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Joy Behar Page

Interview With George Takei; Interview With Rob Schneider

Aired August 12, 2010 - 21:00   ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Tonight on THE JOY BEHAR SHOW, disgruntled flight attendant and folk hero Steven Slater is free and famous, but the tide may be turning. Eyewitnesses say that Slater started the entire incident that ended with him fleeing through the emergency chute. So who was in the wrong?

Then the one and only George Takei is here. The actor and gay activist who married his partner before Prop 8 passed gives his take on the latest ruling on California`s gay marriage ban.

Plus actor and comedian Rob Schneider stops by to talk about pop culture, his career and Mel Gibson.

That and more starting right now.

SHAUN ROBINSON, GUEST HOST: Hi, everybody. I`m Shaun Robinson. Welcome to THE JOY BEHAR SHOW. I`m from "Access Hollywood" sitting in for Joy while she`s taking a well deserved vacation.

You know, it is probably the most captivating story of the week. Flight attendant Steven Slater snapping after a rude passenger drove him to the brink. His now legendary exit from the plane and presumably his job making him a working class hero literally overnight; but now -- you knew this was going to happen, folks -- a few passengers are coming forward with a very different tale.

They say it was Slater who instigated the fight with the passenger and that he was rude most of the flight. So what is the truth here?

Here with some insight into Mr. Steven Slater is Steven`s ex-wife Cynthia Susanne. Hi there, how are you?

CYNTHIA SUSANNE, STEVEN SLATER`S EX-WIFE: Great. How are you? Thank you for having me.

ROBINSON: I`m fantastic. First of all, now, three passengers have come forward painting your ex-husband in a very, very negative light. How do you respond to those stories?

SUSANNE: You know, I find their timing to be convenient. I think that -- you know, if anybody has had bad service like what they`re claiming that it was to such an extreme level, I can`t imagine waiting three or four days until, you know, we have extenuating circumstances. And I just find it to be on an opportunistic level that all of a sudden they were so disappointed with Steven`s service.

ROBINSON: Let me tell you what one of the passengers said. Quote, "He rolled his eyes at me and asked me, `What?` in a really rude way. I explained to him, `Can I have a Clorox wipe?` And I pointed to the coffee that was spilled on the seat. And he said, `Not right now, honey, maybe when we get in the air. I have to take care of myself first.`"

Does that sound like something Steven would say?

SUSANNE: Absolutely not.

ROBINSON: No?

SUSANNE: I find that really hard to believe. You know, perception is everything. She`s obviously painting him in a certainly light of what she wants to perceive him as. I really find it difficult to believe that he would have been so choiceably (ph) mouthy with a customer.

ROBINSON: You know, you raise suspicions about their timing. Now, could it have been that these people, they didn`t want to be in the spotlight. They hear story after story about this guy being a hero and after a while, they were like this guy was no hero. I need to say something. Could that possibly be the reason for their timing?

SUSANNE: You never know. But it just -- again it just seems a little convenient to me that all of a sudden -- you know, and the stories, I think, again, seems to match a little too closely with just a generic complaint about an attitude rather than an actual offense. Especially considering how he exited the plane and everybody heard it and this became this dramatic event.

ROBINSON: Well, you know, another passenger said he was methodically opening and slamming the overhead bins. Another said he bumped into her and didn`t apologize. Why do you think they would say all these things about him? You think they want their 15 minutes of fame?

SUSANNE: I don`t know. It`s just -- you know, human nature is one of those bizarre, intriguing things. And who knows? I just cannot imagine Steven wandering up and down the plane in the description of slamming doors and that that wouldn`t have been brought up sooner even if it weren`t them wanting to maybe avoid the spotlight until, like what you were saying, that they couldn`t take it anymore.

I think somebody else might have had the fortitude to stand up and say, hey, there`s something bizarre going on here. It just again seems bizarre.

ROBINSON: Let`s talk about, first of all, your relationship. Have you talked to Steven recently?

SUSANNE: I didn`t get a chance to. We were trying to call each other. And unfortunate our cell phone service in this town is a little bit dicey.

ROBINSON: So you haven`t been able to talk to him.

SUSANNE: Haven`t had a conversation, but we definitely are trying to get back and forth to each other.

ROBINSON: Cynthia, let me put something on the table that everybody`s thinking. They were surprised that Steven had an ex-wife because he is openly gay.

SUSANNE: Yes.

ROBINSON: And has a partner. You two got married when you were very young.

SUSANNE: We were just young children. Now that everybody knows how old I am, I became a lot younger.

ROBINSON: So the question was, was there any issue or did you guys talk about his sexuality back then? Not that it is pertinent to this story. But the fact that you are his ex-wife and people were wondering about that.

SUSANNE: I guess some people are interested in that. I don`t understand people`s preoccupation with anybody`s sexuality or you know. That`s just always -- it`s baffling to me how people have that strange like sense of interest in somebody`s zone like that.

But gender bias to me, I can`t understand how love has any sort of, you know, rules or corners, you know.

ROBINSON: That`s certainly understandable.

