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Joy Behar Page
Analysis of Sandra Bullock/Jesse James Marriage; Jon Gosselin Files for Custody
Aired April 09, 2010 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
JOY BEHAR, HOST: Tonight on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW, the Sandra Bullock/Jesse James mess just won`t go away. Today, we`ll see what Mario Cantone has to say about it and his opinion counts. After all, he`s from "Sex and the City. Who would know better?
Then he wants custody of the kids and a bunch of cash. She wants him to go away and her lawyer called him pathetic. I don`t mean to be judgmental, far be it from me, but the Gosselins are really giving divorce a bad name.
And Paula Deen stops by to talk about deep-fried bacon, taxidermy, and forensic science. In other words, she kills you, stuffs you, and then hides the evidence. That and more, right now.
That fabulous couple, Jon and Kate Gosselin, were both back in the news this week. While Kate managed to survive another week of "Dancing with the Stars" -- on "Dancing with the Stars", actually -- Jon was busy in court asking a judge for primary custody of their eight children. Was this just a ploy by Jon to stop having to pay $20,000 a month in child support and instead have Kate start paying him?
Here to talk about this and other notorious stories from the week, are comedian, Jessica Kirson; "Us Weekly" senior editor, Bradley Jacobs; and from the group TLC, Chilli. Hey, guys, how are you all?
JESSICA KIRSON, COMEDIAN: Hello.
BRADLEY JACOS, SENIOR EDITOR, "US WEEKLY": Great.
CHILLI, TLC: Hello.
BEHAR: Now, is this just a way for Jon Gosselin to get out of paying $the 20,000 a month to her by saying he wants custody of the children?
KIRSON: Yes. He`s not even working. Does he have a job?
BEHAR: He`s broke. He doesn`t have a job and he claims he`s broke. Yes.
JACOBS: It`s extremely curious that he would make -- that he would file this lawsuit only in the second week of her on "Dancing with the Stars", it`s had incredible ratings. She`s never been more in the spotlight. She`s on "Us Weekly`s" cover this week.
This was the week for Jon to go --
CHILLI: He wants attention.
JACOBS: Yes. He wants attention.
CHILLI: He wants attention. That`s what I think.
BEHAR: What?
CHILLI: I think he wants some attention.
BEHAR: You mean he`s jealous?
CHILLI: And he`s getting it. We`re talking about him too right now.
BEHAR: Yes. But it`s negative attention.
CHILLI: It is negative.
BEHAR: Does that always work, as long as they`re talking about you? It`s ok?
CHILLI: It`s been negative for a while, though.
JACOBS: I do kind of wonder about the $20,000 figure. He has to pay that much to her every month in child support and that does kind of seem like a lot of money when she`s the one being flown out to L.A. to do "Dancing with the Stars" and who knows how much money she`s making on that. And the longer she stays in it the more money she makes. It feels like she should be giving him money in some ways.
KIRSON: But she has to deal with him, and that`s worth $20,000. And she had to push out eight children and he is horrific.
BEHAR: Yes, that`s right.
KIRSON: He`s horrific.
BEHAR: He`s kind of horrific, yes.
KIRSON: I can`t stand him. I literally can`t even stand looking at him.
BEHAR: Do you know him?
KIRSON: Yes, I know him very well. We went to school together.
No, I just -- he`s -- I just can`t stand him. First of all, it`s because -- she`s a woman, she`s working, she`s actually trying to make money for her children.
And he`s not even working. And he`s suing her to get money. It`s unbelievable to me.
BEHAR: On top of that, he has the chutzpah. His lawyer is calling her an absentee mother.
KIRSON: That`s what I mean.
JACOBS: Well, in his defense -- I can`t believe I`m defending Jon Gosselin.
CHILLI: I can`t either.
JACOBS: I mean if she`s in L.A. doing "Dancing with the Stars", shouldn`t he be able to see his children? Shouldn`t he be able to spend some time over those three days with his 8 kids?
BEHAR: Yes, but he wants to raise them. The guy is -- he can`t raise the children.
JACOBS: He`s filed for custody of the kids. I mean he`ll get something else. It`s a negotiation, he`s making a point.
CHILLI: Ok.
KIRSON: Yes. But why is he filing for custody of all eight children? And first of all, doesn`t she --
BEHAR: Well, should he file for only three of them?
KIRSON: Yes.
(CROSSTALK)
KIRSON: Listen, the other five are very unattractive. But the point is -- is that, is that she`s --
CHILLI: You go, girl.
KIRSON: But the point is, is that --
Chilli.
So the point is, is that he is -- he`s not working. He`s trying to get full custody of the kids. He doesn`t want to bring up the children. He`s only doing it to get money or get out of paying the $20,000.
CHILLI: Absolutely.
BEHAR: Right. Right. But you know, here`s another point. Since she`s been on "Dancing with the Stars", their numbers are up. Do you think she`s the draw, or is it that "American Idol`s" not doing as well?
KIRSON: It`s like watching a Jerry Lewis -- whatever.
BEHAR: Telethon.
KIRSON: Telethon. It`s horrific.
JACOBS: Most definitely, she`s the draw. If you noticed, they have Kate on as much as they can, when they`re doing the bottom two, they have her there, just to make you think she might be in the bottom two. They want as much Kate Gosselin on stage as possible.
CHILLI: And it`s working.
KIRSON: And it`s not about votes, because they`ll keep her on for the ratings. That`s what I love about reality shows. It`s like, oh, my God, is she going to be there next week? Of course she is. They want to make money. It`s all -- it`s just unbelievable to me.
BEHAR: I hope they`re catching all your expressions on this show, because you are the funniest, just making faces.
KIRSON: I know. I`ll tell you.
JACOBS: There you go.
BEHAR: Right. Now let`s talk about Sandra Bullock`s husband, Jesse James. For those keeping score at home, he may have had as many as 12 sex tape place of himself, in full Nazi regalia, which is very impressive. Himmler and Goebbels only had three between them.
