years.
BEHAR: That`s good. That`s very good.
SILVERMAN: That`s like, in Hollywood, I think that`s like 50 years.
BEHAR: That`s like the golden age. What happened, by the way, to the two of you? What went wrong after six years?
SILVERMAN: Look, it was rich. We had a good run. Joy, Jimmy will always be your dad.
BEHAR: I love Jimmy. I think he`s great.
SILVERMAN: No, I love him too. Geez Louise, we are totally cool with each other. And he`s got a nice girlfriend.
BEHAR: Oh, really?
SILVERMAN: Yes.
BEHAR: Uh-huh. I also was reading about your childhood, which I found fascinating, because all comedians have some crazy thing in their childhood. But you were depressed and a bed wetter. Wow!
SILVERMAN: Oh they go together pretty well.
BEHAR: Sometimes, yeah. But then I saw you did standup when you were 17. Did you ever think you might pee on the stage?
SILVERMAN: I, funny you should ask that, because I actually did pee on stage when I was 6. I was like -- this is not that good a story. But I was the littlest prince in "The King And I" in our local theater. And I peed all over the stage. And the whole -- like when everyone is like bowing to the king, I peed. I remember it, because I remember going like, am I peeing? I don`t feel like I`m peeing but I`m getting wet. And then I did and the whole cast is barefoot and they had to step in my pee. But I was not worried I would pee on stage. That`s a silly question, Joy, because I was awake.
BEHAR: Yes, I`m sorry. I know but - I know but you were depressed. How did you get out of the depression?
SILVERMAN: You know what? I remember the moment, it was like a cloud covering the sun all in one moment and three years later, like lifting all in one moment. When it happened, I was like getting off the bus from a camping trip.
BEHAR: Yes.
SILVERMAN: And when it went away, I was a sophomore in high school like at the bubbler at the water fountain.
BEHAR: What brought it on, do you know?
SILVERMAN: I don`t know.
BEHAR: You don`t know? What started it, you don`t know. How old were you?
SILVERMAN: I was 13.
BEHAR: Well that explains it.
SILVERMAN: Well I mean yes, 13 and 15 is awful any way.
BEHAR: We were probably all depressed at 13. We just didn`t know it.
SILVERMAN: All right, I get it, I`m not special.
BEHAR: Of all the comedians you`ve gone out with -
SILVERMAN: Jesus.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: I mean, there were a couple others, right?
SILVERMAN: Yes.
BEHAR: Tell me who else? I`m just nosey.
SILVERMAN: Oh my God, I`m going to look like such a douche.
BEHAR: No, you`re not. No.
SILVERMAN: My first like real boyfriend -- I lost my virginity to a comedian.
BEHAR: How old were you then?
SILVERMAN: 19.
BEHAR: Okay.
SILVERMAN: I was a comedian. Remember Kevin Brennan?
BEHAR: No. Okay he was --
SILVERMAN: Very funny comedian.
BEHAR: Who else?
SILVERMAN: My first real boyfriend, I hope that you don`t mind, David Atell.
BEHAR: Very funny.
SILVERMAN: Yes. And then I put in about a year with his best friend at the time, Mark Co, that was not good for your friendship. Sorry about that, guys. We love each other. Come on.
BEHAR: So you`re really quite the little heterosexual, yet the gay audience seems to have taken you under their wings.
SILVERMAN: I`m so lesbian. Everything about me is so lesbian, except for the fact that I love penis.
BEHAR: I know.
SILVERMAN: You know what I mean?
BEHAR: I can see that.
SILVERMAN: You`re probably different, you`re more elegant.
BEHAR: Well you know they just put me together every day.
SILVERMAN: But you`re so beautiful.
BEHAR: Thank you.
SILVERMAN: If I can say one of my best friends -- is he going to get mad at me for saying this? I don`t think so. Tall John is in love with you.
BEHAR: Oh yes, who is Tall John?
SILVERMAN: He`s writes on my show, he`s very talented. He`s very tall. It`s not an ironic name, he`s 6`10".
BEHAR: Tall John.
SILVERMAN: Yes.
BEHAR: You know I was reading the thing about beauty and comedy is an interesting subject, because every time I read the research about you, they mention how pretty you are.
