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Joy Behar Page
Interview With Joan Rivers; Interview With Whoopi Goldberg
Aired April 01, 2010 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOAN RIVERS, COMEDIAN: Before we do anything else, I want -- I don`t like certain audiences. I hate old people. Oh, if you are (EXPLETIVE DELETED) old, get up and get out of here, right -- right now. Right now. Well, you`re old, Miss Rivers. Well, I don`t see me. If you`re old, screw you.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
JOY BEHAR, HLN HOST: Joan Rivers is one of the reasons I got into stand-up comedy. She taught me I could get paid to trash the people I love. It`s truly a pleasure to have her here.
Joan, welcome.
RIVERS: I love being here with you.
BEHAR: Yes. Well you know I sometimes --
RIVERS: Your own show.
BEHAR: On my own show.
RIVERS: You can ask any question you want.
BEHAR: Don`t you think they`re all happy for me at "The View"?
RIVERS: Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Yes.
You`re talking to me. And it`s nice you can ask more than one question a segment.
BEHAR: I know, without getting interrupted.
Well, you know what? We called you the legendary Joan Rivers before. And I was thinking to myself, "My God, this woman has been through so much in her career and now she`s the legend."
RIVERS: I know, it`s so stupid.
BEHAR: Don`t you feel good about it finally?
RIVERS: No, because that means that you`re over.
BEHAR: 150 years old.
RIVERS: Yes, you know what I`m saying.
BEHAR: But you`re not over. You have a new gig.
RIVERS: I know. But it`s like when people walk on an award show and the audience stands; that means they heard from their doctors. You know what I mean. What have you heard?
BEHAR: Are you accepting the fact that you`re aging gracefully?
RIVERS: No.
BEHAR: You`re not?
RIVERS: I hate age.
BEHAR: You do.
RIVERS: It sucks.
BEHAR: But you said this 20 years ago.
RIVERS: I hated it then, 20 years ago. I was already 50-something.
BEHAR: So what happens when people say, "What`s the alternative?"
RIVERS: Well, I wouldn`t mind being dead now.
BEHAR: You wouldn`t?
RIVERS: No.
BEHAR: Being dead is ok.
RIVERS: I`ve seen everything I really want -- the only place I still want to go is see is like New Jersey.
BEHAR: You haven`t seen New Jersey yet?
RIVERS: Not the way I think I should.
BEHAR: But you know it`s interesting, like Ted Koppel, I heard a rumor that he`s going to sit in for George Stephanopolous.
RIVERS: Coming back around.
BEHAR: Bob Eubanks, remember Bob Eubanks?
RIVERS: I dated him.
BEHAR: You dated him?
RIVERS: He`s hot.
BEHAR: Seriously?
RIVERS: The only good thing about age is you look at these men and you`re like he`s really very attractive. If they`d just change his diaper, he`d be really, really attractive.
BEHAR: But he`s like 73, he`s going to be hosting "The Newlywed Game". And then there`s us, there`s me and you. There`s Diane Sawyer who`s in her 60s, she just got a gig.
RIVERS: But it`s different now. I don`t know what it is. I wake up in the morning and I`m 76 years old and I go that`s just stupid, so I ignore it.
I have a new reality show with Melissa. My concert -- we have a show in London, I do everything, the jewelry is going. So to me it means nothing.
BEHAR: You`re on all cylinders.
RIVERS: Going like a crazy lady.
BEHAR: Where do you get this energy? Is it anxiety?
RIVERS: I love -- don`t you love the -- I love the business.
BEHAR: I do love the business. I love to work. That`s why I have two shows.
RIVERS: People say what`s your hobby? My hobby is coming in, having your hair and makeup done for free and then laughing with a friend and getting a check. Oh, that`s really sad, she works so hard.
BEHAR: I know it is tough.
Now let`s talk about the plastic surgery for a minute because --
RIVERS: Why me?
BEHAR: -- I was wondering. I don`t know, it just came to me. But I mean did you go into plastic -- get the plastic surgery to meet doctors? That`s all I wanted to know.
RIVERS: But a brilliant concept.
BEHAR: It`s a good concept.
RIVERS: I would think you were Jewish to think like that. That`s a good concept.
Yes, I went in, I was on the Carson show and I had bags. This is how long ago it was. Melissa was a baby. Someone said you should get the bags. I was in my 30s. And I said, ok.
BEHAR: Who said that though, how rude.
RIVERS: But how smart. I did them and they were great. Then I thought, do a little bit a (INAUDIBLE).
BEHAR: Tweak.
RIVERS: Tweak. And that`s what I`ve been doing all these years. I think it`s fabulous.
BEHAR: Well, this Heidi Montague, this kid --
RIVERS: Yes.
BEHAR: Twenty-three-years old, she had ten surgeries in one day. That`s over the top, isn`t it?
RIVERS: Oh, bet you.
Only one anesthetic, you understand; only one anesthesiologist bill.
BEHAR: That was her point.
RIVERS: Her doctor was clean anyhow.
BEHAR: I mean they sucked, they tucked, they did everything and of course $30,000, according to "People" magazine.
RIVERS: I want to know that doctor.
BEHAR: Yes, not that much for all those --
RIVERS: For ten procedures? Oh, my gosh.
BEHAR: But you wouldn`t have done something like that at 23.
RIVERS: No, because my mother was nasty. No, I would have done it at 11.
BEHAR: What if Melissa came to you at 21 and said I have to have all of this done in one day. What would you do?
RIVERS: Let`s go.
BEHAR: No, you wouldn`t.
RIVERS: No, but truly, truly, plastic surgery is about making you feel good about yourself. And if I had a really homely daughter and she wanted to do something, absolutely do it. You go through life once, Joy.
BEHAR: Yes.
RIVERS: Go and look the way you look.
BEHAR: Yes. Well, that`s true.
RIVERS: Do what you want to do.
BEHAR: Yes. I`m afraid of it. It`s scary to me.
RIVERS: You`re wrong. You`re wrong. When it`s time, you`ll talk to me.
