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Joy Behar Page
Miss USA Racy Pics; "Glee" and GLAAD vs. "Newsweek"; Women and Sex
Aired May 14, 2010 - 21:00 ET
THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.
JOY BEHAR, HOST: Tonight on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW, Miss USA contestants are photographed in thigh high boots, skimpy lingerie and fish nets. Suddenly Carrie Prejean`s topless photos are the epitome of good taste.
Then, experts say a woman`s sex drive is much lower after she gives birth. In related news the octo-mom just joined a contest.
And how do you cast the part of an Italian tough guy named Arthur Fonzerelli? Why, you hire a nice Jewish boy named Henry Winkler, of course. The Fonz himself joins me.
That and more right now.
The 2010 Miss USA pageant has photographed all of the contestants in sexy lingerie. Is this a sign of things to come for other beauty competitions? At next year`s Westminster will the Schnauzers be wearing skimpy leashes?
Here to talk about this are Greg Giraldo, comedian; Alex McCord, cast member of "Real Housewives of New York" and author of the "Little Kids, Big City"; and Bradley Jacobs, senior editor at "Us Weekly".
Ok. Are these photos -- let`s look at the photos -- are they too racy for Miss USA, do you think?
ALEX MCCORD, CAST MEMBER, "REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK": I don`t think so.
BEHAR: You don`t?
MCCORD: I mean Miss USA has been sexier than Miss America. And frankly now, in this day and age, who watches beauty pageants anyway so they`re fighting for an audience? So if they want to make it like a Victoria`s Secret campaign, why not?
BRADLEY JACOBS, SENIOR EDITOR, "US WEEKLY": And you know, the Miss America pageant looks like it`s going off the air, ratings were so low --
BEHAR: Miss America is off the air I think.
JACOBS: Yes. So the other beauty pageants have to do stuff to keep people tuning in. This is not surprising at all. This is, in many ways the image of modern beauty, at least, as Donald Trump sees it.
GREG GIRALDO, COMEDIAN: To me the whole thing is offensive. It`s moving beauty pageants beyond what they used to be. You`re not supposed to judge a woman for how she looks in lingerie. She should be judged for how she looks in a bikini, bringing the man of the house a martini.
BEHAR: That`s true.
GIRALDO: Old school.
BEHAR: You`re right in a way. What`s the difference if it`s lingerie or a bikini? For some reason lingerie speaks of sex more than a bikini. Bikini, everybody sees you.
GIRALDO: Yes.
BEHAR: Here`s what Donald had to say. "These girls are beautiful. They look great in the picture and in almost every case they`re highly educated."
MCCORD: They have a BS in bikini.
BEHAR: I guess a GED counts. "To say they aren`t role models to young women is unfair." I mean maybe they are. He likes sexy. We`re not surprised at that, right? Are they role models, though?
MCCORD: Role models for Pilates maybe.
BEHAR: I mean if your daughter -- do you have children?
MCCORD: Yes, I have two boys.
BEHAR: Well, let`s say you had a daughter. Does anybody have a daughter on this set?
GIRALDO: No. I`m manly so I have all sons.
BEHAR: You have sons also?
JACOBS: No daughter.
BEHAR: Nothing. Ok. I don`t know if they`re role models.
GIRALDO: But I`d like my sons to be in beauty pageants.
BEHAR: You would?
MCCORD: In lingerie?
GIRALDO: Whatever it takes.
BEHAR: Pageant officials say it`s a chance for contestants to show off confidence and embrace their own sexuality. Are these photos showing off their confidence?
GIRALDO: The whole idea of a pageant, at least it`s honest. They`re showing -- it`s visible -- we are, we`re selling ourselves because physically appealing. Who`s the most physically appealing? When they have these nonsense talent components and speeches and things like that, we`re looking for the best cellist. No, no, you`re not.
MCCORD: I remember when I was about 13 they went through this phase of calling it a fitness competition, remember? And it was really about judging their physical fitness. No, it`s not. It`s not. It`s about how sexy they are. The end.
JACOBS: What I think is interesting that they`re really trying to avoid people talking about Carrie Prejean. Remember, it was such a mess last year. So it kind of changed the game.
BEHAR: They should have stripped her of her crown because of a sex tape which is different.
JACOBS: She was stripped of her crown. Perez Hilton was asking her, her opinions on gay marriage and all that stuff. It was a huge brouhaha. And they just want to get away from that.
So they`re kind of changing the subject. They`re getting out in front of it and saying this is what it`s going to be about this year. Victoria`s-secret-like modeling shots of these women. Let`s create a debate around that and market the pageant that way which I think is a smart move.
BEHAR: Right. I mean Carrie Prejean -- whatever her name is -- she got tossed because of the video that she made, sex tape. She was already a holy roller before that. It was hypocritical. And there was an anti-gay thing and then she`s -- you know what I mean? That was a little different from this.
These girls are just doing what they do.
All right. Next story: the co-creator of "Glee" and the gay activist group GLAAD want an apology from "Newsweek" for a controversial article that says out-of-the-closet gay actors cannot play straight. Ok. The creator of "Glee" wants to boycott "Newsweek" and GLAAD is demanding an apology. What do you think of that, Brad?
JACOBS: I actually worked at "Newsweek" for many years. And I think while this story has been controversial for sure, I do not think a boycott of a national magazine is the way to do it. If I opened up the op-ed pages of the New York times and disagreed with a story in there in op-ed, I wouldn`t tell my friends boycott the "New York Times", I want an apology.
An opinion is an opinion and it was an opinionated story. So I think the boycott is ridiculous, no matter what you think of the story.
BEHAR: Ok.
MCCORD: You know, it was just really stupid story. It was, because the whole thing about watching TV and watching movies is suspension of disbelief. It really shouldn`t matter who the actors are sleeping with. And it`s -- ok, maybe a boycott`s a little much, but it`s grown into this big, huge brouhaha.