Bradley, what`s the latest on Jesse James?
JACOBS: Well, actually he has denied --
BEHAR: Has anyone seen any of these sex tapes?
JACOBS: No, no. And if they do exist, and now Jesse has denied that any of them exist. He denied he made one with Sandra and he denied he made these other ones. If they do exist, somebody`s certainly going to sell them to the media. Somebody`s -- they`re going to turn up on some Web site. So I kind of believe Jesse in this way.
But it`s kind of sad that the first statements that these two are having to make to the public are about these sex tapes. Are they going to answer every rumor that ever floats on the Internet?
BEHAR: I know. But does everybody have a sex tape? I don`t even have mirrors in my bedroom. Why would you ever want to watch yourself doing it?
JACOBS: Some of the most famous people out there became famous because of sex tapes. Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, you know, it`s not -- they`re not just to be hidden anymore, Joy. Now they can do things for you.
BEHAR: But somebody has to come to Jesse`s defense. Is anybody on the panel interested --
KIRSON: No, I`m sorry.
BEHAR: Chilli?
CHILLI: I`m sorry.
BEHAR: Nothing? Brad?
CHILLI: No.
KIRSON: No.
BEHAR: So is his career over?
KIRSON: Well, he`ll make it in Germany with his sex tape like David Hasselhoff did with his music. That`s what will happen.
BEHAR: What about Sandra, how clueless is she? The guy had four mistresses, 12 sex tapes, a Nazi fetish. Didn`t she see the swastika on his schwansika (ph)?
KIRSON: Joy.
BEHAR: I mean how naive is this girl?
KIRSON: Well, she`s away all the time working --
BEHAR: Come on.
KIRSON: and he -- first of all he had all these people covering for him. It was an operation.
JACOBS: That`s right.
BEHAR: She never saw any of this Nazi memorabilia. You`re married to the guy.
JACOBS: I mean there was not so much Nazi memorabilia.
BEHAR: Oh, really, how much? How do you know?
(CROSSTALK)
KIRSON: I heard there was a tank in the backyard. I did. There was --
BEHAR: Let`s put two stories together. There`s a Tiger in his tank. What do you think about that? Because we`re going on to Tiger Woods now; you ready for the Tiger Woods?
CHILLI: I`m ready.
BEHAR: Ok. Tiger Woods made his long-awaited return to the golf course this week. In between the putting and the driving and whatever else it is you do when you play golf, I find the sport duller than watching grapes ferment, personally, Tiger managed to make one of the creepiest commercials I`ve seen. Watch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Tiger, I am more prone to be inquisitive to promote discussion. I want to find out what your thinking was. I want to find out what your feelings are, and did you learn anything?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Jessica, is it in bad taste to sell sneakers with your dead father? All right, Chilli? What do you think? Is it in bad taste?
CHILLI: I think his dad is turning over.
BEHAR: He`s turning over?
CHILLI: In his grave. Yes, I do.
BEHAR: You know, Chilli, the father also cheated on the mother, just FYI. That`s the rumor.
CHILLI: Yes, I heard that also.
BEHAR: Yes.
CHILLI: But I definitely think it was in bad taste.
BEHAR: Do you think it will help him sell sneakers?
JACOBS: No. This isn`t about selling anything.
BEHAR: What is it about?
JACOBS: This is Tiger. First of all, if they were going to do this at all, it should have been a PSA that Tiger Woods should have funded himself. The fact that Nike bankrolled this, I think, is very unusual.
I can`t believe that Tiger, you know, he waited weeks and weeks before doing a single press conference. He was so tightly controlled, yet then he would go and sit for this ad to take his father`s voice from some weird recordings and --
BEHAR: Look at him.
JACOBS: I think it`s very unusual and I don`t think it works.
BEHAR: Just look at him. Doesn`t it make you sad, Jessica? Don`t you want to just give him a hug?
KIRSON: No, I actually want to kill him. I`m being --
BEHAR: No, you don`t.
CHILLI: No, you don`t.
KIRSON: Yes, I do.
BEHAR: No, you don`t.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Jessica, remember one thing about all these stories. We don`t really care. We only care because we`re talking about them. So you don`t want to kill anybody --
KIRSON: No, I`m exaggerating. I`m filled with anger.
(CROSSTALK)
KIRSON: Listen, it`s so pathetic. I don`t want to kill -- I really don`t want to kill him, I just want a sandwich. But the point is that -- I just think it`s so --
BEHAR: He really ticks you off.
KIRSON: It`s so ridiculous. It`s all for corporate America. It`s to make money. It has nothing to do with his regret or his pain or his sadness. If anyone feels bad for him, it`s just insane. I mean it`s to make money. It`s all to make money.
BEHAR: The latest is, you know, was a report on the Huffington Post, we have a picture of this new girl, Raychel Coudriet; she`s 22 years old and a grad student. She`s not the typical Tiger mistress. For one thing, she`s not blond and she doesn`t really look skanky. She looks normal.
And he knows her from when she was 14 years old. She lives in his neighborhood and now she`s alleging that she had an affair with the guy.
JACOBS: This one doesn`t really fit in.
BEHAR: No.
JACOBS: You know all the other women were VIP party hostesses, women who were sort of disposable and anonymous, who he would meet late at night --
BEHAR: Right.
JACOBS: -- or porn stars, people who he looked at who he could dispose of; whereas this was a young woman who he had known for years, and -- they were neighbors. I`m not so sure that this is really true. I mean, we`ll see what happens. But I --
BEHAR: You don`t buy it? Why, because it`s against type?
JACOBS: It`s a little bit out of character.
BEHAR: I don`t know. The girl`s in his neighborhood. He likes whatever`s available. Go ahead, Chilli.