BEHAR: No, it`s over time at this point. I still haven`t done it.
RIVERS: It`s again -- then you feel very confident about yourself. I was never the pretty girl, I was never the cheerleader. I was never the one they flocked to.
BEHAR: But you were funny.
RIVERS: They laugh and then they go home with the other girl.
BEHAR: Oh, you had plenty of men in your life. Who are you dating now? Do you have a boyfriend now?
RIVERS: Well, I had one that died.
BEHAR: Oh, yes.
RIVERS: In a restaurant.
BEHAR: No. Really? Seriously.
RIVERS: So we may have a lawsuit. Wouldn`t that be great if you (INAUDIBLE) around then.
BEHAR: What do you mean, he died in -- really?
RIVERS: It wasn`t a boyfriend but it was like a date. And we were on a date and this man dropped dead in the restaurant.
BEHAR: Of all your luck, why you did it have to happen to?
RIVERS: Because I had to pay the bill. I was so --
BEHAR: No, that`s a true story?
RIVERS: True story. True story. It`s horrible. You think he`s being quiet. And you realize --
BEHAR: You`re praying.
RIVERS: You`re very quiet.
BEHAR: In your life have you preferred -- I like men who are a little younger than me. I like them younger, I don`t like them old. What about you?
RIVERS: That`s interesting. You really -- I truly -- no, I like an older man.
BEHAR: Yes, why?
RIVERS: At this point.
BEHAR: It doesn`t matter.
RIVERS: They`re dead at this point. Because my mother -- my mother was very smart; she always said, "You should be the good-looking one. He should worry about you, you shouldn`t worry about him."
BEHAR: So the younger one you have to worry about.
RIVERS: Poor Demi -- excuse me -- Demi. Have you ever interviewed her?
BEHAR: No.
RIVERS: She corrects you.
BEHAR: Seriously?
RIVERS: Yes.
BEHAR: That`s her real name?
RIVERS: It`s Demi. Demi -- I`m sorry if it was demi --
BEHAR: Well, she`s married to Ashton.
RIVERS: Exactly. And she`s a bi-itch.
BEHAR: Ok.
RIVERS: Younger men -- and Cher likes younger men.
BEHAR: Yes.
RIVERS: She had that pizza guy who was very young, much younger than her. Melissa my daughter --
BEHAR: Judy used to have a song that Cher should sing. "If I could turn back time I would date a fetus." I always thought it was pretty funny.
RIVERS: (INAUDIBLE) is so funny.
BEHAR: Yes, I don`t know. Whatever. I can`t think about that now.
RIVERS: You`re very warm.
BEHAR: What was she going to do for me?
RIVERS: She loved you so much.
BEHAR: Yes, I know. It`s so sad.
So at this point in your life, what if the right guy came along and wanted to get married, would you marry him?
RIVERS: Get married, never.
BEHAR: Never again?
RIVERS: Never. I lived with a man for nine years, Orin Lehman, and just never -- once he said let`s get married and I called my accountant and he said are you out of your mind? You don`t mix this, you don`t mix that.
BEHAR: The guy you`re talking about had quite a bit of cash, didn`t he?
RIVERS: Yes, yes.
BEHAR: So it would have been to your benefit?
RIVERS: Not if it`s -- it`s just too much problems, the family would have gotten involved. Why?
BEHAR: I know, I don`t see the point except -- well, I don`t know.
RIVERS: Well, I have three eggs left.
BEHAR: You do really?
RIVERS: Yes. They are in the refrigerator.
BEHAR: Wow.
Now, so there`s a -- they want me to ask you this about death for some reason.
RIVERS: Yes.
BEHAR: Someone said you have -- you like to talk about dying and death. Why?
RIVERS: I don`t like to talk -- I walk into a restaurant and I say anybody here want to discuss dying and death because I`ve got ten minutes.
BEHAR: I mean do your friends talk about it?
RIVERS: Yes. You reach a certain age and I think about it because every time I pick up "The New York Times or the "Wall Street Journal" I read the obituaries, it`s contemporaries. I went to my class reunion and there were women dancing with urns. That`s when you know it`s all around us. It`s all around us.
BEHAR: You know that question they say, "How would you like to die?" I don`t know what to answer. In my sleep, of course.
RIVERS: In your sleep. How would you like to die? Very rich.
BEHAR: Very rich, sure.
RIVERS: Very rich, very healthy, in the arms of George Clooney. But I do --
BEHAR: Have you left Melissa instructions?
RIVERS: Yes. Don`t resuscitate.
BEHAR: Don`t resuscitate.
RIVERS: You know what it says in my will, I made them put it in. My lawyer got so angry. If they resuscitate me, they`re only allowed to do it if I can still get up and do an hour stand-up. Do not bring me back if I`m going to sit there and say "I used to be Joan" -- I don`t want that. Unless I can literally stand up and do stand up on stage, don`t bring me back, I don`t want to be around.
BEHAR: Right. Like Dick Shawnee dropped dead in the middle of his set.
RIVERS: How lucky.
BEHAR: That was good. He was 35 years old, but still.
RIVERS: But also, do you know in Vegas, it`s in your act, they only pay you for the show if you do an hour.
BEHAR: Yes.
RIVERS: You have to do 31 minutes. So I said to my assistant if I look like I`m dead on the stool, just say she`s thinking until its 31 minutes and then say, "She may be in trouble."
BEHAR: Ok, Joan, sit tight. We`ve got lots more to talk about. Stick around.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
RIVERS: You want brutal honesty? You think you can handle the truth?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Gwyneth Paltrow.
RIVERS: I love that straight hair, but then I just love to see anything straight in Hollywood.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Kim Cattrall.
RIVERS: That is a communion dress for sluts.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Haley Joel Osment.
RIVERS: He looked at me and he said, "I see dead people." This might be hard to believe but I can be a real bitch.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: She`s genuinely, genuinely funny. I`m back with Joan Rivers who returns to E! on Monday with "Fashion Police", the post game show for who wore what --
RIVERS: That`s right.
BEHAR: -- who wore what to the Golden Globes.