The thing is now that movies cost $30 million to make I understand that people want to be very, very careful about whom they hire. They want to hire somebody who`s a bankable star. But we need to be working toward it not mattering who they cast. Not coming away from it like this author did.
BEHAR: What do you think?
GIRALDO: I think that, you know, it`s ridiculous that there`s never a middle ground. You have to say he`s crazy to say that, it`s so homophobic. That`s not true. There are -- it`s true that when someone is very offended -- he shouldn`t have said all gay actors can`t play straight roles. That`s ridiculous. It is distracting when a screamingly gay guy is trying to be a love interest -- it`s distracting and it`s funny.
And that was his point. That Sean Hayes in that movie was unintentionally campy --
BEHAR: Well, he says that we missed his point, which is what I think you`re driving at. This is what he said to me earlier this week. Watch what he said.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
RAMIN SETOODEH, WROTE CONTROVERSIAL ARTICLE ON "NEWSWEEK": The point of the article wasn`t for me to personally come out and say gay actors can`t play straight. It was an article examining why straight actors can play gay characters like the ones from "Brokeback Mountain" but very rare for a gay actor to do the same in reverse -- an openly gay actor.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Now, you know, did we miss -- is he making himself clear?
JACOBS: I mean with all respect to Ramin, I think that he is wrong because I think television is littered with gay and lesbian actors playing straight roles. I never had a problem with Cynthia Nixon playing the very heterosexual Miranda in the "Sex and the City" movies --
(CROSSTALK)
JACOBS: Or Neil Patrick Harris, of course. He`s great in "How I Met Your Mother". I don`t think he`s --
BEHAR: I made the point about Neil Patrick Harris. He said, well, he wasn`t gay, out, when he took the part.
JACOBS: Yes. I don`t get that point.
BEHAR: I don`t either. Now that he`s got the part everyone knows he`s gay. We expect it.
GIRALDO: But why is it wrong for someone to say how they`re truthfully responding? It`s automatically almost like -- if you say you go to the movies and you see a guy that you know is gay pretending to be interested in a girl and it distracts you from it, that`s a fact. That is happening.
But when you go to see "South Pacific" and you see these guys, supposedly big, tough sailors dancing around -- "there`s nothing like a dame," you get that they`re gay. For some reason that`s entertaining.
JACOBS: Are people going to be boycotting THE JOY BEHAR SHOW because Greg just said that?
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Listen Greg, my ex-husband was in that play, ok? You know what I love, I love happy endings. I`m like a salesman at a convention.
GIRALDO: Me too.
BEHAR: I have two of them. First, a video of Michael Jackson`s son, Blanket, has surfaced on YouTube. Look at this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(BLANKET JACKSON VIDEO)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: Ok. Is the kid happy or what?
MCCORD: That`s exactly what my two boys do at home, just not on YouTube.
BEHAR: That child is -- you think he`s happy? Are they well adjusted after all they`ve been through?
GIRALDO: It does seem like a very happy moment because despite the nasty haircut --
BEHAR: Whoa, the homophobic --
JACOBS: Greg, you`re getting us in trouble.
GIRALDO: I`m playing a role here. No, but despite the fact that he`s obviously --
BEHAR: I disavow everything he said in case GLAAD is watching.
GIRALDO: If he ever said there were going to be videos of Michael Jackson`s kids released, they were going to cause a sensation. You certainly wouldn`t have thought it would be something that sweet and innocent. He does seem pretty happy.
JACOBS: It`s ironic, because Michael Jackson went to so much trouble to hide these kids from -- he took them to Disney Land covered in veil --
BEHAR: Yes.
JACOBS: And here they are -- he`s gone now but the kids are leaking tapes to YouTube. They seem like any normal kid. I`m thinking --
BEHAR: He`s cute, right Alex?
MCCORD: Yes. But you know, I would say -- did anyone notice that the kid looks naturally kind of like Michael seemed to want to look with all the surgeries, with the hair --
BEHAR: He was sort of like the way Michael ended up.
MCCORD: Yes.
BEHAR: Another happy story. South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford was seen with his Argentinean girlfriend this week; finally a good Christian politician who`s faithful to his mistress. Isn`t that great? Aren`t we happy for this?
Jenny Sanford`s been on the show. I met her at an event recently. She`s happy with another guy. He`s off with his soulmate. Isn`t that a lovely story?
GIRALDO: It`s sad to say that is actually the path of some really good news these days. It`s a nice story. You cheat on your wife. You know, you disappear from your job as the head of a government. But you stick with her and that`s nice. This is a good guy. Outstanding decent guy.
BEHAR: You think so? I mean he did leave his wife and kids and whatever.
GIRALDO: Yes, but at least, he`s faithful to the Argentinean.
BEHAR: That`s the point, you know.
JACOBS: There`s no Rachel Uchitel in the picture now. You know?
BEHAR: No. There`s no pouton (ph) hovering over the story. You know what I mean?
Thanks, everybody. If you`re in New York, catch Greg Giraldo at Comics, Friday and Saturday.
Up next, Lisa Rinna helps me decode the female sex drive.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Coming up a little later on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW, should Supreme Court nominee, Elena Kagan`s sexuality really matter? And an Amish mother poses nude, sells her panties online and wouldn`t you know it creates an Internet sensation.
Now back to Joy.
BEHAR: Apparently there is a group of women out there who are fed up with men and are giving up sex. And you can find some of them in Palm Springs at the Dinah Shore classic.
Here with me to take a look at this new celibacy are actress and author of "Rinnavation" Lisa Rinna, and sex and relationship expert and the author of "The Book of Love: Every couple`s guide to emotional and sexual intimacy", Dr. Laura Berman. Not serial intimacy.
