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Joy Behar Page
Weekend Round-up; Mario Madness
Aired May 07, 2010 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
JOY BEHAR, HOST: Tonight on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW, Heidi Montag`s husband says the reality star wants to enlarge her breasts. Now, I don`t know about the rest of you but this is a game I`ll never get bored with.
Then as far as I`m concerned she`s the face of comedy, no matter which face she has at the moment. The hilarious Joan Rivers joins me.
And music icons Connie Francis and Dionne Warwick are about to debut a new show in Vegas. They`ll join me, too. That and more right now.
Question: when did it become so popular to have boobs the size of Mt. Rushmore? This girl, Heidi Montag, who might have had triple Ds at this point, I think, she now says she wants size H breasts. Is this girl sick or is this simply the plot of another reality show that I won`t watch?
Let`s hear what my guests think: Scott Adsit, who co-stars in hit comedy "30 Rock"; April Macie, comedian; and Rob Shuter, AOL`s Popeater columnist.
April, do you think men are really attracted to fake boobs this big?
APRIL MACIE, COMEDIAN: Not men with fully formed frontal lobes; not an intelligent man. They`re ridiculous; they`re like giant, giant watermelon-sized heads. They`re horrible. They`re throwing off the whole big boob bell curve. I don`t care for it.
BEHAR: You know, Scott, don`t you think that men would want real boobs in a woman?
SCOTT ADSIT, ACTOR, "30 ROCK": I do.
BEHAR: You do?
ADSIT: Yes. And again, I want real boobs in a woman, not on a woman.
BEHAR: On is the point. They`re sort of placed there.
ADSIT: They`re welded.
BEHAR: They`re welded, yes. Is this a publicity stunt?
ADSIT: I think it is. But this is going to backfire on her. I spoke to a couple casting directors of reality shows and they say that now nobody wants her. Like, she`s pitching more shows and hasn`t been picked up by anybody yet. I think the more desperate she gets the more crazy some of the stories we`re going to see coming out about her.
BEHAR: You know, apparently Ryan Seacrest started this whole thing. Tell us.
ROB SHUTER, COLUMNIST, POPEATER: He did. What she claims is she pumped into Ryan Seacrest who said to her, "Heidi, they don`t look that big to me," and that sent her into a tailspin.
ADSIT: Well, that`s the thing. When he said it to be nice, to say, you don`t look like a monster.
BEHAR: That`s not what he said.
ADSIT: That`s --
BEHAR: He said they`re not that big.
ADSIT: You don`t look that bad. You don`t look like a monster. The thing is she -- then she went home and said, he doesn`t think I look like a monster.
SHUTER: He doesn`t find me attractive.
BEHAR: So she wants to look like a monster.
ADSIT: Apparently.
BEHAR: Apparently. What about Spencer, the husband?
SHUTER: Well, he`s not getting surgery. He`s out there talking about her and her surgery and he`s out there pitching reality shows with her but he`s not the one going under the knife.
MACIE: He`s not a real man. A real man should want real boobs and gelatinous arms. That`s what I think. Somebody that`s kind of gooey --
BEHAR: They don`t really care -- I mean this is a very different take.
MACIE: Yes.
BEHAR: Most straight guy -- we`re talking straight men now -- they do not care if they`re fake or real. They do not care.
ADSIT: I am straight.
BEHAR: I know you are. I believe you.
ADSIT: Don`t start outing me with a columnist sitting next me.
BEHAR: No. I`m not outing you. I`m saying you`re a straight guy, you like real boobs.
ADSIT: Yes.
BEHAR: But a lot of straight guys don`t care -- that`s all I`m saying.
ADSIT: It`s not strange because it`s a feeling thing. You know? It`s a separation. If you don`t actually -- hi, mom.
BEHAR: Now, Lindsay Lohan, another case, another traffic accident waiting to happen, she`s going to alcohol education classes.
SHUTER: She is indeed.
BEHAR: Does she think they`re going to teach her how to make a maythai (ph) there or is she going to learn something?
SHUTER: Hopefully she`s going to learn something. Like, she is working again. She has a role playing a porn star on a small independent movie. Thankfully she has work; she hasn`t worked in a very long time.
MACIE: She`s been playing that role for years.
BEHAR: Listen, the girl is going to play Linda Lovelace.
SHUTER: Yes.
BEHAR: Now, remember "Deep Throat"? That was the movie from the old days. She`s going to now be Linda. Is she going to do her own stunts, do you think? Could this jump-start her career Rob?
SHUTER: I think it could. I really think it could.
BEHAR: A porn flick?
SHUTER: Remember that these edgy, small roles sometimes are the ones that people love. She`s not getting off a Mission Impossible 12. She`s not getting those huge movies.
And remember, this girl is an actress, she`s really a great actress. So I think that even if the movie`s not good her talent hopefully will shine through.
BEHAR: The last thing she did was in 2004 with "Mean Girls" that was a hit. I think she`s trying to resuscitate her career.
But you know, Linda Lovelace who is original deep throat lady, she went on to be an anti-porn crusader. Do you think Lindsay will maybe become an anti-porn crusader? I can`t even say it.
ADSIT: Will she mend her ways because of playing someone who`s mended her ways? I doubt it. If you look at Jack Nicholson in "Terms of Endearment" I don`t see Jack Nicholson hanging around with an age- appropriate woman and enjoying a quiet life.