RIVERS: Yes.
BEHAR: Who wore what?
RIVERS: Yes.
BEHAR: What are you wearing? You`re always asking them that.
RIVERS: I was the one that first -- they said and we got taken to task because "The New York Times" that first said -- and when we first went on and I did that asked him questions -- "The New York Times" said, "You can`t ask that question, it`s very shallow."
And then somebody else came on and said she`s asking a stupid question. Meanwhile now everybody now says, "Who are you wearing." And that`s all people really care about.
BEHAR: Well, in that particular venue, yes.
RIVERS: And that`s to say, you want to see who you`re wearing and what`s the jewelry like, who is drunk, who is sober, who is high? That`s the fun of the fashion.
BEHAR: Now, didn`t the show sort of excess (ph) you at one point and now you`re back to feel vindicated.
RIVERS: No, we left.
BEHAR: You left.
RIVERS: We left E! --
BEHAR: Oh I see.
RIVERS: Yes, we left to go to TV Guide --
BEHAR: Right.
RIVERS: -- and to start their channel. I like to start channels.
BEHAR: Oh I see.
RIVERS: It`s a kind of hobby. I started E! I started Fox. So, they called me up from E! And they said would you like to do the "Fashion Police". I said I would love to. Because we talked about -- I don`t just stand there and say --
BEHAR: Yes, now that`s funny.
RIVERS: -- we`ve got a lucky charm.
BEHAR: A communion dress for sluts is that funny.
RIVERS: That`s brilliant.
BEHAR: I love that.
RIVERS: And so -- so we`ll be -- I`ll be going, it`s 10:00 Eastern Standard time Monday nights on E! to talk about everybody that was on the day before.
BEHAR: All right, and let`s just do like a little bit of hot topics. What did you think of the fallout of the Harry Reid story? Let`s just talk about that.
RIVERS: I found that ridiculous.
BEHAR: Why?
RIVERS: Why? Why? Because politics are politics. Yes, of course, because Obama looked not black, because Obama sounded educated. Of course you would say he`d be a great president.
BEHAR: Yes.
RIVERS: And -- I have yet to see a Jew -- they say he`s very smart, we`ll use him. That`s why Lieberman wasn`t wearing a black hat with bases. It`s politics.
BEHAR: Yes, I see. Well, his intention, I think, Harry Reid`s intention --
RIVERS: He`s very smart.
BEHAR: Was that -- he`s not going to win unless he has certain characteristics but the way he`s phrased it was sort of dumb.
RIVERS: Oh, yes, but Joy --
BEHAR: You know what? He`s not pro choice and not pro gay marriage, Harry Reid, so screw him.
RIVERS: Yes, but he was smart enough to say we can take a black man who`s smart and yes, he can win.
BEHAR: Yes, that does -- yes, he`s a politician.
RIVERS: Everybody shut up. We have a wonderful president. Who cares if he`s black, white, pink or green? And he`s terrific.
BEHAR: He is terrific. I like him a lot.
RIVERS: So shut up.
BEHAR: I like him a lot.
RIVERS: Yes and Harry Reid, good thing for saying, "Try him."
BEHAR: Yes, ok. Now Ellen, how about Ellen, she`s the queen of "American Idol".
RIVERS: Try him again.
BEHAR: Same thing. How do you think she`s going to do? I watched it last night a little bit.
RIVERS: Can she be mean enough?
BEHAR: She`s not mean.
RIVERS: She`s not mean. She`s darling.
BEHAR: You need Simon, you need a mean person.
RIVERS: You need a meanie.
BEHAR: Yes.
RIVERS: And she --
BEHAR: Maybe you.
RIVERS: I can`t do the final -- you know. Also you feel so sorry for them.
BEHAR: Not that you`re mean, but you would tell the truth.
RIVERS: Yes, but what`s her name, the singer, that the one in England.
BEHAR: Oh, Susan Boyle.
RIVERS: Susan Boyle --
BEHAR: Oh, yes.
RIVERS: -- like they gave her a makeover and she is going a make over and over and over and over and over.
BEHAR: But the thing with her is she only sings one song. That`s it.
RIVERS: Yes.
BEHAR: Well, she doesn`t know any other song, the girl.
RIVERS: Did you ever see a picture of a cat that`s going like this?
BEHAR: Another hot topic, have you ever considered dating Tiger Woods?
RIVERS: Considered? And may I say and then --
BEHAR: He had a good stroke?
RIVERS: He had a good stroke but not -- he was very needy.
RIVERS: He was very needy.
BEHAR: Ok now, what about with Melissa? Let`s talk about Melissa.
RIVERS: Yes.
BEHAR: How is everything going with her?
RIVERS: God bless her.
BEHAR: Mother and daughter are getting along.
RIVERS: Great, well you have a daughter.
BEHAR: I do too, yes.
RIVERS: Everything --
BEHAR: I`m not allowed to speak about her, though, unless it`s completely flattering.
RIVERS: And -- of course.
BEHAR: Yes, yes. There`s no -- and she doesn`t like any negativity from me.
RIVERS: And it shouldn`t be.
BEHAR: No.
RIVERS: They`re not in the business. With Melissa, I -- if I say anything negative anywhere to her, they get very --
BEHAR: Yes.
RIVERS: -- what do you mean by that. I just thought I liked your hair better the other way. What, you don`t like it. You have to be so careful with the daughter.
BEHAR: Never say anything about the hair.
RIVERS: And I`m very bad because I stay at her house in California. And it`s terrible. Before the door closes I say why is the lamp over there? Doesn`t this look better over here? And she goes I`m going to kill myself.
BEHAR: Yes.
RIVERS: So -- but she`s fabulous.
BEHAR: Well, because when you`re young, you`re very touchy about anything that the grownups say to you.
RIVERS: Well, first of all, when they`re young, it`s hard for us to - - remember, it`s a dictatorship.
BEHAR: Yes, that`s true.
RIVERS: When you`re a mother --
BEHAR: Childhood is a nightmare, isn`t it?