LAURA BERMAN PHD, SEX AND RELATIONSHIP EXPERT: Serial intimacy?
LISA RINNA, ACTRESS: That`s a whole different show.
BEHAR: That`s a different show.
Now, you know I was reading -- I`ve been reading a lot about celibacy lately. There was an article in the "Times" the other day.
BERMAN: Yes.
BEHAR: And now I find out that Lady Gaga and Courtney Love are both going to go celibate. What`s going on?
BERMAN: Yes, what is going on?
RINNA: Yes, I`m going to give that to you.
BERMAN: You know, I think part of it that -- the article that you we`re referring to, they were talking about younger women who had been on this rash of one-night stands --
BEHAR: Yes.
BERMAN: -- that were, get it, they were frustrated about it, they were disappointed in it. I always tell women don`t have sex with someone you don`t want to fall in love with because your brain gets washed in Oxytocin, that chemical of attachment when you have good sex.
RINNA: Oxytocin.
BEHAR: Is that the stuff Limbaugh was on?
BERMAN: That`s Oxycontin. It`s very different.
BEHAR: Ok.
BERMAN: This is a natural chemical --
BEHAR: So don`t get -- say that again.
BERMAN: So in other words even if you don`t like the guy.
BEHAR: Yes.
BERMAN: Just going with him for a one night stand. If it`s good sex you`ll get attached chemically. And so what happens to women who have lots of one night stand, they say, oh it`s no big deal I`m going to be -- it`s going to be casual and then it comes back biting them in the behind.
BEHAR: I see.
BERMAN: I think for a lot of women it`s not a bad idea if you`ve been in a long situation like that where you`ve been hurt again and again, you`re feeling frustrated, maybe you`ve got a sexually transmitted disease. Like take a break.
BEHAR: I see.
BERMAN: Regroup.
BEHAR: There`s another little story popping around in the "New York Times" about a church in Kansas helping women struggling with porn addiction.
RINNA: Yes.
BEHAR: Women and porn addiction. There`s a little -- big difference from a women`s porn and men`s porn. First of all, the men seem to me like gynecological training films. I`m just saying.
BERMAN: Yes.
BEHAR: And women`s porn, is like, I like it because it has 24 hours of foreplay.
RINNA: Right and there`s a plot.
BERMAN: There`s a plot.
RINNA: I think porn is really a great tool, it`s really great to use porn. And I don`t think we talk about it enough. So I think it`s really surprising that all of a sudden these women are addicted to porn.
BERMAN: Yes.
RINNA: Because I think it`s a great tool.
BERMAN: I don`t think that -- yes, I don`t think -- there`s certainly a place, a healthy place for erotica in a relationship. It seems to be more men that tend to be addicted. And with Internet pornography, it`s endless.
RINNA: Yes.
BEHAR: But now the women are getting addicted to porn.
BERMAN: Yes, I don`t know how prevalent that is. But --
RINNA: I don`t either because I mean, talking about low sexual desire in women --
BEHAR: Yes.
RINNA: -- that seems to be what`s going on. Women aren`t feeling sexual.
BEHAR: Well, maybe the porn gets them going.
RINNA: And then they get addicted to it.
BEHAR: And then they get addicted to the porn rather than to sex.
BERMAN: Oh.
BEHAR: Something like that maybe. Because I read a statistic that nearly 75 percent of women report experiencing a lack of sexual desire at least occasionally and 20 percent feeling it frequently.
BERMAN: That is a lot.
BEHAR: That is -- isn`t that the main dysfunction, the sexual dysfunction in women?
BERMAN: Yes, absolutely.
BEHAR: Not men, just women.
RINNA: Not men.
BERMAN: Thirty percent of women in this country, all under the age of 59, it`s even higher afterwards, struggle with low sexual desire. And we all go through ebbs and flows, but there -- there`s a real disorder or dysfunction called hypoactive sexual desire disorder or HSDD that really is --
BEHAR: If you can say it, you don`t have it.
BERMAN: Yes, maybe.
RINNA: HSDD.
BERMAN: HSDD, yes.
RINNA: Say it ten times fast.
BEHAR: Yes.
BERMAN: But it`s really persistent and it causes her significant distress and so there`s a range of desire problems. Women experience different intensities of it.
BEHAR: Yes, but Dr. Laura when you -- and Lisa, when you first meet a guy and you`re running towards each other in slow motion --
BERMAN: Yes.
BEHAR: -- and you can`t wait to hop into bed, that lasts for a few years.
RINNA: Well, it does.
BERMAN: If you`re lucky, yes.
RINNA: If you`re lucky.
BEHAR: Yes.
RINNA: It`s true. But then it goes away.
BEHAR: It does, it goes away.
RINNA: Doesn`t it? I mean --
BEHAR: Yes.
RINNA: You`ve been with your man for a long time.
BEHAR: Yes.
RINNA: And I`ve been with mine for 18 years. I think as women, the sexual desire does ebb and flow. And it goes away. You`ve got to make a real effort especially if it goes away. It went away for me after I had our second child.
And so I felt like -- I have to find my sexuality again. And I didn`t even talk to -- I was just afraid to talk to my doctor. I think there`s a -- there`s a stigmatism to it. There`s a shame for women to come out and say you know I`m not feeling sexual. But I think it`s so much a part of a relationship and that connection.
BEHAR: Well, what are we supposed to do with that? I mean it`s evolutionary, really. Dr. Helen Fisher talks about this in one of her books. In the beginning, you`re there to procreate. That`s what nature provides.
RINNA: And then you do.
BEHAR: And then it becomes their job. What am I, collecting tolls on the Jersey turnpike here? I have enough jobs.
BERMAN: That`s the word. Evolution hasn`t caught up with modern medical technology. We`re not supposed to live much longer than our reproductive years.
BEHAR: That`s another thing.