BEHAR: That`s a good point. But that`s Jack Nicholson. Why this role? Why not something --
SHUTER: I think this is all she`s getting offered. If you saw her choice, I don`t think Lindsay`s sitting at home turning down great roles and decided this was the part for her. She`s struggled. She`s had trouble --
MACIE: It`s type casting. She`s been a natural for the (INAUDIBLE) for years. It`s a natural no brainer to just sort of segue right in.
BEHAR: Isn`t she gay? Isn`t she gay, Lindsay?
SHUTER: She did have a girlfriend. She claims that she`s --
BEHAR: Bisexual?
SHUTER: Bisexual.
MACIE: She dabbled with a DJ.
SHUTER: A DJ, yes.
ADSIT: Does she prefer real breasts?
BEHAR: I don`t think breasts are the issue in "Deep Throat", hello?
ADSIT: Hi.
BEHAR: If you get my drift. The question is if she was gay, which I thought she was --
SHUTER: She was for a while. Yes.
BEHAR: So now she`s going to be doing the nasty with a guy and we know what it is.
SHUTER: She`s not recreating the porn movie, like, you know --
BEHAR: She`s not?
SHUTER: I think this is a role about the character in the movie. I don`t think there`s going to be --
BEHAR: Still, she doesn`t have to do the actual --
ADSIT: This is a biopic. It`s not a remake.
BEHAR: I see. I know. I kind of got a little mixed up because I thought that in the film, itself, she might have to show some of that. After all, that was what Linda Lovelace was known for.
Ok? Not her role in Medea.
All right. Let`s change the topic. This guy, George Rekers -- good name for him -- he`s the co-founder of the Conservative Family Research Council, apparently went on a trip to Europe with a 20-year-old male escort who he claims was brought along to help carry his luggage. Ok.
Now, now, the male escort hired by this anti-gay activist, hello, George Allen Rekers, told the "Miami New Times", the Baptist minister is a homosexual who paid him to provide body rubs once a day in the nude during their ten-day vacation in Europe. So I guess he wasn`t carrying his luggage.
SHUTER: It depends what he meant by his luggage. I think he was -- I think the cat`s out of the bag on this one. We know what was going on.
ADSIT: I think he`s going to be -- he`s going to have to carry his own baggage now.
MACIE: He had a ridiculous porn mustache. It was obvious he was gay from his state trooper stache.
BEHAR: This guy Rekers?
MACIE: Rekers -- he had a real state trooper gay-stache.
BEHAR: Here`s the thing about this Rekers -- what a name for him, isn`t it? He`s famous for trying to convert gays. Don`t we hear that a lot now, these guys who are so adamantly against homosexuality and they`re actually getting a little on the side from luggage carriers.
MACIE: I had a few gay boyfriends.
BEHAR: I think it`s crazy. I mean, what do you make of that? Being a straight guy, yourself?
ADSIT: Well, I feel -- I almost feel bad for the guy because he`s living a life of a lie and he`s doing everything he can to prove to himself that he`s not gay and then he just cheats on himself.
BEHAR: I know, but he`s a hypocrite. He goes around, you know, these are the type of guys who make laws against gay marriage, against gay rights then they`re back there -- I don`t want to say what I`m thinking right now.
ADSIT: It`s all because he hates himself, right?
BEHAR: He hates himself. People who hate -- look Hitler hated himself. You feel sorry for him, too?
ADSIT: Oh, you`re going to bring up Hitler. End of discussion.
BEHAR: I know. That`s a real conversation stopper, isn`t it?
I mean we had like, Larry Craig, Mark Foley, Ted Haggard, all these people. Ok, Ted, I`ve had Ted on the show. He`s reformed and he feels bad about the thing.
ADSIT: Reformed in what way? Now he admits he`s gay?
BEHAR: What he admits is that he was gay and he went through the conversion and now he`s straight. Do you buy it?
SHUTER: What this guy is saying is that he met this guy on rentboy.com and took him away for a weekend so that he could help him, he could talk to him and counsel him and teach him the errors of his ways.
MACIE: That`s what they always say and I`m (INAUDIBLE) that to catch a predator, they`re always like, I`m here to help the little lady.
BEHAR: No, don`t help me so much. Don`t help me so much.
Ok. Thanks everybody. Very much. You`re all so funny and wonderful.
You can see April Macie at the Palms Casino in Las Vegas May 20th to the 22nd. Catch Scott every week on NBC`s great show "30 Rock".
Up next, Mario Lopez stops by for even more dish. Oh, yes.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Coming up a little later on the JOY BEHAR SHOW, "Saved by the Bell" star, Mario Lopez shares his secrets to staying extra lean.
And Joan Rivers drops by to talk about money, motherhood, and mortality.
Now back to Joy.
BEHAR: Ok, "Bones" actor David Boreanaz has decided to admit to cheating on his wife of nine years rather than submit to a mistress`s reported six figure demands to keep the affair quiet. So, in this post- Tiger world we live in, is every pouton (ph) looking for her payday or what?
With me to discuss this and more are Mario Lopez, host of "Extra" and the author of "Extra Lean: The Fat burning plan that changes the way you eat for life" and comedian, fabulous Caroline Rhea.
Ok, Mario --
MARIO LOPEZ, HOST, "EXTRA": Yes.
BEHAR: All these mistresses now are going to -- they are turning to blackmail in order to make some money off of these rich guys. Are you worried about anybody coming out of the closet for you?
LOPEZ: I`m not (INAUDIBLE) so, no I`m not worried. But I`ll tell you what I`m fascinated by.
BEHAR: Yes.
LOPEZ: When did becoming a mistress become the new breakout role? Because before --
BEHAR: Yes.