RIVERS: It`s a nightmare.
BEHAR: It`s a nightmare.
RIVERS: And someone is saying, my poor grandson says to me can I have another piece of candy. You know, then you realize that he`s eight and half -- nine years old. Yes, of course. Thanks, grandma. Wait until he`s 19. It`s going to be --
BEHAR: You won`t have any teeth.
RIVERS: I`m eating anything I want. You shut up. So with Melissa, we get along.
BEHAR: How do you feel about these women who have like eight children, seven children --
BEHAR: I think they should stay home and take care of them.
BEHAR: Yes.
RIVERS: What`s that stupid ass`s name --
BEHAR: Which one, there`s so many.
RIVERS: The one with the eight?
BEHAR: The octo-mom?
RIVERS: The -- Kate?
BEHAR: Oh, Kate Gosselin.
RIVERS: Oh, you have children, stay home. Never mind the extensions and the tummy tuck and on the road. You`ve got eight children that came out of your big womb, I think oh --
BEHAR: It`s big --
RIVERS: -- can you imagine the echo when she goes to the bathroom?
BEHAR: Oh, my God. Oh my God, her uterus must need a concierge.
RIVERS: She must use a roll of toilet paper for tinkle. Stay home and take care of them.
BEHAR: From her point of view -- I`ll play her part for a second.
RIVERS: Yes.
BEHAR: She would say -- I think she would say I have to make a living to support these because the husband is an A-hole.
RIVERS: Yes, and she`s not. I think that -- I think and she said in "People" magazine they need major psychiatric help. Do you believe that?
BEHAR: No, duh.
RIVERS: So I suggest you stay home. Let them learn that you`re mommy. I find this outrageous that people have these kind of children --
BEHAR: How did she --
RIVERS: -- and use them as a career move.
BEHAR: Did you stay home when you were on the road when Melissa was growing up?
RIVERS: No, I tried to have eight children. So I like -- doubled my career.
BEHAR: You were away weren`t you?
RIVERS: I drove through the night to be with her. As I`m sure you -- I did things -- to this day I take my book, and I`m not a wonderful parent, but I take my book and I go, "That`s it. That`s grandma week. That`s my week with Melissa. Don`t even come to me and tell me there`s a -- no, your family first."
BEHAR: That`s right.
RIVERS: Do you know and we`re getting serious here and we shouldn`t. But we had dinners in California at 6:00, the phone stopped and my husband and I sat down and ate every night with Melissa, every night. If we had a dinner date, we went out after dinner.
BEHAR: That`s nice. I would never want to have dinner with my parents.
We`ll be back with more Joan Rivers in just a minute. I dreaded it. It was like no.
RIVERS: Well, that`s too bad.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Welcome back.
Joan Rivers is here and like a proper guest should, she brought us jewelry.
RIVERS: I brought you my Joan Rivers QVC jewelry.
BEHAR: And I`m wearing it -- it`s very nice.
RIVERS: Amazing. Twenty years in the business. I just got honored as Vendor of the Year last night.
BEHAR: Vendor of the Year. Look at this.
RIVERS: Very big for QVC; big event down there.
BEHAR: Now, this I find it very pretty. It`s maroon, it`s lovely. How much is this, do you know?
RIVERS: It`s about $55, $45. It`s a fabulous bracelet.
BEHAR: You would pay much more at Bergdorf for that.
RIVERS: Right. Try to go to Barney`s.
BEHAR: Yes.
RIVERS: The watch is gorgeous.
BEHAR: The watch is nice, too.
RIVERS: The watch is beautiful. Everything I wear, if it`s not real, then it`s obviously mine. I`m not stupid.
BEHAR: You don`t sell real.
RIVERS: No. That`s why people say is that your jewelry. No, I design it and I don`t wear it. Of course I wear it.
BEHAR: Of course, you wear it. You`re no dummy.
Let`s look at the Facebook/Twitter questions that we have.
RIVERS: Yes. I love Twitter.
BEHAR: This one is right. "Is it true that you played the lesbian opposite Barbra Streisand in the `50s?
RIVERS: Yes. Not in the `50s. It was 1966. Poor Barbra, she`ll kill herself.
BEHAR: I know. That`s a little early.
RIVERS: Yes, the first show that we both were in, this show called "Driftwood" and they couldn`t get a male -- because he read the script -- they couldn`t get a man to do it so I said make them lesbians. And so I played --
BEHAR: You would -- the two of you were so ahead of your time.
RIVERS: Yes. And we still see each other and we laugh because she was then Barbara with all the A`s. And I was Joan Malinski. She always says, "Hello Joan Malinski" and I say "Hello Barbara" with all the A`s. We go back forever together.
BEHAR: She`s something.
RIVERS: She`s great. We go to town.
BEHAR: Ok. Joan, if you were to have a late show today, who would be your first guest?
RIVERS: Joy.
BEHAR: Ok, fine.
RIVERS: I`m going to screw myself. Yes, I`m going to say not Joy. You know, I`d love to have on -- who would I love to have on?
BEHAR: How about the royal family? They never appear in anything.
RIVERS: They never appear and they would never tell you the truth on camera. I like people to tell you the truth.
BEHAR: Have you met Camilla?
RIVERS: Yes. She`s fabulous.
BEHAR: Is she fun?
RIVERS: So much fun.
BEHAR: It`s interesting how he went for the ugly one instead of the pretty one.
RIVERS: But she`s got a great sexuality.
BEHAR: Does she, really?
RIVERS: I`ve known them for like 15 years now. She`s great. She`s just great.
BEHAR: But the Brits are like that, even his Uncle Edward who abdicated, his wife was no beauty. She must have done something really good.
RIVERS: And Camilla, you just look at her and you know she`s just fun and sexy --
BEHAR: And he liked that. The other one, he didn`t like the other one.
RIVERS: She`s adorable.
BEHAR: The other one was too depressed for him.
RIVERS: She was always throwing up, she smelled of vomit.
BEHAR: Diana.
RIVERS: Diana, you`re vomiting all the time. Just get your finger away from me.