CHILLI: Well, you know, I kind of wonder about Elin. You know, they`re obviously still together, but I kind of think she`s always known about this. I don`t think this is, like, a surprise.
BEHAR: All of these --
CHILLI: Maybe not all, but definitely, I just don`t think that this is the first time she`s heard about this.
BEHAR: No. That`s true.
CHILLI: I think most times when women are married to certain people, that they know --
BEHAR: Yes.
CHILLI: -- and they accept, but it`s like when the media finds out and starts talking about, it`s like, oh, put my dark shades on --
BEHAR: Right.
CHILLI: -- and I don`t -- well, I`m hurt and --
BEHAR: She`s from Sweden, she`s not from Mars.
CHILLI: Yes, exactly.
BEHAR: All right. Thanks, everybody. It`s lovely to see you again.
And if you`re in New York this weekend, catch Jessica Kirson, at the Gotham Comedy Club Friday through Sunday and don`t forget to check out the premiere of "What Chilli Wants", Sunday at 10:30 p.m. on VH1.
Up next, the marvelously funny Mario Cantone joins me for even more dish.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: June is gay pride month. Is it June? No.
MARIO CANTONE, COMEDIAN: It`s June?
BEHAR: A lot of celebrities seem to be rushing the season. In the past couple of weeks, both Sean Hayes and Ricky Martin have come out of the closet. I know, quel surprise (ph).
CANTONE: Oh my God.
BEHAR: Joining me to discuss this and all things pop culture is a man who was born six months prematurely, so desperate was he to come out. One of the stars of "Sex and the City" and a regular on "The View" --
CANTONE: Yes.
BEHAR: -- the fabulous Mario Cantone.
CANTONE: Did you know that I was -- my mother was in labor with me for 13 hours and I was born with the cord wrapped around my neck.
BEHAR: Was that on purpose?
CANTONE: With a mike on me and I`m going --
BEHAR: Did she do it on purpose?
CANTONE: I`m here, everybody, I`m here.
BEHAR: All right.
CANTONE: Hello, mama, I said I had the mike. No, but I was born with the cord wrapped around my neck.
BEHAR: Yes.
CANTONE: It must have been loose, though, because I didn`t choke.
BEHAR: Try as she did.
CANTONE: Yes. She tried to get rid of me right then and there.
BEHAR: So this Ricky Martin thing, shocking.
CANTONE: I`ll tell you what I really think about --
BEHAR: Yes, yes.
CANTONE: -- the Ricky Martin thing.
And in all seriousness -- first of all, as far as I`m concerned, everybody was like, oh, he knew, everybody knew. People are saying on Facebook, duh, everybody -- let me tell you something, Middle America didn`t know.
BEHAR: No they -- wait a second, Middle America thought Liberace was straight.
CANTONE: No kidding.
BEHAR: Yes.
CANTONE: And they still -- and not only -- they thought he was straight, but the candelabra was --
BEHAR: No, no, no my family use to watch it they didn`t have a clue.
CANTONE: They -- no, well, back then it was different but today people are more savage.
BEHAR: Yes.
CANTONE: But I still think a lot of Middle America didn`t know. His Catholic Puerto Rican fan base, which is very large, did not know and does not want to know. So the thing is, this boy is very brave, because he is the first male sex symbol to come out at the peak of his beauty -- not of his music career, but still at the peak of his beauty. Who`s done that? Tell me?
BEHAR: You.
CANTONE: Oh, well, yes, when I was -- yes when I was beautiful back then. I was beautiful one time, mama. I was beautiful. I`m pretty, mama, no, I --
BEHAR: So is it going to hurt or help his career?
CANTONE: It`s not -- people -- and someone else said this too, oh, he`s trying to give a boost to his career. By the way, it`s going to cut his workload probably down about a third.
BEHAR: You think so? Why?
CANTONE: Oh yes.
BEHAR: Because the Puerto Rican community is not going to accept it?
CANTONE: A lot of his fan base is not going to accept it. And a lot of it will --
BEHAR: So maybe -- well, maybe he will be a role model.
CANTONE: I hope I`m wrong.
BEHAR: I hope you`re wrong.
CANTONE: I hope I`m wrong, because I think he`s very talented and he`s a sweet guy, and -- but, you know, it`s a -- he did one of the bravest things that I`ve ever seen. And when you`re in the peak of your music career and that people are telling you, don`t say it.
BEHAR: Yes.
CANTONE: Well, you don`t -- I get why he didn`t say it.
BEHAR: Ok, now what about Sean Hayes from "Will and Grace."
CANTONE: But Sean --
BEHAR: He came out also. When he was asked why he didn`t come out sooner, this is what he said, quote, "I believe that nobody owes anything to anybody."
CANTONE: I think he`s right.
BEHAR: So do I.
CANTONE: I think he`s absolutely right.
BEHAR: He doesn`t have to come out.
CANTONE: No, he doesn`t and you know what, he was out with his friends, he was out with people that he worked with. And people knew --
BEHAR: But you know in a way I say, I agree with you but --
CANTONE: And he never lied.
BEHAR: No.
CANTONE: And neither did Ricky Martin. They never lied and they didn`t join Scientology. That`s the whole thing.
BEHAR: Are you saying -- wait a second. Are you saying there`s a connection?
CANTONE: I said nothing.
BEHAR: Now, he also said --
CANTONE: Don`t try to get me killed, Miss Beehive.
BEHAR: So, listen, Hayes also said, "I feel like I`ve contributed monumentally" --
CANTONE: He has.
BEHAR: -- "to the success of the gay movement in America, and if anyone wants to argue that, I`m open to it."
CANTONE: I could --
BEHAR: How -- how did he contribute monumentally to the success of the gay movement?
CANTONE: Because -- because he played a lovable character on "Will & Grace" and you know, he may have not been completely open about his sexuality in the press, but like I said, he never lied about it and you wouldn`t talk about it. When people say I`m not talking about it, you know they`re gay.