LOPEZ: -- mistresses used to want to hide; they never wanted to be seen. Now they`re in these magazines, Tiger`s mistresses are featured in "Vanity Fair" --
BEHAR: I know.
LOPEZ: -- a reputable magazine --
BEHAR: Yes.
LOPEZ: I`m like blown away by this. Two parts, I think, one, they want to sort of -- am I like slipping into host mode here?
BEHAR: No it`s ok, go ahead.
LOPEZ: They want to film their own celebrity, right?
BEHAR: Yes, yes.
LOPEZ: Which is -- and then they turn into this whole extortion thing. And I don`t think it`s necessarily men are cheating more or more men are cheating, I think there`s just so many ways to get caught now. I think texting, e-mail, Facebook, Twitter.
BEHAR: Right.
LOPEZ: So all these social networking is the new lipstick on the collar. So if you`re going to be living a certain lifestyle, then just be aware because unfortunately, you`re going to get caught.
BEHAR: Ok. Let me read you --
CAROLINE RHEA, COMEDIAN: This is prostitution on a lay away plan. This is like you do the lay, you want them to go away, they won`t, you have to pay.
BEHAR: Let me read you Boreanaz`s statement. Ok, "Our marriage has been tainted with my infidelities. I just want to be open and honest. I was irresponsible, I was associated with a woman who I was involved with and had relationship with. She asked for money, I felt as though I was being blackmailed or there was some sort of extortion."
He wants to be open and honest. Caroline, is he being open and honest?
RHEA: Because he`s about to get nailed to the wall?
BEHAR: Yes, exactly.
RHEA: I think you have to sign a pre-shtoop (ph) negotiation now.
BEHAR: Yes.
RHEA: If you`ve -- if seriously --
BEHAR: Sure.
RHEA: -- if you`re going to have sex with somebody now.
LOPEZ: Pre-shtoop.
RHEA: What do you -- the pre-shtoop. I don`t know that he -- he would have come forward do you think?
BEHAR: If he wasn`t threatened -- he was paying her some money.
RHEA: Right.
BEHAR: And then she wanted more. So he said rather than pay her more money, I`m just going to come out and tell it.
LOPEZ: Him, like David Letterman, I think needed to, because if not, they`re going to do the circuit and they`re going to -- they`re going to try to create their own celebrity. And all these embarrassing details are going to come out.
BEHAR: Right.
LOPEZ: And Letterman, he was so smart about the way he handled it, admitted his mistakes, was ahead of it.
BEHAR: Yes.
LOPEZ: And it just sort of squashed everything.
BEHAR: It`s the smart way to do it.
RHEA: Ok, these mistresses by the way they`re not having affairs by themselves. You know what I mean? The men are not complete innocents in this.
LOPEZ: But I`m not saying they are --
RHEA: I know but you`re saying the mistresses are going on the big circuit. And they are -- you know -- there are two people who are having this --
LOPEZ: No but I just think it speaks volumes of society and how we accept -- not necessarily accept it -- but how it puts things in perspective. Because back in the day, it wasn`t the case that we`d even give a mistress the time of day, now we feature them in magazines.
BEHAR: I know. Times have changed Mario.
LOPEZ: Sure. Times are changing. They`re looking at having reality shows.
BEHAR: That`s right. Everybody`s fair game now. The fact that he paid the mistress in the initial thing --
RHEA: Why was he paying her?
BEHAR: Well, because she was probably saying, "Listen, I`m going to tell your wife, I`m going to tell it." So he paid her a little bit.
RHEA: Right.
BEHAR: That sort of opened the door for more extortion, didn`t it? Now, his -- her lawyer Gloria Allred, they all go to Gloria Allred now. She`s the go-to lawyer for these mistresses, apparently.
RHEA: I`ve heard of torts in the law, now she`s got tarts.
BEHAR: Well, you know she is saying that there`s no such thing. We`ll see, ok.
LOPEZ: Yes, she`s definitely got that market cornered, though.
BEHAR: Yes, she definitely does.
Ok, now Naomi Campbell told Oprah Winfrey that her mother is the one to blame for her notorious temper. She`s almost 40, time to move on? Take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
NAOMI CAMPBELL, MODEL: It comes from -- I don`t know where what I kind of do. It comes from, I think, an abandonment issue and it comes from also just trying to build up a family around me that`s not my immediate family. And if I feel that they -- if I feel a mistrust, then I really just -- all my cards go down.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Ok. Lots of people have abandonment issues and don`t throw phones at their people. For example, Nelson Mandela was abandoned. I have a list --
LOPEZ: Yes.
BEHAR: -- of other abandoned children. Lewis Armstrong, Julius Caesar was abandoned, who knew.
RHEA: Really?
BEHAR: Yes, Ingrid Bergman and Bill Clinton and they all got over it.
RHEA: Everybody has abandonment issues. First of all, abandonment issues don`t turn you into a hitter, or we wish more players on the mats would have been abandoned they would have been better hitters.
BEHAR: That`s true.
LOPEZ: I like it.
RHEA: Maybe, we should tap and think at this point. What -- what`s the correlation? Maybe she`s 39 years old and she`s a supermodel and she`s slapping people because she`s freaking hungry. It`s been years starving herself.
BEHAR: Feed the poor girl.
LOPEZ: You know Joy, one of my biggest pet peeves --
BEHAR: Yes, what?
LOPEZ: -- is with society now sort of passing the blame. Nobody wants to take any semblance of responsibility.
BEHAR: Right.