BEHAR: What do you like to watch on TV they want to know.
RIVERS: Ok, I watch -- I watch Turner Classic Movies. I love old movies.
BEHAR: I do too. Oh, yes.
RIVERS: Also that comfort. You can fall asleep, you can wake up. You know just where you are.
BEHAR: That`s true. I keep Casablanca on there all the time in tape and Bette Davis movies.
RIVERS: There you go. Bette Davis, there was a star.
BEHAR: You know what we are? We`re like a gay man`s wet dream. Listen to the two of us.
RIVERS: That and I also like Law & Order because I love to watch the sexy detective women, "Yes, that`s sperm." I love it.
BEHAR: Law & Order is coming back to 10:00 twice a week after they moved Jay Leno back.
RIVERS: Yes. But I miss Jerry Orbach. I like the old "Law & Order".
BEHAR: I miss Jerry Orbach, too. He was the best.
But you are the best. I`ve got to go.
RIVERS: Oh I love you so.
BEHAR: I love you too.
RIVERS: I`ll be back.
BEHAR: Thanks to Joan Rivers. When we come back I`ll be talking with my good pal from "The View", the wonderful Whoopi Goldberg.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
WHOOPI GOLDBERG, CO-HOST, "THE VIEW": Hey, hey, hey. Be nice to Condoleezza. She`s a poor black woman, who brought herself up for nothing. Nothing.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
WHOOPI GOLDBERG, CO-HOST "THE VIEW": Hey, hey, hey, be nice to Condoleezza. She`s a poor black woman that brought herself up to nothing. Nothing. She walked to school buck naked in the snow. And now she has raised herself up to be the most powerful woman in the world. That can`t sit well with Oprah.
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BEHAR: That was my "View" co-host and good friend Dame Whoopi Goldberg. I`m going to call you Dame.
GOLDBERG: I like that.
BEHAR: In addition to winning an Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, and a Tony, what, no bowling trophies for you? She`s also written a new children`s book "Sugar Plum Ballerina." It`s perfectly prima. Welcome to the show.
GOLDBERG: Thank you.
BEHAR: Do you miss the girls? Do you feel naked?
GOLDBERG: I thought you meant these?
BEHAR: No.
GOLDBERG: Where did they go. It must have fallen.
BEHAR: The other girls.
GOLDBERG: Oh, the other girls. No, it`s quite nice to see you here in all of your splendor.
BEHAR: In all my splendor, in my beautiful studio.
GOLDBERG: Yes, with your evening backdrop.
BEHAR: And look, we have this from Tiananmen, from the old days.
GOLDBERG: Yes see.
BEHAR: When I grew up in Brooklyn and you too. Well you grew up in Chelsea.
GOLDBERG: I yes. I grew up in Chelsea.
BEHAR: Chelsea, for people who live out of New York --
GOLDBERG: I`m from downtown New York -
BEHAR: It`s in Manhattan.
GOLDBERG: Manhattan.
BEHAR: Yes, the projects though, right?
GOLDBERG: Yes.
BEHAR: But you know the projects - but you know the projects in Manhattan is already a sophisticated place to live.
GOLDBERG: Yes.
BEHAR: Because you`re in Manhattan.
GOLDBERG: You`re in Manhattan and as a kid I had access to anything I wanted. You know, if I wanted to see art, I could go to any of the -
BEHAR: The museums.
GOLDBERG: Museums. I could go to museums, if I wanted to know about the sky, I could go to the planetarium. I mean there were just so many things I could go see. And you know my mom, she`s very into know what is around you, know what`s possible, what you`re capable of. So she exposed us to everything.
BEHAR: Uh huh, she was a good mom.
GOLDBERG: She is a good mom.
BEHAR: Do you think that the kids today who are growing up in the projects, let`s say, do they take advantage of the cultural activities? Children seem to be watching TV and --
GOLDBERG: Well come -- I mean, you know, think about it. The cultural activities that were open for you and I were free.
BEHAR: Yes.
GOLDBERG: If our parents didn`t have any money, we could still go and enjoy those things. Now you have to have some dough to live in the city.
BEHAR: Yes, it`s very expensive.
GOLDBERG: It`s a little different, it`s actually very different from when I was little.
BEHAR: Before we talk about your book.
GOLDBERG: Yes.
BEHAR: I want to talk about the State of the Union last night.
GOLDBERG: Yes.
BEHAR: We talked a little bit about it on "The View" today.
GOLDBERG: A little bit.
BEHAR: But what did you - what is your overall impression of it now that you have time to think about it?
GOLDBERG: Well you know I look at it this way. The guy`s been in for a year. Excuse me. And we had eight years of nothing happening.
BEHAR: Right.
GOLDBERG: You know, nothing happening. Nobody cared about, you know, pensions or health or any of those things.
BEHAR: Uh huh.
GOLDBERG: And now we have a guy who is trying to say, look, I`ve got a lot of stuff to take care of, so this is what I am trying to do. And my favorite line of his last night was I never said I was going to do this alone.
BEHAR: Right.
GOLDBERG: I never said that I didn`t need help. You know, so I also appreciate that he`s saying, you know, look, I appreciate you don`t like what I do, you know to the Republicans. I know you don`t like what I do --
BEHAR: Uh huh.
GOLDBERG: But that is no reason for you not to work for the American people.
BEHAR: They were kind of rude, the Republican people. Maybe that`s true no matter what--
GOLDBERG: Yes, it doesn`t matter who is there.
BEHAR: I mean they just sit on their hands with sullen looks on their faces, like junior high school kids.
GOLDBERG: Yes, yes, well the Democrats do the same thing.
BEHAR: I guess they do.
GOLDBERG: I mean they use to give -- there was some looks that they gave Bush that were pretty funny.
BEHAR: Yes.
GOLDBERG: You know while he was doing the State of the Union. They like - when they see him.
BEHAR: Did you notice how coordinated Joe Biden`s outfit was with Nancy Pelosi? They were like purple and a purple tie. It was so cute they were like the bobbsy twins.