BEHAR: Yes, but there`s two arguments there. I mean, on the one hand, you say people are -- should have their privacy and should decide if they`re going to give it or not. On the other hand, if people continue to stay in the closet --
CANTONE: I agree.
BEHAR: It`s -- its -- it stops the gay --
CANTONE: Yes.
BEHAR: Ok.
CANTONE: But it`s also about -- if that was me in that role, playing Jack, which would have been lovely, because I`d have a lot of money and a house.
BEHAR: Yes.
CANTONE: But the point is, now I just --
BEHAR: You spend all your money on traveling --
CANTONE: I spend -- oh I spend -- my mother was like, you can`t hold on to a dollar. I do. I spend my money. But I don`t care. Who do I got to give it to? No.
BEHAR: No, no.
CANTONE: I don`t care. And I don`t want a house. I don`t want to have to be obligated to go to a house. I want to go to New Orleans, I want to go to Napa. I want to go to Italy. I want to go where I want to go.
BEHAR: I agree with you, but you know you do get older in life.
CANTONE: Tony Bennett doesn`t own anything. That`s the Italians -- we don`t own things --
BEHAR: How about his toupee.
CANTONE: He does own that.
BEHAR: Ok.
CANTONE: But what I wanted to say about the -- what I wanted to say about -- about that is that, you know, as a stand-up comedian, I`ve been out for a very long time --
BEHAR: But not from the beginning.
CANTONE: Not from the beginning, but I didn`t lie about it and I didn`t talk about, you know, being inside a vagina. I didn`t lie about it.
BEHAR: Yes, but once you start doing Bette -- wait a minute.
CANTONE: But while I`m doing Betty Davis, you live in a cave.
BEHAR: Exactly, exactly.
CANTONE: Do you I`m, you know, I`m getting -- you know, I`m not doing it. So that`s not happening.
BEHAR: Now, wait come on, is there anything to this idea of gaydar, do you think?
CANTONE: Gaydar?
BEHAR: Gaydar.
CANTONE: Yes, my Gaydar can be off sometimes.
BEHAR: I mean I don`t always know if someone`s gay.
CANTONE: I don`t know. I don`t know and with women, I really don`t know.
BEHAR: And a lot of women marry gay guys and they don`t know they`re gay. How can they not know?
CANTONE: Because it`s just denial and it`s -- it`s denial.
BEHAR: But how about in the sack? I mean don`t you notice in the sack that the guy is --
CANTONE: I think I would.
BEHAR: I would notice that.
CANTONE: I know when they`re straight and I`m bed with them, I`m like, "What`s the matter with you? Is it me?"
BEHAR: Ok. Sit tight. We`ll be back with more from the very delicious and hilarious Mario Cantone.
CANTONE: Delightful.
BEHAR: Delightful is the word.
CANTONE: I love you.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back with my pal, the very funny and slightly mental, Mario Cantone. Mario, do you have anything to say about the Sandra Bullock Bullock/Jesse James fiasco?
CANTONE: Yes, this is what I have to say right here in the Cantone Zone, my new show. Welcome Joy.
I feel this. And you know when people say to me, how long have you been with your partner, I always say 19 years, and they`re like -- shut up. Never celebrate were relationship publicly. Never.
And don`t make half your speeches about him if your getting the SAG Award, the Golden Globe and the Academy Award because once you write the book or celebrate it like that, it`s over. It`s done. And then you look like a piquack (ph). That`s the word of the day.
BEHAR: Is that a boat in a famous book? Piquack?
CANTONE: It`s my made-up slang for the (INAUDIBLE). But I really believe that you don`t celebrate it. You just don`t. It`s a mistake. And I love her and I heard she`s one of the nicest people in the world. She`s so talented --
BEHAR: What about the Nazi stuff that he had? Hear about that?
CANTONE: You know, it`s a sexual fantasy of dominance, is what it is.
BEHAR: Oh.
CANTONE: I mean it`s like leather and you know, it`s like a leather thing --
BEHAR: You know that`s funny. You`re the first person to say that. I wonder why you came up with that?
CANTONE: Because I love a man in leather. Oh, yeah. No, because it`s a sexual dominance. I don`t think he`s actually wanting to round up Catholics, homosexuals and Jews and, you know, put them -- I don`t. I think that it`s not.
I don`t think he`s a Nazi. I think it`s a sexual dominance -- it`s like Cloris Leachman in "High Anxiety"; she was in that leather thing and you`re like, "You shut up."
BEHAR: But that was a fictionalized movie. This is reality.
CANTONE: Based on truth, though. There are many nurses that love a whip.
BEHAR: I know. But he`s not in a movie, this guy.
CANTONE: No, I know. No, actually it`s a sexual dominance.
BEHAR: What about Sandra. Where was her head? Talk about the Cantone Zone, the bullet zone.
CANTONE: I don`t know where her head was. I don`t think that he was wearing Nazi leather in front of her and saying, "Say something nice about me when you get that award."
BEHAR: No, I don`t think he was doing that but do you think she knew about all this stuff?
CANTONE: I don`t think she did. I don`t think she did. I think she`s too smart to celebrate it like that if she knew some stuff.
BEHAR: But it`s like the same idea that you`re sleeping with a gay guy and you`re a straight woman and you don`t know he`s gay. You`re sleeping with a Nazi lover and you don`t know he`s a Nazi? Come on?
CANTONE: People can hide things. There are many, many, many secrets that people have.
BEHAR: But he didn`t hide them. He had -- he took pictures with the Nazi hat on.
CANTONE: I looked at him and went -- his life is run by his tattoos and his penis. It is evident. It is evident by looking at him. He rides a bike, which is an extension of --
BEHAR: Again, why marry the guy? I have one more question from Twitter before we go.
CANTONE: Twitter?
BEHAR: Yes. First of all.