LOPEZ: She`s had a charmed life, she`s a supermodel, she`s made tons of money. And she`s got issues. She`s got anger management issues and they need to be dealt with. And she needs help.
But as far as blaming your parents and blaming this and everybody being so quick to pass the blame, you`re an adult. You know the difference between right and wrong.
BEHAR: That`s right.
LOPEZ: Use a little common sense and accept responsibility.
BEHAR: But I`ve had a lot of therapy. Why don`t they get therapy these people and stop acting out all over the place? No, that never occurs to anybody.
RHEA: I`m sure she`s had a therapist --
BEHAR: Oh please.
RHEA: -- who is probably now terrified every time she comes in the room. And like -- put down the Blackberry, we won`t talk about your mother.
BEHAR: You know ok, all right, here`s another story.
And finally Letterman`s blackmailer Joe Halderman began his six- month jail sentence today. Plenty of time to work on that screen play.
RHEA: He is going to make a nice poncho. I`ll bet you.
BEHAR: Do you think that six months is enough for this guy?
RHEA: Yes, I think then Letterman should have him on the top ten things I learned in prison. That`s what he should be doing six months from now.
LOPEZ: He probably would --
BEHAR: What do you think Mario?
RHEA: You know what, he`s the worst criminal. I mean --
BEHAR: Who? This guy?
RHEA: I adore my Letterman, he made a mistake, and this guy tried to extort money.
BEHAR: He made several mistakes, not just one.
LOPEZ: I agree, he made a mistake. But at the same time, what he did, what Halderman did deserves to be punished. And I`m really happy that he`s in jail. And he`s going to be serving his time.
BEHAR: You are?
LOPEZ: Yes and I think he should serve all his time and not get off early or any sort of good behavior, because you can`t be setting this sort of precedence. Because look at what`s happening here. There`s this pattern of extortion that`s just happening.
Now granted, if these people weren`t misbehaving, it wouldn`t be happening. Nevertheless, two wrongs don`t make a right.
BEHAR: Right.
LOPEZ: And I think at the end of this it worked out well for Letterman. Because had this been again played out in court, it would have been embarrassing --
BEHAR: It would have been ugly.
LOPEZ: -- for Letterman and for his staff. And now --
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: And his wife who -- by the way, he was on "Regis and Kelly", Letterman, the other day.
LOPEZ: Yes.
BEHAR: And he was saying that he`s trying to patch up their marriage. Do you think it can be patched up after this debacle?
RHEA: They`ve been together since 1985. Yes, I think it can be patched up.
BEHAR: You do?
RHEA: Yes.
BEHAR: Would you be able to get over an infidelity that easily Caroline?
RHEA: I love Letterman. And if I got regular spots on the show, I think I can get over it.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: This is the same pandering that we`re doing now.
RHEA: I do. I have a weakness for him. You have your weakness for Leno; I have my weakness for Letterman.
BEHAR: All right. Thank you very much. Thank you, Caroline.
Mario, don`t go anywhere because we are going to talk about some diet things with you.
LOPEZ: Sounds good.
BEHAR: So we`ll be back in a minute. Ok.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I think you practiced (ph).
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Too big, I just had to hire two new associates. We`re thinking of taking on a third next month.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I`m telling you (INAUDIBLE). This town is filthy with malakas who will pay the big bucks to look half as good as we do.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: His body of work includes "Saved by the Bell" and the Entertainment show "Extra", which he hosts. His new book is called "Extra Lean: The fat burning plan that changes the way you eat for life".
Joining me again is the very busy Mario Lopez.
Ok, Mario. What is a malaka? You say that in there.
LOPEZ: A malaka, yes. A malaka is one of the many tasty goodies that I have in there, Joy. And you know we were talking here in the commercial break about -- that you`re wanting to kind of dial it in a little bit more and get in shape.
And I`m so glad we`re talking about this because this is a compliment to my fitness book.
BEHAR: You`re not going to tell me what a malaka is.
LOPEZ: It`s sort of like a --
BEHAR: Oh, it`s a food.
LOPEZ: It`s a food yes.
BEHAR: Oh, it`s not a prostitute.
LOPEZ: No, no, no, no, no.
BEHAR: You say the town is filthy with malakas who`ll pay the big bucks.
LOPEZ: No, no, no -- the other segment`s bleeding over. Don`t confuse me with Boreanaz and all of those -- we`ll keep it focused here.
BEHAR: So if we follow the advice in your book, are we going to look like you? A young, handsome Hispanic man?
LOPEZ: Thank you.
Well, you know, fitness has become a really important priority in my life. I`m the ambassador of the fitness for Boys and Girls Club of America. And I also am the president of the council of physical fitness. And I got inspired with my family because obesity`s prominently featured in my family and in my culture.
And as delicious as Mexican food is, growing up in its natural form is not the healthiest thing. So I made it a mission.
BEHAR: Fajitas are ok.
LOPEZ: Thanks.
(CROSSTALK)
LOPEZ: Fajitas are good. Especially the way they`re prepared in "Extra Lean", but I want to help people sort of just learn the basics of nutrition. Help them embrace food because I`m a food-lover and help them change their bodies and their lives.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: There`s so many diet books and things -- food books out there. Why is your book any different from anybody else?
LOPEZ: You know why Joy? Because it`s not a diet book; diets don`t work.
BEHAR: Everybody says that.
LOPEZ: Diets don`t work. People work. And they just need the right information and the right tools. And diet has a bad connotation and it scares people and they feel guilty. Diets are about deprivation; I`m about embracing food.