GOLDBERG: Well also Michelle was in purple.
BEHAR: And Michelle was like a purple nice.
GOLDBERG: Yes it was "The Color Purple."
BEHAR: The color purple.
GOLDBERG: I thought they were speaking to me, you know.
BEHAR: Okay let`s look at something from the show.
GOLDBERG: Okay.
BEHAR: One hot moment from last night was this. Watch Supreme Court Justice Alito on the left of your screen in response to Obama.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PRESIDENT BARAK OBAMA: Last week, the Supreme Court reversed a century of law that I believe will open the flood gates for special interests. Including foreign corporations to spend without limit in our elections.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: You know, I mean, he just shakes his head and goes that`s not true which is not much different from "you lie. " remember that?
GOLDBERG: Yes, I mean it`s pretty much the same thing, but they felt, I assume, that they were doing the right thing. But I`m not sure it was the smartest move for them to make, because --
BEHAR: You mean the Supreme Court decision?
GOLDBERG: The Supreme Court, because it does -- it does allow lots of people now to make campaign contributions, folks in, you know, I`m so tired. I can`t even --
BEHAR: That`s all right. I`m trying to figure out where you`re going.
GOLDBERG: Folks in unions.
BEHAR: Oh unions, yes.
GOLDBERG: You know it allows a lot of people who have not been able to give as much as they would like to give.
BEHAR: Yes but there`s no cap.
GOLDBERG: Unfortunately it opens up to many different things. So I think the President is like, look, I don`t think it was a good decision and I`m hoping that Congress will make it so we can all work with that.
BEHAR: Right.
GOLDBERG: And Samuel Alito can shake his head and say no, I don`t like it and that`s fine.
BEHAR: Well there`s nothing we can do about it. Because they say that`s it and we have to wait till they die to change the law, which is annoying.
GOLDBERG: Or the President can say, you know, we`re going to handle this from now on. I also appreciated the fact though that he said, you know what? You don`t want to get this done, I understand. You send it to me, I`m going to put a veto on the stuff that I`m sick of this now. I`m going to veto stuff I don`t believe in. You want to play like that, okay.
BEHAR: Yes, well, George Bush for the first six years did not veto anything, he did eight. Everything the Republicans gave him, he signed. The last two years when the Democrats got more power.
GOLDBERG: Uh huh.
BEHAR: The he started, he suddenly found his pen.
GOLDBERG: Well you know, sometimes when you`re menopausal, you lose your pen or something. You can`t find.
BEHAR: You think George Bush is menopausal? Well, that`s a new one.
GOLDBERG: Men get menopause, too.
BEHAR: Yes. That`s true.
GOLDBERG: So that can happen. I like George.
BEHAR: But what about Chris Matthews? Let`s talk about Chris Matthews. I mean we didn`t discuss this today, but I was interested in this because he`s taking a lot of heat for something he said on MSNBC last night. Watch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CHRIS MATTHEWS, HOST, "HARDBALL WITH CHRIS MATTHEWS": He is post racial by all appearances. You know, I forgot he was black tonight for an hour. You know he`s gone a long way to become a leader of this country and past so much history in just a year or two. I mean it`s something we don`t even think about. I was watching and I said wait a minute, he`s an African-American guy in front of a bunch of white people and here he is President of the United States and we`ve completely forgotten that tonight.
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BEHAR: Maybe he needs a new TV.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: What do you think he was driving at there? Because he`s a Lefty, you know, he`s liberal.
GOLDBERG: Yes.
BEHAR: And he likes Obama.
GOLDBERG: Yes.
BEHAR: And yet he says something stupid like that. You know, I forgot he was black. He would never say I forgot he was white. He was looking at Bush.
GOLDBERG: No well, white people, you know, this is -- this has been quite a year for the white man.
BEHAR: Traumatic.
GOLDBERG: Traumatic in many ways because the things that people say now, you have to think before you speak. It sounded great in his head, I`m sure, because I know Chris.
BEHAR: Yes.
GOLDBERG: I know what he was trying to say was, you know, I wasn`t concentrating on that. I appreciate that with him.
BEHAR: Yes.
GOLDBERG: But you know, people have begun to say things which they think are PC and okay and people go, whoa, maybe you shouldn`t say that. Now the truth of the matter is, you know, maybe people are starting to see Obama as Obama.
BEHAR: Uh huh.
GOLDBERG: As a president and not a black president. I think that`s what Chris was trying to get at.
BEHAR: I think so.
GOLDBERG: But sometimes it`s hard, you know, it`s like if you`re black often times people say to you, you`re so articulate, not realizing how offensive that actually is.
BEHAR: It is offensive.
GOLDBERG: You know because you would never say to somebody who is white, gee, you can dance.
BEHAR: Uh huh.
GOLDBERG: And not think it was going to be slightly offensive comment.
BEHAR: Right.
GOLDBERG: Now so you know so we`re all having to learn how to--
BEHAR: White people say stupid things.
GOLDBERG: A lot of people say stupid things. Everybody says stupid stuff.
BEHAR: Yes, but --
GOLDBERG: Well you know what? We are now hearing it and looking at it and examining it in a way we never had to before.
BEHAR: Yes.
GOLDBERG: Because people are hearing themselves and going, okay, what did I actually mean by that?
BEHAR: Now let`s talk about your little book.
GOLDBERG: Yes, yes.
BEHAR: Series, I love them, the Sugar Plum Ballerinas. Is this part of a series?
GOLDBERG: Yes.
BEHAR: Because you have another one right?
GOLDBERG: Yes, there is six of them. They`re going to be six of them
BEHAR: Uh huh, it`s -- what is this about, this book?
GOLDBERG: This is about some little girls whose moms want them to be ballerinas, you know little girls now, they can ride skateboards, they can do -- they can surf, they can do anything.
BEHAR: Yes.
GOLDBERG: We didn`t do that. So we have fostered into our daughters that they can go and be ballerinas and they`re like, yes okay, we`ll do that, but we want to do the skateboard thing and I want to be a doctor and I want to be this.