CANTONE: Hit it.
BEHAR: When can we see Sex and the City, Number 2? I hear you steal the movie, someone wrote that. Your brother sent that.
CANTONE: Yes, my brother sent that. I doubt I steal the movie but it comes out officially May 28th. It comes out May 28th.
BEHAR: May 28th. So we`re going to see you in that film with Sara and the rest of the girls.
CANTONE: And I`ll be back to talk about it too, Joy, because I must come back.
BEHAR: Of course, you will.
CANTONE: To the SS beehive which is what this is. I want to get on the end of that and be like, "I`m king of the world."
BEHAR: Ok. Here`s the last question and you don`t even have to answer it. When will Mario finally come out of the closet as a straight guy?
CANTONE: What are you talking about? I get the piquack every day.
BEHAR: If you`re in San Francisco, catch Mario Cantone at the historic Castro Theater Saturday night.
Back in a minute.
CANTONE: Yes, please come.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK
BEHAR: It hasn`t been a great couple of weeks for Sandra Bullock`s husband Jesse James. He`s been photographed in a Nazi outfit and accused of being a racist all this just because he rooted for the Von Trapps to get caught at the end of "The Sound of Music." Here with me to discuss this and so much more, comedian Michelle Collins managing editor of bestweekever.tv, is that it?
MICHELLE COLLINS, COMEDIAN: That`s it.
BEHAR: OK, Andy Borowitz of the borowitzreport.com and Natalie Thomas, deputy news editor of "US Weekly" a paper that you can actually touch, "US Weekly". So yes a lot of despicable things keep popping up about this guy. And so what do you -- anything new since we sat down.
NATALIE THOMAS, DEPUTY NEWS EDITOR, US WEEKLY: I`m not sure exactly, I have to check, very possible. He is back in rehab reportedly in Arizona. He was there for a moment, checked out, allegedly because he -- Sandra wasn`t taking his calls and he was very upset, so he thought he was doing it all for nothing.
BEHAR: He expects her to take his calls.
THOMAS: I guess so.
BEHAR: What a nerve.
THOMAS: He`s now back in rehab, she is still in pretty much in hiding, she`s in L.A., you know, keeping very low coverage and has seen a few friends but is really I think figuring out the next move in what to do. But we`re talking to tons of sources who say there`s absolutely no way she`ll be going back to him.
BEHAR: Well we have a photo of him in a Nazi helmet. Does that make you a Nazi or do you just look good in jack boots, you know, and a leather coat. I mean --
ANDY BOROWITZ, BOROWITZREPORT.COM: You know I just think that this whole thing was a regalia, the Nazi regalia this is like a public relations nightmare for Nazis, I mean just to be associated with Jesse James is the last thing you wanted at this junction. And I think --
BEHAR: Well "ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY" named him the most hated man in America.
THOMAS: Wow.
BEHAR: It`s the first time in nine years that Dick Cheney didn`t come in first.
(LAUGHTER)
BOROWITZ: Wow.
THOMAS: His Hitler photos were filed away.
BEHAR: Someone has to come to the defense. Do you have anything good about him?
THOMAS: Well you know what -
BEHAR: Besides, what was your -- you have something good to right, Andy? What was it?
BOROWITZ: Well no. I just think, you know, for a Nazi, I think he`s a good guy. I mean we have to keep him -- sort of compare him to other Nazis. I think he`s not bad for a Nazi.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: I once so a documentary about Nazis. And they said Nazis thought Rudolph Hess was the worst Nazi. How bad was Rudolph Hess that Joseph Goebbels even thought that he was a bad Nazi. That`s what you sound like.
BOROWITZ: Exactly Rudolph Hess here, Jesse James here.
BEHAR: Yes, go ahead Michelle.
COLLINS: No I think one good thing about Jesse James according to the reports, he`s fabulous at sex tapes. He`s got a real creative eye.
BOROWITZ: He`s prolific.
COLLINS: Like prolific, he`s like the Ken Byrnes of the celebrity sex tapes really.
(LAUGHTER)
COLLINS: From what I`m reading it was like literally the poo-poo platter of what a celebrity can do in one of these things. And you know, is this like a surprise that he`s a Nazi, though? You never see Jews in the Hells Angels -
BEHAR: No.
COLLINS: Technically I think because Jews don`t believe in Hell`s Angels.
BEHAR: They don`t believe in hell.
COLLINS: Right.
BOROWITZ: We have not made as many sex tapes as we should by the way. We are playing catch up on that part --
COLLINS: You can`t even turn the camera on, you know. It`s over.
BOROWITZ: I know exactly.
BEHAR: All right Natalie let me ask you something, how clueless is Sandra Bullock in all of this? I mean, come on.
THOMAS: There are those that will argue she had to know something. Because the guy has a very troubled sorted of past, you know. He had been in juvenile detention as a kid, he had suffered you know alcohol problems, he was married to a porn star, he`s had problems and all this baggage.
BEHAR: The wedding marshes Deutschland, Deutschland. (Inaudible) It`s was a beautiful wedding.
COLLINS: It was a beautiful wedding. He had a swastika up on the wall.
BEHAR: I mean not for nothing, but she`s a nice girl. But you have to ask yourself at this point, did she know nothing, know nothing?
BOROWITZ: She has a history of making bad choices - she has a history of making bad choices. I don`t know if you saw that film she did with Hugh Grant -
BEHAR: Yes.
BOROWITZ: But that was another case -
BEHAR: Yes that was bad, OK, let`s move on to another fabulous couple, Jon and Kate Gosselin.
COLLINS: Love them.
BOROWITZ: Oh.
BEHAR: Jon has filed for custody of their eight kids is claiming Kate is spending too much of her time dancing. Now Jon Gosselin`s lawyer filed today asking for primary custody of the eight kids. Jon has been paying her $20,000 a month, but he doesn`t have a job now so he doesn`t have any money. So is this his way of getting out of paying the money by taking over the kids? I don`t get it.