Ok. So, you know, he is facing seven years in prison. First of all, do you think that he will get such a punishment? And if not, which he probably won`t, what do you think is the appropriate punishment for what he did because he could have, in deploying that emergency chute, he could have really hurt somebody. What do you think the appropriate punishment should be?

SUSANNE: Well, I think first, deploying the emergency chute, granted, that was very grand as far as his exit choice. I don`t think -- I know that there`s windows on the plane. You know, if Steven was going to hurt somebody or be malicious in that fashion, I would have guessed he would have injured somebody on the plane rather than choosing to pop the slide. It seems irrelevant like in that respect.

As far as the punishment goes, I mean, that`s just not my gig. I don`t know. I don`t have the black robe, you know?

ROBINSON: All right. Cynthia, thank you so much for joining us. We really appreciate it.

SUSANNE: Thank you for having me.

ROBINSON: Now I want to turn to Christopher Farley. He`s senior editor for the "Wall Street Journal". Chris, thank you so much for joining me. "The Wall Street Journal" says it has accounts from three passengers on the plane, and they say not very nice things about Steven Slater. What can you tell us about what they said?

CHRISTOPHER FARLEY, SENIOR EDITOR, "WALL STREET JOURNAL": Yes, we had reporters talk to some passengers who were on this plane and they all reported instances of either strange behavior or what they described as rude behavior on the part of Mr. Slater.

One passenger said there was coffee spilled on her seat. When she asked him for something to wipe it up, he said, "I`ve got to take care of myself first" -- I`m paraphrasing -- and didn`t come help her out.

Another passenger said that he bumped into her and didn`t say, you know, sorry or say anything at all. And she also thought it was strange -- a strange thing for a flight attendant to do.

Finally, another passenger said that she saw him confront another passenger about bags stored -- where her bag was stored and he used an expletive with this passenger who to her estimation was not being rude. So she was really wondering where that, first of all, would come from and why he was talking to a passenger in that way.

ROBINSON: Well, Chris, this is so interesting because I fly a lot. And I have never seen a flight attendant display all these types of things that the passengers who talked to you said that Steven Slater displayed. It almost sounds like they`re talking about somebody on the brink, somebody who is about to blow at any minute.

FARLEY: The interesting thing is that a passenger did report seeing this gash on his forehead. But no one saw the gash actually happen. No one knows when it occurred, whether it occurred some time on the flight, at the beginning of the flight. They all reported seeing it, but they don`t know when it happened.

And so this is all speculation as to whether that had anything to do with his odd behavior that these passengers reported. But at some point he had this gash opened on his forehead and perhaps that could explain the way he was acting.

ROBINSON: Steven`s ex wife, you just heard Cynthia say that she thinks these people have ulterior motives. Did you get the sense that these passengers, the reason they came forward, is because they were kind of sick and tired of him being painted as this hero?

FARLEY: You know, I talked to one of our reporters who talked to these passengers to get more information on this story. You can`t really speak to people`s motivations, but we do know this -- these are three passengers that come from different walks of life. One`s a school teacher, one was traveling on business, another was a college student -- and they all reported these things.

So we`re getting a broad spectrum, I think, of -- a broad sampling of some of the passengers on this plane. They`re all reporting very specific instances where they think that Mr. Slater was acting odd or unusual or rude in some way.

ROBINSON: All right. Chris, thank you very much for joining us.

Well, George Takei joins me next to discuss today`s huge ruling on California`s gay marriage ban.

Stay with us.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Coming up later on the JOY BEHAR SHOW, John McCain once again comes to the aid of Snooki. This time the senator says that Snooki might be too good-looking to go to jail.

And a new report says Jennifer Lopez is now out of the running to be a judge on "American Idol" after her demands apparently got too out of hand.

Now back to the show.

ROBINSON: Welcome back, everyone. When U.S. District Court Judge Vaughn Walker ruled last week that California`s ban on same-sex marriages was unconstitutional, many saw it as the next important step forward in the gay rights movement.

Well, today that same judge ruled that same-sex marriages can resume on August 18th. With me now to discuss this and so much more is George Takei, himself a happily married gay man and, of course, legendary for his role as Mr. Sulu in "Star Trek".

When you heard the ruling today, what was your reaction that same-sex marriages can actually resume?

GEORGE TAKEI, ACTOR/GAY ACTIVIST: Well, one-- relief.

ROBINSON: Yes.

TAKEI: And very happy.

ROBINSON: Relieved because did you think for a moment that maybe not?

TAKEI: Well, there was some anxiety. And particularly because they announced that it would be -- the decision would be announced at -- by 12:00 noon in California. And it didn`t come down.

ROBINSON: Right.

TAKEI: And there was some delay of --

ROBINSON: Yes.

TAKEI: -- about half an hour. So that concerned us.

ROBINSON: So what does this change legally in terms of the gay rights movement?

TAKEI: It means that same-sex couples who have been wanting to get married and did not get married before Proposition 8 can now get married. We have marriage equality. And the Constitution -- the California Supreme Court ruled that marriage equality is a fundamental constitutional right.