My book pretty much features on how these three things --
BEHAR: If I just embraced it and didn`t eat it, I would lose weight.
LOPEZ: No, but then you`re metabolism would slow down, you end up gaining more weight at the end of the day. The only way it`s going to sustain is if you change your philosophy and approach toward food. If you have fat, carbs and protein every meal, eat frequently throughout the day and monitor your portion control, which I explain in detail in this book, you will lose weight and you will keep it off.
I`m all about cheap meals. I love food.
BEHAR: So how many times a day am I supposed to eat?
LOPEZ: Frequently throughout the day; I don`t like to put a number on it.
BEHAR: Every two hours like a baby? Like an infant.
LOPEZ: Every three -- sort of like a cow grazing all day. But it`s like --
BEHAR: I beg your pardon?
LOPEZ: It`s like a fire, you`ve got to stoke the fire to keep that burning. Because it`ll happen -- how many times have you heard I`ll have cereal and a bagel, that`s all I had to eat today? What`s going to happen is you`re going to have dinner. You`re going to overeat, ok --
BEHAR: Yes.
LOPEZ: And then your metabolism all of a sudden has come to a screeching halt.
BEHAR: Are you from the "don`t eat anything white" school of thought?
LOPEZ: No, I eat everything. That`s why I really wanted to write the book because that`s exactly how I live and that`s what I eat. They say you must not have had pasta or bread for years. I`m like, I had it this morning.
BEHAR: So you don`t have to have whole wheat pasta?
LOPEZ: No, you don`t have to -- you can have everything you want just in the right amount, you have to know, how, when, and what?
BEHAR: Oh, the (INAUDIBLE) control.
Well, we`ll check out your book, which is called "Extra Lean: The fat burning plan that changes the way you eat for life".
We`ll be back in a minute with the fabulous Joan Rivers.
Thank you, Mario.
LOPEZ: Thank you.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOAN RIVERS, COMEDIAN: Are you rich? Oh, bull (EXPLICATIVE DELETED) I want to know who is picking all this up. Excuse me, all right, and how did you get so rich? Hello.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I was the guy who brought imitation crab meat to America the first time.
RIVERS: You brought imitation crab meat to America.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You don`t like it?
RIVERS: You made everyone sick at my wedding.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Shy, demure, reserved, three words that don`t come to mind when you think of Joan Rivers. But funny, outrageous, outspoken? Yes. Joining me now fabulous Joan Rivers, comedian host of "HOW DID YOU GET SO RICH?" on TV land. That guy in the thing was like a nice catch for you.
RIVERS: Oh yes he was attractive -- by the way it`s on tomorrow night.
BEHAR: OK.
RIVERS: Wednesday night TV land, 10:00, let`s just get that out of the way.
BEHAR: Get it out of the way. Yes.
RIVERS: Because it`s sitting out there in the table and in my car.
BEHAR: OK. You`re always around rich people, it seems.
RIVERS: Well, New York, there`s so many rich people.
BEHAR: There are a lot of rich people.
RIVERS: And that`s how the show started. How many times do you go past -- how did they get so rich?
BEHAR: Yes.
RIVERS: And I said let`s do a show and find out.
BEHAR: Right.
RIVERS: And people have the weirdest ways of getting rich.
BEHAR: You`ll tell it on the show, right?
RIVERS: On the show we keep visiting people, see how they got so rich, how they made it, and then what they do with the money. And that`s just as fascinating.
BEHAR: So like somebody like Bill Gates, was he poor?
RIVERS: No, he`s rich -- he was from a rich family. I deal with people who have no money. People who think they come into the country literally -
BEHAR: Yes.
RIVERS: one man had 63 cents in his pocket and now he`s a billionaire. One man --
BEHAR: Wow, what did he do?
RIVERS: He got rich, he`s Preston Bailey, he`s the world`s largest florist now. He does the Saudi Arabian weddings where they get married in a football field and builds a crystal cathedral over.
BEHAR: Wow.
RIVERS: And lives with all this -- lives in a one -- in a studio apartment -
BEHAR: Yes.
RIVERS: Studio apartment, which but takes $300,000 vacations. People spend their money differently.
BEHAR: He lives in a studio apartment? Why? Did you find out why?
RIVERS: Yes, of course -- Joy.
BEHAR: I know, how could I even think that?
RIVERS: He said he`s around such affluence all the time. He said I like to come home and just get back to my roots. And it`s a beautiful one room, but it`s very simple. And we show it lovely but he said I just want to simplified life.
BEHAR: Have you found that these people are happy that have a lot of money?
RIVERS: Well they all tell you, money doesn`t make you happy.
BEHAR: That`s a bunch of baloney.
RIVERS: Give it to me.
BEHAR: Exactly.
RIVERS: And I say, give it to me you S.O.B., I`ll sit in a big house and cry and you can watch me.
BEHAR: Right, but you can be happy if you`re poor too, can`t you?
RIVERS: No.
BEHAR: No.
RIVERS: Of course you can be happy if you`re poor.
BEHAR: Well, you used to be able to be happy if you were poor. But not anymore.
RIVERS: I think at a certain age, it isn`t so much about --
BEHAR: Oh, no.
RIVERS: I don`t want to at this age have to beg a plastic surgeon. I want to be able to say, how much? That much? All right. Fine.
BEHAR: Do these people give their money to charity at all?
RIVERS: Very charitable.
BEHAR: They are?
RIVERS: First generation money.
BEHAR: First of all, it`s a tax deduction.