BOROWITZ: Well that whole legal argument is not going to stand up because he is claiming she is spending too much time on dancing. I saw her on TV. She`s not dancing.
COLLINS: Do you know where the children are? Like it is hardly 11 kids are they going to see him -
BOROWITZ: I hope those children should go on craigslist and find new parents. That`s what they should be doing.
COLLINS: The best thing that happened to them is neither of them are raising them, really.
BOROWITZ: I feel bad for the Gosselins. What is the plural of Gosselins is it Geeselines?
COLLINS: Gosselins.
BEHAR: Gosselins, yes, so do you think he`s capable - you`re a father, do you think he is capable of raising the kids between naps? How is he going to do it?
BOROWITZ: Well, I just -- gosh, I think he`s a disaster. I mean I just feel so bad for the kids because it`s humiliating having this dad who is such a scum bag and a mom who is just such a terrible dancer. I think they`re going to have a lot to live down.
BEHAR: That`s true.
BOROWITZ: It`s really tough. I mean at least they`re not in Nazi regalia. That`s the one thing I can say for those two.
(CROSSTALK)
COLLINS: They had a little brigade there.
BEHAR: No there`s no Nazi thing here.
BOROWITZ: There`s none?
BEHAR: Let`s not get them all mixed up.
BOROWITZ: All right, OK.
BEHAR: But can this guy Jon, does he have a career? What was his career? He wants to recycle --
THOMAS: He an I.T. guy previously.
BEHAR: A what?
THOMAS: An I.T., you know, internet technology.
COLLINS: Computer.
THOMAS: Yes.
BOROWITZ: Interesting. I didn`t know that.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Well he has skill.
THOMAS: But now he`s obsolete because -- well he had a skill back in the day but this has been years and years. Obviously he`s out of touch.
BOROWITZ: Everything he use to do is now done by an Iphone App to give you an idea.
THOMAS: Exactly.
BOROWITZ: He`s totally rendered up.
BEHAR: So can he get -
THOMAS: A boss who said that even you know years ago he was a terrible I.T. person, so I don`t think he has a chance in going into the real work force.
COLLINS: He makes a fantastic Ed Hardy Model. I see a real future for being like the a-hole who models you know Tiger, high fiving Tiger.
BOROWITZ: You know what else I think he could do, I think he could be the guy in those home security ads who kicks down the door.
COLLINS: Yes.
BOROWITZ: I think that`s - I can see that role for him.
COLLINS: I don`t know if he can kick a door down. He`s a weakling, he`s so weak.
BEHAR: Now they throw off Buzz Aldrin. I thought that was ageist, the poor guy. I mean he`s an astronaut. Keep him on. And do you think that show is rigged? That they are keeping Kate Gosselin there?
BOROWITZ: There`s such a consistent -
BEHAR: Well there`s suppose to be the audience that votes, remember that -
BOROWITZ: Lots of consistent anti-astronaut bias on that show. No astronaut has made it to the finals, final.
BEHAR: That`s true, I would like into that.
OK former "DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES" actress Nicolette Sheridan is suing her former show for $20 million she says the show`s creative Mark Cherry slapped her on the face on the set. OK do you know anything Natalie about this?
THOMAS: We know that he has spoken to a lot of people on the show and sources there. And we know that he`s known to be this erratic, you know, emotional, crazy kind of person. Whether or not he slapped her or not, it remains to be seen. There are plenty of people who say that it didn`t happen. There are others who said that it easily could have happened, remains to be seen.
BEHAR: Well, I read in the Enquirer, my paper of record, that he was showing her how to do a slap in a sense. That`s possible.
BOROWITZ: It`s method slapping.
BEHAR: Well you know it is because when you -- do you ever do that? You`re supposed to come up to the face and not hit the person.
COLLINS: 10 million right there. Lawsuit in the bag.
BEHAR: And then they put the sound effect.
COLLINS: Here`s my question, Mark Cherry he is a homosexual. I need to know what kind of a slap we are talking about, is this a real zest slap, or was he challenging her to a duel, you know what I mean? Like how intense, Andy?
BEHAR: But you know, go ahead.
BOROWITZ: You know Liza Minnelli and David Guest.
THOMAS: She was written off the show.
COLLINS: No.
THOMAS: But that isn`t the question as is the case of sour grapes. Because you know why is she filing now if this happened in 2008.
BOROWITZ: The part of that story that shocked me is "DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES" is still on the air. I didn`t know that.
BEHAR: Why? It`s a hit still.
COLLINS: I love it.
BEHAR: It is still a hit - yes. And it is suppose to --
BOROWITZ: Is it still a hit? I`m going to watch it now for the violence. I didn`t know it was the violent show.
BEHAR: You know you created the "FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR" , which I did not know --
BOROWITZ: That`s true.
BEHAR: About you -
BOROWITZ: That`s true.
BEHAR: It must have been when you were in-
BOROWITZ: Oh I was just a baby -
BEHAR: Yes. Did you ever slap Will Smith.
BOROWITZ: You know I never slipped him, but I had to like teach him a lot about -- I told him about my childhood growing up in West Philadelphia and you know where I was born and raised. And I would rap a lot to him so I guess that`s the closest -- no slapping but rapping. I mean that`s the closest we got --
COLLINS: All is work, absolutely.
BEHAR: OK now, the cast members are all supporting -- the reports say that cast members all support Nicolette Sheridan and have had enough of Mark Cherry`s antics yet they are keeping their mouths shut. Now if that`s true, the obvious question is, why won`t they talk? The obvious answer is they need their job.
THOMAS: Absolutely.
BEHAR: So.
THOMAS: They`re not looking to get written off anytime soon. A lot of these women are in their 40s. We know that it`s a touchy issue in Hollywood. And they`re smart. They don`t want to lose their job.