ROBINSON: Do you believe that this is going to be appealed? Do you think it is going to actually go to the U.S. Supreme Court?

TAKEI: Well, I`m not a lawyer, but I`ve been listening to some of the analysts. And they tell me that because this proposition doesn`t have the backing of the officials of the government, which is in the case of California Governor Schwarzenegger and the Attorney General Jerry Brown, that there`s some uncertainty about it.

So it may not go forward, but then it may. So again, we have another -- another suspense.

ROBINSON: Right. So to those supporters of Prop 8, what would your message to them be?

TAKEI: What they argued when Prop 8 was passed two years ago was one -- religion, and they`re still arguing that. And I respect their right to their religion.

But we have many, many faiths in our state and in this country and no faith has the right to write their religious beliefs, their faith beliefs into civil law. That`s what we`re talking about, civil law.

I mean, I`m a Buddhist. And I know that I don`t have and I shouldn`t have the right to write Buddhist beliefs into civil law that you, you and you have to abide by. That`s not democracy.

ROBINSON: You know I -- I described you as a happily married gay man. How long have you and your partner -- and your husband.

TAKEI: My husband.

ROBINSON: Yes, your husband, Brad Altman. Almost two years?

TAKEI: It`s almost two year.

ROBINSON: Almost two years --

TAKEI: September 4th (ph) is our second anniversary. However we`ve been together for 23 years now.

ROBINSON: I know, right, you`ve been together a long time. So what did this essentially change for you in your relationship?

TAKEI: It was a very happy day. The happiest day of our lives for both Brad and me, but what it does -- did, I think it affected the people that we know -- acquaintances more in that before when they were introducing us, there was some awkwardness in introducing us as a couple.

ROBINSON: Why was there the awkwardness?

TAKEI: Well, there -- there are -- you know -- there`s that uncertainty.

ROBINSON: If they were awkward before, they`re certainly awkward now, right?

TAKEI: No, no.

ROBINSON: No.

TAKEI: Now, they introduce me as Brad`s husband or Brad as my husband because it is legal. I think legality adds a whole different stamp to our relationship.

ROBINSON: You`re saying the fact that you guys were together so long it was a little awkward for them because they -- it -- it seemed more like more than a partnership to them.

TAKEI: Right, exactly.

ROBINSON: Definitely more than a partnership.

TAKEI: The other argument that the proponents of Proposition 8 used was tradition. It`s traditional marriage. Well, there was a time when we had a tradition that would not allow intermarriage. My mother`s younger sister is married to a Caucasian man, but they could not have gotten married in California at that time because it was against tradition.

ROBINSON: Right.

TAKEI: We had a tradition of women, people like you, not having a role in the institutions of American society when this nation was founded, but after a long struggle, marching and debating we have -- we`ve had three women as secretaries of state and three women now on the Supreme Court of the United States.

ROBINSON: Certainly, certainly.

TAKEI: Traditions change.

ROBINSON: And -- because I cover Hollywood and I cover many Hollywood stars, many of them -- most of them in support of gay marriage. But as you have traveled around the country in the last, you know, say two years, what kind of reaction have you gotten?

TAKEI: Well, I think the people that react to us are pro-us, and they`re our friends or fans. Last week I did a "Star Trek" convention in Las Vegas and when I talked about our marriage, thunderous applause. I`m going to be doing the "Star Trek" convention this coming weekend --

ROBINSON: Right.

TAKEI: -- in Parsippany, New Jersey. And I expect that kind of support there as well.

ROBINSON: Anything negative happen to you? Any negative comments?

TAKEI: Yes.

ROBINSON: What was the one that sticks out in your mind?

TAKEI: Well, none stick out. They`re all very alike, very similar. It`s the Bible this and tradition that.

ROBINSON: People actually come up to you and say that?

TAKEI: No, no, e-mails. My computer just kind of popped --

ROBINSON: Yes.

TAKEI: -- with those hate letters. But that`s what they were.

ROBINSON: Do you respond?

TAKEI: I -- no. It`s not worth responding to. They will pay attention to the current events and ultimately they will be educated --

ROBINSON: Ok.

TAKEI: -- because that`s the same kind of letters that my aunt got when she got married to my uncle.

ROBINSON: Right. Let`s talk about your new musical.

TAKEI: Oh, yes.

ROBINSON: That you are developing. It`s not going to be out for another years or two years.

TAKEI: Two years.

ROBINSON: Tell me about the musical.

TAKEI: 2012. I think this is going to be a historic event in American theater history. It`s the first time that the internment of Japanese-Americans during the Second World War is going to be done as a musical drama.

Many people east of the Rockies are still today uninformed on one of the blackest chapters in American history, the most egregious violation of our Constitution. American citizens, without due process, no charges, no trial, no due process, were summarily rounded up and put into barbed wire prison camps.

I was -- I just turned five years old --

ROBINSON: Wow.

TAKEI: -- that day that I`ll never forget. Two American soldiers with bayonets on their rifles came stomping up to our home in Los Angeles and ordered our family out.