(CROSSTALK)
BERMAN: But now we`re living into the hundreds. And now there`s this really amazing research happening where they actually have been able to identify that for women who hypoactive sexual desire disorders, their brain, areas of their brain are not functioning as well when exposed to sexual content as women who don`t have hypoactive sexual desire disorder. It`s not just being sick of your husband, having too much laundry to do, having too many kids to take care of.
BEHAR: Right. It`s a disorder.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: But you`re not talking about that for yourself.
RINNA: I`m not. I was lucky. I was really lucky because I was able to get out of it. I was able to be really driven and find ways, whether it was pole dancing class, porn. I think you have to find a way or --
BEHAR: Pole dancing classes?
RINNA: Yes.
BEHAR: That turned you on? Or turned him on?
BERMAN: It made her feel sexy.
(CROSSTALK)
RINNA: You know what? It made me get in touch with my sexuality again and feel that. It`s not all about sex all the time either. You want to feel sexy as a woman, I think.
BEHAR: Right. I think that it`s a problem in marriages, though.
RINNA: It is a problem.
BEHAR: I think that -- you know, especially when you`re younger and you don`t want to do it anymore and it`s like whatever.
What about menopause? Get off of me. I`m hot.
BERMAN: Right. You`ve got the hormones working against you. In Lisa`s case -- there`s always emotional things, relationship things and now we know medical things that are standing in the way of a woman`s sex drive, her sex life.
In Lisa`s case, she was lucky enough that she didn`t have hypoactive sexual desire disorder. She had like situational low desire. Too many kids, too much on her plate, disconnected from her partner.
BEHAR: Yes, that`s true.
And we`re also raised to be good girls --
RINNA: We sure are.
BEHAR: And religion plays a big part in that, shame and you`re not supposed to play with yourself or any of that, you know.
BERMAN: Yes. And it also stands in the way -- it does.
BEHAR: Really.
BERMAN: It`s true.
(CROSSTALK)
RINNA: And where does the vibrator come into that, too?
BEHAR: You know what? We`re going to have another segment with you girls. I have a few more things I really would like in the next segment to maybe tell people what they could do.
Stay right there. We`ll continue this discussion after the break.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back with Lisa Rinna and Dr. Laura Berman. What if you don`t want to do it and you`re married? What are you supposed to do -- just do it anyway?
BERMAN: Yes and no. First of all, if you`re committed to a monogamous relationship, if you expect your partner to be monogamous, you`re committing to only being with each other. You`re his only sexual outlet. And if you shut down from sex, what`s he supposed to do, first of all? Second of all, it`s the glue that really connects you and connects the two of you as more than roommates and co-parents.
BEHAR: Right.
BERMAN: So some women just don`t really care. It`s not such a big deal for them or their partner. For some women it`s a huge issue that`s affecting their quality of life.
BEHAR: Because the husband wants to have sex more often maybe?
BERMAN: It`s affecting their relationship because he`s frustrated, he`s disconnected from her. He`s shut down from her. She misses that feeling of being sexy.
RINNA: She probably doesn`t feel good.
(CROSSTALK)
RINNA: You don`t feel good if you`re turning your husband away. You feel like something`s wrong.
BEHAR: Here`s a letter from a tweeter that says, "Why is it the more my husband wants it, the more I want him to leave me alone?" Is that because the chase is gone? There`s a little bit of that?
BERMAN: There is some of that. And also when someone is coming at you, at you, at you all the time, you just end up like this. There`s not any room.
RINNA: You need to play hard to get a little bit, I think.
BERMAN: And he needs to spend more time. The biggest complaint I get from women in that realm is that they don`t get enough -- the kissing has stopped.
RINNA: The romance.
BERMAN: The seduction has stopped.
RINNA: The love, the romance, it`s true.
BERMAN: Yes. And so first thing I`ll do with a couple that comes in to therapy with me is take sex off the table. No more sex.
BEHAR: That`s interesting.
BERMAN: Now we`re going to get you making out again. Now we`re going to get you reconnecting again. And we`re also going to see if there`s a medical issue at play because we can`t ignore that.
Yes, it`s about your relationship and your communication but there are sometimes real medical issues standing in the way.
BEHAR: What would you tell Tiger Woods?
BERMAN: Tiger Woods is, in my opinion, so far -- what I know so far of him is that he is really more of a serial cheater than an addict. And what he needs to do if they`re going to stay together -- whether they stay together or not is to really work on his issues around infidelity, how he was raised around it, the messages he got about women and monogamy, why he was cheating. Was it about --
BEHAR: He needs a shrink?
BERMAN: He needs a shrink, yes.
BEHAR: Here`s another question, "What if you feel empty inside and have no interest and the thought makes you physically ill?"
RINNA: Wow.
BEHAR: These are my viewers. Ok.
(CROSSTALK)
BERMAN: Actually it`s called sexual aversion disorder.
BEHAR: What if it`s the guy. You find him skeevy (ph). You don`t like him.
RINNA: Well then, maybe you`re with the wrong person.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Yes, but now you`ve got four kids, house and a laundry machine.
BERMAN: Well, why are you skeeved out by him? That`s the question. Are you skeeved out because he`s being a jerk and isn`t helping you and he`s gained 40 pounds or were you always skeeved out with him?
BEHAR: Yes, I don`t know. I can`t ask her because she`s not here. How many times does the average person have sex in a lifetime? That`s a question.
BERMAN: That`s a good question. You know, I have to calculate that. The average couple has sex like one to two times a week, if they`re lucky and in good shape.
BEHAR: Wow.
BERMAN: So count that up for the lifetime.
BEHAR: Ok. So let`s just wrap it up here because we have to end this. What do you suggest to women out there who really are not interested right now? And they`re married and they have to be interested to keep the marriage together.
BERMAN: You`re not alone. There is help available.