BEHAR: So could this be a revenge lawsuit that Nicolette is trying to do here. Is it revenge because he threw her off the show, of course he has the right to write her off. I mean he is the creator of the show.
THOMAS: Absolutely.
COLLINS: Is she still with Michael Bolton? This is more my concern? Did they break up?
BEHAR: No, they broke up.
COLLINS: That`s hard -
(CROSSTALK)
BOROWITZ: -- no more.
BEHAR: No I`m a wreck over it, too. Thanks everyone. Up next, the queen of southern cuisine stops by . You know who she is. Paula, don`t go anywhere.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PAULA DEEN, FOOD NETWORK STAR: What I`m fixing to do is fry up the lady and sons macaroni and cheese. I`m going to wrap it in bacon, and we`re going to deep fry it. So here goes, you all.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Oh, yes. Whether it`s whipping up delicious artery clogging dishing on the "FOOD NETWORK" or decorating her home with irresistible southern flair, Paula Deen is loved by her fans. Her new book, "Savannah Style" is a love letter to a adopted home town and is full of tips about how to find inspiration in your own home. I`m thrilled to welcome back to my show, the lovely, beautiful, wonderful, Paula Deen. We love you Paula.
DEEN: Joy you`re so sweet. I love you all. Hello to everybody out there.
BEHAR: So first there`s bacon and then there`s frying on top of the bacon.
DEEN: Yes and you have got to have a pretty place to fry up this bacon.
BEHAR: Really?
DEEN: Yes, isn`t that important?
BEHAR: How about -
DEEN: Don`t you want a pretty kitchen for your bacon?
BEHAR: No you know where you should put that - in the doctor`s office. OK.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: OK so -
DEEN: I think some of the doctors say I`m in cahoots with them, but you know, I try to tell everybody, don`t do this three times a day, you all. You know once in a while, moderation.
BEHAR: Once a year, maybe once a month. Maybe once a month.
DEEN: Well, you know, like the crispy cream bread pudding recipe, I say, once per lifetime. Once per lifetime.
BEHAR: Yes, all right.
DEEN: Well, and maybe that doughnut that I`ve used a bead for my cheeseburger, that maybe a one --
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: But you don`t gain that much weight from all your food. You`re normal-looking.
DEEN: Well, thank you.
BEHAR: You`re not fat.
DEEN: Yes, I`m so fat right here.
BEHAR: No you are not.
DEEN: Like I`m swollen right here.
BEHAR: No you`re not but you don`t eat that food all the time, right?
DEEN: No, no.
BEHAR: OK, and you don`t recommend that?
DEEN: I do eat good, but no I don`t eat fried chicken biscuits and gravy every meal. Absolutely not, I don`t.
BEHAR: Right, right.
DEEN: And everything is moderation. In order to have a full, beautiful life, don`t you have to taste everything?
BEHAR: Yes, you do.
DEEN: I mean you have to take risks. There are no guarantees and a truck may hit me when I leave here. And I don`t want a damn piece of lettuce leaf falling out of my mouth.
BEHAR: Right.
DEEN: You know should I get hit by that truck. I had a potato.
BEHAR: That would ruin your reputation.
DEEN: Yes that would ruin my reputation. I want a potato to pop out.
BEHAR: I mean OK but this book is not about cooking, this book is about decorating -
DEEN: No, no, no.
BEHAR: And it`s just beautiful.
DEEN: Thank you.
BEHAR: Tell me just briefly what "Savannah Style" is.
DEEN: Thank you, thank you Joy, "Savannah Style" is so many things. Have you ever been to Savannah?
BEHAR: No, but I was just telling someone I`ve been to Charleston. Isn`t that similar?
DEEN: You know I have given -- we`re sister cities. They`re the ugly sister, we`re the pretty sister. No, I`m kidding -- that`s just a running joke between Savannah and Charleston.
BEHAR: Oh that`s a riot.
(LAUGHTER)
DEEN: Isn`t that funny?
BEHAR: That`s so funny.
(LAUGHTER)
DEEN: I knew you`d love it.
BEHAR: Anyway, go ahead.
DEEN: But Savannah, you know, I`ve extended an invitation to you.
BEHAR: I know you have. You really do mean it.
DEEN: And I absolutely mean -- I never say anything I don`t mean most of the time. But --
BEHAR: But you say in the book that you have couches in the kitchen.
DEEN: I have what?
BEHAR: Couches in the kitchen.
DEEN: Yes. Yes.
BEHAR: Is that for like --
DEEN: In my other kitchen I did. Michael and I recently --
BEHAR: Your husband?
DEEN: My husband Michael and I built this house right before we were married and we got in it quickly outgrew it. So we built about a mile down the road. So the pictures of the new house are not in here, except for this.
BEHAR: Yes.
DEEN: This is the entryway to one of the --
BEHAR: Right and the whole thing is written about your partner, Brandon Branch who described himself as your bitch.
DEEN: He is, you all. He is. He is the most wonderful young man, and he is so talented. His taste is impeccable, Joy.
BEHAR: Uh huh.
DEEN: If he blesses something, then I know it`s right. And he`s here with me today. He`s in the green room. There he is right there.
BEHAR: Oh there he is.
DEEN: Oh he was drunk, Kathy Griffin came to spend the night with me. And the only way Brandy could get it on camera was to get drunk. So God love him. He`d had a few gin and tonics.
BEHAR: Yes, I see that.
DEEN: But he`s good -
BEHAR: Why does he look like he`s in a line-up?
DEEN: Well I`ll tell you what, he was on the "TODAY" show with me today -
BEHAR: Oh yes.
DEEN: And he did beautifully. I`m so proud of him. But anyway, this is mine and Brandon`s project, and we had some wonderful teammates to work with us on. But to tell you a little bit about Savannah, when I go off from home and I try to describe her, the word that comes to my mind always is, magical. She is magical. She`s intriguing, she can be a little on the wicked side. She`s eclectic, she`s eccentric.