ROBINSON: Wow.

TAKEI: And my parents knew about it so, you know we --

ROBINSON: Right.

TAKEI: -- we had packed the night before.

ROBINSON: Right.

TAKEI: It was a scary, scary day and one of the most egregious violations of our constitutional rights.

ROBINSON: George Takei, thank you so much for joining us, and congratulations to you.

TAKEI: Thank you very much.

ROBINSON: All right. Lisa Ling joining me next. Stay with us.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ROBINSON: Welcome back, everyone. As host of National Geographic Explorer and a special correspondent for the Oprah Winfrey Show, investigative journalist, Lisa Ling travels the world in search of stories both political and personal, logging millions of frequent flier miles along the way.

Earlier this week, I sat down with Lisa and asked her about the most challenging story she`s ever covered.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

LISA LING, JOURNALIST: Well, the most challenging story probably was the situation in the Congo. I mean, women are being raped as a result of the decade-long conflict there.

But every time I work on one of these really challenging stories, I always see the best in humanity at the same time. That`s the reason why I continue doing it because if people become aware, they might be provoked to act.

ROBINSON: what you see overseas, does that make you appreciate home?

LING: It does. It does. And right now I`m working with Bausch & Lomb and they just launched a good product called BioTrue (ph) and it`s a new contact lens solution. This new campaign is called "Inspiration in Your Eyes". It`s trying to encourage Americans to think about the places that inspire them. They have this contest where you can write in and talk about that place.

ROBINSON: Right.

LING: It could be your mother`s backyard.

(CROSS TALKING)

ROBINSON: that`s really interesting.

LING: yes. And you write in and you can win an all expenses paid trip. They conducted this survey here in America, and I was thinking I`ve been all around the world --

ROBINSON: But you`ve never been to one place that a lot of people have been to.

(CROSS TALKING)

LING: The Grand Canyon.

ROBINSON: You`ve never been to the Grand Canyon.

LING: I`ve never been to Yellowstone National Park; I`ve never been to Glacier National Bay. This is really, I think, going to provoke people to want to familiarize themselves more with places, inspiring places in the U.S.

ROBINSON: Right. And what`s so interesting is now that -- with this recession, a lot of people can`t travel abroad like they used to be able to do, many of them.

LING: It`s true.

ROBINSON: To be able to get inspiration from the places around you. I think that makes it even more special.

LING: Yes. And BioTrue is actually sponsoring -- on Friday people can have free admission to some incredibly inspiring landmarks in the United States. Like the Seattle Space Needle, the Statue of Liberty, the San Francisco Aquarium. So they can see this beautiful unobstructed view of the bridge, the Golden Gate Bridge.

It`s exciting. And for me it really provoked me to think about the places in our own backyards that we tend to ignore.

ROBINSON: What`s the most inspiring place that you have been to?

LING: I really loved Tibet. Tibet is changing very quickly, but there`s just this aura about the indigenous people there that is really infectious and beautiful.

ROBINSON: Right. That`s fantastic.

Well, Lisa, first of all, how is your sister doing? Is she doing good?

LING: She`s doing great. She just had a baby. She`s such a gift, this little child. I mean a year ago she didn`t think that she would ever be able to have a child.

ROBINSON: Right. And we will be seeing you on the Oprah Winfrey Network --

LING: Yes.

ROBINSON: -- as you continue your exploration around the globe.

LING: That`s right. Thank you.

ROBINSON: So thank you very much.

LING: Thanks Shaun.

ROBINSON: Thank you for joining us.

LING: Thanks for having me.

ROBINSON: We`ll be back in just a moment.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Coming up later on the JOY BEHAR SHOW, John McCain and Snooki are at it again. This time McCain says Snooki just might be too good looking to go to jail. And actor and comedian Rob Schneider stops by to talk about pop culture, his career, and Mel Gibson. Now back to the show.

ROBINSON: Welcome back, everyone. I`m Shaun Robinson from "Access Hollywood" filling in for Joy. Now, earlier in the program I had a chance to speak to the ex-wife of flight attendant and working class hero Steven Slater. She confirmed what a lot of people have come to believe, that he`s a great guy who had one very, very bad day. But now some passengers on that infamous JetBlue flight are disputing his account of events. With me now to talk about that and so much more are Chris Hardwick, comedian and host of web soup on G4, Sarah Bernard, host of "The Thread," on Yahoo! and comedian Jessica Kirson. And thank you very much for joining us. And you know what, build him up, tear him down. I knew it was going to happen.

CHRIS HARDWICK, COMEDIAN: Can I just say that I just realized that we were red, green, green, red, like a Christmas show.

ROBINSON: Yes, I know. I know, exactly.

Which is making me uncomfortable because I`m a Jew.

HARDWICK: Do you want to put a blue shirt on? Blue shirts.

ROBINSON: OK, let`s get back to Steven Slater.

HARDWICK: Sorry. This is what happens when you have comedians on.