BEHAR: No, there`s a three-way coming down the block. You`re not alone. I`m sorry. Go ahead.
RINNA: You`re right.
Women are entitled to a healthy sex life. We`re entitled to that.
BEHAR: And so get in touch with her -- read some porn maybe.
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: Have a martini. Go on a date.
(CROSSTALK)
BERMAN: Go to the Web site. If you go to sexbrainbody.com you`ll figure out, is it more mental, is it more relationship? Could there be something physical going on? How do I talk to my doctor?
RINNA: Get information, talk.
BERMAN: Don`t sweep it under the rug.
BEHAR: And tell your husband.
BERMAN: Talk to your husband about it.
RINNA: Start a dialogue and then I think it starts to help. Information is power.
BEHAR: Thank you, ladies, very much.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: OK, nude photos of Emma, the Amish model, have come out on the internet. The people of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, were so upset, they dimmed all their candles for a minute. Here to talk about Amish porn and so much more are Jay Mohr, actor/comedian and author of "No Wonder My Parents Drank" and Rachel Sklar, Editor-At-Large mediaaite.com and Joe Levy, editor and chief of "Maxim" magazine. OK, isn`t this a gimmick, Rachel? You know, once you expose yourself you`re not Amish anymore, right?
RACHEL SKLAR, EDITOR-AT-LARGE, MEDIAITE.COM: You know I think so. I think probably, for a second, you were talking about me, I was mortified you would find out about my Amish past. But no, I think the probably, she`s made a choice if she was ever really Amish in the first place. I don`t think you can come back after that.
BEHAR: So what is it about this, Jay? She`s just being like, men are turned on by the Amishness? What?
JAY MOHR, COMEDIAN: Originally she was turned down for Mennonite porn and all I can say --
BEHAR: Which is hotter? Mennonite or Amish --
MOHR: Mennonite is way hotter, it is very racy. All I can say is finally, I was waiting for a long time. I thought she should do photos like I`m surprised there`s not a niche market for her with like all the Amish stuff on.
SKLAR: I think she did take one photo in the garb.
BEHAR: Yes.
MOHR: How do you know that`s porn and not a white sale?
BEHAR: You don`t know. Joe, do you think posing nude or selling her used underwear online? How would your mother like it?
JOE LEVY, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF, MAXIM: No, no, I - how would my mom like it if she sold my used underwear online?
BEHAR: Yes.
LEVY: Have you been to my Ebay account? Come on. It`s up there right now, people. Click the buy now button and you`ll get a good deal. I`ll make sure.
BEHAR: OK.
LEVY: I think it probably would upset her parents more was the photos. The underwear, there`s no electricity involved. You can take that to somebody who buys it -
BEHAR: That`s true.
LEVY: You know, a horse-drawn carriage but that picture thing, you need electricity.
BEHAR: But you can see where she would rebel if she is Amish, all that butter churning all the years.
SKLAR: At least rebel and ways to really rebel.
LEVY: By the way that butter churning and porn sounds hot. You`ve just come up with her next move.
MOHR: Is that her?
BEHAR: Yes, that`s her.
MOHR: That`s the girl?
BEHAR: Like a candy machine in between her legs. Whatever.
MOHR: Well, what else are you going to call it?
BEHAR: I don`t know.
SKLAR: Oh, man.
LEVY: Oh, that? No that`s a candy machine.
BEHAR: OK, before I move on, I want to apologize, first of all if, we`ve upset our Amish viewers and that goes for both of you. OK. OK, when asked if he would play golf with Rush Limbaugh, the President Obama, allegedly replied, Limbaugh can play with himself. OK, don`t feel bad. Rush can always go back to his original foursome, Dick Cheney, David Duke and Satan. OK Jay, now that came from the author of a book about Rush Limbaugh. Do you think the president actually said that? That Limbaugh --
MOHR: I`ll say this. I hope he said it. I hope the president has stones enough to, you know, to just put his foot down and say he can go -- I don`t want to say it wrong and get you in trouble.
BEHAR: He can he play with himself.
MOHR: He can play with himself. Maybe he just meant as part of America`s get fit program, he meant literally go out and stop being a fat drug addict. Go jog. Too soon?
(CROSSTALK)
BEHAR: No, it`s not.
MOHR: The guy is an actual convicted felon.
SKLAR: He is not, health is important.
MOHR: I agree with you.
SKLAR: Some butter churning, good, healthy.
MOHR: Rush Limbaugh dressed as an Amish girl churning butter.
BEHAR: Now that gets me hot.
SKLAR: See there`s a market for that.
BEHAR: OK, Joe, should the president be more conciliatory towards his opponent?
MOHR: Joe doesn`t know what conciliatory mean.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: Yes, he does.
LEVY: I do and you and I will act it out later. I - should the president be more conciliatory -- sure but you know what, he`s already shown, he`s already shown himself as someone who will speak to his critics. With Rush Limbaugh, you`re talking about a guy who calls him a socialist -
BEHAR: Yes.
LEVY: Who I believe has called him a Halfrican American.
(CROSSTALK)
MOHR: He also called him black.
LEVY: Which is fighting words, yes.
SKLAR: Can I just interrupt with a technicality?
BEHAR: Yes.
SKLAR: There is no proof that the president actually said this, the report is that the author claims that a senior Democrat told him that the president might have said that but wouldn`t confirm it.
BEHAR: Exactly.
SKLAR: I don`t know.
BEHAR: Might be a nonstory.
LEVY: Still fun to talk about.
MOHR: Let`s make it one, give it legs.
BEHAR: But I mean why should the president, you just said he does respond to his opponents. Why should he shoot down like that? He should be above it all. He`s the president.
LEVY: Oh why should he play golf --
BEHAR: Obama is a disk jockey. I mean come on.