BEHAR: Really?
DEEN: And we have everything there -
BEHAR: I feel that way about Newark.
(LAUGHTER)
DEEN: Newark, New Jersey?
BEHAR: Yes. Magical.
(LAUGHTER)
DEEN: That was real funny, too.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Oh, we`re killing over here. Go ahead.
DEEN: Oh it`s killing.
BEHAR: So it`s magical, but you always want to live there for the rest of your life?
DEEN: Absolutely the rest of my life. I`ve been there 21 or 22 years, and she -- and I refer to her as a she. But she`s got education, she`s got -- she`s got the history, she`s got the beaches. We`ve got the river downtown. She was the only town in America to be built on a grid of squares.
BEHAR: Oh, really?
DEEN: And she has like 23 squares that are just incredible with the oak trees and the hanging moss.
BEHAR: Yes. It`s beautiful.
DEEN: She`s very romantical -
BEHAR: Yes when you look through this book, although I did find a page on taxidermy -
DEEN: Yes.
BEHAR: Why would anyone in Savannah want to stuff an animal?
DEEN: Well see down in the South, Joy, hunting is a big deal.
BEHAR: Yes.
DEEN: And some people love taxidermy, and you`re going to find those in a man`s library or at hunting lodges that are out in the country.
BEHAR: But you wouldn`t do that?
DEEN: No. No.
BEHAR: I see you have like five or six dogs. You wouldn`t stuff the dogs?
DEEN: No. Although I don`t want to think about losing them because a couple of them are getting old. I have cats and dogs and to me that`s so important in order to make a house a home. I have to have heartbeats in it, and that`s my dogs, my cats, my birds, my fish, my husband.
BEHAR: Would you ever stuff Michael? No, I don`t think so.
DEEN: I stuff him almost every night that I`m home.
BEHAR: With your food, I know.
BEHAR: OK Paula, don`t go anywhere. We`ll be right back. I have Twitter questions for you.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back with my favorite southern belle, Paula Deen, you all. I have Twitter questions for you.
DEEN: I would love Twitter questions.
BEHAR: OK, here`s a good one. If you could eat only one thing for the rest of your life --
DEEN: A potato.
BEHAR: OK, check. I agree with that. I think French fries, deep and crispy would be my food with ketchup.
DEEN: You can do anything with a potato, you can fry it, you can boil it - you can --
BEHAR: Saute it. You can mash it.
DEEN: Look I was about to say it. Like, you saute it.
BEHAR: You can scallop it.
DEEN: Yes.
BEHAR: That`s the greatest.
DEEN: bake it.
BEHAR: OK if you could cook for anyone in the world who would it be?
DEEN: Living or dead?
BEHAR: It depends on how much you want to cook for them, if they are dead I don`t know if that would --
DEEN: My parents.
BEHAR: What your parents?
DEEN: My parents, I lost them so young.
BEHAR: Oh your parents well is there one thing you haven`t yet done that you would love to?
DEEN: There`s so much more I want to do out there. Because I started so late --
BEHAR: Well now you`re an interior designer, a fabulous chef.
DEEN: Yes, thank you.
BEHAR: I mean you have those skills pretty much down.
DEEN: I would probably like to go on a murder scene.
BEHAR: A murder scene?
DEEN: Forensics interest me very much.
BEHAR: Really?
DEEN: And maybe solve a murder.
BEHAR: Maybe you should move up here. OK. OK. Let`s see. If Paula Deen really ate food the way she cooks it she`d be as big as a barn. Which is you know - so what`s a real typical meal for Paula?
DEEN: Well, Easter Sunday I had family and a bunch of friends over, and I baked a ham. I had beer in the rear chicken. Well no I just did roasted --
BEHAR: Beer in the rear? What is that? Beer in the rear?
DEEN: Well where you sit the chick on the beer and roast it.
BEHAR: Oh beer in the rear.
DEEN: But I didn`t put the beer on them. Let`s see I had squash casserole, sweet potato yams, collard greens, rutabagas from my garden which were fabulous. Potato salad.
BEHAR: All right everyone is dying to eat now in this room. We`re all, like, sitting here like hypnotized.
DEEN: That was more. Usually a typical meal I will prepare a meat, a starch and a vegetable.
BEHAR: That`s right.
DEEN: If it`s just me and Michael.
BEHAR: Yes, that`s right. OK. She always has a smile on, someone says. What`s the secret? And does she ever lose her temper? What makes you mad?
DEEN: You know what, I`m very -- it`s hard to make me mad these days. I spent so much time fighting in my first marriage and the first part of my life, losing my mother and daddy so young, I fought with the demons inside of me. And then like I said, in the marriage we fought a good bit. So I don`t fight anymore.
BEHAR: No, no, no.
DEEN: I mean I really choose my battles, Joy, and you have to -- you have to go far to make me mad. And --
BEHAR: But what would really tick you off?
DEEN: And my smile --
BEHAR: Anything?
DEEN: It would probably have something to do with my children.
BEHAR: Oh, that`s right. That makes everybody mad.
DEEN: Yes, yes.
BEHAR: When they`re nasty against your kids.
DEEN: You know I can almost turn my cheek to most things. Unless you mess with my children.
BEHAR: Well we got to go. It was so --
DEEN: No! I just got here, damn-it.
BEHAR: It`s true. It`s true. It just flies by. We could go on and on. Every food that comes out of your mouth we`re listening to.
DEEN: You`ve got to come to Savannah so we can kick back.
BEHAR: Can I bring everyone in this room?
DEEN: How many is here? Absolutely. You all come on.
BEHAR: It`s wonderful to see you again. Thanks so much.
DEEN: It`s always delightful to be in your presence.
BEHAR: The book is called "The Savannah Style." good night, everybody, buy this book.
END