ROBINSON: You knew this was going to happen, right, you knew some passengers were going to come forward, folks sitting back there saying, oh, he wasn`t no hero. Let me tell my side of the story. You`re not surprised, right?

HARDWICK: Right, no. I mean what was surprising to me was, obviously, the "office space" effect happened and everybody was like, yes, the working guy. But I read in a survey that he had a 93 percent approval rating, and they said that was 1 percent more than Sullenberger. The guy who saved hundreds of lives. So but then that makes me think, Sullenberger had an 8 percent negative approval rating? Like who is against him?

ROBINSON: Who is against him?

SARAH BERNARD, HOST, "THE THREAD" ON YAHOO: You know what, Steven Slater said himself that he was a bad Nazi. That`s how he described himself. So that means he was one of those people that went around measuring your bags, making sure that they were going to fit in the overhead. And that can really annoy a lot of people.

HARDWICK: Right.

BERNARD: So I can understand how if that`s his personality, it could have set somebody off.

ROBINSON: But you know what the reports that we`re hearing now is that this guy was grumpy all through the flight, I mean, hitting people and bad attitude and all that.

BERNARD: Bad attitude -

JESSICA KIRSON, COMEDIAN: I mean sometimes when I have a horrible day, I go on stage and attack people for no reason. It`s the truth. No, I literally -- I literally go up and I say, I hate all of you and I don`t want to be here. I`m very honest.

BERNARD: Do you hate us right now?

KIRSON: I think you`re horrific. But the point is -- no, I don`t hate you. We probably went to camp together.

BERNARD: Yes.

KIRSON: Or whatever, but the thing is that he probably just had a really bad day and just flipped out. I think it`s hysterical that he grabbed beers and went -- the whole thing is --

HARDWICK: That`s amazing. The only thing missing was an ejector seat. It could have been like, so long, jerks, boom.

BERNARD: You know what I think is so interesting? What should he do next, right?

ROBINSON: Do you think that -- he has not been fired. Do you think that JetBlue is going to fire him.

HARDWICK: He`s going to get a reality show, are you kidding me? They`ll put him on e!

BERNARD: The smartest thing would be if they didn`t fire him and they actually use him as an attraction.

ROBINSON: You`re right.

HARDWICK: He should be the spokes person.

BERNARD: He could sell more seats if he waits on you, right? I mean they could really capitalize on that.

ROBINSON: Will he actually serve any jail time, do you think?

HARDWICK: No. No.

BERNARD: No.

KIRSON: He will get fired. He`s going to get fired -

ROBINSON: He`s going to get fired -

KIRSON: Because of technical stuff. He`s definitely going to get fired. But he should not go to jail. He`d probably enjoy jail. That`s the funny part. But he`s not going to --

HARDWICK: That crew is turning on you -

ROBINSON: I know, build her up, tear her down.

KIRSON: But he`s not going to go to - I mean he`s not going to go to jail. That`s crazy.

ROBINSON: OK let`s move on to matters of national importance, folks. Senator John McCain he`s spoken out about Snooki`s arrest for disorderly conduct at the Jersey Shore and what he had to say just may surprise you. Listen.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOHN MCCAIN, SENATOR: Now I`ve been worried about what`s going on with her, of course, since I have this attachment. But I kind of think she might be too good looking to go to jail.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

HARDWICK: What?

ROBINSON: Too good looking to go to jail? Is jail just for the unattractive?

HARDWICK: Wait a minute. She is exactly the kind of look that should go to jail. That is not --

KIRSON: She`s been in jail, for years, that`s what she looks like.

BERNARD: I think this is so upsetting. I mean he knows who she is.

ROBINSON: That`s my concern.

BERNARD: He has an opinion on her attractiveness level. I mean there`s so many things that bother me about this. But I have to say, if I were his wife, I would be incredibly upset. What is literally the inverse of Cindy McCain`s look? Cindy McCain/Snooki, the two opposite ends of the beauty spectrum right there. And I would be freaking out if he thought she was too attractive.

HARDWICK: You know with the McCain relationship, who knows what gets the machine ranking in the bedroom. Well if it takes a little Snooks.

ROBINSON: Well remember, wait, wait, that`s really bad.

KIRSON: Maybe she dresses up like Snooki. We don`t know.

(CROSSTALK)

HARDWICK: Well she just makes her orange.

(LAUGHTER)

HARDWICK: She`s orange.

ROBINSON: Remember with President Obama recently went on THE VIEW, he said he`d never even heard of Snooki before. I think I`d rather my politicians not know who she is.

BERNARD: Snooki said, I don`t believe him. Why is he lying? That he doesn`t know who I am?

HARDWICK: And then McCain is probably like, see, I`m a Snooki supporter. Obama`s got 14 percent approval rating and he`s a non-Snooki supporter, so what does that tell you?

ROBINSON: I think that John McCain should now go on "THE JERSEY SHORE."

HARDWICK: Wouldn`t it be cool if he moved in, like Mrs. Garrett?

KIRSON: Wouldn`t it be good if he went on "THE JERSEY SHORE" and got his ass kicked.

BERNARD: I think that would be great.