LEVY: He should not be playing golf with Rush Limbaugh -
BEHAR: I mean it is Rush Limbaugh.
LEVY: First of all that -
BEHAR: Is on the radio.
LEVY: It is going to be a very slow foursome.
SKLAR: That`s not going to be a fun four hours like or however long it takes to play golf.
LEVY: About four hours, it`s horrible.
BEHAR: All right -
LEVY: You play golf?
BEHAR: I`m tired of this story.
MOHR: If I had four hours to kill, I`m not going to waste it playing golf.
SKLAR: Back to the Amish girl.
BEHAR: All right, pay attention. There are Gay rumors are circulating about Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan viewed by this Wall Street photo journal of her playing softball. Don`t worry, I hear "Sports Illustrated" has a photo of Rupert Murdoch antiquing in province town. Yes, I lied. OK, all right, they`re saying that -- you know the story. "The Wall Street Journal" printed this picture. And a lot of people on the left are saying they`re trying to out her as a lesbian. She claims she`s not gay and her friends say she`s not. What is going on?
SKLAR: Everybody says she`s not gay. I don`t, where did it come down that she is gay?
MOHR: Did you see the photo?
BEHAR: The photo?
MOHR: Why am I shouting? Sorry, Joy, your sound guy, bleeding out of his ears.
BEHAR: That`s her right there?
LEVY: Everyone who plays softball are gay or just women who play softball are gay? I want to understand this.
SKLAR: I have played softball. Am I gay?
LEVY: OK, tell us more. Are you Amish?
SKLAR: I`m married.
LEVY: Are you Amish? This is getting hot. That`s a nice candy machine.
SKLAR: -- butter I assume.
BEHAR: What good is it to out her anyway? It doesn`t matter if she`s gay.
MOHR: I`ll tell you what it is. She`s going to sail through the nomination. So, they have to like just let the Right know, don`t worry, we`re on to it. There`s nothing we can do about it, but look at this photo. She is - you know, she`s a lovely lady, I`m sure.
BEHAR: She`s very smart.
SKLAR: Lovely lady? She`s clearly qualified, you know -
BEHAR: Right.
SKLAR: You know, she`s been in public life for long enough.
MOHR: You`re from Toronto.
SKLAR: I am. I`m also a lawyer.
LEVY: You`re a lawyer?
SKLAR: I am a lawyer. Sorry.
LEVY: I wish we lived in a world where it didn`t matter that she were gay or not -
BEHAR: Right.
LEVY: And that you know, that it didn`t matter so much that it couldn`t be part of the discussion were she.
BEHAR: Yes, right.
LEVY: Apparently I`ve been reading about this on the internet, we already have a gay Supreme Court justice, or we don`t.
BEHAR: Who is that?
LEVY: You just have to go on the internet and figure out which one is the bachelor still.
BEHAR: Remember Suitors was a bachelor. But he`s gone.
LEVY: I didn`t say it. I`m saying apparently there has been in our lifetime.
SKLAR: If there may have been and we can`t tell from the jurisprudence.
LEVY: Exactly, that`s my point.
SKLAR: Then I think that case in point, it does not matter.
BEHAR: Well it is one thing I think, the Right wing wouldn`t care if it was a conservative he was putting there who happened to be gay.
MOHR: A lot of conservatives are turning out to be gay anyway.
BEHAR: Yes, I know, right, a lot of them are.
MOHR: If you`re conservative and get pulled over somehow you turn gay.
BEHAR: I know. These same rumors are circulated about Condoleezza Rice, Janet Napolitano and Janet Reno.
SKLAR: Clearly it`s a question if a woman is not married --
BEHAR: Yes.
MOHR: Back up. I don`t believe a word of that. Janet Reno?
BEHAR: I know it is shocking.
MOHR: As Dennis Miller once said here is a chick that will never have nanny problems.
BEHAR: Who can listen to him he`s gone all the way to --
MOHR: No I mean a long time ago -
SKLAR: I would like to speak seriously about the report. You know?
MOHR: Wait a minute the Canadian wants to talk about -- we don`t wear wigs, sorry.
BEHAR: Go ahead, Rachel.
SKLAR: That`s very true.
MOHR: I like Rachel, by the way. I`m being very aggressive.
SKLAR: That`s very kind of you. But as a woman -- as a woman who is not married and eventually if I don`t get married I`ll remain an unmarried woman --
LEVY: Keep going. It`s getting hot again.
SKLAR: I know, but there is a double standard at work here. Why does it matter?
BEHAR: -- view as a lesbian so forget about it. And finally --
MOHR: Can`t stop thinking about --
BEHAR: Jay, let me run the show, OK?
There`s a gay porn parody of the "JERSEY SHORE," called the "Jersey Score." OK, it`s a gay porn parody, get it? The big difference is in the gay porn version, Snooki is not a name. It`s a technique. OK, now Rachel, was it only a matter of time before the "JERSEY SHORE" was going to get this treatment?
SKLAR: It was only a matter of time. It clearly lends its to that, not that I would know. I think I defer to these gentlemen. I really do.
MOHR: No, no, we want to hear what you say.
SKLAR: Now you want to hear.
LEVY: They couldn`t make the Amish porn version of the jersey shore, because those dresses are so long, you can`t get sun, no good tanning. That would have been a mess.
BEHAR: Why couldn`t they do "THE JERSEY SHORE" kids in porn? Snooki, the situation and all of them. They`re a hair`s breath away from a porn flick.
LEVY: This is getting weird. But I think it`s a great idea. Let`s see if they`ll do it. We`ll get the MTV people on the line.
MOHR: I`m upset about it personally.
BEHAR: Why?
MOHR: Because I had two call backs and I didn`t get it.
BEHAR: "THE JERSEY SHORE" or --
MOHR: "Jersey Score."
BEHAR: "Jersey Score."