RIVERS: Yes but more than that, I think you`ve been that poor is all they`ve ever been. The guy that invented the --
BEHAR: -- the clapper.
RIVERS: Yes, yes, the clapper. Beyond rich. And he lived and was supported by this the city of Chicago. You know what I mean? It was on that kind of a thing.
BEHAR: Right.
RIVERS: Very charitable.
BEHAR: I never understand how someone comes up with this idea, say the clapper.
RIVERS: The clapper.
BEHAR: And what does he do to make it happen? To make all the money? That`s what --
RIVERS: They all believe in the idea. And to the point -- well, you know in our business, if you didn`t think you were funny to start, nobody was going to. So these people, who was it -- the man that does Paul Mitchell products.
BEHAR: Yes.
RIVERS: John, he said to me, he used to sell encyclopedias door to door. He said he`d get 100 rejections before I got a sale. He said to himself you`re going to get 100 no`s before you get a yes.
BEHAR: Wow that`s perserverance - you have to have to have in our business.
RIVERS: Yes, in our business.
BEHAR: For sure -- now the first episode is with Donald Trump.
RIVERS: Yes.
BEHAR: What did you learn from him we didn`t already know?
RIVERS: well, first of all, the father poor as they came. Smart. After World War II, Donald`s father went around and rang doorbells because the G.I`s were buying cars. So he would ring a doorbell and say $16, I`ll build you a garage.
BEHAR: Really?
RIVERS: He was building garages for $16. This is how the trump empire started. And then he was doing well, and then Donald came along and the drive to take that and do -- well, I learned so much from him.
BEHAR: Donald, yes, he`s a smart guy.
RIVERS: Smart, smart, smart.
BEHAR: Now, have you ever dated a guy who isn`t rich?
RIVERS: I`m dating one now.
BEHAR: You have a boyfriend? Tell me everything.
RIVERS: Homeless.
(LAUGHTER)
RIVERS: Very pure. At the end of the night, he`ll say -- your doorway or mine? That`s sweet.
BEHAR: Oh that`s so sweet.
RIVERS: And, you know, I`ve never seen New York the way I see it when you`re being pushed in a shopping cart. You really --
BEHAR: That particular point of view is so illuminating.
RIVERS: You think.
BEHAR: Now, let`s talk about this documentary about you, which I know is not coming out until what--
RIVERS: It`s June 11th.
BEHAR: And you`ll come back to talk about it.
RIVERS: I beg you.
BEHAR: I want you back to really talk about it. But I wanted to hit on it because I saw it at the screening --
RIVERS: I got you free tickets.
BEHAR: You did. Did the homeless guy get them for me?
RIVERS: No, god bless him. You make a joke. You know how nice he is. He has the most beautiful box. Minimalist.
BEHAR: So do I -- but go ahead. Wait a minute, let`s show a clip of the new documentary.
RIVERS: The new documentary.
BEHAR: The documentary. "Joan Rivers: A Piece Of Work."
RIVERS: June 11th it comes out.
BEHAR: Ok, let`s watch it.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
RIVERS: I`ll show you fear. That`s fear. If my book ever looked like this, it would mean that nobody wants me that everything I tried to do in life didn`t work, nobody cared and I`ve been totally forgotten.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: I love the music. It`s like -- nothing on the calendar.
RIVERS: That`s my date book. My date book. Men call me up and say how about Tuesday? How about any day --
BEHAR: Were you having a bad day that day or something?
RIVERS: Well they followed me around -- you`re very cruel seeing me, they followed me around.
BEHAR: Yes.
RIVERS: They followed me for a year and a half. So they get you premenstrual.
BEHAR: Yes, right.
RIVERS: Is she buying it?
BEHAR: Are they buying it? But it made it look like you were so -- like you had to have something to do.
RIVERS: Yes! Yes, don`t you want -- I love the business. If my book had nothing in it, I wouldn`t know what to do.
BEHAR: But you`re so funny, you`re so talented, you`ll never be with an empty book.
RIVERS: Easy for you to say.
BEHAR: It`s true.
RIVERS: Remember, you have a life. You have a life. You have a boyfriend.
BEHAR: I have a boyfriend.
RIVERS: You have a boyfriend.
BEHAR: That`s true.
RIVERS: I got home at night, I got two dogs and, of course, we are perfect, it`s not the same thing.
BEHAR: I know you -- need a boyfriend.
RIVERS: Well, I had one.
BEHAR: What happen?
RIVERS: I was going to say he passed, and I can`t stand when they say he passed.
BEHAR: Did he die?
RIVERS: He died.
BEHAR: But you got another one that didn`t die.
RIVERS: Well, he was dead in bed. It was the same thing.
BEHAR: But no, there was another boyfriend.
RIVERS: Yes, I`ve had three since that guy.
BEHAR: OK.
RIVERS: One rich, one that`s -- only had one leg. I loved him the most. I did. Because there`s more room in the bed, you know what I mean?
BEHAR: There is. Much better.
RIVERS: Nobody thinks, you can put your dogs, put your books.
BEHAR: That`s true. That`s a very good point. That`s why Paul Mccartney stayed married to Heather Mills.
RIVERS: I got it.
BEHAR: This film maker who made this movie, I was reading he made a film -- she -- she made a film most about the Rwandan genocide. Is there some connection to you?
RIVERS: I wanted a serious filmmaker. And Annie and Ricky, the two filmmakers, had done one on someone that was electrocuted unjustly, and then they did one on Rwanda, and then they obviously they`ve saw my act and said she`s dying up there, let`s help her.