HARDWICK: Take it down the situation, ka-pow, down goes grandpa.

ROBINSON: All right, a lot of people very upset, people who are fans of "AMERICAN IDOL." they thought that Jennifer Lopez was going to be a judge. Now comes word that the talks broke down and that she is no longer being considered to be a judge on "AMERICAN IDOL." Now let me just say this, I`ve interviewed - it`s supposedly because of some diva demands and that she you know, wanted this and this and this. OK I interviewed Jennifer Lopez for the past decade. She`s a star. If you want star, you got to pay for star. What, you want to give her water in the dressing room? I mean come on. What do you think about these reports?

KIRSON: I totally agree with you. I really do. She has a right to ask for whatever she wants.

ROBINSON: Yes.

KIRSON: It`s amazing. Like pay her a million less and give her white lilies and sheets and whatever else she want. You know she would be amazing on that show. I was really hoping she would be a judge on the show.

BERNARD: I think it is so unrealistic. You think that Simon Cowell did not have diva demands? I`m sure he had to have only orange M&Ms or whatever else. Every single person who is a celebrity like that has a rider.

ROBINSON: Could this be sexist? I mean you know, she`s got the diva demands, she`s a woman and all --

HARDWICK: No, no.

ROBINSON: Come on but she`s a star.

HARDWICK: But isn`t she notorious for having like a crazy rider, where I need water taken from an asteroid shot by a Dolce and Gabbana lasers.

ROBINSON: No, no, no.

HARDWICK: By a Cambodian child, painted gold.

BERNARD: What`s your rider.

HARDWICK: That`s my rider when I can make it business. Your entertainment business.

ROBINSON: Not at all, look, she`s a major star. Look, if you want that on your show, you got to pay for that.

BERNARD: I agree, she`s worth all the white coaches and all the white lilies.

(CROSSTALK)

KIRSON: I have people who met her and dealt with her and they said she is the nicest, most down to earth person.

ROBINSON: She is, she`s very nice and very down to earth. And you know what, I think it`s "AMERICAN IDOL`s" loss. OK but now there`s a report that Shania Twain is being considered for the spot that Jennifer Lopez would have taken. What do you think about her, a good host?

HARDWICK: Well I can`t tell you how many times I`ve heard that. We can`t get Jennifer Lopez, let`s get Shania Twain in here. They`re neck and neck for every role.

ROBINSON: What do you think, Shania Twain would she be a good judge?

BERNARD: I think she would be perfect, I mean she`s one of those stars that really crosses over from pop to country to rock.

ROBINSON: Right.

BERNARD: You can`t put her in a genre. And that`s what "AMERICAN IDOL" needs. You know she appeals to so many different types of people. And she`s got a great story. Her personal life fell apart, now it`s back together and everybody loves someone who is putting their life back together.

KIRSON: I think she`s great and I think it would be great to appeal to the southerners and middle America. You know it`s perfect for that.

ROBINSON: All right finally, Kelsey Grammer`s 29-year-old girlfriend is reportedly pregnant with his fifth child. This news coming just weeks after his third wife Camille filed for divorce.

BERNARD: So depressing.

HARDWICK: Awkward.

ROBINSON: Yes, I know, I know - it`s -

HARDWICK: Awkward. She wasn`t pregnant a month ago. I don`t know what happened.

ROBINSON: You know I don`t know, the girlfriend is what, 26 years younger than -- oh, wait, no, Kelsey`s 26 years -- right. He`s 26 years older than the girlfriend. I don`t know. Do you guys see anything wrong with this?

BERNARD: I think Kelsey`s even older than her father, I believe. I mean there`s nothing good about this story. Obviously, I don`t know what was going on in their marriage, but I mean this is his fifth child. His last marriage with the playboy model didn`t work out. This is not looking good for this 29-year-old air hostess, by the way.

ROBINSON: And actually, Camille and Kelsey, I thought they were a good match. I liked them together.

KIRSON: How long has Kelsey been with this girl?

ROBINSON: I don`t know. She`s pregnant.

HARDWICK: Long enough to get her pregnant. So four, seven minutes tops?

BERNARD: But wait a second. You guys, the other side of the story is that Camille is going to be on "THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS." Exactly so --

ROBINSON: That`s right -

BERNARD: Obviously all of this controversy --

HARDWICK: She is?

BERNARD: Yes she is, all of this conflict makes it better for her storyline.

ROBINSON: Well yes. And I got to tell you, I have a girlfriend who is going to be on "REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS" Adrienne Malou. She said this is going to be a just -- you think the D.C. Housewives was crazy, she said, this one, Beverly Hills is going to be even crazier.

KIRSON: I`m sure.

BERNARD: I can`t wait.

ROBINSON: Yes. I can imagine. OK. All right, guys. Thank you for this. This is fun.

HARDWICK: Thank you for having us.

ROBINSON: And thank you, everybody. If you in New York, be sure to catch Chris Hardwick performing at Caroline`s tonight through Sunday.