BEHAR: Yes.
GOLDBERG: So they make friends with each other because they are varying in colors as you can see. Because as it turns out, you know, black people come in different hues. You know that`s when the things that we want to teach folks is that, you know, just because someone doesn`t look black doesn`t mean they`re not.
BEHAR: Right.
GOLDBERG: So the little girls learn this as well. Because one is half Italian, and you know, it`s a lot of stuff.
BEHAR: Okay and also, the Whoopi`s Big Book of Manners has come out in paperback.
GOLDBERG: Yes.
BEHAR: Which is nice, you teach children about manners.
GOLDBERG: Well this is more -- I`ve written this for children, but it`s really for adults. It`s just the basics of please and thank you. And how to answer a telephone, you know because we have lost a lot of those, you know, little tiny chips of manners. So I just want of want to bring them back.
BEHAR: Well this is about teaching people not to interrupt maybe "The View" girls need to read that one. All right stay right there. We are just getting started, back in a minute
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(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Hallelujah
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Santo Santo Dominos
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Ah Hallelujah
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: That was the scene from "Sister Act" and Whoopi as a singing and dancing nun. You`re going to be producing this show on Broadway?
GOLDBERG: Yes in 2011 we`ll bring it here. It`s in London now.
BEHAR: It`s so perfect for a Broadway musical.
GOLDBERG: Yes.
BEHAR: It was a no-brainer to get it together, right?
GOLDBERG: Well, I, you know, I came to the process late because the original folks said that they decided to do it hadn`t contacted me and didn`t, I guess, want my input.
BEHAR: Uh huh.
GOLDBERG: And the man that subsequently took over called and said, we would like you to be part of this. Okay, sure.
BEHAR: Well, I think it`s going to be fantastic.
GOLDBERG: Well I mean it is fun. It`s fun. You know, this is never, you know -- you never think that a movie you`ve done or anything you`ve done has another life but it is in fact a great --
BEHAR: For sure. I mine, look at "The Color Purple" they made that into a musical, too.
GOLDBERG: Yes.
BEHAR: You know, so you have also your standup that is fabulous, the character and the work that you`ve done. So I want to see one of those.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GOLDBERG: I remember growing up, Amsterdam 20 years ago. Thank you, thank you. You`ve been? Did we share a pipe together or something? You know, I love Amsterdam, man. It`s a kicking town. And I found everything I wanted over there. Legally.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GOLDBERG: I loved it.
BEHAR: California now legally too.
GOLDBERG: Yes. Well, you know, they say it`s legal but I don`t know if it`s legal legal yet, you know.
BEHAR: That character is supposed to be a junkie, I take it right.
GOLDBERG: Yes.
BEHAR: But she has a PhD.?
GOLDBERG: Yes.
BEHAR: Uh huh.
GOLDBERG: Well YOU know, junkies come in all
BEHAR: Right.
GOLDBERG: Kinds of guises. So I love him because he allowed me to talk about many different things, including my trip. My first trip to Amsterdam where I went to the Ann Frank house.
BEHAR: Uh huh, I love that -
GOLDBERG: It will knock you out.
BEHAR: Terrific part of the show.
GOLDBERG: Thank you.
BEHAR: Where did you come up with this idea, did you know people like Fontanne as a kid?
GOLDBERG: Yes, I mean, you know I was people like Fontanne as a kid?
BEHAR: I know I`ve heard you say that.
GOLDBERG: Yes, yes.
BEHAR: Tell me a little about that? When was that?
GOLDBERG: When I was young.
BEHAR: Really young?
GOLDBERG: Well not really - not like 7.
BEHAR: No.
GOLDBERG: But in the teen years I liked drugs.
BEHAR: Yes.
GOLDBERG: You know, I know now that drugs are bad for you, so I don`t do them anymore.
BEHAR: Don`t worry, there`s no kids watching the show.
GOLDBERG: Yes, that`s what you think.
BEHAR: But they are - they`re not good for you. Even marijuana too, all it does is increase my appetite. I don`t like any kind of drugs.
GOLDBERG: No, you should do drugs.
BEHAR: I don`t.
GOLDBERG: You don`t need drugs.
BEHAR: I like alcohol. I like a glass of wine.
GOLDBERG: Some people - you like a glass of wine.
BEHAR: That`s what I like.
GOLDBERG: But you see alcohol scares me more than just about anything.
BEHAR: Well a lot of it.
GOLDBERG: You know because, well people think when -- the thing about smoking weed is this, you rarely hear of accidents or deaths connected to pot
BEHAR: Right.
GOLDBERG: Because potheads don`t move from the house.
BEHAR: Right. True.
GOLDBERG: They don`t get in the car. Because it`s like, why? Why would I leave car?
BEHAR: This is fun to hear.
GOLDBERG: Yes but with alcohol, it gives you a false sense of security.
BEHAR: Uh huh.
GOLDBERG: That`s why people always think that they sound fine when they`re talking to people and they`re drunk.
BEHAR: Yes.
GOLDBERG: You know, alcohol is rough, you know, and people are -- you know you have all these smoking things with cigarettes and all this stuff, but I think alcohol is much scarier, much scarier than smoke.
BEHAR: Yes but the thing about your characters is they ring very true. They`re really authentic.
GOLDBERG: Uh huh.
BEHAR: And they`re from someplace.
GOLDBERG: Yes, they`re from my heart.
BEHAR: This is another one that I like from your standup act.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GOLDBERG: And my mother made me go to my room because she said it wasn`t nothing on my head and I said nu uh this is my long luxurious blonde hair. And she said nu uh fool that`s his shirt. And I say, no, you`re a fool, this is my hair. And she made me go to my room.
(END VIDE CLIP)
BEHAR: Now that character is based, you told me this, an experience with your daughter.
GOLDBERG: Yes.
BEHAR: Tell me again about that.
GOLDBERG: Well when Alex was small, you know, I was one of those parents that, you know, said, listen, you`re great the way you are, you don`t have to look like anybody, you don`t have to be anybody else.
BEHAR: Uh huh.