SILVERMAN: I feel like it`s setting me up for failure.
BEHAR: No, they like pretty. They like pretty but you don`t seem to pay attention that much. You don`t wear makeup I notice.
SILVERMAN: Well I mean it`s not like I`m trying to not look good. It`s just if -- when I`m like really made up, or I try to look dressy, I look like a transvestite.
BEHAR: Uh huh. Yes.
SILVERMAN: And I`m just being realistic. When I dress down, it`s like oh look she is dressing down, she looks all right. You know she doesn`t even try. No, I would try if it looked good.
BEHAR: Well you are naturally cute. Sometimes if you get somebody who actually knows how to put makeup on you, you don`t have to look like a transvestite, that`s just a tip from mother to daughter.
SILVERMAN: But every time I try to dress up, I look ridiculous.
BEHAR: Okay we have more with Sarah, stay right there we have your twitter questions coming up.
SILVERMAN: Really?
BEHAR: Yeah.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back with the very funny Sarah Silverman, and very pretty, I would like to add. I`ve got some twitter questions for you, okay. Here is one, is she dating anyone new since Kimmel and if not, would she consider dating a small Jewish girl?
SILVERMAN: Um, I am dating somebody new.
BEHAR: Really, who is it?
SILVERMAN: He`s not a comedian. He`s a comedy writer.
BEHAR: Yeah, but that`s different.
SILVERMAN: It is different.
BEHAR: A comedy writer can write materials for you, he`s not competing with you. Now you got it right.
SILVERMAN: Finally.
BEHAR: I read you don`t drink alcohol. Why? Signed Mel Gibson. Why? Why?
SILVERMAN: All my anti-Semitism pours out when I drink.
BEHAR: He`s apologized three or four times. So should we let him off the hook yet?
SILVERMAN: I`m sure it came from the heart.
BEHAR: The apology or anti-Semitic remark?
SILVERMAN: I don`t think he has a problem with the Jews, he just wants to clear up the fact that the holocaust never happened.
BEHAR: Yeah, exactly, lots of luck to him. Did you answer that question, why don`t you drink?
SILVERMAN: Nothing interesting. I don`t drink because it gives me a stomachache, I try all the time it looks like good and I feel like I would have fun being drunk, but I have a Jewish stomach.
BEHAR: You don`t need it. Okay now, you made a video asking the Pope to sell the Vatican to end world hunger. Take a look. I love this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
SILVERMAN: You preach to live humbly and I totally agree so now maybe it is time for you to move out of your house that is a city. On an ego level alone, you will be the biggest in the history ever, and by the way, any involvement in the holocaust, bygones.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: First of all, did you get any hate mail from that one?
SILVERMAN: Only from that weirdo Bill Donahue guy.
BEHAR: Oh he stalks me, too.
SILVERMAN: You know I actually like read what he wrote and wrote this thoughtful letter and then like I looked him up online and I realized he is just like an idiot. You know so it wasn`t worth responding.
BEHAR: Yes and he is on the payroll, too. He is on the pay roll he is looking for things to go after.
SILVERMAN: You have to YouTube Lou CK on the radio show where he calls in and it is -- Louie eviscerates him so funny.
BEHAR: Really? I would like to check that out. Now, let`s see, one more thing, what are you going to do after, you know, next? Do you do stand up?
SILVERMAN: I`m -- I feel like I`m starting over. You ever, like -- do you do stand up and then you are just like this act is done?
BEHAR: Yes. I feel that way.
SILVERMAN: I am not excited to go on stage anymore because I feel like a fraud or a hack.
BEHAR: It takes a long time to get a new one.
SILVERMAN: So now I`m really starting over, just doing short sets. This is the time I would be on the road and making, like, where I - - we make -- that is where I make a living still, but I can`t, I don`t have an hour yet of stuff that I`m excited about.
BEHAR: No, you`ll get it. You`ll get it.
SILVERMAN: I have got about 20 new minutes.
BEHAR: And this comedy writer, tell him to write some stuff for you. Okay.
SILVERMAN: Okay.
BEHAR: All right you can catch the season premiere of "The Sarah Silverman Program" tonight at 10:30 eastern at Comedy Central. Thanks for doing this and good night, everybody.
SILVERMAN: Thank you.
END