HARDWICK: True, sweet. ROBINSON: We`ll try to stop by. And speaking of funny guys, Rob Schneider stops by next. Stay with us.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What is this? What is this?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It`s dehydrated banana.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What happened to my normal banana. You peel a banana and you eat it.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The kids will love it. It`s fun man, it doesn`t go bad all day, you slice it up really thin.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh I see. Maybe you`re right. This is good.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You can do that. I`d rather be hit by dehydrated fruit than processed.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

ROBINSON: Comedian/actor Rob Schneider stars in one of the most popular box office comedies of the summer "Grown-Ups." He`s had audiences laughing for years with roles in film and television but his latest project is a new comedy album called "Registered Offender". And I`m happy to welcome to the show, the very funny Rob Schneider. How you are?

ROB SCHNEIDER, COMEDIAN/ACTOR: How are you?

ROBINSON: "Registered Offender" does that mean if you get offended easily just don`t even bother, just forget it.

SCHNEIDER: Yes, I would -- stay away from this. I didn`t intend it to be offensive, but I guess there`s a lot of it that is. The idea that something is dirty or has some tough material doesn`t take away from its, you know, potential cleverness.

ROBINSON: Do you ever say, no, I`m crossing the line here?

SCHNEIDER: Well you know, for a comedy CD, I think, no. You just got to go for it. Because the audiences have seen everything. It`s hard to shock and offend.

ROBINSON: OK so how do you make sure this will be edgy?

SCHNEIDER: Well you got to say what I think was funny. It started out as a short story book that I just never had the time to finish. And then I would just read these short story books to my friends and it just turned into something. Then I finally realized it`s funnier if I act out the parts. Some of the things you read in the newspaper how these sex offenders had to live underneath a bridge in Miami because of this ordinance in that county that they couldn`t live anywhere near where children could show up. You know? So that`s -- there`s certain things that -- so they have to live under a bridge.

ROBINSON: Right.

SCHNEIDER: I thought it would be really funny if these guys were offended by that. We`re still human beings. We may be sex offenders, but we`re still people. That`s one of the bits on there.

ROBINSON: OK and I love the picture of you on the cover. You and the Easter bunny. A little sucker. Could your parents get to do anything for candy?

SCHNEIDER: They were giving me Coca-Cola. Sugar is the worst thing you could ever give. Especially for old people. Didn`t end well for Ronald Reagan to have the sugar.

ROBINSON: Look at your dad, Marvin.

SCHNEIDER: Marvin, he was a good guy.

ROBINSON: What memory of Marvin stands out for you?

SCHNEIDER: Him taking me out of school.

ROBINSON: Taking you out of school?

SCHNEIDER: Yes, I remember I would be like in grammar school and I`d get this Rob Schneider please report to the principal`s office. What the heck happen, everybody looked at me like I stabbed somebody. And so -- then I`d go down and it was my dad going, hey, come on, let`s go. And my dad would be there, and I`d be relieved. Then he`d make me to like the chamber of commerce meeting. Here`s some jokes I`m going to say. What do you think of these?

ROBINSON: Really? So you got your sense of comedy from him, from your dad?

SCHNEIDER: I think so. He was writing jokes for me. They weren`t as fun because he didn`t have the professional --

ROBINSON: Marvin liked to make jokes about what?

SCHNEIDER: Anything. Anything. You know, crazy. He would call my mom and she would get her -- you know when she was getting her hair done not just like once or twice but like 11 times. Dye her hair blond. She`s Asian. Asians as blonds unless they`re hookers really doesn`t work. He was a good guy.

ROBINSON: Oh my goodness, did you do all the -- how many voices do you actually do? Like good.

SCHNEIDER: Well I do impressions and stuff, but usually old movie stars. Like I was the youngest in my family. By the time I was growing up, my parents were tired. Rob, here`s where the car keys are here`s where the alcohol is. We have other kids if we lose you we`ll see you. So I watched, you know, I would watch movies -- I would tape movies - I would play -- and try to do every character in the movie.

ROBINSON: Yes.

SCHNEIDER: Where "Casablanca." I loved Peter Lorre because everything he said just sounded amazing. Whether he just need a coffee. I need a coffee. Humphrey Bogart. You said a great many things last night. And we`ve done a lot of thinking since. But nobody knows those any more. But those voices are gone. And Christopher Walken`s a good voice.

ROBINSON: Who is the hardest? Who do you still want to get but you still haven`t quite nailed it yet?

SCHNEIDER: Charlton Heston was good. I don`t really have him down. Phil Hartman, God rest his soul, he had a way of doing that. He created his own thing. Well, that must be Charlton Heston because that`s him.

ROBINSON: Right, OK, now you, one of your sketches on this got you in trouble.

SCHNEIDER: Well, yes. We originally had an album, we had to deal with a record label.

ROBINSON: Yes, record label that you`re no longer associated with.

SCHNEIDER: They kicked us off because of one sketch on there.

ROBINSON: You were making fun of Yoko Ono.