BEHAR: All right Joani we have to wrap this up. It`s always a pleasure to sit here and talk.
RIVERS: I love you.
BEHAR: I love you back. And thank you so much for doing this. We`ll be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: Over the past three decades Connie Francis and Dionne Warwick have sold tens of millions of albums, but now they`re hitting the road together in Eric Floyd`s Grand Diva`s off stage at the Las Vegas Hilton Hotel and casino from May 21st to May 23rd and they`re here with me now. I`m so excited to have you here.
DIONNE WARWICK, SINGER: We`re excited, too. Joy to the world. You`re great.
BEHAR: It`s wonderful to see you ladies - going strong, kicking butt out there in Las Vegas.
WARWICK: Thank you, got to do it, got to do it.
BEHAR: But I heard you never actually met until yesterday.
CONNIE FRANCIS, SINGER: That`s right. I met her about five seconds about 45 years ago.
BEHAR: Time flies when you`re having a good time.
WARWICK: Only.
BEHAR: You know, the show is called "THE DIVAS OF THE STAGE." -
FRANCIS: Not that word.
BEHAR: What is a diva exactly? I always thought it meant an opera singer, right?
WARWICK: An opera singer, exactly.
FRANCIS: There are a few in my family but they are not in show business.
BEHAR: They`re not? Who are they? My cousin --
(CROSSTALK)
FRANCIS: I won`t spill the beans.
BEHAR: It`s got a negative connotation to say you`re a diva.
WARWICK: I think it does, I`ve always hated that word.
BEHAR: It means that you`re spoiled.
WARWICK: Or very, very difficult. I mean, it was really designated for opera singers.
BEHAR: That`s right.
WARWICK: You know, and misuse of it now with these children that are now dominating our industry is -- I call them divettes.
BEHAR: Divettes. Like who?
WARWICK: Oh.
BEHAR: Come on. I was going to ask you girls what you think about -- don`t mind if I call you girls, do you?
WARWICK: Oh please, I`m a youngster.
BEHAR: Exactly. Please, do it. You know, like, for instance, Lady Gaga. She`s a big star now. Overnight sensation really.
WARWICK: Lady Gaga was great on the Grammys.
BEHAR: She is.
WARWICH: She`s different. She`s very talented. She`s -- from what I can understand with her, her ambition was, and she`s come to fruition, she wanted to be a star.
BEHAR: Uh-huh.
WARWICK: And that`s what she is.
FRANCIS: A person I`ve known since birth made her a star. Has a $30 million lawsuit going now.
BEHAR: But I mean, Lady Gaga - back in your day you didn`t have to wear costumes. These days you have to be visual as well as talented.
WARWICK: I`ve been saying that for the past 15 years. Everything is visual.
BEHAR: And you have to be pretty a lot of times too. Not for nothing, Dina Washington was a great singer. I don`t know if she`d make it now. Or Sarah Von (ph)
WARWICK: I don`t think I would have made it now.
BEHAR: You were cute. You were in movies.
WARWICK: I was cute --
CONNIE: Where the boys are
BEHAR: Where are the men? I understand Connie, that you`re a big fan of President Obama.
FRANCIS: I sure am. You`re going to say that line that --
BEHAR: No I`m not.
FRANCIS: -- that I dreamed that I married him, right?
BEHAR: Yes.
FRANCIS: I dreamed I married him, but not that I had sex with him, which in my experience has been the same thing.
BEHAR: A woman that knows.
FRANCIS: You want to get married and -- if you don`t want to get sex don`t marry anybody.
BEHAR: Do you like him?
FRANCIS: I think he`s fantastic. I think when he`s on the world stage we are putting our best foot forward.
WARWICK: No doubt. I totally agree.
BEHAR: Do you think the gets unfairly attacked, Dionne?
WARWICK: Absolutely. You know, it`s amazing how we look at people who have put us in positions that took how many years to do?
BEHAR: Yes.
WARWICK: And we expect a miracle --
BEHAR: Well you mean the Bush administration? Just say it.
WARWICK: The Bush administration. Both of the bushes.
BEHAR: Bush was the worst president you think?
WARWICK: In my opinion, yes.
BEHAR: Really? Worst than Howard Taft who didn`t fit in his bathtub? Seriously. You know, he was so fat. How fat was he? That they had to make a special bathtub so he could get his fat self in that tub.
WARWICK: I didn`t know that.
BEHAR: Did you know that?
FRANCIS: Joy think of what the world would have been like if he had not been president, if Al Gore would have been president. It would be a completely different world today.
BEHAR: I think so.
FRANCIS: We wouldn`t be in the problems that we are in -
BEHAR: It`s horrible, isn`t it? Are you scared to be in New York City?
FRANCIS: No.
WARWICK: No. I love New York City.
BEHAR: Do you live in New York? Normally Dionne?
WARWICK: I live in jersey.
BEHAR: New Jersey, well, you`re safe in New Jersey. Terrorists don`t know how to get -- they don`t know what exit to get off at. New Jersey. All right sit right there, ladies. We`ll be back in a minute.
My friends say to me, Joy, when you find something you like in a restaurant, find out what ingredients they use because then you can make the same thing at home. Really? What if I like mousse and don`t have Sarah Palin`s phone number? Huh? Here to talk about some of the latest it ingredients, that means popular, by the way, is Dana Kowin, editor and chief for "Food & Wine" magazine. OK what do you got today?