GOLDBERG: You are stunning as you are. And she had a shirt on her head talking about she had long, long luxurious blonde hair and I thought why? And then I started to look at magazines and things and I saw that there was nothing that looked like her.
BEHAR: Right.
GOLDBERG: No one representative and no one that looked like her. And no one that looked like me. And I thought if she is still walking around with this, then there`s a lot of little girls who don`t have that information.
BEHAR: Right.
GOLDBERG: You know so I thought, okay, I need to address that. So that`s where that came from.
BEHAR: Do you think you`re as good a mother as your mother was?
GOLDBERG: No, god no.
BEHAR: On a scale of like let`s say Joan Crawford to Mother Teresa, where do you fall?
GOLDBERG: I probably fall -- let`s see, I probably. Who is in the middle?
BEHAR: In the middle?
GOLDBERG: Yes.
BEHAR: Let`s say Debbie Reynolds.
GOLDBERG: I could be just as good a mom as Debbie Reynolds.
BEHAR: As Debbie -
GOLDBERG: Yes because Debbie had an entire career, you know, and she had to raise her kids and had to leave at times. And I could have -- I always say this in hind sight. I feel like I could have been a better parent, I could have made some better choices. You know A great parent --
BEHAR: Well everyone could.
GOLDBERG: Well that`s where am at, you know. But my -- what gives me great peace is that my daughter is a great mother, you know.
BEHAR: Uh huh, even though she started very young, your daughter.
GOLDBERG: She started very young. But you know, she got it together at the points where it need to get together. And her daughter, her oldest daughter, you know, was just like her, just as rebellious and just as out there and then clicked. They go into the teen tunnel and you don`t see them for like seven years. And then they come out and they go hi, momma. And you`re like, oh, you are back, I`m going to kick -- go, "hi, mama." oh, you`re back. Okay. Okay. How you doing? Oh I`m fine, I have a discovered myself and I feel like I know -- and inside, you`re going, oh so now you`re back, huh? Yes, okay.
BEHAR: Uh huh, uh huh, do you ever worry she will write a tell-all book?
GOLDBERG: There`s nothing to tell, I have told it.
BEHAR: You have told it all, it`s true.
GOLDBERG: You know there`s not much that she can say.
BEHAR: Right okay, we will be back with more with Whoopi Goldberg. Stay there.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We are talking about hot topics. And don`t worry, we made them up during the commercial break.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Ridiculous. So what if a 5-year-old wears makeup? So what? It`s cute, who cares.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: You know you have made it when you are imitated by men?
GOLDBERG: Yes.
BEHAR: You know the men in drag. It`s like I was so complimented by it oh, it`s interesting, they are actually doing me.
GOLDBERG: Well you know, they do you one way or another.
BEHAR: Oh, they certainly do. Let`s talk about "The View." you came into The View, I think it was last year, right?
GOLDBERG: Yes. Yes.
BEHAR: After a rather volatile year on "The View."
GOLDBERG: Yes.
BEHAR: Did you have any misgivings about coming in when things -- things had been pretty, how shall I put this uncomfortable for some people and strange and interesting.
GOLDBERG: Right, right. Well, you know, I always liked "The View," as you know. I always felt that I -- I felt that I could fit in some way there. And so when it came possible to come on, you know, I knew that or I believed the expectations of me coming on are low.
BEHAR: You think so?
GOLDBERG: Oh yes. You know because I, you know, once you have had someone who makes, you know, your ratings go up and skyrocket, you know, you can`t expect that every time you get someone to come in - so.
BEHAR: Well controversy will bring the ratings in.
GOLDBERG: Apparently some.
BEHAR: But we have kept them up.
GOLDBERG: Yes.
BEHAR: They are up since you came.
GOLDBERG: And you know we are having a good time. And we are having a good time. You know we can -- we can be controversial and confrontational and then the next moment, you know, we are talking about breast feeding. You know --
BEHAR: Yes, it is just --
GOLDBERG: Yes.
BEHAR: But the thing about it is that, you know, we get into trouble sometimes with things that we say over there. Quite a bit.
GOLDBERG: Yeah.
BEHAR: Yes but isn`t that a comedian`s job is to get in trouble with things we say in a way? We are supposed to say what the truth is to us.
GOLDBERG: Well you know your truth may be different from my truth and might truth might be different from somebody else`s, but the key thing is the show is called "The View,"
BEHAR: Right.
GOLDBERG: So everyone has one.
BEHAR: Mm-hmm.
GOLDBERG: So if you are mad at that or you are mad at this, the issue with it really is, you know, I`ve found that people hear but they don`t listen.
BEHAR: Uh huh.
GOLDBERG: You know, they don`t -- they don`t listen to what you are saying. They are not putting it in context. They are just responding to something that they think you have said. So, I --
BEHAR: That`s true.
GOLDBERG: Now that I understand that even if I know what I said, someone else will interpret however they need to interpret it.
BEHAR: Yes.
GOLDBERG: And sometimes they write and say, you know, really garish stuff. And you know, sometime these say things that are just kind of like, what -- what show were you watching?
BEHAR: I know. But you know, they can perpetuate the big lie very often in the media now and they get into trouble.
GOLDBERG: Well you know, that`s been happening for the last five or six years. You know, once you put it out there, it`s there forever. So one of the things that we do is try to be really accurate
BEHAR: Yes.
GOLDBERG: About the things we say and if we are not sure we say --
BEHAR: We correct it.
GOLDBERG: We are not sure, but we think this is what`s going on because these days in the media, once you put it out there it`s out there for life. For life.
BEHAR: Well I just want to you know, we have to go I want to you know that I always wanted you on "The View."
GOLDBERG: I know.
BEHAR: I always thought you would be good on "The View" and so happy to have a friendship with you now.
GOLDBERG: Joy Behar.
BEHAR: I mean it, I`m serious. Thanks for joining me, Whoopi. Buy her new book "Sugar Plum Ballerina" and pick up Whoopi`s Big Book Of Manners in paperback. Good night, everybody.
END