SCHNEIDER: There`s a bit on there, which is -- I like to read a little bit. And there was a book that was written by Cynthia Lennon, John Lennon`s ex-wife called "John" appropriately. And she was -- tells the story about when Julian Lennon was -- after John Lennon was assassinated, Julian flew to New York and he had a whole wall of guitars, John Lennon. And he said, she said, take one, take a guitar. He went to go take a guitar. Not that one. He didn`t give any of the guitars that he never played or used, two new guitars which he never touched. Which is you know kind of a horrible thing to do. So I wrote a sketch about that. I guess the company, the record label that dumped us, I don`t want to say what the company is but it rhymes with Palp Factory. But they - I guess, have a deal with her, she found a letter under the couch Christmas cards or something, she`s going to make a buck off that. God knows she needs more money. And anyways, so they dumped us unceremoniously. But it was nice of Old records and Universal to pick us up.

ROBINSON: Were you nervous that nobody is going to pick us up?

SCHNEIDER: I don`t need the money. It`s OK. I mean I did this, spent like three years making the darn thing.

ROBINSON: Never say that in a recession. But go ahead.

SCHNEIDER: Well, I don`t mean it in a negative. I didn`t do this for -- I did it because it was fun and I wanted to do like -- I love those Cheech and Chong movies and the Cheech and Chong albums and Monty Python.

ROBINSON: Right.

SCHNEIDER: And those kind of things-- National Lampoon. It was sketches. All the stuff you see now, a guy on stage and they`re recording it. And that`s fine. But I wanted to act out good stuff. And I think it`s funny.

ROBINSON: You are going to stay right there. We are going to come right back.

SCHNEIDER: OK.

ROBINSON: OK, we`ll be back with more Rob Schneider.

NANCY GRACE, HLN ANCHOR: Hello, hello. Stay with us friends, we are speaking justice.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Bill. Billy. Bill-ster, Billy Bill Bill.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The name is Randy.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Randy! The Randster. Only one copy for the Randman.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

ROBINSON: OK how many years ago did you create that? We`re here talking with Rob Schneider. And just want you to apologize for creating that character. People are still doing that when you`re going to the copy machine.

SCHNEIDER: That was about 19 years ago or something. I had an office at "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" that it was -- but I was on "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" when they had more cast members than audience members. You know it would take them half the show, feature player Adam Sandler, another half feature player David Spade and feature player Rob Schneider and Al Franken, of course, senator Al Franken. What a (EXPLETIVE DELETED) he is.

ROBINSON: Oh, my goodness.

SCHNEIDER: I`m glad -- I actually mean that. But anyway, so I had an office that was a half of a half an office. So we had the heating and cooling vent in my office. So it was alternately freezing or boiling. And you cannot be as happy to see somebody the eighth, ninth, tenth time as you are the first time. And so that was what I noticed. And hey, try to be funny if the guy was just as excited.

ROBINSON: Right, right, OK, you say you have one more story about --

SCHNEIDER: First of all, I want to say something about Mel Gibson. Mel, I support you. I think 100 percent. I miss the old Mel when he was just a Jew hating holocaust denier. You know, but it seemed like a match made in heaven, Mel Gibson. She was in Russian model and him. I mean, they had it so perfect. When they first met, he was drunk and she was trying to steal his sperm. Everything seemed so perfect.

ROBINSON: What do you think is going to happen with this case? What do you ultimately think is going to happen between Mel and Oksana?

SCHNEIDER: God, I don`t know. It`s going to be very expensive. But I don`t know. I think it`s going to affect, you know, "What Women Want 2," my money because they`re all (EXPLETIVE DELETED) but anyway I digress. The thing with Yoko Ono. John Lennon didn`t expect to die at 40. I mean, 40. Can you imagine?

ROBINSON: Very young.

SCHNEIDER: So some of the homes that he owned and stuff was still in his name that he gave to like Aunt Mimi, the woman who raised him, not his mother. And so what happened was in the book "John" by Cynthia Lennon, which is a good book by the way, when he passed away, all that who owned the home was Yoko Ono. Aunt Mimi was taking off pictures of Julian and putting up pictures of Yoko in the house.

ROBINSON: Oh my god.

SCHNEIDER: I know I know this is horrendous.

ROBINSON: Oh my goodness, do we say album or CD.

SCHNEIDER: I guess I won`t have the rights to any John Lennon songs any time soon. I got to still say album, too.

ROBINSON: You new comedy CD album called "Registered Offender" and it is in stores now.

SCHNEIDER: I got to call it album -

ROBINSON: OK, let`s call it album. Album called "Registered Offender" and it is in stores everywhere now.

SCHNEIDER: It`s everywhere now.

ROBINSON: It`s everywhere now.

SCHNEIDER: And if I can just say about Mel, Mel Gibson such box office poison right now that even I wouldn`t work with him. I`m just kidding. I still would, Mel. I love you, Mel. You know, who hasn`t been mad at his woman.

ROBINSON: Right, OK. Rob Schneider, thank you so much for joining us.

SCHNEIDER: That`s it? That`s it!

ROBINSON: Thank you so much for watching tonight. Good night. Bye- bye.

END