MOHR: Yes, I was going to play the stimulator. I`m from The Jersey Shore, you know, area. And I used to have abs back when I was in shape and before I turned 40 and happy.
BEHAR: happy now, yes, that you`re out of shape.
MOHR: Happy, get the belly. The wife makes muffins. What are you going to do, send them back?
BEHAR: Did you see betty wife on "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" speaking of muffins? Wasn`t she funny?
SKLAR: It was amazing.
BEHAR: Isn`t it the greatest that an 88-year-old woman is still on television?
SKLAR: Dominating.
LEVY: Eighty eight and a half.
BEHAR: Eighty eight and a half.
LEVY: Eighty eight and a half.
BEHAR: Thank you guys, very much. Joe will be happy if you check out "Maxim`s" magazine hot 100 on sale in the June issue.
Up next, you know him as the Fonz, the wonderful Henry Winkler drops by.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
HENRY WINKLER, CO AUTHOR "HANK ZIPZER": There`s two of you and one of me, so I want to warm up. I`ll be right back after I finish warming up, OK?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BEHAR: To many of us, Henry Winkler will always be known as the Fonz from "HAPPY DAYS," but for a generation of kids today, he`ll be remember as the man who created "Hank Zipzer." His latest and 17th novel in the series is "Hank Zipzer: The World`s Greatest Underachiever, A Brand New Me." So please help me welcome Henry Winkler. Seventeenth.
WINKLER: Seventeenth.
BEHAR: My goodness.
WINKLER: Yes, I`m very proud. I write with this incredible lady, Lynn Oliver.
BEHAR: Uh huh.
WINKLER: She`s my partner. We have written all 17 together, and I thought that I would never write one, let alone this many.
BEHAR: Is this kid supposed to be you?
WINKLER: He is me.
BEHAR: It is you.
WINKLER: The emotional part of me.
BEHAR: So a more gentile looking you.
WINKLER: Yes that`s right. He`s not circumcised as a matter of fact.
BEHAR: I can see that.
WINKLER: Yes right to the jeans.
(LAUGHTER)
WINKLER: The bulge is different, it`s amazing, yes.
BEHAR: And let me see, these books were in -- someone told me these books were inspired by your dyslexia.
WINKLER: Yes, that`s exactly right.
BEHAR: You still are?
WINKLER: Yes I am, I am you never lose your dyslexia, you learn to negotiate it. You know so one out of five children have some sort of learning challenge which is hereditary.
BEHAR: Now is this supposed to help children get through bad times and -- ?
WINKLER: You know what I didn`t know that. We wrote it as a funny novel, as a funny series of novels but with a kid who happens to be dyslexic. Who happens to have - so wherever my dyslexia bumps up against the world, we put that in his adventures.
BEHAR: I see. Now when you were a kid and had dyslexia, did you get teased and bullied and they thought you were stupid.
WINKLER: Well they did
BEHAR: Yes.
WINKLER: I mean people -- my parents actually called - I mean I talk about this, they called me dumahunt (ph) and for those of you who don`t --
BEHAR: Dumb dog.
WINKLER: Yes, hello, dumb dog. Very supportive.
BEHAR: Lovely parents.
WINKLER: Yes, it`s true.
BEHAR: And what did you say when they call you dumahunt (ph)?
WINKLER: Well I believe it.
BEHAR: You believe it.
WINKLER: Well you know until about last Thursday, I believed it.
BEHAR: Oh so how many years of therapy to realize you`re not a dumahunt (ph)?
WINKLER: Well what happens is you live enough life and then you look around and then you see what you have accomplished. And you know, your children and then you realize, well, maybe that`s just not true.
BEHAR: You have advanced degrees, college degrees.
WINKLER: I know but that`s -- that was luck.
BEHAR: Why was that luck?
WINKLER: Because I really did poorly. I`m not kidding.
BEHAR: You can`t get a master`s degree -
WINKLER: I charmed my way.
WINKLER: Well the master`s degree at Yale -
BEHAR: Exactly.
WINKLER: I had a great time at Yale, but what happened was I -- it was not a lot of writing. It was not a lot of geometry. I took geometry, same course for four years.
BEHAR: Oh who needs geometry? Do we really need it?
WINKLER: It`s true. Has anyone ever said the word theorem to you?
BEHAR: Yes, very often, in bed.
WINKLER: Oh, that`s a triangle I would like to see.
(LAUGHTER)
BEHAR: OK.
WINKLER: I`m with you.
BEHAR: OK, you are with me.
WINKLER: I am.
BEHAR: When we come back, I would like to talk to you about Botox, OK.
WINKLER: Yes, I do, too.
BEHAR: OK, yes, so stay right there.
WINKLER: OK, I`m not moving.
BEHAR: And we`ll be right back. I`ll see if I can move my face.
BEHAR: A lot of people think that chocolate is better than sex. I`m not sure about that. But I know chocolate can never sue for palimony. Here to tell me about some exotic chocolate treats you might not know about is Dana Cowin, editor and chief for "Food & Wine" magazine. All right, chocolate.
DANA COWIN, FOOD & WINE MAGAZINE: We always think about chocolate and European chocolates. As Americans we have chocolate envy. But recently American chocolates have come on so strong they`re in places you wouldn`t expect and they`re completely delicious. So this is from Patrick in Columbia, Missouri.
BEHAR: I think I dated him. Go ahead.
COWIN: And he`s a purist. He has only cacao and sugar. So if you taste it --
BEHAR: What does he have, cacao?
COWIN: That`s the bean.
BEHAR: Like coca bean, isn`t coca, cacao? It`s very cacao-ish.
COWIN: So the next one actually is from a very, very surprising place in the United States. One that is actually close to your heart, which would be chocolate from Williamsburg.
BEHAR: Williamsburg, Brooklyn? I go up there.