DANA KOWIN, EDITOR AND CHIEF, FOOD AND WINE MAGAZINE: We`re talking about ingredients from the farm. Because people want to get as close to the farmer as possible, bfff, best farmer friend forever. We have basil seeds that have bloomed in this beautiful dish from Tok Vill (ph). It`s a swing salad. And the basil seeds are the ones you would plant in the ground. But the chefs have taken them and found ways to make them bloom. Put them in warm water and then they toss them with their dishes and it brings an intense basil flavor.
BEHAR: OK so let me taste this.
COWIN: Taste this.
BEHAR: What this is a beet. I love a beet. Love beet.
COWIN: You need to taste a little of the basil seeds. It will taste the intensity of it. And then another perfect spring ingredient, this is asparagus soup, from Fishalien (ph) and the little beautiful cloud is parmesan and whey - whey is our it ingredient.
BEHAR: Like Miss Muffet whey?
COWIN: That kind.
BEHAR: You know I failed spelling test in junior high school because I couldn`t spell whey, and I recent it.
COWIN: No way. W-a-y. Whey, if you dehydrate it, it actually tastes a lot like feta. But this is a whey stick.
BEHAR: No kidding, this is what Miss Muffet was all about, this stick?
COWIN: The next thing we have is this is a beautiful lamb that has been cooked with hay --
BEHAR: The whole poor little lamb was in there?
COWIN: Some ribs were I`m going to cut through it. You`ll see steam pop out. The hay has had a spa treatment. The result is beautiful lamb.
BEHAR: I can taste the hay, you know?
COWIN: I can taste the hay, you know, it makes you -- it`s from -- the hay brings sort of a sweetness. It feels like you`ve got that summer breeze going through your hair.
BEHAR: Love that. I love a summer breeze in my hair. Thank you, Dana. Stick around. We`ll be back in a minute.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back with two of my favorite divas, Dionne Warwick and Connie Francis with their producer, Eric, over here, sitting there looking very sharp.
ERIC FLOYD, PRODUCER: Thank you.
BEEHAR: You brought these ladies together. How nice.
FLOYD: thank you so much. It was a pleasure. In life you have mothers and grandmothers, in show business you have divas and grand divas.
BEHAR: Oh that`s so sweet. I have some -- whatever. I have some -- I have some twitter questions for you girls. OK? First of all, someone wants to know if Connie ever slept with Frank Sinatra.
FRANCIS: Oh, my father would have killed me.
BEHAR: Who?
FRANCIS: My father almost killed me when I didn`t sleep with Bobby Darin.
BEHAR: Really, why didn`t you sleep with Bobby Darin?
FRANCIS: Why didn`t I?
BEHAR: Yes.
FRANCIS: I had a father. When I was alone with bobby one night in the room, I said, please, my father. He said, your father`s in New Jersey. I said, not in my head.
BEHAR: See that was good birth control in those days. An Italian father --
FRANCIS: That was birth control, we didn`t need the pill.
BEHAR: OK let`s see, Dionne, someone wants to know if you`re still a smoker.
WARWICK: I sure am. Virginia slim menthol lights.
BEHAR: And she`ll shout it from the rooftop. Don`t you think it hurts your voice Dionne a little bit?
WARWICK: Not one iota. I always promised myself if it did I would quit. Well I enjoy it and see no reason to quit.
BEHAR: How much do you smoke?
WARWICK: I smoke about a pack a day.
BEHAR: Really? You`re just not interested to quit?
WARWICK: No, I`m not.
BEHAR: All right, well, whatever. I guess -- so much for the nonsmoking campaign that I was going to go on. Are you still single?
WARWICK: Yes, I am.
BEHAR: You are? Have you been married?
WARWICK: Yes, I have.
BEHAR: You have but you`re on the loose--
WARWICK: I have two sons, six grandchildren and very happy the way I am.
BEHAR: How about you, Connie?
FRANCIS: I have a son who`s not married but he said he wouldn`t mind a few kids. I said, excuse me? Where are you going, mom? I`m sticking my head in the microwave oven in this room.
BEHAR: Is it easier to be a woman in music, the music business today? What do you think?
WARWICK: well, I`ll put it this way. If you are wearing clothes that are cut down to here and up to here, yes.
BEHAR: Uh-huh.
WARWICK: Italian girls couldn`t even own cleavage.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: That is such a funny line. I love that line. That`s true. Yes so they`re underdressed these days?
WARWICK: Yes, listen, it`s all costume and it`s another kind of business today.
FRANCIS: On the "ED SULLIVAN" show we had to put layers of net up to here.
BEHAR: On "ED SULLIVAN?"
FRANCIS: Yes, couldn`t do it.
BEHAR: How about, are you going to create another album?
WARWICK: I`m in the throes waiting for them to finish mastering my new CD. I did songs from the Connie songbook.
BEHAR: That`s nice?
WARWICK: Do you feel, you girls, made enough money in the business over the years?
WARWICK: No.
FRANCIS: Never.
BEHAR: That was easy. So now you`re working, make more money now on your little tour.
WARWICK: Absolutely.
BEHAR: I love it. You`re going to come east, also. You`re in Vegas right now, but you`ll come east, right? Maybe Atlantic City?
FRANCIS: Yes.
BEHAR: Would be a delightful place to see you.
WARWICK: Sure. You`ll come?
BEHAR: I will definitely come. Oh, yes, I`m a big fan.
WARWICK: Thank you.
BEHAR: So thank you very much for coming here today. Good luck. Thank you, Eric, for bringing them. You can see Connie and Dionne on Eric Floyd`s grand divas off stage May 21st to the 23rd at the Las Vegas Hilton. Good night, everybody.
END