COWIN: I know. This chocolate the mass brother`s chocolate--
BEHAR: Is it made of mozzarella?
COWIN: It`s made three blocks from where you grew up.
BEHAR: Stop it.
COWIN: I`m totally serious. So if you taste this, it`s a double dose of caffeine because it`s made with Stumptown coffee. Stumptown is a cult coffee, mass is a cult chocolate, if you put them together --
BEHAR: Does this wake you up?
COWIN: Yes, it does.
BEHAR: It has caffeine in it. They always say don`t eat chocolate before you go to bed.
COWIN: You shouldn`t it, it has anti-acid, so you can rub it over your skin, it is very good for you. The last is a turtle. It`s basically a chocolate souffle cake that has caramel and nuts and this is --
BEHAR: Falls apart quite easily, but that`s the good part. I mean, is it supposed to fall apart?
COWIN: I`ve only had them falling apart so I believe so. But they`re tasty.
BEHAR: That`s good. This is the low-cal version?
COWIN: If you want to believe that.
BEHAR: That is delicious. Oh my god.
COWIN: Now they`re cacao is in Atlanta.
BEHAR: What are these? What are these?
COWIN: They do a whole range of things.
BEHAR: Chocolate version of -
COWIN: Exactly, I`m glad that is how you see it. They`re chocolate sauces also from cacao and you slice them up. You`ll see they have short bread inside of them.
BEHAR: OK. Very good. Thanks, Dana. OK, stick around. We`ll be back in a minute.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BEHAR: I`m back with the multi-talented and adorable Henry Winkler.
WINKLER: What a nice thing to say.
BEHAR: You are. So cute. Now, has the Fonz thing haunted you or not?
WINKLER: No it doesn`t haunt me. It`s with me.
BEHAR: It`s with you forever.
WINKLER: You know and the great thing about the Fonz is that he reads Hank Zipzer also --
BEHAR: That`s good. OK. Now, let`s talk Botox.
WINKLER: OK.
BEHAR: What`s the story. You`ve had it?
WINKLER: No, I was asked to be ambassador for a new campaign called Open Arms, and they found -- and it`s been okayed for seven weeks -- they found a therapeutic use for Botox. My mother had a stroke. You know, sometimes the upper limb becomes tethered to the body.
BEHAR: It does?
WINKLER: Yes, it does.
BEHAR: When?
WINKLER: Because the muscles completely tighten up.
BEHAR: When you have a stroke?
WINKLER: Absolutely.
BEHAR: OK.
WINKLER: They found if they inject the fingers and the wrist and the elbow and the upper arm they can release the muscles and give hope to all of these stroke victims who could not even wash their own palm.
BEHAR: I see.
WINKLER: It`s like their arm becomes a foreign country. And all of a sudden it --
BEHAR: They inject Botox into the arm?
WINKLER: It`s a therapeutic use for Botox.
BEHAR: It also stops sweating in the armpits.
WINKLER: It does.
BEHAR: It`s indicated for migraines and also for lines on your forehead. While you`re fixing the stroke you can make yourself gorgeous at the same time.
WINKLER: Absolutely. So you get your arm back and a face.
BEHAR: It`s stunning.
WINKLER: I love it.
BEHAR: OK.
WINKLER: No but I`m overwhelmed. I met these patients. They -- that had flown in from all over the country. One man had his arm just tethered against his body for 57 years.
BEHAR: Yes, oh my god.
WINKLER: And finally had it drop away and it just was so touching. I don`t know what to do. So you go to your health caregiver and --
BEHAR: Yes, a dermatologist probably could do it. OK. Now, "ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT,"
WINKLER: "ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT"
BEHAR: Are they making a movie out of that?
WINKLER: I talked to Mitch Hurwitz, the genius behind the show. You know it`s pilot season now.
BEHAR: Yes.
WINKLER: He`s off making pilots and not as much money as Sarah Palin, but he`s making a living. And when that is over he`s going to come back and hopefully write the movie. And he said I was in it.
BEHAR: Really?
WINKLER: Yes.
BEHAR: Good.
WINKLER: I`m very excited.
BEHAR: You have a very good career all these years.
WINKLER: I`m blessed.
BEHAR: Wonderful career. You`re in this "ROYAL PAINS" show now.
WINKLER: "ROYAL PAINS." I watched it with my wife last year and now I`m in it.
BEHAR: Did you watch "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" with Betty White? Eighty eight and half years old, she was right on the money.
WINKLER: She was brilliant.
BEHAR: Yes.
WINKLER: How about the largest audience they`ve had in years?
BEHAR: I know.
WINKLER: On that show. And my very first job in Hollywood I had four lines on the "MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW." it was a dinner party that she was throwing for Mary.
BEHAR: She was a hilarious. She used to kick the oven door up with her leg.
WINKLER: Unbelievable.
BEHAR: She was great, very funny.
WINKLER: And today still.
BEHAR: There are certain TV icons, you`re one of them.
WINKLER: Thank you.
BEHAR: And Betty White is another.
WINKLER: Thank you. I love to be in her company.
BEHAR: Yes, everybody knows the Fonz.
WINKLER: They do.
BEHAR: Oh yes.
WINKLER: Hey. Yes. They do.
BEHAR: Thank you for doing that. And thank you for doing this.
WINKLER: You know what, Joy, I`m telling you I`m so happy to be here with you.
BEHAR: Thank you, Henry.
WINKLER: You are a doll.
BEHAR: I can call you Henry, right?
WINKLER: Yes, you can. Can I move my hair closer?
BEHAR: I love Jewish men, you know.
WINKLER: You do?
BEHAR: Oh yes.
WINKLER: Yes.
BEHAR: The book is called "Hank Zipzer: The World`s Greatest Underachiever, A Brand New Me."
WINKLER: Jewish.
BEHAR: Jewish, good night everybody.
END
